Men Carry Knives, Real Accountability, and Little Wins Matter ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
On today's episode, the brother and sister duo of the sit down with special guest, Kip, to talk about how to deal with the stress of getting ready for the holidays. They also talk about a recent incident involving a knife at the airport, and Kip shares a story about how he almost got caught by the TSA.
Transcript
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in romantic relationships, where the minute a man shares what he needs, he's looked at as weak.
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Oh, you need attention? What kind of man needs attention? Now, I don't think a woman's going to
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say it as overtly as that, but that's what her messaging is. If a guy says, hey, babe, I really
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want to connect on a deeper level. And she's like, well, something doesn't go your way. You tell me
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about all the things that you need. And so what ends up happening is she ends up shutting a man
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down. And so he buries it and he stuffs it. And then she says, why doesn't he share his emotions?
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Kip, what's up, man? So good to see you. We are, as of the release of this podcast,
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on Christmas Eve. So Merry Christmas a little bit early. Yeah. Merry Christmas as well.
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Are you a good season? I hope at this point you're all ready because it's tomorrow. So
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yeah, we're recording this about three or four days early. So if you're like most men or myself,
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you're not completely ready yet. No, there's always something right. But, um, yeah, I like,
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I used to beat myself up like, oh, you know, this is how it should be. I should be better prepared.
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It's like, yeah, but what I, do I really want to, do I want to be wrapping presents like in November?
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Not really. Like I kind of liked the hustle and the bustle of it and, and focusing on giving for
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others during the month and, and things like that. So it's, it's all good, man. But, uh, it's been a
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good holiday season so far. How about you? Yeah, really good. I was actually going to tell you,
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I saw that you had a post that went absolutely viral several weeks ago and I meant to bring it
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up and I forgot to bring that up. It's crazy, huh? So tell what the video was. I know what it was,
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but tell them what the video was. And then I'm actually really curious. What was the ramifications
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of like tens of millions of people watching this video? Yeah, it's, it's wild. So the scenario is
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this, you know, we went downtown to go to a comedy show, the wife and I, um, I, I have everyday carry
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typically a number of items. Um, I did a good job on the bigger items and I get up to the metal detectors
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at the Delta center and I like check my pockets, make sure they're empty. And I have my knife and I'm
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like, you've got to be joking. And, and, and the guy's like, Oh, I can throw it away for you. And
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I'm like, uh, no, you're not throwing this knife away. And it's a really expensive knife. So I'm like
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one minute. And, and then I run outside the door. I find a little plant by a tree, slide my knife
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under it. I kind of look around, make sure no one's like paying too much attention to me. Slide my knife
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under, go to the comedy show, full disclosure. I'm, I'm thinking the whole time, do not
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forget the knife. Do not forget the knife. You know what I mean? Cause I was like, dude,
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I just don't want to forget that thing. Um, I get out of the show and, and I told, tell
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my wife, I'm like, Hey, remind me not to let me forget my knife. And she thinks it's funny.
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And, and anything I do that's awkward, she classifies as it's a hillbilly thing by default.
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She goes, I kept doing something weird. It must be because he's a hillbilly, right? Like
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whatever. Monroe, Utah. Yeah. So she thinks it's funny. She records me getting my knife. And I,
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you know, I get underneath the, uh, the little plant. I pull my knife out and we giggle. Ha ha ha.
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She posted online for whatever reason. First off, I'm not the only guy. I came to that conclusion
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really quick. Like how many people were like, dude, I do that all the time. Yeah. Some of the
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comments are really funny. Like, Oh, I did that with my Glock last week. And I was like,
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I almost had to do that when I was going to Hawaii. I almost, uh, last a couple of years ago where I
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almost, cause I was at the airport and I almost had to, the case that I had, they said, you can't
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use this case. It's not TSA approved. And I was like, well, what do I do then? You know? And she
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said, you can go to sportsman's it's open in five minutes or something. And I'm like, well, my plane
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leaves in 30, so that's not going to work. Yeah. So I'm like, do I just go chuck this thing
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somewhere on airport grounds? And then I thought, no, somebody's going to find it, kill somebody
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with it. And then they're going to trace it back to me. Yeah. So I actually went to the police
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office in the airport and I said, Hey, can I turn this gun in thinking I'd never get it back? And
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the guy's like, yeah, here, turn it in, fill out your, your paperwork or whatever. And I did.
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And he said, just come in when you get back and we'll give it back to you. I'm like, Oh,
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so it actually ended up working out. Yeah. Yeah. So it was going there. Yeah. It was,
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it just went viral. I guess it was relatable obviously to a bunch of people, but it's kind
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of funny. I was having a conversation yesterday about that post. It's like, man, everyone has
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a freaking opinion about everything, right? Like people are getting in an argument with my wife.
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Oh, that doesn't mean he's a hillbilly. I'm like, dude, she's razzing me about being a moron,
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right? Like the definition of hillbilly, like let it go. And then it's really interesting.
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I've seen a lot of the comments with foreign individuals that aren't Americans immediately
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latched onto I'm inciting violence by carrying a knife. And I'm just like, Whoa, like, and they're
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like, man, if you were man enough, you would learn a martial art and not have to carry a knife. You
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know, I'm like, dude, these guys are morons, right? It's like, I don't carry a knife for really
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self-defense. I carry it just because I can't count how many times I need that thing. And to be honest
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with you, that's so dangerous to bring a knife to a fight anyway. But, but nonetheless, it's funny
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how it just triggers people. Knife stew. Apparently I had no idea people would be triggered by someone
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carrying a knife, but well, you know, I, it is interesting. Like you said, everybody has an
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opinion and it's all just performative and outrageous and everything else. Um, several months
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ago I went and got a DEXA scan. And if you don't know what that is, it measures all your body fat
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percentage, muscle mass, all that kind of stuff. Super cool. And she said, Hey, you need to take
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off anything metal that you have in your pockets or your belt and your boot, like anything metal you
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need to take off. So I'm like, cool. So I take my keys out and my wallet and my, like, I think I took
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my boots off. I took my belt off cause I had the metal belt buckle. Then I took my knife out, you know,
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and I've, I've got it right here. So I took my knife out and I just set it on the counter and she's
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like, what's that? I'm like, it's my knife. And she's like, I couldn't tell if she was joking or I think
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she was serious, but she said, what do you do? Like run around stabbing people all day, every day.
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And I was like, what? And she's like, well, why do you have a knife? Like, do you need it for self
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defense? I'm like, no, I've never needed it for self defense, but sometimes I pick my teeth with it.
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Sometimes I might need to cut a zip tie. Sometimes there might be a rock stuck in the sole of my,
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the tread of my shoe and I need to pick it out of there. Sometimes somebody else needs me to cut
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something. There was an infinite number of reasons, but she couldn't fathom. That's what,
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that, that is why a man would have a knife. She just jumped to what am I going to do? Stab somebody
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with it. That's not a thing I really even consider actually. Yeah. It was, it's fascinating, isn't it?
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Like I've never thought carrying a knife meant violence. No, no, but I mean, you could if you had
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to, right. Yeah. I actually was on a trip one time where, um, I felt pretty, I felt a lot of fear in
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this moment, more so than I ever have. We were at, uh, we did the, um, have a soup by falls hike years
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and years ago. So awesome. And it's amazing. But you go through this, this, uh, I guess it's Navajo
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village reservation. Yeah. It's the reservation. Have a soup by tribe. Yeah. They have a soup. I
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try. Oh, have a, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So we're going through and, um, they,
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they manage the, the registrations, the admission, cause it's on their land. And so we go through and
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I've got my knife. I always do. And we have a great weekend and we're hiking back out and you have to
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hike out later in the evening. Cause you want to hike in the dark cause it's way too hot during the day
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in the summer. So we're going through this back through the village and the village is notorious
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sketchy and dangerous. Yeah. And I, it's getting dark and I'm seeing some guys that I don't like
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the look of. And I just felt, and there there's me and a couple of the guys and a couple of our,
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uh, the women, you know, like my, my ex was with me and their wives were with them and
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it just felt sketchy. And I remember this is the only time I've ever done it. I grabbed my knife
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and I opened it and I just kept it by my leg as I was walking through like, man, if somebody,
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and I, you know, I didn't flash around or wave it around. I just had it at the ready
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on my side. That's the only time I've ever done that. But what was interesting is we walked a
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little bit further and, uh, a Havasu, uh, sheriff or police officer said, Hey, what are you guys
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doing? We're like, we're, we're hiking out. We're going back home. And they're like, he's like,
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you guys got to get out of here. And we're like, what? Why? He's like, there's like,
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everybody's shooting each other at the bar. We're like, everybody's shooting each other
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at the bar. He's like, yeah, there's a big bar fight and everybody's just trying to shoot each
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other. And we're like, Holy crap. So let's start hiking faster. Yeah. We night tailed out of there
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and got out of there when it was fine. But yeah, it was, it was wild. Yeah. And for everyone
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listening to this is, this is out in the middle of nowhere. Like you're down, you're literally
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like down in the bottom of the grand Canyon, 10 miles away, no roads. The only quick way
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out is a helicopter. And those are typically scheduled. So there is no like, say, you know,
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call 911. I'll get some help. I mean, you're on your own down in. Yeah. And it was a big
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drunken shoot saloon shootout in the, in the village down by Havasu.
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Well, enough Jack and jaw. Let's get into some questions. Uh, I think we're talking today
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specifically about purpose, mission, being driven direction, that sort of thing. So anxious to dive
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into it. What a great conversation too, man. As we, you know, we talk about the end of year,
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it's good time assess, you know, look at things. And I don't know, I'm, I'm excited about some of
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these questions that the, that the guys have posed for us here. So we're going to jump over to the,
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um, iron council first, and then we'll kind of dabble in, in Facebook, Tony Marino as a new
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member of the iron council. What are some words of wisdom in terms of getting the most out of this
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framework, anything to avoid specifically, or might not seem like a bad habit that could kill results
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before traction even starts. Now, I actually love this because it does tie to purpose direction
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and meaning because I know you well enough, uh, of how that, how that's going to tie in.
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Yeah. And maybe I'll hit on that. I don't, I don't know. I don't know what you're referring to,
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but one thing I would say is whenever you learn a new system and you have faith that that system
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is going to be in your best interest, then follow the system. What, what too many men will do. And I
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fall prey to this is we will engage in a new system. Maybe we hire a coach. Maybe we join a
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brotherhood like the iron council. Maybe we do some group coaching or go to a course or pick up a
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new planning tool or something. And we immediately filter it through our lens of behavior and mindset.
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And the problem with that is that your level of thinking got you to the results that you are right
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now. And you would not be engaged in the iron council or a course or a program or an event or a
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conference. If you weren't interested in learning something, you didn't already know. So the trap
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of joining these programs is to pick and choose like a, like a smorgasbord or a buffet line. Like I like
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that. I don't like that. I like that. I don't like that. If you're going to do that, just don't invest in
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it. If it's a proven system, you have faith that it'll work and you feel comfortable that it's going to
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move you in the right direction. Then what you ought to do is follow it to the nth degree. And
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the iron council has proven time and time again, through the systems that we use to help men lose
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weight, to help men make more money, to have better relationships with their kids and their friends
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and their wives. So the trap is doing it your own way. Imagine being recruited from as a, as a top
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football prospect. And you're going to go to one of the top football programs in college football
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programs in the nation. And you get there and you're really excited. They've got a winning track
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record. They've got a great program. Uh, the coach is, has got a great reputation and they just build
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great football programs. And you walk in and you're like, Hey, you know, I know you guys have a track
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record of success. And you know, I know you've got Heisman trophy winners and I know you've,
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you've got rings and everything else, but I, I just want to tell you, I think I'm going to infuse
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some of my own thinking and I'm going to do about 80% of what you guys say. And the other 20%,
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I'm just going to come up with on my own on the fly. Cool. How, how long would you last in that
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program? Zero days. They'd laugh you out of the, off the field on day one. And not that we'll laugh
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you off the field by any means. That's not what I'm saying, but follow the system. Even if you don't
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fully comprehend or understand or believe in it, just follow, have some faith, follow the system
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to the nth degree and let it work the way it's worked for other people. That's what I would say.
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Yeah. The, the only thing I'd add for Tony in, in the spirit of kind of our subject this,
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this week around purpose, direction, and meaning is get clear on the purpose. I find it fascinating
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how often, you know, goal setters will be like, Oh, I want to do this. I want to, why?
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Why? Like literally why? Just so you can say, is, is it validation? Like why ask the question? Why?
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So then that way we can connect to something a lot more powerful than just like, Oh, I want to run a
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marathon, right? It's gotta be bigger. It needs to move, touch and inspire you. And usually that's in
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the space of purpose, meaning, and direction. So get really clear, Tony, when you're working on your
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battle plan, work with your team, ask yourself, why, why am I doing this? And making sure that
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you're not just doing it because well, everyone else had that on their 12 week goal plan. So maybe
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I should too. That's not strong enough. You need to get a little bit deeper than that. And that will
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help the momentum and the consistency that Ryan's talking about. Well, and everybody, you often hear
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that when you struggle with something, go back to your purpose, go back to your why. And there is value
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in that, but it's so, it's so cliche at this point that it's almost lost a lot of its weight. So I
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don't want to discount that side of it. But one thing I do want to draw attention to is when you
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do have the purpose and the why and the reasons behind doing what you do, then you can take your
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battle plan, which if you're not watching on YouTube, I'm holding up right here and you can
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start putting things in there, whether it's daily tasks or your non-negotiables or the goals and
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objectives you have for the quarter. And you can really ask yourself, is this activity moving me
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in the right direction at the most efficient pace? And if it isn't, then I need to change my tactics,
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but you're not changing your tactics in your way of being just based on a whim, just based on how you
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might feel on any given day. No, you're using your vision, your purpose as a litmus test for whether
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or not those activities are going to drive you to where you want to go. So yeah, it is good to have
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a why because when you're having a hard day, it's good to fall on that. But it's also good as a compass
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or a map or a combination of both to make sure what you're doing is actually moving you in the right
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direction. Totally. I love that. You know, another thing came up for Tony that I, that I think, you know,
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I remember giving this advice to guys in the IC in the past. And so I'll give this to you, Tony.
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Tony, sometimes you'll have this vision. We'll have our five-year plan. You'll have,
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you'll be clear on all this and you still don't want to do it. Yeah. And sometimes the win today
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is I'm going to do it. Why? Cause I said I would. And sometimes that's why you need to execute is
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because you gave a commitment, you made a commitment to yourself and other individuals that you're going
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to do something. And sometimes that needs to be just good enough. So latch onto that if you have
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to. Well, that is the ultimate form of accountability. You know, that's one of the
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words that gets thrown around a lot as a buzzword, accountability, accountability, accountability.
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And usually when people say it, they're asking for a system or they're asking for other people to
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keep them in check. And there's value to that. And you should use those concepts, but the real
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accountability that were, I should say the deepest, strongest source of accountability is because I
00:17:04.420
said so. Yeah. Just like you said, if you can get to, because I said, so you have reached the
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pinnacle of accountability and it diminishes. So don't think just because you've reached the
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pinnacle, you're there. You have to keep maintaining that as well. Yeah. Good point. All right. Dustin
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Stokes. I see so many guys create visions. This is interesting. Actually, I read this question
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earlier and we'll have to kind of digest this a little bit. So Dustin Stokes, I see so many guys
00:17:29.640
create visions that are really just listing out character attributes. I'm a man that has integrity
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or I'm a man that works out and trains daily. But what I tend to see is that these are the things that
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takes to become the man they want, but they tend to not dictate what they want the end results to be,
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which is actually what their vision and purpose are. What do you think, or why do you think it's
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so hard for men to dictate the vision for themselves? And what strategies have you seen
00:18:00.880
where it really is effective for specific guys in their lives? And we'll just wrap up there.
00:18:07.600
So there's a lot to unpack here, but when you're thinking about your vision, there's really two ways
00:18:14.400
to do it. And both are valuable and both have merit. One is goal-based and that's really what
00:18:20.840
he's talking about. I want to, I want to have 50 acres of land and I want to be a homesteader and I
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want to raise livestock. And I want to have this beautiful 5,000 square foot home. And I want to have
00:18:34.580
three kids and we want to have horses and we want to have this car. And that's great. That's a goal-based
00:18:39.560
vision. That's, there's nothing wrong with that at all. And you also have a value-based vision and a
00:18:46.720
value-based is I'm going to be humble. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be diligent, a hard worker.
00:18:54.580
I'm going to be a man of service to other people. And that's the, how that's what he's talking about.
00:18:59.780
And again, that has merit. So really the, the point of a vision is to do whatever moves you
00:19:06.240
in the right direction, in the most powerful way. You said that it, I think you said it touches and
00:19:12.860
inspires you, I think is what you said. And if it's vision-based or excuse me, values-based, great.
00:19:17.780
If it's goals-based, great. But I will say this probably a combination of both, but I do agree with
00:19:24.520
you that it's very difficult for men to articulate goal-based visions. And I have a theory as to why that
00:19:30.600
is. And my theory is, is from the time that we were little boys, we have been taught and conditioned
00:19:37.340
to not be selfish, to sacrifice for the greater good of other people and humanity, to not put our
00:19:46.040
needs above anybody else's, to not be prideful or arrogant. And these all also have merit, but that
00:19:54.860
concept taken to the nth degree makes it very difficult for us to say, Hey, I want to make sure I'm
00:20:00.520
taken care of too. And how often do we see this in relationships where men won't say what they
00:20:06.320
want to their significant others. They'll just suffer in silence for years, even decades. And
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they'll say, I'm not supposed to do that. I'm supposed to be a leader. I'm supposed to sacrifice.
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I'm supposed to keep my head down. I'm supposed to bury my thoughts. I'm not supposed to share those
00:20:22.580
things. And even there's situations in romantic relationships where the minute a man shares what he
00:20:29.640
needs, he's looked at as weak. Oh, you need attention. Kind of man needs attention. Now.
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I don't think a woman's going to say it as overtly as that, but that's what her messaging is. If a guy
00:20:40.440
says, Hey, babe, you know, I, I really want to, I really need this from you. I need for you to
00:20:47.860
acknowledge what I'm doing to, to lead the family. I really want to be physically intimate with you.
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I really want to connect on a deeper level. And she's like, well, I mean, all the time,
00:21:02.120
all the time, you know, every time something doesn't go your way, you tell me about all the
00:21:06.640
things that you need. And so what ends up happening is she, and I don't think she's being malicious,
00:21:11.260
but she ends up shutting a man down. And so he buries it and he stuffs it. And then she says,
00:21:15.840
why doesn't he share his emotions? Why doesn't he connect with me? Why do I feel disconnected?
00:21:21.960
I really want a man who's in touch with himself, who, who understands his emotions. It could have
00:21:28.080
been your man, but every time he tried to bring something up, you shut them down, probably in a
00:21:33.900
polite way, probably in a tactful way, probably in a way that you thought was not really that big of a
00:21:38.960
deal, but it was a big deal. And people are conditioned to keep their mouth shut based on
00:21:44.620
the way people respond to what they say. And there's a proper way for a man to communicate his needs,
00:21:49.160
but that's why that's my theory anyways. Yeah. And so anytime you sit down to say, I want this,
00:21:56.140
this, this, this, and this, your mom, when you were a little boy says, ah, don't be selfish. And
00:22:01.260
your teacher says, oh, you know, you got to play like a good little boy and share. And all these,
00:22:06.220
these scripts and ideas and concepts that are good in, on some level play in our minds. And we say,
00:22:15.860
I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve the white picket fence and the property in the
00:22:22.960
homestead. I, you know, that's selfish. I need to serve other people. And there's elements of truth
00:22:29.040
to both, but that's why it's so hard for men. I think agree, disagree, or some nuance based on
00:22:34.800
your perspective. No, I, I totally agree. I think there's more to it though, too, right? Like,
00:22:40.920
I think that's all a hundred percent true. And then I think on top of it, I can't help, but
00:22:46.380
think of guys that have goals and to say, I want this homestead. I want these acres. I want,
00:22:50.520
you know, this house, I want to accomplish these things. And then that work, what they're not present
00:22:55.580
to is why, what is it that you think you're going to get by having said acreage? Cause there's
00:23:05.040
something, and it's not acreage. In some cases, most people are operating from the space of
00:23:11.100
validation and importance and meaning. And they think said things might give them that.
00:23:17.760
And then you'll get high achievers that just keep chasing and they're empty. And so, and I don't,
00:23:23.840
and I'm not even suggesting that this is what Dustin's getting at in his question, but, but I think
00:23:29.040
this is another element for us to consider. I mean, the analogy I always use Ryan is, you know,
00:23:34.920
when we're, if we think about when we're younger, you know, I remember this going to college. And I
00:23:39.740
remember thinking, I saw my dad's check once of what he got from the coal mine. And I remember
00:23:45.760
thinking I did the math. And of course I was too ignorant and stupid to realize there's taxes and
00:23:50.400
other things involved, but I did the math and I looked at his check and I went 40 K got it.
00:23:55.520
That's my objective. By the time I graduate college, I want to be making what the old man
00:24:02.080
is making right now. And that was my goal. But why was that my goal? I wasn't self-aware enough to
00:24:10.260
even understand what that meant that I wanted that. Why? Because that meant then I would be equal or
00:24:17.920
better than him, that that would make me a man, that that would make me a provider, right? Like there is
00:24:25.000
loaded meaning around that goal. And I don't think we get to the depth of that understanding
00:24:32.480
mostly because most of us are not self-aware enough to realize why we're chasing what we're
00:24:38.780
chasing. And, and I think a lot of guys in the, I see a lot of high achieving men are high achieving
00:24:44.940
because there's this unspoken outcome that they think they're going to get by achieving said thing.
00:24:51.980
Hmm. And they haven't unpackaged the meaning around it enough to understand what they're chasing.
00:24:59.940
And, and, and I think it's important that we do it because if we don't, then what's up happening is
00:25:04.380
I'm achieving, achieving, achieving, and I'm empty and I still feel empty and I still feel lonely. And I,
00:25:11.800
you know, and I'm not getting those things. Why? Because the thing I was really wanting
00:25:17.400
is strong connection relationship with my family members. And it wasn't on the backside of
00:25:23.760
achievement. It was actually on the backside of just being present with them. And I was chasing the
00:25:28.520
wrong thing. Right. So I think we need to consider that. Yeah. And the interesting thing Kip about that
00:25:35.320
is that if you get clear and present to why you want the thing that you want,
00:25:40.820
you might actually realize that you can have that right now. You know, I think for example,
00:25:49.540
one, one word you used was significance, right? I think there's a lot of men who want to feel
00:25:53.700
significant and there's nothing wrong with that. We do want to be significant. We do want to be
00:25:57.880
important. We do want to be valuable in other people's lives. And I woke up this morning and
00:26:03.680
as, as I, as I normally do, my son gets up earlier than me and, and I had our iron council call and I
00:26:11.000
told him, Hey, I'll be out an hour. And I came out and I said, Hey, let's go to the store and get a
00:26:15.340
donut. We usually do that two or three days a week. So we went and got a donut. We came back and he's
00:26:20.360
like, Hey, can we work on some Lego boxes in the, in the, in my room? Like, yeah, sure. And so we,
00:26:27.060
we were doing this thing where we cut the Lego boxes up and then we put them all over the wall. So
00:26:30.940
his wall looks like Lego wallpaper, just Lego wallpaper. That's kind of cool. It's actually
00:26:36.180
really cool. It looks cool. I have a stroke every time I walk into his room, but it still looks
00:26:40.300
really cool. All the colors and everything. I'm like, but, um, I thought this morning about
00:26:46.740
significance a little bit. And that's something I chase and pursue. Even with this movement, I want
00:26:51.860
to be significant to a lot of men. Yeah. And then I thought to myself, as I was putting this Lego box
00:26:57.600
wallpaper up with him, I'm significant right now to him. Yeah. Me spending half an hour putting up
00:27:07.440
Lego wallpaper or going to get a donut and singing Christmas songs, which is what we did. That's
00:27:13.540
significant or other conversations. You know, I had a conversation with my, my mom yesterday and,
00:27:20.500
you know, we were both talking about things that we're both dealing with. And that's like,
00:27:23.960
I'm significant to her. I think I'm relatively significant to you and to other people in my
00:27:30.740
life. We already have it. And I wish more of us could see that we already have what we're
00:27:36.560
secretly pursuing. I should say subconsciously pursuing.
00:27:42.620
Totally. Well, and we see this with, if you know me, I'm always like in the context of leadership.
00:27:49.080
Yeah. So, but like, it's a great example. You do. You say it just like that. It sounds just like
00:27:53.500
that. Um, you think your influence as a leader is, or your significance as a leader is what being
00:28:04.180
smart. So, so we, we, we go, Oh, you know, I know all this stuff and we think that creates
00:28:12.160
significance. People don't give a crap about what you know. Yeah. Guess what? Most people care
00:28:17.300
about that. You care. That's it. They don't care how smart you are. What makes them feel
00:28:24.600
valid. What, what makes them see your significance is that you serve them, that you poured into them.
00:28:31.020
That's where real influence and significance comes is through service, not through a degree,
00:28:37.360
not through your intellect, not through those other things. Those things are superficial to most of us.
00:28:43.080
So, and, but it's funny because we, we don't do that. We think, Oh man, if I, if I, if I retire and
00:28:49.780
I'm a billionaire, then I'll have significance. And then, you know, this as much as I know this,
00:28:54.200
have you met high caliber people? And, and from a distance from 30,000 feet, I'm like, Oh my gosh,
00:29:00.120
that person's so significant. And then you get to know them and then you go, yeah, I kind of don't
00:29:05.520
like them that much. Why? Oh, because that superficial stuff actually in the end didn't
00:29:13.720
matter. And what really matters is what kind of human they are, their kind of character and how
00:29:19.700
they show up in your relationship with them. It's fascinating to me, but yet we, we seek out the
00:29:25.520
superficial. Well, and the other thing about these highly successful individuals with very few,
00:29:31.300
few exceptions, if any, the high value people that we're referring to lead with service.
00:29:38.400
They lead with value. That's why they're successful as a family man or as a spiritual man or as a
00:29:46.020
entrepreneur. It's because they get the concept of value. I had a great experience just the other day.
00:29:50.940
A lot of you guys know Bedros Koulian and Bedros is a really good friend of mine. He's been with me
00:29:55.620
through thick and thin and he's been available if I need to talk with him. And he was one of the first
00:29:59.740
guys I called when I was talking about going through my divorce and, and, you know, he never
00:30:04.780
had any judgment towards me. He's like, yeah, you messed up. Here's how you messed up. But it was
00:30:09.080
judgment free. And he said, let's figure out what we can do to fix it. And, um, I had a question about
00:30:14.580
managing our order of man store the other day and I reached out to him. He's busy, highly successful.
00:30:20.480
He's busy. He's got businesses he's running. He's got entrepreneurs he's working with. He's got
00:30:24.440
coaching clients. I mean, he's busy. He's got a family. I'm like, man, I don't want to bother him. I'm like,
00:30:29.520
don't bother him. Like he's your friend. So I sent him a message and I, it was just a voice message.
00:30:34.260
And I said, Hey, I have some questions about my business. And here's the, and I was respectful.
00:30:37.760
You know, I didn't ask him all the questions. I just asked him one question or two. And he sent me
00:30:42.100
a 90 second message back, answered my question immediately. And then I had one other follow-up
00:30:47.720
question. He messaged me back. It was like a two minute voice memo, listened to it, answered my
00:30:52.760
question, got it resolved. And I thought, that's why B is successful. That's why he's successful
00:30:59.660
because I thought I was going to be a burden to him and I wasn't. And he seemed genuinely
00:31:05.200
happy and proud to be able to give me some advice on something that he's skilled at and high value
00:31:11.000
people act that way in my experience. Yeah. Love it. Will Luna, where do you find the balance between
00:31:18.380
who you need to be at work at home and in the community? And how do you recognize when enough
00:31:24.840
is enough? What do you think he means by when, when enough is enough, like pouring into it too much or
00:31:31.620
yes, it could mean two things. Dual meaning here. I think it could mean that you have enough that you
00:31:39.980
should just be content and satisfied with what you have. So there's that could mean that. I think it
00:31:46.000
does mean that. Another thing that it could mean is that you're just so overwhelmed and stressed
00:31:52.120
because you have so much going on and you're constantly saying yes to everything that you're
00:31:56.380
feeling overwhelmed and you're starting to drop over balls that you've been juggling. Uh-huh. Yeah.
00:32:02.000
So, you know, the balance of who you need to be, I've had this conversation over and over again,
00:32:07.140
and I don't know if somebody shared this with me or if it was my own, you know, clever insight. I'm sure
00:32:12.040
it's a combination of a lot of people sharing insight with me over the years. And I don't look
00:32:17.920
at balance as some state of being, but most people do. I need to find balance, meaning they need to
00:32:26.340
find the proper distribution of resources. And once they find that magic formula for them,
00:32:34.280
everything's wonderful. Relationships, awesome. Intimacy there. Career's going well. Kids are
00:32:41.220
satisfied and happy. You're making the games. You're doing all your stuff at work. And it just
00:32:46.040
doesn't work like that. It just does not work like that. And I think there's two types of people when
00:32:53.360
it comes to balance. There's the people who are not in balance at all ever. And some of those people
00:33:01.020
are ultra, ultra successful in their field. I think of somebody like Cam Haynes, ultra successful
00:33:09.100
endurance athlete, ultra successful Hunter. You've got David Goggins, ultra successful with
00:33:17.840
the mindset and the discipline and the physical fitness. And then of course, you've got, you know,
00:33:23.380
like Khabib and Conor McGregor and these, these characters in the UFC, incredible athletes,
00:33:30.180
incredibly talented in the world of martial arts. But what I've experienced, I'll tell you this firsthand,
00:33:34.700
because I've done, I think 580 interviews with highly successful men in their chosen field.
00:33:40.760
A lot of these guys, they don't balance at all. They are just hyper-focused on the one thing to hell
00:33:48.800
with everything else. And they struggle because of that, but they know it and they've made that
00:33:53.760
decision. So that's one type of person. Then you have another type of person. And this is the guy that I
00:33:59.020
try to be where I am not in balance, but I'm constantly trying to be balanced.
00:34:07.500
And what that means is that based on the environment around me, I'm going to need to change
00:34:12.540
where I deploy my time, energy, money, attention, et cetera. So if my, if one of my children is really
00:34:19.720
struggling, then I need to spend a lot of time pouring into my child. And that means the business
00:34:26.480
might take a bit of a back burner. If, if my business is struggling or we're on a big new
00:34:33.900
assignment or task or deadline, then I might have to pour more into that for a time being. And other
00:34:39.440
things like maybe my physical fitness take a little bit of a back burner. And so it's constant movement
00:34:45.380
based on the environment and based on the circumstances that you find yourself in. That's
00:34:51.680
what it means to balance. So I can't tell you the formula is 50% here, 27% here, 32% there.
00:34:58.620
I think that equals 110%. So you can't even do that, but point taken, hopefully it's, it's constantly
00:35:06.420
evaluating your circumstances. And the best way to do that is have a method for doing it.
00:35:12.940
That's the battle plan. Um, that's morning visualization. That's planning and mapping out
00:35:18.400
your day. That's having difficult conversations with your spouse and your employer and your
00:35:22.440
clients. So you can all get on the same page because when you start to do that, then you realize,
00:35:27.560
Oh, I do need to deploy a little bit more over here. Or I do need to deploy a little less over here.
00:35:33.220
Um, and you'll find out too, with the enough is enough when it starts to get in the way of your
00:35:38.980
priorities and your vision. We already talked about that part of it. So if, if you're,
00:35:44.560
if you're chasing dollars and you've already got what you need to be satisfied and happy or content
00:35:51.660
or make a difference, like we were talking about, then you're chasing things for the wrong reason.
00:36:01.900
One thing to consider, Will, you know, this idea of work versus home versus community is,
00:36:09.420
is kind of a new concept that showed up with the industrial age back in the day. It was
00:36:16.900
go outside and work and guess who you go to work with, with dad or mom or whoever. Yeah. And with mom,
00:36:25.200
then you come back to the house and then you do home like you're doing it all, all the time. It's,
00:36:30.340
it's a family event. And I, and I actually think I would encourage you and others to make it,
00:36:37.660
let's go back to that, right? Community is important to you. Bring your kids along,
00:36:43.300
show them how community is important. Your community is important to the family, not to you.
00:36:48.260
Oh, work. I got to work. Yeah. You know what? Bring the kids along too. Let them see you work.
00:36:55.160
Don't let there be this work versus home. No, bring along. I, we've had this conversation years ago.
00:37:01.680
I think you gave me this advice, but there's a big difference. Let me say it this way. When I do work
00:37:08.040
and my kids don't know what's happening at work, then it's work versus them. But when I enlist them
00:37:14.760
in what I'm doing and they understand how work plays a role in family, we're doing it together.
00:37:21.920
They're sacrificing with me. So involve them. And this way we don't have this, you know, I don't
00:37:32.120
know, these lines, these unnecessary lines and buckets of what life looks like. And let's be
00:37:37.320
honest, probably all our kids need that a lot more, right? They need to see it being modeled. They need
00:37:43.220
to understand how work integrates. They need to see your work ethic. And, and I think the better we
00:37:49.640
integrate them into those things, the better off your kids are going to be anyway. And in,
00:37:54.960
and it will reduce this poll right between one or the other, because you can integrate,
00:38:00.160
integrate family into all the other things that are equally important.
00:38:04.440
Yeah. Yeah. And I, you know, I, when you were talking about that, one thing you often hear
00:38:09.020
or say yourself is, Oh, my kids will understand. No, they won't. You don't even understand. And you're
00:38:16.080
an adult. You don't understand what other people are thinking. You don't understand their
00:38:19.540
motives. I mean, how often have you also said simultaneously or the next breath? I don't
00:38:25.220
understand my wife. What is her problem? Why is she so difficult? Yeah. You don't understand.
00:38:30.500
You can understand human behavior, but you never fully know somebody's motives, intentions,
00:38:35.480
desires, dreams, wishes. And so you need to communicate so that you can understand.
00:38:40.900
And when you tell yourself that your kids will understand, unless you've bridged the gap by
00:38:45.720
involving them, by having conversations, by letting them see what sacrifice means,
00:38:50.560
they're going to start filling in the blanks. And anytime people make assumptions,
00:38:53.840
they're not favorable. When's the last time you made a favorable assumption about somebody?
00:39:00.260
Never. Anytime you assume something about somebody, it's that guy's an asshole. That guy's a dick. Why is
00:39:05.960
that guy being that way? Why does my boss act this way? Why is my wife being this way? Why it's always
00:39:11.680
negative when you assume. And then you have a conversation and with your wife, for example,
00:39:15.980
and you're like, Hey hon, is there something going on? You seem really bothered the last couple of
00:39:19.620
days. And she's like, yeah, I am bothered because this thing at work or the parents I'm working with
00:39:24.400
on the board for the football program are taking me off. You're like, Oh, okay. I didn't know that.
00:39:29.980
I just assumed what I don't know. Sometimes we're just like, I just assumed you were PMSing or
00:39:36.040
something. Right. It's like, we don't know, ask, talk about it, bring it up, use your words.
00:39:41.740
Yeah. Be curious. All right. Joshua, uh, Joshua trot or trot. I think we can get lost focusing on
00:39:50.320
the big M meaning. And we miss the daily moments of meaning that said, how would you advise people
00:39:56.900
to find meaning in the daily mundane? That's an interesting perspective. I think you should
00:40:03.720
probably have both. I hadn't really considered that till that got brought up, but having some
00:40:08.300
sense of, of overarching meaning, I think will make your day-to-day life more enjoyable or at least
00:40:18.220
more manageable when you're going through the hell because, well, let me say it this way. The longer
00:40:25.860
I extend my timeframe for my purpose for being on this earth, the better decisions I make.
00:40:35.380
Yeah. The longer I go out, if I'm thinking about a career choice, if I think about it over the next
00:40:43.540
three months, I'm tempted to just chase the dollar. Yeah. But if I think about it over 30 years,
00:40:49.880
not only am I considering the financial aspect of it, but also fulfillment and autonomy and
00:40:57.120
control and upward mobility and impact and all these other things in my life.
00:41:03.240
So I think having the big M like Joshua was saying is really important, but I do also agree that the
00:41:11.120
little M is important. You know, the, the moments of putting Lego box wallpaper on the thing with my
00:41:18.340
son and doing Christmas music and, or even having this conversation or celebrating some achievement
00:41:28.000
at work, even though it may have been really small and seemingly insignificant to other people,
00:41:33.460
it meant something to you. I remember this guy, I did a presentation in St. Louis about a month ago
00:41:38.840
and I was asking the guys, what factor of life gives them a sense of purpose and meaning?
00:41:45.280
Um, and you know, guys raised their hand and, and one said, Oh, my, my, uh, spiritual work gives me
00:41:52.220
meaning. And another person raised their hand. They said, my kids give me meaning. And somebody else
00:41:55.920
said, my wife brings meaning to my life. And they gave some really good answers and I believed all of
00:41:59.880
them. And then there was another guy and he raised his hand and I pointed to him and he said,
00:42:03.660
you know, I know this probably doesn't, it's not that big a deal. And I know for other people,
00:42:10.400
they might think it's silly, but I, my dog gives me meaning. He loves me. We spend time together.
00:42:15.800
I work on tricks with him. We, we, we travel together. And so my dog gives me meaning. I said,
00:42:20.120
Hey, can I just stop you right there for a second? He's like, yeah. I said, don't you ever discount
00:42:24.800
what brings you meaning? Who, who am I to say that your dog doesn't bring you meaning or that's not
00:42:33.820
significant enough or not big enough? Whom I to tell you that? And so I wish more of us would just
00:42:40.700
stop and smell the roses, so to speak. And I think part of the way to do that is to remember what the
00:42:46.800
big M is meaning and not inundate ourselves with things that detract from it. And that is why it's
00:42:55.460
important to have a vision and the battle plan and the objectives and the tactics, because again,
00:42:58.800
the way we started this conversation was I can use my vision or meaning in this case
00:43:04.660
to ask myself, does this extra board meeting serve me? Does this extra assignment at work
00:43:14.260
serve me? Does this extra job, does this different woman than I have right now, is it going to make my
00:43:21.600
life better? It's just a good way to strip everything from your life that does not matter.
00:43:29.860
Yeah. I love it, man. I always think of it as three things,
00:43:33.580
a healthy relationship with the past, which means that we've learned from it. We don't have regret
00:43:42.520
around it and we're not dragging it into the moment, right? Sometimes when we have an unhealthy
00:43:47.200
relationship with the past, we're proving right now that that's not true what happened. That's not
00:43:53.380
healthy, right? So a healthy relationship with the past, hope, big M for the future, hope of where I'm
00:44:01.660
going, direction of where I'm going, and then presence and gratitude in the moment. And I think
00:44:08.060
you kind of need all three. You need the direction of where you're going. You need to have learned from
00:44:13.320
the past because also learning from the past helps us be grateful, right? And present in the moment
00:44:18.600
and then be present with the now. And I really think when we think about the mundane, it's a lack
00:44:25.320
of presence. Like think of the typical things that are mundane for us. Oh, I go to the gym and I worked
00:44:31.780
and I drove in a car. Like you can look at the frame of all of that, all different. I had a strong
00:44:39.020
body. I'm capable. I went to this awesome gym and I could like strengthen my, uh, the body that God
00:44:48.880
gave me and, and honor my health. Oh, I was able to hop in a car and not walk 20 miles to work. Then I
00:44:56.820
sat in this amazing chair and connected with people across the internet in seconds, man, like the mundane
00:45:04.980
is not mundane. I really don't think it is. I think what would classify as a mundane is a lack
00:45:11.320
of being present of the amazingness of our day-to-day lives. And we just need to get way
00:45:18.180
more present and the mundane disappears. Have you, have you seen that when you were talking about on
00:45:25.100
the internet, how we can use the internet to connect with people? There's a, a sketch from,
00:45:30.160
uh, what's the name? Louis CK. Yeah. Well, about the airplane. Yeah. And they got the guy next to
00:45:37.100
him. Like the internet goes out. The guy next to him is like stupid internet. And, and Louis CK is
00:45:41.980
like, give it a second. It's going to space. He's like, how are you mad at something you didn't know
00:45:47.880
existed five minutes ago, but we all have done it. And it's just a reframe, you know, like one thing
00:45:54.680
that was interesting is when I was in, uh, Austin several weeks ago for a fundraising gala,
00:45:59.780
legends for leaders for the Apogee program with Matt Boudreau is I jumped on because we wanted to
00:46:06.240
get a Uber into town for dinner the night before. And it was better than driving into town ourselves.
00:46:11.820
And so I jumped on Uber and it says, you've been paired with a Waymo. And I'm like, I don't,
00:46:16.440
what is that? And I looked at it. It's an autonomous vehicle, 100% autonomous vehicle.
00:46:21.000
Wow. And, and, and it's like, would you like to do that? Or would you like a traditional ride?
00:46:24.840
I'm like, I don't know. Let's try it. And so, um, her and I, you know, scheduled the car,
00:46:31.080
it pulls up and you got to unlock it on your phone when it gets there and you hop in and
00:46:34.580
we opened the door. I opened the door. She hopped in, I hopped in beside her and it's like,
00:46:39.300
hello, Ryan, you're going to this restaurant. And I'm like, Ooh, this is crazy. This is the future
00:46:45.420
right now. That's when you put your seatbelt on. You're like, dude, am I going to get stuck in this
00:46:49.560
thing? It was, it was nervous. Yeah. And you know what? We drove around and it was amazing
00:46:55.880
how responsive it was and how there was something in the road and it actually swerved
00:47:01.100
and then came back in the lane. It was just, I don't even know, it could have been like a trash
00:47:05.340
bag or something. Um, it was watching out for pedestrians. Like it was crazy. And then we were
00:47:11.840
talking about it. We're like, Whoa, there's, there's probably accidents with this. And here's one
00:47:15.060
thing you don't think about technology is people say, Oh, they're dangerous. There's accidents in
00:47:18.840
them. Well, yeah, there are, but there's more accidents in cars where people drive. So yes,
00:47:24.860
it's dangerous, but by the data, it's significantly less dangerous and way more efficient by the way,
00:47:32.840
then, uh, people driving cars, which was interesting. And I don't know what got me
00:47:39.100
thinking about that, but technology is amazing. We live in this incredible time in human history
00:47:44.080
and, you know, we have our fair share of challenges we need to address, but there's a
00:47:48.740
lot to be grateful for. Yeah, absolutely. Do you have one more quick thought or doing your
00:47:55.160
rapid fire? Okay. We'll make this rapid. So Eddie, uh, Salzedo, he more or less was referencing the
00:48:02.420
podcast with Bedros that you did recently. And he quotes Bedros here saying your purpose is seldom
00:48:08.420
found. It's more built through action. And just your thoughts on that as we, as we wrap up.
00:48:15.020
Yeah. I mean, I, I agree with the premise of that. Brandon Mancine, who's in the iron council and one
00:48:19.660
of our leaders there and a great member and just a great man in general said something on our call
00:48:24.300
this morning that I, that I resonated with. Um, so your purpose is not found. It's found in what,
00:48:32.600
what was the quote that he said? Your purpose is not, is seldom found.
00:48:35.180
It's more built through action, not found. And Brandon, I'm paraphrasing, but Brandon said
00:48:41.100
it's more, I think he used the word identified or discovered, meaning that you start to explore
00:48:49.560
the fringes of your life and what seems interesting to you. So if you're a single man and you happen to
00:48:56.640
be a coworker with an attractive woman, how many guys will not approach that attractive woman? It's like,
00:49:02.940
man, you could have, you could have left an incredible relationship on the table because you were too
00:49:08.680
afraid or how many hobbies and activities and interests or trips have you wanted to go on or
00:49:13.800
businesses that you wanted to start. And you didn't because I'm busy because I don't have money because
00:49:19.420
I'll be less busy later because people won't like me because I might fail. Whoa, you just missed what
00:49:26.120
could have been something. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take
00:49:32.860
charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order