Order of Man - Men Know the Value of Their Time ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.560 and I am the host and the founder of the order of man podcast and movement, which by now you're

00:00:32.660 probably somewhat familiar with. Uh, if you've been listening to the show for any amount of time,

00:00:36.620 of course you are. Uh, if you're just joining us for the first time, maybe you're not entirely

00:00:40.600 familiar with what we're doing. Uh, maybe somebody introduced you to this or suggested the podcast

00:00:46.140 episode, or you've joined our Facebook group or whatever, however you found us. I want to welcome

00:00:50.540 you here. It's my job guys to give you the best information, tools, resources, programs,

00:00:55.820 accountability, anything that I possibly can to help you step up more fully as a man in your life.

00:01:01.680 Now we primarily do that through the podcast. We've had men like Jocko Willink, David Goggins,

00:01:08.220 Andy Priscilla, Ryan holiday, Mark Manson. The lineup of men that have joined us on our podcast is

00:01:14.760 absolutely incredible. I say it every week because every week it continues to hold true. So if you've

00:01:21.980 been with us for any amount of time, glad you're here. If you're just joining, we're also glad you're

00:01:25.940 here. This is your Friday field notes. I'm going to talk with you about a very, very important

00:01:29.960 subject today. Uh, and that is the subject of time. Gentlemen, it's very, very important that we

00:01:35.760 understand the value of our time. And I believe that the most successful men on the planet know how

00:01:41.400 valuable their time is and their actions, their beliefs, their behaviors, their thought processes

00:01:46.740 are in alignment with the value of their time. So they can produce maximally for the people in their

00:01:54.680 lives that they care about. That could be their wife, their children, neighbors, colleagues, friends,

00:01:59.800 coworkers, clients, family members, whoever they have identified as being important to serve.

00:02:05.080 It's critical that we learn how to manage our time effectively. So today I wanted to talk with you

00:02:09.600 just very briefly about some elements of, I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine.

00:02:15.240 We're going to talk about that. Uh, I also want to talk about pitfalls that a lot of men fall into

00:02:19.740 when it comes to managing their time effectively and knowing how much their time is worth. And then

00:02:24.560 giving you five very brief and quick, uh, easy to implement strategies so that you can maximize

00:02:30.700 every single minute of every single day and make the most out of your life and serve in the most

00:02:37.220 meaningful and significant way possible. Because guys, at the end of the day, that's what manhood is

00:02:41.080 all about. It's all about service. I know there's movements out there. Uh, I, I know there's people

00:02:46.640 that talk about men going their own way and disengaging completely from society and to hell

00:02:52.360 with everybody else. That's not what we're about here. So if you're looking for something that is

00:02:56.780 centered around men, rejecting society, not embracing society, not leading their families, 0.82

00:03:03.880 not leading their communities and just going their own way and tucking themselves into a corner

00:03:07.800 somewhere, uh, this is the wrong place. You're in the wrong place. This is a show about making

00:03:12.880 ourselves maximally, uh, efficient and productive and capable so that we can serve ourselves

00:03:19.600 certainly. And so we can serve the people in our lives. Well, masculinity is about service.

00:03:26.060 It's about becoming capable and then serving the people that we have an obligation and responsibility

00:03:30.780 to serve. And we do that by managing our time effectively. So the first point I wanted to talk

00:03:35.420 with you about today is a conversation that I had with a very close friend of mine. Uh, we've been

00:03:40.220 friends for a couple of years now. Uh, we've been on several hunts together. We've enjoyed each

00:03:45.460 other's company. I've, I've spoke at, uh, some of his events. He is supposed to speak at some of our

00:03:51.120 events, barring cancellations of those potential events because of, uh, what's going on in society

00:03:57.220 right now. But my friend is Bert Soren and he is the president and CEO of Soren X guys. If you're

00:04:03.580 not familiar with what they're doing, check it out, regardless of this conversation I

00:04:07.580 have, I have, I'm having with you today, if I can say that, uh, he's somebody that you

00:04:11.660 should know. The company is somebody, a company that you should know. Uh, they're doing incredible

00:04:16.220 things in the line of work of exercise equipment. That's a whole other conversation. Just go check

00:04:22.780 it out. I think you guys will be impressed. That's where I have all my equipment made, uh,

00:04:26.480 for my gym and for my exercise regimen. But I was having a conversation with him about the

00:04:30.620 importance of managing our time effectively. And so we, we started to walk through this and how many

00:04:35.140 demands, uh, and requests for his time and phone calls and attention and energy that both him and

00:04:40.640 I receive. And we talked through some of these strategies I'm going to share with you today about

00:04:45.060 why it is so important that we understand how valuable we are. And then our actions are in alignment

00:04:52.740 with, with those, those values, the value of, of our time that we actually carry this out

00:04:59.060 effectively because guys, look, your time is the most precious commodity you have.

00:05:04.920 And it's finite, right? Like you, once it's gone, it's gone. You're not getting any more of it back.

00:05:10.600 You can't recreate it. You can't manufacture it. You can't fabricate it. Time is what it is.

00:05:16.200 And all of us as men have the same 24 hours in a day. It's just those who manage it the most

00:05:21.380 effectively are going to win guys like Bert Soren with Soren X, my friend, Pete Roberts with origin

00:05:26.400 and the highly successful men I've had on the podcast, understand that the most foundational

00:05:31.600 level, the concepts and the ideas that I'm going to be sharing with you today.

00:05:36.960 So we had this great conversation about time and it triggered and got me thinking about why it's

00:05:41.620 important. We address this. And of course that's, that's where the stems from. So I want to give

00:05:44.840 credit to Bert again, a friend of mine, uh, and, and enlightened me with some of his thoughts on

00:05:50.460 why this conversation is so important to have. Let's talk about the common mistakes first. All

00:05:56.500 right. We'll, we'll hit the pitfalls first. And, and I want you to really, and genuinely ask yourself

00:06:02.220 when it comes to the pitfalls of time management, if this is you be honest with yourself, guys, the,

00:06:08.560 the foundation for growth in your life, expansion, growth, progress, however you want to look at it

00:06:13.100 is you being truthful with yourself. I know guys that lie to themselves at every turn. They think

00:06:19.680 they're better off than they really are. They, they lie about their results. They lie about their

00:06:23.920 efforts. They lie about their performance. They lie about their behaviors and actions. And you know,

00:06:28.560 they think they're fooling themselves, but really they're not. And every time you lie to yourself,

00:06:31.880 a little piece of your soul dies. I know that might sound extreme, but it's true. There's a great

00:06:37.160 disconnect between what we know and what we do. And if that disconnect is divided by the lies that we

00:06:42.460 tell ourselves, we're going to have a very difficult time reconciling in our minds,

00:06:46.320 our underperformance and the way that we actually view and think about ourselves and life. So don't

00:06:54.480 lie to yourself, be truthful. All right. Take an objective analysis. And if you can't be objective,

00:06:58.980 then get other people in your life who can be objective with you. Maybe a child, maybe a spouse,

00:07:05.240 maybe a very close advocate, friend, colleague, find somebody who can be objective with you and give

00:07:11.900 you the truth. And then don't blow up when they give you the truth, like embrace it, acknowledge

00:07:16.080 it, recognize it, ask if it's true, uh, and then act accordingly. So as I go through these common

00:07:21.360 mistakes, ask if it's you, number one, the, the, the most common, I think mistake that people make

00:07:27.700 when it comes to managing their time is they either have unknown priorities or backwards priorities.

00:07:35.780 So let's talk about unknown priorities. If you have not taken the time to identify what is important

00:07:42.260 to you, then you're not going to manage your time effectively. Now, if I say what's important to you,

00:07:48.480 a lot of you guys are going to say my family, my experiences, my health, those are the kindergarten

00:07:52.660 answers as I would call them. Everybody would say that it's not good enough guys. It's not good enough

00:07:58.900 because you haven't really got down to the root of what's important to you. You haven't really

00:08:03.860 spent a whole lot of time and effort. If you say, yeah, my family's important.

00:08:07.540 This is one of the funny things that I, I, every once in a while, I'll put out a book list

00:08:11.260 and I'll say, you know, seven books, 10 books, every man needs to read. And inevitably a large

00:08:17.180 percentage of, of the men who listen, say, well, you forgot the Bible because I didn't forget the

00:08:21.880 Bible. All right. That that's a, that's a kindergarten answer. I'm not saying it's an inferior answer.

00:08:26.760 I'm saying we know that. All right. I'm trying to give you elevated different ways of thinking

00:08:33.020 about and different insights into what we're talking about. So don't excuse

00:08:37.660 your lack of understanding your priorities by coming up with kindergarten answers. Like,

00:08:44.480 oh, my family's important. Really? Because I bet if I went into your calendar, I went into your bank

00:08:48.320 account. I could prove that that wasn't really the case. So you might be paying that lip service,

00:08:53.860 but when push comes to shove, is that really the truth? When the rubber meets the road, is that

00:08:59.440 really accurate? And if it is, I commend you. If it isn't, then maybe you're saying that's your

00:09:06.800 priority, but it isn't actually your priority. And how do we know if it's your priority? If you're

00:09:12.900 willing to invest in it, time, money, energy, resources, if you invest in those things, then those

00:09:23.640 are your priorities. If you just say they are, that's not necessarily a priority. So guys, I want

00:09:28.760 you to spend some time really thinking about what is your priority. If your family's your priority,

00:09:34.160 and that's what you're saying. And yet you jump at every job opportunity, you'll stay a little bit

00:09:42.540 late for $15 an hour. Maybe you ought to question that. Maybe you ought to question if family is really

00:09:52.360 your priority because maybe that $15 or that $20 or that a hundred dollars, whatever it may be for

00:09:57.960 you is actually more important than your family. It's not a comfortable thought who wants to wrestle

00:10:05.980 with that. I don't, but isn't that what we do when we leave the house every day and we go to work,

00:10:11.860 aren't we saying through our actions, not our words, through our actions, that the money I will earn

00:10:17.760 is more important than the time I'll spend with my family. Now we justify it. We justify it by saying,

00:10:24.380 well, I need to put the roof over my family's head and I need to put food in their bellies and I need 0.85

00:10:29.060 to put clothes on their back. And I think a lot of that is valid. I certainly do that. I'm doing it

00:10:35.920 right now. I'm not spending time with my family. I'm spending time with you. I'm recording a podcast.

00:10:38.920 I can be downstairs playing with my kids. I can be engaged with my wife, eating, eating lunch with my

00:10:43.380 wife, but I'm here. And so I've made that decision because I realize and recognize that putting a roof

00:10:49.940 over their heads and food in their bellies and clothes on their back is important as is communicating

00:10:55.240 this very important and critical societal message to you. But guess what? I've made that decision

00:11:00.960 deliberately. I've actually spent time thinking about this. This is my priority right now at 11 46 AM

00:11:09.620 on Wednesday morning. This is my priority. And how do I know? Because I spend time thinking about

00:11:18.540 it. I document it. I've got my battle planner right here. It's all written out. My family knows what my

00:11:24.580 priorities are. My family has access to my calendar so they can see exactly what I might be doing in any

00:11:29.880 given day. And there's no guesswork about what's important at this moment in time for me. And if you

00:11:36.240 haven't gone to this length or this extreme, then, you know, you're just kind of taking a shotgun

00:11:40.020 approach and maybe it's working. And I commend you if it is and congratulate you if it is,

00:11:43.840 because it doesn't typically work out that way. It's typically less effective and less relevant,

00:11:49.880 less important, and less impactful for yourself and the people you care about.

00:11:54.300 Now, the other mistake along the lines, as I said, unknown priorities and backwards priorities,

00:12:00.280 backwards priorities typically come in the form of prioritizing something that somebody else

00:12:05.580 is doing or told you that you quote unquote should be doing. Maybe they're right, but maybe they're

00:12:12.960 not. And if it isn't your priority and you haven't spent time thinking about it, then you're living for

00:12:19.560 somebody else or you're living for somebody else's expectation of you. And that is a recipe for

00:12:24.480 disaster. I've been there. I've been in that boat where I've done all the things that people told me

00:12:30.280 I should do and tried to gain their approval and their acknowledgement and their recognition by

00:12:35.240 trying to pretend that the things that were important to them were important to me.

00:12:40.040 And it just, it was miserable. It was miserable. I spent some time yesterday evening just playing on

00:12:48.040 the trampoline with my kids, riding around the property on our off-road vehicles. And for the first

00:12:56.180 time in a long time, I actually spent some time thinking about it. Like this is the life that was

00:12:59.940 meant for me. This is the life that I've been working hard to create. And I've created it because

00:13:07.640 I think for myself. Now, if a friend has a suggestion or idea and is influential in my life,

00:13:14.640 incredible, I'm going to take that into consideration. But ultimately I make my own decisions

00:13:18.220 because I don't want my priorities to be backwards. And I don't want my priorities to be based on

00:13:24.480 what somebody else thinks is important or what I should be doing or how they view their life.

00:13:31.960 They have to make their choices. I have to make my choices. And the more that we make choices in line

00:13:38.120 with what's actually important to us, the more fulfilled, satisfied, profitable, enjoyable,

00:13:45.020 meaningful, and significant life will be for you. But if you spend your time consumed with what other

00:13:51.460 people think of you and what this guy's doing, what that guy's doing, and how could I gain favor 0.50

00:13:56.120 in that person's eyes, it's miserable. It's exhausting. And you're wasting your time on this

00:14:03.020 spinning rock. I'm almost 40 at this point. I'm 39 years old. I mean, if we look at life,

00:14:09.040 life expectancy, I'm 50% of the way through this thing, barring some, some other disaster or

00:14:17.160 premature death, but you know, life expectancy, average life expectancy, I'm halfway through this

00:14:22.660 thing. It's not a whole lot of time left. And I'm going to be certain that I'm spending it on the

00:14:29.520 things that are important to me because I spend time thinking about it. All right.

00:14:32.800 Point number two, common mistakes is distractions. Guys, we live in a distracted environment. I saw

00:14:39.020 studies that suggest how often we're inundated with branding and messages and sales pitches and

00:14:43.940 everything else. And it's in the thousands, if not tens of thousands of times per day that we're

00:14:48.240 inundated with and bombarded with this information. It's very easy to get distracted. It's very easy to

00:14:54.780 get sidetracked. Even when you've actually identified what your priorities are, if you

00:14:58.400 haven't identified what they are, it's infinitely more easy to become distracted. But if you have

00:15:03.800 identified, it's still difficult to remove the temptations, to remove the distractions, to keep

00:15:09.720 yourself from veering off of course and, and, and doing things that are unimportant to you based on

00:15:15.880 what you've identified. I'm going to talk about how to deal with these distractions. But if you're

00:15:20.640 distracted, if you feel like you're spinning your wheels and you're busy, busy, busy, busy, and I don't

00:15:25.700 have any time in the day. And yet you also simultaneously feel like nothing's getting accomplished. It's a

00:15:30.880 pretty good sign that you're not managing your time effectively, that you're doing work. That's good,

00:15:35.980 but it's unimportant or insignificant or irrelevant. And if it meets any one of those three criteria,

00:15:42.960 I would say that it's a distraction and should be avoided. And we can get into this, this, some

00:15:49.520 other points here about what work you should be doing and shouldn't be doing. We'll, we'll cover

00:15:53.860 that later, but be very, very wary of the distractions and the temptations and the things that suck you in,

00:15:59.140 whether it's TV or vices or being on social media, or potentially even listening to this podcast.

00:16:05.980 I'm willing to admit to you that right now, if you're listening to this podcast, it might be a

00:16:11.260 distraction from doing the work that you should be doing. It might be. And if it is turn the podcast

00:16:18.060 off, go do your work and you can come back to the podcast in a more relevant and important time. But

00:16:24.540 right now might not be it. I don't know. You have to identify that for yourself. All right. And the third

00:16:29.100 component of this, the third common mistake I see is the quote unquote, nice guy syndrome. A lot of guys fall into

00:16:35.820 this, right? So we'll say yes to everything. And we'll just, we'll do everything. Everybody else

00:16:41.580 wants us to do because we, we want them to know we're being nice and being helpful and being kind

00:16:46.380 and doing, you know, what we quote unquote should be doing. And we want to be liked and we want to be

00:16:51.540 approved of, and we want to be acknowledged. And so we'll do all of these things just to be nice.

00:16:56.520 We'll do favors and we'll bend over backwards and we'll sacrifice our own wellbeing and the wellbeing

00:17:01.740 of our families and our friends and the people that actually matter based on what I talked about

00:17:05.580 a second ago, your, your identified priorities because being nice that that's actually your

00:17:12.380 priority being nice, or at least being perceived as being nice is a priority over taking care of your

00:17:20.220 family. The perception of you being nice is actually a priority for a lot of you guys,

00:17:25.900 than taking care of your physical health. The, the appearance of being a nice guy is a priority

00:17:37.580 over investing in the people that you care about because you're so worried about that.

00:17:46.240 So I would say that's a, being a nice guy is a combination of backwards priorities because you

00:17:50.840 haven't identified it and you're living for other people. It's also a, a mistake of distraction

00:17:56.140 because you're allowing other people to pull you off of course. And that makes you the nice guy.

00:18:02.480 And I see this all the time. A lot of you guys, people say, well, you want to be nice. Look guys,

00:18:06.520 there's a difference. Okay. You, you guys understand context. You're not dumb. Okay. So don't even play

00:18:12.080 dumb. Okay. I'm not saying don't be kind. I'm not saying don't be respectful or courteous to people. 0.98

00:18:19.260 Obviously. Okay. You're not morons. You know, that's what I'm saying. So don't play dumb.

00:18:25.980 There's a difference in my mind between being nice and being kind. Now, some of you may say, 0.98

00:18:31.060 well, that's just semantics. Well, I'm identifying it for you. So you understand what I'm talking about.

00:18:36.560 A nice guy is somebody who gets railroaded, who gets hen packed, who puts other people's priorities

00:18:42.620 above his own at the expense of his own wellbeing. That's a nice guy. Somebody who's kind is respectful.

00:18:49.260 Is a gentleman, is courteous, is tactful. So it is possible for you to be kind and also fall prey

00:18:58.360 to the syndrome of nice guy. Okay. You guys understand the distinction. All right. Let's

00:19:03.080 get into the strategies here, guys. So we talked about the common mistakes. Number one, backwards

00:19:07.780 are unknown priorities. Number two, distractions. Number three, the nice guy syndrome. All right. So

00:19:11.780 how do we then deal with this? How do we manage our time more effectively? How do you make more money?

00:19:16.740 How do you be more connected with your wife? How do you be bonded with your children? How do you make

00:19:21.760 friends? How do you go deep into hobbies and activities that are important to you? You do it

00:19:25.680 this way. Number one, you, you plan out your life. You plan out your life. You carve just a little bit

00:19:32.760 of time out of every single day and you plan that thing out. If you're not planning your day out,

00:19:38.920 you're being tossed to and fro by other people, by outside circumstances and situations, by whatever

00:19:46.780 comes up. And it's just random. It's chaotic. It's ineffective. It's inefficient. And ultimately,

00:19:52.960 it's the antithesis of the results you're trying to produce. Gentlemen, plan out your day. I can't

00:19:59.160 tell you how many men I talk with who, you know, they don't have a calendar. They don't have any sort

00:20:03.180 of task list. They don't have any sort of priorities or written instructions for how they're going to

00:20:07.700 accomplish their day. They have no strategy for dealing with distractions. They don't know how

00:20:11.980 to say yes to things and no to other things. They don't know any of this stuff. Guys, plan out your

00:20:17.960 day. Now, I really don't care how you do it. If it's all written down on a Google document, if it's

00:20:22.880 written down on a blank notepad, if whatever, I think it's got to be documented, but use it whatever

00:20:28.760 way you can. If you use the 12 week battle planner, that's a great system that I've been articulating

00:20:33.540 and developing over the past decade. Now use that. I don't care what it is, but plan out your day

00:20:39.920 every single morning without fail. Yes. Even Saturdays and Sundays on your quote unquote day

00:20:46.200 off. And there are no days off. By the way, we can talk about that another time. You should be

00:20:50.660 planning it. Now, what you're doing that day might differ. If it's Sunday, maybe you're observing it as

00:20:56.700 the Sabbath day, but that doesn't mean that you can just randomly and haphazardly approach it.

00:21:01.700 No plan it out. Church services are here. Time with my family is here. Dinner is here. We're

00:21:08.880 having friends over here. We're reading scriptures here. So even on your quote unquote rest days,

00:21:13.880 you can still be deliberate and intentional, and you can still incorporate your priorities. Some of you

00:21:19.100 have a priority of, of, uh, worshiping a higher power. And well, if that's a priority, then don't

00:21:25.100 you think you'd put some effort to make sure that you do that? Of course you would. Of course you would.

00:21:31.040 So plan out your day, use a notepad, use Google calendar, use the 12 week battle planner that we've

00:21:36.260 got. Use a combination of all three. I don't care what it is. Plan out your day, get your priorities

00:21:40.900 in check. Uh, number two, identify the yeses and identify the no's. Now this is significantly easier

00:21:47.800 if you plan out your day. This is significantly easier if you go through a battle plan and you know

00:21:53.100 your vision and you know your objectives and what you're trying to accomplish, because all you have to

00:21:56.840 do is say, okay, here's an opportunity that's presented itself. And I need to say yes or no,

00:22:02.880 based on where it's leading me. Let me give you an example. I had a, uh, a friend of mine and somebody

00:22:10.740 who has been a follower of the podcast for years at this point, reach out and want some individual

00:22:14.660 coaching. We did some back and forth and things like that. And I was very interested in helping

00:22:20.780 this individual on a coaching one-to-one relationship, like a coaching basis.

00:22:29.320 And as I thought about it more and more, I thought, well, I've got this priority and I've

00:22:32.520 got this thing going on and I've got these projects going on. And you know, as much as I wanted to help

00:22:37.560 this individual in this coaching relationship, I had to make the decision based on my priorities.

00:22:42.420 And I had to, I honor my priorities. I had to send this individual an email and say, Hey, look,

00:22:47.760 I've got these other projects and these other tasks going on. And so I'm not in the position

00:22:51.500 to help you right now. I wish you the best. If you have some questions here and there,

00:22:55.040 I'd be happy to answer those for you, but we can't enter into a coaching relationship.

00:22:58.860 Now, how many of you, because money or because your desire to be nice or perceived to be nice

00:23:04.980 would have just taken that on your shoulders and then sacrificed everything else that you have going

00:23:10.280 on all your projects, all your tasks, all your other relationships, your family, all the other

00:23:14.820 things that are important to you. Of course, many of you would have done that. And in the past I would

00:23:20.040 have done that, but I realize now that I've got a goal. I've got objectives. I've got a vision for

00:23:26.300 my future. And so I can measure these opportunities and these things that come up and ask myself,

00:23:30.640 does this align with what I want to accomplish? If it does, I say yes to it. If it doesn't, I say no

00:23:38.120 to it, which leads me into my next point. Point number three is that you have to practice saying no.

00:23:42.700 No. It's interesting to me that we have to practice this, but we do. I don't think that

00:23:48.780 we're inherently good at saying no as a species. Why? Well, we want to be helpful. We want to be

00:23:56.880 perceived as contributing members of the tribe or clan. These are behaviors that had been hardwired

00:24:06.380 into us over thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands of years as a survival mechanism.

00:24:13.600 I have to be cooperative. I have to be perceived as a contributing member of the group, because if I

00:24:20.260 don't, I will be ostracized and I could potentially die. Well, that was the case. 152, three, 400,

00:24:27.960 a thousand years ago. It isn't the case today. And so we have to evolve and it's going to be awkward

00:24:35.120 and it's going to be uncomfortable because it is literally hardwired into you to cooperate with

00:24:40.600 other human beings, regardless of the task. I saw a study one time that they wanted to check on human

00:24:48.200 behavior. And so what these, these researchers did is they had their subjects try to go butt in,

00:24:57.840 in a line somewhere, whether it was a line for ride or a restaurant. And so they just had these

00:25:01.960 individuals button line. So they had one group, just button line and another group, they had them

00:25:08.920 button line, but they gave them a reason. They, they, they instructed them to give a reason to the

00:25:15.160 individuals they just cut in front of. And not surprisingly, the individuals that gave a reason,

00:25:21.380 Hey, I just need to cut in line because I'm running late and I have to pick up my kid.

00:25:24.780 Not surprisingly, those individuals who actually gave a reason, even if it was a BS reason

00:25:29.320 were met with greater favor of cutting in line than those who gave no reason at all.

00:25:36.460 And this actually ties in to what we're saying. We want to be nice. We want to be cooperative.

00:25:40.600 We want to be helpful. We want to acquiesce when we can. We want to help other individuals,

00:25:46.740 right? That's of course we do. The problem is if it comes at our own expense and keeps us from doing

00:25:55.660 what we feel is important and doing great and important work, I could do all kinds of work

00:26:01.300 that would fill up my day that is insignificant in my life. Or I could spend a lot of time focused

00:26:07.080 on the most significant, meaningful activities that are going to yield the biggest results for me

00:26:11.960 and the people that I want to serve you. I get caught up in all sorts of BS, but I'm not interested

00:26:18.280 in that. I'm interested in doing the important work. So I know what to say yes to. And if something

00:26:24.960 isn't aligned with what I'm trying to accomplish, then I can say no, but you have to practice saying no,

00:26:31.760 it doesn't come naturally. The beauty of this is that it gets easier. It gets easier. So the first

00:26:41.080 time you say no, it's hard. The second time it's still hard, but maybe not as quite as much as the

00:26:46.080 first. And by the hundredth time you've done it, you get to become a pro at saying no. And so here's

00:26:52.360 my challenge with saying no, say it as often as you can today, this week, and do it without giving

00:27:00.440 you an excuse or a reason. Hey, can you come help me move this week? No, I can't. Or even better.

00:27:07.080 No, I won't. Cause you can, but you've chosen not to. So don't lie either. No, I won't period.

00:27:16.500 You don't know any, but anybody in explanation. Now, if it's a friend, you might give an explanation.

00:27:20.280 I'm not saying that that goes back to the difference between nights and kind. If a friend asked me to do

00:27:26.420 something and I can't, or I won't do it, I'm probably going to give them a reason. And it's

00:27:31.480 going to be a valid reason. Otherwise I would come help them, but guys practice getting good at saying

00:27:36.640 no. And you'll notice how much better your life is. All right. Point number four, eliminate the

00:27:40.700 temptations and distractions guys. It's not enough to think that we're going to have the willpower to

00:27:44.760 deal with it. I mean, you might, but we know through study and through research that willpower is

00:27:49.100 fleeting. It's depleting. Uh, so yeah, you, you, you need to ensure, uh, that you just get rid of

00:27:56.460 eliminate and those temptations and distractions altogether, because then you won't have to focus

00:28:02.180 your willpower on those things. If alcohol and drugs and pornography and these other things are

00:28:06.280 a temptation and a distraction for you, then find a way to get rid of those things completely out of

00:28:11.620 your life. So you don't need to exert any sort of willpower to avoid falling into the temptations

00:28:16.780 and distractions you normally would. But you also have to be truthful and identifying. This goes back

00:28:22.140 to what I was saying earlier is being truthful, identifying what is your temptation? What is your

00:28:27.160 distraction? What is your fear? What is your hesitancy? What keeps you from doing what you know

00:28:31.600 you should be doing? Document that stuff, write it down, and then come with a strategy so that you can

00:28:37.480 eliminate the temptation and distraction from your life. All right. And point number five, guys,

00:28:43.060 this one's interesting. Do more by doing less, do more by doing less. We as men are filled to the

00:28:53.280 brim with activities and hobbies and interest and tasks and challenges and this and that and read and

00:28:58.500 do this task, do this assignment, do this project, go work out so much to do. And we become super

00:29:06.600 efficient at doing things that don't move the needle and then tricking ourselves into believing that we

00:29:14.240 are. Go ask 10 people today. How are you doing? Nine plus of them will answer. I'm doing really good.

00:29:21.720 I'm busy. I'm busy. Why would they say that? Why would you say that? Do you think busy is what you

00:29:29.760 should be doing? Do you think busy is what other people will acknowledge as being important or

00:29:36.320 special? Why would you say that? I think the reason that we say we're busy is because we've

00:29:43.480 identified busyness as a badge of honor. The more I can do, I just keep loading it on. The more I can

00:29:49.480 do more and more. Give me more. Give me more guys. I don't want to do more personally. I actually

00:29:53.800 want to do less. I talked about earlier. I spent some time last evening with my family,

00:29:59.660 walked around with my wife in the garden. I jumped on the trampoline with my kids.

00:30:04.620 We drove around the property on our, our off-road vehicles and no expectation, no time commitment,

00:30:13.040 no checking of the box. I was fully present and fully engaged. Was I busy? No, not at all.

00:30:20.900 I was literally walking around the garden, looking at the vegetables was jumping on the trampoline,

00:30:27.240 trying to come up with new games with my four kids to figure out what games we could play on the

00:30:30.460 trampoline. I was riding around the property, just looking at the view and watching my kids

00:30:35.300 ride their dirt bikes. Like no expectation, fully present, fully engaged and not doing anything.

00:30:44.260 Not busy. Certainly not busy. I don't want to be busy guys. And you don't want to be busy.

00:30:52.100 Productive. Sure. Effective, profitable, engaged. Yes, but not busy. So how do we avoid being so busy?

00:31:02.180 We, I already told you, you say no to the things that aren't in alignment with your life.

00:31:05.880 If somebody would have called me and said, Hey Ryan, can you know, can you talk with me?

00:31:11.600 Can we do a coaching call this evening? No, no, I'm spending time with my family. That's my priority.

00:31:18.180 And I don't want to be busy with that stuff. And here's what we can do. If we really, if that is

00:31:21.940 a priority, cause a coaching call might be a priority. It certainly is for me. It's going to

00:31:26.360 work on my schedule, not yours. So I don't, this is the prop. This is part of the problem I have with

00:31:32.360 the, uh, real estate business. A lot of you guys are probably realtors. There's probably realtors

00:31:36.960 listening, man. The thing that I would struggle most in your relationship or with your clients

00:31:41.180 is them. Hey, we're coming into town, you know, tomorrow. Uh, I know it's Sunday, but do you have

00:31:46.280 some time and you have to take those calls or at least you think you do, right? But if you had so

00:31:54.000 many clients and so much business, because you managed your time well that you said, no, I actually

00:31:59.460 can't Sundays. I don't do showings or listings. You position yourself where you can actually say no

00:32:07.180 and it'd be okay. Like you've bought into the idea that you just have to drop everything for

00:32:12.400 your clients. No, you don't. If you were so busy and so effective with the existing clients that you

00:32:19.080 had, and you understood what your priorities were, and you were willing to say yes to the right things

00:32:22.940 and no to the wrong things, then you could over time, I'm not saying immediately, but over time,

00:32:28.160 you could position yourself so that Saturdays and Sundays were your day. Can you imagine that

00:32:34.540 only taking people, showing them listings based on your schedule, not theirs. And I know what all

00:32:42.580 are. I know what a lot of you are already thinking. You're thinking, Oh, Ryan, that's not how it works.

00:32:46.720 Who said, who said somebody that does not manage their time. Well, that's who said,

00:32:53.780 and they taught somebody else who now doesn't know how to manage their time. And they taught somebody

00:32:58.980 and they taught somebody. And then they taught you that that's the way it's done. And you believed

00:33:04.280 it and you bought into it. And now as you become successful, because I'm not saying you can't come

00:33:08.940 becoming successful. You certainly can. You're probably going to teach somebody else to do it that

00:33:13.840 way. There's a better way to do it. And sometimes not having a listing or a showing on a weekend

00:33:21.200 might be the right call. I use that as an example, but fill in the blank with whatever job yours is

00:33:26.840 or whatever situation you find yourself in. Say guys, so that last point was do more by doing less,

00:33:36.340 but be hyper effective and efficient, fully present with the things that you are doing.

00:33:40.800 If you're at work, be fully present and engaged at work. If you're at home, jumping on your

00:33:44.640 trampoline with your kids, be fully, fully engaged, phone away, phone off, phone, not even in within

00:33:49.200 arms reach and be fully present within that moment. And you'll find that by doing less, you can have a

00:33:55.180 much more fulfilling and rewarding life. And that's what it's all about on your deathbed. You're never

00:34:00.900 going to look back and think, Oh man, I wish I would have made a hundred thousand dollars extra.

00:34:05.020 I wish I would have just, you know, met with one more client. No, of course you're not going to be

00:34:09.580 saying that. I'm not going to tell you what you are going to be saying, but I think most of you know

00:34:14.140 what that likely is, but I can't identify it for you. You have to identify it for yourself.

00:34:19.220 That's all I've got guys. Men know the value of their time and they act accordingly. So let's just

00:34:24.020 do a recap and we'll call it a day. Number one, uh, with common mistakes again, that is unknown or

00:34:28.920 backwards priorities. Number two, uh, distractions that keep them from honoring those priorities.

00:34:34.820 And number three, falling prey to the nice guy syndrome, not to be confused with being kind,

00:34:39.320 decent, respectful, et cetera. And the five strategies for managing your time more effectively.

00:34:44.340 Number one, plan your life, do it every single day. Number two, identify the yeses and the no's.

00:34:49.380 Number three, practice saying no. Number four, eliminate the temptations and distractions.

00:34:55.100 Number five, do more by doing less. I hope that helps guys. Let me know how it's serving you and

00:34:59.720 helping you. I am firmly committed and a firm believer that the more effectively that you can

00:35:06.780 manage your time, the better life that you're going to have. And that's what I want for you.

00:35:10.360 I want you to have a better life. And you're going to do that starting with managing this time

00:35:14.160 effectively. And you're going to start right now. All right, guys, we'll be back next week until then,

00:35:20.640 go out there, take action, manage your time more effectively and become the man.

00:35:24.660 Thank you. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

00:35:30.020 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 28, 2020

Men Know the Value of Their Time ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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