Order of Man - Men Want Respect, Why Feminism Fails Men and Women, and How to Raise Boys Into Men ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.760 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.700 So Kip, man, great to see you. This is our first ever Q&A that we're doing live. This

00:00:31.400 is going to be hosted on the Order of Man podcast platform like it always is, but we thought

00:00:36.440 we'd try doing something a little different and host this thing up on YouTube. So if anybody's

00:00:41.040 tuning in, this is why it sounds a little weird because we've only done this, well, we haven't

00:00:46.660 ever done it before. So this will be the first time.

00:00:48.460 This is the first time.

00:00:49.160 Yeah, we'll see how it goes. And we don't know if we'll have anybody show up, and we don't

00:00:52.120 know if we'll have anybody ask any questions, but we came prepared to answer other questions

00:00:56.080 if needs be. So we'll see how it goes.

00:01:00.180 Yeah. Well, we normally do headlines. I've got a couple that I wanted to share with you

00:01:04.620 today. And the first one, well, initially, because I talked to you over the weekend, we

00:01:12.340 were texting back and forth because I think it was UFC 307. Is that right? 307?

00:01:17.260 Yep. 307. 307. And it was a really good card. But beforehand, I was a little bored and didn't

00:01:23.360 have much to do that afternoon. So I actually watched UFC 1. And it was amazing. And I'll

00:01:29.300 get into that a minute because that was my first headline. But then I had a friend reach

00:01:32.360 out to me today, this morning, in fact. And he's doing a lot of good work. His name is

00:01:36.760 Ian Wendt with Official Patriot Gear. And he's doing a lot of good work with helping raise funds

00:01:42.200 for the disaster and relief efforts, specifically in North Carolina. And he started a GoFundMe

00:01:48.160 account or a Give, Send, Go. It's a donation site. He started with the goal of raising $6,000

00:01:55.500 to help in the relief aid and efforts as a result of that hurricane. So he reached out and said,

00:02:02.840 hey, man, this is what I'm doing. We're trying to hit our goal. His initial goal was $6,000.

00:02:06.500 And then as of this morning, when he talked with me, they were at $60,000. And I looked

00:02:14.060 a little bit more into it. And right now, in fact, I'm just going to hit refresh on this

00:02:17.200 screen here. They're at $91,000 they've raised for these relief efforts. And he asked if I

00:02:23.480 would share it. And I know there's a lot of guys who are listening to this podcast who

00:02:27.200 we want to help. We want to be valuable. Taking work off and leaving your family might be a

00:02:32.740 little restrictive for you. And if it is, certainly understand. But if you're in the position

00:02:36.180 to donate a little money for these efforts, then I would highly encourage that you do.

00:02:42.240 I just want to read really briefly what this is about so they have an idea. They've teamed

00:02:47.760 up with a program called Aerial Recovery. And I'm reading this from the website. Their team

00:02:53.900 of veterans and first responders is conducting helicopter rescues, reconnaissance, welfare checks,

00:02:59.120 aid distribution, and debris clearance across multiple cities impacted by the storm. Every

00:03:05.100 helicopter mission costs around $20,000 a day in fuel. And right now, a lack of communication

00:03:10.580 is costing them valuable time, fuel, and resources. And he says, that's why we're stepping up to

00:03:15.860 raise $6,000. Their goal now is to raise $100,000. To help them get four Starlink units, seven

00:03:22.300 ICAM radios, equipment that will improve communication and boost their efficiency by 20% to 30%. That means

00:03:28.340 more lives saved faster. And they're asking for our help about where we come in. And the beautiful

00:03:34.160 thing about what Ian is doing with official Patriot gear is that every single dollar donated through

00:03:39.520 this fund is going straight to aerial recovery and disaster relief efforts. He said there's a lot

00:03:45.780 of organizations and a lot of foundations that are popping up where people can donate. But there's a lot

00:03:51.520 of times where, you know, 80%, 60 or 50% of that money is going towards recovery. In this case,

00:03:58.040 it's 100%. So if you feel like you're in the position, whether it's $25, $50, a thousand,

00:04:04.940 10,000, I don't know what position you're in, then go to officialpatriotgear.com slash help.

00:04:12.520 So that's officialpatriotgear.com slash help. It'll take you right to that page and you can make

00:04:17.480 your donation. And Ian is going to be, I think he's heading down as of the release of this podcast

00:04:22.280 on Wednesday today. So he'll be in North Carolina, um, giving, helping, serving, doing what he needs

00:04:28.860 to do out there. But Ian's doing good stuff. Official Patriot gear, again, officialpatriotgear.com

00:04:33.380 slash help. So that's my, uh, I was going to talk about UFC, but he brought that up. I'm like,

00:04:38.500 this is way more important than UFC. Absolutely. Oh man, they're struggling. And then Matt Boudreau with

00:04:45.840 Apogee Academy is doing a lot of work down there. So we've got a lot of order of man alumni doing really

00:04:51.280 good work to help in those efforts. And ultimately that's our job as men to protect, provide,

00:04:56.180 preside. And these are guys who are leading on the front lines of that. Yeah. It's inspirational

00:05:01.580 what those guys are willing to do and, and how many people are rallying together. You know, I even

00:05:06.120 know Matt is, has been very grateful for how much momentum that they're getting, you know, with

00:05:12.880 donations and whatnot as well. So it's pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It is times like these where we put

00:05:19.760 aside differences that don't really matter. And we stopped talking about the bull crap that just is 0.99

00:05:24.880 not real relevant in our lives. You know, it's, there's a lot of good that comes from horrific 0.98

00:05:30.540 situations like this. And, uh, it's a good time to remind ourselves what is important, what's valuable

00:05:36.100 and how to serve, serve each other as we should as Americans. Yeah, totally. Yeah. All right. So

00:05:42.920 should we go ahead and get into questions? Let's get into questions. Even this is a little

00:05:46.520 different because I posted on Instagram yesterday and I said, this one's a little bit for the ladies. 1.00

00:05:51.420 I wanted to hear what questions they had for us as a way to provide them some insight that maybe they

00:05:58.220 don't have or, or, or would like, but also for us as men to get a little bit of insight into what kind

00:06:03.420 of questions they have and what they're thinking about that maybe you're not aware of. So I think

00:06:07.500 this can serve both the men and, and the women. Yeah. So, I mean, the first question actually is,

00:06:12.940 is a little bit of a, it's a, it's a given. So I think it's, I'm not sure if it was Rick or his

00:06:17.280 wife, right? But the question around it's Rick, you know, yeah. Is there a woman's version of order 0.77

00:06:22.740 man? So let's just address that because I actually do think that's probably a really common question

00:06:27.180 that you do get around our movement. So let's address that one. Yeah. There is a revitalized

00:06:33.520 womanhood is, is the name of the podcast and the movement. I've worked very, very closely with Gina

00:06:39.440 Trimmer. She heads up that organization and she's doing wonderful work. I've known Gina and Rick for

00:06:44.560 a very long time and they're close personal friends of mine. So guys, if you're listening

00:06:48.580 and you're thinking, man, I wish my wife had something like this for herself, revitalized

00:06:52.880 womanhood. Uh, and then if women you're thinking like, ah, I wish I had, uh, an organization that had 0.99

00:06:59.700 very much the same values that order of man does, but it's specifically catered towards women, then

00:07:04.020 same place, revitalized womanhood. And they've got a, uh, uh, it's called the sisterhood and that's a 1.00

00:07:09.800 more of their closed type organization. Like we have the iron council. Theirs is the sisterhood. So

00:07:15.220 very, very closely aligned with what we do. And, um, I've been consulting with them and helping them

00:07:20.680 grow that business. So they're doing a really good job over there. Revitalized womanhood.

00:07:24.720 Yeah. And I don't know if you know the numbers, but this came up a couple of weeks ago with some guys

00:07:29.400 within, um, our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, where we have spouses, right? So we have

00:07:35.800 like the wife's in, uh, in this group and the husband's in, in the iron council. I'm curious,

00:07:41.860 like the growing percentage of, of that being present. Yeah. I don't, I don't know what the

00:07:47.840 percentages are. I'd have to reach out and ask, but yeah, it's, um, it is different, you know,

00:07:53.080 trying to decide how to communicate with women to rally them together. I think women just do that 1.00

00:07:58.420 naturally better anyways, versus, versus men. But I mean, I've been doing this for so long.

00:08:04.280 Obviously I've been talking about it from a man's perspective for so long that it's, uh,

00:08:09.180 bringing that other side into it has been relatively new for me. Yeah, totally. All right.

00:08:14.520 Next question. 21 Dutchie. Uh, she says, first of all, thank you for doing this question. What brings

00:08:20.820 you the most joy out of the iron council? So Ryan, just in case let's just level set. What is iron

00:08:27.580 council? Then what, what brings you the most joy out of it? Yeah. So, well, we, we briefly talked

00:08:32.600 about it a second ago. The iron council is our exclusive brotherhood. So, you know, you're

00:08:38.100 listening to this podcast for free. You can join the Facebook group for free. You can sign up for our,

00:08:42.960 our dispatch, which is our emails that we send out every week. I mean, we have a lot of content

00:08:47.300 available, uh, for free. The problem with some of that is it's not always curated and organized

00:08:54.080 and formatted in a way that allows you to actually do the work that you know, you want to do. And then

00:08:59.800 what you're left with is trying to sift through the information and then do it all on your own.

00:09:04.980 And there's millions and millions of men who have been working on doing life alone. And it's just not

00:09:11.000 working. It was never meant to work. As long as men have been on this planet, we have been banded 0.65

00:09:16.940 together in tribes and packs and groups and villages and communities because we're better typically when

00:09:22.920 we're, when we're together. I mean, I know there's challenges obviously that come with that, but if

00:09:27.360 we're all on the same page or at least have the same goals and vision and desires, then we can march

00:09:31.720 lockstep and get a lot more accomplished. So that's exactly what the iron council is. It's,

00:09:37.340 it's an elevated experience. We take the information, we curate it, we build monthly assignments and

00:09:43.060 topics. So you know exactly what you ought to be doing. Uh, we have programs and challenges that are

00:09:48.960 offered. And the biggest thing I think is that we have accountability. So now you have a guy shoulder

00:09:54.540 to shoulder with you who knows what your goals are specifically knows what you're doing exactly to

00:10:00.740 accomplish those goals and is going to check in and ensure that you're on the path. Uh, or if you're

00:10:06.600 tempted to stray, you know, maybe it's alcohol or substance abuse or viewing pornography or just making

00:10:12.880 bad choices in general, there's channels and topics inside of the iron council, uh, that allow you to

00:10:18.740 be accountable to guys, you know, guys every day posting in there about tactics and strategies

00:10:23.460 they've used to overcome pornography addiction or to, uh, avoid drinking today. Like they did,

00:10:29.120 you know, the last 365 days of the year. So it's very, very powerful. And to answer the question,

00:10:35.580 what's the biggest joy that I get? It's when I see somebody coming to the iron council who has these

00:10:40.780 challenges and then he'll send me a message, a message even unsolicited. Hey, Ryan, I joined,

00:10:46.680 you know, last year my marriage was struggling. I was 50 pounds overweight. I wasn't real happy

00:10:51.920 with my job, but my wife and I are doing much better. I've lost 20 pounds. I got a promotion at

00:10:58.320 work. I'm reconnecting with my kids. I just paid off that, the truck payment, you know, fill in the

00:11:04.900 blank with whatever it is. But the fact that guys are actually doing the work and achieving the results,

00:11:09.400 that just brings me a ton of joy. And people, a lot of times will put that on me. They'll say,

00:11:15.320 thank you for doing this. Thank you. And that's great. I'll accept that compliment because I do

00:11:19.640 know that we have done a lot of work to build up these processes and systems, but more importantly

00:11:25.200 than that, how many men have listened to the podcast or even joined the iron council and have

00:11:31.220 had no results in their life because they're not doing any work. Yeah. So if a guy comes to me and

00:11:36.580 says, thank you for doing this, I will say, you're welcome. I'm going to accept that compliment.

00:11:39.960 And then I'm going to put it back on them and say, thank you for actually doing the work to

00:11:44.820 improve your own life. So this is not a miracle pill. It's not something that just because you

00:11:52.100 sign up for our programs is going to change your life. But if you actually implement the processes

00:11:59.120 and the systems and the frameworks, you'll see big results. Yeah. I had the opportunity last week to

00:12:05.140 join battle team bruiser. They asked me to join their battle team call and dude, like they kicked

00:12:14.400 off their call reading their team ethos, which is not uncommon in the iron council. And I'm not joking,

00:12:21.500 man. Like by the time they got done reading that ethos, the hair on my arms was standing up. And I was

00:12:27.280 just like, where at in the world are men having this conversation and it's rare. Yeah. And, and to see these

00:12:39.160 10 guys like-minded focused on what not BS, how's the football game, not hypotheticals, literally spending a

00:12:50.800 night for an hour dedicated with the focus of, of becoming the best versions of themselves, not for

00:12:58.900 themselves, but for their families, for their kids, for their spouses, for their communities. And I was

00:13:05.700 just, man, it was just, I don't know. Like I had a moment there. I was like, yeah, this is, this is what

00:13:11.160 it's, this is what it's all about. And you kind of lose sight of it sometimes. Like you and I, we just

00:13:15.940 talk, I feel like we're talking like an echo chamber. I know people are listening to the echo

00:13:20.480 chamber, but sometimes, I don't know, I fail to realize how impactful the frameworks are, you know

00:13:28.580 what I mean? And the iron council. And then you get those messages or you get part of certain

00:13:32.600 conversations and you're like, yeah, this is so important. Yeah. Yeah. It is easy to get locked

00:13:38.560 into the business side of it or the movement side of it or the numbers and the metrics. And all of those

00:13:44.380 things are important. We have to look at those things to make sure the movement is growing. But

00:13:48.080 unless we stay connected to the men and both you and I are very, very active inside of the iron

00:13:53.140 council because we want to be like, I want to be involved in it. I learned just as much from those

00:13:59.160 guys as I hope they might learn from me. So it's very, very crucial that we stay involved. And you're

00:14:03.580 always so good at that. So it's been a powerful thing, man. All right. Cody James Holden,

00:14:10.420 how has the adversities of America strengthened your faith? And what book of the Bible are you

00:14:18.680 most enjoying currently? Well, the Bible one I can answer, I'm not real good at reading the Bible,

00:14:25.220 so I can't even really just give you a straight answer. Anything I told you would be a lie if I

00:14:29.740 said, I'm reading and studying this book of the Bible. You know, I've got it on my nightstand. I crack

00:14:34.620 it out occasionally. I think I've restarted the Bible about 1700 times at this point. So it's

00:14:41.200 something I can certainly work on. But I'm not going to lie to you and say, well, this book is

00:14:45.240 what I'm really focused on right now. I tend to be pretty intuitive just in life and also with my

00:14:52.820 faith. I've never really needed a lot to have faith in God and know that it's his hand in all

00:15:00.860 things. I know there's a lot of people who have to have that, who need that, and need to be deeply

00:15:06.880 connected that way. And I think that's great. And I should be more connected that way. I'm just not,

00:15:11.800 but I still have faith that this is the right thing. And we're all trying to do the right thing

00:15:16.840 right by him anyways. So how have recent adversities in America strengthened my faith? Well, I think this is

00:15:25.060 a great example, you know, with this hurricane. I think a lot of non-believers will typically say

00:15:32.640 things like, you know, if God was real, how could he let this happen? You know, horrible, horrible

00:15:38.260 circumstances and situations, some, you know, unavoidable natural disasters, for example, and

00:15:46.060 others. Well, even with natural disasters, there's breakdown in communication, there's breakdown in

00:15:51.180 government assistance, there's breakdown in logistics and supply chains, and all of that should be

00:15:59.080 addressed. So that is partly man-made too, and I want to be clear about that. Or how could a child be

00:16:06.020 molested? How could a good God allow that to happen? And the reality is this, my faith says,

00:16:13.720 my faith says, my dog's chewing on my, the wheels of my chair right now. My faith is, is that we have

00:16:23.680 free agency, and God has given us that gift. If we didn't have the agency to choose how we lived our

00:16:29.480 lives, there really wouldn't be much need for God. We would just all be good and decent and honorable,

00:16:34.260 and that's it. But we're not, and we're here to be tested, and we're here to learn and grow and

00:16:40.180 develop as divine beings. And that means that we need to be free to make choices, which sometimes

00:16:47.880 is horrible, because bad things happen, things that should be avoidable. And this goes to what

00:16:56.980 we're doing here with this mission with men, is teaching men how to be better, but also teaching

00:17:02.200 men how to protect other people and to serve other people. Even in, I mean, we're right in the middle of,

00:17:08.200 I think we're, what, 28 days out from election right now. And guys will say, well, I don't want

00:17:14.440 to get involved in politics. Well, you know, you can't be a good Christian and not be involved in

00:17:20.840 politics. I'd much rather have honorable, decent, good, hardworking Christians at the helm of our

00:17:30.040 political system than non-believers and people who don't believe like I do. And that's not to say

00:17:36.740 they can't do a good job, but I want more Christians involved because that's my faith.

00:17:41.600 And I think that's going to lead us in the right direction. So I think we really, really need to get

00:17:46.460 more involved. And then to the last point that I was going to make is, how has it strengthened my

00:17:51.340 faith? When I see guys like Ian stepping up to raise 6,000, and instead he raises 100,000.

00:17:59.120 When I see guys like Matt Boudreaux who are heading up disaster relief and aid, and not to mention the

00:18:06.180 work that he's doing with the young men and young women across this country with his schoolings and

00:18:09.860 Apogee, that gives me faith that we still will rise to the occasion. We still will step up. And we get

00:18:18.180 a little sedated at times and we get a little comfortable at times, but it's these hard moments

00:18:24.080 like we're dealing with now that really remind us that we as men have a duty and responsibility, a divine

00:18:31.360 duty and responsibility to step up, to lead, to serve.

00:18:36.920 Yeah, totally. You know, it's not related to like adversities in America, you know, and my faith, but

00:18:45.140 it goes to kind of something that you said earlier around agency and freedom and, you know, how critical

00:18:51.680 that is from a religious perspective. The one thing if that has been really present for me of late

00:18:57.940 around religion is principles are principles. In fact, I was talking with my son a couple months ago

00:19:04.000 and he loves stoicism. And I think I've shared this already where he's like, man, you know, dad, like

00:19:09.420 Jesus was like a stoic, right? And there's like a little dad tear, you know what I mean? Like he's

00:19:15.220 creating the correlation. But the point is, is, and I told, this is what I told him. Truth is gospel.

00:19:23.940 That's it. Any, any principle that is transcendent and true in my mind is gospel. And so we can't have

00:19:34.200 the conversations that we have in the iron council around the principles of being a great man and not

00:19:40.920 be talking about religion. They're one in the same for me now. And I get it. We have different labels

00:19:47.720 for things. And some people call that stoicism. They'll call that their religion. And, and that's

00:19:53.660 fine. But that's, what's great about it is we can have those conversations. And, and even last Friday,

00:19:59.460 for whatever reason, I was on one, um, on the last Friday afternoon call that we have in the iron

00:20:05.620 council and just all these correlations of religion were just flowing into my mind as we're talking.

00:20:13.880 And, and I know without a doubt, most of those guys are not most, but some of those guys on the

00:20:18.480 iron council, they're not religious, but I had messages from guys that weren't religious saying

00:20:23.920 that the correlation of what you said around religion was profound for me,

00:20:29.260 even though they're quote unquote, not a religious person. Why? Because they're principles of truth

00:20:36.840 and we need to find truth wherever it is and understand how it's transcended between work,

00:20:44.540 our families, leadership, the gospel, all those things, politics, it's all the same. And, and if

00:20:52.780 they're not the same, that means we're giving passes or excuses or playing small in these

00:20:59.180 other areas because we don't want to show up powerfully in those areas. And I, and I think

00:21:04.100 it needs to be transcendent regardless of how we interact. That's the problem. I mean, look at

00:21:08.780 politics today. We even, we have these built in passes. Oh, it's politics translation. It's okay to

00:21:15.540 lie, manipulate and course in, in what world is that? Okay. But because we've given a label of,

00:21:24.080 well, it's politics, then it's okay in that space. Um, that's, that's the wrong messaging.

00:21:29.560 That's the wrong messaging. Yeah. I think that's, you know, and there's one other thing I'd say on

00:21:35.220 that Kip too, is there's a level of maturity that comes with a person who maybe is a non-believer,

00:21:39.720 but still sees the value in what Christians believe or other religions as well. It boggles my mind.

00:21:46.520 And look, I understand. I'm trying to be as objective as possible. You know, there, there,

00:21:50.140 there's been a lot of horrific events that have transpired over the course of human history at

00:21:55.980 the hands of Christianity or Catholicism. I mean, that's right. Like I, you can't deny that. Um, 0.63

00:22:03.980 and, and I know plenty of Christians who are very judgmental and, and hurtful and nasty, quite frankly,

00:22:09.580 and you can't deny that that exists, but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about

00:22:14.380 the principles to your point and, and human beings are flawed and we misinterpret and we

00:22:20.600 allow our emotions to get in the way and our humanity to mess with our interpretation of what

00:22:25.940 is good and true and right. But if you just look at it objectively, I mean, look at the 10 commandments,

00:22:30.760 for example, how could you not agree with that? Like, yeah, kind of a given you would think,

00:22:38.960 but you, you put it under the guise of Christianity or other, some other faith-based label and people

00:22:44.720 are like, oh, you know, you, you Bible thumpers or, you know, you're, what do they call it? Your sky, 0.97

00:22:50.160 your sky God or your sky daddy is the thing I hear a lot. It's like, why, why would you mock

00:22:54.440 the thing that's trying to perpetuate good? Even though there are instances and plenty of them

00:23:00.500 that would, would speak otherwise, the principle is what we're looking at here. And, and I would say

00:23:05.300 the same is true for Christians when it comes to, um, stoicism, for example, how many times have you 0.99

00:23:11.100 heard people say you cannot be a good Christian and also follow the practices of stoicism? What are

00:23:17.300 you talking about? There is so much good in the concept and teachings of stoicism that I think

00:23:24.120 translate perfectly over into your, your gospel, but it takes a level of maturity to recognize that

00:23:31.640 and discern and make the connection like you're talking about.

00:23:36.220 Yeah. And it's powerful. And then it allows us to be less judgmental of others. Individuals

00:23:41.120 see truth in what they're doing and not contention. Right. And just increased critical thinking. It's,

00:23:47.360 it's so valuable. Yeah, for sure. All right. Christie, uh, dim and dent co Instagram names. I feel like

00:23:56.700 this question is asked a lot, but I never get answers that satisfies me. So no pressure here.

00:24:03.540 Okay. What are some standards that high value men have for women? I don't mean the obvious, like no,

00:24:12.000 no OF. Oh, no. Only fans. Yeah. Got it. Um, has a job is feminine, loyal, Christian, et cetera. 1.00

00:24:21.480 While those things may be rare, they should be a given. What are more specific standards? So what

00:24:27.800 are some standards that high value men have for women? It's interesting when you get a question

00:24:33.760 like this, that, you know, she asked the question and then she qualifies it by saying, well, people

00:24:39.000 have given me answers, but not one that I accept. Yeah. And then she gives five or six really good

00:24:45.380 answers. And she's like, but those don't count. So I'm not really sure what the answer is here.

00:24:52.900 No only fans. Absolutely. So let's break that one down. So high value man is not interested in not

00:24:58.720 just his woman being on only fans, but a loyal, uh, loyal woman who's going to stand by his side,

00:25:09.620 honor herself, honor the relationship. So I think what we ought to do is just break,

00:25:15.220 each one of these down a little bit more. So you understand the principle of it. It's not only

00:25:20.100 fans. Is this a, is this a person who's loyal, dedicated, committed? Will they protect the

00:25:26.380 relationship? Will they protect and stand by their, their spouse, other threats that a guy isn't aware

00:25:32.720 of or things that are happening that are shady? Is she sharing her body? Even if it's just digitally

00:25:38.160 with other men, no high value man is interested in that. Not in a million years. What was the second

00:25:44.040 one? Only fans. What was the next one? So how has a job feminine, loyal Christian? I'm not sure has a 0.99

00:25:51.860 job is really on there for a lot of high value guys. I think has a purpose or has direction. Um,

00:25:57.500 I would actually argue that a lot of high value men would probably be more interested in a woman who

00:26:04.080 maybe isn't always on that career path, who isn't that boss babe going on and trying to take on the 0.59

00:26:10.620 world. And I'm not saying it's bad. If it works for your dynamic, that's great. But I think there's

00:26:14.980 a lot of high value men who would love to see a woman be a full-time mother, a full-time wife, a

00:26:23.880 housemaker, heaven forbid I say that, you know, a homemaker. But, but I think as long as she has 0.99

00:26:29.320 direction and purpose in her life, because the red flag is. Because that's what that means in some

00:26:35.160 cases. Yes. The red flag is she has no purpose. She has no identity on her own. She's not focused 1.00

00:26:43.300 on anything meaningful. She spends money like it's nothing. She's looking for validation from

00:26:48.340 everywhere and anywhere else, which by the way, leads back to the only fans thing. She's looking

00:26:53.720 for validation. Yes. Money too, but also validation from a bunch of dudes who are objectifying her. 1.00

00:26:58.940 Like tell me how that is aligns with the so-called feminist movement. That's not freedom. You're 1.00

00:27:06.320 selling your body. Okay. What was the next one? Um, loyal or feminine, sorry. Feminine. I mean, 0.87

00:27:13.900 that's, that's actually one we need to break down further. And I would say that a lot of the problem

00:27:18.760 with what high value men are looking for is a feminine woman, not somebody that is going to be 1.00

00:27:25.500 subjected to the whims of the guy, but somebody who's going to be accepting of his role as a

00:27:31.600 leader. What happens is, especially when you have a bunch of women who are in the workforce or they've 0.84

00:27:38.780 been having to go at it alone, is they begin to take on both the feminine and masculine role. 0.91

00:27:44.040 And then when a masculine man comes into the picture, cause that's what the woman says she wants, 1.00

00:27:48.960 a masculine man comes into the picture and they're just butting heads. Like you said, right?

00:27:52.980 They are just constantly at each other because she won't let go of the masculinity. And I get it.

00:28:00.440 There's a lot of fear that comes with that. She's got trust issues and maybe even some of that

00:28:05.040 rightfully so, but unless a woman can learn to soften herself to a man, he is a masculine man is not 0.92

00:28:13.160 going to be interested in that. She will, that masculine woman will attract a more feminine man. 1.00

00:28:18.460 And before long, you're going to find out women that you now have another little boy to take care 1.00

00:28:24.680 of, not a man to partner with. So I think a high value man, and I'm speaking in generalities, but I

00:28:30.400 think a high value man is going to look for a woman who is soft and nurturing and supportive and loving

00:28:38.380 and respectful and humble and open to the leadership of a man. What's next?

00:28:47.280 Loyal. Loyal. I think we kind of talked about that, right? Like, is this person going to stand by me?

00:28:53.160 Yeah. And then Christian.

00:28:55.020 Christian. I mean, that's, that's maybe, maybe not, you know, but I think principled,

00:29:00.700 I think it would fall in line with being a principled person. You know, does this person have values?

00:29:05.520 Do they have principles? Um, are they willing to sacrifice for something? What is their compass?

00:29:11.220 Like what's leading them? What's guiding them? What, what helps them make decisions? What do they

00:29:16.400 use as litmus tests to measure the things that, that are, uh, that, that they're the decisions

00:29:22.360 that they're making? Um, would you add any other things onto that kit? Well, what I would ask is,

00:29:27.800 you know, cause I just think this would be valuable is, you know, she kind of points these out as

00:29:33.420 obvious standards. What additional things would you add on top of that? Right? So being feminine, 1.00

00:29:39.960 loyal, Christian, you know, we'll skip how the job per se only fans, what other things would you add

00:29:47.300 purpose? Yeah. Do you have thoughts? Yeah. I mean, I think, I think the important part here is whenever

00:29:56.140 we talk about generalizations, right? Like immediately I, and I, and look at us like skirting

00:30:02.140 around the topic, right? Because my fear is what, oh, there's, it's, it's going to be misunderstood.

00:30:07.700 And, and we have to be really careful here. It's like, oh, a man wants a woman that like will allow 1.00

00:30:12.840 him to lead. Assuming what? That he's a good leader and he deserves it. Right. Fair enough. No different,

00:30:18.580 no different than you would expect a man that is going to be loving and caring. Why? Because

00:30:23.860 it's deserving, right? And he actually genuinely cares. And so there's, there's generalizations that

00:30:29.940 we're talking about here, but we're talking about a high value man and what is typically important to

00:30:35.800 a masculine high value man. And, and I can't overstate the, the conversation of the ying and

00:30:45.280 yang, the benefit of opposites of masculine and feminine. And, and we need to celebrate these 0.94

00:30:52.660 differences. We need to stop saying that they, we should be exactly the same. This was one of the

00:30:57.960 biggest breakthroughs that I had in my marriage is realizing that my parenting and my wife's

00:31:04.460 parenting was not the same and it was okay. And not only okay, it was ideal and it was beautiful

00:31:12.720 and it was perfect. And we need to celebrate the differences between the masculine and the

00:31:17.240 feminine. It's, it's an, an amazing thing. And ironically enough, and we know this is as men

00:31:22.880 are more, how, how should I say this, stepping into their masculine in a, in a worthy way,

00:31:30.120 it promotes a woman to be more feminine. And I think it goes both ways as a woman steps more 0.94

00:31:37.560 into her worthy way of being feminine. It invites men to be more masculine in an honorable way as well. 0.99

00:31:45.380 Yeah. Yeah. I think you brought up a good point too, about, you know, this is assuming we as men are

00:31:50.600 doing our work. And there's some other questions that will allude to that. That's a, that is a

00:31:54.480 given. I want to make sure I throw that disclaimer out there because people are going to listen to

00:31:57.320 this and be like, well, what if he's an asshole? Well, we've been doing this work for 10 years 0.99

00:32:01.720 and the other 1,502 episodes that we've done talked to men about not being that kind of person

00:32:09.360 and being the kind of person that would attract a woman like we're talking about. So if you're

00:32:13.100 thinking like, well, they don't talk about guys, that's all we do. So go back and listen to the

00:32:17.620 other podcast. Trust me, we're beating them up enough. Yeah. Right. For sure. I added a couple

00:32:22.380 of things here, um, that I think would be in addition to number one is respectful of a man's

00:32:26.780 contributions. Uh, so for example, if the man is a primary breadwinner, I'm not interested in a woman 1.00

00:32:33.040 who's just going to go out and be reckless with my financial contributions to the relationship.

00:32:38.200 That would infuriate me because she's not respecting the hard work that I put forth. That's not to say,

00:32:43.940 say she can't go spend money, but if she's going to be reckless with it, I would have an issue with 1.00

00:32:49.420 that. Um, another one, when it comes to respect, allow me to help, just allow me to help, allow me

00:32:57.440 to carry the bags, allow me to pay for dinner, allow me to do work around the house, allow me

00:33:04.320 to discipline the kids the way that I feel they need to be disciplined back off a lot. Like,

00:33:12.280 and that's what I meant by soften, soften up a little bit. If he wants to help take the bag

00:33:19.000 somewhere, let him take the bags. If he wants to pay for dinner, let him pay for dinner. If he wants

00:33:22.820 to do the things around the house and build something, let him build something. It's, it's

00:33:27.200 okay. And you, we even see this down to little small things like doing the dishes or something

00:33:32.700 around that doing laundry. You know, a woman will ask a lot of cases. I wish my husband would do 1.00

00:33:37.640 stuff around the house and then he loads the dishes, but he gets too fewer plates in there

00:33:41.080 than you could as a woman. And you're like, I'll just do it back off. It's okay. Or he didn't

00:33:47.400 separate the laundry the way you wish he would have set. It's, it's okay. It's fine. You got to

00:33:51.660 do another load. That's fine. You don't have to do five loads because he did the first four,

00:33:54.900 but be respectful of the way that he wants to contribute. Um, somebody who communicates well,

00:34:02.800 I don't think a high value man is going to tolerate somebody who just doesn't communicate,

00:34:07.420 that he has to guess a lot of the time about what's going on or what the problems are.

00:34:12.740 High value guys wouldn't be interested in that. And the last one I wrote on here is that she is 0.99

00:34:17.600 willing to express her love the way that he likes to be loved. And that goes both ways. I know a lot

00:34:26.280 of this goes without saying, I think, but if a woman can show up and, and I'm going to talk more about

00:34:32.020 this one because we have another question that hits on this, but if a woman can show him love,

00:34:36.240 not the way she wants to receive it, but the way that he likes to receive it, she will be invaluable

00:34:42.480 to him. Totally. Man, we could, we could go, we could do a whole episode on this and like percentages

00:34:50.640 of divorces and all kinds of things that really like start coming into play here. Yeah. Um, yeah,

00:34:57.060 really, really good question. Thanks. Thanks Christie. All right. Um, Alicia McCree. Thanks

00:35:04.760 for doing this. I have a five-year-old son with very physical, with very physical energy. I love

00:35:11.220 that. He is go, go, go all the time. He loves all things, karate, ninjas, fighting, even a little too

00:35:18.580 much. We'll, we'll, we'll argue on the, maybe a little too much here in a second. He is quick to fly

00:35:25.860 off the handle and turn to fighting. How can I help him learn to control his rage? I think knowing

00:35:32.440 how to fight is great, but using it isn't the answer in every minor disagreement. Have you dealt

00:35:38.480 with this with your boys? What would your suggestions be for teaching him when is appropriate versus when

00:35:45.880 it isn't? Yeah. Yeah. I've got a lot. I know you do too. I'm like, this is a good question. I like

00:35:50.980 this question. Great question. I'm assuming that she is a single mother. Would that be a fair assumption?

00:35:55.560 Do you think? We don't know. I mean, yeah, but like just because of the way she's asking

00:36:04.080 it. Yes. That's what it makes me feel. Increase of percentage is pretty high. I could be, I

00:36:08.200 could be wrong. And if I am, we can address it both ways, but here's what I'd say. Number

00:36:11.640 one, is there a boy, a five-year-old boy who isn't full of piss and vinegar and wants

00:36:15.280 to fight and have all this energy? If he didn't, I would be worried more about that than, than

00:36:20.180 the other. Totally. So that's the first. So awesome. So first celebrate, celebrate what

00:36:25.620 you got. This is great. So a couple of things he's into karate and ninjas and all things fighting,

00:36:31.280 but the way that she framed this question makes me think that he's probably not in some form

00:36:38.920 of organized martial arts. Would you agree with that? Absolutely. And what I would say,

00:36:45.180 he wants this, but hasn't figured out how to control it. And so this is Christie or Chrissy?

00:36:51.080 Oh, sorry. Uh, Alicia. Oh, sorry. Maybe I was thinking the last one. We moved on from Chrissy.

00:36:56.560 Okay. So Alicia, here's what I would say is you're thinking that he wants to fight. So you need to get

00:37:03.480 him away from that. And when I heard you say that, I thought you need to push him into that.

00:37:10.480 He, if he likes to fight, then you need to push him into it, which means that he can start doing

00:37:16.240 some wrestling. He can start doing some jujitsu or some karate, you know, something like that,

00:37:21.300 where he can actually get engaged physically. The reason it's important for him to be in that,

00:37:27.280 especially if he has the propensity to fight is as a, as a person who trains martial arts,

00:37:34.180 you will begin to realize there's consequences for your behavior. And there's always somebody bigger,

00:37:42.220 better, and badder than you. And that will temper a man. Like when I, the first time I went to jujitsu,

00:37:49.940 the, my instructor, uh, he said, here, I want you to roll with this guy. I'm like, okay, what does that

00:37:55.200 mean? And he's like, just, just try not to get submitted. I'm like, what does that mean? And he's

00:38:00.560 like, just don't like let them hurt you. I'm like, okay. It was this guy. He's like 135 pounds soaking

00:38:06.060 wet. And so I'm like, well, where, how do I go? How do I sit? So this guy started, I started in his

00:38:11.900 guard and, and he's like, you slap, slap hands, fist bump, and then you're going. I'm like, all right,

00:38:19.940 easy. I'm going to dominate this guy. Within 15 seconds, he had his little twig limbs wrapped around

00:38:24.900 my arm and my neck and he was choking me out. That was a very humbling moment to realize I'm not

00:38:31.560 as big and bad as I thought I was. Cause this guy just absolutely destroyed me in 15 seconds.

00:38:39.100 And so he'll, so your son will learn that if you put him in organized sports so that he can see,

00:38:46.240 here's how I use it. Here's when I ease up. Here's when I go hard. Here's when I pull back.

00:38:51.600 Here's humility, not to mention having another man. And this is very, very important. This is my

00:38:57.340 second point. He needs to be around men. If his dad's in the picture, great. If he's not, then get

00:39:03.980 him involved in like a boys organization, or maybe there's other family members that have boys and you

00:39:11.600 can invite the boys over and do an afternoon with just boys. Like you need to have other boys and also

00:39:17.240 men around get coaches and good people in his life, uncles, grandfathers, brothers into his life.

00:39:23.880 So he can learn from other men and not to mention those other men will temper him very, very quickly

00:39:29.980 because they will not tolerate him doing that. Another thing. And Dr. Warren Farrell talks about

00:39:35.780 this. I have a conversation with Warren Farrell tomorrow. Actually, he talks a lot about the

00:39:40.240 importance of rough house. Cause when I rough house with my eight year old, every once in a while,

00:39:45.500 he'll try to punch me in the nuts, but there's a consequence to punching me in the nuts.

00:39:51.140 And that means first I'm going to go hard on him and it's not going to feel good for him. And then 0.95

00:39:55.400 I'm going to stop playing with him. And he doesn't want that. So then he learns, oh, there's rules.

00:40:02.300 There's unwritten rules that I need to be aware of so that I can continue this rough and tumble play,

00:40:08.640 but get him around other guys, get him, go find a jujitsu class and let him fight.

00:40:13.220 It will make him better. I promise you, it'll start to temper him.

00:40:17.200 A lot of what you're saying is at the root of, of this quote by crystal Estrada.

00:40:23.100 Children can only learn to regulate the emotions that they are allowed to have.

00:40:30.380 They can only learn to regulate the emotions that they're allowed to have. So allow him to have them

00:40:36.440 and deal with them and figure it out and experience it and all those wonderful things.

00:40:44.420 And, and one of the things that Dr. Warren Farrell talks about too, is like even conflict with kids

00:40:51.240 on the playground, like when they're fighting and arguing, you let them because there, there's a big

00:40:58.340 difference. And it kind of goes back to the principle that we talked about earlier is the

00:41:02.220 principle of agency and freedom. One of the foundational benefits of it is learning. The

00:41:09.420 learning experience is drastically different when I'm left onto myself to deal with it. But when mom

00:41:17.180 or dad swoops in and, and deals with the conflict between all the kids, they don't learn. They just

00:41:24.200 behave. And then you avoided the conflict. So there's no conflict, but they never learned to deal

00:41:30.200 with it. Let him deal with it. Let them deal with it. That is where the growth actually occurs is in

00:41:38.500 the yucky, messy, you know, children trying to figure it out, not in our knowledge and then telling

00:41:45.600 them what to do. They don't go, Oh, mom told me what to do. So now I've, I've learned. No, no. They,

00:41:51.060 they, you just told them what to do. You rescued them and they're just acting on your command.

00:41:57.300 They didn't figure it out for themselves. Yeah. You know, Kip, as you were saying that I wrote

00:42:02.440 something down because I've, I've coached a lot of young boys in my community from basketball to

00:42:07.920 baseball and football and everywhere in between. And a phenomenon that I see that's always funny to

00:42:13.440 me, even if I'm, whether I'm coaching or even in the stands is watching the boys mothers. And I can

00:42:20.500 see how visibly uncomfortable they are by watching a grown man get in their son's face or get after

00:42:27.840 them or discipline them for making a bad decision. I've seen women moms almost come out of the 1.00

00:42:33.840 bleachers and confront coaches on the sideline. Yeah. You, you sit down ladies, sit down. I know it's 0.99

00:42:45.300 not comfortable. I know you don't like it. I know that's your baby boy or maybe your last child

00:42:50.340 sit down and just be quiet about it. Unless your, your son is in some sort of immediate danger.

00:43:00.260 It's going to be fine. And you might say, well, he's being a dick. Probably maybe the coach is a 0.99

00:43:05.020 little bit. And so he's going to have to learn to deal with confrontational people. Or I watched

00:43:11.720 one of the kids on my, my son's football team. He, uh, he got upset after a play or a bad call and he

00:43:19.200 came to the sideline and he took his helmet off. He threw it on the ground and the coach got in his

00:43:22.640 face and the kid checked him like shoulder, check the coach and the coach grabbed him and dragged him

00:43:29.280 over the bench, sat him on the bench. And he says, you sit there the rest of the game, which was the

00:43:33.980 right call. You don't get to do that to a coach. Even if you don't like the coach again, unless you're in

00:43:40.040 physical harm. Yeah. But it's really difficult for women. And I would say, especially single women, 1.00

00:43:46.660 single mothers to watch their baby boy get verbally assaulted, if you will, by a grown man. But that 0.99

00:43:56.340 might be the very thing that he needs. Let the men do the work of men. Yeah. And we know this as being

00:44:04.340 young boys and being adults now, I mean, I, I know those coaches. I remember those coaches and, and

00:44:12.560 I, I've had moments where in hindsight, when I was younger, I was like, I hated them. They're horrible

00:44:18.720 people or whatever. And then as I got older, I go, they were profound and they were highly valuable to

00:44:25.540 me in my life. And now I realize, you know, the benefit that they brought to the table because I'm more

00:44:30.920 mature about it. But I remember when I went to basic training in 1999 and it was me and two of

00:44:36.600 my buddies from high school and we played sports all the way through high school together. And

00:44:40.560 man, we, we were really good friends and we got to basic training and I watched 18 year old men

00:44:46.640 because now we're men, 18 year old young men crumble, absolutely crumble at the slightest sign

00:44:55.460 of adversity from a drill, drill sergeant yelling at them or doing something they didn't like,

00:44:59.560 or them being a little banged up or tired, just completely fall apart. And then I watched me

00:45:06.080 and my buddies and the men who, the other men there who didn't fall apart. Those were the guys

00:45:10.240 who were in sports. Those are the guys who were in competitive environments. Those were the guys who

00:45:14.260 had good engaged fathers in their home who knew what it was like for a man to confront them and get in

00:45:19.940 their face to push through hardship and heartache and physical ailments and injuries and just make it

00:45:27.180 happen. It's the, the, the difference was palpable. I mean, you could feel the difference,

00:45:34.540 even just in the way the difference between the way those two groups of men walked, you could see it.

00:45:40.760 That's crazy. Kristen Conley, my husband is going through an incredibly strenuous time in his business

00:45:47.240 right now. I know that I know him best and I try to think of ways to support him, but do you have

00:45:53.860 any special insights as to how a wife can be supportive through times like this? What is

00:45:59.100 going through his head and maybe some big don'ts you see women doing in similar situations so I can

00:46:05.280 avoid them? Yeah. I, this is, this is the question I was most excited to answer. And this is a very

00:46:12.040 good question. And I, I spent some time over the past day or two thinking about the answer to this

00:46:16.500 question. And here's what I came up with. Women speak the language of connection and men speak

00:46:25.160 the language of respect. So when a woman is having a hard time, what she needs is to feel nurtured,

00:46:34.320 supported. She needs empathy. She needs somebody to listen. She might need a physical shoulder to cry on.

00:46:41.280 She needs to feel supported because she's speaking the language of being connected to other souls.

00:46:46.500 that are going to help her get through this. That is not what a man needs. A man needs to be

00:46:53.360 respected and appreciated. That's it. If a woman can respect her man, he will do anything. Literally

00:47:03.700 lay down his life. He will do anything. It's absolutely true. I don't know if women really like, 1.00

00:47:12.660 I think they might hear what you just said and they think it's like this, uh, I don't know. Like,

00:47:17.680 it's like this great saying, but it's really not true. It's actually legit. Like we all know it.

00:47:24.600 Like when you're believed in and you're respected, a guy will go through anything. It's, it's fascinating.

00:47:33.460 It's really interesting. So let me give, let me give her a couple of examples. 0.81

00:47:39.280 When your husband walks in the door, you put all of your other stuff down and you meet him at the door

00:47:45.900 and you give him a hug, give him a kiss. And you tell him how grateful that you are,

00:47:52.160 that he went out today and he provided for the family. That's it. Hey, you know what? I love you.

00:48:00.100 I'm glad you're home. Thank you for going to work for us today. Tell me about your day.

00:48:05.500 And then when you're saying a prayer, maybe at the dinner table, you pray over him. God,

00:48:11.060 we are grateful that we have our husband and the kid's father in our lives. We're grateful

00:48:16.580 that he goes out and does work. We're grateful he comes home. We know he's struggling right now

00:48:21.800 and he's going through hardship and we're here to support him. But we also are grateful

00:48:26.100 for the contributions to our house. If he has a meal, like a meal he really likes,

00:48:32.380 make him the meatloaf that he really likes or those burgers or lasagna or like make that for him.

00:48:39.340 You don't even need to say anything. If you know he likes something, do that. And that's at the root

00:48:44.480 of like the go make me a sandwich thing. I know it's a meme and I know it has a level of disrespect,

00:48:48.680 but also what do you do for the people that you respect? You serve them. Yeah. And both that's

00:48:56.720 what, and that's why men find purpose and meaning in providing. Yeah. It's their form of providing

00:49:03.500 service. And if it's not seen as that, then, then, then they're not going to feel respected.

00:49:10.260 A couple of other tactics that you could use. Um, and I don't like the word tactic really now that I

00:49:15.540 say that it sounds like more of like a manipulation and it's not, it's not what I mean at all. Um,

00:49:19.720 it's just something you can do is when your husband says something about the way that maybe

00:49:26.980 disciplining the kids or something about the house or whatever, try to make reasonable accommodations

00:49:32.240 to that and allow him to lead in that way. I'm not saying that he has to be the tyrant of the house

00:49:37.180 and your opinion doesn't matter, but if they're irrelevant things that really aren't that important to you,

00:49:42.500 go ahead and let that go, go ahead and say, you know what, hon, that's a good idea.

00:49:48.740 I'm glad you said that. And, and let him have that one. Cause there's other things where you

00:49:53.640 might not want to let him have, and that's okay. It's a partnership. You choose your battles. Yeah,

00:49:57.300 exactly. We don't need to fight and bicker over everything because every time you say something

00:50:02.100 that goes as at direct odds with what we, we are thinking, it feels like disrespect, even though it's

00:50:10.540 not, it could feel like that. So if there's opportunities for you to be respectful towards

00:50:15.200 what he wants, then I think that's a good move. Uh, when it comes to parenting, if he's, you know,

00:50:23.780 making those decisions or he has something that it's at odds with what you might think,

00:50:27.960 maybe relinquish a little bit out of control to him because that's a level of respect. I know he's

00:50:32.980 going to lead us in a good place, but again, it's not really, he doesn't need as much connection

00:50:38.540 as you might. So I, I would really focus on how you're going to show your level of respect

00:50:44.580 that he, for, for him, for what he does for you in the household. Yeah. I can't help, but think of

00:50:51.120 the principle. And I think this is true from a leadership perspective, but if you want to influence,

00:50:56.860 you need to be influenced. If you want to influence others, you have to be influenced

00:51:03.560 and leaders go first. Right. And so, and this is, this is not even a gender thing. This is just a 0.86

00:51:11.060 thing, right? The more I allow Ryan to influence me and I, and I accept your advice. Naturally,

00:51:19.220 when I do that, you'll, as a human will go, well, what do you think Kip? You know, and then you'll be

00:51:25.980 more open to getting influenced by, uh, from me naturally that it is just a thing. So I know.

00:51:34.080 Okay. Last question. I wrote it. I wrote a couple other things here, Kip. I, a couple of,

00:51:37.420 absolutely again, little, little strategies and they're going to sound, they almost sound a little

00:51:40.840 sexist. So please take them for the way they're intended, but here we go. Wear the outfit that he

00:51:47.100 likes. That's, that's easy. You got to put clothes on. So put on the dress that he really likes

00:51:54.240 or the pair of jeans that he always compliments you on. And by the way, when he does compliment

00:51:58.680 you, don't say, Oh no, just say, thank you. I wore this for you because I know how much you like

00:52:05.000 this dress. That's the softness I'm talking about. Um, or, or the date night, you know,

00:52:10.860 instead of the date night that you would want to do, maybe it's a date night that he would be

00:52:15.640 interested in. So these are all just little things you're going to do anyways to try to make,

00:52:21.080 you know, you could say, Oh, like vacuum the house, clean the house, like, or he doesn't

00:52:26.100 need any of that. He just needs that level of respect. I like it. Anything else? No,

00:52:33.640 I think that's it for now. Okay. All right. Last question. Robin Turner. Why do you think

00:52:39.040 some men feel threatened by women when they can do something he can't or solve a problem?

00:52:44.960 He is unable to solve. Um, well, let's see. Why do men feel threatened? I mean, obviously that just

00:52:54.020 comes down to a lack, lack of confidence. There's a level of insecurity there. Um, I would also

00:53:01.460 question on this is, are you sure you're, you can do it better than him? Like, is that is

00:53:06.460 objectively, is that true? Cause it might not, there might be some clashing and butting of heads.

00:53:11.680 And that's, again, that's where the softness comes in. If you want to act like a man and compete with

00:53:15.900 him, he's going to treat you like a man and compete with you. And he's going to compete with

00:53:18.860 you. Yeah. That's what he's going to do. If you can soften up a little bit and allow him to do what

00:53:27.000 he wants to do, I think you're going to create a lot, a lot better of an environment. But to your

00:53:31.820 point, all things, you know, being said, yeah, it's just, it's just a level of insecurity or also it

00:53:38.260 could go back to our previous question about disrespect. When a man feels disrespected,

00:53:43.720 it's like backing up, uh, a wild animal into a corner. That animal is going to fight.

00:53:51.300 And when you start disrespecting him, he's going to feel like he wants to fight.

00:53:56.760 And so if you're belittling him or demeaning him or saying, Hey, I, you can't even do this as good

00:54:00.960 as me. And especially if you do it in front of other people, that's a big thing. And this goes for

00:54:07.960 men and women, guys and girls. Yeah. Do not mock your partner in public. In front of people.

00:54:16.600 Do not. Don't poke fun at them. Don't joke about it. I mean, maybe there's some lighthearted things

00:54:22.820 that are acceptable, but be very, very careful, careful on mocking or belittling or ridiculing

00:54:29.380 or sharing something that wasn't meant to be shared because that will undermine a relationship

00:54:35.700 so fast. But I think it's just a level of, um, insecurity. And if you have a man in your life

00:54:44.960 who maybe feels like this a little bit and, and you're a woman who doesn't want him to feel that

00:54:49.840 way, then I would suggest maybe there's an opportunity for you to lift him up through the

00:54:54.540 respect you have towards him in acknowledging and appreciating what he does do really well.

00:54:59.440 that'll boost his confidence, limit insecurity, and allow him to see that maybe there are some

00:55:06.160 other ways that you might be able to contribute. Well, and Robin, like, you know, in this,

00:55:12.100 in this atmosphere and on this podcast, we talk often about men becoming men, grown men

00:55:21.200 working through, are they a man or being neglected as young boys or not being raised in a household where

00:55:30.260 they had a father. And guess what? Some of them are incompetent in areas that they feel they shouldn't

00:55:36.560 be. So like, yes, it's an insecurity thing, but also it might be straight up a skill thing that there's,

00:55:46.020 there are areas where they feel like they get meaning purpose and value and they're not,

00:55:53.520 they're not there. And they're, they need to sure up some things and they need to develop and,

00:56:00.260 and be more masculine and do a better job as a man. And, and due to the way they were raised,

00:56:06.580 they're not there. And so not only this is like, you know, maybe an insecurity, but like,

00:56:12.800 it might be a legit insecurity where, yeah, this is an area that really is touchy. And,

00:56:18.420 and I think this is indifferent to sexes, but just be mindful of that. And it, and it goes back to the,

00:56:23.940 the public shaming or the joking around things that are important to your spouse, right? You don't

00:56:29.980 joke around about certain things in front of other individuals, even if you think it's true,

00:56:36.040 because it's disrespectful. And, and this is, this is just understanding your partner.

00:56:43.160 Well, and there's a lot of this is just psychology and, and I'm trying to be careful because I don't

00:56:49.140 want to make it sound like men are so sensitive. They can't handle you, you know, poking at them 0.95

00:56:53.340 occasionally or correcting them. I mean, we're all capable of that. I'm just saying as, as a woman,

00:56:58.940 I would just be aware of it. So it doesn't get, get too far. Um, you know, I, I would, I, and when

00:57:05.980 it comes to psychology, just the principle of lifting people up for their efforts is, goes a

00:57:10.780 huge way. Even if the result isn't perfection, you know, I go again, back to the dishes. If you

00:57:16.940 bother him about the way he puts away the dishes, he's never going to do the dishes again.

00:57:22.880 So don't do that. Just say, Hey, thanks for, thanks for putting away the dishes and then put the

00:57:26.740 other two in for the next meal or whatever. Um, or, or things that he does. Like, let's

00:57:34.240 say he's training jujitsu. If you tease him about that, I mean, a little poking and like

00:57:38.500 that, I'm not saying that I'm saying, if you take it too far and you always say, Oh yeah,

00:57:42.480 I forgot Tuesday night, you get to go do your thing. Your silly little fight club. Like you're 0.98

00:57:48.220 just being disrespectful. He's trying to go make himself better. The, I hear this a lot

00:57:53.360 when it comes to iron council. Oh, your little man group. He's, he's investing in himself so that

00:58:00.860 he can lead the family better. Why would you mock that? But we do it on both sides of the table.

00:58:07.880 You just got to be really careful. Cause I've done it. You know, I've said and done things that

00:58:12.840 were meant to be a joke, but we're taken too far or taken out of context or, um, you know,

00:58:18.460 I said it in a bad way and it didn't land. Just be really careful on that stuff. Yeah. You know,

00:58:24.400 this has been fun. I'm not sure if you paid attention to the live stream chat, right? Like,

00:58:28.900 Oh, I haven't. No, a couple of people, no, a couple of people are like, Hey, listening from,

00:58:33.040 what do you got? Like Germany, um, McFadden from Johannesburg, South Africa. Nice. Sweet. Yeah.

00:58:41.420 Yeah. That's awesome. Kind of fun actually. So, uh, are there any, there is another question,

00:58:45.760 Kip? I think we skipped. It was a, it was a good question. It was on Instagram. It was about hookup

00:58:50.760 culture. I must have not copied that question or overlooked it or maybe I felt uncomfortable

00:58:57.720 answering it. So let me pull it up here. Cause it's a good, it was a good question and we need

00:59:02.020 to address it. So I'm going to pull it up here. Okay. Stand by up really quick. Um, let me find it.

00:59:09.380 Oh, it's from Ms. Sarah Beth. I don't see it on your, on your Instagram. Okay. I'll, I'll read it.

00:59:21.260 It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a good question. So again, Ms. Sarah Beth, it says hookup culture

00:59:26.280 has led men being so cynical towards relationships. They have become lone wolves and have no interest

00:59:32.800 in building investing in relationships. How do we change this dynamic? So when I read this, I think,

00:59:42.000 I think she has the diagnosis wrong. I think hookup culture is in some part, not totally, but in some

00:59:50.680 part, a symptom of the actual problem. And to me, the actual problem is probably more closely aligned

01:00:01.200 with the growth of the feminist movement over the years and how much worse it's gotten in relatively 1.00

01:00:08.000 recent times with extreme feminism. It's no longer about equality and equal rights for women. It's 0.85

01:00:17.060 become an active movement against men. And so there's a, a huge population of, of our society

01:00:25.660 that mocks men, that ridicules men, that puts men down, that demeans them, demoralizes them,

01:00:32.960 talks about how toxic they are, talks about the bear versus the man in the woods, which one would you

01:00:37.440 rather come across? And so it's this active movement against men. And in addition to that,

01:00:42.360 you start coupling that with the idea that quote unquote, we don't need no man. And before long,

01:00:48.160 it's not hard to acknowledge why men aren't interested in being in a relationship with a woman who has that

01:00:54.280 thought process. Hey, you said you don't need me. And even if we're art, we are together. You had

01:00:59.420 absolutely nothing to my life. In fact, if anything, you take away, you detract from my life. You don't

01:01:05.060 respect me. You don't support me. You don't uplift me. You don't allow me to lead because you're so busy

01:01:10.720 doing it. And every turn you want to mock and ridicule what I bring to the table. Why would a man get

01:01:17.160 into a relationship like that? Totally. What's more thoughts? I know you're, you're chomping at the bit here.

01:01:21.840 Well, grab that same line of thinking and then have that woman raise a young boy. 1.00

01:01:29.100 You're right. Oh my gosh. Right. You're, you're not value. You, you're, your gender is, 1.00

01:01:35.660 is by default a problem. Right. Versus embracing his masculinity and empowering him to show up.

01:01:45.120 You're, you're, you're literally creating nice guys in, in that example. So, so, so damaging for

01:01:52.500 young boys. Well, and it's also interesting because the same women who perpetuate these ideas, 1.00

01:01:58.700 they'll also be the first ones to say, where have all the real men gone? Yeah. Well, why would they

01:02:04.020 show up for you? So now where does hookup culture fall into place? Well, we're, we're still physical

01:02:11.280 creatures. We still want to get laid and have sex. So if I can have all the benefit without all the 0.99

01:02:17.820 headache, you can better believe I'm going to be pretty interested in that. And then of course,

01:02:23.240 that's connected with our overlap, over sexualized society and, um, how we're putting men and women

01:02:29.780 against each other. And there's a whole other host of reasons why. Yeah. So here's what I would say.

01:02:35.600 I'd, I have a message for both men and women, but here's what I'd say to women first is stop doing 1.00

01:02:41.000 that. Stop treating men as the enemy. Stop belittling them or putting them down or not

01:02:48.580 allowing them to contribute in a manly way. You, you have to stop doing that. You have a large part

01:02:54.160 to play in the ability to raise men into righteous, capable, bold, assertive men, the kind of men you say

01:03:00.720 you want. And it's the same thing with your sons on the point you were mentioning earlier.

01:03:04.600 You have to get other men in their lives. You can't do it alone. That is not an indictment on

01:03:10.320 you as a human being, but it is an indictment on your ability to turn a boy into a man. You

01:03:15.140 cannot do it the same way. I can't turn a girl into a woman. I don't know what it's like to be a 1.00

01:03:20.380 woman. I don't know what it's like to go through all those hormonal changes and body image issues and

01:03:26.700 dealing with bullies on social media. Like young girls are, I don't, I haven't been there and you haven't

01:03:32.660 been a man. So get them around other men and get them involved. I also have a message for the men

01:03:40.240 here. And this was brought to my attention by Ian Smith. I follow him on Instagram and he's a gym

01:03:47.000 owner in New Jersey and actively fought hard against the mandates during COVID. And we've become friends

01:03:52.400 over the years. And he made an interesting post the other day. It was, it was very good. He's,

01:03:57.280 and I'm paraphrasing, but he said that there, there's a problem with men who alienate women

01:04:05.640 and make them the enemy. And the reason that men can't get ahead is because women are doing this 1.00

01:04:10.640 and women are doing that. And women are bad and women, blah, blah, blah. That's the red pill 1.00

01:04:14.080 Meg town movement. He said, that's not really. Yes. And he said that, see the problem with that

01:04:20.820 is that same group of men will call themselves leaders. Well, if you're a leader, then you're

01:04:25.860 required to lead. If you're a leader, you can't blame another group, an entire group, half the

01:04:31.460 population on the planet for your own woes. Either that means you're not a leader or you're not leading

01:04:36.540 well. So my message for the men on top of what Ian shared about this is men, we need to lead well

01:04:44.800 and we need to show women and children what a good man looks like, how a good man shows up,

01:04:53.060 what it means to be righteous, what it means to be humble, what it means to make amends for our

01:04:58.920 mistakes, what it means to lead boldly and proudly and stand in the front. And the quote that I like,

01:05:06.580 and I can't remember who says it is deal with the blows of fate with equanimity. Equanimity means

01:05:13.400 calmness and coolness and courage under fire. When we decide that we're going to step up that way,

01:05:20.460 a lot more women, because we're leaders, a lot more women will say, oh, that's what a good man 0.69

01:05:25.360 looks like. I've never seen one before. My dad was abusive. My husband was a loser.

01:05:34.860 You know, my, the other people in my life are weak and timid and cowardly and these quote unquote 1.00

01:05:40.460 nice guys. I've never seen a real man before. At first it might be intimidating to a woman who's 0.85

01:05:45.380 never seen it. A guy who wants to lead, who's assertive, who wants to take charge,

01:05:50.100 who's proud of who he is. And she might be like, oh, this is a lot. Sit with it for a minute.

01:05:54.920 Cause I think if you see a real man behave that way, it might allow you to take a step back into a good,

01:06:01.280 beautiful, lovely role of a woman and allow him to step into that bold, assertive,

01:06:07.360 commanding presence of a man. But we're not enemies. And we both have a part to play in this.

01:06:13.480 Absolutely. Awesome, man. Well, that was fun. Yeah. Uh, to connect with Mr. Mickler on the

01:06:22.620 socials, acts on Instagram, that's at Ryan Mickler. And of course you can join us in our

01:06:28.220 Facebook group, facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And the only other thing I would,

01:06:34.020 yeah. The only other thing I would say is look as men, it's our job to, to lead. It's our job to

01:06:40.060 serve. It's our job to help where we can. And you may not be able to make it down to Florida or

01:06:46.240 Georgia or North Carolina because of some traveling restrictions or scheduling conflicts, whatever.

01:06:52.440 But I guarantee you've got $20 in your wallet or 50 or a hundred or a thousand or 10,000. I know you do.

01:07:00.400 I know you do. Don't go out to eat this week and take that 20, 40, 50, 80, a hundred dollars

01:07:06.320 and go to, uh, official Patriot gear.com slash help and donate it there. Those people are

01:07:14.440 struggling, man. They're in a bad way. 240 people, I think is the total count of people

01:07:20.520 who've lost their lives. We've got a, we've got a friend who's very connected to our organization

01:07:25.380 has done, done a lot of work for us. In fact, he has an employee. They have, they have a shop there,

01:07:30.140 an employee that went missing for a couple of days. They ended up finding her body two days later.

01:07:37.140 Like these are real, it's hard to, it's hard to put yourself in those shoes.

01:07:43.580 Like I'm, I'm so disconnected from, I can watch the videos on Instagram and I can see all the

01:07:48.500 horrific damage. It's not the same. If you were there or you were impacted by it,

01:07:54.540 man, it just, it's going to hit different. And I've been in situations where I've seen loss of life and

01:08:01.100 really demanding and difficult and scary circumstances. I can tell you it's hard.

01:08:08.120 And so if you can contribute a hundred bucks this week and that helps, then you are doing your part.

01:08:14.060 And if all of us did our part, man, we'd be in, those people would be in a much better place today.

01:08:18.880 So donate again, officialpatriotgear.com slash help. That's all I've got guys. Appreciate you ladies.

01:08:24.920 Great questions today. Hopefully I gave you some good answers and I didn't sound too sexist with too

01:08:28.900 many of those things and you took it for the way it was intended. Uh, we'll be back next week until

01:08:33.560 then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to

01:08:42.560 the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

01:08:47.380 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:08:51.560 We'll be right back.

01:08:56.220 And I will not be right back.

01:08:57.100 See you next week.

01:08:58.300 Bye.

01:08:59.160 Bye.

01:08:59.180 Bye.

01:09:00.260 Bye.

01:09:01.180 Bye.

01:09:01.460 Bye.

01:09:02.280 Bye.

01:09:03.800 Bye.

01:09:04.740 Bye.

01:09:09.240 Bye.

01:09:15.360 Bye.

01:09:17.760 Bye.

01:09:19.860 Bye.

Order of Man - October 09, 2024

Men Want Respect, Why Feminism Fails Men and Women, and How to Raise Boys Into Men ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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