Men Want Respect, Why Feminism Fails Men and Women, and How to Raise Boys Into Men ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 9 minutes
Words per Minute
179.22995
Summary
This is the first time we have ever hosted a live Q&A on YouTube, and it's a little weird, but we thought it would be fun to see if we could get a live audience to ask us some questions.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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So Kip, man, great to see you. This is our first ever Q&A that we're doing live. This
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is going to be hosted on the Order of Man podcast platform like it always is, but we thought
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we'd try doing something a little different and host this thing up on YouTube. So if anybody's
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tuning in, this is why it sounds a little weird because we've only done this, well, we haven't
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ever done it before. So this will be the first time.
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Yeah, we'll see how it goes. And we don't know if we'll have anybody show up, and we don't
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know if we'll have anybody ask any questions, but we came prepared to answer other questions
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Yeah. Well, we normally do headlines. I've got a couple that I wanted to share with you
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today. And the first one, well, initially, because I talked to you over the weekend, we
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were texting back and forth because I think it was UFC 307. Is that right? 307?
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Yep. 307. 307. And it was a really good card. But beforehand, I was a little bored and didn't
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have much to do that afternoon. So I actually watched UFC 1. And it was amazing. And I'll
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get into that a minute because that was my first headline. But then I had a friend reach
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out to me today, this morning, in fact. And he's doing a lot of good work. His name is
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Ian Wendt with Official Patriot Gear. And he's doing a lot of good work with helping raise funds
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for the disaster and relief efforts, specifically in North Carolina. And he started a GoFundMe
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account or a Give, Send, Go. It's a donation site. He started with the goal of raising $6,000
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to help in the relief aid and efforts as a result of that hurricane. So he reached out and said,
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hey, man, this is what I'm doing. We're trying to hit our goal. His initial goal was $6,000.
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And then as of this morning, when he talked with me, they were at $60,000. And I looked
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a little bit more into it. And right now, in fact, I'm just going to hit refresh on this
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screen here. They're at $91,000 they've raised for these relief efforts. And he asked if I
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would share it. And I know there's a lot of guys who are listening to this podcast who
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we want to help. We want to be valuable. Taking work off and leaving your family might be a
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little restrictive for you. And if it is, certainly understand. But if you're in the position
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to donate a little money for these efforts, then I would highly encourage that you do.
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I just want to read really briefly what this is about so they have an idea. They've teamed
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up with a program called Aerial Recovery. And I'm reading this from the website. Their team
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of veterans and first responders is conducting helicopter rescues, reconnaissance, welfare checks,
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aid distribution, and debris clearance across multiple cities impacted by the storm. Every
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helicopter mission costs around $20,000 a day in fuel. And right now, a lack of communication
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is costing them valuable time, fuel, and resources. And he says, that's why we're stepping up to
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raise $6,000. Their goal now is to raise $100,000. To help them get four Starlink units, seven
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ICAM radios, equipment that will improve communication and boost their efficiency by 20% to 30%. That means
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more lives saved faster. And they're asking for our help about where we come in. And the beautiful
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thing about what Ian is doing with official Patriot gear is that every single dollar donated through
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this fund is going straight to aerial recovery and disaster relief efforts. He said there's a lot
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of organizations and a lot of foundations that are popping up where people can donate. But there's a lot
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of times where, you know, 80%, 60 or 50% of that money is going towards recovery. In this case,
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it's 100%. So if you feel like you're in the position, whether it's $25, $50, a thousand,
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10,000, I don't know what position you're in, then go to officialpatriotgear.com slash help.
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So that's officialpatriotgear.com slash help. It'll take you right to that page and you can make
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your donation. And Ian is going to be, I think he's heading down as of the release of this podcast
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on Wednesday today. So he'll be in North Carolina, um, giving, helping, serving, doing what he needs
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to do out there. But Ian's doing good stuff. Official Patriot gear, again, officialpatriotgear.com
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slash help. So that's my, uh, I was going to talk about UFC, but he brought that up. I'm like,
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this is way more important than UFC. Absolutely. Oh man, they're struggling. And then Matt Boudreau with
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Apogee Academy is doing a lot of work down there. So we've got a lot of order of man alumni doing really
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good work to help in those efforts. And ultimately that's our job as men to protect, provide,
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preside. And these are guys who are leading on the front lines of that. Yeah. It's inspirational
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what those guys are willing to do and, and how many people are rallying together. You know, I even
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know Matt is, has been very grateful for how much momentum that they're getting, you know, with
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donations and whatnot as well. So it's pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It is times like these where we put
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aside differences that don't really matter. And we stopped talking about the bull crap that just is
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not real relevant in our lives. You know, it's, there's a lot of good that comes from horrific
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situations like this. And, uh, it's a good time to remind ourselves what is important, what's valuable
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and how to serve, serve each other as we should as Americans. Yeah, totally. Yeah. All right. So
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should we go ahead and get into questions? Let's get into questions. Even this is a little
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different because I posted on Instagram yesterday and I said, this one's a little bit for the ladies.
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I wanted to hear what questions they had for us as a way to provide them some insight that maybe they
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don't have or, or, or would like, but also for us as men to get a little bit of insight into what kind
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of questions they have and what they're thinking about that maybe you're not aware of. So I think
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this can serve both the men and, and the women. Yeah. So, I mean, the first question actually is,
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is a little bit of a, it's a, it's a given. So I think it's, I'm not sure if it was Rick or his
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wife, right? But the question around it's Rick, you know, yeah. Is there a woman's version of order
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man? So let's just address that because I actually do think that's probably a really common question
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that you do get around our movement. So let's address that one. Yeah. There is a revitalized
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womanhood is, is the name of the podcast and the movement. I've worked very, very closely with Gina
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Trimmer. She heads up that organization and she's doing wonderful work. I've known Gina and Rick for
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a very long time and they're close personal friends of mine. So guys, if you're listening
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and you're thinking, man, I wish my wife had something like this for herself, revitalized
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womanhood. Uh, and then if women you're thinking like, ah, I wish I had, uh, an organization that had
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very much the same values that order of man does, but it's specifically catered towards women, then
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same place, revitalized womanhood. And they've got a, uh, uh, it's called the sisterhood and that's a
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more of their closed type organization. Like we have the iron council. Theirs is the sisterhood. So
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very, very closely aligned with what we do. And, um, I've been consulting with them and helping them
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grow that business. So they're doing a really good job over there. Revitalized womanhood.
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Yeah. And I don't know if you know the numbers, but this came up a couple of weeks ago with some guys
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within, um, our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, where we have spouses, right? So we have
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like the wife's in, uh, in this group and the husband's in, in the iron council. I'm curious,
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like the growing percentage of, of that being present. Yeah. I don't, I don't know what the
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percentages are. I'd have to reach out and ask, but yeah, it's, um, it is different, you know,
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trying to decide how to communicate with women to rally them together. I think women just do that
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naturally better anyways, versus, versus men. But I mean, I've been doing this for so long.
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Obviously I've been talking about it from a man's perspective for so long that it's, uh,
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bringing that other side into it has been relatively new for me. Yeah, totally. All right.
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Next question. 21 Dutchie. Uh, she says, first of all, thank you for doing this question. What brings
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you the most joy out of the iron council? So Ryan, just in case let's just level set. What is iron
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council? Then what, what brings you the most joy out of it? Yeah. So, well, we, we briefly talked
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about it a second ago. The iron council is our exclusive brotherhood. So, you know, you're
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listening to this podcast for free. You can join the Facebook group for free. You can sign up for our,
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our dispatch, which is our emails that we send out every week. I mean, we have a lot of content
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available, uh, for free. The problem with some of that is it's not always curated and organized
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and formatted in a way that allows you to actually do the work that you know, you want to do. And then
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what you're left with is trying to sift through the information and then do it all on your own.
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And there's millions and millions of men who have been working on doing life alone. And it's just not
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working. It was never meant to work. As long as men have been on this planet, we have been banded
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together in tribes and packs and groups and villages and communities because we're better typically when
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we're, when we're together. I mean, I know there's challenges obviously that come with that, but if
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we're all on the same page or at least have the same goals and vision and desires, then we can march
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lockstep and get a lot more accomplished. So that's exactly what the iron council is. It's,
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it's an elevated experience. We take the information, we curate it, we build monthly assignments and
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topics. So you know exactly what you ought to be doing. Uh, we have programs and challenges that are
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offered. And the biggest thing I think is that we have accountability. So now you have a guy shoulder
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to shoulder with you who knows what your goals are specifically knows what you're doing exactly to
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accomplish those goals and is going to check in and ensure that you're on the path. Uh, or if you're
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tempted to stray, you know, maybe it's alcohol or substance abuse or viewing pornography or just making
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bad choices in general, there's channels and topics inside of the iron council, uh, that allow you to
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be accountable to guys, you know, guys every day posting in there about tactics and strategies
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they've used to overcome pornography addiction or to, uh, avoid drinking today. Like they did,
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you know, the last 365 days of the year. So it's very, very powerful. And to answer the question,
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what's the biggest joy that I get? It's when I see somebody coming to the iron council who has these
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challenges and then he'll send me a message, a message even unsolicited. Hey, Ryan, I joined,
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you know, last year my marriage was struggling. I was 50 pounds overweight. I wasn't real happy
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with my job, but my wife and I are doing much better. I've lost 20 pounds. I got a promotion at
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work. I'm reconnecting with my kids. I just paid off that, the truck payment, you know, fill in the
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blank with whatever it is. But the fact that guys are actually doing the work and achieving the results,
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that just brings me a ton of joy. And people, a lot of times will put that on me. They'll say,
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thank you for doing this. Thank you. And that's great. I'll accept that compliment because I do
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know that we have done a lot of work to build up these processes and systems, but more importantly
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than that, how many men have listened to the podcast or even joined the iron council and have
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had no results in their life because they're not doing any work. Yeah. So if a guy comes to me and
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says, thank you for doing this, I will say, you're welcome. I'm going to accept that compliment.
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And then I'm going to put it back on them and say, thank you for actually doing the work to
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improve your own life. So this is not a miracle pill. It's not something that just because you
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sign up for our programs is going to change your life. But if you actually implement the processes
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and the systems and the frameworks, you'll see big results. Yeah. I had the opportunity last week to
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join battle team bruiser. They asked me to join their battle team call and dude, like they kicked
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off their call reading their team ethos, which is not uncommon in the iron council. And I'm not joking,
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man. Like by the time they got done reading that ethos, the hair on my arms was standing up. And I was
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just like, where at in the world are men having this conversation and it's rare. Yeah. And, and to see these
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10 guys like-minded focused on what not BS, how's the football game, not hypotheticals, literally spending a
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night for an hour dedicated with the focus of, of becoming the best versions of themselves, not for
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themselves, but for their families, for their kids, for their spouses, for their communities. And I was
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just, man, it was just, I don't know. Like I had a moment there. I was like, yeah, this is, this is what
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it's, this is what it's all about. And you kind of lose sight of it sometimes. Like you and I, we just
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talk, I feel like we're talking like an echo chamber. I know people are listening to the echo
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chamber, but sometimes, I don't know, I fail to realize how impactful the frameworks are, you know
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what I mean? And the iron council. And then you get those messages or you get part of certain
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conversations and you're like, yeah, this is so important. Yeah. Yeah. It is easy to get locked
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into the business side of it or the movement side of it or the numbers and the metrics. And all of those
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things are important. We have to look at those things to make sure the movement is growing. But
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unless we stay connected to the men and both you and I are very, very active inside of the iron
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council because we want to be like, I want to be involved in it. I learned just as much from those
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guys as I hope they might learn from me. So it's very, very crucial that we stay involved. And you're
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always so good at that. So it's been a powerful thing, man. All right. Cody James Holden,
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how has the adversities of America strengthened your faith? And what book of the Bible are you
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most enjoying currently? Well, the Bible one I can answer, I'm not real good at reading the Bible,
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so I can't even really just give you a straight answer. Anything I told you would be a lie if I
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said, I'm reading and studying this book of the Bible. You know, I've got it on my nightstand. I crack
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it out occasionally. I think I've restarted the Bible about 1700 times at this point. So it's
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something I can certainly work on. But I'm not going to lie to you and say, well, this book is
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what I'm really focused on right now. I tend to be pretty intuitive just in life and also with my
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faith. I've never really needed a lot to have faith in God and know that it's his hand in all
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things. I know there's a lot of people who have to have that, who need that, and need to be deeply
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connected that way. And I think that's great. And I should be more connected that way. I'm just not,
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but I still have faith that this is the right thing. And we're all trying to do the right thing
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right by him anyways. So how have recent adversities in America strengthened my faith? Well, I think this is
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a great example, you know, with this hurricane. I think a lot of non-believers will typically say
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things like, you know, if God was real, how could he let this happen? You know, horrible, horrible
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circumstances and situations, some, you know, unavoidable natural disasters, for example, and
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others. Well, even with natural disasters, there's breakdown in communication, there's breakdown in
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government assistance, there's breakdown in logistics and supply chains, and all of that should be
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addressed. So that is partly man-made too, and I want to be clear about that. Or how could a child be
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molested? How could a good God allow that to happen? And the reality is this, my faith says,
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my faith says, my dog's chewing on my, the wheels of my chair right now. My faith is, is that we have
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free agency, and God has given us that gift. If we didn't have the agency to choose how we lived our
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lives, there really wouldn't be much need for God. We would just all be good and decent and honorable,
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and that's it. But we're not, and we're here to be tested, and we're here to learn and grow and
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develop as divine beings. And that means that we need to be free to make choices, which sometimes
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is horrible, because bad things happen, things that should be avoidable. And this goes to what
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we're doing here with this mission with men, is teaching men how to be better, but also teaching
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men how to protect other people and to serve other people. Even in, I mean, we're right in the middle of,
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I think we're, what, 28 days out from election right now. And guys will say, well, I don't want
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to get involved in politics. Well, you know, you can't be a good Christian and not be involved in
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politics. I'd much rather have honorable, decent, good, hardworking Christians at the helm of our
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political system than non-believers and people who don't believe like I do. And that's not to say
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they can't do a good job, but I want more Christians involved because that's my faith.
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And I think that's going to lead us in the right direction. So I think we really, really need to get
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more involved. And then to the last point that I was going to make is, how has it strengthened my
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faith? When I see guys like Ian stepping up to raise 6,000, and instead he raises 100,000.
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When I see guys like Matt Boudreaux who are heading up disaster relief and aid, and not to mention the
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work that he's doing with the young men and young women across this country with his schoolings and
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Apogee, that gives me faith that we still will rise to the occasion. We still will step up. And we get
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a little sedated at times and we get a little comfortable at times, but it's these hard moments
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like we're dealing with now that really remind us that we as men have a duty and responsibility, a divine
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duty and responsibility to step up, to lead, to serve.
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Yeah, totally. You know, it's not related to like adversities in America, you know, and my faith, but
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it goes to kind of something that you said earlier around agency and freedom and, you know, how critical
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that is from a religious perspective. The one thing if that has been really present for me of late
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around religion is principles are principles. In fact, I was talking with my son a couple months ago
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and he loves stoicism. And I think I've shared this already where he's like, man, you know, dad, like
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Jesus was like a stoic, right? And there's like a little dad tear, you know what I mean? Like he's
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creating the correlation. But the point is, is, and I told, this is what I told him. Truth is gospel.
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That's it. Any, any principle that is transcendent and true in my mind is gospel. And so we can't have
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the conversations that we have in the iron council around the principles of being a great man and not
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be talking about religion. They're one in the same for me now. And I get it. We have different labels
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for things. And some people call that stoicism. They'll call that their religion. And, and that's
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fine. But that's, what's great about it is we can have those conversations. And, and even last Friday,
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for whatever reason, I was on one, um, on the last Friday afternoon call that we have in the iron
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council and just all these correlations of religion were just flowing into my mind as we're talking.
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And, and I know without a doubt, most of those guys are not most, but some of those guys on the
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iron council, they're not religious, but I had messages from guys that weren't religious saying
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that the correlation of what you said around religion was profound for me,
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even though they're quote unquote, not a religious person. Why? Because they're principles of truth
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and we need to find truth wherever it is and understand how it's transcended between work,
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our families, leadership, the gospel, all those things, politics, it's all the same. And, and if
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they're not the same, that means we're giving passes or excuses or playing small in these
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other areas because we don't want to show up powerfully in those areas. And I, and I think
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it needs to be transcendent regardless of how we interact. That's the problem. I mean, look at
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politics today. We even, we have these built in passes. Oh, it's politics translation. It's okay to
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lie, manipulate and course in, in what world is that? Okay. But because we've given a label of,
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well, it's politics, then it's okay in that space. Um, that's, that's the wrong messaging.
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That's the wrong messaging. Yeah. I think that's, you know, and there's one other thing I'd say on
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that Kip too, is there's a level of maturity that comes with a person who maybe is a non-believer,
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but still sees the value in what Christians believe or other religions as well. It boggles my mind.
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And look, I understand. I'm trying to be as objective as possible. You know, there, there,
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there's been a lot of horrific events that have transpired over the course of human history at
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the hands of Christianity or Catholicism. I mean, that's right. Like I, you can't deny that. Um,
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and, and I know plenty of Christians who are very judgmental and, and hurtful and nasty, quite frankly,
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and you can't deny that that exists, but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about
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the principles to your point and, and human beings are flawed and we misinterpret and we
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allow our emotions to get in the way and our humanity to mess with our interpretation of what
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is good and true and right. But if you just look at it objectively, I mean, look at the 10 commandments,
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for example, how could you not agree with that? Like, yeah, kind of a given you would think,
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but you, you put it under the guise of Christianity or other, some other faith-based label and people
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are like, oh, you know, you, you Bible thumpers or, you know, you're, what do they call it? Your sky,
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your sky God or your sky daddy is the thing I hear a lot. It's like, why, why would you mock
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the thing that's trying to perpetuate good? Even though there are instances and plenty of them
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that would, would speak otherwise, the principle is what we're looking at here. And, and I would say
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the same is true for Christians when it comes to, um, stoicism, for example, how many times have you
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heard people say you cannot be a good Christian and also follow the practices of stoicism? What are
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you talking about? There is so much good in the concept and teachings of stoicism that I think
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translate perfectly over into your, your gospel, but it takes a level of maturity to recognize that
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and discern and make the connection like you're talking about.
00:23:36.220
Yeah. And it's powerful. And then it allows us to be less judgmental of others. Individuals
00:23:41.120
see truth in what they're doing and not contention. Right. And just increased critical thinking. It's,
00:23:47.360
it's so valuable. Yeah, for sure. All right. Christie, uh, dim and dent co Instagram names. I feel like
00:23:56.700
this question is asked a lot, but I never get answers that satisfies me. So no pressure here.
00:24:03.540
Okay. What are some standards that high value men have for women? I don't mean the obvious, like no,
00:24:12.000
no OF. Oh, no. Only fans. Yeah. Got it. Um, has a job is feminine, loyal, Christian, et cetera.
00:24:21.480
While those things may be rare, they should be a given. What are more specific standards? So what
00:24:27.800
are some standards that high value men have for women? It's interesting when you get a question
00:24:33.760
like this, that, you know, she asked the question and then she qualifies it by saying, well, people
00:24:39.000
have given me answers, but not one that I accept. Yeah. And then she gives five or six really good
00:24:45.380
answers. And she's like, but those don't count. So I'm not really sure what the answer is here.
00:24:52.900
No only fans. Absolutely. So let's break that one down. So high value man is not interested in not
00:24:58.720
just his woman being on only fans, but a loyal, uh, loyal woman who's going to stand by his side,
00:25:09.620
honor herself, honor the relationship. So I think what we ought to do is just break,
00:25:15.220
each one of these down a little bit more. So you understand the principle of it. It's not only
00:25:20.100
fans. Is this a, is this a person who's loyal, dedicated, committed? Will they protect the
00:25:26.380
relationship? Will they protect and stand by their, their spouse, other threats that a guy isn't aware
00:25:32.720
of or things that are happening that are shady? Is she sharing her body? Even if it's just digitally
00:25:38.160
with other men, no high value man is interested in that. Not in a million years. What was the second
00:25:44.040
one? Only fans. What was the next one? So how has a job feminine, loyal Christian? I'm not sure has a
00:25:51.860
job is really on there for a lot of high value guys. I think has a purpose or has direction. Um,
00:25:57.500
I would actually argue that a lot of high value men would probably be more interested in a woman who
00:26:04.080
maybe isn't always on that career path, who isn't that boss babe going on and trying to take on the
00:26:10.620
world. And I'm not saying it's bad. If it works for your dynamic, that's great. But I think there's
00:26:14.980
a lot of high value men who would love to see a woman be a full-time mother, a full-time wife, a
00:26:23.880
housemaker, heaven forbid I say that, you know, a homemaker. But, but I think as long as she has
00:26:29.320
direction and purpose in her life, because the red flag is. Because that's what that means in some
00:26:35.160
cases. Yes. The red flag is she has no purpose. She has no identity on her own. She's not focused
00:26:43.300
on anything meaningful. She spends money like it's nothing. She's looking for validation from
00:26:48.340
everywhere and anywhere else, which by the way, leads back to the only fans thing. She's looking
00:26:53.720
for validation. Yes. Money too, but also validation from a bunch of dudes who are objectifying her.
00:26:58.940
Like tell me how that is aligns with the so-called feminist movement. That's not freedom. You're
00:27:06.320
selling your body. Okay. What was the next one? Um, loyal or feminine, sorry. Feminine. I mean,
00:27:13.900
that's, that's actually one we need to break down further. And I would say that a lot of the problem
00:27:18.760
with what high value men are looking for is a feminine woman, not somebody that is going to be
00:27:25.500
subjected to the whims of the guy, but somebody who's going to be accepting of his role as a
00:27:31.600
leader. What happens is, especially when you have a bunch of women who are in the workforce or they've
00:27:38.780
been having to go at it alone, is they begin to take on both the feminine and masculine role.
00:27:44.040
And then when a masculine man comes into the picture, cause that's what the woman says she wants,
00:27:48.960
a masculine man comes into the picture and they're just butting heads. Like you said, right?
00:27:52.980
They are just constantly at each other because she won't let go of the masculinity. And I get it.
00:28:00.440
There's a lot of fear that comes with that. She's got trust issues and maybe even some of that
00:28:05.040
rightfully so, but unless a woman can learn to soften herself to a man, he is a masculine man is not
00:28:13.160
going to be interested in that. She will, that masculine woman will attract a more feminine man.
00:28:18.460
And before long, you're going to find out women that you now have another little boy to take care
00:28:24.680
of, not a man to partner with. So I think a high value man, and I'm speaking in generalities, but I
00:28:30.400
think a high value man is going to look for a woman who is soft and nurturing and supportive and loving
00:28:38.380
and respectful and humble and open to the leadership of a man. What's next?
00:28:47.280
Loyal. Loyal. I think we kind of talked about that, right? Like, is this person going to stand by me?
00:28:55.020
Christian. I mean, that's, that's maybe, maybe not, you know, but I think principled,
00:29:00.700
I think it would fall in line with being a principled person. You know, does this person have values?
00:29:05.520
Do they have principles? Um, are they willing to sacrifice for something? What is their compass?
00:29:11.220
Like what's leading them? What's guiding them? What, what helps them make decisions? What do they
00:29:16.400
use as litmus tests to measure the things that, that are, uh, that, that they're the decisions
00:29:22.360
that they're making? Um, would you add any other things onto that kit? Well, what I would ask is,
00:29:27.800
you know, cause I just think this would be valuable is, you know, she kind of points these out as
00:29:33.420
obvious standards. What additional things would you add on top of that? Right? So being feminine,
00:29:39.960
loyal, Christian, you know, we'll skip how the job per se only fans, what other things would you add
00:29:47.300
purpose? Yeah. Do you have thoughts? Yeah. I mean, I think, I think the important part here is whenever
00:29:56.140
we talk about generalizations, right? Like immediately I, and I, and look at us like skirting
00:30:02.140
around the topic, right? Because my fear is what, oh, there's, it's, it's going to be misunderstood.
00:30:07.700
And, and we have to be really careful here. It's like, oh, a man wants a woman that like will allow
00:30:12.840
him to lead. Assuming what? That he's a good leader and he deserves it. Right. Fair enough. No different,
00:30:18.580
no different than you would expect a man that is going to be loving and caring. Why? Because
00:30:23.860
it's deserving, right? And he actually genuinely cares. And so there's, there's generalizations that
00:30:29.940
we're talking about here, but we're talking about a high value man and what is typically important to
00:30:35.800
a masculine high value man. And, and I can't overstate the, the conversation of the ying and
00:30:45.280
yang, the benefit of opposites of masculine and feminine. And, and we need to celebrate these
00:30:52.660
differences. We need to stop saying that they, we should be exactly the same. This was one of the
00:30:57.960
biggest breakthroughs that I had in my marriage is realizing that my parenting and my wife's
00:31:04.460
parenting was not the same and it was okay. And not only okay, it was ideal and it was beautiful
00:31:12.720
and it was perfect. And we need to celebrate the differences between the masculine and the
00:31:17.240
feminine. It's, it's an, an amazing thing. And ironically enough, and we know this is as men
00:31:22.880
are more, how, how should I say this, stepping into their masculine in a, in a worthy way,
00:31:30.120
it promotes a woman to be more feminine. And I think it goes both ways as a woman steps more
00:31:37.560
into her worthy way of being feminine. It invites men to be more masculine in an honorable way as well.
00:31:45.380
Yeah. Yeah. I think you brought up a good point too, about, you know, this is assuming we as men are
00:31:50.600
doing our work. And there's some other questions that will allude to that. That's a, that is a
00:31:54.480
given. I want to make sure I throw that disclaimer out there because people are going to listen to
00:31:57.320
this and be like, well, what if he's an asshole? Well, we've been doing this work for 10 years
00:32:01.720
and the other 1,502 episodes that we've done talked to men about not being that kind of person
00:32:09.360
and being the kind of person that would attract a woman like we're talking about. So if you're
00:32:13.100
thinking like, well, they don't talk about guys, that's all we do. So go back and listen to the
00:32:17.620
other podcast. Trust me, we're beating them up enough. Yeah. Right. For sure. I added a couple
00:32:22.380
of things here, um, that I think would be in addition to number one is respectful of a man's
00:32:26.780
contributions. Uh, so for example, if the man is a primary breadwinner, I'm not interested in a woman
00:32:33.040
who's just going to go out and be reckless with my financial contributions to the relationship.
00:32:38.200
That would infuriate me because she's not respecting the hard work that I put forth. That's not to say,
00:32:43.940
say she can't go spend money, but if she's going to be reckless with it, I would have an issue with
00:32:49.420
that. Um, another one, when it comes to respect, allow me to help, just allow me to help, allow me
00:32:57.440
to carry the bags, allow me to pay for dinner, allow me to do work around the house, allow me
00:33:04.320
to discipline the kids the way that I feel they need to be disciplined back off a lot. Like,
00:33:12.280
and that's what I meant by soften, soften up a little bit. If he wants to help take the bag
00:33:19.000
somewhere, let him take the bags. If he wants to pay for dinner, let him pay for dinner. If he wants
00:33:22.820
to do the things around the house and build something, let him build something. It's, it's
00:33:27.200
okay. And you, we even see this down to little small things like doing the dishes or something
00:33:32.700
around that doing laundry. You know, a woman will ask a lot of cases. I wish my husband would do
00:33:37.640
stuff around the house and then he loads the dishes, but he gets too fewer plates in there
00:33:41.080
than you could as a woman. And you're like, I'll just do it back off. It's okay. Or he didn't
00:33:47.400
separate the laundry the way you wish he would have set. It's, it's okay. It's fine. You got to
00:33:51.660
do another load. That's fine. You don't have to do five loads because he did the first four,
00:33:54.900
but be respectful of the way that he wants to contribute. Um, somebody who communicates well,
00:34:02.800
I don't think a high value man is going to tolerate somebody who just doesn't communicate,
00:34:07.420
that he has to guess a lot of the time about what's going on or what the problems are.
00:34:12.740
High value guys wouldn't be interested in that. And the last one I wrote on here is that she is
00:34:17.600
willing to express her love the way that he likes to be loved. And that goes both ways. I know a lot
00:34:26.280
of this goes without saying, I think, but if a woman can show up and, and I'm going to talk more about
00:34:32.020
this one because we have another question that hits on this, but if a woman can show him love,
00:34:36.240
not the way she wants to receive it, but the way that he likes to receive it, she will be invaluable
00:34:42.480
to him. Totally. Man, we could, we could go, we could do a whole episode on this and like percentages
00:34:50.640
of divorces and all kinds of things that really like start coming into play here. Yeah. Um, yeah,
00:34:57.060
really, really good question. Thanks. Thanks Christie. All right. Um, Alicia McCree. Thanks
00:35:04.760
for doing this. I have a five-year-old son with very physical, with very physical energy. I love
00:35:11.220
that. He is go, go, go all the time. He loves all things, karate, ninjas, fighting, even a little too
00:35:18.580
much. We'll, we'll, we'll argue on the, maybe a little too much here in a second. He is quick to fly
00:35:25.860
off the handle and turn to fighting. How can I help him learn to control his rage? I think knowing
00:35:32.440
how to fight is great, but using it isn't the answer in every minor disagreement. Have you dealt
00:35:38.480
with this with your boys? What would your suggestions be for teaching him when is appropriate versus when
00:35:45.880
it isn't? Yeah. Yeah. I've got a lot. I know you do too. I'm like, this is a good question. I like
00:35:50.980
this question. Great question. I'm assuming that she is a single mother. Would that be a fair assumption?
00:35:55.560
Do you think? We don't know. I mean, yeah, but like just because of the way she's asking
00:36:04.080
it. Yes. That's what it makes me feel. Increase of percentage is pretty high. I could be, I
00:36:08.200
could be wrong. And if I am, we can address it both ways, but here's what I'd say. Number
00:36:11.640
one, is there a boy, a five-year-old boy who isn't full of piss and vinegar and wants
00:36:15.280
to fight and have all this energy? If he didn't, I would be worried more about that than, than
00:36:20.180
the other. Totally. So that's the first. So awesome. So first celebrate, celebrate what
00:36:25.620
you got. This is great. So a couple of things he's into karate and ninjas and all things fighting,
00:36:31.280
but the way that she framed this question makes me think that he's probably not in some form
00:36:38.920
of organized martial arts. Would you agree with that? Absolutely. And what I would say,
00:36:45.180
he wants this, but hasn't figured out how to control it. And so this is Christie or Chrissy?
00:36:51.080
Oh, sorry. Uh, Alicia. Oh, sorry. Maybe I was thinking the last one. We moved on from Chrissy.
00:36:56.560
Okay. So Alicia, here's what I would say is you're thinking that he wants to fight. So you need to get
00:37:03.480
him away from that. And when I heard you say that, I thought you need to push him into that.
00:37:10.480
He, if he likes to fight, then you need to push him into it, which means that he can start doing
00:37:16.240
some wrestling. He can start doing some jujitsu or some karate, you know, something like that,
00:37:21.300
where he can actually get engaged physically. The reason it's important for him to be in that,
00:37:27.280
especially if he has the propensity to fight is as a, as a person who trains martial arts,
00:37:34.180
you will begin to realize there's consequences for your behavior. And there's always somebody bigger,
00:37:42.220
better, and badder than you. And that will temper a man. Like when I, the first time I went to jujitsu,
00:37:49.940
the, my instructor, uh, he said, here, I want you to roll with this guy. I'm like, okay, what does that
00:37:55.200
mean? And he's like, just, just try not to get submitted. I'm like, what does that mean? And he's
00:38:00.560
like, just don't like let them hurt you. I'm like, okay. It was this guy. He's like 135 pounds soaking
00:38:06.060
wet. And so I'm like, well, where, how do I go? How do I sit? So this guy started, I started in his
00:38:11.900
guard and, and he's like, you slap, slap hands, fist bump, and then you're going. I'm like, all right,
00:38:19.940
easy. I'm going to dominate this guy. Within 15 seconds, he had his little twig limbs wrapped around
00:38:24.900
my arm and my neck and he was choking me out. That was a very humbling moment to realize I'm not
00:38:31.560
as big and bad as I thought I was. Cause this guy just absolutely destroyed me in 15 seconds.
00:38:39.100
And so he'll, so your son will learn that if you put him in organized sports so that he can see,
00:38:46.240
here's how I use it. Here's when I ease up. Here's when I go hard. Here's when I pull back.
00:38:51.600
Here's humility, not to mention having another man. And this is very, very important. This is my
00:38:57.340
second point. He needs to be around men. If his dad's in the picture, great. If he's not, then get
00:39:03.980
him involved in like a boys organization, or maybe there's other family members that have boys and you
00:39:11.600
can invite the boys over and do an afternoon with just boys. Like you need to have other boys and also
00:39:17.240
men around get coaches and good people in his life, uncles, grandfathers, brothers into his life.
00:39:23.880
So he can learn from other men and not to mention those other men will temper him very, very quickly
00:39:29.980
because they will not tolerate him doing that. Another thing. And Dr. Warren Farrell talks about
00:39:35.780
this. I have a conversation with Warren Farrell tomorrow. Actually, he talks a lot about the
00:39:40.240
importance of rough house. Cause when I rough house with my eight year old, every once in a while,
00:39:45.500
he'll try to punch me in the nuts, but there's a consequence to punching me in the nuts.
00:39:51.140
And that means first I'm going to go hard on him and it's not going to feel good for him. And then
00:39:55.400
I'm going to stop playing with him. And he doesn't want that. So then he learns, oh, there's rules.
00:40:02.300
There's unwritten rules that I need to be aware of so that I can continue this rough and tumble play,
00:40:08.640
but get him around other guys, get him, go find a jujitsu class and let him fight.
00:40:13.220
It will make him better. I promise you, it'll start to temper him.
00:40:17.200
A lot of what you're saying is at the root of, of this quote by crystal Estrada.
00:40:23.100
Children can only learn to regulate the emotions that they are allowed to have.
00:40:30.380
They can only learn to regulate the emotions that they're allowed to have. So allow him to have them
00:40:36.440
and deal with them and figure it out and experience it and all those wonderful things.
00:40:44.420
And, and one of the things that Dr. Warren Farrell talks about too, is like even conflict with kids
00:40:51.240
on the playground, like when they're fighting and arguing, you let them because there, there's a big
00:40:58.340
difference. And it kind of goes back to the principle that we talked about earlier is the
00:41:02.220
principle of agency and freedom. One of the foundational benefits of it is learning. The
00:41:09.420
learning experience is drastically different when I'm left onto myself to deal with it. But when mom
00:41:17.180
or dad swoops in and, and deals with the conflict between all the kids, they don't learn. They just
00:41:24.200
behave. And then you avoided the conflict. So there's no conflict, but they never learned to deal
00:41:30.200
with it. Let him deal with it. Let them deal with it. That is where the growth actually occurs is in
00:41:38.500
the yucky, messy, you know, children trying to figure it out, not in our knowledge and then telling
00:41:45.600
them what to do. They don't go, Oh, mom told me what to do. So now I've, I've learned. No, no. They,
00:41:51.060
they, you just told them what to do. You rescued them and they're just acting on your command.
00:41:57.300
They didn't figure it out for themselves. Yeah. You know, Kip, as you were saying that I wrote
00:42:02.440
something down because I've, I've coached a lot of young boys in my community from basketball to
00:42:07.920
baseball and football and everywhere in between. And a phenomenon that I see that's always funny to
00:42:13.440
me, even if I'm, whether I'm coaching or even in the stands is watching the boys mothers. And I can
00:42:20.500
see how visibly uncomfortable they are by watching a grown man get in their son's face or get after
00:42:27.840
them or discipline them for making a bad decision. I've seen women moms almost come out of the
00:42:33.840
bleachers and confront coaches on the sideline. Yeah. You, you sit down ladies, sit down. I know it's
00:42:45.300
not comfortable. I know you don't like it. I know that's your baby boy or maybe your last child
00:42:50.340
sit down and just be quiet about it. Unless your, your son is in some sort of immediate danger.
00:43:00.260
It's going to be fine. And you might say, well, he's being a dick. Probably maybe the coach is a
00:43:05.020
little bit. And so he's going to have to learn to deal with confrontational people. Or I watched
00:43:11.720
one of the kids on my, my son's football team. He, uh, he got upset after a play or a bad call and he
00:43:19.200
came to the sideline and he took his helmet off. He threw it on the ground and the coach got in his
00:43:22.640
face and the kid checked him like shoulder, check the coach and the coach grabbed him and dragged him
00:43:29.280
over the bench, sat him on the bench. And he says, you sit there the rest of the game, which was the
00:43:33.980
right call. You don't get to do that to a coach. Even if you don't like the coach again, unless you're in
00:43:40.040
physical harm. Yeah. But it's really difficult for women. And I would say, especially single women,
00:43:46.660
single mothers to watch their baby boy get verbally assaulted, if you will, by a grown man. But that
00:43:56.340
might be the very thing that he needs. Let the men do the work of men. Yeah. And we know this as being
00:44:04.340
young boys and being adults now, I mean, I, I know those coaches. I remember those coaches and, and
00:44:12.560
I, I've had moments where in hindsight, when I was younger, I was like, I hated them. They're horrible
00:44:18.720
people or whatever. And then as I got older, I go, they were profound and they were highly valuable to
00:44:25.540
me in my life. And now I realize, you know, the benefit that they brought to the table because I'm more
00:44:30.920
mature about it. But I remember when I went to basic training in 1999 and it was me and two of
00:44:36.600
my buddies from high school and we played sports all the way through high school together. And
00:44:40.560
man, we, we were really good friends and we got to basic training and I watched 18 year old men
00:44:46.640
because now we're men, 18 year old young men crumble, absolutely crumble at the slightest sign
00:44:55.460
of adversity from a drill, drill sergeant yelling at them or doing something they didn't like,
00:44:59.560
or them being a little banged up or tired, just completely fall apart. And then I watched me
00:45:06.080
and my buddies and the men who, the other men there who didn't fall apart. Those were the guys
00:45:10.240
who were in sports. Those are the guys who were in competitive environments. Those were the guys who
00:45:14.260
had good engaged fathers in their home who knew what it was like for a man to confront them and get in
00:45:19.940
their face to push through hardship and heartache and physical ailments and injuries and just make it
00:45:27.180
happen. It's the, the, the difference was palpable. I mean, you could feel the difference,
00:45:34.540
even just in the way the difference between the way those two groups of men walked, you could see it.
00:45:40.760
That's crazy. Kristen Conley, my husband is going through an incredibly strenuous time in his business
00:45:47.240
right now. I know that I know him best and I try to think of ways to support him, but do you have
00:45:53.860
any special insights as to how a wife can be supportive through times like this? What is
00:45:59.100
going through his head and maybe some big don'ts you see women doing in similar situations so I can
00:46:05.280
avoid them? Yeah. I, this is, this is the question I was most excited to answer. And this is a very
00:46:12.040
good question. And I, I spent some time over the past day or two thinking about the answer to this
00:46:16.500
question. And here's what I came up with. Women speak the language of connection and men speak
00:46:25.160
the language of respect. So when a woman is having a hard time, what she needs is to feel nurtured,
00:46:34.320
supported. She needs empathy. She needs somebody to listen. She might need a physical shoulder to cry on.
00:46:41.280
She needs to feel supported because she's speaking the language of being connected to other souls.
00:46:46.500
that are going to help her get through this. That is not what a man needs. A man needs to be
00:46:53.360
respected and appreciated. That's it. If a woman can respect her man, he will do anything. Literally
00:47:03.700
lay down his life. He will do anything. It's absolutely true. I don't know if women really like,
00:47:12.660
I think they might hear what you just said and they think it's like this, uh, I don't know. Like,
00:47:17.680
it's like this great saying, but it's really not true. It's actually legit. Like we all know it.
00:47:24.600
Like when you're believed in and you're respected, a guy will go through anything. It's, it's fascinating.
00:47:33.460
It's really interesting. So let me give, let me give her a couple of examples.
00:47:39.280
When your husband walks in the door, you put all of your other stuff down and you meet him at the door
00:47:45.900
and you give him a hug, give him a kiss. And you tell him how grateful that you are,
00:47:52.160
that he went out today and he provided for the family. That's it. Hey, you know what? I love you.
00:48:00.100
I'm glad you're home. Thank you for going to work for us today. Tell me about your day.
00:48:05.500
And then when you're saying a prayer, maybe at the dinner table, you pray over him. God,
00:48:11.060
we are grateful that we have our husband and the kid's father in our lives. We're grateful
00:48:16.580
that he goes out and does work. We're grateful he comes home. We know he's struggling right now
00:48:21.800
and he's going through hardship and we're here to support him. But we also are grateful
00:48:26.100
for the contributions to our house. If he has a meal, like a meal he really likes,
00:48:32.380
make him the meatloaf that he really likes or those burgers or lasagna or like make that for him.
00:48:39.340
You don't even need to say anything. If you know he likes something, do that. And that's at the root
00:48:44.480
of like the go make me a sandwich thing. I know it's a meme and I know it has a level of disrespect,
00:48:48.680
but also what do you do for the people that you respect? You serve them. Yeah. And both that's
00:48:56.720
what, and that's why men find purpose and meaning in providing. Yeah. It's their form of providing
00:49:03.500
service. And if it's not seen as that, then, then, then they're not going to feel respected.
00:49:10.260
A couple of other tactics that you could use. Um, and I don't like the word tactic really now that I
00:49:15.540
say that it sounds like more of like a manipulation and it's not, it's not what I mean at all. Um,
00:49:19.720
it's just something you can do is when your husband says something about the way that maybe
00:49:26.980
disciplining the kids or something about the house or whatever, try to make reasonable accommodations
00:49:32.240
to that and allow him to lead in that way. I'm not saying that he has to be the tyrant of the house
00:49:37.180
and your opinion doesn't matter, but if they're irrelevant things that really aren't that important to you,
00:49:42.500
go ahead and let that go, go ahead and say, you know what, hon, that's a good idea.
00:49:48.740
I'm glad you said that. And, and let him have that one. Cause there's other things where you
00:49:53.640
might not want to let him have, and that's okay. It's a partnership. You choose your battles. Yeah,
00:49:57.300
exactly. We don't need to fight and bicker over everything because every time you say something
00:50:02.100
that goes as at direct odds with what we, we are thinking, it feels like disrespect, even though it's
00:50:10.540
not, it could feel like that. So if there's opportunities for you to be respectful towards
00:50:15.200
what he wants, then I think that's a good move. Uh, when it comes to parenting, if he's, you know,
00:50:23.780
making those decisions or he has something that it's at odds with what you might think,
00:50:27.960
maybe relinquish a little bit out of control to him because that's a level of respect. I know he's
00:50:32.980
going to lead us in a good place, but again, it's not really, he doesn't need as much connection
00:50:38.540
as you might. So I, I would really focus on how you're going to show your level of respect
00:50:44.580
that he, for, for him, for what he does for you in the household. Yeah. I can't help, but think of
00:50:51.120
the principle. And I think this is true from a leadership perspective, but if you want to influence,
00:50:56.860
you need to be influenced. If you want to influence others, you have to be influenced
00:51:03.560
and leaders go first. Right. And so, and this is, this is not even a gender thing. This is just a
00:51:11.060
thing, right? The more I allow Ryan to influence me and I, and I accept your advice. Naturally,
00:51:19.220
when I do that, you'll, as a human will go, well, what do you think Kip? You know, and then you'll be
00:51:25.980
more open to getting influenced by, uh, from me naturally that it is just a thing. So I know.
00:51:34.080
Okay. Last question. I wrote it. I wrote a couple other things here, Kip. I, a couple of,
00:51:37.420
absolutely again, little, little strategies and they're going to sound, they almost sound a little
00:51:40.840
sexist. So please take them for the way they're intended, but here we go. Wear the outfit that he
00:51:47.100
likes. That's, that's easy. You got to put clothes on. So put on the dress that he really likes
00:51:54.240
or the pair of jeans that he always compliments you on. And by the way, when he does compliment
00:51:58.680
you, don't say, Oh no, just say, thank you. I wore this for you because I know how much you like
00:52:05.000
this dress. That's the softness I'm talking about. Um, or, or the date night, you know,
00:52:10.860
instead of the date night that you would want to do, maybe it's a date night that he would be
00:52:15.640
interested in. So these are all just little things you're going to do anyways to try to make,
00:52:21.080
you know, you could say, Oh, like vacuum the house, clean the house, like, or he doesn't
00:52:26.100
need any of that. He just needs that level of respect. I like it. Anything else? No,
00:52:33.640
I think that's it for now. Okay. All right. Last question. Robin Turner. Why do you think
00:52:39.040
some men feel threatened by women when they can do something he can't or solve a problem?
00:52:44.960
He is unable to solve. Um, well, let's see. Why do men feel threatened? I mean, obviously that just
00:52:54.020
comes down to a lack, lack of confidence. There's a level of insecurity there. Um, I would also
00:53:01.460
question on this is, are you sure you're, you can do it better than him? Like, is that is
00:53:06.460
objectively, is that true? Cause it might not, there might be some clashing and butting of heads.
00:53:11.680
And that's, again, that's where the softness comes in. If you want to act like a man and compete with
00:53:15.900
him, he's going to treat you like a man and compete with you. And he's going to compete with
00:53:18.860
you. Yeah. That's what he's going to do. If you can soften up a little bit and allow him to do what
00:53:27.000
he wants to do, I think you're going to create a lot, a lot better of an environment. But to your
00:53:31.820
point, all things, you know, being said, yeah, it's just, it's just a level of insecurity or also it
00:53:38.260
could go back to our previous question about disrespect. When a man feels disrespected,
00:53:43.720
it's like backing up, uh, a wild animal into a corner. That animal is going to fight.
00:53:51.300
And when you start disrespecting him, he's going to feel like he wants to fight.
00:53:56.760
And so if you're belittling him or demeaning him or saying, Hey, I, you can't even do this as good
00:54:00.960
as me. And especially if you do it in front of other people, that's a big thing. And this goes for
00:54:07.960
men and women, guys and girls. Yeah. Do not mock your partner in public. In front of people.
00:54:16.600
Do not. Don't poke fun at them. Don't joke about it. I mean, maybe there's some lighthearted things
00:54:22.820
that are acceptable, but be very, very careful, careful on mocking or belittling or ridiculing
00:54:29.380
or sharing something that wasn't meant to be shared because that will undermine a relationship
00:54:35.700
so fast. But I think it's just a level of, um, insecurity. And if you have a man in your life
00:54:44.960
who maybe feels like this a little bit and, and you're a woman who doesn't want him to feel that
00:54:49.840
way, then I would suggest maybe there's an opportunity for you to lift him up through the
00:54:54.540
respect you have towards him in acknowledging and appreciating what he does do really well.
00:54:59.440
that'll boost his confidence, limit insecurity, and allow him to see that maybe there are some
00:55:06.160
other ways that you might be able to contribute. Well, and Robin, like, you know, in this,
00:55:12.100
in this atmosphere and on this podcast, we talk often about men becoming men, grown men
00:55:21.200
working through, are they a man or being neglected as young boys or not being raised in a household where
00:55:30.260
they had a father. And guess what? Some of them are incompetent in areas that they feel they shouldn't
00:55:36.560
be. So like, yes, it's an insecurity thing, but also it might be straight up a skill thing that there's,
00:55:46.020
there are areas where they feel like they get meaning purpose and value and they're not,
00:55:53.520
they're not there. And they're, they need to sure up some things and they need to develop and,
00:56:00.260
and be more masculine and do a better job as a man. And, and due to the way they were raised,
00:56:06.580
they're not there. And so not only this is like, you know, maybe an insecurity, but like,
00:56:12.800
it might be a legit insecurity where, yeah, this is an area that really is touchy. And,
00:56:18.420
and I think this is indifferent to sexes, but just be mindful of that. And it, and it goes back to the,
00:56:23.940
the public shaming or the joking around things that are important to your spouse, right? You don't
00:56:29.980
joke around about certain things in front of other individuals, even if you think it's true,
00:56:36.040
because it's disrespectful. And, and this is, this is just understanding your partner.
00:56:43.160
Well, and there's a lot of this is just psychology and, and I'm trying to be careful because I don't
00:56:49.140
want to make it sound like men are so sensitive. They can't handle you, you know, poking at them
00:56:53.340
occasionally or correcting them. I mean, we're all capable of that. I'm just saying as, as a woman,
00:56:58.940
I would just be aware of it. So it doesn't get, get too far. Um, you know, I, I would, I, and when
00:57:05.980
it comes to psychology, just the principle of lifting people up for their efforts is, goes a
00:57:10.780
huge way. Even if the result isn't perfection, you know, I go again, back to the dishes. If you
00:57:16.940
bother him about the way he puts away the dishes, he's never going to do the dishes again.
00:57:22.880
So don't do that. Just say, Hey, thanks for, thanks for putting away the dishes and then put the
00:57:26.740
other two in for the next meal or whatever. Um, or, or things that he does. Like, let's
00:57:34.240
say he's training jujitsu. If you tease him about that, I mean, a little poking and like
00:57:38.500
that, I'm not saying that I'm saying, if you take it too far and you always say, Oh yeah,
00:57:42.480
I forgot Tuesday night, you get to go do your thing. Your silly little fight club. Like you're
00:57:48.220
just being disrespectful. He's trying to go make himself better. The, I hear this a lot
00:57:53.360
when it comes to iron council. Oh, your little man group. He's, he's investing in himself so that
00:58:00.860
he can lead the family better. Why would you mock that? But we do it on both sides of the table.
00:58:07.880
You just got to be really careful. Cause I've done it. You know, I've said and done things that
00:58:12.840
were meant to be a joke, but we're taken too far or taken out of context or, um, you know,
00:58:18.460
I said it in a bad way and it didn't land. Just be really careful on that stuff. Yeah. You know,
00:58:24.400
this has been fun. I'm not sure if you paid attention to the live stream chat, right? Like,
00:58:28.900
Oh, I haven't. No, a couple of people, no, a couple of people are like, Hey, listening from,
00:58:33.040
what do you got? Like Germany, um, McFadden from Johannesburg, South Africa. Nice. Sweet. Yeah.
00:58:41.420
Yeah. That's awesome. Kind of fun actually. So, uh, are there any, there is another question,
00:58:45.760
Kip? I think we skipped. It was a, it was a good question. It was on Instagram. It was about hookup
00:58:50.760
culture. I must have not copied that question or overlooked it or maybe I felt uncomfortable
00:58:57.720
answering it. So let me pull it up here. Cause it's a good, it was a good question and we need
00:59:02.020
to address it. So I'm going to pull it up here. Okay. Stand by up really quick. Um, let me find it.
00:59:09.380
Oh, it's from Ms. Sarah Beth. I don't see it on your, on your Instagram. Okay. I'll, I'll read it.
00:59:21.260
It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a good question. So again, Ms. Sarah Beth, it says hookup culture
00:59:26.280
has led men being so cynical towards relationships. They have become lone wolves and have no interest
00:59:32.800
in building investing in relationships. How do we change this dynamic? So when I read this, I think,
00:59:42.000
I think she has the diagnosis wrong. I think hookup culture is in some part, not totally, but in some
00:59:50.680
part, a symptom of the actual problem. And to me, the actual problem is probably more closely aligned
01:00:01.200
with the growth of the feminist movement over the years and how much worse it's gotten in relatively
01:00:08.000
recent times with extreme feminism. It's no longer about equality and equal rights for women. It's
01:00:17.060
become an active movement against men. And so there's a, a huge population of, of our society
01:00:25.660
that mocks men, that ridicules men, that puts men down, that demeans them, demoralizes them,
01:00:32.960
talks about how toxic they are, talks about the bear versus the man in the woods, which one would you
01:00:37.440
rather come across? And so it's this active movement against men. And in addition to that,
01:00:42.360
you start coupling that with the idea that quote unquote, we don't need no man. And before long,
01:00:48.160
it's not hard to acknowledge why men aren't interested in being in a relationship with a woman who has that
01:00:54.280
thought process. Hey, you said you don't need me. And even if we're art, we are together. You had
01:00:59.420
absolutely nothing to my life. In fact, if anything, you take away, you detract from my life. You don't
01:01:05.060
respect me. You don't support me. You don't uplift me. You don't allow me to lead because you're so busy
01:01:10.720
doing it. And every turn you want to mock and ridicule what I bring to the table. Why would a man get
01:01:17.160
into a relationship like that? Totally. What's more thoughts? I know you're, you're chomping at the bit here.
01:01:21.840
Well, grab that same line of thinking and then have that woman raise a young boy.
01:01:29.100
You're right. Oh my gosh. Right. You're, you're not value. You, you're, your gender is,
01:01:35.660
is by default a problem. Right. Versus embracing his masculinity and empowering him to show up.
01:01:45.120
You're, you're, you're literally creating nice guys in, in that example. So, so, so damaging for
01:01:52.500
young boys. Well, and it's also interesting because the same women who perpetuate these ideas,
01:01:58.700
they'll also be the first ones to say, where have all the real men gone? Yeah. Well, why would they
01:02:04.020
show up for you? So now where does hookup culture fall into place? Well, we're, we're still physical
01:02:11.280
creatures. We still want to get laid and have sex. So if I can have all the benefit without all the
01:02:17.820
headache, you can better believe I'm going to be pretty interested in that. And then of course,
01:02:23.240
that's connected with our overlap, over sexualized society and, um, how we're putting men and women
01:02:29.780
against each other. And there's a whole other host of reasons why. Yeah. So here's what I would say.
01:02:35.600
I'd, I have a message for both men and women, but here's what I'd say to women first is stop doing
01:02:41.000
that. Stop treating men as the enemy. Stop belittling them or putting them down or not
01:02:48.580
allowing them to contribute in a manly way. You, you have to stop doing that. You have a large part
01:02:54.160
to play in the ability to raise men into righteous, capable, bold, assertive men, the kind of men you say
01:03:00.720
you want. And it's the same thing with your sons on the point you were mentioning earlier.
01:03:04.600
You have to get other men in their lives. You can't do it alone. That is not an indictment on
01:03:10.320
you as a human being, but it is an indictment on your ability to turn a boy into a man. You
01:03:15.140
cannot do it the same way. I can't turn a girl into a woman. I don't know what it's like to be a
01:03:20.380
woman. I don't know what it's like to go through all those hormonal changes and body image issues and
01:03:26.700
dealing with bullies on social media. Like young girls are, I don't, I haven't been there and you haven't
01:03:32.660
been a man. So get them around other men and get them involved. I also have a message for the men
01:03:40.240
here. And this was brought to my attention by Ian Smith. I follow him on Instagram and he's a gym
01:03:47.000
owner in New Jersey and actively fought hard against the mandates during COVID. And we've become friends
01:03:52.400
over the years. And he made an interesting post the other day. It was, it was very good. He's,
01:03:57.280
and I'm paraphrasing, but he said that there, there's a problem with men who alienate women
01:04:05.640
and make them the enemy. And the reason that men can't get ahead is because women are doing this
01:04:10.640
and women are doing that. And women are bad and women, blah, blah, blah. That's the red pill
01:04:14.080
Meg town movement. He said, that's not really. Yes. And he said that, see the problem with that
01:04:20.820
is that same group of men will call themselves leaders. Well, if you're a leader, then you're
01:04:25.860
required to lead. If you're a leader, you can't blame another group, an entire group, half the
01:04:31.460
population on the planet for your own woes. Either that means you're not a leader or you're not leading
01:04:36.540
well. So my message for the men on top of what Ian shared about this is men, we need to lead well
01:04:44.800
and we need to show women and children what a good man looks like, how a good man shows up,
01:04:53.060
what it means to be righteous, what it means to be humble, what it means to make amends for our
01:04:58.920
mistakes, what it means to lead boldly and proudly and stand in the front. And the quote that I like,
01:05:06.580
and I can't remember who says it is deal with the blows of fate with equanimity. Equanimity means
01:05:13.400
calmness and coolness and courage under fire. When we decide that we're going to step up that way,
01:05:20.460
a lot more women, because we're leaders, a lot more women will say, oh, that's what a good man
01:05:25.360
looks like. I've never seen one before. My dad was abusive. My husband was a loser.
01:05:34.860
You know, my, the other people in my life are weak and timid and cowardly and these quote unquote
01:05:40.460
nice guys. I've never seen a real man before. At first it might be intimidating to a woman who's
01:05:45.380
never seen it. A guy who wants to lead, who's assertive, who wants to take charge,
01:05:50.100
who's proud of who he is. And she might be like, oh, this is a lot. Sit with it for a minute.
01:05:54.920
Cause I think if you see a real man behave that way, it might allow you to take a step back into a good,
01:06:01.280
beautiful, lovely role of a woman and allow him to step into that bold, assertive,
01:06:07.360
commanding presence of a man. But we're not enemies. And we both have a part to play in this.
01:06:13.480
Absolutely. Awesome, man. Well, that was fun. Yeah. Uh, to connect with Mr. Mickler on the
01:06:22.620
socials, acts on Instagram, that's at Ryan Mickler. And of course you can join us in our
01:06:28.220
Facebook group, facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And the only other thing I would,
01:06:34.020
yeah. The only other thing I would say is look as men, it's our job to, to lead. It's our job to
01:06:40.060
serve. It's our job to help where we can. And you may not be able to make it down to Florida or
01:06:46.240
Georgia or North Carolina because of some traveling restrictions or scheduling conflicts, whatever.
01:06:52.440
But I guarantee you've got $20 in your wallet or 50 or a hundred or a thousand or 10,000. I know you do.
01:07:00.400
I know you do. Don't go out to eat this week and take that 20, 40, 50, 80, a hundred dollars
01:07:06.320
and go to, uh, official Patriot gear.com slash help and donate it there. Those people are
01:07:14.440
struggling, man. They're in a bad way. 240 people, I think is the total count of people
01:07:20.520
who've lost their lives. We've got a, we've got a friend who's very connected to our organization
01:07:25.380
has done, done a lot of work for us. In fact, he has an employee. They have, they have a shop there,
01:07:30.140
an employee that went missing for a couple of days. They ended up finding her body two days later.
01:07:37.140
Like these are real, it's hard to, it's hard to put yourself in those shoes.
01:07:43.580
Like I'm, I'm so disconnected from, I can watch the videos on Instagram and I can see all the
01:07:48.500
horrific damage. It's not the same. If you were there or you were impacted by it,
01:07:54.540
man, it just, it's going to hit different. And I've been in situations where I've seen loss of life and
01:08:01.100
really demanding and difficult and scary circumstances. I can tell you it's hard.
01:08:08.120
And so if you can contribute a hundred bucks this week and that helps, then you are doing your part.
01:08:14.060
And if all of us did our part, man, we'd be in, those people would be in a much better place today.
01:08:18.880
So donate again, officialpatriotgear.com slash help. That's all I've got guys. Appreciate you ladies.
01:08:24.920
Great questions today. Hopefully I gave you some good answers and I didn't sound too sexist with too
01:08:28.900
many of those things and you took it for the way it was intended. Uh, we'll be back next week until
01:08:33.560
then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to
01:08:42.560
the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you
01:08:47.380
were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.