Order of Man - Mental Jiu-Jitsu, the Domestication of Man, and Crafting Non-Negotiables

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.200 Kip, what's going on, man? Have you recovered from our event last week?

00:00:27.800 I haven't actually, but I haven't recovered in the sense of I'm still fired up, man.

00:00:33.320 It was such a great event. It was, I don't know, it just kind of, it was a renewal for me.

00:00:38.340 I kind of got really motivated coming away from Maine and I'm just, I don't know, still on cloud nine. How's that?

00:00:45.200 Yeah, no, that's good. And then you're going to be back out again next week. You're coming out, what, Sunday?

00:00:49.600 Yeah. Yeah. Who would have ever thought that I'd be going to Maine often? This is like my third trip. I felt like I probably got to Maine more than other places.

00:01:01.540 You're going to become a Mainer before too long.

00:01:04.640 Yeah.

00:01:05.160 No, apparently you can't. Apparently you can't become a Mainer unless you're born in Maine. I guess that's the rule.

00:01:10.720 So yeah, Pete can't be a Mainer and he's been there since what, when he is three or whatever.

00:01:16.040 I think, yeah, yeah. No, it was, it was a good event. I came out rejuvenated as well. Quite frankly, I was a little tired for about 48 hours because I do try to pour everything into it. It's amazing to me.

00:01:27.500 It's not physically exhausting for me, but it's mentally and emotionally draining. Draining is maybe not the right word. It's just, I'm utilizing that side of me a little bit more and I feel like I'm on. Right. And so it becomes very tiring. So I'm, I've poured everything into it by the end and I'm, I'm toast. I'm exhausted.

00:01:48.640 Well, the event was awesome. I think, um, you know, obviously props to, to you and, and Chris Gatchko for, for putting it on. And, you know, I mentioned this to you the other day, but, you know, we kind of had that fireside. I'm trying not to give out any details here, but we had that fireside and I really felt like that was the after action review for the event for us to sit back and say, okay, what has resonated with these guys?

00:02:16.980 What connected, you know, what do they see what's possible for themselves? And it was awesome to sit back and listen about what these men are, are dedicated to doing in their lives, what changes they're dedicated to making. And it was just a testament to how well the event was, was ran. So it was, it was awesome.

00:02:37.120 Well, that's good to hear. You know, it's easy for me to say it was a good event. Um, I think we put together a good event, but that's good to hear because I knew, I knew it was going to be good, but it went so much better even than I thought it would. And we added a few things and tweaked a few things along the way and just made our course corrections as quickly as we could. And it just, it was unbelievable.

00:02:56.120 So anyways, with that said, what I'll say is I think next week we'll have the dates out for the next event, which is in May. So it's going to be exciting. We're getting you guys plenty of notice.

00:03:11.400 Um, I'm going to give the alumni first right of refusal. Those guys who came to this first one, they'll have three or four days to decide if they want to come and then we'll open it up to you and anybody else who might be listening or following along or in the Facebook group or on my email list or wherever you're plugged in. We'll, uh, we'll get you the details, but I'm just telling you, make it, make it out. It's a, it's absolutely phenomenal. All right, let's get into this. Kip. We got questions to answer.

00:03:35.200 We do. So this is our ask me anything episode of the podcast. We have gone through our questions from our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council. You can learn more about that iron council at order of man.com slash iron council. Most of the questions are today is really from our Facebook group. So to post your guys's questions for future episodes, you can join us on facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. All right. Our first question.

00:04:04.800 Kevin Miller. What are some of the most influential songs you and Kip have listened to, to help instill the emotion of what it means to be a man? It's kind of an interesting question. I don't think we've ever had this one before.

00:04:17.620 I don't think we ever had have, and I don't, I can't think of anything right off hand just because I don't listen to music. I know, I know that the only thing I occasionally will bring up, especially in this podcast is Garth Brooks, right? You guys, the dance, you guys give me a hard time about Garth Brooks.

00:04:32.520 Um, but, uh, I don't know. I, I'd, I'd rather read a book than listen to music, especially with regards to what it means to be a man. So, I mean, I can give you books for days about what it means to be a man, but as far as songs go, I don't know. A boy named Sue.

00:04:46.760 Yeah. This is a really tough question. I wish there, I'm sure there's a song, Kevin. How's that? I just can't think of, maybe the guys can share one that they would think, what it means to be a man, right? Like that's, that'd be a pretty awesome song though. If we can think of it.

00:05:01.580 Oh, well, I'm sure there is. So maybe the guys can let us know what they have and then we'll listen to those songs.

00:05:07.980 Yeah. That's a good point. Post it on the Facebook group. Let's, let's hear what we'll make a order man playlist for you guys. And Ryan will like talk at the end of the mixtape for you.

00:05:17.180 Like a meditation type thing. Dude, you didn't even laugh when I said boy named Sue, please tell me, you know, that song.

00:05:23.300 I know that. Okay.

00:05:24.400 I know that song.

00:05:24.940 Your, your lack of enthusiasm towards that response had me concerned there for a minute.

00:05:30.800 Sorry.

00:05:31.840 Can you work on that, Kip, a little bit?

00:05:34.060 Well, I was just trying to concentrate on a song, but I can't, I can't think of one.

00:05:38.520 We'll come up with some. All right.

00:05:39.900 All right.

00:05:40.300 That's why you got to send me these questions beforehand so I can be ready for these things.

00:05:44.240 So we could spend hours researching for the, what song instills what it means to be a man for Kevin.

00:05:49.540 Exactly right. Exactly.

00:05:50.840 All right.

00:05:51.260 Jeremiah, uh, Gatsby, how do you set yourself apart when trying to start a business mostly

00:05:57.680 focused on social media when basically every market is flooded with people trying to do the same thing?

00:06:03.480 It's a good question. Uh, in fact, we are going to be doing a tribe builder course here in the next,

00:06:08.040 I should have that available for you, uh, in the next couple of weeks as far as when we're going

00:06:13.260 to release that. So stay tuned on that. That's, that's our, for those of you who don't know,

00:06:16.700 that's our course on how to build a tribe, which is why we call it tribe builder.

00:06:20.180 I'm not real creative when it comes to that, by the way, it's like, here's what it is. It's

00:06:24.660 literally in the title of the course itself.

00:06:29.100 Order of man podcast was originally labeled podcast.

00:06:32.520 That's it.

00:06:34.580 Um, all right. So how to stand out. So first things first, I would suggest that you really

00:06:41.540 spend a lot of time thinking about what injustices or travesties or things that you see wrong in the

00:06:47.760 world. And there's a thousand, well, there's a, there's an infinite number of things that could

00:06:51.180 be. So let me qualify by saying this, that it should be things that you are deeply connected

00:06:56.920 with and potentially have some personal experience with. So for example, uh, I grew up without a

00:07:02.420 permanent father figure in my home and, and I've told you guys that and millions and millions of

00:07:06.360 other men have done that. But when I look at a young boy or a young girl without a father,

00:07:11.460 it breaks my heart in a way, because I know exactly what that little child is experiencing

00:07:18.220 because I've been there. And I wonder what my life would look like if I had a more present,

00:07:23.980 a more capable, permanent male fixture inside the walls of my home. And it's deeply, deeply

00:07:31.200 connected, emotionally charged to who I am and, and who I want to be for my wife and my kids.

00:07:38.260 And of course you guys listening to the podcast and part of this movement. So that alone will

00:07:44.980 really set you apart because I don't, I don't game this. I talked about at the event, I'm not gaming

00:07:49.780 anything that we're doing here with a podcast or the iron council or tribe builder or the events or

00:07:54.980 anything that we're running. This is deeply, deeply personal to me. My family's involved. I'm involved.

00:08:00.280 I'm inviting these men quite literally into my home because I'm, I'm connected to it. And when you're

00:08:07.980 that connected, it's going to be hard not to be extremely, extremely excited and passionate

00:08:14.300 and, and fired up about the topic. I think too many people are worried about chasing the dollar.

00:08:20.740 Where, where can I make money? Where, you know, what's the biggest market and who's my avatar?

00:08:23.880 And you know, while there's certainly things you have to take into consideration, if you spend more

00:08:28.100 time focused on how you're going to serve and why it's so important that you do and what it means

00:08:33.120 to humanity, then you begin to set yourself apart inevitably just through that process.

00:08:38.600 Now, from a, from a more maybe tactical standpoint, I would say, once you've identified some of these

00:08:43.800 injustices and these travesties that are happening in the world that you're deeply connected with,

00:08:47.820 make a stand. You know, we, we, we live in this world where everybody is so wishy-washy and,

00:08:53.860 and kind of waffles and, and, and they, they, they move wherever the, the, the tide of,

00:08:59.800 of pop culture and media take them and tell them to go. And they're silenced when they're supposed

00:09:05.180 to be silent and they're vocal when they're supposed to be vocal. And they're, I don't like

00:09:10.080 using this term necessarily because I think it's just oversimplification, but they're sheep,

00:09:14.780 right? Like everybody's just wandering around following the jackass in front of them, whether

00:09:19.700 you should or shouldn't be. So you need to make a stand. What is it that you stand for? I stand for

00:09:25.620 masculinity. I believe that if more men became more capable as fathers, husbands, business owners,

00:09:32.880 community leaders, coaches, friends, mentors, brothers, fathers, et cetera, that the world would

00:09:38.880 be a better place. And interestingly enough, I believe that societies is, seems to be trending

00:09:45.580 away from that, which is actually good. It's a good thing because it leaves this whole empty

00:09:51.060 vacuum of space for men who want to be men who are looking for advice and ideas and banding with

00:09:58.120 other guys. And I become that solution. So you've, you've really got to make a powerful stance and then

00:10:04.580 not be wishy-washy on this. I'm not saying be stubborn and not take into consideration new inputs

00:10:10.940 and new ideas and new information. But if you're bouncing back and forth based on what you think is

00:10:16.140 going to work or what's popular or what somebody likes and what they don't like, you're in for a

00:10:20.180 miserable, miserable experience. And one in which you're not going to be successful anyways.

00:10:25.120 So be bold, be assertive, make some stands. You know, maybe there's two to three to five

00:10:30.180 clear points that you really, really make a stand for. For me, for example, toxic masculinity,

00:10:36.480 I make a stand against even that term. I think that term is a misnomer at best and damaging at worst to

00:10:44.660 men and families and societies. That's one area. I also believe that every child should be raised

00:10:51.020 with a home with a father and a mother. That's not popular, but that's what I believe. I believe

00:10:57.120 every home needs to have a father and a mother in it. Now, some people are going to hear that. And

00:11:02.460 even people that are listening right now and think, well, I can't believe you would say that. Oh,

00:11:05.600 what about same sex marriages? And what about all these other little dynamics? Look,

00:11:10.240 if that works for you and you're making it work great, but I'm just giving you my perspective.

00:11:15.640 And that's a stand that I'm willing to make. That's a hill that I'm willing to die on.

00:11:19.900 What is it for you? And when you find what that is and you start being vocal about it and consistent,

00:11:25.640 that's another point, consistent in being vocal about that, you're going to catch a lot of traction

00:11:32.000 very, very quickly. And it's going to sustain itself and continue to compound over years and years

00:11:38.040 and decades and so on. Yeah. I mean, obviously, Ryan, you're talking about, you know, kind of

00:11:43.280 having a purpose driven business for guys that are producing a product. Do you, do you suggest say,

00:11:50.020 Hey, you know what? Find purpose in it, right? We've, we've had this conversation in the past,

00:11:54.840 and I believe you've even interviewed someone that kind of, they focus on this very concept of

00:12:00.260 taking your business and making it purpose driven. Would you even highly recommend that even from

00:12:05.240 like a monetary products that guys are, you know what I mean? Yeah. I would probably say,

00:12:09.560 yeah, I would actually probably say more so because everything is commoditized. You know,

00:12:15.300 I'm just looking at my desk right now. I've got this computer, I've got a book here,

00:12:18.040 we've got this microphone, I've got a little planner here, I've got some pictures and some notes and

00:12:21.720 things like that, but everything on my desk is commoditized. So what companies think people are

00:12:27.560 looking for is the absolute cheapest product available. And while there's a huge demographic of people who are,

00:12:35.240 there's also a huge demographic of people who don't really care so much about the price as much as

00:12:40.660 they do about the story and about the, the, the meaning and the significance behind the product

00:12:47.820 itself. It's take our shirts or our hats, for example, you know, like a thousand other companies

00:12:53.640 are using the same shirts and hats that we make, and they probably make them for less than we do.

00:12:59.740 So why do people then buy a shirt with the order of man logo on it? Well, it's not the cotton.

00:13:05.260 It's not the ink that's used to screen print the shirt. It's what it means. It's the same thing.

00:13:12.120 I had a, I had a really cool experience with origin making some boots. I think that I show,

00:13:17.740 I can't remember if I had them, but no, I didn't have them for the event.

00:13:20.160 No, you posted online after the main event. I think you went down there, made some, right?

00:13:24.520 Yeah. So I made these boots and it's so cool. It's so cool. Such a cool experience. Can I buy

00:13:30.040 a cheaper pair of boots? Yeah. And origin would tell you that too. And you can find boots that

00:13:34.940 are going to be cheaper than that, but it's the story. It's the meaning. It's the fact that I

00:13:39.600 personally got to go in and work with the boot maker and see this whole process and actually

00:13:45.740 get behind a sewing machine and stitch some of the leather. Now, for those of you who don't have

00:13:50.100 that experience, origin still has great significance in that it's a hundred percent

00:13:54.540 made in America. The, the, the leather, I happen to make these bite their bison boots,

00:13:59.800 their bison leather, but even the cow leather that those are all cattle that are sourced in the U S

00:14:04.700 and if you were to follow that truck back from production to where they get the materials down

00:14:09.600 to the shoelaces and the rivets that go into the boot, a hundred percent made in America,

00:14:14.120 supporting everybody here across the States. You can find something cheaper. Absolutely. But

00:14:21.180 you're going to have a hard time, hard time, if not impossible, finding a pair of boots that was

00:14:25.940 100% sourced and made in America. And it's that story. It's that story that makes it significant,

00:14:33.980 that makes it meaningful. And that frankly drives people to your movement. And you know what,

00:14:41.980 they're going to pay a little bit more because it's worth it to them to pay a little bit more

00:14:45.560 because they have the meaning and the significance behind it. So yeah, to your, the short answer is

00:14:50.280 yes. Purpose driven, even for products, especially for products. Well, and what I love about this,

00:14:55.600 when we talked to this, we talked about this at the main event and we talked about establishing a

00:15:00.180 vision, right. And, and having purpose driven lives by backing up your business with such purpose,

00:15:07.800 we get the driving force to move forward. That it's not about just monetary gain. It's,

00:15:15.900 it's about making a difference. Like how nice is that when we can tie our livelihood and our side

00:15:22.800 hustle, our business to actually making a difference and get some moral benefit from what we're doing.

00:15:28.840 Well, yes. And how good do you feel getting up out of bed and going into the day? I mean,

00:15:35.360 how many men are listening to this who are completely de-energized and demoralized through

00:15:39.820 the work that they're doing. You and I are recording this on a Monday. Most people dread Monday.

00:15:44.180 They dread Sunday night, actually. In fact, it probably goes back to Friday.

00:15:48.240 They're thinking about the weekend and they're like, Oh shit, it's only gonna be two days. And

00:15:50.920 then a Monday and I have to go back to work and they're miserable. And look, you got to do what you

00:15:55.300 got to do. I've been in miserable jobs, but I've had to make ends meet and pay the bills and whatnot.

00:15:59.140 But how, how different would your life look like if you had a job that you were deeply,

00:16:06.220 deeply connected with and that energized you? And by the way, it could be the job that you have

00:16:12.080 right now. If you started looking at work a little differently and started thinking less about the

00:16:16.820 paycheck and more about the service and how you're adding value to the company and to society and the

00:16:22.860 clients that you're serving, it could be right there in front of you. If you just expanded the way you

00:16:28.240 looked at work. Yeah. I was just going to say that because we get that a lot where guys think,

00:16:33.700 Oh, well I'd have to change my job. And it's like, Whoa, man, you have opportunity right in front of

00:16:39.140 you, but, but you don't see the opportunity for impact as, you know, how can I benefit the people

00:16:47.240 on my team? How can I benefit my work culture and environment? Like they think that they're,

00:16:52.880 they're hopeless to their circumstance and their circumstance has to change for them now to be a,

00:16:57.860 a better man. It's like, no, you can be a better man regardless of the circumstance you're in

00:17:02.640 and start making change and difference. Now. It's, I mean, we see this even in the iron council

00:17:07.940 and it's a little different, but I think because it's different, this is a good scenario to explore

00:17:12.440 here. Most people come into the iron council thinking that because they paid and they invested

00:17:17.560 in themselves, that it's my sole responsibility to create something that is going to benefit them.

00:17:23.760 And while I look at it that way, I certainly do. I think it's my responsibility to put together the

00:17:28.680 best programs and systems and processes and accountability to help these men achieve more

00:17:33.040 in their lives. I wish more of these guys coming in would not think about it from that, but think

00:17:38.880 about it from the perspective of what can I give? How can I serve? How can I add? And so when these guys

00:17:45.180 come into the iron council and they're on the call for the first Friday, I have them introduce

00:17:50.460 themselves and you'll notice, I don't say, what do you want from the iron council? Like what do you

00:17:55.060 hope to take? Or what do you hope to get? But what are you, what are you going to make about your

00:17:59.080 experience? What experience do you want to have? That's a give and a take. It's not just taking

00:18:04.660 consuming it's producing. And I found in my life that the more that I produce in my life, even in

00:18:10.860 relationships that quote unquote, I'm supposed to take like a, maybe a client relationship, the more that I

00:18:17.940 give to that relationship, the better ahead. I always, always come out of the deal.

00:18:22.600 Yeah, totally.

00:18:24.080 All right, let's move on. We beat a dead horse.

00:18:26.660 We have a tendency of doing this because we're so excited about it, right? So it's, it's good,

00:18:30.060 but we need to make sure we cover all the questions.

00:18:32.320 You're talking about the mission of order, man. And, and, uh, you, you hate the term,

00:18:37.160 you know, toxic masculinity. Uh, did you hear about, uh, Gillette?

00:18:40.860 Yeah, I heard they lost what? $8 billion over the last quarter or whatever it was. It's like,

00:18:45.040 good, you know, just sell razors.

00:18:47.800 Oxic commercial. Yeah. And, and you know what? Maybe, maybe that's the hill they choose to die

00:18:52.700 on. And if it is, well, great. I commend them for, for taking a stance. Now that doesn't mean

00:18:56.360 I'm obligated to stand with them. But, uh, I, I think when you have an $8 billion loss,

00:19:04.160 you're probably going to get some pushback from the, uh, shareholders. And like I said earlier,

00:19:09.780 these are companies that are waffling and waving to and fro with what they think is popular. I mean,

00:19:14.420 look, does Gillette really care about quote unquote toxic masculinity? No, they care about

00:19:19.960 selling more razors. So what they were doing is gaming the whole thing in order to pay off

00:19:24.820 and they took a risk and you know, it didn't, it didn't pay off. So they're going to backpedal

00:19:30.020 and they're going to change. And the next commercial they come out with is likely going

00:19:33.040 to be something about genuine masculinity and what it probably should have been in the first place.

00:19:37.880 But it's not because they care about that either. It's because they think that they can

00:19:41.640 recapture some of their customer base. It's, it's pretty pathetic actually.

00:19:45.240 Yeah. All right. Clay, uh, Grigsbaugh, when updating your battle planner, what are some

00:19:51.520 strong non-negotiables that get you through a week, month and quarter?

00:19:55.960 So one of the things that we do in our 12 week battle planner, and, and let me just back up and

00:20:00.700 explain what this is. This is a, this is a tool because there's a lot of new guys that listen to

00:20:04.840 this podcast every week. This is a tool that we have created, refined, honed, fine tuned. We're

00:20:11.760 on our, I don't know how many iteration of this battle planner over the past three years,

00:20:16.100 but we tweak it right. Based on what's working and God, and you can get this battle planner

00:20:22.240 in the order of man store. That's store.orderman.com. Well played. Good sir. Yeah. So inside the battle

00:20:30.780 planner, among other things, I'm not going to go down a rabbit hole here inside the battle planner,

00:20:34.360 among other things, especially in the weekly tracker is your daily non-negotiables. These are

00:20:38.020 things that you do like the title implies every single day that you just do because you know,

00:20:44.740 it helps you in some capacity. So I actually, this morning I wrote my daily non-negotiables

00:20:51.280 for this week. Sometimes they change based on what I have going on, but I wrote down five things

00:20:56.700 here. Number one, exercise. That's a staple. That's pretty much there every single week.

00:21:01.960 Number two plan. So every single morning I sit down like I did with my battle planner this morning

00:21:07.960 and I plan out my morning. And I'll tell you what, when I plan out my morning, I feel so good

00:21:12.300 and I'm so much more effective because I go through and I've, I've checked off three or four things here

00:21:17.900 on my list already this morning. And I feel good because I feel productive and that's how we want

00:21:22.340 to feel. Men want to produce. We're biologically hardwired to do that. So when we're not producing,

00:21:27.920 we feel like shit and we should maybe because we should be producing. That's the difference between

00:21:32.280 boys and men. So when I have a list and I literally start checking that off and seeing

00:21:38.240 the tangible results of my efforts, that feels really good. So planning visualization is important

00:21:45.020 to me. So sitting down for five to 10 minutes and thinking about what I want to create in my life,

00:21:50.920 what I want my fitness to look like today, this morning, I actually visualized a lot about what our

00:21:56.100 next event is going to be. Because as I said earlier, we've got our dates coming out and what

00:22:01.000 I want to make sure is included in this next event. Because when you visualize, you start putting

00:22:05.820 into play the actions and the processes and the systems that are going to drive you towards that

00:22:10.060 visualization. And then it manifests itself. I told the guys at the event, this past event that we did

00:22:15.380 that I vividly, vividly remember sitting down with my wife at times and having conversations and dreaming

00:22:23.900 with her about having plenty of properties spread out with a huge barn in a white style farmhouse.

00:22:30.740 And these guys were here this weekend at my property, big, beautiful, white farm style home,

00:22:38.080 huge barn, plenty of properties. Like I had this property in my dreams. So visualization is important.

00:22:46.660 And then in addition to that, and these two are, they change from time to time. But this week,

00:22:52.120 my emphasis for every single day is to shoot my bow every single day this week and work on my jujitsu

00:22:59.620 every single day this week. I have three days of training. And then outside of training, I'm going

00:23:05.400 to be watching some videos. I've got a book so that I'm always focused on, or I'm focused every day on

00:23:10.600 the jujitsu and also the archery as well. So those are my staples for this week specifically.

00:23:15.120 Nice. What about you? All right. Anything you would add or, or tweak or change?

00:23:20.420 No, I mean, uh, I mean, obviously mine are different, but not exactly different. I mean,

00:23:25.740 they're really similar, right? Workout. Uh, my reading is a non-negotiable prayer. Yeah. Those

00:23:32.400 kinds of items. Yeah. Cool. All right. Anthony Gat, uh, Gaskell, do you use, use your wife as an

00:23:38.680 accountability partner? And if so, how, and to what extent you to Mr. Sorensen, maybe describe

00:23:45.440 your guys's conversations. So I don't think that I would say a formal, excuse me, a former

00:23:52.980 accountability partner, um, in that I tell her everything that I'm going to be doing and then

00:23:57.740 she needs to hold me accountable. And if I'm not doing it, she calls me out. I think that's

00:24:01.460 inherently just ingrained in the relationship, right? She's going to do that with her. Yeah.

00:24:06.560 Whether I'm her accountability partner or not, it's that, that old adage, like, you know,

00:24:12.800 you already told me there's to, to mow the lawn. You don't need to remind me every single,

00:24:17.000 every six months or whatever for the rest of my life. Or I don't know. I butchered that,

00:24:20.120 but, um, yeah. So yeah, she's an accountability partner for sure. And, and to me, because here's

00:24:27.200 the difference because I respect, I can't speak today because I respect my wife. I do things

00:24:36.140 that maybe I don't necessarily want to do or that I, that I would otherwise not do. So it's not

00:24:43.660 that she's holding me accountable. It's that I, I respect her. I love her. I want to support her.

00:24:49.700 And so I feel like I'm going to be a better man of my word because I want to honor her and I want to

00:24:58.240 honor the relationship that we have. So I feel like without her in my life, I may not be as strong

00:25:07.120 with my word or may lack some more character or integrity. Does that make sense?

00:25:13.880 Yeah, totally. I mean, just that relationship in itself is enough to drive, like you're going to

00:25:18.480 be naturally more accountable just because of, because of her in your life period.

00:25:23.640 Kids are very much the same way. You know, I've got four little mouths to feed. And so if I don't

00:25:27.380 put food on the table, that's accountability, right? They're looking at me with their little

00:25:31.800 cute eyes and, and I don't want to see them starving or hungry. And so the accountability is

00:25:36.240 for me to get my butt out of bed and get into work and do what needs to be done to provide for them.

00:25:41.020 So there's some inherent accountability built into these relationships, which is why there's part of

00:25:46.200 the reason why they're so valuable. I have a lot of guys actually, and it's, it's kind of

00:25:49.940 saddening a lot. And I hate this question, but a lot of guys will ask in the Facebook

00:25:53.620 group about the benefits of marriage. And, and the reason I, if somebody is genuinely asking

00:25:58.780 that question, I'm all for having a discussion, but I think more often than not, the people who

00:26:02.980 are asking that question are the guys who have already made up their minds that marriage is not

00:26:06.780 a great institution. And so they're just using it as an excuse because they'll say things like,

00:26:11.740 what are the benefits of marriage? And then you'll list out some benefits and then they'll debate it

00:26:15.040 with you. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You asked me what I thought the benefits of

00:26:20.420 marriage were. I I'm not interested in a debate. In fact, I'm not even here to convince you.

00:26:25.700 I don't care if you get married or not. It's worked well for me. It's served me well. And I think it

00:26:31.340 will serve other guys well, but if you have a different viewpoint or you don't think it's going

00:26:35.040 to be good for you, cool, go live your life. I don't, I don't care. That's, that's the trap.

00:26:41.580 I think that you got to be careful of is falling into with, with some of these guys who just want to

00:26:45.540 argue for the sake of argument and you've got to know that their questions are loaded. But the

00:26:50.160 reason I brought that up is because that's one of the benefits is I'm, I'm a better man because I'm

00:26:57.400 a husband and father period. I'm more productive. I'm more effective. I'm more empathetic. I can

00:27:04.260 communicate more effectively any metric of my life. I'm better because I am committed to one woman

00:27:11.440 and I have four kids who I love and think the world of and want to be there as their father. So

00:27:18.420 that's all I need to know. Yeah. The only thing I'd add for Anthony is

00:27:23.860 enlist your spouse and what you're working on. Um, that's one conversation that I have with Asia

00:27:31.800 is especially, you know, when we talk about our relationships or our family, you know, I'll share

00:27:37.260 what is my tactic for the quarter and what I'm, what's the objective of the tactic and what I'm

00:27:42.480 hoping to accomplish. She'll give me insight and input, but I'm also enlisting her in what I'm doing.

00:27:48.360 Sometimes we have this tendency to, you know, this kind of lone wolf mentality, even around our goals

00:27:53.280 where we have this strategy and this idea, Oh, I'm going to implement this in my family.

00:27:57.460 But then we never communicate to our spouse. She has no idea what we're doing. Um, and then we,

00:28:03.020 we try to implement something. So I would really encourage enlisting or enrolling her

00:28:08.660 in the adjustment that you're looking for, get some feedback, that accountability is just going

00:28:14.140 to kind of be a natural process. Or at least it has been for me as well. So. Yeah, I agree. I mean,

00:28:19.460 this is the question a lot of guys will ask is something along the lines of best relationship

00:28:24.080 advice. Keep the lines of communication open that encompasses everything. Just keep the lines of

00:28:30.260 communication open, share with her and list her. Like you said, Kip, connect the dots. Like if you

00:28:35.680 just take a new job and you're telling her, I'm going to take a new job. Cause I think this would

00:28:38.800 be good. There's a lot of uncertainty there. There's a lot of uncertainty for her certainly.

00:28:43.380 And you've got to be able to make those connections for so that she sees it's a good thing.

00:28:47.540 Your job is to connect the dots for her and your kids and anybody else who's going to be impacted

00:28:51.720 by those decisions that you're going to be making. Yeah. And guaranteed every guy listening,

00:28:56.360 the communication we're talking about is all the communication that you don't think is necessary

00:29:00.540 or don't think about. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know what I mean? We sometimes think,

00:29:05.980 oh, it's not really necessary. It's not that, you know what, just communicate it anyway.

00:29:08.980 Exactly. And guaranteed it probably needs to be communicated.

00:29:12.100 Yeah. But then we get into mansplaining and some of these other ridiculous things. Have you heard of

00:29:17.380 that? Uh-uh. I feel like what we're talking about. Maybe I hear that.

00:29:20.960 Explaining? Maybe I hear these things because I'm just in the industry, but

00:29:24.560 there's certain women who get upset because they think that they're being talked down to

00:29:29.360 when men are trying to explain something. You know, if I, for example, am out shooting my bow

00:29:35.460 and my wife wants to shoot, then I would explain to her, I would teach her how to shoot a bow. But

00:29:39.800 if I do it wrong, apparently if I do it wrong, then it's not educational. It's mansplaining. And

00:29:44.640 I'm talking down to her to make her feel inferior. These things are ridiculous, man. Absolutely

00:29:50.660 ridiculous. So don't mansplain, fellas, if you can figure out what that is.

00:29:56.580 All right. Rihad. Oh man, this is good. All right. Rihad Ramatula. The hardest thing for me is

00:30:04.580 asked from what I think I'm due. I approached my boss a few months ago about reviewing my

00:30:10.720 benefit package. He said he had discussed it with HR and get back to me. He hasn't yet. I have not

00:30:17.000 gone back to him as I don't want to seem demanding. What's the best way to approach this?

00:30:23.200 Well, you missed an opportunity, but that doesn't mean you can't fix it. The opportunity is this.

00:30:29.500 When somebody says something like, I'll talk with the HR and then I'll get back with you.

00:30:34.560 Your response is great. When can I expect that to take place? And when should we schedule to have

00:30:41.760 another conversation about it? Yeah. Because what your boss is doing is, look, I don't know. I don't

00:30:48.040 want to, I don't want to try to explain his motives. I don't know. Or her motives. All I know is that if

00:30:52.840 you give somebody some wiggle room, they're probably going to try to wiggle their way out of that,

00:30:58.500 through that room that you just gave them. Okay. So lock it down. You don't need to be a jerk or an

00:31:04.640 a-hole, but you should be assertive. And if you find out that your boss doesn't appreciate that,

00:31:09.560 that's a red flag. That's something you need to be very, very aware of. But you just created space.

00:31:14.620 This comes down to jujitsu, right? You just created space that somebody can capitalize on. And in this

00:31:20.780 case, the space is that you let them backpedal out of it. So don't let people do that. And the way you

00:31:27.380 do it is you close it down, you lock it up. And when somebody tries to backpedal out of it or get out

00:31:31.680 of something, great. When can we lock that down and have that conversation? I don't think that's out of

00:31:36.460 line. I think, especially if those commitments or those promises were brought up in an interview

00:31:44.680 or that's what's in the employee handbook or whatever it may be, then I don't think that's

00:31:49.060 out of line. Now, what I would do since you missed that boat is just go back and close the hole.

00:31:54.340 Hey, John, two weeks ago, we had talked about talking with HR about my benefits package. And you

00:32:01.880 said you were going to talk with them and I hadn't heard back from you. I don't want to let things fall

00:32:04.920 through the cracks. So have you had the chance to talk with them yet? Now what's, what's John going

00:32:09.300 to do in this case? John's going to say, Oh yeah, yeah. I, you know, I've been busy. Uh, I still got

00:32:14.040 to talk with them. Okay, good. Then close the loophole. Oh, okay. That, that's fine. So when do

00:32:19.940 you think you'll be able to talk with them? And when would you like to schedule to have another

00:32:22.600 conversation? This is assertive communication 101. You know what people are doing, but you don't know

00:32:29.720 how to handle it. Now you know how to handle it. And I'll give you this piece of advice to

00:32:33.200 play out conversations in your mind, whether it's asking the boss for a raise or, or him

00:32:39.160 to review your benefits package or asking a woman on a date or having a conversation with

00:32:44.100 your kids, play out the conversation in your mind. It's a lot like those books that I used

00:32:49.080 to read when I was little called choose your own adventure. Do you remember those?

00:32:52.420 Yeah, I totally do. I would always like read ahead and then, you know, you cheated, you cheated,

00:32:58.060 cheated the system. Yeah. All the time. So if you don't know what those are, cause you aren't

00:33:02.360 as old as me or Kip, the way that it works is you, they probably still have them, but

00:33:07.680 you'd read your book, you'd read 10 pages and then you'd be faced with, with a decision.

00:33:12.620 And if you, if you want decision a, you'd go to page 13. And if you were in decision B,

00:33:18.280 then you just keep reading on the same path that you were on. Right. And so you'd make a

00:33:21.620 bunch of little mini decisions and then ultimately that would lead you to your imminent death at

00:33:25.120 the end of the book. Right. Yeah. So like Oregon trail, right? That's another old reference.

00:33:32.360 Uh, man, I feel old. I really feel old. I don't even know where I was going with that. Anyway,

00:33:38.040 so choose your own adventure, right? So play out the relation, uh, the conversation in your mind.

00:33:42.960 Okay. I'm going to say this. My boss is going to say a or B. If he says a, here's what I'm going to

00:33:49.980 do. If he says B, here's what I'm going to do. Then play out B. Now, if he chooses B, then I'm going

00:33:54.580 to say this and he's likely to say this. And if he says this, here's what I'm going to do. And if he says

00:33:57.980 that, here's what I'm going to do, play this out in your mind so that you're not walking into a

00:34:03.120 relation, uh, conversation completely blindfolded. Cause that's the problem is you, if you didn't

00:34:10.440 know that was coming, that's your fault. You should have known that that's what he would have

00:34:16.060 done. And maybe you didn't. Okay. Now you learn. So don't let it happen again, fix the situation

00:34:21.600 and make yourself more assertive. So this doesn't continue to happen. But I love playing out

00:34:26.800 scenarios in my mind. It's the same thing with negotiations, right? If I'm going to negotiate,

00:34:31.780 for example, the purchase of a home or the purchase of a vehicle, then I got to know how this person is

00:34:38.000 going to negotiate. And if they try certain tactics, I got to know how I'm going to respond to that.

00:34:42.320 You need to know ahead of time. That's why chess is so good. That's why jujitsu is so good.

00:34:47.360 Yeah. Because you know, Kip, when you and I roll and we haven't, but we will for a while,

00:34:53.080 but we will next week is like, each of us are going to be trying to think

00:34:56.580 moves and moves and moves ahead. Right? So, okay, if I do this, Kip's going to go here,

00:35:02.220 or at least I hope he goes here. And if he goes here, good, that's exactly what I want him to do

00:35:06.040 because I'm leading it to this next position or this next transition, et cetera, et cetera. You're a

00:35:10.860 little better at that than me, right? Cause you've done it for longer. And that's all this is,

00:35:14.840 just the practice and learning how to play some mental jujitsu, if you will, with your boss in

00:35:21.380 this case. Yeah. The only thing I'd add for Riyadh is like, you know, hardest thing he says is asking

00:35:27.020 for what is due. So kind of prep that a little bit too. You know, you, you may have, you know,

00:35:32.340 in retrospect, in hindsight, it's 2020, but coming back into this, like for some of you guys, you know,

00:35:37.780 learning from this example is maybe coming to your boss of why it's due, right? Give him this,

00:35:44.260 you know, when you have your quarterly review or whatever, give him a breakdown. What have you

00:35:48.980 accomplished? What successes resulted due to your actions? Like sell him, let him know,

00:35:55.520 you know what I mean? Of what is progressing. And, and I wouldn't worry too much about being

00:35:59.960 demanding because the more depends, right? It's all about the personality, but it could easily be

00:36:05.460 that he's just swamped and he needs you to remind him that, Hey, remember we had that conversation

00:36:10.820 about, you know, my, my compensation package being adjusted. You know, when can I follow up with you

00:36:16.040 and schedule that time? Right. So look at the bigger picture, make him, make sure that he's aware.

00:36:21.400 Cause I think sometimes I fall, I fall short of that sometimes where, you know, I may not, um,

00:36:27.540 be fully aware of all the, the benefits of what my guys are bringing to the team. And I might drop the

00:36:32.720 ball sometimes, or I might be, you know, dropping the ball and following up with someone because I,

00:36:38.520 I got sidetracked and I literally forgot about it. Right. So I would really try to just schedule

00:36:44.320 things, you know, Hey, can we have this conversation? Should I schedule something next

00:36:47.860 week? Right. And his answer is going to be, yes. Okay. Now, awesome. It's on the calendar.

00:36:53.000 Now he's going to see that coming up on Thursday and he better, you know, he's going to be driven to

00:36:57.300 talk to HR before he has his meeting with you. Right. So, you know, sell yourself and just,

00:37:03.220 just make sure that, and it may not, and how's this? It wouldn't come across demanding. If any

00:37:09.620 of my team members came to me and said, Hey, Kip, remember we had that conversation. In fact,

00:37:13.040 I'd be like, Oh, thank you so much for reminding me. Right. Let's schedule time next week. Yep. So,

00:37:17.500 all right, Craig Perkins, what was your daily routine for writing your book? Did you use an

00:37:24.120 outside service like scribe to help? Oh, is that it? Okay. Uh, no, uh, I just wrote a thousand words per day.

00:37:32.460 That's it. Yeah. It didn't matter when I did it. Uh, I, I w I tried to do it in one sitting as

00:37:39.040 opposed to multiple sittings because I realized it took me 250 to 500 words to get warmed up.

00:37:43.960 So it was in my best interest to do it all in one sitting, whether that was the morning or the

00:37:50.020 afternoon. And I just wrote, came up with the outline, started running, writing chronologically

00:37:55.840 step by step by step by step. I'm very methodical that way. And that's always served me well. It's like,

00:38:00.560 just do it. That's all you have to do. You just have to write. You just have to go to the gym.

00:38:07.100 You just have to put in your hours in the mat. You just have to put in your hours at work. Just

00:38:11.720 do it. Don't come up with excuses. Don't come up with reasons. Don't justify not doing it. Just

00:38:18.780 do it because you committed to doing it. And that has always, always served me well. So again,

00:38:24.280 I wrote out my outline plug through, I had a 90 day timeline on my book. I completed it from

00:38:30.880 very few words and a rough outline to complete in a 90 day timeframe and ready to sell. Cause that was

00:38:37.380 my goal. And I knew if I took it out longer than that, I probably wouldn't do it because I work

00:38:41.780 good under, under deadlines. Um, and so what I would do is I would write a chapter and then I would send

00:38:47.540 it to my editor. And while she was editing it, I would write another chapter and send that one off.

00:38:52.560 And then she'd come behind me and it, it just worked out really, really well. So just write.

00:38:58.260 How, how did that outline stay accurate? Like how, how many times pretty accurate? I would say like

00:39:04.540 70 to 80% accurate. And then I realized that I had way too much information. And so I skimmed back and

00:39:12.380 then I actually skimmed too much and it was too short and I didn't go in depth into certain things. So

00:39:16.600 then I scaled up. So it was a work in progress. I didn't have that, that outline perfect,

00:39:22.540 but I would say 70 to 80% of it was, was pretty dialed in. I knew what I wanted to write about.

00:39:28.840 Yeah. That's, that's higher than I would have thought. I have a tendency of,

00:39:31.960 to change my outline a lot. Like once I dive into it, then I start flowing a different direction.

00:39:37.080 I think, Oh, I want to change the outline, not from a book perspective, but when I think about like

00:39:40.820 talks and whatnot, I, I have a tendency to jack up that timeline quite a bit once I get into my

00:39:46.400 thoughts. But so, yeah, it's a, it's a good point because I think a lot of people do this and,

00:39:50.920 and I used to do it, but here's what I would, here's what I would say, excuse me, to, uh, to

00:39:56.760 manage this is whether it's a presentation or a book or a talk or a project or a proposal,

00:40:03.260 always ask yourself at the end of every, uh, session, I guess we'll say like, if you're writing,

00:40:11.260 then at the end of the session, ask this question, does this tie in to the ultimate objective of

00:40:19.300 the project or the book or the proposal or whatever? If the answer's no, you may have just

00:40:24.820 written a lot and you had some good practice, but you're not going to use it. Yeah. If the answer's

00:40:30.120 yes, then great. And there was a lot of times where I started to deviate. And then I asked myself,

00:40:35.000 does this tie in? It was great information. That's not the question. The question is, is,

00:40:40.620 is this is not, is this good information? The question is, does this tie into the premise?

00:40:44.720 And I had a lot of great information out there that I had to completely just get rid of or use

00:40:50.900 for my next book, uh, because it didn't, it didn't support the premise. It supported something else.

00:40:58.180 Yeah. That's hard to do to edit down your, your stuff is hard to do because you're,

00:41:04.040 cause you, you invested time and you're attached to it. You might like it too. Exactly. You might like

00:41:08.960 that as good, it's a good stuff. Right. But think about, okay, does this tie into the objective?

00:41:15.800 I'm looking at this book here on my desk and I won't say the book name. I haven't read it and I

00:41:20.840 don't want to judge a book by its cover, but it's got this book title. And then the subtitle is like,

00:41:26.380 it's like, it's like a paragraph. Like this is to, I look at it and I think, well, this is somebody

00:41:32.160 who doesn't know what they want to talk about, or it's just skimming the surface on all of these things.

00:41:36.180 And they could have wrote a book that went deep into the main topic. Yeah.

00:41:42.660 All right. Keith door as men is domestication adding to mental health issues.

00:41:48.600 A hundred percent. Yeah. No, I mean, that's not even a question. A hundred percent. John Eldridge

00:41:54.900 says deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty

00:41:59.940 to rescue. Now that's anecdotal. That's, that's not a supported statement, but I think that's

00:42:05.100 absolutely true. And if you look at that, a battle to fight, what battle are you fighting?

00:42:10.820 Most men's greatest battle is trying to get to work on time in, in the face of back, you know,

00:42:16.260 stop and go traffic. Would you say mental health issues or perceived mental health issues though?

00:42:22.140 Right. Because like, I think about that and I think, well, there's mental illness.

00:42:24.580 I'm, I'm, I'm depressed because of it, but it's not true depression. Right. Right. So there's mental

00:42:29.980 illness, but I think mental health, let's just, let's take the mental out of it. Let's just say

00:42:35.200 health. Yeah. Health issues could be your, your 10 pounds overweight. Does it mean you're obese?

00:42:42.660 No, but you're 10 pounds out of overweight. So it's a health issue. A health issue could mean that

00:42:47.920 you're getting six hours of sleep instead of seven. Can you operate on six? Sure. It's not something

00:42:53.400 that's like, well, it might over time kill you, but it's not an imminent threat to you. Right. So

00:42:58.780 it's, it's not catastrophic at this moment, but getting seven hours would be better. So, so I think

00:43:06.240 mental illness is different than mental health. Yeah. Good, good distinction. I don't think I've

00:43:11.140 ever thought of that. Those being different. Yeah. I just, I think it comes down to the severity,

00:43:16.500 right? But, but mental health. Sure. Yeah. I mean, if you're sedated and you're not happy and you're not

00:43:23.180 doing anything meaningful and significant, if you're not physical and nature and you're not

00:43:28.040 taking risks. Now, these things, taking risks, physical and nature competition, those are not

00:43:34.420 anecdotal. Those are proven to help men. How boost testosterone winning, eating, right? Getting the

00:43:46.680 right amount of sleep, taking some calculated risk. Those are all going to exercise,

00:43:52.600 diet, nutrition. And if you're not having those in your life because you don't have to look, Jack

00:43:58.260 Donovan talks about this and he makes a great point. You're it's not a, it's, you're not forced

00:44:03.280 to be a man in today's society. Yeah. It's a decision because you're not going to die. Like nothing's

00:44:11.500 chasing you to eat you for dinner tonight. You're, you're likely not the overwhelming majority of

00:44:17.800 society is, is not going to starve today or freeze to death or be mugged and, and be in a duel or

00:44:28.380 something like that's, that's not what men are going to face. So you have to make a voluntary choice

00:44:34.660 to, to step out of your comfort zone, your domestication, if you will, into the kind of men

00:44:41.920 that our ancestors were. And I'm not saying that we need to be savage or uncivilized, but there's

00:44:48.500 elements that we should definitely tap into. Again, I come back to jujitsu cause I've been on

00:44:52.840 a big kick with it over the past. Like I, I like, maybe it's a little bit of like, what is it? Like

00:45:00.260 masochist, right? It's like, I actually like being in a little bit of pain in jujitsu.

00:45:05.200 Totally. I think it, it hurts. Like when somebody has their, their, their, their, the bone of their

00:45:12.640 forearm across your throat, it hurts really bad. But at the same time, you're like, I kind of like

00:45:19.200 this. Like, I kind of like this feeling. Like, I just want to sit in this for a little longer and

00:45:25.020 see how long I can take it. I know, I know to, to people who don't, who don't practice maybe

00:45:33.240 jujitsu or aren't in martial arts or sports or some competitive violent altercation that,

00:45:38.760 that might seem weird, but I like it, man. Do you like it?

00:45:43.520 Totally. I find it rejuvenating. Well, and, well, and the, one of the examples I use all the time,

00:45:49.360 it's like, you know, and, and it sounds silly because people can't relate to this, but I really

00:45:56.020 feel like when I go train that guy's trying to like really hurt me. Yes. Like the point is to

00:46:03.960 almost kill you. Yeah. And, and I'm, and I'm giving it every effort in my mind and body to prevent from

00:46:13.300 getting killed. So when that's over, it puts life into perspective, right? The thing that I was

00:46:20.820 stressing out about, about, I don't know, some, you know, high stakes meeting that I had later in

00:46:26.880 the day or, you know, some drama at home or whatever, all those things are put into perspective.

00:46:31.560 And I go, Oh yeah, that's not a big deal. Those aren't big deals when I was about to get killed

00:46:37.380 an hour earlier. So it's really rejuvenating. And, and I love, man, I love, especially when you get a

00:46:45.460 really good training partner where you are going after each other as hard as you can. And I love

00:46:53.120 it. Oh man, I love it. I'm trying to hurt him. He's trying to, and we're just banging. It's just

00:46:58.220 fun. Jeez. I agree. I, and, and I think that comes back to the battle to fight the adventure to

00:47:04.180 live. We're taking calculated risks, but we're also improving as men too. And we've, we've connected

00:47:09.500 the dots between pain and suffering and improvement as a man. And, and therefore you keep going back

00:47:17.500 to get your ass kicked even more. Totally. Totally. And that's weird to think about is too,

00:47:22.660 is like you go into this and you get your butt kicked for an hour or two or whatever it is.

00:47:26.580 And then you're in pain and you're uncomfortable and your hips hurt and your fingers hurt and your

00:47:31.500 throat hurts because the guy just had his legs wrapped around your neck or whatever. And, and then

00:47:37.360 you're like, I think I'll go back tomorrow and do that again. Yeah. So what people also think though,

00:47:42.560 is that it's not a struggle. There's sometimes a struggle. Sometimes I go to the gym and I go,

00:47:48.960 Oh man, I don't want to be here. Yeah. True. True. You know, cause you know what's coming,

00:47:53.820 but you never regret it. No. Right. And you go anyways, because you know what you're going to feel

00:47:59.300 like after it. So the answer to the question is the domestication of man leading to mental health

00:48:05.680 concerns and issues a hundred percent without a doubt. And we gave you some things that you can

00:48:10.440 do to work on. Yeah. All right. Trent Bowling. How can you encourage your significant other to

00:48:16.200 engage in activities that she used to love? My wife is a mother of three and focuses her life on

00:48:22.060 raising our children, which I love. However, I feel that she is being, she is getting burnt out.

00:48:27.240 This is a really valuable, valuable question. Well, the answer will be valuable because

00:48:31.660 this is something that so many men deal with. I would say a couple of things. I know I've dealt

00:48:37.600 with this and I do still to a degree because she takes pride in being a mother. So she thinks she's

00:48:43.320 doing everything she needs to do, but then she's not rejuvenating. Right. So I think all men experience

00:48:48.880 this and face this in some form or none, especially with wonderful women who are achieving and who want

00:48:54.240 to achieve and want to be great mothers or homemakers or business people or whatever it is they do.

00:48:58.720 Right. Yeah. I would say, number one, make sure you take time for yourself. Now I know that sounds

00:49:03.440 counterintuitive, but you are leading by example. So you can't expect her to go out and do things if

00:49:08.660 all you do is work and you don't take time for yourself. If you take time for yourself, then she's

00:49:14.740 going to start to see that you're placing yourself as a priority and it's okay. You're basically giving

00:49:21.320 her nonverbal permission to do those things for herself because you do it and she sees it and she

00:49:30.100 sees how you come back and that you're more engaged and uplifted and energetic that she might begin to

00:49:35.200 see that maybe if I go do that, then I'll be that as well. So that's, that's tip number one, tip number

00:49:40.960 two. And then I'll let you give you your tips here. Kip is think about why she's not think about why she's

00:49:49.240 not. And if I think about my wife and why she's not engaging in these things, it's because she's

00:49:55.500 consumed, consumed. Now my wife's a homemaker. She's consumed with feeding and taking care of the

00:50:04.960 kids and playing. And we decided to homeschool our kids this year. So now she's got that.

00:50:10.300 And now, you know, then, then she's got laundry to do and cleaning the house and being a homemaker.

00:50:19.040 She, her reason for not going to do something might be that she doesn't have the time, which

00:50:26.040 actually is pretty legitimate knowing her schedule and what she does. So it's upon me to take some

00:50:34.700 things off of her table and free up some space for her to go do those things. That's you. And we

00:50:43.380 talk about this all the time. It's like, stop focusing on her, start focusing on you. You're

00:50:48.100 talking about encouraging your wife to go do the things that will edify her, help her create the

00:50:52.780 time to go do it. Yeah. Do it for yourself. If it's, if it's the kids and she's worried about that,

00:50:58.480 I could go to my wife tonight. I probably won't because we have other things, but I could

00:51:03.160 go to my wife tonight and I could say, Hey hon, um, tonight I'm going to take the four kids and

00:51:11.180 there's a, uh, there's a fair, uh, in, in the neighboring town. I'm going to take the four kids.

00:51:17.660 You're not invited. You know, I'd say that jokingly, right? You're not invited. This night's

00:51:21.820 just for you. We're going to leave at seven. We'll be home at 10. Love you. Enjoy.

00:51:28.480 Maybe she'll read a book. Maybe she'll go out. Maybe she'll call a girlfriend, but

00:51:31.980 I freed up that time. And that's something I could do personally that would help her do that. So those

00:51:38.240 are a couple of tips that I have. Yeah. I wouldn't add anything. I think it's spot on. And, and, and

00:51:43.700 you already alluded to it, but we, we do the same thing, right? We make work this way and then we

00:51:48.060 don't do this. So I think any, any opportunity. And, and I think the key thing is just seeing why she's

00:51:54.320 not doing it. I mean, we've had this conversation, or I, at least I've had this conversation with

00:51:57.900 someone that was like, you know, we had a couple of kids. We, I, well, we want a third kid, but my

00:52:02.760 wife doesn't because she don't, she doesn't think she can handle it. Well, it's probably because she's

00:52:07.620 feeling like she's doing it on her own. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Right. So yeah. Look for opportunity

00:52:12.840 to, to step in and, and do your part. Right. And make that possible for her. Definitely. All right.

00:52:19.180 Trent actually had two questions that I, and I think they're actually grouped from before. So,

00:52:24.060 but we'll just keep rolling here since it's in, in order. What has been your biggest flaw that you

00:52:28.840 failed to recognize? What actions did you take and what, or what things happened in order for you to

00:52:34.660 address the flaw? All right. Ryan's biggest flaw drum roll. Well, it's lack of patience. I mean,

00:52:42.000 everybody knows, like everybody knows that it's given. Anybody who knows me is like, dude, settle down

00:52:49.320 because I want everything and I want it now. I want it. I want to be the best. I want to

00:52:57.140 have the best. I want it all. And I want it yesterday. Now, did you, cause Trent's originally

00:53:04.600 at the first part of his question, he says, what has been your biggest flaw that you failed to

00:53:09.300 recognize? Was this something that took a while for you to, to realize it was a flaw or you've known

00:53:14.360 it all along? Well, it's a flaw because it's no, I I've had to learn this because I am somebody who

00:53:20.620 gets discouraged very, very easily, not quit, not to the point where I'll quit, but I get down on

00:53:26.800 myself and I'm really hard on myself because things aren't progressing. That's right. Because

00:53:31.480 things aren't as far as they should be. We don't have as many downloads on the podcast as we should.

00:53:35.980 I didn't sell them as many books as I would have liked. Uh, we don't have as many members in the

00:53:40.660 iron council as we ought to have the event. Didn't go exactly according to plan because it was missing

00:53:45.520 X, Y, and Z. And that's, that's disturbing for me. So it's a, it's a flaw, but it's also one of my

00:53:53.440 greatest strengths too, because it, it pushes me to, to drive and to excel and, and to keep going.

00:54:01.700 And then when it isn't perfect to make it that much better the next time, it's almost like a chip on

00:54:06.960 my shoulder. So I've had to learn how to, how to harness it effectively because it is a good and

00:54:13.640 powerful tool, but it's also a very dangerous tool if I haven't harnessed it because I get in my own

00:54:19.720 head and I think, well, why don't I have everything that I want to have? And what I've dubbed in my

00:54:23.600 mind is should, or be deserving of having. And so that patience is something that I know if I'm down

00:54:31.000 on myself, it's like, hold up, hold up, man. Like, think about everything that you've created.

00:54:36.240 You know, you've been, you've been on this path for four and a half years. You've got millions and

00:54:41.460 tens of millions at this point of podcast downloads. We just threw an incredibly successful

00:54:47.420 first event here in Maine. You actually convinced 60 plus men in a month and a half that they should

00:54:54.480 drive or fly up here to Maine to know the middle of nowhere.

00:54:59.100 Like when you think about objectively or when I, I should say it this way, when I think objectively

00:55:06.460 about what I've created, it's pretty damn awesome.

00:55:10.600 Yeah, totally.

00:55:12.380 But it's not enough. I want more and I want it all immediately. So it's just finding that balance for

00:55:21.980 me has been a real struggle and it will continue to be a struggle. I think any high achieving man

00:55:26.480 can relate to what I'm saying right now. Yeah. How do you address that though? So is it,

00:55:31.040 is it a grad, like a gratitude journal or is it just sitting back as part of your after action

00:55:37.900 review and saying, okay, yeah, you know what it did? Like, how are you giving yourself yourself the

00:55:42.980 pat on the back to be grateful, but still proceed forward and keep pushing?

00:55:48.200 It's, it's a great question. And one that I just can't answer. I just, I don't know. I don't know.

00:55:52.640 You know, like, and I have a lot of people that say, you should do the gratitude journal. I'm like,

00:55:56.160 oh, I don't know. That doesn't, I don't have time for that. I got shit to do.

00:55:59.940 Yeah. It's like, why, why should I be grateful? Like I'm ready. I'm onto the next thing.

00:56:05.340 So I haven't done a gratitude journal. Um, I don't know. I don't know. I, I,

00:56:13.260 yeah, I don't know. I can't give you an answer. I don't know.

00:56:15.520 Well, I'm wondering if it just naturally happens in the sense of maybe it doesn't. Maybe it could

00:56:22.680 happen more. Yeah. But, but I think it, it will correct me if I'm wrong, but at least for me,

00:56:28.720 sometimes I think involvement, um, within the IC and stuff, I I'm, I'm fired up and every so often

00:56:35.960 I'm like, I feel, you know, we've, I've mentioned this to you before. Like, I feel like we're talking

00:56:40.120 circle sometimes. I'm like, oh man, this is really like, is it how much benefit is it really

00:56:45.860 providing? And then, and then I get feedback, right. From people and I go, whoa, okay. You're

00:56:52.440 like, that's, that's what I need. Right. Cause it is working. Um, I'm assuming you get quite a bit of

00:56:57.940 feedback via the podcast, via the iron council, these events and that's enough for you that the

00:57:05.040 feedback is sufficient. Actually, I, so this is going to be, I'm, I'm trying to say this delicately

00:57:10.980 because I don't need the feedback. Yeah. So when people send me messages, in fact, just before we

00:57:18.300 jumped on this podcast, I pulled out all the letters that guys had written down. We did thank

00:57:22.500 you notes at the event and I got a handful of thank you notes and I read through them and they were

00:57:27.320 great. And how many did you get? Uh, how many did you, you tell me first, I got plus one.

00:57:35.040 I was like, Oh, you got eight. Oh, I got, I got nine. I got 13. Um, I don't even know where I was

00:57:46.280 going. Let's see. So I got these letters, I got these letters and they were great. You know,

00:57:51.440 they were awesome. Like the guys really valued their time here. Um, they're transforming their

00:57:56.280 lives. What we're doing here is a big catalyst for that. And I really am appreciative of the

00:58:03.440 messages I get on Instagram and these thank you notes and other emails, other things I get.

00:58:09.280 But at the same time, I don't need it. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate it or like it.

00:58:13.600 I just don't need it. If I got no recognition, I would still be thinking about what's bigger and

00:58:19.620 greater and better and bolder and louder and everything, you know? Like, yeah. And that's just

00:58:27.500 because you're so driven to, and so connected to the purpose that that's efficient. Yeah. I mean,

00:58:34.280 I look, I, I plan on mobilizing millions and millions of men across the planet who are starting

00:58:43.180 businesses. They're adding value to the market. They're mowing their neighbor's lawn. They're

00:58:49.680 shoveling snow for them. They're coaching their kids as teams. They're deeply and intimately

00:58:55.060 connected with their wives. They're getting careers. They're making money hand over fist.

00:59:00.000 They're donating to charity. I, I am just so connected to that, that there's nothing that

00:59:07.440 would either deter me or push me harder than I'm already pushing. Like there's nothing somebody

00:59:15.500 could say to me that would be like, Oh, I really got to take this up a notch. No, I'm taking it up

00:59:19.580 a notch always. I'm inspired, but I see, I watch people and I see certain people and they inspire

00:59:26.440 me and they, they, they inspire me to do more. Um, but yeah, I, I don't know if that answers the

00:59:32.460 question, but yeah, the patience thing has always been something that's been something I struggle with.

00:59:37.900 Yeah. Well, it sounds like it's a good struggle. Well, and, and it's a good thing. And I can tell

00:59:42.940 you, yeah, I think it's good. It is good. I think in a lot of ways too, though, it manifests itself.

00:59:47.840 It maybe not as productively when I'm dealing with my children, for example, or maybe somebody in the

00:59:56.280 iron council or like a team leader or somebody that I've hired that I've been known to leave a

01:00:02.600 little bit of collateral damage in my path because people aren't doing it fast enough or good enough

01:00:08.860 or whatever. Um, so yeah, those are all things I'm very, very aware. I mean, he asked, how do I

01:00:15.120 know I'm doing these things? I I've just come to that realization just through experience and

01:00:19.660 effectiveness. And I think I'm learning more and more how to be more mature. I think it just comes

01:00:24.340 down to a level of maturity. Yeah. Just time. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just effectiveness.

01:00:30.160 All right. Nate, Judy tips. I'm working with family. I don't know what he's looking for,

01:00:37.040 but yeah, I know. I like lines up perfectly. Uh, tips on working with your family. Uh, you know,

01:00:42.640 we can go with the broad stuff, be patient communication. Um, I'm wondering if he's

01:00:48.360 talking about like work, like a job. Oh, maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Uh, yeah. In that case, it's the answer

01:00:54.240 is clear boundaries. Very, very clear boundaries. What is expected? What is, yeah. Treat it like a

01:00:59.780 business. We're not family here. We're, yeah, this is business. So we're going to be business

01:01:05.080 professionals. And when people step over that line, when your family steps over the line,

01:01:08.980 then it's your responsibility to uphold the boundary. Hey, Hey, Hey, we're not doing that

01:01:14.320 here. We're, we're not bringing that into this environment. You want to talk about that or go

01:01:18.700 down that route. We can do it as brothers or cousins or whatever this weekend, but we're not

01:01:22.600 doing it here, but very, very clear boundaries, communicating expectations. Uh, when, when things

01:01:30.320 are going wrong, addressing them very, very quickly and, and nipping them in the bud before they tend

01:01:37.040 to blow up. Uh, I would say avoid the gossip and the bickering and the back talking, you know,

01:01:42.480 talking behind each other's backs because that stuff can go South sideways or sideways very,

01:01:47.460 very quickly. Yeah. That's, that's what I would say. Yeah. Hmm. All right. Joe Crystal. Let's take

01:01:54.500 one or two more Kip. Okay. And these two are actually somewhat related. So Joe Crystal, his

01:01:58.880 question is, do you have experience helping with aging parents? And then Steven church's question,

01:02:03.820 which I think we can kind of tie in here is was, what is the best way to help elderly men of our lives

01:02:10.100 still feel relevant as they start to decline? The first question, I don't know. I haven't really had to

01:02:16.960 deal with it other than my wife's grandparents. Uh, I had, I wouldn't say deal with, but I was

01:02:22.600 around them. Um, their family was very, very supportive. We'd take our kids over. My wife's

01:02:27.720 grandmother was in a home. She had Alzheimer's. So we'd bring the kids in and, and try to be there,

01:02:34.000 you know? Uh, but I don't have a whole lot of experience in dealing with elderly parents or,

01:02:39.480 or that generation. Yeah. I would say with men though, like I talked about this in the Friday

01:02:44.880 field notes, we should, we should strive to be patriarchs, right? And a patriarch is a male

01:02:50.280 leader of, of the home or the business or the community or the neighborhood or the house or

01:02:54.800 whatever. That's, that's what a patriarch is. Well, some of you have patriarchs in your home.

01:03:00.060 They're your father and your grandfather and they're in your life. And although they may not be

01:03:05.700 able to, uh, be able to act maybe the way that they used to, maybe they're not as strong or capable

01:03:12.780 physically as they once were, that knowledge is still there. It is, it is still there. And in many

01:03:19.220 cases it's very, very sharp and very, very keen. And you could learn a lot from these individuals.

01:03:24.820 If you just listened, you just went and had a conversation, not for the sake of anything other

01:03:32.920 than just learning and absorbing the information that they were passing down to you. And that's what's

01:03:39.180 happening. Uh, my friend, Pete Roberts with, with origin, he talks about this quite a bit when he's

01:03:44.500 learning new things. We were talking about the boot making process and he was talking about this

01:03:48.400 machinery, some of the machinery on the loom specifically for the fabric that, that they

01:03:53.440 weave. They brought in these, these big, heavy, heavy, four and a half ton looms. And some of the

01:04:02.660 pieces were missing on them. And I said, well, how do you know what's missing? And they fabricated

01:04:08.840 these, they had a place close to us that, that fabricated these metal parts. And I said, how do

01:04:12.620 you even know it's missing that little slide? And that slide needs to be shaped this way.

01:04:17.120 And he said something that answers this question perfectly. He says, old timers,

01:04:22.140 let's bring in the old timers. I bring in the guys that used to do it. I bring in the guys that

01:04:25.540 worked on the machines. And when I bring them in, they say, oh, you're missing this, this, and this,

01:04:28.420 and to get this running, you have to do this and you have to do this. And he used those patriarchs

01:04:33.740 to teach him something that was a dying art and then has built a very, very compelling and lucrative

01:04:41.420 empire through origin. So listen, listen to what they have to share. And you know what,

01:04:47.760 when they get to, I mean, how many times can you see a little twinkle in an old man's eyes when he's

01:04:51.820 talking about a war story or, you know, some crazy adventure than him and his friends went on. Like

01:04:58.520 there's so much to be understood if we would just listen more. Yeah. And they're so mature that

01:05:04.320 they've learned the lesson of like not being loud, right? Like they have no probably invested

01:05:09.420 interest to like be preaching to someone that's not listening. So they're going to naturally be

01:05:14.580 quieter. Uh, older men that I've always interacted with, uh, through my years, they're always just

01:05:20.220 kind of chilling. You know what I'm saying? And, and maybe they're just tired of them. Yeah, that's

01:05:26.060 true. They're probably napping. But to get that wisdom out of them, you have to engage them,

01:05:30.960 right? They, a lot of them have no interest in like trying to change you. Right. Right. Yeah. You

01:05:37.460 have to be willing to go to them instead. Yeah. Because they have nothing to prove. There's

01:05:41.060 nothing that they need to prove anymore. Yeah. I like that. All right. David Flores,

01:05:46.520 I'm going to ask one more. Yeah. One more. Okay. Yep. That's fine. Um, wouldn't it be great to

01:05:51.040 have challenges in order of man, like running two miles, no sugar in one month and et cetera.

01:05:56.060 All right, David. Yes, it would be great to do that. We are doing that in the iron council.

01:06:03.100 So we're going to have achievements. We're going to have advancements. We sat down a week and a half

01:06:08.560 for a go or so a week ago at the event itself. And we talked about some of the achievements and some

01:06:13.740 of the advancements and the activities and things that we're going to implement. Uh, there's going to

01:06:18.400 be a leaderboard tracking all of this stuff. We've got somebody lined out to actually track this stuff

01:06:23.240 because it all needs to be verified. There's going to be different, uh, patches and badges that

01:06:27.480 you'll be able to earn, uh, via completing these things and submitting your proof of completion.

01:06:33.540 It's going to be awesome. I think boy Scouts meets masculinity and, uh, that's what we're going to

01:06:38.760 be doing. And it's going to be great. It's going to be amazing. Yeah. And, and, and hopefully

01:06:44.200 appreciate that. Uh, some of you guys that to do this at the scale of quote unquote order of man,

01:06:49.720 like, I don't even know how we would track do that. You know what I mean? With quote unquote

01:06:57.860 group that there is no membership of, right? Like it has to be within the confines of, of a

01:07:03.980 membership. And obviously the iron councils is the breeding ground of greatness. So it naturally

01:07:10.020 just makes sense that we would do it there. Yes, sir. All right. So to learn more about that iron

01:07:15.140 council where we're implementing these achievements, you can go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:07:21.160 That's our exclusive brotherhood. And then of course, I mentioned this earlier, uh, to submit

01:07:26.720 your questions for the AMA. You can do so by joining us on Facebook at face to facebook.com slash group

01:07:34.100 slash order of man. Um, we will be announcing the next main event, uh, shortly. So stay tuned,

01:07:41.800 jump on Facebook. So you guys can receive those notifications. Uh, I'm sure we'll bring it up

01:07:46.860 eventually on the podcast, but you guys may want to join us on Facebook. So that way you're aware of

01:07:51.520 it ahead of time. Yeah. It's cause it's going to sell out to subscribe. It's going to sell out

01:07:56.420 for sure. Um, to support this podcast and this movement, of course, subscribe, uh, leave a rating

01:08:03.800 and review. Um, and you can follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and or Instagram at Ryan Mickler. That's M I C H L E R.

01:08:12.400 And to support also, you can do so by, um, wearing our swag t-shirts and hats and other things. You can

01:08:19.740 find those items at store.orderofman.com. And we did talk about the battle planner earlier.

01:08:24.800 Um, this is kind of a foundational point of, of Ryan's book as well as the iron council.

01:08:29.420 So to get your hands on one of those battle planners, uh, you can grab those from the store

01:08:34.360 as well. Well done. You're getting good at that, man. Yeah. Well, I'm just, you know,

01:08:39.040 reading off what someone wrote, told me to read. So I'm just joking. Well, you've done

01:08:43.160 it 54 times now, I think. 54 times, 55, 55, excuse me. Cool. All right, guys, we appreciate

01:08:49.720 thanks for the great questions. Stay tuned for everything else that we have going on.

01:08:52.700 We need more men in this battle. Um, it is a battle. It's a battle to reclaim and restore

01:08:56.140 masculinity. And as I say, every week, I couldn't be more honored to stand with you guys. I'm inspired

01:09:00.440 each and every week by what you're doing and glad you're here. Glad you're tuning in, support the show,

01:09:04.880 support this movement, share it with a friend and let's, uh, let's keep getting after it.

01:09:09.300 All right, guys, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:09:12.540 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:09:16.600 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 21, 2019

Mental Jiu-Jitsu, the Domestication of Man, and Crafting Non-Negotiables ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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