Order of Man - Mindsets of Masculine Leadership

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.960 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.340 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.080 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.600 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler. I'm the

00:00:27.660 host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome to your Friday Field

00:00:32.240 Notes. I'm going to share some thoughts that I've been thinking about throughout the week.

00:00:36.280 If you're new to the podcast, I interview incredible men, learn from them, try to extract all the

00:00:43.180 wisdom they have to share with us in a short but punchy, powerful conversation and deliver

00:00:48.020 that to you here on this podcast. Now, the Friday Field Notes is a little different. Unfortunately,

00:00:52.040 you just get to hear from me, but we do have the interviews. We have the Ask Me Anything.

00:00:55.440 We have the Friday Field Notes. We just did a bonus episode yesterday with Tim Tebow.

00:01:00.240 So if you haven't listened to that one, go back and listen. Very powerful conversation.

00:01:03.920 But yeah, we're trying to do a lot to get the word out about masculinity and helping you improve

00:01:09.720 as a man. Guys, I got a lot to talk with you about today. We're going to go through four mindsets

00:01:16.600 of masculine leadership. This is from my book, The Masculinity Manifesto, which you can pick up a

00:01:23.180 copy wherever you get books. Also, if you're interested, we have signed copies available.

00:01:29.740 We also have an exclusive edition available with a leather cover, custom leather bookmark,

00:01:39.160 signed copy, custom hand woodturned pen, and also a signed note card from me. You can get that

00:01:47.300 store.orderofman.com. Now, one other announcement I want to make. You see me wearing this jacket right

00:01:52.820 here. My camo is clashing today. I've got this Origin brand new, 100% made and sourced on America

00:01:59.980 camo on today. Wanted to show this off. Excited to finally get this in. Of course, it clashes with

00:02:05.500 my Order of Man camo, but it is what it is. This is where it's at right here. But I want to mention,

00:02:10.760 Origin is doing something very, very cool. I just got these boots yesterday. These are called,

00:02:17.300 their Victory Boot. Again, what's cool about Origin is everything is 100% made and sourced

00:02:23.440 in America. So this is their Victory Boot. They're releasing this today. And there's only 500 of these

00:02:30.720 available. And I've got a pair of them. They were nice enough, kind enough to give me a pair of these.

00:02:37.540 So the Victory Boot, they also have their Victory Denim, which is sitting, actually that's sitting in my

00:02:43.620 bedroom. So if you're interested in those, go check them out because what they're doing is they're

00:02:48.580 giving away a brand new Audet bike. This is made in America. It's a motorcycle, not just a bicycle.

00:02:54.520 It's a motorcycle. They're giving it away. If you want to learn more about how they're doing that

00:02:59.880 based on the boots and based on the denim, then go to originusa.com, originusa.com and check out their

00:03:08.100 boots, check out their jeans. These are the Victory Boots, the Victory Denim. And you're going to be

00:03:12.160 entered in for their sweepstakes on that brand new Audet motorcycle, which is rad. So you definitely

00:03:17.680 want to check that out. Originusa.com. All right, guys, enough with the promotional. For now, let's

00:03:23.240 get to the meat of the conversation. Again, want to talk with you about the mindsets of masculine

00:03:27.720 leadership. Because if you're listening to this, odds are very, very good, very, very likely that you

00:03:33.760 are either a leader in some capacity, or you would like to be a leader in some capacity. And in order to

00:03:40.240 be an effective leader, we need to have the right mindset to be able to do these things.

00:03:44.920 This isn't a one and done type thing. We have to continue to work on these mindsets, develop the

00:03:49.760 skill sets, and then lead people effectively. Now, I don't care if it's in fatherhood, as a husband,

00:03:55.380 as a team leader, as an employer, as a coach, or a trainer, or a mentor. It doesn't matter how you're

00:04:02.260 showing up. The cool thing about what I'm going to share with you, the mindsets, is that they're

00:04:06.820 universally true, meaning they're principles. So, we're going to break down each one. Again,

00:04:10.960 this comes from my book, The Masculinity Manifesto. Number one is you have to overcome the ease of

00:04:15.920 modernity. You have to overcome the ease of modernity. And you also have to encourage and

00:04:21.140 teach and foster within others how they can overcome the ease of modernity. Because if everything

00:04:26.520 was easy, which it is relatively easy right now, and I know that's not to discount the hardships

00:04:32.100 people are dealing with. If everything's easy, there's no leadership required. It's when things

00:04:37.340 get challenging that leaders are required and that those leaders will step up. So, you need to get

00:04:42.660 your people, your kids, your spouse, your colleagues, your clients, your co-workers, to embrace discomfort,

00:04:51.480 to embrace challenge, to embrace hardship, and not just to add all of this stuff to their plate,

00:04:59.100 but to make them more capable of dealing with adversity as it arises. So, what I would suggest

00:05:05.220 to you is that we put our people in meaningful, okay? This is not just to beat them up, but meaningful

00:05:12.040 situations where they can learn how to overcome hardship. If it's in a family dynamic, it's

00:05:20.080 uncomfortable conversations. It's doing physical exercise and activities. It's going through physical

00:05:27.560 hardship. It's teaching kids, maybe even to speak in public, which is a real challenge for people to

00:05:35.200 be able to express their thoughts and their ideas in a controlled environment so they can learn how

00:05:40.900 to do that effectively. The more that you can make it a challenging situation, not hard for the sake of

00:05:47.080 being hard, but with meaning behind it and purpose behind it, the better leader you're going to be and

00:05:52.640 the better your people are going to do. The reality is life is easy right now and nobody's struggling.

00:05:59.800 Well, that's not true. People are struggling, but nobody's struggling to the degree that they will at

00:06:04.140 some point in their life. And your measure as a leader is your ability to help them overcome the

00:06:10.480 challenges as they present themselves. And if they're not challenging right now, trust me,

00:06:14.660 they will be at some point. So, your job as a leader is to help people overcome the ease of

00:06:20.500 modernity and not take the path of least resistance, but the path of most resistance in training type

00:06:26.340 environments so that when real world kicks you in the teeth or your people in the teeth, they'll be

00:06:31.500 prepared to deal with it. Number two is don't be a superhero. Guys, as a leader, it's very tempting to

00:06:37.800 come in and rescue people from their problems. In fact, many people believe that's what leadership is.

00:06:42.680 That if somebody's struggling, I'm going to jump in the water and I'm going to save them.

00:06:46.700 Now, there might be situations where you actually need to do that. I'm talking metaphorically,

00:06:51.620 of course, or maybe even literally. There might be situations where you need to do that. But those

00:06:56.640 are few and far between. Those are situations where someone is in real danger or the consequence of

00:07:03.540 what's happening. The situation is dire and potentially catastrophic. You may need to jump in and save

00:07:09.460 somebody. But the overwhelming majority of the time, that's not what it is. And what I see a lot of

00:07:14.880 leaders do is they swoop in in their Superman cape and they rescue everybody from their problems.

00:07:23.260 They try to spare them from hardship. They try to spare them from the consequences of the choices

00:07:28.220 and decisions they've made. And while that might seem like the right thing to do, inevitably, it's a

00:07:34.440 failing tactic. It's a failing strategy because you're not empowering people. You're not letting them

00:07:42.020 see that there's choice and decisions and consequences that follow. You're not letting

00:07:48.020 people experience the weight of their decisions. Now, again, if it's catastrophic or even life

00:07:53.640 threatening, sure, maybe that calls for you coming in to rescue somebody. But that's not what we're

00:07:57.900 talking about here. Let them feel the burden. Let them feel the weight. Let them struggle. This is

00:08:04.320 why I say with kids is give them enough room to not hang themselves with, but choke themselves with.

00:08:12.320 Right? They have to feel a sting a little bit. They have to feel the weight. And if they don't,

00:08:18.820 then you're robbing them of a couple of different opportunities. You're robbing them of the lesson

00:08:23.800 that could be learned because there is a lesson in failure. You're robbing them from that, that from

00:08:28.840 them. And you're robbing them from them, the opportunity to build up mental, emotional,

00:08:36.280 physical strength to overcome new and even more challenging hardship that will present itself

00:08:43.900 in the future. Also, what makes you think those people want to be rescued? I've said before,

00:08:52.140 you cannot help people who are not willing, or I should say you aren't, you can't save people

00:08:58.260 who aren't willing to participate in the rescue. You can't save people who aren't willing to

00:09:03.620 participate in the rescue. Then I need to know that if I'm going to work with somebody, whether

00:09:09.140 it's my kids or my wife or my colleagues or my clients or my coworkers or whoever, team members,

00:09:13.700 teammates, whoever it may be, that they are willing to get into the fight. Because if not,

00:09:19.800 then I have to direct my energy, my time, my attention and resources to somebody,

00:09:24.700 something else who is interested in improving their life.

00:09:31.200 Don't be a superhero. And all too often, what I see is that these guys who want to be superheroes,

00:09:36.920 they want to come in and rescue everybody from their problems. They're not actually really worried

00:09:40.320 about their people. They're worried about how they'll look. They come in and they're, you know,

00:09:45.400 their fancy tights and their cape and they look so amazing. They look so incredible. And they

00:09:49.780 want the praise and the notoriety and the accolades that come from rescuing somebody. And it's all

00:09:53.640 narcissistic. It has nothing to do with actually serving somebody else. If you really wanted to

00:09:59.280 serve somebody else, you'd let them struggle. You'd let them suffer. You wouldn't let them kill

00:10:02.980 themselves, but you'd let them struggle enough that they can learn what they need to learn

00:10:06.780 in order to succeed the next time they're faced with that challenge or that hardship.

00:10:11.960 Number three, guys, lead before the title. I have seen so many men wait for specifically at work

00:10:18.880 situations where they'll say, well, you know, that's not my responsibility. Well,

00:10:22.860 you know, they're not paying me enough. And when, when I get the title, when I'm this,

00:10:26.680 when I'm that, then I'll be a leader. No guys, you're a leader now, or at least you can be,

00:10:31.900 if you decide to be. And I understand the sentiment. They don't pay me enough for this.

00:10:36.380 This is not my responsibility. Okay. Well then don't complain about it. When you get passed over for a

00:10:42.060 promotion, don't be upset when you've been at a company for 10, 15, 20 years. And the guy that's

00:10:47.240 been there for two years keeps passing you up and is running laps around you. Why? Yeah. Maybe

00:10:52.140 there's some, some nepotism going on there. That that's, that's something that could potentially

00:10:56.020 happen, but more often than not, I think what it is, is that's an individual who's willing to go

00:11:00.480 above and beyond leadership comes before the title. Start doing these things now. And the titles will

00:11:07.960 come. The titles are just externalities. Those are manifestations of your leadership ability.

00:11:12.880 Not always. I know there's extenuating circumstances. I know that the, that we've all

00:11:17.260 had leaders who, who probably don't deserve to be there for one reason or the other. Okay. But

00:11:22.400 that's the exception. That's not the rule. Most people are there because they've qualified themselves

00:11:29.360 to be there. So what better way to do that than to lead, to serve, to sacrifice, to commit,

00:11:34.620 to take on responsibility, to assist and help other people along the path. These are all leadership

00:11:40.880 characteristics. The more you do that now, the more the titles will come. The more the

00:11:46.820 promotions will come. The more the income increases will come. The raises will come.

00:11:52.620 That stuff will happen. But if you lead now, that's what the result is. If you wait to lead,

00:11:59.560 you're always going to be waiting. Always. All right. Number four, guys, very, very important here.

00:12:06.280 Render yourself obsolete. That is the goal of leader. I can't tell you how often,

00:12:10.880 I hear from guys who are like, oh, you know, I'm training my competition. Oh, I'm going to train

00:12:13.920 my replacement. Right. Right. That's the point. If you're worried about training your replacement,

00:12:21.360 you're so focused on the present at the expense of what could potentially be for you.

00:12:27.500 Maybe the reason you're not getting ahead is because you're so comfortable with where you are

00:12:32.420 and you're talking about not wanting guys to replace you that there's just, they can't,

00:12:38.140 there's no room. And I'm talking about in a corporate environment, there's no room for you

00:12:42.800 to go because your bosses, your higher ups, they need you in that position because there's nobody

00:12:48.620 else who can do what you can do. Isn't that a problem? What if the only thing that is holding

00:12:54.360 you back from growth and expansion is making sure that somebody can come in and replace and fill in

00:12:58.560 for you? I also think about this in the context of my children specifically. Like if my children need me

00:13:05.060 to the degree, they need me now forever, I've done it wrong. I've done it incorrectly.

00:13:10.980 Now they can always call me. I'll be there for emotional support. I'll be there to cheer them on

00:13:16.760 and to help them. But if I'm having to pay their bills, if I'm having to put a roof over their head,

00:13:21.020 if I'm having to put food in their bellies, if I'm having to, uh, you know, emotionally babysit them

00:13:26.460 forever, I have failed. They have not failed. I have failed. My job is to put myself out of work.

00:13:33.260 It's to render myself obsolete. And the more I think about this, I'm not saying that you're going

00:13:37.800 to be gone and out of the picture entirely, but your relationship should evolve specifically with

00:13:44.820 the kids. Okay. You're always going to be their father. Sure. But more importantly than that,

00:13:51.720 it's how the relationship evolves over time. So if you have a one-year-old, you're probably still

00:13:59.580 wiping poo off of your baby's butt. Okay. You probably shouldn't be doing that when they're

00:14:06.400 eight years old. And at eight, you're trying to teach them to work hard and eat everything that's

00:14:14.480 on their plate. And at 16, that's probably something you shouldn't be worrying about.

00:14:20.640 At 16, you're going to be making sure they know how to drive responsibly. You're going to need to

00:14:25.020 make sure they know how to find good friends. You're going to help them navigate potential

00:14:30.060 relationship issues and things that they have going on. Okay. Then at 24, you're going to be

00:14:37.000 worrying about how to help them with their career decisions and starting their own families. You see

00:14:43.540 how this evolves? And yet we have 40-year-olds who never evolved out of this 16-year-old little boy.

00:14:50.120 Because mommy and daddy did not render themselves obsolete. In fact, they found value in being

00:14:56.960 needed for everything. So what I would suggest is that you don't find value in being needed. You

00:15:04.040 find value in seeing that your people are thriving without you. Now that's hard. There's a little bit

00:15:13.520 of a sting that comes with that. My oldest is 14 years old. He's a lot more independent than he has

00:15:18.640 been over the past several years. And I'm not as cool as I once was. And he doesn't need me as much

00:15:26.240 as he always has. And I feel that. I feel that. But also I'm proud because I see him developing and

00:15:36.220 growing and doing good things. And that's more important than my feeling about the situation.

00:15:43.740 Guys, there's a lot of rules. There's a lot of mindsets. There's a lot of things that we can go

00:15:46.880 through. But to suffice it to say that these are the four that I isolated and picked out in the book,

00:15:51.800 The Masculinity Manifesto. And of course, I break each one down even further. So if you're interested

00:15:57.600 in picking up a copy of this, make sure you do wherever books are sold, or you can go to

00:16:01.600 store.orderman.com to pick up the signed copy or the exclusive version that's available.

00:16:07.300 But again, the four mindsets of masculinity are number one, overcoming the ease of modernity,

00:16:12.560 helping people to do that and for yourself. Number two, not being a superhero, not rescuing

00:16:17.880 everybody from their problems, but helping equip them with the knowledge and the skill sets and the

00:16:22.920 tools they need to deal with their own problems. Number three, leading before the title, not waiting

00:16:27.600 for somebody to come bestow leadership upon you or knight you, you know, Sir Mickler or Sir whoever.

00:16:34.540 Lead now. The titles will come. And number four, render yourself obsolete. Relationships should evolve

00:16:40.900 evolve. And you should be the one helping those things evolve. Guys, I hope that helps. This is

00:16:45.300 how we lead as men. This is what the world needs more of. Trust me. I don't, you don't even need

00:16:50.120 to trust me. You know, you know, we just had elections and you know, some things you're excited

00:16:55.800 about and others like, how, how can we elect these people? It's because we don't know what leadership

00:16:59.580 looks like. And we're not acting like leaders. If more of us did just these four simple things,

00:17:03.900 not always easy, sometimes challenging, but very simple. The world, politics, your business,

00:17:11.020 your family, every environment would be better because of it. I hope that helps guys. Shoot me

00:17:16.880 a message. Uh, let me know if there's other mindsets that you think are important that we

00:17:20.880 ought to address in future episodes. We can certainly do that. Hit me up on Instagram at

00:17:24.960 Ryan Mickler, very active over there. Uh, also check out the masculinity manifesto store.orderman.com.

00:17:31.460 If you want a signed copy and, or an exclusive edition, and then go to originusa.com to check

00:17:38.980 out the victory boots today. These are going to sell out today. So make sure you get on it today.

00:17:43.800 Victory boots, victory jeans, jeans, and the, uh, audit bike, uh, that is available from,

00:17:50.480 I believe the man's name is Tony Audette. Uh, former us Marine, uh, is making these incredible,

00:17:56.620 incredible motorcycles. So check that out. Cause you're going to be entered in that sweepstakes as well.

00:18:00.440 All right, guys, we'll be back next week until then go out there, take action and become the

00:18:05.420 man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take

00:18:10.540 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

00:18:15.100 order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 11, 2022

Mindsets of Masculine Leadership ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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