Order of Man - Mission First, Intuitive vs. Intentional, and the Repentance

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.940 Kip, what's up, man? It's good to see you.

00:00:26.600 I see, just to piss off the YouTubers, that we do not have matching shirts today.

00:00:31.640 And if you guys are offended by us having a conversation about our matching shirts,

00:00:35.960 then get the hell out of here. I don't know what to tell you.

00:00:39.300 It's pretty crazy what people are upset about.

00:00:41.800 Yeah, I was going to say, out of all the things I've watched on YouTube,

00:00:44.460 I could probably think of something a little bit more valid to get pissed off about.

00:00:49.320 But yeah.

00:00:50.960 Well, you know, social media is a very interesting beast. I love it. I love it. I love social media.

00:00:56.020 I actually enjoy being on social media, but sometimes it's just too much.

00:01:05.140 And for those of you who may not know what we're talking about, and why would you?

00:01:08.760 Because we haven't talked about what we're talking about.

00:01:10.960 Somebody on our YouTube channel the other day was upset that we talked too much about our matching shirts.

00:01:16.080 So guys, we got bigger fish to fry. We got more important things to worry about.

00:01:20.700 So in the spirit of the things we have to worry about, let's get to the questions today. How about that?

00:01:26.560 Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

00:01:28.240 And to check out that comment and to see the amazing YouTube videos,

00:01:33.340 go to youtube.com slash order of man. Check us out there.

00:01:36.700 So yeah. So we're filled in questions today from the Facebook group.

00:01:41.440 And next time we'll wear matching shirts, by the way, just because.

00:01:44.120 Yeah. Yeah. Like if the right people want to clarify, we didn't do this.

00:01:47.740 I just want to like rub that in just for fun.

00:01:50.880 So yeah, we're not pandering to that guy.

00:01:53.580 That's part of the reason I like social media so much because, you know,

00:01:56.680 you have these guys that troll other people. They troll me. They troll other people.

00:02:00.520 I'm like, I'm just as much of a troll as anybody else. You troll me. I'm going to troll you right back.

00:02:04.820 Yeah, I know it's petty. I got more important things to do, but you know,

00:02:09.480 what's life if you can't have a little fun with these freaking a-holes every now and again.

00:02:14.220 Yeah. And it is a little, I mean, it's, it's interesting if you think about it. Like I know

00:02:18.540 we don't know people who criticize us, right. And, and why would you care the opinion of someone

00:02:23.980 you don't know? And I understand that, but, but in the same breath, like I do think that generally

00:02:28.780 speaking, because of social media, you probably get, you get electronic courage being thrown at you

00:02:36.680 that you probably normally wouldn't have ever heard. And it, and it is kind of daunting,

00:02:41.800 right? I, you know what I mean? Like if it wasn't for Facebook and YouTube, how often would you have

00:02:46.700 someone in your face kind of criticizing you speaking illy? Not very often because people don't

00:02:52.360 have the balls to do it. Right. So, and I think about when I was a kid, you know, if you had a

00:02:58.200 problem with somebody and you said it to their face, you got in a fight with them. Yeah. You got punched

00:03:02.140 the face. Yeah. Or you do the punching like one or the other, you know? And so when I was a kid,

00:03:06.860 when I was growing up, I was in elementary school, I was in high school, you know, I got into four or

00:03:10.700 five fights. I think growing up, some of them were pushing and shoving matches. Others were like,

00:03:15.360 we were throwing fists, you know, we were, we were, we were throwing hands at each other.

00:03:19.520 And, and, and, you know, I remember one fight in particular, I think I must've been in

00:03:23.860 eighth grade, seventh or eighth grade. Yeah. And, you know, I fought with this kid and afterwards we're

00:03:30.540 like best friends for the next year or two. We were inseparable because we earned a level of

00:03:35.340 respect for each other, but you can't earn respect on social media when you're just flapping your gums

00:03:40.860 and you aren't willing to back anything up. But there's people that I know actually on social

00:03:44.300 media, an example, and I'm going to speak very loosely about this because I don't, I don't get

00:03:49.340 in the specifics with people, but somebody I follow on social media had some criticism of one of the

00:03:54.300 things I posted the other day. And when you follow different, so someone you kind of care.

00:03:59.240 I know, no, not even that I follow. Like I actually know him. We broken bread together. We've,

00:04:04.200 we've, we've, we've shaken hands. Like we know each other and I take that to heart.

00:04:10.220 Yeah. You know, if somebody, and he wasn't being, he wasn't blasting me. I think there's a difference

00:04:16.860 between just some constructive criticism and blasting. He wasn't, or voicing a difference of

00:04:21.740 opinion or just a disagreement. Right. And so he disagreed and we had a very civil discussion

00:04:27.240 offline about it, you know, because we know each other. Uh, and, and I think there's just a level

00:04:33.460 of, of knowledge or a level of respect or mutual understanding when, when you actually know

00:04:39.720 somebody and you've seen them face-to-face, you've looked, you've looked in their eyes,

00:04:42.740 you've shaken their head or you've trained with them or you've whatever, you know, you've, you've,

00:04:47.140 you've just been together face-to-face. And that's, what's interesting is the guys that come

00:04:51.320 at me in one form or another, most of them don't know me, but the guys who give me constructive

00:04:55.400 feedback and criticism, a lot of these guys actually know me. And I take that to heart.

00:05:01.000 Like, I'm like, okay, well, I know this guy, I know his intent is good. I know who he is as an

00:05:04.920 individual. I know he's not a bot. I know he's not just a troll. Like he actually cares about what

00:05:09.940 we're doing here. And so constructive criticism in that context goes a very long way, but not for

00:05:15.000 those who I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Well, and sometimes guys are just,

00:05:19.420 well, it's hard to read, you know, like I, I do think I've made a couple of posts, I think where

00:05:23.600 Lex, you know, did like a counter comment, you know, a little bit. And that's also Lex and that's

00:05:30.320 Lex. Right. But it's funny because my natural instinct is like, well, don't disagree with me.

00:05:35.760 Right. And then I also realized like, oh yeah, Lex is also like pointing out the obvious of like,

00:05:40.480 Hey, this is also like, you can see this from a different angle as well. And everything he said,

00:05:45.900 it was completely true, but it's kind of interesting. But my natural instinct was like,

00:05:49.420 Oh, you disagree with me. You know, like that's a bad thing, you know? So,

00:05:53.260 Well, but think about in the context of Lex. So let's talk about Lex a little bit. Like he's

00:05:57.460 actually a member of the iron council. He's been with our organization in one form or the other

00:06:02.520 for the past four or five, maybe even six years. So when he speaks and he talks, I'm like, okay,

00:06:07.820 I better listen to this guy because he's credible. Obviously he believes in what we're doing because

00:06:12.880 he's vested in what we're doing. He's one of our team leaders in the iron council. So if he speaks,

00:06:17.700 I'm like, okay, I'm going to listen a little bit more intently. I'm going to give him,

00:06:23.100 this doesn't sound right, but I'll just say, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt,

00:06:27.000 but it's not even that. It's just like, okay, I respect him.

00:06:29.760 You just value his opinion more than just-

00:06:31.140 I value his opinion because I know our interests are aligned. And so even though we may disagree

00:06:36.540 about things, I know our interests are aligned and that is the difference. That's the important

00:06:41.340 thing. Um, you know, but there's another thing here too, is like, sometimes you can get feedback

00:06:47.320 that is either unsolicited, uh, or comes from a source that you aren't familiar with. And I really

00:06:54.160 think that we need to ask ourselves, is this true objectively? Yeah. Because what you're talking

00:07:00.440 about Kip right now is, and I do this too. I'm not pointing fingers at you, but you say, well,

00:07:04.580 don't correct me. Don't challenge me. That's a, that's a subjective analysis and objective analysis

00:07:10.600 says, okay, well, that doesn't feel good, but like, regardless of where it comes from,

00:07:17.300 let me ask if it's true. Yeah. I actually think about this a lot in the context of, uh, Donald Trump.

00:07:24.660 So you have, you have these never Trumpers and I get it because Donald Trump is very abrasive.

00:07:30.400 Um, he's a very unlikable person, like very, very easy to criticize. Right. Yeah. Well,

00:07:38.160 and he's very egocentric. Yeah. He doesn't help himself puts his foot in his mouth. Like it's kind

00:07:42.920 of a dunce in that standpoint. Yeah. You know, but also if you get past a lot of that, you, you really,

00:07:51.980 I think if you're being intellectually honest, have to ask yourself, okay, well, you know,

00:07:57.940 disregard all the shit that I don't like,

00:08:00.400 is what he's saying true. And I think in, in, in a lot of ways, yes, the answer is yes.

00:08:07.700 I don't have to agree with, right. I don't have to agree with good delivery. Yeah. Right. I don't

00:08:12.620 agree with his, his, his arrogance and his ego, but like put that aside. And I think that is really

00:08:18.840 important for men is that we, we exercise some discernment. That's actually one of the 13

00:08:27.740 elements of the code of conduct from sovereignty that I wrote in, I think it was 2017, 18. Can't

00:08:34.900 even remember now is discernment. Are you capable of discerning? Are you capable of telling right from

00:08:42.880 wrong, regardless of how you might feel about it or how you might interpret it or how you might filter

00:08:48.020 it through your lens or your worldview? Yeah. Are you capable of discernment? And unfortunately a lot

00:08:53.660 of people aren't. And so, you know, you can take some criticism from an asshole, for example, and

00:08:59.300 actually some of it might be true, or you can take criticism from somebody who really trust and just

00:09:06.820 take it to heart blindly because you trust that person and actually they're wrong. So like, we've

00:09:12.660 really, really have to work on our level of discernment. Yeah, for sure. You put that ego

00:09:17.760 in check, you know, when necessary. I guess when I think just like doing, like, like wanting the

00:09:25.160 right thing, you know, I've got a very close friend, I'm not going to disclose who is right

00:09:28.660 off hand, just because there's some personal information here, but I've got a very close

00:09:32.080 friend I had breakfast with the other day and, you know, he shared some things. And as he was sharing

00:09:37.480 some things, I couldn't help, but just be very inspired and, and, and just a, a deeper level

00:09:44.520 of respect for this individual because their sole purpose is to win. And then winning isn't defined by

00:09:51.180 them winning is defined by the team and the culture and them winning collectively. Uh, and, and so he's

00:09:58.840 willing to let go of his ego. He's willing to let go of, of some other parts and aspects of, of life

00:10:05.440 in the business that he runs because he cares about winning. He cares about serving. He doesn't

00:10:11.700 care about his own fragile ego. And it was, it was a very interesting conversation. Yeah. Commitment

00:10:17.260 to a desired outcome, right? Right. Whatever it takes. And that might mean stepping up and that

00:10:22.260 might actually at times mean stepping back. And I, and I think as men, we need to consider that,

00:10:26.940 that maybe in certain circumstances, you are, you are the problem.

00:10:35.440 So one of the experiences I had when I was a young man is that when I was a senior in high school,

00:10:41.200 uh, I felt like I was in line to become the starting catcher. Um, I was always behind my

00:10:49.600 friend, Wayne McIntosh, who is a friend today. Actually, he's a, he's a better friend today than

00:10:53.940 even in high school. Cause was he a senior with you or was he a year old? He was a year above me.

00:10:59.580 Okay. So you're, so he was exiting and you're like, Hey, I'm, I'm next in line here. Yeah.

00:11:05.540 Yeah. So Wayne was my, he was my idol, man. Like I wanted to be him. I thought he was so cool. And

00:11:12.480 he was, he was such a great, he's still, I mean, he's a great athlete, such a great athlete. And I

00:11:17.020 just, I wanted to be that guy. Yeah. Uh, and then he graduated, I was a junior, he was a senior,

00:11:22.000 he graduated and then I moved up and I'm like, cool, I'm the next Wayne, you know? And, um,

00:11:27.360 but I didn't, I didn't really do what was necessary. I just rested on my laurels and I

00:11:31.720 just kind of felt like I was entitled to this thing. Uh, and I remember my baseball coach,

00:11:38.320 which, which was not necessarily my sport. That was Wayne sport. Football was my sport. I was,

00:11:44.920 I was great at football. I'm not great at baseball average, I would say. Uh, and I just thought,

00:11:50.720 well, you know, I'm entitled to this catching position and my coach, it must've been three or

00:11:55.680 four games into the season. My coach pulled me and, uh, and I, and, and I was complaining about

00:12:01.820 it and griping and moaning and whatnot about it. Of course I would write as a human man. And so I

00:12:05.980 asked my mom about it and I said, you know, like, I'm, I don't get it. I don't understand. She's

00:12:09.340 like, well, like, why are you talking to me? Go talk to your coach. I'm almost so good about that.

00:12:14.580 That's so I went and talked to my coach. Most parents would be like, you know, protect you and

00:12:19.360 like, Ooh, he's doing you a disservice. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So I went and talked to my coach,

00:12:24.900 Matt Labrum. And interestingly enough, Matt's been on the podcast. Uh, he's still a friend of mine,

00:12:31.320 you know, 20 plus years later, 22 years later now, 23 years later. So I talked to him and I said,

00:12:37.540 well, you know what, like you pulled me coach. Like what, what's going on? And he said, well,

00:12:40.860 Ryan, I told you you needed practice. Did you practice? No. Told you you needed to train in the

00:12:44.980 off season. Did you train in the off season? No. Okay. Well, okay. Your results are so anyways,

00:12:51.100 long story short, he put this, uh, I can't remember Brandon. He, he must've been a sophomore

00:12:55.660 or junior in, and he started him at catcher and I had to make a decision at that point. You know,

00:13:01.240 do I, do I gripe and moan and bitch and complain and throw a temper tantrum and quit the team,

00:13:06.700 which was an option. Um, or, or do I put the team above myself? And I think through the prodding of my

00:13:14.340 coach and the prodding of my mom, I decided to put the team above myself. And instead of

00:13:17.700 starting catcher, which I believed was stripped from me and I deserved it. And I was entitled to

00:13:24.220 this position. I decided to put that away and I helped Brandon. You know, I, I worked with him

00:13:31.640 during practice. He said, Brandon, you and Ryan go over there and we'd run drills and we'd practice.

00:13:37.480 And I taught him what I knew. Uh, and he was, he was a great asset for the team.

00:13:42.580 And I was too, I wasn't the asset that I thought I would be, or that I felt like I deserved.

00:13:49.220 Yeah. But I could have very easily just quit and said, well, this sucks and coaches out to get me.

00:13:53.920 And people did that by the way, or I could just put the ego aside and say, okay, what's best for

00:14:00.260 the mission at that time and place that what was best for the mission is having him catch and me

00:14:05.560 teaching him what I knew to be able to get him to be ready for that position. How did you get to that?

00:14:11.400 Ryan, like did, did someone provide that clarity for, for you to say, Hey, you know, put the team

00:14:18.260 first, or do you just came to that on your own? I I'm just imagining most high school kids probably

00:14:23.360 would have not came to that conclusion, right? They, they, if anything, they would have buckled down

00:14:28.420 and practice harder and try to win their spot back. But, and I did that too. Don't mistake.

00:14:33.740 Hey, don't, don't make any mistakes. Like I was working too.

00:14:38.460 I know, but, but most would not help the other catcher either. Right. Like they're the enemy,

00:14:43.120 right. For, for most kids. I don't know. I don't know. I wish I could answer that question.

00:14:47.640 Clearly there are a couple of things come to mind as you say that I've always been a pretty mature

00:14:51.380 person, even as a kid, you know, my wife and I were talking about it. Her and I went on a date.

00:14:55.920 That's why I have no humor. It's not, that's why I'm not funny. Cause I've always been an old man.

00:15:03.140 Like always, even as a 13 year old kid, I've been old. He was still old. He's still dad jokes at age.

00:15:08.600 That's right. That's right. Um, no, but I, like we laugh about it, but it's actually,

00:15:15.160 it's actually true. It's not even kind of true. It's totally true. I've always been very mature

00:15:18.660 and I've always felt like I should be, you know, I I've always felt like a 35 or 40 year old man,

00:15:25.680 even at age 13, I didn't get, I didn't like totally understand or get, or even relate to a

00:15:32.660 lot of my friends when I was younger. I just, it just, it just wasn't a scene. I was totally

00:15:37.660 interested in how to grow up maybe a little bit quicker. I don't think that, I don't think that,

00:15:42.380 I don't want to paint myself as a victim and it wasn't because I was forced to grow up or anything.

00:15:46.740 Like I had a great childhood. You know, I talk about my dad not being in my life, but damn,

00:15:51.080 I had a great childhood. My mom was there. Um, you know, my sister and I got along

00:15:55.500 pretty well about 80% of the time, which is normal. Uh, is I had a good childhood,

00:16:01.700 like never worried about where the food was coming from or the roof overhead or that,

00:16:05.680 that my mom, mother loved us. I was fairly athletic, really good childhood. Um, so,

00:16:11.380 so you're asking, where does it come from? I was mature just by default, but my mom, I mean,

00:16:17.220 frankly, it came from my mom, you know, she didn't let me pull any of that bullshit.

00:16:21.020 Like, you know, when I complained or griped or moaned or pretended like the world was out.

00:16:26.160 The fact that she told you to go talk to the coach, if you had a problem is, is an example of

00:16:30.300 that. Yeah. Right. So she never let me pull any of that crap. And that is crap. And too many

00:16:35.240 parents do that now. They're like, Oh, well, yeah, the coach must hate you. Or alternatively,

00:16:39.120 you suck. Yeah. They'll pander to it. Yeah. Nobody, nobody likes to hear that. I remember there was

00:16:44.700 kids in high school and I'm, I'm trying not to relive the glory days here, but I think there's a lot

00:16:48.040 of lessons here, but you know, we had, we had some kids on the team who they weren't good and they

00:16:54.580 would go gripe and moan to their mom and dad, their mom and dad would complain to the coach. And

00:16:58.280 I can't imagine what that conversation would be like, but like, no, the reason is the coach isn't

00:17:04.280 playing your kid because he doesn't like your kid. It's because you suck and we want to win.

00:17:08.380 Yeah. Yeah. I have one story. This is a perfect example of this is it was basketball and we had

00:17:18.400 three teams that we split up. And of course there's kind of like a B and C team. I'm coaching C the high

00:17:26.520 old high school coach stopped coaching high school. So he could coach his son on this a team. And there's

00:17:32.840 talk there's talk from the boys of like, Oh, you know, that eight teams is all the coaches favorites.

00:17:39.040 Yeah. Nepotism. Sure. It's impossible to get in there. Right. Because of this established

00:17:44.020 relationship. And that's just kind of what everyone assumed until it was super funny midway

00:17:50.360 through a two week tryouts. This kid shows up. Parents just moved into town. Dad's a pro baseball

00:17:58.600 player. Kids in eighth grade. This kid's probably like six, two runs. Like he's small has hops,

00:18:07.140 you know, and you saw that whole, that whole story of coaches favorites all went to the wayside. Yeah.

00:18:15.380 Everyone got shifted. Right. Because it's like, hold on. Yeah. There's so hold on. I want to,

00:18:22.420 I want you to finish your story, but you said coaches favorites, like guys understand this.

00:18:26.400 Because coaches have favorites. Yeah. It isn't blood. It's performance. That's right. That's right.

00:18:34.160 Yeah. Yeah. And coach just got a favorite instantly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it

00:18:41.020 was super funny because I'm like, Oh, watch this. And it all just broke apart. Right. It's like,

00:18:46.200 all right, these kids are all getting shifted because new kids showed up and he's talented and

00:18:50.660 he's damn good. Yeah. Coaches want to win. Yeah. Look, I think if there's a lesson that we can

00:18:55.560 extract from this, it's that if you're a father, then let me, let me say this. So I'm in the process

00:19:03.420 of writing a book right now, and that's going to be coming out in 2022. And in sovereignty, I, I,

00:19:09.040 I came up with 13 virtues or I shouldn't say came up with, but identified 13 virtues that I think would

00:19:14.660 serve you when it comes to leading your life. Well, in this book, I'm talking about 13 characteristics

00:19:19.760 of, of masculinity that you need to learn how to harness more effectively to be able to lead with

00:19:26.620 influence, credibility, and authority. Yeah. Uh, and, and one of those is ruthless honesty.

00:19:33.960 Yeah. You need to be very, and when I say ruthless, I'm not saying asshole honesty. I'm saying

00:19:40.460 ruthless honesty is in, you are fully and completely committed to being honest. There's a tactful way

00:19:45.900 to do it. There's a respectful way to do it, but if you want to garner influence, credibility and

00:19:50.280 authority with people, then you need to learn to be very, very honest. And part of that honesty

00:19:54.700 to my mom's credit is that she never sugar-coated anything. She never protected me where I didn't need

00:20:02.780 protecting. Uh, and she allowed other men in my life, mostly through coaching to come in and say,

00:20:11.880 and do what needed to be done. And then she trusted that those righteous, I would say righteous,

00:20:19.260 those righteous coaches would do what was right, not in the short term, but in the longterm.

00:20:25.940 And so we're talking about something that happened over two decades ago, and I'm still referring to it.

00:20:31.580 And I'm not lost in my glory days. Like how great I am. Like, no, I wasn't actually doing what I needed

00:20:35.820 to be doing. And, and my coaches had enough insight, even though they were young and they were young,

00:20:41.380 probably early twenties, mid twenties to realize that this isn't about baseball. This isn't about

00:20:48.820 football. This isn't about wrestling. This is about the next 60 or 70 years. So.

00:20:55.640 Yeah, totally. And it's, and, you know, we're working on, I'm, I'm working on a formula for like a,

00:21:01.860 a winning culture. And one of the, one of the, one of the guiding principles is open and direct

00:21:09.420 communication. Right. And, and the idea that it's kind, it's not nice, but it's not mean. Right.

00:21:16.100 Like, and, and you can do that because it serves that individual substantially better than if you're

00:21:21.700 trying to be nice and skirt around issues. Right. And, and so many companies end up laying people

00:21:27.860 off and people getting fired and losing their jobs because we are too cowardly to actually communicate

00:21:33.940 what was necessary to help them rise up and do a better job. You know, it's, and isn't that what

00:21:39.120 it's, that's a great word choice. It's cowardice. Yeah. You know, if, if there's something that needs

00:21:45.500 to be said or shared or communicated and you don't want to do it, you know, Kip, you and I were talking

00:21:51.640 about it actually before we hit the record button on this podcast with some stuff on the iron council.

00:21:55.640 Like you have to do what's right, even though it isn't always comfortable. It's not fun. You have

00:22:01.980 to have some conversations that you don't really want to have, like in an ideal world, you wouldn't

00:22:07.180 have to have that conversation, but anything less is cowardice and men aren't cowardly by definition.

00:22:14.920 The males are boys are, you know, like my kids, I think about my boys, we're, we're moving in them

00:22:20.260 up to the attic this year, but the attic of our house is not insulated. Yeah. And it's a little

00:22:26.700 creepy. It's an attic, bro. Like it's a home that was built over a hundred years ago. It's a creepy

00:22:30.940 thing. And my younger sons are, they're like, they're scared of it. Right. They're scared because

00:22:38.160 they're, they're cowardly. They're being cowardly and they're not being rational. And so we've had to

00:22:44.200 have a lot of conversations about why you're exercising cowardice right now and you're deliberate and

00:22:49.680 making that choice instead of exercising bravery and you can deliberately make that choice. So

00:22:54.640 if you're going to make a choice, like make a choice to be brave. Totally. That's funny. It's

00:22:59.960 reminds me of the quote. If you guys have, yeah, have you uploaded the promo video from the last

00:23:04.180 main event to the YouTube channel or are you not to the YouTube channel yet? I will, but not to the

00:23:09.120 YouTube channel. It's on a, it's on Instagram and Facebook. Oh, you guys have probably been seeing

00:23:12.960 it float around social media, but you know, you were quoted in the scene where there, you know,

00:23:17.960 we're zooming up on the mats. Right. And you're quoted in saying, you know, sometimes, you know,

00:23:23.480 I don't want to slaughter it, but sometimes it's the thing that's uncomfortable. It's a conversation

00:23:27.220 that we don't want to have is sometimes all that we need to know is it is all that is needed to know

00:23:34.060 that that's probably what we should be doing. Right. Yeah. The only thing I did cringe a little on

00:23:38.620 that because I, because I use the word sometimes it's not even sometimes it's always, always,

00:23:47.480 whenever you're afraid of something, that's the thing that you should do except barring, you know,

00:23:53.860 there's your, you guys understand what, right? Because if you're standing on the edge of a cliff

00:23:57.520 and you're afraid of falling off the cliff, I would not suggest jumping off the cliff.

00:24:01.260 Yeah. Okay. Obviously that's where discernment comes in. That's what we talked about earlier.

00:24:04.920 But if you're afraid of going to speak in public, you should speak in public. If you're afraid of

00:24:08.920 writing a book, you should write a book. If you're afraid of having that conversation with your wife,

00:24:12.920 that's the conversation with your wife. You need to have, you know, Kip, there's another thing about

00:24:16.100 that video. I'm glad you brought that up. Uh, that initially I was like, Oh, like hurt my ego.

00:24:22.680 Do you know what it was? Any guesses? No. That hurt your ego? Hurt my ego. Who,

00:24:32.240 who is the first person to be quoted in that video?

00:24:38.120 Why would that hurt your ego? No. Who is it? Answer that question first.

00:24:43.860 Well, let's see now. I, you know, I'm, I don't, I don't want to be humble. It's you. I think it's

00:24:48.180 me. I don't know where, when I said that though, I was like, Oh, interesting, but it's a good way to

00:24:54.780 start that off. I remember when you said it is a powerful statement. Well, we were, we were talking,

00:24:59.600 you were speaking and I can't remember exactly what we're talking about, where you were talking

00:25:02.880 about in front of all the guys about, Hey, what's the purpose? What's the mission? Why are we doing

00:25:06.560 this? Uh, and so you were the first person to speak. And I was like, Oh man, I should be the,

00:25:11.880 I should be, should be in the keyword. This is my video. This is my organization. This is my movement.

00:25:18.340 I should be the first person talking. And so my knee jerk reaction was like, Oh, well, like how come

00:25:23.980 I'm not speaking first? But then I thought, no, actually that's the correct way to lead it off.

00:25:30.720 That's the exact thing that needed to be said. And Todd did a great job with that. Even though I was

00:25:36.640 like, Oh, my fragile ego, like speaking, but it was you and you said what needed to be said and shame

00:25:43.660 on me. If I let my fragile ego get in the way of a video that could potentially impact thousands,

00:25:51.360 if not hundreds of thousands of lives because of what they hear, how they hear it or what they see

00:25:56.360 and what they perceive. But God, man, we do it all. Like we're talking about not letting your ego get

00:26:02.000 in the way. And still we let our ego get in the way. Yeah. And, and I, and it goes back to what

00:26:06.900 you're saying earlier, right? It's just like keeping the mission ahead of us, right? It's like, what,

00:26:11.220 what's the intent? Yeah. And it's hard. I mean, I'm, I'm the same way. Like we're doing that Utah

00:26:16.500 meetup this Friday. Um, and, um, Mike Schaefer reached out to me and said, Hey, Kip, I know

00:26:23.080 you're busy. So let me, let me run. Right. Let me, let me run with this. And I'll be honest,

00:26:28.780 a little bit of the same thing. Right. I'm kind of like, well, you know, Mike, this is, you know,

00:26:33.360 like, you know, this is my scene, you know, like this is my thing. Right. And, and, and I'll be on,

00:26:38.820 like, it's been a little bit like, you know what, this is great. Like he should run with it. And,

00:26:44.700 you know, but same thing, a little bit of that ego is like hopping in a little bit thinking like,

00:26:50.720 I should be, you know, doing it. So I don't know. All right. It really comes down to the question.

00:26:56.120 Yeah, we should hear in a second. Let me just say one more thing. It really comes down to the

00:26:59.400 difference between selfless and being selfish, right? Because if you're selfish, it's my thing.

00:27:06.720 It's my state. It's my, it's me. It's I, ours versus ours versus ours. It's our thing.

00:27:14.740 It's, it's our movement. It's, it's, it's, it's serving everybody and selflessness is,

00:27:21.060 is embracing of everybody. Right. It's better. You know, and I used to, I used to believe in a

00:27:29.220 bunch of guys are listening to this right now, guys, check yourself. If you ever say, well,

00:27:32.420 if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. That's bullshit. Yeah. How could you be

00:27:37.460 good at everything? You know, there's, there is one thing that you're good at. I don't know what it is.

00:27:41.800 You know, for example, for me, I'm, I'm fairly decent at, at having a conversation with other

00:27:48.400 guests. I'm fairly decent at that. Yeah. Um, and that's what I should be doing. Am I good at

00:27:53.780 logistics? No. So why would I do that? Am I good at planning? No. Am I good at all these? No,

00:27:59.980 no. No. The answer is no. And I have to be truthful about that because the mission is more

00:28:06.300 important than my fragile ego. And I'll see, I see a lot of men's movements that all focus and

00:28:12.920 center around a singular figure at the, at the top. It's like a pyramid, right? This guy's at the top

00:28:18.640 and everything is from him. That's cult-like. Yeah. And I don't, I don't want to create that.

00:28:25.300 I want to create a movement with millions and millions of men across the planet that all feel

00:28:30.360 empowered to go out and lead their lives, lead other men, lead their families, lead their community

00:28:36.260 members, lead their businesses and their, and their employees and their employers. If I make myself the

00:28:42.380 central figurehead of the order of man movement, then how limiting is that? Like you have to listen

00:28:49.120 to me for directive. No, I want to empower you. It's like Jocko says, when he talks about the rules

00:28:54.680 of the battlefield, decentralized command, I give you express authority and implied authority to go

00:29:02.140 out and lead your own lives. You don't need to listen to my directive. You do what's right.

00:29:05.380 Sometimes that's an alignment with what we say. And sometimes it isn't, but I trust that you can lead

00:29:09.640 your family. You've been called to lead your family. Totally. To lead it. Yeah. I was reading a book

00:29:15.500 last night. Super cool. You love this. So, and so they did, they did a study and I'm going to,

00:29:21.900 this is paraphrasing it, but they did this, these studies where they had raw materials like

00:29:26.840 macaroni noodles and marshmallows and tape or whatever. And a group of individuals is supposed

00:29:33.200 to build a tower as high as they could using these raw materials. And they had different groups in the

00:29:38.400 study, like MBA grads, grad students, some engineers, some lawyers, like all these different groups.

00:29:45.500 And then they also had kindergartners. The kindergartners were more effective in building

00:29:52.380 a small tower than all the adults. Really?

00:29:56.340 Yeah. And, and the whole point of, of this study was finding that because adults in, in, in,

00:30:03.400 based upon what we're saying, egos, the minute they start working together, they're, they're

00:30:09.100 identifying pecking order that they're worried about who's in charge and who's not in charge and

00:30:14.140 how do they show up and what are the other people thinking? And, you know, and they're building,

00:30:18.540 they're dealing with this whole social awareness problem and egos and everything else and not the

00:30:24.740 actual issue. And there's not, and the whole point here was that it wasn't safety to just be

00:30:30.740 effective. These kindergartners, it's safe. They can do whatever, right? They're just like having fun

00:30:38.900 and they're not worried about whatever. And they're more effective at it. And, and you could

00:30:42.680 see where, how we show up in organizations, how we might show up in our homes, how we might show up

00:30:48.060 in the IC and other areas where if that safety doesn't exist, and it's a, it's, we're worried

00:30:54.040 about walking on eggshells and offending people, or we're, we're focused on protecting our ego and

00:30:58.800 all this efficiency, man just gets lost. And all this energy is wasted on all of that BS. That's

00:31:07.380 not really the desired outcome or the mission. You know, it's just noise that gets in the way.

00:31:13.180 So my, my wife years ago had a very interesting experience. So my wife has, has been a, well,

00:31:19.720 she's not anymore, but for a long time she was in Rotary and, uh, she, she very, very much enjoyed it.

00:31:26.380 She was, uh, I think they call it a, uh, I can't remember the name, but like a Paul, I can't

00:31:32.040 remember what an Paul Harris or something, whoever, whoever maybe established Rotary. Anyway, she was

00:31:36.780 a fellow, like a Rotary fellow, which is like a lifelong achievement. Like she achieved that,

00:31:41.700 you know? And so she was very active, involved in it. Well, she went to a school and one of the

00:31:46.580 members of the Rotary was one of her, we'll just say educators was one of her educators. And she,

00:31:53.260 I think one, she told me the story. She said, one day I called him Mr. So-and-so and he stopped

00:31:58.960 and he corrected her and said, I'm Dr. So-and-so. I didn't go to four years of education. So you call

00:32:05.240 me Mr. So-and-so. And I thought, I'm like, well, you went to four years. So people could call you

00:32:09.380 doctor. What a fucking dumbass you are. Like you spent 150, $200,000. So somebody could call you a

00:32:15.940 doctor. Your arrogance is, is like getting in your own way. You freaking moron. Um, but I'm telling

00:32:25.300 you like ego, man, it just, it is such a, it's just a fascinating, interesting thing. And none of us

00:32:34.120 can escape it fully. All we can hope to do is fight against it. It's crazy to me. Screw things.

00:32:41.100 You really spent, that's what you're, you're running around hoping one of yours, your students

00:32:46.280 three or four years ago is calling you doctor. You spent 200 plus thousand dollars. So somebody

00:32:51.560 could call you doctor. You're a moron. And then I think, well, I I'm kind of a moron too. Cause I do

00:32:57.160 the same thing when it comes to my ego and what I want people to view and perceive me as. Yeah, for sure.

00:33:02.600 All right, man. Well, we got a half an hour for questions. So at this point, let's just do like

00:33:07.100 rapid fire or whatever we needed to do. Yeah, actually, you know what? Um, let's just jump

00:33:11.660 down to some good ones. Um, I, I flagged some of these and I thought they were pretty profound. So

00:33:17.300 my apologies. Hold on a second. Yeah. We'd have to waste more time here. Kip. Jeez.

00:33:23.440 Should have been ready, bro. Oh yeah. I like this question. All right. All right. Aiden Finn, uh,

00:33:29.140 Picton. I'm sure I've, I'm sure I've listened to so much of the podcast. So I'm sorry if I somehow

00:33:35.600 miss this being answered before if it has been, but the Christian denomination you chose, I always

00:33:42.420 wondered how you chose and what really drew you to it. I've heard you Ryan say that you felt drawn to

00:33:48.540 it or sounded as if you just felt called and went for it. If I remember correctly, but I do second

00:33:54.960 guess myself a lot. I'm feeling very drawn to, uh, angelical angelicalism after I found at least my

00:34:02.860 local event evangelical church turned out to be, uh, really shady and dishonest. I'm considering

00:34:09.000 different churches after being totally disconnected for a long while. If you have any advice on picking

00:34:14.080 a new church, as I want to make a rational and biblical sound decision, I love to hear your

00:34:18.920 guys' thoughts. So I don't want to make this question about church. Actually, I want to broaden

00:34:23.760 this out a little bit. And I think really what we need to determine for ourselves, and it's important

00:34:28.280 to know yourself is what type of individual you are and what kind of thinker you are and decision

00:34:32.380 maker you are. So for me and Kip, you tell me what you are, but I'm a very intuitive decision maker.

00:34:39.200 So for me, if it feels good, if it feels right, that's all I need. I don't need proof. I don't need

00:34:46.880 all the documentation. I don't need all the studies and the history and all this kind of stuff on it

00:34:52.000 to me intuitiveness. It feels good. I wish I could explain that more than I can, but I can't because

00:34:58.320 that's my personality. It feels right. Go. Yeah. That sounds good. Go. Are you intuitive or are you

00:35:05.160 more of maybe deliberate? I don't know what word I would use, but I'm a little bit more. Yeah. I'm a

00:35:10.920 little bit more logical about it, but, but it's nice because every so often I'll get, um, the gut

00:35:17.420 check, you know, that goes, you know what? Yeah. Like I have to remind myself that it's not a

00:35:23.660 logical thing and that spirituality and faith is not logical. And if it is, by the way, I'm going to

00:35:29.540 get my world rocked. If I'm required, if I'm relying on logic to, to kind of determine my belief

00:35:36.040 system. So I find it as a fault by default, I'm logical about it. I have to like intentionally remind

00:35:42.660 myself that faith is not a logical thing. Yeah. I think that's good. I think that's good

00:35:48.380 advice. You know, like I think about situations, uh, even outside of the church. Cause again,

00:35:52.680 I don't want to make this just a church conversation. Cause I think it could relate to more people.

00:35:57.020 Um, I feel things very well. I'm a great feeler that way. I actually, I think this sounds funny.

00:36:03.240 I think I'm actually more feminine in this, in this way, when it comes to my intuitive nature,

00:36:09.080 I'm very in tune with the way I feel about things. Even the conversations I have with my wife are

00:36:14.360 sometimes a little juxtaposed to what you would think about the quintessential relationship

00:36:18.320 between a husband and a wife and who's the feeler and who's the not, and who's the talker and who

00:36:22.680 needs to work through things emotionally. Yeah. I tend to be that person. And so I might be in a

00:36:27.940 situation where I can't describe what it is, but I feel like it's just not a great environment for me

00:36:33.800 to be in. And I have learned because of my personality that I need to listen to that.

00:36:39.560 Um, I put, I put myself in compromising situations because I've tried to turn that off. And then

00:36:44.020 I've gotten myself out of compromising situations because I've been in tune with that. So what I

00:36:48.940 think you need to do is really determine what kind of person you are. You probably already know. And

00:36:53.080 the way that you're talking is that you're more of a deliberate, intentional, maybe thinker.

00:36:57.660 And so what you need to ask yourself, I can't give you the answer to this, but what you need to ask

00:37:02.500 yourself is what information do I need to make this decision? And then once you get it,

00:37:08.440 you need to have faith that you got the information that you need. Don't, you don't

00:37:11.080 need to second guess yourself as, as, as it would go is let your yeses be yeses and your

00:37:16.140 no's be no's. Determine what information you need, collect the information that you feel

00:37:21.480 comfortable with, and then make your decision and let the chips fall where they may trust

00:37:25.700 yourself, trust your personality, trust who you are intuitively, whether it's an, like

00:37:30.480 I said, intuitive person or more of a deliberate or intentional person. Trust it. You're built that

00:37:35.800 way for a reason. And, and I think God has blessed us with that. And it's our job to figure out what

00:37:40.980 our gifts and talents and abilities are, and then to use them and harness them for productive outcomes

00:37:45.960 for ourselves and the people that we have responsibility for. I can't tell you what it is.

00:37:49.620 I don't know. I don't know your personality. I just know mine.

00:37:52.560 One thing that came to mind that Aiden said, you know, he talked about how like his local

00:37:56.660 evangelical church, like found out some dishonesty, right. And some stuff. And, and, and I mean, I get

00:38:03.820 that, right. Like it would bother me too, right. To be part of an org that, that, um, you know,

00:38:09.640 there's some dishonesty happening, but it just draws out. I think the importance of your individual

00:38:17.080 spiritual relationship with God and not reliant on the group. Right. And I, and I, I just can't

00:38:25.820 stress that enough. I think every church, I think we fall into this, right. That it's like, oh, okay.

00:38:31.460 Well, it's, it's, it's a, well, I think we muddy the water of culture and social groups and gospel.

00:38:40.300 And sometimes I think we're a little bit, um, maybe lazy around identifying our own spiritualness

00:38:48.140 and our own personal belief, agnostic of the group, agnostic of leaders or whatever else. And so

00:38:55.440 I just, I want to stress out like how important I think it is that you have your own personal

00:39:00.420 relationship and not just always relying on where you're going to church.

00:39:06.040 Well, the other thing you need to consider is that all men are flawed. So there's going to be

00:39:10.980 dishonesty wherever you go. And does that mean the church or congregation is wrong? Does that mean the

00:39:15.280 message is wrong? No, it means the deliverer was wrong because he's a human being and he makes mistakes

00:39:21.140 just like you do. Now that said, there are some mistakes and indiscretion that should not be

00:39:27.180 overlooked, right? If, if your congregation is completely corrupt, then I would say, okay,

00:39:33.260 well, the tree is rotten. Therefore the fruit will be rotten. But if there's minor indiscretions

00:39:38.800 or things like this that are happening, and you feel like there might be some dishonesty,

00:39:42.360 I'm not saying overlook it, but just take that into consideration that all men are flawed.

00:39:47.100 That doesn't inevitably mean that the doctrine or the message is flawed. You have to determine that

00:39:52.520 for yourself. I don't know what you're talking about or what you're referring to. So for me,

00:39:58.040 if it was something that was significant, that couldn't be overlooked, then yes, I would be

00:40:03.160 working towards finding a new congregation that more embodied the message. But if these are minor things,

00:40:11.100 and again, this comes down to who you are, because sometimes people, certain people have the ability

00:40:17.860 to really blow things out of proportion. I don't know if that's you, but there are some people who

00:40:24.620 really do. And you have to ask yourself if that's you, do you blow things out of proportion or are you

00:40:30.660 a rational person about it? And if that's the case, then maybe you're onto something, but this,

00:40:34.940 this really comes down to knowing yourself more than it does knowing what church you belong to.

00:40:38.720 Yeah. All right. Kevin Green, quick question. How do you forgive yourself?

00:40:46.440 You learn from your indiscretion and then you apply it.

00:40:54.580 That's it. That's it. We all make, I just said it a minute ago. We all make mistakes. We all mess up.

00:41:01.760 There's things I'm embarrassed about and things that I regret, of course, but I don't dwell on those

00:41:06.760 things because I look at those as a learning opportunity that I would not be the same

00:41:11.080 individual if I did not have those learning moments and opportunities. Look, I think it's,

00:41:16.980 it's easier to feel guilty about something. If you haven't taken the lesson that you should have

00:41:22.140 taken and applied it, it's significantly harder to feel guilty about it. When you say, you know what,

00:41:26.460 here's what I did and you admit it, you own it, you got to own it. And here's what I learned.

00:41:31.840 And here's what I'm going to do. And then you apply it. So that's a four-step formula, right?

00:41:37.100 Own it. This is like the repentance process. If we're talking about from a doctor, from a gospel

00:41:43.460 perspective, own it, acknowledge it, recognize that you did it. Okay. Learn from it, figure out what

00:41:52.000 you're going to do moving forward, right? The wrong. That's also another thing. You know,

00:41:55.720 you got to write the wrong. If you, if you, if you messed up with somebody, maybe it's just an

00:41:59.220 apology. Maybe it's paying them because you stole from them financially, whatever, write the wrong

00:42:04.800 and then vow to create different patterns and behaviors moving forward. That's the repentance

00:42:10.420 process. And if you're not spiritual, then that's the maturity process. If you'd rather call it.

00:42:15.600 Yeah. It's the learning process. Yeah. Growth process. Yeah. So I don't, what, what was the exact

00:42:21.980 verb? How do you forgive yourself? Yeah. Yeah. That's how you do it. And, and you offer yourself

00:42:28.820 some grace. You just recognize that you're flawed and you're going to mess up. And here's what I'm

00:42:32.940 going to do in spite of me messing up. Yeah. And, and I think the answer, if the question was

00:42:39.300 different is how do you, how do you get over bad decisions of your past and not regret them anymore?

00:42:46.160 Same answer. All right. Yeah. Okay. You know, that's the beauty of the universal versatility of

00:42:54.400 what we're talking about is whether you're spiritual or not, or this or that, it doesn't

00:42:57.760 really matter. It doesn't matter your culture, your belief, your background, it's all principles

00:43:01.460 and principles apply universally. So you actually need to go through the repentance process is what

00:43:05.700 I would say from a, from a non-spiritual perspective, you need to go through, like you

00:43:09.480 said, Kip, the learning process, but it's all the same. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, miss capital, uh, alphabet T

00:43:16.600 how do you stay focused? Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold up, hold up, hold up. I can't, I'm not going

00:43:21.000 to pronounce the last name. You want to try? Okay. No, I, I just, I was like, wait, and it's not

00:43:25.920 miss is it's M I S. So. Okay. Miss miss T T S. Miss T S. Okay. All right. Um, this is the drawback

00:43:36.280 of, uh, having a global impact here on the order of man podcast is we started getting some tough names

00:43:42.160 in here. Wait, why do you assume that's global? Is that, oh boy, that's elitist. That's nationalism

00:43:50.860 Kip. Uh, okay. I don't understand why you would just go straight to that person's from a different

00:43:55.420 country. Is that, uh, is that, uh, what's that racist? What is that? What would that be? It's an,

00:44:02.500 it's a nationalist attitude and actually I'm offended. I'm, I'm insulted. It's by, by your,

00:44:10.020 your, your, your, your amount of Americanism pisses me off. I don't even know. I can't even

00:44:18.920 say it because it just doesn't resonate with me. I'm trying to like think of ways to be offended

00:44:23.320 and I can't. So go talk like a Brian Mitchler. That's right. And I'm having a very hard time doing

00:44:30.100 it. Okay. How do you stay focused and determine when it seems like you're in the middle of a

00:44:35.920 financial rough patch. Backstory wife and I caught COVID in early August. We were out of work for

00:44:41.200 approximately 20 days. I'm self-employed and my main income comes from platforms such as Amazon

00:44:46.160 and eBay. During those 20 days, I was unable to ship, sells, inventory, et cetera. Uh, I drive Grubhub

00:44:53.060 seven, uh, six to seven nights a week and try to make up for the loss of income as I'm dedicated

00:44:57.640 days to try to revive my business. Um, we are at the end of November and still I'm trying to catch up.

00:45:05.920 What was the first question though? How do I stay focused and determined when it seems like I'm

00:45:11.540 just stuck in this financial rough patch? Uh, you consider the alternative,

00:45:16.640 which is to be unfocused and distracted. And is that going to help you? Nope.

00:45:24.100 So what alternative is going to be worse? Yeah. And get after it. Look, I know it's hard. I know

00:45:30.020 people are struggling. I know there's people who've gone through hard times, especially in the last

00:45:33.240 couple of years. And like, that's the hand you were dealt. You know, if you've ever played cards,

00:45:40.220 you know, like you can't just like change the cards. Like, Oh, I don't like this hand. Can I

00:45:44.380 trade? No, you can't. No, you cannot. You can swap out some cards. You can play your hand a little

00:45:50.240 differently, but you don't get to just exchange your hand because you don't like it. That's the

00:45:53.240 hand you were dealt with. So deal with it. I think there's a lot of people who believe that you

00:45:59.860 can just change things or you're entitled to something or it should be better. Should, should's

00:46:04.020 a problem. That's a bad word. Uh, and that it should be better for you or you don't deserve this.

00:46:09.420 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether you should or shouldn't. You got it. Yeah. What's done

00:46:15.540 is done. Yeah. So like, damn, but here, here's one way I look at it. What a cool opportunity you

00:46:24.200 have. You think about the best movie you've ever seen. Think about, um, a couple of movies that

00:46:31.340 stand out to me. What is your favorite? What is your favorite movie? Braveheart. Braveheart is my

00:46:34.920 favorite movie. Think about Braveheart. Think about the hand that, that young William Wallace was

00:46:41.560 dealt. You know, did he ask for that? Did he deserve that? No, he didn't ask for it. He didn't deserve

00:46:48.560 it. That's what he got. And what did he do? He made the best of it. I stopped, right? You think

00:46:54.300 about another one that I really like is gladiator. Yeah. That's a movie. Maximus lifts himself from

00:47:01.960 obscurity, you know, just a, just a, just a poor family and it becomes a great Roman general.

00:47:08.680 And then he's, he falls from grace and then he builds himself back up. Like, why do we as men

00:47:15.320 like those stories? Because there are stories of redemption because we acknowledge that we are

00:47:22.460 those characters. We are William Wallace. We are Maximus. We have fallen from grace. All of us,

00:47:29.440 all of us have, and we're peasants. We're peons. We're lowly little men. And we like those because

00:47:37.380 we see those men rising up in the face of challenge and adversity and extreme odds. And they conquer

00:47:43.940 in, in, they, they conduct themselves like men in the wake of them falling from grace.

00:47:52.760 Okay. Well, you fallen from grace, not by your own accord. You know, sometimes, yeah, for sure.

00:47:57.880 Sometimes we do dumb things that cause those problems, but sometimes you have a reaction to a,

00:48:04.080 a COVID that, that creates some situations that are less than favorable for you. And what are you going

00:48:11.760 to do? You're going to rewind the clock and like change things? No, it's what's done is done.

00:48:16.440 So lift yourself up out of obscurity and consider it a challenge and consider it a great blessing and

00:48:21.900 consider how maybe you're going to be better than you were before, because you're going to learn

00:48:26.320 some things along the path that are going to help you the next time a pandemic comes around,

00:48:30.780 or the next time you get laid off, or the next time somebody in your life dies,

00:48:34.420 or the next time you deal with a medical condition, or the next time you lose one of your best clients.

00:48:39.180 That's pretty empowering to me. That sounds awesome. And that's motivating. That's inspiring.

00:48:48.540 Oh, here I am. This guy who has no right at all to be able to create something, for example,

00:48:54.520 like we've created today. And yet here we are and we've created it. What right do I have? No right

00:49:01.140 other than we created it. And tomorrow somebody might say, or technology might come around or something

00:49:07.440 might happen that says, we're going to wipe this out, order a man gone tomorrow. No more. You're

00:49:13.860 going to close all my social media accounts and no more website. Do I shit on myself? And do I just

00:49:19.860 wallow in my own despair? Or do I take what I've learned and then rise out of obscurity and make

00:49:25.320 myself greater than I was before? What an amazing opportunity and challenge.

00:49:29.780 So you got to decide, you know, how do you stay focused? You just stay focused.

00:49:40.760 I don't, I don't know what more to say than you're looking at it as a negative. I'm looking at as a

00:49:45.680 positive. You get to recreate yourself. How awesome is that? Yeah. I mean, I think what you alluded to

00:49:51.160 earlier is like, just stop giving power to the concept of it shouldn't be this way.

00:49:56.580 Right. It is. Cause it really, it really stops us from dealing in reality. Right. When we,

00:50:01.680 when we run that story, it's like, oh, and by the way, this isn't just this use case, right? It's

00:50:07.040 like, oh, well, my marriage shouldn't be this tough. I shouldn't have to deal with this at work. I,

00:50:12.940 I, it shouldn't, family shouldn't be this way, or my parents shouldn't have been this way.

00:50:18.920 All the more we hold onto that concept of way things should, or should have, haven't been

00:50:24.820 you're, you're pausing and going, oh, I'm going to just hang out here in this area of,

00:50:30.340 of blaming of, or, and, and being a victim of my circumstances versus going, well, but guess

00:50:37.520 what they are. So now what are you going to do with it? And just accept it for the way it is.

00:50:42.920 At least that's how it works for me. I think if I hang out in that should and shouldn't be area,

00:50:47.360 it, it almost prevents a mental block from dealing in reality.

00:50:53.660 Well, it's just backwards thinking. Yeah. It shouldn't be this way. So all you're doing is

00:50:58.440 you're looking at your conditions, what's happened in the past and that's it. Like,

00:51:02.340 how are you going to propel? How are you going to go forward? If you're like, how are you going to

00:51:05.600 drive a car? For example, if you're looking in the rear view mirror, you're going to run into

00:51:11.840 something. So like, just rip the rear view mirror off. Like, I don't need that. I'm not going that

00:51:17.300 way. Rip it off. Say, okay, well like here are the current conditions. Here is where I am. Here's

00:51:22.960 where I want to go. Go figure out a strategy, move forward, stay focused, rip the rear view mirror

00:51:30.460 off and get after it. Justin Schmidt, will you be having any events for dads and daughters up there in

00:51:38.160 Maine? Yes, we will. Is this a real question, Kip? It is a real question. I, I just, I, I do admit,

00:51:47.200 I purposely made sure I read it. Uh, yeah, we do have one. Hold on. I'm trying to find the dates

00:51:55.100 here. I don't know. We got one coming up. Go to order man.com. Do we have an events page on there

00:52:02.640 or do they need to know the event URL? The best thing to do is to sign up for our emails and to

00:52:09.800 join us on the socials, uh, because that's where I make it available. But yeah, we do have an event

00:52:15.060 for fathers and daughters and, uh, that will be coming up very soon. We'll be announcing the dates

00:52:19.980 very soon. So make sure you sign up for emails at order of man.com and make sure you're following

00:52:24.600 at Ryan Mickler on the socials and we'll get that information to you. Cool. There you go, Justin.

00:52:29.600 All right. PJ, uh, Vilela, my wife and I have a good relationship as a whole, but there are

00:52:36.000 definitely areas of struggle. One, one major one is that we have been in a constant rut for the past

00:52:42.420 years in a, a lackluster sex relationship from conversations with her. She just has very little

00:52:50.140 drive after we got married when we were 21, after so many times of being rejected physically,

00:52:55.500 I start to lose the desire for her in other areas of our relationship. And I tend to get

00:53:00.320 more focused with work or hobbies. This obviously leads to her not wanting to even, uh, not wanting

00:53:06.940 to even more. So my question is this, any tips on how to kickstart and join your wife again,

00:53:12.220 when you don't really enjoy her currently other than going on weekly dates have been doing that for

00:53:18.320 a while now. Yeah. I mean, weekly dates are fine and that's important. You should be doing that,

00:53:22.660 but I think we need to get to the root of what what's going on with a sex drive. It could be just

00:53:27.280 the, the fact that you guys are both getting older. Um, you also got to look into your health.

00:53:31.840 You know, are you guys healthy? Is she healthy? Because if she's not healthy and she's a little

00:53:35.700 overweight and she's not working out and she's not training, uh, then that's going to affect,

00:53:40.020 if she's not eating right, that's going to affect sex drives, not just for her, but for you also.

00:53:44.980 Yeah. So for those of you guys, if she doesn't feel sexy even right.

00:53:48.680 Right. Or she doesn't have the energy because she's tired and exhausted at the end of every

00:53:52.820 day because she's 50 pounds overweight and I'm not picking on women. Like the same goes for us

00:53:56.760 too, guys. Yeah. You know, if you're 50, 60, 70 pounds overweight and you're drinking and like

00:54:02.280 your sex drive is going to go down, no doubt. So you need to make sure you shore that area up,

00:54:07.120 like get, get the fitness stuff dialed in. Um, I would also add spontaneity because sometimes we

00:54:12.780 get into these monotonous grinds of, of life and marriage where, you know, with four kids,

00:54:17.320 for example, my own marriage tends to be monotonous at times because my wife's homeschooling and I'm

00:54:22.820 doing the work and then we have these activities and then we have these sports and we have this

00:54:27.260 thing and this going on and that leaves very little room for us. So spontaneity is a very

00:54:33.120 important thing. If for example, with date night, because you said you're doing this regularly,

00:54:37.120 even mix that up. What are you guys doing for date night? Are you just going to the movie and,

00:54:41.300 and having dinner, maybe go to a new place, go to a new restaurant, maybe get a hotel room

00:54:46.600 for the evening. Uh, go, go, go out of town. If you can, if she's typically the one who's

00:54:52.420 scheduling the dates, why don't you schedule the dates? You pick what you're doing. You get the

00:54:56.880 babysitter. You make sure the kids are all taken care of whatever you can do to mix that up. Cause

00:55:01.560 date nights are good, but you need to make sure that you're mixing that up. Cause that spontaneity

00:55:05.780 is going to be very, very important. So I say between those two things, health and spontaneity,

00:55:10.180 and also by the way, not pointing fingers at her health, making sure that you get your health dialed in

00:55:15.060 because look, if you're, if you're a guy who's, you know, 15% body fat and you're lean and you're

00:55:21.100 attractive and you're doing what's right. I don't know that she's going to be able to keep her hands

00:55:24.760 off of you. And isn't that what you want? So what can you do to improve your own wellbeing and your own

00:55:31.120 performance? Uh, and I think that will go a long way also in ensuring that she sees what you're doing

00:55:36.400 is attracted to that. Yeah, for sure. And I would, and I know you said the relationship's fine.

00:55:43.960 Sometimes I think we, we might be coasting in the relationship and we think it's fine because we're

00:55:49.900 not fighting, but maybe you guys aren't connecting like you should. And, and that does make a huge,

00:55:56.780 it changes things. So I would, I would question or challenge to make sure that the relationship is

00:56:03.660 not okay. That the relationship is awesome and you're feeling great about each other and you're

00:56:09.240 having, you're connecting really well and everything else and you're, and you're ambitious and you're

00:56:14.260 getting after it and you have things you're working on together. Like, don't make it okay. Okay. Is not

00:56:19.100 good enough. Not fighting is not good enough. I think just make sure that it's a really strong

00:56:23.520 relationship and that might help too. Yeah. Well, and also along those same lines as looking for

00:56:29.740 distractions in the relationship, because it's very easy to get distracted with work and kids and

00:56:35.020 sports and projects and this and that. And then it detracts from us being able to be present and have

00:56:42.740 a real conversation. My wife and I went on a date last night. We had a sitter come over and take care

00:56:46.860 of the kids. And we went on a date last night and you know, we were free from distractions. We're able

00:56:51.660 to have some conversations that we can't have in front of the kids. Obviously we talked about Christmas

00:56:57.360 and we talked about events and we talked about what 2022 is going to hold, but we created that

00:57:03.000 environment. And most of the time we don't have those environments because we have so many

00:57:07.100 distractions and it's just hard enough to get through those distractions, let alone have any

00:57:11.760 sort of significant connection. Yeah. Freaking kids. Damn. All right. Raymond Valdez. Ryan used to

00:57:19.920 conclude your interview podcast with the question, what is the definition of a man to you? And you don't do it

00:57:25.980 anymore. What's up? It's a crutch. That's what it is. If you're asking the same question over and

00:57:37.920 over again, it's a crutch. So I'm a professional conversationalist. Professional conversationalists

00:57:44.420 don't ask regurgitated scripted questions. They don't, they just don't do it. That's an important

00:57:52.280 question. What makes a man, a man. What I'm trying to make a conscious effort of is weaving that into

00:57:57.560 the discussion. So if you listen with a, with a, a closed ear, you're going to hear it because they're

00:58:03.080 going to describe and articulate and, and, and talk about what makes them a man woven into the

00:58:09.840 conversation organically. When I started podcasting six, seven years ago, I started with like eight to

00:58:18.160 10 questions and I would literally have them typed out. I would print them up and I would go through

00:58:22.540 question and question. What I realized is I was doing my guest a disservice because I wasn't intuitive

00:58:28.940 to their responses. And I was doing the listener a disservice because I was just regurgitating that

00:58:34.560 same old boring question over and over again. And so I don't feel like I was respecting you as a

00:58:39.200 listener and I wasn't respecting my guest as a guest of the podcast. So I made that conscious decision

00:58:45.180 years and years ago to move away from scripted questions, but I left that one question,

00:58:48.860 but I thought to myself a couple of years ago, like, if I really believe that you shouldn't have

00:58:54.980 scripted questions, that you should be organic, intuitive with the conversations, then why do I

00:58:59.240 have this last question remaining? So yeah, it's going to require you to think a little bit more.

00:59:04.760 It's not the scripted answer. It's a bit to ask that question to me is a very 2022, 2021 type thing to do,

00:59:12.000 make it so easy on everybody that they can't possibly misinterpret, but I'm interested in

00:59:17.520 deeper conversations, not just getting the answers to the 10 questions that I send you a week ahead

00:59:22.380 of time, our conversation or our interview. So that's why I make that decision, but it's still

00:59:26.260 there. The answer is still there. You just got to listen more, a little bit more intentively for it.

00:59:31.380 Copy. Chris Babber, when neither of you find yourself strained from the path, how do you realign?

00:59:38.160 When, when say it again, when either of you find yourself straying from the path,

00:59:43.560 yes, sir, you go back to your battle plan. It's right here. Mine's right here.

00:59:51.220 If you don't have, like, if you don't know where you're going, then you don't know if you're

00:59:56.160 straying. And do you, do you back to the battle plan to say, Hey, you know what? This is my

01:00:02.220 commitment on objectives and tactics or back to the battle plan of, Hey, you know what? What's my,

01:00:08.180 what's my vision? What's my purpose? And what's the, you know, the bigger value in all. And you

01:00:14.240 really have to determine what it is you're missing in your life. So if you're, if you're dealing with

01:00:21.400 motivation issues, then I would say, go back to the vision.

01:00:26.580 Um, because I think that's going to help inspire you. If you're dealing with not knowing what to

01:00:32.200 do, like you're feeling lost, I don't know what to do. Then I would say, go back to your tactics.

01:00:35.540 Go back to the plan. Yeah. Go back to the plan. Yeah. Right. And, and the plan, sometimes the plan

01:00:41.120 is boring and that's the hard part. You know, like, how do you run a marathon? Well, you run one step

01:00:46.420 for like 10,000 times or whatever it comes out to you. Right. Like that's, it's probably more than

01:00:53.500 that, but that's how you run a marathon is how do you get from point A to point B? You put one foot

01:00:59.180 in front of the other, about two yards away from your previous foot and you do it 20, 30, 40,000 times.

01:01:07.120 That's the answer. But around step 10,000, you're like, this sucks. Yeah, it does stick to the plan.

01:01:18.020 Right. But the answer doesn't change just because it sucks. Yeah.

01:01:23.940 You got to go back to your why, which I want to complete the marathon because I want to be proud

01:01:28.500 of myself. I want to prove that I can do this. I want to make my children proud of me. I want to

01:01:36.740 be an example to other people around. There's all sorts of reasons. It could be that's the motive.

01:01:42.180 Go to that. And then what's the action step for the motive? One step, two, three yards at a time,

01:01:49.040 over 40,000 steps. Again, whatever the, I don't know what the calculation comes to you,

01:01:53.860 but whatever it is, right. You get it. Um, so remind me what the question was again,

01:01:58.700 just so I get the verbiage, right. And make sure I get on it.

01:02:00.600 Just, um, you're strained from the path. Yeah. How do you realign?

01:02:04.380 Yeah. Just, just figure out what path you're on, uh, and, and get back, get back after it.

01:02:11.900 Like, it's easy to, it's easy to get off the path. It's easy to get distracted. It's easy to

01:02:15.660 see the bright, shiny object and want to move on to something else. But you know, you got to

01:02:19.760 determine and ask yourself, is that really what I want? A lot of the times you're going to find out

01:02:23.240 that, that no, it isn't, it isn't what you want. So figure out what you want. And if you haven't

01:02:28.360 done that, that's a good first exercise and then reverse engineer it back into daily steps that you

01:02:34.180 can do. For example, writing a book, guys, I've told you I'm writing a book right now. Writing

01:02:39.860 isn't like the most enjoyable thing to me. I'd much rather do a podcast. I'd much rather be on

01:02:44.780 video or behind a microphone. And so there's days where I'm like, this sucks. And you know what,

01:02:49.920 does that mean I don't do it? No, it just means you do it and it sucks period.

01:02:53.680 Like I don't attach any sort of weird meaning to it. I think it just sucks.

01:02:57.940 But writing a book is important. And even writing a book isn't all that important to me. What is

01:03:02.260 important is getting the message out and helping tens, if not hundreds of thousands, if not millions

01:03:06.600 of men with a message that I think is going to serve them in their best interest. And that means

01:03:11.040 that I got to write a thousand words today, whether I want to or not, that's what it means.

01:03:16.000 And so my plan is very integrated is what I would call it.

01:03:19.500 Yeah. Goal, objective, design actually goes before that vision for myself, goals and objectives that

01:03:27.480 I want to accomplish, tactics that are going to allow me to get there, checkpoints to make sure

01:03:31.960 I'm on the right path. The end, I know I'll produce what I want.

01:03:37.800 Yeah. And so many people don't succeed, not because of the plan, but because they

01:03:44.600 stop executing on the plan because it's not exciting.

01:03:50.640 Yeah. And you know, what's funny about that Kip is that a lot of people, myself included,

01:03:55.100 will see the results and they'll still deviate.

01:03:58.460 Yeah. It's like, I know I've done this when I quicker win somewhere else. Like, I don't know

01:04:03.660 what it is. It's weird. It's just, it's just our attention span is greatly diminished. So I'll do

01:04:11.280 like, I'll say to myself, you know, I really want to lose 15 pounds and for a week I'll be really,

01:04:16.340 really good. I'm like, cool. I'm down like six pounds. Yeah. So you have motivation like you're

01:04:21.400 making progress. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, I guess I'll have like the chips and salsa. I can take

01:04:25.420 it easy. It's like, no, no, no, no. They keep going. You know, we deviate way too soon. Just

01:04:32.760 keep going. Be in it forever. That's, that's another strategy is a lot of people are in it

01:04:38.760 for the short term. You know, like I want the 90 day beach body. Okay. Well, yeah. I mean,

01:04:44.120 who doesn't want that, but can you have the 90 year beach body? Like that to me is a greater way of

01:04:49.740 doing it. Yeah. That's why I like Aubrey Marcus's book. When you had him on, I think he talked about

01:04:56.980 his book, like own the day. And I like that concept that sometimes like there's no tomorrow

01:05:02.280 that you can't change yesterday, but you got today. Right. And it's just like, you know,

01:05:07.140 if you just win every day, just own the day, you know, X, you know, work your plan and just do it

01:05:13.500 every day, you know, like you'll get there, but we kind of have to trust that plan. So it's like

01:05:19.980 in math, the lowest common denominator, right? When, when you're trying to add fractions, you need

01:05:25.500 to find, or do anything with fractions. You need to find that lowest common denominator before you can,

01:05:31.600 before you can make those calculations. Well, that's true with your life. And, but we did miss it,

01:05:37.400 dismiss it too. Like you think about it, for example, maybe you have a goal to wake up at six

01:05:41.880 o'clock and do a workout. And so you do it for a couple of times. And then you're like, Oh,

01:05:46.280 that's not that big a deal. No, it is a big deal. Actually. Like you getting up out of bed before you,

01:05:52.380 your, your natural man wants you to, that's a big deal. Treat it like that. You know, you don't have

01:05:59.240 to go shout it from the rooftops, but like honor the fact that you got out of bed, honor the fact that

01:06:04.600 the first thing you did this morning was not jump on your phone. And instead you got a drink of water

01:06:08.560 and then you went to the gym, honor that. Again, you don't have to make it into some grand

01:06:12.840 celebration or, or, or, or make yourself into something you're not, but like, you should be

01:06:17.280 proud of that. And then today, you know, you've got 10 things guys. Look, you know how it feels when

01:06:22.980 you get all 10 things done versus how you, when, how you feel when you get to, you know, I don't need

01:06:28.040 to explain that to you. So go do your 10 things today. And then when you're done, go play baseball

01:06:34.960 with your kids. And then when you're done, go have dinner. And then when you're done,

01:06:38.440 go have sex with your wife. That's a pretty good day. And you should honor that. Like you should

01:06:45.200 be proud of that. You should celebrate. Don't dismiss that. And it's easy to do, especially

01:06:50.400 in the wake of social media. Cause you're like, well, you know, I got up out of bed. I went and

01:06:54.960 worked out. I did my work. I had dinner with my family. I had sex with my wife, but like that guy

01:06:59.600 over there, he's in Dubai right now. He had sex in his Lamborghini with, with three women.

01:07:07.380 And I, here I am having sex with my wife and we've been together for 10 years

01:07:10.960 in the back of the old Ford, man. My life sucks. That's right. So just get away from that comparison

01:07:20.380 trap and realize actually the comparison traps, not bad, but you should compare to who you were.

01:07:26.680 You know, yesterday I didn't get to get to have sex with my wife yesterday. I didn't spend time

01:07:33.180 with my kids yesterday. I only got three things done, but today I got 10. So damn, I'm doing pretty

01:07:36.800 good. And that's what you should be comparing yourself to. Yeah, for sure. That's funny. I got

01:07:43.140 a gem, man. All right. So we'll wrap up, um, to learn more about the iron council. We're going to open

01:07:49.100 that up in a couple of days for the entire month of December, Mr. Tomorrow for a couple of weeks,

01:07:55.000 December 1st through the 15th, that will be open. So you guys got to get registered tomorrow through

01:08:00.080 the 15th. Okay. So you got to act on that. That's order of man.com slash iron council. And then to

01:08:06.700 join us on Facebook, go to facebook.com slash group slash order, man. And the last thing really

01:08:11.620 is, is sign up for the newsletter by going to order of man.com for updates on future events,

01:08:16.240 whatever. If you guys have not seen the, I guess what would we call it? A recap promo video

01:08:22.000 for the main event. Um, earlier this year, it was pretty, pretty awesome. There's another one

01:08:28.640 coming too. So we'll make that available on YouTube. So yeah, Todd, Todd, right. Todd did the

01:08:34.740 video. Yeah. He did it. Awesome. That was great. So, um, and then of course, connect with Mr.

01:08:40.160 Mickler on the socials, uh, at Ryan Mickler, that's M I C H L E R both Insta and Twitter.

01:08:45.940 Excellent. All right, guys. Well, I think you have your marching orders. Get up, go work out,

01:08:53.620 do your work, play baseball with your kids, have dinner, have sex with your wife. And then we will

01:08:59.720 see you guys on Friday until then go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:09:05.080 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:09:09.440 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:09:15.940 Thank you.

Order of Man - December 01, 2021

Mission First, Intuitive vs. Intentional, and the Repentance ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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