Order of Man - October 09, 2020


Modernity and the Demise of Masculinity ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

35 minutes

Words per Minute

190.64539

Word Count

6,743

Sentence Count

401


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan
00:00:27.460 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the order of man movement. I want to welcome
00:00:32.840 you here as I do every week. If you are new, this is a podcast of a movement dedicated to giving you
00:00:38.280 the tools, the resources, and specifically with this podcast, the conversations you need to thrive
00:00:43.400 as a man. Now I've got to say, I already recorded this podcast once about two hours ago and come to
00:00:52.160 find out the audio file was corrupted. So this is actually round two. I've got a few notes here.
00:00:58.180 I'm not scripted or anything like that. So let's hope that the second time I record this particular
00:01:02.960 podcast is just as good as the first. If it's not, you'll never know. All right, guys, going to get
00:01:09.480 into it today. Not a whole lot of announcements. In fact, no announcements. Cause I want to talk about
00:01:12.960 this today. I titled this particular conversation, uh, modernity and the demise of masculinity. Now it is
00:01:20.080 apparent to me that the modern times that we have, uh, have attributed or contributed, I should say
00:01:27.540 to the ultimate and slow painstaking demise of masculinity. I think this is very, very evident
00:01:35.520 in society today. I know there's a lot of conflicting ideas about this. And I know there's a lot of people
00:01:40.880 who seem to think that if I ever talk about this demise of masculinity, that somehow I'm painting men as
00:01:46.920 the victim. That's the furthest thing from the truth. I'm going to explain a little bit about
00:01:50.060 what I mean there. Uh, but before we get into that, I think that we all are familiar with that, uh,
00:01:55.960 that quote or that term, we've all heard it. Uh, how does it go? Strong men create good times. Good times
00:02:01.900 create weak men. Weak men create hard times, hard times create strong men. And I think that's a pretty
00:02:08.320 good summary. Uh, of course it's a lot more nuanced than that, but a pretty good summary of what we're
00:02:12.740 dealing with right now. Uh, we as a society are standing on the shoulders of, uh, the greatest
00:02:18.160 generation, we're standing on the shoulders of men who have toiled and worked and done significantly
00:02:25.760 more than any of us. Well, I shouldn't say any of us significantly more than us generally as,
00:02:33.260 as a society today have done. Um, you know, a lot of the times I think about my military service,
00:02:38.760 for example, and people thank me for my military service. And I try to, as best I can accept that
00:02:44.120 gratitude graciously and with humility. But at the same time, I think to myself, man, I don't hold
00:02:50.500 anything to some of these warriors and soldiers who have sacrificed so much. And in some cases,
00:02:58.600 given their all to protect our way of life, to protect the things they see valuable. Uh, and I
00:03:04.700 wonder if we'd be willing to do those types of things in this day and age. I think if push came to
00:03:09.660 shove a lot of us, of us would, I think the overwhelming, at least I hope the overwhelming
00:03:14.540 majority of us who are listening to this podcast and tuned into the movement to reclaim and restore
00:03:19.840 masculinity would certainly do so. I would hope. Uh, but it's a question I ask myself quite often.
00:03:26.420 And am I the man that I'm fully capable of being and becoming the answer is certainly no, but I'm on
00:03:32.420 the path. And unfortunately what I see in society is a decline. And a lot of this is because we've
00:03:38.780 created this environment where everything is so easy and everything is so convenient and we've
00:03:45.360 fallen into comfort and complacency. And if we can't remain vigilant about the threats that we
00:03:50.960 potentially face, although they may not be as prevalent as a life and death type situation,
00:03:56.300 uh, then I think we're going to find ourselves in a bad situation. And maybe it's not ourselves,
00:04:02.000 but certainly our children and our grandchildren. And, uh, I've taken this battle upon myself to
00:04:08.460 attempt to come up with some solutions in how we can deal with this demise of masculinity in this
00:04:15.060 relatively easy time in which we live. And I don't think anybody would, would disagree with me on
00:04:20.140 that. I mean, if you're hungry, you go down to the convenience store, gas station or grocery store,
00:04:24.760 and you get some food. Uh, if you're cold, like I am today, you know, you turn up the, uh, the heater.
00:04:29.540 If you're hot, you turn on the air conditioning. Uh, if you want to get to a different place,
00:04:34.540 you hop in your car or hop in a train or a plane, and you get there within a matter of hours. And
00:04:38.960 that a hundred years ago would take days and days, if not months to get to that same location. So
00:04:44.960 I'm not complaining. I mean, I I'm sitting behind this amazing desk using this microphone and this
00:04:52.720 camera and this computer, and I've got the lights on and it's climate controlled in this beautiful
00:04:57.280 home in which we live. I'm not complaining about it. I'm just saying that we've got to find a way
00:05:01.360 to, uh, embrace what it means to be a man, that of a protector provider and presider.
00:05:08.240 If you look at all of those components, they all represent, uh, an element of, of, of service,
00:05:13.300 service to other people, protect, provide, preside, serve other individuals. Uh, and in order to do
00:05:19.500 that, you've got to bear the burden of responsibility. And unfortunately I see that there's a large
00:05:24.480 percentage of men and young boys who have not learned how to make themselves capable of bearing that
00:05:30.880 weight. And I think it's going to create some real unfortunate, uh, circumstances. A lot of this
00:05:36.580 conversation I wanted to talk with you about today was spurred on by the podcast I did earlier this
00:05:41.460 week with, uh, Charlie Kirk. And we had some great conversations. A lot of people agreed. A lot of
00:05:46.220 people disagreed. Uh, but what was interesting because the people who disagreed, uh, one thing I
00:05:51.420 saw a lot was that they felt that as I talk about this demise of masculinity and look, let me be clear
00:05:57.100 on this. I'm very hesitant, uh, or maybe not, maybe even against the, the idea of using the terms war
00:06:05.760 on masculinity, uh, war on men attack or assault on masculinity. And I say that because words have
00:06:12.800 meaning and I'm not sure that it isn't a war or an attack on masculinity. I think it's just the
00:06:18.300 gradual erosion and decay of the foundations of what it means to be a man, uh, traditionally,
00:06:23.760 and it's hindered a lot of men. It's hurt a lot of men in a lot of ways. And so, uh, I wanted to
00:06:30.140 share some of this stuff with you today. It's not based in victimhood, which is what a lot of people
00:06:34.000 said. I think being a victim is somebody who, uh, might recognize a problem, but perpetually remains
00:06:40.820 in that problem or continues the same behavior and expects and hopes for a different outcome.
00:06:45.060 Uh, somebody who, uh, takes pride in being at the mercy of other people. Uh, but it's certainly not
00:06:54.880 somebody who's proposing solutions. And I feel like if there's one thing that we've done within
00:06:58.720 the order of man movement and podcast is we continually over the past nearly six years now
00:07:03.080 proposed all sorts of solutions via this podcast, the courses, our exclusive brotherhood, the events
00:07:09.000 that we do, uh, proposed all sorts of solutions that move us from a potential victim hood type
00:07:14.220 mentality into a victor mentality where we can recognize what's actually happening. We can look
00:07:20.320 at it as objectively as possible. We can open our minds and our eyes to the possibility that maybe some
00:07:26.040 of this exists, and then we can actually do something about it. And that's the point. The point
00:07:30.700 isn't just to complain or to mope or to gripe or to bitch or to moan. It's to actually move the
00:07:35.380 needle towards helping you as a man, a father, a husband, a business owner, a community leader,
00:07:40.720 a coach, a mentor, a brother, help you find and develop the meaning and satisfaction and purpose
00:07:46.560 that comes when you step into who it is you are meant to be a man. So what I'd like to do today,
00:07:54.340 first and foremost, is share with you a couple of points and places in which I think this, uh,
00:07:59.660 this erosion of masculinity is coming from. And then, uh, more importantly, what we can do about it.
00:08:05.540 I mean, like, like I said, ultimately that's the most important thing that we actually figure out
00:08:09.140 a path forward. So let's, let's break this down. Uh, the first place I think this demise is coming
00:08:13.580 from is, is governmental. And by the way, guys, if you disagree with me on this, that's great.
00:08:19.180 Let's have a conversation about it. But here's the beauty of what I'm going to share with you.
00:08:22.640 If you agree with me, good. What I'm going to share with you as far as a path forward is going to
00:08:27.400 serve you. It's going to help you become more effective. If you don't agree with me, and it's very
00:08:33.220 possible that there's going to be a lot of you who don't, and that's fine too. The beauty of what
00:08:37.060 I'm going to share with you is that the path I'm going to illustrate here in the next little bit
00:08:41.100 is actually going to help you whether you agree or whether you disagree, the things that I'm going
00:08:46.000 to share you, the path forward is going to serve you. And it's going to serve the people you care
00:08:49.260 about. Well, all right. So let's talk about this, uh, government look. Um, the bottom line is that
00:08:56.880 weak men are more easily manipulated and more easily controlled. And I think ultimately the powers
00:09:04.440 that be want to be able to control and manipulate the last line of defense in a free, uh, in liberated
00:09:10.980 society. And that's men that has historically been men that is currently men. And it will always be
00:09:17.180 men. And if you're more easily manipulated or controlled, uh, then, then obviously the control
00:09:24.000 and the power and the authority goes to those who are controlling you. Uh, we see this in a couple of
00:09:29.180 different places that I wanted to, uh, point out. Number one, we see this in the school system.
00:09:34.120 The fact of the matter is, is that the school system is stacked against young men. It truly is.
00:09:38.860 If you want to look into some additional work and resources, because it's deeper than what I want to
00:09:43.960 get to in this podcast today. Uh, you can look at Dr. Warren Farrell's book, the boy crisis. I think
00:09:50.720 if you're watching this on video, I believe without looking at it, I believe that's the boy crisis right
00:09:55.420 there. So the boy crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell. Uh, and then there's also two other books, both by
00:10:01.620 Dr. Leonard Sachs. One is called boys adrift and the other is why gender matters. So if you want to get
00:10:09.180 into how the school system is stacked against our young men, I would highly encourage that you go
00:10:14.200 take a look, have a listen, have a read. And you can see that there's some real threats to the way
00:10:19.580 that our young men, our boys are being raised. In addition to what's happening in the school system,
00:10:25.100 I will, I would like to point out the family core system. Uh, there are some real, real problems
00:10:31.180 with men having access to their sons. And obviously this creates a problem. We see a rise of fatherless
00:10:41.840 homes, little Timmy and little Sally are growing up without dad increasingly. And it's a real shame
00:10:47.820 at best. It's a real shame. It's destructive to them. It's destructive to fathers and it's dangerous
00:10:53.520 to society. Guys, the court systems are stacked against men. It's unfortunate. And I would say
00:11:01.480 that you have to, as a man, you have to protect yourself, right? Marry and commit to the right
00:11:05.620 woman, bring kids into the world when both of you are prepared to do that and make sure that you are
00:11:10.500 protected so that you can maintain and preserve your rights to father your children. That's very,
00:11:15.780 very much needed in society. So this is a multifaceted approach. Number one is the government,
00:11:20.720 the school systems and the family court system. Uh, number two, take a look at the media.
00:11:26.660 All right. If you look at the media, men are portrayed as, as idiots, as dopes, as goofballs.
00:11:32.700 Like they're never serious. They're never committed. They're never the type of men that I've been
00:11:37.440 fortunate enough to have in my life. Uh, you look at other, other, uh, commercials that try to
00:11:43.720 undermine what masculinity is and paint it in this negative light in terms like toxic masculinity of
00:11:49.100 permeated, uh, popular culture and the, in the, the library of words they use to attempt to undermine
00:11:55.160 what it means to be a man. Now I know there's a lot of people who say, well, toxic masculinity is
00:11:59.440 real. Look, I understand what people are saying, but the whole idea and the whole reason I don't use
00:12:03.900 that term is because it's an attempt at least by some to conflate masculinity with inherently being
00:12:10.640 toxic. And it's certainly not. Can it be used for good? Absolutely. Can it be used for bad?
00:12:16.720 Absolutely. And I think those who use the term toxic masculinity, the majority of them would say
00:12:21.460 it's when masculinity is used for negative outcomes. But again, I I'm very wary to conflate
00:12:27.520 the two terms, but again, media is continually portraying, uh, men as the losers, as the dopes,
00:12:35.800 as the idiots. And then you have these movements in addition to the media. And this is more along the
00:12:39.760 lines of, um, I would say culture in general, but you have these movements, uh, like the feminist
00:12:45.520 movement, um, third wave feminism, uh, that, uh, that hate men that believe all men are bad.
00:12:51.480 You know, these are individuals, primarily women or these white, white night type men who have
00:12:57.380 potentially been damaged by men. They've had a bad experience. And, and none of what I'm about to say
00:13:02.780 is meant to diminish, uh, an individual's horrific potentially experience. But if you have one bad
00:13:09.780 experience and you paint everybody with that broad paintbrush and assume that just because you had
00:13:16.780 one bad experience with a man, that all men are like that, it's a, it's a sign that, that you
00:13:22.520 haven't healed correctly. And it's certainly a sign of, of immaturity. There's certainly emotional
00:13:26.640 trauma. And again, I don't want to diminish any of that because I feel for any, any individual who's
00:13:32.000 gone through any horrific experience at the hands of a man or anybody else. Um, but we need to not
00:13:39.740 conflate all evil, all toxicity, all that's wrong with the world, the tyrannical patriarchy,
00:13:46.640 uh, with, with men generally, because that hasn't been the case for me. And it certainly,
00:13:52.440 well, I should say probably hasn't been the case for you. You've had great men come into your life
00:13:55.960 and you've had some not great men come into your life, but certainly all men, uh, aren't the enemy.
00:14:00.420 And we're not, we're, we're not the bad guys. Okay. Now the third component of this is, uh,
00:14:06.020 the medical community, the medical community has jumped on the bandwagon and has attempted to
00:14:11.280 undermine masculinity. And, and one area I'm specifically referring to is the American
00:14:16.660 Psychologicals Association's, uh, quasi study on masculinity that they did several years ago.
00:14:22.500 And, uh, what they had said, or their findings reported that the traits and characteristics that
00:14:30.140 we would generally attribute or characterize as, as masculine are somehow inherently toxic to young
00:14:35.460 boys that of, I believe they use the term stoicism, uh, aggressiveness and competitiveness,
00:14:42.420 which in and of themselves, none of those factors are inherently negative. In fact, I would say
00:14:49.460 they can all be when used appropriately, very, very good, but they're not inherently bad or evil
00:14:54.740 or destructive to our young boys. I mean, stoicism is simply the control of your emotions. Actually,
00:14:59.520 it's, I'm not going to say it that way. It's the understanding of your emotions because control is
00:15:04.260 what people think men do. Don't cry. That's not what anybody is saying. Okay. I've cried. My sons
00:15:10.140 have seen me cry. My sons have cried. And at times I'll tell them, Hey, now's not the time to cry.
00:15:15.440 It's not appropriate. Stop crying. And people would say I'm toxic because I, because I do that. And then
00:15:20.820 there's other times where, you know, I offer a shoulder to cry on because it's appropriate,
00:15:24.520 but stoicism is simply the understanding of your emotions. So you can use them as an effective tool
00:15:30.640 for producing effective outcomes for you and the people that you care about. It's understanding your
00:15:35.000 emotions. So you can actually do something with them, not suppress them, not hide them and not be
00:15:40.380 overly emotional where you're allowing them to dictate your course of action. Now, aggression and
00:15:45.440 dominance, again, under the right set of circumstances, those are very good things.
00:15:48.980 There are plenty of situations in the corporate environment, for example, where a man would need
00:15:54.420 to be aggressive, to be able to share and add value, to be first to market, to compete with,
00:16:01.260 with other people, with other companies, because it drives him to thrive and to excel.
00:16:06.220 I know I operate very, very well on, on a healthy dose of competition. And it's my job as a father
00:16:12.980 and a leader in the community and a leader of this organization and movement to teach my sons and
00:16:18.660 the people that I'm responsible for how to use these characteristics that are coursing through
00:16:23.360 our veins as men for productive outcomes. The other component of this with the medical community that
00:16:30.140 I've seen is, and this goes back to my comments on the, the, the boy crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell.
00:16:36.820 And what I was saying with the school system is that anytime anymore, it seems like a young man,
00:16:42.440 a young man steps outside of some perceived limitations or boundaries by a school teacher
00:16:51.220 or administrative board, just because he might be a little rambunctious, a little hyper, a little
00:16:56.320 lack of focus that he's popped with pain medications and pills and sedation tactics. And it's just not
00:17:03.520 healthy. I mean, it's not healthy. You should see the statistics on the over diagnosis of ADD and ADHD.
00:17:09.500 It's horrific. And, and much of what the medical community is doing is sedating our young men and
00:17:16.000 asking them to act more like women. It's shameful. It's a travesty. And, and not to mention you have
00:17:22.800 other components of the medical community who are suppressing hormones for those who might believe at a
00:17:32.220 young age that they're a different gender or different sex guys, this is not, this is not a healthy
00:17:37.640 thing. It's, it's very, very dangerous. So all of this, if you kind of tie it up in a little bow is
00:17:44.900 I use the term doctrine of popular culture. I use, I've used that a lot. Um, and, and, and it's a
00:17:51.580 danger, it's a threat. Again, it's not an attack, but it's a threat. And it's something that we need to
00:17:55.960 be aware of is that there's this doctrine of popular culture, which is, says that you need to be
00:18:00.900 promiscuous, that, uh, you don't want to commit to any one person that traditional family values or
00:18:05.880 traditional, uh, church values are, are, are, are not as effective or useful as they once were
00:18:13.960 that you can, you know, quit on a, on a relationship or other things that you're doing because you don't
00:18:20.160 want to do it and that everybody's special, regardless of how they show up and what they do.
00:18:24.520 It's a real shame. It's a real shame and it's damaging to men. And here's the result is that more
00:18:30.660 and more men are feeling, uh, depressed, anxious, lack of drive, lack of motivation, lack of clarity,
00:18:40.020 lack of, uh, ability to lead other people and potentially at its worst, uh, suicidal
00:18:44.940 because society has told them to act like women. If only more men acted like women,
00:18:51.380 then the world would be a better place. I don't, haven't seen any evidence of that.
00:18:54.800 Yeah. You can show me some anecdotal evidence where a woman might be running an organization or
00:19:00.600 the head of a country and think, well, see, she's a woman and that's why they're doing better. Well,
00:19:06.000 correlation doesn't equal causation guys. What we need in society is strong, honorable, committed,
00:19:12.680 capable men. And again, I want to reiterate and be very clear that I'm not painting men
00:19:17.540 in, in some sort of victimhood role. Maybe we live in the best time we've ever had in the history of
00:19:24.280 mankind, more wealth, more abundance, more prosperity, more Liberty, more freedom.
00:19:31.060 If you want to look at any metric that you could possibly measure with how it relates to the
00:19:35.840 success, the overall and general success of mankind, we live in the best time we ever could.
00:19:40.700 So I'm not here to tell you that we're the victims and that we need to play the victims and that
00:19:45.420 there's this enemy that's going to attack us. I'm just stating that we need to be aware of some of
00:19:51.180 these things so we can address them and we can move forward in a way that's going to help
00:19:56.560 everybody continue to thrive, continue on the same path. I had a gentleman, as I was talking earlier
00:20:03.340 this week about the potential demise of masculinity, I had a gentleman say, well, you know, the fabric of
00:20:09.480 society is still intact. We still have freedoms and you can still worship how you want, and you can
00:20:14.000 still pursue a career and you can still build wealth. And all of those things are still intact.
00:20:19.300 And I agreed with him. I said, absolutely. Those things are intact, but without men to maintain
00:20:25.560 and preserve the freedoms that we enjoy, those things are under threat. And that's my whole goal
00:20:31.560 with order of man is to make and create and enlist an army of men who are willing, able, and capable of
00:20:39.580 defending themselves, defending their families, defending loved ones and people who can't defend
00:20:43.600 themselves, willing to lead honorably with, with virtue and, and dignity, and that they're willing
00:20:52.060 to provide, provide the resources that their families and community members need to thrive.
00:20:57.300 That's what this is about. So second part of this podcast is all designed around and geared towards
00:21:02.660 how do we fix this? Then how do we get back on the right track? How do we maintain keeping men
00:21:08.360 in the right perspective and in the right place, which is that of leadership and authority and
00:21:13.340 credibility and influence with other people? Guys, number one, you have to recognize that there's a
00:21:18.080 problem. All right. So many of you are, are not willing to say that there is a problem. Maybe you
00:21:23.800 don't acknowledge it. Maybe you don't believe that's the case, or maybe you're just not all that
00:21:28.300 interested in. I would say it's a pretty good time to get interested in masculinity, manliness,
00:21:33.620 and helping the men in your life, including yourself, step up to the plate. I would say this
00:21:38.220 is a pretty good time to do that because if we can't recognize there's a problem, there's nothing
00:21:41.960 we can do about it. You wouldn't go, if you're playing football into a football game against another
00:21:46.580 team without trying to scout the other team, without trying to get some film to be able to watch
00:21:50.860 so that you can create a defensive strategy and offensive strategy. You wouldn't go into battle
00:21:56.140 without knowing your enemy to some degree. It's why we send in forward observers and scouts to be
00:22:01.040 able to see what the enemies are doing and gather Intel so that we can create a plan and a course of
00:22:06.600 action. And that's what I'm talking about. When it comes to recognizing a problem, you have to
00:22:11.220 recognize that there's something going on. And I'm not saying it's dire and I'm not saying it's
00:22:16.000 catastrophic. I'm simply saying we're on a decline and it needs to be addressed. Number two, make
00:22:22.940 yourself more capable guys. We've got to make ourselves capable in all ways, strong, bold, resilient,
00:22:28.920 smart, intelligent, articulate every way we possibly can. We've got to make ourselves more
00:22:33.840 capable of leading ourselves and leading the people in our lives. Look, I talk with a lot of
00:22:38.760 guys who they want to, they want to be influential. They want to lead. They want to make their dent in
00:22:45.260 the universe. And while I can certainly appreciate all of that, you've got to lead yourself. It all
00:22:50.640 starts with you. You can't turn outwards and fix other people until you learn to turn inward and fix
00:22:55.540 yourself. So again, this is the antithesis of victimhood. Victimhood is remaining there forever.
00:23:00.960 The antithesis of it to be a victor is to recognize the problem and do something about it.
00:23:05.420 What do you need to do about it guys? And look, here's the deal. We as men are measured by
00:23:10.720 the value that we add to society. I contrast that a little bit with women. And this is something I've
00:23:16.240 been thinking about over the past, I would say just 24 hours or so. So I'm going to talk out or think
00:23:22.120 out loud here with you a little bit. I've been thinking, maybe you agree, maybe you disagree.
00:23:25.300 I'd love to hear what you think on this, but I think women by their very nature are inherently
00:23:30.300 valuable, right? They take the raw resources. I mean, I even look at the act of procreation,
00:23:35.700 man fertilizes, provides the raw resources. The woman nurtures a fetus, a baby in her womb for nine
00:23:44.180 months and provides sustenance and life-supporting nutrients to that baby. And then that
00:23:51.660 baby is born and we have the act of procreation and birth. It's a beautiful thing. I think women
00:23:56.900 are inherently valuable. I think about my wife, you know, she takes this house, the raw ingredients
00:24:01.940 of a house, the sticks and the plaster and the tiles and the flooring and the carpet. And she
00:24:06.500 takes all of the raw ingredients and she turns us into a beautiful home. I think, I think women are
00:24:11.040 generally very good at that. They're inherently valuable men. On the other hand, we have to earn our,
00:24:17.040 our value. You know, we have to deliberately and intentionally choose to be valuable.
00:24:22.060 We have to develop a new set of skills. We have to, uh, ask for promotions and add value into our
00:24:30.660 communities and add value into businesses. And we need to supply the raw ingredients, which means we
00:24:36.940 need to have a skill to be able to supply those raw ingredients. Again, I'm just riffing and kind of
00:24:42.400 just thinking out loud here, but we, as men are defined by the value that we add. And if you want
00:24:50.700 to be the type of man that you're capable of being, then you've got to add value. You've got to make
00:24:57.940 yourself capable of adding value. And that's where it all starts. It starts with you. I've told you
00:25:03.940 guys this when my wife and I went through our separation years ago, I blamed her for a lot of the
00:25:07.880 demise of our relationship at that point. How could she do this? Why was she being disloyal? Why wasn't
00:25:13.100 she doing the things that a quote unquote good wife should do? I said those things and worse
00:25:17.360 to myself and to her. And it wasn't until I came to the realization that, you know, maybe I had a
00:25:23.200 bigger part to play than I was initially giving myself credit for. And, uh, as I begin to take
00:25:28.960 responsibility of my life and stop focusing so much on trying to change her and instead focused on
00:25:34.600 changing myself, I noticed that she started responding. And not only did she start responding
00:25:39.120 that my colleagues started responding, my clients started responding, but it wasn't about control.
00:25:45.640 It wasn't about manipulation. It was about influence, which means that people are voluntarily
00:25:51.300 choosing to be led by you because they see something valuable in you and they want some of it for
00:25:57.920 themselves. And if you have an abundance of it because you're focused heavily on yourself,
00:26:04.520 then you have room to give number three guys from there, after you begin to work on yourself,
00:26:10.240 then, and only then can you expand your sphere of influence. Your sphere of influence talk starts
00:26:15.000 with the people in your house, your wife, your children, potentially your parents, whoever it might
00:26:19.780 be in your household, in your immediate circle. Then it goes to friends, neighbors, colleagues,
00:26:26.020 co-workers, and then it can expand from there into the political arena, potentially, or a youth sports
00:26:34.680 team that you coach. But it continues to widen, widen, widen as you at the center of this whole plan,
00:26:42.000 make yourself more and more capable. And the more you can focus on yourself, the more abundance that
00:26:47.280 you have to give to other people, to serve a greater number of people in a greater and bigger capacity.
00:26:54.560 But guys, we have to have that servant mindset. Seems to me there's a lot of guys, and this is
00:27:00.460 the victimhood mentality, is they've been hurt. Guys have been hurt by society, some perceived slight
00:27:08.240 by society or perceived slight by a woman. Maybe they had a bad relationship and they got themselves
00:27:13.920 into financial trouble. And maybe there's even some truth in that they can't see their children or
00:27:18.080 something like that. And what they've done is they've, just like I said, some women do. These men have
00:27:22.380 painted the broad stroke that society is the enemy, that women are the enemy. And so rather than
00:27:29.040 engaging and figuring out ways to come up with some solutions, they disengage entirely. This is the
00:27:34.280 incel movement, involuntary celibates. Somebody did something to me and that's why I don't have what I
00:27:41.420 want. Right guys, that's the antithesis of what I'm talking about here. I'm simply suggesting the
00:27:47.520 threats and I'm giving us strategies and suggestions to overcome those threats and to live a better and
00:27:54.280 more fulfilling life. So again, number three is to expand. Once you have the capacity to serve
00:27:59.380 yourself, then your family, then your friends, colleagues, coworkers, neighbors, then it might
00:28:04.700 expand from there. And the fourth component of this guy's his legacy. All right. The, the issues that
00:28:10.460 we see, and just like that, that quote I shared with you earlier, strong men create, let me see if I
00:28:14.860 can say it. Strong men create, uh, good times, good times, create weak men, weak men, create hard
00:28:20.580 times, hard times, create strong men. I don't know that the, the trajectory that we're on right now is
00:28:28.000 going to be solved in this generation. I don't know that it's going to be solved in my lifetime.
00:28:33.520 I think that, I think what we see is a demise of masculinity is going to be solved by our children
00:28:39.120 or going to be solved by our grandchildren. But that's all based on what we, as men are willing and
00:28:43.940 capable and able to do. And, uh, it's a lot of the reason why, when I hear people say, I don't want
00:28:50.140 to bring kids into this world. I, I cringe a little bit. It's a little upsetting because I can't think
00:28:55.420 of a better way than to enlist an army of millions and millions of men who are tuned into this podcast
00:29:01.520 and tapped into what we're doing and rallying around the mission of reclaiming and restoring
00:29:05.020 masculinity and having those men go raise righteous sons and daughters who honor masculinity, who honor
00:29:14.560 femininity, who believe in what it means to be a man. And their daughters believe in what it means
00:29:19.400 to be a woman, a woman, and they, uh, cooperate with each other. And they recognize that they aren't
00:29:26.480 enemies. They aren't at odds with each other. In fact, they're very complimentary of each other.
00:29:31.880 And we work best when, when we're like that, but guys, it's about leaving a legacy.
00:29:37.460 It's about recognizing that, uh, you've got to think beyond, not just you, but beyond your life.
00:29:43.880 I really feel like when we have this long-term approach and this long-term perspective that
00:29:48.640 life just gets better. You know, so many of us make decisions on the short-term. What can I get now?
00:29:54.760 How much money can I make right now? What's, what's in it for me today? And we do that at the
00:29:59.840 expense of the long-term ramifications of the decisions that we make. You know, like what if
00:30:05.380 you made decisions based on what was going to happen over the next 20 years, it might be a more
00:30:09.800 difficult two or three years, but over a course of 20 years, it'd be incredible. Well, what if we did
00:30:15.940 that over a lifetime? What if we did that generationally? It's actually one of the things
00:30:20.380 for all their faults that I actually admire about, uh, families like the Rockefellers and
00:30:26.200 Kennedys. And I know there's faults there, but at the same time, these are generational type
00:30:30.380 thinking and it, and it served their family. Well, again, we're not going to talk about their
00:30:35.200 faults with that today. That's for a whole other podcast, but it is something interesting to
00:30:40.120 consider. Are you creating an empire? I am, at least I'm trying to. And I sit down with my sons and
00:30:46.540 my daughter every day. We talk about what they're going to do and how they're going to behave and how
00:30:51.520 they're going to act. And when we run across this situation, what are we going to do? And I'm trying
00:30:55.080 to make them strong and bold and creative and assertive and passionate and courageous.
00:31:02.960 And that's what it's going to take. It's not just me. It's not just you. It's our sons and our
00:31:07.880 daughters, our grandsons, our granddaughters. And the legacy is what's going to continue to drive
00:31:13.280 not just this mission, but what we believe is the betterment of society. So guys, I, again,
00:31:19.420 this is just, uh, just some thoughts. That's what the Friday field notes are all about.
00:31:24.220 I've been thinking a lot about modern times and how easy we have it and the luxuries and the
00:31:30.020 creature comforts that we enjoy. And I've been thinking about how that might be and pertain to the
00:31:34.740 demise and the undermining of masculinity. Again, not the attack, not the assault, the demise.
00:31:41.260 That's the language I choose to use because I think that's more representative of what is happening.
00:31:46.020 So guys, here it is. Let me recap. Let's not be victims. All right. Let's not just spin our wheels
00:31:52.820 and say, Oh, these are all the problems. And I'm not here to bitch and moan and complain and gripe
00:31:56.060 about it with you here today. That's not what I'm doing. Okay. I'm here to illustrate and underline
00:32:01.440 and highlight some of the threats that I see and then talk about how we can deal with them. So
00:32:05.940 here's the, uh, the trifecta of threats that I see government, right? We've got the school system.
00:32:11.480 We've got the family court system. Those are a couple of areas, the media portraying men as
00:32:15.720 idiots. And then we have the cultural movements, like the feminist movement and things like this,
00:32:19.100 entertaining, uh, culture, media, that sort of thing, uh, undermining masculinity at every turn
00:32:25.360 and making the men out to be dunces and idiots and morons and the enemy. And then the third component
00:32:31.540 of that is the medical community, right? You have the American psychological associations that's
00:32:35.560 getting on board. You have hormone blockers for, for young men. Uh, and then you also
00:32:41.400 have the, what was the third component? Oh, the, uh, sedation of our young boys because of things
00:32:47.580 like ADHD, ADD, that sort of thing. And then here's the strategy. Number one, recognize there's
00:32:52.440 a problem. All right. Look, and if you don't recognize there's a problem, there's nothing
00:32:56.080 you can do about it. And maybe there's nothing you want to do about it. And maybe you genuinely
00:32:59.240 don't believe there's a problem. Well, okay. The three strategies I shared with you are still
00:33:02.280 going to serve you well. Okay. So number one, recognize there's a problem. Number two, fix yourself
00:33:07.100 first, work on yourself. Don't try to change the world without first changing yourself.
00:33:10.760 Okay. Change yourself first, fix yourself first, deal with that, become strong, become
00:33:15.500 skilled, start making money, get in shape, start leading, learn how to be courageous,
00:33:21.360 learn how to communicate effectively, make yourself more capable. Then from there, point
00:33:25.000 number three is you can expand that circle of influence, expand the circle of influence
00:33:30.220 to your family, to your friends, your colleagues, your coworkers, your neighbors, your city, your
00:33:33.600 state, even at the national level or international, like a movement like this. The only reason
00:33:38.660 I'm capable of being able to expand my influence internationally is because I continue daily to
00:33:44.340 do the work on myself. And the fourth component is think about this generationally legacy, leave
00:33:50.060 a legacy. Let's leave the world a better place than we were when we found it. You know, I was
00:33:54.720 walking with my, my oldest son the other day, we were setting up some, some decoys and we were
00:34:02.220 out hunting and we found some trash. And usually I try to bring a trash bag with me when I'm out,
00:34:06.340 just walking in our field. Cause inevitably trash blows in there and stuff. And so I'm picking up
00:34:10.520 trash and he was asking me about it. I said, you know, it's just better to leave a place
00:34:13.660 nicer, cleaner, better off than when you found it feels good, looks good. And it's our responsibility.
00:34:21.140 And I think that can certainly be true of, of culture, of this country, of the world in general,
00:34:29.860 but it's not about being a victim. It's about recognizing there's problems, looking at it from
00:34:35.360 a long-term perspective, coming up with the solutions and making ourselves capable of doing
00:34:39.240 so. All right, guys, that's what I've got for you today. Please leave me some messages, hit me up
00:34:44.320 on email or on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube comments, wherever you're doing the social media
00:34:50.280 thing. Let me know what you think. I talked about some concepts that maybe I haven't necessarily
00:34:55.760 hit on before. So I'd like to riff on those. If you agree, great. If you disagree, great. Let's
00:35:01.140 have some civil discussion about it. And we'll continue the conversation on the interwebs.
00:35:07.040 All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action and become the
00:35:10.740 man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take
00:35:15.720 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order
00:35:20.340 of man.com.