Moments of Self-Betrayal, Winning Where You Are, and Letting Go of the Man You Were ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 11 minutes
Words per Minute
183.4576
Summary
In this episode, we talk about the importance of being a man of action, and how to overcome obstacles in your life. You are not weak when life knocks you down, you get back up one more time!
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, brother? So great to see you. We're on a new
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platform today, so we had a little bit of technical difficulties as we got things started,
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but I think this is going to be much better for video and audio quality. And as you know,
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we're always trying to improve, not just here on the podcast, but life in general. If we can just
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make incremental improvements, I feel pretty good about that. It's a good way to start out.
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And it's a good analogy, right? Because when you're making those slight improvements, what happens?
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Shit doesn't go as well, and you have to pivot, and you experience difficulty, and that's where
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the growth is, right? So. That's right. And life gets better. I don't know about you, but even if
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things go south, when you try new things, you do new things, you try to make them better, you try to
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improve, I always feel better. And it's not just because I'm meddling in things. It feels better
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because I know I'm advancing, and I know I'm growing. And I think that's one of the biggest
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things that a lot of guys miss in their lives is they just don't look for little ways to improve
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on a daily basis. Like I was at the gym this morning and I was looking through my workout
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and I was doing some, I think I was doing some preacher curls is what I was doing. That's what
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Johnny Loretty's got me doing one of my workouts, which I hate. Those are stupid. That just seems
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like a great way to hurt yourself. Yeah. It's like an arm bar, but with extra weight. I just don't
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understand why anybody would do that. So Johnny, I got issues with preacher curls. Anyways,
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I was looking at my weight and I'm like, all right, can I improve this five pounds today?
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That's it. Can I just go up five pounds today? And, and if we make those incremental improvements
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daily or weekly or monthly or however often it is, I just think men operate better like that.
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Not just the default, the status quo, but just little ways to get better, make everything a
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competition, make everything a contest. It works well for me anyways.
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What do you think stops men from doing that though, Ryan? Like why, what, what stops guys
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in the tracks today, guys that are listening today? It's like, what, what do you think?
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What's the mindset that stops them from saying, Hey, I'm going to, I'm going to make some incremental
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improvements today. I'm going to improve today.
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It's a great question. I think I'm going to have to think about the way to frame this. Cause
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I haven't really thought about it this way, but there's little, little sabotages that take
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place in our lives and they're seemingly insignificant. Like you didn't get enough sleep
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last night. You could tell, huh? Or you got in an argument with, or you got an argument with
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your wife or you ate something different than you should have eaten. And we let those little
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things add up. And then we wake up in the morning and we think, Oh, I just, I didn't get enough
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sleep. So I'll just, I won't go to the gym. Well, damn two things. You should go to the gym. Number
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one. And number two, maybe tonight go to sleep on time. Yeah. That's what I think. That's
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what we miss. I w I went skiing this weekend and I was feeling good, man. Yesterday went
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skiing. Elk meadows. It was the best I ever felt when I went skiing. No, I went to Brian
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head. We need to get to elk meadows up to a beaver Canyon. If those of you who don't know
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now, you know, it's a beaver Canyon and you have to say it like that. You can't say like
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up the, you have to say up beaver Canyon. That's how we say it in Southern Utah, which
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is not grammar, grammatically correct, but we say like that. Uh, anyways, I was skiing.
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I felt so good. I ate right. I got some good sleep the night before I was energized and I
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felt so good. Like it's not any wonder to me that our day, I think a lot of the times
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is based on our previous day. Yeah. And if you want to have a good day tomorrow, then do the
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right things today. Yeah. Get up at the right time, go work out, complete your daily task,
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whatever those tasks look like, have good conversations, stay away from the booze and
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the junk and everything else that gets in your way. And I just think life is going to get
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better. It's just little things that add up. I don't know. What do you think Kip?
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Well, I love exactly what you just said. And then I'd add on. And when you F up today,
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pay the price, still go to the gym. What do you mean by that?
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Pay the price, right? Like if you overcommitted, still do all those things and lose sleep.
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If you drank the night before, still work out and feel like crap. Do pay the price for those
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actions. So you're not robbing yourself from the learning experience, right? Like most guys don't
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go to bed early today because they compromised today because of their actions yesterday. And so
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they don't learn the price. And so they do stay up late again, right? It's like you got to start
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paying the price and guess what? You'll start going to bed earlier. You absolutely will. Right. But you
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you have to be willing to pay the price. And we were up. We rob ourselves. That's a good point.
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If you look at that in the micro, if you get over the weekend, let's say you got, you know,
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two, three, four hours of sleep in the evening, you can do that for like three days
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about day three, about day four. I guarantee you hit the sack and either you go to bed earlier,
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you take a nap throughout the day because your body's like, nope, we're not doing this.
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And I think that's your point here is you could get away with that for a little while,
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but don't allow yourself to get away with it. Suffer, feel it, experience it,
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and then make better decisions. I like that a lot.
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Yeah, totally. My, my, my teenage son, Kiyavi used to always say this.
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Uh, I can't, I can't wake up early. Why? Cause I can't sleep at night.
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Guess, guess how you fall asleep better at night. You get up early. That's how, right? Like,
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yeah, you got to get up early. That's the hard part.
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Yeah. It's that day one or two where you have to actually get up early
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and suffer a little bit. And then the next night you're going to go to sleep for sure.
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The only other thing, if you don't mind me adding to what you said, you know, those little
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moments of sabotage, I like to use the language there, there are moments of self betrayal and,
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and they're always, they're, they're the lies that we tell ourselves. And, and if you guys are like,
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oh man, this is kind of elusive. Maybe I can't relate. This is how you relate. You wait for the
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internal dialogue to justify action or justify inaction. That's self betrayal. Always. So if I
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know I should do something and I don't do it, I have to explain it away. You want to know if you're
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lying to yourself. It's when you start explaining it, when you start explaining it to yourself,
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that means you're in the process of self betrayal. And for you to live with yourself as a human,
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you have to tell yourself the lie. So just wait until you start coming up with some internal story
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of why you're going to do or not do something. There you go. That's the moment. That's the moment
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when you should just go, you know what? Stop listening. Act.
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Let's, let's take that to like a really tangible, like conclusion here. So one might be you wake up
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this morning or tomorrow morning, let's say, and you're like, I'm tired or I deserve a break or I
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worked out hard yesterday so I can take today off or I'll do it later this afternoon. That's self
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betrayal. Another way I like this a lot. Another way I'm thinking about it is let's say you get passed
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over for the promotion. Oh, well, Kip got the promotion because he's the boss's, you know,
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nephew or Kip got the promotion because, uh, he, you know, plays politics better than I do.
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Well, play the politics. Like, I love that, that little trigger right there of if you're explaining
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why you didn't accomplish whatever you meant to accomplish, it's self betrayal, but actually,
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hold on a second. Let me think about this. Um, I'm just thinking about it in the context of sports
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because my oldest son, uh, had, had some games, some scrimmages this past weekend, his first,
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his very first scrimmages with lacrosse. You and I talked over the weekend and they got slaughtered.
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Like they got beat down, but justifiably. So like understandably. So of course they've been
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practicing for three weeks. They played a couple of teams that have been, had a really solid program
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for years and years and years. So how do you know, Kip, if it's self betrayal or if it's, Hey,
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we lost because those guys have been playing for years together. We just started three weeks ago,
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which is actually legitimate in this case. So how do you know? How do you distinguish between
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one is in curiosity and the other one is in explaining a lack of action or, or action.
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Right. So, so for instance, you know, let's, let's use an example, uh, maybe something that
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hits a little more at home for most people. Right. So, um, my heart, my gut, whatever you want to call
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it says, you know what, you should probably apologize to your wife. And I have an initial
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thought that of, of already action of what I should or should not do. And when I explain it away,
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it's self betrayal. That's could be different with, if I go to the scenario and I'll go, Hmm,
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I didn't have a thought. I'm curious, man, should I, should I go talk to my wife about it? Like
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that's a little bit different. Right. But when you already know the answer, best way to apologize
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to my wife. Exactly. Exactly. But when you already know, like you should do something or you should
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not do, and then you have to explain it. No, that's different. That's a different story.
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Right. And that's usually in that space of, of self betrayal. We talked about this probably months,
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if not years ago, and I can't, I don't know why I remembered this, but I look at, there's a
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difference between reasons and excuses. Yeah. So an excuse is like a period at the end of the
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sentence. There's nothing else that follows. No additional thought. It's over. The sentence is
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over. It's done. Yeah. Right. But an excuse is like a comma, which means that, Hey, there's a
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reason is like a comma. Excuse me. Yes. A reason is like a comma. There's a break. And then there's
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information to follow. So for example, with my son's lacrosse team, uh, we got beat because
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they were better than us. And we have horrible coaches period. We have horrible coaches. That's
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not true by the way, but let's just say that's the reason of the excuse they come up with.
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That's an excuse because there's a period at the end of the sentence. You can't do anything about
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your coaching. There's nothing you can do about it. A reason would be, Hey, we got beat because
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we're, we're young. We're just learning the game over the past three weeks. These guys have been
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playing for years and therefore we need to train harder. Yeah. There's a comma with followed it with
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action. And I think a reason is something because I think the risk of not having a, the discussion or
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the dialogue about reason is that like we need to be able to move forward. Like we, we ha and, and we
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also have to acknowledge reality. We have to operate in the space of reality. Sometimes people
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are like, Oh, we could do better. We could have beat them. No, you could not have. If my son said
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to me, dad, I, we just played like crap. We could have beat them. I'm like, sorry, son, you're flat
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out wrong. And you're going to focus on the wrong thing to win in the future. If, if it's just, we
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could have. Yeah. Right. It's not operating in reality. The reality is that team was bound to beat
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you guys down. And so the question then is what do we learn from it? But it's, we have to be
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realistic about it. And that's one of the thing I, things I think that you get a lot wrong in the,
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in the social media sphere is like, Oh, you can do anything you put your mind to. My son's team
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could not have beat that team regardless of how well they played, how hard they played, how good
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they played. They could not have beat those teams. It just wasn't going to happen. It wasn't in the
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cards. Let's operate from reality and say, okay, but next time we can be better. Right.
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Or we can do this to improve. When we get to region play, you know, we'll have a chance
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or, or whatever it might look like. Totally. And we have a, and I think it's important to
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note that, you know, cause we have a, we have a t-shirt, right. You know, about not having
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reasons and right. And, and I think, and I agree with you, but I think most people walk
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around with their reasons, but they're really excuses. You know, they're, they're the reasons
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why they do or don't do things in the world, but they're really just excuses to justify a
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lack of action on their part. And we, so we got to be mindful, right. Is what, what are we
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doing? Of course. But yeah. And be honest. Yep. Yep. Look at us getting all right. Well,
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let's get into some questions today. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to field questions
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from, from the gram. You can follow Mr. Mickler on at Ryan Mickler. That's M I C H L E R
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on the last name there. First question, Chris Babber.
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But by the way, hold on. I want to say something about Instagram real quick. I'm bothered with
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Instagram and I don't like to complain about being like shadow band and all this kind of stuff.
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I don't like to complain about it. Cause I don't know. I don't, I actually don't know.
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Yeah. I don't like it, but I do. There's a lot of things I do that I don't like. Okay. Kip,
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like going to the gym when I don't feel like it, I still do it. Absolutely. This is like that.
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It's not like that. Actually. I was looking at my numbers or whatever on Instagram and my
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engagement over the past 30 days for what we're doing is up like, I don't know, 87%. And I'm just
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using some, it's close though. And then I was looking at the past 30 days. It's yeah. Okay.
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Over the previous 30 days. I was looking at accounts reached over the previous 30 days. It's up like
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967%. And I'm, I'm not exaggerating that it's like 967%. Guess how many more followers we received
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in that timeframe? Minimal. Take a guess. Take a stab at it. Um, a hundred, a hundred new followers.
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Yeah. A hundred new followers. No negative, negative followers. We lost follow. We lost
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followers in that same timeframe. Yeah. Come on now. Yeah. Like, like statistically this is not even
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possible. So guys, like if you're on Instagram, follow, engage, comment, reshare, because I would
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just love to beat the algorithm. I don't know if I can, cause the odds are stacked against us, but
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and we'll find out platforms and ways to go. Like we do a lot on rumble. Now we, we were posting
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everything exclusively on YouTube. YouTube has actually done fairly well. Although for the
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amount of followers that we have, I think we have like 350,000 subscribers and we'll get a video
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that's viewed 1500 times. It's weird. Come on now. Yeah. I don't buy that either. Like we just,
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it's not weird. It's just, it's just, yeah, almost a quarter of a, more than a quarter of a million
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subscribers to the channel and a thousand people watch a video sometimes it's yeah. It doesn't
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seem right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyways, I think the point that I want to share here is I don't
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want to just complain about it, but I really believe that there's, there is an agenda against
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the types of conversations that we're having and that's conservative in nature. That's talking
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about independent thinking. It's talking about being an independent sovereign man. The powers
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that be, those that are in power and social media is a power. Please understand that. Do not want
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these conversations to take place and they do not want you to be successful. That applies to the
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government. That applies to the medical community. That applies to academia. That applies to even in
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some cases, capitalism. There, there are so many cards stacked against us guys, and we need to be
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realistic about that. And look, I don't want to just speak in hyperbole. I'll tell you this. If we
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take each one of those categories, the government doesn't want you to be successful because they
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want you to be a little cog in the wheel. Academia doesn't want you to be successful for the same
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reason. Just, Hey, we just need to groom you to be factory workers. The medical community doesn't want
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you to be sovereign because they want to sell you a bunch of pills. They don't want you to be
00:17:16.440
healthy. They actually want you to be unhealthy so they can continue to sell their pills. Guys,
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like everything is stacked against you. And if you're not working on ways to be sovereign,
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these companies, organizations, and governments are going to get the better of you. Absolutely.
00:17:33.600
Yeah. So, and it is beatable to some extent, right? Otherwise you wouldn't, you wouldn't get
00:17:39.200
Russell Brand, for instance, having as many subscribers as he, as he does if it, if, but he'd
00:17:46.260
probably be much higher than he is, but regardless, you know what I mean? It's working or you can work
00:17:51.660
against it to some extent. So the call to action of course is follow, subscribe, listen, share.
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And that's one of the best ways that you can support the movement.
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Yeah. There's a, and there's one, another outlet that I, that I think is relevant. We talk about
00:18:04.740
that's entertainment. This whole thing with a Superbowl about this guy, Travis Kelsey and his
00:18:11.660
girlfriend, Taylor Swift has like taken the world by storm. Guys, they want you to be distracted.
00:18:21.440
They want, and I don't even know if it's totally nefarious necessarily. I just think they want your
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eyeballs. That's all it is. And, and so if we can distract you with these things and, and we can
00:18:33.880
make these grand claims and we can, you know, uh, put together these, these, you know, certain
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arrangements or make you talk about us more, that's what it's all about. And you guys are falling prey
00:18:45.760
to it. And I do too. I'm not going to say just you. I do too. We're all falling prey to it. Let's
00:18:51.020
knock that off and think a little bit higher than who, what football player, some guy that gets paid
00:18:58.760
to play, to, to toss a football and who he's dating. Come on guys. Like we got better things
00:19:07.460
to worry about. And I'm not saying don't enjoy the Superbowl. Sure. But recognize it for what it is
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a little game filled with arrogant men who get paid way too much money. And that's it. Yeah.
00:19:20.760
That's it. That's all it is. I saw a guy that I, that I like. He's like, Hey, look, look what our
00:19:26.360
team did. Our team. What the hell are you talking about? You're not on their team. Oh boy. I live
00:19:32.740
here. That's still not our team. Yeah. Stop being so vested in that. It's crazy. Watch the game.
00:19:39.920
Enjoy it. Have an outlet. Sure. I get it. Yeah. I like football. I, you know, I went, I actually
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about three months ago, three, four months ago, went and watched a game at, at, at Allegiant. It's a
00:19:49.940
beautiful stadium. It's cool. Guess how vested I was in it? Like three hours of my life.
00:19:56.880
Cause it was fun. And that was it. Yeah. It, I can't help whenever I watch a game,
00:20:03.000
I just can't help but like, think like, why did gladiators exist? Right? Like what was the
00:20:08.820
whole point of that? It was a distraction for people. It was a, as a tool by the government
00:20:16.420
at the time to distract people from other issues. And it's fascinating. I, I, I find
00:20:22.580
it fascinating. You go to a game and people lose their minds. They, they have given over
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whether their day will go good or not based upon a brand of an organization that will trade
00:20:36.000
out employee. Like it's their associate, their loyalty is what? To a, to a company marketing
00:20:41.020
brand or the, like what the tax ID of, of, of an organization. Cause it's not the team members
00:20:46.440
because those guys get traded left and right. And you still, you have loyalty. Like I don't,
00:20:50.800
I don't even under, it's crazy when you logically think about it. It fascinates me that people
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will, will give over their happiness, their day and their pride and their sense of belonging and
00:21:06.480
identity to a marketed brand. It's fascinating to me. Oh, it's crazy.
00:21:15.860
It is. I mean, I, you've seen so many posts like, Oh my God, it's going to be a hard couple
00:21:20.840
of days. What the hell is wrong with you? It's weird. Or I, when I was up skiing, I bought,
00:21:26.880
I watched it. I saw a bunch of guys. They're all wearing jerseys with other men's names on them.
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Like, could you imagine if I wrote, wore a shirt that said Kip Sorensen on it?
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We should put one in this store. I'm going to put one in the store that just says Kip Sorensen.
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Just that's all it is on there and see how many of those we can sell.
00:21:52.580
Yeah. And two from, from, I don't know, maybe your wife.
00:22:00.060
Yeah, I was going to say, you'd sell 20 of them because I'd buy 20 and give them out as gifts.
00:22:08.240
All right. Well, we're half an hour into this thing. We don't have any questions answered yet.
00:22:11.900
All right. Chris Baber. How long have you and Kip known each other? Quick question. There you go.
00:22:24.120
Right. I think somebody asked a question. I can't remember if it was an Instagram or maybe on Facebook
00:22:28.500
and they said, Hey, we don't really know your story. Like you and I, our story really quickly.
00:22:36.160
Well, why don't you, you tell it like 30 seconds, the story of how we got a good, a mutual friend
00:22:42.400
of ours, Matt Jenkins added me to the Facebook group. I thought it was Matt's thing because
00:22:48.360
that's usually the only people that invite you to private groups is like the owner of
00:22:52.620
the group. You know what I mean? So, except for Matt, if you know Matt, he's going to invite
00:22:57.620
Yeah. Yeah, totally. So he added me to this group called order man on Facebook. That's
00:23:02.320
facebook.com slash group slash order man. And I joined it to support a friend. That's
00:23:06.760
all. And unfortunately, this is back in the day when I had social media notifications on
00:23:12.200
and it was just like ding, ding, ding, you know, comments. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, like
00:23:17.580
this is noise. I'm like, sorry, Matt, I'm going to unsubscribe. So I, I went to the group to leave
00:23:24.780
it because it was just noise to me. And that day you made a post about the podcast. So you had a
00:23:33.420
video on there saying something about the podcast. And I thought, Oh, this isn't Matt's thing. And
00:23:39.420
then second, there's a podcast. And so then I subscribed to the podcast, listened to episode one
00:23:46.320
and I'm like, Oh, that's pretty good. Listen, episode two, that's pretty good. And kept listening
00:23:51.100
through episodes. And then really, I think the next thing I did before I even joined the IC is
00:23:56.760
I attended an uprising. I think I may have done uprising two before I joined the IC. I'm not,
00:24:03.200
I don't, I'm not, I don't know exactly, but I, I went to the uprising, the second uprising,
00:24:09.940
and then I joined the iron council. I was on team alpha for a short period of time, maybe like
00:24:16.120
a month or two. And I remember telling Drew, I'm like, Hey, if there's other realms of capacity
00:24:22.180
to serve and contribute more, let me know. And then shortly thereafter, Lex stepped down from
00:24:30.420
ECHO. And I, I said, are you, I think you asked, Hey Kip, will you take over ECHO? And I said, yes.
00:24:38.440
And that just kind of started looking for more opportunities to serve within the IC.
00:24:42.480
I think what's so, I love this story. And I think what's so powerful about it is that it started
00:24:50.320
with something just like a Facebook group, a dumb Facebook group, and then iron council. And you went
00:24:56.000
to an uprising. So you invested thousands of dollars to go to this uprising. And then, and then you joined
00:25:01.440
the iron council, which you paid for. And then you asserted yourself by talking with Drew. And then I
00:25:07.200
invited you to lead a team and you said, yes. And then you continue to improve. I remember a
00:25:12.900
conversation that you and I had, and I can't remember exactly where it is, but it must've
00:25:16.940
been a meetup or something. And we were hiking. I don't know if you remember this, but we were hiking
00:25:21.380
and is that what it was in Sundance? Yeah, I think it was.
00:25:27.600
You and I were on a hike with some other guys. Yeah. And you were telling me a little bit about
00:25:33.260
what you were doing with echo, like how you were leading the team and looking some at some data and
00:25:37.300
some metrics and some accountability. And I was super impressed by that. This was years and years
00:25:41.360
ago. And I thought, man, I got to get Kip more involved in this. And I think it's a great testament.
00:25:46.120
And it's very in line with what we've been talking about, specifically you over the past eight
00:25:51.360
years of making sure that you assert yourself in the places you find yourself. If you're at work,
00:25:56.340
assert yourself, look for opportunities, look for responsibilities, volunteer yourself,
00:26:01.600
you know, help, help somebody else serve somebody else, because that's always going to lead you to
00:26:06.760
a better place. Maybe not in the micro, but in the macro, I believe that if you go out and you
00:26:12.280
really assert yourself that way, you're always going to end up on top. Yeah, totally. And you have
00:26:17.180
totally. And now you're out, you know, we had a great conversation this weekend. Now you're thinking
00:26:21.280
about starting leadership development programs and courses, not just for what we're doing here in the
00:26:25.860
Iron Council, but how can I do this for other corporations? How can I make myself available
00:26:30.680
to do corporate trainings? So guys, if you are interested in anything like that for your team
00:26:36.100
or your organization, I'm telling you, Kip's a great resource for that. So, and it started from
00:26:41.580
you, not from us, we were the vessel. It started from your ability to put yourself out there and take
00:26:50.020
some initiative and be forward with what you wanted to do. Yeah. Back to what you're saying,
00:26:54.120
just we're winning where we are, right? Like how often guys who are like, oh, well, I need that
00:27:00.240
new position, right? I need someone to recognize me. I need opportunity for me to level up versus like,
00:27:07.800
and you use this analogy, you know, if you're the guy sweeping the room, be the world's best sweeper.
00:27:14.820
Do it in such an amazing way that someone goes, holy crap. If he does that so well, think about all the
00:27:21.860
other things that he could just put effort into and be amazing at. And, and I don't know about
00:27:27.280
you, but any employee that shows up that way, I immediately think they're a winner because they
00:27:32.920
believe in themselves and they're willing to put in the work. Of course.
00:27:35.440
Yeah. I literally, all right. Next question. Quick example. Sorry. I literally interviewed a kid
00:27:43.280
at a job right now, not qualified. And we may have filled the position. I may hire him. I have no idea
00:27:52.960
what for. Why? Because the way he is, because how hungry and how assertive and willing he is to put
00:28:05.180
the work in. I'm like, he just, I just know I could all, I feel like I could put him in almost any
00:28:11.840
position. He'd do amazing. I mean, that's, isn't that awesome? It is. Yeah. And awesome for him, right?
00:28:18.880
It's like, dude, like the possibilities are endless when you show up that way.
00:28:26.460
I think there's a lot to be said. This, this, this phrase sticks out is like betting on you.
00:28:31.860
Like, I don't know, like when, what role or what position we're going to put this person,
00:28:36.480
but I bet on that person. Totally. Not, not his skillset. Not like what role, not the business,
00:28:42.200
but there's, there's people. I'll give you an example. I'm an investor. Some of you guys don't
00:28:48.480
know. I'm an investor in Jocko fuels and origin. I had an opportunity. Sweet. Because I invest in
00:28:57.280
Pete Roberts. Oh yeah. I didn't even, I saw that earlier because I invest in Pete Roberts.
00:29:02.320
I know Pete Roberts is going to win. I don't care if he's selling what the, the banana protein shake
00:29:09.880
or whatever, or a vanilla. I love the vanilla. Yeah. The Jocko malt. I like the banana one.
00:29:15.380
Banana is great too. Yeah. So he's drinking the malt. Look, I don't know if Pete's selling that or
00:29:20.900
he's selling geese or he's making boots in America or he's selling denim or he's doing you Jocko
00:29:25.820
protein supplement. I don't, I don't actually care. I really don't. I believe in that stuff,
00:29:31.000
but I believe in Pete Roberts more than I believe in whatever it is he chooses to offer to the public.
00:29:36.660
Yeah. And you want to be that kind of person where it's like, I came to you, Kip. And I said,
00:29:41.720
Hey, I'm going to start a new organization. I hope, and I'm not going to put you in the spot,
00:29:45.100
but I hope you would say through my actions, like, yep, I'm interested in it. Even if it was
00:29:51.360
completely different than what we're doing here, because you believe in me. Totally. Not necessarily
00:29:57.460
the idea. Totally. Totally. And I have multiple people in my life. You're one of them. I have old boss
00:30:04.140
of mine. Chris Lake probably doesn't even listen to the podcast. If he called me up and said,
00:30:08.260
Kip, I got something who would be really hard not to jump ship just because I respect him so much.
00:30:15.440
And he's such a bad-ass that I just know. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Question one down. All right. We'll make
00:30:23.060
much faster here. Question two, 40 minutes. I know this is actually really interesting. This is my
00:30:28.960
brother. Actually, my brother has asked him this question. I thought this was funny. So Dustin Sorensen,
00:30:33.480
he says, talk about forgiveness with self and others and the impact that it has on the work
00:30:40.520
around us. And how do you do it? That's really hard for me to forget. I'm not very easy on myself.
00:30:47.660
I am actually pretty easy, I think, on other people. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.
00:30:53.600
I've really gotten better at not being so judgmental or jumping to conclusions about what
00:30:57.860
they might be dealing with or why they do a thing. If I'm going to make an assumption, again,
00:31:02.560
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt or assume that they are either ignorant or they've
00:31:09.220
got an experience that I'm not familiar with and they're filtering all of their decision-making
00:31:13.020
process through that filter. I really try not to be judgmental. And I also tend to be pretty
00:31:19.080
forgiving. If somebody wrongs or slights or messes up or takes advantage of me in some way,
00:31:25.860
I tend to be a pretty forgiving person. None of that applies to myself.
00:31:31.520
It just does not. Because I know what I'm capable of. I'm capable of amazing things. I'm capable of
00:31:39.660
great things. I don't give myself a pass. People will say, oh, well, you know, this isn't your fault
00:31:45.640
and it's not 100% your responsibility. I'm not interested in that story. I'm just not because
00:31:50.680
there's nothing I can do. Let's take my marriage, for example. And people say, well, it's not all
00:31:55.280
you. Well, you know what? There's nothing I can do about her. So I might as well take 100%
00:32:00.540
responsibility for it. Not fault. I'm not going to say that. But there's a difference between fault
00:32:05.140
and responsibility. So it's hard for me to let go of my own shortcomings, to forgive myself,
00:32:12.920
to ease up, you know, a little bit. That's hard. But one thing that has helped me is asking the
00:32:22.400
question and operating by this mindset of what can I learn and how can I be better? I don't really
00:32:28.980
necessarily need to forgive myself. I don't feel like I do. There's a lot of things I don't forgive
00:32:34.240
myself for in the breakdown of my, you know, 18-year marriage. I don't feel like I need to completely
00:32:41.820
forgive myself to move on with my life. Like that will always be there and it will always be present
00:32:47.800
and I'll always be aware of my own inadequacies and shortcomings in that relationship. But I'm also
00:32:54.640
very aware of what I learned. I'm very aware of how I show up. I'm very aware of, you know, my natural
00:33:01.100
tendencies and relationships. And so I've gotten better at those things, not in spite of my past
00:33:07.560
experiences, but because of them. Yeah. I would not be the man that I am today if I had not gone
00:33:13.420
through that a year and a half or so ago. Yeah. It's painful. I was talking with somebody the other
00:33:18.960
day and, you know, I remember like a year and a half ago, I remember certain things. Here's one thing.
00:33:26.820
I don't like talking about this because it's very personal, but I think a lot of you guys can relate
00:33:31.680
with this. My ex-wife and I were talking about potentially me moving out or her moving out or
00:33:39.040
something. And I said, you know, I'm not leaving. That's my house too. I'm not leaving, but I'll move
00:33:42.880
into another bedroom. And that's what I did. And I remember the first night. And here's what I
00:33:47.760
remember about the first night in that other bedroom. It was brutal. I cried. I was, it was so
00:33:51.880
painful. I remember how painful it was, but I don't feel that pain the way I did then. I remember,
00:34:00.320
I was like, man, that was hard. And then I thought about it. I'm like, I actually don't feel
00:34:03.840
that pain today. Yeah. I feel really good about where I am precisely because I'm willing to learn
00:34:13.300
lessons. And I think that is what we talked about earlier. The difference between a period at the
00:34:18.660
end of the sentence and a comma. So for example, a period would be, you know, my marriage failed and
00:34:24.560
I'm a loser. I'm a horrible husband. I'm a horrible person. I'm a horrible father. Period.
00:34:31.120
A comma is my marriage failed. I struggled in these different ways. I should not have done this.
00:34:37.420
I should have done more of this. And so here's what I'm going to do now. Yeah. And that's the
00:34:43.060
comma. And that's why when people will say, Oh, Ryan, you seem to be really good in spite of what's
00:34:47.460
going on. Yeah, I am. Because it wasn't a period. It was a comma. I am. I'm in a really happy place
00:34:53.600
right now because of that. And I, I think, I think the profound point of what you said
00:34:59.500
is what am I going to do now, which implies that you're letting it go of how you were.
00:35:07.940
Right. I think sometimes when we talk about forgiving ourselves, we, it, this is how you
00:35:15.480
forgive yourself. You realize that who you are now can be different than who you were. That's how.
00:35:22.440
Right. We don't write it off. You know, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago, right? It's like,
00:35:27.820
it's really powerful when someone rubs your face in the dirt and saying you were this, you were that,
00:35:32.740
and you go, yeah, I know. Sorry about that. But now I'm not. Right. And, and so we don't forgive
00:35:42.820
like, Hey, like, like pretend it didn't happen. No, it absolutely happened. We absolutely make
00:35:48.160
horrible decisions. We're, we're horrible in many ways. We may have major regret of the past,
00:35:53.720
but what, who, and what are you doing now implies that it's in your past and you've let go of it.
00:36:04.360
And now you're just learning from it. And I think that's where we get personal forgiveness wrong,
00:36:10.180
right? Is we're, we're dragging the past as our identity into the present constantly versus saying,
00:36:17.400
no, that was horrible. I actually probably don't even forgive myself. That was horrible.
00:36:22.000
I can't change the impact and the consequences of how I showed up in the world. But what I can do
00:36:27.040
is show up a particular way now and, and move forward. Yeah. I, I, and, and I think, you know,
00:36:36.680
you know, we're talking about forgiveness of self and I, you and I are cut from the same cloth,
00:36:40.960
right? I'm probably way harsher on myself than everybody else, than, than I am with other people.
00:36:46.820
But I like this phrase and there's, and it is, there's power always in empathy.
00:36:54.100
You know, uh, Dale Carnegie, I think is Dale Carnegie that has the quote that says,
00:36:58.420
you know, critical thinking is difficult. That's why most people judge,
00:37:02.620
right? You want to forgive something or forgive someone, you stop judging them and you actually
00:37:09.840
start having some empathy and just try to critically think most hardship, pain, and suffering that we
00:37:16.220
experience on, on, on the, by the hands of someone else is usually the, a by-product of their own
00:37:24.140
personal struggle. And there's power in it. I'm not saying we, we write it off and say their actions
00:37:29.680
were okay, but it gives us, it gives us some power in understanding where they were coming from.
00:37:37.680
Right? I, I have people in my life that, and I, just to protect people and not share names,
00:37:44.960
I have people in my life where I have to remind them like, Hey, remember where your mom came from.
00:37:52.280
And, and when they get present to remembering where their mom came from, you then look at her like,
00:37:58.160
she's a freaking angel, right? Like the, the leveling up that she has done as a human and how
00:38:06.240
she's showing up in spite of her upbringing, we shouldn't ever be complaining about her in any way.
00:38:13.520
She's killing it. And, but yet we don't do that to people, right? And we need to, and, and by doing
00:38:20.480
that and by understanding people, we don't need to forgive them per se. We can actually forgive
00:38:26.320
our heart at war towards them instead, because that's the other element of this that I think
00:38:31.940
we often get wrong. You know, we've used this analogy of like a father dying. For instance,
00:38:36.520
I remember in the IC years ago, I was hosting a Friday call and we were talking about the subject,
00:38:42.180
right? Is forgiving a father that has passed away. And, and I'm like, okay, well, what do you think
00:38:49.300
this looks like? Well, I, I, if he was still alive, I'd be able to go there and vent and tell him how I
00:38:54.500
feel and blah, blah, blah. And then what, what all sudden you're, you're, what you're going to feel
00:39:00.140
better or, oh no, let me guess. Dad's going to go, oh, you're right, son. You know, I was all wrong.
00:39:05.720
And then you're going to feel better. The issue that you have is your heart at war towards your dad.
00:39:12.300
That's the, that's the suffering. And guess what? You don't need him.
00:39:17.380
No, it's not even towards your dad. It's the heart of war period. That's it's not towards your dad.
00:39:22.560
Yeah. Yeah. And that's within your realm of control.
00:39:25.800
Because if you start doing that, then it's like, right. If you start doing that and it's like, well,
00:39:29.860
he needs to be better. Well, what if he's dead? Then what are you stuck? Yeah. My dad's dead.
00:39:35.880
I'd love to have some conversation. He's dead. So is yours, Kip. I can't have a conversation with him.
00:39:41.620
So do I get to move on? Not if my heart is at war with him.
00:39:45.460
Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and then, um, go ahead. I was just going to say, and the, and the way you
00:39:53.040
go ahead, finish the way you deal with that heart at war is you get really present to how you're out
00:39:58.520
of integrity with them. So quick example, right? If I have a heart at war towards my dad, you know how
00:40:07.140
I deal with that, whether he's alive or not, is I get present to owning how I showed up in the
00:40:14.220
relationship and realizing that I withheld love. I held, withheld other things and I could have,
00:40:22.820
and should have handled that differently and getting that, that was unfair. Me restoring my
00:40:30.540
integrity is how I restore and have a heart at peace towards someone else. Most of the time when
00:40:38.220
we are out of integrity, it's because we are blaming someone else for things. That's the by-product of
00:40:46.820
being out of integrity. And so by owning how we showed up in the world, that's how you start becoming,
00:40:52.220
having a heart at peace. You're, you're way more assertive on that than I am. Cause maybe I'm,
00:40:58.080
maybe it's just dumb. I don't know. But you're, you're talking about like how to reconcile that
00:41:03.800
of like, Oh, you know, where do they come from? My knee jerk, at least it has been lately. And it's
00:41:09.100
been really helpful is, I don't know. Doesn't matter. That's a good enough answer for me. Like, for
00:41:14.780
example, you're driving down the road from your house to your business and somebody cuts you off.
00:41:21.260
I don't know why he cut me off. You know, the passenger's like, why the fuck did he do that?
00:41:25.580
What an asshole? I'm like, I don't know. Is he an asshole? I don't know the guy. Maybe he just
00:41:30.680
didn't see me. Yeah. Maybe, maybe he's an asshole. Maybe he, his wife is at the, in the delivery room
00:41:39.160
and she's delivering their first born right now. I don't know. And that is helpful for me because
00:41:46.580
then I don't need to jump to conclusions about this weird story. There it's, I'm indifferent.
00:41:50.200
I don't know. All I know is that he tried to cut me off. I slowed down. It shaved three seconds or
00:41:58.260
added three seconds to my commute. And like life goes on. That to me has been so powerful to let
00:42:05.540
things go. Cause I used to be a lot more judgmental. I used to be a lot more vested
00:42:10.420
and look what that guy's doing at the gym. Why is that guy doing that? He can do more weight. I don't
00:42:16.060
know. Maybe he's getting back from a recovery. You know, maybe he had a serious injury. Maybe
00:42:22.020
nobody ever showed him before. Maybe he just likes to do that. Maybe he is a weirdo. I don't know.
00:42:28.740
It doesn't matter. It's irrelevant to my life. I'm not going to be that vested case in point.
00:42:34.620
When we were talking about Kelsey and Taylor Swift, Oh, it's set up. Oh, it's this. Oh,
00:42:39.280
I don't know. I don't care. It's irrelevant to me. It doesn't matter guys. The more that we can
00:42:47.140
get rid of that stuff, even, even with my own father, you know, I had stories about why he did
00:42:52.780
things, why he didn't do certain things. I don't know. I really don't. And most of the time,
00:42:59.160
and that's okay with me. Like, I don't know. And most of the time it's not, it's not that.
00:43:02.580
And most of the time we never will know. And that, and that's, that's totally okay. Like I even,
00:43:08.100
we, we had, we're doing some like internal assessments, right. And employees and someone
00:43:12.800
goes, Hey Kip, I can't answer this question. And I'm like, why not? And they're like, well,
00:43:16.420
I don't know how much effort they really put in or not. I'm like, it's an assessment. You don't know
00:43:21.500
anything anyway. They're like, what do you mean? I'm like, well, do you really know if they're
00:43:27.580
capable? Do you really know if they're a great employee? If you think you think, if you believe
00:43:32.500
you really know, you're probably wrong. So it's all perception anyway. So it's okay. Right. Like
00:43:40.020
let go of the fact that you might be right or wrong. Cause there, there seldom is that type
00:43:44.940
of clarity in life. Right. So yeah. Funny. All right. You wrote, you said another thing earlier
00:43:50.640
and I don't want to trip up over little things, but you said, um, and I'm trying to think about
00:43:55.960
the context you said it in, cause it's been a minute, but you, you said, Hey, Oh, when somebody
00:44:00.220
says, Oh, you used to be an asshole and you said, sorry about that. I just want to say
00:44:03.600
one thing really, really quickly. This is for the nice guys. Cause I used to be one. You
00:44:07.600
don't need to apologize for that. It's true. Yeah. You don't, because if you're apologizing
00:44:13.400
for it, you might be apologizing to somebody that was not impacted by the decision that
00:44:18.700
you're making. And there's no reason to do that. So if somebody says you're a, you're an
00:44:23.300
asshole. It's like, yeah, I am. I know. Why do I have to be sorry? Am I obligated to be
00:44:32.120
sorry? Because I see things differently than you, or I said something that you don't like,
00:44:35.980
or you took offense to something that wasn't meant to be offensive. I'm not sorry. That's
00:44:41.860
on you. That's not on me. Here's where I will say sorry. When I do something and it directly
00:44:48.040
impacts somebody else. So for example, if I tell somebody I'm going to be there at five and
00:44:52.340
it's going to be five 30 by the time I show up and I get there, I'm like, Hey, I'm sorry.
00:44:56.260
I'm running late. That's a reasonable expectation that you should say sorry, because they planned
00:45:02.140
on you being there. They arranged their day for you to be there at a certain time. And
00:45:05.600
you weren't there. They probably had questions about why you weren't there on time. And maybe
00:45:09.640
they even took it personally and you're slighted that person. And you're sorry to yourself probably
00:45:13.720
in that example, like, Hey, I didn't do what I know I should have done. Sure. But you don't
00:45:19.560
need to apologize to other people for those either. Right? Like if I could have showed
00:45:24.860
up better today, then that's on me. Now, if it hindered you, then I need, I owe you an
00:45:31.620
apology, but I don't, I think it's really important, especially for the nice guys. We don't make
00:45:36.680
unnecessary apologies. You don't owe everybody an apology. Certain people. Yes, but not everybody.
00:45:42.340
So let's just be really clear on that. I like that. All right. Like-minded servants,
00:45:47.640
15 minutes with the 24 year old, 24 year old Ryan. So here's your context. What are the three
00:45:54.280
most powerful lessons you've learned that he can apply to walk with Christ, his marriage
00:46:00.080
and his legacy? So maybe whether it's with you or not, what are three most powerful lessons
00:46:05.660
that you've learned, right? With your belief in Christ, your marriage and legacy?
00:46:14.480
I would say number one, try everything. I really would. And I'm doing that now, but I wish I would
00:46:22.720
have done that a whole lot sooner where I would have said yes to more opportunities. Yes. To more
00:46:27.040
experiences. Yes. To more adventures, man. I'm 42 years old. If I live to my life expectancy,
00:46:34.720
I'm more than halfway through my life right now. So that becomes pretty- Go ahead.
00:46:40.620
I was just going to ask like, because of just the, because you might be too focused on working
00:46:49.440
all the time that you're not experiencing life to its fullest because your unwillingness
00:46:57.160
Isn't life meant to be enjoyed? I'm not saying to be selfish. I'm not saying to not have any
00:47:06.060
responsibility. Like I have responsibilities. I have people that I'm trying to serve, but I also
00:47:10.940
want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy fatherhood. I want to enjoy building this business. If I'm so
00:47:17.440
rigid in everything and I'm not thinking about ways to experiment, even within this, this business,
00:47:23.020
for example, like what kind of fun is that? Yeah. What opportunities does it provide? What if I did
00:47:29.200
it the same way everybody else did it? Sure. I could have some success, but is that how life is
00:47:33.220
meant to be lived? What if I want to go try skydiving? What if I want to travel to some foreign country
00:47:40.120
that I've never been to? Like we should say yes to those things. And by the way, guys, for those young
00:47:45.040
men who are listening, trust me, please listen, you have to listen to this. I like, if I could like
00:47:52.440
physically make you listen to this and apply this in your life, I would tell you, it doesn't get
00:47:59.140
easier. It's harder, man. Like if you're at, and this is for the old guys too. Oh, you know,
00:48:04.700
in six months, the project will be done and I'll do it in six months. No, you won't.
00:48:09.800
You won't. Or when life's not so busy, life's always going to be busy. If it's important,
00:48:18.480
then you carve out time right now and you make it a priority and you do it because it's important.
00:48:25.160
The second one, I think the second lesson ties into what we just talked about, learning to forgive
00:48:29.700
others and yourself. I think that's really, really important that people are going to slight you.
00:48:35.480
People are going to mess with you. I don't think, I actually don't think it's malicious most of the
00:48:39.520
time. If there was a ratio, I'd say 90% of the time, maybe even more, it's not malicious. It's
00:48:44.720
just ignorance or selfishness or something else. And people really aren't thinking about how can I
00:48:49.800
get you? They're thinking about themselves mostly. And then we obviously talked about learning to
00:48:57.240
forgive. He also mentioned living a Christ-centered life. Like, I think the concept here is just
00:49:03.740
adherence to the word of God, the Bible. You know, we deviate from that so often and we rationalize
00:49:11.460
and we justify and we talk about all the things that, you know, we talk about. But at the end of
00:49:16.180
the day, that's a great book to live a moral principled life and it will lead you to a good
00:49:22.180
place. Absolutely. It will lead you to a good place. So I would, I would maybe, if I would have
00:49:29.180
surmised that, I'd say, use that as an operating system for life. I love it. Thanks, man.
00:49:36.440
Alex Gibbs 8, as a father of three girls, I'm torn between protecting them and also cultivating their
00:49:44.200
growth. I know boundaries are necessary, but I'm struggling with a few. It's a little bit lengthy
00:49:49.220
here. He gives some examples, but primarily around them watching YouTube and wanting to do their own
00:49:56.700
channel and the use of technology. He says, when will they be? My girls enjoy watching other kids
00:50:02.060
play on YouTube and they use their iPads to do their own channel. Although they do not have a real
00:50:07.960
one, I'm torn between protecting them from the public and cultivating this creative channel and
00:50:13.480
allowing them to experience the challenge and potential failures that will come with it.
00:50:18.000
I realize their generation will be much more online. I also know that I have my parents' fear
00:50:23.260
in the back of my mind that this was trained into me, that I'm fighting through myself.
00:50:29.140
How do I fight through that fear of my daughters and where, and what is a good boundary to have in
00:50:34.140
place for an activity or projects such as YouTube channels?
00:50:41.360
Yeah. Well, I really like what you said about cultivating creativity. Cause a lot of the times we
00:50:46.400
just think that's stupid. You shouldn't do that. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah.
00:50:48.920
Like should a kid learn how to grow a business? Should I learn how to communicate? Should a kid
00:50:54.800
learn how to present something interesting to the public? I think those are all pretty valuable
00:51:00.000
skills to learn and develop. But I would just say, if you're going to do that, then have some
00:51:04.240
parameters and boundaries in place. And that's your question. What might those look like? Number one,
00:51:08.700
it might be time allotted to those things as I don't know how old your daughters are, but let's say
00:51:13.660
you have a 10 year old daughter, a 12 year old daughter. I don't think she needs to be spending
00:51:17.360
hours upon hours on YouTube, but could she spend a half an hour watching something? Uh, and then
00:51:23.560
maybe an hour creating her own video. Sure. I think that's reasonable. Um, it might also be other
00:51:29.900
things for protection. Maybe at the reality of the environment we live in that showing her face is
00:51:36.100
not something that you're comfortable with. And so she's going to have to figure out a way to show her
00:51:41.900
art or show her bracelet making skills or so martial arts or whatever she's into in a way that doesn't
00:51:47.960
show her face. And maybe she doesn't even use her real name. Talk to her about personal information,
00:51:53.820
what is to be shared and what information should never be shared. Um, talk to her about the realities
00:52:00.500
of online predators and what that might look like and how to utilize this platform in a way that helps
00:52:07.560
her express her creativity, but doesn't expose her to unnecessary dangerous risk. I think there's a
00:52:14.360
lot of boundaries that can be put in place that will allow that, that to happen. I think I gave you
00:52:20.180
some great examples and based on what your daughters are trying to do, maybe there's more, but yeah, if
00:52:25.420
she look, am I going to let my daughter do a YouTube channel that shows her face with her putting makeup
00:52:32.480
on or wearing certain clothes? No, hell no. Of course not. Because I'm not an idiot.
00:52:39.200
But if she wanted to talk about her artwork, cause she's really into art and she's wants to show her
00:52:44.840
art and teach other young girls how to do art. Okay. Then we're going to come up with a creative way
00:52:50.140
for her to communicate that without exposing herself to creeps, perverts and assholes.
00:52:57.480
Yeah. Like, yeah. I mean, what, I don't really know what else to say here. What do you,
00:53:03.440
I think it's perfect. I, my key takeaway that I got from you is a lot of his question was kind of
00:53:09.120
like a black and white YouTube, no YouTube kind of thing. And, and what I'm hearing from you is use
00:53:14.080
this as a, an opportunity. What areas within it can be used for good? What areas could be used for bad?
00:53:20.560
What are the pros and cons? Right. Let's get some critical thinking in there and then find a solution.
00:53:26.940
Right. I, I, I'm a technologist, right? I literally, I've been a technology consultant
00:53:31.920
for 20 years. You will never hear me say technology is the solution. Technology amplifies and magnifies.
00:53:42.340
That's it. Business process automation makes it faster, but if the process is broken,
00:53:47.860
what does it make faster? You, you want to enlighten data, but the data is bad, right?
00:53:55.440
Yeah. You're going to fail. That's all it does. Right. YouTube, it, it magnifies the reach of
00:54:01.760
people consuming whatever talent or thing there is. Right. And so it's not good or bad. There's
00:54:07.760
elements within it that could be used for good or bad. Right. And, and, and I think what I'm hearing
00:54:13.160
from you is be mindful of that. And use that as an opportunity to, to teach and learn around those
00:54:18.840
different areas while also being safe at the same time. I like it. It's just a tool. Like it's an
00:54:23.720
inanimate, inanimate object. Imagine the amount of followers, the people who listen to this podcast.
00:54:28.940
If I said, guns are bad. Yeah. Guns are hormones. How many followers, what percentage of followers
00:54:34.860
would say, what are you talking about? They're not bad. Like it's this, this, and they defend it,
00:54:38.860
which by the way, I'm on that side of the agreement, uh, argument, but I'm just making a point.
00:54:42.220
They'd all defend it. And then I would say, well, yeah, but you know, how many people have been
00:54:47.420
killed at the hands of somebody shooting somebody else? Right. That would be my defense. And then
00:54:51.780
your defense would be, well, it's just a tool, right? It's just a tool. That's all it is.
00:54:56.200
Um, this weekend I was skiing with my girlfriend and we were, we went to, uh, we went to get some,
00:55:02.040
some dinner and we sat down at a table. There was a family and they had a big table and I,
00:55:06.260
there wasn't any seat. So I said, Hey, do you mind if we share this table with you? And I said,
00:55:09.680
yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem. So we sat down and her and I were talking and I looked over and there
00:55:14.240
was a husband and a wife and a, and a son and they were all on their phones playing a video game
00:55:20.260
or something. And initially I was like, I judged him. I was like, you freaking dork just sitting on
00:55:25.880
like, they should be here talking to each other, interacting, playing with each other. Yeah. So I
00:55:31.620
judged. And then I, the dad was like, yeah, he like yelled like unnecessarily loud. And he's like,
00:55:38.320
yeah. And they all started laughing. That's awesome. And I was like, I made this face.
00:55:43.320
And my girlfriend was like, she's like, what are you doing? They're playing a video game together.
00:55:49.700
And I was like, I looked over and I'm like, Oh yeah, they are. They're all playing. They're all
00:55:56.260
playing the same video game together on their phones, but they're playing together and they're
00:56:00.120
laughing and they're having a good time. It's not the technology. That's the problem.
00:56:04.720
Yeah. It's the way that we utilize it in this case, from what I assume and what I gathered in
00:56:09.680
and her telling me, don't be a dickhead. Like they were actually utilizing it in a way to build and
00:56:17.320
forge a bond of, of the relationship. I think that's a pretty good use of technology. Yeah.
00:56:22.140
So it's just how you use it. That's perfect. We'll get a, we'll get a scoring going here.
00:56:28.400
Girlfriend one, Ryan zero. So there you go. There we'll, we'll start tracking.
00:56:33.080
Let's not, let's not do that. Let's just go ahead and put the kibosh on that right away.
00:56:44.180
Yeah. We'll start taking votes in whether that's a good girlfriend comment or not. And we'll see how
00:56:48.980
this disrupts his relationship. All right, let's take maybe one, maybe two more, one or two more,
00:56:58.400
depending on this, the Gabriel Ray hosts. Um, when are you doing a main event again?
00:57:04.040
Quick question there. And then second question, the real question as a new blue belt, knowing that
00:57:09.280
there are still room to improve how you manage to identify in which areas to tackle first and
00:57:15.400
systems to implement for your jujitsu journey. So main event. Um, well, so main event, I don't
00:57:25.020
know. That's the answer to that. I don't know. Uh, we'll, we'll let you know on that. Just make
00:57:28.760
sure you subscribe to the newsletter, the email newsletter. And that way we'll let you know
00:57:31.920
when we do, cause I don't have the dates pinned down on that. And you can subscribe to that
00:57:37.820
Yes. Right on the main page there. Uh, blue, but well, first I would say this, I need to put a
00:57:44.240
little correction in what you said. I'm a blue belt knowing there's room for improvement. Kip,
00:57:48.380
you're a black belt. Would you think that there's also room for improvement? Absolutely.
00:57:53.280
Yeah. So it's not blue belt and room for improvement are not, they're not
00:57:59.060
inextricably connected. Like you'll always have room for improvement. So I just want to be very,
00:58:04.980
very clear on that. The journey never ends until you're dead. But where do you focus?
00:58:09.400
Yeah. Well, where do you focus? There's two camps here. I think you correct me if you think I'm
00:58:14.720
wrong. Camp number one is focus on what you're good at. Like I'm good at this. This is my game.
00:58:21.200
My game is physical. It's physical. It's, it's strong. It's like smash and pass. Like that's my game.
00:58:30.540
Yours Kip is not that it's a different game. So one camp says, well, I just,
00:58:34.980
need to double down on that. The other camp is just experiment, try all the new things and do
00:58:40.560
things different. And I don't know if it's one or the other. I think it's probably a combination
00:58:45.900
of both, man. If I can smash and pass, but I can also be clever and a little sneaky with some of my
00:58:52.840
moves, then by all means, here's one thing I consider too. Like I'm kind of like built like a
00:58:59.780
little bit of a ball and I'm not very stretchy. I'm not very flexible. I don't have long limbs.
00:59:05.640
Like I'm built like a ball or a block. And so like, you know, having, let's say here's,
00:59:14.220
here's one that you've actually done to me. Let's say I'm mounted on you. You will sneak out
00:59:21.560
be underneath, put your feet in my armpits from behind and then sweep me. Yeah. That's not,
00:59:30.420
that's not a reality for me. Like that's not going to happen. Cause my legs are like,
00:59:37.840
they're literally like a third, the size of my body. They're, I'm not going to reach your armpits
00:59:42.960
with my legs. It's just not going to happen. But I want to know that so I can defend against it.
00:59:48.920
And I can really work on improving my game. So what I would think, and what I've done as a blue
00:59:53.900
belt is how do I develop my game by incorporating other things that I haven't thought of and considered
01:00:03.100
or tried. And I've really been making, trying to be more conscious. Um, and it's been a little bit of,
01:00:09.800
it's been a little while since I've trained, I need to get back to training, but being more conscious
01:00:14.140
about incorporating and experimenting with things that I'm not totally comfortable with.
01:00:20.700
I know that's not really an answer, but that's the best I can give. What do you think?
01:00:24.540
I think it's the answer. How's this? Are we training for worlds here? Right? Are we,
01:00:31.680
are we, is our strategy to beat Gordon Ryan in ADCC? If the answer's no, then the answer is exactly
01:00:42.860
what Ryan said, because that's what keeps you on the mat. That's what creates enjoyment, right? Like
01:00:48.920
I, I'm a huge fan of an author. His name is, um, uh, Folkman. He wrote a book called Extraordinary
01:00:55.200
Leader. It's one of my favorite books on leadership and the whole premise and, and the, their entire
01:01:01.000
book is actually based upon data, data points. It's not like opinions. It's just straight up data.
01:01:06.320
And based upon the data, when you look at your leadership competency, what should you focus on
01:01:14.380
improving? What you're already great at. Not your weaknesses. They say, take what you're great at and
01:01:22.580
become extraordinary in those things. And it's almost like cross training. You get really extraordinary
01:01:27.800
in something and guess what happens on your weak spots? They get better. But most importantly,
01:01:32.780
you will do it. Why? Cause you're already good at it. So there's already momentum. It was, it's what
01:01:38.260
keeps you on the mat. And so I personally feel you finding your style and, and nerding out is what
01:01:46.240
will keep you training because it excites you and it makes you enjoyable and you're more bought in.
01:01:51.520
So that's the answer because that's what keeps you innovating and growing and on the mats. If, if your
01:01:58.460
focus was moves that you hated and you thought they're stupid and I told you like, yeah, focus
01:02:05.060
on all those, you're going to probably quit. Cause that's what most people do in life when they have
01:02:10.140
to tackle the things that they're not really that great at. So figure out your game, figure out what's
01:02:15.000
interests you. Now, sometimes we'll nerd out and we'll go, Oh, I want to true up on this other area,
01:02:20.100
but have fun with it. Whatever that is, figure out where you're getting excited, where you can nerd out
01:02:25.980
on it. And that's actually what you should be doing. And there's, and that's, that's probably
01:02:30.660
the beauty of jujitsu that I actually don't think exists in other martial arts as much is styles.
01:02:38.340
It's fascinating to me. It's so interesting. It is. It's interesting. And, and you, and it's yours,
01:02:45.500
it's your blueprint. And it's weird. I have two primary professors. One is smash and pass Johnny.
01:02:54.520
I've, I've never tapped to pressure, but with him and he makes it miserable. He takes forever. He's
01:03:02.200
like lava. You just know it's coming forever. And there's nothing you can do about it. And it's just,
01:03:06.540
oh, just horrible. And then there's James Gardner and he's like water. I'm not even sure. He's like
01:03:16.040
air on me. I don't even know what's happening. He's just like around. And then all of a sudden I'm,
01:03:20.800
I'm tapping. Right. And it's like, that was magical. Like is a wizard. We call him a Jedi.
01:03:25.660
Right. And so, and I'm neither of them. I have some other version and, and I do silly things. And
01:03:32.380
at our gym, and I'm not saying this to sound cool or anything, but it just shows obsessions,
01:03:38.240
right. Is people all joke around a Kip Mora. They, they stopped calling it a Kimora. They call it a
01:03:44.200
Kip Mora because I, I won't stop trying to Kimora you from every possible position. Cause I don't know
01:03:50.600
why I'm just like nerding out about it, you know, and, and that's what makes it fun. So I think you're
01:03:57.780
spot on. The one that, the one that stands out to me, and I'm going to give you guys a little
01:04:02.980
pointer. If you ever roll with me, your chances of me submitting you to a, like a leg triangle is zero.
01:04:13.100
Like I will never submit you that way. Never. So here's the point. If you see me go for a triangle,
01:04:21.640
it's not for a triangle. I'm not trying to try it. Cause I can't, I won't, my legs are too short.
01:04:27.660
I will not triangle you, but you know what I'll do. I'll get you to back up and create some space
01:04:33.300
for me to either get up or for me to sweep you. Yeah. Like that's the only thing I'm doing from
01:04:38.240
that. I'm only like, I'm not, I know that about myself. I'm okay with that. Like, I'm not going to
01:04:43.320
do that, but I can do some other things from it. So I'm going to learn it, but apply it to my game.
01:04:48.500
So no triangle chokes from Ryan and a guaranteed elbow grind in the face. Whenever that opportunity
01:04:56.040
will present itself. That's early on. Just shush. That was early, dude. I hadn't even been
01:05:02.160
training for like three months. You like to roll that way. And I know it's in your, it's in your
01:05:07.100
blood. I would do it. If I can do it, if I can make somebody hurt, like if I'm laying there,
01:05:13.920
let's say we're, you know, like, like I'm in side control or something. Side control is not enough
01:05:20.280
for me. I want you to be in pain. Yeah. So my shoulder is going to be in your sternum.
01:05:25.280
My forearm is going to be across your carotid artery. Like the more pain that I can inflict
01:05:31.620
while you're laying there on your back. I've really take a lot of pleasure from that.
01:05:39.220
I don't get you in those positions though. So, all right. What's all right. One more.
01:05:43.500
What's next? Last one. All right. Sean, uh, Gimby. I just started a podcast. I'm pleased with how
01:05:50.760
it's going so far. Obviously just configuring to do the work is the key to long-term success.
01:05:56.560
Any tips or suggestions you might have things you wish you knew sooner tools, resources you like.
01:06:02.140
Just doing the work is not the key to long-term success, by the way. Like I need to clarify,
01:06:08.100
because what if you're doing the wrong work or what if you're burning yourself out because you're just
01:06:13.020
doing things that, you know, you're supposed to do, or you're going too hard, too early to go back
01:06:18.880
to jujitsu, Kip, if you and I roll and I'm like, I'm just going to do the work and I have to put in
01:06:25.140
a five or 10 minute round with you, but I gas myself in 30 seconds, I'm out. I'm done. You're
01:06:31.100
going to tap me quick. You won't tap me in 30 seconds, but man, from 31 seconds on, I'm going
01:06:38.280
to be in a world of hurt. So I think that's really important. And that is part of your answer to your
01:06:43.980
question is be smart about it. Be intelligent about it. Critically think and analyze what's
01:06:50.800
working and what isn't, what you have an aptitude for, what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy that you
01:06:55.960
can bring somebody else in. Hiring mentors, hiring coaches, watching what other people do and not
01:07:02.080
doing exactly what they do, but thinking, well, that guy does this and this guy does this. What
01:07:06.740
if I can incorporate and infuse the two? There's a really good book called Blue Out Ocean Strategy,
01:07:11.900
probably 25, 30 years old at this point. And he talks about Cirque du Soleil, which everybody
01:07:19.520
knows of now, but Cirque du Soleil is a blue ocean. And what he means by that, the analogy
01:07:25.180
is that we get into these markets where there's a bunch of red water and he calls that, if I
01:07:30.200
remember correctly, contested market space, right? If you got into a man's podcast, that's
01:07:36.560
a contested market space at this point. And so it's just a red ocean. There's just blood in
01:07:41.260
the water and everybody's just trying to get theirs and kill each other in order to get what
01:07:44.560
they want. A blue ocean is entirely uncontested. And usually what happens is you take elements
01:07:50.200
of red oceans and you combine the two to create an uncontested market space. So Cirque du Soleil
01:07:58.240
took elements of the circus, tried, proven, tested, done. Everybody's been to the circus. It's done.
01:08:06.220
It's red. And then they took theater and they merged the two. And so now you have the theatrical
01:08:13.380
presentation and performance of the circus. And you bring this into an organization like
01:08:17.500
Cirque du Soleil and they put on these incredible, you know, performances that is something that is
01:08:23.000
now, now it's a red ocean, but it wasn't when they started. Yeah. So you want to look at where
01:08:30.320
you're good and where you're not, and then just bring in elements of what other people might be doing
01:08:34.560
in a way that you can do it. Only you can do it to create an entirely new blue ocean.
01:08:40.800
I hope that gives you some pointers. What was that book again, Ryan?
01:08:43.660
Blue ocean strategy. Blue ocean strategy. That's very cool. I like that. Yeah.
01:08:47.740
I have to check it out. It's really good. You would, I'm surprised. I'm actually surprised
01:08:51.700
you haven't read it. You would eat that one up. Okay. Yeah. Add it to the list, to the many lists.
01:08:56.560
By the way, like this podcast, your podcast has primarily been my source of book reading for the
01:09:03.720
last eight years. Seriously. Like I can't have, we have so many great, you get like an amazing author
01:09:10.520
on. I'm like, love that guy reading that book. Oh, love that guy reading that book. Right.
01:09:14.940
Yeah. It's been great. We got some good ones coming up too. Ryan Hawk. He's been on the podcast
01:09:22.540
a couple of times. He's coming on. I'm interviewing him tomorrow. So it'll be several weeks before it
01:09:26.580
comes out, but he's got a great book coming out too. So love it, man. All right, man. Take us home.
01:09:31.320
All right. So there's a couple of things. Obviously we talked about the newsletter. You could sign up for
01:09:36.380
that newsletter at order of man.com as normal. Um, the other thing is our Facebook group. That's
01:09:43.660
facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And then we got the iron council opening up in roughly
01:09:48.760
about a month or so. Um, so to learn more about the IC go to or man.com slash iron council, and you
01:09:57.280
can sign up for a newsletter there. However, we do recommend that you get battle ready. And that is
01:10:02.780
a battle ready program that will kind of set you up for success over the next 30 days. As you prepare
01:10:08.520
to join us in the iron council to learn more about it, go to order of man.com slash battle ready. And
01:10:13.880
of course we had all kinds of references today. You know, one of my first experiences in order of man
01:10:20.340
was the uprising in Southern Utah, and it was profound. And I, I'll be honest with you. When you
01:10:27.900
stopped doing uprisings, I was kind of a little upset about it. Uh, I was one of the guys
01:10:32.760
are like, what are you kidding? That was the best thing ever. Right. And so I love
01:10:37.080
uprisings and we have a few spots still open for the uprising that happens the first week
01:10:44.960
in May. If you are interested, go to order of man.com slash uprising to grab those open
01:10:51.140
spots there. You're not going to last long. Yeah. I think we have two left. So there you
01:10:55.960
go. Got to get on a quick super awesome event. All right. Thanks Kip. Appreciate you brother
01:11:00.080
guys. Really good questions. Sorry. We only got to like three of them. Uh, we'll do better
01:11:04.480
at that in the future. Stop rambling so much and get to more of your questions, but hopefully
01:11:09.900
we gave you some things to consider. That's what we want. I mean, I know Kip, that's my
01:11:13.440
motive. I know that's your motive. You know, we, we sometimes our delivery might be a little
01:11:17.900
bit off, but our motive is to make sure that we give you what we know it. It's not absolute
01:11:23.040
truth with a capital T, but it's what we know. And hopefully it gives you something to consider
01:11:26.520
and something that improves your life. All right guys, we'll be back later this week until
01:11:30.440
then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for
01:11:35.800
listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more
01:11:40.480
of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.