Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.920 Kip, what's up, brother? Great to see you.

00:00:26.540 Glad to be starting off our week right, like we always do with our Ask Me Anything.

00:00:30.960 And we decided that we're going to try a new segment this week called Headlines.

00:00:35.320 So I came prepared. It sounds like you have as well.

00:00:38.460 And a bit of a disclaimer, I don't know what your headline is. You don't know what mine is.

00:00:42.800 So this is two guys speaking off the cuff for better or worse.

00:00:46.700 So do you want to go first or do you want me to?

00:00:49.360 I'll let you decide. I'm fine either way.

00:00:53.700 I'll go first. I'll lead us off.

00:00:56.540 Okay, let's see.

00:00:57.520 So this one is not so much of a headline, but I ran across a video over the weekend and it was posted by...

00:01:06.520 What's his name? David Harris? What's his name?

00:01:10.120 Okay, I said I was prepared and so much for that idea.

00:01:14.660 Hold on.

00:01:16.540 Yeah, David Harris Jr.

00:01:17.660 He's kind of a political pundit, cultural and political pundit on the right side of the aisle.

00:01:22.900 So I'll throw that out there.

00:01:23.920 But he posted this video and I reposted it on my Instagram page, which is at Ryan Mickler.

00:01:28.880 So you can check it out.

00:01:29.680 And it was this guy who stole some, what looks like, allegedly I'll say, stole some tools from Home Depot.

00:01:39.200 And he was confronted by an individual and decided that wasn't going to fly.

00:01:48.020 So he confronted this, got a little physical.

00:01:49.840 And it looks like a few other guys jumped in as well and basically just ripped the stuff out of the guy's hands and kicked him along his way.

00:01:59.940 I thought this was interesting for a couple of reasons.

00:02:04.020 We can discuss the either or either validate or, you know, decide against the way it was approached.

00:02:11.300 I'm happy to have that discussion.

00:02:12.760 But one of the things that really stood out to me as I posted this was it's a little funny and it's also quite pathetic. 0.64

00:02:21.000 How many people lack a basic knowledge of economics?

00:02:27.240 And we can discuss that other part later, but let's just talk about economics for a minute.

00:02:31.820 There were quite a few comments that that were negative towards capitalism.

00:02:36.400 Like, oh, why why worry about Home Depot?

00:02:39.440 How does that affect the community?

00:02:41.100 That's not a big deal.

00:02:42.600 Like you shouldn't be doing that.

00:02:44.580 And it was all based on economics. 0.91

00:02:46.400 The rich get richer, the corporate greedy pigs, et cetera, et cetera.

00:02:50.900 And a lot of people seem to take issue with the the fact that I said protecting these stores in the way that these guys did actually impacts the community.

00:03:03.200 Yeah.

00:03:03.880 And they didn't understand that.

00:03:05.940 That was mind blowing to me.

00:03:07.540 And let me just say real quickly how it impacts the community.

00:03:10.060 If you want to look at some of these larger liberal run cities, how many of these cities do we see an increasing number of stores?

00:03:18.580 And I'm talking big box stores like CVS and Walgreens that are going out of business.

00:03:23.860 They're not even going out of business.

00:03:25.040 They're shutting their doors because they don't want to deal with the rampant theft that's just unchecked.

00:03:32.200 And it's causing real problems.

00:03:35.100 So what's happening is these stores are closing down and then people are losing jobs.

00:03:41.940 So that's one way it impacts the economy.

00:03:44.160 If theft continues to go up, then the prices go up for everyday consumers.

00:03:48.440 So that impacts your community.

00:03:50.660 And then what was interesting, as I saw one the other day where it was a Walgreens or a CVS closing in a high crime area.

00:03:56.980 And the community members were crying, literally crying and whining because CVS has their much needed supplies and things that they need for their everyday living, including much needed prescription medication.

00:04:13.120 Well, here's an idea.

00:04:14.640 Stop voting for liberals that promote unsafe environments for your community members.

00:04:20.740 So if these stores continue to shut down, yeah, you're not going to have access to the same services and products.

00:04:26.760 You're not going to have access to the medications that people potentially need to stay alive.

00:04:31.080 So there are so many ways that this impacts a community.

00:04:34.940 And then there's other people who said things like, well, you know, it's not your problem.

00:04:40.040 I'm like, guys, the cost is going to go up if we allow these things to happen.

00:04:44.940 So the lack of understanding about how economics works, the disdain, I think the increasing disdain for capitalism is disturbing.

00:04:54.800 Because if you're saying that capitalism is wrong and I'm not saying it's perfect, please don't misunderstand.

00:05:00.920 Give me something better.

00:05:02.020 What's the what's the better alternative?

00:05:04.420 What are you presenting?

00:05:05.500 What are you proposing?

00:05:06.460 There isn't another system devised by man that is better than capitalism.

00:05:11.520 It's it's lifted more people out of poverty.

00:05:13.420 It's increased standard of living.

00:05:15.120 It's increased life expectancy, standard of living.

00:05:18.480 It's better than any other system out there. 0.98

00:05:20.920 Yes, it has its challenges and problems, but it's not about grief, greedy pigs and and and this, you know, corrupt. 0.96

00:05:27.640 There is some corruption, but that's not true capitalism. 0.95

00:05:29.960 That might be crony capitalism or something else.

00:05:32.280 But true capitalism is based on voluntary exchange of goods and services.

00:05:36.080 And there isn't another strategy out there that's better than that.

00:05:39.920 That's my rent.

00:05:40.600 We can talk about whether or not these guys should have done it.

00:05:43.980 If you want, I'm going to turn it over to you for your take on it.

00:05:47.580 Yeah.

00:05:47.880 No, I you know, we're talking about economics.

00:05:51.000 I can't help but think the social impact of that.

00:05:55.120 Right.

00:05:56.240 That guy's less likely to ever come back to that Home Depot and rob that one.

00:06:01.420 Of course.

00:06:02.320 Which, guess what?

00:06:03.900 Those are the kind of people that I don't want in my community and in my kind of neighborhood.

00:06:09.620 Period.

00:06:10.720 You don't think that makes a difference?

00:06:12.680 You don't think maybe people that saw that happening, that you didn't light a fire, that those men didn't light a fire in them?

00:06:20.900 Saying, you know what?

00:06:21.840 Standing up for what's right. 0.99

00:06:24.360 Who gives a crap about? 0.98

00:06:25.500 Like, don't get me wrong. 0.99

00:06:26.560 I'm not saying who gives a crap about the economic portion of it, but we chatted about this last week.

00:06:32.980 What's right is right.

00:06:35.180 Man, how awesome is it when you see people standing up for the right thing?

00:06:39.900 Why?

00:06:40.320 Because it's the right thing.

00:06:41.380 Not because they have to.

00:06:43.740 Not because they need to.

00:06:45.160 Not because it makes no difference for them in their own person.

00:06:48.280 Because it's the right thing to do.

00:06:51.420 And you don't think that fires people up, makes them proud of their community.

00:06:55.980 Maybe some kids saw them standing up for what's right and saying something that should be said.

00:07:02.720 I think it's awesome.

00:07:04.280 I think it's so good.

00:07:05.420 And people need, we've gotten so passive around wanting to offend people that people will openly be dishonest in their dealings because no one will call them out.

00:07:20.100 No one says anything.

00:07:21.780 No one checks them.

00:07:23.580 And that's, I don't like it.

00:07:25.140 I don't think it's ideal.

00:07:26.060 I don't think it's good.

00:07:27.220 And they should.

00:07:28.220 They should say something.

00:07:29.760 And now, all these other ideas crossed my mind, right?

00:07:32.540 Because I started, like, I put myself in their shoes.

00:07:35.340 You know, I was thinking, like, would I do that, right?

00:07:36.900 Sure.

00:07:37.020 And I started evaluating.

00:07:38.320 And I'm like, absolutely.

00:07:39.840 If the dude's that big and he's kind of an overweight guy, right?

00:07:43.440 But I'm like, what if that guy was 6'4", 210 solid muscle?

00:07:49.980 Would I have said something, you know?

00:07:52.680 And you start, like, and now you start having the conversation about being physically capable and how important that is, too.

00:08:01.400 And I don't know, man.

00:08:02.720 I love that video.

00:08:04.200 When I saw that, I was like, that's awesome.

00:08:07.040 And I think those guys are, like, many heroes in my mind.

00:08:11.160 I agree.

00:08:12.200 And, you know, and being aware.

00:08:13.960 You know, a lot of people said, well, what if you had a gun or a knife?

00:08:16.320 That's valid.

00:08:17.820 Yeah.

00:08:18.100 That's valid.

00:08:18.980 So, be aware.

00:08:20.260 Like, don't rush into something.

00:08:21.940 Other people said, you know, well, Home Depot doesn't care about you or whatever.

00:08:26.520 Yeah, true.

00:08:27.520 They really don't.

00:08:28.320 They care about your money, for sure.

00:08:29.780 But, again, we talked about the societal impact of that.

00:08:33.840 So, yeah, be smart.

00:08:35.360 You know, if the guy is, you know, could potentially injure you or kill you, I think you have to be a little bit more aware and be smart of that.

00:08:42.480 Also, I would say some people said, call the police.

00:08:46.380 Agreed.

00:08:46.980 Response time might be a little slow.

00:08:48.940 And are they even going to do anything? 0.98

00:08:51.520 Because the odds are that it's more likely that the guys who did assault that individual are going to get in more trouble than the guy who actually walked out of Home Depot with all that shit. 0.99

00:09:03.560 So, what's the solution there? 0.99

00:09:06.500 Stop electing liberal politicians who facilitate and encourage this type of behavior.

00:09:13.620 And let's start electing people who are going to uphold the law and abide by their constitutional oaths.

00:09:22.080 And let's get ourselves into positions of power so when we have situations like this, we have a criminal prosecution team who actually is going to prosecute criminals harshly for their behavior.

00:09:34.720 So, this is why it is so important when guys say, hey, you know, like, I'm not interested in politics.

00:09:40.120 It doesn't affect me.

00:09:41.280 No, it does.

00:09:42.860 Especially at the local level.

00:09:44.180 It absolutely affects you.

00:09:46.180 So, you get involved and you make smart election decisions and voting decisions because otherwise we're going to see more and more of this.

00:09:54.220 Yeah.

00:09:54.440 Just another form of being passive, right?

00:09:56.300 When we don't do something about it.

00:09:58.820 All right, brother.

00:09:59.480 What's your headline?

00:10:00.640 Here's my headline, right?

00:10:02.140 So, I'm not sure if you heard about this.

00:10:04.900 You're so giddy about this.

00:10:06.160 I don't know.

00:10:07.100 Well, I'm being careful.

00:10:08.720 I don't want to nerd out on it.

00:10:10.320 So, Google loses $96 billion over the last couple, three days in stock pricing.

00:10:19.720 I'm not sure if you heard about this, but they have an AI engine called Gemini.

00:10:24.880 Oh, yes.

00:10:25.660 Yes, I have heard of this.

00:10:27.080 Yeah.

00:10:27.400 And so, and it does image generation and more or less it was like showing the founding fathers like with darker skin color.

00:10:35.300 And people are more or less it's a backlash of their AI engine being very woke, right?

00:10:43.300 Yeah.

00:10:43.520 And they've lost $96 billion because of it, right?

00:10:47.880 In a three-day period of time.

00:10:50.500 And, you know, you could chalk it up to, oops, mistake, bad.

00:10:56.180 You know, obviously Google already came out and apologized about it.

00:11:00.620 But it draws a bigger conversation around corporate America and government jumping into the space of morality.

00:11:14.060 They're jumping into the moral game.

00:11:16.760 And they're jumping into the moral game, in my opinion, here's my rant, is because people currently are lacking meaning and purpose in their lives.

00:11:26.820 And I think it goes against the human behavior and natural tendencies to not have meaning.

00:11:37.140 I think it's a natural way, part of being human is to have purpose and meaning in our lives.

00:11:43.060 And because a reduction of religion, because of the demonization of religion and those kind of things, we have new generations seeking employment with a company that will give it to them.

00:11:56.780 You see this all the time, especially in big, woke tech companies, right?

00:12:00.760 And employees will say this.

00:12:02.880 I want to work for a company that makes a difference, that does these things, right?

00:12:07.060 I said another way, I want to work for a company that I can outsource my purpose and meaning to them and latch on to what they are doing to give myself purpose and meaning.

00:12:19.920 And I think we need to get really present to the idea that this is just a tool used against you.

00:12:30.220 Mark my word, Disney doesn't care about their agendas.

00:12:35.220 Most companies don't care about their woke agendas.

00:12:39.840 What they care about is making money.

00:12:43.000 And they're using that moral stance on something to enlist you in what they're doing as an organization.

00:12:50.480 That's all they're doing.

00:12:51.580 It's just another marketing ploy.

00:12:54.080 And here's the litmus test for this.

00:12:57.200 Watch what happens when stock prices drop.

00:13:00.620 Oh, our bad, right?

00:13:03.400 Budweiser does something.

00:13:04.680 Oops.

00:13:05.220 Our bad.

00:13:06.500 Why?

00:13:07.000 Because they're in business for what reason?

00:13:09.120 To make money.

00:13:11.420 The priority is not their moral agendas.

00:13:14.560 The priority is to make money.

00:13:17.900 And they're utilizing those moral stances just to enlist you, just to market you, and to use you.

00:13:24.340 And the government is doing no different than these organizations.

00:13:28.080 And we need to be very careful on when we outsource our moral stance or our purpose and meaning to corporations and governments.

00:13:36.680 And I would even add to political parties.

00:13:38.080 Here's another stance or another litmus test.

00:13:44.080 Do you get fired up and completely sideways when you talk politics with someone and they disagree with you?

00:13:51.040 If they do, your identity is way too much wrapped up into that political party that you are willing to be upset when someone disagrees with your political group.

00:14:02.340 That tells me you're not mature and emotionally thinking through where you stand, agnostic of those labels.

00:14:11.940 So that's, I don't know, maybe that's my rant or that's my call to action, but like it's such an issue and it's pathetic that we fall into this trap so often.

00:14:22.840 Yeah, those are good points.

00:14:24.580 I was thinking as you were saying that, that we are designed to serve something, especially as men, like we're designed to lead, we're designed to serve.

00:14:35.220 But I think this in a greater context really speaks to our relationship with our creator.

00:14:41.340 We're designed to serve him.

00:14:43.300 Yeah.

00:14:43.860 We're designed to serve the mission and we fall short of that.

00:14:46.960 We deviate from that because we have our own selfish desires.

00:14:49.500 But guys, in the absence of a moral higher power, we're still going to serve something to your point, Kip.

00:14:56.300 And so we find an inferior doctrine to worship, which is like the doctrine of woke culture.

00:15:03.540 One thing you guys have heard me say is the doctrine of popular culture, which is this woke ideology that every indicator of power is a sign of, you know, some sort of tyrannical patriarchy.

00:15:18.480 And, and oppression and victimization, heaven forbid, it was on merit itself.

00:15:24.200 And then there's also this revisionist history in these quote unquote AI things.

00:15:28.560 I don't even like artificial intelligence because it's, it's an oxymoron a little bit when, when somebody's in there coding their own biases into programs and then saying that this is separate of those biases.

00:15:40.620 It's not clearly what was written as the algorithm for Gemini was written by an individual who has a bias as we all do, but then it's marketed as, is, as no bias at all, completely independent and separate from any personal bias.

00:15:59.500 When clearly it's not, but I wrote, or I pulled something up here that I thought was interesting.

00:16:04.500 And this, this scripture actually, actually came to mind and I'm not any sort of biblical scholar by any means, but for whatever reason, the word, drop the word on Monday.

00:16:13.000 I remember this for some reason, I remember this and it's, um, it's Matthew 6, 24.

00:16:19.680 And I'll just read from the King James version.

00:16:21.420 It says, no man can serve two masters for he will either hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other.

00:16:31.800 You cannot serve God and mammon, which is equated to money, wealth, abundance, that sort of thing.

00:16:38.340 Guys, if we're worshiping the wrong thing, whether it's this doctrine of popular culture or other people, influencers on social media, or any number of things that we fall prey to and create as false idols, we're going to despise the other.

00:16:54.600 And the other is virtue, righteousness, God's word.

00:16:58.920 So anyways.

00:17:00.840 Yeah, I love it.

00:17:02.740 That's, that's kind of how I look at it.

00:17:04.320 I made this post, geez, like almost nine months ago, or I like this.

00:17:10.360 I wrote, we all want purpose and meaning.

00:17:13.280 Be careful on who and what you have outsourced that to.

00:17:17.300 That is your new God.

00:17:20.600 Same, right?

00:17:21.900 Yeah.

00:17:22.500 Yeah.

00:17:23.840 All right.

00:17:24.420 Well, great headlines.

00:17:25.860 We'll keep it coming, guys.

00:17:26.700 You let us know what you think of the headlines.

00:17:28.660 I'm sure there's differing opinions.

00:17:30.360 We'd love to hear them.

00:17:31.600 And if you like the segment, we'll keep doing it.

00:17:33.540 All right, kid, let's get to some questions today.

00:17:35.980 Yeah.

00:17:36.180 So we're going to fill out some questions from the Iron Council to learn more about the, our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council, go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:17:44.500 Ruffling about 10 days or so, we're going to be opening up and rolling the 15th of March.

00:17:50.340 So once again, orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:17:53.140 First question, Jay Gerdulo, do you ever find yourself feeling cynical about the world and how do you overcome this feeling?

00:18:02.500 I really like this question because I'm overly cynical about the world, right?

00:18:10.400 And how do we, like, I'm assuming what Jay's asking is like, how do we, how do we be positive too and not just be a downer all the time, right?

00:18:17.640 I think it's natural to experience cynicism.

00:18:19.960 I would be worried if I was never cynical about anything because it would almost indicate a lack of care, some sort of apathy towards whatever we might be dealing with.

00:18:31.280 And there are things that I frankly just don't care about.

00:18:34.000 And there's other things that I get fired up.

00:18:36.840 I mean, we just did two headlines that both of us are excited about, right?

00:18:40.580 I don't know that we were being cynical necessarily.

00:18:43.120 I hope we were looking at it intelligently and reasonably.

00:18:46.100 But yeah, I do get cynical about a lot of things that I see, whether it's in the work environment or somebody hoses me or in culture in general or even in relationships.

00:18:56.760 You know, it's easy to think the worst about somebody or jump to conclusions or let your insecurities get in the way.

00:19:04.840 So I think realizing that being cynical is actually just a human condition and it's designed to keep you safe and protected.

00:19:14.260 That awareness is really helpful because then you can decide how to respond to the way that you're feeling.

00:19:21.680 So to me, the emotion isn't the problem.

00:19:26.460 Anger, frustration, shame, guilt, sorrow, remorse, whatever.

00:19:31.720 Indicators on the dashboard.

00:19:32.660 It's not the problem.

00:19:33.740 Yeah.

00:19:34.260 That's all it is.

00:19:35.820 The problem is how do we respond to it?

00:19:38.840 So the analogy that I've used is what you just said.

00:19:41.840 If you're looking at your dashboard on your vehicle, you're driving down the road and the little flickering light comes on and says low gas, you don't jerk your car off the side of the road and go wrap it around a tree or a telephone pole.

00:19:59.380 You slow down.

00:20:02.080 You figure out where the next exit is.

00:20:03.980 You take the exit.

00:20:05.020 You pull into the gas station.

00:20:06.380 You pump your gas.

00:20:07.220 And then you get back on the road.

00:20:09.080 No harm, no foul.

00:20:10.280 You address the issue and you're back on your way.

00:20:12.980 Slowed you down a little bit, but you're safe.

00:20:14.900 Everybody's safe and you're going to get to where you were going.

00:20:17.640 But that's what we laugh at that analogy.

00:20:19.480 But that's what we do when we get angry and we decide to punch a wall or angry about how work went.

00:20:26.180 And then we lash out at our spouse or our children.

00:20:28.840 It's the same thing that we're doing.

00:20:30.820 But being aware of it helps you refine it, helps you temper it, helps you understand that, you know, it's how do I respond to what I'm feeling?

00:20:45.340 And to answer Jay's question, I think it's taking action.

00:20:51.100 If something comes up and I get frustrated about it, but there's nothing I can do about it, then I try to let those things slide.

00:20:58.380 Because what's the point of just stewing and brewing on something that's just going to piss me off all day?

00:21:04.180 But then I can segment the things that I'm interested in or that I'm cynical about or frustrated with into and compartmentalize into items of action.

00:21:13.540 Now, all of a sudden, if I see something going wrong and I take action, I'm not as cynical about it because I'm moving towards the result.

00:21:21.720 I'm actually part of the solution, not just griping and moaning about the problem.

00:21:26.000 So the answer to me is taking action, leaving what you have no control over, taking action towards the things that you do and be, as I think Gandhi would say, be the change that you want to see in the world.

00:21:38.740 Yeah. The only thing that I'd add, and I'm projecting what I do, is I'll do that, Ryan. I'll take action, but I'll take an action while having a heart at war towards you the whole time.

00:21:52.560 Right? And so I'll be like, Ryan should have done this. And so the whole time, I'll take action. I'll get it done.

00:21:59.680 But I'm doing it really from a real negative space. Right? And then I'll show up. I'll show up really negative.

00:22:07.640 And so for me, what has been powerful is understanding the human condition.

00:22:15.100 Far too often, most things that make me upset, it's a human. It's not like the weather's bad and I'm mad at the weather. I don't get mad at the weather.

00:22:24.700 But I get mad at some moron that does something that I'm like, why did you do it that way? And I don't, you know what I mean? 0.99

00:22:30.220 And I've placed harsh judgment on them. And I have this expectation of how it should or should have gone.

00:22:35.740 And I'll take action. But the whole time, I'm doing it in a really negative way. And the best way that I've learned to deal with that is to understand the human condition.

00:22:46.140 That most people, when they're doing something stupid, they're not doing it to piss me off. That they're actually trying. That based upon where they are in their life, that's the best they could do. 0.97

00:22:57.860 They don't know a better way. Or they're acting out of insecurity. There's so much to the story. And I need to have grace towards other humans and realizing that they have their own battles.

00:23:14.740 They're trying their best. And I need to be a little bit slower to judge.

00:23:18.860 And then look at the opportunity as a space to serve and to help. Not as a space to get it done and then rub it in their face. Or, you know what I mean? Other negative emotions towards them.

00:23:30.680 Yeah. Well, I like what you said. The other only consideration here is, I know Jay, both of us do personally. He's a good friend of both of ours.

00:23:37.340 He's in a line of work where it would be hard not to be cynical. He's a police officer.

00:23:42.160 So, he's dealing with not only, you know, some of the worst people on the planet at times, but he's also dealing with the red tape and the bureaucracy and the bullcrap.

00:23:53.440 And in those instances, I think you do the best that you can do. You remember why you're doing it. You try to make a difference.

00:24:00.240 And then also, you try to compartmentalize it. So, when you get home, leave that stuff as best you can and engage with your family, engage with your hobbies and your activities and your interests and the things that fuel you in a positive, constructive way.

00:24:13.900 Because you spend so much time in a really dark profession and one that is increasingly unpopular in the country, which makes it even harder.

00:24:22.220 Yeah, it's super tough. I've had, I've known friends that were in law enforcement and their primary reason of stepping away is just it was eating at them.

00:24:34.980 Yeah, of course. How could it not?

00:24:37.080 Yeah, it'd be tough. Appreciate you, Jay. By the way, Jay does, shows up super powerfully within the Iron Council for so many men.

00:24:47.500 And I personally look up to Jay. I know a lot of guys do. And so, maybe just a public expression of appreciation to you, Jay.

00:24:58.140 And not just what you do from a work perspective, but what you do even within the Iron Council.

00:25:04.220 Yeah, for sure.

00:25:05.800 All right. Pramit Ball. He has a question around self-worth. This is fun, actually. I really like this. So, thanks, Pramit, for submitting this.

00:25:14.760 I would like some strategies around building self-worth outside of what's going on at work.

00:25:21.840 Context, I have gotten laid off in September. And while I was able to find a new job fairly quickly, I've had to take a pay cut for it.

00:25:28.960 While I do enjoy the new role, it has been a big improvement in terms of my physical and mental health.

00:25:35.080 I do find myself tying some of my self-worth to what I make now.

00:25:40.220 So, based upon his compensation. Am I on a work visa, so I can't run any active side income streams? Thanks again.

00:25:49.720 Yeah, look. We use the term worth, like as a net worth, as in financial. It is a metric. I'm not going to pretend it isn't.

00:25:57.560 You know? And so, I look at the measurement of my income as a metric of the value I've provided to other people.

00:26:06.160 Totally.

00:26:06.640 And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, by the way.

00:26:08.700 Now, if we tie up all of our identity into what we make, because look, you can have broke people who are great people and you can have rich people who are horrible people and vice versa.

00:26:18.740 So, it's not merely, or it's not the sum of your worth. It's a fraction or an element of your worth.

00:26:26.360 And then your question is, what do you do outside of it?

00:26:29.800 Well, you keep commitments with yourself and you be aspirational.

00:26:32.400 So, you're listening to this on a Wednesday. We're recording on Monday. I start every day with aspirations.

00:26:39.280 And I'm not talking about some sort of affirmation that I read. That's never been a thing for me.

00:26:44.040 I know, Kip, you do a little bit more than I do. It's just, it doesn't resonate with me.

00:26:48.900 What I do is I think about what I want to accomplish this day.

00:26:52.720 So, that's aspirational in nature.

00:26:55.020 What do I want to accomplish this week? What do I have coming up? What's next month?

00:26:58.400 What goals do I have? I'm actually looking at my goals in front of me every single day in my task list.

00:27:03.780 And then my job is to be in integrity with this.

00:27:08.200 That's it. This is my job.

00:27:10.840 If I can be in integrity with the words that are written down in this book,

00:27:14.280 then I will develop a sense of self-worth, as Kip says, that's big enough for, you know,

00:27:20.280 everybody else or whatever you said a couple of weeks ago about me.

00:27:23.040 Yeah.

00:27:23.140 Ryan's affirmations are just reading all the direct messages that he gets from all of you,

00:27:30.700 praising his greatness. That's his morning affirmation.

00:27:33.760 Oh, yeah. Because that's the only kind of direct messages I get is the good ones.

00:27:38.840 The bad ones keep me in check and they are abundant.

00:27:41.960 I actually had somebody on YouTube just over the past couple of days.

00:27:47.900 This is mind-blowing to me.

00:27:49.920 They'll go in. It's the same person from the same account.

00:27:52.980 And it looks like it might be a fake account or something they created just to harass.

00:27:57.520 To rass you.

00:27:58.140 And they'll go in and they'll leave comments on like 20 different videos.

00:28:03.100 And I haven't responded to either one because why?

00:28:05.640 Yeah.

00:28:05.800 But it's hilarious to me. I'm like, what? Like, don't you have anything better to do?

00:28:11.640 And I only see it because it pulls up in my emails or a notification if I get a new comment.

00:28:15.840 And so I see him and it's like, da, da, da, da. I'm like, what?

00:28:19.580 Who's this person?

00:28:20.200 I don't, I'll never, yeah, I'll never understand. But whatever. That's beside the point.

00:28:25.060 What I was getting at is be in integrity with this.

00:28:29.360 And if you don't have this and if you're listening to this, I'm holding it my battle planner.

00:28:32.680 If you don't have a battle planner, some sort of goal setting method, there's nothing to be in integrity with.

00:28:38.480 Yeah.

00:28:39.740 So whether it's the Bible or your goal planning or something that's creating some aspirational value for you.

00:28:45.720 And then you trying to be in integrity every day.

00:28:47.820 I'll tell you what, I feel a whole hell of a lot better when I get 100% of my tasks done for the day.

00:28:53.560 I walk a little taller.

00:28:57.020 My shoulders are a little further back.

00:28:59.420 I got a little more pep in my step.

00:29:01.160 I sleep a little easier.

00:29:03.180 The relationships I have with my girlfriend and her daughter and my kids and my friends and everybody else.

00:29:09.520 It's better when I'm in integrity.

00:29:13.700 And when I'm out of integrity, then that's where I start to get a little self-conscious.

00:29:19.680 I start to doubt relationships.

00:29:21.600 I start to doubt my own value that I provide.

00:29:25.520 I fall into comparison trap with other people when I'm not in integrity with this.

00:29:32.640 Absolutely.

00:29:33.460 I love it, man.

00:29:34.100 Jacob Paulson, at what age do you take a boy, your son, or a young man in your life and take him from needing to be provided for to teaching him to be providing?

00:29:45.740 And not just a financial way, in a way of serving their mom instead of the other way around, or the sense where they become the up-and-coming man that leads by serving and serving by leading.

00:29:59.780 Men of integrity and usefulness.

00:30:01.780 I think it happens around, let me say it this way.

00:30:05.620 I think it starts around age three or four.

00:30:08.120 Like, I don't know if there's much you can do beforehand.

00:30:12.160 You know, you're still engaging, being there, being present.

00:30:14.820 And really, you're just being present and being an example.

00:30:16.860 But if you're not thinking about that kind of stuff at age three or four years old, like having them clean up their room, potty training them, having them engage around the house and doing chores and projects.

00:30:34.440 You know, if you're not having them clean out the car because they spilled French fries everywhere.

00:30:38.840 Like, if you're not doing those things at age three or four years old, I think you're really missing the mark.

00:30:44.380 And now, granted, it's going to become more evolved as time goes.

00:30:48.240 As they get older, there's going to be more projects.

00:30:51.020 There's going to be more chores.

00:30:52.100 There's going to be more tasks.

00:30:53.480 There's going to be more things to do.

00:30:56.480 Then you're getting a job, contributing, like not buying everything for them.

00:31:01.900 When it comes to grades, you know, keeping their grades up and where they need to be or being active in sports in order to validate you, maybe paying for their car insurance or their cell phone bill or whatever it might be.

00:31:13.380 But also then being present and available and showing them what you do, how you do it, how you show up.

00:31:19.520 Yep.

00:31:20.080 Hey, Kip, I just kept going.

00:31:21.300 I know you didn't hear a lot of that, but I just kept going.

00:31:23.460 But just being present and available as they get older and then taking them on things, whether it's taking them to work, involving them in your projects, taking them on hunting trips and letting them see you interact with other people.

00:31:37.360 It should be done.

00:31:38.820 I don't know if you caught it, Kip.

00:31:39.940 I said it starts at age three or four.

00:31:41.740 Did you catch that?

00:31:43.380 Yeah, it's got to start that early and then it progresses over time.

00:31:48.520 And then ideally what happens is they hit 18 and they're like, Dad, I want to go.

00:31:54.160 No, no, like no, no ill will, no discontent, no frustration.

00:31:58.240 But when I was 18, I left.

00:32:00.860 It was it wasn't because I wasn't happy or the relationship with my mom wasn't great.

00:32:05.880 It was just that's what happens.

00:32:07.260 And from the time I was little to the time I became an adult at 18, that's what she was doing, ensuring that I was out on my own.

00:32:15.120 I think the question, I don't think you're asking it this way, but the way you're saying it almost makes it sound like one day we're just supposed to turn it on and they're supposed to be independent.

00:32:26.100 Well, guys, it doesn't work like that.

00:32:28.600 Give them projects, give them chores, give them tasks, gives them responsibility.

00:32:32.860 Let them deal with consequences of their poor decision making.

00:32:36.700 And I think by the time 18 rolls around, it's like a no brainer.

00:32:39.820 They're chomping at the bit to get out of there and be independent.

00:32:41.920 I can't help but see a correlation here.

00:32:45.000 I think it is part of the human condition to want to contribute in meaningful ways.

00:32:50.540 And when you're not, you lack self-confidence, you lack purpose and you lack meaning in your life.

00:32:56.820 Maybe said another way, you feel depressed and you don't know what your role is in the world.

00:33:01.800 So you, your children, our employees, our co-workers, our spouses, everybody, the best way for us to find fulfillment in life is to contribute in meaningful ways, is through service, is that you feel great about who you are and the role that you're playing in the world.

00:33:25.100 We shouldn't be robbing our kids of it because they're too young.

00:33:27.760 Let them contribute in meaningful ways.

00:33:32.600 I spent this last weekend, I was putting up smoke detectors in the house because we can't get occupancy at the lake house without freaking 40 smoke detectors all over the place.

00:33:43.220 And at first, I was tempted.

00:33:46.240 Kids, get out of my way. 1.00

00:33:47.380 Go do something, right?

00:33:49.880 Let me get this done.

00:33:51.800 And I could, for whatever reason, there's a moment there where my daughter was kind of like wandering around.

00:33:56.560 And I'm like, hey, babe, do you want to help me?

00:33:59.900 And she's like, yeah, yeah, totally.

00:34:02.780 Before you know it, she's up on the ladder.

00:34:04.520 She's wiring the smoke detectors instead.

00:34:06.780 I'm having her check if there's electrical current first, right?

00:34:09.740 Like she's putting on wire nuts. 0.99

00:34:12.380 With her tongue or her finger, having her check the current, see if it's there.

00:34:16.980 Trust me, I checked the breaker.

00:34:18.440 Stick your tongue on it, you'll know.

00:34:19.560 Tell her to use the little tester. 1.00

00:34:21.840 Oh, this tester, that's how you make sure.

00:34:23.920 And her day was better.

00:34:27.600 Why?

00:34:28.200 Because she contributed.

00:34:30.120 And your day was worse because you had to do it.

00:34:32.640 Totally.

00:34:33.400 It took twice as long.

00:34:34.920 It took twice as long.

00:34:37.060 I'm sure all those smoke detectors don't work because the wire nut was not tight and good enough.

00:34:43.680 But what's the purpose?

00:34:45.240 Wouldn't it be ironic if it was one of the wires from the smoke detector that started the fire?

00:34:49.900 Oh, don't even knock on wood here.

00:34:52.860 Don't even say something like that. 1.00

00:34:54.900 I would lose my crap. 1.00

00:34:57.480 All that work in my house burned out and be miserable. 1.00

00:35:01.020 But that's life.

00:35:03.940 That's how we find purpose and meaning in life is by contributing.

00:35:06.800 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

00:35:08.880 Well said.

00:35:09.300 That's probably why kids are, sorry, that's probably why kids are depressed.

00:35:13.860 Because they're contributing.

00:35:14.320 That's probably why you're depressed.

00:35:15.500 How many men are depressed?

00:35:17.560 Yeah.

00:35:18.240 You're contributing zero.

00:35:20.340 You're not contributing.

00:35:21.900 What are you doing?

00:35:23.420 Entertaining yourself?

00:35:24.340 Are you making a difference?

00:35:25.260 If you're not making a difference, you're not going to find fulfillment and purpose.

00:35:28.140 I think that goes back to Promet's question before as well.

00:35:31.980 You know, like.

00:35:32.540 Totally.

00:35:34.000 Yeah.

00:35:34.920 Yeah, self-worth.

00:35:36.180 Cool.

00:35:36.460 What's next, Skip?

00:35:37.120 Yeah.

00:35:38.000 All right.

00:35:38.880 Next question.

00:35:41.280 All right.

00:35:41.660 John.

00:35:42.620 Sorry.

00:35:43.560 John Martin.

00:35:45.180 Martin Sick.

00:35:46.280 I don't know.

00:35:47.720 Yeah, I don't know.

00:35:48.760 I don't know who.

00:35:49.240 I didn't look at him.

00:35:49.940 So I don't know who it is.

00:35:50.780 John Martin Sick.

00:35:51.540 I was on a day trip after church with my wife and nine-month-old son.

00:35:56.540 And on the way home, the serpent belt broke on the family vehicle.

00:36:00.460 So we had to find a place to stay.

00:36:02.280 Headlight shut off a couple miles out from the hotel and had to stick my flashlight out

00:36:07.640 the window.

00:36:08.120 I love that.

00:36:09.100 Owning all the cool stuff is great, but it doesn't do any good at home.

00:36:12.760 What do you keep in your vehicles?

00:36:14.640 And is it actually what you would need for an unexpected overnight stay by ourselves?

00:36:19.680 We can make do with almost any situation, but do we have what is needed when our families

00:36:25.360 are with us?

00:36:26.620 Yeah, I like that question.

00:36:27.900 I like that you were hanging out the window with your flashlight.

00:36:30.240 That's cool.

00:36:30.660 Dude, me too.

00:36:30.900 Like innovation, adapting.

00:36:34.080 That's Parowan.

00:36:35.200 That's like, you know, you can relate to it because that's like straight up Sevier County,

00:36:40.140 Parowan, you know, make and do, small town approach, right?

00:36:45.060 For sure.

00:36:46.440 Not to mention, you should have a spotlight in there for, you know,

00:36:49.460 going out and shooting rabbits.

00:36:51.220 So you should always have a spotlight in there.

00:36:55.200 Oh, what do I have in my car?

00:36:57.340 I've got an extra firearm.

00:37:00.320 I've got a medical kit.

00:37:02.120 So your basic medical kit, including a tourniquet.

00:37:04.720 That stuff's important.

00:37:05.480 Bandages, a tourniquet, and all your basic scissors, that sort of thing.

00:37:09.140 We've got a few blankets in there.

00:37:11.800 I've got my jumper cables.

00:37:14.560 The other thing I have is this battery powered jumper cable, jumper cable thing.

00:37:20.080 You can charge it via USB and then keep it in your car.

00:37:22.700 And so it works really well.

00:37:24.400 I've used it several times.

00:37:26.920 Let's see.

00:37:27.520 What else do I have in there?

00:37:29.780 Water filtration is in there.

00:37:32.420 I also keep some cash on hand in there.

00:37:36.060 I keep about a hundred bucks in small bills in there because you never know when you might need some cash, right?

00:37:42.600 Yeah, I think that's about it.

00:37:45.480 I might have some snacks in there, too, like some snacks that stay for a little bit.

00:37:50.640 Freeze-dried food is the best.

00:37:52.540 I might have some actually freeze-dried meals.

00:37:56.440 I think I have maybe three or four meals in there because they're light.

00:37:59.460 They don't take up a lot of space and all they need is water.

00:38:01.960 Look, having it cold is not going to be awesome, but it's better than not eating if you need it.

00:38:07.700 So, yeah, that's what I've got.

00:38:10.960 Do you have anything else other than that, Kip?

00:38:13.120 No, I got the same stuff.

00:38:14.300 I have a tactical bag underneath my one seat that has water filtration.

00:38:21.780 I got flashlights, knives, food.

00:38:25.820 I don't have blankets, which is, once you said it, I was like, yeah, that's a good idea.

00:38:33.800 Same thing with cash.

00:38:35.060 I got cash in there as well.

00:38:37.480 One thing I've done recently that's kind of fun, I'm in the process of getting this all worked out.

00:38:44.300 So, I bought these old school ham radios and I have one in my truck with a truck mount so you can get better range, like a truck antenna.

00:38:56.780 So, I can just pop it on, extra battery and a cigarette adapter for it and then I plan to have one in my wife's car and then I have another one that stays in the house.

00:39:09.080 And then I just keep them off.

00:39:11.800 I've tested them a little bit in regards to like range and it's been quite shocking on how some serious range I can get with the truck antenna.

00:39:22.760 It's actually really impressive.

00:39:23.800 Yeah, I don't have that.

00:39:24.520 I should consider that for sure.

00:39:26.240 Yeah.

00:39:26.940 Yeah.

00:39:27.640 I'll give you one if you can get blanket.

00:39:28.720 The other thing that, no, you can get your own.

00:39:31.100 I'm keeping my own stuff. 0.97

00:39:36.800 Until I need it and then I'll be like, God damn it, I should have traded with Kip. 0.52

00:39:39.740 The other thing I have in there is I have, you got me a couple of years ago, this like USB charging station, but it's like the highest of the best thing there is. 0.90

00:39:52.120 It's probably dead at this point.

00:39:53.900 So, this is a good reminder to go charge it.

00:39:55.660 But I love having the USB charger available because, man, what if your cell phone dies?

00:40:01.940 Yeah.

00:40:02.560 You know, so I think that's really cool.

00:40:05.740 And then I also have some tools in there.

00:40:07.580 Like I didn't mention, I have some basic tools in there that I might need, including, this is one thing I always do.

00:40:13.600 I always upgrade and get the best socket set that I can just in case I need to take and change a tire.

00:40:19.600 Because that little tire iron that they give you, sometimes it doesn't work right or it's, you know, flimsy and cheap.

00:40:27.620 I had this happen maybe two, three months ago and I was trying to turn the lug nut and it stripped the actual tire iron.

00:40:38.260 And so, I was SOL, but I remembered I had that, I upgraded the socket set and I just leave it in my toolbox.

00:40:45.120 And I was able to grab that, throw it on there, you know, and that's easy.

00:40:50.000 So, that's one thing that I have that has actually saved me.

00:40:53.640 So, it's another thought.

00:40:54.800 Yeah.

00:40:55.600 Yeah.

00:40:55.960 A rope.

00:40:56.400 I have some rope too, actually, that I keep in there.

00:40:58.880 Some like climbing rope.

00:40:59.820 Rope's always good.

00:41:01.180 Yeah.

00:41:02.460 All right.

00:41:03.440 All right.

00:41:03.660 What's next?

00:41:04.280 Garrett Brock.

00:41:05.560 We're gonna hop over to Facebook.

00:41:07.300 Garrett Brock, due to the rise in number of divorce, my question is about co-parenting with ex-partner.

00:41:14.360 But I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on dealing with your ex-partner's new spouse and or being the new spouse to a partner with children and dealing with their ex-partner as a step-parent.

00:41:25.520 For example, do you attempt to create an extra positive relationship with other co-parents or just remain neutral and avoidant when possible?

00:41:34.020 I understand that there's no reset guidelines or rule book in this area, but I want the best outcome for my family.

00:41:40.580 I hope this isn't too broad of a topic.

00:41:42.760 I appreciate your transparency in life as we all learn on each other as men and we learn together.

00:41:49.400 I can't speak to being with a new spouse or her being with a new spouse.

00:41:56.180 I can't speak to that because I'm not in that situation.

00:41:58.980 But how would you approach it anyway, though?

00:42:02.100 Because I would want to know how you would approach it.

00:42:04.960 Yeah, I think in that circumstance, what I would do is just have some very clear lines of communication with my spouse about the expectation, about even before that person becomes a spouse as you're dating.

00:42:23.520 You know, what role are you wanting me to play?

00:42:27.000 How do you want me to help you raise your children?

00:42:31.000 Because that's a likelihood.

00:42:32.380 You know, what does that look like to you?

00:42:35.500 Where's the line?

00:42:36.720 Like, I think these are all really good conversations to have.

00:42:40.880 Making sure that those lines of communication are open.

00:42:44.020 As far as dealing with the spouse of your ex, again, I'm not in that situation, so I can't speak from experience.

00:42:53.720 But I think I would want to have the most respectful relationship with that person as I can.

00:42:59.400 They're going to be a big part of my children's lives.

00:43:03.380 And if I create a bunch of unnecessary contention and animosity and hostility, that's naturally, inevitably going to pour down to my children.

00:43:12.500 It may make me look bad, which undermines my credibility and influence with them.

00:43:18.700 It could potentially cause legal problems, altercations that I'm not interested in getting into.

00:43:27.020 So, it's easy for me to say from where I sit right now because things change when the reality of the situation takes place.

00:43:36.240 But from a level-headed perspective, I think that's where I would try to come from.

00:43:41.600 And then same thing with dealing with your new wife's ex, if that's the case, is, you know, as respectful as it can possibly be.

00:43:53.620 You know, you don't have to be chums or buddies or go on vacations together.

00:43:56.980 I think that's weird.

00:43:59.020 But if it works for you, then cool.

00:44:01.800 You know, but I think that's a conversation you should have with your spouse.

00:44:04.520 But I would attempt to make it as cordial and respectful as possible.

00:44:08.720 I think I would try to be as accommodating as I possibly can within reason, making sure that our boundaries are established, communicated, and upheld.

00:44:16.500 But, yeah, I'm not interested in a bunch of unnecessary contention from any party involved.

00:44:23.380 And so, I think the best way to do is just keep as level-headed as you can, be as cordial and respectful and polite as you can,

00:44:29.320 and, you know, hope that she made a good choice.

00:44:32.300 Hopefully, you made a good choice and do the best you can.

00:44:36.460 That's my thought.

00:44:38.360 Again, it's, I don't know.

00:44:39.580 I'm not in that boat.

00:44:40.260 But that's where I, that's what I think of.

00:44:43.400 Yeah, I mean, super hard to do.

00:44:45.940 But, like, his question, right?

00:44:47.920 Create an extra positive relationship or just remain neutral and avoidant.

00:44:53.940 Absolutely.

00:44:54.660 No, positive.

00:44:55.420 Positive relationship.

00:44:57.160 Right.

00:44:57.420 If it's possible.

00:44:58.880 It serves you better.

00:44:59.980 Yeah.

00:45:00.620 Like, of course, attempt to do that as much as humanly possible.

00:45:04.860 Yeah.

00:45:05.540 Better for your kids.

00:45:06.280 And I also think, I think there's also a case to be made for edifying another person, too, you know?

00:45:13.680 Like an ex, you know?

00:45:14.920 If the kids say something, you know, I try to use those opportunities as moments to edify my ex.

00:45:20.580 Like, I would never, I don't have much to speak ill of anyways, but I would never tear her down in front of my kids.

00:45:27.200 Like, I just, it doesn't seem like the right thing to do.

00:45:30.700 So, I do always try to be, you know, of course, I'm a human.

00:45:35.400 And I have my own thoughts and frustrations, you know?

00:45:39.580 But I don't, I try as best I can not to let those spill out into their relationship with their mother.

00:45:43.920 That's important to me, too.

00:45:46.220 Yeah, totally.

00:45:48.400 Ryan.

00:45:48.720 And you don't have to lie, by the way.

00:45:50.300 Like, I think some people will lie.

00:45:52.120 Like, oh, she's amazing.

00:45:53.320 I love, she's great.

00:45:54.100 And if she's not, like, I don't know if you have to lie about it either.

00:45:56.700 But I don't think you need to take the, that's not my situation.

00:46:00.480 I want to throw that disclaimer out there.

00:46:01.720 But I don't think you need to lie to the kids.

00:46:03.720 Like, be honest.

00:46:04.780 But also, if you're going to err, err on the side of grace.

00:46:09.000 And yeah, for sure.

00:46:11.460 Yeah, totally.

00:46:12.320 Totally.

00:46:13.420 All right.

00:46:13.760 Ryan Parton.

00:46:14.560 Regarding your recent discussion on rationalization, I like what Kip said about it being a cue that he knows the thing he's rationalizing is wrong and that he uses it to trigger to do the opposite.

00:46:27.120 Discussing this with other brothers, rationalizing can look awfully a lot like carefully planning of effective tactics.

00:46:34.560 What are some indicators for you that identifies the difference between those two?

00:46:41.840 Yeah, we've talked about this.

00:46:44.560 So, rationalization is an excuse.

00:46:48.460 And there's a difference between a reason and an excuse, in my mind, anyway.

00:46:54.140 So, let me define what I mean by that.

00:46:56.840 If you miss a deadline at work, there's a reason you missed it.

00:47:02.140 Because if there wasn't a reason, then you wouldn't have missed it.

00:47:05.260 Yeah.

00:47:05.400 So, I think it's okay to identify the reason.

00:47:09.240 And the difference between a reason and an excuse is a reason is forward thinking.

00:47:13.720 And it continues the conversation.

00:47:16.980 An excuse is like the period at the end of the sentence.

00:47:20.120 It's done. 0.99

00:47:21.360 Hey, we missed the deadline because old asshole over here missed whatever he was going to do. 0.99

00:47:25.540 So, there you go. 1.00

00:47:27.040 So, that's an excuse.

00:47:29.800 A reason would be, hey, we missed the deadline.

00:47:32.000 The team got behind on a few things.

00:47:35.260 We were waiting on a few things.

00:47:36.740 And I really wasn't that clear with my communication or I didn't check in as often as I should have.

00:47:41.340 And I should have been more assertive in checking in with the team to make sure we were on task.

00:47:47.080 And so, here's what we're going to do to rectify this situation and to make sure this doesn't happen in the future.

00:47:52.380 I mean, you got to – it could still be the same thing.

00:47:56.300 But I think it's about the way that you frame it.

00:47:58.800 Is it, hey, this is what happened.

00:48:00.180 Hands up.

00:48:00.660 I don't know that I can do about it.

00:48:02.140 That's an excuse.

00:48:03.800 A reason is, hey, yeah, this happened.

00:48:05.460 And we've identified the problem.

00:48:07.020 We've fixed it in these ways.

00:48:08.320 And this is what we're going to do moving forward.

00:48:10.140 That's the difference to me.

00:48:11.080 Would you say most excuses result with the idea of it's outside of your control versus a reason always comes back to ultimately what you could or could have not done or what pivots you're going to make versus an excuse often is like, well, it's over here and there's nothing I could do about it and, you know.

00:48:31.740 Yeah, because an excuse is rarely – somebody rarely says something like this as an excuse. 0.97

00:48:36.440 I suck. 0.97

00:48:38.640 There are people who say it, right? 1.00

00:48:40.360 They beat themselves up.

00:48:41.560 But that's the exception, not the rule.

00:48:43.640 Most of the time it's, well, yeah, I didn't do it because of that guy.

00:48:46.840 Or, yeah, I didn't have enough time.

00:48:48.160 Or my boss didn't get me this.

00:48:49.420 Or she acted this way.

00:48:50.620 And so, what do you expect?

00:48:52.940 That's most of the conversation around excuses.

00:48:55.520 It's all externally focused.

00:48:57.820 Versus a reason would be, yeah, you know, my boss didn't get us the information that we needed, but maybe I should have been a little bit more clear and forthright about getting all the pertinent information I needed.

00:49:10.360 And so, it's not excusing your boss.

00:49:12.320 He should still get that information to you.

00:49:14.280 But also, it's putting some responsibility on you, which is really the only thing you can control.

00:49:19.860 And so, you might, in this situation, go to your boss and say, hey, boss, I just have some questions I need to clear up because I don't think I have all the information.

00:49:27.360 Are you saying dot, dot, dot?

00:49:30.320 And then he says, oh, yeah, sorry.

00:49:31.820 You know, man, yeah, you're glad you brought that up.

00:49:34.240 I didn't even think about that.

00:49:35.240 Thanks for bringing that up.

00:49:36.380 Say, yeah, no problem.

00:49:36.980 Is there some sort of system that we could follow to make sure, like, all of this is relayed just so my team can get all the information to you on time and make you look the best we can?

00:49:44.620 Like, I might not say it like that, but ideally, that's what you're trying to do.

00:49:48.160 And so, it's still that he didn't get the information to you, but your framing is, what can I do to ensure this is better from him moving forward?

00:49:58.500 That's leadership, by the way.

00:50:00.660 And so, you might be, you know, you have a lot of guys who are like, oh, you know, I'm so young and I'm in a position of leadership.

00:50:06.020 How should I lead?

00:50:06.760 That's how you lead.

00:50:08.500 By asking good questions, by anticipating problems, by coming up with solutions and systems.

00:50:14.600 These are all leadership principles before the title.

00:50:17.600 Yeah.

00:50:18.160 How often do you think integrity plays a part in this?

00:50:22.420 Excuses versus reasons?

00:50:25.600 Well, an excuse is, it's not a lie.

00:50:28.220 I don't think an excuse is always a lie.

00:50:31.000 I just think it's a misrepresentation of the truth.

00:50:35.180 Because in order for it to be an excuse that you're going to use, there has to be some validity to it.

00:50:42.420 Otherwise, you know you're lying and you wouldn't use that as an excuse.

00:50:45.320 So, in relationships, we often see this. 1.00

00:50:48.420 Well, you know, my wife, she's such a bitch. 1.00

00:50:50.720 There might be some validity to that. 1.00

00:50:52.640 Like, she might have an attitude, right?

00:50:56.280 She might be responding to you in a negative way.

00:50:59.540 You might not like the way that she talks to you or treats you. 1.00

00:51:02.380 So, there's probably some truth to what you're saying.

00:51:06.180 But is it entirely her problem?

00:51:08.820 No, it's your problem because you're married to her.

00:51:11.080 So, even though there might be some truth to it, what can you do to maybe respond differently to her?

00:51:20.460 To support her with things that she needs?

00:51:23.160 To help in some ways that you can and see?

00:51:25.520 I'm not saying it will.

00:51:26.660 But wouldn't you want to see if that would change the way that she would respond to you? 0.51

00:51:30.740 I'd be willing to bet it does.

00:51:31.900 So, I don't know if it's an integrity issue as much as it is just you've got to look at the entire picture and focus on the part that you can control, not what's outside of your control.

00:51:46.680 Yeah.

00:51:47.460 I like it.

00:51:48.300 Then I think we're up on questions.

00:51:49.860 That was the only extra one that I thought I had that we didn't cover.

00:51:53.880 So, cool.

00:51:55.160 Perfect.

00:51:56.080 Well, guys, we have some great questions today.

00:51:58.620 Let us know what you guys thought of the headline segment.

00:52:03.300 And Kip, we'll come back next week with a couple new headlines and talk about that because I think that's fun.

00:52:07.460 And again, these are cultural conversations that impact us.

00:52:10.180 So, let's have these conversations.

00:52:11.820 And we don't always have to agree.

00:52:13.240 I don't think my answer is always right.

00:52:16.340 It's usually right, but not always.

00:52:18.060 Like, I'm willing to look at other things, you know.

00:52:20.940 But there is 5% of the time that I might be off a little bit.

00:52:23.960 But, again, that's a joke, Kip.

00:52:27.760 But thank you for saying, yeah, I appreciate that.

00:52:31.100 I got to work on my jokes.

00:52:32.920 My delivery's failing today.

00:52:35.960 No, you're good.

00:52:36.580 No, you're good.

00:52:36.980 You're good.

00:52:37.360 You're good.

00:52:38.000 You're funny.

00:52:39.760 You're great.

00:52:40.720 And people love you.

00:52:41.840 You're really great and funny, Kip.

00:52:44.180 Yeah.

00:52:45.120 Let me ask you this.

00:52:46.180 Let me ask you this.

00:52:46.920 Because maybe this is an old man.

00:52:49.780 I don't know.

00:52:50.280 Lately, I've been realizing that my role is not to convince anybody of anything.

00:53:00.440 I don't try to change people.

00:53:02.120 I don't try to coerce people.

00:53:03.420 I don't try people to do something they don't want to do.

00:53:06.700 So, really, often I realize that my role in life has more been in the space of to illuminate and present possibilities for others to consider for themselves.

00:53:18.360 Because if any of you guys listening pivots based upon what we're saying due to argument, but it goes against your nature or whatever, and you're just doing it because the Ryan and Kip show said so, then that's fleeting anyway.

00:53:38.440 Most impactful change and growth is always going to be in the space of your own creation.

00:53:49.560 And this is a whole other bag.

00:53:51.020 I really love this.

00:53:52.240 We could rant on this some other time.

00:53:54.720 But in the highest level of understanding and learning is creation.

00:54:00.740 There's a concept called Bloom's Taxonomy, creation.

00:54:03.200 And when I create my own meaning from what I hear from you, Ryan, when I find it like it now becomes part of me, it's like my version of it now, that's way more sticky and transformative than me just pivoting and doing things because, you know, this influencer said so and so I'll try it out.

00:54:26.780 That stuff doesn't stick.

00:54:27.960 And so more and more, I realize that I just feel like our job is to create possibilities and things for people to consider.

00:54:35.480 But in the end, you got to figure it out for yourself.

00:54:39.180 Not because we said it, not because anybody else, because, you know, and it's only through that shift of paradigm at your level that anything really matters and sticks with you anyway.

00:54:52.460 Yeah, I like that.

00:54:53.400 What are your thoughts?

00:54:54.060 I wrote down, well, I wrote down three questions as you were saying that because I feel like obviously we're not asking questions in this setting because we're answering our questions, you know.

00:55:05.480 But I wrote these three questions down that I try to ask in a roundabout way or in some sort of way with other people that I want to see succeed and win.

00:55:14.720 And that's what I want.

00:55:15.780 Like I want the men who listen to succeed.

00:55:17.500 I want my kids to succeed.

00:55:18.740 I want, you know, my relationships to succeed.

00:55:22.140 Like these are all things I want.

00:55:23.220 So these are the three questions that have come to mind.

00:55:26.920 Number one, what do you think?

00:55:31.020 You know, just trying to get somebody else's perspective, not so you can figure out and manipulate and coerce and pigeonhole them into certain things.

00:55:37.500 But just what do you think about it?

00:55:39.960 You know, if my kids comes to me with a problem about, let's say, sports, they're not playing or something.

00:55:45.500 Let's say my oldest comes to me is not getting enough playing time. 1.00

00:55:47.900 Okay, do I go, well, that's because your coach is a dick. 0.99

00:55:52.460 That's because he's playing favorites. 0.99

00:55:54.140 That's because of this.

00:55:54.840 That's because of that.

00:55:55.500 Like, I mean, I could do that.

00:55:56.940 Plenty of parents do that. 0.99

00:55:58.120 But I think a better response is, well, I don't know.

00:56:00.320 What do you think about it?

00:56:01.360 Well, I'd like to get more playing time.

00:56:05.860 I just, I wish I could.

00:56:07.740 But I just think the coach is playing favorites.

00:56:12.100 Okay.

00:56:12.580 Well, then the next question is, why do you think that?

00:56:15.400 Well, I think that because, you know, his son's getting playing time, but I don't think he's as good as I am.

00:56:23.180 And so I, like, it just seems unfair.

00:56:26.560 And then the third question is, okay, where do you go with that information?

00:56:30.960 Like, what do you do now?

00:56:32.160 There's nothing you can do with that information.

00:56:35.440 Right?

00:56:35.960 Like, you can't change your, if you really believe your coach is playing favorites, like, you're not going to change his mind about it.

00:56:41.960 So what, what do you do with that?

00:56:43.680 What are you going to do with you?

00:56:44.600 Okay, that's a dead end.

00:56:47.620 So let's go back.

00:56:50.360 Why do you think that you, another reason, is there anything else?

00:56:54.660 Are there any other reasons you may not be getting the playing time that you want?

00:56:58.020 Well, you know, I mispracticed two days last week.

00:57:01.820 Okay.

00:57:02.560 Do you think that that may have had something to do with your coach's decision not to give you as much playing time this weekend?

00:57:09.200 Yeah, probably.

00:57:10.800 Okay.

00:57:11.460 So what do you do with that information?

00:57:13.020 Well, I really need to get to practice more.

00:57:16.860 Yeah, that'd be good.

00:57:17.820 What else?

00:57:18.480 I could work on throws or work on this technique at home.

00:57:22.900 Yeah, for sure.

00:57:23.560 Can I help you with that?

00:57:24.360 Maybe we can do it this weekend.

00:57:25.420 Like, you're letting that person figure out the problem by just asking them questions.

00:57:31.260 I didn't say anything.

00:57:32.260 I didn't provide any answer.

00:57:34.420 It's just simply asking questions.

00:57:36.340 And I'm not great at this.

00:57:37.760 I just, in moments of clarity like we're talking now, where you're not emotionally vested in the decision-making process, it's easy to say this is what we ought to be doing more of.

00:57:45.720 And this is something that I'm trying to be better at.

00:57:48.340 Totally.

00:57:50.560 Well, and I feel in that example, if Brecon came with you and you just jumped to all the answers.

00:57:57.760 Well, Brecon, I'll tell you why.

00:57:58.920 It's because you missed practice two times last week and coaches doesn't think your loyalty's there.

00:58:03.840 And you're actually not as good as he is.

00:58:06.060 And so, you just need to practice more.

00:58:07.280 You want to practice?

00:58:08.340 It won't stick the same.

00:58:11.220 No way.

00:58:12.020 It just won't.

00:58:13.100 No way.

00:58:13.980 He'll be like, whatever, dad.

00:58:15.560 And he's still holding on to it's unfair and he's choosing his favorites.

00:58:21.560 It's fascinating how much we have to come.

00:58:24.520 Yeah, go ahead.

00:58:24.920 Sorry.

00:58:25.660 Yeah.

00:58:26.340 Well, no, I was just going to say, I remember in high school, my senior year, my coach pulled me from a game.

00:58:32.700 I was catching, he pulled me from a game and I was so confused.

00:58:35.940 I was like, what the heck?

00:58:36.640 And he put this other kid in and I went and asked my mom, I'm like, he pulled, I guess I'll pissed off.

00:58:41.140 I'm like, he pulled me from the game.

00:58:42.180 Like, I don't like, I'm a senior.

00:58:43.920 I don't understand why.

00:58:45.100 And, and I'm like, what, what do you think?

00:58:47.600 And she's like, I don't know.

00:58:49.380 I don't know anything about it.

00:58:50.200 Go ask your coach.

00:58:53.360 And so that's what I did.

00:58:55.540 I'm like, Hey coach, like you pull, I didn't want to do that.

00:58:58.260 I don't want to have that conversation, but I'm like, Hey, you pulled me from the game.

00:59:01.040 Like what gives?

00:59:02.300 He's like, well, Ryan, I told you to practice in the off season.

00:59:05.360 Did you?

00:59:06.740 No.

00:59:07.520 I told you to work in this and this and this.

00:59:09.180 Did you do that?

00:59:09.960 No.

00:59:10.920 Okay.

00:59:11.220 Well, it showed in your performance.

00:59:14.220 Like these, this, this isn't a surprise.

00:59:16.080 And he's like, so you have a couple options now.

00:59:18.740 You can be, you can quit if you want, if you don't want to be here or whatever, or you can be a good

00:59:22.900 member of the team and fill it in another role.

00:59:26.420 Um, you can help this catcher be better.

00:59:29.840 Cause you are good.

00:59:30.740 Like you need, you can help him.

00:59:32.440 And so that's what I decided to do. 0.93

00:59:34.580 You know, it's not, it sucked. 0.87

00:59:36.300 It stung.

00:59:36.900 I felt like I was entitled to that.

00:59:38.480 Cause I was the senior, but I decided that I would help this guy be better. 0.99

00:59:42.860 And had my mom said, well, yeah, you're just cause your coach is a jerk and he likes that 0.99

00:59:48.420 other kid more. 0.99

00:59:50.000 Look, that wouldn't have served me at all.

00:59:52.560 No.

00:59:53.640 You know, on a lesser degree, I remember when I was a kid before the internet and I would

00:59:57.340 say, Hey mom, how do you spell this word?

00:59:58.880 And she's like, go look it up in the dictionary. 0.88

01:00:01.740 And I'm like, mom, just tell me how to spell it.

01:00:05.220 And then, and she's like, no, just look it up.

01:00:07.040 It's right over there.

01:00:07.640 Go get the book and go look it up.

01:00:09.060 And I'd say, what?

01:00:09.940 Cause you don't know it.

01:00:10.800 That's probably why you don't know how to spell it.

01:00:12.400 And she's like, yeah, okay.

01:00:14.720 I know this game, but yes, I know how to spell it and it doesn't work on me.

01:00:19.180 And I would, you know, kick and scream and fight and gnash my teeth and wailing and all

01:00:23.840 that stuff.

01:00:24.280 And then, you know, when I was done with that 25 minutes later, I'd go look it up and figure

01:00:28.140 it out.

01:00:29.500 It's empowering to help people navigate their own problems.

01:00:34.960 And we ought to be doing more of that.

01:00:37.220 Yeah, absolutely.

01:00:39.480 All right.

01:00:40.020 Call to action.

01:00:40.760 Iron Council enrollment opening up on the 15th of March.

01:00:46.220 Join us in that exclusive brotherhood to learn more.

01:00:49.480 That's orderofman.com slash iron council to sign up and, you know, look up the details.

01:00:54.480 Of course, you can get your order of man swag at store.orderofman.com.

01:00:59.060 And then I'm assuming I should have confirmed before we started.

01:01:03.260 So my apologies, but uprising, I I'm assuming we're full.

01:01:07.060 Yep.

01:01:07.200 It's full.

01:01:07.860 Yep.

01:01:08.080 We're sold out on that.

01:01:09.120 So excited to have the 20 guys out there.

01:01:10.960 It's going to be awesome.

01:01:12.620 Cool.

01:01:13.500 All right, sir.

01:01:14.280 And then of course you can connect with Ryan on X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:01:19.780 That's all I got, brother.

01:01:22.040 Yes, sir.

01:01:23.260 All right, guys.

01:01:24.180 Appreciate the questions.

01:01:25.020 Keep them coming.

01:01:25.540 We'll keep giving the answers.

01:01:26.800 I hope this made some sense and we gave you something to consider.

01:01:29.680 Have a great day.

01:01:30.440 We will catch you guys on Friday.

01:01:33.120 Until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:01:36.780 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:01:40.800 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:01:44.820 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:01:47.960 We'll be right back.

Moral Capitalism, Dealing with Exes, and Don't Try to Change People ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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