Morning Routines that Work, How Comparison Can be an Ally, and How to Choose Your Battles Wisely ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode, I sit down with my good friend, Kip, to talk about the importance of being a mentor to your kids, and how to stay on top of things in life. Kip and I also talk about his son's jiu-jitsu tournament and how he handled it.
Transcript
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Now, here's the most important part, especially when you're reaching out to successful people.
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So a lot of guys won't do it because they're like, well, what can I do for that guy?
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So this is the best feedback I will give to anybody who ever asks and gets advice from
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You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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I notice sometimes I'll schedule meetings in the morning.
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I need time to process what's going to happen throughout the week.
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The afternoon is fine, but I did it to myself this morning, but I've been productive, so
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I'm like, I'm not going in to work out, and I laid in bed for half an hour, and then I
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So I went in, and I got my workout in, but then everything else was late because I was
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We have a short window, so we'll hop right into questions, or do you want to do headlines?
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And I also wanted to ask, because your son just had his first jiu-jitsu tournament.
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He was Mr. Just taking backs all over the place.
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And it was funny, too, because later in the day, he's like, I don't know why all those
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And I was like, I just, you know, proud dad moment.
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Such a great, yeah, such a great, humble example of humility right there.
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He's like, I don't know why they were doing that.
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I didn't realize how nervous I was going to be, but I was super nervous for him.
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Listened, which is really hard for a lot of kids to do, like listening to me, right?
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So he's constantly looking over and I mean, he did.
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I could talk for an hour about how impressed I was.
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When the greatest compliment I could ever get about one of my children is, and I get
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this about my oldest quite often actually, is that he's coachable.
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I think to me that beats athleticism, hard work, you know, grit, all of that.
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But if I could choose one skill set that I look for and that I think will serve him better
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than anything else in life, it's that he's a coachable kid.
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I'm going to not brag about my kids and brag about myself for a minute.
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I did a half marathon this weekend and it was interesting.
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But, uh, the most I'd ever run in a single time was six miles about two weeks ago.
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I mean, you doubled your, your max length for your half.
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Well, I mean, no, but I'm saying six miles without stopping.
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That's the longest I've run six miles without taking a break.
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And so I, I was running and I got to about mile three.
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So I got to six and then I got, I'm like, I still feel pretty good.
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I'm like, maybe I can just do the whole thing without, without taking a break.
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And then I got to like eight and three quarters and I hit a wall and I'm like, okay, I'm going
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to get to nine and then I cannot, I got to take a break.
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Like, and I was actually afraid of stopping at nine because I thought what would happen
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is my body would get stiff and I'd get cramped up.
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So I stopped at nine and I walked and sure enough, that's what happened.
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And it was like, walk, run, walk, run, walk, run the rest of the four miles.
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I haven't registered yet, but it's early October.
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I don't, I don't envision that being the case, but we'll see.
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Um, anyways, uh, I do have one headline that I think is kind of funny and there's this video
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So, and it's, I think on X, I saw the other day, it had like 700 million views or something.
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Just an unreal, like completely viral, maybe the most viral video ever.
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It's, it's, I don't think he's trying to be funny.
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I think he's trying to be serious, but it's hilarious because it essentially starts at
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like three 45 or something or four o'clock in the morning.
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And it doesn't end until almost 10 o'clock in the morning.
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So his morning routine is like a five and a half hour routine that consists of waking
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up, stretching, going on the balcony, doing pushups, coming in, sipping his fancy bottled
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water, dipping his face in a bowl of ice several times, rubbing a banana peel or something on
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his face, going to the gym, putting his jewelry on to go for a run, doing some journaling,
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sitting down, making some calls, doing some meditations.
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Like, yeah, he has a job making viral content that everybody clicks on.
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That's like when people say, uh, uh, I, I retired early.
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I mean, I think maybe I'll retire today too, if that's all it requires.
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I, I, I retired already, but now I started working again.
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You know, I, I'm sure the guy is just, the internet can be ruthless and just.
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And I'm sure he's just hiding in a cave somewhere or maybe he relishes in it.
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It's just, even with the work that we do, we, we put on these unrealistic expectations
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And then what ends up happening is we fall short of the six hour morning routine that
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You know, I just told you my morning routine was to wake up and sleep in for an extra half
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an hour before I dragged my ass out of bed to do what I said I was going to do.
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And I think that's more realistic for the men who listen and most men across the planet.
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I say, get up, you know, get a workout in, whatever that workout looks to you.
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Get that workout in, maybe hydrate a little bit, spend some time with the people you love,
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I mean, maybe read a book or read the scriptures or pray if that's your thing.
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But I mean, I don't see why a morning routine should take any longer than an hour and a half
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If you're considering from the moment you get up to the moment you sit down at your desk
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They put on all of these false sort of expectations on others.
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We almost have an unhealthy relationship with it because we have this idea of the way it should
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And then we add meaning to the fact that it's wrong, right?
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We'll even see the evidence of this in some of the questions today.
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It's kind of like, oh, well, when this happens, it's like, yeah, yeah, that's normal.
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Don't make it mean something that it, that, that it's, that it's not the way you think it
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And then there's things that are subject to interpretation.
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So we're going to field questions from the iron council.
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Jeremy Kofie, Theodore Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of joy.
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Are there a healthy role comparisons can play in our individual journeys of improvement?
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Should we ever benchmark against others or objective standards comparison?
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I got, I love comparison because it shows you what's possible.
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You know, I'll give you another example from this run this weekend.
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So my girlfriend and I ran it and she, I held her back.
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She could have, she could have probably taken, taken a half an hour.
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You know, but, but what was interesting is when you, when you get up to the, to the starting
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line, they have people with these big yellow signs and they were pacers.
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And so if you're going to run the marathon in an hour and a half, you're up front.
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If you're going to run it in three hours, you're in the back.
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But he holds that sign and that helps the person stay on, on pace with, with the time.
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And that's, that's a benchmark that is a healthy benchmark.
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Cause it would be easy to fall behind on that if you're not paying attention to it.
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But another thing is just seeing what's possible.
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You know, Kip, if, if you tell me I've run four marathons, I'm like, oh, cool.
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If, if Kip can do that, then I can do that too.
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And it gives me hope and encouragement and optimism.
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When it's unhealthy is when you say, well, Ryan, yeah, I've run four marathons.
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And my internal dialogue is now, I could never do that.
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I'm a piece of shit because I'm not as good as Kip at running marathons or whatever story
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And that's where comparison trap becomes the thief of joy.
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If you look around and you see a person doing something and it motivates you, it inspires
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you, it drives you to take action, powerful, take advantage of it.
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You have to purge that from your life and maybe even shut that down or that off because
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you do not want that stuff migrating into other aspects of your life.
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What I wrote in my notes here is comparison without critical thinking is the thief of
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And you, you gave the one example of like, I'm a, I'm a piece of crap in comparison, but
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other, other people do the opposite and they'll use it to justify an inaction saying, oh, well,
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And then I use it as an excuse to be okay with where I'm at at the same exact time.
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So we got to critically think and compare and then determine how that moves you believing
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and having some growth mindset and some confidence in yourself to determine the best route, right?
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But if we're looking to compare to justify a state, both negative or positive, that's
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Chris Henningsen, I'm currently helping start a men's ministry at my church.
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How does your faith guide your life and how active are you in your faith?
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What would you look for in a men's ministry at your church?
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I'm, I'm not, I'm, I'm not real active in my faith.
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I have faith in God and a creator, and I believe he has his hand in my life.
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And I, and I've been open about my struggles with, with my faith and the belief and all
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I will say I've been to some great churches where I feel like they really care about men.
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They want to edify them, support them in being real, genuine men.
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And I've been to churches that are antithetical to that, where they dismiss masculinity and
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they don't present a healthy set of data or information around what it means to be a good
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And, um, and that they, they try to squash masculinity or they try to, uh, tamp it down
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and subdue it and talk to men as if they're women and treat them like women and ask them
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And of course, it's no surprise to me that that's going to be a huge turnoff for men.
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And it is interesting to see though, that the, uh, Eastern Orthodox church, I believe is
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one of the largest growing churches, specifically as it regards to young men.
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And if you look at Orthodox churches like that, I mean, they are not at a lack for structure
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and accountability and a precise way of doing things.
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And so it's surprising to me that a young generation of men is flocking to that.
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But I think it speaks to the need of discipline, commitment, the not softening language to make
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people feel better, to having a set of principles that you're willing to stand by and stand on.
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And I think that those are great things when you're looking to build or develop a ministry
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either on your own or within your current church congregation.
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But the one thing that I think a lot of churches and ministries are missing is the manly activities.
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You know, sure, we should, we should show up to church and we should listen to the gospel
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and we should talk about it and we should hear from other people about it and we should be
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But we also need to go fight each other and go shoot things and do community service and
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go sweat and lift together and go help the guy move from one part of town to another or go
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to jujitsu or go on that grueling hike or maybe go run the half marathon together as a men's group.
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And sure, you can infuse the gospel in the discussion while you're doing those things.
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But I think more than anything, the way you get man to band together is twofold.
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One is towards a common objective or and or against a common enemy.
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And if all you're doing is talking about it, I don't really think that does it for guys.
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But if you want to go tackle that 10 mile hike together, that's a common objective.
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And now you're going to be pushing each other, holding each other accountable,
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training for it, preparing for it because you don't want to be the weak link when you go do the thing.
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And that physical realm is something that so many ministries are missing when it comes to men
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that I wish more of them would. And you would see church attendance rise in those ministries that
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are missing it. Totally. Yeah. I can't stand the 30,000 foot theoretical gospel conversations.
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They just drive me mad. I'm always like, okay, got it. What does that look like today? What are we
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dealing with? Right. Like, let's get to brass tacks here. Cause I just struggle with, I just feel like
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we're just talking circles and then everyone walks away and then, then the impact is minimal.
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One thing that Chris said, and I, I find this interesting and maybe it's a fun share. He says,
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how does your faith guide you in your life? Yeah. I love to reverse engineer things constantly.
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And, and I think obviously if we're religious and spiritual, it should, it is part of our life,
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right? It's not about, well, it's, you know, applicable when it comes to the ministry at church. It's like,
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no, it should be applicable like right now, constantly every day. If it's a principle.
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Yeah, totally. And, and as an example of that constantly, right? I'll reverse engineer gospel
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principles and say, okay, what does this look like at work? So here's, here's an example. Last,
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it's probably about two weeks ago, right? I was, I was listening to, I was in gospel study and,
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and we were going over the importance of like being a light of Christ, right? And, and the
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individual speaking, it was really great. It was about teaching youth. And he said something to the
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extent of, you can't rely on excitement to draw youth in. It won't be ever be enough because you're
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competing with the other exciting things in the world. And you need to invite the spirit and it's the
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spirit that draws them in, not you, not your excitement, not your cookies, not your, you know,
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fun lesson. It has to be the spirit. And I was like, totally agree. And, but as I walked away and
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I was on my way home from church, I was like, what is that? Like, what is that from a psychology
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perspective? Right? If I take that same exact principle outside of a gospel setting and I say,
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hey, I want to draw people in, I want to draw in people at an event. I want to draw in people or
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employees and have them quote unquote, fill the spirit. What is that? Like outside of the religious
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context, what is that? Is it a sense of feeling valued and appreciated? Is it the, the sense of
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someone caring about you despite your shortcomings? Like whatever those are. And if I had to relabel
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what that was, how do I create that in a work environment? How do I create that in, in areas
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of life where I can uplift, uplift people. And maybe I don't have to put the label of, you know,
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what's the spirit of Christ. It's called, well, it's the service. It's you seeing your divine nature.
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It's you seeing the value of what you bring to the table. It's, it's you having unified purpose
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around a greater cause in oneself, whatever that is there. Those principles are true. And so how do I
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have those show up throughout my entire life? And, and I've even, you know, challenged my thought
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process. You'll, you'll hear Christ has a label of the master teacher. And one of my responsibilities
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is learning and development for a company. All right, master teacher. If, if Jesus was perfect
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and he's a master teacher, then I should have a model in the Bible that illustrates the best way
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to teach people regardless of the subject, right? Right. And, and, and so because of that, I have looked
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at how Christ teaches to kind of reverse engineer and say, okay, well, if Christ was teaching,
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uh, soft skills and leadership mindsets, or he was teaching technical training, how would he do it
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if he's so perfect? Right. And, and, and so it's been great to, to look as a guide to how we show up
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in the world. And, and, and I don't know, there's so much opportunity that way. We just have to change
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our mind shift a little bit and look at it differently as a guide of principles that is
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transcended to all areas of life. And I, I, I nerd out about it and I think it's super fun to do.
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You, you know, I like this so much though, Kip, is because one of the, one of the issues that I
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often see is this passivity in people that attend church. It's, it's so passive. And I'll give you a
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couple of examples. Uh, you know, for example, when you said, well, it has to be the spirit that brings
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people into the gospel or brings people into the fold. A lot of people won't do what you do.
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They'll just use it as an excuse. Oh, there's nothing I can do about it. If it's meant to be,
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then the spirit will invite itself and it's on the spirit. Or you'll also hear guys say,
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you know, one thing, I hate this. I cringe every time I hear it. If it's God's will.
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I know. Me too. I, I hate that phrase. I understand the sentiment of it. And I believe that God has his
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hand in all of my life. And yes, if it's God's will, some things will happen and other things
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won't. Sure. But it's so passive. It's such a weak thing to say. It's an excuse almost.
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It's an excuse. What do you mean if it's God's will is for you to be happy. God's will is for
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you to work. God's will is for you to find something meaningful. God's will is for you to
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overcome suffering. Yeah. It is God's will. Now get your butt to work so you can actually move
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forward in his will. And I think that's why I like so much about what you're saying is because
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you're reverse engineering it. So you're not using it as some passive statement, but
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a very assertive, proactive. Okay, great. Got it. Now, how do I apply it? And I can really appreciate that.
00:23:10.660
Yeah. Yeah. Mike Arndolfer. Sorry, Mike. In the spirit of this month's book of the month,
00:23:18.800
essentialism, what criteria do you use to separate your critical tasks from your daily to-do list
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items? Well, I write everything down. I think that's the first thing you need to do. Yeah.
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And brain dump it almost. You have to. Yeah. You have to. And I have a system for doing that. So I've
00:23:36.800
got the battle plan that I use. And then in addition to the battle plan, I have a notepad
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on my phone. And so what I will do maybe throughout the day, let's say I'm out running errands or at
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night when I'm not at my desk and I think of something, I put it to-do note on my phone.
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And then in the morning, I come and I write it all down here on my battle plan. And that's the first
00:24:03.440
thing you need to do. If you don't do that, you're going to be so scatterbrained. You're going to be
00:24:07.560
so distracted. Whatever's the most pressing at the moment will take priority because it's the thing in
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front of you right now and you can't think about anything else. But when I have my battle plan and
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somebody comes to me and says, hey, can I meet you or do this? Or can we talk about this? I can pull
00:24:23.040
this up and say, nope, not today, but I can do it tomorrow. In fact, I had one of our guy,
00:24:30.540
he does a lot of the web design for us and he's working on some other programs that we're building
00:24:36.220
out. He messaged me and he's like, hey, can we meet today? No, we can't. We can meet tomorrow.
00:24:43.120
What you have to talk about is important and we have to address it, but I can't do it today.
00:24:47.480
So I have systems in place. I use a calendar. I have the battle planning app. And then I can just
00:24:52.460
take a look at it and say, okay, is this going to work? The whole premise of essentialism is
00:24:58.460
actually, no, this comes from a different book. The One Thing by Gary Keller. It's complimentary.
00:25:05.440
And the whole premise of that book is what is the thing that you could be doing that would make
00:25:10.320
everything else easier or make it obsolete? And if you can figure out what that is, then you should
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do that first. It's as simple as that. So yeah, that's a litmus test that I use. And then I also
00:25:28.720
ask myself in the moment, what is the most important thing for me to be doing right now?
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And I can pull up my list and say, okay, here, I've got 10 things on my list today.
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And there's, I already have them prioritize. So I know when you and I get off the phone,
00:25:44.920
I already know what I'm going to do. And today actually was a great example. I've got a hard
00:25:50.100
stop early. I texted you and I said, hey, can you meet early? If not, then we have to do a short
00:25:55.400
podcast. That's just the way it's got to work. Sometimes it's going to work like that. Sometimes
00:26:00.040
it isn't, but we make our situations and our changes based on what our battle plans say. So I live by
00:26:06.600
this in the calendar that does it for me. Yeah. I, I just follow the same, very similar
00:26:11.740
pattern and process. Uh, you know, this is back in the old Stephen Covey days, right? When I had my
00:26:17.920
Stephen Covey planner, he had a concept called a master task list and the master was your brain dump.
00:26:25.160
So it's like, whenever you're walking around the house and you're like, oh, I need to fix that drawer,
00:26:29.720
add it to the master task list. Oh, I got to do this, add it to the master task list. And I have a
00:26:33.820
master task task list for each role I play. So I have one for my role at work. I have a personal
00:26:42.180
one. I have a husband one. I have a father one. And then on Sundays, I look at that master task list
00:26:49.600
and I assign tasks for the week. And then at the beginning of the day, I have my kind of my hot
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sheet, right? My top ones for the day. And what's interesting about this, Ryan, that I want to bring up
00:27:02.420
is we got to be self-aware, right? We got to understand what we're doing, you know? And I don't
00:27:09.420
even think people get that far, right? Where they're like, oh my gosh, my day was so busy. And they don't
00:27:15.280
realize that at one moment they thought about doing the top item on that list. And they were confronted
00:27:24.660
with a choice to do this thing that would take some time and not provide an immediate reward.
00:27:32.220
Or, you know what? I might just flip open my email really quick and bang out some 10 emails.
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Why would I do that? Oh, got it. I get a huge dopamine hit by just hoping doing some emails because
00:27:47.040
I get a quick reward that I'm doing something. And you will find yourself constantly chasing quick
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reward over the tasks that might take you an hour or two. And so just be aware of it, right? Be aware
00:28:01.300
that that's what you're doing. I think that's a huge for me. And by the way, not only that, sometimes
00:28:06.820
I purposely do the task I shouldn't do. Sometimes I go, you know what? I'm burnt out a little bit.
00:28:13.080
I'm going to do this task over here. That's not a top priority, but it's kind of fun.
00:28:16.660
And it excites me. It's something I've been looking forward to doing today. And so I'll work
00:28:24.660
on that. Knowing that I'm going to blow 30 minutes, maybe an hour on this thing that's not
00:28:29.940
the top priority, but I'm taking a break. And it's my break to the more difficult tasks. So I think
00:28:36.780
self-awareness along with the systems is super important.
00:28:40.880
Well, and I've often taught about a concept of momentum as well. Sometimes it's hard to build up
00:28:47.740
momentum. And depending on your circumstances and your personality, you could take this one of two
00:28:54.160
ways. You could tackle the hardest thing first. A lot of people will say that. And maybe that's what
00:28:59.820
it's required. Maybe you're motivated by that, or maybe you're running up against a deadline. So it's
00:29:04.360
like, nah, I've got to do this now. And deadlines help me. If I know I have a deadline, I'll get it
00:29:10.140
done. We all will. Another way to build momentum is to do the easiest thing on your list. At least
00:29:18.260
to your point, it may not be the most pressing, but at least it gets the ball rolling and it gets
00:29:23.840
you in the mindset of action. So I like what you said about intent, because that's what you're
00:29:28.880
talking about. You're just talking about having intent behind it versus, I think the way most of
00:29:35.680
us make decisions is based on emotional reactions. Yeah. So your wife comes to you and says, hey,
00:29:42.160
hon, will you take out the trash? And you're like, god damn, like, I don't have time to do this, but
00:29:46.620
yeah. And you just go take out the trash because you don't want to hear her nag you about it the rest
00:29:50.780
of the day, or you don't want to have to deal with her being upset or whatever it might be. So you just
00:29:55.600
do it. Or an employee comes in and is upset about something and, you know, some of those things might
00:30:03.920
need to be put out in the moment, but a lot of the times it's not required if you just set the
00:30:08.980
expectation. Hey, hon, I will take out the trash, but I won't be able to do it until noon. Okay.
00:30:16.260
I think most reasonable people can live with that, or she can do it herself if it needs to be done
00:30:20.960
before noon. Or if an employee comes in and has something that maybe they want to talk with you
00:30:25.900
about that's not super pressing, hey, is this something that we need to address immediately?
00:30:31.460
Or can we do this afternoon at two o'clock? But that's the intent that you're talking about.
00:30:36.180
But then there's this other side of it that we don't talk about, and those are the things that
00:30:40.220
have to be done that we don't necessarily want to do. They aren't enjoyable, and they don't move
00:30:47.180
the needle all that much. The example is emails. You might say to yourself, well, as Kip, you were
00:30:54.600
explaining that, my thought was, well, yeah, emails have to be answered. Yep. They do have to be
00:31:01.260
answered. So in those things that have to be taken care of, that aren't immediately pressing,
00:31:06.940
I like to time block. So I'm not going to check my emails every day, all day, every chance I get.
00:31:14.480
I don't even have notifications on my phone for that reason. But I will take from one to 130 or
00:31:20.700
one to two or whatever require and crank through a bunch. Definitely do that. And the other thing
00:31:26.260
you could do, obviously, is to delegate. If it's something that has to be done, but you don't want
00:31:31.620
to do it, you shouldn't do it, your time is spent better doing something else, find somebody to come
00:31:36.620
in. Maybe it's an assistant. If it's around the house, enlist your kids. You don't need to be taking
00:31:43.040
the trash out. You got four kids. One of them can take the trash out. You shouldn't do the dishes
00:31:47.140
every night. Your wife shouldn't be vacuuming or cooking dinner by herself all the time or doing
00:31:52.580
laundry. You have other people in the household that need to contribute. They need to learn how
00:31:58.160
to contribute and you need a breather. So delegate. Yeah, totally. Well, and there's an element up here
00:32:05.660
is honor, make and honor your commitments. Man, I can't count how many times I've seen someone
00:32:14.780
get sideways in their job due to their inability to say no. So they'll softly commit to everything.
00:32:25.520
Oh, can you do this, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yep. Can you do this? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Sure.
00:32:29.420
And then they drop the ball. And they're digging themselves their own ditch with not managing the
00:32:36.500
expectations of their actual commitments. So that back to that intentionality, right, is super
00:32:42.480
critical. Let me ask you this, Ryan, because I'm really curious. I don't think about this when I
00:32:48.500
think essentialism. When I think about that book, my biggest takeaways from that book are different.
00:32:53.700
What's your biggest takeaway from that book? Is it in this space of critical tasks or is it in a
00:32:58.680
different element of the book? I'm just curious. No, for me, for me with essentialism is where are we
00:33:04.300
placing our priorities and how easily distracted do we get with things that are nonsensical
00:33:10.680
or even other people's priorities? You know, is that a thing I even want to do or is that a thing
00:33:18.480
that Kip's doing so I think I should do it too? Yeah. And so essentialism to me is stripping away
00:33:25.180
things that are not a priority to me, a priority to me, um, being deliberate and intentional about
00:33:31.260
what I envision for my life and then placing the right amount of effort and time and resources
00:33:38.780
into the fewer things that are more important and going deep rather than saying on the surface.
00:33:44.060
Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Me too. All right. Justin Webb, when reaching out for help or guidance from
00:33:52.340
somebody further ahead in that specific area, how do you approach it so that you don't seem
00:33:57.900
desperate and also so you don't waste their time? Okay. I actually, I love that. I really like this
00:34:05.500
question because a lot of people get this wrong and I'm going to share some pros and cons and some
00:34:09.980
right ways to do it and some, what I think are wrong ways. And the wrong ways might be a little
00:34:15.100
critical or might make me sound a little ego inflated, but I'm doing it because I want you to see what
00:34:21.300
works and what doesn't work. The first thing when reaching out to somebody for help that for guidance
00:34:26.200
and direction, like you said, drop the whole part of it where you said, because I'm feeling desperate.
00:34:32.700
Maybe you are like, maybe I've been there, you know, like I've been in personal situations. Kip,
00:34:40.140
I've had conversations with you where I wasn't, I wouldn't say desperate, but distraught.
00:34:44.220
Yeah. Concerned, worried, afraid. Stakes are high. Totally. Yeah. And so I reached out and I'm like,
00:34:54.060
man, this is what's going on. You're like, okay, cool. Like here, let's talk about it. Let's work
00:34:57.560
through it. But I didn't shy away from telling you that I was afraid of what might happen or that I
00:35:02.820
was, I was concerned about it or it's something that's, that I'm afraid of or fearful of. I think
00:35:08.580
you should be honest about it. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, if anything, it might help
00:35:12.440
the feedback a little bit knowing how serious it is to you. Yeah, totally. Well, I remember when I
00:35:19.460
was doing my financial planning stuff in the early years, I really struggled. And there was this guy
00:35:24.640
in the office that was a great producer all the time. He always produced really well. I went to him
00:35:31.180
and I said, Hey, I need help. I don't know how to do this. And if I don't figure it out, I'm going to
00:35:36.000
quit. I'm going to get out of the business. I was desperate and I communicated to him and it was
00:35:40.640
fine. So I think get over that. That's a little bit of ego. That's a little bit of, yeah, pride
00:35:46.940
speaking. It's okay to feel that way. In fact, just be honest. And that's a really good way to ask for
00:35:52.920
feedback. Okay. So number one, drop that part. Number two, when doing it, ask for small investments
00:36:00.600
of time. Okay. So for, for example, Kip, if you and I are business acquaintances, we know each other,
00:36:08.620
but not completely, but I know you're really good in the leadership realm. And I just took on a new
00:36:12.620
leadership role. Um, I'm not going to come to you and say, Hey man, uh, can you do, can I come to one
00:36:19.180
of your leadership courses? I don't have any money. Can I come for free and like do that for free and
00:36:23.680
spend three days with you? Like I have not earned the right to ask for that. But if I said, Hey Kip,
00:36:32.700
man, I'm in this new leadership role. Finances are tough right now. We don't know each other all
00:36:37.700
that well. I just have one quick question. Totally. And I said, you know, when, when I take
00:36:43.700
on this role, I have one guy who I think might be a problem. What, what might be one thing I could
00:36:49.160
say to him to, to assess that and maybe to deal with that? That's it. That takes very little time
00:36:57.880
from you, very little effort. And it builds the bridge. It's one plank on the bridge. Now here's
00:37:04.060
the most important part, especially when you're reaching out to successful people. They don't need
00:37:10.140
your money. They don't need your praise. They don't need probably your connections. So a lot of guys won't
00:37:17.080
do it because they're like, well, what can I do for that guy? Here's what you can do. Make him feel
00:37:21.860
valuable. So this is the best feedback I will give to anybody who ever asks and gets advice from a
00:37:29.900
potential mentor. Let's take that scenario. So I reach out to you. I ask that one question. You share
00:37:35.740
with me something. Here it is. Ready? I give you feedback. That's my gift to you. Yeah. So I, I send you
00:37:44.120
an email back or maybe a text if I have your number. Kip, I had that conversation last week with
00:37:49.480
that guy. I use that phrase, man, it worked great. And he was all on board and things are actually
00:37:55.880
pretty good right now. And I just wanted to tell you, thank you. That meant a lot to me. Appreciate it.
00:38:04.380
Never underestimate that because in absence of anything else you could give a mentor,
00:38:09.140
you can always make him feel like he added value and successful people thrive on being valuable.
00:38:16.920
Yeah. So you have to close the loop. Too many people don't do this. I get the feedback. I go
00:38:22.200
implement it. It works or it doesn't. And then you never hear from me again until six months when I
00:38:26.620
feel like I want to ask you again for something. Yeah. Yeah. What, and you're less likely to give more
00:38:31.900
feedback if I didn't, if I didn't know that you actually took what I gave you and applied it and
00:38:37.320
you were workshopping it. Now I, now you're just a guy looking for a easy fix and you're unwilling to
00:38:43.580
do the work. So now I'm not, I don't even want to speak into you at this point. Yeah. You know,
00:38:48.600
if, if I don't know what it does, it does for these guys that are, that, that are mentoring you.
00:38:54.100
This is what they say. I like that guy. Yeah. That's it. It's funny how that is, huh? It's like,
00:39:01.720
you know, I like that guy. That's cool. And you may not think anything of it again until they reach
00:39:07.160
out again. But the other way that you can do this is I have all sorts of ideas on this, but
00:39:12.900
go to their men, uh, go to their conferences, go to their events, um, subscribe to their newsletters,
00:39:18.500
share their content, engage with their content, ask thoughtful questions. Those type of things go a
00:39:25.760
very long way. You need to get on their radar to some degree, and you need to figure out what it is
00:39:30.140
that they're after and how you might be able to do that. And sometimes it might mean they're just
00:39:34.740
trying to fill their conference up. Cool. I, man, when I started Order of Man, I was going to all
00:39:39.920
sorts of conferences so I could meet people that I knew I wanted to meet, but didn't have connections
00:39:44.100
with. So there's a few things that I would suggest to you. I love it. And when you serve people like
00:39:49.740
translation, when I give you advice and you give me feedback and I know it helped you,
00:39:54.780
serotonin is released. Am I, am I liking you increases by default? But if I don't know that it
00:40:04.540
created an impact or a change, who knows what, right? I had, I had someone I gave some advice to
00:40:10.900
followed up immediately. Just like you said, I loved it. Six months later, send me another message
00:40:16.300
and says, Hey Kip, I just got promoted. Right? Cause his, his whole thing was like, Oh, I want to get
00:40:22.280
into a leadership role too. I felt so good about myself. I was like, yeah, like that is awesome.
00:40:29.900
And I, I was cheering him. Like I was excited for him. I liked him more, even more because he shared
00:40:38.760
with me that he got into that leadership role that he was trying to get into. Like, I don't know. And,
00:40:44.280
and, and it made me feel great to your point. Yeah. I mean, you were part of the team. There's this
00:40:49.100
other concept I've explained this before Kip, but it's the Ben Franklin effect. You've, you've heard
00:40:53.020
me talk about this where Ben Franklin would, he tested this theory that if he didn't like somebody
00:41:00.300
or they didn't like him, there was friction in a relationship. He would ask to borrow a book.
00:41:05.000
Yeah. So they could serve him. So he would borrow a book, he'd read the book and then he'd return it
00:41:10.180
promptly and on time and in good order. And then immediately the likability factor, it broke down
00:41:16.580
all that dislike. And I don't know, I'd have to think about this. I don't know if I've ever tried
00:41:21.460
this with a mentor, but you could do something very simple. Like let's say, let's say you've got,
00:41:31.320
you, you go to a industry or a work conference and the guy speaking is a great speaker and he shares a
00:41:37.380
concept on effective, giving effective feedback to other people. And you get a chance to talk to him
00:41:44.940
after the conference, you might say something like, Hey, you know, that part where you're talking
00:41:49.560
about effectively communicating feedback to other people. Do you mind if I borrow that? I really like
00:41:55.340
that. And I think that would make a lot of sense for me to share with other people. Yeah. Something
00:42:01.580
as simple like that might go a long way and just breaking down some barriers and you're being
00:42:05.960
respectful. You're giving him good feedback. You're telling him he was valuable. That stuff like that's
00:42:12.360
really powerful. Well, and I can't help, but think Ryan, what is it that stops us from doing that?
00:42:17.680
What, what stops me from going to the boss and going, Hey, um, can I borrow a book from you?
00:42:24.100
Right. Can I, can I, um, seek for advice? And we said it earlier, just ego, ego. It is just ego.
00:42:33.920
You're so, we're so damn concerned about what everyone thinks about us. There, uh, we're unwilling
00:42:38.780
to be in a position that we think like makes us look less than, and it's a lie anyway. Cause I
00:42:47.480
wouldn't think any less of anybody in those circumstances. If anything, I think more highly
00:42:51.680
of them. It's so crazy. Yeah. There's a, I've, I've actually been testing this deliberately at the
00:42:58.500
gym because I geek out on some of this stuff like you do on, on things as well. And I'm fascinated with
00:43:06.040
the idea of building and creating relationships from nothing. It's, it's fat. It's interesting
00:43:10.620
to me. Yeah. And at the gym, it's so easy and guys don't do it. It's so easy to go to somebody
00:43:17.740
and say, Hey man, like I'm trying to improve my bench. And it looks like, you know what you're
00:43:22.200
doing? Like, could you watch me do this set? And then just give me like maybe two or three pointers.
00:43:28.120
And I've done that at the gym. You know how many times men have scoffed at me? Like big, strong,
00:43:35.320
tough men. Zero. I don't even need you to do it. I'm just, I'm, I do it as an, I'm curious.
00:43:42.840
And all of them are like, yeah, sure. I'd love to. They jump in. Now you have a relationship.
00:43:48.120
Boom. Starter. Yeah. Like I had this guy today, I was at the gym this morning and this guy comes up
00:43:52.620
and, uh, I saw him on the bench next to me and he had two plates on and I was doing some cable work
00:43:58.180
and I was walking over to get a drink and he stopped me. He's like, Hey man, do you mind
00:44:01.200
spotting me? I'm like, yeah, no problem. How many are you trying to get? You need help off, whatever.
00:44:05.720
And we get done. He racks the weight and he's like, cool. Thanks man.
00:44:10.280
I, I immediately like him more. I don't even know who he is. I like him more. He could be a complete
00:44:17.280
asshole. I don't know, but I like him because he asked me for help. Isn't that weird? It's so wild.
00:44:25.020
It's wild. It is wild to me. Well, and this is why back to the question earlier about like
00:44:29.560
integration and religion, right? What's the second commandment? Love your neighbor. Why do you think
00:44:36.840
that is? Oh man, because it's through the service of my neighbor that I do what? I form relationships.
00:44:44.500
I start caring for them and they start caring about me. What do you know? Right? Like a
00:44:51.360
foundational element that causes people to get together, right? And to form stronger bonds is
00:44:56.980
actually in, in this space of service. Yeah. Yeah. I, I love this. I was thinking about it,
00:45:03.020
even in the context of, um, like dating, you know, there's all these pickup artists and they tell you
00:45:08.780
like to be an asshole to a woman cause she'll be more interested in you and use this line and like
00:45:13.740
make fun of her. I'm like, what are we eight? Like you're, these are grown men. Yeah. Mocker.
00:45:20.280
Cause then she'll feel inferior and then you'll be in a position of authority. I'm like, what the hell
00:45:24.680
are you talking about? What kind of relationship is that going to be? Even if it works, what kind
00:45:29.740
of relationship is that going to be? But I, I, it's, it's not hard guys. If you're in the market for a
00:45:36.540
woman and let's say you're at the grocery store and you see an attractive woman, you're like,
00:45:40.580
I'd really like to approach her, let go of the ego. Number one, and just ask a question.
00:45:46.720
Let's say she's at the, uh, she's over looking at onions and the onions are right next to the
00:45:52.320
avocados. Walk up to the avocados and start feeling the avocados and say, I don't, this is weird.
00:45:58.980
This is going to be a weird question. I don't know how to pick up an, I don't know how to pick
00:46:02.160
out an avocado. Do you know how to do this? You know what you're doing, right? Yeah. It's so easy.
00:46:07.200
It's such an easy icebreaker to let go of the ego and just ask a question and ask for help.
00:46:13.900
And people barring very minor exceptions are more than willing to help out if you ask.
00:46:20.740
And you end up getting the right avocado. Exactly. It's a win-win. Worst case.
00:46:26.640
You thought I was going to say something sexual or something, didn't you?
00:46:29.840
Well, I was laughing because I'm imagining you're like, I'll ask some girl like, okay. And I'm
00:46:35.900
imagining she's in the, she's in like the tampon aisle and you're like, Hey, uh, so, uh, you
00:46:41.360
are on your period. So how, what's it like having a period? What condoms do you prefer?
00:46:51.820
Do not do that. Somebody will actually do that. Somebody will actually do that. Oh my gosh.
00:46:58.160
Oh shoot. All right. Joe Gunter pros and cons about buying property in Apple Valley
00:47:04.400
near hurricane in St. George. I have an opportunity to buy some property, which fits into my five-year
00:47:09.820
vision and retirement plans. The area is nice, but growing rapidly. So advice. Yeah. Get some
00:47:16.280
property over by Ryan. Yeah. Did he say, uh, did he say that it would be a primary residence or,
00:47:23.900
or an investment? Did he say that? Okay. No, he just said property Apple Valley.
00:47:29.860
Yeah. I mean the, the pros are Apple Valley is amazing. It's a little bit out there. So I, I,
00:47:35.320
I think it's a little bit further away from some amenities you might need, but it's growing rapidly,
00:47:39.640
like you said. So I don't think it'll be too long before 15 years ago, what was out there was
00:47:45.120
now like part of the middle of St. George. So exactly, exactly. Yeah. It's crazy. So it might be far
00:47:53.320
enough out there that the property values are lower than what you might find in other parts of
00:47:58.020
Southern Utah. Uh, I think those are all pros. It's a great area to live. Crime is low, pretty
00:48:04.640
moderate weather, great outdoors, good school systems, um, a very, uh, religious community,
00:48:11.480
which I think broadly speaking is a good thing. Christian values. That's a good thing. Uh, whether
00:48:18.820
you agree with the predominant religion or not, it's still a good thing for the community.
00:48:22.640
Absolutely. Um, I think the cons are that really that it's just expensive right now. The market is
00:48:30.760
just expensive right now. And at some point I think the bottom will fall out. I don't, we do this every
00:48:36.900
like 10 to 15 years where people are like, Oh, they're just property values are just going to go
00:48:41.540
up forever, forever, forever, forever. And then people are like shocked when the bottom falls out
00:48:46.880
every 10 to 15 years. Like you see it in the stock market, you see it in real estate, you see it in
00:48:51.280
tech. So just be prepared for that. Don't get in over your head. I've been looking for a couple of
00:48:57.140
rental properties and it doesn't make sense. I would never recoup my investment on some rental property
00:49:04.080
prices. So I'll just put my cash elsewhere into businesses right now. And then when the opportunities
00:49:09.220
arise, I'll invest in real estate. But if you have a good opportunity, um, I don't, and it's the right
00:49:15.560
time for you and you're in the position to do it. I don't see any downside. It's a great area. And I
00:49:19.480
think it's going to continue to grow, especially as people move away from California. A lot of people
00:49:24.200
come into here moving away from, um, mostly the West coast would move here to Utah. So it's going to
00:49:30.720
continue to grow. Yeah. All right. Elijah Elliott, we have all heard the saying, choose your battles.
00:49:38.220
What should we consider when making this choice?
00:49:40.620
Well, I w I would say, number one, do you care about it? Yeah. Cause it sounds funny,
00:49:51.000
but sometimes I'm stubborn and hardheaded and I like to be right. So I'll dig in my heels on
00:49:56.760
things. I don't even care about is what, like you'll get latched onto caring about winning the
00:50:03.120
argument, not about the subject. Yeah. Got it. So I think, I think actually ask yourself that,
00:50:09.980
especially if it's something small, like on social media, I've put, I've done this a million
00:50:16.480
times where I type a comment. I'm like, what? No, what are you doing? Don't. And you guys would
00:50:21.940
be surprised that I actually delete comments based on the comments you see me make. Yeah. I actually
00:50:26.580
delete comments. Um, so yeah, if, if it's just not important to you, just ignore it. Like don't even
00:50:35.300
waste your time on it. I think that's number one. Um, I also think when choosing your battle,
00:50:40.640
I want to engage in battles that I can win, not interested in engaging in battles that are going
00:50:47.020
to take a bunch of time, energy, resources, and distract me from other things that are more
00:50:52.280
winnable. And I think that's just true of whether we're talking about a physical battle, an altercation,
00:50:58.580
or some social issue that you're concerned about. If it's something that you can't win,
00:51:05.200
okay, then, or even define what victory would look like. But I think determining the probable
00:51:11.560
outcome of the battle is something you should consider. Now, just because you can't win per se
00:51:20.400
doesn't mean you shouldn't engage in it. I think that there's an opportunity to change the tide of
00:51:26.100
what it means to be a man and how society generally views manliness and masculinity.
00:51:30.360
But in a lot of ways, over the past 10 years, we've actually seen a decline in it.
00:51:34.880
Yeah. Am I still willing to fight that battle? Even if I know that it will continue to decline?
00:51:40.100
Yes, absolutely. It's that important to me. So it's not a deal breaker. It's just a consideration.
00:51:46.140
I find this interesting. I had a breakthrough two weeks ago around this subject. Five years ago,
00:51:53.260
we moved offices. We moved into this big office. And when we were remodeling the third floor,
00:52:00.400
I cared. I cared about the carpet. I cared about how we're going to do the ceiling. I cared about
00:52:06.500
the kind of desks. I cared about the common area, what the couches look. I cared.
00:52:12.580
We have since bought the building and we're building out another section of the building to
00:52:18.660
expand, right? Because we keep growing. And the chief of staff says, hey, Kip, do you care to be
00:52:24.960
involved? And I went, no, not at all. And I thought about it. I'm like, that's interesting.
00:52:32.560
Four years ago, I was fighting to be at the table to care about what the office looked like.
00:52:40.080
Now I'm like, don't even talk to me about it. Leave me out of it. Why? Because I'm about something
00:52:48.700
bigger. So Elliot, I know you're not asking this question, right? But it's a lot easier to choose
00:52:57.040
our battles when we know what battles we're fighting. When we're about a battle. And you'll
00:53:05.740
find this with people all the time that don't have anything going on in life. Guess what? They'll
00:53:10.760
create battles. They'll create battles in their relationships. They'll create battles with their
00:53:14.820
family. They'll create all kinds of drama in their life. They will fight to find battles. Why? Because
00:53:22.340
they haven't chosen one. So part of knowing what choices to make is by being intentional with the
00:53:31.600
battles that we are taking on. So when other things show up, we're like, not worth my time.
00:53:36.940
I'm about something else. And now we're operating in an intentional way about something bigger and not
00:53:44.840
just every argument that comes to our table, we want to argue about it. Yeah. No, that makes sense.
00:53:52.180
And the other side of it is being passionate too about something. Because when you said that about,
00:53:58.500
hey, I'm not interested because I'm about something bigger, somebody actually is thinking
00:54:02.220
the same way about designing that office space that you are about whatever you think is bigger.
00:54:07.380
And I was four years ago, right? I cared. Yeah. So it's not to dismiss the fact that it's not big.
00:54:14.980
It's just that it's not a priority or something you're passionate about. I was in the financial
00:54:20.360
planning business for a lot of years with a friend of mine. His name's Greg Black. And Greg and I did a
00:54:27.400
lot of work together. And I eventually got out of business. I wasn't really passionate about it.
00:54:32.880
And I started talking about Order of Man. And it was interesting because I had this revelation that
00:54:37.080
the way that I was talking so passionately about Order of Man and less passionately about the business,
00:54:42.240
the financial planning business, he was just as passionate as I was about financial planning.
00:54:49.840
So I think the passion, the excitement, the enthusiasm is a pretty good indicator that you're
00:54:54.940
onto something. And it really doesn't matter what other people think or what they think of
00:54:58.600
what you think is important. Totally. Totally. All right. We have one time for one more.
00:55:04.340
You got one more? Okay, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it.
00:55:06.160
Chad Scott, for someone who doesn't have hobbies and a lifetime of doing it on their own without
00:55:12.500
friendship mentality, do you have any tips on establishing friendships as a man?
00:55:20.580
Well, I think the biggest thing is to find, well, you say you don't have hobbies. You certainly have
00:55:28.680
interests, right? There's things that you're interested in. And so take the first step into the
00:55:35.380
thing that you're interested in. Yeah. It's really as simple as that. If there's something that
00:55:40.920
you're excited about, something that you are even remotely interested in, go do that. Now,
00:55:47.880
here's the difference. Because I do talk about that a lot. Because you're going to find people
00:55:51.700
in those things. If it's jujitsu or hiking or training or lifting, you're going to find people.
00:55:57.160
But to my point earlier, you actually have to go out of the way to extend yourself and form those
00:56:06.480
friendships. You can't just show up and expect that people are going to flock to you like you're
00:56:13.840
God's gift to whatever it is. You have to extend yourself. You have to put forth effort. And so if
00:56:20.540
you're at jujitsu, you have to ask the guys, hey, is there anything going on around here? Or you're
00:56:26.680
at the gym, you have to ask for people to give you feedback. Or if you're running or taking
00:56:32.340
photography lessons, ask for feedback, get involved with those guys. At church, don't just show up,
00:56:37.680
like actually be engaged in what those guys are doing. And I think if you do that, you'll find pretty
00:56:46.020
easily that there's a lot of men who actually want to form friendships, but they're saying the same
00:56:51.080
thing as you. We don't know how. Totally. So be the guy that puts yourself out there, gets out
00:56:56.500
outside of your comfort zone, drops the ego, and takes a risk. And we want to have friendships with
00:57:01.840
who? People that are kind of aligned with us. And what I'm excited about this question for Chad is he
00:57:08.700
has no idea what's coming for him. Because I checked here, Chad just signed up for the Iron Council.
00:57:14.340
He's in the forge right now. I'm like, Chad, done. You're going to get on a battle team. You're
00:57:23.460
going to get with like-minded guys that are about things in life. You just started that step in
00:57:31.060
forging those friendships and bonds with really strong, like-minded individuals that are going to
00:57:37.060
not just be your friend, but play a role in uplifting you in your life at the same time.
00:57:42.200
Yeah. Well, again, as long as you're willing to work for it. That's true. I guess it is possible
00:57:48.460
for him to- Right. And a lot of people will. Even when they join the Iron Council, they'll show up
00:57:54.700
and think, well, I showed up. Here I am. Someone? It's like when people move to a new town and they
00:58:01.600
get frustrated because nobody introduced themselves. And they think, oh, people around here are rude.
00:58:06.340
I'm like, nobody around your place. They're not rude. They're just busy. They just have their own
00:58:11.680
lives. They're distracted. They're like, they're not rude. How about instead of complaining that
00:58:17.260
they're being rude? How about go out of your way to introduce yourself? Well, I shouldn't. Well,
00:58:23.000
shouldn't has nothing to do with it. Of course you should. If you want to know who that person is,
00:58:28.640
then you have to go over and introduce yourself to that person. Yeah. And if you want to make the most
00:58:34.000
of your Iron Council experience, then you have to do the work and connect and do all of those things.
00:58:37.880
Like, it's just the reality of it. Just how it works. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, the Iron Council's
00:58:44.500
closed. So if you were interested- It is closed with all that said. Yeah. You're going to have to wait
00:58:49.140
until next quarter. But we do have the Men's Forge event that's coming up May 1st through the 4th.
00:58:56.240
To learn more about that event, go to themensforge.com. And as always, connect with Mr.
00:59:02.680
Mickler on X and Instagram, at Ryan Mickler. Anything else, sir? Call to actions. Nope. That's
00:59:09.000
it. I mean, we'd love to see you out there. We've got some great interviews coming up. We did one
00:59:13.140
yesterday with Scott Payne, former FBI special agent, 30 years almost, undercover with some crazy
00:59:19.280
notorious gangs and Nazis and drug traffickers. So that was a really good one. And then next week
00:59:26.000
will be Kurt Cameron. A lot of you guys know Kurt Cameron from his acting days, but he's an advocate
00:59:31.000
four men in the family unit. Met with him in Nashville a week or two ago. So that one will
00:59:36.520
be next week. So make sure you subscribe to the podcast because we've got some good ones coming
00:59:40.660
out very, very soon. Awesome. Cool. Kip, appreciate you, man. And guys, I appreciate you. Great questions
00:59:46.840
today as always. It seems like our questions have been getting better and better lately. I don't know
00:59:51.580
if you have felt that, but it feels like we were getting some solid, solid questions and I'm grateful.
00:59:56.120
We've got a lot over on Facebook that we'll get to next week, guys. But until then, go out there,
01:00:01.320
take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man
01:00:09.720
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:00:14.480
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.