Order of Man - April 02, 2025


Morning Routines that Work, How Comparison Can be an Ally, and How to Choose Your Battles Wisely ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Topics
half marathon run morning routine video comparison and benchmarks comparison trap manly activities master task list property investment in Apple Valley choose your battles passion establishing friendships as a man
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Ryan Mickler Chad Scott Chris Henningsen Mike Arnold Jeremy Kofi Benjamin Franklin Kurt Cameron Greg Black Hey Kip Theodore Roosevelt Elijah Elliott Gary Keller Justin Webb Joe Gunter Elliot Highs
SCOTT PAYNE ｜ Deep Undercover with the World's Toughest Nazis, Biker Gangs, and Drug Lords Head, Heart, and Hands： The Trifecta of Manliness ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour

Words per minute

182.59

Word count

11,010

Sentence count

1,095

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Toxicity

22

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I sit down with my good friend, Kip, to talk about the importance of being a mentor to your kids, and how to stay on top of things in life. Kip and I also talk about his son's jiu-jitsu tournament and how he handled it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Now, here's the most important part, especially when you're reaching out to successful people.
00:00:05.000 They don't need your money.
00:00:06.180 They don't need your praise.
00:00:07.560 They don't need probably your connections.
00:00:09.600 So a lot of guys won't do it because they're like, well, what can I do for that guy?
00:00:12.600 Here's what you can do.
00:00:13.880 Make him feel valuable.
00:00:15.660 So this is the best feedback I will give to anybody who ever asks and gets advice from
00:00:21.060 a potential mentor.
00:00:22.420 Here it is.
00:00:22.800 Ready?
00:00:23.680 I give you feedback.
00:00:25.560 That's my gift to you.
00:00:28.540 You're a man of action.
00:00:30.220 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:34.600 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:39.020 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:44.120 This is your life.
00:00:45.200 This is who you are.
00:00:46.620 This is who you will become.
00:00:48.320 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:54.480 Kip, what's up, man?
00:00:55.500 Great to see you on this Monday morning.
00:00:58.060 Good.
00:00:58.680 How's your Monday?
00:01:00.000 Do you stay on top of it?
00:01:01.220 You're feeling good?
00:01:03.800 It's getting away from me a little bit.
00:01:06.380 I notice sometimes I'll schedule meetings in the morning.
00:01:09.560 I'm like, why do I do that?
00:01:10.760 I need time to process what's going to happen throughout the week.
00:01:14.480 The afternoon is fine, but I did it to myself this morning, but I've been productive, so
00:01:19.880 that's good.
00:01:20.260 I actually woke up this morning.
00:01:21.380 I'm like, I'm not going in to work out, and I laid in bed for half an hour, and then I
00:01:26.200 got up.
00:01:26.640 I'm like, no, you're going in to work out.
00:01:29.200 So I went in, and I got my workout in, but then everything else was late because I was
00:01:33.880 trying to be lazy at first.
00:01:35.500 Yeah.
00:01:36.400 Copy.
00:01:37.000 So yeah.
00:01:37.760 Yeah.
00:01:38.080 We have a short window, so we'll hop right into questions, or do you want to do headlines?
00:01:43.060 I actually do have a kind of a funny headline.
00:01:45.620 Yeah, let's do it.
00:01:46.160 And I also wanted to ask, because your son just had his first jiu-jitsu tournament.
00:01:50.880 Yeah.
00:01:51.240 It was so fun.
00:01:53.380 That's awesome.
00:01:53.900 It was so fun.
00:01:54.460 It looked like he did great.
00:01:55.880 Yeah, he did awesome.
00:01:58.020 He didn't lose a single match, took first.
00:02:00.780 Whoa.
00:02:01.420 He was Mr. Just taking backs all over the place.
00:02:05.300 I saw that.
00:02:06.000 I saw that.
00:02:07.000 And it was funny, too, because later in the day, he's like, I don't know why all those
00:02:10.740 kids were giving me their back.
00:02:12.680 And I was like, I just, you know, proud dad moment.
00:02:17.840 I'm like, well.
00:02:18.460 Oh, for sure.
00:02:19.220 Such a great, yeah, such a great, humble example of humility right there.
00:02:24.380 Yeah, yeah.
00:02:25.080 He's like, I don't know why they were doing that.
00:02:26.620 Why were they doing that?
00:02:27.880 I was like, I don't think they were, son.
00:02:29.260 You were just getting it.
00:02:30.360 Yeah.
00:02:31.020 But he did awesome.
00:02:33.500 It was his first tournament.
00:02:35.060 He's six.
00:02:36.100 I was nervous.
00:02:36.900 I didn't realize how nervous I was going to be, but I was super nervous for him.
00:02:42.500 Was he nervous?
00:02:44.180 No.
00:02:45.240 He wasn't nervous at all.
00:02:46.420 He was just having fun.
00:02:47.760 Yeah.
00:02:48.260 Yeah.
00:02:48.600 Yeah.
00:02:48.840 He did great.
00:02:49.840 He did super great.
00:02:50.760 Listened, which is really hard for a lot of kids to do, like listening to me, right?
00:02:56.220 As I'm coaching him.
00:02:57.580 So he's constantly looking over and I mean, he did.
00:03:01.500 There's so many elements of it.
00:03:02.860 I could talk for an hour about how impressed I was.
00:03:04.900 So he did awesome.
00:03:06.620 That's awesome.
00:03:07.420 Yeah.
00:03:07.680 When the greatest compliment I could ever get about one of my children is, and I get
00:03:12.600 this about my oldest quite often actually, is that he's coachable.
00:03:16.400 I think to me that beats athleticism, hard work, you know, grit, all of that.
00:03:24.620 And I'm not saying that stuff is bad.
00:03:26.160 Like you need that as well.
00:03:27.440 But if I could choose one skill set that I look for and that I think will serve him better
00:03:33.840 than anything else in life, it's that he's a coachable kid.
00:03:37.440 Yep.
00:03:38.040 Yep.
00:03:38.560 Yep.
00:03:38.840 And that's exactly how he was.
00:03:40.280 He was coachable.
00:03:41.400 We had a game plan.
00:03:42.680 We talked about our game plan, you know?
00:03:45.280 So it was, it was great, man.
00:03:47.540 It was super fun.
00:03:49.080 Well, you're bragging about your kids.
00:03:50.540 I'm going to not brag about my kids and brag about myself for a minute.
00:03:54.400 Sounds good.
00:03:55.300 That's right.
00:03:55.800 You had your, yeah, you had your race.
00:03:57.040 I did a half marathon this weekend and it was interesting.
00:04:01.980 Highs and lows for sure.
00:04:03.360 But, uh, the most I'd ever run in a single time was six miles about two weeks ago.
00:04:10.720 Oh, so you didn't get close.
00:04:12.840 I mean, you doubled your, your max length for your half.
00:04:15.840 Well, I mean, no, but I'm saying six miles without stopping.
00:04:21.440 That's the longest I've run six miles without taking a break.
00:04:24.320 Okay.
00:04:24.760 And so I, I was running and I got to about mile three.
00:04:27.920 I'm like, Oh, I feel pretty good.
00:04:29.220 I know I can get to six.
00:04:30.560 Like that's not an issue.
00:04:31.480 So I got to six and then I got, I'm like, I still feel pretty good.
00:04:35.440 Got to seven, got to eight.
00:04:37.040 I'm like, maybe I can get to 10.
00:04:39.960 And then I got to like eight and a half.
00:04:41.640 I'm like, maybe I can just do the whole thing without, without taking a break.
00:04:46.700 And then I got to like eight and three quarters and I hit a wall and I'm like, okay, I'm going
00:04:53.420 to get to nine and then I cannot, I got to take a break.
00:04:56.020 Like, and I was actually afraid of stopping at nine because I thought what would happen
00:05:00.080 is my body would get stiff and I'd get cramped up.
00:05:03.940 So I stopped at nine and I walked and sure enough, that's what happened.
00:05:08.120 And it was like, walk, run, walk, run, walk, run the rest of the four miles.
00:05:13.460 Like it was the last miles, rough, man.
00:05:16.860 It was rough, but got it done.
00:05:19.180 Feel good on the road to a marathon.
00:05:22.120 So there's the first step.
00:05:23.680 We'll see how it goes.
00:05:24.880 When's the marathon?
00:05:25.880 Have you already registered?
00:05:27.300 October.
00:05:27.820 I haven't registered yet, but it's early October.
00:05:30.280 So you're doing the St. George marathon.
00:05:31.960 Cause that's in October usually.
00:05:33.560 Okay.
00:05:33.900 Right.
00:05:34.360 Awesome.
00:05:35.180 Yeah.
00:05:35.680 That was my first marathon.
00:05:38.260 Oh, was it?
00:05:38.720 With St. George.
00:05:39.280 Yeah.
00:05:39.800 How many have you done?
00:05:40.620 Probably four, four or five.
00:05:44.400 Dang.
00:05:45.440 Yeah.
00:05:45.940 I plan on doing one and never again.
00:05:49.660 That's what I said.
00:05:50.620 Actually.
00:05:51.180 I said one.
00:05:52.180 Really?
00:05:52.620 Yeah.
00:05:53.020 Yeah.
00:05:53.420 You know, run a couple more, a few more.
00:05:55.760 So, yeah, I don't, I don't know.
00:05:57.400 I don't, I don't envision that being the case, but we'll see.
00:06:00.720 Um, anyways, uh, I do have one headline that I think is kind of funny and there's this video
00:06:06.000 going around.
00:06:06.580 It has been for the past week or so.
00:06:08.240 So, and it's, I think on X, I saw the other day, it had like 700 million views or something.
00:06:15.580 Just an unreal, like completely viral, maybe the most viral video ever.
00:06:21.000 And it's this guy doing his morning routine.
00:06:24.180 Have you seen this video?
00:06:25.620 No.
00:06:26.700 It's hilarious.
00:06:28.080 Okay.
00:06:28.660 Awesome.
00:06:29.320 It's, it's, I don't think he's trying to be funny.
00:06:31.440 I think he's trying to be serious, but it's hilarious because it essentially starts at
00:06:37.960 like three 45 or something or four o'clock in the morning.
00:06:41.960 And it doesn't end until almost 10 o'clock in the morning.
00:06:45.720 So his morning routine is like a five and a half hour routine that consists of waking
00:06:53.460 up, stretching, going on the balcony, doing pushups, coming in, sipping his fancy bottled
00:07:00.340 water, dipping his face in a bowl of ice several times, rubbing a banana peel or something on
00:07:06.140 his face, going to the gym, putting his jewelry on to go for a run, doing some journaling,
00:07:12.000 sitting down, making some calls, doing some meditations.
00:07:14.880 Does this guy have a job?
00:07:15.900 I'm like, come on, dude.
00:07:18.040 Like, yeah, he has a job making viral content that everybody clicks on.
00:07:23.040 Got it.
00:07:23.520 Got it.
00:07:24.140 So he's actually working.
00:07:25.840 That's like when people say, uh, uh, I, I retired early.
00:07:29.960 You're like, well, what does that mean?
00:07:30.900 So I just stopped working.
00:07:31.920 I'm like, oh, okay. 0.97
00:07:32.740 So you're a bum and you're homeless. 0.81
00:07:34.240 You didn't just retire. 0.89
00:07:36.140 I mean, I think maybe I'll retire today too, if that's all it requires.
00:07:41.920 Yeah.
00:07:42.360 I, I, I retired already, but now I started working again.
00:07:45.620 Yeah.
00:07:46.020 Yeah, exactly.
00:07:46.960 Yeah.
00:07:47.760 Can you explain this gap of employment?
00:07:50.060 Oh yeah.
00:07:50.360 I retired for a year and a half.
00:07:52.440 Okay.
00:07:53.880 Yeah.
00:07:54.400 Well played.
00:07:56.240 That's fine.
00:07:56.840 Anyways, I just, I laugh at it.
00:07:58.500 You know, I, I'm sure the guy is just, the internet can be ruthless and just.
00:08:05.740 It's just completely horrible.
00:08:06.940 And I'm sure he's just hiding in a cave somewhere or maybe he relishes in it.
00:08:11.120 I don't know.
00:08:12.160 Yeah. 0.99
00:08:12.380 But I don't want to bust his balls too much. 0.98
00:08:14.900 It's just, even with the work that we do, we, we put on these unrealistic expectations 0.97
00:08:21.680 of what your life is supposed to be like.
00:08:24.120 And then what ends up happening is we fall short of the six hour morning routine that
00:08:29.120 we're quote unquote supposed to do.
00:08:31.580 And then we think we're doing it wrong.
00:08:33.800 You know, I just told you my morning routine was to wake up and sleep in for an extra half 0.97
00:08:37.540 an hour before I dragged my ass out of bed to do what I said I was going to do. 0.93
00:08:40.920 And I think that's more realistic for the men who listen and most men across the planet. 0.98
00:08:46.180 Guys, just do what you can.
00:08:48.740 You're not going to save the world.
00:08:50.080 You can't do everything.
00:08:51.460 I say, get up, you know, get a workout in, whatever that workout looks to you.
00:08:56.960 Get that workout in, maybe hydrate a little bit, spend some time with the people you love,
00:09:01.340 eat some good food and then get to work.
00:09:04.000 I mean, maybe read a book or read the scriptures or pray if that's your thing.
00:09:07.400 But I mean, I don't see why a morning routine should take any longer than an hour and a half
00:09:12.880 to two hours.
00:09:13.560 If you're considering from the moment you get up to the moment you sit down at your desk
00:09:17.500 to do work.
00:09:18.580 But man, people make it way more complicated.
00:09:22.080 They put on all of these false sort of expectations on others.
00:09:25.560 And it's, I think it's, it's not helpful.
00:09:28.840 If anything, it's the opposite.
00:09:30.720 We almost have an unhealthy relationship with it because we have this idea of the way it should
00:09:35.540 be and then it's like, oh, something's wrong.
00:09:38.420 And then we add meaning to the fact that it's wrong, right?
00:09:41.560 We'll even see the evidence of this in some of the questions today.
00:09:44.300 It's kind of like, oh, well, when this happens, it's like, yeah, yeah, that's normal.
00:09:49.660 Right.
00:09:50.460 Right.
00:09:51.180 Right.
00:09:51.360 Don't make it mean something that it, that, that it's, that it's not the way you think it
00:09:55.820 should be.
00:09:56.900 Right.
00:09:57.780 Yeah.
00:09:58.320 It's crazy.
00:09:59.020 And look, there are things that should be.
00:10:01.500 Yeah.
00:10:02.060 And then there's things that are subject to interpretation.
00:10:05.640 All right.
00:10:05.840 Let's hear those questions.
00:10:07.100 All right.
00:10:07.560 Jeremy Kofie.
00:10:08.720 So we're going to field questions from the iron council.
00:10:11.380 Jeremy Kofie, Theodore Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of joy.
00:10:16.300 I'm often guilty of this.
00:10:17.960 Are there a healthy role comparisons can play in our individual journeys of improvement?
00:10:23.040 Should we ever benchmark against others or objective standards comparison?
00:10:28.740 Yeah, that's it.
00:10:29.700 Sorry.
00:10:29.800 Yeah.
00:10:30.420 Yeah.
00:10:31.220 Comparison's great. 1.00
00:10:32.580 I got, I love comparison because it shows you what's possible.
00:10:35.660 You know, I'll give you another example from this run this weekend.
00:10:38.080 So my girlfriend and I ran it and she, I held her back.
00:10:41.520 She could have, she could have probably taken, taken a half an hour.
00:10:44.420 She finished, came back, picked you up. 0.98
00:10:47.220 Yeah.
00:10:47.540 She lapped me.
00:10:48.680 She ran a marathon.
00:10:49.700 She lapped me.
00:10:50.240 You know, but, but what was interesting is when you, when you get up to the, to the starting
00:10:57.680 line, they have people with these big yellow signs and they were pacers.
00:11:01.740 And so if you're going to run the marathon in an hour and a half, you're up front.
00:11:06.600 If you're going to run it in three hours, you're in the back.
00:11:08.940 Our goal was two hours and 40 minutes.
00:11:11.060 Don't laugh.
00:11:12.060 Okay.
00:11:12.200 I know it's slow.
00:11:13.040 Okay.
00:11:13.240 Guys, like I'll get there.
00:11:14.880 Just take it for what it is.
00:11:17.200 But he holds that sign and that helps the person stay on, on pace with, with the time.
00:11:23.560 And that's, that's a benchmark that is a healthy benchmark.
00:11:27.300 Cause it would be easy to fall behind on that if you're not paying attention to it.
00:11:31.860 But another thing is just seeing what's possible.
00:11:34.580 You know, Kip, if, if you tell me I've run four marathons, I'm like, oh, cool.
00:11:38.780 If, if Kip can do that, then I can do that too.
00:11:41.480 And it gives me hope and encouragement and optimism.
00:11:44.780 And that's when comparison is healthy.
00:11:47.460 When it's unhealthy is when you say, well, Ryan, yeah, I've run four marathons.
00:11:51.500 And my internal dialogue is now, I could never do that.
00:11:55.400 Kip's better than me. 0.99
00:11:56.420 I'm a piece of shit because I'm not as good as Kip at running marathons or whatever story 1.00
00:12:01.620 I bring up in my mind. 1.00
00:12:03.280 And that's where comparison trap becomes the thief of joy.
00:12:07.600 But if you look, and that's the litmus test.
00:12:09.620 If you look around and you see a person doing something and it motivates you, it inspires
00:12:14.980 you, it drives you to take action, powerful, take advantage of it.
00:12:20.980 If it demotivates you, it's uninspiring.
00:12:24.420 It creates negative stories in your mind.
00:12:27.340 You have to purge that from your life and maybe even shut that down or that off because
00:12:32.800 you do not want that stuff migrating into other aspects of your life.
00:12:37.100 Yeah, spot on comparison.
00:12:39.840 What I wrote in my notes here is comparison without critical thinking is the thief of
00:12:43.880 joy.
00:12:44.760 It's when we make it mean something, right? 0.98
00:12:47.100 And you, you gave the one example of like, I'm a, I'm a piece of crap in comparison, but 0.96
00:12:53.320 other, other people do the opposite and they'll use it to justify an inaction saying, oh, well, 0.97
00:12:58.940 Ryan runs it, but he was raised different.
00:13:01.500 He has other benefits than I've ever had.
00:13:03.760 And then I use it as an excuse to be okay with where I'm at at the same exact time.
00:13:08.840 So we got to critically think and compare and then determine how that moves you believing
00:13:16.640 and having some growth mindset and some confidence in yourself to determine the best route, right?
00:13:22.580 But if we're looking to compare to justify a state, both negative or positive, that's
00:13:28.940 probably where we started getting sideways.
00:13:32.220 Right.
00:13:32.580 Yeah.
00:13:33.020 Yeah.
00:13:34.380 Cool.
00:13:35.100 All right.
00:13:35.700 Chris Henningsen, I'm currently helping start a men's ministry at my church.
00:13:41.460 How does your faith guide your life and how active are you in your faith?
00:13:46.300 What would you look for in a men's ministry at your church?
00:13:49.200 I'm, I'm not, I'm, I'm not real active in my faith.
00:13:54.120 You know, I do have faith.
00:13:55.460 I have faith in God and a creator, and I believe he has his hand in my life.
00:14:00.060 And I, and I've been open about my struggles with, with my faith and the belief and all
00:14:05.140 of that.
00:14:05.880 So I'm not super active in that.
00:14:08.060 I will say I've been to some great churches where I feel like they really care about men.
00:14:14.020 They want to uplift men.
00:14:15.240 They want to edify them, support them in being real, genuine men.
00:14:20.940 And I've been to churches that are antithetical to that, where they dismiss masculinity and
00:14:27.500 they don't present a healthy set of data or information around what it means to be a good
00:14:33.860 man.
00:14:34.160 And, um, and that they, they try to squash masculinity or they try to, uh, tamp it down
00:14:42.300 and subdue it and talk to men as if they're women and treat them like women and ask them 0.93
00:14:47.700 to behave like women. 0.99
00:14:49.040 And of course, it's no surprise to me that that's going to be a huge turnoff for men.
00:14:53.940 And it is interesting to see though, that the, uh, Eastern Orthodox church, I believe is
00:15:01.060 one of the largest growing churches, specifically as it regards to young men.
00:15:05.460 And if you look at Orthodox churches like that, I mean, they are not at a lack for structure
00:15:10.620 and accountability and a precise way of doing things.
00:15:15.180 It's very intense.
00:15:16.320 And so it's surprising to me that a young generation of men is flocking to that.
00:15:20.620 But I think it speaks to the need of discipline, commitment, the not softening language to make
00:15:29.300 people feel better, to having a set of principles that you're willing to stand by and stand on.
00:15:34.600 And I think that those are great things when you're looking to build or develop a ministry
00:15:38.340 either on your own or within your current church congregation.
00:15:42.060 But the one thing that I think a lot of churches and ministries are missing is the manly activities.
00:15:48.480 You know, sure, we should, we should show up to church and we should listen to the gospel
00:15:53.880 and we should talk about it and we should hear from other people about it and we should be
00:15:58.520 taught and we should be open to those ideas.
00:16:01.260 But we also need to go fight each other and go shoot things and do community service and
00:16:08.440 go sweat and lift together and go help the guy move from one part of town to another or go
00:16:16.000 to jujitsu or go on that grueling hike or maybe go run the half marathon together as a men's group.
00:16:24.080 And sure, you can infuse the gospel in the discussion while you're doing those things.
00:16:28.940 But I think more than anything, the way you get man to band together is twofold.
00:16:34.600 One is towards a common objective or and or against a common enemy.
00:16:41.140 And if all you're doing is talking about it, I don't really think that does it for guys.
00:16:48.080 But if you want to go tackle that 10 mile hike together, that's a common objective.
00:16:54.060 And now you're going to be pushing each other, holding each other accountable,
00:16:57.560 training for it, preparing for it because you don't want to be the weak link when you go do the thing.
00:17:02.540 And that physical realm is something that so many ministries are missing when it comes to men
00:17:06.940 that I wish more of them would. And you would see church attendance rise in those ministries that
00:17:10.900 are missing it. Totally. Yeah. I can't stand the 30,000 foot theoretical gospel conversations.
00:17:19.900 They just drive me mad. I'm always like, okay, got it. What does that look like today? What are we
00:17:26.340 dealing with? Right. Like, let's get to brass tacks here. Cause I just struggle with, I just feel like
00:17:32.980 we're just talking circles and then everyone walks away and then, then the impact is minimal.
00:17:39.040 One thing that Chris said, and I, I find this interesting and maybe it's a fun share. He says,
00:17:44.440 how does your faith guide you in your life? Yeah. I love to reverse engineer things constantly.
00:17:49.900 And, and I think obviously if we're religious and spiritual, it should, it is part of our life,
00:17:55.680 right? It's not about, well, it's, you know, applicable when it comes to the ministry at church. It's like,
00:18:02.280 no, it should be applicable like right now, constantly every day. If it's a principle.
00:18:07.160 Yeah, totally. And, and as an example of that constantly, right? I'll reverse engineer gospel
00:18:15.220 principles and say, okay, what does this look like at work? So here's, here's an example. Last,
00:18:20.700 it's probably about two weeks ago, right? I was, I was listening to, I was in gospel study and,
00:18:26.520 and we were going over the importance of like being a light of Christ, right? And, and the
00:18:35.120 individual speaking, it was really great. It was about teaching youth. And he said something to the
00:18:40.360 extent of, you can't rely on excitement to draw youth in. It won't be ever be enough because you're
00:18:47.560 competing with the other exciting things in the world. And you need to invite the spirit and it's the
00:18:55.300 spirit that draws them in, not you, not your excitement, not your cookies, not your, you know,
00:19:02.340 fun lesson. It has to be the spirit. And I was like, totally agree. And, but as I walked away and
00:19:09.820 I was on my way home from church, I was like, what is that? Like, what is that from a psychology
00:19:15.000 perspective? Right? If I take that same exact principle outside of a gospel setting and I say,
00:19:20.820 hey, I want to draw people in, I want to draw in people at an event. I want to draw in people or
00:19:28.660 employees and have them quote unquote, fill the spirit. What is that? Like outside of the religious 0.59
00:19:36.360 context, what is that? Is it a sense of feeling valued and appreciated? Is it the, the sense of
00:19:44.140 someone caring about you despite your shortcomings? Like whatever those are. And if I had to relabel
00:19:51.220 what that was, how do I create that in a work environment? How do I create that in, in areas
00:19:57.900 of life where I can uplift, uplift people. And maybe I don't have to put the label of, you know,
00:20:03.440 what's the spirit of Christ. It's called, well, it's the service. It's you seeing your divine nature.
00:20:08.940 It's you seeing the value of what you bring to the table. It's, it's you having unified purpose
00:20:13.740 around a greater cause in oneself, whatever that is there. Those principles are true. And so how do I
00:20:21.920 have those show up throughout my entire life? And, and I've even, you know, challenged my thought
00:20:28.020 process. You'll, you'll hear Christ has a label of the master teacher. And one of my responsibilities
00:20:33.800 is learning and development for a company. All right, master teacher. If, if Jesus was perfect
00:20:41.260 and he's a master teacher, then I should have a model in the Bible that illustrates the best way
00:20:48.080 to teach people regardless of the subject, right? Right. And, and, and so because of that, I have looked
00:20:56.580 at how Christ teaches to kind of reverse engineer and say, okay, well, if Christ was teaching,
00:21:02.660 uh, soft skills and leadership mindsets, or he was teaching technical training, how would he do it
00:21:08.400 if he's so perfect? Right. And, and, and so it's been great to, to look as a guide to how we show up
00:21:16.880 in the world. And, and, and I don't know, there's so much opportunity that way. We just have to change
00:21:21.300 our mind shift a little bit and look at it differently as a guide of principles that is
00:21:26.560 transcended to all areas of life. And I, I, I nerd out about it and I think it's super fun to do.
00:21:32.660 You, you know, I like this so much though, Kip, is because one of the, one of the issues that I
00:21:38.220 often see is this passivity in people that attend church. It's, it's so passive. And I'll give you a
00:21:45.020 couple of examples. Uh, you know, for example, when you said, well, it has to be the spirit that brings
00:21:51.260 people into the gospel or brings people into the fold. A lot of people won't do what you do.
00:21:57.260 They'll just use it as an excuse. Oh, there's nothing I can do about it. If it's meant to be,
00:22:02.220 then the spirit will invite itself and it's on the spirit. Or you'll also hear guys say,
00:22:07.720 you know, one thing, I hate this. I cringe every time I hear it. If it's God's will.
00:22:12.800 I know. Me too. I, I hate that phrase. I understand the sentiment of it. And I believe that God has his
00:22:20.740 hand in all of my life. And yes, if it's God's will, some things will happen and other things
00:22:28.180 won't. Sure. But it's so passive. It's such a weak thing to say. It's an excuse almost.
00:22:36.460 It's an excuse. What do you mean if it's God's will is for you to be happy. God's will is for
00:22:41.400 you to work. God's will is for you to find something meaningful. God's will is for you to
00:22:45.440 overcome suffering. Yeah. It is God's will. Now get your butt to work so you can actually move
00:22:52.480 forward in his will. And I think that's why I like so much about what you're saying is because
00:22:58.680 you're reverse engineering it. So you're not using it as some passive statement, but
00:23:03.440 a very assertive, proactive. Okay, great. Got it. Now, how do I apply it? And I can really appreciate that.
00:23:10.660 Yeah. Yeah. Mike Arndolfer. Sorry, Mike. In the spirit of this month's book of the month,
00:23:18.800 essentialism, what criteria do you use to separate your critical tasks from your daily to-do list
00:23:25.380 items? Well, I write everything down. I think that's the first thing you need to do. Yeah.
00:23:31.020 And brain dump it almost. You have to. Yeah. You have to. And I have a system for doing that. So I've
00:23:36.800 got the battle plan that I use. And then in addition to the battle plan, I have a notepad
00:23:42.680 on my phone. And so what I will do maybe throughout the day, let's say I'm out running errands or at
00:23:50.060 night when I'm not at my desk and I think of something, I put it to-do note on my phone.
00:23:56.800 And then in the morning, I come and I write it all down here on my battle plan. And that's the first
00:24:03.440 thing you need to do. If you don't do that, you're going to be so scatterbrained. You're going to be
00:24:07.560 so distracted. Whatever's the most pressing at the moment will take priority because it's the thing in
00:24:13.700 front of you right now and you can't think about anything else. But when I have my battle plan and
00:24:18.160 somebody comes to me and says, hey, can I meet you or do this? Or can we talk about this? I can pull
00:24:23.040 this up and say, nope, not today, but I can do it tomorrow. In fact, I had one of our guy,
00:24:30.540 he does a lot of the web design for us and he's working on some other programs that we're building
00:24:36.220 out. He messaged me and he's like, hey, can we meet today? No, we can't. We can meet tomorrow.
00:24:43.120 What you have to talk about is important and we have to address it, but I can't do it today.
00:24:47.480 So I have systems in place. I use a calendar. I have the battle planning app. And then I can just
00:24:52.460 take a look at it and say, okay, is this going to work? The whole premise of essentialism is
00:24:58.460 actually, no, this comes from a different book. The One Thing by Gary Keller. It's complimentary.
00:25:05.440 And the whole premise of that book is what is the thing that you could be doing that would make
00:25:10.320 everything else easier or make it obsolete? And if you can figure out what that is, then you should
00:25:19.060 do that first. It's as simple as that. So yeah, that's a litmus test that I use. And then I also
00:25:28.720 ask myself in the moment, what is the most important thing for me to be doing right now?
00:25:34.980 And I can pull up my list and say, okay, here, I've got 10 things on my list today.
00:25:38.940 And there's, I already have them prioritize. So I know when you and I get off the phone,
00:25:44.920 I already know what I'm going to do. And today actually was a great example. I've got a hard
00:25:50.100 stop early. I texted you and I said, hey, can you meet early? If not, then we have to do a short
00:25:55.400 podcast. That's just the way it's got to work. Sometimes it's going to work like that. Sometimes
00:26:00.040 it isn't, but we make our situations and our changes based on what our battle plans say. So I live by
00:26:06.600 this in the calendar that does it for me. Yeah. I, I just follow the same, very similar
00:26:11.740 pattern and process. Uh, you know, this is back in the old Stephen Covey days, right? When I had my
00:26:17.920 Stephen Covey planner, he had a concept called a master task list and the master was your brain dump.
00:26:25.160 So it's like, whenever you're walking around the house and you're like, oh, I need to fix that drawer,
00:26:29.720 add it to the master task list. Oh, I got to do this, add it to the master task list. And I have a
00:26:33.820 master task task list for each role I play. So I have one for my role at work. I have a personal
00:26:42.180 one. I have a husband one. I have a father one. And then on Sundays, I look at that master task list
00:26:49.600 and I assign tasks for the week. And then at the beginning of the day, I have my kind of my hot
00:26:57.300 sheet, right? My top ones for the day. And what's interesting about this, Ryan, that I want to bring up
00:27:02.420 is we got to be self-aware, right? We got to understand what we're doing, you know? And I don't
00:27:09.420 even think people get that far, right? Where they're like, oh my gosh, my day was so busy. And they don't
00:27:15.280 realize that at one moment they thought about doing the top item on that list. And they were confronted
00:27:24.660 with a choice to do this thing that would take some time and not provide an immediate reward.
00:27:32.220 Or, you know what? I might just flip open my email really quick and bang out some 10 emails.
00:27:39.580 Why would I do that? Oh, got it. I get a huge dopamine hit by just hoping doing some emails because
00:27:47.040 I get a quick reward that I'm doing something. And you will find yourself constantly chasing quick
00:27:53.000 reward over the tasks that might take you an hour or two. And so just be aware of it, right? Be aware
00:28:01.300 that that's what you're doing. I think that's a huge for me. And by the way, not only that, sometimes
00:28:06.820 I purposely do the task I shouldn't do. Sometimes I go, you know what? I'm burnt out a little bit.
00:28:13.080 I'm going to do this task over here. That's not a top priority, but it's kind of fun.
00:28:16.660 And it excites me. It's something I've been looking forward to doing today. And so I'll work
00:28:24.660 on that. Knowing that I'm going to blow 30 minutes, maybe an hour on this thing that's not
00:28:29.940 the top priority, but I'm taking a break. And it's my break to the more difficult tasks. So I think
00:28:36.780 self-awareness along with the systems is super important.
00:28:40.880 Well, and I've often taught about a concept of momentum as well. Sometimes it's hard to build up
00:28:47.740 momentum. And depending on your circumstances and your personality, you could take this one of two
00:28:54.160 ways. You could tackle the hardest thing first. A lot of people will say that. And maybe that's what
00:28:59.820 it's required. Maybe you're motivated by that, or maybe you're running up against a deadline. So it's
00:29:04.360 like, nah, I've got to do this now. And deadlines help me. If I know I have a deadline, I'll get it
00:29:10.140 done. We all will. Another way to build momentum is to do the easiest thing on your list. At least
00:29:18.260 to your point, it may not be the most pressing, but at least it gets the ball rolling and it gets
00:29:23.840 you in the mindset of action. So I like what you said about intent, because that's what you're
00:29:28.880 talking about. You're just talking about having intent behind it versus, I think the way most of
00:29:35.680 us make decisions is based on emotional reactions. Yeah. So your wife comes to you and says, hey,
00:29:42.160 hon, will you take out the trash? And you're like, god damn, like, I don't have time to do this, but 0.98
00:29:46.620 yeah. And you just go take out the trash because you don't want to hear her nag you about it the rest 0.98
00:29:50.780 of the day, or you don't want to have to deal with her being upset or whatever it might be. So you just
00:29:55.600 do it. Or an employee comes in and is upset about something and, you know, some of those things might
00:30:03.920 need to be put out in the moment, but a lot of the times it's not required if you just set the
00:30:08.980 expectation. Hey, hon, I will take out the trash, but I won't be able to do it until noon. Okay.
00:30:16.260 I think most reasonable people can live with that, or she can do it herself if it needs to be done
00:30:20.960 before noon. Or if an employee comes in and has something that maybe they want to talk with you
00:30:25.900 about that's not super pressing, hey, is this something that we need to address immediately?
00:30:31.460 Or can we do this afternoon at two o'clock? But that's the intent that you're talking about.
00:30:36.180 But then there's this other side of it that we don't talk about, and those are the things that
00:30:40.220 have to be done that we don't necessarily want to do. They aren't enjoyable, and they don't move
00:30:47.180 the needle all that much. The example is emails. You might say to yourself, well, as Kip, you were
00:30:54.600 explaining that, my thought was, well, yeah, emails have to be answered. Yep. They do have to be
00:31:01.260 answered. So in those things that have to be taken care of, that aren't immediately pressing,
00:31:06.940 I like to time block. So I'm not going to check my emails every day, all day, every chance I get.
00:31:14.480 I don't even have notifications on my phone for that reason. But I will take from one to 130 or
00:31:20.700 one to two or whatever require and crank through a bunch. Definitely do that. And the other thing
00:31:26.260 you could do, obviously, is to delegate. If it's something that has to be done, but you don't want
00:31:31.620 to do it, you shouldn't do it, your time is spent better doing something else, find somebody to come
00:31:36.620 in. Maybe it's an assistant. If it's around the house, enlist your kids. You don't need to be taking
00:31:43.040 the trash out. You got four kids. One of them can take the trash out. You shouldn't do the dishes 1.00
00:31:47.140 every night. Your wife shouldn't be vacuuming or cooking dinner by herself all the time or doing 1.00
00:31:52.580 laundry. You have other people in the household that need to contribute. They need to learn how
00:31:58.160 to contribute and you need a breather. So delegate. Yeah, totally. Well, and there's an element up here
00:32:05.660 is honor, make and honor your commitments. Man, I can't count how many times I've seen someone
00:32:14.780 get sideways in their job due to their inability to say no. So they'll softly commit to everything.
00:32:25.520 Oh, can you do this, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Yep. Can you do this? Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Sure.
00:32:29.420 And then they drop the ball. And they're digging themselves their own ditch with not managing the
00:32:36.500 expectations of their actual commitments. So that back to that intentionality, right, is super
00:32:42.480 critical. Let me ask you this, Ryan, because I'm really curious. I don't think about this when I
00:32:48.500 think essentialism. When I think about that book, my biggest takeaways from that book are different.
00:32:53.700 What's your biggest takeaway from that book? Is it in this space of critical tasks or is it in a
00:32:58.680 different element of the book? I'm just curious. No, for me, for me with essentialism is where are we
00:33:04.300 placing our priorities and how easily distracted do we get with things that are nonsensical
00:33:10.680 or even other people's priorities? You know, is that a thing I even want to do or is that a thing
00:33:18.480 that Kip's doing so I think I should do it too? Yeah. And so essentialism to me is stripping away
00:33:25.180 things that are not a priority to me, a priority to me, um, being deliberate and intentional about
00:33:31.260 what I envision for my life and then placing the right amount of effort and time and resources
00:33:38.780 into the fewer things that are more important and going deep rather than saying on the surface.
00:33:44.060 Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Me too. All right. Justin Webb, when reaching out for help or guidance from
00:33:52.340 somebody further ahead in that specific area, how do you approach it so that you don't seem
00:33:57.900 desperate and also so you don't waste their time? Okay. I actually, I love that. I really like this
00:34:05.500 question because a lot of people get this wrong and I'm going to share some pros and cons and some
00:34:09.980 right ways to do it and some, what I think are wrong ways. And the wrong ways might be a little
00:34:15.100 critical or might make me sound a little ego inflated, but I'm doing it because I want you to see what
00:34:21.300 works and what doesn't work. The first thing when reaching out to somebody for help that for guidance
00:34:26.200 and direction, like you said, drop the whole part of it where you said, because I'm feeling desperate.
00:34:32.700 Maybe you are like, maybe I've been there, you know, like I've been in personal situations. Kip,
00:34:40.140 I've had conversations with you where I wasn't, I wouldn't say desperate, but distraught.
00:34:44.220 Yeah. Concerned, worried, afraid. Stakes are high. Totally. Yeah. And so I reached out and I'm like,
00:34:54.060 man, this is what's going on. You're like, okay, cool. Like here, let's talk about it. Let's work
00:34:57.560 through it. But I didn't shy away from telling you that I was afraid of what might happen or that I
00:35:02.820 was, I was concerned about it or it's something that's, that I'm afraid of or fearful of. I think
00:35:08.580 you should be honest about it. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, if anything, it might help
00:35:12.440 the feedback a little bit knowing how serious it is to you. Yeah, totally. Well, I remember when I
00:35:19.460 was doing my financial planning stuff in the early years, I really struggled. And there was this guy
00:35:24.640 in the office that was a great producer all the time. He always produced really well. I went to him
00:35:31.180 and I said, Hey, I need help. I don't know how to do this. And if I don't figure it out, I'm going to
00:35:36.000 quit. I'm going to get out of the business. I was desperate and I communicated to him and it was
00:35:40.640 fine. So I think get over that. That's a little bit of ego. That's a little bit of, yeah, pride
00:35:46.940 speaking. It's okay to feel that way. In fact, just be honest. And that's a really good way to ask for
00:35:52.920 feedback. Okay. So number one, drop that part. Number two, when doing it, ask for small investments
00:36:00.600 of time. Okay. So for, for example, Kip, if you and I are business acquaintances, we know each other,
00:36:08.620 but not completely, but I know you're really good in the leadership realm. And I just took on a new
00:36:12.620 leadership role. Um, I'm not going to come to you and say, Hey man, uh, can you do, can I come to one
00:36:19.180 of your leadership courses? I don't have any money. Can I come for free and like do that for free and
00:36:23.680 spend three days with you? Like I have not earned the right to ask for that. But if I said, Hey Kip,
00:36:32.700 man, I'm in this new leadership role. Finances are tough right now. We don't know each other all
00:36:37.700 that well. I just have one quick question. Totally. And I said, you know, when, when I take
00:36:43.700 on this role, I have one guy who I think might be a problem. What, what might be one thing I could
00:36:49.160 say to him to, to assess that and maybe to deal with that? That's it. That takes very little time
00:36:57.880 from you, very little effort. And it builds the bridge. It's one plank on the bridge. Now here's
00:37:04.060 the most important part, especially when you're reaching out to successful people. They don't need
00:37:10.140 your money. They don't need your praise. They don't need probably your connections. So a lot of guys won't
00:37:17.080 do it because they're like, well, what can I do for that guy? Here's what you can do. Make him feel
00:37:21.860 valuable. So this is the best feedback I will give to anybody who ever asks and gets advice from a
00:37:29.900 potential mentor. Let's take that scenario. So I reach out to you. I ask that one question. You share
00:37:35.740 with me something. Here it is. Ready? I give you feedback. That's my gift to you. Yeah. So I, I send you
00:37:44.120 an email back or maybe a text if I have your number. Kip, I had that conversation last week with
00:37:49.480 that guy. I use that phrase, man, it worked great. And he was all on board and things are actually
00:37:55.880 pretty good right now. And I just wanted to tell you, thank you. That meant a lot to me. Appreciate it.
00:38:04.380 Never underestimate that because in absence of anything else you could give a mentor,
00:38:09.140 you can always make him feel like he added value and successful people thrive on being valuable.
00:38:16.920 Yeah. So you have to close the loop. Too many people don't do this. I get the feedback. I go
00:38:22.200 implement it. It works or it doesn't. And then you never hear from me again until six months when I
00:38:26.620 feel like I want to ask you again for something. Yeah. Yeah. What, and you're less likely to give more
00:38:31.900 feedback if I didn't, if I didn't know that you actually took what I gave you and applied it and
00:38:37.320 you were workshopping it. Now I, now you're just a guy looking for a easy fix and you're unwilling to
00:38:43.580 do the work. So now I'm not, I don't even want to speak into you at this point. Yeah. You know,
00:38:48.600 if, if I don't know what it does, it does for these guys that are, that, that are mentoring you.
00:38:54.100 This is what they say. I like that guy. Yeah. That's it. It's funny how that is, huh? It's like,
00:39:01.720 you know, I like that guy. That's cool. And you may not think anything of it again until they reach
00:39:07.160 out again. But the other way that you can do this is I have all sorts of ideas on this, but
00:39:12.900 go to their men, uh, go to their conferences, go to their events, um, subscribe to their newsletters,
00:39:18.500 share their content, engage with their content, ask thoughtful questions. Those type of things go a
00:39:25.760 very long way. You need to get on their radar to some degree, and you need to figure out what it is
00:39:30.140 that they're after and how you might be able to do that. And sometimes it might mean they're just
00:39:34.740 trying to fill their conference up. Cool. I, man, when I started Order of Man, I was going to all
00:39:39.920 sorts of conferences so I could meet people that I knew I wanted to meet, but didn't have connections
00:39:44.100 with. So there's a few things that I would suggest to you. I love it. And when you serve people like
00:39:49.740 translation, when I give you advice and you give me feedback and I know it helped you,
00:39:54.780 serotonin is released. Am I, am I liking you increases by default? But if I don't know that it
00:40:04.540 created an impact or a change, who knows what, right? I had, I had someone I gave some advice to
00:40:10.900 followed up immediately. Just like you said, I loved it. Six months later, send me another message
00:40:16.300 and says, Hey Kip, I just got promoted. Right? Cause his, his whole thing was like, Oh, I want to get
00:40:22.280 into a leadership role too. I felt so good about myself. I was like, yeah, like that is awesome.
00:40:29.900 And I, I was cheering him. Like I was excited for him. I liked him more, even more because he shared
00:40:38.760 with me that he got into that leadership role that he was trying to get into. Like, I don't know. And,
00:40:44.280 and, and it made me feel great to your point. Yeah. I mean, you were part of the team. There's this
00:40:49.100 other concept I've explained this before Kip, but it's the Ben Franklin effect. You've, you've heard
00:40:53.020 me talk about this where Ben Franklin would, he tested this theory that if he didn't like somebody
00:41:00.300 or they didn't like him, there was friction in a relationship. He would ask to borrow a book.
00:41:05.000 Yeah. So they could serve him. So he would borrow a book, he'd read the book and then he'd return it
00:41:10.180 promptly and on time and in good order. And then immediately the likability factor, it broke down
00:41:16.580 all that dislike. And I don't know, I'd have to think about this. I don't know if I've ever tried
00:41:21.460 this with a mentor, but you could do something very simple. Like let's say, let's say you've got,
00:41:31.320 you, you go to a industry or a work conference and the guy speaking is a great speaker and he shares a
00:41:37.380 concept on effective, giving effective feedback to other people. And you get a chance to talk to him
00:41:44.940 after the conference, you might say something like, Hey, you know, that part where you're talking
00:41:49.560 about effectively communicating feedback to other people. Do you mind if I borrow that? I really like
00:41:55.340 that. And I think that would make a lot of sense for me to share with other people. Yeah. Something
00:42:01.580 as simple like that might go a long way and just breaking down some barriers and you're being
00:42:05.960 respectful. You're giving him good feedback. You're telling him he was valuable. That stuff like that's
00:42:12.360 really powerful. Well, and I can't help, but think Ryan, what is it that stops us from doing that?
00:42:17.680 What, what stops me from going to the boss and going, Hey, um, can I borrow a book from you?
00:42:24.100 Right. Can I, can I, um, seek for advice? And we said it earlier, just ego, ego. It is just ego.
00:42:33.920 You're so, we're so damn concerned about what everyone thinks about us. There, uh, we're unwilling
00:42:38.780 to be in a position that we think like makes us look less than, and it's a lie anyway. Cause I
00:42:47.480 wouldn't think any less of anybody in those circumstances. If anything, I think more highly
00:42:51.680 of them. It's so crazy. Yeah. There's a, I've, I've actually been testing this deliberately at the
00:42:58.500 gym because I geek out on some of this stuff like you do on, on things as well. And I'm fascinated with
00:43:06.040 the idea of building and creating relationships from nothing. It's, it's fat. It's interesting
00:43:10.620 to me. Yeah. And at the gym, it's so easy and guys don't do it. It's so easy to go to somebody
00:43:17.740 and say, Hey man, like I'm trying to improve my bench. And it looks like, you know what you're
00:43:22.200 doing? Like, could you watch me do this set? And then just give me like maybe two or three pointers.
00:43:28.120 And I've done that at the gym. You know how many times men have scoffed at me? Like big, strong,
00:43:35.320 tough men. Zero. I don't even need you to do it. I'm just, I'm, I do it as an, I'm curious.
00:43:42.840 And all of them are like, yeah, sure. I'd love to. They jump in. Now you have a relationship.
00:43:48.120 Boom. Starter. Yeah. Like I had this guy today, I was at the gym this morning and this guy comes up
00:43:52.620 and, uh, I saw him on the bench next to me and he had two plates on and I was doing some cable work
00:43:58.180 and I was walking over to get a drink and he stopped me. He's like, Hey man, do you mind
00:44:01.200 spotting me? I'm like, yeah, no problem. How many are you trying to get? You need help off, whatever.
00:44:05.720 And we get done. He racks the weight and he's like, cool. Thanks man.
00:44:10.280 I, I immediately like him more. I don't even know who he is. I like him more. He could be a complete
00:44:17.280 asshole. I don't know, but I like him because he asked me for help. Isn't that weird? It's so wild. 1.00
00:44:25.020 It's wild. It is wild to me. Well, and this is why back to the question earlier about like
00:44:29.560 integration and religion, right? What's the second commandment? Love your neighbor. Why do you think
00:44:36.840 that is? Oh man, because it's through the service of my neighbor that I do what? I form relationships.
00:44:44.500 I start caring for them and they start caring about me. What do you know? Right? Like a
00:44:51.360 foundational element that causes people to get together, right? And to form stronger bonds is
00:44:56.980 actually in, in this space of service. Yeah. Yeah. I, I love this. I was thinking about it,
00:45:03.020 even in the context of, um, like dating, you know, there's all these pickup artists and they tell you 0.98
00:45:08.780 like to be an asshole to a woman cause she'll be more interested in you and use this line and like 0.99
00:45:13.740 make fun of her. I'm like, what are we eight? Like you're, these are grown men. Yeah. Mocker. 1.00
00:45:20.280 Cause then she'll feel inferior and then you'll be in a position of authority. I'm like, what the hell 0.74
00:45:24.680 are you talking about? What kind of relationship is that going to be? Even if it works, what kind
00:45:29.740 of relationship is that going to be? But I, I, it's, it's not hard guys. If you're in the market for a
00:45:36.540 woman and let's say you're at the grocery store and you see an attractive woman, you're like, 0.99
00:45:40.580 I'd really like to approach her, let go of the ego. Number one, and just ask a question.
00:45:46.720 Let's say she's at the, uh, she's over looking at onions and the onions are right next to the 0.99
00:45:52.320 avocados. Walk up to the avocados and start feeling the avocados and say, I don't, this is weird.
00:45:58.980 This is going to be a weird question. I don't know how to pick up an, I don't know how to pick
00:46:02.160 out an avocado. Do you know how to do this? You know what you're doing, right? Yeah. It's so easy.
00:46:07.200 It's such an easy icebreaker to let go of the ego and just ask a question and ask for help.
00:46:13.900 And people barring very minor exceptions are more than willing to help out if you ask.
00:46:20.740 And you end up getting the right avocado. Exactly. It's a win-win. Worst case.
00:46:26.640 You thought I was going to say something sexual or something, didn't you?
00:46:29.840 Well, I was laughing because I'm imagining you're like, I'll ask some girl like, okay. And I'm 1.00
00:46:35.900 imagining she's in the, she's in like the tampon aisle and you're like, Hey, uh, so, uh, you
00:46:41.360 are on your period. So how, what's it like having a period? What condoms do you prefer?
00:46:51.820 Do not do that. Somebody will actually do that. Somebody will actually do that. Oh my gosh.
00:46:58.160 Oh shoot. All right. Joe Gunter pros and cons about buying property in Apple Valley
00:47:04.400 near hurricane in St. George. I have an opportunity to buy some property, which fits into my five-year
00:47:09.820 vision and retirement plans. The area is nice, but growing rapidly. So advice. Yeah. Get some
00:47:16.280 property over by Ryan. Yeah. Did he say, uh, did he say that it would be a primary residence or,
00:47:23.900 or an investment? Did he say that? Okay. No, he just said property Apple Valley.
00:47:29.860 Yeah. I mean the, the pros are Apple Valley is amazing. It's a little bit out there. So I, I,
00:47:35.320 I think it's a little bit further away from some amenities you might need, but it's growing rapidly,
00:47:39.640 like you said. So I don't think it'll be too long before 15 years ago, what was out there was
00:47:45.120 now like part of the middle of St. George. So exactly, exactly. Yeah. It's crazy. So it might be far
00:47:53.320 enough out there that the property values are lower than what you might find in other parts of
00:47:58.020 Southern Utah. Uh, I think those are all pros. It's a great area to live. Crime is low, pretty
00:48:04.640 moderate weather, great outdoors, good school systems, um, a very, uh, religious community,
00:48:11.480 which I think broadly speaking is a good thing. Christian values. That's a good thing. Uh, whether
00:48:18.820 you agree with the predominant religion or not, it's still a good thing for the community. 0.98
00:48:22.640 Absolutely. Um, I think the cons are that really that it's just expensive right now. The market is
00:48:30.760 just expensive right now. And at some point I think the bottom will fall out. I don't, we do this every
00:48:36.900 like 10 to 15 years where people are like, Oh, they're just property values are just going to go
00:48:41.540 up forever, forever, forever, forever. And then people are like shocked when the bottom falls out
00:48:46.880 every 10 to 15 years. Like you see it in the stock market, you see it in real estate, you see it in
00:48:51.280 tech. So just be prepared for that. Don't get in over your head. I've been looking for a couple of
00:48:57.140 rental properties and it doesn't make sense. I would never recoup my investment on some rental property
00:49:04.080 prices. So I'll just put my cash elsewhere into businesses right now. And then when the opportunities
00:49:09.220 arise, I'll invest in real estate. But if you have a good opportunity, um, I don't, and it's the right
00:49:15.560 time for you and you're in the position to do it. I don't see any downside. It's a great area. And I
00:49:19.480 think it's going to continue to grow, especially as people move away from California. A lot of people
00:49:24.200 come into here moving away from, um, mostly the West coast would move here to Utah. So it's going to
00:49:30.720 continue to grow. Yeah. All right. Elijah Elliott, we have all heard the saying, choose your battles.
00:49:38.220 What should we consider when making this choice?
00:49:40.620 Well, I w I would say, number one, do you care about it? Yeah. Cause it sounds funny,
00:49:51.000 but sometimes I'm stubborn and hardheaded and I like to be right. So I'll dig in my heels on
00:49:56.760 things. I don't even care about is what, like you'll get latched onto caring about winning the
00:50:03.120 argument, not about the subject. Yeah. Got it. So I think, I think actually ask yourself that,
00:50:09.980 especially if it's something small, like on social media, I've put, I've done this a million
00:50:16.480 times where I type a comment. I'm like, what? No, what are you doing? Don't. And you guys would
00:50:21.940 be surprised that I actually delete comments based on the comments you see me make. Yeah. I actually
00:50:26.580 delete comments. Um, so yeah, if, if it's just not important to you, just ignore it. Like don't even
00:50:35.300 waste your time on it. I think that's number one. Um, I also think when choosing your battle,
00:50:40.640 I want to engage in battles that I can win, not interested in engaging in battles that are going
00:50:47.020 to take a bunch of time, energy, resources, and distract me from other things that are more
00:50:52.280 winnable. And I think that's just true of whether we're talking about a physical battle, an altercation,
00:50:58.580 or some social issue that you're concerned about. If it's something that you can't win,
00:51:05.200 okay, then, or even define what victory would look like. But I think determining the probable
00:51:11.560 outcome of the battle is something you should consider. Now, just because you can't win per se
00:51:20.400 doesn't mean you shouldn't engage in it. I think that there's an opportunity to change the tide of
00:51:26.100 what it means to be a man and how society generally views manliness and masculinity.
00:51:30.360 But in a lot of ways, over the past 10 years, we've actually seen a decline in it.
00:51:34.880 Yeah. Am I still willing to fight that battle? Even if I know that it will continue to decline?
00:51:40.100 Yes, absolutely. It's that important to me. So it's not a deal breaker. It's just a consideration.
00:51:46.140 I find this interesting. I had a breakthrough two weeks ago around this subject. Five years ago,
00:51:53.260 we moved offices. We moved into this big office. And when we were remodeling the third floor,
00:52:00.400 I cared. I cared about the carpet. I cared about how we're going to do the ceiling. I cared about
00:52:06.500 the kind of desks. I cared about the common area, what the couches look. I cared.
00:52:12.580 We have since bought the building and we're building out another section of the building to
00:52:18.660 expand, right? Because we keep growing. And the chief of staff says, hey, Kip, do you care to be
00:52:24.960 involved? And I went, no, not at all. And I thought about it. I'm like, that's interesting.
00:52:32.560 Four years ago, I was fighting to be at the table to care about what the office looked like.
00:52:40.080 Now I'm like, don't even talk to me about it. Leave me out of it. Why? Because I'm about something
00:52:48.700 bigger. So Elliot, I know you're not asking this question, right? But it's a lot easier to choose
00:52:57.040 our battles when we know what battles we're fighting. When we're about a battle. And you'll
00:53:05.740 find this with people all the time that don't have anything going on in life. Guess what? They'll
00:53:10.760 create battles. They'll create battles in their relationships. They'll create battles with their
00:53:14.820 family. They'll create all kinds of drama in their life. They will fight to find battles. Why? Because
00:53:22.340 they haven't chosen one. So part of knowing what choices to make is by being intentional with the
00:53:31.600 battles that we are taking on. So when other things show up, we're like, not worth my time.
00:53:36.940 I'm about something else. And now we're operating in an intentional way about something bigger and not
00:53:44.840 just every argument that comes to our table, we want to argue about it. Yeah. No, that makes sense.
00:53:52.180 And the other side of it is being passionate too about something. Because when you said that about,
00:53:58.500 hey, I'm not interested because I'm about something bigger, somebody actually is thinking
00:54:02.220 the same way about designing that office space that you are about whatever you think is bigger.
00:54:07.380 And I was four years ago, right? I cared. Yeah. So it's not to dismiss the fact that it's not big.
00:54:14.980 It's just that it's not a priority or something you're passionate about. I was in the financial
00:54:20.360 planning business for a lot of years with a friend of mine. His name's Greg Black. And Greg and I did a
00:54:27.400 lot of work together. And I eventually got out of business. I wasn't really passionate about it.
00:54:32.880 And I started talking about Order of Man. And it was interesting because I had this revelation that
00:54:37.080 the way that I was talking so passionately about Order of Man and less passionately about the business,
00:54:42.240 the financial planning business, he was just as passionate as I was about financial planning.
00:54:49.840 So I think the passion, the excitement, the enthusiasm is a pretty good indicator that you're
00:54:54.940 onto something. And it really doesn't matter what other people think or what they think of
00:54:58.600 what you think is important. Totally. Totally. All right. We have one time for one more.
00:55:04.340 You got one more? Okay, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it.
00:55:06.160 Chad Scott, for someone who doesn't have hobbies and a lifetime of doing it on their own without
00:55:12.500 friendship mentality, do you have any tips on establishing friendships as a man?
00:55:20.580 Well, I think the biggest thing is to find, well, you say you don't have hobbies. You certainly have
00:55:28.680 interests, right? There's things that you're interested in. And so take the first step into the
00:55:35.380 thing that you're interested in. Yeah. It's really as simple as that. If there's something that
00:55:40.920 you're excited about, something that you are even remotely interested in, go do that. Now,
00:55:47.880 here's the difference. Because I do talk about that a lot. Because you're going to find people
00:55:51.700 in those things. If it's jujitsu or hiking or training or lifting, you're going to find people.
00:55:57.160 But to my point earlier, you actually have to go out of the way to extend yourself and form those
00:56:06.480 friendships. You can't just show up and expect that people are going to flock to you like you're
00:56:13.840 God's gift to whatever it is. You have to extend yourself. You have to put forth effort. And so if
00:56:20.540 you're at jujitsu, you have to ask the guys, hey, is there anything going on around here? Or you're
00:56:26.680 at the gym, you have to ask for people to give you feedback. Or if you're running or taking
00:56:32.340 photography lessons, ask for feedback, get involved with those guys. At church, don't just show up,
00:56:37.680 like actually be engaged in what those guys are doing. And I think if you do that, you'll find pretty
00:56:46.020 easily that there's a lot of men who actually want to form friendships, but they're saying the same
00:56:51.080 thing as you. We don't know how. Totally. So be the guy that puts yourself out there, gets out
00:56:56.500 outside of your comfort zone, drops the ego, and takes a risk. And we want to have friendships with
00:57:01.840 who? People that are kind of aligned with us. And what I'm excited about this question for Chad is he
00:57:08.700 has no idea what's coming for him. Because I checked here, Chad just signed up for the Iron Council.
00:57:14.340 He's in the forge right now. I'm like, Chad, done. You're going to get on a battle team. You're
00:57:23.460 going to get with like-minded guys that are about things in life. You just started that step in
00:57:31.060 forging those friendships and bonds with really strong, like-minded individuals that are going to
00:57:37.060 not just be your friend, but play a role in uplifting you in your life at the same time.
00:57:42.200 Yeah. Well, again, as long as you're willing to work for it. That's true. I guess it is possible
00:57:48.460 for him to- Right. And a lot of people will. Even when they join the Iron Council, they'll show up
00:57:54.700 and think, well, I showed up. Here I am. Someone? It's like when people move to a new town and they
00:58:01.600 get frustrated because nobody introduced themselves. And they think, oh, people around here are rude.
00:58:06.340 I'm like, nobody around your place. They're not rude. They're just busy. They just have their own
00:58:11.680 lives. They're distracted. They're like, they're not rude. How about instead of complaining that
00:58:17.260 they're being rude? How about go out of your way to introduce yourself? Well, I shouldn't. Well,
00:58:23.000 shouldn't has nothing to do with it. Of course you should. If you want to know who that person is,
00:58:28.640 then you have to go over and introduce yourself to that person. Yeah. And if you want to make the most
00:58:34.000 of your Iron Council experience, then you have to do the work and connect and do all of those things.
00:58:37.880 Like, it's just the reality of it. Just how it works. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, the Iron Council's
00:58:44.500 closed. So if you were interested- It is closed with all that said. Yeah. You're going to have to wait
00:58:49.140 until next quarter. But we do have the Men's Forge event that's coming up May 1st through the 4th.
00:58:56.240 To learn more about that event, go to themensforge.com. And as always, connect with Mr.
00:59:02.680 Mickler on X and Instagram, at Ryan Mickler. Anything else, sir? Call to actions. Nope. That's
00:59:09.000 it. I mean, we'd love to see you out there. We've got some great interviews coming up. We did one
00:59:13.140 yesterday with Scott Payne, former FBI special agent, 30 years almost, undercover with some crazy
00:59:19.280 notorious gangs and Nazis and drug traffickers. So that was a really good one. And then next week 0.98
00:59:26.000 will be Kurt Cameron. A lot of you guys know Kurt Cameron from his acting days, but he's an advocate
00:59:31.000 four men in the family unit. Met with him in Nashville a week or two ago. So that one will
00:59:36.520 be next week. So make sure you subscribe to the podcast because we've got some good ones coming
00:59:40.660 out very, very soon. Awesome. Cool. Kip, appreciate you, man. And guys, I appreciate you. Great questions
00:59:46.840 today as always. It seems like our questions have been getting better and better lately. I don't know
00:59:51.580 if you have felt that, but it feels like we were getting some solid, solid questions and I'm grateful.
00:59:56.120 We've got a lot over on Facebook that we'll get to next week, guys. But until then, go out there,
01:00:01.320 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man
01:00:09.720 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:00:14.480 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.