Navigating Uncharted Territory | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
In this episode, Ryan talks about how to navigate uncharted territory and how to deal with the challenges that life throws our way. He gives 8 points that he believes will help you deal with these challenges and how you can overcome them.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
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I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. My job is to interview
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incredible men, have this podcast, have these conversations, ask good questions, get good
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answers, and hopefully we can take the lessons that we've learned from guys like Tim Tebow,
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Jocko, Tim Kennedy, Andy Frisilla, Terry Crews, Matthew McConaughey. I mean, the guys that we've
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had on the podcast are phenomenal, but it's my goal to take their wisdom, their information,
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impart that so that we can implement that in our lives and work on becoming more effective
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husbands, fathers, business owners, community leaders, just men in general, because Lord knows
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that we need more men in this society probably now more than ever. So hopefully we're doing our
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part to do that. If you're new, welcome. If you've been with us for any amount of time, welcome.
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This is your Friday field notes. I've got some thoughts today on navigating uncharted territory.
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This is something that we're all going to face is dealing with obstacles and hardships, whether
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it's divorce or getting laid off from a job or having financial issues or dealing with a medical
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condition or a bankruptcy or a lawsuit or whatever. You guys have experienced hardship. I've experienced
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hardship. Some of it is by our undoing. Some of it is outside of our control, but whatever
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it is, we as men need to learn how to navigate uncharted territory because we're going to face
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it. And when we face it, people are going to be looking at us literally and figuratively
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to try to figure out how to get us through these burdensome times. So we're going to talk
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about how to do that. Before I get into it, just want to mention my friends and show sponsors
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guys, let's talk about navigating uncharted territory. Again, all of us are going to deal
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with it. All of us are going to face it. We've got to find a way to get through these very
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challenging and demanding times, not only for us, but for our families as well, because as
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a leader of, of, as a man and a leader in general, people are going to look to you. They're
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going to, they're going to decide whether or not you can lead them. They're going to decide whether
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or not you can get them past whatever it is that they might be dealing with. And if you can't,
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then you're not going to have the influence that you desire with them. And you're not going to be
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able to lead them to better places effectively. So I'm going to get right into it because I have
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quite a few points here. I have eight points that I want to share with you today that are going to
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help you navigate uncharted territory. Should you find yourself in it? Number one is, I think it's
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really important that we look at life as an adventure. All right. We only live here on this
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planet for a very, very short period of time, 80 years, 90 years. If we're lucky, maybe it's going
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to be more and we'll turn into cyborgs or we'll be able to download memories and all that kind of
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stuff. But as it stands right now, we have about 80 years on this planet. And that might seem like a
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lot. But as a 42-year-old man, I'm more than halfway through my life, my expected life right
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now. And I don't feel like it. I don't feel like it's been that long. But what I've noticed is that
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I put so much weight and emphasis on things that I should not put weight and emphasis on. There's been
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times in my life that have been very challenging and demanding and even hard to deal with that
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looking back on it now, really in the grand scheme of things, weren't really all that difficult.
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And I think you could attest to that. I think there's been times in your life where you felt
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like that your life was over, that the earth would stop spinning. And guess what? It keeps going.
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It keeps moving. People keep growing and falling back and having hardship and overcoming it. And so
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do you. But I think if we look at life as more of an adventure, we're going to give ourselves
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permission to have fun. We're going to give ourselves permission to fail. We're going to give
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ourselves permission to even explore what we might be able to do in our lives as a result of the
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hardship that we're dealing with. It's not the end of the world, whatever you're dealing with.
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And look, I don't want to be dismissive of what you're focused on right now because it might be
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more challenging than what I or somebody else might be going through. But if you look at it as an
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adventure, these are opportunities to grow. They're opportunities to improve and they're
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opportunities to get stronger and better than you were before. Let's maybe not put so much weight on
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every aspect and element of life and let's lighten the load. That's not to say we shirk our
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responsibilities and duties, but that we look at life as an opportunity to try new things,
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experiment with things that we've never tried before that might work differently or produce a
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different result than we've ever experienced. Guys, look at life as an adventure, even the hardship.
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And isn't that so challenging to do when you're faced with financial difficulties, relational issues
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to look at it as an adventure, that something good might actually come of this, that you might
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learn something new, that you might find a talent or a skillset or an interest that you've never
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explored before. Yes, you can. And you should. Number two is we need to realize that there are going
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to be setbacks in our lives. Now, most of you will say that. Most of you will acknowledge that to some
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degree, that there's going to be a setback in your life, but there's going to be challenges. There's
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going to be issues. There's going to be things that you need to deal with. But if you acknowledge that,
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then why is it that we're so caught off guard when these things happen? It's because we might've said
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that we acknowledge that there's going to be setbacks, but we haven't really embraced the idea
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that we never know what's going to happen to us on a daily basis. I woke up this morning. My little
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guy, my seven-year-old had snuck in bed with me last night. So I woke up and he was there just
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staring at me. That kind of creeped me out at first. But when I woke up, I had this little human
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sleeping right next to me who was so excited to be there. I had this, I woke up with the technology
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and the alarm that went off. I went out into the living room and my kids started waking up and
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stirring and they came out and we got to talk. I had a great conversation with men inside of our
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brotherhood, the iron council, with so many wonderful things happened. And it was, it's been a good
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morning, but I don't know what's going to happen this afternoon. There might be, I might get a call
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that of bad news, something happened to one of my children. I might get in a car accident.
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I might get sued. I might realize that there's some, I just had some blood work done for a routine
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annual physical. I might find that I've got some markers of an underlying medical issue that I need
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to deal with. Like there's things that we're going to need to deal with. And the more that we're willing
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to acknowledge that the moments that we have, the good moments are temporary blessings. And that's not
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to be a doomsday or just, or be rain on anybody's parade. But the moments that we realize that we
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have that are positive and they're just moments in time, the more that we'll be equipped to be able
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to deal with the inevitable hardship that comes up. Guys, there's going to be setbacks. Like don't
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believe for a second, although I do all the time. And so do other people that whatever happens bad to
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other people, isn't going to happen to you. Okay. You're going to go through relational issues.
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You might be, find yourself separated. You might find yourself in a divorce. You might find yourself
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being sued. You might find yourself without any money to be able to pay your bills. You might find
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yourself at the tail end or the receiving end of a cancer diagnosis. Like these are all things that
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could happen. If we acknowledge and recognize that they might happen to us, number one, we can prepare
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mentally, emotionally, and even physically for these things. But also we can be more grateful for the
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positive, encouraging, and exciting moments that we actually have in life. It's really important.
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Number three, and this goes in line with number two of realizing there's going to be setbacks.
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If you recognize that there are setbacks in life, then you can build in contingency plans.
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So for example, if you're willing to acknowledge and recognize that you might not always have the
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income that you have today, then I think you're going to be able to build in the contingency plan of
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not getting yourself into debt. You can't manage to learn how to build wealth and make money and
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increase your annual income in a way that maybe you didn't before. If you realize that you might
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be on the receiving end of a medical diagnosis, then maybe that's going to cause you to have one
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less donut today, or maybe to take your vitamins, or maybe to go into the gym when your alarm goes off
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and you don't want to. Now that's not to say that if you go into the gym and you eat right and you do
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all the things correctly, that you can't get cancer or something like that. Certainly not saying that.
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I just saw something on Instagram from somebody we follow who had a life-threatening medical
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condition. And this is a gentleman who took very, very good care of himself physically.
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I don't know about the mentally and emotionally. I don't know that side, so I can't speak to that.
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Physically, he was a specimen. Jack, shredded, lean, strong, muscular, athletic, clearly took care
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of himself and yet was in a medical complication from a surgery that he had. And these things are
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going to come up. So I'm not saying that by taking care of yourself, all of the risk goes away. No,
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I'm just saying we hedge against it. And then we build in contingency plans. What would happen if I
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lost my job today? Would I be okay? Would I be okay for three months? Would I be okay for six
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months? How about 12 months? Would I be okay? If not, then I probably ought to look at what
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contingency plans I need to build in right now. Number one, I could save more money. I could put
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more money aside. Number two, I could pay off debt. So that wasn't looming over me. Number three,
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I could build out my network so that if I lost my job, I could go to a thousand different places and
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find a job almost overnight. I could do that because I built out a network. These are contingency plans.
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Guys, things are going to go wrong. Be aware of them. Number four is let's start looking at life
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as more of a long-term perspective. Now, I know I told you in point number one that life is short.
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It is short, but also we tend to look at things in the micro moment. Like what is happening right now?
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So your wife said she wants a separation or divorce. Okay. I came face-to-face with that about a year ago.
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Okay. That was a very difficult thing to deal with. And it has been a difficult thing to deal
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with over the past year. And if I looked at it just in the moment, and that's all I focused on,
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it would be easy to be disheartened. It would be easy to be depressed. It would be easy to be even
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suicidal if I looked at it just in that moment. But if I take a step back and another and another and
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another step back, I began to see my life on this timeline of 80 years, or in my case,
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40 additional years. And I realized that the last 12 months, although painful and difficult to deal
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with, are one of 40 more years on this rock. And what I do in this moment, I can either blow up the
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next 40 years through my behavior. I can keep drinking. I can go out and womanizing. I could go
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out and self-destruct. I could fall apart. I could get myself fat. I could just completely
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destroy myself and ruin 40 years, the next 40 years of my life. Or I could take a step back and
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say, you know what? I'm dealing with this difficult circumstance. But I realize even now in the
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difficulty that this is just a moment in time. And the way that I respond to this is going to
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largely influence and impact what the next 40 years are going to be like. Do I want to feel
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this way for 40 years? No. And so I better figure it out so that I can have an enjoyable, fulfilling,
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rewarding, influential, supportive, serving 40 years moving forward. Guys, I don't care if you're
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dealing with medical issues, divorce or separation, financial hardship. The sun will come up and it'll
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come up sooner if you do the right things now. All right. Number five, I'm stealing a page from
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the playbook of Jocko's book here. Detach yourself from the situation. So now when we're looking at the
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long-term perspective, it's hard to do because you're so emotionally flooded with negative emotions
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or the so-called negative emotions, guilt, shame, remorse, sorrow, sadness, emptiness, loneliness,
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bitterness, anger, frustration, confusion. These are all emotions and more that I have experienced
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over the past 12 months in droves, more so than I'd like. And in these moments where these emotions
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are flooding us and they're overwhelming us and it's difficult to deal with,
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we tend to make poor decisions. We make decisions in the micro. We make poor decisions. We're not
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rational. We're not thinking clearly. We're not because we're so flooded by emotion. And by the
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way, emotions aren't the enemy, but if they're causing you to do dumb things, then it's not the
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emotion. It's your reaction and response to it. But what I would suggest to you is that as a human
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being, this is really cool, so pay attention to this one, as a human being, a sentient creature,
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a conscious entity, you can choose to be different. Not because there's some threat against your life,
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like maybe another animal in the animal kingdom. They'll change their behavior based on existential
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threats. We'll change our behavior on existential threats, but we don't have to wait to change our
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behavior for some sort of threat like that to occur. You could make a decision right now to change
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just because you want to. You could say, I'm no longer going to eat donuts. Even though you really
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like donuts, you can make the decision to say, I'm not going to eat donuts anymore. Just because
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you could make a decision that I'm going to start being an asshole. I don't recommend that,
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but I'm going to start being an asshole to people just because. Like no rhyme or reason to it,
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just because. But that's really powerful because when you know that you can change your behavior
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just because you want to, then what you can also do is detach yourself from the situation. This is
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what we would call an element of consciousness. So you can almost take yourself out of the situation
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you found yourself in and say, what would a different person do? What would somebody who I look up to
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do? What would the ideal version of myself do in this situation? How would he handle himself?
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How would he behave? You can extract and isolate yourself from the moment. Why is this important?
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Because when you extract yourself from the moment or you put yourself in someone else's shoes,
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then you're no longer attached to the emotions that might be clouding your decision-making process.
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So one exercise I often tell people when they have questions is what would you tell somebody else
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who was going through this situation to do? What advice would you give to that guy who was dealing
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with the divorce or the bankruptcy or the loss of a job or a medical condition? What would you tell
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that person to do? That's detachment because now you're looking at it from a different angle
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without the emotional baggage that comes with actually having to deal with the consequences
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of your own behavior in your own life. And that's a powerful exercise because you're giving yourself
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perspective, right? We've all seen the pictures where I think it's a number on the ground and there's
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two men and two men are looking at this number, one from one side of the number and one from the other
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side of the number on the ground. And one guy says, well, that's a six. And the other guy looks at it and
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says, well, that's a nine. And they're both so adamant about what they believe. And they're both
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so adamant that the other person is wrong. Well, who's right and who's wrong? Neither of them are
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right or wrong. It just depends on the vantage point from which we're looking. But if you can look
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at it from a different perspective and see that neither of them are right or wrong, because you're
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looking at it from an elevated position, you can see that could be a six or a nine. And I could see how
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it would be either based on their circumstances and how they're situated in relation to the number.
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Detachment is really, really powerful. There's some other ways to do that from detached from the
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situation. And this gets into number six is building trusted advisors around yourself. Because again,
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you're so emotionally vested and wrapped up in the baggage of what you're going through that you can't
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see things clearly, but you can give yourself a different perspective. If you have other advisors
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and brothers and people around you who are letting you see things in a way that you cannot possibly see
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for yourself, you just can't see it. If you're looking at that number and it's right side up,
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it's going to look like a six or a nine to you. And you can't possibly see how it might look like
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something to somebody else, unless you know what that perspective is. And the best way to do it
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is to have a trusted advisor, have people in your corner, have people that you're willing to open up to,
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have people that are willing to open up to you. And I'll tell you one way you can do this
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is by starting. What I mean is by going first. So you've got, you've got friendships.
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Most everybody listed in this podcast has, has, has men in their corner. It could be a brother,
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your father, or a cousin, or a neighbor, or a colleague, or a coworker, or a friend,
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but you have somebody in your corner. You have somebody you trust. You have somebody who you're
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friends with. But if you're anything like me, a lot of those conversations were very surface level
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type conversations. Tell me, tell me all the things that are going wonderful in your life. And then
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we'll compare. Oh, well, you know, you got a raise. Well, I got a raise that was bigger than yours.
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Oh, your relationship is going great. Yeah. Ours is going great. You went on that vacation. We went
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to this better place than you went. And so all of our conversations with other men are focused on
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what's going wonderful in our life at the, at the expense or it's not even expense, but just,
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we're not, we're not telling the entire truth. You might be locked in with regards to your
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relationship, but how's your spiritual wellbeing? You might be locked in with your spiritual
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wellbeing, but how's your fitness? Have you told anybody what you're dealing with from a medical
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perspective? Have you told anybody that you and your wife are struggling? Have you told anybody
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that you're having financial hardship? Now, look, I said, trusted advisors, because I don't, I don't,
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I wouldn't encourage you to go, you know, blast this out to anyone and everyone, especially those
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who don't have your best interest at heart, but man, don't you have a team? How do you do this?
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Go first. The guy that you're closest with, did you just talk about how the Red Sox are playing or,
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or what your favorite team is doing or what the weather's like? Why don't you talk to him about
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something real? Say, Hey Joe, you know, let's go to lunch, go to lunch with him and say, Hey, look,
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I know we're usually talking about the game, but man, I wanted to share something with you. Cause
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I'd really been struggling with my relationship lately. And here's what I'm struggling with.
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What do you think of that? Joe's going to do one of two things. He's going to give you some input
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and advice and let you know that he's there in your corner, or he's going to blow it off and brush it
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off. And in that case, if he brushes it off, you know, you might have somebody who's just
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a friend on the golf course and that's it. Or you might find that Joe is deeply interested in
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the real version of your story and that you can be interested in the real version of his story.
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And you guys can actually support each other. Maybe he says to you, Hey man, the reason why you're
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having a hard time with your, your wife is because I see the way you interact with other women. And
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that's not good, but you're more interested in other women than you are with your wife.
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Or he might say, yeah, you know, I get that. I had a hard time in my relationship too,
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until I started putting my priorities where they belonged. And, uh, and, and I stopped working
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so much and I started engaging with my family more. And that seemed to change things around.
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This is the power of having men and trusted advisors in your corner, that they can give you
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a perspective that you can't possibly see for yourself. Utilize it. Number seven, I talk about this a lot,
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guys, is we need to evaluate our choices. We don't do this enough. We make our choices and
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then we just etch them in stone. And then we don't think anything of them. You heard from somebody
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you're supposed to do that workout. Good. I'm going to do that workout. Do it regardless of
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whether or not it's the workout for you. You follow me or other people on social media. And you think,
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well, you know, Ryan does jujitsu. Ryan hunts. Ryan does this. This person does that. Jocko does this.
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And Ed Milet does that. Andy Frisilla does this. Okay. So you do that. And then it's like
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you're leaning your ladder against the wrong wall. When you're walking up the ladder,
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you're exerting your energy, but you realize, man, the wall that I'm climbing isn't one I'm
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interested in climbing. Let's evaluate our choices. Let's evaluate the work that we're
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doing. Is it really producing the results? And then also while we're doing that is you can
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celebrate your growth. So you're in this hardship, this challenging time. You're navigating uncharted
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territory. It's scary. And there's waves and there's the currents and there's things you're not aware
00:22:18.540
of. And it's just so difficult for you to deal with. And yet in the midst of everything that's
00:22:23.340
going on, you're becoming better. If we're using the analogy of uncharted territory and you're on
00:22:27.560
the sea and you're sailing into waters that have never been explored before, what you can do is
00:22:32.940
realize that you're becoming a better sailor. You're learning how to navigate more effectively.
00:22:37.400
You're learning how to weather the storm. You're learning how to read currents and to read the
00:22:43.260
weather so that you can anticipate storms that might derail you, might sink you. You're getting
00:22:48.560
better. You're improving. It's painful. It's hard. It's difficult. You don't want to deal
00:22:53.220
with it, but you're getting better. And so we need to evaluate our choices. Did what
00:22:57.660
I just did implement or that I just implemented, did it work? Did it improve my life? Did it
00:23:03.780
improve performance or did it hinder results or did it keep them the same? And because of
00:23:09.520
that, as a result of that, did I get better? Did I improve? No, I got worse. Okay. Like,
00:23:15.200
wouldn't you want to know that as soon as possible? So you can reevaluate and go back to
00:23:19.180
the drawing board and then re-engage in a more meaningful and productive way. So evaluate
00:23:23.500
those choices. And then the last, and I think this is really important, especially if you're
00:23:28.100
depressed, you're anxious, you're frustrated, you're depressed, maybe even suicidal. Maybe
00:23:33.080
you're dealing with something that you don't think you can get over. Like all seems lost.
00:23:38.220
Total despair. All is not lost guys. Here's the point I'd make is that you can draw on past
00:23:44.100
experiences. I don't know how old you are. Maybe you're 20, maybe you're 30. Maybe you're like me,
00:23:48.240
and you're 42. Maybe you're older. Maybe you're 65, 70 years old. And you're listening to this
00:23:51.480
podcast. You're alive. Maybe you're even 15, 16 years old. And we do have 16 year old listeners
00:23:57.300
and younger probably. You're alive. You've gone through hard things before. You've gone through
00:24:03.040
bankruptcies. You've gone through economic turmoil. You've dealt with the economic fallout of world wars
00:24:10.040
potentially. You've had a broken heart. You've had financial difficulty. You've been laid off from
00:24:16.020
the job. You've been dumped. You've gone through all of that. And you're still here. You're still
00:24:21.460
kicking. You're still fighting. You're still clawing your way through this thing that we call life.
00:24:28.220
Why? Because you're resilient and you're tough and you're capable of evolving and growing and getting
00:24:36.500
better and improving. You're capable of overcoming hardship. You are. You wouldn't be here if that
00:24:41.660
weren't the case. And by the way, you're bred of some of these strongest, most capable human beings
00:24:47.060
to ever walk the planet. If that weren't the case, they wouldn't have been alive to procreate and have
00:24:53.980
you. But they were tough and they were resilient and they were resourceful, which means that you were
00:24:59.780
tough and resilient and resourceful. And you have been in the past. People often say, you should never
00:25:05.980
look behind. Always moving forward. Always marching forward. Never look behind. I don't agree with that.
00:25:09.820
If you're driving down the road, you have a rear view mirror for the reason. You got to look what's
00:25:13.920
behind you relative to what's in front of you. So every once in a while, you look in that rear view
00:25:17.820
mirror and you check. And I think it's okay to look in the rear view mirror and realize that, you know
00:25:21.000
what? Holy shit. Like here I am in this situation. But two years ago, I overcame that bankruptcy.
00:25:25.800
Here I am in this difficult situation with my bride. And yet five, 10 years ago, I was in this
00:25:30.820
situation before and I got through it. Okay. We got through it. Okay. You've done it before. You can do it
00:25:37.020
again. And even if you haven't done the exact thing that you're dealing with right now, you still have
00:25:41.440
the skillset that's very transferable to whatever it is you're dealing with. So use it, honor yourself,
00:25:48.100
recognize and acknowledge the good that you've done. It's easy to look at the bad that you don't
00:25:52.660
have to worry about that. You're going to do that by default. Look at the good too. You've done a lot
00:25:56.760
of good in the world and you have a lot of work to do. So guys, I hope this helps navigating
00:26:01.360
uncharted territory. If you have some specific examples of implementing these things
00:26:05.180
or specific examples of what you might be dealing with, let me know. Shoot me a message. I'm very
00:26:10.240
active on Instagram mostly or Facebook, Twitter, but Instagram mostly. You can email me even if you
00:26:16.420
wanted to, but let me know how it's going. And by the way, take a screenshot and share this on social
00:26:21.340
media. Tag me, Order of Man and Ryan Michler. Tag both so I can see it and I'll share it on my end.
00:26:26.480
I do a good job of sharing that. And then also just send a text to somebody. Just hit the share button
00:26:31.340
wherever you're listening to this right now and share it with somebody who needs to hear it. This is
00:26:34.220
important stuff, guys. There's a lot of navigating of uncharted territory that we need to deal with.
00:26:39.360
So let's recap. Number one, look at life as an adventure. Number two, realize that you're going
00:26:43.520
to have setbacks. Anticipate those setbacks. Number three, build in contingency plans. There we go.
00:26:50.260
Number four, look at it with a long-term perspective. Number five, detach yourself from the situation.
00:26:55.260
Number six, look for trusted advisors. Seven, evaluate your choices and celebrate growth. And then number
00:27:00.540
eight, draw upon past experiences. Guys, if you want to learn how to do this more effectively,
00:27:04.940
I would encourage you to check out our Battle Ready program where we talk a lot about these things and
00:27:09.300
coming up with a battle plan that's going to help you navigate uncharted territory, anticipate these
00:27:13.880
things, and overcome the obstacles and hardships of life. You can check that out at orderofman.com
00:27:18.760
slash battle ready. All right, guys. We'll be back next week. We've got a really good conversation
00:27:23.780
with my good friend, John Lovell with Warrior Poet Society Network and the importance of men
00:27:27.820
in society today. So make sure you subscribe, leave a rating review, share this, get the Battle
00:27:33.080
Ready program, and we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man
00:27:38.720
you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take
00:27:43.760
charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order