Nice Guys and the Friendzone, Teaching Others How to Treat You, and Calling Brothers Out ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 5 minutes
Words per Minute
184.87851
Summary
On this episode of the podcast, we sit down with Kip and his crew from the Iron Council to talk about their recent pig hunt and what it means to be a man. We talk about the importance of being a man of action and how to live life to the fullest.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you today. I'm back from our pig hunt,
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our iron council pig hunt, and a little tired, but rejuvenized and energized.
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I love it, man. How many hogs did you and your boys end up bringing home? Are you guys packing
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those things up and you coming home with a crew or what?
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We, so there was 10 of us hunting. So me, my two boys, and seven other guys.
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And so we could shoot two pigs each. And between the 10 of us, we shot, we killed 18 pigs.
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So we, we got it done in three and a half days. And my boys and I together, we killed six.
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So we packed them up and shipped them home. We just brought them on the plane with us and
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threw them in the freezer last night. So everything is good.
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One of the things I've been thinking a lot about is, you know, we've talked about the iron council a lot
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and over the past seven or eight years now, and it's actually open right now, open for enrollment.
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And it's been a great digital band of brothers. You know, it's, it's been a system, a tool, a process,
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a system of accountability for a lot of people. And they changed their ways and behaviors and patterns
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of life in general. But I really want to bring it off the computer screen and bring it into the real
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world. And this was a cool experience because there was, there was, like I said, 10 of us,
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seven other iron council guys who, who got together and broke bread together, hunted together,
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shared success and failure together, made fun of each other in a good way, you know,
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honored each other, learned some new things. And I think that's sorely missing in society,
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especially among men. So, um, I, I plan on doing more of these hunts, but also more activities
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where men can actually get together in a meaningful way, not just to, you know, sit around a prayer
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circle and, and, you know, hold each other's hand and pat each other on the back for our
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underperformance, but actually go out and do something meaningful, learn a new skill, develop
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a new interest, do something difficult and challenging. Uh, one of our guys was talking about
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doing a, um, a Spartan race, I believe in July. So I'm looking at my schedule for that because
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there's going to be, I think an iron council team for that. This is what we need. So it's pretty
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cool to see the iron council develop into something more that than just what's happening in zeros and
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ones, but things that are happening in real life. Yeah. It's certainly anybody that's within the iron
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council. It's not some elusive, you know, individuals that you're meeting with that you
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don't really know that well. Right. Like these are your, these are your brothers. When, once you're on
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a battle team, it's, it's not superficial business relationships and everyone's, you know, hiding
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behind a persona of some sort. I mean, these are guys lifting each other up and, and I'll forever
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have strong relationships with guys that I was, you know, on teams with in the past that I just,
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I love them. And I love those men, you know, some of those like on Tony, Tony got his, I think it was
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earlier this year, actually late last year was his 50th birthday. And, um, and I, I sent him a message
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because his kids, his kid that I don't know, reaches out to me and says, Hey, we're doing a
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surprise for Tony. He would love to, to have a message from you that just the fact that his
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family knows me. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Is in itself. I'm like flattered, you know, and in that message
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to Tony, I told Tony, he's like, man, uh, I love you. And if you ever need me, I'm on a plane.
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And that's, and that's true. I just love service. Yeah. I do that in a second. If I got a call from
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Tony says, I need you out in Timbuktu to help me out, I would stop what I'm doing and go help him.
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Yeah. That's, that's how strong those relationships are. So. Yeah. Well, I, I got a, I got a message
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from one of our guys and they said in the, in the iron council, and they said that they're doing an
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event. He sent me an email. I haven't, I scanned it briefly. I've been traveling, but he sent me an
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email and said they're doing an event together. And he was telling me about it. I'm like, man,
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this is awesome. Like, this is so cool. I know one of the biggest struggles for guys is
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finding other like-minded high caliber men who are interested in self-improvement.
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And it's pretty cool that it's all built in, in right there. And these guys are
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taking it upon themselves. This is nothing I told them to do. They're taking it upon themselves to
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go out and connect and build something meaningful in real life. It's, it's awesome. So, well, I mean,
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not to, I mean, obviously you want to be humble, but you know, it's your framework that makes that
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possible. And so we're all internally grateful for you putting that together too.
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Look, I appreciate that. And I'll accept that compliment, but I will, I will also say that
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it's our framework. You know, it's one of the things I see in this, this men's movement space,
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if you will. And there's a, there's a lot of movements in the manosphere, manosphere. It's
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all built around this. Usually, typically this central figurehead that is at the top of the hierarchy
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and, you know, it's his way or the highway. And, and, and it's all built around this,
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this worship or this idolization of this central figurehead. And that's wrong. That's wrong.
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It's just, it's not, look, somebody has got to lead. I'm not saying that somebody has got to have
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the vision and somebody has got to have systems and structures and be pointing people in the right
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direction. Of course, there's got to be a captain of the ship, but we've created something.
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Now I haven't created something. We have created something, you know, you and I, and the team
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leaders and guys that are in the iron council, and even listeners who give suggestions and feedback.
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This is not built around me. This is built around systems that have proven to work.
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And look, I, I'm just as guilty of not following the system. And when I don't follow the system,
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even though it's something that I've identified and built and constructed, when I don't follow the
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systems, my life doesn't go well. And when I do follow the systems, it does go well. It's,
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it's like that, that concept of detachment from Jocko. It's like just detach and just follow the
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system. It's like working out. How do you get strong? Everybody knows, just follow the system.
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Don't go, don't come at me with your excuses. Don't tell me why you can, or you can't, or what
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you're dealing with or what your struggle, what your personal situation is. You're either going
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to follow the system or you're not. Those are the only two options. And I think that's what it is
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here. Yeah. No, that's powerful, man. Especially when it comes to like how you feel, there's even
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like an emotional state to what you're saying, Ryan, about following the system. And I do this
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mental gymnastics with myself all the time where I'll go to the gym. I'm tired. I'm not feeling it.
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I don't want to do legs. I hate leg day, or I hate certain exercises. I don't want to do
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200 lunges yet. Like I'll add all this, like, ah, and then I, and then when I get to that mindset of
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like, no, the, the objective is do that the best I can. That's it. Right. Yeah. That's it. Just do the
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best you can and then move on, you know, do your best and forget the rest. That's it. And, and
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start adding what it means, you know, exactly. And also do your best doesn't mean don't do your
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best and convince yourself that you had an excuse not to do your best. It means do it correctly
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and to the best of your ability. Yeah. But, but for me, I was like, I had meaning if I come up short
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or I'm not lifting as heavy as I could for some odd reason, I'm like, that's not the objective.
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The system is do the best, push the rep until you can't. And where it is, is where it is. And
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that's where, you know, that's where you got to let it be. So that's right. Yeah. Well, cool. Let's
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get into some questions. Um, just so you know, obviously we talked about the iron council just
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there. It wasn't meant to be an advertisement. Maybe it's a little bit like one, uh, but that being
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said timely, the iron council is open right now and we're open for about a week and a half. So, uh,
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get on it or remand.com slash iron council. We've got a lot of new guys in the iron council right
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now, and that will continue to happen, uh, over the next week and a half or so. All right. So we
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have one question from last week, just to, to wrap up. And then we have new questions from the iron
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council. So the first question, great, uh, Jay Grindrod, what, what is your take on three on the
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three banks folding in the past week? So this is roughly about two weeks ago. Did we cover this?
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Yeah. Because I got, I got a little bit on my soapbox and I got a little
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excited about, um, fractionalized banking and, uh, federal reserve. I think I talked about some
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of that. So totally. Well, look at me, you know, unprepared left a question in there that I
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shouldn't have. All good. All authentic here, guys. If you guys want to answer that question,
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subscribe, and then go back and listen to last week's episode. There you go. That's my way of
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pitching old episodes. Well, that's my way of doing it. I created the opportunity for you to
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say that. So it's really my, yeah. All right. Jose Vela, how to stop friending women because it's
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your comfort zone and what to do to cut off women you are friends with because you are interested in
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them while they are in a relationship or holding and holding for hope. Oh yeah. Okay. So, well,
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the first thing, so I'm assuming he's dating, he's, he's in, he's in the market. Uh, the first
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thing I think you need to do is figure out what you want. I think you need to be really clear. Are
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you looking to get married? Are you looking to have some fun? Are you looking for a girlfriend to
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have, have some companionship and that's it? Or are you looking for a friend? What is the intent?
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If you're looking for marriage and I assume that you are, or at least a long-term committed
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relationship. Otherwise, otherwise you'd be annoyed that you want to stop being friends
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with women that aren't interested in you. Yeah. Cause you're, you want something more,
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right? Or maybe you just want sex. I look, I don't agree with that necessarily, but that could be
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something that you want and you don't want to be friend zone because you want to be intimate with,
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with these women. Okay. You know, I can understand that. Uh, so figure out what you want and if you're
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not getting what you want and the way that you're behaving is not leading you towards that result,
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then you've got to change your behavior. And this is what we were talking about earlier with
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the systems that your current system is not getting you what you want. It's getting you
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friend zoned. So you can either complain and gripe and moan and bitch and come up with excuses about
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why you keep getting friend zoned, or you can figure out why that's the case, what you're doing
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and change. I think a great resource for this without knowing a whole lot about you would be the book.
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No more Mr. Nice guy. Uh, it, it seems like nice guys, quote unquote, nice guys are friends with
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girls by women because they're, they're trying to be, you know, respectful and courteous and they're
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not, they're no longer assertive. Look, if, if I was on a date with a woman and, or I was interested
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in a woman and she wasn't interested in being more than friends, then I'm not going to continue to date
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her because that's not what I want. And I think it would be important for you to say that.
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So if a woman says, Hey, look, I'm in a relationship. I want to, I want to be friends
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with you. Then the answer is I can appreciate that. I can respect that. That's not what I'm
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interested in. I wish you the best and a good luck. And then go find somebody that can actually give you
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what you're looking for because a per a woman in a relationship cannot give you that woman who is
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not interested in you romantically cannot give you that. So deal with it, like operate in reality.
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And the more you hang around like a little puppy dog, the less attracted she is to you. So you say
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you're holding out hope for this woman who's in a relationship and she's looking at you look,
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and I'm being honest, but it's coming from a position of care. She's looking at you as if
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you're pathetic. She's repulsed. I guarantee she's repulsed by it. You've got to assert yourself
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and tell people what you want. And that is also true of romantic interests. I would like to develop
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a more person, a more intimate relationship with you. This is where I see us going. This is where I
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would like to go. And who knows if you actually do that more, you might find that these women
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would be open to that, but you're not even giving yourself a chance. And I think I have a hunch it's
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because you're being nice, overly nice. You're letting your, your quote unquote manners take you
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out of the romantic market. Yeah. And, and he explains this as a, and it is, it is a covert contract,
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right? Because you're, and what's interesting about having covert contracts with people when
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we're not highly transparent with them is you start getting frustrated with these people too.
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You're, you're frustrated with her because it's nothing more than a friendship, but yet you're not
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saying anything. You're not established the standard of what you're looking for. You're not having the
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conversation. And this is why nice guys end up not being nice guys ended up being lashing out and
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end up being kind of assholes to people is because they're walking around to be frank,
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manipulating other individuals and expecting different outcomes without being clear in their
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communication. Right. Well, and then look, you're, you're right. I agree. And I, and I would take
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manipulation as a negative connotation. So maybe we can use a different word, but influence.
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If I would like you to, if I would like to influence you to do something, Kip, one of the best ways to do
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that is to tell you what I want and ask you to give it to me. What? No, no, no, no, no. Hold
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on. That doesn't work. It's so great. Expectations. Yeah. It's so crazy. I mean, we do it all the time,
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but like, if you're interested in a woman, then I think the best thing you can do in that, look,
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there's ways to do it, but you say, Hey, you know, I've really had a nice time over the last several
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months with you. I would like to take this a step further. Would you like to do that? Like,
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why can't we do that? Yes. I mean, we can, but it's so weird that we don't, we should be more that
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way. And you know what? I'll tell you what I think, and this, this is generally true. That's
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masculine behavior. It's assertive. It's proactive. It's, it's, it's directional. It's leadership.
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Yeah. And, and I think based on my own anecdotal evidence and that's in, in my own personal life
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and the messages that I'm getting that that's actually what women want. Like a woman wants you
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to take leadership. She wants you to take charge. She wants you to have a direction. She wants clarity
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from you. And I think more women would gladly follow a man like that because there's so few and
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far between these days. So maybe if you step up that way, you're going to give yourself
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and you don't have to worry about the girls that are friend zoning you. Cause you have so many
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opportunities with girls who are, I shouldn't say girls. I don't like that term women. That's more
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appropriate. You have, you have more opportunities with women who are interested in you. And you're not
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even worried about the women who are more interested in just being friends. You don't have time for it.
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Totally. Totally. All right. Dustin Stokes. Um, I was reading this a little bit earlier and I
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we'll, we'll see how I do on this one. So recently several podcasts, sermons, and et cetera,
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have dealt with the concepts that to realize success, it's usually accompanied with reasons,
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seasons of struggle, character building, building, and challenges. It's also discussed that if you tend
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to get the same results, see similar patterns that aren't what you want, changes in mindset,
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strategy, process are required. In seasons of challenge, what mindset shifts have happened for
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both of you? What was your experience going through the valleys? And then the character development it
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took to realize and sustain success that you have achieved. Tag to that. When did you realize that in
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certain areas you needed to keep doing what you have always done just a little bit more versus
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shifting up strategy and process. I think Seth Godin's the dip and the story of the gold miner who
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gave up three from the vein of gold that they thought had to run out. I don't know that reference, but
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Okay. Yeah. There's, there's a lot going on here. Um, I would say, look in times of struggle, and I've
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certainly met my fair share of struggle even recently. Uh, I, I've, I think a great question to ask
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yourself is why is this happening? And I don't mean, I don't mean what the negative spin to it,
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which is why is this happening to me? Yeah. It is understanding. Yes. Just understanding it. Yeah.
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And look, the reason it's happening is because you're doing something or not doing something and
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it's producing that result in your life. That's why. So we need to get to the root of what's producing
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that result, what behavior, what communication or lack thereof, what, what pattern, what thought
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process is producing that result. And the more that we can dive into that, whether it's journaling
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or self-reflection or even externalization, talking with other people who see it from a different
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perspective, the more you can get clear with that and start to identify what is the root of this problem.
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It's you, by the way. Yeah. Then you can actually start to do something about it. So even in the
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midst of something horrific or horrible or tragic or unfortunate, you can ask yourself, why is this
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taking place? And then the next question is, what am I learning from this or what should I learn from
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this? Okay. So this thing is happening. I lost my job or I lost my wife or I lost my dog, whatever.
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Like, okay, this is happening. And why? Well, this is how I was behaving and this is how I was showing
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up. Okay. What do I need to learn? So this doesn't happen again, or I can change my current
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circumstances and situation. Great. Make a list of that, start doing that. And another question I like
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to ask, and this is visionary is who will I be after this? And I think that's important because it's hard
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to be in the trenches. It's hard to be out. Yeah. Yeah. Hope is diminished, right? It's hard to see
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the light at the end of the tunnel when you're going through something that's really, really
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difficult. So you need to manufacture some hope. And I think the best way you can do that is by asking
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yourself, who will I become if I figure out what it is I did wrong and I start doing things better
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or differently that will produce different outcomes. And then you can see that guy might
00:19:29.480
be in the distant future. He might be very, very hazy, very out of focus, but at least you can see
00:19:35.720
and you can begin to work towards who that person is. And when you're down and you don't feel like
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engaging in the new patterns and behaviors, you can turn to that vision that you have for yourself
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and start putting yourself back on the path. Totally. Totally. You know, he had another question,
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so I don't know if you want to cover this because, or I can speak to it too, because it did resonate
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with me. He said that, you know, when we have these seasons and then one of the questions was,
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when do you just do what you're doing, but double down, right? And when do you know it's a pivot versus
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I just need to do that thing more or better? Yeah. I would love to hear what you have. I have a
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couple of ideas as always. I'm not at a loss for words, but I'd love to have you.
00:20:18.520
Well, the only thing that crosses my mind and it's actually been something that
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I haven't been that good at honing in on. This is a more of a recent thing for me
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to realize what my talents are, kind of my superpowers, like what I'm good at
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and how do I magnify those things. And so to answer your question, Dustin, those are the areas
00:20:44.340
where I'd say, Hey, I need to do more of that, or I need to develop those more. And I'm still in this
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actually from a book, Extraordinary Leader by Zinger Fultman. And the whole premise of that book is
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when you take something that you're good at and become exceptional with it, your impact is
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substantially greater than you trying to improve areas that you're weak. And that's the whole premise
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of that book. Now, maybe even said a religious way, those areas that I'm really good at already
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think through them, right? Like for me, it's like, those are my God-given talents. Second,
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there are things I'm already passionate about. That's why I'm good at them. And so my ability
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to become exceptional in them is substantially easier than me tackling an area that I'm weak,
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right? As long as the area that I'm weak, it's not like a toxic thing, right? And so I think that
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awareness of where your kind of your superpowers are, where your talents are, those are the areas
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that you should double down in and go, Hey, you know what? I got a talent here, right? I know, Ryan,
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you mentioned this all the time. It's like, you're a really great marketer. Like, do you have a talent
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for that? That's not something you should pivot from. That's something that you should double down
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on and go, Hey, I'm really good at this. And I can even become even better at it. And you're going
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to have better gains in that focused area. Yeah, that's awesome. I love that. Cause there
00:22:10.800
is a, a, a school of thought that says, you know, find your weaknesses and, and shore those up. And
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you should, of course, but also you need to be, this is hard too, because culture tells you not,
00:22:24.680
not to acknowledge that because you could be arrogant or egotistical and it's not arrogant or
00:22:30.960
egotistical to realize what you're good at and to recognize it. So the current culture is be humble.
00:22:36.420
And the minute it's like crabs in the bucket, you guys have all heard that analogy. The minute
00:22:40.120
somebody starts to move out of the bucket, everybody else grabs them and pulls them down.
00:22:44.480
And you'll see that. Like if you say, you know, I'm really good at marketing or I feel like I'm,
00:22:50.200
I'm really good with, with money. Everybody else like, Oh, no, you know, whatever. Well,
00:22:54.200
it wouldn't be nice, you know, and then they're all going to try to pull you down. So culture
00:22:57.480
really doesn't want you to do that. And so you need to do it. You need to actively know what
00:23:03.240
you're good at. I was going to go in a different direction. So I'm glad you brought that up. I was
00:23:07.920
going to say, number one, are you having incremental improvements? You know, you, it may not be as great
00:23:13.940
and grand as you'd like. I think a lot about this in the workout space. If you're a hundred pounds
00:23:18.420
overweight, you're going to, uh, see some, some big results very quickly if you follow the systems,
00:23:25.680
but the, the more fit that you get, the less it is that you're going to see those returns.
00:23:32.060
And that could be discouraging to somebody. Yeah. But are you having incremental gains? And if you
00:23:38.620
are, then, you know, you're at least kind of on the path, but the best thing you can do is to get
00:23:45.200
credible, qualified feedback. Because somebody who's credible and qualified in whatever area of life
00:23:55.000
you're talking about can tell you, Hey, you're doing good. I know you're not seeing the results.
00:24:01.880
I know it's hard to tell where this is going, but stay the course you're doing well. A great coach
00:24:07.300
will do that. A great coach will also say, Hey, what you're doing isn't working. You're deviating,
00:24:14.240
or you're not seeing the results because you're not doing X, Y, and Z, or you are doing A, B, and C,
00:24:18.740
and you shouldn't be doing that. And so an external coach will be able to tell you somebody that's
00:24:23.440
walked the path before can tell you where to step. You don't know where to step because you
00:24:29.160
don't have the map, but the map is out there and you have to find somebody who already has walked
00:24:34.120
that trail. Dude, that's so profound because I also think that it's the, what's the analogy I've
00:24:42.180
used? Like, it's hard to see the label when you're in the jar, right? And sometimes you just don't know,
00:24:48.680
right? Because you're not outside the jar and you just need someone from a different viewpoint going,
00:24:53.120
Hey, actually you're, you're doing great. Yeah. And, and you just don't know that you are
00:24:58.880
right. So, um, yeah, there's huge power in that. Last thing I'll say is high achievers tend to
00:25:05.060
never look back. I fall into that camp Kip. I think you probably do as well.
00:25:09.580
So a lot of guys who are high achievers are onto the next thing. Once they accomplish a goal,
00:25:14.140
that's good. But I think it does pay to look back every once in a while and say,
00:25:18.880
holy cow, I, I came a lot further than I thought. Totally. And there's a value in that because what
00:25:24.640
hope. Yeah. If I was there a year ago and I'm here today, then imagine where I'll be in two years.
00:25:32.720
And isn't that hope and optimism? We already talked about the value of that. Totally. Yeah. That's one
00:25:38.360
thing that Asia's good at is, uh, she'll remind me where I've come from, you know, and I look back and
00:25:47.140
go, where, who you were before she met you. Yeah. Or really just like how I, or how I was raised,
00:25:53.840
right? Like how I was raised in my relationship with money, right? Like, you know, for all intents
00:25:58.620
and purposes, I should be some, you know, running a farm in Elsinore, you know, make a 20 K a year and
00:26:05.640
you know what I mean? I don't know. Like not, not succeeding. Right. And, and so, you know,
00:26:12.300
there's lots of ways that, that I can actually look past, pass over my life and go, man, you know
00:26:17.740
what? Holy crap. Like good job, kid. Yeah. You know, but yeah, you lose sight of it and you're
00:26:23.180
just like, nah, not good enough. Right. Or it's the next thing or, or whatever. So, you know,
00:26:28.520
if you think about us and how fragile we are, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally,
00:26:33.160
we should all be a bunch of losers. You know, I mean, think about everything that's happened in
00:26:39.080
your life. And I'm not here to compare and go over sob stories with each other, but think about
00:26:43.580
everything that you've dealt with in life. And yet here you are. Yeah. You know, you're, you're
00:26:50.340
listening to this podcast, you're in your car, or maybe you're at the gym or you're mowing your lawn.
00:26:55.540
And all of those are indicators that you've done something right. Totally. You're got a car,
00:27:00.900
you're at the gym, you're mowing the lawn that you own, or maybe it's somebody else's and you've got a
00:27:04.960
job and you're earning money and like, you're doing something right. And you can have some hope
00:27:10.260
in that, that even in the darkest of times, you've got to be alive. You're here. You've got through
00:27:17.280
everything else that you've gone through. And some of it certainly more tragic than what you're going
00:27:21.540
through now. And here you are. So you can certainly get through this. I've always loved, uh, John Gary
00:27:28.900
Bishop. He, he uses this analogy of like every game that we're playing, we're all winning at it.
00:27:35.460
Right. So awesome. Now, you know, you can win a game. So change the game, but the game that you're
00:27:42.380
playing, you're winning. Otherwise you want to be here. Yeah. So cool. All right. Robert Frags,
00:27:49.920
what are you talking? Uh, you are talking to a girl, but you find out, man, these questions that I
00:27:57.240
should have read this ahead. It's, I thought this one was trolling, but I kind of want to talk about
00:28:01.520
it. Actually. Of course you want to talk about it. I just went, I just went awkwardly, you know,
00:28:07.100
I don't know. I like, I'm like, is that the right word? Okay. That's the right word. I'm pretty sure.
00:28:13.320
Let me level set here. Okay. Here we go. Robert. Thank you, sir. Are you talking? You are talking to a
00:28:19.140
girl, but you find out that she masturbates. Do you continue to pursue her?
00:28:24.000
Kip, you're like a 12 year old little boy. This is so funny. If you guys can see him on video,
00:28:32.560
he's blushing. He's like tripping over his way, sweating. Like I can see the pitch.
00:28:38.780
Sometimes you have to admit some of these questions are kind of funny, but this one's yeah. Look, I
00:28:48.700
don't want to, I don't want to say it's funny because I don't know. I don't know what the
00:28:52.320
situation is. I look, okay. One thing I'm working on and then we'll get to this question,
00:28:57.020
but one thing I'm working on through a series of challenging events in my life is just being a bit
00:29:03.020
more empathetic than I've been in the past, you know, and, and, and trying to realize like, I don't
00:29:08.080
know what people are dealing with because people don't know what I'm dealing with. And, uh, I think,
00:29:13.660
I think it would be better if everybody just gave each other a bit more grace,
00:29:18.660
you know, like we poke at people and we mock them and we assume that we know what they're going
00:29:25.060
through or that they're weak or they're pathetic. And it's like, you know, I actually don't know.
00:29:30.300
I don't, I don't know what people are dealing with. And I don't know why this question is
00:29:34.920
relevant to the, to who was it? To Robert. And I don't mean to, I'm not poking fun of you,
00:29:41.020
Robert. No, I know. I don't think you are. It's just the conversation of masturbation is always fun
00:29:44.960
to have on the order of man podcast. So, well, so here, here's what I would say there. So it was
00:29:50.800
Robert, you said, yes, sir. Okay. So there's one thing I want to address first. Like I alluded to this
00:29:56.140
earlier. I think there's, there's a bigger problem, not problem, a bigger thing that we should address
00:30:01.260
here. You say, I'm talking to this girl. Number one, I hope she's not a girl and that this is a
00:30:09.780
woman. Yeah. So let's address it that way. And I think it is. I'm not, I'm, you know, but let's
00:30:15.700
make sure we, I think it's important. I hear people say, oh, I'm dating this girl. I'm like, no,
00:30:20.920
you're dating a woman. Like let, let's use that language. That to me is, is valuable, important.
00:30:26.820
And also talking to what does that mean? Yeah. Look, we got to get past that.
00:30:35.640
Like you have a relationship or you're just chatting with her.
00:30:39.800
Yeah. And I'm not saying this to Robert directly. I'm saying this at large, like this talking thing.
00:30:45.800
No, you're not talking. It's so non-committal. It's, it's just such a weak position. Like you don't
00:30:55.080
know where you stand. She doesn't know where she stands. There was this video of this, this woman,
00:31:01.820
young woman, and she was interviewed on a podcast and she said, like about 3000 times in a period of,
00:31:09.900
of 60 seconds. It's like when we first started recording. Yeah. This video went viral and
00:31:17.160
everybody's making fun of her because she's, she's like, like, like, like all the time. It's annoying.
00:31:22.040
It's a, it's a, it's a crutch. It's a, it's a speech crutch, but she might just be nervous. Who
00:31:27.060
knows? But she's actually making an interesting point. And I don't know if you've seen this video.
00:31:33.960
Have you seen it Kip that I'm talking? She's talking about the worst part of dating is what
00:31:41.340
she refers to as the talking stage. And this is a modern concept. Well, we're talking about what
00:31:50.880
are you dating? Are you not dating? And she's so confused. I think what she's saying is that
00:31:56.320
she's confused by the talking stages because everything's so non-committal. Everything's
00:32:03.600
just kind of passive. There's no direction in relationships, this hookup culture that we have.
00:32:10.900
It's not. Yeah. There's that's the term that lacks commitment and clarity of the relationship being
00:32:18.420
defined. Yes. So I think that's worthy of a discussion and I don't know Robert's situation.
00:32:25.260
I just think the language he used is interesting. I'm talking to you. Are you dating her? Is she a
00:32:32.020
coworker and you would like to date her? Like what, what is happening here? Okay. So let's address
00:32:37.220
that. Second thing is a hard one for me because that wouldn't bother me. And I think it's important
00:32:44.680
that you ask yourself why that bothers you. Cause it sounds like maybe there's a. It's like it is a
00:32:50.380
religious thing. Maybe. And I don't, again, this goes back to my, my, me trying to be empathetic.
00:32:55.980
I don't know, but that to me doesn't, that wouldn't bother me. In fact, the fact that she's open
00:33:00.360
about it, that's, that's kind of interesting to me. I'm like, this is an interesting development.
00:33:06.160
We're only talking and she's throwing out all kinds of stuff that she's doing.
00:33:09.420
Yeah. Let's talk some more together sometime or. So I, I think that there's an opportunity
00:33:16.620
if you are in more than just talking to that, if you're in a relationship with somebody that
00:33:21.160
you actually have a discussion about that, have a discussion about sex, have a discussion
00:33:26.860
about intimacy, have a discussion about what's exciting and what turns you on and what doesn't.
00:33:32.720
I don't, I don't see a problem with that, but who am I to say he should or should not? I,
00:33:37.440
that's up to him. But if it is a problem for you and you do like this woman, then I think
00:33:43.660
it's worthy of a discussion before you just kick her to the curb for something that seems
00:33:50.440
And just maybe understand it, right? Like maybe, maybe you're making some assumptions
00:33:54.740
about her masturbation. I don't know. I don't know what that means.
00:34:00.400
Maybe, maybe you can fill the void that she's got, which sounds well, I mean, literally and
00:34:11.440
Sounds like an opportunity for you there, Robert.
00:34:13.780
That's what I'm thinking in my mind. But again, I don't want, again, look, I don't want to make
00:34:17.440
light of whatever your reasoning is, but if it is a reason and it is a woman that you like
00:34:22.900
and you want to explore things further, then you owe it to her and you owe it to her, to
00:34:27.880
yourself to have a conversation about it and get to the root of the problem or the root of
00:34:33.880
what's going on. And, and it might be a deal breaker. It's not for me, but it might be for
00:34:40.560
you. And that's the thing we got to realize. And I, and I see this all the time is especially
00:34:45.060
in like men's forums, Facebook, things like that. Guys will say, you know, this woman that
00:34:50.900
I'm dating or seeing or married to is doing this thing and it's a deal breaker or, or it's not a
00:34:55.720
deal breaker. And other men chime in, well, that shouldn't be a problem because X, Y, and Z, or
00:34:59.360
that should be a problem. Well, it's first of all, it's not your problem. And I don't get to decide
00:35:05.580
what's a deal breaker for you or not. For me, if I'm in that situation, it's not for me, but for you,
00:35:11.500
maybe it is. And if it is anything can be a deal breaker guys, but I think you owe her and yourself
00:35:18.060
some further discussion about it. Yeah. And I think most deal breakers is your interpretation
00:35:24.100
of what the action means is the deal breaker. Right. And so make sure that that's reality and
00:35:30.440
that you're dealing with reality and not your perception of whatever. Well, and I, I tend to
00:35:35.420
think that if this is a, this might be more of a spiritual thing. Yeah. And if it is, then there's
00:35:41.440
probably greater differences than whether or not she masturbates. Yeah. Like you're probably not
00:35:46.140
aligned religiously in all kinds of areas, let alone this. Yeah. Potentially. Yeah, for sure.
00:35:51.620
All right. We expect updates there, Robert. Okay. No. All right. Regan Huffner,
00:36:00.180
how to help and encourage someone struggling with an addiction, like alcohol, drugs, or pornography
00:36:06.040
without just downplaying this issue and telling them it's okay. Well, that doesn't help. That's
00:36:12.140
not. Yeah. Yeah. That's not clear about that. So that's good. That it's good that he's calling
00:36:16.760
it out. Right. Cause that's not how you help them. Yeah. Right. And we've talked about this. If you
00:36:21.020
really care about somebody, then you're going to do and say what's necessary to help them. But then at
00:36:26.300
some point you got to let the chips fall where they may, cause this is a grown ass man. Yeah.
00:36:29.940
Are they willing to give up the very thing that's making them sick? Right. And if they're not,
00:36:35.340
then what are you going to do? Like put, put spyware on their computer and checking on them
00:36:40.160
every time or like cut their credit cards up so they can't go to the, you know, wherever and get
00:36:45.080
a bottle of booze. You're not going to do that. Well, or not to, not to get to like too serious
00:36:49.920
here, but what we typically do, Ryan, is we'll withhold our relationship from them. We'll, we'll,
00:36:56.760
we'll show them that we don't love them as much. And trust me, that's not going to help.
00:37:02.160
Yeah. So be, be careful not to remove yourself, uh, you know, in a way that comes across as not
00:37:10.500
caring and loving. If anything, those people need to know that they are loved and that they're cared
00:37:16.880
for. And sometimes we're tempted to withhold ourselves from people when they don't do what
00:37:23.740
we think they should do. Yeah. That's a great point. You know? So look, I, I, I think the best
00:37:32.820
thing that you can do is try to acknowledge whether or not they want to help open yourself up to a
00:37:40.840
conversation by addressing it. Hey, I see a behavior in you and I'm worried and I'm worried because I love
00:37:46.180
you. I care about you. And I've seen people go down this road and it's not good. Are you,
00:37:51.200
are you comfortable with where you are? Or is this, is this a challenge that you're trying to
00:37:56.760
overcome? And if they say, Oh no, I'm good with where I am. Okay. All right, bro. Well, I'm here.
00:38:02.620
If you ever look again, I don't agree with that behavior. I'm here for you. I love you care about you.
00:38:08.400
Um, so I don't, I don't agree with that, but I'm still here. And, uh, if you ever want to talk
00:38:13.300
about it more, we can talk about it. If they do say, yeah, you know, man, I'm drinking and I can't,
00:38:18.940
I I've struggled with it and I can't, I can't get over it and I can't deal with it. And I don't know
00:38:24.200
what to do. Okay. That's the top further, but yeah, as a friend, yeah, you definitely, you definitely
00:38:30.900
bring it to the surface and then you figure out where to go from there. Ryan, one thing that I'm
00:38:36.060
hearing too is if you came to me initially and said, Hey Kip, you know, I think, you know,
00:38:42.760
I don't want to agree with this behavior. I'm concerned about you or whatever. And even if
00:38:46.960
I downplay it and like, no, no, no, dude, I'm fine. Whatever. Further down the path, when I do
00:38:53.240
realize I have a problem, I know who to talk to. I immediately go, you know what? Ryan brought
00:39:01.820
this up to me now. Now the door is open for me to like, dude, I'm struggling where if you never
00:39:09.560
had that first conversation with me, I may still keep it in. I may not reach out because what am I
00:39:15.840
concerned about? Looking good, right? I'm worried about the judgment that I'm going to get from you
00:39:19.620
or whatever. Well, you've already judged me earlier, right? You already judged me and said, Hey Kip,
00:39:24.040
love you, man. I don't agree with this behavior. I'm here for you. Now I know I can come talk to you.
00:39:29.960
So I think that first initial conversation is super critical. That way these people know
00:39:38.000
that you're available to them and that you're not passing judgment and that you're willing to help
00:39:43.900
when they're willing to get some help. Right. Yeah. And I think there are opportunities and
00:39:49.260
moments where you can briefly, you know, interject that thing, you know, so if I bring up alcohol abuse
00:39:55.580
Kip to you and, and you didn't seem interested in help or discussion about it, uh, I might down the
00:40:01.780
road, I might, you know, it might be driving somewhere on a road trip or whatever. And I might
00:40:05.560
say to you, Hey Kip, you know, you know, several months ago, I mentioned drinking, like I was worried
00:40:11.140
about you. Um, everything okay there. You got everything under control or, or is it, you know,
00:40:15.800
like just sprinkle that in not every conversation, but like, but create the environment where
00:40:22.500
somebody, cause look, guys aren't going to open up. They're really not like, you're not going to
00:40:27.580
open up. So what makes you think a friend is going to do it. But if you create the environment and you
00:40:32.580
foster the environment, then that might be, Hey, you know what? I was really embarrassed a couple of
00:40:37.980
months ago when you were telling me about it. Um, but I've processed it since. And yeah, I actually,
00:40:44.000
I'm actually struggling, man. Or, you know, the reason I drink so much is because I'm dealing with
00:40:50.180
this thing and nobody knows about it. And I figured I'd tell you since you were asking about
00:40:54.240
it because you created an environment to be able to do it. So don't be overwhelming. Don't,
00:41:00.960
you know, beat them over the head with your club about what's good and what's not good for them,
00:41:05.100
but create a healthy environment. I think about this with our children, you know, our children come
00:41:10.740
to us and they do dumb things and, you know, same things we did when we were kids. And when they,
00:41:15.940
when they do those dumb things, you have a really good opportunity to ruin the relationship between
00:41:23.740
you two or make it better. And so when your kids share something with you, the way you respond and
00:41:33.100
react is what's going to determine which direction that goes. If you flip your lid and blow a gasket and
00:41:40.920
blow up and yell at them or, you know, whatever, they're never going to tell you anything else.
00:41:45.940
Yeah. But if you're stern and you're fair and you should be and disciplined with them,
00:41:51.240
but you do it with love and compassion and empathy and care, then like, there's still consequences,
00:41:58.420
but at least you're opening the window for them to be able to confide in you down the road.
00:42:05.160
Yeah. I've had, I've had, I've had, you know, my kids are getting a little bit older,
00:42:10.320
14 and 12 are my two oldest. And I've had them tell me things that I'm not pleased with.
00:42:14.280
Yeah. But I feel like I've, I feel like I've always done a pretty good job of saying, all right,
00:42:22.280
well, let's get through this together. Like, okay, let's, and there's, there's still consequences.
00:42:27.760
Yeah. I'm like, Hey bud, we're going to get through this together. Let's figure this out. You know,
00:42:31.080
here's, here's the consequences and here's why. And, uh, let's, let's work through this. Let's,
00:42:36.260
let's, let's do this together. Yeah. I feel like I've done a pretty good job at that. Maybe I,
00:42:40.420
maybe, maybe I haven't, but I think that's something that's been important in the relationships
00:42:44.880
I have with my kids. Yeah. I mean, that principle to own, like, if you don't like how people are
00:42:50.840
engaging with you, like, Oh, my kids don't talk to me or my spouse doesn't talk to me or my employees
00:42:56.980
don't communicate issues. The probability is really high that you have taught them
00:43:03.020
how to engage with you. Yeah. And, and we've probably dropped the ball in the past and they've
00:43:09.460
learned not, I can't go to dad to about this. I can't go to Ryan about these things because we
00:43:15.500
handled them incorrectly. I know I was that way with my, my parents. I knew I couldn't go to my
00:43:20.100
parents about certain things because they blew up when I gave them a chance. Right. So, yeah.
00:43:25.860
Cool. What's next? Wayne McPherson, in light of the recent AI revelations this past couple of weeks,
00:43:34.800
coupled with fill in the blank schooling systems, what would your advice be for a son or a daughter
00:43:40.220
on this post-secondary education career choices? For example, my son's university closed in his second
00:43:47.220
year of earning his CPA due to COVID. He went to work framing houses and hasn't looked back. He loves
00:43:53.060
them both. So desire is evenly weighed. His mother isn't happy. She's kind of old school,
00:43:59.080
wants the whole degree. Whereas I'm more natural, neutral, if not learning more towards framing,
00:44:05.300
because it's a digital revolution. Your thoughts in general.
00:44:09.820
So my thoughts on, on post-secondary education?
00:44:13.460
Yeah. And, and this kind of, I don't know, he's maybe any thoughts you have around artificial
00:44:19.420
intelligence and the schooling system and, you know, digital world versus, you know,
00:44:25.060
we know that there's a scarcity now in the trades. And so, well, so, okay. So I think you can go two
00:44:31.360
ways on this. You can, I think he said digital proof, I think is the term he used his deployment,
00:44:36.620
which digital revolution. Yeah. Yeah. I think we have to be careful with that because you talk about
00:44:41.880
construction. I mean, look, even in, even in that there's going to be robots doing that before too
00:44:47.560
long. You know, I mean, it's, that's the reality of it. Same thing. You know, you see it with truck
00:44:52.400
drivers, but we're irreplaceable really there. Look, um, as you can have a robot self-driving
00:44:59.700
car, do it much more effectively and efficiently than a human being can. Yeah. So the reality is
00:45:05.380
this digital wave of, of robotics and AI and technology is coming. So the, I think the value is
00:45:13.160
going to be found in, in relationships, in code, like personal coaching, even what we're doing here.
00:45:21.900
You can't, I don't, I don't see a way at least right now where this gets replaced with,
00:45:27.040
with some sort of robot or, or because it's human connection. And I think that's where the real power
00:45:34.740
is going to be, but there's always going to be a space for builders. There's always going to be a space
00:45:40.140
for creatives. There's always going to be a space for artists and things like this. So you can take
00:45:45.380
this one of two ways you can do it in these trades. And I think trades are valuable. Most of my in-laws
00:45:50.340
are, are in the trades, heating, plumbing, air conditioning mechanics. And it's awesome. They
00:45:55.680
all do really well. They have meaningful work. They get to see what they build. It's they're proud of
00:46:00.560
their work and they should be, and I love to see it. So that's one way you could go. And the other way
00:46:05.880
you go is lean into the technology and you can learn to code as they say. But what I mean by that
00:46:13.120
is you can get out ahead of it and you can learn to utilize AI and learn to utilize digital technology
00:46:17.740
and learn how to utilize social media and learn how to build computer technology to be able to get out
00:46:23.680
ahead of this, to help people accomplish what it is they want to accomplish. But I think the
00:46:28.620
traditional method of schooling is going to crumble. It really is going to crumble. When you
00:46:36.460
see all these conversations about student loan forgiveness and debt repayment, that's going to
00:46:41.800
get everybody fired up. And then now people are seeing, as they should have been seeing for a very
00:46:46.420
long time, that college is a scam. It's a racket. It truly is. And unless you need to be, I think he
00:46:53.400
Wayne said, Wayne said his son was going to be a CPA. I'm not sure what the college requirements are
00:47:00.060
for that. But if you want to become a CPA or an attorney or a doctor, yeah, that might be an avenue
00:47:07.600
that you have to take. But I'm predicting that even in those avenues, there's going to be more specific
00:47:13.740
schooling that isn't your traditionalized college courses. So yeah, there is a lot of people who are
00:47:23.100
old school who think and will hang on to that, but they're going to be left in the dust, frankly.
00:47:27.800
So I think your son has found something that he likes. And what I would encourage if it were my son
00:47:33.700
and I was in your situation is I would, I would lean into his decision.
00:47:37.920
Heck yeah. Well, I think what can you do to get your general contractor's license? What can you do
00:47:42.980
to specialize? What can you do to learn how to market your business? Can you start a business?
00:47:47.000
You're working with somebody now. And I would lean heavy into have pushing my son into developing
00:47:54.480
and building in that space. Really? Well, and with his schooling around CPA, are you joking?
00:48:01.540
I mean, if he starts his own business being doing his own framing business, he'll have an upper hand
00:48:07.400
on any other framing company because he has, he's a skilled accountant. He knows how to take advantage of
00:48:13.600
tax brackets and tax write-offs. I mean, that's the CPA from my perspective. If you're like a business
00:48:20.380
owner, having a good CPA is like the most critical thing because otherwise you're never going to take
00:48:27.520
advantage of all the benefits of running your own business without a really good CPA. So he could
00:48:33.220
marry those two things together and be killing it. And, and do, he loves both of them. Do both of them.
00:48:39.380
There we go. Yeah. I a hundred percent agree. He's got a huge advantage. So lean into it and I think
00:48:45.400
it'll help him. And obviously I think he'll, he'll do better as well. Yeah. Adam Lewis spring begins in
00:48:51.320
the, in the spring begins the tournament season for many martial artists, snow and travel don't work
00:48:57.680
well. We also know competition is critical to self-improvement as an instructor. I try to promote
00:49:03.480
these events and model the wins and learns, but I, but I met with silence from parents and adults and
00:49:10.540
participation. What are some of the ideas to maybe break through to them and see more student
00:49:16.160
attendance? We have about 120 students and roughly seven to 10 go to competitions.
00:49:22.240
The, the, is he saying the students go to competitions or. Yeah. He's, he's trying to get
00:49:28.160
students, AKA parents and children on board with this idea of competing. I mean, he's getting like
00:49:35.120
less than what is that less than like five, 4% of his student base. Yeah. I think you got to realize
00:49:43.300
why they're not in, or at least try to uncover why they're not. So is it time constraints, which it
00:49:48.420
very well could be. I don't know when you say students, I don't know what age you're, what age
00:49:52.900
we're talking about here, but I know I'm coaching two of my son's baseball teams this year and
00:49:59.280
there's the kids are so inundated with stuff. Well, I can't come to practice cause he's doing
00:50:08.360
a travel team and he's got practice at that time. So he's on a completely separate team or
00:50:12.360
they're finishing up basketball. And so he can't make it because they have a basketball tournament
00:50:16.700
on that Saturday. It's, it's wild. It's actually, it's unproductive. I think it's overkill.
00:50:22.900
It's overkill and it's, it's, it's sabotaging, I think in a way, because they're bouncing around
00:50:29.200
and busy all the time. They're bouncing from activity to activity and parents do it for the
00:50:33.180
right reasons, I think, but it's just not producing what it should. Or, or is it financial constraints?
00:50:40.360
So I think if you can figure out, is it time constraint or is it a financial constraint or is
00:50:45.860
it a commitment constraint? You're probably going to have a better time figuring that out. So let's say
00:50:51.220
it's a financial constraint. Well, maybe there's scholarship programs that, that are afforded
00:50:56.460
through, through your school. If you know that people are struggling financially and you're
00:51:01.140
affording scholarships to go to these competitions that might break down the barrier and give them
00:51:05.800
a reason for doing so. The other thing is making it, making it worthwhile. And I'm not saying
00:51:12.980
what I mean by that is creating a culture at your school of excellence and acknowledgement for those
00:51:24.040
who compete and those who participate in these things, because that's going to be enticing to the
00:51:30.680
ones who want to do it, but haven't for whatever reason. So if you have, I actually just got a text
00:51:35.900
because the school that I'm going to start training at is they have, I guess, a competition
00:51:44.540
or fights this coming up weekend. And they sent out a text to everybody and said, Hey, let's support our
00:51:48.580
guys. They're going out to do this thing. That's pretty cool. Yeah. You can tell they're supportive
00:51:53.940
of their athletes and they want other people to attend and go to these events and support their
00:51:58.460
teammates. Totally. So, uh, and then acknowledging it, you know, I see, I see studios with trophies and,
00:52:04.800
and displays and, and different ways to acknowledge athletes who go and perform and compete. And that's
00:52:10.080
going to be more enticing to students who maybe want to do that, but haven't. Uh, but also the more
00:52:15.220
that you can get parents involved, and this is hard, this is super hard. I can't believe how difficult
00:52:20.740
this is to get parents involved. They think just because they have a coach that they don't have to do
00:52:24.520
anything, but you probably have one or two or three people in your studio, whose parents can come
00:52:31.380
and actually train with you and help you instruct or do something in some capacity. And the more that
00:52:38.080
you can get those guys involved in the process, the more you create that culture, that environment
00:52:43.400
of, of competition, of, of parents and families being involved. I think that'll go a long way in
00:52:51.080
helping. And it's hard though, because there are a lot of time constraints and financial
00:52:55.980
constraints, constraints to some of this. Totally. I'll share a couple of things that I've seen over
00:53:00.960
the years, at least from the jujitsu front, at least to create that sense of like importance,
00:53:07.000
create a competition team. So let's say it's a subgroup within the school that is part of the
00:53:12.540
competition team. And you make it like, it's the best of the best. And you set this precedence of like,
00:53:19.660
oh man, how do I get on the competition team? Right. With that elite group. And then when that
00:53:25.220
competition team is planning on competing, you have camps and then all the other students are
00:53:34.100
preparing the competition team for their up and coming competition. Now I've, I'm, I've played a
00:53:41.120
part in it, right? There's a huge sense of pride, right? When, whenever I've had teammates that are
00:53:47.680
preparing for a fight and we have fight camp, I have this huge amount of pride in that fight
00:53:56.300
because I was part of the fight camp and I care about the outcome and we ground it out,
00:54:03.040
grind it out together. I wasn't even the one fighting, but I take huge pride in it. And a lot
00:54:08.600
of martial arts, you're only as good as your team pushes you and set that precedence that, Hey,
00:54:16.520
for Ryan to be a world-class comp, guess what? He needs to go against world-class people in this gym.
00:54:23.420
We have to be the worst training partners on planet. We have to be the toughest individuals
00:54:29.760
that he can go against. So that way, when he goes in fights or when he goes to that competition,
00:54:34.620
it's easy. This is the hurt locker. The competition is just the results of, of what he does here.
00:54:41.760
Right. And you set that precedence, man, you'll, you'll create some serious momentum around what
00:54:47.420
does it mean to compete or fight or whatever that is for you guys. I love that. I, I think it just
00:54:53.100
comes down to a culture, you know, it does. It's, it's, and I know that isn't a specific answer,
00:54:59.100
but the, this is what you're talking about, Kip. It's a culture of supporting each other
00:55:02.780
in competitions. If you operate your whole business around the culture of competition,
00:55:08.040
you will find little ways to do it. You will, you'll find them because it's all about creating
00:55:13.260
that culture. Um, I sent out a text to, uh, in fact, I should just read it because I think it
00:55:21.120
might help. And I don't see a lot of coaches doing this, but I sent out a text to, uh, our teams that I
00:55:27.740
coach. Let me just pull one up here. This is what I said. I said, uh, you know, this is Ryan
00:55:32.600
Mickler. I'm your son, seventh and eighth grade baseball coach. I have more details coming soon.
00:55:36.480
I won't go to that. And here's what I wrote. We start on time. That means your son will need to
00:55:41.760
have his arm warmed up and ready to go at 8am sharp. Please let him know there are consequences
00:55:46.160
for being late. We started this Saturday. We're going to have a great season. I'll expect the boys to
00:55:50.460
be respectful, improve their athletic performance, work to become better people and play to win.
00:55:55.280
Um, I could, and then I talk about, I need some more, some more coaches. Here's another thing I
00:55:59.560
wrote. This season is about the athletes. So please give them the pertinent information and let them
00:56:04.760
work for some independence. I'll treat them with respect, but I won't baby or coddle them. Uh,
00:56:10.600
this is the culture we're creating. And it was interesting because I was like, Oh man, is that too
00:56:16.140
hard? Is that too firm? Yeah. And I had a bunch of parents who were like, this is awesome. Thank you so
00:56:23.300
much. This is exactly what my son needs. This is, this is, they were excited about it because we're
00:56:31.960
creating a culture that isn't the norm in today's culture, in today's society. When the boys came for
00:56:39.720
first practice, I said, look, guys, you get here on time. We warm up. Here's how we go. Here's what we
00:56:44.420
do. Here's the thing. Here's what we're doing. And by the way, we're here to win baseball games.
00:56:49.940
Now there's a way that we do it that matters on and off the field, but we're here to win.
00:56:56.140
And I expect that we win. We might not always, but we're going to play to win.
00:57:01.540
And that's my expectation. A lot of, a lot of people might not see it that way,
00:57:06.960
but that's why a lot of people are weak. And that's why a lot of people aren't competing like
00:57:12.800
you're talking about. So when parents come to sign their kids up, you tell them, Hey,
00:57:16.560
this is a competition school. This is an expectation that you get your kids enrolled
00:57:21.420
here. I'm going to expect them to compete. We're going to train them to compete. We're
00:57:25.620
going to have them work with other athletes who are competing and we're going to get them
00:57:28.740
ready and prepared. But we expect that your kids compete in at least two competitions per year
00:57:35.080
or whatever that is. But you lay that groundwork up front and you're going to find that people
00:57:41.560
Eric Peterson. What is the difference between calling a fellow friend forward to being better
00:57:48.020
versus minding your own business? And I don't know if he's asking really for the difference
00:57:54.200
between the two, but maybe recommendations or when to do it. Yeah.
00:57:57.320
Yeah. I would think like, what's the line, right? Yeah.
00:58:00.700
Well, I think the line is it's a friend. You said a friend.
00:58:04.240
Yeah. So minding your own business is out the window.
00:58:07.500
Yeah. Your friends, because your friends, you said through your friendship, Hey, I don't
00:58:13.780
have to mind my own business anymore. Yeah. Like I get to mind your business. Cause I'm your
00:58:19.060
friend and you get to mind my business. Cause you're my friend. Like that's, that's, that's
00:58:23.880
what friends, that's what friends are. So I just, yeah, I was just going to say, I just had
00:58:31.360
this conversation last night with someone and they were, we were talking about how calling,
00:58:38.480
like having a discussion with friends. Right. And I'm like, hold on really quick. Most people
00:58:44.760
have relationships that aren't friends, right? Like I really do feel this way. Like look at the majority
00:58:53.100
of guys based upon you being involved in this movement, Ryan, where the guy friend is not
00:59:00.800
at this level. They're not people. They're not people that call each other out. They're not people
00:59:06.140
willing to be uncomfortable and hold you to a higher standard. They're virtual strangers that
00:59:12.640
have a common interest in something. And they're really not friends. Yeah. I would, I would ask along
00:59:18.840
that vein there, Kip, is if, if you're not able to call somebody out and they're not able to call
00:59:26.240
you out, what is the point of that relationship? Yeah. Like what, why do I have this relationship
00:59:32.880
with this friend? If we're not helping each other improve, if I'm here to just mind my own business
00:59:38.260
and they're just there to mind their own business, like what is the point of that? I'll give you an
00:59:42.740
answer. There's no point. The point of a relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic
00:59:50.380
is to challenge each other to grow. That's it. It's the only point of a relationship.
00:59:59.040
So now granted, there's ways to do it, inappropriate ways, inappropriate ways to do it.
01:00:04.100
But yeah, if you can't call a friend out and say, Hey man, like you, you, you kind of been a jerk
01:00:09.700
lately. Like what's going on? Is everything okay? Tell me about your marriage. Or like,
01:00:16.400
if you don't know who that is, who he's married to, that's an issue too. But like, tell me about
01:00:20.340
your marriage. What's going on with work? Like his work. Are you okay? What's going on? That's a
01:00:25.460
perfect way to call somebody out. You're doing it out of care, but that's your job as a friend.
01:00:30.060
Yeah. And, and anything other than that is a dereliction of duty.
01:00:35.880
It's your duty to call him out. And if he can't handle it, you have to re reprioritize or redefine
01:00:45.420
the relationship. Cause it's not what I think you want. And I would, I'd go to the extent of
01:00:51.120
challenging individuals that if you have relationships that you're not improving each
01:00:57.200
other, you know, you gotta be asking yourself, why do you have a relationship with those people?
01:01:02.100
Yeah. I mean, it's not that you have to hate them and you don't, I mean, be rude to them, but like
01:01:06.240
time is precious, man. And as I've gotten older, I'm, I'm way more selective in regards to who I
01:01:14.660
spend my time with. You know who I value most? I value Kip. I value you because you're willing to
01:01:20.300
say things that need to be said to me. And I value less the people who aren't, not that they aren't
01:01:25.300
good people, not that they aren't valuable, not that they don't have worth, but not as much in my own
01:01:29.580
personal life. And I'll tell you what, when you say something or other people in my life who say
01:01:34.720
things, I don't like it. Yeah. I don't like it. I don't like when you call me out. I don't like it,
01:01:42.000
but I respect you and I appreciate it because not many people will. So that's also a pretty good
01:01:50.920
indicator that you might want to develop a deeper friendship or a bond with whoever's doing that.
01:01:56.320
if they're saying things and you don't like it, like that's somebody who's got some balls
01:02:01.360
and has some conviction and has some courage and some care about you too.
01:02:06.560
Yeah. Well, cause it's not easy for them either. So the fact that they're actually saying something,
01:02:11.700
they're putting themselves in an uncomfortable circumstance for your behalf.
01:02:22.340
All right. We got through them today. Don't tell me we missed one next week.
01:02:26.020
Never happens. No, I'm just going to repeat another question so you can promote
01:02:30.100
previous episodes of the podcast. Yeah. I'll create that opportunity for you. So the key thing guys,
01:02:37.160
I mean, Iron Council is open until the end of March and I would challenge like, and it's obvious
01:02:45.460
in the conversation that we've already had and it's sad. I think it's sad, but I think it's reality.
01:02:51.140
I think most guys, our friendships are accidental and they're not intentional. It's like,
01:02:56.880
it's the guy I went to high school with and, you know, we used to get along and now we just kind of
01:03:02.120
force a relationship because we know each other, but he doesn't make me any better. I don't make
01:03:07.580
him any better. Or we have other scenarios where it's like, well, it's my, my wife's friend's husband,
01:03:14.160
you know, it's like by default kind of stuff. And so be intentional about those relationships.
01:03:20.300
And I think we can evolve them too. Wouldn't you say that? Like I've, I think I've, I've evolved and
01:03:26.540
changed. And through that process, I think those relationships that may have been superficial in
01:03:32.200
the past, I've had different conversations than I had in the past. I may suggest books and those
01:03:39.140
relationships have grown in a way where we edify one another and then be intentional about other
01:03:46.860
relationships. And I really do believe that the iron council is that it is an opportunity to find
01:03:52.800
like-minded men. It's, it's a given you join us in the IC, you're going to be grouped with a,
01:03:58.800
with a team of men that are focused on becoming better men that are focused on holding each other
01:04:05.680
accountable. And they're aligned to the messaging that we have here in the iron, in the iron council
01:04:10.820
on the order of man podcast. Yep. Dang, by default, you're probably going to end up rubbing shoulders
01:04:18.100
with some really good individuals compared to what you have currently. A hundred percent, a hundred
01:04:22.360
percent. So to join us, that's order of man.com slash iron council. Anything you would add there,
01:04:28.400
sir? That's it. You got it, man. Well, and, and it makes sure really just connect with us on
01:04:35.040
Facebook. If you haven't already, that's facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And
01:04:39.180
of course, uh, in the show notes episodes, you can connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram.
01:04:44.680
That's at Ryan Mickler. Yes, sir. All right, guys. Appreciate the great questions. They hopefully
01:04:49.860
gave you some, some good answers and we will be back on Friday, but until then go out there,
01:04:55.180
take action and become a man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:04:59.880
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:05:05.040
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.