Order of Man - No Apologies, "Task Stacking", and Being Friends with the Opposite Sex

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.420 Kip, what's up brother? Ask me anything. Who knows, 22, 23? Nah, it's not even that much.

00:00:29.500 What is it? 20? 19?

00:00:30.920 19. I keep track of this stuff.

00:00:33.020 Yeah, you are. Well, that's why you do this is because you're significantly more organized than I am.

00:00:37.560 I don't know about significant.

00:00:39.560 Maybe slightly.

00:00:40.660 Yeah, but I named the word document AMA19 so I know which number we're on at least.

00:00:45.340 Yeah, well, we started something new last week. We did a video and we had a lot of response to that, which is cool.

00:00:49.880 These are, guys, just so you know if you're tuning in here, these are questions that we're fielding from our Patreon account,

00:00:55.580 from Facebook, from the Iron Council, which is our exclusive brotherhood.

00:01:00.440 Got something on my brim there.

00:01:03.540 And yeah, so we're fielding those questions, but we're also doing this on YouTube.

00:01:08.060 So if you go to youtube.com slash order of man, you will find Kip's smiling face and my luscious beard.

00:01:18.320 And you guys can watch as we do these ask me anythings and have a good old time.

00:01:24.620 We got a lot of feedback actually, man.

00:01:26.260 I don't know if you know or if you jumped on YouTube or not, but we got a lot of positive feedback.

00:01:29.660 I don't think anybody said anything negative, which is surprising because YouTube just seems to bring out the worst in people.

00:01:35.840 I know. It's notorious for people just being mean, right?

00:01:40.780 And I actually, I told my wife, I'm like, oh, so we did the last podcast on YouTube and she's like, do not read the comments.

00:01:49.340 Yeah, she knows. Everybody knows.

00:01:51.560 And I was even like, I don't know if I'm going to.

00:01:55.280 So I'm super nervous.

00:01:56.560 My wife, she does that whenever I say something.

00:01:58.880 In fact, it's funny because every once in a while, my wife will say to me just randomly, she'll say, so who are you going to piss off today?

00:02:03.640 Or who are you going to offend today?

00:02:06.160 I'm like, I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

00:02:08.620 But she says like when she sees something that I post that is even remotely controversial, that she doesn't even engage in the comments or anything else.

00:02:19.500 She's like, I don't know how you handle that.

00:02:20.720 I'm like, oh, I've been doing it long enough that, look, I'm not going to lie.

00:02:23.780 It still gets to me because if people say things, some of the things that people say, I mean, still stings a little bit.

00:02:28.400 But I've just developed a thicker skin over time, which is critical in when you're doing this.

00:02:34.500 But it's just critical in life, man.

00:02:36.140 Like how many people out there are just like, it's amazing to me the, just the, I don't know, the level of insecurity or this lack of confidence or I don't exactly know what it is.

00:02:52.180 But I'm amazed at how many people choose to be outraged by words.

00:02:56.340 And you know what?

00:02:58.040 Even if those things are true, you don't have to be outraged.

00:03:01.420 That's a choice.

00:03:02.660 And the more you let that stuff consume you, the less productive I think you are in your family, in your business, everything that you want to accomplish.

00:03:09.360 So we got to be really, really careful of allowing these words to get to us.

00:03:12.960 It's crazy.

00:03:13.420 Yeah, a lot of it comes back to your last Friday Field Notes about being a victim.

00:03:19.220 There's a little bit of victimhood or victimness to people being outraged by everything.

00:03:25.000 A little?

00:03:25.400 I mean, that's a lot.

00:03:26.160 That's like their MO, right?

00:03:27.480 That is who they are at the core.

00:03:30.120 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:03:32.100 It's pretty sad.

00:03:33.180 I mean, it really is because these people who play that victim card, and I think a lot of them are probably playing it unknowingly, which is even worse because they're ignorant to the fact that they're victims.

00:03:43.420 At least if you know you're a victim, you can do something about it.

00:03:46.460 But if your eyes haven't been opened yet, man, there's not a dang thing that you can do to change your current circumstances.

00:03:52.480 Yeah, they don't even get it.

00:03:54.780 They don't even know.

00:03:55.420 It's not even on their radar.

00:03:56.820 Yeah.

00:03:57.340 Yeah.

00:03:58.460 Well, I know we've got some questions that were left over from last week.

00:04:03.020 I think you and I had talked about scrubbing through those questions a little bit more effectively to make sure we're answering the best ones.

00:04:09.660 So let's just get right into it, man.

00:04:11.160 We got to be fairly quick.

00:04:12.380 I know you've got a crazy day.

00:04:13.800 Dude, it's crazy for me.

00:04:17.660 It was amazing.

00:04:19.300 Absolutely incredible.

00:04:20.840 It was amazing.

00:04:21.680 Spent some time with friends, specifically Pete and his crew over at Origin, which was awesome.

00:04:29.820 It was cold, but not unbearable.

00:04:32.860 My wife loved it.

00:04:34.640 And we actually put an offer in on a house out there.

00:04:37.300 I was going to say, are you guys thinking about pulling the trigger?

00:04:40.460 Not even thinking about it.

00:04:41.460 Pulled the trigger.

00:04:41.680 We pulled the trigger.

00:04:43.820 Now, let's see if we hit the target.

00:04:45.820 And so a couple offers, a single offer.

00:04:48.460 There's one house.

00:04:49.320 There's one house.

00:04:50.140 We went and saw, I think we saw 10 houses or something like that.

00:04:53.400 And yeah, we fell in love with one.

00:04:57.380 And so we'll see.

00:04:59.640 But there might be some exciting changes in the Mickler household and order a man HQ, if you will.

00:05:04.900 Yeah.

00:05:05.460 Crazy, man.

00:05:06.660 It's crazy.

00:05:06.980 It is crazy.

00:05:07.840 It's something so much different than the way I operate.

00:05:12.560 I don't operate like that.

00:05:13.960 Yeah.

00:05:14.280 She doesn't operate like that.

00:05:15.520 So it's weird that we did this.

00:05:16.720 So hopefully you don't mind me asking, what are you going to do with your house?

00:05:21.580 And we'll rent it.

00:05:23.380 Yeah.

00:05:23.920 We've got another rental property that we rent out.

00:05:27.420 We'll turn this into a rental.

00:05:29.240 I mean, that worst case scenario, we hate Maine, right?

00:05:31.480 And so we got to have somewhere to come back to.

00:05:33.960 Yeah.

00:05:34.420 Sell the house and yeah.

00:05:36.440 Sell the Maine or rent out Maine and move back.

00:05:38.960 That's exact.

00:05:39.480 I like having the rental properties.

00:05:41.580 I mean, just having somebody else pay that mortgage and it's a pretty good thing.

00:05:45.240 Cash flow on them a little bit.

00:05:46.400 So it works out well.

00:05:48.220 Cool.

00:05:48.640 Well, I'll set some of that heating, offset some of that heating cost in Maine.

00:05:52.160 Oh my goodness.

00:05:53.560 Oh, that's a, that's a really good point.

00:05:55.320 Yeah.

00:05:55.440 It's like more than your mortgage or something.

00:05:56.880 Well, cost of living, the housing is so inexpensive out there.

00:06:00.280 It really is.

00:06:01.440 I mean, this, this house that we're, we're purchasing in the land would have cost probably

00:06:04.540 four to five, maybe even more times what it would here in Utah.

00:06:09.720 Yeah.

00:06:10.400 So the cost of living is so low, but you got to heat the house and it's not a small house.

00:06:15.320 So we'll see.

00:06:16.060 We'll see how it goes, man.

00:06:17.060 I'll show you some pictures.

00:06:18.760 All right.

00:06:19.020 Enough of that.

00:06:19.480 Let's get into these questions.

00:06:20.720 All right.

00:06:21.000 So our first question is from Tony Erzy from actually Tony's on the iron council, but he

00:06:26.280 posted the question on.

00:06:27.660 Tony's one of my favorite people, by the way, man, I just, I, I, I really like Tony.

00:06:32.400 We, we have a good relationship.

00:06:33.840 Is he on your team in the iron council?

00:06:35.360 He is on my team.

00:06:36.520 Yeah.

00:06:36.960 In fact, uh, to our previous conversation before we hit record, maybe, uh, you know,

00:06:42.260 maybe we need to talk a little bit more about Tony.

00:06:45.640 Okay.

00:06:46.480 Yeah.

00:06:46.840 So, all right.

00:06:47.900 Tony Erzy for Ryan and Kip, both to answer when people are paying tribute to your life

00:06:52.800 someday, what would you most like your life to be remembered for?

00:06:57.820 This one's actually really easy for me.

00:06:59.320 I, I, I've, I've thought a lot about my death and I know that sounds like morbid, but that

00:07:03.740 actually puts things in a different perspective.

00:07:06.120 You know what I'm, cause I get down on myself sometimes.

00:07:08.440 Like one of the things I fall into is, you know, comparing myself to what other people

00:07:11.940 are doing and these quote unquote influencers and why I don't have a level of influence these

00:07:15.860 guys do.

00:07:16.520 It's a real challenge I fall into.

00:07:18.320 But when I start thinking about being on my deathbed or actually dying, uh, it, it is morbid,

00:07:24.580 but it puts things in perspective and allows me to focus on the things that are important.

00:07:27.780 My family, my wife, my kids, my neighborhood, my community, you guys, you Kip, the people

00:07:32.780 that really believe in what I'm doing and support me.

00:07:35.800 But to get to the question, um, it's really simple for me.

00:07:40.660 I just, I want, I want people who know me best to say that, you know what, Ryan, every

00:07:47.040 time he had an idea, he was willing to pull the trigger that he was willing to make a risk,

00:07:52.820 take a risk, willing to put it on the line and just pursue.

00:07:57.320 Not that he had everything figured out, not that everything even actually worked out a

00:08:00.820 hundred percent of the time, but that he was never so fearful of pursuing some worthy objective.

00:08:09.440 And every day I try to live my life like that.

00:08:11.800 I mean, that's why we're pulling this trigger and pulled the trigger in Maine.

00:08:15.340 It's like, you know, we could have sat back and thought about all the reasons why it wouldn't

00:08:18.940 work and why we shouldn't and be real practical.

00:08:21.640 And of course, don't get me wrong.

00:08:23.060 We should take that into consideration.

00:08:25.440 We don't want to be, uh, reckless, right?

00:08:31.200 But why not?

00:08:33.360 So that's where I'm at.

00:08:35.420 Cool.

00:08:36.180 What about you?

00:08:36.660 Um, first off, I think it's when a celebrity has like a funeral and there's thousands of

00:08:44.500 people or hundreds of people at their funeral, um, I think for most of those, it's really

00:08:50.300 superficial.

00:08:50.920 Like it looks good, but how many of those people really knew that individual in a very intimate

00:08:58.100 way?

00:08:58.760 And so it's tempting to, to want the flash, right?

00:09:02.940 The, the glam of, Oh, he made a huge impact.

00:09:06.420 Look how much he was remembered.

00:09:08.340 But in the grand scheme of things, I don't think that's where impact is.

00:09:11.860 And so for me, it's, it's for the people, for a group of individuals to feel that their

00:09:19.140 life was bettered because of me being in it.

00:09:23.200 Um, and having that a good profound amount of people that more or less had just left the

00:09:28.400 world better than it was, uh, and, and allowed and help them become better, uh, due to my influence

00:09:34.060 in some way.

00:09:35.440 I love it.

00:09:36.500 It's powerful.

00:09:37.880 Right on.

00:09:38.800 Cool.

00:09:39.620 Okay.

00:09:39.860 Chase Saxton, what do you think the best MOS is in the army slash army national guard?

00:09:46.360 And you have to tell what people are MOS is because I have no idea.

00:09:49.600 Yeah.

00:09:49.720 It's, it's basically just your specialty in the military.

00:09:52.320 Well, it's your job.

00:09:53.320 That's what it is.

00:09:54.200 Okay.

00:09:54.560 What do I think?

00:09:55.680 I don't, I don't think anything's the best, but I'm an artillery guy, king of battle,

00:09:59.800 13 Delta.

00:10:00.720 So I was fire direction control.

00:10:02.420 So basically we'd have forward observers that would call in enemy units in positions.

00:10:06.080 They'd forward that to us.

00:10:08.580 Uh, we would take that information and then disseminate that to the gun bunnies.

00:10:12.300 I think those are 13 Bravo.

00:10:14.120 If I remember, I might be off, but I think they're 13 Bravo.

00:10:16.760 Uh, these are the guys that shoot the big guns, man.

00:10:18.840 The paladin, the howitzer.

00:10:20.220 It's incredible, incredible indirect fire.

00:10:22.560 One, five, five rounds.

00:10:23.520 It's, it's amazing.

00:10:24.440 I mean, it's amazing what these machine machines can do.

00:10:28.280 Uh, so we would take the, uh, information from the forward observers.

00:10:31.980 Uh, we would, we would scrub through that information, figure out how we were going to

00:10:35.480 respond to the enemy threat or sighting, whatever it may be.

00:10:40.260 And then again, disseminate that to the guns and let them do their thing.

00:10:44.080 Uh, so 13 Bravo is that I was 13 Delta's fire direction control.

00:10:49.200 Forward observers are out, out in the field doing the thing.

00:10:51.400 I admire those guys, um, 13 Bravo's.

00:10:54.860 I mean, they're, they're out shooting those guns, which is absolutely incredible.

00:11:00.280 Um, so I'm, I'm, I'm a red leg man.

00:11:03.460 King of battle.

00:11:04.840 Is there, um, a part, uh, an MOS that you were interested in that you kind of wish that

00:11:11.760 you would have checked out?

00:11:12.780 That's a good question.

00:11:13.800 I, I don't, I don't know that there was, because I actually, I joined the national guard

00:11:18.820 in, well, I was still in high school when I joined the national guard.

00:11:22.780 So the national guard unit that I was, that I was near only had artillery specialties.

00:11:29.300 I mean, there was some support units and support, excuse me, some support positions and, and,

00:11:33.300 and positions like that MOSs.

00:11:35.680 Um, but I, I always had that ambition of, of, uh, being part of that action.

00:11:43.080 Right.

00:11:43.440 And then figuring out how we were going to respond.

00:11:45.800 And so I did fairly well, uh, in, on my, uh, what is it called?

00:11:50.100 The ASVAP, I think is what it's called.

00:11:51.440 That's your military, uh, test to see, you know, what position you can actually hold.

00:11:56.340 I did fairly well on that.

00:11:57.620 So I had my pick.

00:11:59.120 Based upon your intelligence.

00:12:00.400 So.

00:12:01.140 Yeah.

00:12:01.600 Yeah.

00:12:01.880 Your intelligence or, and I don't want to say just that, but your intelligence, probably

00:12:06.280 even your aptitude for certain tasks and activities.

00:12:08.940 Because, you know, you could take, you could take some, two people who are highly intelligent

00:12:13.180 and they would naturally flock to different avenues.

00:12:16.760 You know, one might be interested in, in, uh, being, you know, in the fight, being like

00:12:22.040 face to face in the, on the, on the ground, in the battle.

00:12:24.500 And somebody else might be interested in strategy, for example.

00:12:27.920 So it was probably had something to do with your, your aptitude for certain professions

00:12:33.080 within the military, but yeah.

00:12:34.420 Artillery, red leg, king of battle, king of battle.

00:12:37.300 Follow me.

00:12:38.340 Red leg.

00:12:38.940 That's right, man.

00:12:40.280 All right.

00:12:40.780 Tristan Tully, should men strive to earn more than their wives?

00:12:44.260 This is probably what I was going to say.

00:12:44.520 Oh, I remember seeing this question.

00:12:46.380 I think it's, I think that's a ludicrous thought.

00:12:50.020 I know.

00:12:51.160 I agree.

00:12:51.300 I would say this.

00:12:52.420 What I would change to that is men should strive to make more than they currently are.

00:12:58.480 That's it.

00:12:59.080 Like, I don't, it doesn't matter if you're making more than your wife.

00:13:01.960 It doesn't really, it doesn't make you less of a man, more of a man.

00:13:05.640 But if you're not striving to learn new skills, to develop new ideas and insights, to even

00:13:11.400 potentially go out on your own so that you can make more money, to figure out ways to

00:13:14.460 be more valuable to your clients and your customers and your employer.

00:13:17.380 If you're not doing that, yeah, I think that's less manly.

00:13:21.100 But if my wife made $500,000 and I made $400,000, all the power to her and all the power to the

00:13:28.380 Micklers because we're a team.

00:13:30.040 So, I want her to make more money.

00:13:31.960 I want to make more money.

00:13:32.960 And I'm not really going to try to compare myself.

00:13:35.740 Now, look, I'm not going to say I don't understand where this question comes from because we feel

00:13:41.000 like as men that we have an obligation to be the breadwinner.

00:13:45.020 And I believe that's true.

00:13:46.540 And in fact, the research and the data actually plays that out pretty accurately according to

00:13:52.260 that, that there's more problems in relationships when the man chooses to stay at home or he makes

00:13:59.280 less than his wife.

00:14:00.640 Now, some of that may be ego-driven and some of that, frankly, may just be guilty conscience,

00:14:05.460 right?

00:14:05.660 Like that they sabotage their own relationship because they feel inadequate in that relationship

00:14:10.780 because they're not doing what they feel like they should be doing.

00:14:13.140 I love my kids to death.

00:14:14.280 I've got four kids.

00:14:15.400 They vary between the ages of 10 to 2 and I love them to death.

00:14:19.620 But I would not feel fulfilled in my life if I was at home with my kids all day.

00:14:27.540 I wouldn't.

00:14:28.180 And I'm not undermining that because my wife feels completely edified and uplifted when

00:14:34.500 she's at home and she's being, all she's ever wanted to do was be a homemaker.

00:14:39.300 Not one of our positions is more important than the other.

00:14:41.700 But if she was out in the workforce, I'd want her to make as much money as she possibly can.

00:14:46.760 And I want to make as much money as I possibly can.

00:14:49.160 I think to compare is a little bit of a recipe for disaster and a lot of ego talking in that

00:14:54.860 for sure.

00:14:55.780 Yeah.

00:14:56.200 And I think it's, and that's why the question's there, right?

00:15:00.060 Because probably for most men and their egos, this would be a dilemma, right?

00:15:04.680 Where they might try to be competitive because they're associating all kinds of meaning to

00:15:08.780 the fact that they're not earning as much as their wives.

00:15:11.440 Well, not only that, let's play this out for a second.

00:15:13.840 All right.

00:15:14.100 Let's say that your wife is making more money than you and you have it in your head and

00:15:18.380 your heart, wherever that is, wherever that resides, that I need to be making more money

00:15:23.960 than my wife.

00:15:25.480 Okay.

00:15:26.460 So, if that's what you believe, you can take one of a couple of different angles.

00:15:30.160 The first angle, the more productive angle, I think, although it's not ideal, but the more

00:15:34.580 productive angle is that you figure out a way to be more valuable so you can make more

00:15:38.400 money and bring that income into the household.

00:15:40.860 That is a fairly productive outcome.

00:15:44.580 The other scenario is that you sabotage and undermine your wife so that you can make more

00:15:51.140 money than her.

00:15:52.280 And I would be willing to bet that a lot of men do that.

00:15:55.460 There was a study I read and I can't cite the study or anything like that and I'll probably

00:15:59.660 butcher it here, but you guys will understand the point.

00:16:01.760 The study was that they went to this group of individuals and they said, you know, we can

00:16:06.500 pay you $100,000 and everybody around you will be making, let me think about how this went.

00:16:15.420 And I'm just throwing these numbers out here, but you'll illustrate the point.

00:16:17.960 We can pay you $100,000 and everybody around you will be making more than you.

00:16:27.840 Okay.

00:16:28.240 So they'll be making $120,000 or we'll pay you $80,000, so $20,000 less, but everybody

00:16:37.640 around you is making less than you.

00:16:42.680 Which would you choose?

00:16:43.260 Which one would you want?

00:16:44.680 And the majority of the respondents of the survey said that they would take less money

00:16:50.440 knowing that they're making more than their peers.

00:16:54.680 Crazy, man.

00:16:55.720 It's crazy stuff.

00:16:56.840 And so I think you got to be very careful when you start thinking this way because one

00:17:04.060 alternative and solution to the problem that you've created in your head is that you sabotage

00:17:08.740 and undermine your wife, which ultimately, because you are a team, sabotages and undermines

00:17:13.220 yourself.

00:17:14.500 Yeah.

00:17:16.440 Cool.

00:17:16.980 I may have butchered that survey, but I think you guys understand the point.

00:17:21.200 Yeah.

00:17:21.440 I think it was clear.

00:17:22.360 Yeah.

00:17:22.580 Okay.

00:17:22.960 All right.

00:17:23.300 I was thinking through it.

00:17:24.260 I'm like, what was it now?

00:17:25.060 That makes sense.

00:17:27.020 All right.

00:17:27.340 Ben Harrington.

00:17:29.140 These next few questions are kind of lengthy here, so bear with me, guys.

00:17:34.020 So Ben Harrington, I'd like to hear you give your thoughts on tattoos.

00:17:37.520 More specifically, whether you believe that tattoos are or should be socially acceptable

00:17:42.780 and under what conditions.

00:17:44.540 Sailors and soldiers getting them to mark rites of passage.

00:17:47.300 Mallory warriors getting them upon initiation is an obviously different to Stacey, a 42-year-old

00:17:54.880 soccer mom getting a tramp stamp.

00:17:57.220 But where does the line lie?

00:17:59.180 Should tattoos be meaningful or are they just fine as decoration or because you wanted one?

00:18:04.400 It's up to you.

00:18:06.100 Yeah.

00:18:06.340 I mean, what right do I have to tell you, Kip, you know, that you shouldn't have that big,

00:18:10.560 ugly tattoo on your ass?

00:18:11.840 Not that I know or anything.

00:18:13.680 How did you know?

00:18:18.460 What's your take on it, though?

00:18:19.920 I don't have any tattoos.

00:18:21.620 I don't have a single tattoo.

00:18:25.360 But if I want, just because, well, I can't really think of anything that I would permanently

00:18:30.440 want to like put onto my body, number one.

00:18:34.700 And number two, I kind of feel like, I feel like your body is special, right?

00:18:40.960 Like it's really important.

00:18:42.100 I think it's a gift to us.

00:18:43.880 We have been given this gift and I've abused this gift for a lot of years of my life with

00:18:50.100 the junk that I've put into it and the way that I've treated it and the lack of exercise

00:18:53.820 and everything else.

00:18:54.760 I've abused it at points.

00:18:56.020 But I try to be very aware of the gift that I've received.

00:19:00.140 But if it were me and I was going to have a tattoo, then I would want it to be significant.

00:19:06.100 I'd want it to have meaning.

00:19:07.320 I'd want it to have purpose.

00:19:08.720 I'd want it to be a reminder or maybe a lesson or an experience that I want to draw upon that

00:19:14.480 helps me be a better human being.

00:19:16.480 So if you're just going to go out there and put some sort of dumb thing on your shoulder

00:19:20.940 because you lost a bet, I think that's kind of silly, obviously.

00:19:25.580 But teach their own.

00:19:26.740 Now, as far as society being acceptable, should they?

00:19:29.460 Should they not?

00:19:30.280 I would say that we probably should be more acceptable.

00:19:33.900 I mean, facial hair actually falls into the same camp as this.

00:19:37.160 It's not as acceptable to have a big beard like I do as opposed to somebody who's got

00:19:43.220 a completely shaven face, right?

00:19:46.340 So should it be more acceptable?

00:19:48.100 Sure.

00:19:48.480 But I don't really get into the world of shoulds and coulds and maybes and whatever.

00:19:52.240 I just choose to look at it the way life is.

00:19:55.180 And if you're going to have tattoos, just know.

00:19:57.620 Like you're making a decision.

00:19:58.700 Just know that you're going to be judged for it.

00:20:00.360 Probably, it's probably not going to be looked upon highly, frankly, especially in the professional

00:20:05.440 setting.

00:20:06.080 And that's just a decision you have to make.

00:20:07.680 So don't worry about, oh, well, he should have.

00:20:09.760 No, you knew.

00:20:11.280 You knew.

00:20:11.780 So just make a conscious choice and then live with the result of that choice.

00:20:15.440 Well, and I think it's important to realize that, and don't make people wrong for judging

00:20:20.100 you.

00:20:20.440 Like, I love, how do I say this?

00:20:25.760 It drives me mad that we have stereotypes and a lot of stereotypes are backed with evidence

00:20:33.400 of generalizations, right?

00:20:35.920 Based upon the way you dress or if you have tattoos or whatever.

00:20:40.620 And then yet we dress that way.

00:20:42.880 We fit ourselves into a stereotype and then we bitch and moan that people are judging us

00:20:48.020 in a negative way.

00:20:48.640 Like, oh, how dare they think I'm ghetto when I'm walking around like I'm dressed all ghetto,

00:20:53.380 right?

00:20:53.860 Like, hold it.

00:20:54.460 Pants hanging down your butt, you know, your knees or whatever.

00:20:57.180 And yeah.

00:20:57.380 Yeah.

00:20:57.640 You got to own that.

00:20:58.920 So don't get pissed off if people judge you if you decide to put like, you know, I don't

00:21:04.080 know, some crazy ass tattoo on you and get mad at people for judging you for it.

00:21:11.400 Right.

00:21:11.580 I mean, the reality of it is you're stereotyping yourself by labeling yourselves and should

00:21:15.940 people judge?

00:21:16.600 Of course not.

00:21:17.420 But guess what?

00:21:18.580 Though a lot of stereotypes exist most in most cases for a reason.

00:21:22.200 The judging argument is always a crazy one because people say, oh, you're being judgmental.

00:21:26.720 Well, you're actually judging me for being judgmental.

00:21:28.740 So we all do this.

00:21:30.920 It's a human condition.

00:21:32.100 In fact, it's kept us alive for hundreds of thousands of years.

00:21:35.260 Yeah.

00:21:35.360 So I think there's a line upon which you should be judgy and not judgy.

00:21:39.540 But every single one of us is walking around with our own biases about life.

00:21:43.180 And we're fitting people into those biases.

00:21:46.400 And we're asking ourselves, you're doing it right now when you listen to this podcast.

00:21:50.280 You are literally judging my words and Kip's words and deciding whether or not they're valid

00:21:55.520 and whether or not you feel like we're full of crap or you want to incorporate what we're

00:21:59.740 saying.

00:22:00.460 So don't give me the judgment thing.

00:22:02.280 Everybody's judging.

00:22:03.260 It's healthy.

00:22:04.200 Can it be taken to the extreme?

00:22:05.620 Of course it can.

00:22:07.280 But yeah, I mean, everybody does this all day, every day.

00:22:11.020 And to say you don't is ridiculous.

00:22:13.720 Yeah, totally.

00:22:14.400 The other part, if you don't mind me chiming in on the tattoo really quick, this is the

00:22:18.540 part of tattoos that bother me is look at teenage kids or even young 20 year olds.

00:22:26.520 And they are, their identities are still, they're trying to figure out their identity.

00:22:31.420 And often they tie their identity to some social circle.

00:22:34.920 Like I always find it interesting that if a kid gets into music heavily, all of a sudden

00:22:41.240 the way they dress changes.

00:22:42.760 Of course.

00:22:43.180 Or, oh, I'm a skateboarding.

00:22:44.940 Now I dress differently.

00:22:46.420 Oh, I listen to this music.

00:22:47.640 Now I dress differently.

00:22:48.580 I'm like, why do you have to dress different?

00:22:50.200 Why can't you listen to heavy metal and dress in a suit?

00:22:55.560 Why?

00:22:57.080 I guess you could.

00:22:58.140 Social identities.

00:22:59.120 Right.

00:22:59.280 But my point being, we're so tied to them.

00:23:01.900 And so my fear, especially being a father of teenage boys is that very thing is that they

00:23:07.640 go, oh, this is cool.

00:23:09.220 These things are cool.

00:23:10.080 I want to get a tattoo on these things.

00:23:11.920 When in reality, those things that they think is cool, they're going to think they are lame.

00:23:16.420 Yeah.

00:23:16.740 In about 10, 15 years.

00:23:19.300 And then you're like, what were you thinking?

00:23:21.060 Right?

00:23:21.420 So that always bothers me because especially when you see people put logos on themselves,

00:23:26.160 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:23:27.880 Unless you put an order a man logo on, that's acceptable.

00:23:30.680 Actually.

00:23:31.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:23:31.600 You've had a couple of guys do that.

00:23:34.060 That is.

00:23:34.480 And when they do, it has meaning.

00:23:37.260 And they wouldn't do it if it didn't have meaning, I don't think.

00:23:39.020 But my goal is when I see something like that is to always live worthy of that being on

00:23:44.360 a person's body permanently.

00:23:47.520 Yeah.

00:23:48.200 Totally.

00:23:48.860 Interesting question.

00:23:50.180 Yeah.

00:23:50.540 All right.

00:23:51.040 Robert Farmer, I believe in owning firearms to protect my family.

00:23:55.240 I also live in a state that is making it an increasingly difficult to do so.

00:24:00.540 What are your thoughts about the law running directly counter to your personal convictions?

00:24:06.360 Well, I personally believe that every citizen of this country should be able to carry a firearm

00:24:16.000 without any sort of concealed permit or anything like that.

00:24:21.760 I believe that, it's a touchy subject, I believe that certain criminals and criminal activity

00:24:28.500 take away the right for somebody to bear arms because they've made those decisions.

00:24:33.380 I also believe that those who are mentally ill should not have and should not have access

00:24:37.840 to firearms.

00:24:39.240 I believe that as a individual who carries a firearm typically and has those in my home,

00:24:47.600 that I have a complete and utter responsibility and obligation to make sure those firearms are

00:24:53.640 protected, to make sure that they are taken care of, to make sure that I have training in

00:24:57.880 place to be able to handle this tool.

00:25:00.880 When I see a state or some other municipality or organization frown upon the use of that,

00:25:08.780 I can certainly understand that.

00:25:10.060 But frankly, I believe it's unconstitutional that a state would supersede the United States

00:25:15.440 Constitution and tell an individual they cannot possess, carry, or own a firearm.

00:25:19.720 And I think it should be something that we should all be very, very concerned with.

00:25:23.400 Now, do I think that every person out there should own a firearm?

00:25:27.320 No, I don't believe you have to.

00:25:29.260 I don't think it makes you more or less of a man if you do.

00:25:31.840 I do believe that a firearm can help you be a better protector in certain circumstances

00:25:36.820 and that certainly makes you more manly.

00:25:40.080 But I think all of us, every single one of us, whether you want to carry a firearm or not,

00:25:44.740 should be slightly worried that a government is trying to dictate what it is that we can do.

00:25:50.860 I mean, the same thing goes with marijuana use, which is a hot topic right now.

00:25:55.180 And a lot of people have asked me about that.

00:25:57.100 I believe that all of us can make our own decisions and suffer the consequence of those decisions.

00:26:01.700 Now, when it impacts other people, yes, we have to look into that,

00:26:05.740 which is why I say certain criminals and those with mental disorders or history

00:26:11.220 should be evaluated very closely in order to ensure that they're not getting these tools

00:26:16.820 that would impact and potentially kill other people.

00:26:19.160 But we all ought to be worried when any sort of outside authority comes in

00:26:24.440 and tries to take away individual power and responsibility.

00:26:27.300 That should be a very concerning item for any person that lives in the United States.

00:26:36.260 The end.

00:26:38.060 Done.

00:26:39.800 Joe Crucell, when it comes to being a business owner and having employees,

00:26:44.820 where does an owner draw the line when it comes to helping employees with personal issues

00:26:49.420 that spill into the workplace?

00:26:52.960 Man, it's so varied based on what that circumstance is.

00:26:58.440 But at the end of the day, you know, you've got to put the business first.

00:27:03.240 You do.

00:27:03.920 You've got a business to run.

00:27:05.200 You have other employees that are relying upon you.

00:27:07.380 You're feeding them.

00:27:08.460 You're putting food on their table and giving them a paycheck.

00:27:10.480 And you have customers and clients, too, who are relying upon you.

00:27:15.100 You know, they may be relying upon you for a specific service or value or widget

00:27:19.420 that they need to run their business, which employs other people.

00:27:22.340 And so, there's so many moving parts.

00:27:24.380 And when you have one individual who comes in who refuses to be part of that organization

00:27:28.600 or has the inability to be part of that organization,

00:27:32.320 then you have an obligation and a responsibility to protect the organization

00:27:36.140 and the people that you're working to serve.

00:27:38.040 I won't let anybody, and I don't really care about their circumstance,

00:27:41.560 come in perpetually and throw wrenches in my system.

00:27:45.040 Now, if they do it once or they're having a personal issue

00:27:48.560 that I can help them get through and get them back on track

00:27:51.860 and get them back integrated into what it is we're doing,

00:27:54.240 I'm more than happy to do that.

00:27:56.060 But there comes a point in time, and I can't tell you what that line is,

00:27:59.040 but there comes a point in time where you need to decide,

00:28:01.200 is this person an added value to my business

00:28:05.080 or have they become a detriment, a hindrance to what it is I'm doing?

00:28:09.180 And the moment you see this individual continue perpetually over and over

00:28:12.500 to become a hindrance to what it is you're doing

00:28:14.660 is the moment that you've got to let that individual go.

00:28:17.380 But I don't think we should also be so rushed and so quick

00:28:20.280 to just put them on the chopping block.

00:28:23.020 I think we do need to be very aware of what it is they're dealing with.

00:28:27.280 I think generally, we should want our employees to win.

00:28:30.760 Not only is it good for them, and it's goodwill,

00:28:33.360 it's human capital, if you will.

00:28:35.920 And I think we're responsible for that as men.

00:28:38.460 But I also think if that doesn't do it for you,

00:28:41.180 I also think it's a good business decision.

00:28:43.740 Because Kip, if I have to let you go

00:28:45.380 because you've got personal issues that you can't keep at home,

00:28:49.000 well, I've got to find somebody else to come in

00:28:50.780 and help me do X, Y, and Z.

00:28:53.060 And there's a huge cost associated with that.

00:28:55.720 I'd rather you have you fix your shit

00:28:57.980 or me help you fix your shit

00:28:59.680 so that you can get back engaged in the business

00:29:02.220 and do what it is we both want to accomplish.

00:29:05.520 That's the priority for me is

00:29:07.180 let's get you back into the thing,

00:29:09.600 into the driver's seat so we can get this taken care of,

00:29:11.300 not find ways to get rid of you.

00:29:13.680 Yeah, this reiterates the importance

00:29:15.760 of hiring the right person,

00:29:18.080 aka the right personality.

00:29:19.600 Because here's the part where you can't help them

00:29:23.240 is when they're unwilling to be helped.

00:29:26.160 That's when it's a waste of your time.

00:29:28.940 And that's the kind of person

00:29:30.180 you don't want to be hiring anyway.

00:29:32.220 That is not the right employee.

00:29:34.320 But if you have the right employee

00:29:35.780 and they're struggling in their personal life

00:29:37.720 and you think you can provide coaching and direction

00:29:40.180 to get their personal life in line

00:29:43.240 or provide assistance or whatever,

00:29:45.380 and they will take it,

00:29:46.880 then that's the right person.

00:29:47.920 And it benefits your company.

00:29:49.780 I, you know, my opinion about the definition

00:29:54.060 of work-life balance has drastically changed lately.

00:29:57.300 I think far too often we look at it as a separation.

00:30:02.560 Work doesn't affect my personal life

00:30:04.520 and my personal life doesn't affect my work.

00:30:06.560 Well, guess what?

00:30:07.480 That's not true.

00:30:08.540 That's not true at all.

00:30:09.360 In fact, I was just telling my team this a few months ago.

00:30:11.540 If your physical well-being is not in line

00:30:16.560 and you're out of shape

00:30:18.120 and you're not getting sufficient rest

00:30:20.100 and your diet sucks

00:30:21.140 and you're not taking care of your body,

00:30:22.400 that affects the business.

00:30:24.960 It really does.

00:30:26.080 It affects your productivity.

00:30:28.020 And when work is bearing down on you

00:30:30.200 and we're overloading you

00:30:32.260 and you're burning out,

00:30:33.880 that's going to affect your marriage.

00:30:36.160 And if your marriage is being affected in a negative way,

00:30:38.840 that affects our work.

00:30:40.060 Like work-life balance is intertwining them,

00:30:44.140 that they support one another.

00:30:45.580 It's not the separation of them.

00:30:47.080 And so any opportunity that I have,

00:30:49.220 me personally,

00:30:50.000 that where I think I can provide assistance to help them,

00:30:52.760 I'll do it in a second.

00:30:54.380 If it's the right personality.

00:30:55.860 But if it's,

00:30:56.580 but we run into these people all the time, right?

00:30:58.640 If some people are unwilling to be helped

00:31:01.000 and to be frank,

00:31:02.640 if I had an employee that was that way,

00:31:04.440 I hired the wrong person.

00:31:06.700 Yeah, I think that.

00:31:07.780 I also think people change over time.

00:31:10.420 I mean, you could hire the right individual

00:31:12.440 and that person goes through some event in their lives

00:31:15.340 or some new stimulus

00:31:17.560 that causes them to think differently

00:31:18.940 or behave differently and things change.

00:31:20.760 And this is why,

00:31:21.500 in addition to hiring the right people,

00:31:23.580 you need to have systems in place for your expectations.

00:31:27.460 Here is what I expect.

00:31:28.560 So those expectations need to be set very clearly.

00:31:31.200 You need to establish boundaries

00:31:32.560 that will not be crossed

00:31:33.640 and consequences, of course, for those boundaries.

00:31:35.840 And you need to have constant review

00:31:37.420 with these individuals as well.

00:31:39.220 Even when they're doing well,

00:31:40.540 I think what most people do is,

00:31:41.940 is they will review when somebody's doing bad.

00:31:44.840 Or has some holes in themselves as an employee,

00:31:48.480 which is important.

00:31:49.420 You need to do that.

00:31:50.500 But if you're not also having reviews

00:31:51.920 when things are going well,

00:31:53.780 like it's not maintaining the goodwill

00:31:55.820 that I'm talking about.

00:31:56.620 These are the deposits.

00:31:57.660 I was talking with a buddy of mine.

00:31:59.620 His son is on the same basketball team as my son.

00:32:02.240 In fact, I coach the team and when I'm gone,

00:32:04.680 he will step in and coach the games for me.

00:32:07.620 And we were talking about this.

00:32:09.060 We were talking about,

00:32:10.200 there has to be some sort of consequence

00:32:12.000 for negative behavior.

00:32:13.500 And that could be among team dynamics

00:32:15.520 or it could be just play in general.

00:32:17.780 There has to be a consequence to poor performance.

00:32:20.340 That's a given.

00:32:21.100 Everybody knows that.

00:32:22.260 But what very few people do,

00:32:23.560 and this is the conversation we're having,

00:32:25.000 is they very rarely reinforce positive habits.

00:32:28.680 And so, I try to make a very, very conscious effort

00:32:32.120 of when one of my players does something good,

00:32:36.860 I try to get their attention and say,

00:32:40.520 hey, good job.

00:32:41.880 That was smart.

00:32:42.760 Or hey, way to hustle

00:32:44.000 or way to grab that rebound

00:32:45.220 or way to fight for that

00:32:46.180 or way to make a good shot

00:32:47.160 or way to not take that shot.

00:32:48.620 Way to do the pass that you should have done.

00:32:50.760 These are the things that I try to reinforce

00:32:52.260 because we want to also,

00:32:54.080 in addition to discipline and bad behavior,

00:32:56.060 we want to reward positive behavior.

00:32:59.080 It's critical.

00:32:59.860 And I think a lot of people overlook that.

00:33:01.860 You know, I have a good example of this scenario.

00:33:05.160 When I was working during my divorce,

00:33:08.400 the owner of the company grabbed me

00:33:11.320 and he said,

00:33:11.960 hey, I heard you're going through a divorce right now.

00:33:14.840 And I said, yeah.

00:33:15.740 And you know what I mean?

00:33:16.380 He could tell I was a little bit down and out.

00:33:18.040 And he probably even noticed

00:33:19.060 the difference in my demeanor

00:33:21.240 and my energy, you know,

00:33:24.000 around the office and whatnot.

00:33:25.040 And he signed me up to run a marathon

00:33:28.780 in San Francisco with him.

00:33:32.500 I think it was like six months out.

00:33:35.020 And he said, all right,

00:33:35.960 here's the regiment to train for a marathon.

00:33:39.240 I'll pay for the registration.

00:33:41.420 I'll pay for your hotel,

00:33:42.340 your flight to go to the marathon and everything.

00:33:44.320 And that was his way of saying,

00:33:45.980 hey, you need to focus on something else.

00:33:48.320 So let's give you a mission.

00:33:50.460 And it was huge help, huge help.

00:33:52.980 And that's a good example of a boss being in tune

00:33:55.300 and being aware of how to help an employee, right?

00:33:59.000 Through some personal,

00:33:59.740 without even diving into really the nitty gritty details.

00:34:03.300 I mean, and let's be honest,

00:34:04.080 that helps him too, right?

00:34:05.460 Like you can't make these decisions in a vacuum.

00:34:08.560 If I help you be a more productive,

00:34:10.560 efficient, effective, happy, positive person,

00:34:14.220 then naturally that's going to increase my bottom line.

00:34:18.360 That's going to help me.

00:34:19.100 I'm not saying that should be your only motive,

00:34:21.420 but what I am saying is that good begets good, right?

00:34:24.740 Like if you do something well,

00:34:26.420 it's going to produce that sort of fruit.

00:34:29.580 If you don't do something well,

00:34:31.460 it's going to yield zero or bad fruit.

00:34:34.820 So do the right thing for the right reason

00:34:37.120 and know that throughout time,

00:34:38.760 it will yield a good fruit for you.

00:34:43.260 Totally.

00:34:43.880 Okay.

00:34:44.560 Next question.

00:34:45.880 Jared Sengori,

00:34:47.280 how do you balance your to-do list

00:34:50.660 and what you want to do for fun

00:34:52.400 without feeling buried and filled with despair

00:34:54.760 from your to-do list,

00:34:55.960 especially later at night

00:34:57.300 when you can't do some of your tasks?

00:34:59.880 You just got to check stuff off.

00:35:01.640 Hold on.

00:35:02.680 You've got to eliminate things from your list.

00:35:04.880 I was going to say,

00:35:05.420 check them off,

00:35:06.020 but that implies that you're doing them.

00:35:07.260 I'm not saying that.

00:35:08.000 I'm saying you've got to eliminate stuff.

00:35:10.020 Too many of us are just,

00:35:11.520 just up to our eyeballs and activities

00:35:14.240 and this and people pulling on us

00:35:16.580 and I got to go here

00:35:17.300 and I got to drop this off

00:35:18.220 and I got to do this

00:35:18.880 and I got to do that

00:35:19.560 and then we don't have any time

00:35:20.680 to take care of ourselves

00:35:21.520 or any time to take care of

00:35:22.680 what truly matters, our family.

00:35:24.800 So one thing that I've been

00:35:26.000 very, very deliberate about

00:35:27.120 is saying no a whole lot more lately

00:35:28.720 because there's just things that,

00:35:31.420 A, I'm not interested in,

00:35:32.680 B, I shouldn't be doing,

00:35:34.340 C, will stress me out to the max

00:35:35.840 and a whole other host of reasons

00:35:37.600 why I shouldn't be engaged

00:35:38.680 in those activities.

00:35:39.980 Scrub those things from your list.

00:35:41.240 I mean, we walk around

00:35:42.220 saying that busy is a badge of honor.

00:35:44.700 If you go out,

00:35:45.360 do this as an experiment.

00:35:46.840 This afternoon,

00:35:48.000 go out

00:35:48.600 and every individual

00:35:49.800 that you come into contact with,

00:35:51.800 just say,

00:35:52.760 hey, how's it going?

00:35:54.480 And I want you to document

00:35:55.680 how many people say

00:35:56.920 either I'm busy

00:35:58.160 or something to that effect.

00:36:00.020 And I'd be willing to bet

00:36:00.940 that 70, 80, 90%

00:36:02.420 of the people that you encounter

00:36:03.440 are going to say,

00:36:04.620 oh, it's good,

00:36:05.440 but man, I'm just so busy.

00:36:06.840 Oh, wow, it's Christmas time.

00:36:08.160 I'm just so overwhelmed.

00:36:10.340 I'm telling you,

00:36:11.240 document that right now

00:36:12.440 so you can be more deliberate

00:36:13.720 and intentional

00:36:14.260 about understanding

00:36:15.200 that busy isn't the goal.

00:36:16.720 I want to be a lazy piece of garbage,

00:36:19.100 quite honestly.

00:36:20.200 I shouldn't say it like that.

00:36:21.400 I want to be lazy though.

00:36:23.300 Like, I want to be able to get up

00:36:24.740 when I want to get up.

00:36:25.740 I don't want to have a,

00:36:26.560 have to have a bunch of things to do

00:36:28.180 and a bunch of people pulling on me.

00:36:30.200 My goal

00:36:30.900 is always to produce

00:36:32.700 maximum output

00:36:34.500 for minimum effort.

00:36:36.120 Now, that's not to say

00:36:36.860 I'm going to be lazy.

00:36:37.460 It just means that

00:36:38.180 if I'm going to take

00:36:38.820 a minute doing something,

00:36:40.200 I want that minute

00:36:41.160 to produce the biggest

00:36:42.360 and best result possible.

00:36:44.340 So, if I'm in the gym

00:36:45.480 and people are dinking around

00:36:46.920 and they're talking

00:36:47.540 and they're yapping about

00:36:48.480 what kind of music or whatever

00:36:49.680 or they're overstretching,

00:36:51.520 it's like,

00:36:51.880 what the hell are we doing here?

00:36:52.920 I got an hour.

00:36:55.440 I'm all for stretching

00:36:56.440 but at some point,

00:36:57.340 like,

00:36:57.780 let's go work out

00:36:58.820 and there's been actually

00:37:00.020 multiple times

00:37:00.740 where I've done workouts

00:37:01.800 and in between rounds,

00:37:03.160 I've done something else

00:37:04.160 because everybody's dinking around

00:37:05.500 trying to get their weight

00:37:06.240 shifted around

00:37:06.860 or talk about their newest,

00:37:08.520 you know,

00:37:09.180 shoes,

00:37:09.900 their Metcons

00:37:10.500 or whatever they have on.

00:37:11.500 I'm like,

00:37:11.720 let's work

00:37:12.280 because I got an hour

00:37:13.960 and these are the people

00:37:16.200 who aren't efficient

00:37:17.340 that complain about,

00:37:18.860 oh,

00:37:18.960 there's just not enough hours

00:37:20.160 in the day

00:37:20.660 for me to do

00:37:21.220 all the things I want to do.

00:37:22.480 Yeah,

00:37:22.920 because you were talking

00:37:23.540 about your shoes

00:37:24.260 and your pants

00:37:24.940 and the weather

00:37:25.840 and the sports

00:37:26.460 when you should have been

00:37:27.220 busting ass in the gym

00:37:28.700 so that you can focus

00:37:29.760 on busting ass at home

00:37:31.400 and busting ass in the office

00:37:32.960 and everywhere else you show up.

00:37:35.420 So,

00:37:35.980 anyone that's ever been

00:37:36.920 to an uprising,

00:37:38.420 this is apparent

00:37:40.640 in Ryan's schedule.

00:37:43.280 Yes.

00:37:44.820 Run.

00:37:45.620 Boom,

00:37:46.140 boom,

00:37:46.400 boom,

00:37:46.680 boom.

00:37:46.920 It's like non-stop.

00:37:48.980 Like,

00:37:49.440 I remember,

00:37:50.880 like,

00:37:51.140 by day one,

00:37:51.900 I felt,

00:37:52.200 man,

00:37:52.740 it feels like

00:37:53.840 we've been here

00:37:54.300 for a week already.

00:37:56.700 That's because

00:37:57.240 what we do in three days

00:37:58.900 is what most people

00:37:59.740 do in a week.

00:38:01.420 Totally.

00:38:02.480 And so,

00:38:03.080 I'm trying to give people

00:38:04.100 another taste

00:38:04.800 of how to operate.

00:38:06.180 Yeah.

00:38:06.600 Like,

00:38:06.700 operate at 100%.

00:38:08.100 If you're at home

00:38:09.420 watching a movie,

00:38:10.580 like,

00:38:11.080 you better be watching

00:38:12.080 the movie

00:38:12.480 the hardest you've ever

00:38:13.380 watched a movie

00:38:13.960 in your entire life.

00:38:14.980 Oh,

00:38:15.160 no,

00:38:15.340 no,

00:38:15.400 no,

00:38:15.440 or fold laundry

00:38:16.700 while you're watching it.

00:38:17.500 There you go.

00:38:17.960 That's what I do.

00:38:19.140 Yeah.

00:38:19.720 Right.

00:38:20.480 Everywhere that you're showing up,

00:38:22.880 you know,

00:38:23.340 one habit I started getting into,

00:38:24.880 and I need to do this more

00:38:25.600 because I've got some fitness goals

00:38:26.660 over the next 90 days,

00:38:28.080 is when we're watching a show,

00:38:29.920 let's say my wife and I,

00:38:30.840 at night,

00:38:31.140 we're watching a show

00:38:31.880 or whatever,

00:38:33.640 every,

00:38:34.040 I'd set my alarm

00:38:34.940 and so every five minutes,

00:38:36.000 I'd have to get up

00:38:36.620 and do,

00:38:37.100 you know,

00:38:37.360 like,

00:38:37.760 10 or 20 burpees.

00:38:39.240 And the next time

00:38:40.040 is like push-ups.

00:38:40.760 And the next time

00:38:41.240 is sit-ups.

00:38:41.960 You don't miss

00:38:42.700 any of the show,

00:38:43.640 by the way,

00:38:43.980 when you do that.

00:38:45.040 Do it at a game.

00:38:46.500 Like,

00:38:46.680 if you're watching the game,

00:38:48.900 you know,

00:38:49.180 every time out

00:38:50.360 or between plays,

00:38:51.460 like,

00:38:51.760 okay,

00:38:51.920 every time they call a time out,

00:38:53.240 I'm going to do 10 burpees.

00:38:54.180 And every turnover,

00:38:55.860 I'm going to do 20 sit-ups.

00:38:57.320 And every,

00:38:58.460 after every single play,

00:39:00.940 I'm going to do

00:39:01.700 10 jumping jacks.

00:39:03.480 And you're not going to miss

00:39:04.840 any of the game,

00:39:05.800 but you're maximizing your time.

00:39:07.780 You've got the time.

00:39:08.660 Use it up.

00:39:09.540 And then you won't have to worry about,

00:39:10.900 where do I blend the time?

00:39:11.840 Because you carve it out.

00:39:14.320 That's funny.

00:39:15.080 I've been doing,

00:39:16.380 not,

00:39:16.640 I stopped actually.

00:39:17.600 I need to start doing it again.

00:39:18.800 But just a couple months ago,

00:39:20.160 I was stretching.

00:39:21.240 I just stretch,

00:39:22.560 nightly stretch.

00:39:23.260 And I do that during scripture reading.

00:39:25.100 So I'm just getting my stretching in,

00:39:26.780 you know,

00:39:26.900 get my hamstrings loosened up.

00:39:28.440 So.

00:39:28.660 I always called it stacking tasks.

00:39:30.640 Yeah.

00:39:31.080 You got to stack tasks.

00:39:32.920 Like,

00:39:33.440 there's no,

00:39:33.980 people say,

00:39:34.660 how do you listen to so much?

00:39:35.560 How do you read so much?

00:39:36.420 How do you get through so many podcasts?

00:39:38.780 Well,

00:39:39.520 when I'm working out

00:39:40.660 or I go for a run

00:39:41.580 or I'm doing,

00:39:42.380 you know,

00:39:42.600 shooting my bow,

00:39:43.500 like those are times where I can,

00:39:45.280 I can do that.

00:39:46.440 Right.

00:39:47.220 So stack your tasks.

00:39:49.320 Cool.

00:39:49.800 All right.

00:39:51.780 Callahan.

00:39:52.860 Vosey.

00:39:53.940 How does someone become more of a man

00:39:56.440 when growing up,

00:39:57.480 there was no effective male role model?

00:40:00.360 My dad is 45 years old

00:40:02.180 and is,

00:40:03.920 and 45 years older than me.

00:40:06.860 And growing up,

00:40:07.580 I saw every other weekend

00:40:08.940 and he didn't teach me anything

00:40:10.860 except pointing out my flaws

00:40:12.680 even to this day.

00:40:14.140 Even to this day.

00:40:15.180 My mom is controlling narcissist.

00:40:16.760 My brothers and sisters

00:40:18.460 are at least 15 to 25 years older than me

00:40:21.060 and my family on both sides

00:40:22.700 never were close.

00:40:24.280 I deal daily with two voices in my head.

00:40:27.320 The first one,

00:40:28.340 be polite and nice.

00:40:29.440 Don't upset anyone.

00:40:30.480 And the second,

00:40:31.140 you need to tell them to fuck off.

00:40:33.360 I have applied for,

00:40:34.520 did I say that?

00:40:35.660 And we just went explicit,

00:40:37.180 didn't we?

00:40:37.980 Now the voice podcast episode is.

00:40:40.000 You turned podcast into explicit

00:40:42.020 long,

00:40:42.480 a long time ago.

00:40:43.780 Well,

00:40:44.180 I was just quoting.

00:40:46.400 I have applied for my local law enforcement,

00:40:49.020 but I feel my nice guy personality

00:40:50.820 and me not knowing how to assert myself

00:40:53.320 might hinder my chances.

00:40:55.600 I also don't want to raise my son

00:40:57.200 to have the same issues I'm having

00:40:59.040 when he's my age,

00:41:00.340 26.

00:41:01.120 Maybe you can help.

00:41:02.180 I apologize for the length.

00:41:04.820 All right.

00:41:06.220 Well,

00:41:07.520 here,

00:41:07.900 let me just give you one little thing.

00:41:09.420 Why are you saying sorry?

00:41:10.700 Like you just said,

00:41:13.220 I'm sorry for the length.

00:41:14.780 That's one thing that you can do right now

00:41:16.740 is stop apologizing for your behavior.

00:41:19.180 If you don't like your behavior,

00:41:20.720 change it.

00:41:21.220 Don't apologize about it.

00:41:22.240 Just change it.

00:41:23.580 People say,

00:41:24.060 oh,

00:41:24.220 he can't just change.

00:41:24.980 He doesn't know he can change.

00:41:26.160 Everybody can change simply because they want to.

00:41:28.880 So stop apologizing.

00:41:29.960 Number one.

00:41:30.680 Okay.

00:41:30.800 That that's how you become more assertive.

00:41:32.420 If you're going to do something,

00:41:33.680 then say,

00:41:34.240 yeah,

00:41:34.320 I did it.

00:41:34.880 And even if you mess up,

00:41:35.980 say,

00:41:36.260 yeah,

00:41:37.220 yeah,

00:41:37.500 I did that wrong.

00:41:38.680 I messed up.

00:41:39.260 I'm sorry,

00:41:40.440 but that was my fault.

00:41:41.840 Like own it.

00:41:43.680 There's so many guys who apologize for every little thing.

00:41:46.060 Oh,

00:41:46.180 I'm sorry.

00:41:46.520 I took too long.

00:41:47.060 Oh,

00:41:47.160 I'm sorry.

00:41:47.500 I rambled.

00:41:48.120 Oh,

00:41:48.380 I'm sorry.

00:41:48.800 I didn't say things the way you wanted to know.

00:41:50.740 Stop saying sorry,

00:41:51.560 or just don't do that behavior.

00:41:52.880 You can pick one of those things.

00:41:54.960 Now there's a lot to break down and unpack here.

00:41:57.440 How do you become more of a man when you didn't have that example?

00:42:00.240 Find examples.

00:42:01.800 Find people.

00:42:03.080 You know,

00:42:03.240 you're listening to this podcast.

00:42:04.180 You're listening to me and Kip.

00:42:05.880 There's other people in your area.

00:42:07.140 There's people you admire and respect who are manly.

00:42:09.260 Spend time with them,

00:42:10.060 engage with them,

00:42:10.660 interact with them,

00:42:11.700 find ways to be around those individuals that push,

00:42:14.220 motivate,

00:42:14.620 inspire you,

00:42:15.200 and lift you up.

00:42:16.060 And then how do you become a man?

00:42:17.540 You do manly things.

00:42:20.000 And I've said that before and people are like,

00:42:21.600 well,

00:42:21.740 what does that mean?

00:42:22.820 No,

00:42:23.480 here's what you do for manly things.

00:42:25.580 You exercise,

00:42:27.380 you eat right,

00:42:29.080 you take calculated risks,

00:42:31.400 you exert yourself,

00:42:32.660 you do hard things,

00:42:35.440 you shoot guns,

00:42:36.860 you drive fast cars,

00:42:38.540 and people say,

00:42:39.280 oh,

00:42:39.380 that's toxic masculinity.

00:42:40.440 No,

00:42:40.640 it isn't.

00:42:41.900 Those are the things that fire us up.

00:42:43.980 They get us going because they pose an element of risk.

00:42:46.460 They pose an element of potential reward.

00:42:48.760 They get all of our,

00:42:49.780 our,

00:42:50.040 our,

00:42:50.400 our hormones and,

00:42:51.880 and our biology all fired up and,

00:42:53.980 and running on all four,

00:42:55.220 eight cylinders or whatever it is.

00:42:56.980 Like,

00:42:57.340 these are the things that drive and propel us and motivate us.

00:43:01.220 So go out there and eat meat and shoot guns and,

00:43:04.540 and take risk and everything else.

00:43:07.260 It's on the testosterone booster shirt,

00:43:09.240 exercise,

00:43:10.120 lift really,

00:43:11.000 really heavy.

00:43:11.960 I'm going to grab this book.

00:43:13.800 It's called master your testosterone.

00:43:16.400 Anyways,

00:43:16.620 I'm going to have the author on,

00:43:18.000 on the podcast to talk about this stuff,

00:43:19.760 but you've got to elevate your,

00:43:21.000 you've got to elevate your testosterone.

00:43:22.720 Well,

00:43:22.840 one other thing is compete,

00:43:24.660 compete.

00:43:24.980 And also this is what the data suggests compete and win competition boost

00:43:30.900 testosterone winning boosted even more.

00:43:34.000 So find ways to be a winner.

00:43:35.900 Anyways,

00:43:36.300 that's,

00:43:36.900 that's a little bit of a rant there,

00:43:38.920 but,

00:43:39.280 oh,

00:43:39.920 and then the last thing I would say,

00:43:41.060 as far as like,

00:43:41.800 how do you not be so nice?

00:43:43.620 There's so much material out there.

00:43:45.040 There's no more Mr.

00:43:45.960 Nice guy by Robert Glover.

00:43:47.920 There's not nice by Dr.

00:43:50.680 Aziz.

00:43:51.540 There's the assertiveness workbook,

00:43:53.540 which is an actual,

00:43:54.520 workbook that you can go through and work through and,

00:43:57.440 and improve your ability to not be so passive and be more assertive in your

00:44:02.200 communication.

00:44:03.340 All of these resources are very,

00:44:04.960 very valuable.

00:44:05.680 And maybe you have something to share while you do.

00:44:07.600 I'm just going to grab that book so guys can see it real quick,

00:44:09.640 but go ahead.

00:44:10.160 I'm listening.

00:44:10.980 Yeah.

00:44:11.140 The only thing that I would add to this is he had two voices in his head,

00:44:15.460 be polite,

00:44:16.680 be nice,

00:44:17.900 don't upset anyone.

00:44:18.680 And then this other idea of telling everyone to screw off.

00:44:21.680 I think at the root of that is confidence.

00:44:26.580 I think you need to be clear in regard,

00:44:29.560 in regards of the man you are or the man that you choose to be and what is

00:44:34.700 valuable to you and you not apologizing for it.

00:44:38.060 So I think sometimes we have a tendency to kind of be that Mr.

00:44:42.780 Nice guy,

00:44:43.200 because why,

00:44:43.860 what's our objective when you're in Mr.

00:44:45.600 Nice guy,

00:44:46.500 make other people happy.

00:44:47.860 That's your focus as an individual.

00:44:50.140 Well,

00:44:50.520 guess what?

00:44:50.980 Your focus shouldn't be that your focus should be based upon values,

00:44:54.900 principles,

00:44:55.520 something far greater than yourself.

00:44:57.600 And it shouldn't be about other people and making other people happy.

00:45:00.820 So can I interject on that Kip and then give it back to you here for a

00:45:04.360 second?

00:45:04.580 Cause that's a really important distinction.

00:45:06.140 Cause Dr.

00:45:06.960 Glover talks about a lot of people talk about this and the idea of being not,

00:45:10.260 you know,

00:45:10.600 not,

00:45:10.900 not being so nice.

00:45:12.860 Is that when you say that about helping other people,

00:45:16.800 people will say,

00:45:17.400 well,

00:45:17.500 I want to be helpful.

00:45:18.440 Like,

00:45:18.780 I feel like I want to help them and I want them to succeed.

00:45:21.480 And yes,

00:45:21.880 there's an element of that,

00:45:22.840 but when it's taken to the extreme,

00:45:24.660 it's actually selfish.

00:45:25.920 You're not actually,

00:45:27.480 your motive isn't to help them.

00:45:29.100 Your motive is to prop yourself up.

00:45:31.760 Yeah.

00:45:32.040 So you're actually being nice technically,

00:45:34.640 but you're actually the underlying cause is selfishness.

00:45:38.160 I want to feel good.

00:45:39.720 I want to feel accepted.

00:45:41.140 I want to belong.

00:45:42.600 And so I'm going to do everything I can to be nice.

00:45:45.200 This is the whole idea of like white knighting,

00:45:47.600 you know,

00:45:48.220 it's like these guys will come in and rescue these women who don't actually

00:45:51.100 need to be rescued and they're doing it.

00:45:52.580 So hopefully,

00:45:53.180 I don't know,

00:45:53.520 they get laid or they get attention from women.

00:45:55.940 It's for themselves.

00:45:57.080 It's not for the people that they're pretending to serve.

00:46:00.560 Sorry.

00:46:00.840 I needed to interject that,

00:46:01.900 but no,

00:46:02.360 no,

00:46:02.480 that was perfect.

00:46:03.240 And I was,

00:46:04.000 I was wrapped up anyway.

00:46:05.060 So that's good.

00:46:06.120 Do you get your book?

00:46:07.240 Oh yeah.

00:46:07.540 Yeah.

00:46:07.680 Yeah.

00:46:07.840 Got it.

00:46:08.740 Master your tea right there.

00:46:10.060 So pretty good book.

00:46:11.540 I'm pretty in depth.

00:46:12.540 Christopher Walker wrote this book.

00:46:14.720 We've done a couple other,

00:46:16.040 I don't know if there,

00:46:16.580 that's probably better.

00:46:17.280 We've done a couple of other podcasts and things like that on testosterone,

00:46:21.120 but we're going to have him on the,

00:46:22.440 on the podcast before long.

00:46:23.540 So cool to check out.

00:46:25.660 All right.

00:46:26.320 Alan chemists.

00:46:27.160 I have no problem with my woman having friends,

00:46:29.900 my woman,

00:46:30.980 my woman having friends that are male.

00:46:33.360 Why does she have a problem with me having female friends?

00:46:36.520 My friendships with women I have known for years are crumbling because I am

00:46:40.280 not,

00:46:40.780 I am not to talk to them.

00:46:43.140 Is this a normal behavior?

00:46:46.080 I don't,

00:46:46.880 I don't know if it's normal.

00:46:48.300 I think there's definitely some issues within your relationship.

00:46:50.700 I don't have like female friends that I hang out with by design.

00:46:55.600 There's females that I'm friendly with that I know and like,

00:46:59.860 and maybe would have a conversation,

00:47:01.420 but I certainly don't hang out with them because that puts me in a position

00:47:04.340 that I'm not really frankly interested in being in.

00:47:07.120 So I'm very,

00:47:08.400 very cautious about that.

00:47:10.480 But I think you guys have like some possessive issues.

00:47:14.400 Just hearing you,

00:47:15.300 he's like my woman and,

00:47:16.960 and I'm not,

00:47:18.000 I can't talk to other,

00:47:19.420 I can't talk to other women.

00:47:20.920 So like she's being possessive of you.

00:47:22.560 You're being possessive of her and it's not healthy.

00:47:25.400 It's not healthy.

00:47:26.580 So I don't know.

00:47:28.160 I mean,

00:47:28.400 you need to have some conversations about it,

00:47:30.580 but my wife's on the same page.

00:47:32.860 Like she doesn't have male friends that she goes and hangs out with.

00:47:36.360 It's a recipe for disaster.

00:47:38.000 And I know there's going to be people who email me and say,

00:47:40.300 I have this friend for 20 years.

00:47:42.060 That's great.

00:47:42.840 You know what?

00:47:43.400 If you're the exception to that rule,

00:47:45.260 congratulations.

00:47:45.820 But you're few and far between.

00:47:48.020 And you're putting yourself in the potential for cheating on your spouse,

00:47:53.060 the potential for it looking bad.

00:47:55.200 And there being rumors.

00:47:57.360 There's all kinds of things that can happen from that.

00:47:59.500 So I am under the mindset that you should probably be cautious on who your

00:48:05.020 friends are of the opposite sex.

00:48:08.580 I'm just not interested in setting myself up that way.

00:48:10.940 But in the meantime,

00:48:12.400 yeah,

00:48:13.080 I think you guys need to come up with some clear expectations of what is

00:48:16.400 acceptable behavior between both of you and what is not acceptable behavior.

00:48:20.020 But it sounds like there's a real breakdown between communication and the

00:48:23.580 double standard that's being presented.

00:48:25.440 Yeah.

00:48:25.520 And I think there's huge danger in this idea of this normal behavior.

00:48:30.720 Guess what,

00:48:31.220 dude?

00:48:31.700 Every relationship is not normal.

00:48:33.760 Every relationship is different.

00:48:35.660 Your woman,

00:48:36.380 if it's your wife,

00:48:37.300 guess what?

00:48:38.040 You've married her.

00:48:39.800 And maybe she has a history.

00:48:42.320 She's dealt with shit men that's cheated on her.

00:48:45.740 And guess what?

00:48:46.440 Guess what you have to deal with?

00:48:48.500 Is proving her otherwise.

00:48:50.360 And that might be your lot a little bit.

00:48:52.500 And so what's best for you is for you to figure out what's best for your relationship.

00:48:57.680 Based upon my insecurities and based upon hers in compromising,

00:49:01.800 having communication about what's best for your marriage.

00:49:03.840 But you can't go ask Ryan and say,

00:49:06.320 well,

00:49:06.440 Ryan,

00:49:06.740 what are you guys doing?

00:49:08.800 Your wife is entirely different than his wife.

00:49:12.020 Like it doesn't matter what we're doing.

00:49:14.580 What matters is what works for you and her.

00:49:16.840 And to be frank,

00:49:18.940 I think there's huge power in you not making her wrong for her.

00:49:22.560 Not what you being around other women,

00:49:24.320 like maybe understand why.

00:49:26.640 Ask her why.

00:49:27.720 And then figure out what is it that you need to do to be able to allow that to happen.

00:49:31.780 You know,

00:49:32.080 and then you have to,

00:49:33.200 you're going to have the tough conversation to saying,

00:49:35.320 is your girlfriends worth it?

00:49:38.300 You're right.

00:49:38.680 Your friends that are girls,

00:49:39.680 is it worth it?

00:49:40.620 Losing them for the sake of the woman in which you love?

00:49:43.600 Right.

00:49:43.680 Maybe it is,

00:49:44.320 man.

00:49:44.420 Maybe that's the price you're going to have to pay.

00:49:46.840 That's a good point.

00:49:47.320 I mean,

00:49:47.480 we all have decisions to make and not all of them are awesome.

00:49:50.040 Right?

00:49:50.540 Like not all of them are like,

00:49:52.220 well,

00:49:52.300 if I do this,

00:49:52.880 this will be great.

00:49:53.420 And I do this,

00:49:53.980 then this one will be great.

00:49:54.820 Sometimes they're both not great.

00:49:56.660 And so you,

00:49:58.220 they're not,

00:49:58.520 I shouldn't say not great.

00:49:59.660 Sometimes they just,

00:50:00.460 they aren't ideal.

00:50:02.200 And that's fine.

00:50:03.380 You know,

00:50:03.620 you make a decision based on what you feel is best and you deal with it.

00:50:09.420 Yeah.

00:50:09.640 And as always,

00:50:10.300 we talk about this all the time.

00:50:11.440 There's,

00:50:11.760 there's power in owning it.

00:50:13.340 So what's one way that you can own this?

00:50:16.020 Well,

00:50:16.660 she doesn't trust you.

00:50:19.580 Could you be leveling up your,

00:50:21.460 your way of,

00:50:22.640 of who you are in the relationship more than you are now to help prove that you are,

00:50:27.200 you know,

00:50:27.560 is,

00:50:27.880 is she hesitant to have you hang out with other women because of a disconnect?

00:50:32.040 I got to push back on that a little bit though.

00:50:33.840 I'm thinking about this as you're saying it like,

00:50:35.540 yeah,

00:50:36.400 it could be considered a trust issue,

00:50:38.400 but not always.

00:50:41.440 Yeah.

00:50:41.920 I don't think that's always the case.

00:50:43.340 But I still think there's value in the value in saying,

00:50:45.460 Hey,

00:50:45.580 what,

00:50:45.960 what part of my plane in this?

00:50:47.580 That it,

00:50:48.060 no,

00:50:48.240 that's true.

00:50:48.860 I a hundred percent agree with that.

00:50:50.300 I just want to be very cautious of saying like,

00:50:52.160 well,

00:50:52.340 it's just that she doesn't trust you.

00:50:54.360 That's true.

00:50:54.860 Might be it,

00:50:55.880 but,

00:50:56.320 but it could be just,

00:50:57.660 I'm not going to have my,

00:50:58.540 I'm not,

00:50:59.140 I'm not going to have my wife go hang out with her dude.

00:51:03.580 Not because I don't trust her,

00:51:04.940 but because that puts her and me and everybody else in a position that we're just not interested in being in.

00:51:09.840 Yeah.

00:51:10.560 So,

00:51:10.960 you know,

00:51:11.880 if she wants to do that stuff,

00:51:13.620 then we're going to have some serious conversations because that is an expectation and a standard I have.

00:51:19.320 And,

00:51:19.440 and we can get on the same page or not,

00:51:21.440 but there's going to be serious conversations about those types of things.

00:51:24.420 And it has nothing to do with trust as much as it does with,

00:51:26.960 you know,

00:51:27.520 how,

00:51:28.180 how does she protect herself in that situation?

00:51:31.100 If I'm not,

00:51:31.800 or,

00:51:31.900 you know,

00:51:32.060 like there's all,

00:51:32.600 there's all kinds of ramifications of that outside of the scope of trust.

00:51:36.360 Yeah,

00:51:36.660 that's a good point.

00:51:37.560 That's a good point.

00:51:38.300 But I do agree with you that there is some ownership to that,

00:51:41.280 which frankly could just mean an open dialogue and keeping those lines of communication open or including her.

00:51:48.400 Like,

00:51:48.900 look,

00:51:49.140 if you've got friends that are girls and that's the,

00:51:51.380 route you're going to go and that's works for you.

00:51:53.280 Why,

00:51:53.760 why aren't you including her?

00:51:54.760 Maybe they could be her girlfriends too.

00:51:56.920 Yeah,

00:51:57.180 totally.

00:51:58.560 Anyways.

00:51:59.760 All right.

00:52:01.080 Samuel Radkin.

00:52:02.860 How are we doing on time,

00:52:03.760 by the way?

00:52:04.160 I think we've,

00:52:04.880 let's maybe take a handful more or so.

00:52:06.720 Yeah,

00:52:07.000 sounds good.

00:52:07.440 Okay.

00:52:07.740 All right.

00:52:08.360 All right.

00:52:08.820 Samuel Radkin.

00:52:09.760 When do you know if a relationship with your father is not worth saving anymore?

00:52:13.600 My father and mother divorced when I was three and my dad fell into two decade long depression and alcohol abuse.

00:52:19.760 He was never there for me and time and time again chose the bottle over me.

00:52:24.480 Countless times he would apologize and say he would change,

00:52:27.340 but that was never the case.

00:52:29.280 Here I am at 26 and he's still struggling with his addiction.

00:52:32.340 I want to forgive him and have a relationship with him so that he can in turn have a relationship with his grandchildren one day.

00:52:39.420 But I fear he will never change.

00:52:41.600 And in turn,

00:52:42.260 I fear that I will to make these mistakes as a father.

00:52:46.700 That I fear that I will to make these mistakes as a father.

00:52:50.380 Is it the main reason I've waited so long to try and have a kid?

00:52:53.860 I didn't have that strong father in my house,

00:52:55.780 so I may not be able to be one.

00:52:57.580 I don't know.

00:53:01.740 I mean,

00:53:02.200 you probably know the line,

00:53:04.220 right?

00:53:04.480 Like you're asking it,

00:53:05.340 you're probably snugging up against that line.

00:53:07.180 I will say one thing is you said that he chose the bottle over you.

00:53:12.860 I don't even really think that's the case.

00:53:15.220 I think if it was presented with two choices,

00:53:18.100 sitting on the table and you were standing there

00:53:19.760 and on the table was a bottle of alcohol,

00:53:21.760 I don't think you would choose that bottle of alcohol.

00:53:23.900 I just think that because my dad was in a similar situation

00:53:27.860 and I don't feel that way.

00:53:29.320 I don't feel like if he was tasked with one or the other

00:53:32.120 that he would pick the alcohol.

00:53:34.720 I just feel like he thought maybe he could have both.

00:53:37.360 That he could continue down that path

00:53:39.120 and at the same time,

00:53:40.280 keep the relationship with my mother and me and my sister.

00:53:42.880 And that proved to be not possible.

00:53:46.880 So I think there's some things you got to come to terms with there

00:53:50.020 and be a little bit more realistic about that

00:53:52.320 and maybe offer some leniency.

00:53:54.640 My dad passed away about a year, year and a half ago now.

00:53:59.200 And there's some things that I wish I would have given him

00:54:02.600 the opportunity to apologize.

00:54:04.540 I don't feel like I gave him a fair shake.

00:54:07.340 I think there's things that he felt bad about making.

00:54:10.240 I felt like he made some poor choices.

00:54:13.280 I think he would agree with that as well.

00:54:15.360 But I think I could have extended a little bit more leniency

00:54:18.600 and certainly forgiveness.

00:54:19.560 And by the way, forgiveness doesn't mean you need to keep

00:54:22.660 teeing yourself up for abuse,

00:54:24.440 whether that's physical, mental, or emotional abuse.

00:54:26.400 It just means that I'm going to let go of this

00:54:28.440 so that I can move on with my life.

00:54:31.100 And you might be to that point now.

00:54:33.000 You might be to the point where you can forgive your father

00:54:35.880 and you can realize that he made some poor choices,

00:54:39.440 just like you have,

00:54:40.660 and just like I have,

00:54:41.500 and Kip, just like you have.

00:54:42.580 And realize that this is an individual who is a human being

00:54:47.060 and we make dumb choices at times

00:54:49.500 and we get sucked into addiction

00:54:50.900 and everything else that we deal with.

00:54:53.080 And so offer that a little bit of mercy, if you will.

00:54:59.360 I don't know if that's the right word,

00:55:00.480 but offer a little mercy and say,

00:55:02.200 you know, I forgive you.

00:55:04.720 Now, here are my standards.

00:55:07.360 Here are my expectations.

00:55:08.500 We can call, we can have conversations,

00:55:11.420 we can go out as a family.

00:55:13.460 When you come over,

00:55:14.780 you aren't to have alcohol over here.

00:55:16.780 If I realize that you're drunk during an outing

00:55:19.240 and I see that and you're around my kids,

00:55:21.720 the outing is over.

00:55:22.960 You are excused from the outing

00:55:24.620 or we will excuse ourselves.

00:55:26.660 But there's some very clear boundaries

00:55:28.600 that need to be set

00:55:29.460 if you feel like you want to continue a relationship.

00:55:34.040 And as soon as those boundaries are breached,

00:55:35.820 you need to uphold the standard

00:55:38.500 by fulfilling the obligation

00:55:41.280 of keeping those standards in place.

00:55:47.580 That's what I've got.

00:55:48.620 That's a tough one.

00:55:49.380 Really tough one.

00:55:50.360 It is tough.

00:55:51.480 I think the boundaries are obviously critical.

00:55:53.920 You don't want to create an environment

00:55:55.000 where you're putting your family

00:55:57.980 or yourself in harm's way.

00:55:59.640 Of course.

00:56:00.200 Emotionally or physically,

00:56:01.100 that's a given, I think.

00:56:02.080 Um, but I also think that it's folly

00:56:05.680 for you to base your relationship with him

00:56:08.800 and your forgiveness of him

00:56:11.020 based upon him changing.

00:56:14.180 You know what?

00:56:15.400 Accepting for the man he is,

00:56:16.840 for the addict he is,

00:56:18.620 and choose actually loving for that.

00:56:21.180 Like, you don't have to accept it.

00:56:22.920 You don't have to agree with it.

00:56:24.420 But you can't,

00:56:25.780 I don't think you should put a condition

00:56:27.920 on like, oh, why forgiving?

00:56:29.860 But I don't think he'll ever change.

00:56:31.480 Guess what, man?

00:56:32.060 He may never change.

00:56:32.900 He might not.

00:56:33.520 Right.

00:56:33.760 Yeah.

00:56:34.120 So, you know what?

00:56:34.840 Are you okay with accepting him the way he is?

00:56:37.760 And actually give some sympathy

00:56:39.500 and have some empathy.

00:56:41.260 Get the fact that if you were him

00:56:43.360 and you were raised the same way

00:56:45.100 that he was raised,

00:56:46.320 you would make the same damn decisions.

00:56:48.780 So, have some empathy.

00:56:50.220 And most importantly,

00:56:51.840 do your part in the relationship.

00:56:53.680 So, then that way when he passes

00:56:55.360 and he goes on,

00:56:56.640 that you know you did your part.

00:56:57.780 That you didn't leave him high and dry

00:57:00.820 when he needed to know that he was loved

00:57:02.800 regardless of his addiction.

00:57:05.760 Now, that's hard

00:57:06.720 and we got to be really careful

00:57:07.840 to set those boundaries, right?

00:57:09.300 Because we don't,

00:57:10.000 well, once again,

00:57:10.480 we don't want to put our families

00:57:11.460 in harm's way.

00:57:12.120 But, man, you know,

00:57:13.320 take the higher road.

00:57:14.660 And I think there's ways

00:57:15.780 that we can make sure that we love,

00:57:18.820 that we express love,

00:57:20.080 that we express forgiveness

00:57:21.360 and caring

00:57:22.040 without participating, right?

00:57:24.620 Or enabling.

00:57:25.940 And that's our way of doing our part

00:57:28.280 and letting them know

00:57:29.120 that they're loved and cared for.

00:57:32.660 There you go.

00:57:33.680 I would just say,

00:57:34.880 and I think you and I are in agreement

00:57:36.660 for the most part,

00:57:37.760 but I would just say

00:57:38.580 that there might be some behavior

00:57:41.000 that you aren't willing to accept.

00:57:43.900 Yeah.

00:57:44.400 And that's okay too.

00:57:45.840 Yeah.

00:57:46.180 I don't know who he is

00:57:49.240 or his behavior

00:57:50.160 and I won't even pretend to know,

00:57:51.880 but there are certain lines

00:57:53.400 that people in my life

00:57:55.840 would potentially cross

00:57:57.140 that they would not have access

00:58:00.140 to me or my family at all.

00:58:02.460 Yeah.

00:58:02.600 The boundary is a wall.

00:58:05.480 Right.

00:58:05.840 Where the other boundary

00:58:07.040 is no drinking, right?

00:58:08.240 Right.

00:58:08.600 And so, as long as that is communicated

00:58:11.140 and that expectation is clear,

00:58:12.720 I think that's a healthy way to operate

00:58:16.180 is to have those boundaries

00:58:17.600 and those boundaries are going to vary

00:58:18.920 based on the situation.

00:58:20.940 Yeah.

00:58:21.260 And I have to say this,

00:58:23.400 I think the most powerful way

00:58:24.560 for Samuel to forgive his father

00:58:26.200 is to understand and have empathy

00:58:28.540 and just get the fact that,

00:58:30.420 you know,

00:58:31.420 that there's more to the scenario

00:58:33.400 and often we hurt those we love.

00:58:37.040 We do it.

00:58:37.680 I do it.

00:58:38.940 Your father does it.

00:58:40.480 Everyone does it.

00:58:41.220 When we hurt those we love,

00:58:43.200 we didn't,

00:58:44.340 our actions weren't to hurt them.

00:58:46.200 That was the result of some other action.

00:58:48.680 That was seldom the intention.

00:58:51.440 And so,

00:58:52.320 we have a lot of innocent bystanders

00:58:54.200 when we make poor decisions in life.

00:58:56.080 So, yeah.

00:58:57.340 Cool.

00:58:57.900 Let's maybe take one or two more, Kip.

00:58:59.720 Okay.

00:59:00.760 Sean Peschel.

00:59:02.860 Peschel.

00:59:03.280 His question is,

00:59:06.300 I'm scrolling the wrong way.

00:59:08.240 What are your views on preparation versus action?

00:59:12.080 I can answer this for Ryan.

00:59:14.100 I already know.

00:59:14.480 Let's hear it.

00:59:14.820 What would you say my answer would be?

00:59:17.060 I'm curious about this.

00:59:18.640 Act.

00:59:19.180 Stop thinking about it.

00:59:20.300 Just do it.

00:59:21.760 Next question.

00:59:22.680 It's true.

00:59:23.800 Because nobody,

00:59:25.280 oh, look.

00:59:27.220 Let me think about how I want to say this.

00:59:29.260 Very few people overact.

00:59:34.400 Well said.

00:59:35.540 Well said.

00:59:35.760 Right?

00:59:36.300 But everybody overthinks.

00:59:40.340 Yeah.

00:59:41.260 So, if you're going to err on one side or the other,

00:59:44.920 err on the side that you're not accustomed to going,

00:59:47.600 which is overaction.

00:59:50.180 That's why my wife likes you, by the way.

00:59:52.340 We had the conversation.

00:59:53.840 We had this conversation the other day.

00:59:55.580 I can't remember.

00:59:57.240 No, she's like,

00:59:58.300 oh, so did you guys talk about doing a YouTube version of the podcast?

01:00:02.980 I'm like, no.

01:00:03.820 I'm like,

01:00:04.260 we had our call and he says,

01:00:06.280 hop on Zoom.

01:00:07.020 And then he goes,

01:00:07.700 we're going to record it.

01:00:09.400 And she's like,

01:00:10.060 he didn't even tell you?

01:00:11.420 And I'm like,

01:00:11.920 no, we just did it.

01:00:13.020 And she's like,

01:00:14.200 well, that's because you overanalyze stuff and he just takes action.

01:00:17.080 He's my kind of guy.

01:00:19.220 Because that's how she is.

01:00:20.420 She's the same way.

01:00:21.160 She's just like,

01:00:21.700 let's just do it.

01:00:22.840 And I'm like,

01:00:23.200 no, no, no, no.

01:00:23.680 Let's plan.

01:00:24.380 Hold on.

01:00:24.740 Hold on.

01:00:25.340 Yeah.

01:00:25.720 Well, but again,

01:00:26.620 I mean,

01:00:26.860 this comes back to like,

01:00:28.180 my move to Maine.

01:00:28.820 Like you don't want to be reckless either.

01:00:30.440 All right.

01:00:30.880 We're in the financial position to do it.

01:00:33.380 We have friends there.

01:00:34.760 We understand the goal.

01:00:36.300 We have some objectives.

01:00:37.620 So it isn't like I haven't thought about it.

01:00:40.340 Yeah.

01:00:41.120 Right.

01:00:41.360 It just means that I'm always going to err.

01:00:44.140 I hope I'm always going to err on the side of taking action.

01:00:47.520 I did that when we did the uprisings.

01:00:49.240 The very first one,

01:00:50.780 I didn't have anybody sign up for that thing.

01:00:52.920 And I dropped thousands and thousands of dollars to secure the location

01:00:55.980 and not a soul signed up.

01:00:58.240 And so what's the worst that can happen?

01:00:59.540 I'm out a couple thousand dollars.

01:01:00.860 That sucks.

01:01:02.100 I don't want to lose a couple thousand dollars,

01:01:04.040 but I'd rather lose a couple thousand dollars than never take action.

01:01:08.120 And like we talked about,

01:01:08.960 I think on our Ask Me Anything last week,

01:01:10.820 where I'm the guy who's delivering fences to people

01:01:14.060 and like wishing that I could have that individual's life.

01:01:17.700 You can have that individual's life.

01:01:19.340 It just requires action.

01:01:20.640 So I think the line to answer this maybe a little bit more clearly

01:01:26.220 is when preparation is hindering action.

01:01:31.220 See,

01:01:31.820 preparation isn't,

01:01:33.100 it isn't the goal.

01:01:34.740 Like nobody said,

01:01:37.000 I want to be the best preparer ever.

01:01:39.000 I guess unless you,

01:01:40.020 maybe you're like a prepper or something like that.

01:01:41.560 Right.

01:01:41.940 But nobody ever said,

01:01:43.560 I want to be like the best at preparation.

01:01:46.860 What people say is,

01:01:48.060 I want to be the best blank.

01:01:50.260 Like,

01:01:50.520 I want to be the best podcaster.

01:01:52.380 I want to be the best father.

01:01:53.940 I want to be the best business owner.

01:01:55.740 I want to be the best,

01:01:57.440 whatever.

01:01:59.240 And if you're preparing in that,

01:02:02.280 keeps you from being the best performer of that action.

01:02:06.160 That's a problem.

01:02:07.260 That's the line.

01:02:08.800 Now,

01:02:08.980 if it's moving you towards action,

01:02:10.820 that's different.

01:02:12.300 And only you can answer that.

01:02:13.580 You know,

01:02:13.920 if you're dragging your feet and you know,

01:02:15.740 if you're actually doing it in a healthy manner,

01:02:17.520 but I would always say err on the side of taking action

01:02:20.980 because nobody does.

01:02:22.420 And I think action is a form of preparation.

01:02:24.520 We have a tendency to think that,

01:02:26.220 oh,

01:02:26.300 I need to prep.

01:02:27.200 I need to do all these things and then I'll act.

01:02:29.160 Well,

01:02:29.380 sometimes guys acting is where all the learning is.

01:02:32.820 and you don't know what you don't know until you actually take the action.

01:02:36.020 So you,

01:02:36.700 you don't even know what you need to prepare for until you actually start acting

01:02:39.780 in some cases.

01:02:40.720 So in some cases you just need to act.

01:02:43.100 I remember when I,

01:02:44.580 I,

01:02:44.860 my background is retail management and we were moving into a new store.

01:02:48.580 We were opening a new store in,

01:02:50.020 in Orem.

01:02:50.760 So Northern Utah.

01:02:52.380 And it was a mess.

01:02:53.640 The store was a mess.

01:02:54.540 Cause we're trying to put up fixtures and the flooring was coming in and we

01:02:58.520 had all the clothing coming in and we're trying to put things on racks and we

01:03:01.880 got most of it done.

01:03:03.300 And I remember coming up,

01:03:04.660 somebody coming over to me and the manager.

01:03:06.640 And I think maybe regional or district manager was there as well.

01:03:09.560 We were talking about some strategy and this individual came over and said,

01:03:13.340 Hey,

01:03:13.500 there's like,

01:03:14.140 and,

01:03:14.400 and,

01:03:14.760 and she was really distraught.

01:03:16.060 She's like,

01:03:16.360 Hey,

01:03:16.500 there's this like this bar right here and there's a bunch of clothes and it's just

01:03:19.100 laying on the floor.

01:03:19.780 And like,

01:03:20.020 we really need to do something about that.

01:03:21.660 And so I just walked over and picked it up and put it on the rack.

01:03:25.140 I'm like,

01:03:25.700 there problem solved.

01:03:27.640 And I think she felt a little silly,

01:03:29.600 but like,

01:03:30.360 this is a great example of what we see in people.

01:03:34.740 It's like,

01:03:35.060 some people are like,

01:03:35.920 Oh,

01:03:36.080 there's a problem.

01:03:36.740 Oh,

01:03:36.920 what are we going to do?

01:03:38.240 While the other guy's over there actually fixing the problem.

01:03:40.720 And he's done by the time you're done complaining about it.

01:03:43.680 Yeah.

01:03:44.480 So be action oriented.

01:03:47.340 I think you hit that right on exactly what I would have said.

01:03:52.320 Next question.

01:03:53.220 I added that on the end.

01:03:54.400 Next question.

01:03:54.960 Moving on.

01:03:55.480 Cramping up.

01:03:56.120 My leg cramped up.

01:03:57.320 Oh man.

01:03:57.580 You got to show your horse.

01:03:59.000 Woo.

01:04:00.260 That was,

01:04:01.280 I did some like major deadlifting today and it cramped up.

01:04:04.580 Good right there.

01:04:05.360 All right.

01:04:05.880 I think we got maybe one more question.

01:04:07.420 I'll work out this cramp while we're doing that.

01:04:09.480 Holy cow.

01:04:10.460 That hurt.

01:04:11.360 That's funny.

01:04:12.420 All right.

01:04:12.720 Josh Kenny.

01:04:13.260 For both of you,

01:04:14.560 how do you guys course correct when obligations such as overtime at work,

01:04:18.500 for example,

01:04:19.100 take time away from your hobbies or family time?

01:04:22.220 Do you simply stick to your daily routine or do you adapt to your daily

01:04:26.400 routine to account for that lost family time?

01:04:29.280 Yeah.

01:04:29.440 I mean,

01:04:29.640 you just have to adjust,

01:04:30.720 right?

01:04:31.020 Things come up for everybody.

01:04:32.420 Like things are going to get in the way and,

01:04:34.000 and,

01:04:34.500 and things that you couldn't have possibly predicted.

01:04:36.800 And so you just adjust along the way.

01:04:38.600 And sometimes,

01:04:39.520 you know what,

01:04:40.340 you just have a day that everything goes to hell and there's not a

01:04:43.080 damn thing that you can do about it.

01:04:44.940 And so you just make the most of it.

01:04:46.360 You try to tread water and keep your head above water as best you can.

01:04:49.460 I think this week is going to be one of those for me because we've got some

01:04:52.180 obviously big things in the works as I talked with you guys early about in

01:04:55.060 the podcast.

01:04:56.000 And I'm just going to make the best of the week.

01:04:57.740 I've got a to-do list.

01:04:58.560 I'm going to crank through as much as I can.

01:05:00.460 Kip,

01:05:00.660 you and I,

01:05:01.180 what do we have to do today?

01:05:01.920 We had to bump our podcast back a couple hours,

01:05:03.980 right?

01:05:04.580 Because that's just what we had to do.

01:05:06.980 And so that means everything else is bumped back and you just make the most

01:05:10.960 of it and adjust along the way and get back on course as soon as you

01:05:14.680 possibly can.

01:05:15.840 And as Mr.

01:05:16.480 Mickler would say as well,

01:05:18.360 it's important to do an after action review.

01:05:20.420 Don't let this be like the standard norm,

01:05:22.700 right?

01:05:23.140 Every so often look at this and say,

01:05:24.720 okay,

01:05:25.080 this is out of control,

01:05:26.960 right?

01:05:27.160 I haven't gotten the workout in.

01:05:28.660 It's been two weeks.

01:05:30.360 Something's got to change.

01:05:31.320 I got to adjust something and course correct from a planning perspective a

01:05:35.500 little bit too.

01:05:36.180 Don't let the days happen to you.

01:05:38.240 And before you know it,

01:05:39.560 you know,

01:05:39.820 a year has gone by and you're never spending time with your family or doing

01:05:42.940 any of your hobbies either.

01:05:44.120 Right?

01:05:44.400 So realize there's a time and season,

01:05:46.340 but pause,

01:05:48.120 plan a little bit,

01:05:49.560 plan your work,

01:05:50.240 work your plan is what I tell the guys on Echo and then course correct that

01:05:53.600 way too.

01:05:54.640 Yep.

01:05:55.220 Absolutely.

01:05:55.580 Cool.

01:05:56.080 A couple more questions.

01:05:57.240 We,

01:05:57.400 I think we can,

01:05:58.160 let's,

01:05:58.600 let's call it a day,

01:05:59.380 man.

01:05:59.580 I've got to get some,

01:06:00.400 some things and I want to get these questions answered,

01:06:03.880 but I know we're both busy and I think we went through a lot here today.

01:06:07.780 So let's call it a day.

01:06:08.620 We'll get to the rest next week.

01:06:09.820 Sounds good.

01:06:10.380 So time and season,

01:06:11.440 you know,

01:06:11.720 Ryan mentioned this earlier on in the podcast.

01:06:13.820 Yeah.

01:06:14.600 Primarily three different ways that you can contribute to these questions.

01:06:18.000 The first is on Facebook,

01:06:20.160 facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:06:23.120 The second is via the Patreon account and that's patreon.com slash order of man.

01:06:28.980 And then lastly,

01:06:30.060 by joining the ranks of the brothers within the iron council,

01:06:34.020 which is more or less a brotherhood slash mastermind group where you get assigned to a battle team.

01:06:40.060 And you establish goals and objectives and you work with like-minded men to press forward to become better.

01:06:47.100 And not just to become better,

01:06:49.460 but to better your families,

01:06:50.760 your community,

01:06:51.280 and those that you're entrusted with.

01:06:54.180 You can connect with Mr.

01:06:56.080 Mickler on Instagram at Ryan Mickler and Twitter at order of man.

01:07:00.580 If you wanted stuff from the order of the,

01:07:04.740 of the order of man store,

01:07:06.460 it might be too late for Christmas.

01:07:09.160 Yeah.

01:07:09.600 For Christmas it is.

01:07:10.720 But if you are store.order of man.com,

01:07:12.820 we'll do our best to get it out as quickly as we can.

01:07:14.580 But yeah,

01:07:14.840 you're probably too late for Christmas at this point.

01:07:16.480 Just order anyway,

01:07:17.480 and then throw it in a closet and give it to your hubby for Valentine's day.

01:07:21.020 Yeah.

01:07:21.300 Send them a picture of what you're giving them.

01:07:24.560 That's what we're doing.

01:07:25.480 And we're actually getting our,

01:07:26.640 one of our boys,

01:07:27.900 a puppy.

01:07:29.800 The puppy won't be available until February.

01:07:32.540 So he's getting a picture of a puppy.

01:07:34.680 Oh,

01:07:34.860 and a stuffed animal.

01:07:35.640 My wife did get him a stuffed animal of the very breed that we're getting.

01:07:39.680 That's funny.

01:07:40.660 We've done that before.

01:07:42.080 Well,

01:07:42.480 let's wrap it up.

01:07:43.140 Kip.

01:07:43.320 I appreciate you,

01:07:44.220 men.

01:07:44.480 I appreciate you.

01:07:45.440 You know,

01:07:45.760 I think I've talked about this before,

01:07:47.380 but one of the unintended consequent,

01:07:50.260 that's not the right way to say it.

01:07:51.520 One of the results that I just didn't fully anticipate seeing was how,

01:07:55.480 edified and uplifted I would be as a man.

01:07:57.860 I didn't fully realize when I started order of man,

01:08:00.420 how much it would help me be a better father and me be a better husband and a

01:08:04.920 business owner.

01:08:05.860 And there's just been so many wonderful opportunities in my life.

01:08:08.740 And a lot of that is,

01:08:09.880 is the direct result of you,

01:08:12.600 you guys listening,

01:08:13.860 holding me accountable to doing the things that I say I'm going to do.

01:08:18.780 You know,

01:08:18.940 I don't feel like I can,

01:08:20.100 I can give you advice and tell you to do things if I'm not willing to do those

01:08:23.220 things myself.

01:08:23.880 And there's areas of my life where,

01:08:25.600 you know,

01:08:25.720 I need to improve.

01:08:26.880 I won't,

01:08:27.220 I won't deny that.

01:08:28.200 And there's some areas of my life that I have,

01:08:30.020 I have locked down.

01:08:31.500 But I do appreciate the accountability that you men provide.

01:08:35.220 And it's,

01:08:36.180 it's helped me be a better,

01:08:37.380 a better man in general.

01:08:38.240 So I appreciate that.

01:08:39.820 You were going to say something else though,

01:08:40.900 Kip.

01:08:41.340 No,

01:08:41.480 I was just,

01:08:41.960 I was laughing because I don't,

01:08:43.860 I don't think you can have a platform this large with this many people

01:08:47.620 listening and not just have built in accountability into everything you say.

01:08:51.720 So absolutely.

01:08:52.840 Yeah,

01:08:53.140 absolutely.

01:08:53.740 It works out well for me.

01:08:55.080 I need that accountability.

01:08:56.540 All right,

01:08:56.840 guys,

01:08:57.060 get going.

01:08:57.640 We'll catch you on what Friday,

01:08:59.380 Friday for our Friday field notes,

01:09:00.620 but until then take action,

01:09:02.200 become the man you are meant to be.

01:09:04.220 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:09:07.080 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:09:11.160 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:09:13.720 .

01:09:14.100 .

01:09:26.220 .

01:09:26.360 .

01:09:30.680 .

Order of Man - December 19, 2018

No Apologies, "Task Stacking", and Being Friends with the Opposite Sex ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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