Order of Man - No One Owes You a Thing ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.540 Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. If you've

00:00:31.640 been with us for any amount of time, you know what we're all about here. If you're just

00:00:35.060 joining us for the first time, this is a show about becoming a better man. We've got a network

00:00:40.540 of men all over the planet. Thousands, hundreds of thousands, even millions of people tuning

00:00:46.040 in each and every week, learning how to be better fathers, better husbands, better community

00:00:50.580 leaders, better business owners, showing up, frankly, in every single facet of their life.

00:00:55.040 And so it's my goal and my objective to help give you the tools and the guidance and the

00:00:59.700 resource and the directions and the conversations with some incredible guests that will help

00:01:05.120 you step up more fully as a man. And you know, as well as I do, that the world needs more

00:01:09.620 motivated, ambitious, strong, dedicated, disciplined men more than ever. So that's what we're all

00:01:15.840 about. We're interviewing incredible people, guys like Jocko Willink, Lewis Howes, Andy

00:01:21.440 Frisilla, Grant Cardone, Tim Kennedy. I mean, the list just goes on and on and on and on and on.

00:01:26.820 We've got some incredible interviews. So guys, if you aren't subscribed to the podcast, make sure

00:01:30.900 you do. In addition to our interview show, we've got the ask me anything with me and my co-host

00:01:36.560 Kip Sorensen that comes out every Wednesday. And then we've got this show, your Friday field notes,

00:01:41.440 which is me. You get to hear me talk about whatever it is I want to talk about. And today I've got a good

00:01:47.160 one lined up for you today, which is this idea of entitlement that we see in society. Before I get

00:01:54.180 into that conversation, I do want to let you know that we've got a rating and review contest of sorts

00:02:00.560 going on right now. If you leave us an iTunes rating and review between now and the end of this

00:02:05.840 month, September, 2018, you will be entered in for a drawing. We're giving away swag, order a man,

00:02:13.240 hats, shirts, decals, patches, signed copies of my book, sovereignty. Uh, we're also doing one-on-one

00:02:20.100 calls and all you have to do to be entered into the drawing for that giveaway is to leave your

00:02:25.220 iTunes rating and review again between now and the end of this month, September, 2018. And guys,

00:02:31.340 those reviews go such a long way. So I do appreciate those. It really helps get the word out.

00:02:36.500 That's really all the announcements that I have. It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I'm trying to

00:02:40.880 get back on top of everything. I know last Friday field notes, I got to you a little bit later than

00:02:45.520 I normally do, but we're on time today. That's the important thing. We're back on track. So let's

00:02:50.540 just jump right into my thoughts. It took some notes here as I was thinking about what it is I wanted to

00:02:55.960 talk with you about today. And that is the idea that nobody owes you a thing. I mean, if we look

00:03:00.240 around in society, there seems to be a growing trend of entitlement. And I know it's pop culture to say

00:03:07.520 that it's simply millennials. It's not sure. There are millennials who believe that we are to give

00:03:14.220 them what they need to sustain their life. But I see this in older men as well. I see this everywhere

00:03:20.320 I turn that somehow we've begun to believe that because we live in an era of prosperity,

00:03:25.720 that we're entitled that because air is coursing through our lungs and blood is pumping through our

00:03:31.580 veins that someone or some organization or some government or some entity or another individual

00:03:38.220 owes us something in order for us to sustain our life. And I'm here to tell you, and I hope this is

00:03:44.060 not the first time you've heard it, that no one owes you anything. If you want something out of your

00:03:49.080 life, go out and get it. And that's the beauty of the world in which we live is that we have the

00:03:54.740 opportunity to go out and create exactly what we want. Opportunity is everywhere. And when we pretend

00:04:02.820 like, or make the assumption that somebody or something owes us something, we limit ourselves

00:04:09.300 to the opportunities and abundance that could present itself. See, what I hear a lot of guys think

00:04:15.000 or say even is that my wife, it's her responsibility to ensure that I'm happy. Or it's my employer

00:04:24.720 job to ensure that I actually have a job or it's the government's position to give me health

00:04:32.400 insurance and make sure that I have a living wage or that my kids need to make sure that I'm

00:04:38.540 satisfied. I know when I say it like this and I hope that it sounds absurd. I hope it sounds

00:04:45.180 absolutely ridiculous because the bottom line is, is that it is. It's ridiculous to believe that

00:04:51.560 somebody else owes you something that they are to give you something of their own or even

00:04:56.720 worse, somebody else's so that you can get what you need. If you want it, you go out and

00:05:02.040 get it. You earn it. And again, that's the beauty of the environment in which we live, the culture,

00:05:06.460 the economy, society in general, because we have these opportunities. Now there's some problems

00:05:11.780 guys. There's some problems inherent in believing that somebody has to give us something, whether

00:05:18.140 that's minimum wage or health insurance or happiness or a job. And I want to talk about

00:05:22.940 that today. And I want to talk about five strategies, five ways that you can go out and get exactly

00:05:28.260 what you want. I wouldn't say deserve because you only deserve what you're willing to work

00:05:33.140 for. So if you want something, go out, earn it so that you can deserve the rewards that come

00:05:39.660 from doing the work required to have those payoffs, to have those rewards. So let's talk about

00:05:44.380 these problems. Number one, if you believe that somebody else owes you something, what

00:05:48.600 you're doing is you're putting yourself at the mercy of those other individuals, organizations,

00:05:53.020 institutions. We see this with health insurance. For example, we asked that the government provide

00:05:58.980 us health insurance and then we complain. We complain that the benefits aren't exactly what

00:06:03.820 we're looking for. We ask that our employers provide us income and provide us a job and job

00:06:09.680 security. And then we complain about the way that he runs or she runs their business. We ask our wives 0.99

00:06:17.040 to make us happy and to keep us satisfied. And then we complain when they aren't doing what we think

00:06:22.060 they should do. And this is the problem inherent in asking for other people to do and to give you

00:06:29.860 what you think you deserve. You're selling yourself short. You don't have any right to complain about

00:06:36.140 something when it's handed to you. Now, on the other hand, if you said, I want better benefits,

00:06:41.400 I want more income, I want better job security, I want better health insurance. Great. Go out and get

00:06:46.520 it, go out and earn it. And that's the biggest problem is that you're selling yourself short guys.

00:06:51.560 If you want something, go out and take it, go out and take it, go out and use the skills and the tools

00:06:57.220 and the resources and the virtues and all the work ethic and everything that you possess as a man to go

00:07:02.160 out and earn what it is you're after. Now I have to throw this disclaimer in here because inevitably

00:07:06.780 somebody always says something that obviously I don't really mean because it's becoming evident that

00:07:12.540 people are having a hard time reading between the lines. I'm not talking about doing anything illegal

00:07:16.860 or immoral or unethical. As long as it falls in the bounds of legality and morality and being ethical,

00:07:23.460 then you go out and you earn it. And the other disclaimer is that I'm not suggesting that you don't

00:07:30.320 accept help. All right. This is not the lone wolf thing. This is not me not being humble enough to

00:07:36.560 accept a help up or a hand up when I need it. This is about my ability to go out and provide

00:07:42.740 and carve my own path. There's a great Latin quote, and I won't say it in Latin because I don't speak

00:07:46.360 Latin, but the translation is I will find a way or make one guys go out, find a way, make a way if you

00:07:53.640 have to, and you're going to be much better served. So what I want to do is I want to break down five

00:07:57.960 key strategies. I do this every Friday. I break it down so that we know exactly what I'm talking

00:08:02.400 about here. Uh, number one is if you see a need, if you see a need, and this is how you go out and

00:08:08.920 earn what it is you're after. If you see a need, you go out and you fix it. You go out and fill it.

00:08:16.040 You go out and solve the problem. That's what we do by as men inherently, we are designed to be

00:08:22.580 problem solvers. And what I see too many men doing is recognizing a problem because again,

00:08:28.140 that's inherent within us and then sitting back and waiting for somebody else to do it.

00:08:33.820 We recognize the problem and we think that it's somebody else's responsibility. I hear this all

00:08:37.980 the time. When I hear guys say things like, well, my boss wanted me to do X, Y, and Z project, but

00:08:42.800 he wasn't willing to pay me more. So to hell with that. I'm not going to do that. That's a problem.

00:08:47.920 When you do that, you miss a powerful opportunity to expand, to grow, to push past what you were

00:08:55.000 previously capable of, and to give yourself new opportunities that wouldn't otherwise be

00:08:59.700 presented to you. If there's a problem in society, in your job, in the relationship, in whatever it

00:09:06.400 may be, you go out, you fix it, and you make yourself indispensable. That's number one. See a

00:09:12.520 need, fix it. Number two, stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting for the higher ups, 0.65

00:09:17.700 the higher powers, your boss, the government, your wife, your whoever to tell you when to act,

00:09:24.060 how to act, why to act. You go out and do it. It's the adage that says it's better to ask for

00:09:29.880 forgiveness than it is to ask for permission. But so many men don't do that. They sit by and they

00:09:36.360 wait and they see what needs to be filled. And then they have the audacity to be upset when those

00:09:40.820 problems don't get resolved, when their boss doesn't do exactly what they think they should do.

00:09:44.940 great news. You can go out and do it. You don't need to wait for your boss. And when you do that

00:09:49.700 within reason, when you do that, you prove yourself in this case with your boss, that you are valuable,

00:09:55.420 that you have something to add, that you aren't just taking from the equation that you are giving.

00:10:01.100 And inevitably, if you do that enough, you will produce bigger and better results.

00:10:05.860 Number two, don't wait for permission. Number three, exceed the expectations, exceed the

00:10:12.620 expectations. Nobody expects much from you. And I'm not saying that as a negative way because

00:10:17.480 you're not capable of it. I'm saying because they recognize that most people just aren't going to put

00:10:23.320 forth the extra effort. It's the natural man. It's the way of man. I've been talking about this

00:10:27.760 for almost four years now. The natural man is lazy. He's immediate gratification. He wants

00:10:33.880 something for nothing. He wants the, the result without the effort. And if you can prove to

00:10:38.660 yourself and those around you that you're willing to exceed what is expected, you make yourself

00:10:43.900 indispensable. You make yourself so valuable that people will not be able to overlook you anymore.

00:10:49.660 And you experience the type of results that you want. So what is the expectation? Find that out.

00:10:54.860 What does your wife expect? What do your children expect? What does your boss expect? What do your

00:10:59.400 clients expect? Now you go out and you exceed that expectation? You surpass what they thought was

00:11:07.700 possible and see how your life doesn't change and see how powerful it is when you go above and

00:11:13.560 beyond. Number four, ask for what you want. Gentlemen, this is a very easy way to get out of life what you

00:11:23.980 want in sales. As I was fairly new in sales. One of the statistics that I would hear is that the reason

00:11:29.920 that most people fail, and I don't remember the specific numbers, but the reason that most people

00:11:34.560 fail in closing sales is simply because they don't ask. Go out and ask, be assertive. There's a great

00:11:41.940 little workbook called the assertiveness workbook, and it's going to help you and any man who might have

00:11:48.240 more of a challenge in asserting his will and asking questions and being a little bit more

00:11:54.060 aggressive in his approach to what he wants out of life. It's called the assertiveness workbook.

00:11:57.900 Go check it out. But guys, if you want something, ask. Nobody's going to read your mind. Nobody's

00:12:04.620 going to try to guess. Nobody's going to bend over backwards and go out of their way to give you

00:12:08.960 something if they don't know what you want. But if you ask for what you want, then it's likely you

00:12:13.800 will get exactly what it is you want. There's some great exercises that you can do here. One of them,

00:12:20.100 which one of my guests mentioned not too long ago, was try to negotiate. Go into a store and try to

00:12:25.820 negotiate. See if there's any sales. I do this all the time. My wife says I'm cheap, and it might be

00:12:30.260 that, but it also might be that I'm challenging myself to ask for what I want. And you'd be surprised

00:12:34.840 at how often I get exactly what it is I ask for. The other day, we called the medical office because

00:12:39.520 we had a procedure in the family and we asked the financial department if they would give us a

00:12:47.120 discount for paying the whole thing off. Well, they gave us a 20% discount, which ended up saving

00:12:52.180 us close to $1,500. Now, if we wouldn't have asked for that, we would have paid the whole bill and we

00:12:58.600 wouldn't have thought twice about it. So go out and ask for things that you wouldn't normally ask for.

00:13:03.700 Assert yourself into situations. Ask the boss for a raise. Ask that woman out on a date. Be assertive. 0.68

00:13:09.280 Go out and get what you want and you will have what you want more often than not. That's number

00:13:13.800 four. Ask for what you want. And number five, guys, take more calculated risks. I think it is

00:13:19.360 inherent within us as men to be the risk takers more. So I believe than women. That's been my 1.00

00:13:24.380 experience anyways. And I believe that we are designed to do that, that we are designed to

00:13:30.060 push the bounds a little bit. And I'm not saying be dangerous. I'm not saying risk yourself or jeopardize

00:13:35.980 your family's wellbeing, but I'm saying take some more calculated risks because you never know what

00:13:40.960 life will hold for you unless you're willing to push those bounds a little bit. Don't be

00:13:45.860 complacent. Don't be satisfied. Don't be okay with a status quo. You're probably going to get by living a

00:13:52.080 decent life because people are willing to give you things that you haven't earned. But again,

00:13:57.080 as I talked about earlier, when you're waiting for other people to give you things, you're selling

00:14:01.160 yourself short. When you go out and you take calculated risks. Yeah, sure. Some of those

00:14:04.980 things aren't going to work out, but I think you'd be surprised at how often some of these risks,

00:14:10.960 some of these gambles, as long as they're calculated, will actually pay and yield and produce

00:14:16.120 some results that you didn't think you were capable of. So this is a short one today, guys, but man,

00:14:21.320 I really wanted to address it because it's not just a millennial problem, which is what men like to say.

00:14:25.660 It's a human being problem. We think that we're entitled to something. We think that we're owed

00:14:32.060 something because we're unique or we're special or we're gifted or just because we happen to be

00:14:36.800 alive. And that's not the case. Don't sell yourself short. Don't take the easy route. Don't be satisfied

00:14:43.960 with whatever anybody else is going to give you. And certainly don't complain when other people are

00:14:50.540 giving you those things because you frankly haven't earned the right to complain because you didn't earn

00:14:54.580 the right to the entitlement in the first place. If you want more out of life, more income, more

00:15:00.860 money, more clients, better relationship with your wife, better relationship with your kids,

00:15:06.020 better fitness, any metric of life, then stop waiting for somebody else to give it to you.

00:15:11.600 Stop waiting for permission. Go out, use your masculine virtues and characteristics to produce

00:15:17.740 positive outcomes for you, to produce positive outcomes for your family. So let me recap these

00:15:22.580 things. Number one, if you see a need, fix it, step up, don't wait for somebody else to do it.

00:15:28.400 It's not anybody else's job and it may not even be in your job description. Doesn't matter. Do it

00:15:33.480 anyways. Number two, don't wait for permission. It's better to ask for forgiveness in a lot of cases

00:15:40.000 than it is to ask for permission. Number three, exceed the expectation, go above and beyond the call

00:15:45.900 of duty. Number four, ask for what you want, assert yourself, know what you're all about,

00:15:51.280 know what you want and then ask for it. And number five, take more calculated risks. So guys,

00:15:56.660 I want to hear your stories. I want to hear how this podcast is helping you. I want to hear how

00:16:02.580 you're being more assertive. I want to hear how you are taking more out of life, what you feel like

00:16:08.400 you deserve and exceeding the expectation and exceeding what you previously thought possible.

00:16:12.520 So connect with me, connect with me on Instagram at Ryan Mickler. My last name is spelled M I C H L E R,

00:16:18.560 or connect with me on Twitter at order of man, Facebook at order of man. Go to the website.

00:16:24.320 You're listening to the podcast, do a rating and review to be entered into the drawing by the end

00:16:28.060 of this month, September, 2018 guys, we're on a mission. We're on a path. And I think that too often

00:16:34.220 we sell ourselves short. I don't want to live that way. I don't want you to live that way. I want you

00:16:40.100 to do and to be everything that you're capable of being. And we do that by recognizing that nobody

00:16:45.620 owes us anything. Nobody's here to rescue us or save us, but it's okay because we don't need that

00:16:51.820 from other people. What we need is to assert ourselves and go out and take what we feel like

00:16:57.580 we deserve. Anyways, guys, I'll leave you there until next week. We've got a great podcast guys

00:17:03.120 lined up with the one and only Jocko Willink next week on Tuesday. So make sure you subscribe so you

00:17:08.220 don't miss that episode and we'll let you get going. Make it a great weekend. Go out there,

00:17:12.820 take action, be more assertive and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

00:17:18.400 Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

00:17:23.420 to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 07, 2018

No One Owes You a Thing ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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