Order of Man

00:00:00.000 a quote that i really like is we encourage what we tolerate so if your son talks back to you and you

00:00:05.760 don't bring it up you don't say anything about it not only are you neutral on it you're actually

00:00:10.240 encouraging him to do it again or if he's disrespectful to his mother and you don't stand

00:00:15.360 up for your wife he's never going to learn how a man stands up for the woman in his life

00:00:21.280 and checks people when they need to be checked you can do it politely you can do it respectfully

00:00:25.840 but it still needs to be brought brought to attention you're a man of action you live life

00:00:32.640 to the fullest embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path when life knocks you down you get

00:00:38.240 back up one more time every time you are not easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this

00:00:46.240 is your life this is who you are this is who you will become at the end of the day and after all

00:00:52.080 is said and done you can call yourself a man yeah so before we hit record i told you to stop

00:01:00.160 because we were having a conversation about hicks and gracie and i think as of the release of this

00:01:08.080 podcast this ask me anything oh my conversation with hickson will come out next week so a week from

00:01:14.160 yesterday as of the release of this but yeah powerful conversation you were saying something about

00:01:19.440 being kind of that that starting first family almost if you will of of jujitsu totally yeah when

00:01:25.840 you like and it's kind of interesting because mma has obviously gotten major popularity over the years

00:01:33.840 but anybody that that is kind of old school you know mma like before ufc was what it is today

00:01:42.400 and you start looking at pride fights and fight records in the mma world hickson is the badass of

00:01:50.960 all badasses yeah and and he doesn't get that credit right because well well hickson was never in the

00:01:56.320 ufc well it's because the ufc was nothing when he was overseas in japan just destroying people

00:02:02.880 well i think i think part of it was you tell me if i'm wrong on this but if i remember right

00:02:08.000 hickson was actually going to fight and ufc won but the family decided to have henner his i think

00:02:15.120 it's either his half or his stepbrother excuse me hoist his half or his stepbrother and and they

00:02:22.160 the reason they chose him was because he was smaller and not as athletic as hickson because everybody

00:02:27.200 expected hickson to just dominate and they wanted to show off the the incredible power and effectiveness

00:02:33.440 of jiu-jitsu so they put the smaller less athletic brother in there and he still dominated people yeah

00:02:40.720 in a in a non-weight class tournament style mma yeah they chose the guy that's you know 160 pounds

00:02:48.560 wet instead of hickson which is you know hickson's an athlete and he's a big guy he's bigger you know

00:02:54.560 so absolutely yeah so who does that right like that's so awesome well it's crazy too i was watching

00:03:02.640 it there's i mean groin strikes were allowed in the early days like it was you couldn't you you could

00:03:08.240 grab hair you just couldn't eye gouge and you couldn't bite i think were the two rules other than

00:03:12.240 that all everything goes yeah and and and was like no weight class and then if you won you're going

00:03:20.960 around you had to fight again yeah yeah you're going two three rounds so you couldn't like go all

00:03:26.640 out you know break a hand or get cut yeah like you know you're you're in for the long haul i kind of

00:03:33.920 in a way wish that ufc still did that i like the weight classes because i think fighters get better

00:03:40.400 and more technical over time when you have those weight classes yeah and it allows smaller guys to be

00:03:45.120 able to be competitive um but i kind of like the bracket system and watching a fight go or watching

00:03:52.880 you know maybe they take one weight class every month and so this is the heavyweight ufc

00:03:58.480 bracket that they go through i i like that i thought it was really cool yeah well and that's and and

00:04:03.760 there's an element that people like the bare knuckle approach as well because it is a little bit more

00:04:10.480 realistic to fighting right like where you're you're not throwing heavy hands as much because

00:04:17.520 you're going to break your hand right and so they actually say that things they actually say that

00:04:23.120 bare knuckle fighting is actually by by the statistics safer than wearing padded gloves because you're

00:04:30.000 protecting your hands when you're fighting and you're not just throwing these wild bombs that are

00:04:34.160 giving people concussions and tbi well and and there's an element of protecting the brain because

00:04:41.120 the fight ends quicker too right like this is where boxing is actually like more damaging to the brain

00:04:48.160 because it's repetitive constant hits versus you know you just get knocked out really quick or we get

00:04:54.480 a cut and the fight's over so the fight kind of goes faster too so it's it's interesting wild stuff

00:05:01.360 anyways he is he is an incredible person you know a lot of guys ask when i have people on the podcast

00:05:06.160 like who stands out he stands out to me as an opposing figure you know and both the conversations

00:05:12.640 i had with him were done virtually but i could still sense a presence of confidence and just badassery

00:05:20.320 that i just would not want to mess with the guy and he was talking about getting in fights he said when

00:05:25.680 i was fighting there were no rules sometimes we fought on that sometimes we fought on the grass

00:05:30.000 sometimes i fought on concrete and when you are fighting and there's no rules you really have to

00:05:36.400 protect yourself but he said something interesting i'm paraphrasing because i want people to listen to

00:05:40.560 this but he said something like i'm i was willing to die every time i fought because the mission of

00:05:48.880 gracie jujitsu and combat it is was is more important than my life yeah and when he said it he actually meant

00:05:56.320 it yeah it wasn't just hyperbole that you say is a bad a like he actually believes that yeah and and

00:06:02.560 there's no it's not a hobby right no it's a lifestyle this is a lifestyle and and what's cool about it like

00:06:10.240 obviously our typical jujitsu practitioners today aren't at that level of commitment however i would argue

00:06:19.120 that most have moved moved beyond this is a hobby it's not a hobby for most of them it is a lifestyle

00:06:27.200 most i think if i had to guess most guys that move on because there's major dropout typically around

00:06:34.000 blue belt right yeah but once guys get their purple i don't think those guys ever i i would love to see

00:06:41.200 the statistics of them uh stopping doing jujitsu i bet it's almost significantly less i i think they

00:06:49.760 they go until life is done right and and i've gotten that question like oh kip you're black belt so

00:06:55.840 what's next uh more jujitsu oh how long do you do it for until i can't or until i die right like

00:07:03.280 like this isn't a you know it's a fun hobby thing right it's like no this is the the benefit the

00:07:11.920 mental spiritual physical benefit is integrated right uh pedro sour always talks about when you

00:07:20.560 get your purple like i remember um you know he's like oh you're you're about to your purple and he

00:07:25.840 went like this you know and i'm in the blood or something yeah he's like it's in the blood now like

00:07:31.680 yeah it's done you're you're addicted it's you know it's part of who you are now yeah that's

00:07:37.920 awesome yeah well when we were taught he talked a lot about invisible jujitsu because he's got

00:07:42.720 parkinson's now yeah so he's like i i wrapped up my entire identity and being a fighter and now i

00:07:49.040 can't fight physically so i have to fight in a different way and he talked about the power of

00:07:52.960 invisible jujitsu i don't want to take too much away from the conversation because it's it was a good it

00:07:57.760 was a good conversation but this does lead me into something that i saw today just to cover a

00:08:03.040 headline real quick um this one was on instagram and it's from the tin men and i don't know the

00:08:08.640 guy's name but the tin men and he has some really good information on manliness but it's well versed

00:08:14.640 and well researched and he's kind of bringing to attention the meme that men would rather fill in the

00:08:20.480 blank than go to therapy and it's really interesting because we see that as a meme and we all kind of

00:08:26.800 laugh at it a little bit oh man would men would literally rather choke each other with you know

00:08:32.160 pajamas than go to therapy men would literally you know drive across the country to like pretend sword

00:08:40.400 fight against other people than go to therapy a man would literally pull an engine out of a truck and

00:08:45.680 rebuild it and break it down and try to figure out how to work some work and make it go faster than go

00:08:50.400 to therapy yeah and it's it's a funny it's poking fun at our lack of desire to go to traditional

00:08:57.920 modern day therapy but i think it's really important that we don't discount the actual value that going to

00:09:04.640 jujitsu brings or shooting or painting or hiking or your hobby of choice there's a lot of therapeutic

00:09:12.480 properties in those endeavors and it's it's hard because society generally i think and this is

00:09:21.760 maybe more of the feminized version of society that we get is that we started to believe somewhere along

00:09:27.360 the way that in order for men to be healthy they need to operate more like women and women are very

00:09:31.920 relational so they'll be much more likely to sit down face each other talk about each other's issues

00:09:38.400 not really come up with necessarily any solutions just bounce ideas back and forth and walk away

00:09:43.440 completely uplifted edified and recharged whereas a man for the most part that sounds miserable to me

00:09:51.760 yeah i don't want to sit in a circle and talk about things without any direction or purpose or

00:09:56.080 linear movement i'm not interested in that get things done as part of it right and so i think this

00:10:04.160 maybe goes out to women and some men as well don't think that just because a man isn't doing it the

00:10:12.960 way that you would do it or doesn't communicate exactly the same way you do or doesn't feel like

00:10:19.520 his mental health is the same as yours that it's wrong or it's not helpful and a lot of guys actually

00:10:26.800 think that too so they they'll say like i'm not going to therapy you know i need therapy and then they'll

00:10:32.000 go at life alone without any other men because they think they're supposed to go to therapy and i'm

00:10:39.440 not discounting some level of therapy for the right circumstance and situation but i'm also making

00:10:46.720 sure we give credit to rebuilding the engine with a buddy going to jiu-jitsu with a friend going and

00:10:52.960 finding a shooting course to participate in going on a hike and enjoying nature if a man is willing to

00:11:00.480 approach that from a therapeutic perspective if you just go and you're not really deliberate about

00:11:06.560 improvements and what its benefits are there for you you'll still get something out of it just by

00:11:11.360 default but if you go with intentionality of hey i'm going to recharge i'm going to

00:11:17.520 be present in the moment i'm going to release the the endorphins i'm going to sweat and you have

00:11:24.800 a clear purpose for why you're doing it it can be a lot more therapeutic than just simply participating

00:11:29.840 an activity or a hobby totally well and this is why cbt or cognitive behavioral therapy

00:11:36.400 has had a lot of traction over the years because it moves to action right it's not your traditional

00:11:42.320 therapy where it's like you know let's just express how you feel and and and then you walk away going

00:11:48.880 so what do i do with all that right like right how do i now apply that and and that's why there's some

00:11:54.960 obviously some obvious traction around that approach of therapy because i i do think a lot

00:12:00.000 of men seek what you're saying it's like okay great i understand that now what like how do i put

00:12:06.560 this to action and apply it to my life and progress and again that's the distinction i think generally a

00:12:13.120 distinction not the but a distinction between men and women whereas women think relationally men think

00:12:19.440 directionally we're we're going forward going back moving side to side we're always moving out

00:12:26.000 somewhere against an enemy or towards a goal and i'm not saying women don't have goals but they tend to

00:12:34.320 relate better to each other than men the only time we really relate together really well is when we have

00:12:40.720 a common objective or we have a common enemy and then all of a sudden men start communicating and

00:12:46.800 working together that's why at our events and i think you know this kip we don't do that when

00:12:51.920 everybody comes to our event we don't do this put your name tag on and stand up and say your name and

00:12:56.400 where you're from and all that bullshit the very first thing that we do with our events is we issue

00:13:01.600 them airsoft rifles they're modeled after the ar-15 platform same weight same size but they're they're

00:13:08.720 airsoft guns and we say all right you're on this team you're on this team you're on this team and

00:13:12.000 you're on this team each other go shoot each other and it's amazing when you take a group of

00:13:16.480 four guys or five guys on a team how quickly they learn about each other who's the leader who's the

00:13:21.600 communicator who's the guy hiding out in the back who's the guy who has the strategy they start

00:13:26.240 communicating and talking with each other and then after it's over they have this forge and this bond

00:13:32.160 that makes the entire rest of the weekend go that much better precisely because we didn't let them

00:13:38.640 sit in a circle and tell each other about all their three greatest accomplishments and three things

00:13:44.080 people don't know about you yeah yeah it's so spot on so spot on is that your headline that was my

00:13:51.200 headline it was really interesting and it's it's a little bit of a mockery that people make and i

00:13:55.680 think it's funny you know it is funny there's some funny things but there's actually a lot of truth to

00:14:00.720 the things men will do over going to traditional therapy yeah and there's a reason for it of course it's

00:14:06.880 therapeutic yeah feels good absolutely you know so the the thing that come to mind for me this

00:14:11.760 morning i had a conversation uh with a friend of mine brian and we're talking about you know rescuing

00:14:18.640 and persecuting right from a leadership perspective because i had a webinar yesterday and i was i was

00:14:23.600 talking on the subject and and he was bringing up you know this the kind of this dichotomy in this space

00:14:30.560 around his son wrestling and and he has a son that's been wrestling going to practice getting

00:14:36.640 after it for i think like a couple years and he hasn't won a match yet right and and mom's like maybe

00:14:44.560 we should pull him out right he's not doing good at this you know let's put him in a different sport

00:14:49.600 and he's like no like look what this is doing this what look what he's learning what it's forging some

00:14:57.120 grit like he's dedication to something that that he's still having a hard time with right like all

00:15:03.680 the value add and he's seeing that kind of that um the value of letting him have some delayed

00:15:09.200 gratification and grind and all that kind of stuff and i couldn't help but think uh the the balance of

00:15:16.320 this right because from his son's perspective you know if i i would guess if we talked to him

00:15:23.600 why do you go to practice why do you why do you try to be good at wrestling in his mind it's what

00:15:29.680 it's to win in the next match right right and then once we get into something we start realizing it's

00:15:37.360 no longer about the match right it's it's about my health it's about something bigger than myself

00:15:44.080 and and i was thinking this morning how unique that is or not unique but how almost that's a

00:15:49.120 transcendent principle that we see even in the iron council guys come in and it's like who's it

00:15:56.080 about it's about me i need to be a better version of me i'm gonna lift weight so i i look good and i

00:16:02.400 feel confident and then after they realize that it's not about the match it's not about the tournament

00:16:08.160 this weekend they start going whoa wait a second this is about something more this is about how i show

00:16:14.560 up in my home this is how i show up as a man in my community with my spouse how i show up as a father

00:16:22.000 and then it grows and builds upon that but ironically enough sometimes and this is my my point that i

00:16:30.160 really came clear on this morning is sometimes we'll jump past the tournament we'll go you know i'm

00:16:36.800 going to take on the bigger thing when i haven't addressed the thing that i need to address with

00:16:43.200 myself and you know this ryan part of our leadership development in the ic you know our first pillar is

00:16:49.840 lead by example part of that is that it addresses your effectiveness as a leader but the other part is

00:16:56.480 you need to get your shit together first yeah and once you get that then it will open up and you

00:17:03.360 will see the bigger opportunity of impact at a broader scale but you will do it incorrectly and

00:17:11.120 ill and and wrongly focused if you don't get your shit together first and and that was just kind of

00:17:18.480 a thought that came out of that conversation and i just see how that shows up in so many different

00:17:24.080 elements of life whether it be leadership at in corporate america or in our homes or you know even in

00:17:30.480 in our communities as you were saying that i was thinking about an analogy i've i've got my eye on

00:17:36.240 this white new gmc i think i told you about it a week or two ago and it's still in the lot i'm like

00:17:42.240 well either they're asking too much or it's a lemon i don't know what's going on but like every time i

00:17:46.240 drive by i'm tempted to do this thing and as i drive down the road leading up to this point i don't

00:17:51.520 see any white gmcs on the road like i haven't seen any but now that i have my eye on a white gmc i see them

00:17:58.640 everywhere i'm like oh that one looks good i don't like that style those rims that lift this

00:18:03.120 this this and this i like i don't like but they're everywhere and the reason i bring that up is

00:18:08.160 because when you're focused on the right problem the solutions present themselves they were always

00:18:13.760 there it's not like everybody just went out and bought a white gmc all of a sudden it's that i can

00:18:18.240 now recognize the gmc just like a person who's in the right position or mindset can begin to recognize

00:18:24.960 the opportunities that were always there but he could never see it so that's why i really like

00:18:31.280 there is one thing though i take a little issue with i don't want to hear your opinion on this

00:18:34.800 because i think this is where the dichotomy comes in with this young man yeah jordan peterson talks

00:18:40.480 about the a study that they did with rats and rats will play with each other and they'll put a small

00:18:48.640 rat in with a large rat and there's actually a formula and i don't quote me because i don't know what it

00:18:52.640 is right off hand but the large rat needs to allow the small rat to win a certain percentage of time

00:18:59.040 or the small rat will continue and the large rat loses his playmate so there's a line with

00:19:08.560 doing the hard things and getting better and improving but especially with a young man of not

00:19:14.240 being demoralized yeah and i don't know how you address that i don't know what that line is but i

00:19:19.520 thought about that with my own children yeah i want him to do jocko actually talked about it he

00:19:24.240 used to make his son fight up and his son just got beat up and beat down ruined ruined like he didn't

00:19:31.600 want to do it anymore yeah yeah so it's it's it is an and it's funny coming from jocko because we

00:19:38.560 think of this hardened bad a who's like no and he's like you know in my in my age here's what he said

00:19:44.640 i would have made it more fun for him and fun is not a word i generally would associate with jocko

00:19:51.040 yeah but that's what he was thinking that he wish he would have done better so i don't know what the

00:19:56.320 answer is but i see both sides of okay let's push hard let's you know but also we need to collect

00:20:02.320 some wins because a win is in a tournament for example or a match it's just the test it's just

00:20:09.120 there to show you how much you've developed and if you have what it takes and sometimes you do and

00:20:13.360 sometimes you don't uh it just means go back to the drawing board if you if you lose well and the

00:20:18.320 reality this is how i see it the the meaning and the perception that we have on what we experience

00:20:25.920 absolutely matters i've i've latched on to this quote by andrew huberman and i i find it fascinating

00:20:33.520 and it was really in this idea that growth mindset is great but when you couple a growth mindset with

00:20:39.920 stress it literally allows your brain to rewire effectively and learn quicker this is why when

00:20:47.840 you do a jujitsu tournament guys will do them and they'll remember the jujitsu tournament like it was

00:20:53.360 in slow-mo they remember every detail and they can't forget it like i remember almost every tournament

00:21:00.480 like they were tomorrow like they were yesterday they're ingrained in my mind why because my stress levels

00:21:06.720 at the time were skyrocketed and so i was super intense and so i learned and in a very intimate

00:21:15.040 way during those tournaments but here's the funny thing and andrew humberton doesn't say this but i was

00:21:20.720 just thinking this in my mind i'm like that's interesting look at most defining moments in people's

00:21:27.120 lives they're the moments when you're a five and you remember it like it was tomorrow and in most

00:21:32.640 defining moments you saw the world one way something occurred and your paradigm shifted and you saw the

00:21:39.040 world differently now is that positive for all of us in fact for a lot of us it could be traumatic or

00:21:46.640 traumatizing sure yeah yeah you may have realized that you're not worth it you're not lovable no matter

00:21:54.400 what you do you're not good enough that may have been the message and so stress coupled with the

00:22:02.400 experience was it heightened the brain to change absolutely but did it change in the right way

00:22:09.680 probably not so the the paradigm that we have around the stress make sure that the wiring or the

00:22:17.760 lesson learned is the correct lesson and to your point do i learn the right lesson do i learn that

00:22:24.160 i'm never good enough i'm demoralized and i i i feel hopeless or is my lesson i can do hard things

00:22:33.760 and look at the fact that i keep showing up and i don't need to win and and and and i'm celebrating my

00:22:41.280 grit or or something else and so how we see the circumstance absolutely matters well i think then that

00:22:48.560 comes down to parenting and help and the dad and the mom helping frame the the loss as something

00:22:56.800 productive i wouldn't say something to strive for of course we want to win there is this contingent of

00:23:02.560 people who believe there's nobility and failure there isn't it's not noble to fail it just means you failed

00:23:09.200 and you need to do better but it is a parent's job to make sure they're framing those losses in a way that

00:23:14.320 serves the child the best and this is one thing that's really important too as a kid you don't

00:23:19.440 have the cognitive ability to make better stories yeah they just they're very emotionally charged

00:23:27.120 they are what they are quick to react quick to jump to conclusions but as an adult you have not

00:23:33.040 only an opportunity to change the story around your current circumstances but you also have the

00:23:37.760 opportunity to rewrite the story that you crafted over the past 43 years of your life which most of

00:23:45.600 us are doing yeah but but this is why i don't like when people say well you know uh my dad wasn't around

00:23:54.080 when i was a kid so therefore you know and they'll say therefore life is hard or i'm a dick or i don't

00:23:59.840 know how to do this or i don't know how to do that i'm like you're a 40 year old man what that happened

00:24:04.640 30 plus years ago yeah or you know heaven forbid and i'm in all seriousness i'm saying that you know

00:24:10.560 you got abused or sexually molested as a child i'm not discounting the traumatic experience that would

00:24:16.800 be but also you're 40 years old i don't i'm not saying to get over it i'm saying craft a different

00:24:23.680 story that's gonna propel you to better results not wallowing in your own self-pity that happened to you

00:24:30.880 you were victimized 40 years ago yeah make better stories for yourself and watch the light your life

00:24:37.280 change and those opportunities present themselves yeah and if we can't rewrite our own stories trust me

00:24:43.360 we're not going to be in a position back to kind of how this started we're not going to be in a position

00:24:48.160 to coach others on to on on the meaning that they create how to do theirs yeah yeah yeah well let's get

00:24:55.680 into some questions yeah so we're going to field questions from the ic uh j lowry is our first

00:25:01.440 individual how to teach stranger danger to a five-year-old my suggestion tie him up put a mask on

00:25:09.040 you know teach him a good lesson yeah don't do that yeah no i think uh that's actually what came

00:25:15.360 to mind too because we talked about that i think it was tim kennedy that had his daughter kidnapped or

00:25:19.520 something do you i think we talked about that yeah well and tim kennedy did that and then we did a

00:25:24.320 i uprising once and you had some guys teach us to escape handcuffs and and i remember going home

00:25:29.760 putting zip ties on my kids trying to teach them and my daughters were freaking out they started crying

00:25:35.120 like what are we doing you know i'm like okay that completely backfired yeah at least you're uh

00:25:41.520 somewhat aware of it that you could cut the cut the ties quickly that's funny um you know five years

00:25:48.960 old is a little young to understand a lot of the complex concepts that go into making sure that

00:25:54.320 you're analyzing people's behavior and you're looking at who's safe and who isn't but what i

00:25:59.600 would try to do is i would role play some scenarios you know hey if we're at the park um and you can't

00:26:06.640 find me your mom what would you do they a five-year-old can answer that question now they might not have a

00:26:13.920 good answer for it but they can certainly answer the question or if you're at the park and you say

00:26:17.840 hey if if you got lost and separated from me and mom who what what person here in the park would you

00:26:24.400 go to and and the answer is you go to the woman with kids like that is the answer yeah so if they

00:26:30.720 give you a different answer then that's an opportunity to say well can i share with you

00:26:34.960 who i think it would be better to go to you see that woman over there with the stroller and she has

00:26:39.120 three kids that's the woman you should go to yeah see the white van with no windows and the guys

00:26:44.080 giving out suckers not a good idea don't go to that one yeah but i think at five years old you

00:26:49.440 can start having some of the conversations um or or here's here's one that i've done in the past

00:26:55.920 let's say you take was it a daughter or a son we don't know five-year-old we don't know yeah just

00:27:00.400 five-year-old let's say you take doesn't matter your daughter or your son to the grocery store

00:27:04.160 and you are in the uh produce section and you see a person who's maybe a little off you don't feel

00:27:15.440 totally comfortable around this person you see this person and you notice that your daughter sees the

00:27:20.480 person as well and so you might say hey good job for being aware of what's going on around us and i

00:27:25.920 see that you recognize that person i'll talk to you later about that and then you get to the front of

00:27:30.400 the line at the uh the cashier and you talk with the woman there and she's pleasant and lovely and

00:27:35.120 she's kind of like has this grandma energy about her and you get into the car and you're like hey

00:27:39.920 who did you like that we interacted with and she's gonna say oh i like the lady at the cashier

00:27:44.240 yeah that's right i did too but why did you like her well i don't know she was kind and she was nice

00:27:50.880 and she had a nice smile and she was pleasant whatever i don't know if a five-year-old's gonna say that

00:27:54.400 but you know what i'm saying yeah and say well who who did you feel like maybe made you a little

00:27:59.040 uncomfortable or made you kind of raise up your your alarm like made an alarm bell for you a little

00:28:05.200 bit it's like that guy that weird guy in the produce aisle okay good i thought that too what made you

00:28:11.520 think that he's acting weird he was looking around weird he seemed off yeah like that's what your kids

00:28:20.320 will say and so what you should do in that moment is say that's exactly right and we don't know why

00:28:27.600 sometimes we can't really explain it so we don't understand why but we should always always listen

00:28:33.920 to our intuition and this is not politically correct because everybody will say well don't

00:28:40.240 that person could be i don't give a shit what that person's excuse is if they're being a weirdo or

00:28:46.800 a creep around me or my kids yeah i'm gonna profile i'm gonna make assumptions i'm gonna treat

00:28:53.280 them differently than i would treat somebody i like of course i am but we have this society the

00:28:59.120 societal conditioning where we're supposed to be nice and friendly and treat everybody the same

00:29:04.000 that doesn't serve your kids certainly so i would just look for opportunities for awareness and then

00:29:11.200 help your son or daughter verbalize and process why that person looks off why that felt uncomfortable

00:29:20.400 in addition to the normal stuff which is teaching your child about what parts of her body or his

00:29:26.080 body are for for them alone and not for anybody else and you know the traditional advice you'd hear

00:29:31.600 totally you know it's it's unrelated but i'm curious your thoughts on this ryan because this has been

00:29:36.960 really on my mind of late around having a secret word uh with my older kids um because now we're not

00:29:46.320 with each other obviously at age five this isn't the case well maybe right maybe you get a phone call

00:29:52.080 from the house from your five-year-old right and he's scared he's in a position where he feels like

00:29:57.840 he can't say what he wants to say or someone's impersonating your voice right with ai yeah or your

00:30:05.920 kids or vice versa and so this has really been on my mind of late is what are the conversations that we

00:30:11.520 have and what are these words where i can ask questions and if they say that word we got trouble

00:30:19.120 have you got into this already uh i've talked a little bit about with my older kids but i definitely

00:30:25.360 need to have more of those conversations because your job is partly to protect and you can't do that

00:30:31.840 if you don't know something's wrong i mean you could read cues if you're in person you can read body

00:30:36.480 language you know your children well enough to do that i would hope but like you said they may not

00:30:41.360 be there i remember um what's that it may not even be them right or they don't know that they're talking

00:30:48.800 to you right yeah well i remember so my background when i was younger is retail clothing i was in

00:30:55.520 management with journey shoe store and buckle for a lot of years and i really loved a lot of elements of

00:31:00.480 it uh at buckle in particular i was working with a lot of young attractive ladies that was kind of

00:31:08.000 who we hired right it makes sense and they a lot of the times they were you know either in college or

00:31:15.120 later years in high school and they'd have all these boys and men come in and you could tell they're

00:31:20.320 not really interested in shopping they're interested in in the girls yeah and i talked with every one of

00:31:26.400 our employees and said hey i'm i'm here partly because i'm the manager of the store but i'm also

00:31:31.440 here to make sure you have a safe environment to work in it sounds like a part-time pimp almost there

00:31:38.160 yeah so if you're like you except for not well i'm not even gonna go there so i said i said look if you

00:31:47.600 ever feel like you need me to come say something i won't i won't make a scene initially i'll do it very

00:31:55.520 tactfully and so i i knew because we had these conversations when these young women were

00:32:00.960 uncomfortable you know they'd give me the nod or you know whatever and i would come up and i'd say

00:32:06.960 hey jessica um i need you to help with inventory in the back room yeah and so she'd go do it and then

00:32:13.600 you inventory yeah and then i'd go back there i'm like hey you good she's like thank you so much

00:32:19.040 so having these being aware of these things and having a response like you're talking about i think

00:32:25.440 is crucial especially as a protector that is our one of our primary responsibilities as men yeah

00:32:31.680 all right greg cleaver i'm a firm believer that leadership is always best when you inspire buy-in

00:32:37.600 over demanding compliance i have a great thought around this my focus has always been to create a

00:32:42.640 space where those i lead are inspired to follow the best course of action i feel is to take the

00:32:48.000 lead moving the direction i want to go taking a lead in action steps while communicating as clearly

00:32:53.040 effectively as as i can and yet sometimes i fail to inspire movement what would you recommend as an

00:33:00.880 action step to gain compliance through respect and how do you move forward with resistance or forward

00:33:08.480 through resistance well i think i know the route you're gonna take so i won't steal your thunder

00:33:13.760 on that i'll leave that alone but but one thing i will say is i disagree a little bit with the premise

00:33:20.160 of the question in the very first part of the question he said as a leader it's my job to lead

00:33:24.800 people to follow me i don't agree with that premise i don't think that's your job i think your job

00:33:31.760 is not to build followers your job is to build leaders so me i'm a stubborn hard-headed jackass

00:33:39.920 sometimes a lot of the time actually and i'll confirm you'll vouch for anyone yeah yeah for

00:33:43.840 anyone's like is that really true i'm like yeah yeah it is it is a hundred percent and so let's say

00:33:51.680 kip i'm working with you maybe i've got some good experience in the industry i'm pretty well versed

00:33:57.760 i'm pretty successful but now i'm on your team if you tell me to do something even if i know it's

00:34:05.200 right i'll do the opposite even if i know you're right because i'm hard-headed and stubborn yep and

00:34:12.560 it has nothing to do with me not thinking you're right it has nothing to do with me not being

00:34:17.120 motivated or inspired it has to do with my personality of i'd rather reinvent the wheel than

00:34:22.160 do it your way which is why i'm really not hireable i have to work for myself for the rest of my life

00:34:29.040 and i'll disagree with you in a minute around that okay you can so instead tip you'd be better off

00:34:37.360 in our relationship in this example to say hey ryan maybe you've had we've had some butting of heads

00:34:44.080 and things like i'm a good employee but we butt heads a little bit because of this and you come to me

00:34:47.840 and you say hey ryan you know what you've been doing this for a long time you're really successful

00:34:52.000 you've got these great qualities um we're picking up a new project and uh i want to ask if you'd be

00:35:00.000 willing to head that project up and i'm gonna say because i'm hard-headed but i'm also ego-driven

00:35:07.680 of course i would love to do that say great well what i'd like to do is just give you some parameters

00:35:14.320 to work in um i'd like to tell you what the goal of the project is because that's the outcome and i

00:35:20.560 would like to turn it over to you and you can tell me what resources you would need from me in order

00:35:26.880 to achieve this objective within these parameters how's that sound i'm gonna say that sounds great okay

00:35:33.760 good so on wednesday afternoon i'm going to give you the brief and everything and all the information

00:35:38.800 you need wednesday afternoon i expect for you to give me a proposal on how we're going to move forward

00:35:43.520 with this you put it together in these parameters go that's leadership but i'm not following you

00:35:50.800 you're actually moving out of the way to allow me and who am i going to be inspired by that of course

00:35:57.440 not only am i ego-driven so i love the the challenge and and maybe even the accolades that come with it

00:36:04.320 i'm also being complimented because now i think kip trusts me kip believes in me and now our relationship

00:36:11.760 is even better now i would not do this if it was a life and death scenario or something potentially

00:36:17.760 catastrophic with the business be aware of that but that principle has really really been helpful in

00:36:22.800 my life so here's here's a quote employees should not be constrained by requirements but driven by choice

00:36:31.520 and and and that's what this is and and i don't think you're not employable i think that people

00:36:39.280 want to man if people that want to manage you would never want to hire you that's probably true but if

00:36:46.160 you're a good leader and you get that leadership isn't about managing behavior but getting results and

00:36:53.760 outcomes you're a perfect employee and this is the mood from the leadership leadership focus of the

00:37:00.720 tactical win thinking that that my role is to ensure successful projects and whatever to the strategic of

00:37:09.200 how do i support my people in doing those things and giving them the freedom and the agency to execute

00:37:17.120 and this is so foundational man like we could put a religious spin on this and talk about this as a

00:37:23.600 a gospel principle the importance of agency and freedom like most humans want to be impactful

00:37:31.920 and be great at what they do of course they do and they want to do it in the space of choice

00:37:39.600 and the minute you take away choice from me then you're just acting upon me and then here's the rub

00:37:45.920 we start not being innovative i'm just a cog in this process anyone could do this job i'm not even

00:37:52.320 using my talents here and now i start getting checked out i'm not enjoying the job anymore this

00:37:57.520 is this is mundane stuff i'm just being told what to do and they don't hate it necessarily because

00:38:02.720 of you they hate it because there's a lack of fulfillment in what they're doing and autonomy yeah

00:38:09.920 and and this these are foundational principles this is human this is dealing with humans and we

00:38:15.600 overlook this so much from a leadership perspective so you know um one of the greatest compliments

00:38:22.800 i got a compliment about a month ago from somebody maybe it's a little longer but from somebody that

00:38:27.040 i admire and respect you know him wayne mcpherson yeah and the compliment he said to me is he said

00:38:32.480 ryan i just want to thank you for believing in me to do this and letting me do it my way yeah

00:38:39.200 that that was a compliment that he paid to me and i paid him a compliment by letting him do it and

00:38:44.480 letting him do it his way this happened to be um a role within the iron council uh wayne is our one of

00:38:51.120 our uh team liaisons so he works with new members coming in helps them find good and solid teams and

00:38:57.520 good fits based on what they're looking for and wayne and i had been talking about this with you and

00:39:02.480 other people for quite some time and wayne's ideas weren't completely aligned with mine but they also

00:39:09.360 weren't deal breakers they weren't things that i was like we're not doing that there are things

00:39:14.720 that i'm like i don't know if that'll work i think this way is better and he's like no i think this way

00:39:19.440 is better well i gave you the project so if i had enough faith to give you the project then i have

00:39:25.200 to have faith that you can do it the right way and here's what i told wayne let's check it out

00:39:30.960 we'll do it till the end of the year and we'll evaluate if that works or what we need to change

00:39:35.040 or tweak or adjust and whether he does it great or does it horribly he'll do it great it doesn't

00:39:40.480 really matter because we can pivot and adjust and it's not gonna like ruin things yeah it's

00:39:45.680 just not really a hill to die on and he feels empowered and he should because he's so amazing

00:39:51.280 and so talented and we're giving him a track to run on where he can actually create something

00:39:56.480 that wouldn't be created if i was in the way bottlenecking the process totally well and when

00:40:00.640 it's not ours this is what will happen so when it's on ours and we're just out of we're acting

00:40:06.480 out of requirement and compliance right so let's say it's not my baby it's it's ryan's baby and i'm

00:40:11.760 executing on ryan's baby but i'm not like i don't feel a sense of ownership in it the minute that there's

00:40:17.600 a roadblock and it doesn't work the average individual will throw their hands up well i knew it

00:40:23.200 i wish you should have listened to me you know and and and we won't drive it forward but here's

00:40:30.560 that here's the funny part if it was my idea and let's assume my idea is subpar it's not even as good

00:40:36.320 as your idea but when a roadblock gets hit when it's my idea guess what i do yeah i double down i make

00:40:43.920 that shit work yeah for sure because my commitment level to it being successful is way higher when it's

00:40:51.600 mine and so even a subpar plan will have more effectiveness when it's tied to someone's

00:40:59.280 ownership versus someone else's and and that's just rally and and i have to agree with way man i

00:41:06.000 and i've i hopefully i've said this before and this isn't new but like i've always been impressed with

00:41:12.080 this of course you you do you do this so well oh i thought you meant impressed with wayne sorry i

00:41:19.040 wasn't like of course you're impressed with me so sorry yeah it did sound bad um no but all that you

00:41:25.200 you do this all the time i remember when you when you have autonomy on battle teams i like my natural

00:41:31.920 instinct was like no no we should standard they should all be the same and you're like no i want

00:41:35.520 to give them the their freedom and autonomy to do things unique within their teams and i'm like

00:41:41.120 part of me is like that's a bad idea because i was i wasn't seeing the leadership value

00:41:46.080 right that you're bringing to the table and i've always been impressed with this i appreciate that

00:41:50.240 and so it's it's been a great model for me to follow actually so thank you and again to go back

00:41:56.400 to the dichotomy thing you know it can be taken too far too and i've done that where i've had teams

00:42:00.880 that have frankly gone rogue and taken team members with them because they're doing their own thing and so

00:42:06.240 it's finding that balance i i do want to say kip one thing you said and i don't know if you said it

00:42:11.440 but you were talking about executing babies and i just want to make sure yeah you did you said when

00:42:17.680 it comes to executing your baby that's what you said i just want i just want to make sure we don't

00:42:24.160 say that in an election year when abortion the abortion issue is so prevalent let's not talk about

00:42:29.040 executing babies okay yeah and please someone do not sound bite that and make a video

00:42:36.880 which i just probably ask them when it comes to executing your babies i'm like

00:42:39.680 all right all right what's next well said mario canteres how do i know if i'm being too hard or

00:42:51.120 too soft on my 12 year old son he is a bit disrespectful and has a shitty attitude in the

00:42:57.280 morning and at times with his younger sister and i know it needs to stop i'm gonna leave it as there

00:43:02.720 it kind of got lengthy but that's the question uh there is a great verse and i somebody asked me

00:43:10.880 like what book i'm reading in the bible and i'm not which is why i'm gonna really botch this but it's

00:43:15.520 i don't know the verse it's a scriptural reference but essentially it's by their fruits you shall know

00:43:21.760 thee and what that means is that you can look at the results and ask yourself if the means are effective

00:43:29.600 so if you're maybe a little bit more lenient a little more tolerant of certain behavior and then

00:43:38.640 you're noticing unproductive behavior like talking back then something needs to change

00:43:45.920 a variable needs to change if on the other hand you have a son who's or a daughter who's just

00:43:52.880 by the books doing everything right but you can tell there's no joy or no leniency or no

00:43:58.000 no fun in their life then maybe you need to mix things up and you can't afford with that child to

00:44:05.920 be a little bit more lenient or tolerant or understanding or compassionate so i think the

00:44:11.440 biggest thing here is to look at what the problems are in this case backtalk and then ask yourself what

00:44:17.360 behavior from you and your wife is leading to allowing that to be okay a quote that i really like

00:44:23.280 is we encourage what we tolerate so if your son talks back to you and you don't bring it up you

00:44:29.440 don't say anything about it not only are you neutral on it you're actually encouraging him to do it again

00:44:35.280 or if he's disrespectful to his mother and you don't stand up for your wife he's never going to learn how a

00:44:43.200 man stands up for the woman in his life and checks people when they need to be checked you can do it

00:44:48.080 politely you can do it respectfully but it still needs to be brought brought to attention so yeah

00:44:55.440 without knowing all of the behavioral issues that might be taking place uh i would i would lean more

00:45:01.680 towards you can probably be a little bit more disciplined in the way that he communicates with

00:45:08.080 others that that would be something i would certainly address when i didn't read this you

00:45:12.560 know mario gave some context about you know him being soft and and a lot of that being due to how

00:45:19.520 he was raised right and being yeah probably you know whooped quite a bit and kind of the pendle and

00:45:26.720 he's swinging the pendulum a little bit too far you know what i mean on the soft and not surprising we

00:45:32.320 all do this right like we we we have a meaning from what our parents did and then we we almost go

00:45:38.000 to the opposite direction to try to not do what they think you know what we feel like they did

00:45:43.840 wrong and we lose sight of kind of the bigger picture and the bigger picture is in you know what's

00:45:51.360 the lesson being learned not necessarily the the nuance right yeah and i think i may have seen this

00:45:58.400 question um is his wife asking him to be more disciplined yeah yeah yeah yeah well look there's some

00:46:05.120 dichotomy here or maybe not dichotomy but polarity in in the sexes between masculine and feminine um

00:46:11.360 masculine is more authoritative it's more directional generally more disciplined that would be when your

00:46:17.600 masculine attributes are are on display uh feminine attributes would be empathetic nurturing kind

00:46:25.200 compassionate and men can be that too and that's a more feminine type behavior i would say it's not

00:46:32.160 bad or good it just is and we all have those characteristics to varying degrees but i would

00:46:38.560 say if your wife's bringing it up not only does she think it's good for your son she also needs it too

00:46:46.320 because look if you're not doing it mario is it yeah if mario's not doing it guess who's doing it

00:46:53.680 she is now you're asking her to be kind and empathetic and nurturing and loving and tolerant

00:46:59.680 and all these things and you're asking her to be directional authoritative uh disciplined is that

00:47:08.320 the kind of wife that you want to be around is that the kind of woman you want i would argue that

00:47:13.200 most men would love a more tender side of of a wife than the more authoritative side of a wife but

00:47:21.200 if you're vacating that responsibility then she has to step up and what ends up happening is she

00:47:27.040 gets burned out or you feel head-packed that might even be something that you feel like you might

00:47:31.600 say god i feel head-packed all the time right because she's being the man because you're not so if you're

00:47:39.200 feeling head-packed be a man be more authoritative authoritative be more disciplined be more directional

00:47:47.040 so that she can let her walls down a little bit and she can relax and she can soften up like have you

00:47:52.880 ever seen a woman do that where she's just like just pissed and mad and just angry and instead of

00:48:00.320 being contentious you're firm but you're fair with her and you can just see it her shoulders go down

00:48:06.800 her face becomes more feminine even her demeanor is i wouldn't say submissive but it's certainly more

00:48:13.600 loving accepting and allowable what'd you say more loving loving open receptive yeah all because

00:48:20.720 you showed up in a powerful way and she no longer felt like she didn't need to do that

00:48:27.360 so that's a side of the question you didn't ask but a side that needed to be addressed totally and

00:48:32.960 mario i understand right i i it's obvious what your concern is your concern is i was raised a certain

00:48:39.680 way and i don't want to come across that way right of course and and and i like i believe this with

00:48:46.960 every fiber of my body you can be stern you can lead and you can establish boundaries with your kids

00:48:54.240 and and stop the disrespect and the shitty attitude while also ensuring that they know that they are

00:48:59.760 loved you can do it now mark my word the natural human tendency that you have to go you know to

00:49:08.080 spew off and just yell and you know what i mean like do the easy thing that's not what i'm saying it

00:49:14.240 might require you to get on your knees look at them in the eye and talk with them and say hey this is

00:49:23.040 unacceptable and this is why it's unacceptable and i'm not going to deal with this it's not here's the

00:49:29.120 consequences i love you i expect better of you right but there's natural consequences for this

00:49:36.240 you can do that without firing off belittling the relationship belittling them and and and causing

00:49:44.400 the negative effects of you just going at and executing off of anger you you can actually be

00:49:50.640 stern with them while also loving them and making sure that they know that they are loved

00:49:55.200 it's actually pretty simple there's only two things you need to be aware of when it comes to

00:50:01.120 this i was i was watching a video the other day and and uh a husband and a wife i think it was

00:50:06.560 actually just the husband sat all of his kids down and he recorded it you know so it was there said hey

00:50:12.240 what's one thing that you don't like what when daddy does and i think he had four or five kids and

00:50:18.320 every single he did it independently every single one of them said when you yell at us yeah and so

00:50:24.320 i asked my kids my four kids we don't like it when you yell at us yeah my kids and in my mind i'm like

00:50:31.360 i don't yell i don't yell so there's only two rules number one don't raise your voice yeah because they've

00:50:42.240 they pick up on that fast and you might not think you're yelling but even an elevated voice might sound

00:50:46.560 like yelling to a five-year-old yeah so so don't yell and number two don't demean them through your

00:50:55.680 emotions like give little snips at them sarcastic responses uh try to embarrass them in front of

00:51:04.160 their friends or in front of their siblings if you can just keep your cool about you and keep a level

00:51:10.800 voice without resorting to little jabs and snips and comments and just be really level-headed you're

00:51:17.760 99 of the way there yeah i have to say one more thing one pulse check and i love this it comes from a

00:51:26.240 book called the anatomy of peace is do you have a heart at war towards them if you do guess what you

00:51:34.000 will yell you'll do all those things it'll show up they'll sense it so before you get into the

00:51:40.160 position of discipline i did this last night literally with my 13 or my 11 year old she's going

00:51:44.880 around she's mad at mom she's acting like a complete brat before i walked into that room to talk to her

00:51:51.040 to lay the groundwork of her attitude being unacceptable i i had to level set my mindset and say

00:51:58.000 she's amazing i love her and and she's great i just need to have a conversation with her

00:52:07.920 and then i had a conversation with her right and we were able to leave the room and have a better

00:52:13.360 attitude by the time we were going to bed it's almost like the problem never existed but if i went

00:52:18.640 in there yelling thinking she's the problem man it would have never worked last night um jordan peterson

00:52:26.960 says something like this as one of his rules and i can't remember which book and i'm gonna butcher

00:52:30.240 the phrase itself but it said it says something like never allow your children to do something

00:52:35.200 that would make you dislike them yeah because there's people we don't like and it's behaviors

00:52:41.520 it's communication styles it's whatever don't allow your kids to get away with things that make

00:52:46.400 you dislike them that ties into heart of war because if you allow them to be a little jerk and they are

00:52:52.160 sometimes yeah then you're gonna dislike them and if you dislike them you're certainly more likely

00:52:57.600 to yell to be frustrated to come back with jabs and quips but if you like them in fact if you love

00:53:04.240 them the loving thing to do is to check behavior it's not loving to allow children to do things that

00:53:13.840 are going to hurt them literally or figuratively but we do it all the time because we want to spare

00:53:19.040 ourselves the feeling of discomfort not our children yeah spot on last question we'll let

00:53:25.920 rapid fire this one uh because i got a jet in three nathan strouble how do you reconcile the

00:53:32.000 sovereignty of god with the sovereignty of man i am on a quest to understand how god is ultimately

00:53:38.720 in control yet men also have agency on earth yeah did you pronounce his name right because he gave

00:53:45.840 us a pronunciation for it oh did he strouble uh i want to make sure we put that put that at the

00:53:53.280 beginning nathan at the beginning it's your fault just put it in your name just like the proper

00:53:56.640 enunciation in your name itself i have a better idea why don't you just spell your name correct

00:54:04.960 all right with that said um nathan strouble here we go yeah well let me give you a more temporal

00:54:11.920 answer to it so and i'll try to be quick i know you got to get going but let's so we've got this

00:54:16.080 battle planner right and we've been talking about it for nine and a half years now and this is a

00:54:19.520 system that everybody uses if guys come to the iron council we teach the battle planning system

00:54:24.400 this is what we teach and the guys who do a good job follow the system because it's proven to work

00:54:29.120 we've tested it with tens of thousands of men and it works so if you follow this system do you

00:54:35.120 believe that i have limited your sovereignty because you're choosing to implement a system

00:54:40.720 that you know works no if i chose the system you chose to do it so now okay that's i'm not comparing

00:54:48.800 myself to god or to religion by any means so i'm just sharing that as an example but now let's take

00:54:54.400 it to the spiritual side of things if you're a christian and you choose to follow god's word and

00:55:03.520 his path because you know it's a doctrine aka a system that is going to serve you well in your life

00:55:11.760 are you limiting your own sovereignty because you're deliberately choosing to do something that you

00:55:18.160 believe will work in your life of course not god's hand is in everything and he has given us one of

00:55:24.960 the greatest blessings and that's our own agency which also for a lot of non-believers is really hard

00:55:32.640 to wrestle with because they'll ask well a just god wouldn't allow uh murder to take place or children

00:55:40.080 to be kidnapped and raped or any number of things that happen that are horrific and horrible

00:55:45.280 that isn't true a just god has given us our agency and allows us to make our decisions which

00:55:54.080 unfortunately sometimes means people are going to make bad decisions but then it's our responsibility

00:56:00.080 to put ourselves in positions that help protect and serve and help other people so i've never looked

00:56:07.920 at god's sovereignty and my agency of being at odds with each other in fact i believe they're

00:56:13.520 complimentary this is when people do though well i'm part of this church and i follow these rules

00:56:19.760 stupid rules i hate these rules did you what are you doing like more or less it's it's i think it's when

00:56:27.600 people have outsourced their religious beliefs or their testimonies into an organization and they've

00:56:34.800 stopped like making a conscious choice that this is my decision they're just going along to get along

00:56:41.200 does that make sense and and we do just follow a new church yeah but but it's you got to own it

00:56:50.560 and and the minute that we get into the mindset of waiting hoping waiting for someone else to do

00:56:56.640 something or we disagree and we're not addressing it like okay well i disagree with that so what am i

00:57:02.480 going to do about it then then you have moved into the space of being a victim of something else said

00:57:09.520 another way you've given your sovereignty over to someone else and that in itself is a choice and

00:57:16.960 we do this constantly because i don't know it's lazy there's safety in it we don't have to take

00:57:22.480 responsibility for if it goes south it's it's it's their fault not mine and and this is about our mindset

00:57:29.360 of how we see whatever it is that we're doing whether it's our employment whether it's a church that we

00:57:33.760 belong to or a political party how do you feel about it and what are you going to do about it

00:57:39.920 and are is it aligned with you and if it's not what are you going to do and we have to constantly have

00:57:44.880 that mindset this is why skepticism is so important not to be confused with pessimism yeah it's okay to be

00:57:53.520 a skeptic you know i see this in a lot of different church institutions where they'll say ours is the right

00:57:58.800 church this is the only way this is the way it has to be done and then people you might believe

00:58:04.080 that and that's okay no problem if you believe that but what you what is a problem is when you

00:58:09.440 say well fine you know and you see things that you don't even agree with or like and you're like well

00:58:13.360 i guess this is the only way that's where you've limited your sovereignty because you're no longer

00:58:18.240 deciding for yourself it's okay to be skeptical if uh if a church authority a bishop or a pastor or

00:58:25.040 a priest or whoever comes and says hey this is the new directive you ought to question that and

00:58:29.840 then you ought to go to god if you're a spiritual person and ask him yourself yep and then you can

00:58:35.600 find the way and still make decisions but i choose to varying degrees of success to follow a christian

00:58:43.360 doctrine because i believe it will serve me and that's a choice that i'm making for myself totally

00:58:48.640 yeah and this is the difference of people that are part of a religious church versus being religious

00:58:54.400 they're they haven't moved on to focus on what does this mean for them yeah unfortunately

00:59:02.800 well kip i know you got to get going um i'm gonna forego my ass today i'd actually like to give

00:59:08.320 it to you because i know you're doing a lot of like webinars and leadership development and courses and

00:59:14.080 programs and you're doing a great job on all that stuff everybody that's ever attended one of your

00:59:18.480 workshops or done one of your webinars or been to one of your trainings whether it's inside the iron

00:59:22.640 counselor out has always just been blown away so if you have somewhere guys can go why don't you

00:59:27.120 just share and let them know where to go that way they can be in the loop on what you have going on

00:59:31.440 no man i i appreciate it and and and full disclosure you've created that opportunity for me

00:59:37.440 a lot and so so thank you i that doesn't go without uh notice from me uh the opportunity to do

00:59:45.120 leadership development in the ic and that has really allowed me to cut my teeth on working through

00:59:50.800 stuff and yeah and and your guidance so so thank you um you know for me i think it's connecting

00:59:56.560 with me on instagram uh kip sorensen k-i-p-p-s-o-r-e-n-s-e-n or kip sorensen.com same exact

01:00:05.280 spelling um and and i try i've been trying to do a lot of leadership series every month those are free

01:00:11.920 webinars where we'll where i'm doubling down on office conflict and so yesterday we actually did an

01:00:18.960 office conflict of a culture of blame versus a culture of accountability and how do we get how

01:00:24.880 do we move from a culture of blame to accountability next month we'll do something on how do i lead up

01:00:30.800 the chain of command i got a bad boss i'm doing my part what how do i deal with that or how do i have

01:00:37.040 difficult conversations how do i hold someone accountable those kind of things so appreciate

01:00:42.240 it right awesome well you guys know where to go um kip i like i said i i love what you're doing and for

01:00:47.680 what it's worth it sounds a little weird but for what it's worth i am proud of what you're doing

01:00:50.960 as well it's really exciting to see how that develops all right guys thanks for the great

01:00:54.960 questions today we will be back tomorrow for or no friday excuse me friday for our friday field notes

01:01:00.320 until then go out there take action and become the man you are meant to be

01:01:07.920 thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're ready to take charge of your life

01:01:12.560 to be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the order at order of man dot com

Non-Traditional Men's Therapy, Leaders Getting Out of The Way, and Why Consequences Matter ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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