OoM 004： Finding your Core with Wesley Chapman
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Summary
A real man is a strong man, one who walks with confidence and power. The only way to gain that confidence and control in your life is to find out your core, or who you truly are and what you truly want. My guest today, Wesley Chapman, is here to tell us how to make that happen.
Transcript
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A real man is a strong man, one who walks with confidence and power.
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The only way to gain that confidence and control in your life is to find out your core
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or who you truly are and what you truly want. My guest today, Mr. Wesley Chapman,
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly
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chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is
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who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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Hello men. Welcome back to the Order Man Podcast. Before we get into the conversation today,
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I want to encourage you to do two things. First, if you've gained even the slightest bit of insight
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into becoming more of the man you were meant to be, I humbly ask that you leave a rating or review
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for the show on iTunes. Also, please head over to orderofman.com and subscribe to our weekly email.
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I make a commitment to you right now that I will share only the best information that guys like
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yourself have asked me to share. No garbage, no junk, just real information, insights, and strategies
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to help you reach your full potential. Thanks a ton in advance for that. As always, you can find the
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notes to this show at orderofman.com slash 004. Now, let me introduce my guest, Mr. Wesley Chapman.
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Wesley works with hundreds of youth and adults on a monthly basis, moving them from where they are
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to where they want to be. He's the founder of A Human Project, a for-purpose 501c3 with a mission to
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create a community of empowered youth. And he's also the founder of Superhuman Life, a program that is
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designed to ensure ultimate understanding of one's true potential, which is what we're going to talk
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about today. Wesley's experiences in life and skills in the entrepreneurial community have prepared him
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for what is now his greatest life mission, creating a world of hope. Hey, Wes, I'm so glad to have you on
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the show. Thanks for making it to talk with us today. Hey, I appreciate it, Ryan. It's going to be a fun
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time. I'm excited. I've been looking forward to it for a while now. So, you know, I've been so impressed
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by what you've overcome in your life, and I've heard a little bit about your story, and some of
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our audience probably has heard a little bit about your story. But I'd love for you just to share a
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little bit more about your backstory as a child and some of the things that you've overcome.
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Well, definitely have a lot there that we could talk about. But I guess the easiest way for me to
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kind of sum it all up is I was abandoned at one by my biological father. At six and a half,
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my biological mother abandoned me. And before the age of 16, I tried to commit suicide 12 times.
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And the reason for that is because of the ages of one and basically 18, but really between those
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ages of one and 16, I was abused in every way, shape and form, everything from sexual, mental,
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physical, even spiritual abuse. And so I was not a very happy camper. I wasn't in a very good place.
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I was being abandoned by your parents. You lack the one thing that we all want, which is food,
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shelter, and family. I guess that's three things. But anyway, the concept is that it's stability.
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It is what was in my head and just didn't come out this early in the morning. But stability is what
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I didn't have. And so I was trying to find it in my own life without the proper training and all
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those kinds of fun things. So it became very frustrating. So anyway, that's my younger childhood.
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That was one side of it. The other half of my childhood was a survival technique. With all of
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that going on, I didn't really have anybody that was taking care of me. And it's not the state's job
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to take care of me. So their goal was to get me into places that would take care of me. And
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in that journey, I learned that I needed to fend for myself. At the age of eight, I started my first
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company. So that led me down a whole entrepreneurial journey. It was kind of a crazy mixture. It's a
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cocktail of weirdness. I had this broken childhood and this little boy who didn't have a dad or a mom
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or didn't have an identity and just had all these different things going on. And at the same time,
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I was becoming an entrepreneur and being very successful at it. My first days of being an
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entrepreneur, I made over $500 a day. So it was just this dichotomy of having this broken spirit,
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this broken childhood. And at the same time, I was becoming this somewhat powerful entrepreneur.
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And what that led me to have to do is wear a lot of suits. And I use that figuratively,
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but I actually did start wearing suits and started consulting Fortune 500 companies at the age
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of 19, started doing all kinds of very powerful things. But I compare it to Iron Man. I was wearing
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this suit and then I'd go home and take the suit off and basically just sit in my room alone and just be
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very broken and very socially handicapped and all kinds of different elements and different things
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that happened in my life. So I started divulging a lot of my time or energy and different things
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into my businesses, which led to, like I said, a lot of social handicaps. I was great in a boardroom,
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fantastic in a boardroom, could sell anything. There was always jokes that I could sell ice to Eskimos
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and I could sell melting ketchup popsicles to a bride on her wedding day. So I mean,
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I just really was good at selling and I was very good at, you know, strategy and branding and all
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this stuff. But you asked me to be a friend or you asked me to be a part of a family and I looked
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at you like, you know, a lost puppy. So that just led to a lot of different challenges in my early
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years. And yeah, I mean, the rest of the story just kind of keeps going. And probably about 10 years
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ago, I had some aha moments and some awakenings and different things like that. And I mean,
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it's a whole convoluted story of how everything happened. But I started really developing my
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social aspect and then I started seeing that, wait a minute, the things that I had gone through
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in my childhood and in my life, people were saying, how did you survive? You know, and I
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never thought of how I survived. I just kind of looked at my life and said I survived. And
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that forced me into this whole conversation with myself about how I did survive and all these
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different elements of life came together. And about 10 years ago, I started volunteering
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my time and speaking to youth and speaking to troubled adults and just really kind of
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becoming a weekend warrior for people who had been through pain. And I developed a system
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that I had unknowingly discovered when I was 16 years old. But I developed this system of
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helping people see the honesty of their lives, which is a whole show in itself, and then being
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able to heal from the things that they had gone through and then finding hope. And I've
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redefined those words. I've redefined those messages. It's not just something as simple
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as what everybody thinks the word honest means or what everybody thinks the word hope means.
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These are very powerful words, and they're very powerful in how we or how I share them with
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the world. So I started doing that. And then two years ago, I had a very crazy moment. If
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people want to hear about that moment, then go over to John Lee Dumas' podcast, Entrepreneur
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on Fire, and you can listen to episode 666. I don't know why it's that, but it's that. So you can
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listen to that episode where I tell that whole story of how a human project came to light. But
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the synopsis of that is that basically I was speaking at one of these weekend warrior type
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things, and my entire life changed. And I left the entrepreneurial world 100%. And I moved into
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working with youth and nonprofit work and helping youth around the world take back control of their
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lives and, you know, just really start having empowerment in themselves. And then that obviously
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leads to empowerment in their life. And then this year, we just launched our last piece of
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everything, which is the adult version. And everything I was just talking about, about honesty,
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healing, hope, that whole thing, we packaged all that together and put together a website that's
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absolutely free that people can go to and learn about what do I mean by being honest? And what do I mean by
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healing? And what do we mean by power and hope and all these different words? And, and that's been
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amazing. We launched that, uh, literally six days ago, and we've already had hundreds of people go
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through, uh, go through the modules. So, I mean, that's as quickly as I can kind of give the story.
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It's, it's quite, um, insane. And there's a lot of different turns and weaves and moves and bobs and
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things that happened in it. But, uh, the overarching principle is, is that I went through a lot of
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different things in my childhood, which I only gave like a tiny, tiny glimpse of it. And also
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went through a lot of things in my early adult years because of that and not necessarily because
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of my childhood, because of my, my reaction to my childhood. And, um, yeah. And now I've taken all
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of that, put it together and am working with individuals who are in similar situations. Some are
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worse. Some are not as bad. Um, but it's really not a level of how bad you had it. It's really a
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level of, you know, how your brain has reacted to trauma and every single human being's brain reacts
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to trauma differently and also exactly the same. So it's kind of an oxymoron thing. Um, but you know,
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you may be able to go through an immense amount of trauma and somebody else may not be able to go
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through the same amount of trauma. And what I mean by that is you may be able to have a hundred
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thousand things happen to you and you still survive and live. And maybe only, you know,
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then it could be somebody sitting right next to you who can only go through five things before they
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decide to kill themselves or give it up or not, you know, move forward in life. So there's a
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threshold of how much, uh, trauma somebody can have. And then there's also, um, different levels.
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There's all kinds of things that happen, but the, the fundamental principle is, is that we,
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the brain reacts to trauma regardless of the type of trauma. And finally, I've been preaching this for
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10 years. And finally, now all the guys with the right, um, the right degrees and letters behind
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their names have come out and said this, that the brain reacts to trauma almost identically across
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the board, whether you've been sexually abused, physically abused, emotionally abused, neglected,
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uh, you know, whatever it may be, your brain registers these traumas on a, on a similar wavelength.
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So not to geek out with everybody, but I call it the, I call it the Elmo effect. You know,
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I mean, it's, we don't need to compare each other's trials and tragedies. What we need to,
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what we need to worry about is, is, uh, bringing everybody back to human.
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So let me ask you with that, because I know that there's a lot of guys out there, myself included,
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who want to become more resilient. Like we have things in our life that happened that most of it,
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and a lot of it, it was within our control. Some of those things are, are outside of our control.
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Are there things that you're finding that people can do to become more resilient? And I don't know if I'm
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using the right words here, but you know, handle more of that trauma or handle it differently or
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make it work differently in their lives to be more successful. Yeah. Let me give you the definition
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of honest in, in, in my languaging. We, our program is called superhuman. So let me give you the
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superhuman definition of honest. It's to accept the transparent reality of your core identity,
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to accept the transparent reality of your core identity, which means that you have identified
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your unobstructed reality and fan and found clarity in your existence. So when you have this
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unobstructed reality, right, of who you are and what you are and what your core is, then you want
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to talk about, you know, having more, you know, having a thicker skin or having more resilience or
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whatever words you want to use. That's where it comes from. It comes from, it comes from you truly
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identifying who you are and, and what makes you, you. And that starts from first day on the planet.
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You know, a lot of people, I don't know if you're a parent or not, but a lot of people don't understand
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this until they actually have a child. And I always say, no, you do. If you've ever had a puppy,
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if you've ever had two puppies or been around two different dogs in your entire life, you can
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understand what, what this is, is that when we come into, when we come onto the planet, we aren't just,
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and this is, this is my belief, so maybe it's going to offend somebody, but we aren't just
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flesh and, you know, a brain. There, there's more to us than that. And when we come here,
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we have certain cores about us that are not going to change, no matter how many people hurt us or no
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matter how many things happen to us, they're not, they're, they're who we are. They're,
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they're our core identities. Now, are we going to get shifted and shaped and molded and certain things
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are going to, you know, we're going to latch onto, of course, but, but the core of who we are
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is really what we have to understand. And some people will go down and find their core is, is a
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little, maybe it's a little darker than they want to admit. You know, maybe there's some things about
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their core that it's a little dark and it's a little scary. Uh, and that's okay. Identifying that
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and having an unrestricted reality of who you are is what gives you the ability to go into situations
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and have endurance or have, you know, whatever you want to call it, whatever words you want to use,
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that's what it gives you. It gives you that ability to really have that strength and really
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have that resiliency. And that's something that, you know, when we, when we start looking at things
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and we look at different people and we say, well, man, I could never endure what they could endure.
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We, you probably could, you know, you're, you're, you're just in that situation. Exactly. But,
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but the first thing is that that's where it starts. That's the first step in anything. And when we,
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when I work with youth, when I work with adults, whatever, the first thing that we do is finding
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out the reality of their core identity. You know, who are they? Not who of their parents told them
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they are, not who of their friends told them they are, not who of their coaches told them,
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you know, who they are, who are they? And that's quite a process. You know, that's not like a,
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okay, let me just, you know, flip a switch and all of a sudden, you know who you are.
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So if you're a guy out there or a woman out there or whatever, you're a human being out there and
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you're saying, I just, you know, I feel like I want to build up and have more resilience to life.
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I want to be able to be happier even when the world around me is sad. I want to be,
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you know, confident, even though, you know, when, when I look around in the world, it's telling me
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to be, you know, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not strong enough. I don't have
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enough muscles, whatever. I mean, these are all these things that are happening. And in today's world,
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I could honestly say that I would, I'm looking at today's world and what is, what youth are being
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bombarded with. And it's on a psychological level, it's absolutely terrifying because, you know,
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I'm 34 years old and I didn't grow up with, I didn't grow up with a bunch of social media pressures
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and a bunch of YouTube channels. And I mean, it was a little more difficult for me to get
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information. You know, we had to actually go to a library and check out an encyclopedia
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to, to, to absorb information. Now these kids can absorb information. You know, I think it's
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something like 19,000 or excuse me, 9,000 pieces of information in our child's life every single day.
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And so, you know, there's just all of this content. Well, with all of that is coming so
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much influence. And it's, and unfortunately, the only way to control a human being is to create
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negative influences, which devalue their, their core identity. So this is, I mean, you go back to
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my marketing and branding. I've worked with some of the largest brands in the world. And when you
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understand how they do their, their thing, we just saw it in the Superbowl. We just saw it in the
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Superbowl, which was mind blowing to me how obviously it's not even subliminal anymore.
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It's like right in your face. I mean, Nissan talking about dads and, you know, fatherless,
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this is the fatherless generation. And here we are talking about dads and Nissan represents a father.
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Are you kidding me? I mean, we could just keep going through with the insurance company at all of
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these very dark ads that are hitting very, very, very vulnerable and real topics. That was the first
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time in the history of mankind that advertisers just said, we know that you guys are a bunch of
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weaklings and we're going to show you. I mean, it was, it was, it just blew my mind that it was that
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blatantly obvious. But in the slow growth of a child or even as an adult who just barely gets onto
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social media, I mean, I've seen it. I've seen individuals who have never used Instagram a day
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in their lives and then go talk to them six months after being on Instagram and look at their self
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esteem. It's very, very telling. So many people are just bombarded with these negative information.
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So your biggest endurance, your biggest thing to create a thick skin, whatever, all these different
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things you want to talk about is knowing who you are, knowing the core reality of your identity.
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So is that process a hard process? Because I know anytime that you get real with yourself and
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your surroundings, I know for me that that can be tough. In fact, one of the things that you say
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or your intro music on Supreme in Life podcast is it's your fault, right? That's one of the things I
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hear. I agree with that, but how hard is it to become real and how hard, difficult a step is that first
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step? Well, think about being in a fight with your significant other, your good friend, whatever.
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How hard is it to say I'm sorry? Like in that moment, in that exact moment of like,
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oh, I just want to, you know, be right. Well, take that, you know, take that feeling and amplify it by
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about a hundred because being honest with yourself is the hardest thing you will ever do. The flat out
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hardest thing you will ever do in your life. Now, if anyone is saying, oh, that's not true,
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then you're not being honest with yourself because literally getting, literally getting down
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to, yeah. For example, I worked with a individual who was going through some abuse issues in their
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lives and they're a successful, you know, individual now, but they're kind of hit a threshold and it was
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more social than anything, but they were making half a million a year and they wanted to make a
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million a year and they couldn't understand why because they had all the technical skills to get to
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that point. And this is corporate America making a million a year. So this is, this is a big deal,
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right? And, um, and we looked at their lives and I said, it has nothing to do with your ability to
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work your job. It has everything in your ability to be a human being, AKA being a part of social
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environments and being in social, you know, social aspects. And I heard the same, you know, BS. So I was
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hurt as a kid, this thing's happened to me. So I don't, you know, I, this is just how I am. It's
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just who I am. And I said, no, it is not who you are. That's what some third person made you
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quote unquote, but that's not who you are. That's just because you were abused. Now all of a sudden,
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you know, that's not your identity. And so we started going through this identity process and we
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found out that they had some, a little bit of darkness inside of them. They, they had some, uh,
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darkness about sexuality and they had some darkness about who they were as a person, as far as, you
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know, just different elements. And it terrified this individual. And he said, oh my gosh, like I
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can't, that's not who I am. Like I can't be that person, right? Like that, that's not, that's not who
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I am. And I said, let's just, let's just talk about it for a minute. You know, let's just go through
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these processes for a little bit more. And I explained it as like an alcoholic. An alcoholic has
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this aha moment sometime in their life when they say, oh my gosh, drinking alcohol for me is way
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more damaging or way, way, you know, it's completely different experience than when my buddies drink
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alcohol. For me, alcohol represents something else. And they have this aha moment and then they go
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through the 12 step programs and all these things. But the first thing they had to do is admit that
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they're an alcoholic. And what does 12, what does the 12 step or AA say every single event? Hi,
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my name is Wes and I'm an alcoholic, right? So I'm not, but I'm just saying, but, but, but the
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point, exactly. But the point is, is that you're reinforcing the honesty of you being an alcoholic.
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And that's just a very, very simplistic way of looking at it. So now take it back to my,
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to my client is that we sat down and we talked about it. And I said, there's every single human
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being on the planet has wants, has needs, has desires, and translates those wants, needs,
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and desires differently. And, and, and don't get me wrong. This wasn't like some crazy thing. Like
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you wanted to hurt kids or whatever, but it was just, it wasn't something that, that he was a
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hundred percent comfortable with because it's not what he, you know, it's, it's not what he was
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trained to believe all these different things. So we just, we started talking about light and dark.
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We started talking about every one of us, whether you want to admit it or not, every single one of
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us has darkness of, of some level where quote unquote, the world would see it dark. You know,
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somebody, you know, maybe it's different. Maybe you want to steal a candy bar every time you go to
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the convenience store, I don't know, whatever. And as, as we enter the world and we're a part of
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the world, and I'm not talking religious, I'm, I'm talking just core human humanity. As we enter the
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world, everyone teaches us to kind of stay more in our light, right? Don't steal the candy bar.
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That's wrong. Those are simple analogies. So then we, then we go clear over here to the light.
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And if everyone could see my hand motions that we're doing with this, but then we go,
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they would know. Yeah. We go clear over here to the light and, but then we never talk to ourselves
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about why do we want to steal the candy bar? Why is that there? What's, what's the reality? Why do
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we want to steal the candy bar? We're not hungry. It's not because we're hungry. We have money. So
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it's not because we don't have money. So why is it that we want to steal the candy bar? What's that
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conversation? Why, why, what is there? So those are different for everybody or is that, or is that an
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underlying human condition? Oh, well, it's different for everybody as to what that candy
00:22:21.560
bar is, right? Maybe it's, maybe it's you, you know, you're not a, you know, you're not somebody
00:22:27.340
who wants to be super polite all the time, or you're not somebody who wants to have one sexual
00:22:33.100
partner or it's, I mean, there's all kinds of different things, but what happens is, is that,
00:22:37.100
and it's not a bad thing. Don't get me wrong. What happens is, is that the world tells us that
00:22:41.320
stealing a candy bar is wrong, which obviously it is, but nobody ever talks to us as to why
00:22:47.940
we as individuals have that desire in the first place. See, when we're kids, everything's about,
00:22:54.740
you know, whatever our parents tell us, just, just, let's just go in a healthy environment.
00:22:58.880
When we're children, our parents are there to lead and guide us into understanding what's right and
00:23:04.800
wrong, right? And then if you have religion, that's a part of your life, which I, you know,
00:23:09.920
it's just my opinion that many, many, many, many religions have great hearts and, you know,
00:23:15.120
their, their goal is to protect, but because of the psychology of human beings, they actually do a
00:23:20.880
lot of things to damage people. And we're seeing the, unfortunately, we're seeing the results of
00:23:26.900
that now where we've become a very religious-less country and people are very, very, you know,
00:23:34.340
very turned off by religion and it's not something that we're supposed to talk about anymore.
00:23:38.060
It's taboo. So a lot of these different things that are happening to us as children out of love
00:23:43.900
and out of, you know, people really caring about us are based on somebody else's identity and somebody
00:23:50.500
else's core process as to how to get to, how to get to that identity. And again, there is absolutely
00:23:57.060
nothing wrong with that. But when you're trying to figure out why things are holding you back or
00:24:03.400
what, why things bother you or why this or why that, it's because your core, what you were brought
00:24:09.720
into the planet earth and, and given, your core has not been allowed to be understood. So going back
00:24:17.360
to the word honest inside of the superhuman lifestyle, it's to accept the transparent reality
00:24:22.660
of your core identity. So the only way to have a thicker skin, the only way to have more resilience,
00:24:28.120
the only way to go into this world and not be bombarded by all of the crap that we're hit,
00:24:32.400
we're, we're being hit with every single day is to understand what your core really is. Again,
00:24:40.220
it's us not being allowed to be who we are. I mean, that's the, that's the normal language,
00:24:46.600
but it's deeper than that. It's us not understanding what our core is and what, what that core belief
00:24:53.360
in ourselves. I mean, we're told not to steal a candy bar. Okay. And these are, these are such
00:24:58.380
simple analogies because I don't want to dive into things because, you know, confuse everybody
00:25:02.300
I probably already have, but that's fine. Right. And it's so well, and it's so specific
00:25:05.280
for everybody, like you said, that you can't just address it quickly in a 30 minute podcast.
00:25:09.900
Exactly. So, you know, we're told not to steal a candy bar. Why? Why? I mean, I mean, what's the
00:25:16.800
reason for that? And our parents will say, well, it's not something that you do. Stealing is bad.
00:25:20.280
Why? You know, it's that same. If anyone's had a three or four year old, it's the why question,
00:25:25.760
right? The why game, right? The why game. Yeah. But we, we never, we never really get to the why.
00:25:32.200
And then for some people that doesn't bother them. For some people, they just live life and they don't
00:25:35.920
steal candy bars. I mean, that's my fiance for a long time. When we first started dating,
00:25:39.600
she just didn't really question anything. She just went through life and she's a great, you know,
00:25:45.300
great girl. Everything's fine. And then she did. She had her moment where, you know,
00:25:49.480
she went through the superhuman life program and we went through it together. And, and now she's,
00:25:54.820
you know, excelling in all aspects of her life, but it, it, it's not a negative thing. It's just
00:26:00.360
something that when you want to go to that next level, you, when you want to understand things
00:26:04.980
in a wider, in a wider way, understanding who you are first is how you get there.
00:26:11.500
Everything that I'm talking about is completely free for you to at least get like a glimpse into it.
00:26:16.480
If you go to superhuman.life, I mean, the whole module is free and that was my goal. I'm in a
00:26:21.640
position in my life where that, that's what I can do. So I'm doing it. So it's, it's all free.
00:26:26.560
Or if this interview has not made sense because I'm trying to, you know, we're jumping, you know,
00:26:30.480
we're kind of going through a bunch of stuff. Just go through the module and just hear the,
00:26:35.000
hear how it's explained, look at the definitions and then see how you can transplant that into your life.
00:26:40.320
So one of the things that you're, that answer brought up to mind is that you're in an interesting
00:26:46.660
position as you're helping these people and trying to balance, I think a little bit of tough love and
00:26:53.660
then compassion. And I think in my life, you know, I've got three kids, my oldest is six, I've got a
00:26:59.000
four-year-old and a two-year-old. But I think with my kids is what is that balance? How do I balance
00:27:05.140
toughness and reality of what life is going to look like, but also show compassion or even more
00:27:10.900
specifically, how do I do that for myself? Right? Because I tend to believe that we, we tend to be
00:27:16.480
our own worst critics, but how do we balance between being a critic and being real, but then also giving
00:27:21.720
ourselves a break and showing compassion to ourselves and those around us? You know, and that's,
00:27:26.540
it's a really good question. And that there's so many things inside of that. For example,
00:27:30.760
and everybody to each his own on how you want to do parenting, but we've always been,
00:27:36.620
I guess, always is the wrong word, but for a long time, we've been taught that we're not parents or,
00:27:41.500
you know, we're, or excuse me, we're not friends. We're supposed to be parents. We're supposed to,
00:27:45.720
you know, give our, our children this kind of guidance instead of this kind of guidance. And then
00:27:50.560
that, that switched over to, you know, we're supposed to be this way with our parents or with our
00:27:55.860
children are supposed to be this way with them. And I'll tell you the reason that like all these
00:27:59.880
parenting books, like if you look at parenting books from like 1950 to 1980, and then you look
00:28:04.560
at them from 1980 to 1990, and then you look at them from 1990 to 2001. And I mean, it's,
00:28:11.260
everything's different, right? We're always constantly going back and forth and going
00:28:15.280
through these things. And it's quite frankly, because we don't have a clue as to what we're
00:28:18.540
doing. And that's fine. You know, that's why we're here. We got to learn and do different things.
00:28:22.840
But to your, to your point about like, what's the perfect formula? And what do you do? There
00:28:28.840
isn't one. I mean, I have two children, and that both of them are completely different. I raise both
00:28:33.940
of them completely different because of what I'm identifying as some of their core principles and
00:28:39.680
identities in themselves. And, and look, I'm, I don't know them 100%. I'm guessing on a lot of them based
00:28:47.360
on how I've seen them grow up and how I've seen them react to things. And I, I like completely
00:28:52.000
different style of raising two, you know, two children. And so, and it's because they are
00:28:56.860
completely two different individuals. Now, I'm hoping that as when they get older, they look back
00:29:01.880
and they say, wow, you know, this makes a lot more sense. And they don't have to go through a bunch
00:29:05.880
of rediscovering, you know, garbage and, and my knowledge in this space will help them. But to your
00:29:11.780
point is that for somebody else, it's, it's nearly impossible. The best thing you can do
00:29:16.040
is just let them express themselves in, in appropriate manners. Obviously, we still have,
00:29:21.900
if you have stewardship over somebody, we need to help them understand. But when you do that
00:29:27.880
stewardship and you do that understanding, you need to do it with, with open and honest
00:29:32.060
communication. Since, since my children could start talking, my daughter started talking at 10
00:29:37.160
months and my son was about 12 or 13 months when he started talking. So as soon as they started
00:29:42.660
talking, I talked to them as if they were, you know, not children and little itty bitty,
00:29:48.580
you know, babies, but adults in some level, you know, it was that respect of their opinions
00:29:54.000
and respect of their decisions. And that's my parenting style. Everybody can be different,
00:29:58.600
but I went with the, the respect level. And of course, I'm still, you know, I'm still a steward
00:30:06.160
over them and those kinds of things. But it's a completely different street. My daughter will
00:30:10.080
have conversations with me about the way she feels and how she sees things out in the world. And she
00:30:14.440
has questions and this and that. And, you know, instead of just being like, well, this is the way
00:30:18.280
that it is. And this is what the church says to do. And this is just what we do. It's more like,
00:30:22.280
well, what do you feel? What are your feelings? How are you interpreting that? How can, you know,
00:30:26.320
how can I support you in that? I mean, simple little things. So that's that question. Now,
00:30:30.340
your second question about yourself, you know, how do you, how do you get hard on yourself? How do you not?
00:30:35.240
This is where you have to, again, going back to who you are, let's talk about something as simple
00:30:40.000
as a morning ritual. Okay. Everybody, all the experts will tell you that if you want to be
00:30:45.280
successful, get up at five o'clock in the morning, do this, this, this, this, and this, right? And then
00:30:49.420
you do this at night and you do this in the afternoon. I mean, successful quote unquote people
00:30:54.000
will tell you that this is the formula for success. Well, there's merits in that because they're
00:30:58.980
successful, but that's also merit in, in that type of an identity. Maybe Pete, there's, you know,
00:31:05.720
they're a morning person. They enjoy getting up in the morning. When nighttime comes around, they,
00:31:09.920
they lose their, their spunk and their creativity and their whatever, and they're done for the day.
00:31:15.620
Okay. Well, that's a great analogy, but what if all this are a great, uh, suggestion, but what if
00:31:20.960
you're not a morning person? What if you're, what if you're more of a night owl who can stay up till
00:31:26.260
three, four in the morning and create, you know, Picasso like masterpieces, but you need to sleep
00:31:31.460
in until 10 or nine 30 or nine o'clock. This isn't an excuse to be lazy by any means, but if you know
00:31:40.240
that that is success, that's a spot for you and then you commit yourself to that. Okay. So this is,
00:31:46.220
we're skipping a lot of steps, but let's just pretend we've identified what's going on. We've,
00:31:50.780
we've, we've healed some of the things you're standing in your power and you've, you've understand
00:31:56.100
what you have to offer the world, you know, all these things. So this is the whole convoluted
00:31:59.560
steps of stuff we just skipped. And now we've identified that this is what you can do. This
00:32:04.180
is what you can commit yourself to doing. Then at that point, you've made that commitment to
00:32:10.100
yourself. That's when you start, you know, okay, so now all of a sudden it's two o'clock in the
00:32:15.040
morning and you're supposed to be doing a Picasso piece, but this really cool Facebook video just
00:32:19.100
popped into your feed and you've got to watch it. You know, at that point, that's when you start
00:32:24.420
getting, you know, that's when you can start creating discipline with yourself and saying,
00:32:28.500
Hey, no, we've already identified all these things. I've committed to this. I'm going to
00:32:32.260
stick with it. So if you have committed to getting up at six o'clock in the morning and working out
00:32:36.920
and doing these things, then the best form of discipline for yourself is sticking with your
00:32:42.520
identified commitments in life. So this starts hitting people really hard when we start talking
00:32:49.660
about marriage, when we start talking about relationships, when we start talking about jobs,
00:32:54.140
I can't tell you how many people will work with me and say, I hate my job. I just want to be an
00:32:59.700
entrepreneur. I don't want to go to work anymore. I hate my job. And literally six weeks later,
00:33:05.280
they get a pink slip and then they're pissed off that they got a pink slip and they can't
00:33:09.660
understand why they got a pink slip. And I chuckle a little bit and which is probably unfair, but you
00:33:15.680
know, whatever. And I say, well, why are you surprised that you got what you wanted? And that hits
00:33:21.640
people for a second, you know, that hits them for a second. And they step back and say, wait a minute,
00:33:28.420
that's it's actually not what I wanted. Well, it is what you wanted, because that's the discipline
00:33:32.980
and the control and all the other aspects of your life that you were giving. So you start thinking
00:33:37.300
about marriage and you start thinking about relationships with your kids and you start
00:33:40.580
thinking about all these different things. And before you know it, you start noticing you're getting
00:33:45.020
everything you want, everything you want, you're getting because you're not committing yourself to
00:33:50.700
making anything else different. But it's really hard to commit yourself to making things different
00:33:55.720
if you don't know who the heck you are. Well, it's so funny that you say that because I might even
00:33:59.960
catch myself if I'm on Facebook or see a friend having some success in some certain level of life.
00:34:05.560
My immediate reaction is, oh, I want that. And then if I'm able to take a step back and think,
00:34:11.280
wait, is that what I really want? Like, do I really want their life or do I really want to
00:34:16.740
accomplish that or do I just want the success that they've had? Yeah, I think it's, you know,
00:34:22.600
and I'll take it one level, a level deeper. It's not even the success that they've had.
00:34:27.520
It's the ability to brag about it. And let me explain. It's in this is like a deep, you know,
00:34:35.380
going around this thing because it goes back to the why it goes back to the core. Is it that you want
00:34:39.680
the money? Is it that you want the, you know, the house? Is it what like you just said, what is it
00:34:45.660
that you want? What you want is the ability to be recognized for doing something that looks
00:34:53.160
successful or is an achievement. So instead and that goes all the way back to worth that goes all
00:34:59.640
the way back to self-esteem stuff that goes all the way back to, you know, all of those kinds of
00:35:04.240
feelings that we have. And every single human being on the planet needs to have recognition
00:35:09.780
for things that they do. This is why youth who are in horrible situations will act out and do crazy
00:35:16.960
things that all of us say. I don't understand why that kid is doing this. Well, it's because they
00:35:21.120
are trying to get notoriety. They're trying to get acceptance. They're trying to get worth. They're
00:35:25.740
trying to get, you know, all these different things. And as a youth, we don't really have a lot of
00:35:30.640
skill sets on how to do that. So what do we do? We burn stuff down or we yell or we scream or we
00:35:36.620
beat something up or we take whatever we can, whatever we can control. We take that level and
00:35:42.820
then go out and experience it that way. So to your point of scrolling on Facebook and seeing that
00:35:47.280
somebody else has had success and you're like, God, it's just what I want. Why can't I have that or,
00:35:53.260
you know, whatever. And we're talking this in, you know, very general statement. But it's not that
00:35:59.100
you're saying, oh, my gosh, I want that car. There's an element to that for sure. Yeah,
00:36:03.920
we all want nice things. But the deep rooted issue there is that you really want to be able
00:36:09.020
to brag about that. You really want to be able to talk about that so that you can have the exact
00:36:14.120
same react so that people around your Facebook wall can now have that exact same reaction where
00:36:20.520
they want to be you. So now going back to the core and understanding yourself and having worth in
00:36:27.360
yourself and having self-esteem in yourself and all these different things, your life changes.
00:36:32.080
It's phenomenal, Ryan. I mean, I've seen it thousands of times across the world, across,
00:36:37.460
you know, age age demographics. People's lives literally change when they understand what their
00:36:45.080
core is and they start getting now into the next steps of worth and understanding and all these
00:36:50.020
different things. And then they start healing things in their lives. I mean, it's just it's amazing.
00:36:54.860
And that's why the last step, you know, that we talk about is for in the superhuman world is hope,
00:37:00.140
which is power. You know, we start talking about how people now have power and they have this control
00:37:04.380
and they have all these different things because now you're not being controlled by a post on
00:37:08.260
Facebook because somebody else. Now, instead of looking at that with like, oh, you know, desire,
00:37:13.340
you're looking at that with gratification for that person. You're saying, I'm able to celebrate
00:37:19.600
with you your success. So we've taught. OK, so the underlying message, I think, of this podcast
00:37:24.760
and what we've gone through is being true to yourself, but more importantly, finding out first
00:37:29.040
what that is, right, what your core is. So is there is there a quick action step or a takeaway
00:37:34.480
that the men listening to this can take and say, all right, how do I begin to identify what it is
00:37:40.620
truly at my core? There's a lot of different things we can do. There's some, you know, writing exercises
00:37:46.520
you can do. One thing I can tell you so that you can even get to this point is if you've gone through
00:37:51.820
some things in your life or even and again, I don't care what they are. You know, if you listen
00:37:55.880
to some of the videos that I do, I talk about the Elmo effect in more detail and it does take a few
00:38:00.880
minutes, so I'll skip through it. But you can go watch the videos. But I don't care what little
00:38:05.940
thing or big thing has happened in your life. One thing you can do to kind of get to this ability
00:38:10.800
to stand in front of the mirror is take a piece of paper and a pencil or a pen. I prefer pen and
00:38:18.180
write out your story. Now, there's a whole reason as to why you need to do this. I won't get into it,
00:38:23.520
but just trust me. Do not type it. Don't, you know, don't write it in a book. You need to take
00:38:29.520
pieces of paper and you need to write your story and don't erase anything. If you cross something out
00:38:34.620
with a pen, that's fine. But just write and just go and just tell your story as if you were telling it
00:38:40.140
to the person you could trust more in your entire life and just tell the story. And there's nothing
00:38:46.560
else you have to do with that paper. Don't burn it. Don't, you know, mail it to your uncle. There's
00:38:51.720
nothing you need to do, but it's for you. But the thing that you need to do, you know, once you can
00:38:56.840
kind of release this, you know, and start kind of figuring out like where you've come from, all this
00:39:01.540
stuff, is putting a mirror in front of you and talking to yourself and identifying some of the things
00:39:07.860
about who you are and stop with the insanity of these excuses, excuse me, of these excuses
00:39:16.840
as to why you are the way you are. That's the first thing I tell any of my clients is I want to know
00:39:22.800
your story. We're going to go through it. But as soon as we start getting to getting through pieces
00:39:26.740
of things, stop with the excuses. You know, at seven and a half years old, I was told seven and a half
00:39:32.980
years old. I was told I would be a burden to society. I would not be able to live in society.
00:39:38.640
I was not allowed in society. And this is after about two years. I'd gone through just under two
00:39:45.080
years of psychoanalysis. Things stuck to my brain, sleep tests, all kinds of stuff. My diagnosis was
00:39:52.840
I was worthless, completely worthless to society. They were going to put me in a boy's home
00:39:58.120
in an orange jumpsuit. And then at eight at 21, 18 or 21, they would have to let me out depending on
00:40:04.000
what the state was able to do. They would have to let me out because I was an adult. And then I would
00:40:08.480
go into society and they would just basically hope I didn't come back into jail. I was going to come
00:40:14.940
back into jail. That was already predetermined. But their hope was as I would come back into jail
00:40:19.360
for something simple, not something like rape or manslaughter or something horrible. That was my
00:40:24.620
life sentence. It's seven and a half years old. I mean, I have it in black and white on a doctor's
00:40:30.960
note, you know, from primary children's hospital. So that's my that is my definition. That's my
00:40:37.260
excuse as I mean, do you do you know what I could do with that excuse and that piece of paper? Are you
00:40:42.300
kidding me? I'd never have to work a day in my life. I could live in a jail, you know, and be
00:40:47.220
comfortable and, you know, whatever else I could make a gazillion excuses. And that piece of paper would
00:40:52.300
back me up for every single one of them. But that's not what I chose to do, because that's
00:40:56.680
not who I am. So going back to your question is, is that your action step is to look in
00:41:01.860
the mirror, drop all of the excuses, stop making crap up that doesn't exist. Because I don't
00:41:07.600
it doesn't matter. I have a famous saying that anyone will hear me say if you watch my stuff
00:41:11.960
is that the things that you're holding on to happened yesterday. And if I'm not mistaken,
00:41:17.620
it's today. And so what are you going to do today? And then that first step is, is that
00:41:23.000
let's be honest with yourself. What kind of guy are you? What kind of girl are you? What
00:41:26.880
is your core? What do you feel like? What happens and take simple things like take these simple
00:41:31.120
little analogies. And what kind of guy are you when a pretty girl walks in the room? What
00:41:34.600
kind of guy are you when you know, you have the opportunity to steal something or you have
00:41:38.280
the opportunity to do tag swapping or you just take simple little things and figure out
00:41:43.200
like, what's the honesty of those things? Like, what would you honestly do in those circumstances?
00:41:48.660
And sometimes that'll be scary, because maybe you will be the guy who when a girl walks into
00:41:52.960
the room, you kind of feel like, yeah, she's hot. And here's some things I would like to
00:41:57.100
do. And maybe you are the kind of person that's like, oh, there's a candy bar just sitting there.
00:42:00.920
Well, that's cool. I'll just you know, no one's gonna miss it. Now, acting on those things
00:42:06.100
may be stupid. But I'm still, you know, society, but they're who you are. So that comes down
00:42:12.100
to the next part of control and understanding and light and dark and blah, blah, blah. But
00:42:15.140
your first action step is freaking have a conversation, a real conversation with yourself.
00:42:19.560
And even my clients, they don't do that with me. Even my clients, you know, they'll they'll
00:42:24.400
go try it and I'll coach them and work through it. But that's a personal thing. That's something
00:42:28.440
that you have to do with you. Your wife can't help you. Your mommy can't help you. That's
00:42:32.380
something you have to do with you. And that's what we do with the youth. Even is the first
00:42:35.720
step with them is explain who you are to yourself and drop all the excuses. The second you say
00:42:42.660
something like, well, I'm I'm I'm really shy because my mom and no, no. So, Wes, you know,
00:42:53.400
we're running short on time, but I want to know if people want to know more about what it is you're
00:42:56.540
doing and the work you're doing, which I've I followed a little bit. How do we connect with you?
00:43:01.040
Where do we reach out and connect with you? Well, I have a lot going on. Obviously, you do
00:43:07.240
in this in this podcast. You know, we've been all over the place and hopefully it's touched somebody.
00:43:12.260
But the best thing to do, the thing that that works for me, if you've gotten any value in this
00:43:17.680
podcast at all, is that go to a human project dot com, a human project dot com. There's one button
00:43:25.080
on the website called stories. Go watch the stories of the youth. That's the first thing that I want
00:43:30.920
you. It's a busy it's a busy life. Everybody's crazy. Go do something selfless, which is go to
00:43:36.680
human project dot com and watch one of the stories. Share it on your Facebook wall. Do something that
00:43:41.680
regard from that website, human project dot com. You can start learning more about me. You can hear
00:43:48.140
my story. It's called the founder story. You can go to my personal website. You can go to the
00:43:53.140
superhuman dot life website. I really don't care. But, you know, my my life is pretty simple
00:43:58.780
right now. I do a podcast in which I be you know, I try to make people kind of rethink their
00:44:04.380
lives and rethink things around their existence that is happening. It's called the human podcast.
00:44:09.820
It's kind of a fun project for me. It's not anything like super deep or crazy. It's more
00:44:14.280
just like talking about things and kind of a what if variable. I'll say crazy things like
00:44:18.780
women should be in the kitchen making food and get people upset about that and get them
00:44:23.820
talking about it. And then, you know, we we go through a process there. So that podcast
00:44:29.180
is more just about kind of just getting people's brains to start thinking and start awakening.
00:44:34.720
And from there, that's where I, you know, my my my core essence of what I do is with the
00:44:40.680
children. That's where my heart is. That's where I believe, you know, my calling is in life.
00:44:45.420
My purpose in his life is to help these children understand that the things that they've gone
00:44:49.900
through do not define them. They may refine them, but they do not define them. And to teach
00:44:54.820
these children how to live in their core, how to live in their power and do all of these
00:44:59.880
different things. But I also have known since the day I started doing that, that just like
00:45:04.500
me, when I was a kid, they would always say, well, just, you know, start telling your story,
00:45:08.660
start being honest, start going through things. You've got to handle it. You've got to deal
00:45:12.100
with it. That way you can grow up. That's what the counselors would tell me. That's the way
00:45:15.620
you can grow up and be you can be you know, you won't have to be anything these papers
00:45:19.760
say that you are. And I would always kind of leave the counselor's office with this
00:45:23.360
like, yeah, I can do that. And then I'd look around and I would see all of these broken
00:45:27.640
people. You know, I would see these homeless people or I would see even people in my church
00:45:32.100
who would cry all the time and they they just were broken people. And I thought to myself,
00:45:36.780
I thought, well, I'm supposed to do all this hard work and go through all these things.
00:45:40.060
But look at all these broken people who aren't doing anything and they're kind of OK.
00:45:43.660
So why do I need to deal with my problems? So I've always known that for a human project
00:45:47.920
to be successful, I have to create role models for these youth to see, look at and be around.
00:45:54.180
So that's why Superhuman Life was created was it's it's all part of it's it's it all comes
00:45:59.600
back to my selfish reasons as to wanting to help you live in an empowered world is to why
00:46:06.100
I even started working with adults is because I said, OK, fine, I'll work with adults, create
00:46:11.000
this army of examples that the youth can look at and say, oh, that person went through
00:46:15.600
this, this and this. OK, then I'm going to start fixing myself now so that I don't have
00:46:22.640
And so that's how it all ties together is Superhuman Life.
00:46:26.100
Yes, I'm helping adults. But in reality, I'm helping the youth over at a human project.
00:46:30.440
Well, Wes, I really appreciate the insights that you've given us, especially on finding
00:46:33.860
your core. And again, reach out to Wes over at superhuman.life or a human project.
00:46:38.780
Thanks for being on the show. Hey, I appreciate it, man.
00:46:42.020
I hope it turns out well. Incredible conversation today, guys.
00:46:45.640
I hope that you feel the same way. Wes gave us a real tangible takeaway today to help us
00:46:50.780
find our core. Number one, write out your story. Number two, look in the mirror and ask
00:46:55.180
yourself the tough questions you need to ask. And number three, eliminate the excuses and
00:46:59.540
get real with yourself. If you need a reminder about these steps or want to get any of the
00:47:04.020
other information we talked about today, head to www.orderofman.com slash 004. And please
00:47:10.720
remember, if you would leave us a rating and review on iTunes, share this web episode with
00:47:15.080
a man that you think could benefit. And again, gain access to the latest updates, insights
00:47:19.500
and strategies for reaching your full potential as a man by signing up for our newsletter at
00:47:24.340
orderofman.com. Thanks again for being here today. And I will look forward to being with
00:47:28.460
you here next week. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to
00:47:34.320
take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join