Order of Man - OoM 004： Finding your Core with Wesley Chapman

00:00:00.000 A real man is a strong man, one who walks with confidence and power.

00:00:03.600 The only way to gain that confidence and control in your life is to find out your core

00:00:08.100 or who you truly are and what you truly want. My guest today, Mr. Wesley Chapman,

00:00:13.160 is here to tell us how to make that happen.

00:00:16.280 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly

00:00:20.960 chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:26.360 You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:33.340 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:39.060 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:42.780 Hello men. Welcome back to the Order Man Podcast. Before we get into the conversation today,

00:00:46.920 I want to encourage you to do two things. First, if you've gained even the slightest bit of insight

00:00:51.360 into becoming more of the man you were meant to be, I humbly ask that you leave a rating or review

00:00:55.640 for the show on iTunes. Also, please head over to orderofman.com and subscribe to our weekly email.

00:01:02.660 I make a commitment to you right now that I will share only the best information that guys like

00:01:08.100 yourself have asked me to share. No garbage, no junk, just real information, insights, and strategies

00:01:14.280 to help you reach your full potential. Thanks a ton in advance for that. As always, you can find the

00:01:19.200 notes to this show at orderofman.com slash 004. Now, let me introduce my guest, Mr. Wesley Chapman.

00:01:27.260 Wesley works with hundreds of youth and adults on a monthly basis, moving them from where they are

00:01:32.880 to where they want to be. He's the founder of A Human Project, a for-purpose 501c3 with a mission to

00:01:39.340 create a community of empowered youth. And he's also the founder of Superhuman Life, a program that is

00:01:45.260 designed to ensure ultimate understanding of one's true potential, which is what we're going to talk

00:01:50.120 about today. Wesley's experiences in life and skills in the entrepreneurial community have prepared him

00:01:56.000 for what is now his greatest life mission, creating a world of hope. Hey, Wes, I'm so glad to have you on

00:02:03.060 the show. Thanks for making it to talk with us today. Hey, I appreciate it, Ryan. It's going to be a fun

00:02:07.980 time. I'm excited. I've been looking forward to it for a while now. So, you know, I've been so impressed

00:02:13.180 by what you've overcome in your life, and I've heard a little bit about your story, and some of

00:02:17.160 our audience probably has heard a little bit about your story. But I'd love for you just to share a

00:02:21.700 little bit more about your backstory as a child and some of the things that you've overcome.

00:02:26.800 Well, definitely have a lot there that we could talk about. But I guess the easiest way for me to

00:02:33.780 kind of sum it all up is I was abandoned at one by my biological father. At six and a half,

00:02:41.640 my biological mother abandoned me. And before the age of 16, I tried to commit suicide 12 times.

00:02:49.200 And the reason for that is because of the ages of one and basically 18, but really between those

00:02:54.360 ages of one and 16, I was abused in every way, shape and form, everything from sexual, mental,

00:03:01.060 physical, even spiritual abuse. And so I was not a very happy camper. I wasn't in a very good place.

00:03:08.660 I was being abandoned by your parents. You lack the one thing that we all want, which is food,

00:03:16.940 shelter, and family. I guess that's three things. But anyway, the concept is that it's stability.

00:03:24.380 It is what was in my head and just didn't come out this early in the morning. But stability is what

00:03:29.280 I didn't have. And so I was trying to find it in my own life without the proper training and all

00:03:35.200 those kinds of fun things. So it became very frustrating. So anyway, that's my younger childhood.

00:03:41.380 That was one side of it. The other half of my childhood was a survival technique. With all of

00:03:47.680 that going on, I didn't really have anybody that was taking care of me. And it's not the state's job

00:03:53.900 to take care of me. So their goal was to get me into places that would take care of me. And

00:03:59.160 in that journey, I learned that I needed to fend for myself. At the age of eight, I started my first

00:04:07.520 company. So that led me down a whole entrepreneurial journey. It was kind of a crazy mixture. It's a

00:04:13.800 cocktail of weirdness. I had this broken childhood and this little boy who didn't have a dad or a mom

00:04:20.440 or didn't have an identity and just had all these different things going on. And at the same time,

00:04:24.400 I was becoming an entrepreneur and being very successful at it. My first days of being an

00:04:30.520 entrepreneur, I made over $500 a day. So it was just this dichotomy of having this broken spirit,

00:04:39.980 this broken childhood. And at the same time, I was becoming this somewhat powerful entrepreneur.

00:04:45.380 And what that led me to have to do is wear a lot of suits. And I use that figuratively,

00:04:51.560 but I actually did start wearing suits and started consulting Fortune 500 companies at the age

00:04:56.860 of 19, started doing all kinds of very powerful things. But I compare it to Iron Man. I was wearing

00:05:03.880 this suit and then I'd go home and take the suit off and basically just sit in my room alone and just be

00:05:09.400 very broken and very socially handicapped and all kinds of different elements and different things

00:05:16.080 that happened in my life. So I started divulging a lot of my time or energy and different things

00:05:23.000 into my businesses, which led to, like I said, a lot of social handicaps. I was great in a boardroom,

00:05:29.480 fantastic in a boardroom, could sell anything. There was always jokes that I could sell ice to Eskimos

00:05:35.080 and I could sell melting ketchup popsicles to a bride on her wedding day. So I mean, 0.79

00:05:41.060 I just really was good at selling and I was very good at, you know, strategy and branding and all

00:05:46.080 this stuff. But you asked me to be a friend or you asked me to be a part of a family and I looked

00:05:49.940 at you like, you know, a lost puppy. So that just led to a lot of different challenges in my early

00:05:55.660 years. And yeah, I mean, the rest of the story just kind of keeps going. And probably about 10 years

00:06:01.920 ago, I had some aha moments and some awakenings and different things like that. And I mean,

00:06:07.600 it's a whole convoluted story of how everything happened. But I started really developing my

00:06:13.620 social aspect and then I started seeing that, wait a minute, the things that I had gone through

00:06:17.620 in my childhood and in my life, people were saying, how did you survive? You know, and I

00:06:23.220 never thought of how I survived. I just kind of looked at my life and said I survived. And

00:06:27.380 that forced me into this whole conversation with myself about how I did survive and all these

00:06:33.560 different elements of life came together. And about 10 years ago, I started volunteering

00:06:39.000 my time and speaking to youth and speaking to troubled adults and just really kind of

00:06:45.000 becoming a weekend warrior for people who had been through pain. And I developed a system

00:06:51.040 that I had unknowingly discovered when I was 16 years old. But I developed this system of

00:06:57.780 helping people see the honesty of their lives, which is a whole show in itself, and then being

00:07:05.080 able to heal from the things that they had gone through and then finding hope. And I've

00:07:10.860 redefined those words. I've redefined those messages. It's not just something as simple

00:07:15.060 as what everybody thinks the word honest means or what everybody thinks the word hope means.

00:07:20.840 These are very powerful words, and they're very powerful in how we or how I share them with

00:07:28.720 the world. So I started doing that. And then two years ago, I had a very crazy moment. If

00:07:34.740 people want to hear about that moment, then go over to John Lee Dumas' podcast, Entrepreneur

00:07:39.000 on Fire, and you can listen to episode 666. I don't know why it's that, but it's that. So you can

00:07:46.660 listen to that episode where I tell that whole story of how a human project came to light. But

00:07:53.160 the synopsis of that is that basically I was speaking at one of these weekend warrior type

00:07:57.560 things, and my entire life changed. And I left the entrepreneurial world 100%. And I moved into

00:08:04.680 working with youth and nonprofit work and helping youth around the world take back control of their

00:08:11.320 lives and, you know, just really start having empowerment in themselves. And then that obviously

00:08:17.340 leads to empowerment in their life. And then this year, we just launched our last piece of

00:08:22.520 everything, which is the adult version. And everything I was just talking about, about honesty,

00:08:27.280 healing, hope, that whole thing, we packaged all that together and put together a website that's

00:08:33.600 absolutely free that people can go to and learn about what do I mean by being honest? And what do I mean by

00:08:39.080 healing? And what do we mean by power and hope and all these different words? And, and that's been

00:08:44.300 amazing. We launched that, uh, literally six days ago, and we've already had hundreds of people go

00:08:50.920 through, uh, go through the modules. So, I mean, that's as quickly as I can kind of give the story.

00:08:57.460 It's, it's quite, um, insane. And there's a lot of different turns and weaves and moves and bobs and

00:09:02.820 things that happened in it. But, uh, the overarching principle is, is that I went through a lot of

00:09:08.540 different things in my childhood, which I only gave like a tiny, tiny glimpse of it. And also

00:09:15.000 went through a lot of things in my early adult years because of that and not necessarily because

00:09:19.220 of my childhood, because of my, my reaction to my childhood. And, um, yeah. And now I've taken all

00:09:26.740 of that, put it together and am working with individuals who are in similar situations. Some are

00:09:32.580 worse. Some are not as bad. Um, but it's really not a level of how bad you had it. It's really a

00:09:38.240 level of, you know, how your brain has reacted to trauma and every single human being's brain reacts

00:09:45.300 to trauma differently and also exactly the same. So it's kind of an oxymoron thing. Um, but you know,

00:09:51.760 you may be able to go through an immense amount of trauma and somebody else may not be able to go

00:09:56.040 through the same amount of trauma. And what I mean by that is you may be able to have a hundred

00:10:00.500 thousand things happen to you and you still survive and live. And maybe only, you know,

00:10:04.920 then it could be somebody sitting right next to you who can only go through five things before they

00:10:08.660 decide to kill themselves or give it up or not, you know, move forward in life. So there's a

00:10:14.620 threshold of how much, uh, trauma somebody can have. And then there's also, um, different levels.

00:10:20.020 There's all kinds of things that happen, but the, the fundamental principle is, is that we,

00:10:23.920 the brain reacts to trauma regardless of the type of trauma. And finally, I've been preaching this for

00:10:29.580 10 years. And finally, now all the guys with the right, um, the right degrees and letters behind

00:10:34.560 their names have come out and said this, that the brain reacts to trauma almost identically across

00:10:40.120 the board, whether you've been sexually abused, physically abused, emotionally abused, neglected,

00:10:45.060 uh, you know, whatever it may be, your brain registers these traumas on a, on a similar wavelength.

00:10:50.120 So not to geek out with everybody, but I call it the, I call it the Elmo effect. You know,

00:10:55.160 I mean, it's, we don't need to compare each other's trials and tragedies. What we need to,

00:10:59.260 what we need to worry about is, is, uh, bringing everybody back to human.

00:11:04.380 So let me ask you with that, because I know that there's a lot of guys out there, myself included,

00:11:08.320 who want to become more resilient. Like we have things in our life that happened that most of it,

00:11:13.240 and a lot of it, it was within our control. Some of those things are, are outside of our control.

00:11:17.220 Are there things that you're finding that people can do to become more resilient? And I don't know if I'm

00:11:22.580 using the right words here, but you know, handle more of that trauma or handle it differently or

00:11:27.040 make it work differently in their lives to be more successful. Yeah. Let me give you the definition

00:11:31.600 of honest in, in, in my languaging. We, our program is called superhuman. So let me give you the

00:11:36.980 superhuman definition of honest. It's to accept the transparent reality of your core identity,

00:11:42.940 to accept the transparent reality of your core identity, which means that you have identified

00:11:49.940 your unobstructed reality and fan and found clarity in your existence. So when you have this

00:11:56.220 unobstructed reality, right, of who you are and what you are and what your core is, then you want

00:12:03.200 to talk about, you know, having more, you know, having a thicker skin or having more resilience or

00:12:08.840 whatever words you want to use. That's where it comes from. It comes from, it comes from you truly

00:12:14.220 identifying who you are and, and what makes you, you. And that starts from first day on the planet.

00:12:21.680 You know, a lot of people, I don't know if you're a parent or not, but a lot of people don't understand

00:12:26.900 this until they actually have a child. And I always say, no, you do. If you've ever had a puppy,

00:12:31.340 if you've ever had two puppies or been around two different dogs in your entire life, you can

00:12:35.660 understand what, what this is, is that when we come into, when we come onto the planet, we aren't just,

00:12:41.520 and this is, this is my belief, so maybe it's going to offend somebody, but we aren't just

00:12:45.920 flesh and, you know, a brain. There, there's more to us than that. And when we come here,

00:12:52.340 we have certain cores about us that are not going to change, no matter how many people hurt us or no

00:12:59.240 matter how many things happen to us, they're not, they're, they're who we are. They're,

00:13:03.000 they're our core identities. Now, are we going to get shifted and shaped and molded and certain things

00:13:08.420 are going to, you know, we're going to latch onto, of course, but, but the core of who we are

00:13:12.640 is really what we have to understand. And some people will go down and find their core is, is a

00:13:17.940 little, maybe it's a little darker than they want to admit. You know, maybe there's some things about

00:13:21.260 their core that it's a little dark and it's a little scary. Uh, and that's okay. Identifying that

00:13:27.560 and having an unrestricted reality of who you are is what gives you the ability to go into situations

00:13:33.400 and have endurance or have, you know, whatever you want to call it, whatever words you want to use,

00:13:39.020 that's what it gives you. It gives you that ability to really have that strength and really

00:13:42.840 have that resiliency. And that's something that, you know, when we, when we start looking at things

00:13:48.400 and we look at different people and we say, well, man, I could never endure what they could endure.

00:13:52.500 We, you probably could, you know, you're, you're, you're just in that situation. Exactly. But,

00:13:59.060 but the first thing is that that's where it starts. That's the first step in anything. And when we,

00:14:03.380 when I work with youth, when I work with adults, whatever, the first thing that we do is finding

00:14:08.280 out the reality of their core identity. You know, who are they? Not who of their parents told them

00:14:12.720 they are, not who of their friends told them they are, not who of their coaches told them,

00:14:16.600 you know, who they are, who are they? And that's quite a process. You know, that's not like a,

00:14:21.420 okay, let me just, you know, flip a switch and all of a sudden, you know who you are.

00:14:24.920 So if you're a guy out there or a woman out there or whatever, you're a human being out there and

00:14:28.680 you're saying, I just, you know, I feel like I want to build up and have more resilience to life.

00:14:33.060 I want to be able to be happier even when the world around me is sad. I want to be,

00:14:36.760 you know, confident, even though, you know, when, when I look around in the world, it's telling me

00:14:41.740 to be, you know, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not strong enough. I don't have

00:14:45.500 enough muscles, whatever. I mean, these are all these things that are happening. And in today's world,

00:14:50.120 I could honestly say that I would, I'm looking at today's world and what is, what youth are being

00:14:56.980 bombarded with. And it's on a psychological level, it's absolutely terrifying because, you know,

00:15:04.100 I'm 34 years old and I didn't grow up with, I didn't grow up with a bunch of social media pressures

00:15:12.800 and a bunch of YouTube channels. And I mean, it was a little more difficult for me to get

00:15:17.260 information. You know, we had to actually go to a library and check out an encyclopedia

00:15:22.000 to, to, to absorb information. Now these kids can absorb information. You know, I think it's

00:15:28.420 something like 19,000 or excuse me, 9,000 pieces of information in our child's life every single day.

00:15:34.940 And so, you know, there's just all of this content. Well, with all of that is coming so

00:15:40.000 much influence. And it's, and unfortunately, the only way to control a human being is to create

00:15:47.560 negative influences, which devalue their, their core identity. So this is, I mean, you go back to

00:15:53.840 my marketing and branding. I've worked with some of the largest brands in the world. And when you

00:15:57.700 understand how they do their, their thing, we just saw it in the Superbowl. We just saw it in the

00:16:02.880 Superbowl, which was mind blowing to me how obviously it's not even subliminal anymore.

00:16:08.400 It's like right in your face. I mean, Nissan talking about dads and, you know, fatherless,

00:16:14.280 this is the fatherless generation. And here we are talking about dads and Nissan represents a father.

00:16:20.500 Are you kidding me? I mean, we could just keep going through with the insurance company at all of

00:16:26.040 these very dark ads that are hitting very, very, very vulnerable and real topics. That was the first

00:16:35.300 time in the history of mankind that advertisers just said, we know that you guys are a bunch of 0.51

00:16:41.500 weaklings and we're going to show you. I mean, it was, it was, it just blew my mind that it was that

00:16:46.860 blatantly obvious. But in the slow growth of a child or even as an adult who just barely gets onto

00:16:53.880 social media, I mean, I've seen it. I've seen individuals who have never used Instagram a day

00:16:58.300 in their lives and then go talk to them six months after being on Instagram and look at their self

00:17:02.480 esteem. It's very, very telling. So many people are just bombarded with these negative information.

00:17:08.520 So your biggest endurance, your biggest thing to create a thick skin, whatever, all these different

00:17:12.740 things you want to talk about is knowing who you are, knowing the core reality of your identity.

00:17:18.200 So is that process a hard process? Because I know anytime that you get real with yourself and

00:17:24.880 your surroundings, I know for me that that can be tough. In fact, one of the things that you say

00:17:29.560 or your intro music on Supreme in Life podcast is it's your fault, right? That's one of the things I

00:17:36.440 hear. I agree with that, but how hard is it to become real and how hard, difficult a step is that first

00:17:44.360 step? Well, think about being in a fight with your significant other, your good friend, whatever.

00:17:51.220 How hard is it to say I'm sorry? Like in that moment, in that exact moment of like,

00:17:56.040 oh, I just want to, you know, be right. Well, take that, you know, take that feeling and amplify it by

00:18:02.900 about a hundred because being honest with yourself is the hardest thing you will ever do. The flat out

00:18:09.260 hardest thing you will ever do in your life. Now, if anyone is saying, oh, that's not true,

00:18:13.940 then you're not being honest with yourself because literally getting, literally getting down

00:18:18.900 to, yeah. For example, I worked with a individual who was going through some abuse issues in their

00:18:26.780 lives and they're a successful, you know, individual now, but they're kind of hit a threshold and it was

00:18:32.920 more social than anything, but they were making half a million a year and they wanted to make a

00:18:37.240 million a year and they couldn't understand why because they had all the technical skills to get to

00:18:41.800 that point. And this is corporate America making a million a year. So this is, this is a big deal,

00:18:46.180 right? And, um, and we looked at their lives and I said, it has nothing to do with your ability to

00:18:53.360 work your job. It has everything in your ability to be a human being, AKA being a part of social

00:18:59.920 environments and being in social, you know, social aspects. And I heard the same, you know, BS. So I was

00:19:05.080 hurt as a kid, this thing's happened to me. So I don't, you know, I, this is just how I am. It's

00:19:10.500 just who I am. And I said, no, it is not who you are. That's what some third person made you

00:19:16.780 quote unquote, but that's not who you are. That's just because you were abused. Now all of a sudden,

00:19:21.100 you know, that's not your identity. And so we started going through this identity process and we

00:19:26.060 found out that they had some, a little bit of darkness inside of them. They, they had some, uh,

00:19:31.820 darkness about sexuality and they had some darkness about who they were as a person, as far as, you

00:19:37.420 know, just different elements. And it terrified this individual. And he said, oh my gosh, like I

00:19:44.100 can't, that's not who I am. Like I can't be that person, right? Like that, that's not, that's not who

00:19:48.820 I am. And I said, let's just, let's just talk about it for a minute. You know, let's just go through

00:19:53.700 these processes for a little bit more. And I explained it as like an alcoholic. An alcoholic has

00:19:58.900 this aha moment sometime in their life when they say, oh my gosh, drinking alcohol for me is way

00:20:05.800 more damaging or way, way, you know, it's completely different experience than when my buddies drink

00:20:12.200 alcohol. For me, alcohol represents something else. And they have this aha moment and then they go

00:20:17.780 through the 12 step programs and all these things. But the first thing they had to do is admit that

00:20:22.020 they're an alcoholic. And what does 12, what does the 12 step or AA say every single event? Hi,

00:20:28.100 my name is Wes and I'm an alcoholic, right? So I'm not, but I'm just saying, but, but, but the

00:20:34.600 point, exactly. But the point is, is that you're reinforcing the honesty of you being an alcoholic.

00:20:41.600 And that's just a very, very simplistic way of looking at it. So now take it back to my,

00:20:45.380 to my client is that we sat down and we talked about it. And I said, there's every single human

00:20:50.440 being on the planet has wants, has needs, has desires, and translates those wants, needs,

00:20:55.660 and desires differently. And, and, and don't get me wrong. This wasn't like some crazy thing. Like

00:21:00.100 you wanted to hurt kids or whatever, but it was just, it wasn't something that, that he was a

00:21:04.280 hundred percent comfortable with because it's not what he, you know, it's, it's not what he was

00:21:08.680 trained to believe all these different things. So we just, we started talking about light and dark.

00:21:12.580 We started talking about every one of us, whether you want to admit it or not, every single one of

00:21:18.060 us has darkness of, of some level where quote unquote, the world would see it dark. You know,

00:21:23.400 somebody, you know, maybe it's different. Maybe you want to steal a candy bar every time you go to

00:21:27.140 the convenience store, I don't know, whatever. And as, as we enter the world and we're a part of

00:21:31.980 the world, and I'm not talking religious, I'm, I'm talking just core human humanity. As we enter the

00:21:37.380 world, everyone teaches us to kind of stay more in our light, right? Don't steal the candy bar.

00:21:41.220 That's wrong. Those are simple analogies. So then we, then we go clear over here to the light.

00:21:46.020 And if everyone could see my hand motions that we're doing with this, but then we go,

00:21:49.060 they would know. Yeah. We go clear over here to the light and, but then we never talk to ourselves

00:21:54.800 about why do we want to steal the candy bar? Why is that there? What's, what's the reality? Why do

00:22:00.000 we want to steal the candy bar? We're not hungry. It's not because we're hungry. We have money. So

00:22:04.920 it's not because we don't have money. So why is it that we want to steal the candy bar? What's that

00:22:09.440 conversation? Why, why, what is there? So those are different for everybody or is that, or is that an

00:22:16.380 underlying human condition? Oh, well, it's different for everybody as to what that candy

00:22:21.560 bar is, right? Maybe it's, maybe it's you, you know, you're not a, you know, you're not somebody

00:22:27.340 who wants to be super polite all the time, or you're not somebody who wants to have one sexual

00:22:33.100 partner or it's, I mean, there's all kinds of different things, but what happens is, is that,

00:22:37.100 and it's not a bad thing. Don't get me wrong. What happens is, is that the world tells us that

00:22:41.320 stealing a candy bar is wrong, which obviously it is, but nobody ever talks to us as to why

00:22:47.940 we as individuals have that desire in the first place. See, when we're kids, everything's about,

00:22:54.740 you know, whatever our parents tell us, just, just, let's just go in a healthy environment.

00:22:58.880 When we're children, our parents are there to lead and guide us into understanding what's right and

00:23:04.800 wrong, right? And then if you have religion, that's a part of your life, which I, you know,

00:23:09.920 it's just my opinion that many, many, many, many religions have great hearts and, you know,

00:23:15.120 their, their goal is to protect, but because of the psychology of human beings, they actually do a

00:23:20.880 lot of things to damage people. And we're seeing the, unfortunately, we're seeing the results of

00:23:26.900 that now where we've become a very religious-less country and people are very, very, you know,

00:23:34.340 very turned off by religion and it's not something that we're supposed to talk about anymore.

00:23:38.060 It's taboo. So a lot of these different things that are happening to us as children out of love

00:23:43.900 and out of, you know, people really caring about us are based on somebody else's identity and somebody

00:23:50.500 else's core process as to how to get to, how to get to that identity. And again, there is absolutely

00:23:57.060 nothing wrong with that. But when you're trying to figure out why things are holding you back or

00:24:03.400 what, why things bother you or why this or why that, it's because your core, what you were brought

00:24:09.720 into the planet earth and, and given, your core has not been allowed to be understood. So going back

00:24:17.360 to the word honest inside of the superhuman lifestyle, it's to accept the transparent reality

00:24:22.660 of your core identity. So the only way to have a thicker skin, the only way to have more resilience,

00:24:28.120 the only way to go into this world and not be bombarded by all of the crap that we're hit,

00:24:32.400 we're, we're being hit with every single day is to understand what your core really is. Again,

00:24:40.220 it's us not being allowed to be who we are. I mean, that's the, that's the normal language,

00:24:46.600 but it's deeper than that. It's us not understanding what our core is and what, what that core belief

00:24:53.360 in ourselves. I mean, we're told not to steal a candy bar. Okay. And these are, these are such

00:24:58.380 simple analogies because I don't want to dive into things because, you know, confuse everybody

00:25:02.300 I probably already have, but that's fine. Right. And it's so well, and it's so specific

00:25:05.280 for everybody, like you said, that you can't just address it quickly in a 30 minute podcast.

00:25:09.900 Exactly. So, you know, we're told not to steal a candy bar. Why? Why? I mean, I mean, what's the

00:25:16.800 reason for that? And our parents will say, well, it's not something that you do. Stealing is bad.

00:25:20.280 Why? You know, it's that same. If anyone's had a three or four year old, it's the why question,

00:25:25.760 right? The why game, right? The why game. Yeah. But we, we never, we never really get to the why.

00:25:32.200 And then for some people that doesn't bother them. For some people, they just live life and they don't

00:25:35.920 steal candy bars. I mean, that's my fiance for a long time. When we first started dating,

00:25:39.600 she just didn't really question anything. She just went through life and she's a great, you know,

00:25:45.300 great girl. Everything's fine. And then she did. She had her moment where, you know,

00:25:49.480 she went through the superhuman life program and we went through it together. And, and now she's,

00:25:54.820 you know, excelling in all aspects of her life, but it, it, it's not a negative thing. It's just

00:26:00.360 something that when you want to go to that next level, you, when you want to understand things

00:26:04.980 in a wider, in a wider way, understanding who you are first is how you get there.

00:26:11.500 Everything that I'm talking about is completely free for you to at least get like a glimpse into it.

00:26:16.480 If you go to superhuman.life, I mean, the whole module is free and that was my goal. I'm in a

00:26:21.640 position in my life where that, that's what I can do. So I'm doing it. So it's, it's all free.

00:26:26.560 Or if this interview has not made sense because I'm trying to, you know, we're jumping, you know,

00:26:30.480 we're kind of going through a bunch of stuff. Just go through the module and just hear the,

00:26:35.000 hear how it's explained, look at the definitions and then see how you can transplant that into your life.

00:26:40.320 So one of the things that you're, that answer brought up to mind is that you're in an interesting

00:26:46.660 position as you're helping these people and trying to balance, I think a little bit of tough love and

00:26:53.660 then compassion. And I think in my life, you know, I've got three kids, my oldest is six, I've got a

00:26:59.000 four-year-old and a two-year-old. But I think with my kids is what is that balance? How do I balance

00:27:05.140 toughness and reality of what life is going to look like, but also show compassion or even more

00:27:10.900 specifically, how do I do that for myself? Right? Because I tend to believe that we, we tend to be

00:27:16.480 our own worst critics, but how do we balance between being a critic and being real, but then also giving

00:27:21.720 ourselves a break and showing compassion to ourselves and those around us? You know, and that's,

00:27:26.540 it's a really good question. And that there's so many things inside of that. For example,

00:27:30.760 and everybody to each his own on how you want to do parenting, but we've always been,

00:27:36.620 I guess, always is the wrong word, but for a long time, we've been taught that we're not parents or,

00:27:41.500 you know, we're, or excuse me, we're not friends. We're supposed to be parents. We're supposed to,

00:27:45.720 you know, give our, our children this kind of guidance instead of this kind of guidance. And then

00:27:50.560 that, that switched over to, you know, we're supposed to be this way with our parents or with our

00:27:55.860 children are supposed to be this way with them. And I'll tell you the reason that like all these

00:27:59.880 parenting books, like if you look at parenting books from like 1950 to 1980, and then you look

00:28:04.560 at them from 1980 to 1990, and then you look at them from 1990 to 2001. And I mean, it's,

00:28:11.260 everything's different, right? We're always constantly going back and forth and going

00:28:15.280 through these things. And it's quite frankly, because we don't have a clue as to what we're

00:28:18.540 doing. And that's fine. You know, that's why we're here. We got to learn and do different things.

00:28:22.840 But to your, to your point about like, what's the perfect formula? And what do you do? There

00:28:28.840 isn't one. I mean, I have two children, and that both of them are completely different. I raise both

00:28:33.940 of them completely different because of what I'm identifying as some of their core principles and

00:28:39.680 identities in themselves. And, and look, I'm, I don't know them 100%. I'm guessing on a lot of them based

00:28:47.360 on how I've seen them grow up and how I've seen them react to things. And I, I like completely

00:28:52.000 different style of raising two, you know, two children. And so, and it's because they are

00:28:56.860 completely two different individuals. Now, I'm hoping that as when they get older, they look back

00:29:01.880 and they say, wow, you know, this makes a lot more sense. And they don't have to go through a bunch

00:29:05.880 of rediscovering, you know, garbage and, and my knowledge in this space will help them. But to your

00:29:11.780 point is that for somebody else, it's, it's nearly impossible. The best thing you can do

00:29:16.040 is just let them express themselves in, in appropriate manners. Obviously, we still have,

00:29:21.900 if you have stewardship over somebody, we need to help them understand. But when you do that

00:29:27.880 stewardship and you do that understanding, you need to do it with, with open and honest

00:29:32.060 communication. Since, since my children could start talking, my daughter started talking at 10

00:29:37.160 months and my son was about 12 or 13 months when he started talking. So as soon as they started

00:29:42.660 talking, I talked to them as if they were, you know, not children and little itty bitty,

00:29:48.580 you know, babies, but adults in some level, you know, it was that respect of their opinions

00:29:54.000 and respect of their decisions. And that's my parenting style. Everybody can be different,

00:29:58.600 but I went with the, the respect level. And of course, I'm still, you know, I'm still a steward

00:30:06.160 over them and those kinds of things. But it's a completely different street. My daughter will

00:30:10.080 have conversations with me about the way she feels and how she sees things out in the world. And she

00:30:14.440 has questions and this and that. And, you know, instead of just being like, well, this is the way

00:30:18.280 that it is. And this is what the church says to do. And this is just what we do. It's more like,

00:30:22.280 well, what do you feel? What are your feelings? How are you interpreting that? How can, you know,

00:30:26.320 how can I support you in that? I mean, simple little things. So that's that question. Now,

00:30:30.340 your second question about yourself, you know, how do you, how do you get hard on yourself? How do you not?

00:30:35.240 This is where you have to, again, going back to who you are, let's talk about something as simple

00:30:40.000 as a morning ritual. Okay. Everybody, all the experts will tell you that if you want to be

00:30:45.280 successful, get up at five o'clock in the morning, do this, this, this, this, and this, right? And then

00:30:49.420 you do this at night and you do this in the afternoon. I mean, successful quote unquote people

00:30:54.000 will tell you that this is the formula for success. Well, there's merits in that because they're

00:30:58.980 successful, but that's also merit in, in that type of an identity. Maybe Pete, there's, you know,

00:31:05.720 they're a morning person. They enjoy getting up in the morning. When nighttime comes around, they,

00:31:09.920 they lose their, their spunk and their creativity and their whatever, and they're done for the day.

00:31:15.620 Okay. Well, that's a great analogy, but what if all this are a great, uh, suggestion, but what if

00:31:20.960 you're not a morning person? What if you're, what if you're more of a night owl who can stay up till

00:31:26.260 three, four in the morning and create, you know, Picasso like masterpieces, but you need to sleep

00:31:31.460 in until 10 or nine 30 or nine o'clock. This isn't an excuse to be lazy by any means, but if you know

00:31:40.240 that that is success, that's a spot for you and then you commit yourself to that. Okay. So this is,

00:31:46.220 we're skipping a lot of steps, but let's just pretend we've identified what's going on. We've,

00:31:50.780 we've, we've healed some of the things you're standing in your power and you've, you've understand

00:31:56.100 what you have to offer the world, you know, all these things. So this is the whole convoluted

00:31:59.560 steps of stuff we just skipped. And now we've identified that this is what you can do. This

00:32:04.180 is what you can commit yourself to doing. Then at that point, you've made that commitment to

00:32:10.100 yourself. That's when you start, you know, okay, so now all of a sudden it's two o'clock in the

00:32:15.040 morning and you're supposed to be doing a Picasso piece, but this really cool Facebook video just

00:32:19.100 popped into your feed and you've got to watch it. You know, at that point, that's when you start

00:32:24.420 getting, you know, that's when you can start creating discipline with yourself and saying,

00:32:28.500 Hey, no, we've already identified all these things. I've committed to this. I'm going to

00:32:32.260 stick with it. So if you have committed to getting up at six o'clock in the morning and working out

00:32:36.920 and doing these things, then the best form of discipline for yourself is sticking with your

00:32:42.520 identified commitments in life. So this starts hitting people really hard when we start talking

00:32:49.660 about marriage, when we start talking about relationships, when we start talking about jobs,

00:32:54.140 I can't tell you how many people will work with me and say, I hate my job. I just want to be an

00:32:59.700 entrepreneur. I don't want to go to work anymore. I hate my job. And literally six weeks later,

00:33:05.280 they get a pink slip and then they're pissed off that they got a pink slip and they can't

00:33:09.660 understand why they got a pink slip. And I chuckle a little bit and which is probably unfair, but you

00:33:15.680 know, whatever. And I say, well, why are you surprised that you got what you wanted? And that hits

00:33:21.640 people for a second, you know, that hits them for a second. And they step back and say, wait a minute,

00:33:28.420 that's it's actually not what I wanted. Well, it is what you wanted, because that's the discipline

00:33:32.980 and the control and all the other aspects of your life that you were giving. So you start thinking

00:33:37.300 about marriage and you start thinking about relationships with your kids and you start

00:33:40.580 thinking about all these different things. And before you know it, you start noticing you're getting

00:33:45.020 everything you want, everything you want, you're getting because you're not committing yourself to

00:33:50.700 making anything else different. But it's really hard to commit yourself to making things different

00:33:55.720 if you don't know who the heck you are. Well, it's so funny that you say that because I might even

00:33:59.960 catch myself if I'm on Facebook or see a friend having some success in some certain level of life.

00:34:05.560 My immediate reaction is, oh, I want that. And then if I'm able to take a step back and think,

00:34:11.280 wait, is that what I really want? Like, do I really want their life or do I really want to

00:34:16.740 accomplish that or do I just want the success that they've had? Yeah, I think it's, you know,

00:34:22.600 and I'll take it one level, a level deeper. It's not even the success that they've had.

00:34:27.520 It's the ability to brag about it. And let me explain. It's in this is like a deep, you know,

00:34:35.380 going around this thing because it goes back to the why it goes back to the core. Is it that you want

00:34:39.680 the money? Is it that you want the, you know, the house? Is it what like you just said, what is it

00:34:45.660 that you want? What you want is the ability to be recognized for doing something that looks

00:34:53.160 successful or is an achievement. So instead and that goes all the way back to worth that goes all

00:34:59.640 the way back to self-esteem stuff that goes all the way back to, you know, all of those kinds of

00:35:04.240 feelings that we have. And every single human being on the planet needs to have recognition

00:35:09.780 for things that they do. This is why youth who are in horrible situations will act out and do crazy

00:35:16.960 things that all of us say. I don't understand why that kid is doing this. Well, it's because they

00:35:21.120 are trying to get notoriety. They're trying to get acceptance. They're trying to get worth. They're

00:35:25.740 trying to get, you know, all these different things. And as a youth, we don't really have a lot of

00:35:30.640 skill sets on how to do that. So what do we do? We burn stuff down or we yell or we scream or we

00:35:36.620 beat something up or we take whatever we can, whatever we can control. We take that level and

00:35:42.820 then go out and experience it that way. So to your point of scrolling on Facebook and seeing that

00:35:47.280 somebody else has had success and you're like, God, it's just what I want. Why can't I have that or,

00:35:53.260 you know, whatever. And we're talking this in, you know, very general statement. But it's not that

00:35:59.100 you're saying, oh, my gosh, I want that car. There's an element to that for sure. Yeah,

00:36:03.920 we all want nice things. But the deep rooted issue there is that you really want to be able

00:36:09.020 to brag about that. You really want to be able to talk about that so that you can have the exact

00:36:14.120 same react so that people around your Facebook wall can now have that exact same reaction where

00:36:20.520 they want to be you. So now going back to the core and understanding yourself and having worth in

00:36:27.360 yourself and having self-esteem in yourself and all these different things, your life changes.

00:36:32.080 It's phenomenal, Ryan. I mean, I've seen it thousands of times across the world, across,

00:36:37.460 you know, age age demographics. People's lives literally change when they understand what their

00:36:45.080 core is and they start getting now into the next steps of worth and understanding and all these

00:36:50.020 different things. And then they start healing things in their lives. I mean, it's just it's amazing.

00:36:54.860 And that's why the last step, you know, that we talk about is for in the superhuman world is hope,

00:37:00.140 which is power. You know, we start talking about how people now have power and they have this control

00:37:04.380 and they have all these different things because now you're not being controlled by a post on

00:37:08.260 Facebook because somebody else. Now, instead of looking at that with like, oh, you know, desire,

00:37:13.340 you're looking at that with gratification for that person. You're saying, I'm able to celebrate

00:37:19.600 with you your success. So we've taught. OK, so the underlying message, I think, of this podcast

00:37:24.760 and what we've gone through is being true to yourself, but more importantly, finding out first

00:37:29.040 what that is, right, what your core is. So is there is there a quick action step or a takeaway

00:37:34.480 that the men listening to this can take and say, all right, how do I begin to identify what it is

00:37:40.620 truly at my core? There's a lot of different things we can do. There's some, you know, writing exercises

00:37:46.520 you can do. One thing I can tell you so that you can even get to this point is if you've gone through

00:37:51.820 some things in your life or even and again, I don't care what they are. You know, if you listen

00:37:55.880 to some of the videos that I do, I talk about the Elmo effect in more detail and it does take a few

00:38:00.880 minutes, so I'll skip through it. But you can go watch the videos. But I don't care what little

00:38:05.940 thing or big thing has happened in your life. One thing you can do to kind of get to this ability

00:38:10.800 to stand in front of the mirror is take a piece of paper and a pencil or a pen. I prefer pen and

00:38:18.180 write out your story. Now, there's a whole reason as to why you need to do this. I won't get into it,

00:38:23.520 but just trust me. Do not type it. Don't, you know, don't write it in a book. You need to take

00:38:29.520 pieces of paper and you need to write your story and don't erase anything. If you cross something out

00:38:34.620 with a pen, that's fine. But just write and just go and just tell your story as if you were telling it

00:38:40.140 to the person you could trust more in your entire life and just tell the story. And there's nothing

00:38:46.560 else you have to do with that paper. Don't burn it. Don't, you know, mail it to your uncle. There's

00:38:51.720 nothing you need to do, but it's for you. But the thing that you need to do, you know, once you can

00:38:56.840 kind of release this, you know, and start kind of figuring out like where you've come from, all this

00:39:01.540 stuff, is putting a mirror in front of you and talking to yourself and identifying some of the things

00:39:07.860 about who you are and stop with the insanity of these excuses, excuse me, of these excuses

00:39:16.840 as to why you are the way you are. That's the first thing I tell any of my clients is I want to know

00:39:22.800 your story. We're going to go through it. But as soon as we start getting to getting through pieces

00:39:26.740 of things, stop with the excuses. You know, at seven and a half years old, I was told seven and a half

00:39:32.980 years old. I was told I would be a burden to society. I would not be able to live in society.

00:39:38.640 I was not allowed in society. And this is after about two years. I'd gone through just under two

00:39:45.080 years of psychoanalysis. Things stuck to my brain, sleep tests, all kinds of stuff. My diagnosis was

00:39:52.840 I was worthless, completely worthless to society. They were going to put me in a boy's home 1.00

00:39:58.120 in an orange jumpsuit. And then at eight at 21, 18 or 21, they would have to let me out depending on

00:40:04.000 what the state was able to do. They would have to let me out because I was an adult. And then I would

00:40:08.480 go into society and they would just basically hope I didn't come back into jail. I was going to come

00:40:14.940 back into jail. That was already predetermined. But their hope was as I would come back into jail

00:40:19.360 for something simple, not something like rape or manslaughter or something horrible. That was my

00:40:24.620 life sentence. It's seven and a half years old. I mean, I have it in black and white on a doctor's

00:40:30.960 note, you know, from primary children's hospital. So that's my that is my definition. That's my

00:40:37.260 excuse as I mean, do you do you know what I could do with that excuse and that piece of paper? Are you

00:40:42.300 kidding me? I'd never have to work a day in my life. I could live in a jail, you know, and be

00:40:47.220 comfortable and, you know, whatever else I could make a gazillion excuses. And that piece of paper would

00:40:52.300 back me up for every single one of them. But that's not what I chose to do, because that's

00:40:56.680 not who I am. So going back to your question is, is that your action step is to look in

00:41:01.860 the mirror, drop all of the excuses, stop making crap up that doesn't exist. Because I don't 0.88

00:41:07.600 it doesn't matter. I have a famous saying that anyone will hear me say if you watch my stuff

00:41:11.960 is that the things that you're holding on to happened yesterday. And if I'm not mistaken,

00:41:17.620 it's today. And so what are you going to do today? And then that first step is, is that

00:41:23.000 let's be honest with yourself. What kind of guy are you? What kind of girl are you? What

00:41:26.880 is your core? What do you feel like? What happens and take simple things like take these simple

00:41:31.120 little analogies. And what kind of guy are you when a pretty girl walks in the room? What 0.89

00:41:34.600 kind of guy are you when you know, you have the opportunity to steal something or you have

00:41:38.280 the opportunity to do tag swapping or you just take simple little things and figure out

00:41:43.200 like, what's the honesty of those things? Like, what would you honestly do in those circumstances?

00:41:48.660 And sometimes that'll be scary, because maybe you will be the guy who when a girl walks into

00:41:52.960 the room, you kind of feel like, yeah, she's hot. And here's some things I would like to

00:41:57.100 do. And maybe you are the kind of person that's like, oh, there's a candy bar just sitting there.

00:42:00.920 Well, that's cool. I'll just you know, no one's gonna miss it. Now, acting on those things

00:42:06.100 may be stupid. But I'm still, you know, society, but they're who you are. So that comes down 0.99

00:42:12.100 to the next part of control and understanding and light and dark and blah, blah, blah. But

00:42:15.140 your first action step is freaking have a conversation, a real conversation with yourself.

00:42:19.560 And even my clients, they don't do that with me. Even my clients, you know, they'll they'll

00:42:24.400 go try it and I'll coach them and work through it. But that's a personal thing. That's something

00:42:28.440 that you have to do with you. Your wife can't help you. Your mommy can't help you. That's

00:42:32.380 something you have to do with you. And that's what we do with the youth. Even is the first

00:42:35.720 step with them is explain who you are to yourself and drop all the excuses. The second you say

00:42:42.660 something like, well, I'm I'm I'm really shy because my mom and no, no. So, Wes, you know,

00:42:53.400 we're running short on time, but I want to know if people want to know more about what it is you're

00:42:56.540 doing and the work you're doing, which I've I followed a little bit. How do we connect with you?

00:43:01.040 Where do we reach out and connect with you? Well, I have a lot going on. Obviously, you do

00:43:07.240 in this in this podcast. You know, we've been all over the place and hopefully it's touched somebody.

00:43:12.260 But the best thing to do, the thing that that works for me, if you've gotten any value in this

00:43:17.680 podcast at all, is that go to a human project dot com, a human project dot com. There's one button

00:43:25.080 on the website called stories. Go watch the stories of the youth. That's the first thing that I want

00:43:30.920 you. It's a busy it's a busy life. Everybody's crazy. Go do something selfless, which is go to

00:43:36.680 human project dot com and watch one of the stories. Share it on your Facebook wall. Do something that

00:43:41.680 regard from that website, human project dot com. You can start learning more about me. You can hear

00:43:48.140 my story. It's called the founder story. You can go to my personal website. You can go to the

00:43:53.140 superhuman dot life website. I really don't care. But, you know, my my life is pretty simple

00:43:58.780 right now. I do a podcast in which I be you know, I try to make people kind of rethink their

00:44:04.380 lives and rethink things around their existence that is happening. It's called the human podcast.

00:44:09.820 It's kind of a fun project for me. It's not anything like super deep or crazy. It's more

00:44:14.280 just like talking about things and kind of a what if variable. I'll say crazy things like

00:44:18.780 women should be in the kitchen making food and get people upset about that and get them 1.00

00:44:23.820 talking about it. And then, you know, we we go through a process there. So that podcast

00:44:29.180 is more just about kind of just getting people's brains to start thinking and start awakening.

00:44:34.720 And from there, that's where I, you know, my my my core essence of what I do is with the

00:44:40.680 children. That's where my heart is. That's where I believe, you know, my calling is in life.

00:44:45.420 My purpose in his life is to help these children understand that the things that they've gone

00:44:49.900 through do not define them. They may refine them, but they do not define them. And to teach

00:44:54.820 these children how to live in their core, how to live in their power and do all of these

00:44:59.880 different things. But I also have known since the day I started doing that, that just like

00:45:04.500 me, when I was a kid, they would always say, well, just, you know, start telling your story,

00:45:08.660 start being honest, start going through things. You've got to handle it. You've got to deal

00:45:12.100 with it. That way you can grow up. That's what the counselors would tell me. That's the way

00:45:15.620 you can grow up and be you can be you know, you won't have to be anything these papers

00:45:19.760 say that you are. And I would always kind of leave the counselor's office with this

00:45:23.360 like, yeah, I can do that. And then I'd look around and I would see all of these broken

00:45:27.640 people. You know, I would see these homeless people or I would see even people in my church

00:45:32.100 who would cry all the time and they they just were broken people. And I thought to myself,

00:45:36.780 I thought, well, I'm supposed to do all this hard work and go through all these things.

00:45:40.060 But look at all these broken people who aren't doing anything and they're kind of OK.

00:45:43.660 So why do I need to deal with my problems? So I've always known that for a human project

00:45:47.920 to be successful, I have to create role models for these youth to see, look at and be around.

00:45:54.180 So that's why Superhuman Life was created was it's it's all part of it's it's it all comes

00:45:59.600 back to my selfish reasons as to wanting to help you live in an empowered world is to why

00:46:06.100 I even started working with adults is because I said, OK, fine, I'll work with adults, create

00:46:11.000 this army of examples that the youth can look at and say, oh, that person went through

00:46:15.600 this, this and this. OK, then I'm going to start fixing myself now so that I don't have

00:46:20.320 to go through, you know, what they talk about.

00:46:22.640 And so that's how it all ties together is Superhuman Life.

00:46:26.100 Yes, I'm helping adults. But in reality, I'm helping the youth over at a human project.

00:46:30.440 Well, Wes, I really appreciate the insights that you've given us, especially on finding

00:46:33.860 your core. And again, reach out to Wes over at superhuman.life or a human project.

00:46:38.780 Thanks for being on the show. Hey, I appreciate it, man.

00:46:42.020 I hope it turns out well. Incredible conversation today, guys.

00:46:45.640 I hope that you feel the same way. Wes gave us a real tangible takeaway today to help us

00:46:50.780 find our core. Number one, write out your story. Number two, look in the mirror and ask

00:46:55.180 yourself the tough questions you need to ask. And number three, eliminate the excuses and

00:46:59.540 get real with yourself. If you need a reminder about these steps or want to get any of the

00:47:04.020 other information we talked about today, head to www.orderofman.com slash 004. And please

00:47:10.720 remember, if you would leave us a rating and review on iTunes, share this web episode with

00:47:15.080 a man that you think could benefit. And again, gain access to the latest updates, insights

00:47:19.500 and strategies for reaching your full potential as a man by signing up for our newsletter at

00:47:24.340 orderofman.com. Thanks again for being here today. And I will look forward to being with

00:47:28.460 you here next week. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to

00:47:34.320 take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join

00:47:38.740 the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 14, 2015

OoM 004： Finding your Core with Wesley Chapman

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