Order of Man - OoM 006： Increasing Your Level of Influence with Brad Harker

00:00:00.000 Influence is something all men can strive to improve.

00:00:02.800 Your ability to influence others will play a significant role in you achieving your goals.

00:00:06.800 My guest today, Brad Harker, shares four attributes of influence and how you can apply them in your life.

00:00:12.280 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest.

00:00:15.140 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:18.060 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:22.540 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:27.260 This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:30.000 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:32.740 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:38.960 Thanks again for joining us on the Order of Man podcast.

00:00:41.780 My name is Ryan Michler, and I'm excited to be with you here today.

00:00:44.600 Thanks for the ratings. Thanks for the reviews. Thanks for the emails.

00:00:47.680 I've seen so much support for this show and blog, and I am so glad that the information we're getting to you is serving you well.

00:00:53.660 I've got a giveaway from our guest today, so in order to qualify for that, I ask that you leave us a rating and review on iTunes,

00:00:59.240 and I'll tell you a little bit more about that at the end of the show.

00:01:02.420 But before I get to the guest, I do want to let you know that you can find all the links and notes for this show at orderofman.com slash 006.

00:01:11.240 Now, let me introduce you to our guest today.

00:01:14.680 Brad Harker is an author, a professional keynote speaker, and a sales and leadership coach.

00:01:20.280 He's got an impressive resume.

00:01:22.180 It includes the creation of several different companies and more than a quarter billion dollars in career sales.

00:01:28.920 So he's got a new book out, The Laws of Influence, and he's here to share with us why influence is important

00:01:33.960 and how we can build more of it with the people around us.

00:01:38.360 Brad Harker, I am so excited to have you on the show. Thanks for joining us today.

00:01:41.660 Thanks, Ryan. It's good to be here.

00:01:42.620 So I know we connected through a mutual friend, but what I'd like to do is talk a little bit about what it is you're doing now.

00:01:50.280 I've read your book, The Laws of Influence, and I want to talk with you a little bit,

00:01:54.540 and maybe you can share with me and our audience what it is that you're doing now

00:01:57.680 and how you got into influence and the things that you're doing.

00:02:01.040 Yeah, it's a long story that I can make short.

00:02:04.360 To be fair, I've got to go back to about the age of 14, I think was when I first realized that my passion

00:02:13.020 and I think my real purpose in life was to speak, to train, and to somehow give back or mentor people.

00:02:20.500 I just had this insatiable desire to influence people and interact with people.

00:02:25.980 And so knowing that, I was a very entrepreneur-minded individual.

00:02:29.900 So I had a landscaping business that I started when I was about 15 and pursued a number of ventures.

00:02:36.880 When I was in my early 20s, I got involved in a sales organization.

00:02:40.540 We built it from the ground up, sold it three years later.

00:02:43.580 And then I followed my grandfather's footsteps into real estate,

00:02:46.640 and I got involved heavily in real estate acquisition and development.

00:02:51.880 And through all of that, every time I had an opportunity to interact with people,

00:02:56.240 the training of the sales guys and putting the deals together,

00:03:00.580 bringing investors and partners together in deals, was when I really came alive.

00:03:05.880 And every time I was managing processes and stuck in the minutiae is when I got bogged down.

00:03:12.260 And so along that whole period of several decades, two decades,

00:03:17.780 I kept a lot of notes, and I just wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote,

00:03:21.340 and I studied a lot of books because I knew that somehow all of this experience that I was going after

00:03:26.240 was going to eventually turn into something greater.

00:03:30.200 And it was about last year when I just decided to really take Founders,

00:03:36.180 which is my consulting company, and it had been around for about eight years,

00:03:39.500 but very back burner, and really start getting after it.

00:03:43.720 And so I started working on a platform of, you know,

00:03:46.340 if I wanted to start consulting and speaking, what would I focus on?

00:03:50.260 What would be my topics and my real passion?

00:03:53.360 And as I started writing some platform thoughts down, it just took off,

00:03:57.880 and I just started writing and writing.

00:04:00.000 And in about three months, I had the outline of The Laws of Influence, the book.

00:04:05.140 And it was the most unbelievable experience of my life.

00:04:07.760 I mean, in my career, I've had a lot of great deals,

00:04:09.620 but nothing came together quite as organically as that came together.

00:04:13.600 And the moment that I made that decision to really commit to the book

00:04:17.980 and to the consulting side of my career, everything just really started to take off.

00:04:23.640 I had a lot of opportunities to network, to take on clients that were very, very exciting, very engaging.

00:04:29.700 And so it's been just kind of keeping up with the traffic and with the demand

00:04:34.140 as a result of putting the book out there, putting myself out there.

00:04:37.620 And it's been a lot of fun to kind of capture all the sales experience.

00:04:41.260 I mean, I think I've trained over 1,000 sales reps in my career,

00:04:45.720 and I've sold more products than I care to remember.

00:04:50.600 How did you find that passion?

00:04:52.740 Because I think a lot of guys out there, myself included, sometimes I feel like I'm still spinning the wheel

00:04:56.800 and trying to find out what it is that I want to do in life.

00:05:00.300 And I know a lot of guys are hung up with that.

00:05:02.600 And you seem to have found it at a very early age.

00:05:05.220 Is there something that happened, or how did you find that that was so valuable

00:05:10.320 in working with people and leading that way?

00:05:13.420 You know, what's ironic about that is I've lived my whole life wishing I knew that purpose.

00:05:19.800 And I think one of the things that a lot of us do is we kind of know in our gut something.

00:05:25.380 Something speaks to us.

00:05:26.440 Something rings true. 0.81

00:05:28.100 And it's so easy for us to talk ourselves out of it because it seems ambitious.

00:05:32.360 It seems risky.

00:05:34.160 And I know I did that, too.

00:05:35.540 I mean, I would sit there and say, what do I have to tell people?

00:05:38.020 I mean, I'm not the kid in class that always raises his hand and wants to talk about everything.

00:05:42.460 I'm the one that waits until I have something important to say.

00:05:45.560 And so my whole career, I just kept going after deals thinking, you know, what do I have to offer?

00:05:50.940 Until it just really kind of hit me in the face and I realized that I'd been avoiding it or not embracing it.

00:05:57.300 And so for me, it was just a desire to interact with people.

00:06:01.740 And every time I got in an environment where I was interacting with people, it was different.

00:06:06.360 And enough experience of that over and over again, I started to realize some common threads

00:06:12.580 and the validation that came from enjoying what I do and doing it well.

00:06:17.060 And it took me a while, though.

00:06:18.540 I don't think it comes quickly to anybody.

00:06:20.240 And I was always envious of the people that it seemed to hit them like a ton of bricks really early.

00:06:25.780 So you talk a lot about fear and risk.

00:06:28.460 And at some point, I know I've had this in my own life, and obviously you've had this as well.

00:06:33.120 And I think if somebody really wants to follow their passion, they're going to have to take on some risk.

00:06:36.880 How did you find in your life or what do you see other people doing to overcome that fear or the risk of uncertainty or the unknown?

00:06:44.560 What are they doing to actually get things going?

00:06:46.280 Well, there's an interesting statistic that 60% of Americans in the workforce today are unhappy with their jobs.

00:06:55.660 And I would add that I would say there's probably another 20% that make enough money that they can pretend that they enjoy what they do.

00:07:02.540 So if you split in the middle and said 70% of Americans are doing something that they're not passionate about, what's the difference?

00:07:10.980 And I think for a lot of people, it just comes down to alignment.

00:07:16.700 And there's a great quote.

00:07:19.920 Mark Twain said, the two greatest days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

00:07:23.960 And so I think a lot of people focus on safety, they focus on security, and they forget about their purpose and the things that really get them excited and that alignment that successful people have.

00:07:40.100 And they focus instead on things that seem important like security.

00:07:44.900 And they realize that they're missing the opportunity that comes from being in alignment with their purpose.

00:07:49.800 So that's awesome that you say that because a couple of weeks ago, and by the time that this podcast goes live, I'm not sure if this interview will, but I interviewed a friend of mine, Wes Chapman, with A Human Project and Superhuman Life.

00:08:04.320 And he talks about finding your core.

00:08:06.400 When you find your core and you scrape away all the things that are unimportant in life that are just trivial, that's when you become happy.

00:08:13.160 And I think probably about the same line, you're talking about alignment.

00:08:15.940 How do you find that alignment? Are there some activities or some things that you can do to find out what is truly important to you in your life?

00:08:23.680 Yeah, there's a number of steps, and there's no particular order.

00:08:27.360 You know, that's kind of the interesting thing is when you are consulting with somebody, you want to just give them the answers and help them.

00:08:32.680 But there's something about the experience that we go through and sometimes the setbacks that we experience, they're the best teachers that we have.

00:08:41.060 I can think of one of my early, I was actually hired as the vice president of an emerging company.

00:08:47.540 And it was the first administrative executive type position that I'd ever held.

00:08:52.660 And I always thought I wanted to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

00:08:55.600 So I was excited.

00:08:57.380 And it was six months, the worst six months of my career, without question.

00:09:01.720 And every day I just, I dreaded work.

00:09:04.320 I dreaded everything that I had to do because there was no creativity.

00:09:07.320 There was no license for me to create and innovate.

00:09:11.180 And when that ended, and it came to an abrupt halt after six months, I was devastated.

00:09:18.280 And the first thing that I did is I hired some help to figure out, I did a personality profile.

00:09:24.340 And I really got to know myself.

00:09:26.580 And that was the first step.

00:09:27.700 And it was so vindicating to discover that I'm not, I'm kind of an innovator, I'm not a manager, and that I need to delegate once a project is up and running.

00:09:38.240 And there's a reason why there's a million unfinished projects in my garage.

00:09:42.000 That was so validating for me.

00:09:43.980 And it helped me kind of, that's actually when I made the transition to real estate, because I realized that I need a change of scenery.

00:09:50.560 I need to be able to have interaction, not just managing minutia.

00:09:54.640 So I'd say part of that answer, Ryan, is that you've got to look at the failures in your life, and you've got to look at them as feedback and not as failure.

00:10:03.240 What can I learn from the mistakes that I've made?

00:10:05.840 And number two is who am I?

00:10:07.340 I mean, what truly motivates and drives me?

00:10:09.720 When do I come alive and start paying attention to some of the feedback that we get from our experience?

00:10:15.800 That's awesome.

00:10:16.420 I think you're talking about just pausing and reflecting, which I think as men we have a tendency to not do.

00:10:20.960 Like we just go on to the next project or whatever the next activity is without taking a snapshot or a good hard look at what just happened, what was successful, what wasn't.

00:10:30.360 We've got to be tough, right?

00:10:31.400 We can't, you know, we've got to keep the game face on sometimes.

00:10:34.100 But I don't know.

00:10:35.220 We miss out, I think, when we do that.

00:10:37.420 And there's a lot we can learn.

00:10:39.620 So you talked about a personality profile, and I think there's a lot of them out there.

00:10:43.740 Disc is one of them that I've seen that I think a lot of people use.

00:10:46.320 Was there a certain profile or a certain program that you were using to find out what your personality is?

00:10:52.160 Yeah.

00:10:52.640 I had done disc.

00:10:54.020 I'd done the four colors.

00:10:56.080 And the one I was introduced to is called Myers-Briggs.

00:10:59.600 And there's actually a really good website.

00:11:01.260 It's 16personalities.com.

00:11:03.760 And they offer a free version of the test.

00:11:06.080 And it's really accurate.

00:11:07.300 But it's based on 16 different personality types and really focuses on the way you perceive and interact with the world.

00:11:15.160 And I'll tell you, when I read that, I felt like I had read my biography.

00:11:17.880 It was so accurate.

00:11:19.120 It was creepy how accurate it was.

00:11:21.660 But, like I said, extremely, extremely vindicating.

00:11:25.800 So what we'll do is we'll make sure, you know, we'll have links for you.

00:11:28.800 We'll have links for 16personalities.com.

00:11:31.300 We'll have all of that stuff in the show notes.

00:11:32.780 So, guys, if you're listening, if you're, you know, working out or in the car, you can't take notes right now, just head over to the website, find our interview, and we'll have all of those links so you can check that out.

00:11:42.940 So let's get to your book, The Laws of Influence.

00:11:46.840 The first question that I have is, and I kind of have a reason why I think it's important, but I'd love to hear why you think or why you focus so heavily on influence.

00:11:57.020 What is it about influence for you?

00:11:58.580 Part of it for me, influence, you know, as you look at the sales process, and, you know, I've sold companies, hotels, raw dirt, alarms, lemonade, and every time I've been in an environment, you know, I've realized that there is some sort of a sale going on.

00:12:17.580 Regardless of what our profession is, we are involved in selling ourselves, our ideas, something.

00:12:22.900 And the medium, you know, successful people that are in sales understand that sales happen when value is created.

00:12:29.800 It's all an exchange of value.

00:12:31.780 Influence is just the energy.

00:12:33.760 It's the momentum that facilitates the exchange.

00:12:37.440 And for me, it's really a phrase.

00:12:42.240 It's my brand.

00:12:44.040 Influence means a lot to me because I think we all need influence in our lives.

00:12:48.320 We have got to control our outcomes, and we've got to be able to be in the driver's seat and not just let life happen to us.

00:12:54.900 And so influence, to me, is what bridges the gap between people that say, I'm not a salesman, I'm not in sales, but they still have ambition in life, and they still want to control their destiny.

00:13:06.180 Influence is the bridge.

00:13:07.480 It's the gap between us that allows us all to achieve what we want to achieve and reach our potential.

00:13:12.640 So how do you overcome when people say, because, and I don't necessarily know if I believe this, but I'm going to play devil's advocate a little bit here.

00:13:20.160 I think there's a lot of us out there that believe that, oh, some guys are just born with it.

00:13:24.160 You know, they walk into the room, and they get the girls, or they get the job, or they're making the money, or they have the car, and somehow they've just got, quote, unquote, it, right?

00:13:33.540 Versus the guys who maybe struggle with those things, or I know men that are very successful that have had to work on those things.

00:13:39.980 So what do you say to that?

00:13:41.080 Like, is it something that's learned?

00:13:42.240 Is it something that's born?

00:13:43.300 Is it both?

00:13:44.500 That's a great question, and I love the analogy of a child.

00:13:49.020 I mean, an instinct, innate instinct of every child is, I'm hungry, I cry, right?

00:13:55.080 And when I cry, what happens?

00:13:57.680 You get what you want.

00:13:58.520 You get what you want.

00:13:58.980 You get a bottle.

00:13:59.580 You get picked up, whatever that is, and that's a repeated process by the minute in child, in every one of our existence, in our experience.

00:14:07.200 And so selling or influencing is innate to all of us.

00:14:11.780 It's in our DNA.

00:14:13.060 And for me, that's really the beautiful thing about influence is people say, you know what?

00:14:19.440 I'm not a natural salesman.

00:14:20.940 But we've all, at some point in our lives, needed something.

00:14:25.460 And we had to ultimately influence the outcome.

00:14:29.660 And so influence allows somebody that says, I will never be in a sales capacity.

00:14:33.840 I may run.

00:14:34.480 I've got a student in one of my, I teach a college university class.

00:14:38.760 And he has no aspirations to sell at all.

00:14:41.360 But he loves the idea of influence because he realizes that I'm never going to be a salesman.

00:14:46.380 But I am going to be passionate about my purpose and the things that mean a lot to me.

00:14:51.240 And that I need to sell, whether that be myself to my clients.

00:14:54.720 And so I accept that that is a function of selling.

00:14:59.680 And, but I see the influence.

00:15:01.300 I see that I can embody that because I'm being true to who I am.

00:15:04.780 I don't have to be Zig Ziglar.

00:15:06.160 I don't have to be, you know, some out there, outward, really bold, brash guy to be a good salesman.

00:15:13.500 I can be myself and embody my own personal attributes of influence and be successful.

00:15:19.780 And that's the beauty of it.

00:15:21.140 It's true for everybody.

00:15:23.100 So I can see that selling, obviously, it applies to more than just, hey, this is my business.

00:15:27.580 I'm a salesman.

00:15:28.280 But it applies to family relationships, politics, if you're into politics, whatever it may be.

00:15:33.440 I can see how it transcends all of those categories.

00:15:36.340 But why is it that selling is such a swear word?

00:15:38.960 Like, it's almost like taboo.

00:15:40.500 Like, you don't want to be a salesman, right?

00:15:42.840 Why is that?

00:15:43.820 Why do you think that is?

00:15:45.280 You know, I actually draw this distinction in my book.

00:15:48.720 And there's a lot of professions that we have that stigma.

00:15:52.320 I mean, attorneys often get a bad rap.

00:15:54.520 Even doctors are starting to get a bad rap, you know, running a battery of tests.

00:15:57.720 And they don't, you know, I mean, there's, I wish doctors offered us a money back guarantee

00:16:01.200 on the work that they did.

00:16:02.260 You know, I mean, there's a lot of, and I think that's part of every industry.

00:16:07.320 And, but sales is the natural scapegoat for people that get a raw deal in a situation.

00:16:13.100 And the crazy, the biggest irony, if people could really see it, is that the best salesmen

00:16:20.500 actually embody none of those attributes and none of those characteristics.

00:16:24.700 They never actually appear to be selling.

00:16:26.500 They just are the people that you referenced earlier, the guys that just seem to have that

00:16:29.600 Midas touch that are just really good at talking.

00:16:32.200 They're fun to be around.

00:16:33.420 Those people are truly influential and they don't follow sales outlines and sales practices.

00:16:39.360 They just believe in what they're talking about and what they're doing.

00:16:43.660 And, and, you know, what's interesting is I read your book and I, and I came to this

00:16:46.520 conclusion as well, is that even in my profession as a financial advisor, I look at sales as

00:16:52.480 synonymous with fake, right?

00:16:55.580 Cheesy.

00:16:56.100 I mean, we all know those fake guys, those cheesy guys.

00:16:58.460 We don't know if we can trust them.

00:16:59.740 We don't know about their integrity.

00:17:01.420 Where I see influence can also mean selling, but it's authentic.

00:17:07.620 It's genuine.

00:17:08.500 It's real rather than trying to game the system.

00:17:12.500 Yeah.

00:17:12.700 And it's, if anything, it's understanding the language at which most of our interaction,

00:17:18.300 most business happens.

00:17:20.020 And it's, it's, it's a protective mechanism.

00:17:22.040 I mean, understanding influence allows you to see when you're being manipulated by somebody

00:17:27.760 and it kind of allows you to defend yourself.

00:17:29.980 I mean, it's, I guess it's in a sense, it's like learning self-defense because you're right.

00:17:34.140 You're going to experience the people that are going to try and take advantage of you.

00:17:36.840 And, uh, you know, being able to have the ability to influence your own outcome is an

00:17:42.820 absolute, it's a hedge against those types of situations.

00:17:45.600 Have you read the book?

00:17:46.800 I think it's actually called psychology of selling.

00:17:49.100 Does that sound, and then he talks about that.

00:17:51.500 He talks about, and I don't know how many topics he goes into, but he says, he's almost telling

00:17:56.780 you as a salesman what tactics you could use, but he's also giving you ammunition to defend

00:18:02.060 yourself against those that would steal your money through sales or whatever else it may

00:18:06.580 be.

00:18:06.720 So it's pretty interesting.

00:18:07.640 It sounds like you're talking about a lot of the same stuff.

00:18:09.660 Yeah.

00:18:10.300 Well, go ahead.

00:18:11.460 Go ahead.

00:18:11.640 I was just going to say, I mean, next time anyone, any of the listeners is going by a

00:18:14.780 car.

00:18:15.220 I mean, the best way to protect yourself from a perceived sleazy salesman is, is, is homework.

00:18:22.420 You know, if you're educated, if you're prepared, uh, it's really difficult for them to get the

00:18:26.360 best of you.

00:18:26.900 And there's, you know, it's always, it is a common thing is there's ways to preventative measures

00:18:31.380 you can take to avoid the negative outcomes that we sometimes experience.

00:18:35.880 Right.

00:18:36.400 Yeah.

00:18:36.720 Just a little forward and upfront preparation, right?

00:18:39.780 So as I was going through your book and I read this quick, and that's what I like about

00:18:43.360 your book because there's so much, so many books I want to read.

00:18:46.180 The thing that I like about your book is that it's very, uh, easy to consume, easy to digest,

00:18:51.060 a lot of actionable steps.

00:18:52.600 And what you've done is you've broken it out into four different categories, or I think you

00:18:57.160 call it attributes of influence, right?

00:18:58.900 Correct.

00:18:59.220 Yeah.

00:18:59.500 So let's talk about each one of those.

00:19:01.100 The first one that you mentioned is purpose.

00:19:03.260 So tell me what you mean by purpose when it comes to influence.

00:19:06.440 Um, and real quick, the, the four attributes were laid out based on observations that I'd

00:19:11.520 made over, you know, a series of different environments, many, many years of selling and

00:19:17.240 business.

00:19:18.480 And, and for me, I saw that everyone that was successful as entrepreneurs, as leaders, as

00:19:24.080 sales employees, as sales executives embodied these characteristics in, in different, um,

00:19:29.920 proportions, of course.

00:19:31.760 And purpose was for me, it was real.

00:19:34.080 It was a foundation and purpose really embodies a lot of the mental aspects of, of who we

00:19:39.520 are and why we are, um, in real estate.

00:19:42.100 We look at a piece of ground in development.

00:19:44.100 We call it, there's always a highest and best use.

00:19:46.380 There's something that that ground is best suited to do.

00:19:48.740 And I see a lot of that in, in our purpose.

00:19:51.720 You know, what am I motivated by?

00:19:53.800 What drives me?

00:19:54.620 What is it that I wake up every morning and I, and I want to do, um, what is my ambition

00:19:59.480 in life?

00:20:00.000 What do I want to accomplish?

00:20:00.860 And so it's a lot of the mental aspects that drive everything that we do and purpose.

00:20:06.120 Um, our direction is really what is the kind of the building, the foundation of where we

00:20:11.260 make it in our lives.

00:20:12.280 So you talk a lot about self-reflection.

00:20:15.720 I think that's like an underlying theme of what we've talked about so far.

00:20:18.700 I'd like to know personally, when you do those self-reflections, is it something you do when

00:20:25.800 you wake up?

00:20:26.380 Is it the end of the day?

00:20:27.120 Is it throughout the day?

00:20:27.960 Like, how have you conditioned yourself to always be looking and digging deeper as to,

00:20:32.540 you know, what, what the meaning of a certain event or whatever it may be is?

00:20:36.860 Well, I think, uh, like I alluded to earlier, adversity is often a painful friend that we need

00:20:43.700 to embrace.

00:20:44.700 And it's hard sometimes to look at our failures and not want to, and just put them in the background.

00:20:48.700 And say, I don't want to experience that anymore.

00:20:50.240 But I don't know.

00:20:51.200 I've dealt with a lot of adversity in my life and I'm grateful for that now because I've

00:20:55.260 realized how great of a teacher adversity is.

00:20:58.420 So part of that is just being tuned into my experiences, what's happening.

00:21:03.940 I have a very, very expensive water bill.

00:21:05.920 I spend a lot of time in the showers in the morning because I've got a very abstract creative

00:21:10.180 mind and it seems to just, some of my best ideas have come while I've been standing in

00:21:14.460 the shower as an example.

00:21:15.620 So take long showers or whatever that is.

00:21:17.940 Sometimes if you go for drives, um, in the car, sometimes that, that relaxation of just

00:21:22.660 being kind of on the road, watching the road allows you to get lost in your thoughts.

00:21:26.480 And, you know, today's world, it's hard to slow down and think, but it's the most priceless

00:21:32.260 activity that we can engage in.

00:21:33.700 That's good that you say that on the road.

00:21:36.340 It's actually something that I've tried a lot lately where I'll just, I'm really big

00:21:39.820 into podcasts, obviously.

00:21:40.900 So I've always got a podcast to listen to, or I'm listening to the radio.

00:21:44.460 And lately what I've been doing is I've just been shutting everything off on my 25 minute

00:21:48.780 commute and just turning it all off, just sitting in silence.

00:21:52.420 And it's amazing to me, the types of things that I think about and the reflections that I

00:21:55.800 have when I'm just sitting there in silence, almost like a form of meditation.

00:21:58.580 So the next thing that you talk about is social aptitude.

00:22:03.660 And I think this is so important because we all know guys that are smart, they're bright,

00:22:08.920 even successful, but for some reason they just cannot connect with people and it really

00:22:14.080 hinders their ability to be successful.

00:22:16.220 So I think that's what you're referring to.

00:22:18.100 But why don't you tell me in your own words, when you talk about social aptitude, what are

00:22:21.300 you, what are you talking about?

00:22:22.520 You know, there's nothing that we can accomplish without the cooperation of other people.

00:22:26.700 Napoleon Hill said that, and I wholeheartedly agree with that statement.

00:22:30.480 I mean, even if you want to fight with, you need somebody else to get in a fight.

00:22:33.360 I mean, we just have to interact with other people.

00:22:36.160 And so understanding that, you know, being able to interact and create influence with other

00:22:42.280 people, there's a lot of skills that, that follow that.

00:22:44.860 And so here's a really simple one to pay attention to.

00:22:48.300 I mean, for the people that have a hard time, you know, creating meaningful relationships

00:22:52.280 with other people, um, I learned, uh, early, uh, I was actually a seminar in Texas.

00:22:57.020 My dad sent me to, and I was in my, I was, I think I was probably 14 or 15 and they told

00:23:01.680 me to imagine everybody you see, they have the letters M M F I inscribed on their forehead

00:23:06.240 and it stands for make me feel important.

00:23:09.180 And I actually saw that it was echoed in, uh, how to win friends and influence people.

00:23:12.840 But that's just one example of, you know, if you, every time you approach somebody and

00:23:18.260 you look at them, you say, I want to make this person feel important and that's going

00:23:22.020 to force you to ask questions, to get to know them.

00:23:24.560 It's not going to encourage you to tell them all about yourself.

00:23:27.560 It's going to encourage you to give them a compliment and look for things that they do

00:23:30.280 well, not tell them how great you are and what you've accomplished or how they can help

00:23:34.080 you, um, focusing on other people and their needs and how to create value is really kind

00:23:39.760 of the, the key ingredient to social aptitude.

00:23:43.300 Ultimately, social aptitude is just our ability to have meaningful interactions with people,

00:23:47.660 to create rapport with them, to be able to be likable, um, and accomplish that because

00:23:53.180 you need their cooperation.

00:23:55.000 So, you know, we've all sat in a conversation with somebody who, you know, the narcissist is

00:23:59.740 all about them.

00:24:00.780 They don't give you an edge otherwise.

00:24:02.900 Now, but on the other flip side of that, you know, let's talk about a business exchange,

00:24:06.660 for example, or this could even apply in dating.

00:24:09.720 Where do you find that balance between give and take?

00:24:13.200 Like, Hey, I want to learn about you.

00:24:14.500 I want to connect with you, but I also want to connect a win or, or create a win-win

00:24:18.640 situation where we can both benefit from.

00:24:20.800 How do you, how do you find that balance?

00:24:22.420 You know, I think that balance is, is created in the topic or the idea of rapport, you know,

00:24:28.060 rapport, you know, when you can finish somebody else's sentence, there's just that natural

00:24:32.100 flow that gets, that exists with close friends.

00:24:34.720 You start to feel that and maybe you haven't seen them for a while.

00:24:37.360 And at first it's awkward, but that moment that it becomes comfortable, that conversation,

00:24:41.240 that's called rapport.

00:24:42.520 And I spent a lot of time in my book talking about how to create that rapport because that

00:24:46.540 rapport is what balances interactions and communications with other people.

00:24:51.340 The moment that you're in rapport, you start to think less about yourself and about the

00:24:56.400 common discussion.

00:24:57.940 And for me, I've noticed that even with my wife, you know, if we have a disagreement about

00:25:01.800 something, it's typically when we're out of rapport with each other.

00:25:04.740 But the moment that we're able to align ourselves and get in rapport, we start to understand

00:25:09.140 their perspective and what they're looking for.

00:25:11.540 And it makes problem solving, it makes interactions so much more seamless.

00:25:15.560 So is rapport building just a matter of time or are there things that you can do to try

00:25:19.180 to build that or speed up that process a little bit?

00:25:21.720 There's a lot of, you know, I spend, like I said, a lot of the topics in that section of

00:25:25.660 the book talk about how to build rapport and actual actionable steps that you can create

00:25:30.400 rapport with.

00:25:31.080 And if you're not a natural socially, you know, you don't have social aptitude, there's

00:25:37.160 a lot of steps that anybody can take to start developing those attributes and that skill

00:25:41.960 set.

00:25:42.800 And so, for example, matching and mirroring is a common term that a lot of people have

00:25:47.380 probably heard.

00:25:48.840 When you're sitting in an interview, if the person you're talking to has their arms folded,

00:25:53.620 it naturally makes sense for you to fold your arms and try and emulate characteristics of

00:25:58.860 their posture, the way that they're talking, if they talk really fast and you're a slow

00:26:03.100 talker, you kind of need to speed up your conversation and matching them will actually

00:26:08.640 create rapport.

00:26:09.560 It's the phrase like attracts like.

00:26:11.680 I will become more like you and you will like me if I'm like you.

00:26:15.440 So there's actual things like matching their body language, their positioning that naturally

00:26:21.260 creates rapport on a subconscious level.

00:26:24.080 Awesome.

00:26:24.600 Good.

00:26:25.160 Okay.

00:26:25.300 So the next topic, so we've got, we went through purpose, social aptitude.

00:26:29.020 The next thing you talk about is initiative.

00:26:31.480 And obviously we know initiative, getting things going.

00:26:33.720 So what are you talking about alluding to there?

00:26:35.860 You know, I saw initiative as all of the action that people take to accomplish.

00:26:40.380 You know, it's great to have ambition and it's great to be good with people, but I saw

00:26:44.600 so many sales reps that just didn't have any initiative.

00:26:47.940 They just would not work.

00:26:49.200 They were always the first ones away from work.

00:26:54.060 They were always the last ones at the meeting and they just lacked that drive to go out there

00:26:58.100 and get it.

00:26:58.760 They wanted it, but they didn't have the ability to go and do that.

00:27:02.920 Work ethic is so important.

00:27:04.080 I always loved farmers as an example.

00:27:06.140 They just seem to have a natural work ethic.

00:27:08.420 They were bred with work ethic.

00:27:12.380 And so initiative is all of the action that we take to achieve our goals.

00:27:17.480 You know, I see prospecting.

00:27:19.180 I, I knocked a lot of doors in my life selling various products and services, and that was

00:27:23.180 a hard thing to do.

00:27:24.080 I, I still get chills when I think about it, but I'm glad I went through that.

00:27:29.240 And that was the epitome of getting out there and hustling for success.

00:27:34.800 And it taught me a lot about rejection.

00:27:36.840 It taught me a lot about what it takes to get out there and receive it.

00:27:39.940 And so the people that succeed in life, it's not because they're in the right place at

00:27:44.180 the right time.

00:27:44.820 I mean, that was a factor.

00:27:45.820 It wasn't because it wasn't that they were lucky.

00:27:48.180 It's that they worked.

00:27:49.100 They paid the price.

00:27:49.900 They invested in their life to be where they're at.

00:27:52.620 And that's the sole reason they're there.

00:27:55.060 All the other things that come, the opportunity, the timing, the luck, that's all a byproduct of

00:28:01.020 hard work and initiative.

00:28:02.600 So you talk about these guys, these salesmen that you, that you were either leading or working

00:28:06.760 with and not, not taking action, just, just not being the guys to go out there and get

00:28:11.300 it.

00:28:11.660 Is that, you know, I, I'll say it this way.

00:28:14.120 I've always been proud of the fact that I'm, I think I'm an action taker.

00:28:17.900 If I've got an idea, I'm ready to implement and just try it and fail.

00:28:21.540 But what is it that keeps people from doing that?

00:28:24.060 Because I've met plenty of guys who are like, Hey, I want to accomplish something big.

00:28:27.660 And I don't doubt them.

00:28:29.000 I believe they want to be successful.

00:28:30.800 I believe they want to have good things in their life.

00:28:32.820 But, but at the end of the day, what's then keeping them back from actually doing it?

00:28:38.260 Well, there's, there's a couple of motivating factors.

00:28:40.900 There's inspiration and desperation.

00:28:42.780 I think one of my greatest gifts that I can, for my father, and I mean, as men, it's, it's

00:28:47.960 our responsibility as fathers, um, to teach our children how to work.

00:28:53.040 I'm so grateful that my father never gave me a hand.

00:28:57.720 If I wanted something, he taught me how to work for it.

00:29:00.320 I earned it and that was an invaluable lesson to be able to just to have that.

00:29:05.340 So when I was, when it was, when it was time to move out and I had, I was ready to go and

00:29:11.560 because I was excited about opportunity because I knew how to work.

00:29:14.520 And I think that's the greatest gift.

00:29:16.860 And perhaps one of the biggest fears that I have for our future is that we're not teaching

00:29:22.060 our children how to work the way that we used to and the way that generations before

00:29:26.780 us had learned how to work.

00:29:27.920 So that's a huge, huge part of it is, you know, is, is that, um, the conditioning that

00:29:33.640 we, we have experienced growing up other than that, it's, it's desperation.

00:29:37.920 We get to a point in our life where our ambition is so great.

00:29:41.720 And our reality is so far from that, that we finally realized that, listen, I'm not on

00:29:45.880 track to even be close to that and something's going to have to change.

00:29:49.040 And hopefully they, you know, we realize in those moments that, okay, I've got to work a

00:29:53.520 little harder.

00:29:53.880 I've got to pay a bit more of a price to get there.

00:29:57.300 Right.

00:29:57.840 And I'm so glad that you mentioned fatherhood because that's a huge component of what we're

00:30:01.220 doing with order of man is, you know, I've got three kids.

00:30:04.340 Um, I really, my, my, a little bit about my backstory is that I really didn't have a permanent

00:30:07.860 father figure in my life.

00:30:09.000 And so I didn't get to learn those things.

00:30:11.420 I never had my hands under the hood of a car.

00:30:13.600 I actually didn't learn how to throw a baseball correctly until I was a freshman in high

00:30:17.040 school and my baseball buddies were making fun of me about the way I threw.

00:30:19.620 Um, so yeah, I mean, as, as being a father now, I realize how important and frankly,

00:30:25.680 how hard it can be to teach your sons and your daughters and your kids the lessons that

00:30:30.640 they need to learn.

00:30:31.620 Yeah.

00:30:32.240 So you lead right into that next, next step, which are the next, uh, category, which is

00:30:37.400 persistence.

00:30:38.040 Because I think sometimes, okay, we've taken action and we've done a few things here and

00:30:42.440 there, but we're just not having the success.

00:30:44.700 It's how do you stay persistent?

00:30:47.020 How do you keep going when crap happens and, you know, adversity, we're faced with adversity

00:30:53.360 and things just happen. 0.69

00:30:54.600 How do you continue to be persistent?

00:30:57.240 You know, that's a lot of our fears and persistence is really rooted in perception.

00:31:02.780 You know, everything that happens to us, we have a meaning for it.

00:31:05.960 Um, good, the good things, the bad things.

00:31:08.640 We have all the phrases that we, you know, money doesn't grow on trees.

00:31:11.380 We have all of these expressions that we use that, that really, um, allude to the perceptions

00:31:16.560 that we have towards life.

00:31:18.320 Failure or setback or the crap that happens to us is a perception.

00:31:23.520 And I think it's really important to define it correctly.

00:31:27.820 And there, Napoleon Hill called it temporary defeat.

00:31:31.080 Um, Robert Allen said, there's no failure, only feedback.

00:31:33.700 You know, it's, it's taking the things that happen to us.

00:31:36.020 When we get knocked down and we're laying on the mat, it's getting back up and saying,

00:31:39.320 you know what, if I can stand up, I'm going to stand up and I'm going to learn from that.

00:31:43.240 I'm, I'm not going to leave that side open anymore.

00:31:45.240 It's constantly learning from the feedback that we have, the experiences that often beset us

00:31:50.640 and using that to our advantage, not drawing excuses and saying, you know what, that was his fault.

00:31:57.960 Um, I had a lot of sales reps that would say, you know, they'd come back after a bad day

00:32:01.000 and they'd say, oh, my manager gave me a bad area or it's just the weather's bad.

00:32:04.800 I've got the, you know, I've got a bum deal. I didn't get trained properly.

00:32:08.340 The successful people always took ownership of their mistakes and their failures.

00:32:13.700 And they didn't beat themselves up or they just said, you know what, I own that.

00:32:17.360 That was me. And what can I learn from that? And what can I do better?

00:32:20.520 And they were always hungry to improve and to learn and get back up and keep fighting.

00:32:25.020 And that to me was the difference maker.

00:32:27.260 Or, you know, if they worked, a lot of guys worked so hard, but they just got defeated and defeated.

00:32:32.660 And finally, they just quit. They couldn't handle it anymore.

00:32:34.980 But the people that controlled the perspective and said, you know what, this isn't, this is something that happened to me,

00:32:40.280 but I'm going to choose how to deal with it and I'm going to learn from this.

00:32:43.180 I'm going to be empowered from this.

00:32:44.900 Those are the ones that grow and they strengthen themselves and they become great.

00:32:48.920 And I'm so glad you talked to that. I mean, just owning it.

00:32:51.360 And I've always thought this too, is that for some men owning it, the fact that I take responsibility for my life,

00:32:59.740 for my decisions and for my outcomes, I think for some men that's hindering, that scares a lot of men

00:33:05.160 and therefore causes them not to take action.

00:33:08.020 But I think for strong men, which is I hope what all of us want to become,

00:33:13.660 is they look at that thought of owning it and taking responsibility as liberating.

00:33:18.480 Because now I can take those actions and I can take those outcomes and I actually have the power to change them.

00:33:25.740 They are not beyond my control.

00:33:27.700 And for me, that's something that's exciting because I can change and I can fix and I can adapt and I can grow.

00:33:32.560 And that's exciting for me.

00:33:34.040 It starts to reveal our potential.

00:33:36.920 And so many people, the moment, just like you said, the moment they shut that off and they say,

00:33:41.300 I don't want to even look at that.

00:33:42.460 I don't want to consider that I've got weaknesses in my life.

00:33:45.900 The moment they embrace them, they realize how much growth is available and what that potential really is.

00:33:52.040 And then they're validated.

00:33:52.900 They go through and they work on something and they are strengthened in that.

00:33:55.640 And then they realize, wow, there's more of this and more.

00:33:58.480 And the sky is the limit when people truly embrace their potential and embrace the reality of life,

00:34:04.380 the good, the bad and the ugly and say, this is all good stuff.

00:34:07.480 I can learn from this.

00:34:08.280 I can grow from this.

00:34:09.340 It's when life gets exciting.

00:34:10.400 It's a lot like, I think, I liken it to stepping on the scales.

00:34:14.700 You know, over the past year and a half, I've lost 45 pounds.

00:34:18.620 And a year and a half ago, when I was at my heaviest weight I had ever been in my 33 years of existence on this earth,

00:34:25.440 I didn't want to get on that scale, man.

00:34:27.800 I really didn't.

00:34:28.800 I was nervous about it.

00:34:30.200 And then finally, I just thought, I was in that desperation stage.

00:34:33.640 You thought about, like, I've got to make a change here.

00:34:35.540 And I got on that scale and it was horrible.

00:34:37.900 Like, it was brutal.

00:34:39.540 But in order to advance, in order to have progress, like, that was the first step.

00:34:44.580 I had to take a real hard, honest look about what my current reality was so that I could change it.

00:34:50.500 And I think a lot of what's really interesting is I work out just about every day.

00:34:54.040 I try to anyways.

00:34:54.720 Anyways, and what's really interesting is I have – and I've heard people say this is, you know,

00:35:00.740 I just don't want to work out or I want to go to the gym until I get in a little better shape.

00:35:05.220 And it's like, you've got this backwards, man. 1.00

00:35:07.420 You've got to – you're never going to get in better shape unless you take that first step.

00:35:11.080 And you've got to take a real hard look first and then you can improve from there.

00:35:14.220 So true.

00:35:15.020 So true.

00:35:16.020 So in the book, and I don't know how many there are, but there's probably 50 or so, I imagine,

00:35:20.240 40 or 50 different sections in the book that are very, you know, bite-sized things that you can do to enhance and improve your influence.

00:35:31.140 What are – do you have some favorites?

00:35:32.680 Are there like two or three you'd say, hey, these are my favorites or these are the things that I need to start or work on first?

00:35:39.400 You know, I think my two – the two most important for me are purpose and persistence, the beginning and the end.

00:35:47.960 And a lot of us are dealing with some level of the middle too, initiative and social aptitude.

00:35:55.160 But I just feel like so many people are operating in their lives right now without the alignment that they need.

00:36:00.900 And so for me, alignment is number one.

00:36:03.160 And that's really understanding, you know, what is our direction?

00:36:06.040 Where are we going?

00:36:06.600 What is our purpose?

00:36:08.160 And really trying to figure out what is the contribution that you can make to this world,

00:36:12.320 to your family, to your career, to the world.

00:36:15.520 I mean, what – think big.

00:36:17.020 What's your potential?

00:36:18.400 And that gets me excited because, you know, I love helping people discover that

00:36:23.320 and realize that all of the feedback and the things that they're not enjoying in their lives are typically a function of a lack of alignment.

00:36:29.340 They're just trying to do something that isn't supposed to be happening.

00:36:33.600 And just some simple changes and helping them then focus on the persistence of that and say, you know what,

00:36:38.580 you're going to meet some resistance and you're going to have some setbacks

00:36:41.960 and you're going to learn from those setbacks, but you're going to figure out and you're going to gain momentum

00:36:46.520 and you're going to learn from that.

00:36:48.240 And as you focus in the right direction, great things are going to start to happen

00:36:51.620 and you're going to build up so much momentum that nothing will be able to stop you.

00:36:55.160 And you're going to start embracing, you know, opportunities and a potential that you never considered before.

00:37:01.500 And for me, that's really when the other things really come into play.

00:37:04.580 You know, the initiative will just start to naturally flow because you're so excited

00:37:08.120 and you're so ambitious about where you're going.

00:37:10.080 And it's those nights when you lie awake and you can't sleep and you're up till three in the morning

00:37:13.580 and you're just writing stuff down because it's just flooding your brain and you can't stop it.

00:37:18.260 That's when you're in alignment and that's when life gets exciting.

00:37:21.500 That's awesome.

00:37:22.260 Yeah, you know what's interesting too is we've all had life experiences, some good, some bad.

00:37:27.120 And one of the things that's really hit me as an important question is,

00:37:30.740 what are some experiences, some hard experiences, some trials in my life that I've had

00:37:36.340 that I've found a way to overcome and what can I do to share some of that?

00:37:42.160 And that's really the birth of Order of Man, you know, my background, which I've shared a little bit

00:37:47.860 and I'll get into that as we develop and build the brand.

00:37:51.620 But that's the whole point of Order of Man is, hey, what is it in my experience, in my life,

00:37:57.680 did I struggle with that I found a way to overcome?

00:37:59.720 And how can we help guys do the same sorts of things?

00:38:02.440 So that's really cool.

00:38:03.720 Yeah.

00:38:04.280 And I think, you know, I talk about having a why a lot of the times

00:38:08.660 and I think it's really what you're talking about here is that if your why is powerful enough,

00:38:13.440 then you can overcome a lot of those and be persistent through those trials

00:38:17.360 and those setbacks that are bound to happen.

00:38:20.180 Absolutely.

00:38:21.260 So when it comes to building influence and authority and leadership and all these things,

00:38:26.540 I know you've got some experience.

00:38:27.840 It sounds like you do some coaching.

00:38:30.720 Where do you see guys screwing this up?

00:38:33.240 Where are guys messing this up?

00:38:34.800 What things should they do to improve those things that we really just as men have a tendency to mess up?

00:38:41.940 Yeah.

00:38:42.280 You know, I think the hot button right there is the word conformity.

00:38:46.440 You know, it's making compromise and conforming to a standard that is below where we know we should be.

00:38:53.640 And that's where we screw up is we get comfortable, we get safe,

00:38:57.120 and we do things because, you know, we've justified it somehow in our life.

00:39:01.960 That's just what we have to do.

00:39:03.340 It's our lot in life.

00:39:05.380 And that's, I think, the big mistake.

00:39:07.680 And that's conditioning.

00:39:09.180 I mean, you hit it.

00:39:10.280 You talked about we have experience in our lives that create why.

00:39:14.460 They create the reasons for things.

00:39:15.660 But we have a lot of experiences that we've given the wrong meanings to that justify us quitting or stopping or not pushing so hard.

00:39:22.980 And I think that's the biggest mistake.

00:39:24.740 You know, as men, we need to stand up and say, again, what am I capable of doing?

00:39:29.760 What is it that I should be doing with my life and how do I get there?

00:39:32.860 And not, you know, inappropriately interpret the negative things that happen in our lives, the experiences that we have,

00:39:39.980 to justify us conforming to a level that's far beneath our potential.

00:39:44.800 What are some of the common justifications that you hear?

00:39:47.900 Maybe it's guys that are struggling with work or relationships.

00:39:50.540 What are some of the things that they're telling themselves that just frankly aren't true?

00:39:53.920 You know, the rich get rich or the poor get poor is a great one.

00:39:58.980 So, yeah, it's it's it's a horrible one, actually, but it's it's a common one.

00:40:03.920 And, you know, we create meetings.

00:40:06.460 We say, you know what?

00:40:07.000 I didn't grow up with a silver spoon, so I'm never going to be able to be wealthy in my life.

00:40:12.380 And so, therefore, I'm going to focus on providing safety and I want to be secure.

00:40:18.900 And I trust me, I believe in being secure.

00:40:20.860 But what they're missing is the true value of what happens when they actually get in alignment with their potential.

00:40:28.580 And safety is an afterthought because they're realizing that it's not about safety.

00:40:33.520 That's that's aiming low.

00:40:35.400 And and but it makes it easier to say, I'll never be that guy.

00:40:38.800 So I'm just going to focus on something safe.

00:40:41.940 And unfortunately, they'll miss the window.

00:40:45.000 They'll miss the opportunity.

00:40:46.500 Yeah.

00:40:46.940 Yeah. You know, it's funny is one of the questions or exercises that I go with in my financial planning practice is I tell people to fill in the blank in this sentence.

00:40:55.800 Rich people are blank.

00:40:58.740 And I ask people to fill that in.

00:41:00.720 And what's interesting is if the just put the first word that comes to mind. 1.00

00:41:04.140 And if the first word is a holes or jerks or arrogant, well, by default, you don't want to be a jerk. 1.00

00:41:11.800 You don't want to be arrogant. 0.99

00:41:12.960 So essentially what you're telling your mind is you don't want to be rich.

00:41:15.940 Right.

00:41:16.340 And so I think in a way what we end up doing is we end up self-sabotaging ourselves because we don't want to be like that. 0.97

00:41:23.200 And we associate wealth with being a jerk or and that that applies to all types of different cultural mindsets. 0.91

00:41:30.120 Yeah. 0.97

00:41:31.140 Interesting.

00:41:31.980 Go ahead.

00:41:32.380 And our ego is a powerful thing.

00:41:34.380 And frankly, the irony of it is that we actually seek to protect that ego.

00:41:38.540 So when we have when you go put yourself out there and you ask a girl out or, you know, you go to the gym that first time, it's the ego that will stop you and say, I don't want to be embarrassed.

00:41:47.540 I don't want them to see me.

00:41:48.440 So I'm going to go work out before I go to the gym.

00:41:50.820 And that's it's just such an inappropriate and incorrect assumption and perception of the way things that really are that it prevents you from ever making progress at the beginning.

00:42:02.660 So we hear this thing is you've got to think outside of the box.

00:42:06.040 Right.

00:42:06.340 But I think the problem sometimes can become, well, that's our life.

00:42:11.100 I mean, we are the box, right?

00:42:12.300 That's us.

00:42:13.220 Like, how do you how do you think outside the box?

00:42:16.680 How do you shift a perception that you've been conditioned to believe for?

00:42:20.500 In my in my case, I'll be 34 next week.

00:42:23.000 But literally, you know, 30 years, 50 years, 80 years.

00:42:26.840 And you're telling us, hey, you've got to shift that perception.

00:42:30.200 How do we do that?

00:42:31.820 I say to challenge the box.

00:42:33.880 You know, what does the box mean to you?

00:42:37.080 I mean, actually take that at face value and say, what does the box mean?

00:42:40.880 When this happens to me, what does that mean?

00:42:42.920 If I go to the gym or if someone makes fun of me, like, for example, your friends tease you about playing baseball.

00:42:48.400 Right.

00:42:48.860 You've got to say, what does that really mean?

00:42:50.620 And in that moment, you know, you're embarrassed.

00:42:54.060 You think people look down on you.

00:42:55.560 You probably derived a number of meanings from that experience.

00:42:58.460 But at the end of the day, what it really meant is I need to practice if I want to be good at baseball.

00:43:03.320 But it's that's that's that's often hard for us in the moment to to actually accept a real meaning for that.

00:43:09.340 So challenge the box and say, what does this really mean and what can I learn from that moment?

00:43:14.200 And for you, it was, hey, I want to learn how to throw a ball.

00:43:16.980 And so you went out there and you invest the time to understand how to throw a ball because you didn't want to experience that again.

00:43:22.340 I think so many times we don't challenge the things that are happening to us and think that there's probably an easier way or what does this really mean?

00:43:30.040 And if it means something, understanding that that's a meaning I gave it.

00:43:33.740 So what do I want it to mean, you know, confident or successful people, they have negative experiences to consider like a bank account.

00:43:41.640 You know, they make deposits in their account like everybody else does.

00:43:44.340 But every time there's a withdrawal, they decide and something bad happens.

00:43:47.820 They change the meaning of what that is so that it doesn't hurt them the way that hurts other people.

00:43:52.140 We have this beautiful ability to decide how we perceive the realities around us.

00:43:58.060 And our subconscious mind doesn't have the ability to filter that and say, that's truth and that's not.

00:44:04.140 It takes everything in.

00:44:05.460 And so the whole term acting as if, well, who do you want to be and start acting like that person?

00:44:11.840 And your subconscious brain, everything about you will begin to embody the characteristics and the attributes of that model.

00:44:18.220 It will naturally do that and will not challenge it.

00:44:21.060 The question is, can you feed that to your subconscious and believe that you have that ability long enough to get there?

00:44:25.960 It's so awesome that you bring that up because I actually just read an article before we got on the phone today.

00:44:32.820 And the title of the article was Real Men Don't Get Offended.

00:44:38.000 And so I was intrigued by that.

00:44:39.420 I looked through it.

00:44:40.100 But basically what they're saying is that when you get offended over something, in my case, we talk about baseball, for example.

00:44:45.700 If I would have got offended over that, what I'm doing is I'm actually giving people authority or credibility or power or control over my life.

00:44:57.420 But if I shift that like you're saying and say, hey, I'm not going to get offended by that.

00:45:01.520 I'm going to take that as constructive criticism and learn from that.

00:45:06.700 Then I take that control back and allow myself to succeed.

00:45:11.080 Yeah, I think that right there is probably one of the biggest differentiators between mediocrity and success.

00:45:19.200 And a common phrase you'll hear is I'm just doing the best I can with the cards that I've been dealt.

00:45:24.160 And I say, you know, the 10% of people or the 20% that, you know, that generate 80% of the results in this world, they understand that they can actually, they can deal themselves their own cards.

00:45:38.160 And they get to choose what cards they get and they get to make their own hand.

00:45:41.800 And everybody else is living in this reactionary state to what happens to them.

00:45:45.920 And very few people, and I hope that if there's a message that is delivered today, it's that you can choose, you can decide the cards you play.

00:45:54.360 And you can make your own hand and it will work and you can play with it and it will validate and it will come to fruition when you realize that you can create what it is that you want.

00:46:03.920 You don't have to deal with life as it comes to you.

00:46:07.300 Make your own fate.

00:46:09.080 Brad, this has been such an awesome conversation.

00:46:11.500 I'm sure as guys that are listening to this want to learn more about you or what it is you're doing or even purchase your book, how do we best connect with you?

00:46:20.240 So my website is foundersinc.com.

00:46:24.740 But my publishing coach, one of the most attractive things about the first time I actually listened to him on a podcast is at the end of the podcast, I was like, this guy is amazing.

00:46:34.920 He's speaking my language.

00:46:36.300 I need to call.

00:46:36.920 I need to get in touch with this guy.

00:46:37.960 And then he left his phone number, his personal cell phone number.

00:46:41.920 So I'd love to throw my number.

00:46:43.800 It's 435-817-8241.

00:46:47.080 And I would love to spend a few minutes with anybody that just has questions or just has some, you know, anything that didn't make sense or some ideas.

00:46:55.440 I, you know, I believe in what I talk about.

00:46:57.940 And so I'm available to talk about it with anybody.

00:47:01.140 Otherwise, you're welcome to go to my website.

00:47:02.660 And it's a great resource to get a hold of me.

00:47:05.360 That is one of the things that was really cool as I was trying to connect with you is that right on your website, I think even your personal email address is on there, if I remember correctly.

00:47:14.460 And the back of my book, it's on there as well.

00:47:16.560 That's right.

00:47:17.020 Yeah.

00:47:17.200 And so, so easy to connect with you and you were way responsive.

00:47:20.320 And so I appreciate that.

00:47:21.620 And I really appreciate your time and the fact that you took, you know, an hour out of your day to spend with us to teach us more about influence.

00:47:28.940 And thank you for being on the show.

00:47:31.160 It's my pleasure.

00:47:31.920 I really appreciate the opportunity.

00:47:33.920 Man, I hope that you enjoyed the information today.

00:47:36.240 I know that I'm walking away with a ton of valuable information that will help me build influence with those in my life.

00:47:41.880 And every time you know this by now that I have an author on the show, I like to secure a couple of copies of the book to give away to those of you who stick around to the end.

00:47:50.320 So in talking a little bit more with Brad, he has generously agreed to give away two copies of his new book, The Laws of Influence.

00:47:56.620 I've read this book.

00:47:57.780 It's a quick, easy read, but don't let that fool you into believing that there's not a ton of strategies and tools in there to improve your influence.

00:48:05.960 So in order to qualify for that, like I mentioned before, all that I ask is that you leave us a rating and review on iTunes and shoot me an email or post on our Facebook page with a screenshot of your review.

00:48:16.500 And you're entered in for a drawing on May 5th.

00:48:19.900 And I'll mail those two copies out to the winners.

00:48:22.740 Keep in mind, guys, again, that you can find all of the show notes from this episode, including the links and the resources mentioned at orderofman.com slash 006.

00:48:31.600 Now, next week, I've got a great interview lined up with a man who is living and doing some amazing things with men who are looking to leave corporate America and start out on their own.

00:48:41.480 He's going to be talking with us about taking that leap and how you can live your life as an outlier.

00:48:46.480 So make sure you don't miss that by subscribing to the show at orderofman.com slash iTunes.

00:48:51.400 If you know of any man you think could benefit from the ideas and the strategies that we've shared on the show today, please feel free to pass this show along.

00:48:58.780 Thanks again for being here today, and I will look forward to being with you next week.

00:49:03.240 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:49:06.180 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:49:13.300 You're welcome.

00:49:16.760 Thank you.

00:49:17.760 Thank you.

Order of Man - April 28, 2015

OoM 006： Increasing Your Level of Influence with Brad Harker

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