Order of Man - June 02, 2015


OoM 011: How to Find, Work With, and Succeed With Mentors with Geoff Woods


Episode Stats

Length

41 minutes

Words per Minute

193.64537

Word Count

8,051

Sentence Count

516

Hate Speech Sentences

4


Summary

In this episode of The Mentee Podcast, Ryan Michler talks with Jeff Woods about how to find, work with, and succeed with mentors. Jim Rohn has said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. The only question left is, are you surrounded by the right people? And it s not even a question of if we should work with mentors, but rather who those mentors should be.


Transcript

00:00:00.140 Jim Rohn has said, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
00:00:03.880 The only question left is, are you surrounded by the right people?
00:00:07.240 And it's not even really a question of if we should work with mentors, but rather who those mentors should be.
00:00:11.800 So our guest today, Jeff Woods, talks with us about how to find, work with, and succeed with mentors.
00:00:17.460 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest.
00:00:20.440 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:23.360 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:27.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:32.880 This is your life. This is who you are.
00:00:35.420 This is who you will become at the end of the day.
00:00:38.340 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:45.040 I'm Ryan Michler, and I want to welcome you to the Order of Man podcast.
00:00:48.080 Glad you're back here visiting today.
00:00:49.700 This show is going to be incredible because of the topic that we're going to cover.
00:00:53.840 It has literally transformed my life, and I know if you take this information to heart,
00:00:57.620 and most, most importantly, apply what you learned today, it will transform your life too.
00:01:03.500 I don't have any new announcements.
00:01:04.820 Just want to give you the invite to subscribe to the show.
00:01:07.940 I've got about 10 more shows recorded for you guys with some incredible guests.
00:01:12.540 So be sure to head to orderofman.com slash iTunes to subscribe there so you don't miss those.
00:01:17.860 And of course, leave us a rating and review while you are there.
00:01:20.620 Please, if you would.
00:01:21.320 Now, before we meet our guest today, I want you to know that you can check out the notes
00:01:25.100 for this show at orderofman.com slash 011 as in episode 11.
00:01:31.120 So today, I introduce Jeff Woods.
00:01:34.520 Jeff is the host of The Mentee Podcast, and his goal is to document his personal journey
00:01:39.740 from being an employee to becoming an entrepreneur.
00:01:42.120 He highlights the conversations that he has with high-level mentors.
00:01:46.040 He's become an expert at showing others how they can upgrade their personal connections
00:01:49.560 and, of course, also surround themselves with heavy-hitting mentors.
00:01:54.080 This man is truly a giver, and he truly practices what he preaches.
00:01:58.540 We've had the occasion of talking multiple times and always blown away by his ability to give
00:02:03.860 and the knowledge that he's going to share with us today.
00:02:07.280 Jeff, hey, I'm so excited to have you on the show today.
00:02:09.100 Thanks for joining us.
00:02:09.660 Hey, thank you.
00:02:10.320 I appreciate it.
00:02:11.000 So we don't know each other real well, but from the conversations we've had, I've really enjoyed
00:02:16.880 what we've talked about, and you're all about finding mentors and developing relationships
00:02:24.660 with other people who can help us get to where we want to be.
00:02:28.840 Did I get that right?
00:02:29.620 Yes.
00:02:30.440 Tell me a little bit about why that work's important to you and how you got into it.
00:02:34.040 Sure, so a little background on me.
00:02:36.300 My day job is medical device sales, which is a job I love.
00:02:39.400 It's awesome.
00:02:41.160 But at the end of 2013, one of my colleagues, he was 35 at the time.
00:02:45.280 He had a stroke, and luckily he survived.
00:02:47.420 But that just shook me up because here I am, wife, baby, mortgage, going, holy crap.
00:02:53.660 What happens to my wife and family if something happens to me?
00:02:57.100 And what happens if something happens to my job?
00:03:00.520 And in the very next week, my company makes a change to my commission structure, and overnight
00:03:04.580 my income is slashed by 40%.
00:03:06.760 Oh my goodness.
00:03:08.040 Yeah, so in that moment, I'm just like, holy crap, we've got to start building passive income
00:03:13.100 yesterday.
00:03:14.540 And at that time, I heard the Jim Rohn quote that you are the average of the five people
00:03:19.000 you spend the most time with.
00:03:21.700 Right.
00:03:21.920 And I'm going, who are my five, and are they where I want to be?
00:03:28.260 And the answer was no.
00:03:29.260 And so I set out on this journey just to surround myself with people who are where I want to
00:03:36.640 be.
00:03:38.020 And in a very quick period of time, all of a sudden, I'm being mentored by high-level
00:03:44.200 CEOs, really successful entrepreneurs, and these guys are pouring into me on a consistent
00:03:49.100 basis.
00:03:49.580 And when you have people at that level guiding you directly, it's amazing how fast you accelerate.
00:03:55.780 And that's why I launched my podcast, The Mentee, just to document my journey going from employee
00:04:00.340 to entrepreneur, building passive income on the sides, and recording the actual conversations
00:04:05.180 that I have with these mentors that most people never get to have.
00:04:08.140 Well, the reason I like your podcast so much is because in listening to it, you can tell
00:04:12.960 that you're genuinely interested in hearing what it is they have to say.
00:04:16.980 And I kind of feel like I'm in the room with you guys gaining all this knowledge.
00:04:21.020 So I totally agree.
00:04:22.900 How did you get in front of these top-level CEOs and go from, here's my five average guys,
00:04:30.520 two, now I'm working with these powerhouse, successful men.
00:04:35.940 How do you make that transition?
00:04:37.800 Great question.
00:04:38.420 And this is really where I want the value to be for you, the listeners, today.
00:04:42.160 My hope is that after listening to this interview, you'll be able to press the pause button and
00:04:47.220 take a few specific actions that will actually get you results, which is fun.
00:04:52.220 So it started by taking a step back and just getting clear on what it was that I wanted.
00:04:58.160 You know, I'm in this moment where I know that I have to build passive income, but what
00:05:02.980 does that look like?
00:05:03.600 What does that mean?
00:05:04.800 And I knew at that time that I wanted it to come from real estate investing.
00:05:09.320 So right away, I just started trying to take down properties, getting in escrow, out of
00:05:14.940 escrow, in escrow, out of escrow.
00:05:16.480 I wasted a ton of time, a ton of money and hardship, both emotionally, mentally, you name
00:05:22.680 it.
00:05:23.780 Right.
00:05:24.180 And then I'm going, all right, I've got this quote.
00:05:26.520 Wait, I'm the average of the five people, I'm the average of the five people.
00:05:30.340 Oh, wait, how many real estate investors do I hang out with right now?
00:05:34.380 A zero.
00:05:36.080 Yeah.
00:05:36.760 So I just went out.
00:05:37.960 So that's step one, finding out what it is you want, right?
00:05:41.240 And then I just started talking about it.
00:05:44.340 So in everyday conversations, when people say, what's up, Jeff, or what's new, or what's
00:05:50.020 going on?
00:05:50.820 Most of us always reply with, not much.
00:05:53.160 What's going on with you?
00:05:54.020 What's up with you?
00:05:54.660 Right, the basic answer.
00:05:55.900 It's a standard way to start a conversation, and it's a waste of time, frankly.
00:05:59.880 I encourage you, the listeners, after you get clarity on what it is that you want, start
00:06:03.880 talking about it.
00:06:04.940 And the subtle shift is just when people say, what's up, Brian?
00:06:10.080 You say, you know, a lot recently, I've been interested in getting into real estate, and
00:06:14.480 I want to surround myself with successful real estate investors.
00:06:17.600 Right.
00:06:18.160 No, it's a great strategy.
00:06:19.520 So why did you choose real estate?
00:06:21.240 You said you knew you wanted to get into that.
00:06:22.820 Why did you decide that would be the direction you would head initially?
00:06:26.480 I read Rich Dad, Poor Dad when I was a kid, and I crush audiobooks like it's my job.
00:06:31.220 And I forget what the stats are, but like 98% of the ultra-wealthy get their money from
00:06:38.440 real estate and business.
00:06:40.120 So real estate is a backbone of every Uber successful person's portfolio.
00:06:45.540 Hmm, should I reinvent the wheel, or should I just do what's already been proven to work?
00:06:51.080 Right.
00:06:51.340 Right.
00:06:51.760 So that was it.
00:06:53.900 And the funny story, the very first time I did this in terms of talking about it, I was
00:06:58.600 in front of this guy who is a pretty heavy hitter himself, and I'm nervous to meet with
00:07:04.540 this guy.
00:07:04.920 Just why is he meeting with me?
00:07:06.180 Oh, what do I do?
00:07:06.920 And the first words out of his mouth are, what can I do to help you?
00:07:10.160 What are you working on?
00:07:10.820 Where do you need help?
00:07:12.100 Really?
00:07:12.980 And I just spat it out so nervously like, I'm looking to get into real estate, and I
00:07:18.040 want to surround myself with successful real estate investors.
00:07:21.040 And the guy sits back in his chair and just starts rocking back and forth, and I can tell
00:07:24.540 the wheels are turning in his head.
00:07:26.200 And he goes, you know what?
00:07:27.380 Come to my house tomorrow.
00:07:28.320 I want to introduce you to somebody.
00:07:30.340 Oh, wow.
00:07:31.360 I go to his house, and he introduces me to Dave Michael.
00:07:35.360 Dave and I form a relationship.
00:07:36.700 I learned that Dave has done over 10,000 transactions in his career.
00:07:43.680 Oh, my goodness.
00:07:44.000 The guy is a multi, multi real estate investor, multi, multi-million dollar real estate investor,
00:07:50.640 and ends up taking me under his wing.
00:07:53.740 You fast forward six months from there, and now I'm a partner with him, and we own a building
00:07:56.780 in North Carolina.
00:07:58.360 Oh, my goodness.
00:07:58.940 That's awesome.
00:07:59.460 Yeah.
00:07:59.560 So have you, has it all been success for you in real estate?
00:08:02.560 Have there been some downsides to it?
00:08:03.920 What's been your experience?
00:08:04.880 Well, this is the first project we've done, and so far it's looking really good, but this
00:08:08.760 is the value surrounding yourself with the right people.
00:08:11.320 A lot of people talk about, oh, I lost so much in real estate, and it's like they didn't
00:08:14.560 know what the frick they were doing.
00:08:16.140 Dave won't buy a building or a property if he doesn't get it for 50 cents on the dollar.
00:08:23.260 If it's over 50 cents on the dollar, he does not buy it.
00:08:26.080 Because no matter what happens in the economy with the market, if he buys it for 50 cents
00:08:31.180 on the dollar, the thing is still going to cash flow.
00:08:34.580 So at that point, it's not betting.
00:08:36.400 You know the numbers when you're getting in, and that's what the most successful investors
00:08:40.280 do.
00:08:40.760 They only buy when the numbers pencil.
00:08:45.080 And so I would have never had access to a deal like this if I didn't start focusing
00:08:50.260 on surrounding myself with those people.
00:08:52.360 And very quickly, I realized that I want to be in real estate as an investor, but I don't
00:08:57.720 want that to be my profession.
00:08:59.540 And I just continued down this path, and the path is being illuminated for me on what I
00:09:05.580 really want to do when I grow up.
00:09:07.720 You would have never had access to that, but then you also, even if you did have access to
00:09:14.320 it, you would have messed it up because you didn't have somebody there walking you through
00:09:17.700 the obstacles and pitfalls that you could have avoided by working closely with somebody
00:09:22.860 who knows what they're doing, right?
00:09:24.240 Bingo.
00:09:25.380 So why do you think men are not very deliberate about this?
00:09:30.280 I know I've heard this quote by Jim Rohn that you talked about, you are the average of the
00:09:33.940 five people you spend the most time with.
00:09:35.280 But I think we get into very comfortable, very habitual lifestyles, and we surround ourselves
00:09:43.480 with people.
00:09:44.360 And as guys, we just aren't deliberate about who we should be spending our time with.
00:09:50.260 Why do you think that is?
00:09:51.240 I don't think it's, well, number one, it is not taught in schools.
00:09:54.580 It is not taught by most of our parents.
00:09:58.960 So it's just, it's not pervasive in our culture.
00:10:02.880 However, but here's the deal.
00:10:05.220 I mean, ever since you were born, you've been put in circumstances and you end up forming
00:10:09.760 relationships and all the, most of the friendships you have right now, I call them your friends
00:10:13.740 of circumstance.
00:10:14.780 You happened to grow up down the street from them, or you happened to go to school with
00:10:19.560 them.
00:10:19.740 They happened to be in your fraternity in college.
00:10:23.160 Those are friends of circumstance and not to say that they're bad people, but they were
00:10:27.960 just in an area and you formed a relationship.
00:10:30.100 Now I'm asking you to wipe the slate clean.
00:10:32.960 I'm asking you to say, where do you want to be when you grow up?
00:10:37.400 Where do you want, what do you want your life to look like?
00:10:39.160 And I want you to be honest, dream big.
00:10:41.800 Do you, do you want to be earning a million dollars?
00:10:43.500 Do you want to be earning a hundred million dollars?
00:10:45.100 Do you want to be earning a billion dollars?
00:10:47.140 Do you, you want to be in finance?
00:10:50.140 Do you want to be in real estate?
00:10:51.080 Do you want to be in sales?
00:10:52.120 Do you want to groom cats for a living?
00:10:55.280 I don't know.
00:10:56.240 What do you want to do?
00:10:57.080 Right.
00:10:57.960 Are the people you're hanging around with, are the people that you are seeking advice
00:11:02.260 from, are they where you want to be?
00:11:05.540 Right.
00:11:06.260 And the answer is no, they're not.
00:11:07.940 Never.
00:11:08.300 They're hardly ever.
00:11:09.000 Hardly ever.
00:11:09.920 The answer is no.
00:11:10.800 You need, and I'm not saying you don't, you, you nix all your friends and they're out
00:11:15.960 of your life, but I'm saying that when it comes to seeking counsel, seeking advice on
00:11:20.280 what you should be doing, you need to ask it from people who are qualified to answer.
00:11:24.980 And those are only the people who are where you want to be.
00:11:27.620 You know, what's funny is I'm a financial advisor by trade and I can't tell you how often
00:11:32.340 I've, I've given somebody a strategy or a financial plan.
00:11:35.780 And then they've said, well, let me, let me look it over.
00:11:40.440 Let me talk with it with, you know, a brother or a parent or a sibling or whatever it may
00:11:45.940 be.
00:11:46.560 And I always ask the question, tell me about that person you're going to ask.
00:11:49.900 Are they in the position financially you want to be in?
00:11:51.620 And more often than not, the answer is no.
00:11:54.000 And my knee jerk reaction is, well, why are you going to ask them about this plan?
00:11:58.560 And if it's something you should do, they're only going to give you advice to get them to
00:12:02.220 where they currently are.
00:12:03.800 And you don't want to be there.
00:12:05.380 Yep.
00:12:05.620 Yep.
00:12:06.060 I've got a funny story to tell.
00:12:08.200 There's this guy, he's a professional golfer and he wants to make some adjustments to a
00:12:13.520 swing.
00:12:14.260 And so he goes to some of his buddies, you know, they're pros as well.
00:12:18.400 And he's going, all right, what do I need to do with my swing?
00:12:20.900 And they're, they're telling him, oh, try this and try that and try that.
00:12:23.920 There was one problem.
00:12:25.240 The guys he were, he was asking for help on a swing.
00:12:28.220 They're professional baseball players.
00:12:31.060 Yeah.
00:12:31.700 Sure.
00:12:32.020 They give him advice on, on what to do with his swing, but it's a completely different
00:12:35.920 swing.
00:12:36.700 And he's wondering why he's not getting the results.
00:12:39.260 You talked a little bit about how to build the relationships that, you know, those deliberate
00:12:44.900 relationships around the people you want to be with.
00:12:47.700 Part of it is just bringing it up, right?
00:12:49.520 Are there some other strategies that you've used or implemented?
00:12:52.900 Let's say that I identify somebody who I feel like, you know, I've got to be in front of
00:12:58.680 this person and I've got to know this person.
00:13:00.940 I'm going to have a conversation with this person.
00:13:02.660 How do I then reach out and connect with that person?
00:13:04.980 So the reaching out and connecting, it's twofold.
00:13:07.060 Either a, you get, you find out what types of events or organizations they're a part of
00:13:11.840 and you attend them.
00:13:12.600 That's, that's, that is, if you can physically get in the same room, that it will boost your
00:13:17.780 odds of success drastically.
00:13:20.960 So that's one.
00:13:21.980 But the other is if you have to reach out via email or phone, um, or you know somebody who
00:13:27.320 knows them and you ask them to make a connection, referrals are always good.
00:13:30.180 But the approach is almost always the same.
00:13:34.340 You have to be more interested than interesting, right?
00:13:38.480 You have to be more interested in them than trying to get them to think that you are interesting.
00:13:44.560 And I am willing to bet that for anybody who's listening, if I challenged you to go reach
00:13:49.260 out to somebody, your approach would probably be like, this is, this is who I am.
00:13:53.900 This is what I do.
00:13:55.360 And then, uh, this is what I'm hoping to get from you.
00:13:58.140 So it's, it's very standard because you know what?
00:14:01.680 I'm trying to tell them who I am, why I'm qualified, why they would want to spend time
00:14:04.820 with me.
00:14:05.280 But what you're doing there is you're trying to get them to think that you're interesting.
00:14:09.020 Right.
00:14:09.860 Being interested means asking questions about them, doing a little research ahead of time
00:14:16.200 and saying, you know, Ryan, I know you're, I know you come from a financial background that
00:14:21.380 you're really focusing on driving order of man and impacting the male population out there.
00:14:25.840 And I know that your podcast is just starting out and I wanted to connect you with somebody
00:14:31.200 who I think could help you with your listenership.
00:14:33.260 Before I do, I wanted just to learn a little bit more about your podcast.
00:14:36.700 Could we spend 10 minutes on the phone so I can try to figure out where you're trying
00:14:39.580 to go so I can make the right connection for you?
00:14:41.960 What are the odds you're going to reply to me positively?
00:14:44.860 Of course.
00:14:45.380 Yeah.
00:14:45.820 Very high.
00:14:46.420 Why?
00:14:47.400 Because it's, it's for me, right?
00:14:49.300 It's, it's how, how I can exceed, you know, succeed at something that's important for
00:14:53.900 me.
00:14:56.320 Well, that's what you did.
00:14:57.160 So as we met, and I don't know if you, I don't know if you know this, if you remember
00:15:00.640 this, but, uh, we connected through, I think we've connected through Facebook, through some
00:15:05.920 mutual friends and the very first interaction that you and I had was you sent me either
00:15:11.380 a message or a text and you said, Hey Ryan, love what you're doing with the show.
00:15:15.600 How can I help you right now?
00:15:17.100 What is your biggest struggle right now?
00:15:18.840 And that's how we initially connected.
00:15:20.180 So you were looking out for me first and leading with value.
00:15:22.960 Bingo.
00:15:24.140 So the quick, Oh, go ahead.
00:15:25.560 I want it.
00:15:26.460 One of my mentors says, if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at
00:15:29.300 will change.
00:15:30.100 I'll say it again.
00:15:30.980 Change the way you look at things.
00:15:32.200 The things you look at will change.
00:15:33.940 Look at every single relationship like your bank account.
00:15:37.480 Can you go take money out of the ATM if you don't put money in it first?
00:15:41.660 No, no, it doesn't come out.
00:15:42.980 You have to make deposits in order to make withdrawals.
00:15:46.160 I made a deposit in Ryan.
00:15:48.660 I saw that his podcast had just come out.
00:15:50.840 I've had success with my podcast.
00:15:52.700 There were people who guided me and helped me.
00:15:55.160 I'm grateful for them.
00:15:56.040 I want to pay it forward.
00:15:57.300 So I wanted to add value to Ryan right off the bat.
00:16:01.060 Now in the process, we've been able to form a relationship and now he's adding value to
00:16:05.120 me by giving me a platform, his platform to share my message with.
00:16:10.040 Right.
00:16:10.660 Get it?
00:16:10.800 So here's one of the questions and one of the struggles that I've had personally as
00:16:16.020 I've looked to develop relationships with potential mentors in my life.
00:16:20.460 If they're exceeding in a certain area, my knee-jerk reaction is to say, great, I could
00:16:25.480 see how that would benefit me.
00:16:27.020 I understand that I need to lead with value, but what do I have and what could I offer this
00:16:35.180 person?
00:16:35.660 Great, great question.
00:16:38.560 And this will become a really big question when you start reaching out to really high
00:16:43.480 level people.
00:16:44.640 What in the world could I, Jeff Woods, possibly offer this major CEO?
00:16:51.940 What in the world do I, what could I give them?
00:16:55.520 Again, change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
00:16:59.200 I had a conversation with Jeff Hoffman.
00:17:01.640 He was on the founding team of Priceline.com and I point blank asked him, I'd like to look,
00:17:06.440 Jeff, you've been so successful.
00:17:08.500 Why in the world are you on the phone with me?
00:17:10.840 Why are you talking to me?
00:17:12.400 And he said, you know what, Jeff?
00:17:15.120 At one point in time, I had mentors who were light years ahead of me and they reached back
00:17:19.900 and grabbed my hand and helped pull me forward.
00:17:21.880 And I'm at the point in my life now where I feel like it is my obligation.
00:17:25.760 It is my obligation to reach back, grab the hand of the next generation of entrepreneurs
00:17:31.980 and help pull them forward because I believe they will change the world.
00:17:35.360 And so if I can help accelerate their success, then that's value.
00:17:40.260 What he is saying and what all of my other heavy hitter mentors have said is that they
00:17:46.860 get value by seeing me succeed.
00:17:50.600 Hmm, that's interesting.
00:17:52.720 So know that you as a mentee approaching a mentor, you are adding value to them by giving
00:18:00.440 them the opportunity to help you.
00:18:04.080 Well, and I think I look at successful guys and you and others that I've interacted with
00:18:09.160 and I've been so overwhelmed with their desire and ability to help me and want to see me succeed.
00:18:16.400 I think we have, just as humans in general, have a tendency to believe that, you know,
00:18:21.820 successful people or wealthy people are arrogant or they're jerks or they crush the little guy.
00:18:27.020 But my experience actually tells me the exact opposite.
00:18:30.420 In fact, if anything, the reason they're successful is because they want to pull up others around them.
00:18:37.680 There's a quote, if you want to go fast, go alone.
00:18:40.940 If you want to go far, go together.
00:18:42.800 Yeah, great point.
00:18:43.560 There, you know, there are the mavericks out there who just go at it on their own and they'll
00:18:47.700 achieve success.
00:18:48.520 But you know what?
00:18:49.540 It's not very sustainable.
00:18:51.500 The people who truly have long-term success, they collaborate.
00:18:56.860 They add value to others and they take people with them.
00:18:59.900 That's interesting.
00:19:00.840 You know, one of the things that I did today is I released a article on orderofman.com about
00:19:07.440 17 men's sites, websites that guys should be aware of.
00:19:13.100 And I connected with these other 17 website owners and authors.
00:19:18.200 And that post, as of today, has more than tripled the amount of visits and views and
00:19:26.780 interaction than any other post in the last two months combined.
00:19:31.320 And it's all because of collaboration, working with these other guys who are already successful.
00:19:37.620 It's helping them because they're getting visibility and it's helping me because they're
00:19:41.640 helping me raise that awareness of what we're doing.
00:19:44.580 So I can totally see how what you're saying makes sense.
00:19:47.340 There you go.
00:19:48.480 Let's look at the opposite side of this because I think a lot of the times we know that we
00:19:53.460 should interact with successful people and we should look for mentors.
00:19:57.760 But then I think on the other side is that there's people in our lives that are holding
00:20:02.220 us back, that are dragging us down and we recognize it.
00:20:04.920 And sometimes we fail to take action.
00:20:06.600 How do you eliminate or at least reduce your exposure to those who are not helping you get
00:20:12.900 to where you want to be?
00:20:13.780 That is a fantastic question.
00:20:15.400 And this is all of us are going to deal with this.
00:20:18.220 The first thing you have to do is be aware.
00:20:20.660 We all have this thermometer, this internal thermometer called our feelings.
00:20:24.480 How are we feeling when you interact with somebody?
00:20:27.020 Do you feel charged or do you feel drained?
00:20:32.020 If that person drains you, I cannot emphasize how important it is that you make an adjustment.
00:20:38.540 We're not even going to get into this today, but I'm just telling you that cutting out the
00:20:42.580 negativity is vital.
00:20:45.220 If you value your success, if you value, if you want any shot of living the life that you
00:20:50.560 want to be living, this is a must.
00:20:52.480 You cannot do it without cutting them out.
00:20:53.980 Now, I'm not saying cut all the negative people, just goodbye.
00:20:58.400 You try to rehab the relationship first.
00:21:00.800 You've got to be able to say, hey, you know, when we talk, I don't feel good.
00:21:05.780 And this is what I'm hoping for to get out of this relationship.
00:21:08.900 And here's what I'd like to see changed and see how they respond.
00:21:12.960 And for the people who don't respond well, you start distancing yourself.
00:21:19.180 Maybe you don't call them as often.
00:21:21.740 Maybe you take a few extra days to call them back or you don't call them back.
00:21:27.040 You cannot afford to have the negativity in your life.
00:21:31.600 The unfortunate thing is oftentimes this comes from family members.
00:21:36.000 It does.
00:21:36.420 Yeah, they're hard.
00:21:37.320 Those negative relationships are harder to leave than the positive ones are harder to
00:21:41.880 obtain, right?
00:21:43.360 Right.
00:21:43.620 Absolutely true.
00:21:44.500 So if it is family, if it's somebody who is relational to you and you can't just nix them,
00:21:48.400 which I have nixed people out of my life, then you just got to distance yourself.
00:21:54.240 But you need to understand how important it is that you do this.
00:21:59.120 It's a hard thing to do.
00:22:01.180 But by just saying, I don't need to do that, like, again, 98% of the people who are truly
00:22:08.320 wealthy got it from real estate.
00:22:09.840 Who am I to try to reinvent the wheel?
00:22:11.940 Same thing here.
00:22:13.400 You want to be successful, you got to nix it.
00:22:15.520 There's no avoiding it.
00:22:16.740 One of the things that I tell my kids, and especially my seven-year-old, because he's old
00:22:21.380 enough to understand what I'm talking about, is I say to him, you've got to live your life
00:22:26.100 by design, not by default.
00:22:29.760 And I think that's the trap we fall into, is we think that we're just a product of our
00:22:35.000 surroundings or what happens to us, and we aren't willing to take responsibility for the
00:22:41.540 fact that we can be a player.
00:22:43.200 We are the biggest piece in our own lives, right?
00:22:45.980 Amen to that.
00:22:46.700 I want to go back because you said you started asking yourself questions when you realized
00:22:52.680 that, hey, my job could go away.
00:22:55.040 Things could change.
00:22:55.980 I need to create some passive income.
00:22:58.160 You said you started asking yourself some questions to get you to where you are today.
00:23:02.160 What are some of the questions that you were asking yourself?
00:23:04.700 Well, where do I want to be?
00:23:06.500 You know, what do I really want my life to look like?
00:23:08.380 Let's wave the magic wand, and I get to wipe your slate clean.
00:23:16.220 All the things on your resume that lead you to the job you have now are gone, and you have
00:23:23.140 the skill set that you have.
00:23:24.680 What do you want to do?
00:23:26.600 Assuming money was no object, what do you want your life to look like?
00:23:30.200 And when you start to ask those questions, and then, you know, this is where we all get
00:23:33.440 hung up, we go, well, I don't know how to start getting there.
00:23:37.100 I don't know what the right step is to take.
00:23:40.220 Well, I'm here to tell you what that right step is.
00:23:42.420 Start surrounding yourself with those people because they will tell you what the right step
00:23:49.100 is, and you can trust that it is correct because they have taken it, and it has gotten
00:23:53.700 them the results.
00:23:54.760 How would the quality of your life change if all of a sudden, no matter what your goal
00:23:59.940 is, you had a network of people around you who could say, you know what?
00:24:03.620 You know what, Ryan?
00:24:04.340 You can do it, and I know you can do it because I was where you were.
00:24:09.020 These are the steps that I took, and these are the results that I got, and you know what?
00:24:12.500 I'm going to hold your hand along the way.
00:24:15.100 I think one of the things that I personally struggle with is I think it takes some humility
00:24:22.240 to be in that situation, and I think by default, I tend to be confident and maybe even arrogant
00:24:29.260 and prideful at times.
00:24:30.840 I think a lot of men could probably relate with that, but I think humility is the key,
00:24:36.240 understanding that, oh, man, maybe I could actually learn something from somebody else
00:24:40.980 and then implement it in the way that they would implement it, not the way you would have
00:24:45.780 it changed.
00:24:46.920 You're touching on something really important, and specifically for this audience being predominantly
00:24:50.840 male, you know, we've got egos, big, big egos, and Ryan, you mentioned you listen to my podcast.
00:24:57.600 You know, what is one of the things that you really enjoy about it?
00:25:00.720 Yeah, well, I like the fact that you're intrigued.
00:25:04.320 I can tell that you're genuinely interested in learning and that you're learning probably
00:25:08.260 just as much, if not more, than what your audience is.
00:25:10.480 So most people, when they get a platform, they want to position themselves as the experts.
00:25:14.660 I do not.
00:25:15.540 I'm just like you, but the difference is I've got a Rolodex.
00:25:21.120 I've got insanely successful people mentoring me, and I get vulnerable.
00:25:27.060 I talk about when my bank account is almost at zero and why I'm grateful that I ran out
00:25:31.640 of money.
00:25:32.960 And when you hear that, are you like, what's up with this guy?
00:25:36.680 I don't like him because he's being so honest and vulnerable.
00:25:39.080 No, no, of course not.
00:25:40.780 You learn to like and trust me because I am vulnerable.
00:25:45.160 The moral of the story here, guys, is drop the ego.
00:25:50.020 Get vulnerable.
00:25:51.620 Ask for help.
00:25:53.540 People resonate with each other when you're raw, when you're a human being, not some facade,
00:26:01.300 not some personality.
00:26:03.440 That's right.
00:26:03.980 That is the reason.
00:26:05.000 We want that connection.
00:26:05.480 Yeah.
00:26:05.680 That's the reason when you when you ask, like, why is it that many of us have a hard time
00:26:09.440 doing this?
00:26:10.000 It's because you're in your own way.
00:26:12.160 Mm hmm.
00:26:12.560 You need to drop the ego and learn to ask for help.
00:26:16.020 Well, and I can see that with you in inside of, you know, even just the name of your podcast,
00:26:20.340 the mentee podcast.
00:26:21.800 You know, most of them out there are the mentor or the coach or the expert or the guru podcast
00:26:26.480 or whatever else it may be.
00:26:27.920 So I appreciate that about what you're doing.
00:26:29.720 Mm hmm.
00:26:30.740 I'll tell you a story.
00:26:31.760 Um, one of my mentors, probably one of my closest mentors, his name's Dave Meltzer.
00:26:36.460 This guy was the CEO of the company that brought the first cell phone to the United States.
00:26:42.240 Then he went on to become the CEO of the largest sports agency in the world.
00:26:46.900 And then they went on to make a movie on it called Jerry Maguire.
00:26:49.620 This guy is a super heavy hitter and I'm hearing him speak and it is just hitting me straight
00:26:55.640 in the crosshairs, like just resonating so deeply.
00:26:58.560 And I knew I had to talk to him.
00:26:59.940 I had to approach him and I didn't know what to say.
00:27:02.920 And all the limiting beliefs we talked about today, what could I do?
00:27:05.200 What could I say?
00:27:05.860 What could I do to add value to him?
00:27:07.280 They're all popping up in my mind.
00:27:09.320 And ultimately, when it ended up coming out of my mouth when I got in front of him, as
00:27:13.160 I said, Dave, first, I want to thank you because your words, they resonated with me deeply.
00:27:17.820 And I am going through this point in my life where I'm truly lost.
00:27:23.640 And after hearing your words, I think you can really help me.
00:27:26.040 And I don't know what I could possibly do to add value to you.
00:27:29.720 But if you'd be willing to spend 20 minutes to guide me a little bit, I will find a way.
00:27:35.420 What do you think he said?
00:27:37.120 I'm sure he took you up on that.
00:27:38.340 He took me up on it.
00:27:39.220 Turns out, in the process, I find out we're basically next door neighbors.
00:27:43.520 Oh, is that right?
00:27:44.400 Yeah, and now we meet on a weekly basis.
00:27:46.200 I'll be with him tomorrow.
00:27:48.640 That approach is what resonated with him.
00:27:51.940 Because I asked him a few months down the road, you know, why did you say yes?
00:27:54.860 He goes, how could I say no?
00:27:57.020 Right.
00:27:57.360 He felt like he could not say no.
00:27:59.980 Here's what's interesting is the way you're getting me to think about this is that, and
00:28:05.360 we're talking a little bit about humility and understanding that you can learn from other
00:28:08.780 people, is that a lot of the times as men, I think we're supposed to be strong.
00:28:14.400 We're supposed to have courage, and we think that if we're prideful or those things, that's
00:28:19.660 courageous.
00:28:20.180 That's the man we're supposed to be.
00:28:21.480 But what I'm hearing you say is that it's actually probably the opposite way around, is
00:28:26.280 that humility is actually courageous.
00:28:28.180 I mean, for you to go out and put yourself out and go talk to somebody because it's uncomfortable,
00:28:33.500 that's courageous, not the other way around.
00:28:35.620 Absolutely.
00:28:36.640 You know, I'll flip it.
00:28:38.660 You've got two people in front of you.
00:28:40.580 One person is boasting about their accomplishments and how great they are and how they never
00:28:45.580 mess up and all those things, and you're looking at them and you're just going, bullshit.
00:28:49.080 Bullshit.
00:28:49.520 You're afraid.
00:28:50.860 The other person sits there and goes, you know what?
00:28:54.120 I've got big dreams.
00:28:55.940 But frankly, I suck at this, this, this, and this, but I'm really good at this, and this
00:29:00.880 is what I'm doing about it.
00:29:03.040 Who's the person you respect more?
00:29:05.460 Of course.
00:29:06.000 The guy who's real.
00:29:06.640 Who's the person that you think will actually make the moves?
00:29:10.060 Yeah, same thing.
00:29:11.020 Exactly.
00:29:12.220 What are some of the lessons that have really stuck in your mind as you've surrounded yourself
00:29:18.380 with successful people?
00:29:19.880 Are there a handful of lessons that you've heard and learned that you think we need to
00:29:23.300 be aware of?
00:29:24.100 Yeah.
00:29:24.740 Or reoccurring lessons?
00:29:25.800 The first one is being more interested than interesting, which, I forget, did we touch upon
00:29:30.680 that today already?
00:29:31.700 We did.
00:29:32.120 We talked about that a little bit.
00:29:33.260 Um, so truly being more interested in others just as, as a lead.
00:29:38.800 All the second is always adding value.
00:29:41.060 I approach every single interaction.
00:29:44.100 I consciously think, what can I do to add value to this person?
00:29:49.320 What can I do to find out what this person needs help with and try to add value to them?
00:29:57.300 And sometimes, especially if you're reaching high for these heavy hitters, you adding value
00:30:03.300 doesn't mean that you have the Rolodex for them or that you have the right connections.
00:30:07.280 But it's sometimes it's just the offer to show that you're even thinking that way adds
00:30:13.840 value.
00:30:14.560 Make sense?
00:30:15.980 Right.
00:30:16.240 Yeah, absolutely.
00:30:17.500 So let's say we surround ourselves with the right people or we have a mentor.
00:30:21.180 One of the things that you said, and I imagine that this is a pet peeve of anybody who's doing
00:30:25.240 mentoring, is that they're giving advice, but the advice is not being implemented, right?
00:30:31.480 And so are there some other things that, some pitfalls or some things that we just need to
00:30:36.380 be aware of or avoid if we actually find ourselves and get ourselves into a mentorship type
00:30:42.460 relationship?
00:30:42.980 Yes, yes, yes.
00:30:44.320 Sorry for making the cow sound, but you really struck a chord there.
00:30:48.480 When a mentor spends time with you, they are making an investment in you.
00:30:54.420 What is our most precious commodity that all of us have?
00:30:58.040 Our time.
00:30:58.620 Our time.
00:30:59.160 When they invest their time in you, they want to see a return on that investment, just like
00:31:06.780 any monetary investment, you want to see a return.
00:31:10.120 The return comes in the form of you taking action, you getting results, and you sharing
00:31:17.060 the results back with the mentor.
00:31:19.540 And when you say share results, you mean just explain what happened, correct?
00:31:25.540 Is that my understanding correctly?
00:31:27.080 Example.
00:31:27.880 Dave Meltzer spends time with me, and he gives me some guidance.
00:31:33.080 I go and I take action on it.
00:31:35.440 I get results.
00:31:36.820 I then come back to Dave two weeks later and say, Dave, two weeks ago, you told me that
00:31:40.700 I needed to drop my ego, that I needed to get out of my own way, and that I needed to
00:31:45.820 do X, Y, and Z.
00:31:48.020 I did those things.
00:31:49.720 And I want you to know how much I appreciate it, because I got these results, and I couldn't
00:31:54.560 have done it without you.
00:31:55.400 So thank you so much.
00:31:56.820 What do you think I need to be doing next?
00:31:59.540 Right.
00:31:59.980 He's been rewarded for what he's done, and you're giving him that reward, so it's encouraging
00:32:05.320 him to continue, if I'm understanding correctly.
00:32:07.360 Yes.
00:32:07.940 Yes.
00:32:08.200 I mean, I give my time out to mentor others, because I believe it's the right thing to do,
00:32:15.000 because I get value out of it, but it drives me nuts when I give people counsel, and they
00:32:20.960 don't take action, or I never hear back.
00:32:23.540 It's like, dude, I just spent a half hour on the phone with you.
00:32:26.300 What the heck happened?
00:32:28.960 Yeah, or the other one that I've heard before is, oh, no, I've tried that.
00:32:32.760 It doesn't work.
00:32:34.120 You know what I mean?
00:32:34.720 Like, you give an advice, and they say, I've tried that.
00:32:36.860 It doesn't work for me.
00:32:38.200 It's like, well, or I don't think that would work in my case, right?
00:32:42.140 Yeah, well, we can unpack that can of worms if you want to, but I don't think you want
00:32:47.100 to.
00:32:47.680 I don't know if we want to travel down that, just based on your response.
00:32:50.540 Yeah.
00:32:51.020 So you're talking a lot about giving feedback and having communication.
00:32:56.180 Let's talk about communication, because I think that's something, as men, that we all
00:33:00.160 need to improve our style.
00:33:02.580 We all need to improve our skill when it comes to communication.
00:33:05.600 What are some effective ways to communicate, to learn, and to develop that skill of communication?
00:33:12.920 Sure.
00:33:13.320 I will start by saying, and if you can remember this, if you can consider this, I think it'll
00:33:19.120 help you more than anything with your communication.
00:33:21.600 The quality of your communication is the way it is received, not the way it was intended.
00:33:29.520 How many times do you go to your wife or your significant other or your friend and say, say
00:33:40.940 something, and you mean it with the best intention, and they get offended, or they take it the wrong
00:33:45.620 way, and then you get offended because they got offended, and all of a sudden, you're fighting.
00:33:49.980 It's you, man.
00:33:51.240 It's you.
00:33:52.400 You screwed up.
00:33:54.020 It's not them.
00:33:55.240 You didn't communicate effectively.
00:33:57.460 You need to communicate in a way that people get it.
00:34:01.940 Does that make sense?
00:34:03.320 Yeah.
00:34:03.760 And how do you know that?
00:34:05.580 How do you know if someone's understanding the way that you intended it to come across,
00:34:10.520 or how do you know how that person responds to whatever it is you're going to be sharing
00:34:14.620 with them?
00:34:15.060 You're not always going to know, but for the most part, you're going to see the response.
00:34:17.940 You're going to see how are they responding.
00:34:20.760 Are they responding the way you imagined them responding?
00:34:23.640 If the answer is no, you screwed up.
00:34:25.920 It's you.
00:34:27.780 So in that moment, ask better questions.
00:34:30.680 You're going to get better answers.
00:34:32.340 Instead of just asking, well, what the heck is wrong with them?
00:34:36.940 Right.
00:34:37.620 Ask a different question.
00:34:39.160 Ask, what could I have done differently to elicit a different response?
00:34:44.820 I love that you're talking about questions.
00:34:46.740 One of my favorite quotes is, the quality of your life will be determined by the quality
00:34:52.820 of your questions.
00:34:54.120 Tony, right?
00:34:54.720 Tony Robbins?
00:34:55.900 Yes, it is.
00:34:56.800 Well, okay.
00:34:57.440 I don't want to confirm that.
00:34:58.520 Somebody told me that, and I haven't looked it up.
00:35:00.200 I need to look it up.
00:35:00.900 It is.
00:35:00.920 Because I told that to somebody else before.
00:35:02.400 It is.
00:35:02.740 And you know where I heard, ask better questions, get better answers?
00:35:06.140 Is it the same?
00:35:06.960 From the guy who was the executive vice president for Tony Robbins and built his business.
00:35:10.020 Okay.
00:35:11.020 All right, good.
00:35:11.460 Good.
00:35:11.900 I'm glad you confirmed that with me because I need to know where that is because I use
00:35:15.960 that quote all the time.
00:35:17.480 Yeah, yeah.
00:35:18.940 I heard it first from Gene, and he's a mentor of mine.
00:35:22.900 So what are some areas of life?
00:35:25.000 Obviously, you're surrounding yourself with quality mentors.
00:35:28.200 What are some areas of life that you personally have mentors in?
00:35:32.320 So I've got general life guidance, and that also kind of spills into the law of attraction
00:35:42.460 and creating everything you want in your life rapidly and accurately.
00:35:46.620 So that's one.
00:35:47.800 I certainly have a guy in real estate, Dave Michael.
00:35:51.640 I have a guy for Gene, the guy who was Tony's executive VP, is really guiding me on how I
00:35:59.820 launch my coaching business and coach others.
00:36:02.700 So he's training me how they trained everybody for Tony Robbins.
00:36:06.580 General relationships, mentor, a guy that I go to just to talk about life and how do you
00:36:15.380 treat your wife, and several others.
00:36:19.000 I mean, it really, the list is getting long.
00:36:21.900 And I think sometimes, I even think that a mentor, that's like a formal relationship, but
00:36:27.660 it doesn't always have to be that way, right?
00:36:30.160 I mean, there's different capacities for how you could have these quote-unquote mentors in
00:36:34.500 your life.
00:36:34.880 Absolutely.
00:36:35.180 I mean, and let's get it straight.
00:36:37.260 At no point in any of these did I drop down on one knee and say, Dave, will you be my mentor?
00:36:42.980 Right.
00:36:43.500 It didn't work like that.
00:36:44.540 It started out with just a conversation.
00:36:46.800 My goal was to get a conversation with this person.
00:36:50.600 And in that conversation, we set up another conversation and another one.
00:36:56.080 And over time, it develops into a mentor-mentee relationship.
00:37:00.440 And some of them I talk to on a weekly basis.
00:37:03.460 Some of them I talk to once every three months because that's all that I need at that time.
00:37:09.820 You know, it's not like it has to be a scheduled, regular thing.
00:37:12.880 Right.
00:37:13.300 It's just, it's different.
00:37:15.140 It's different for every circumstance.
00:37:17.580 It's just like other relationships.
00:37:19.320 I mean, some work out well and you hit it off right and you continue to converse and have
00:37:23.040 conversations and spend time together.
00:37:24.700 And others, they just don't.
00:37:26.500 Right.
00:37:26.720 And so those fade away.
00:37:27.860 It's not like a, like a defined start date and a defined end date.
00:37:31.420 Correct.
00:37:31.760 Well, this has been such a, a good discussion.
00:37:35.460 I know that mentors and, and finding the right people to surround yourselves with is a topic
00:37:41.680 that's important to me and the guys that are listening to this podcast.
00:37:44.720 If they want to learn more about how to connect with you and more about your podcast, how do
00:37:50.040 they do that?
00:37:50.460 Sure, sure.
00:37:50.880 She got a few options.
00:37:51.960 See, the podcast is called The Mentee, M-E-N-T-E-E.
00:37:56.540 So that's an iTunes and Stitcher.
00:37:58.720 I put something together for you guys because as I look back on the things, the specific steps
00:38:06.120 that I took to land the relationships that I have, I realized that there were really seven
00:38:11.380 steps I took to create my seven figure network.
00:38:14.360 And so I put together this action guide that you can go through to help you get clarity on
00:38:19.780 what you want, where you need to be looking, what you should be saying, and it gets results.
00:38:24.180 I've got plenty of testimonials to back it up.
00:38:27.280 So all you have to do is go to findthebestmentors.com and you will have that chance to get that free
00:38:34.280 action guide.
00:38:35.060 And, you know, it'll also take you down a few other web pages.
00:38:37.720 And for those of you that it's a fit, you know, my, I ended up interviewing my listeners
00:38:41.120 and they all kept telling me the same thing.
00:38:43.640 We want something that shows us how to do this.
00:38:46.860 We want a course.
00:38:47.620 And based on their specific feedback, I actually partnered with them to write the content.
00:38:54.280 I'm putting together a course and I'm opening it up right now for the next round.
00:38:59.340 And so when you go to that website, you'll also have an opportunity to learn more about
00:39:03.000 the course as well.
00:39:04.620 And then what we'll do is we'll make sure we have links to that in the show notes so
00:39:07.640 everybody who's listening can find out how to connect with you because I think what you're
00:39:11.040 talking about is so, so valuable.
00:39:12.780 So I've got one last question for you.
00:39:14.380 And I don't even know if I prepared you for this question, so I'm going to put you on
00:39:17.480 the spot.
00:39:18.420 And that is, what do you think it means to be a man?
00:39:24.820 What do I think it means to be a man?
00:39:26.660 I like the question.
00:39:27.520 I think it means having the honest conversation with yourself to be able to drop the ego, drop
00:39:35.560 the facade, look yourself in the mirror and say, what are my strengths?
00:39:40.040 What are my weaknesses?
00:39:41.680 Where do I suck?
00:39:43.660 And where am I just freaking awesome?
00:39:45.960 And have the humility and the confidence to approach others and ask for help so that you
00:39:53.280 can live the life that you want to be living, whether, you know, whether that's in the traditional
00:39:58.580 man run household, carry wife over shoulder to bed.
00:40:03.100 Just kidding.
00:40:05.360 You know, whatever that dream is to be audacious enough to actually go for it.
00:40:11.640 I love it.
00:40:12.540 Great explanation.
00:40:13.900 Jeff, I've appreciated having you on the show.
00:40:15.520 I've appreciated all the insights.
00:40:17.080 Again, we'll make all the links available.
00:40:18.660 Thank you for being on today.
00:40:19.840 Of course.
00:40:20.280 Thanks, Ryan.
00:40:20.680 Appreciate the time.
00:40:23.180 Guys, if you did not take notes for this show, head over to orderman.com slash 011.
00:40:28.380 I've got all the links, the notes, the resources, everything that you'll need to get more information
00:40:32.980 about what we learned.
00:40:34.200 And if your wheels are not turning right now on who your mentor should be in your life, I
00:40:39.440 don't know what else will convince you that having a mentor is a step that every man should
00:40:43.980 take.
00:40:44.300 Now, next week, I've got a very special guest interview lined up.
00:40:48.220 He's one of my favorite people on this planet.
00:40:51.440 I'm not going to ruin the surprise for you, but I will tell you that the conversation is
00:40:54.800 going to be real.
00:40:55.960 It's going to be authentic.
00:40:57.380 It's going to be genuine.
00:40:58.860 And it's going to be all about what it means to be a man.
00:41:01.220 So, I have two asks today.
00:41:03.760 Number one, leave us a rating and review, if you would, at orderman.com slash iTunes.
00:41:09.060 And hit me up also on Facebook and Twitter.
00:41:12.320 Let me know what you think of the show.
00:41:13.780 Connect with me.
00:41:14.520 I try to be very responsive on those things and connect with you guys.
00:41:17.820 So, I look forward to hearing from you.
00:41:19.460 Thanks again for being here today.
00:41:20.760 And I will look forward to being with you here next week.
00:41:24.460 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:41:27.420 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:41:31.100 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.