OoM 012： 8 Skill Sets Every Man Must Master
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Summary
In this episode, my son joins me to discuss what it means to be a man and the 8 skills every man must master in order to become a better man. He also gives some funny examples of what a man should do when faced with a manly example.
Transcript
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I've had a lot of conversations over the past several months about what it means to be a man,
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and I've heard a variety of answers from the clothes that we wear, to the cars we drive,
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to the women we date, and also the virtues that we adhere to as men. So in an attempt to bring
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some clarity to the conversation and help you earn more, live a more fulfilled life, and be a man,
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I've narrowed it down to eight skill sets every man must learn to master.
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly charge
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You are not
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easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are.
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This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself
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a man. Welcome back to the Order of Man podcast. As always, I'm glad that you're listening today.
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I'm going to be mixing things up a bit. First, I want to have a conversation with you about what
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it means to be a man. As I mentioned in the introduction, I've had and heard a lot of different
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ideas of what it means to be a man, and after hundreds of conversations with some of the world's
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most successful men, I've been able to narrow it down to eight skill sets that I believe every man
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must master in order to call himself a man in today's society. But before I get into that,
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I do want to encourage you to stick around after that conversation because I have a very special
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guest on today, it's my son. Now, he's been on a previous podcast that he did, and he knows that
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I've been doing this podcast for the last several months, and so he asked me if he could be on this
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show. And my thought is that this project is all about helping men become better men, and what better
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time to start learning than at seven years old. So you'll hear that conversation with my son about
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what it means to be a man in a bit. He gives some pretty funny examples, and he also rats me out on
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one of my less than stellar manly examples to him. So before we get into that, I want to remind you
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that you can find all the links, the notes, the resources to this show at orderofman.com
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slash 012. Now let's get into the eight skill sets that every man must master. And before I
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get into this, I want you to know that you don't need to necessarily be a master at these eight skill
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sets, but they're things that you need to be working on. You need to be striving to improve. You need to be
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striving to better yourself on. And the very first one, and by the way, these are not necessarily
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in order, but I think the first one is perhaps and arguably the most important skill set that you as
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a man can develop to help you get ahead in life, to help you accomplish the things that you want to
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accomplish. And the very first skill set that I'm talking about is relationships. Now it could be a
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relationship with a higher power. It could be a relationship with your family or friends or
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colleagues, coworkers, you name it, but you've got to learn to be better in your relationships.
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You've got to build powerful relationships with friends and family and coworkers. It's necessary
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to achieve any level of success. There's not a man out there who got to any measure of success
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without some help along the way. And finding friends and finding people that you can surround
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yourself with that will help you accomplish those goals is absolutely paramount to your success. And
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not only all about your success, but it's also about the success of the people around you. So
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you've got to find a way to resonate with people, to build influence with people, to learn how to
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communicate with those who you want to communicate with, because relationships are a very, very powerful
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tool in a man's arsenal to accomplish the things that he's setting out to do. The next thing that I want
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to talk about, number two on this skillset list is intellect. I think intellect is sometimes maybe
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one of the harder ones because it requires time. It requires effort. It requires humility. And I know
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as a man that humility is not necessarily one of my strong suits. And I think as guys, we tend to
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believe a lot of the times that we have it all figured out or we know it all. But the minute that
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you start to believe that, the minute you start to believe that you know it all, and there's nothing
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that can be learned about a particular subject is the minute that you actually start falling behind
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because there's people coming up behind you that are continually learning, putting themselves out
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there. Now, the best thing about learning is that information is so readily available. I mean,
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we've literally got it at the palm of our hands and our cell phones and access to the internet and our
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computers and all of our devices that we use, we've got access to something out there. Now,
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I don't have it all figured out. You don't have it all figured out. There's not a person out there
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that has everything figured out. But what we can do is we can find resources and we can find other
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men and other people who have figured it out in a certain topic. For example, mentorship. We talked
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a lot about, and I think it was orderaman.com slash 011. Last week, we talked about finding mentors
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and finding those in your life who can help you get to where you want to be. So intellect is a skill
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set that every man must learn to develop if he hopes to have any chance of getting ahead in this
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life. Now, the next skill set that I want to talk about is that of leadership. Now, at some point in
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your life, if you have not been already, you will be called upon as a leader. It could be in your
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business or your family or your community and your level of preparation to lead will determine the
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success of those that you are leading. People will turn to you and your ability to influence at
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that time, at that point, is really what's going to help you get to where you want and help those
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around you get to somewhere that they thought or did not believe that they could get to on their own.
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Now, on the podcast that can be found, I think it was our sixth podcast, so orderaman.com slash 006,
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I talk with a guest about how to build influence and what that word influence means when it comes to
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leading. Now, I think a lot of the times when people hear the word influence, we think of control
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or power over somebody, and that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is respect,
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earning the respect of those around you so that they look to you as a leader. They look to you as
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someone who can take them somewhere that they thought maybe they couldn't have gone on their own.
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So be sure to tune in to orderaman.com slash 006. Again, that talks all about influence and
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leadership. Now, the fourth skill set that I want to address is manly skills. Now, what do I mean when
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I talk about manly skills? Of course, there's the element of changing the oil on your car or throwing
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a baseball or learning to use the tools around your shop. And while that's important, that's not
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all that I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is resourcefulness. I'm talking about using the tools
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and using the resources around you to be able to accomplish what you need to accomplish. Again,
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you may find yourself in a situation where you will have to either get out of a sticky situation or
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try to get into a position you want to be in using only the tools and resources available within your
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grasp and your ability to be able to manipulate and use those tools and use those resources as what's
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going to spell the difference between failure and success. Now, the person who comes to mind,
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one of the probably the most manly men that you can think of is MacGyver. And if you know anything
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about MacGyver, he could use a match and a shoestring to get out of any situation there was or create a
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bomb or whatever, you name it. He could do it with a match and a shoestring. And that's what I'm talking
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about here. What is it that you can do with the resources available to you to be successful? So I'm
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encouraging you at this point to learn to work with tools, experiment, fail. You know, for me,
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for example, I do a lot of work around the house because it's something I enjoy. But six months ago,
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a year ago, five years ago, I actually ended up doing more harm than good when I would try to do a
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project or fix the sink around the house. I should have just left it alone. But at this point, I'm able
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to develop and I'm able to be a little bit better with my tools and figure things out. And that's what
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I'm talking about here is resourcefulness, figuring things out. And all of those things with manly
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skills, that is what it means to be a man. A couple of examples that I can think of as far
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as manly skills. Number one, sharpening a knife, changing the oil in your car, throwing a baseball,
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swinging a hammer, basic electric and plumbing, wilderness survival. All of the things that we
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talk about on the site and in the blog and the podcast, those are things that you need to be
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developing as a man. Now, the fifth one, and this is probably the one that hits home most for me,
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because in my day job, if you didn't know this already, is I'm a financial advisor. And that's
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what I do by trade. It's amazing to me how many people do not have their money situation figured
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out. You've got to find a way to make money work for you. And what I'm talking about here is paying
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off debt, staying out of debt, working with a budget, saving and investing, doing all the things
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that you should be doing to be successful. Now we hear a lot of things like money's the root of all
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evil. And I totally disagree with that. Money is what allows you to do what it is you want to do.
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And all of those things, for the most part, are noble and they're virtuous. And those are the
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things that you should be pursuing. But it takes a mastery of money to be able to accomplish the
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goals that you have in life. So think about those goals. Think about what it's going to take to reach
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those goals. And I guarantee there's some monetary factor that goes into accomplishing that. So work
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with a financial advisor, turn to resource, listen to podcasts, but figure out the money situation so
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that you can accomplish the things that you want to. And that it's not always consumed by the money
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conversation or the stress that comes with not having that figured out. The next skill set I want
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to talk about is physical fitness. Now, a year and a half ago, I literally weighed 50 pounds more
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than I do today. I felt horrible. I was out of shape. I was overweight. I was lazy. I was tired.
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I was a slob. You name it. I just did not feel good. And I got to this point where I just realized
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I have got to do something. I've got to change my life around. And when I started working out,
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when I started eating better, everything changed. Not just my physical appearance, although that was good,
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but my relationships with my family, my love life, my business, everything changed when I became more
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physically fit, when I started eating better and I eliminated sugars and I started exercising and I
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started watching what I was eating and what I was doing. So I would encourage you as a man to learn to
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become more physically fit, regardless of what level you're at right now. The more fit that you can be,
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the better able you are to accomplish the things that you want to accomplish and be the man that you
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were meant to be. Now, part of our responsibility as men is to be protectors. And there's no way we
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could be an optimal protector if we aren't physically fit. And so I would encourage you to do that. Work
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out, eat better, find a time to get into the habits that will help you have a more fulfilled life by the
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activities that you do and the level of fitness that you're at. Now, the seventh conversation, the seventh
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skill set that I want to talk about is that of self mastery. Your world and your reality is a direct
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reflection of the information that goes into your mind and therefore comes out of your mind. So if
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garbage goes in, negativity, negative people, pornography, you name it, those things going into
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your mind, the only outcome and the only result from those things are negatives. But if you put success
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in, and we talked a little bit about this in the intellect section, if the things that are going
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into your mind are uplifting books, uplifting talks, uplifting conversations, you're around people
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that motivate you. And those are the types of things that are going into your mind, then success is
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naturally going to come out. And so I'm also talking about discipline, commitment, integrity, honor,
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all of those things that you need to learn to master. Now I found that for me, that the natural man
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is lazy, is prideful, is stubborn, and of course, many other less than appealing traits. And I, again,
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I know that's true for me. And so we've got to, as men, continually work on our self mastery. We've
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got to be disciplined and committed and dedicated. All of those things that we look at in other men,
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and we look around as examples, we've got to become those things, self mastery. Now the eighth one,
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and this may come as a bit of surprise to you. I know that six months or a year ago, if you would
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have told me this, I would have also been as surprised, but that is that of style and fashion.
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How real men can use style and fashion to achieve what they want to achieve in life. And here's how
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you have to look at this. The way that you look, the clothes that you wear, the way your hair is done,
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the way your beard is groomed, all say something about you. I mean, know a lot about first impressions,
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and whether it's fair or not, it's the reality that people base their decisions off first impressions.
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So as a man, you need to learn to use appearance and fashion and style as a tool. Just as a carpenter
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might use a hammer to build a masterful home, you've got to use your appearance and style as a
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deliberate tool to help you be more successful. And the analogy I might use is I want you to consider
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that you're hiring somebody for a position at your work, at your office or career. And the guy comes
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in in a pair of baggy cargo shorts. He comes in in a t-shirt that might have some holes. He doesn't look
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like he's showered in a few days. He's got some sandals on and his hair's messed up and his beard's
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not groomed if he hasn't shaved at all. What is the likelihood of that man getting the job? What is
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the likelihood of that man even getting past the first question without you making a decision?
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Now, on the other hand, I want you to imagine a man comes in in a suit or in a nice pair of jeans
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and a button-up shirt. His hair is cut. If he has facial hair, it's very well maintained and he looks
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the part. He looks professional. And even before a word is uttered from his mouth, you can tell that
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this is somebody who's got his stuff together. So use appearance and fashion and style to your
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advantage as a man. So there are the eight skill sets that every man must learn to master if he wants
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to call himself a man in today's society. So let's recap those really quick. Number one,
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relationships. Building powerful relationships to help you accomplish what you want to accomplish.
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Number two, intellect. Gaining more knowledge. Finding resources. Finding mentors who can help
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you be successful. Number three is leadership. Learning to build influence with those around you
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so you can help them accomplish what it is they want to accomplish. And in turn, they will help you
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accomplish those things as well. Number four, manly skills. Doing things around the house. Being
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resourceful. Learning to work with tools. All those things that make a man. Number five, money and
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career. Building wealth. Staying out of debt. Getting in the habits that will help you be successful
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with money so you can attract more money in your life. Number six, physical fitness. Being active. Eating
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right. Feeling good. All of those things that are important as a man. Number seven, self-mastery.
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Getting your mind right. Discipline. Commitment. Dedication. And thinking about the things that go
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into your mind so that the things that come out as a result are success and the things that you want
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to come out. Be deliberate about that. And then number eight, we just went through style and fashion.
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Using your appearance as a tool to help you get ahead in life. So guys, I hope that you enjoyed those
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eight skill sets. I hope that makes sense. What I would like you to do is leave us a comment. And again,
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you can go to order of man.com slash zero one two and let us know if you agree. Let me know if I missed
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something. Let me know if I overlooked something. Let me know if you agree with something. Now, I do want
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to get into the second segment of this podcast, which is the interview with my son. So without further ado,
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Hey, Brecken, I'm so excited. You came on the show before and I'm excited to have you on the show again
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today. Me too. So you came on with when I was running the podcast Wealth Anatomy. And what did
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we talk about that time? Animals, what they do like running fast and jumping and stuff like that. Do you
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remember why we talked about animals? Because they were my favorite thing. Are they still or has that
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changed? They're still kind of. Kind of. What else do you like? I like monster trucks also. That's it.
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Monster trucks and animals. So what are you going to do when you grow up? Be a veterinarian. You still
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want to do that? Yeah. All right. So do you know what we're going to talk about today? Being a man.
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Being a man. And why are we doing that? Because I have a new podcast called Order of Man now.
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Do you remember what Order of Man is all about? It's being a man. And so what does that mean to you?
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What do you think it means to be a man? It means to be strong and be a protector.
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Good answers. I like those. Anything else that you can think of what it means to be a man?
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No. Who are some of your favorite men would you say? My dad. That's a good answer. Who else?
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Some wrestling people that I don't know their names. Okay. And my grandpa. And that's mostly it.
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And so why do you like those people? What about those men do you like?
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They're strong and they can do a lot of stuff that I can't.
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Well, my grandpa worked at a train station. I can't do that. And my dad, he lifts up weights.
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I can't do that. Only like a one pound or a nine.
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Only a one or a nine pound? I bet you can lift up more than that.
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All right. So you think being a man is about lifting up weights? Is that all?
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No. It's being courageous, strong, and working hard.
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Do you think you can develop all those things? Do you think you can get better at those things?
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And how do you do that? How do you think a man can work on those things?
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First, he has to like do it a lot to know what to do. Or he might go somewhere to learn how to do that. And that's how you do those things.
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So where would you go? Like if you wanted to learn how to work at a train station, where would you go?
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Okay. That makes sense. And so what do you think it means to be courageous? You said one of the things that makes a man is that he's courageous. What do you think that means?
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Like what? How can you be courageous? Give me an example.
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By going into a bear's den without getting eaten.
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I think you'd figure out pretty quick what it would do to you if you went into its den.
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All right. So let's talk... Okay. So you said a man is brave and courageous and strong. Do you know what mentally strong means?
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Do you know what mental... Do you know what that word is?
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Because when you're talking about strong, you're talking about strong muscles. Like you usually have me flex my muscles, right?
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You're flexing yours right now. Those are getting pretty big.
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I just practice monkey bars and lifting up on stuff.
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I like it. And so when I talk about having a strong mind, what do you think that means?
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Okay. Now let's talk about the differences between men and women. Do you know what the difference is? What would you say are the differences between men and women?
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How about their personalities? What's the difference between men and women and their personalities?
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You think that's a risk? Do you think when I go to my office that I'm risking my life? Not usually. I sit behind a desk.
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Yeah, but you have to work on lots of paperwork sometimes.
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That's true. And you've helped me with my paperwork before, huh?
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So let's talk about you're a boy. How old are you?
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20 years? Why? What happens at 20 years old that makes him a man?
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At 20 you find a girlfriend and once you find a girlfriend, boom, you're a man?
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Okay. I like it. What do you think about this beard I'm growing?
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Because there's this story that says this guy had long, long hair.
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And there was these bad guys and they went to the wife and said, will you cut off his hair?
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And so that's why I should keep my beard out growing out like this?
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All right. So let's talk about some other things that men do. So men are dads, right?
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That's right. And so am I a good dad, do you think?
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My dad, one time we were just working, putting bricks in this wheelbarrow and he tipped the
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wheelbarrow over and he threw his shovel and he stomped his foot and went, ah, nobody was
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helping me. And my mom shaved his hair because he was not acting good.
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All right. So you think I have temper tantrums. You call them sissy fits.
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So what are some things that I need to improve on as a dad?
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Do you think a lot of men do that? Do they throw sissy fits like you say?
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All right. So you said you look up to me, you look up to your grandpa, you look up to
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some wrestlers. Why do you look up to wrestlers?
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What do you think is the toughest, the most manliest job on the planet?
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I don't know, but there's ropes and like showing people pull the ropes down and it lifts up.
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No, actually me and my dad and my brother, there was this hot rod and me and my brother
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Yeah, we did. Okay. So what else? What are some other manly jobs?
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Because they are, they might get killed in the fire.
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No, you weren't born yet. It was just me and mom, right?
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So what are some of the cool activities that men like to do?
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Work hard, work together, and build stuff together. That's mostly it that I know.
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What kind of stuff? Like if you could build anything in the world, what would you build?
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I would like build like a little car like you race in like a dune buggy, something like that.
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That would be awesome. What would you do with it?
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The entire block? So you like my, we're in my man cave right now where I do my podcast,
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and you like it in here. What do you think is cool about being in here?
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He has all his metal, old stuff that my grandpa had, two axes, American flag, big wrenches.
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It's a, um, it's one of the Broncos football shirt.
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What do you think about those axes on the wall?
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You can. And how do you, so what do we do with those axes?
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Sometimes we take pictures of my dad cutting wood with them.
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We just take pictures. I did a photo shoot with me cutting wood, right?
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All right. What else do you think? I want to know about men and some of the mistakes that men make.
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What do you think are the mistakes that men make?
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So why just sometimes? Is it good sometimes? Other times?
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Yeah, like if it's a little simple thing, it's all right.
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What else? Why else is it okay to fight sometimes, do you think? Or do you think it's not okay?
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Well, you'll get hurt, and I don't really want to get hurt, so that's why I don't really fight that much.
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But is there a reason? Is there ever a reason to fight?
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That one of my friends, I want to be like him, he dived when somebody was almost at their touchdown.
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And I like basketball because it's just fun running and jumping and making coops.
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Do you think it makes you better doing those things?
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What about reading? Do you think reading's manly?
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Yeah, you can learn new stuff, learn about new stuff and stuff like that.
00:27:37.680
So if anybody says something like that, like a question about that, and you haven't read
00:27:46.180
that book like they said, you won't know what to say.
00:28:07.200
We talked about the eight skill sets that every man must master.
00:28:10.720
And of course, we just finished up and had a great conversation with my son about what
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Again, you can find the notes to this show at orderaman.com slash 012.
00:28:21.740
But the only other thing that I would ask for this week is for you to leave a rating
00:28:26.260
and review for the show at orderaman.com slash iTunes.
00:28:30.020
I've talked with a lot of men who've expressed gratitude for the work we're doing.
00:28:33.400
And I think it's safe to say that you've got friends and colleagues and family members
00:28:36.800
who would also find value from the information that we're sharing about how to be a man in
00:28:42.320
Now, next week, I've got a man coming on the show who talks all about family leadership.
00:28:46.160
Now, if you didn't know this before the show, leadership is a huge part of being a
00:28:51.140
And so my guest next week teaches us how to be better leaders in our home and with
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Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:29:04.100
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:29:08.140
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.