Order of Man - June 16, 2015


OoM 013： How to Lead Your Family with Jackie Bledsoe


Episode Stats

Length

45 minutes

Words per Minute

214.28105

Word Count

9,851

Sentence Count

670

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

5


Summary

Jackie Bledsoe is a professional blogger, author, speaker, and speaker. He is also the author of The Seven Rings of Marriage and co-hosts the Seven Rings Of Marriage Web Show with his wife, where they share practical marriage lessons and interview other couples to help them have lasting and fulfilling marriages. In this episode, Jackie shares why leadership is one of the most important roles you can take on as a man.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 As men, we know that we'll be called upon as leaders.
00:00:02.320 In fact, it's one of the primary responsibilities of being a man.
00:00:05.160 And most of the time, we focus on how we can lead our team or business endeavors to success.
00:00:09.400 But my guest today makes the strong case for why leadership in your family
00:00:13.640 is one of the most important roles that you can take on as a man.
00:00:17.560 You're a man of action.
00:00:18.620 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:23.380 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:27.820 You are not easily deterred or defeated.
00:00:30.140 Rugged.
00:00:30.980 Resilient.
00:00:32.020 Strong.
00:00:32.880 This is your life.
00:00:34.000 This is who you are.
00:00:35.400 This is who you will become.
00:00:37.080 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:43.000 Men, welcome back to the Order of Man podcast.
00:00:45.120 My name is Ryan Mickler.
00:00:46.020 We are on a roll.
00:00:47.200 I want to thank all of you who have listened to the podcast,
00:00:49.520 and especially if you've listened to last week's episode, episode 12.
00:00:53.460 I've got a lot of response in the form of emails and messages about the conversation that I had
00:00:57.860 with my seven-year-old son.
00:00:59.840 It was a great interview with him.
00:01:01.100 He called me out on some of my crap, told me where I needed to improve as a man,
00:01:04.300 and I got a lot of positive response from those of you who listened to that.
00:01:08.720 So I encourage you to listen in if you haven't done so already.
00:01:11.720 And that interview, again, it's episode 12.
00:01:13.900 That interview is the second half of the show.
00:01:16.300 So if you go to orderaman.com slash 012, you can listen to him.
00:01:20.400 He's real.
00:01:21.100 He's authentic, and he doesn't pull any punches with me.
00:01:24.580 So check it out.
00:01:25.960 Also, I've got some cool projects that I am working on that I need to make you aware of.
00:01:30.240 These are projects that I am putting together because you asked me to.
00:01:34.100 So please, please, please keep the ideas coming.
00:01:36.520 If there's something you want me to put together or address, I will do everything in my power to make it available.
00:01:41.400 That's what Order of Man is all about, a group of men trying to become better men.
00:01:45.980 And so those ideas, I will incorporate as many as I can.
00:01:48.740 The first project is a guide to the perfect morning ritual,
00:01:52.280 what I and other successful men do each and every day so that we can start our days off right.
00:01:56.640 And then the second, which I'm really excited about, is an online course.
00:01:59.960 Now, I don't have the title yet, but I did release a YouTube video a couple of weeks ago,
00:02:03.840 and I've had so much feedback and excitement for what is titled
00:02:08.000 The Eight Skillsets Every Man Must Master.
00:02:10.800 And that video and online course, I'm thinking it'll probably be released in the next 90 days,
00:02:15.700 so I'm excited about that.
00:02:16.760 And if you want to be the first to know about when those two projects are available,
00:02:20.860 head over to orderofman.com, enter your information.
00:02:25.020 I'll shoot you an email with the updates and when that'll be available.
00:02:28.420 Also, be sure, if you want to check out the show notes for today's episode,
00:02:31.680 you can do so at orderofman.com slash 013.
00:02:36.100 Now, let me introduce my guest.
00:02:37.840 So today, again, I have the pleasure of introducing Jackie Bledsoe.
00:02:41.300 Jackie is a professional blogger.
00:02:43.260 He's an author.
00:02:43.820 He's a speaker.
00:02:44.440 But what I like about Jackie is that first and foremost, he is a husband and a father.
00:02:49.440 He encourages men to better lead and love their families through his blog,
00:02:54.680 which can be found at JackieBledsoe.com.
00:02:56.880 He's also the author of The Seven Rings of Marriage.
00:02:59.660 And with his wife, they co-host The Seven Rings of Marriage web show.
00:03:03.180 And they share practical marriage lessons and they interview other couples to help them have lasting and fulfilling marriages.
00:03:09.200 So he's also, check this out, a contributor to All Pro Dad, Disney's Babble.com, The Good Men Project, Huffington Post.
00:03:15.260 And his work has been featured on Yahoo, USA Football, Michael Hyatt, Coach Up, and many more.
00:03:20.060 So the man knows what he's talking about when it comes to family leadership.
00:03:24.120 And I am really, really excited to have him on the show today.
00:03:26.960 Hey, Jackie.
00:03:27.440 Thanks for joining us on the show.
00:03:28.740 Awesome.
00:03:29.180 Thank you, Ryan.
00:03:29.720 I'm excited to be here.
00:03:30.560 So I came across your work and I'm really intrigued with the idea of family leadership.
00:03:35.400 And I know you talk about a lot of other things, but why don't you tell me really briefly why and what you're doing and how you got into the work that you're doing now?
00:03:42.320 Yeah, definitely.
00:03:43.240 I kind of accidentally got into it.
00:03:45.200 I started a few years ago trying to build an online business, which failed pretty quickly.
00:03:50.180 So I discovered that the reason it failed is because I had no platform online.
00:03:54.660 And I discovered that platform builders start with a blog.
00:03:57.580 So that's how I started.
00:03:59.140 And I kind of jumped in there, right?
00:04:01.000 I didn't know what to write about.
00:04:02.020 So I wrote about the experiences that I was going through and really geared towards personal development.
00:04:06.820 I felt like I had made a lot of mistakes that led me to where I was.
00:04:10.280 So I figured there were other men as well.
00:04:12.020 And what I found quickly was that a lot of the articles, a lot of the posts that I wrote on marriage and family, personal development lessons that came from my relationship with my wife and my interaction with my kids really hit it off with the few people at the time that were reading my blog.
00:04:29.360 And it just kind of took off from there.
00:04:30.700 So why do you think – that's funny you say the few people because I know exactly what that is.
00:04:34.820 Like my wife and my mom read my blog when I very first started.
00:04:38.220 So why do you think it resonated so well?
00:04:42.720 What about that topic?
00:04:44.020 Was it something you were passionate about and that came through?
00:04:46.560 Or was it just something that resonated well?
00:04:48.600 What's your thoughts there?
00:04:49.840 Yeah, definitely.
00:04:50.420 You know, over time, there was a point when I was writing and I just had this passion towards men because I know me as – I felt like I had failed as a family leader.
00:05:00.760 And I looked at it as, okay, yes, I've been successful in various areas.
00:05:04.860 But when it came to this, I felt like I failed.
00:05:06.680 I felt like I wasn't loving my wife like she needed to be loved.
00:05:09.500 I wasn't leading my kids like they needed to be led.
00:05:12.000 And I wasn't providing the things that they needed as the father, as the leader, as the head of household, all those different terms that we have.
00:05:19.340 And I believe there's a lot of other guys that could relate to that.
00:05:23.240 We can be – sometimes we look so successful and things look so great on the outside because of our jobs and our careers.
00:05:29.900 But inside, we're hurting or we're crumbling because we know at home it's not the way we would like it to be.
00:05:34.660 So I don't want to put you on the spot too much or get too personal.
00:05:37.820 But is there an experience or is there something, maybe it was a trigger that happened in your life that made you kind of wake up in a way and realize that, hey, I'm not being the kind of husband and father that I should be?
00:05:49.340 Yeah, I think there were experiences.
00:05:50.720 But also over time, I've always been very passionate about family.
00:05:55.940 My dad was the same way.
00:05:57.300 My grandpa was the same way.
00:05:58.680 Just loved spending time with our family.
00:06:00.560 And I wanted to do that as well, especially with the kids and things like that.
00:06:04.760 But early on when I was working traditional J-O-B, it was hard to spend that time.
00:06:10.520 Then I got the entrepreneur bug and I figured that would be a great way to do it.
00:06:13.860 But then I was struggling in that area as well as at home.
00:06:17.180 And probably one of the biggest things that happened that really rocked my world, rocked our family's world was through business failures, job loss.
00:06:28.200 We ended up where we weren't able to afford our home and we were homeless for a period of time.
00:06:32.960 So literally sleeping on basement floors of friends.
00:06:36.400 Friends had hotel points saved up that they'd given us.
00:06:39.160 One friend went out of town or went on vacation for a month or so.
00:06:43.600 They allowed us their home.
00:06:44.900 Those were humbling times.
00:06:46.240 And I was just like, this is not what it's supposed to be.
00:06:49.440 I'm not doing my job because I took full responsibility for it.
00:06:52.860 And that kind of set a lot of the course of what I would do later.
00:06:56.180 Yeah, I think that's really interesting because, you know, one of the primary roles as a man in inside of the home is obviously to provide.
00:07:04.200 So I know when when things aren't going as well financially or I'm not able to provide the way that I want to provide, I feel exactly the same way that it sounds like you must have felt as well.
00:07:14.780 Definitely.
00:07:15.700 How was your wife during this time?
00:07:17.500 Was it hard for her?
00:07:18.100 I mean, obviously it was hard for her.
00:07:19.260 But was was she supportive?
00:07:21.060 Is this where you guys started working on the blog?
00:07:23.120 What happened next?
00:07:23.940 Yes, she she's always been supportive.
00:07:26.000 Of course, it was hard.
00:07:27.200 It hurt, you know, and we didn't always see things eye to eye in that that season.
00:07:33.380 You know, there were my method of here's how we're going to climb out of this hole was not necessarily what her method would be.
00:07:39.040 So those are some times that we did.
00:07:40.420 But it is.
00:07:40.860 But she was always supportive.
00:07:42.360 You know, I would say if it wasn't, you know, my wife is a champion, you know, is a rock that she the support never wavered and I never had to question it.
00:07:51.540 So while I was trying to figure this out, I didn't have to worry about, OK, is my wife going to be here?
00:07:56.000 Is she going to stay here?
00:07:57.560 You know, what's going to happen?
00:07:59.160 That was always in line.
00:08:02.440 Now, as you know, the blog and stuff, we didn't start working on it together.
00:08:05.800 Like I said, it just kind of came out.
00:08:07.200 That was one of the ideas.
00:08:08.340 I thought that we could help to bring us out of the financial struggles that we were in is to start a business online.
00:08:13.300 Didn't work.
00:08:14.320 Failed quickly.
00:08:16.080 But that did that failure opened up the opportunity to finally start the blog that led to what we're doing today.
00:08:22.920 So and now, you know, she's really not been a part of any of that.
00:08:26.200 The first business she was.
00:08:28.380 But when I started blogging, it wasn't really her.
00:08:31.660 She didn't have a role in it.
00:08:32.780 Now she does as we're doing some things together to help marriages.
00:08:35.880 So what was the other business?
00:08:37.340 You said you had some some some failures in the past.
00:08:40.100 Do you mind sharing with us what what you were doing that didn't quite work out before what you're doing now?
00:08:45.220 Yeah, the online business that led us to where we are now is kind of a online marketing business.
00:08:51.740 So basically what we were doing was we were connecting with companies and we were going to market for them online.
00:08:57.520 And when I say we, that's my wife.
00:08:59.060 We're going to use our family to do that, to create content online around their product and service,
00:09:04.120 wearing their paraphernalia shirt.
00:09:07.360 It was mainly shirts, T-shirts didn't work.
00:09:09.880 We got two customers.
00:09:10.800 So when I say it failed quickly, it failed quickly.
00:09:13.380 And I underestimated a lot of things.
00:09:15.040 There's so many lessons that that's a whole nother podcast that I learned from that.
00:09:18.160 But bottom line is we got two customers who were friends of ours.
00:09:21.980 So, you know, I don't know if they're real customers other than just a favor.
00:09:25.920 But, you know, that while that was hard, that was embarrassing that we launched and didn't do anything with it.
00:09:33.920 It again opened the door.
00:09:35.960 It turned my head to some things that I would have never looked at had I not gone through that because that put me hard into researching and trying to find out what.
00:09:43.540 And that led me to the blog.
00:09:44.700 That's fascinating because I've actually have a similar experience where I started another podcast and a brand before this.
00:09:52.580 And it just has not been nearly as successful as Order of Man has been over the past eight weeks.
00:09:57.740 But there's so many learning experiences that come from that as long as we have the right perspective to say, yeah, maybe that failed.
00:10:04.380 But what can I take away and implement in my next project or my next whatever it may be to be successful?
00:10:10.140 Right.
00:10:10.360 Definitely.
00:10:10.860 Definitely.
00:10:11.300 And for me, that was you need a platform.
00:10:13.140 That was the biggest lesson that came out of that.
00:10:15.000 And, you know, a guy told me you are nobody when I was trying to launch this business.
00:10:19.240 And he was basically meaning online.
00:10:20.880 Nobody knows you.
00:10:22.400 OK, let me start with the blog.
00:10:23.920 And then that blog led to me being able to speak about my passion.
00:10:27.700 You know, I discovered even more and discovered that there were other people that were having the same struggles, that were passionate about the same things and and needed that message.
00:10:36.900 So I'm thankful for that failed business and, you know, all that the time and effort we put in to to really not make any money.
00:10:45.300 And it wasn't a waste of time, though.
00:10:47.240 One of the things that you mentioned is you said that when you were going through that hard time that you and your wife weren't always on the same page as far as how to get out of the position or situation you were in.
00:10:57.360 But how did you come to some common ground and how did you guys work together to get to where you are now?
00:11:04.300 You know, that is a great question.
00:11:06.200 You know, I think the main thing is we just are our biggest thing was that connected us is our relationship with God.
00:11:13.180 We both share the same faith and we believe that that that connection there, that relationship first just bonded.
00:11:19.660 So even when we disagreed with the way, the how to, we knew that both of our hearts and both of our intentions were going in the same direction.
00:11:27.780 And we ultimately knew that that connection, our relationship to Christ like that was going to be the thing that led us there.
00:11:34.560 So we didn't have all the answers.
00:11:37.200 She thought she knew this was the best way.
00:11:39.220 I said, no, this is the best way.
00:11:41.040 And ultimately, just that connection there continued to push us in the right direction.
00:11:45.860 I don't think without that, you know, we may have done some things that we would regret today.
00:11:49.880 We may not be here today.
00:11:51.280 So it sounds like you always were on the same page, but maybe just some differences in the way to get to that end result.
00:11:58.200 Is that right?
00:11:58.660 Yeah, definitely.
00:11:59.240 We definitely had different how to's.
00:12:01.640 How is it working with your wife?
00:12:03.320 I know for me, my wife and I would probably kill each other because I'm stubborn.
00:12:09.020 She's stubborn.
00:12:09.780 I've got a way of doing things.
00:12:11.100 She's got her way of doing things.
00:12:12.460 And we're both extremely talented in our perspective, you know, skills.
00:12:17.100 How is it working with your wife?
00:12:18.800 Is are things always good?
00:12:20.600 Is there some struggles?
00:12:21.740 Tell me about that.
00:12:22.680 Yeah, it's a challenge.
00:12:23.880 I'll give you a glimpse into our household.
00:12:25.900 We, of course, I work from home with the blog and the platform that I've built online.
00:12:31.140 She is a homeschool mother.
00:12:33.620 So she's been homeschooling our kids and I help out a little bit.
00:12:36.760 So they're at home as well.
00:12:37.720 She also is she's been well, she she's stepped down to focus more on the kids and what we're
00:12:42.040 doing on the platform.
00:12:43.020 But she's been a homeschool director for our homeschool community for the last four years.
00:12:48.880 So literally, we are all at home Monday through Friday.
00:12:52.400 Excuse me.
00:12:53.060 It's a lot.
00:12:53.680 Working, schooling, all just living at home.
00:12:57.020 So sometimes it is we're engaged together.
00:13:01.160 Sometimes we're at home, but we're not together.
00:13:02.880 But we're now coming together on the platform, on the blog now because of our web show that
00:13:08.140 it is not easy all the time.
00:13:11.020 You know, I shared we do a Sunday night web show at 830 live every Sunday night.
00:13:15.600 And I shared a few weeks ago on the web show that for the first three or four weeks, I wanted
00:13:19.600 to quit almost every single time.
00:13:21.160 So I was like, this is 15 minutes before we go live.
00:13:24.280 And I'm like, I'm done, you know, because the frustrations and the trouble and the struggles
00:13:28.120 of trying to do this together.
00:13:29.860 Then we've got our kids and our family and our relationship that we're trying to address
00:13:33.300 while we're working on this.
00:13:34.320 So it can be challenging at times.
00:13:38.060 But, you know, I think, again, it goes back to we're we're going in the same direction.
00:13:41.620 We know what our what our what our goals is and we are and we know that we are linked
00:13:46.580 together to do this.
00:13:48.840 So it's not easy.
00:13:51.740 But at the end of the day, if you have that why and where you're going, that can always
00:13:57.020 bring you back to point A to get in that direction.
00:14:00.100 Do you mind if I ask what your why is?
00:14:02.400 Because a lot of guys out there, we've all heard that, right?
00:14:05.000 Simon Sinek start with why I think it became very popular maybe three, four or five years
00:14:09.040 ago.
00:14:09.440 So but sometimes it's hard to determine and identify what it is that's really driving
00:14:14.540 and motivating you.
00:14:15.500 What is your why?
00:14:16.200 Yeah, my why is to be the best man, the best leader I can for my family and to help other
00:14:21.480 men do the same.
00:14:22.620 So I want to help them to lead and love the ones who matter most.
00:14:25.960 Let's talk about this concept of family leadership, because I've written a little bit and I've had
00:14:31.600 some guys on to talk about leadership and they are the most popular articles and podcasts
00:14:37.980 that I've done on the website so far.
00:14:40.020 So I know leadership really strikes a chord with the men that are listening.
00:14:43.480 But I think most of the time when we think leadership, we think about leadership in the
00:14:47.420 community.
00:14:47.740 We think about leadership at the office.
00:14:50.420 But very rarely, and we talked about this before we started recording today, do we think
00:14:54.260 about leadership in the home?
00:14:56.080 Tell me what you're talking about when you say family leadership.
00:14:58.760 Yeah, it is exactly that.
00:15:01.840 I wrote a manifesto, the Family Leader Manifesto, and it basically contrasted leadership out there
00:15:07.840 versus leadership in here.
00:15:09.560 And out there is work, community, ministry, church, those things.
00:15:14.260 And here is your home with your wife and your kids.
00:15:16.800 And that's exactly what it is.
00:15:17.880 The priority for us men should be God, family, work, ministry, all those other things after
00:15:24.620 that.
00:15:25.240 But so many times in the, I guess, in the crossroads of trying to provide for that family, we focus
00:15:32.640 out there.
00:15:33.360 So that is loving your wife, you know, the way that you are supposed to love her as her
00:15:38.080 husband.
00:15:39.080 Leading your kids by example, by teaching them, by word.
00:15:42.180 You know, I believe that we as husbands, a lot of times it falls, or as men, it falls to
00:15:46.180 our wives.
00:15:47.280 We are the first teachers of our children.
00:15:49.200 And the example that we set ourselves in action and in words is what they're going to see and
00:15:56.820 what they're going to follow as they grow older.
00:15:59.340 Our daughters are going to marry men that are like us.
00:16:02.300 Our sons are going to become men like we are.
00:16:05.820 So I think it is very important to focus that we got to love and leave those most important
00:16:11.140 to us.
00:16:11.620 And it starts at home.
00:16:12.660 And I think we're out of balance and we're not really an effective leader if we are great
00:16:17.860 out there, but not doing well in here.
00:16:20.960 Are there differences in the way that we should be leading in the community in our businesses
00:16:24.580 versus the way that we should be leading at home?
00:16:27.220 No, I think out there and in here is very similar.
00:16:31.040 You know, the skills that you have out there, they're applicable at home as well.
00:16:34.380 And my method, and I call it the get method, I guess you can call it, is to give first.
00:16:39.380 So when you're building relationships at work, the best way to build those relationships,
00:16:43.680 and you know, Ryan, from being online, is to give first.
00:16:46.120 You give this podcast away.
00:16:47.900 You spend hours working on this podcast and you give it because you want somebody to get
00:16:51.980 value.
00:16:52.800 In return, you get people to come back.
00:16:54.760 They subscribe.
00:16:55.380 They share it.
00:16:55.800 They do those things.
00:16:56.900 And the next is to encourage always.
00:17:00.140 We can, you can be online for 10 minutes and see there's not always encouraging people
00:17:04.600 out here.
00:17:05.160 Whether they're talking bad about somebody or just talking about something negative that's
00:17:08.500 going on in their lives, you want to always encourage.
00:17:11.240 We want to encourage our wives.
00:17:12.420 We want to encourage our kids because what we say and speak into their lives is the way
00:17:16.360 that they're going to function.
00:17:17.860 You know, if we're always talking about our kids are not this, not that, not this, they're
00:17:21.540 eventually going to believe that and they're going to live down to our expectations.
00:17:24.580 So encourage them.
00:17:25.820 Right.
00:17:26.020 And the last is to teach is to teach from our experience.
00:17:29.560 We have certain experiences.
00:17:31.120 We have certain lessons in our lives that are useful.
00:17:34.940 Well, you know, as a parent, you know, you know more than your children.
00:17:37.520 You know, even as online, there's some people that you have a little bit more experience
00:17:40.400 than and you can teach them something.
00:17:41.740 There's people that know a little bit more than you and you can receive from them.
00:17:44.360 So we want to teach as well.
00:17:46.560 Use those experiences to help someone else in some capacity.
00:17:51.840 And that happens at home first.
00:17:53.620 I really like that get method.
00:17:54.900 And specifically, I like the encourage part.
00:17:57.580 I've had the privilege over the past couple of months and it's winding down now, but I
00:18:02.360 coach my two sons baseball teams.
00:18:04.700 Awesome.
00:18:04.960 And what's really interesting is I can see other teams and I can see their coaches and
00:18:08.160 other dads and I can see those men that are encouraging to their boys and I can see
00:18:12.240 those men who are not.
00:18:14.140 And just like you said, the boys that are encouraged, I mean, they're four and seven years
00:18:17.980 old, so they're young.
00:18:18.660 But the boys that are encouraged begin to play to the level that they're encouraged
00:18:22.820 to.
00:18:23.160 So I'm glad that you brought that up.
00:18:24.680 Yeah.
00:18:24.800 And kudos to you for coaching your kids baseball.
00:18:26.640 I do the same.
00:18:27.240 So I have a five-year-old and a nine-year-old and I am out there on the field with them.
00:18:31.300 It's amazing to me.
00:18:32.900 I love it.
00:18:33.600 I mean, it's an opportunity for me to spend time with my boys, to teach them about a
00:18:38.080 sport that I love and that I have a passion for.
00:18:40.540 But then we get to learn, you know, how to win, how to work as a team, how to fail together,
00:18:45.420 how to work harder, all those things.
00:18:46.840 I think it's so important to have competitive sports in a young man's life.
00:18:50.020 Yes, definitely.
00:18:50.800 I played them and I'm so happy that my kids are playing them and I get to be a part of
00:18:54.860 it.
00:18:55.460 Awesome.
00:18:56.180 I want to talk about one of the things that I struggle with in the home is I tend to be
00:19:01.940 a very left-brained, analytical, black and white kind of guy.
00:19:06.180 And one of the things that my wife and I do on a yearly basis is we take a mini retreat.
00:19:11.240 We go out of town for a long weekend and we talk about our upcoming goals for the year.
00:19:18.000 And as I do this exercise, it's always so easy for me to write down my business goals
00:19:23.520 and my financial goals and my physical goals.
00:19:26.080 They're very tangible.
00:19:27.020 They're very real.
00:19:27.720 But it's always difficult for me to write down my goals for the family because I say things
00:19:32.180 like, be a better father or, you know, be a better husband.
00:19:36.040 But really, what do those things mean?
00:19:37.460 So how do you create goals in your family that you're able to actually work on and work
00:19:44.160 towards and attain?
00:19:45.480 Yeah, that is a great question.
00:19:46.920 And, you know, I think we naturally do those business goals first.
00:19:50.940 One, as men, that is tied to our sense of worth.
00:19:56.360 So if we're successful in that year, we feel like we're worthy.
00:19:59.060 But also, our business goals are directly related to our family goals.
00:20:02.900 You know, we're trying to get this career to this point.
00:20:04.760 We're trying to get this income level here so we can provide for our family.
00:20:09.540 So those are linked.
00:20:11.300 But we do something similar.
00:20:13.380 Well, actually, I've done it for years alone.
00:20:15.620 And then last year was the first year my wife and I got together to do it.
00:20:18.020 We used Michael Hyatt's Best Year Ever course to do that.
00:20:21.920 And I think that you just have to really break down the roles that you play in your life.
00:20:25.820 You know, dad, husband, podcaster, blogger, you know, if you've got a job, I'm a career
00:20:33.040 coach, whatever it is, those things.
00:20:35.740 But the engagement of your family is important because if you're working on these things alone,
00:20:41.660 it's going to come a time when you're struggling and it's hard and you don't have that support,
00:20:45.960 not because they're not there to support you, because they weren't engaged in that process.
00:20:49.560 So I just suggest looking at your roles.
00:20:52.840 Here's what I do.
00:20:54.280 I'm a dad.
00:20:55.120 What is most important for me as a dad?
00:20:57.620 How can I accomplish that this year?
00:20:59.940 And do it with your kids as well.
00:21:01.340 I try to get our kids to set goals as well.
00:21:03.760 Very simple goals based on where they are and their age.
00:21:06.920 We've got 5, 9, and 14.
00:21:08.320 So, of course, they're going to look differently.
00:21:09.820 But I think that is a great idea and great thing to do annually is to get away.
00:21:15.920 And that's what we didn't do.
00:21:16.880 We didn't necessarily get away, but we sent our kids away.
00:21:20.260 Right.
00:21:20.700 Yeah.
00:21:20.880 Either way, you've got to have some clarity, right?
00:21:22.880 Yeah.
00:21:23.100 We sent our kids to the grandparents for a week, I think, in December of last year, and
00:21:27.220 we did that.
00:21:28.160 But I think just the conversation and the reflection and that course that I mentioned, that's what
00:21:33.420 it does.
00:21:33.700 It allows you to reflect on what you did last year, and that's going to help shape what
00:21:38.020 you want to do this year.
00:21:38.980 So, good stuff.
00:21:40.060 Hopefully, I answered your question.
00:21:40.980 I don't know if I got on a tangent with that.
00:21:42.740 No, you did.
00:21:43.460 And I really like the – I think it's called Best Year Ever.
00:21:46.400 You mentioned – I'll make links to all of this stuff in the show notes so the guys
00:21:49.620 that are listening can go back and look at that stuff when they have more time.
00:21:53.220 I've actually done that as well, and it is a powerful, powerful exercise.
00:21:56.780 And so, yeah, I would definitely encourage taking a look at that.
00:22:00.320 One of the things you said is that sometimes we look at, as men, the things that we're
00:22:05.640 doing outside of the home as a direct reflection upon our job or our function as a leader in
00:22:10.840 the home.
00:22:11.540 I think, though, sometimes we may use our job to provide or some of these other things
00:22:18.220 as an excuse not to function at a high level in the house.
00:22:21.740 Do you agree with that?
00:22:22.580 And if so, tell me a little bit about your thoughts with that.
00:22:24.860 Yes, definitely.
00:22:26.500 I'm doing great out here, so that gives me a pass if I'm not doing so great here.
00:22:31.100 But I think it is truly the opposite.
00:22:33.260 I think that if you are doing great in the home, if you're doing great loving your wife,
00:22:39.680 leading your kids, and engaging in that in here type, in here realm, then even if you're
00:22:46.820 not doing as great outside the home, I think you're still being successful as a leader because
00:22:51.140 it starts there.
00:22:52.360 And I think you cannot lead outside the home truly effectively if you don't lead well in
00:22:57.240 the home.
00:22:58.440 And I mentioned my faith earlier in big Bible readers study the Bible, and we try to base
00:23:04.840 the things that we do off of that.
00:23:06.240 And one of the verses in the Bible says that someone who doesn't provide for their family
00:23:10.380 is worse than an infidel.
00:23:11.700 And an infidel basically means an unbeliever.
00:23:13.400 So as a believer, it's saying you're not a believer if you don't provide the things at
00:23:16.840 your home.
00:23:17.140 And provision is not just financial.
00:23:19.740 Financial is one of those last things.
00:23:21.360 So that financial takes the biggest focus, but we're talking emotionally, we're talking
00:23:27.180 spiritually, you know, we're talking mentally where we're engaged in their education as
00:23:31.740 well.
00:23:32.180 So I think that you have to start there.
00:23:36.120 And I believe those that start there are better equipped to lead outside the home.
00:23:40.740 It's difficult to be a dad and to be a parent, five-year-old, nine-year-old, 14-year-old.
00:23:46.300 Those are three different stages that are almost completely unrelated in some areas.
00:23:51.360 I'm going to have to talk differently to my five-year-old than I do to my 14-year-old.
00:23:54.920 And we have that conversation with my 14-year-old all the time.
00:23:56.960 Why is he not responsible for this?
00:23:59.660 Because he's five.
00:24:00.520 You know, there's different things.
00:24:01.400 And then at the same time, I have to love my wife.
00:24:04.080 And we all know that we don't always speak the same language as our wives, as women
00:24:08.260 do.
00:24:08.640 So that's where I start at home.
00:24:11.300 I think if you can learn that at home, then you can be, you can do well in any situation
00:24:15.940 outside the home.
00:24:16.800 Not saying do it at home and make that the opposite.
00:24:19.500 Now your excuse is, I'm not doing well outside the home because I'm doing well in the home.
00:24:23.480 You want to do both.
00:24:24.300 And that's when we're complete.
00:24:25.740 Well, and you bring up a good point.
00:24:27.540 You know, one of the things I talk about is the fact that we can't make decisions or take
00:24:31.740 action in our lives in a vacuum.
00:24:33.880 The way that you do one thing is always going to bleed over into some other area of your life,
00:24:38.320 whether it's you're improving your physical fitness.
00:24:40.980 And as I've started to do that, business has been better.
00:24:44.580 Whether I, you know, if I'm trying to improve my relationships at home, then my relationships
00:24:49.300 at work improve.
00:24:50.560 So you're right.
00:24:51.600 I mean, if you're making positive decisions in one area, it naturally spills over into
00:24:55.560 another area.
00:24:57.340 Yeah, definitely.
00:24:57.880 I think there's a quote, and I don't know if this is right, but pretty much what you
00:25:01.180 said, the way you do anything is the way you do everything.
00:25:04.220 Right.
00:25:04.660 So how do you find this balance?
00:25:07.760 Because it is easy for us to get hyper focused, I think, as men on certain tasks or certain
00:25:15.060 things and almost like a checklist, like, okay, I had breakfast with the boys, check.
00:25:19.580 Now I can go, you know, get ready for work, check.
00:25:21.800 Now I can get in the office and then I come on at five and we have practice, check.
00:25:25.440 And so we're like hyper focused on certain tasks.
00:25:28.640 How do you personally create the balance and the flow of your life when it comes to managing
00:25:35.800 all the different roles that you have as a man?
00:25:39.020 Do you have a screen share and you're looking at my task manager right now?
00:25:42.580 Because that is that does that describe it perfectly?
00:25:45.580 That's to a degree.
00:25:46.720 It does.
00:25:47.200 And we get in that boat.
00:25:49.320 But, you know, I think and this is funny.
00:25:52.020 I had a conversation yesterday with a coach and, you know, one of the things that he said
00:25:57.540 and he just said it so simply, hopefully I can say it like he did, is that, you know,
00:26:01.600 first, you know, there's all the things, create time blocks and get your check and, you know,
00:26:05.340 all these different things that we can do.
00:26:07.600 But at the end of the day, if you take care of the business that you're supposed to take
00:26:13.220 care of when it is work related outside the home, then you can be at peace and spend that
00:26:17.380 time at home with your kids.
00:26:19.440 So if you haven't taken care of your business at work, then you're going to feel pressure.
00:26:23.460 You're going to have this in the back of your mind.
00:26:24.540 I got to do this.
00:26:25.080 I got to do that.
00:26:25.620 Then you're going to steal time from your family.
00:26:28.960 I wrote a blog post about stealing time from our family.
00:26:31.480 And we do that.
00:26:32.580 You know, Dave Ramsey talks about that employees who steal time.
00:26:36.460 They're supposed to be there working and they're checking Facebook.
00:26:38.640 That's stealing time.
00:26:39.280 You're supposed to be with your family, hanging with your kids and you're on your cell phone.
00:26:43.120 So I think that when we use those, when we focus, you know, we're a multitasking generation
00:26:47.820 now.
00:26:48.600 We focus.
00:26:49.320 This is my time with my boys.
00:26:50.660 This is my time with my daughter.
00:26:51.780 This is my time with my wife.
00:26:52.640 This is my time with our whole family.
00:26:53.840 Spend that time there and focus in the moment.
00:26:57.180 When you're at work and you're podcasting, you're writing a blog, you're doing whatever
00:27:00.820 you do.
00:27:01.640 You need to spend that time there when you can take care of those things in the best way
00:27:06.160 you possibly can.
00:27:06.920 Your mind, your heart, everything is free to focus when you come home.
00:27:10.420 But when you don't, you know, it's not.
00:27:12.460 So I think just handle your business, you know, do what needs to be done when it needs to
00:27:15.880 be done and the best way that you can do it every single time.
00:27:18.700 Do you find that there's certain things in your life that are distracting more so than
00:27:22.140 others for you?
00:27:22.680 I know for me, it's my cell phone or Facebook, Instagram, those type of things.
00:27:25.960 Are there certain things in your life that are distracting?
00:27:27.960 Yeah, the exact same thing.
00:27:29.240 You know, and I've had to I've gone to extremes where I've taken all the apps off my phone.
00:27:33.920 I've and I've put some of them back on, but I have taken all the notifications off.
00:27:41.200 You know, I don't get an email.
00:27:42.080 If you email me, I used to get it and I'd check it right then.
00:27:44.460 The only notifications I get right now are text messages.
00:27:46.880 And that's because I don't know how to turn them off.
00:27:48.640 If I could check them at a certain time, that would be great.
00:27:52.140 But those are definitely distractions.
00:27:54.240 I mean, we have this great tool of being connected all the time.
00:27:58.800 However, you know, being connected all the time is not always great.
00:28:02.300 So dock your phone.
00:28:03.920 When you come home, if you work outside the home or if you work at home and you say I'm done at five o'clock, dock your phone.
00:28:09.740 That's a big trap for me when I don't do it, you know, to the point where people and people that are used to you responding will get used to you not responding immediately and they'll be OK with it.
00:28:20.100 You know, I figure, you know, when I'm with my family, there's no emergency.
00:28:24.260 You know, our parents are our kids, the kids, grandparents, our parents are living and they're an hour away.
00:28:29.580 So if there's an emergency with them, somebody else is going to get to them before us.
00:28:33.280 So there's no emergency when I'm with my family that needs me to be connected like that.
00:28:37.800 Right. Yeah.
00:28:38.520 Great point.
00:28:39.320 I'm going to have to try that.
00:28:40.320 You know, I've got my phone sitting on my desk right now as we're talking and the screen's turned off, but I can see the little blinking light in the corner.
00:28:45.740 It's giving me anxiety wanting to check this phone.
00:28:47.880 But but I'm not going to do it.
00:28:49.200 So yes, yes, yes.
00:28:50.540 I wrote a blog post about that.
00:28:51.860 I'll give you the link.
00:28:52.580 I can't find it right now, but later on, I'll give you the link and you can share about some of the specific things that I did to basically free up that time with my family.
00:28:59.440 So I'm not distracted.
00:29:00.780 That would be really helpful.
00:29:01.840 Yeah, that'd be great.
00:29:02.460 And then we'll make sure we share that and make it a resource.
00:29:04.500 So I'm really curious as as you look at men and you you interact with men, what are some of the things that they're doing right?
00:29:14.200 What are the things that are that they are doing very well as far as family leadership inside the home?
00:29:20.300 Yeah, I don't know if it's just because we're now connecting, we're able to see it more.
00:29:23.960 But I think it seems like there is I don't want to say a trend or a fad, but it's going to where men are really actively being more engaged.
00:29:31.020 You know, maybe it's this generation, you know, I feel like there were some generations where the stereotype of that man man was true or I go to work.
00:29:37.960 I come home.
00:29:38.860 My wife stays at home, cooks and does these things.
00:29:41.080 But I do see us being more active in sharing in that that sense.
00:29:47.580 I think that engaging with other men like you're doing with order of man is great because we need to see those things.
00:29:55.780 You know, sometimes we get in a vacuum and we feel like we're the only ones going through it.
00:30:00.560 So I think the fact that sharing and connecting with other men is a great thing.
00:30:06.120 You know, there's guys who, like you mentioned earlier, who are coaching and teaching and things like that, just being involved.
00:30:12.380 I think that's an easy one for us with sports is to get involved in coaching and things like that.
00:30:16.980 But stepping up and teaching as well.
00:30:19.120 You know, I know dads like myself who are homeschool dads.
00:30:22.140 I know one of my favorite programs that I'm involved with with my kids, even though we're homeschooled, is All Pro Dads Days.
00:30:29.460 And that's where dads get together for breakfast once a month before school starts at the school with the kids.
00:30:35.960 You know, those are great.
00:30:36.640 Oh, that's cool.
00:30:37.180 So, you know, that's something that we do.
00:30:40.120 And the dads absolutely love it just as much as the kids.
00:30:43.380 Of course, the kids are going to love it.
00:30:44.520 You know, we're eating donuts and bagels and things like that.
00:30:46.740 You know, all the stuff that they probably don't normally get and having a great time.
00:30:51.260 But those are some things that I think really stick out.
00:30:53.280 It's just a matter of being really engaged.
00:30:55.200 And it happens.
00:30:56.280 But we don't always know what happens because it doesn't get shared.
00:30:59.040 But now with the platforms that we have, we're able to share those things.
00:31:02.220 Yeah, and I know that my life is more fulfilled when I'm engaged.
00:31:05.580 I know that the kids' life is more fulfilled.
00:31:08.700 I'm always kind of amazed as I'm coaching the boys' teams, sometimes the lack of involvement or the lack of even desire to help or be involved or teach, it's actually pretty strange, pretty weird to me.
00:31:19.480 Oh, my goodness.
00:31:20.280 There isn't more involvement.
00:31:21.300 Yeah, I've had conversations like that with my wife.
00:31:23.360 And I was like, how can you be there and not jump out there?
00:31:26.800 Exactly, yeah.
00:31:27.800 I typically coach all of my kids' teams.
00:31:30.080 And there have been times where I knew I wasn't going to be able to be the main coach because of schedule conflicts and things like that.
00:31:35.200 So I said, okay, I want to be the main coach.
00:31:36.720 But it's so hard for me as the assistant or just the volunteer dad to not step out there because I just want to be out there.
00:31:42.620 So I'm like, how can you not?
00:31:44.060 I just don't understand that.
00:31:45.760 Are you one of those crazy over-the-top dads, though?
00:31:48.620 I am not.
00:31:49.740 Okay, good.
00:31:50.200 I am not.
00:31:51.400 I don't know.
00:31:52.280 Maybe you should ask my wife, though, because I'm sure she thinks it's true.
00:31:55.480 We don't have – we're not dealing with – I was going to say we're not dealing with that yet.
00:31:59.480 I mean, they're still too young.
00:32:00.660 But I imagine before – I can see some parents already getting fired up and the fire in their eyes when their son strikes out or whatever it may be.
00:32:07.380 So I know we're going to get into that pretty quick.
00:32:09.860 Yeah, get ready for it.
00:32:10.820 Let's look at the opposite of this, though.
00:32:12.440 What are some of the things that you've identified as guys maybe are really struggling with or getting absolutely wrong?
00:32:18.620 Right.
00:32:18.920 Yeah, I think it is just not knowing exactly what to do.
00:32:22.440 You know, one guy asked me when I mentioned family leadership, he's like, what exactly does that look like?
00:32:27.620 You know, what does it look like in the home?
00:32:30.560 And, you know, my answer was pretty much what I mentioned earlier, the get method, where we're giving first.
00:32:36.140 You know, I think that when we are focused on receiving first, you know, that is the wrong way to look at it.
00:32:41.440 You know, from our – whether that's from – you know, we immediately think of our wives, you know, and intimacy to me comes to mind.
00:32:47.540 If we're focused on getting what we want and not giving to them first, then we're failing in that area.
00:32:53.580 Also, we're just discouraging, you know, and sometimes we don't even know it, the words that we say.
00:32:58.460 And I've been guilty.
00:33:00.420 Back to the baseball coaching reference, we've been – my nine-year-old team, we've been coaching together with another dad, two other dads for the last four years.
00:33:08.720 So we've got a cool little, you know, flow going with this, and she'll listen to us.
00:33:14.180 And one of the coaches, he is great with his encouragement in the way he redirects or gives instruction.
00:33:19.620 And she said – okay, she said – she brought in an instance, I don't remember exactly what it was, where what you said was the negative, don't do this.
00:33:27.100 But the way he gave it to them was – you guys said the exact same thing on two different occasions to the same player.
00:33:32.000 So apparently he was making the same mistake.
00:33:33.760 But the way he said it was in a different way.
00:33:35.680 So basically he practiced what I talk about of encouraging.
00:33:39.160 He gave it to the kid in a way that was encouraging versus discouraging.
00:33:41.820 That is so – such a big thing and a thing that I think we fall at.
00:33:45.620 And also, you know, back to the teaching, we have plenty of experiences and things that we know that we can teach, whether that be at school with our kids or any other area.
00:33:56.000 Just, you know, share the wisdom that we have.
00:33:58.660 When we don't because we don't think we have anything to share, I think we do a disservice to ourselves and our families.
00:34:04.960 So let's talk about awareness because I think you're making a great case.
00:34:10.320 And I believe that the men out there, generally speaking, want to be good leaders inside of the home.
00:34:17.020 They want to be productive.
00:34:18.300 They want everything that we're talking about.
00:34:20.620 There's no doubt in my mind.
00:34:21.720 But the grind happens, right, and you get beat down every day or whatever it may be.
00:34:29.300 How do you become more aware of family leadership and then start taking action on some of these things?
00:34:38.360 Yeah, I think, one, if you're married, you know, talk to your wife.
00:34:41.960 Ask the questions to them.
00:34:43.560 You know, how am I doing?
00:34:45.340 Ask your kids, you know, what do you like about this or what do you not like?
00:34:49.340 How am I doing?
00:34:50.060 And I think peers, you need to have some men in your lives, in your life that can help to point some things out as well that will be unbiased and that will be real with you.
00:35:00.000 I read a stat the other day from some study.
00:35:03.400 I don't know what it was.
00:35:04.180 I can't give you the exact link to it.
00:35:06.200 But they surveyed men who went through divorce.
00:35:09.580 And 70 percent of those men that went through divorce said, no, I'm sorry, it was an affair.
00:35:15.740 Men that had an affair.
00:35:16.800 70 percent of those men that had an affair would not have had the affair if they had a true friend.
00:35:23.080 So basically they're saying if I had a guy that I could have went and told him exactly how I was feeling, what I wanted to do, then more than likely I would have not done that.
00:35:32.060 But I didn't have that.
00:35:33.500 So I just did it.
00:35:34.540 So I think those three things is the people that you're loving and leading at home, talk to them.
00:35:40.880 Have those questions.
00:35:41.760 That's a hard question.
00:35:43.220 I mentioned All Pro Dad earlier.
00:35:45.360 On their site, they have what is called the huddle up question at the end of every blog post.
00:35:49.720 And I write for them, so I'm very engaged with them.
00:35:52.360 But at the end of it, some of the questions are very engaging questions, and you have to ask them and be ready for whatever is said.
00:36:00.580 I think those type of questions to our wives and our kids are good.
00:36:04.380 And then also that accountability with other men.
00:36:06.240 I know that it's hard for guys to connect on a deep level and have maybe some of those relationships.
00:36:15.140 You know, I look at my wife, for example, and she's got a thousand friends, and they play games every month or whatever it may be and get together.
00:36:22.340 It seems like it's a little bit harder for guys.
00:36:24.180 I know sports has been really good for me.
00:36:26.100 You know, every Tuesday night I go play with a group of 10 to 15 guys, so I know that's been good.
00:36:30.020 But what are some other ways that you in your life are connecting with other men and building those relationships that I believe are absolutely important?
00:36:37.860 Yeah, yeah, and sports is one of them.
00:36:39.900 And I will say with a 14-year-old, a 9-year-old, and a 5-year-old who are all involved in multiple sports, I don't get to play my own sports like I used to.
00:36:46.820 So that has taken a back seat.
00:36:49.060 But the coaching and connecting with the other dads and other coaches, that is one area.
00:36:54.580 I also do – I'm big on masterminds, and that, of course, is work-related.
00:36:59.820 But also, we cross over.
00:37:01.920 We don't just go and talk about our blogs and our platforms, but we also – how is the family doing?
00:37:06.340 So those are areas – church is another area that I connect.
00:37:09.600 And, you know, my circle of – my real circle is not a huge circle.
00:37:13.400 You know, I'm not saying you've got to go out and have 10, 15, 20 friends.
00:37:15.980 Our wives are probably always going to have more friends than us in number.
00:37:18.780 Right, right.
00:37:19.740 But, you know, if you can get one, two, three guys that you know you can go deep with.
00:37:23.080 And, you know, for me, the natural life scenarios that I end up with, the natural life groups that I end up with, sports, whether that's through me playing or me coaching, kids, kids' activities, church, things like that.
00:37:39.200 Work-related stuff where we have similar backgrounds, those have been where I've found those deepest relationships.
00:37:45.180 So, you know, I've got a buddy of mine that we've never met face-to-face.
00:37:48.420 We started out in an mastermind group.
00:37:50.660 Actually, he first discovered me when I – that failed online business years ago, and then we reconnected about two years after that.
00:37:57.640 Didn't even know he – nobody knew that business existed.
00:37:59.860 But now we've gotten really, really close.
00:38:03.200 You know, we're sharing stuff that most of the time we talk is not even about our online businesses and our blogs and things like that.
00:38:10.000 But, you know, just look for those natural things that you're in.
00:38:13.040 It's hard.
00:38:14.100 You know, it's not easy, but we have to want them, and we have to be open to them.
00:38:17.520 A lot of times we're just not open to them.
00:38:19.060 I think it's a struggle for us as men because it takes effort to do this stuff, and not that we aren't willing to give effort.
00:38:29.200 We certainly are, but sometimes we look at it – I know I do anyways – and think, I'd love to go hang out with the guys,
00:38:36.280 or I'd love to go on that hunting trip, or I'd love to go – whatever it may be.
00:38:39.500 And then it comes back to me that, oh, but I can't do that because I've got these other priorities,
00:38:46.740 or, you know, my family to take care of, or, you know, the business needs to be taken care of.
00:38:52.260 And, again, we use it as an excuse to not take care of ourselves, and it's so important that we get that time for ourselves.
00:39:00.860 Yeah, I agree totally.
00:39:02.480 And, you know, the illustration I gave earlier about the basketball – you know, I've played college basketball,
00:39:07.920 so I love playing basketball, but I don't – no longer play in men's leagues because my kids' leagues are taking precedence.
00:39:14.700 Right.
00:39:15.200 However, I think we do have to be very intentional about doing something for ourselves,
00:39:20.020 and we're less likely to do it probably than, you know, as men and family leaders, we're probably less likely to do that.
00:39:27.920 So we just have to be intentional, and I think that our families will be perfectly fine with it, you know,
00:39:33.200 and I think we'll be better for our families when we consistently do that.
00:39:36.960 That's what I agree with.
00:39:37.980 Last year I went – I took a bunch of guys up to our cabin in southern Utah,
00:39:42.820 and we went up there for – I think we were up there for either two or three days.
00:39:47.400 And there was about eight of us, and, you know, we hiked, and we had – you know, we made food, all that stuff that we did.
00:39:54.040 It was awesome.
00:39:54.640 It was a good time.
00:39:55.600 And initially I felt a little guilty about going because I was going to be leaving my family,
00:39:59.900 but I came back so much more prepared to be engaged with them.
00:40:04.860 Right.
00:40:05.000 So it served all of us extremely well.
00:40:07.320 Yep, yep.
00:40:07.880 That is good stuff.
00:40:08.680 I want to get just maybe a little bit personal because I think the personal stories share and help us understand –
00:40:15.020 because here's what happens.
00:40:16.460 As we build our platforms, we almost put up this wall and try to have everybody believe that we're perfect, right,
00:40:24.000 that everything's going well and we've got this all figured out.
00:40:26.740 Are there some things personally that you struggle with that you are working on being better and improving with?
00:40:32.580 Oh, yeah, definitely.
00:40:34.040 Man, this is – I just had a coaching session yesterday, which uncovered a ton of that stuff.
00:40:39.060 And then after that, I met with my pastor, which I uncovered some more.
00:40:42.140 So I've got a laundry list of stuff.
00:40:44.480 But, you know, I think one of the biggest things is just the consistency.
00:40:47.880 That's been my biggest challenge is, you know, and my wife will be the first to tell, you know, the stuff that you write or that I write.
00:40:57.740 She's like, yeah, that's great.
00:40:58.780 But are you consistently doing that?
00:41:00.480 You know, even with blogging, you know, am I consistently doing it?
00:41:04.000 You know, I think a lot of times we want to hit the home run, but it's really that step-by-step doing it every single day.
00:41:11.040 You know, 15 minutes to tuck my kids in and read a story every single day.
00:41:16.100 You know, spending that 10 to 15 minutes eating frosted flakes with them every single day.
00:41:22.900 You know, and we do that and then we get off track.
00:41:27.060 We lost something, whether, you know, just an excuse or something that does happen that kind of throws off, but we don't get back there.
00:41:32.720 So me, it is just a consistent action.
00:41:36.200 You know, we started Daddy Kid Days with my kids probably five, six months ago now.
00:41:43.360 And Daddy Kid Days where on Friday I stopped working early and I take one of the three and it's just me and them for two hours.
00:41:50.360 We don't have any big major plans.
00:41:52.160 We have a $5 budget, which can get us some french fries or, you know, a scoop of ice cream or something like that.
00:41:57.620 Right.
00:41:57.980 But the time is just spent together.
00:41:59.220 And then I didn't, maybe a month or so ago, something happened.
00:42:02.080 I think I got sick a little bit.
00:42:03.700 I'm not a major sickness, but just, you know, as men, we sometimes are soft in the air.
00:42:07.140 So my wife said I, you know, I was overdoing it, but I got off track and I never got back until maybe the last couple of weeks.
00:42:15.900 So, you know, whatever it is, if it's very, very small or very, very big.
00:42:19.560 But I think those small incremental steps are the most important thing that we got to stay consistent with that I have struggled with.
00:42:24.860 I'm glad you said that.
00:42:26.220 I just did a YouTube video and we talked a little bit about goals where we focus so heavily on the end result that we forget that there's a lot of little steps along the way that are actually more important than the end result itself.
00:42:37.500 Yep, that journey.
00:42:38.580 Yeah.
00:42:39.140 And I had a trainer in one of my previous lives and jobs and he said, Ryan, do what you can do today, every single day that you can control, and then just let the chips fall where they may.
00:42:49.940 I love that.
00:42:51.220 Yeah.
00:42:51.480 Yeah.
00:42:52.120 So one of the last questions I have for you is what do you think it means to be a man?
00:42:58.640 That is a great question.
00:42:59.920 I think that as men, and this is what it means as well, is that we are leaders in various aspects.
00:43:07.680 You know, of course, we mentioned at home.
00:43:08.920 Of course, we mentioned at work.
00:43:09.880 The work thing could be in various different areas.
00:43:11.780 But I think it's just someone who assumes responsibility for their action, who, I said this earlier, who does what needs to be done when it needs to be done.
00:43:20.380 And does it to the best of their ability and does it that way every single time.
00:43:24.660 You know, take responsibility of whatever you are entrusted with and steward that, love that, lead that, be the best that you can for that thing or that person.
00:43:33.960 And that's what makes a man or a real man.
00:43:38.120 Jackie, I've appreciated you being on the show.
00:43:40.120 This has been awesome.
00:43:40.980 We've gotten a ton of good information.
00:43:42.740 If the men that are listening today want to learn more about you and what you're doing, how can they connect with you?
00:43:50.680 They can connect with me on my blog.
00:43:52.300 That is my home base.
00:43:53.900 And that is JackieBledsoe.com.
00:43:56.900 That's J-A-C-K-I-E-B-L-E-D-S-O-E.com.
00:44:01.980 So from there, you can connect with me through all my social media channels.
00:44:05.760 You can find out information.
00:44:07.200 We have a weekly web show that I mentioned called The Seven Rings of Marriage, and it is based on a book that I'm writing.
00:44:14.240 Actually, I've written but won't be released until next year called The Seven Rings of Marriage.
00:44:17.820 Awesome.
00:44:18.400 Well, we'll make sure we make the show notes so those guys that are listening, if they want to connect with you, those will be all in the show notes.
00:44:25.040 Yeah, I'll encourage everybody to take you up on that offer.
00:44:27.440 Jackie, thanks a ton for being on the show today.
00:44:29.440 My pleasure.
00:44:29.940 Thanks for having me, Ryan.
00:44:31.260 What a great show today, guys.
00:44:33.000 Jackie really stepped up.
00:44:34.800 He gave us a ton of valuable insights into what it means to be a leader in the home.
00:44:38.560 Again, I encourage you to check out the show notes at orderofman.com slash 013.
00:44:44.680 So go check out also what Jackie's up to at his blog, JackieBledsoe.com.
00:44:49.160 But most importantly, guys, take action and take action right now.
00:44:53.900 Now, if you would, leave us a rating and review for this show at orderofman.com slash iTunes.
00:44:58.460 It will literally take you two minutes, and I can promise that each review is read by me.
00:45:03.600 It's appreciated, and it goes such a long way towards helping men, more men, get the message that we share each and every week.
00:45:11.340 Guys, I look forward to talking with you next week.
00:45:13.560 But until then, take action and become the man you were meant to be.
00:45:17.280 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:45:21.220 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:45:25.240 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:45:28.360 We'll see you next week.