OoM 030： Becoming a Real Man and Helping Others do the Same with JuVan Langford
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Summary
Javon Lankford is a former foster youth turned male teen advocate. He lost his father when he was a baby to leukemia, and then was legally adopted by the age of four. He was raised in an area known for gang violence and drug abuse, and was surrounded by many examples of what not to do. Javon was given the tools to break the cycles of drug addiction that plagued his family. Today, he travels the globe sharing his story and working with young men and women to see beyond their current circumstances.
Transcript
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Men, myself included, have a tendency to focus outside of themselves. What do I have to get done?
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Who's relying on me? What do they need from me right now? And while those are noble thoughts
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and ambitions, it's very difficult to sustain for any measurable amount of time without first
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working on ourselves. My guest today shares how when we take care of ourselves first and the right
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way, we will be in the best position to help others. You're a man of action. You live life
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to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down,
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you get back up one more time, every time. You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged,
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resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become
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at the end of the day. And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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What's going on, guys? Ryan Michler here with Order of Man. Thanks again for tuning in this week.
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I don't care if you're a first-time listener or if you have listened to all 30 episodes to date.
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I am so glad that you're here and you're visiting with us today. We've got such a powerful episode
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lined up from my friend, Mr. Javon Lankford about what it means to be a man and why you should learn
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to take care of yourself so that you can show up in a big, big way for others. But before we get
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into that, I want to make sure that I thank all of those who left a iTunes review last week. I read
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each and every one of those and I consider every single one an honor that you would take time out
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of your day and give me a thank you or an insight that you have about the show means a ton to me.
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Man 1167 says, Order of Man answers so many questions I have been struggling with and I
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highly recommend you check this podcast out. So thank you, Man 1167. I appreciate that.
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If you haven't left your review yet, you can do that at orderofman.com slash iTunes and I would
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appreciate it if you did. Now, one last reminder. I mentioned last week the Thrive Conference.
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We're going to be holding the Thrive Conference this week with guys like Wesley Chapman,
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Lewis Howes, John Lee Dumas, James Altucher, Robert Herjavec, Jordan Harbinger. There's so
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many guys there talking about leadership and entrepreneurship. You do not want to miss that.
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I'm going to be down there and I've got a huge discount available for you up to 70% off.
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So if you go to Thrive Las Vegas and you can use one of two codes, the first code is Brotherhood
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197. You'll get one ticket plus a companion ticket for $197. It's a huge, huge savings.
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And then if you use Brotherhood 397, you'll get a VIP ticket for $397. It's a huge savings. Again,
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guys, we're also going to be doing an Order of Man meetup while we're down there with some of the
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guys. So I hope that I'll see you there. I hope that you will join us down there. Let me know if
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you have any questions on that. Now, you know this already, but all the show notes, the links,
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the best quotes, all of that information can be found at orderofman.com slash 030. Now let me
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introduce you to my guest, Javon Lankford. Javon is a former foster youth turned male teen
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advocate. He lost his father when he was a baby to leukemia. His mother battled with substance abuse,
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and then he was legally adopted by the age of four. He was raised in an area known for gang
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violence and drug abuse. And Javon was surrounded by many, many examples of what not to do. I think
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a lot of us can relate to that. Fortunate enough to have some powerful men show up and take a stand for
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his life. He now calls those guys mentors. Javon was given the tools to break the cycles of drug
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addiction and financial problems that he had in his family. Today, Javon is mentored by some of the
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most influential men in the world. He travels the globe sharing his story and working with young men
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and young women to see beyond their current circumstances. You can check out his work at
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JavonLankford.com, TheMentor.com, or his YouTube series, Thought Life. Javon, thanks for joining me on the
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show today. Glad you're here, man. Thanks for having me, brother. Hey, so I want to talk about a little bit
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about your background and your backstory and why you're doing some of the things you're doing with
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Thought Life and then also TheMentor, which we'll get into. But why don't you tell us a little bit
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about your background, if you would? Absolutely. I'm originally from the East Coast, born and bred
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outside of Boston in a city called Worcester, Massachusetts, and had a really interesting
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upbringing, as most of us men have. At the age of three, Ryan, my father passed away. He had leukemia,
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unfortunately. He was diagnosed. And within six months of his diagnosis, he passed away.
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And so my mother, she's a teenage mother, and she unfortunately started drinking and drugging,
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and it resulted in me and my sisters being put in foster care. So I got raised in the foster care
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system, luckily, by an amazing and phenomenal woman, my mother's mother, my grandmother. And
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she made a lot of sacrifices and put us in great schools and made sure she loved on us. And she fed
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us well and treated us with the utmost respect and really called us forward every day. And so I
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found myself very fortunate and blessed for that. And then I kind of went to high school,
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played sports, and between freshman and sophomore year, grew from like 5'8 to about 6'3 and
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became a basketball player and started playing sports. And so I found a lot of escape within
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sports. But unfortunately, I kind of lost myself a little bit of identity crisis and was on this
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athletic strike. I think a lot of men, we fall into something, right, some type of activity.
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We find ourselves there. But I began finding my worth when I was winning and then feeling kind
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of down and out and kind of depressed when I wasn't playing. So that was a very interesting
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experience. And then kind of transitioned from high school to college and got an academic
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scholarship to go to Skidmore College. And I played basketball for them as well. Studied business
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and Spanish up there and had a really good time on that journey as well. But I am doing the work
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that I'm doing, Ryan, in short, because my father was not there. And there are a lot of young men in
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this world who have that same experience for one reason or another, whether it's because of drugs,
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whether it's because of death, whether it's because of choice. Fathers are absent, period.
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And that has such a great impact on these young men, just to have someone show up for you,
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just to be there, a mentor, no matter what, is so crucial and critical in that time period for
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young men. And so I know, having had these phenomenal men show up in my life and to support
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me on the journey, just strategically, just being there to pat me on the back, whether it was a
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coach or it was a school teacher or a boyfriend of my mother or a friend of the family, there was
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always someone there. And I truly believe a big part of that is because of my dad, him not being
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here. And I think even more recently, I'm realizing I feel like my dad agreed to leave so that he could
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support me from a spiritual standpoint and to really send these people into my life who could
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really influence me in the journey that I'm on at the moment. Are there some specific things that
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you think affected you in your life? I know a lot of the guys listening have probably heard my story
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and know that I don't have a permanent father figure in my life as I was growing up either.
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Are there some things specifically that you can think of that affected, that that had an impact on
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your childhood as you were being raised? Absolutely. I was raised by my grandmother,
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who was a woman. I am the oldest and the only boy of five. So I have four younger sisters and not
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having a male presence in the house had an incredible impact on how I showed up in the world.
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And what I mean by that is it was very much in my feminine a lot of the time. And so bringing that
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into the school setting, a young man, a tall guy who operates out of his feminine, there's a lot of
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teasing that takes place. So I experienced a lot of bullying per se in a very interesting way because
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some people were supporters of me from an athletic standpoint. But outside of that, I kind of felt
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alone. I only kind of, like I said, I found my worth in sports. So when I wasn't playing sports,
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I didn't feel connected to my peers. And that's very hard, especially during junior high and high
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school time for these young guys. Yeah, I bet. So that's nice that you were able to find that escape
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and get some of that masculinity, I guess, back into your life through sports, which is very similar
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to me. I started playing football and that was a huge escape for me. What are some of the differences
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or the lessons that you learned when you started to be around other men, your peers, coaches, those
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sorts of things compared to with what you had grown up with? Well, naturally, you know, as you go through
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puberty, your voice begins to change and you grow hair on your chest and on your face. And you begin
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to realize that your body is expanding in a different way and that you're showing up differently
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and you're outgrowing your clothes. And I had to start watching people. I became an observant person.
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I became a generous listener to the men around me and what they would say, how they would carry
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themselves. And I really just taught myself how to be a man. I would make sure my voice was deep
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enough when I communicated. That way, you know, I would try to make eye contact as long as I could.
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And I would try to wear my clothes a certain way. And I would, you know, just just everything
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around communicating mentally, physically was really trying to embody what I saw.
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And how did you what are some of the lessons that you took from the court? Because I know
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with me, I've learned a lot of lessons about life through sports. Are there some specific
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lessons that you've learned that you've since applied in your life?
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Man, sports has truly been such a gift to me in so many levels, especially when it comes
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to life lessons. I would say that the greatest lesson I learned through sport is that there's
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always, always another way to win. And what I mean by that, if I could reframe that, I would say
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you can always learn to win another way. You know, basketball, playing sports is a game of runs. And
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sometimes you're down 10 points and there's two minutes on the clock. But if you really put in
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the work and you take the time and you focus and you're dedicated, you can truly win, you know,
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Right. Yeah. So much adaptability. And I think that's what's pretty cool, especially as we
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develop with technology and the web and how many different ways there are to do one thing and be
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successful in your life and create the kind of life that you want. And yeah, I've learned the same
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things from the football field as well. So I'm right on board with that. So from your experience,
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what do you see the men, because I know you work with a lot of young men and that's your focus is
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primarily working with the youth. And so what are some of the experiences in general that they're
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having that young men are really struggling with right now? And then I've got a follow-up question
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to that after you answer that one. I mean, these young boys who are in school right now, who are
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experiencing so many, I mean, unfortunate, so much of the backlash of not having a father and not
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having that masculine energy, you know, someone to look up to, someone to speak with, someone to
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communicate with on a consistent basis and to pour into you. It truly affects a lot of different
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parts. And it's different for everybody, of course, because there are some mothers who step up to the
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plate and they wear several hats. Like my grandmother, for instance, she was mom, she was
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dad, she was cousin, she was brother, she was sister, she was friend, she was mentor. She wore so many
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hats. She did a very, very good job at that. But it definitely impacts us in different ways. And for me
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personally, I can really only speak from my point, standpoint, what I truly believe was the
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difference was that my grandmother never called me out. She never made me wrong. She always called
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me forward. And I always valued that about her. And I think if more men were called forward by one
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another, that this world would be a different place. And I think these young boys are in school
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and there's no one there, no one stepping up, no one showing up to call them forward, to invite them
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to step into manhood, to provide them with the tools that they need to go to the next level.
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And so that disconnect, that lack of information to take them from where they are right now to where
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it is that they truly desire to be is absent altogether. It's almost non-existent. And so a lot
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of the work that I'm doing right now is dedicated to showing up first and foremost, being vulnerable,
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being authentic, sharing my story, and providing a safe space for these young boys to share what
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their battles are, what their challenges are, so they can break through those stories and then they
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can have what they came for. They can show up powerfully in this world, you know, and support
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these women. Because when we have empowered women, as you know, Ryan, any and everything is possible.
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Of course. Of course. And I love that concept of call forward. Sometimes I wonder a little bit,
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though, there's a lot of men who don't seem like they've taken the steps, adult men that have taken
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the steps to be where they are, to even be in the position of supporting the youth. Do you agree
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I'm in complete alignment. I feel that there are a lot of men who are in need of healing. And because
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they're not healed themselves, they don't have the tools to turn back and to become men. And so it's
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up to us men to do the work, to do the inner work, to do the transformation, the stuff that you're doing
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here, Ryan, with this podcast, Order of Men, this is a prime example. You don't have all the answers,
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but you're taking the leap of faith. You're putting in the time and the energy and effort to connect with
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other men so that you can break through your stories and turn around and to mentor others like
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myself. So it's not that that's an issue. But if we focus on that, on what the problem is,
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you know, for example, someone asked me, Javon, have you ever been on tour before? No, this is the
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first time I'm, you know, I'm really excited about what I'm going to create and who I'm going to
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connect with and the boys will be impacted and transformed as a result. I said, well, what makes
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You know, I had to stop for a second, Ryan. I said, hmm, if every man waited until he was qualified
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to take action, there would be no world. There would be no USA. There would be no government.
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There'd be no money. It's not about being qualified. It's not about having everything
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right now. It's about taking what you do have and passing that lesson on because you may not have
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every lesson, but if you can pass a lesson on to somebody, then you are taking the necessary steps,
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you know? Right. Yeah. And as a man, if you can even be a catalyst for some of those actions or a
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catalyst for progress, I'm totally on board with that. I've run into the same
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discussions and same conversations that, yeah, I don't have it all figured out, but let's figure
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it out together. Why do you think men, because you talked about communities, right? Guys getting
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together, figuring this stuff out, working together. But I think that it's probably one of the
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weaknesses that we have as men is to get together in a community and hash through these things
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together. Do you agree with that? And then if so, how do we deal with that? How do we overcome
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that so we can all be successful? I do. I'm definitely aligned with that statement. I feel
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that even deeper, what's happening here is that we all recognize in order to be in a room full of
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men, you know, facilitating these workshops with these boys on the mentor right now, there's a
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different energy in when it's all men. You know, it's completely different and it requires such a deep
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level of vulnerability to really go there, to really share vulnerably where you are, who you are.
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Unfortunately, we've been trained as men to not be emotional, you know, to be disconnected,
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to hold face, to save face. And it doesn't work. It just doesn't work. And so what I've learned is
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that there's a lot of freedom and transparency. And so instead of sitting here waiting for who's going
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to talk and who's going to share and who's going to be the first to say that they were abused and
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who's going to be the first to say that their father hit them, who's going to be the first to
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say that they don't have money or don't have a home or don't have certain things. Because let me tell
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you what happens, Ryan, when the first man steps up to the plate and shares, there's a shift.
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There's a shift that takes place. And men receive what I call an invitation to share.
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Mm hmm. And then like this, this whole, it's like the mountains move and the river roars. And
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it's just, it's an amazing, amazing experience. I know you've done work with men as well. But I
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truly believe that what's standing in the gap for us men is us thinking that there's no strength in
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vulnerability. And that's when we're most powerful. When we are vulnerable, when we truly stand in
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vulnerability and we share from an authentic place, it invites other men to do the same. And when we
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come together, there's so much more as possible. Sometimes it sounds really easy just to say,
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hey, be vulnerable. Are there some specific things that men can do? Because I totally agree with you
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that we need to do that. And the more I've done that in my life, the more that I've been an impact,
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had an impact in others' lives and the more that my life has been impacted. So I think a lot of guys
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are on board with that. But how do we do that? Like what's the very first step or what's the very first
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thought process that we need to change in order to realize that this is probably the most powerful
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position we can come from as men? Well, you know, it takes a lot of unlearning, actually.
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It's not really to learn. We need to unlearn what has been taught to us. And that takes a lot of
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mental grooming. I love that. I love that term, mental grooming, when you take the time to kind of
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go through the files in your mind and say, what is working for me? Is this serving me? If part of me
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is saying I don't want to share this, then there's something good there. That's the good stuff.
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So you got to go there and you got to really identify why does that one thing have control
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over you? And then reframe it. The reframing, a lot of life has to do with reframing. When we have
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something that's not working and you reframe it in a way that it serves you and it no longer hurts you,
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then you become more open to sharing that thing. Chances are, if we're battling something, Ryan,
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Right. Tell me a little bit about The Mentor because I've looked into that a little bit and
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I love what you're doing. I'd like to know a little bit more about what your mission there
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is and some of the successes and the things that you're doing with The Mentor.
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Of course. Well, The Mentor, for those who are listening, is a national male teen empowerment
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tour that's launching the 2015-2016 academic school year. It's starting in California in the
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month of October. And we're going to be traveling throughout the U.S. throughout the school
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year, basically facilitating a developmental workshop that focuses on ushering young boys
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from their transition and providing them with tools and tips on how to transition from boyhood
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to manhood. So we've got a lot of men. We have some guys from the NFL, some actors. We have a lot
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of entrepreneurs who are joining us on tour and we'll be participating on the tour and really
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furnishing these men with information and supporting them and reframing a lot of their stories so that
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they can break through and they can show up powerfully in school and become academically
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sound students. And they can have better relationships at home with their parents or those
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who are raising them their guardians. So we're really excited about it. How it came about, Ryan,
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I was invited in April to Dominican Republic to be a speaker to an orphanage to a couple hundred
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kids. And I arrived there and what was supposed to be 200 to 300 kids ended up being 1,000 kids
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on the island. And the last, I was there for about 10 days and the last five days we got to really
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work with the kids one-on-one and the boys were just really gravitating towards me for some reason.
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And they're talking to me and they're sharing their stories about their parents and how much
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they're, you know, they're struggling financially and, but they're just still happy and they're still,
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you know, really encouraging one another and really loving on one another and just come from a
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heart place, a heart-centered place. And when I got to the airport to return to the U.S., I found myself
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standing in line and I just broke down crying. Like I was, as I was boarding the plane and I was
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really trying to figure out what, what is this emotion? And I realized that there's so much
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healing. There's so much healing. There's so many homeless places with inside of men that we are
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refusing to go to and to spend time there and to share vulnerably and to break through and to reframe
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it so that we are not carrying this with us from boyhood into manhood. You know, if we can reframe
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these things right now, what more is possible in this world for us? And so when I returned,
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I spoke to some mentors and shared and said, I really want to work with men. Like how do I create
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a platform for men? I want to go deeper. I want to do more work. It came in the form of a developmental
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workshop and we focus on, you know, talking about, we have an activity called ABC, Adversities, Beliefs,
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and Consequences, where we work with the boys and we talk about their adversities and they share about
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their home life and their school life and their greatest challenges. They stand up and the boys
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are looking like, wow, me too, me too. And just like the synergy in the room is really phenomenal.
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And then we talk about their beliefs about their adversities and about, well, because my mother hurt
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me, this is what I believe about myself. This is what I believe about my mother. And then we talk
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about the consequences. What are the prices that these boys are paying by believing this way?
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And then we reframe it and the breakthroughs that take place in the room are just phenomenal.
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So that's just like one of the activities that we do with the boys. And it's really taken
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storm. We facilitated it in May and we got a lot of positive feedback from the teachers
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and superintendents and they've asked us to return. And now they've kind of spread the
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word and we're going from California to New York starting the school year. So we're really
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excited about that and looking for people to join on board and to become ambassadors for
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the tour. Looking for sponsors. We got a huge title sponsor working with us right now. It's
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a phenomenal company by the name of Trendy Butler. You guys should definitely check them out. They're
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really focused on customizing lifestyles for men. And so they saw a lot of value in what we were
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creating. And also looking for people to sponsor board. You visit the website, the mentor, T-O-U-R.com
00:21:21.200
and check it out. But we're really excited. And we just thank you for inviting us on the platform,
00:21:25.780
Ryan, to really share this message. Because in this moment, I want to call forward all men
00:21:32.280
to step up to the plate and to find something, to find a young man who may be your son or who may be
00:21:38.300
your nephew or just a boy in the neighborhood and to pour into them and to know that it's an
00:21:43.400
opportunity for you to pay it forward. Absolutely. What do you think? I'm really curious because you've
00:21:48.560
been doing this for a little while now and it sounds like you've gone through some classes. I'm really
00:21:51.820
curious what separates the boys who are having breakthroughs and are able to continue that
00:21:56.560
trend versus those that maybe fall back into some of the same patterns prior to going through these
00:22:02.740
courses and these workshops. Is there a difference? And what is it if you see that difference?
00:22:07.200
You know, there are some boys who are oppressed and very much stuck in their way because it's been
00:22:14.520
so ingrained in them that they don't matter, that they're not loved, that no one is willing to
00:22:21.380
show up for them. And so to see strangers come into the classroom and to share that they care
00:22:27.040
about them and that they want to be here and here's my email or here's my number or here's how
00:22:31.020
you can communicate with me, it's almost unreal. It's surreal for them. Then there are some boys who
00:22:36.380
have this desire to have, you know, a male guidance. They really want to be affirmed by men. They want
00:22:44.340
that connection and they show up. And so we really focus on working with everybody. We're there for
00:22:50.580
everybody, but we also respect the processes of the boys in the room. We don't want to violate,
00:22:56.360
we don't want to interrupt or to cause, you know, or deepen the wound. But we just want to let them
00:23:03.240
know that we're there. And let me tell you something, Ryan, I wish I could solve every
00:23:07.020
boy's problem. I wish I could transform every boy. But, you know, based on results and based on
00:23:12.200
statistics, you can't get everybody. But I know that by us traveling and standing and just if we
00:23:20.580
only showed up, we've played our part. And that's what I really think is important for everyone to
00:23:25.960
understand. It's not like you got to go out here and you got to pick up, you know, kids all the time
00:23:29.960
and you got to pour and give money away. It's just show up. Sometimes just being there, your presence
00:23:34.980
speaks volumes. That's really what we try to focus on. And that's where I really remind the guys
00:23:39.460
because sometimes, you know, you get there, you get connected and you meet these young guys and
00:23:42.360
you're like, well, I just want Michael to get it. Michael just doesn't get it. And, you know,
00:23:46.100
I'm doing the best I can, you know, that's Michael's process. And all you can do is all you can do.
00:23:52.320
And all you can do is enough. So how, I mean, I've obviously we're going to send people over to
00:23:57.480
the mentor.com, right? That's, that's the web address, the mentor.com. Yes. So we're going to send
00:24:01.900
them there. But how else do you suggest that men who feel like they want to give back and they want to be
00:24:07.320
part of their community outside of maybe even just fatherhood? What are some of the things that
00:24:11.800
those men can do in their communities to, to have some of the same outreach and success that you guys
00:24:16.340
are having? There are so many organizations out there, um, that are, are building from the ground
00:24:21.820
up right now. I think that there's, it's starting to become a lot more evident with all the crime
00:24:26.040
that's taking place. Um, like I'm from central Massachusetts and I got a call this morning that
00:24:32.240
a young boy was shot and this is like the fifth or sixth young boy in the last 60 days that has been
00:24:37.040
shot in my city. And that was never the case really when I was growing up. And so there's a lot
00:24:42.000
of crime, a lot of confusion, uh, within the communities right now, when it comes to men,
00:24:47.440
I think if more men stood up and really manned up and to support these young boys, there'll be fewer
00:24:54.300
men down altogether. Um, and so I would say, Google it. We're in the 20 or in the 21st century, you know,
00:25:00.840
the men, male organizations, there's an organization that we're working with right now called
00:25:05.160
Brother to Brother. There's an organization called Saab, um, S-A-A-B, um, national.org.
00:25:11.860
These organizations that are, you know, they have over 300 chapters across the U.S. who are,
00:25:17.520
who take, who take a stand for male academic success, uh, male achievement, emotional, uh, and social,
00:25:23.320
uh, development, um, and just volunteering. I'm, I'm also a mentor of the Tiger Woods Foundation here
00:25:28.720
in Anaheim, California. I have a mentee. We work with, uh, several kids within the inner city schools. I
00:25:34.180
have met kids in my neighborhood that I take out to eat. There's always something you can do.
00:25:38.540
Um, but if you, if you step into that and you truly want that and you call that forward,
00:25:42.240
the boys will always show up. Yeah. Yeah. There's plenty, plenty of young men to go around that need
00:25:47.160
help for sure. I know for me, just in our community, even outside of some of the things that you
00:25:51.360
mentioned, football coaching, baseball, any, any coaching opportunities are a big opportunity to
00:25:57.720
serve those young men. Um, I serve young men in our church and also then in scouts. And so those
00:26:02.940
three organizations, you can look right there to be able to get involved as well. And those are
00:26:06.840
powerful resources as well for me. I want to go back to what you said, where you identified
00:26:11.880
or you're based your self-worth on whether you were winning in sports and losing in sports. And
00:26:16.940
obviously that's not healthy. Something that you've overcome. How have you overcome that? And then,
00:26:22.400
and, and change the way you think about your self-worth. It doesn't, it doesn't pertain to you,
00:26:27.360
whether you win or lose. Tell me about that a little bit.
00:26:29.420
Well, I, I went to Skidmore college in upstate New York. I'm a thoroughbred,
00:26:33.380
go thoroughbreds. Um, I, I played basketball for them all four years and, uh, there was some coach
00:26:39.160
changes while I was there and my junior year, I realized I was informed that I had an opportunity
00:26:44.140
to study abroad. It was a part of my scholarship and I had to make a very tough decision to, to go
00:26:49.480
abroad and live in a foreign country for a semester or two, um, and miss, you know, my senior year of
00:26:56.980
basketball or I get to stay and I get to just say, Hey, it was a great experience. I chose sports
00:27:02.360
and it was a very tough decision for me. I sat down and spoke with my coach about it. Um, and he told
00:27:08.260
me, you know, I could sit here and tell you that I want you to stay. Um, but this is a life decision
00:27:12.060
that you get to make for yourself. Um, and so I sat down and it was a very, very, one of the probably
00:27:17.940
one of the most challenging decisions that I ever made, but the best decision I ever made. And I chose to
00:27:22.600
go abroad, right? In that moment, what I realized was that sports had been an avenue. It had been a
00:27:27.840
platform for me to learn and grow personally, you know, to develop my mind, to develop my heart
00:27:33.900
as a person, as a man. Uh, I learned so many lessons, life lessons through sports. Um, but I also knew
00:27:40.160
after a while that this wasn't the end game for me, that there was more to this story than just sports
00:27:45.560
that I wasn't going to just be an athlete. I love arts. I love entertainment. I love poetry. I love movies.
00:27:51.380
I love writing. I love so many other things outside of sports that I never really explored
00:27:55.960
because I was so busy trying to be a man by being an athlete. And so I finally, you know,
00:28:03.200
got the courage to, to make a decision for me that I got to live my life for me and to be able to be
00:28:09.400
bilingual and speak Spanish and to go abroad and live in Spain and travel and explore and really
00:28:14.400
see what my survival skills were like. Um, it was one of the greatest decisions I met of my life.
00:28:19.360
And I've met a lot of people on that journey and, um, it served me in so many ways now, you know,
00:28:25.020
at 27 years old, I feel so, uh, well-rounded and I feel very, very cultured. And I feel like I'm
00:28:33.260
able to communicate with people of different backgrounds, different races. I'm able to
00:28:37.620
adjust and adapt when it comes to different trials and tribulations in life. Um, and a lot of that is
00:28:42.440
attributed to, you know, being able to go abroad and to see something different and making a choice
00:28:47.100
to do something different so I can have something different. And that has truly been my experience.
00:28:53.160
What are some of the most maybe difficult moments or the hardest obstacles that you had to overcome
00:28:59.900
Wow. Well, when I first got to Spain, the first 60 days were probably the hardest because
00:29:06.060
I spoke a little bit of Spanish, but I was having to communicate with people. And it was very
00:29:11.540
challenging because I'm, I'm very, uh, I consider myself to be personable. I love to connect with
00:29:16.260
people. And I'm a, I'm a funny guy sometimes when it comes to connecting and I wasn't, I wasn't able
00:29:24.340
Yeah. And it was like very hard. People were looking at me like I was crazy and I just wanted
00:29:28.280
to kind of, you know, make friends. And that was very challenging for me. But other than that,
00:29:33.480
it was an adventure. It was truly an adventure. I've been lucky enough, like I said, to have a
00:29:38.080
phenomenal grandmother who, who taught me to, to take every opportunity as an opportunity to be
00:29:45.320
an opportunity. And so I was just there and I was just going with the flow. I was completely
00:29:49.800
in flow and when something would happen, I would get lost in the bus. I would just turn around,
00:29:53.640
get on the other bus and like, you know, meet people and connect and, and just be open to what
00:29:57.880
was showing up. What are some of the things that you did to actually get yourself outside of the
00:30:03.400
comfort zone? Cause I know I get really comfortable in life and obviously nothing happens when we're in
00:30:08.600
that comfort zone. How did you push yourself outside of that? So you can have some of those
00:30:13.120
successes in life or abroad? Both. I'd love to know, you know, any examples that you have. I think
00:30:19.340
it'd be beneficial for us listening. Wow. Well, I'd say for life, which is perhaps the most important
00:30:26.860
thing. I've definitely experienced a lot of obstacles. Losing my father was an obstacle that
00:30:31.800
I didn't even realize now until last year. I was a part of this amazing transformational experience
00:30:37.700
called MITT mastery and transformation training. Um, and I call it like an emotional intelligence
00:30:43.420
bootcamp. And I went through this a hundred days of transformation. And during one of the exercises,
00:30:48.380
I was, uh, creating an experience of being with my father for the first time. And in that experience,
00:30:55.200
I was, I was running in a field of grass and my arms are just, you know, hitting the sides of my
00:31:00.000
rib cages and I'm running as fast as I can. And I'm in this field and I keep turning around every so
00:31:04.500
often and I see him and I turn around every so often and I'll see him again. And then he throws
00:31:08.220
a football at me and I grab it with my hands and I fall, but I don't fall into grass. I fell into
00:31:13.740
the ocean and then I'm swimming, Ryan. I'm swimming and I'm stroking my arms back and forth. And my dad's
00:31:18.660
running and he runs to the shore and I look back again and he stops and he's not getting in the water
00:31:23.080
and I'm swimming. I'm like, dad, dad. And he doesn't get water. And then I just start to fall down
00:31:28.820
into the ocean. And I come out of this experience and I realized that my father will never be here
00:31:35.160
with me, with me physically. And at the age of 26 was the first time I actually broke down
00:31:41.920
and acknowledged and mourned for my father. And I, what I realized in that moment was that
00:31:49.440
although he was not here with me physically, Ryan, and he, you know, my biology, he wasn't in the
00:31:55.180
picture. It didn't stop him from playing a significant role in my life. In fact, my deepest
00:32:00.160
truth is that much of what I've accomplished in life, I truly believe is due to his support.
00:32:05.200
So let me explain. It wasn't until I acknowledged his physical absence that I became familiar with
00:32:13.080
his spiritual presence. So he's always been with me. And so a lot of the things that I experience in
00:32:18.200
life, I feel him with me, you know? And I think there are a lot of men who don't have their father
00:32:23.060
in their lives, whether it's by choice or it's by fate, but just reframing those stories about
00:32:28.680
ourselves and our family and our friends so that they support us on the journey is a game changer.
00:32:35.260
So I say that's definitely something that comes to mind is learning, learning that it's all about
00:32:40.900
how I choose to see this. How do you, it sounds like a powerful experience. How do you personally
00:32:47.780
find time to do these things? Because I know I've gotten a lot of feedback from listeners and emails
00:32:53.300
and things like that where guys feel trapped or they're literally on time constraints and they
00:32:58.520
don't have time for retreats or they feel like they don't have time to have these escapes. And
00:33:02.720
to do some of these things that I think we as men neglect, how do you suggest that a man
00:33:07.760
find time and carve time to do some of these things you're talking about, which are important?
00:33:12.240
Well, this may sound slight, but you honestly can't afford not to say those excuses anymore
00:33:19.220
because it's literally costing us. It's costing us life not to take care of ourselves. So what I'm
00:33:27.440
hearing you say, when men say that, I don't have time to support myself. I don't have time to love
00:33:32.360
on myself. I don't have time to be vulnerable, but I have time to be miserable. I have time to not have
00:33:37.380
time. I have time to be stressed. I have time to argue. I have time to do all these other things.
00:33:42.240
So it's a choice. It's ultimately a choice. You have time. It's just what we're choosing to do
00:33:47.500
with that time. And I've just become conscious of who I spend time with, where I spend time,
00:33:54.340
for how long I spend time with those people in those places. And so it's just, it's very simply
00:34:00.600
a choice, Ryan. What are some of the things that you're doing on a daily basis, whether that's a
00:34:06.180
morning or an evening routine or ritual? Because I know we can get on track for a certain period
00:34:12.140
of time. I think everybody can handle that for any length of time. And then we get side railed,
00:34:16.460
right? We get distracted or we get back into the rut that we were in before. Are there some things
00:34:21.320
that you're doing personally to keep you on the right path?
00:34:24.240
For sure. For sure. Routine is definitely important. I'm an entrepreneur, so I'm not in an office
00:34:30.160
nine to five. So I'll start with from the entrepreneur standpoint. For those of you who do have time
00:34:35.440
flexibility, my schedule is that so I wake up about 445, 450 in the morning, and I jump on a 5am call
00:34:43.360
Monday through Friday with a group of guys where we encourage each other, share stories, we pray for
00:34:48.600
each other, we speak vulnerably on what our greatest challenges are. And that's about an hour. I'll get
00:34:53.840
up, drink some water, eat some breakfast, come back to my room. I have a book that I read. I do some
00:34:59.560
reading in the morning. And then I go work out. I get a nice workout in for about 45 minutes, sometimes
00:35:05.120
an hour, hour and a half, depending on the day. And then the rest of the day is dedicated to pouring
00:35:09.380
out. But my day begins with pouring into me. Because what I realized, Ryan, the story that I had is
00:35:15.800
I'll take care of everybody because people don't know how to take care of themselves. Because I'm the
00:35:21.280
savior, because I'm the hero. So I had to make sure I get up in the morning and I iron my cape and I put
00:35:24.980
it on and I was Superman for everybody. And then I was depleted at the end of the day. And then I felt
00:35:29.200
envious and jealous and upset with people. But then I realized I took responsibility for myself
00:35:34.120
and realized that I get to bless people with my overflow. So I get to pour into Javon so much
00:35:41.160
that everybody around me, everybody near me is going to get blessed as well. And so I really think it's
00:35:47.480
important for men to replenish themselves, to pour into themselves and to find people who want to join
00:35:53.460
them on that journey. And it's really about the exchange. So as far as people that I communicate
00:35:58.960
and connect with throughout the day, I connect with those people who are going to uplift me,
00:36:03.720
who are going to pour into me, speak into me. And those who I feel like I can support as well.
00:36:08.160
You want to be around people who are encouraging you, people who care enough about you, to share
00:36:13.400
with you and to be frank sometimes and to be powerful, be a powerful presence in your life.
00:36:19.420
Javon, this has been such a powerful conversation. There's so much we can walk away with. I want to ask
00:36:24.000
you a couple other questions as we wind down. And the first question is, what does it mean to be a
00:36:30.020
man? And to be a man, Ryan, for me, it really boils down to a lot of things. And I talk about
00:36:36.680
this in the workshop on the mentor. I tell the boys, you know, there's being a man and then there's
00:36:43.040
being good at being a man. And what's the difference, guys? Being a man is about character.
00:36:48.040
It's about loyalty. It's the characteristics of a man. Being good at being a man is about performance,
00:36:53.200
how you show up is the competitive edge of a man. And both those things are equally important.
00:36:59.000
One's not more important than the other, although some of us have more of the characteristic side.
00:37:04.840
Some of us have more of the performance side. That's based on how we grew up. But what every
00:37:09.720
man should aim towards, what every man should walk into, and a play on that as an acronym,
00:37:15.180
AIM, is A stands for authenticity. A man is authentic with himself, with those in his life.
00:37:21.720
It's so important. It's so important to show up authentically, because that's what you attract.
00:37:27.340
You attract more of that. The second thing every man should aim towards, the I, is an integrity.
00:37:32.660
It's saying what you mean and mean what you say and knowing that if you can't do something,
00:37:37.260
if you can't be somewhere, that you get to communicate that. You get to be impeccable with
00:37:42.040
your word at all times. And when you are and you recognize it, it's going back and communicating
00:37:49.760
that again, that I was not in integrity. And so I want to stand in integrity in this moment and share
00:37:55.100
with you that this was really the case. The last thing, and really one of the most important things,
00:38:00.220
this applies to men and women, but more specifically men, is maturity.
00:38:04.080
Maturity. Maturity is everything. Maturity says, I was wrong. This is what I'm committed to moving
00:38:12.740
forward. Maturity says, I'll do better. Maturity is vulnerable. It's vulnerability at its greatest,
00:38:20.700
greatest, greatest. And so I really think that a man is someone who is authentic,
00:38:27.480
someone who stands in integrity and operates out of maturity every day of his life.
00:38:32.660
That is such a great definition. We're going to, I couldn't have said it better. So I'm going to
00:38:37.160
leave it right there because that was awesome. Hey, Javon, if someone wants to connect with you,
00:38:42.180
they want to learn more about the mentor or they want to learn about what you're doing or even
00:38:46.160
thought life, which is your YouTube video series, which we didn't get much into. How do we connect
00:38:50.620
with you and reach out to you? Absolutely. Every week, Wednesdays, I upload a brand new video
00:38:55.440
communicating with men, supporting them, mentally grooming them, helping them to get their minds right
00:38:59.740
so they can get their lives in order. And that's called Thought Life, T-H-O-U-G-H-T-L-I-F
00:39:07.080
single E, Thought Life on YouTube, the vlog series. Check it out every Wednesday. I'm there. All my social
00:39:12.200
media links are there. You can communicate with me. I answer every comment that you guys leave. You
00:39:17.500
guys have questions. I answer questions weekly as well. So come check me out. Come visit. Definitely
00:39:22.540
support the mentor. It's a movement. It's taking place right now, probably in a city near you.
00:39:27.960
Thementor.com. Become an ambassador. Support us. We're looking for strategic partnerships still.
00:39:34.720
Any brands that want to jump on board from socks to bow ties, we're looking for you guys to jump
00:39:38.840
on board and support these boys and really support them with the tools necessary so they can have what
00:39:44.340
they came for in this life so that they can live abundantly so that they can be the leaders of
00:39:50.080
tomorrow. Awesome. And again, we'll make sure we have all the links on the show notes so we can
00:39:54.000
connect you guys up. So again, Javon, I really appreciate you taking the time. Thanks for joining
00:39:57.680
us today on Order Man Podcast. Phenomenal. Thank you for all that you're doing, Ryan. I really
00:40:01.200
appreciate you. So, so powerful today, guys. Mr. Javon Lankford, I hope that you took notes or at least
00:40:07.140
that you internalized some of, if not all, the thoughts that Javon shared with us today. The key takeaway
00:40:12.080
for me was that if we want to help others succeed in life, we've got to be prepared individually to be a
00:40:17.340
resource in their lives. That means taking accountability and taking responsibility of
00:40:21.820
our own lives so that again, we can serve others best, which is something that I know a lot of us
00:40:26.020
want to do. Now, make sure that if you want to go to the Thrive Conference with me, you go to
00:40:29.880
ThriveLasVegas.com and you use either Brotherhood197 or Brotherhood397 to claim that discount I talked
00:40:37.700
about earlier and connect with us at our Order of Man meetup. Now, again, if you've enjoyed the show,
00:40:42.720
if you've learned something new, if you want to say thank you, you can do that by heading over to
00:40:47.720
orderofman.com slash iTunes and leave us your rating and review. I would appreciate it if you
00:40:52.820
would do that. Now, I've just lined up two incredible interviews this week that I'm really,
00:40:56.600
really excited about. I know you guys will too. I'm not going to ruin the surprise by telling you who
00:41:00.500
that is. I just want you to tune in. As a man, you will not want to miss these. I promise you. I can
00:41:05.760
guarantee that. Guys, I look forward to talking to you next week, but until then,
00:41:09.620
take action and become the man you were meant to be.
00:41:12.200
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your
00:41:17.740
life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.