Order of Man - OoM 043： Building Confidence Through Better Style with Aaron Marino

00:00:00.080 Confidence can be a tricky thing. It's the age-old adage of what comes first, the chicken or the egg.

00:00:04.220 What comes first, confidence, or the daily actions to get you to the life that you deserve.

00:00:08.440 My guest today, Aaron Marino with I Am Alpha M, helps us answer that question and teaches us how style,

00:00:13.400 not just your clothes, but your grooming, your communication, and the way you show up

00:00:16.960 will help you become the confident man you want to be.

00:00:20.300 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:25.900 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:30.600 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:35.660 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:39.860 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:45.660 Welcome, guys, to the Order of Man podcast. I am Ryan Mickler, the host and founder of Order of Man.

00:00:50.860 Now, we're talking all things manly on this podcast, and today we're talking specifically

00:00:54.740 about style and confidence and how you can build both.

00:00:58.240 Before we get too much into this, I wanted to send you a formal invitation to join our elite mastermind,

00:01:02.660 The Iron Council. Now, this month, me and the guys will be talking a lot about planning and vision

00:01:07.140 and creating a framework for making 2016 a success, and I know that's on a lot of people's mind right now.

00:01:13.580 And if you're telling yourself things like, I feel stuck, or I know there's more to life,

00:01:18.020 or I'm ready to take my life to the next level, this is the group for you.

00:01:22.720 We're having real discussions each week, holding each other accountable to our goals and priorities,

00:01:27.160 talking in our closed Facebook group, completing assignments, and some resources to help us take

00:01:32.340 our lives up a notch. You need to head over to orderofman.com slash iron council right now,

00:01:38.220 watch the video, and you'll be able to join these other solid men in their pursuit to become the best

00:01:42.340 men they were meant to be. Also, our weekly giveaway with my friends over at Seneca Creek. Congrats to the

00:01:47.460 winner of last week's giveaway, which was the dop kit and men's grooming supplies. Now,

00:01:51.340 this week, we'll be giving away the FinStreamer wallet. It's specifically for fly fishermen. If

00:01:56.300 you're interested, you can enter the giveaway by heading to orderofman.com slash Seneca Creek

00:02:01.080 giveaway three, Seneca Creek giveaway three. Now let's get into the show today. Remember,

00:02:05.580 you can find all the links, the resources, everything that you need at orderofman.com

00:02:09.060 slash zero four three. And of course, join in the conversation we're having with over 1500 men

00:02:14.180 on our Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. Now, my guest,

00:02:20.000 Aaron Marino has worked with thousands of men from all over the world, and he helps them with

00:02:24.160 their personal style, grooming, fashion, image, wardrobe, and even dating. He does weekly YouTube

00:02:29.780 posts. Aaron Marino covers a host of topics in the area of men's style and fashion, grooming,

00:02:34.620 and personal responsibility, which you know is a theme here on the order of men podcast. Now,

00:02:39.520 among his other achievements, Aaron Marino is a shark tank guest. He's also the author of the

00:02:43.340 bestselling ebook, the male style guide. He is the founder and developer of the go-to source for all

00:02:48.880 things men's style, grooming, and fitness, which is I am alpha M. This site features over 1500

00:02:54.900 original videos and articles. Above all, Aaron's goal is to help men build more confidence,

00:03:02.140 unlock their true potential, and get more out of life than they ever dreamed possible.

00:03:07.120 Aaron, what's going on, man? Thanks for joining us today.

00:03:09.100 Ryan, it's my pleasure, sir. I'm so excited to be here. I've been watching what you've been doing,

00:03:13.580 and I'm just so incredibly impressed with the direction that you're taking everything. It's

00:03:19.600 absolutely my pleasure. Well, I appreciate it. We had a chance to meet at StyleCon last year,

00:03:25.160 and I'm looking forward to StyleCon and connecting and rubbing shoulders again. Let's see. We're doing

00:03:29.780 it in March, right? March of 2016? March 11th, 12th, and 13th. Yeah, I encourage any of the guys that are

00:03:37.000 listening to this. If you are available March 11th, 12th, 13th, come to Atlanta and get connected.

00:03:44.980 There's nothing like interacting and meeting the quality and caliber of guys that you will at

00:03:51.800 StyleCon. And that's one of the things that just really blew my mind the first time we had it was

00:03:56.660 just, you know, the friendships and the relationships was just something I wasn't prepared

00:04:01.700 for. And so, yeah, it's awesome. Get there. It is awesome. And I don't know whether you know this

00:04:07.840 or not, and I've told the guys before that I attribute a lot of the success of the launch of

00:04:11.640 Order of Man to that event and meeting you and meeting the other guys that I did. In fact, I did a

00:04:16.700 blog roundup a week or so after I got back from StyleCon about all the guys I met. You're on that

00:04:22.160 list as well. And that article absolutely took off. I think it's been viewed over 80,000 times now.

00:04:28.180 And so it's just a testament to what you guys have done and all the guys that I was able to meet.

00:04:33.640 And I really want to thank you for helping me build Order of Man.

00:04:36.720 Well, you know how you're thanking us. You're speaking this year.

00:04:40.320 That's right. And I'm stoked about that too.

00:04:42.340 Yeah. Yeah. No, we're so thrilled to have you. And I think you're going to bring

00:04:45.880 just a different value proposition than the other guys. And so I'm really excited. Really excited.

00:04:52.700 So I want to have this conversation about style. And I know eight months ago, nine months ago,

00:04:59.020 if you would have said that style is manly, I would have laughed you out of the room.

00:05:03.640 And I've come to realize that style is more than just fashion. It's more than just your wardrobe.

00:05:09.480 So I'd really like to know from your perspective, when I say style, and when you think about that and

00:05:14.060 all the work you've done, what are you talking about when you say that?

00:05:16.400 Basically, when I hear the word style, and really the message that I'm trying to communicate when I

00:05:22.220 do talk about style, it's really the personal packaging. And you hear horror stories, you see

00:05:29.560 guys that really don't put much time or energy into making sure that they're dressing with purpose.

00:05:35.420 And so when I talk about style, it doesn't matter if my style is different than yours and yours

00:05:40.180 different than Joe's. It's all about finding something that resonates with you and that speaks

00:05:46.180 to who you are as a man and as a person. And so style is just about packaging yourself from the

00:05:53.060 outside in, the way that you want to be received by others. And that's really what it boils down to.

00:05:59.080 Why do you think that we as men, and this is general, but we as men struggle with this,

00:06:05.220 or it's not even that we struggle with it. It's just something that's not even on our mind. Are you

00:06:09.620 experiencing that in your business as well?

00:06:11.140 Oh, absolutely. And the reason is because as men, we're not taught that that's important.

00:06:16.300 We're taught to get educated, to be good at sports, to marry a beautiful woman, to raise 2.5

00:06:22.560 well-adjusted kids, but nowhere in there is take care of yourself. Women, on the other hand, 1.00

00:06:29.120 have the reverse situation going on. There's a lot of emphasis put on the aesthetic. And just from a

00:06:36.420 societal standpoint, I feel that men really just aren't taught or encouraged to embrace wanting

00:06:44.020 to take care of themselves and look good. And there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

00:06:48.740 There's nothing unmanly about caring about the appearance that you present.

00:06:53.800 Do you think that the reason guys are reserved, for lack of a better term about this, is because

00:06:59.160 it is typically, and again, generally speaking, focused towards women and it's more of a culture

00:07:04.540 and it's more normal when it comes to their conversation that they're having?

00:07:08.220 Yeah, I think it's not being sure where they fit. And there's been this whole movement. I mean,

00:07:15.660 years ago, the term, they came out with the term, was metrosexual. And so I think that guys are a

00:07:21.460 little bit weary about being seen as less masculine or gay or just sort of associating vanity with taking

00:07:32.800 care of yourself. And it's not even about that in my world and in my mind. It has nothing to do

00:07:39.120 necessarily with vanity. It has everything to do with just wanting to present yourself in the best

00:07:46.440 possible way. It's so incredibly competitive out there in terms of professional, social. There's

00:07:55.680 so much competition and we can't afford not to pay attention to the little details. Style, grooming,

00:08:02.460 our body, our communication all play into sort of that package or your image, if you will.

00:08:09.880 Is there a reoccurring trend that you see guys struggling with? Maybe it's their clothes,

00:08:15.320 maybe it's the way that they're communicating. What's the underlying thread? It seems to be a

00:08:21.500 common thread, if you will. Well, there are two different things you just mentioned. Yeah, style.

00:08:24.800 The one thing that I see time in and time again is guys not understanding their bodies,

00:08:32.440 not understanding how clothing should fit them, and associating big, roomy, baggy with comfort.

00:08:41.700 And so most men that I meet, that I talk to that are searching for that next step or to up their game

00:08:49.000 and their level is we get them into clothes that actually fit them and fit their body.

00:08:54.820 Even if your wife, girlfriend is shopping for you, that's not a solution. She spends so much time and

00:09:00.760 energy worrying about herself because women's style changed so much. She just buys you what she sees her 1.00

00:09:07.220 friend's husband's buying. She looks to see what's on sale. And so deferring that responsibility to

00:09:14.340 your significant other is absolutely not a solution. In terms of body language, I think,

00:09:20.640 I don't know what it is, Ryan. I think we've lost our confidence as a society and as a gender.

00:09:28.100 And, you know, this lack of confidence is sort of, I don't know, it transcends all the little

00:09:35.820 different, you know, from eye contact to posture to, you know, handshake to, you know, verbal

00:09:41.960 communication. You know, we just don't present a confident package anymore.

00:09:47.300 It's funny. My wife will do this and I can't even explain it. I might have to video this and 0.98

00:09:52.000 she wouldn't approve of that, but hide a video camera or something in video. She does this thing 0.99

00:09:56.200 where she makes fun of, you know, quote unquote kids these days, right? And she has her hair in 1.00

00:10:00.820 front of her eyes and she's kind of slouched over and she's shy and timid about even making eye 0.91

00:10:05.360 contact. And as funny, funny as it is, the reality is, is that that's so true. I see that in young

00:10:11.440 boys. I see that in young women that they just don't have this confidence. Why do you think that

00:10:15.960 is? Oh man, all the messages that were being sent. We just, I think, you know, in an attempt to make

00:10:23.020 everybody feel good about themselves, you know, sort of, this is going to get, this is going to

00:10:28.160 get weird fast probably, Ryan. No, I think that, I think in an attempt to make everybody feel good,

00:10:33.400 I think the, the, the guy has sort of been, I don't know, not encouraged and has not been

00:10:41.060 cultivated in a way that, I don't know, I think everything else has been. And so we don't know where,

00:10:47.800 where we fit. We don't know our place. We don't know our place in relationships. We don't know our,

00:10:51.900 our place in society. And so there's a lot of, you know, a lot of insecurity that comes along with

00:10:58.140 that. And so that's my, my opinion, but. No, I think you're right on. So one of the fears that I

00:11:05.480 have, and this is still a fear to this day about confidence is I want to exude confidence. I want to

00:11:11.940 be confident. I want other people to see that I feel good about myself and who I am, but I don't

00:11:17.580 want to take it too far to the level of cockiness or arrogance. So tell me where that line is.

00:11:24.380 Absolutely. And that is the, there's such a big difference between confidence and arrogance.

00:11:28.380 And the main one that, that I've identified is that arrogant people are trying to prove their

00:11:35.040 value to the world around them. Confident men don't need to. And so the arrogant man is putting

00:11:41.040 other people down in order to raise themselves up. The confident man grabs your hand and brings you

00:11:45.860 with them. Easy. It's as simple as that, right? Is it? If you're confident, you have absolutely,

00:11:52.220 you, you, you, you understand the value that you bring to the, to this world and to society,

00:11:57.680 and you strive to make it a better place. The arrogant man is just so preoccupied with trying

00:12:05.420 to prove his worth that he does that by basically just, just being a jerk and putting other people 1.00

00:12:13.060 down. So what comes first? Is it you improve your style and confidence follows? Is it I'm going to 0.99

00:12:19.200 get confident or get clear about my life? And then therefore the way that I portray myself follows?

00:12:24.000 How does that work? Great question. And I think that really there, there are different ways that it

00:12:28.800 happens for, for different people. I like to joke when, when I help somebody with, uh, with their style

00:12:34.220 that we're giving them confidence from the outside in. When you change the outside appearance,

00:12:39.500 then all of a sudden you start to feel a little bit better. You see, and you like the person that

00:12:44.000 you see looking back at you in the mirror. And that transcends every aspect of your life. But I

00:12:48.820 think a lot of people also develop and, and, and find their inner confidence just through successes

00:12:55.920 and whether or not that's success in relationship, that's success in a career. But the reality also,

00:13:03.100 in my opinion, is that you can be confident in one area of your life and very insecure in other

00:13:08.880 areas. I think just as a general confidence rule, you know, the confident guys understands that he's

00:13:16.520 not going to be great at everything and that's okay. And failure doesn't necessarily, you know,

00:13:22.160 cause him to retreat and, and lose his identity and, and, uh, feeling good about himself.

00:13:27.740 Right. Yeah. And I like what you say. I could see both. It's not that one comes first. It's that

00:13:31.980 they work simultaneously in high school. I had a baseball coach and one of his phrases was always,

00:13:36.840 if you look good, you play good. And so regardless of our level of athleticism or

00:13:42.640 the way that we were playing, the one thing that we always, always, always had control over was the

00:13:47.000 way that we looked. So we always had new uniforms. They're always top of the line. They are always

00:13:50.960 the newest and latest style. And we always looked good. And I think we played to that level as well.

00:13:55.740 Very good. I like it. I'd get along well with your coach.

00:13:59.020 You would. He had some other phrases that I don't think I'll share on this podcast too.

00:14:03.460 Probably wise, sir. Probably wise. So I'm going to jump back to something you said,

00:14:09.480 dressing on purpose. And so I want to know, how does a guy dress on purpose? How does he find his

00:14:16.120 style? How does he be deliberate? Because I look at, at, at attire that you wear and some of these

00:14:21.520 other guys wear, and I don't know if that necessarily fits me. It's not right or wrong.

00:14:24.900 It's just style. So how do you find that for yourself?

00:14:27.140 Yeah. I really think it boils down to, see, one of the reasons why a lot of men are fearful about

00:14:34.680 stepping outside of their comfort zone is the fear of basically being made fun of. You don't

00:14:42.120 necessarily take the time to explore different styles, different options, because you're afraid

00:14:47.180 that your friends are going to notice. And so one of the things that I encourage guys to do is start

00:14:53.060 with one specific item. Maybe it's a new pair of shoes. Maybe it's a new pair of pants, not changing

00:15:00.580 everything all at once. And so you sort of just make baby steps and you elevate your style gradually.

00:15:08.620 And it's sort of a seamless transition. As far as how you identify what you like, it really,

00:15:14.740 I think boils down to, you know, just, just taking a look, see what you see, you know, in terms of,

00:15:21.260 you know, men around you, but a great tool and sort of a little style hack is to when you're in these

00:15:27.340 different stores, take a look at the mannequins, take a look to see what they're wearing. There are

00:15:33.060 people that get paid a lot of money to dress mannequins and to, to, you know, basically put their

00:15:39.960 outfits and looks together. And so, you know, that if you see a look, it's in that store,

00:15:44.360 so you can grab a sales associate, ask them to try it and see it, it might not work for you,

00:15:50.500 but maybe one aspect or piece of that outfit will work for you. And so it's just about trying

00:15:56.180 different things and seeing what, what feels comfortable, what feels good and looking to,

00:16:02.000 you know, the media or your, your peers in order to identify some things that you find attractive

00:16:08.600 and, and you find a, I don't know, some, some style value in. Right. Yeah. And I like what you

00:16:14.100 said is finding it's attractive to you, right? It resonates with you. I mean, there's guys that

00:16:18.160 I look at and I think in the movies, for example, and I think, man, I like guy looks really sharp.

00:16:22.000 I would probably never wear that, but he looks sharp. And so finding what works for you and then

00:16:26.140 gradually implementing some of those changes into your wardrobe. I mean, it even comes down to my

00:16:31.640 beard. A lot of people ask me about my beard and what do people think of it? And for me,

00:16:35.440 I like having a beard. I think it's cool. And it's a great conversation starter, if you will,

00:16:40.040 but it also fits my brand of being manly. So it's very deliberate in, in the way that I'm

00:16:45.500 communicating or portraying myself as well. Uber manly. That's right. That's right. We're not

00:16:51.340 messing around over here. No, no, no, sir. It is a fantastic beard as well. So tell me,

00:16:57.720 are there some basic, we're going to talk about wardrobe just for a minute here. Are there some

00:17:02.260 basic items that every man should be aware of and every man should own? Yeah. And this is just

00:17:08.380 some real general basic stuff, but I would say that every guy needs that perfect pair of jeans.

00:17:15.020 And I mean, you're going to, that's what everybody says. When you ask any style guy,

00:17:18.720 they go, what do you need? A pair of denim. I would say you probably need two pairs,

00:17:23.420 a dark wash pair that you can dress up a little bit and a casual pair that you don't mind,

00:17:28.900 you know, going and grabbing a beer or hanging out with your buddies in. So jeans,

00:17:33.940 they got to fit you great. A pair of boots, some type of boots. Boots are sexy. Boots make guys feel

00:17:40.400 good. And if you're shorter in stature, they're a great way to add an inch or two to your height.

00:17:46.260 The, the, the fitted white Oxford is a great shirt that is incredibly versatile.

00:17:52.260 Just a simple button up Oxford you can find in most stores. And a leather jacket, a leather jacket is

00:17:58.620 something that I feel like guys just get. And when they wear it, they feel great. And so those are

00:18:05.500 some, some of my go-to options and, and, and, um, you know, style must haves, but there, there are

00:18:12.360 quite a few more. I think you did a video. I think I watched a video on this cause I remember the white 0.99

00:18:17.820 Oxford shirt and, uh, and I'll have to make a link to that in the show notes. I'll put that video up

00:18:23.280 there, link it back to your site. Cause that was pretty valuable as I was going through that. And I'm

00:18:26.260 trying to upgrade my, my style as well. But one thing, Ryan, that I just need to point out to the

00:18:30.600 guys listening is the items that you buy. If you stay away from trendy items, this is going to serve

00:18:39.480 you much better in the long run. Um, you know, as opposed to things that you can just wear this

00:18:45.520 season or next year, just stick to classic styles. Don't worry about getting, um, you know, clothing

00:18:51.560 with big, busy patterns, stick to the classic styles and you will be able to have a wardrobe

00:18:56.320 that not only works now, but works in two years from now, three years from now, because the, I mean,

00:19:02.060 just for an example, a suit, how much really has the man's suit changed over the course of the past

00:19:08.640 30 years? Right. Not very much nuances, three buttons, two buttons, the lapel will change in size,

00:19:15.920 but generally speaking, you know, if you buy smart and you buy classic, it's going to be timeless.

00:19:21.760 And that is the, the biggest tip that I can give anybody when they're looking to upgrade their

00:19:26.600 wardrobe. Yeah. I think, uh, Raphael, in fact, at, at style con actually, he either wore a suit or

00:19:33.120 showed us his, his very first suit that he bought 20 or 30 years ago. And it looked just as good today

00:19:38.680 as it did back then. Absolutely. That blue suit, that blue double-dressed pinstripe suit. I actually

00:19:43.940 love that story so much. I asked him to, uh, to film a video telling the story that I could share

00:19:49.820 with my, my audience. And so people really liked that. It was a great story. Very cool. So how long

00:19:55.180 have you been doing this? Is this something that you've always been fascinated with? Is this is a

00:19:58.580 relatively new development? Tell me about that. Uh, I actually used to own a fitness center. And so,

00:20:06.300 you know, I've always been interested in style and, and grooming and taking care of myself.

00:20:12.240 But, uh, when I owned the fitness center, one of my male clients, this guy, Steve had a date. He

00:20:18.700 didn't know what to wear. He asked me, he thought, Oh, you always look good at work. And so I, I, I,

00:20:24.980 I offered to take him shopping and to see what he had in his wardrobe did that one thing led to

00:20:30.680 another. And I started getting calls from some of his coworkers. And so I had the opportunity to sell

00:20:36.040 my fitness center because I, it was miserable. And, um, and so I decided to see if there was a

00:20:42.580 market for a regular guy like myself to give solid, basic style advice to, to other regular guys. And,

00:20:50.280 and so this was back in 2006 when I, when I started doing this full time. And so.

00:20:56.640 There's actually two lessons there that I can see. Number one, from your perspective

00:21:00.420 is you saw need guys were asking you for a little bit of advice and help and you pursue that. So

00:21:05.540 that's lesson number one. I think that's awesome. Lesson number two, I think you said his name was

00:21:09.780 Steve. He actually reached out for advice. A lot of guys won't go ask for advice from somebody

00:21:16.540 because they're timid or they're scared or they're afraid what somebody might think. I was having a

00:21:19.760 conversation earlier today about that very topic. And so it's cool to hear that there's success when you

00:21:25.260 actually ask for help. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. I, the older I get and the more I

00:21:31.340 experienced, the more I realize what I don't know. And instead of fumbling through it, it is the

00:21:37.400 quickest way to point a ask for help, get advice from people that, that know what they're talking

00:21:43.840 about. So how does a guy that goes from helping a buddy pick out his clothes for a date to a shark

00:21:51.400 tank appearance? That's what I'm curious about. I know a lot of guys would be interested in that.

00:21:55.160 Yeah. Yeah. I was on shark tank. Um, you know, I came out with this, uh, this, this system to teach

00:22:00.400 guys how to dress. And it was, it was almost like geranimals for adults, adult guys, you know,

00:22:07.240 put a with B show them pictures and, and teach them how to put together some outfits. And so I was

00:22:12.940 having coffee with my dad and he said, well, how are you going to market this? And I said, yeah,

00:22:17.240 I don't know. Uh, my website, maybe YouTube, he goes, well, why don't you go on shark tank? And,

00:22:21.980 uh, it happened to be my favorite show. And so I'm like, yeah, let me, let me see what that's

00:22:27.540 about. So I went online and I, I submitted an application and this was on a Friday on Monday.

00:22:33.740 I got a call from their casting director saying, Hey, let's, uh, have you fill out some more paperwork

00:22:39.580 and, and start the process. And so, yeah, that was, uh, it was one of the most amazing experiences

00:22:46.040 of my life. Shark tank is, is just a great show. If you're an entrepreneur, it it's a, it's a wonderful

00:22:52.220 learning experience and you can really learn a lot. One of the, the most amazing things about the

00:22:58.840 experience was being in a hotel with 30 entrepreneurs, guys and gals that just get it.

00:23:06.440 There's some of the smartest people I've ever met. And so it was really just an amazing experience.

00:23:12.140 Well, so you're in this, obviously, if anybody's seen the show, you're in this

00:23:15.740 hyper stressful environment. Tell me what you learned about presenting yourself

00:23:21.420 from that experience.

00:23:23.820 Preparation is key and visualization as well. Um, I, I joke with people that by the time I was

00:23:30.360 in shark tank, I'd already been there 5,000 times in my head, practicing the pitch whenever you,

00:23:36.780 you know, public speaking is such a nerve wracking. And what is it? The, the number one fear that most

00:23:41.440 people have is getting up in front of a group of people. And it doesn't matter how, how much you've

00:23:47.600 done it. It's still always going to be a little bit uncomfortable, I would say. And so for me,

00:23:52.740 it was all about just the visualization and practicing. By the time I got in there,

00:23:58.620 basically they said pitch and it was autopilot. And so, you know, just, yeah, you just got to

00:24:05.620 practice, practice, practice is the best advice I could give anybody.

00:24:10.520 So let me ask you this, because I've heard you present a couple of times. I've seen the shark

00:24:13.940 tank segment and you're a guy who's seen, and I've seen your YouTube videos. And from my perspective,

00:24:19.000 I think this is a guy with the silver tongue. Like he's got it all figured out. He knows how to

00:24:23.460 talk. He knows how to communicate. He's confident. And I think a lot of guys are going to look at that

00:24:27.880 and say, that would never be me. So what do you say to that guy?

00:24:30.420 I say that it wasn't always me. Um, you know, I have gotten good and, and public speaking and,

00:24:38.980 and interaction and communication is something, it is a skill. It's not something that somebody is born

00:24:45.780 with. If you practice, if you engage, you get better, but you've got to put yourself in

00:24:52.240 uncomfortable situations and be okay with being uncomfortable. And I think really that's the key

00:24:58.040 is just to get involved, get out there, get outside of your comfort zone, because if you never do,

00:25:04.980 then you never will get good. But the more you interact, the more you talk, the more you network,

00:25:10.200 the more you communicate, the better at it you get.

00:25:12.720 Yeah. If you keep going, right. If you keep pushing and keep trying, I remember one of the

00:25:16.800 very first times I spoke in public, I was a, let's see, I was in eighth grade and I had to go

00:25:22.200 back to my elementary school to present some sort of club or organization that we had in middle school.

00:25:28.760 And Aaron, I completely flopped. I froze up. I didn't know what to say. And the whole class was

00:25:34.400 there. And I thought I was the big man on campus. And I vowed, I said to myself, I will never,

00:25:38.800 ever let that happen again. But that was a big learning experience for me.

00:25:42.920 Well, now you could figuratively go, if you could go back and give little eighth grade you a knuckle

00:25:47.580 bump, you've gotten fantastic. So that's right. That's right.

00:25:52.100 Success. So it gets better young, Ryan, it gets better.

00:25:55.500 I would probably still embarrass myself. You know, sometimes kids are harder to communicate with

00:26:00.120 than grownups, right?

00:26:01.780 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

00:26:03.340 They're, they're harsh. That's why. So tell me, I'm going to go back. You said you were,

00:26:08.400 you had a fitness gym and this was the business. What role does fitness and health and nutrition play

00:26:14.060 in communication and style in the way that we're presenting ourselves?

00:26:17.560 Everything. In my personal opinion, and this is just through my life, I feel that my confidence

00:26:25.860 comes from taking care of myself physically and, and emotionally. Um, I think that I absolutely

00:26:34.040 prescribe to the theory that our body is our temple and it transcends every aspect of your life. If you

00:26:39.820 take care of yourself, if you treat yourself well and you challenge yourself physically, everything else

00:26:47.300 is better. Um, you know, style just for, for an example, you know, when you're, when you're in good

00:26:54.360 shape, your clothes look better, but you can also, even if you're not, cause here's the thing,

00:26:59.540 most of us do not have Adonis like physiques. This is a fact, but we can be the best that we

00:27:05.040 can possibly be. Um, I say it starts with five pounds. If you can lose five pounds, you can lose

00:27:10.620 10. If you can lose 10, you can lose 20, you know, do 50 pushups a day. There are little things and

00:27:16.760 lifestyle changes that we can take that doesn't require you to have a fitness membership and doesn't

00:27:21.840 require you to be some fitness zealot, but it's going to impact your life in a way that you can't

00:27:28.680 even believe confidence is going to go through the roof. Everything gets better. If you just take

00:27:34.120 that first step and take care of yourself physically. How does that look for you? What is, what is your

00:27:38.840 day or your week look like when it comes to staying in shape and eating right? Eating right is a full-time

00:27:43.800 job. It's not something that is, uh, I, I eat very healthy because I have conditioned myself to really

00:27:51.340 like healthy food. Um, fitness. I work out every day. Um, I believe that you got to break a sweat

00:27:57.460 every day and it's going to absolutely pay dividends in the long run. So I exercise, I do

00:28:04.140 cardio every day. I, I, I, um, lift weights, you know, four to five times a week, nothing crazy,

00:28:10.760 nothing too long. Uh, but I just need to get it in for me and my sanity and my, my stress relief.

00:28:17.980 It's my time, you know, going to the gym and working out, that's a time for you to be 100%

00:28:23.060 selfish. You don't have to worry about work. You don't have to worry about kids. You don't

00:28:27.100 have to worry about anything. It's you taking care of you. And so I don't know if I answered

00:28:32.640 the question or went off another, uh, wormhole. No, it's perfect. I mean, I totally agree with that.

00:28:39.260 I've been on a fitness journey and everybody here knows a little bit about that story over the past

00:28:42.700 several years. And yeah, it's amazing how much, obviously there's the physical benefits of it.

00:28:48.920 I'm, I'm more energetic. I'm not as tired as often or frequently. I can do stuff with the kids when I

00:28:52.900 get home, but everything has improved from the relationship I have with my wife to my business

00:28:58.820 and the income coming in as a direct correlation of the way that I've taken care of my body and been

00:29:03.800 on this fitness journey. So I completely agree with you there. Well, good. What?

00:29:07.160 Then we don't have to arm wrestle. All right, good. Right. You might win that one. I know. So

00:29:13.920 we'll, we'll leave it there. I'll agree with whatever you say. What, uh, what are some of

00:29:19.320 the common mistakes that you see guys making when it comes to style? You mentioned baggy clothes as

00:29:25.420 being one of them. Hanging on to see as men, there's another thing that we do, which is hang

00:29:30.300 on to clothes much longer than we should. And I think we, there's, there's some degree of sentimental

00:29:36.600 value that we place on old stuff and old clothes. And so we'll hang on to t-shirts, underwear,

00:29:44.500 whatever it is, long past its prime, long past when it's wearable. And so not upgrading, not

00:29:50.620 changing, not basically thinning and cleaning out your closet. And that I guess would, would sort of

00:29:57.640 dovetail into another big point is that if you've got clothes in your wardrobe or in your closet that

00:30:03.860 you haven't worn in 12 months, you can get rid of it and you need to get rid of it in order to

00:30:09.060 operate your wardrobe effectively and efficiently. How many guys have a packed closet or their drawers

00:30:16.060 are overflowing with old t-shirts and ratty jeans that they'll never wear. They haven't worn in 12

00:30:21.780 months. Um, you got to clean it up, clean it out so that you can really take a, take an inventory and

00:30:28.620 take stock of what you have and then utilize those clothing, that clothing effectively.

00:30:33.920 Makes sense. How do you, cause I know what a lot of guys are thinking at this point and they're

00:30:37.780 probably saying to themselves, well, yeah, if I had unlimited resources or financial means necessary

00:30:42.940 to do this, I could change my entire wardrobe and I'd look amazing and I'd get the women and get the 0.99

00:30:47.200 job promotion. I just did the reality. I just did a video. Okay. $20 and a thrift store. And I had

00:30:54.360 three amazing outfits. No, absolutely. And so no, you don't need to spend a lot of money. It's about

00:31:00.740 being smart when you're shopping. It's about being selective, you know, invest in one piece and then

00:31:06.240 maybe next month, you know, save $50 and invest in another, always hit the discount racks, um, online

00:31:12.740 stores. If you sign up for mailing lists, you're going to get big time coupons and discounts. There are

00:31:17.500 ways that you can upgrade your wardrobe systematically piece by piece and do it without spending a ton

00:31:24.340 of cash. Um, I think a lot of guys are under the misconception that a wardrobe is bought. It's

00:31:29.380 not bought. It's built systematically upgrading pieces that need it when they need it. And you're

00:31:35.900 going to be fine. And you don't have to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to do that.

00:31:39.860 What do you, what, what about, uh, presenting yourself outside of the wardrobe? So how do you

00:31:45.200 develop a communication style? How do you, cause you know, the guy, when he walks into the room and you

00:31:50.360 say, man, that guy's got it. He takes, he obviously has a presence. He commands attention. What does

00:31:56.080 that guy have that some men have yet to have found? See, and that's the interesting thing. When you see

00:32:01.200 a guy like that, you can't necessarily put your finger on one specific thing or another. It's the

00:32:07.440 collective whole of everything he's doing right. And so maybe he's paid attention to his style. His

00:32:13.300 clothes are fitting him well, his grooming, he shaved, he fixed his hair, you know, he took care of his

00:32:19.580 nose hair and he communicates with confidence. It's about posture. It's about eye contact. When you

00:32:25.800 walk, you walk with purpose. You have your hands out of your pocket. It's, it's all of the confident

00:32:32.040 nonverbal communicating that we do that is going to set the person apart from the guy who slouches 0.99

00:32:37.800 hands in his pocket, sort of mumbles when he talks. It's about putting it all together piece by piece

00:32:43.640 and ultimately and eventually you'll be amazed at just the power that you possess and your

00:32:50.540 communication and your presence. How did you figure all this stuff out? Is this trial and error? Is

00:32:55.820 there somebody or resources that you're going to? No, it's, it's trial and error, man. I am a,

00:33:00.240 I am a student of, of observation. And so through my work with, with YouTube, um, you know, it's forced

00:33:08.540 me to, and, and being an image consultant for a long time, I was an image consultant. And so guys

00:33:13.540 would travel from around the country and they would want me to help them upgrade their style,

00:33:19.440 maybe, you know, get them ready for a dating profile because they're recently divorced and

00:33:23.980 they just didn't know where to start. And so over the course of the past, I don't know, say I, I,

00:33:29.820 I consider it my life actually, because I grew up, um, you know, my, my parents were divorced and I,

00:33:35.820 my mom stuck me in therapy at like the age of three. And so I've just, I've sort of conditioned

00:33:41.980 myself to be very aware. And so it's, it's just something that I, that I just focus on and, and

00:33:48.600 it's, I don't know, it's just trial and error to be honest, I guess, and just being and paying

00:33:54.100 attention to people that are doing it right and people that are doing it wrong and, and figuring

00:33:59.300 out how and what that magical formula is in order to present the best possible confident

00:34:05.460 self you can.

00:34:07.140 So is there a time in your life where you just completely missed the boat or missed the mark

00:34:11.220 that you can share with us?

00:34:12.460 Missed the mark. Uh, man, I missed the mark at least once a day on something.

00:34:16.560 All the time.

00:34:17.940 I can't identify a specific, um, you know, I, I've had failures. I mean, I've had, I, I'm an

00:34:24.840 entrepreneur, so I've had business failures. I've had some successes. Um, you know, it's,

00:34:30.440 but as an entrepreneur, one of the, I don't have the luxury of being down on myself too

00:34:36.040 long. You got to get up, you got to figure it out and you got to move forward. Um, you

00:34:41.180 know, just, I guess they're just different times that, that looking back, I don't know

00:34:45.940 that I would change anything, but I definitely know that I wasn't my best.

00:34:50.280 Yeah. Well, Aaron, we're winding down on time today. I want to ask you a couple of other

00:34:53.860 questions. One I prepared you for a little bit here, and that is what does it mean to be a

00:34:58.340 man? Yeah, but see, I didn't get time to prepare. I know what it means to be a man is a man in

00:35:05.620 today's world, um, brings value. He brings value to those people he interacts with. He

00:35:12.120 brings value to the world around him. He does his best in order to lift people up. He does

00:35:17.960 his best to respect people around him. And, and in return, he, he, he requires respect and,

00:35:25.900 um, he, he just does his best. He understands that he is fallible. He's not perfect. And he

00:35:31.320 doesn't claim to be, um, he's a Renaissance man who is, is good at a lot of things, or he

00:35:37.900 tries to be good at certain things that they should say. And he's in touch with his, his,

00:35:42.980 his, his soul. He's not afraid to, to show emotion and, and to let people know, you know,

00:35:48.960 when, when things hurt and, and when things make him feel good.

00:35:52.260 What is the value that you feel like you provided the world?

00:35:56.320 Me, I, I, everything I do when I get up in the morning and the content that I create

00:36:01.860 is to help people feel better about themselves in whatever way that, that ends up being. And so

00:36:08.520 I get amazing emails. I get amazing calls. I just, I, I get people that, that tell me that I've helped

00:36:16.020 them in, I mean, countless facets of their life. And so my value, I was put on this earth to help

00:36:23.440 other people feel better about themselves. So that's it.

00:36:26.320 I love it, man. Well, what's next? What's, uh, up and coming for you that we need to know about,

00:36:30.120 you know, keep your eye out for me. You never know when I'll, when I'll be appearing on,

00:36:34.620 on, on another TV show or guest appearance on something. Um, I'm also getting ready to, uh,

00:36:41.320 launch a new line of, uh, men's skincare products. And so that's a lot of fun. I, I partnered up with

00:36:48.460 two really smart, smart guys and, and we're starting some, some fun businesses. And so

00:36:53.880 just, uh, yeah, who knows? We'll see. 2016 knock on wood should be a good year.

00:36:59.900 All right. We're keeping our eye on you. And then Aaron, last thing, how can we connect with

00:37:03.580 you? If you guys listen to this and says, man, this guy seems to have things figured out. I

00:37:07.140 want to know more. Where do we go to YouTube, search alpha M or, uh, just search alpha M or

00:37:13.380 Aaron Marino and Google, and you will very easily find me. Yes. I posted a lot of content. So I'm there.

00:37:19.340 You have, and I love your videos, man. So, so guys, I can attest to his videos. You'll learn a ton

00:37:24.480 and you'll be entertained. I can promise you that. Ryan, thanks so much for having me. This has been a blast.

00:37:29.900 Hey, I appreciate you. You shared some stories with me in the past that, uh, have been helpful

00:37:34.800 for me. And I really appreciate your help as I've grown order of man. Thanks for being on today.

00:37:38.280 You bet, brother. Talk to you soon. There you have it guys. Mr. Aaron Marino talking about style

00:37:42.620 and confidence. We mentioned men's style con. I hope that you can join us. If you're interested

00:37:46.860 in the details, head to order of man.com slash men's style con order of man.com slash men's style

00:37:54.040 con. You will not be sorry. I promise you will not be sorry that you attend. I can guarantee

00:37:59.580 that. Keep in mind also our elite mastermind iron council. You will want to be part of that.

00:38:03.800 If you're ready to take your life to the next level, build some solid relationships with other

00:38:07.360 men and have some more accountability in your life. And we're going to help you achieve your

00:38:11.160 goals and what it is you want from life. And remember last thing, our weekly giveaway from

00:38:15.280 our friends over at Seneca Creek, head to order of man.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway three to enter.

00:38:20.700 Now, keep in mind that this is going to be a weekly giveaway. So stay tuned. Make sure you

00:38:24.780 enter all of those for your chance to win guys. I look forward to talking with you next week,

00:38:28.560 but until then take action and become the man you were meant to be.

00:38:32.120 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:38:36.720 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 12, 2016

OoM 043： Building Confidence Through Better Style with Aaron Marino

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