OoM 045： Connecting with Men and Building Your Tribe with Connor Beaton
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Summary
In this episode, Connor Beaton shares with us why and how you need to connect with men in your life, how to build more influence among those guys, and how to stand out as the leader when building your tribe.
Transcript
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Connecting with men. Now, it sounds a little weird just to say it, but whether you call it connecting
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or developing relationships or building your tribe, finding a way to surround yourself with
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other successful guys is critical to your success. This week, Connor Beaton shares with us why and
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how you need to connect with men in your life, how to build more influence among those guys,
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and how you can stand out as the leader when building your tribe.
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time. You are not
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easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who you are.
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This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself
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a man. Welcome, guys, to the Order of Man podcast. I am Ryan Mickler, the host and founder of Order of
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Man. We are talking all things manly on this podcast from health and leadership and fitness
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and money and so much more. But today, we're talking specifically about connecting with other
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guys and building your tribe, which I know is on a lot of your minds. Now, I'm not going to harp on
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this too much this week because we've talked about it over and over again, especially over the past
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couple of weeks. But our elite mastermind, the Iron Council, is open. I think you'll agree,
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especially after listening to this episode, that being around other like-minded and successful men
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is critical. It's paramount to your own success. And that's exactly what we're all about inside
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Iron Council. We have a weekly mastermind meeting, accountability partners, challenges. There's a ton
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more information there. So you'll need to head to orderofman.com slash Iron Council, watch a quick
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video, get the details, and I will look forward to having you as a member. Also, we've got our weekly
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giveaway from my partners and friends over at Seneca Creek. Congratulations to the winner of last
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week's giveaway, which was the Yonder shirt by Edgeville. Now, this week, we'll be giving away the
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Achi knife by CRKT. It's a nice little everyday carry knife that I think you'll really like. And
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if you want to enter the giveaway, you can head to orderofman.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway five.
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So orderofman.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway five. Now let's get into the show today. Remember,
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you can find all the links, the resources, the show notes at orderofman.com slash 045. And of course,
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join in the conversation that we're having with close to 1800 men now, guys, on our Facebook group
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at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman. Now my guest today is Connor Beaton. He is the
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founder of Man Talks, which is a company designed to connect like-minded men who are making a real
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difference in the world. Connor finds men who are experts in their field. He gives them a space to
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share their journey through the events that they do, his podcast that he has. They do some mastermind
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groups and weekend man camps. He also has a diverse background. He talks about this a little bit,
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but he sings opera internationally. He also oversees $250 million worth of business for one
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of the biggest tech companies in the world. In addition to expanding Man Talks this year,
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Connor is also a speaker covering leadership, authenticity, and masculinity for companies
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across Canada and the U.S. Connor, thanks for joining me. I'm glad you're here, man.
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So tell me a little bit about Man Talks because I really like the idea and the premise behind what
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you guys are doing. And I think your conversations that you're having are so,
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so valuable for men in society today. So I'd like to know a little bit more about what you're doing
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and how you got involved with Man Talks and what you're doing now.
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Yeah, absolutely. Well, I founded Man Talks last year in March and it had been a concept that I
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have been playing around with for a little while. Basically, I wanted to create like a personal
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development platform for guys because there's not much out there. There's not like a unified sense of
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personal development for them where they can really go and have conversations. You know,
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there's like men's circles that, you know, have, you know, 10 guys like that, or you can go to the
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bar and chat with your buddies. But really what I wanted to do was create something where, you know,
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we were finding men who are making a difference in the world and then giving them a space to share
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their voice and share their message. And, you know, the intention behind that is connecting
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men with other high-performing men that can be their mentors or their role models and really shift
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the conversation that men are having from, you know, the everyday beer, boobs and booze to, you know,
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passion, purpose. How do I be the best father? How do I be the best husband? How do I be the best
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business leader? How do I give back to the world? How do I leave a legacy? So these are the kind of
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conversations that we kind of dive into with ManTalks. And we have a monthly event and we're
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based out of Vancouver, BC. And right now our monthly events pull somewhere between 150 and 200
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people. It's growing pretty rapidly. And we just had a first day-long event, which was 200 plus.
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And we had a convention center here. It was great. We had people fly in from your country. We had people
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from Denver, Colorado and New York and LA. So it was pretty cool. It was very cool.
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Yeah, that sounds really good. And so tell me a little bit about your background. Is there something
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in your history, your background that caused you to say, hey, this is a glaring need in my life or
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a glaring need in society? Or why you? Why are you on this mission?
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Yeah, that's a good question. So, I mean, oddly enough, I've done some diverse stuff. Like I grew up
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in Alberta, which is kind of like the Texas of Canada. And, you know, big trucks, lots of oil,
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lots of money, cowboy hats, like the, you know, steak. Alberta is renowned for meat, right?
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And I grew up doing, you know, I did construction out of high school and I wasn't really too sure
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what to do with my life. And, you know, kind of got into this sort of like uber machismo
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aspect of things and wasn't really enjoying it. It seemed pretty kind of like fake. I didn't really
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enjoy the construction part of it. And so, I took a little bit of a left. I took a complete 180,
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to be honest, and I started singing. And I started singing opera.
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Yeah. And I ended up tapping into a bit of a passion. Once I started going down that path,
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I realized how much more fulfilled that I actually felt. And so, I kind of pursued that for a little
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while. I went and did a degree in music with an opera performance major, which led here out in
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UBC, which is the major university for British Columbia. And, you know, that led me to sing in
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Germany and France and Czech Republic and China and New York and Toronto and out here with the
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Vancouver Symphony. And so, I did some really cool shit and I got to meet some exceptional people
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within the music industry. And the lifestyle wasn't really what I wanted. But, you know, what ended up
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happening was, on paper, it looked like I had this really great freaking life. I was an opera singer.
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I had a beautiful girlfriend. I rode a motorcycle. I had a tattoo. I had a, you know, I had a GT Mustang.
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Like, it looked like I led this, like, really, really cool life on paper. And behind the scenes,
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I was pretty miserable. I was out of integrity in my relationship. And that was very, very challenging
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for me. So, I was kind of, like, behind the scenes, silently suffering. None of my friends knew.
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None of my family knew. And, you know, that can't go on. Because when you're hiding things,
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they are inevitably going to come out. And when they did, you know, my life kind of just fell apart.
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So, I ended up leaving my career. I had no income. I lost my relationship because of
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some very, very poor choices. And found myself living out of my car for a couple of weeks
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because I was too fucking stubborn to go and tell my buddies what had actually been going on.
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And so, finally, moved the ego aside, moved the pride aside. And I kind of just said,
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okay, this isn't worth it anymore. Like, I'm in pain emotionally. And it's just not working.
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I went and started having conversations with people in my life that I really cared about
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and cleaning up the shit that I caused. And basically, people were astounding. People were
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like, oh, I didn't even know this was going on. And how can I help? And how can I be there for you?
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And it did nothing but strengthen my relationships. You know, some people, I had to fix things. Not
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fix things, but I had to clean things up with them first. But when I came out the other side of that,
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I ended up taking a year to just be, to just learn and read psychology books and, you know,
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really dive into why we as human beings do and make the choices that we make. And what I realized was
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that if I had gone through that experience, that there was probably a ton of guys out there
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who were living inauthentically or not living the life that they wanted to live, but were just
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fucking stuck. And we're like, I don't know how to get out of this. You know, it's like your truck
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gets stuck in the mud somewhere and you're by yourself and there's nobody around. You're like,
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I don't know how the hell to get out of this. And so, I wanted to create something to solve for
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that. I wanted to create something where, you know, if guys felt like they wanted, if they were stuck
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and they wanted to get out of it, they had a place to go and change that. And conversely,
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if they didn't feel stuck, but they just wanted to take their life and blow it up and make it better
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and be an even better human being, they could do that too. So, that's kind of the long and the
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Very cool. I'm going to put you on the spot here. What were the books? You said you started reading books,
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psychology books, and getting into learning. Do you remember some of those books that you'd
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Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, there was a couple of key ones. I read a lot of Jung, Carl Jung.
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Anything by him is going to be incredible. There's one of his books that really had an
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impact on me. It was called Memories, Dreams, and Reflections. That seemed to really tie in a lot
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of things. I mean, he dives into the psyche and into dream states and stuff like that. But it's a
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really cool read and he's a really great guy. So, I would check that out. The other one that is
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kind of on the other side of the spectrum was called The Artist's Way. And it's really neat because
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I think a lot of guys, and this is a generalized statement, but I think a lot of guys, they don't
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normally allow themselves to express artistically. And The Artist's Way is this really great book that
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allows people to not only create alone time, but create alone time where you're just going out and
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doing something creative, like doing photography or going out and writing or going to take dance
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lessons or something like that. And it really opens up this sort of man box that we put ourselves in,
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like, oh, I can't go do this or I can't go do that. Or people are going to judge me if I go and
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Yeah, it's almost like it's not quote unquote manly. Like when you say opera singing, the first
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thing that comes to mind for men is like, oh, what? Really?
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And it's, and it was so funny, like how often people were, like, I tell them that I was,
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I was an opera singer and how often people are like, you're not gay though, are you? And I was
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like, no, absolutely not. Like, and that's kind of the funny thing is that, you know, and I didn't
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take offense to it, but I know that a couple of my colleagues weren't so impressed by that
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because it was, it was, it's challenging, right? Because people are constantly making judgments
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Yeah, that stereotype for sure. So why do you think men, I think this is a trend. I know
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I certainly didn't have mentors or close friends in my life growing up. And even to this day,
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and I'm in the space, I have a very limited amount of close personal male friends. Why
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Hmm. It's a really good question. And my answer is that we have built a society here
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in North America that covets the lone wolf and, and, and that really puts the lone wolf
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onto a pedestal. It's like, if you're a North American guy, um, you need to be like a solo
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ranger. But the funny thing is, is that like wolves often hunt in packs and they do, they
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do their best work when they're working together, which is kind of the funny thing. Um, and the
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lone wolves in, in nature are actually like the rebels that are not, they struggle and
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they're oftentimes the ones that are inept in some way.
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Right. They're actually forced out of the group because they're not providing value to
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Yeah. They're forced out of the group often because they're too aggressive and they can't
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get along with the rest of the pack. Uh, and they don't hunt, they don't hunt with
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the pack in, in, in a team. And yet somehow we've taken those qualities and we have made
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it into like, this is what a man should be in North American society, which is just not
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true. You know, we can do some of our best work in groups. So I think that's why I think
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men, we want to prove ourselves, you know, like we, we just, we want to prove ourselves.
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It's a pride thing. It's an ego thing. And we want to prove that we are capable of greatness
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and we want to prove that we can leave a legacy. We want to leave an impact on the world.
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Like what guy out there, I don't care who it is that's listening to this call. Every
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single guy wants to leave an impact in some way, shape or form. They want to leave some
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form of a legacy. So yeah, I mean, I, I think that that's, that's kind of why we found ourselves
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Is there ways to prove your capability, but still do it within a team structure?
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Absolutely. I mean, leadership, it's interesting. Like I, I talk a lot about like I do public speaking
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and whatnot and a lot of the times I'll do speaking around leadership and, and leadership
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by definition is a process of social influence. That's all it is. It's just about influence.
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Positive influence. I'm going to put that caveat in there.
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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want to throw that in there for sure. Cause you can't have leadership
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without having a positive. I mean, you can be influential, but use that for negative purposes.
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I mean, obviously the glaring example is you look at someone like Hitler, for example, there's
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no doubt the man was influential, but wasn't, wasn't using that for the right purposes.
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Yeah. Yeah. That's right. So that's kind of like the, uh, the shadow side or the dark side
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of leadership. But yeah, I mean, I think that, you know, guys can do their best work and, and if they
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really want to, if they really want to have an impact, they're going to have a bigger impact by
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influencing positively the people around them and also being able to see what their, what their
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team's gifts are, and then being able to unlock those and unleash them and point them in the
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right direction. And that is going to have a much bigger impact than trying to do all the work by
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yourself. People will actually resent you for trying to do everything by yourself often. Uh, whereas if
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you, if you're working in a, in a team environment or if you find people that are like-minded like you
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and you can give them the space to, to tap into their gifts and then point them in the right
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direction towards a common goal, like you will, you'll find that you will fulfill people on a level
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that they didn't even know existed. And that's leadership. And I think in essence, in a lot of
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ways, that's what masculinity really represents. It's really interesting that you would say that I
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had an experience. We've got some mastermind groups that we formed with order of man as well.
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And what I've noticed is that I really try to be the moderator in those conversations and the
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facilitators of a great discussion. I'm not necessarily giving all of the insights and
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everybody's listening to me, but the more that I do that, the more I facilitate other men giving
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their ideas and allow them and give them a platform to do it, the more influence that I actually build
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in their eyes. So it's interesting. And I agree with what you're saying there.
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Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I do the same thing with, with man talks. We've got a couple of
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mastermind groups that we're, we're starting up again in January and we have, you know,
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50 or 60 guys from in and around Vancouver and in small groups. And it's, it's, it's exactly
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as you say, like you can, I mean, it's, there's so many, there's so many analogies for it, right?
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Like you can give a, give a man a fish or you can teach him how to fish or something like
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that. Or we can lead a horse to water. We can make a drink, like all those kinds of analogies.
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And it's, you know, it's, it's almost like we know these things, but putting them into practice
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is almost counterintuitive to what we think we should do in order to be a quote unquote successful
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man. How have you been able to build influence in the lives of those around you? I think that's
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something we talk about. Leadership is a key trait and characteristic of a man. What are some things
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that you've done personally that have helped you build influence in other people's lives?
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First off for the people listening, if you want to actually have a genuine impact in people's lives,
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realize that it's not fucking about you. It's just, it's not about you. People, people try and
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make an impact in other people's lives with their own personal intentions first. And, and that doesn't
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work because people like we can, we can tell, you know, like we're, we're intuitive creatures. We can
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tell when somebody else is trying to guide us down a certain path because they want to get something
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out of it and they're attached to a specific outcome. And, and that just does not work. And
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it, it pitches me off to no end. So there's my little. And you can see it. I mean, we recognize
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it. It's not like you're hiding the fact or can hide under this cloak that it's not about you. We
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know when it's about you. Totally. Absolutely. And you know, what's really powerful is when you
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listen to somebody and when you, when you listen, not from a space of like, what can I get from this
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person? How can I influence this person? None of that, like none of those, none of those questions
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or thoughts should even come up in, in your, in your listening. What should actually come up is,
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okay, what is this person really actually passionate about? What are they really trying to say? What
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are they, what would they be really fulfilled by? And then finding a way to make that work.
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A perfect example is, you know, like with Mantox, we have a podcast as well. And I had no interest
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in doing a podcast. I didn't, I didn't have time for it. But one of my, one of the colleagues,
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one of my team members for, for Mantox, the director of community engagement, he was adamant. He was
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like, I want to do a podcast. I've always wanted to do a podcast. It's something that's really
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inspiring to me. You know, I'll manage the whole thing. And so I was like, okay, sure. If you build
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it, I'll be a co-host with you. And then, and we'll put it under the banner of Mantox. And, you know,
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that's a perfect example because we've had huge success with it. And, and it was something
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that I didn't even think about, but it's something that he's completely fulfilled by
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and something that he's driving. And he, you know, his, his life from what he's communicated
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is so much better because, you know, we talked about that and I gave him the space and, and the,
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the sort of freedom to just run with it. What are some of the ways that, uh, that we can connect
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with other men in our communities? I know that seems to be a challenge for guys. I don't know why
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that is, but it seems to be that way. I get, I know we get busy and then we have our egos in the
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way outside of doing, you know, coming to a live event or something like that. How can we connect
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on a, on a closer and deeper level with other men in our area? Yeah. It's, it's all about getting
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out of your comfort zone. It's really like, you know, I think as guys, like we, we love,
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we really love routines, you know, like whether or not we, we want to admit that I'm sure there's
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people out there like, Oh, I freaking hate routines. Yeah. But, but we really do like at a core
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level, especially guys like we love routines and, and that's why the military is so successful
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is because it provides this like really great structure. Um, but if you want to do something
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different, you know, if you want to get a different result, you have to do something different.
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Right. And, and so I think it's about getting outside of your, of your norms. And, you know,
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if you normally go to the same bar and talk to the same people, like you got to get out of that
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space, or if your routine on the weekend, it's just to go home and play video games,
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you got to get out of that. You know, you've got to, you got to take a little bit of risk
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and you have to find some people that are going to engage you. And you know, how that starts is,
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is just, you have to know a little bit about what you're interested in. And if you're interested in
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personal development, or if you're interested in books, like you're finding a book club or,
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you know, going to a live event where these kinds of conversations are happening,
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whether it's a TEDx or, um, you know, whatever the case may be, but, but actually finding those
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and then putting yourself out there to, to just chat with people. And, and I just want to give
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one quick thing. I call it the fun fact, you know, for the, for the guys that are out there that are
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like, ah, you know, if I get myself into those situations, I never know what to say, or I never
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know what to do. Yeah. They feel uncomfortable or awkward. Yeah. One of the, one of the greatest
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things that I always, that I always coach people on is, um, I call it the fun fact exercise. And
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it's, it's really, when you're, when you're out somewhere new and you're meeting new people,
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just literally saying, and I know it sounds so simple, but like, tell me a fun fact about yourself.
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And I'm putting the other person on the spot because the funny thing is, is that we as people,
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we want to talk about ourselves. And, and, and when you just say, tell me a fun fact about yourself,
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you'll be surprised at what people will tell you everything from, I went skydiving with my dog
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to, I used to be an opera singer to, you know, like you'll, you'll learn things about them that
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normally wouldn't come up in conversation. And it's a different question than what do you do,
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which is sort of like the normal everyday question. So that's, that's how I would encourage
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people to go about it. So you talk about one of the pitfalls being that we get into these routines
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and these habits, and it keeps us from expanding our horizons and meeting new people. Are there
00:21:23.980
some other pitfalls that we need to be aware of when it comes to trying to build a circle of friends
00:21:29.040
and other guys to be around and hang out with? Yeah, I think, I think there's almost, there's,
00:21:34.380
there's a couple of aspects to that, but two things that I've probably touched on is, you know,
00:21:38.240
what got you to where you are, isn't going to get you to where you want to be. And a lot of the
00:21:42.960
times we, as men, you know, think that we, what's got us to where we are in terms of success,
00:21:48.320
because we think if we, okay, I had a little bit of success and I am where I am today because
00:21:52.040
of these things, that doesn't necessarily mean that that's going to get you to where you want
00:21:55.540
to go, whether it's in your relationship or your business or, or your personal health. So that,
00:22:00.880
that's one, that knowledge that, you know, changes is all everywhere. And two, I think the idea of like
00:22:09.220
letting go of needing things to be perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of the times like men,
00:22:16.840
and you know, we're very proud individuals, like I already said. And a lot of times we just,
00:22:20.660
we just don't want to get out of our comfort zones because we are concerned that we're going to fuck
00:22:25.560
it up and that it's not going to be perfect. And therefore I just shouldn't even bother.
00:22:29.720
If it's not going to be perfect, I shouldn't even bother. And that can be very, very detrimental.
00:22:35.320
So Connor, let's flip this around a little bit. Let's talk about some of the benefits. I mean,
00:22:39.800
I have my own reasons why, and I know you do too. And I'm really curious as to why
00:22:43.520
you think men need to get up out of their comfort zone, out of their routine and go out and connect
00:22:48.640
with other people out there. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a, I mean, there's tons of benefits. Like I
00:22:53.780
could, I feel like we could probably have a whole podcast on that. Yeah. Yeah, we could. But you
00:22:58.120
know, there's, there's a couple of things. Um, you know, one, you will be, you will be so inspired and
00:23:06.380
so surprised at what people are capable of and how people will give to you and, and the stories that
00:23:12.840
you'll hear and the people that you'll meet and the experiences that you have. And, and life is
00:23:17.120
about experiences, you know, for guys, like we're really driven by adventure and, and exploration,
00:23:22.860
you know, this, this idea that we can get out into, into these public spaces and meet new people.
00:23:28.080
You're going to be so surprised. And when you start putting these things out there, like,
00:23:31.400
Oh, I want to create this event or, Oh, I want to, I want to build this business. You'll be surprised
00:23:36.560
at how many people will come out of the woodworks to support you. Um, like when I was,
00:23:41.120
when I was studying man talks, I, I put on the first event and there was like 42 people
00:23:46.460
and we were just going to put on one event and raise some money for charity and have some guys
00:23:51.280
come up, share their wisdom and, you know, create this different conversation. But that's
00:23:56.900
kind of like where it was going to end. And after the first event, I literally had like
00:24:01.100
15, 20 emails of people just reaching out, being like, that was incredible. That was amazing.
00:24:06.000
How can I support? I know this guy who could be the speaker. I want to build your website.
00:24:10.080
Like it was just, it was exceptional where people just like really came out and, and supported.
00:24:15.540
So, you know, really? Yeah. So the benefits of the benefits of getting out there is about you.
00:24:21.700
Like you're going to get some benefit from, from meeting new people, but you'll be surprised at,
00:24:26.980
at, at what people have to offer. Yeah. What are some of the activities you talk about adventure
00:24:32.340
and you talk about exploration? What are some of the activities that you do with your buddies? I've got,
00:24:36.060
I've got my own, my own. We do, we go camping, I'll go golfing, things like that. Are there some
00:24:40.760
activities that you're participating in that we ought to be aware of that we can also make sure
00:24:45.100
to take advantage of in our areas? Yeah. I mean, I think one of the biggest things that we do is
00:24:49.600
we'll, we'll go on, we'll go on like a hike. Like Vancouver is so close to the mountains and we've got
00:24:55.220
some epic mountains here. Um, and you know, even if you don't have mountains around you, there's,
00:24:59.740
you can still go hiking like you can hike anywhere and you know, find, get out in nature. I think
00:25:04.700
that's one of the biggest things. So we'll, we'll get groups of guys and we'll, yeah, you know,
00:25:09.080
five, five to 10 guys and, uh, we'll go out on a hike and inevitably what will happen?
00:25:14.720
Usually we'll pick a theme or like an intention and we'll say like, this is the theme for this
00:25:18.740
hike. We're going to talk about business or we're going to talk about relationships this time.
00:25:21.820
And we'll just go out and kind of like jam on those things. And what happens is you like,
00:25:26.880
it's kind of like this organic thing where the group will break up into like twos and threes on
00:25:31.320
the hike and some epic conversations happen. Um, so that's pretty great. Uh, rock climbing started
00:25:38.380
doing some bouldering lately and that seems to be a lot of fun, which I I've never done it before,
00:25:43.720
but it's, it's pretty great. Camping also is just any chance to be out in nature is huge. Um,
00:25:50.420
and then I have like my own, like my own personal practices of, you know, yoga and whatnot. So that,
00:25:55.700
that kind of, that balance between having that alone time and that space for yourself,
00:26:00.860
intentional space, not just sitting there playing video games, which I, you know, which I do as
00:26:06.260
well. Um, but then also mix that up with time with a group, like intentional time where you're having
00:26:12.460
fun, not just drinking beers and watching formula one or something. I think that's the biggest key
00:26:17.860
is that we have to be more deliberate and intentional about it. I talk a lot about the fact that sometimes
00:26:23.020
we just happen upon our relationships by default, they happen to be coworkers or a neighbor
00:26:27.260
and we don't ever really put any effort or thought into who we're surrounding ourselves with. So I
00:26:32.100
really liked that you're talking about being deliberate and being intentional about building
00:26:36.260
those relationships. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, uh, the cool thing about man talks is that
00:26:40.280
it's, it is a community of high performing like-minded guys. Like that's, that's the thing. Like if you
00:26:46.780
come to one of our events, there's, there's also women at the events, which is great. Like we
00:26:51.080
want it to be open to men and women. But what we found is that, you know, the type of guys that are
00:26:56.920
coming to the events are like-minded guys that are successful and that are building a life by their
00:27:02.800
own design, not just a life that's happening to them. Are there some memorable events or experiences
00:27:08.500
or stories that stand out as a lesson for you that you didn't know about prior to going into these
00:27:14.060
events? Yeah. I mean, it's, it's interesting. Like each event seems to bring me a different lesson
00:27:19.120
because we have different themes. Like we'll talk about relationships or health, mental health,
00:27:24.080
um, fitness, sustainable business, gratitude. Like we, we kind of, we had our last event was all
00:27:30.500
about sex. Um, so we kind of dive in on a bunch of different topics. I think one of the most profound
00:27:36.180
ones we did, we did one around overcoming adversity and we had three different speakers and the first
00:27:43.300
speaker talked about anxiety and overcoming anxiety. The second speaker talked about, um, depression,
00:27:48.380
dealing with depression. And the third speaker talked about, um, attempting suicide and overcoming,
00:27:53.960
overcoming not only depression, but you know, what it was like to, to, to try and kill himself.
00:28:00.180
And it was just, it, it was, it was moving to see men who were being real and who were actually
00:28:08.500
talking about their lives in an unfiltered manner. And I think what, what I really, what I really
00:28:15.080
gained out of that is that there's power in vulnerability in, in, in, in amounts, right?
00:28:22.640
Like not, not to say that you need to be vulnerable all the time and that you need to like, oh, I stubbed
00:28:26.800
my toe and, uh, and like, you know, cry about it and that kind of stuff. But, right. But, but there is,
00:28:33.440
there's, there's power and vulnerability and vulnerability because people want to connect.
00:28:37.660
And if you tell me something that's real about your life, about your challenges, I, I will innately
00:28:43.720
trust you. I will trust you more than if I, if, if we just talked about surface level stuff.
00:28:49.680
And I think that that's one of the biggest lessons that I've taken away is, and then people want to
00:28:54.340
hear it, you know, like usually when I, usually when people ask me like what man talks is, I'm like,
00:29:00.380
well, Ted's all about ideas and then people. And we're about people first and then ideas.
00:29:04.900
And, you know, I think that that's one of the biggest lessons that I've taken away is that
00:29:09.920
vulnerability isn't something that you need to be afraid of. Vulnerability is something that can
00:29:16.320
change your life for the better and help you move through the shit that you're actually trying to
00:29:20.200
get through. Yeah. Yeah. It has been very liberating for me as I've talked about some things that I
00:29:25.460
have never talked about in the past and it gives, it gives other people permission to do the same,
00:29:30.240
which is exactly what they need in some cases. Yeah, absolutely.
00:29:32.860
So, so vulnerability obviously is a value. It's a virtue that, that you've placed some
00:29:38.180
emphasis on. You also have some other core values that I know are written specifically
00:29:43.000
from man talks, but I'm sure that they're probably personal values as well. You talk about authenticity
00:29:48.260
and community and purpose. Talk to me a little bit about how you identified some of your core
00:29:52.140
values and how you operate. Yeah, I think, you know, after, I mean, authenticity is one of those
00:29:57.380
things that it's kind of like a buzzword out there in, in, in some places. Um, but it, it still is a
00:30:04.700
core value. You know, I think some, some guys are kind of like turned off by, about the idea of
00:30:09.800
vulnerability. And so being authentic is a little bit, you know, easier to, to handle in some,
00:30:15.260
some ways. Um, but authenticity is really at the core of what we're doing is like, we want to have
00:30:19.940
real authentic conversations, not the bullshit that you see in like Maxim or like get ripped
00:30:25.640
abs really quick and six easy exercises in one day. And it's just like, ah, it's bullshit, right?
00:30:30.940
We want to have like real conversations. So that's the biggest one. Um, and then a sense of community,
00:30:35.440
you know, like we want to build the wolf pack. We want to build a brotherhood that is, that's
00:30:40.440
sustainable. That's helping guys connect. And, and that's, that's bringing them together in a way
00:30:45.360
that, you know, they're not only building lifelong friendship, but they are, they're,
00:30:50.520
they're finding accountability partners, right? Like they're finding people that are holding their
00:30:54.340
ass accountable to the things that they say that they want in their life. So those are the two
00:30:58.040
biggest components. Well, Connor, we'll wind it down on time a little bit. I've got some
00:31:01.200
additional questions for you as we wind things down. And the first question is, I'm excited to
00:31:05.140
hear your answer because you're in the space. And so you've thought about this a lot. So I'm sure
00:31:08.500
you're going to have a great answer for us. And that is, what does it mean to be a man?
00:31:12.300
Hmm. It's funny. We ask that question on our podcast too, sometimes. Oh, do you really?
00:31:17.240
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. I mean, so we'll flip it around on you then. Yeah. Oh man. The
00:31:21.600
other side, I'm in the hot seat. Um, that's right. You know, for me being a man, it isn't,
00:31:26.480
isn't necessarily about like the, the physical aesthetics of it, of, you know, being jacked and
00:31:31.280
tanned and, um, all that other kind of stuff. While that's nice, um, you know, I definitely
00:31:35.620
appreciate keeping myself and in really good shape. And I hope that, that, uh, the people listening
00:31:41.260
do as well. But for me being a man is, is about enhancing. It's about exploration, uh, exploring
00:31:48.220
your personal boundaries, your, your personal passions and like what really lights you up
00:31:53.080
and what things you can really contribute to the world. I think that's the biggest thing
00:31:57.660
is contribution for me as a man. That's like the biggest piece. Like, what are you, what
00:32:02.680
are you contributing to the world? Like that, that's really where I start with most men that
00:32:07.120
I work with and coach. Like, that's where I start. I'm like, what are you contributing
00:32:10.480
to the world? Nothing. Cool. What do you want to contribute to the world? So masculinity for
00:32:15.580
me and being a man is all about contribution. And that, that is one of the biggest components
00:32:21.480
because once you tap into contribution and what you can give to the world, it just, that,
00:32:27.420
that gives us that sense of fulfillment. And Viktor Frankl talks about this in men's search
00:32:31.880
for meaning, which if, if you're listening to this and you haven't read men's search for
00:32:36.040
meaning, go buy it right now. It's such a great book. It's a life changing book, but you know,
00:32:40.500
he talks about that in his book about, you know, he went through Auschwitz and, and, um,
00:32:45.560
came out the other side, you know, came out of the Nazi camps and, you know, he, he talked about
00:32:50.560
what his life really meant. And he actually talks about how his life, you know, ask not what life
00:32:58.160
can do for you, but what you can do for life, right? Kind of like the JFK thing of asking out
00:33:01.460
what you, what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I think that is
00:33:05.500
the, that is the keystone, the cornerstone of what it means to be a man is what can you give to your
00:33:11.640
family? What can you give to your friends? How can you actually be of service? And, and that in
00:33:16.940
itself will, will not only set you free, but give you a sense of deep, deep purpose and fulfillment.
00:33:22.820
What would you suggest to a guy who has identified what it is they want to provide and the value
00:33:27.960
that they want to leave and create in the world, or even guys that haven't quite figured that out.
00:33:32.480
What's the one step, the one thing that they could do this afternoon to say, okay, this is what I'm
00:33:37.480
going to do to actually start moving the needle in the right direction. So, so they have identified
00:33:42.460
what they want to do. Yeah. Let's say they've already identified that. Yeah. So, I mean, if,
00:33:46.720
if they've identified what, what they want to accomplish and, and you know, what they want to contribute,
00:33:51.560
I think the next steps are literally taking one action towards it. Like not sitting down and writing out
00:33:56.660
a game plan, none of that stuff, but like legitimately asking yourself, what is the one
00:34:03.400
thing that I could do right now in my life to take one small step towards that, towards that goal or
00:34:09.620
towards that target, like whatever it is, and then go and fucking do it. Because the funniest thing is,
00:34:14.540
is that like so many people will like sit down and write and ask questions and, and then they draft
00:34:19.400
out the whole plan. And, you know, weeks later, they, they haven't really done anything necessarily.
00:34:25.740
But if you go and do one thing towards that goal, whether it's building a business or having a
00:34:31.240
better connection with your partner, like go and take one action towards it. And once you have that,
00:34:37.140
once you have that down, then start working on the plan a little bit.
00:34:41.880
Yeah. And we'll leave it there. I mean, we'll offer that and issue that challenge to the guys that
00:34:46.040
are listening to this today is just take that one first step and then let us know about it. Let us
00:34:50.020
know what action step you took, how it went and how it made you feel and how it changed the world.
00:34:54.060
So Connor, I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. Uh, if we want to connect with you, learn
00:34:58.100
about man talks, what you're doing on the podcast or the blog, or even some of these live events,
00:35:01.320
how do we connect with you? Yeah. So you can check us out at man talks.com. Um, you know,
00:35:06.320
we have writers from all over North America writing for us coming up, which is pretty great.
00:35:10.640
We've got the podcast where we've interviewed guys from around, around the world pretty much.
00:35:15.480
And then the live events were in Vancouver, BC. Um, but we're expanding to Toronto in April and
00:35:21.700
we're also going to be coming down to LA and we're working on New York. So, um, we are expanding next
00:35:27.120
year big time. So that's, that's where you can find us. And then for myself personally,
00:35:30.540
um, you can hit me up on Twitter at Connor Beaton, um, or on Instagram at Connor Beaton. And same thing
00:35:37.540
with man talks is, uh, on Instagram, we've got a huge, uh, pretty huge volume, which is pretty great.
00:35:42.200
So if you want some daily inspiration, uh, it's just at man talks. Awesome. Connor,
00:35:46.080
I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. Thanks for imparting some of your wisdom and
00:35:48.780
being on the show today. Awesome. Thank you. There you have it, man. Mr. Connor Beaton sharing
00:35:52.620
with us what it takes to surround yourselves with other men and build a powerful, powerful
00:35:57.140
tribe in your life. Now keep in mind our elite mastermind iron council. You will want to be part
00:36:02.100
of that. If you're ready to take your life to the next level, build some solid relationships with
00:36:05.980
other men, like we talked about on the podcast today and have more accountability to get
00:36:10.080
done what you want to get done in life. And remember our weekly giveaway by our friends
00:36:14.380
over at Seneca Creek, head to order of man.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway five to enter. Again,
00:36:21.060
we're giving away a knife. I think you'll be interested in this will be a weekly giveaway.
00:36:25.280
So if you don't win this week, don't worry about it. Enter next week. We've got something else. We'll
00:36:29.460
be giving away. Then last thing, join the conversation we're having about masculinity on our Facebook
00:36:33.480
group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man guys. I look forward to talking to you next
00:36:39.360
week, but until then take action and become a man you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to
00:36:44.360
the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you
00:36:49.180
were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.