Order of Man - OoM 045： Connecting with Men and Building Your Tribe with Connor Beaton

00:00:00.260 Connecting with men. Now, it sounds a little weird just to say it, but whether you call it connecting

00:00:04.780 or developing relationships or building your tribe, finding a way to surround yourself with

00:00:09.060 other successful guys is critical to your success. This week, Connor Beaton shares with us why and

00:00:14.520 how you need to connect with men in your life, how to build more influence among those guys,

00:00:18.580 and how you can stand out as the leader when building your tribe.

00:00:22.040 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:26.960 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time. You are not

00:00:32.860 easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:40.040 This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself

00:00:45.840 a man. Welcome, guys, to the Order of Man podcast. I am Ryan Mickler, the host and founder of Order of

00:00:52.420 Man. We are talking all things manly on this podcast from health and leadership and fitness

00:00:57.300 and money and so much more. But today, we're talking specifically about connecting with other

00:01:02.100 guys and building your tribe, which I know is on a lot of your minds. Now, I'm not going to harp on

00:01:07.840 this too much this week because we've talked about it over and over again, especially over the past

00:01:11.540 couple of weeks. But our elite mastermind, the Iron Council, is open. I think you'll agree,

00:01:16.660 especially after listening to this episode, that being around other like-minded and successful men

00:01:21.020 is critical. It's paramount to your own success. And that's exactly what we're all about inside

00:01:25.780 Iron Council. We have a weekly mastermind meeting, accountability partners, challenges. There's a ton

00:01:31.440 more information there. So you'll need to head to orderofman.com slash Iron Council, watch a quick

00:01:36.000 video, get the details, and I will look forward to having you as a member. Also, we've got our weekly

00:01:41.280 giveaway from my partners and friends over at Seneca Creek. Congratulations to the winner of last

00:01:45.460 week's giveaway, which was the Yonder shirt by Edgeville. Now, this week, we'll be giving away the

00:01:50.180 Achi knife by CRKT. It's a nice little everyday carry knife that I think you'll really like. And

00:01:55.100 if you want to enter the giveaway, you can head to orderofman.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway five.

00:02:02.560 So orderofman.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway five. Now let's get into the show today. Remember,

00:02:07.360 you can find all the links, the resources, the show notes at orderofman.com slash 045. And of course,

00:02:13.220 join in the conversation that we're having with close to 1800 men now, guys, on our Facebook group

00:02:18.320 at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman. Now my guest today is Connor Beaton. He is the

00:02:23.940 founder of Man Talks, which is a company designed to connect like-minded men who are making a real

00:02:29.300 difference in the world. Connor finds men who are experts in their field. He gives them a space to

00:02:34.040 share their journey through the events that they do, his podcast that he has. They do some mastermind

00:02:38.400 groups and weekend man camps. He also has a diverse background. He talks about this a little bit,

00:02:43.020 but he sings opera internationally. He also oversees $250 million worth of business for one

00:02:49.220 of the biggest tech companies in the world. In addition to expanding Man Talks this year,

00:02:53.680 Connor is also a speaker covering leadership, authenticity, and masculinity for companies

00:02:58.340 across Canada and the U.S. Connor, thanks for joining me. I'm glad you're here, man.

00:03:02.260 Thanks. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

00:03:03.780 So tell me a little bit about Man Talks because I really like the idea and the premise behind what

00:03:07.320 you guys are doing. And I think your conversations that you're having are so,

00:03:10.000 so valuable for men in society today. So I'd like to know a little bit more about what you're doing

00:03:14.800 and how you got involved with Man Talks and what you're doing now.

00:03:18.580 Yeah, absolutely. Well, I founded Man Talks last year in March and it had been a concept that I

00:03:26.260 have been playing around with for a little while. Basically, I wanted to create like a personal

00:03:30.240 development platform for guys because there's not much out there. There's not like a unified sense of

00:03:35.440 personal development for them where they can really go and have conversations. You know,

00:03:41.620 there's like men's circles that, you know, have, you know, 10 guys like that, or you can go to the

00:03:47.580 bar and chat with your buddies. But really what I wanted to do was create something where, you know,

00:03:54.480 we were finding men who are making a difference in the world and then giving them a space to share

00:03:59.000 their voice and share their message. And, you know, the intention behind that is connecting

00:04:04.040 men with other high-performing men that can be their mentors or their role models and really shift

00:04:10.580 the conversation that men are having from, you know, the everyday beer, boobs and booze to, you know,

00:04:17.460 passion, purpose. How do I be the best father? How do I be the best husband? How do I be the best

00:04:23.080 business leader? How do I give back to the world? How do I leave a legacy? So these are the kind of

00:04:26.980 conversations that we kind of dive into with ManTalks. And we have a monthly event and we're

00:04:32.700 based out of Vancouver, BC. And right now our monthly events pull somewhere between 150 and 200

00:04:37.700 people. It's growing pretty rapidly. And we just had a first day-long event, which was 200 plus.

00:04:45.320 And we had a convention center here. It was great. We had people fly in from your country. We had people

00:04:50.960 from Denver, Colorado and New York and LA. So it was pretty cool. It was very cool.

00:04:55.360 Yeah, that sounds really good. And so tell me a little bit about your background. Is there something

00:04:59.920 in your history, your background that caused you to say, hey, this is a glaring need in my life or

00:05:05.940 a glaring need in society? Or why you? Why are you on this mission?

00:05:10.040 Yeah, that's a good question. So, I mean, oddly enough, I've done some diverse stuff. Like I grew up

00:05:15.800 in Alberta, which is kind of like the Texas of Canada. And, you know, big trucks, lots of oil,

00:05:21.640 lots of money, cowboy hats, like the, you know, steak. Alberta is renowned for meat, right?

00:05:27.780 Okay. I like Alberta, I'm sure, then.

00:05:30.720 Yeah. It's a very manly province.

00:05:33.860 That's right.

00:05:34.160 And I grew up doing, you know, I did construction out of high school and I wasn't really too sure

00:05:38.040 what to do with my life. And, you know, kind of got into this sort of like uber machismo

00:05:43.240 aspect of things and wasn't really enjoying it. It seemed pretty kind of like fake. I didn't really

00:05:49.060 enjoy the construction part of it. And so, I took a little bit of a left. I took a complete 180,

00:05:54.120 to be honest, and I started singing. And I started singing opera.

00:05:58.300 Really?

00:05:58.740 Yeah.

00:05:59.620 Interesting.

00:06:00.260 Yeah. And I ended up tapping into a bit of a passion. Once I started going down that path,

00:06:05.680 I realized how much more fulfilled that I actually felt. And so, I kind of pursued that for a little

00:06:09.420 while. I went and did a degree in music with an opera performance major, which led here out in

00:06:15.760 UBC, which is the major university for British Columbia. And, you know, that led me to sing in

00:06:23.140 Germany and France and Czech Republic and China and New York and Toronto and out here with the

00:06:28.380 Vancouver Symphony. And so, I did some really cool shit and I got to meet some exceptional people 0.83

00:06:34.600 within the music industry. And the lifestyle wasn't really what I wanted. But, you know, what ended up 0.56

00:06:40.920 happening was, on paper, it looked like I had this really great freaking life. I was an opera singer.

00:06:46.640 I had a beautiful girlfriend. I rode a motorcycle. I had a tattoo. I had a, you know, I had a GT Mustang.

00:06:53.180 Like, it looked like I led this, like, really, really cool life on paper. And behind the scenes,

00:06:57.660 I was pretty miserable. I was out of integrity in my relationship. And that was very, very challenging

00:07:02.060 for me. So, I was kind of, like, behind the scenes, silently suffering. None of my friends knew.

00:07:06.680 None of my family knew. And, you know, that can't go on. Because when you're hiding things,

00:07:13.100 they are inevitably going to come out. And when they did, you know, my life kind of just fell apart.

00:07:19.760 So, I ended up leaving my career. I had no income. I lost my relationship because of

00:07:24.960 some very, very poor choices. And found myself living out of my car for a couple of weeks

00:07:30.880 because I was too fucking stubborn to go and tell my buddies what had actually been going on. 0.74

00:07:35.600 And so, finally, moved the ego aside, moved the pride aside. And I kind of just said, 0.93

00:07:42.000 okay, this isn't worth it anymore. Like, I'm in pain emotionally. And it's just not working.

00:07:49.240 I went and started having conversations with people in my life that I really cared about 0.97

00:07:52.580 and cleaning up the shit that I caused. And basically, people were astounding. People were 0.96

00:07:59.720 like, oh, I didn't even know this was going on. And how can I help? And how can I be there for you?

00:08:03.900 And it did nothing but strengthen my relationships. You know, some people, I had to fix things. Not

00:08:10.900 fix things, but I had to clean things up with them first. But when I came out the other side of that,

00:08:16.700 I ended up taking a year to just be, to just learn and read psychology books and, you know,

00:08:24.340 really dive into why we as human beings do and make the choices that we make. And what I realized was

00:08:31.400 that if I had gone through that experience, that there was probably a ton of guys out there

00:08:36.120 who were living inauthentically or not living the life that they wanted to live, but were just 0.97

00:08:42.540 fucking stuck. And we're like, I don't know how to get out of this. You know, it's like your truck 0.90

00:08:47.760 gets stuck in the mud somewhere and you're by yourself and there's nobody around. You're like,

00:08:51.860 I don't know how the hell to get out of this. And so, I wanted to create something to solve for

00:08:56.300 that. I wanted to create something where, you know, if guys felt like they wanted, if they were stuck

00:09:00.180 and they wanted to get out of it, they had a place to go and change that. And conversely,

00:09:05.060 if they didn't feel stuck, but they just wanted to take their life and blow it up and make it better

00:09:10.340 and be an even better human being, they could do that too. So, that's kind of the long and the

00:09:17.940 short of where man talks came from.

00:09:19.760 Very cool. I'm going to put you on the spot here. What were the books? You said you started reading books,

00:09:24.020 psychology books, and getting into learning. Do you remember some of those books that you'd

00:09:27.820 recommend for us to read?

00:09:28.780 Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, there was a couple of key ones. I read a lot of Jung, Carl Jung.

00:09:35.960 Anything by him is going to be incredible. There's one of his books that really had an

00:09:43.280 impact on me. It was called Memories, Dreams, and Reflections. That seemed to really tie in a lot

00:09:48.280 of things. I mean, he dives into the psyche and into dream states and stuff like that. But it's a

00:09:53.300 really cool read and he's a really great guy. So, I would check that out. The other one that is

00:09:59.260 kind of on the other side of the spectrum was called The Artist's Way. And it's really neat because

00:10:04.960 I think a lot of guys, and this is a generalized statement, but I think a lot of guys, they don't

00:10:09.320 normally allow themselves to express artistically. And The Artist's Way is this really great book that

00:10:16.080 allows people to not only create alone time, but create alone time where you're just going out and

00:10:22.160 doing something creative, like doing photography or going out and writing or going to take dance

00:10:27.720 lessons or something like that. And it really opens up this sort of man box that we put ourselves in,

00:10:33.740 like, oh, I can't go do this or I can't go do that. Or people are going to judge me if I go and

00:10:37.440 sing and shit like that. 0.93

00:10:39.620 Yeah, it's almost like it's not quote unquote manly. Like when you say opera singing, the first 0.99

00:10:44.420 thing that comes to mind for men is like, oh, what? Really?

00:10:46.800 Oh, totally.

00:10:47.140 And so I know exactly what you're saying.

00:10:48.820 And it's, and it was so funny, like how often people were, like, I tell them that I was,

00:10:53.580 I was an opera singer and how often people are like, you're not gay though, are you? And I was

00:10:57.300 like, no, absolutely not. Like, and that's kind of the funny thing is that, you know, and I didn't

00:11:03.560 take offense to it, but I know that a couple of my colleagues weren't so impressed by that

00:11:08.520 because it was, it was, it's challenging, right? Because people are constantly making judgments

00:11:12.720 based on what you do.

00:11:14.320 Yeah, that stereotype for sure. So why do you think men, I think this is a trend. I know 0.93

00:11:19.360 I certainly didn't have mentors or close friends in my life growing up. And even to this day,

00:11:24.200 and I'm in the space, I have a very limited amount of close personal male friends. Why

00:11:29.780 do you think that is among guys?

00:11:32.320 Hmm. It's a really good question. And my answer is that we have built a society here

00:11:40.160 in North America that covets the lone wolf and, and, and that really puts the lone wolf

00:11:47.120 onto a pedestal. It's like, if you're a North American guy, um, you need to be like a solo

00:11:52.720 ranger. But the funny thing is, is that like wolves often hunt in packs and they do, they

00:11:58.740 do their best work when they're working together, which is kind of the funny thing. Um, and the

00:12:04.760 lone wolves in, in nature are actually like the rebels that are not, they struggle and

00:12:11.600 they're oftentimes the ones that are inept in some way.

00:12:16.100 Right. They're actually forced out of the group because they're not providing value to 0.88

00:12:19.040 the, to the group.

00:12:19.740 Yeah. They're forced out of the group often because they're too aggressive and they can't

00:12:22.840 get along with the rest of the pack. Uh, and they don't hunt, they don't hunt with

00:12:26.940 the pack in, in, in a team. And yet somehow we've taken those qualities and we have made

00:12:32.140 it into like, this is what a man should be in North American society, which is just not

00:12:36.600 true. You know, we can do some of our best work in groups. So I think that's why I think

00:12:41.460 men, we want to prove ourselves, you know, like we, we just, we want to prove ourselves.

00:12:46.160 It's a pride thing. It's an ego thing. And we want to prove that we are capable of greatness

00:12:50.720 and we want to prove that we can leave a legacy. We want to leave an impact on the world.

00:12:54.500 Like what guy out there, I don't care who it is that's listening to this call. Every

00:12:58.880 single guy wants to leave an impact in some way, shape or form. They want to leave some

00:13:03.300 form of a legacy. So yeah, I mean, I, I think that that's, that's kind of why we found ourselves

00:13:09.120 where we are.

00:13:10.280 Is there ways to prove your capability, but still do it within a team structure?

00:13:15.980 Absolutely. I mean, leadership, it's interesting. Like I, I talk a lot about like I do public speaking

00:13:21.780 and whatnot and a lot of the times I'll do speaking around leadership and, and leadership

00:13:27.080 by definition is a process of social influence. That's all it is. It's just about influence.

00:13:33.460 Positive influence. I'm going to put that caveat in there.

00:13:35.960 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want to throw that in there for sure. Cause you can't have leadership

00:13:39.440 without having a positive. I mean, you can be influential, but use that for negative purposes.

00:13:43.720 I mean, obviously the glaring example is you look at someone like Hitler, for example, there's

00:13:48.460 no doubt the man was influential, but wasn't, wasn't using that for the right purposes.

00:13:52.340 Yeah. Yeah. That's right. So that's kind of like the, uh, the shadow side or the dark side

00:13:56.840 of leadership. But yeah, I mean, I think that, you know, guys can do their best work and, and if they

00:14:01.520 really want to, if they really want to have an impact, they're going to have a bigger impact by

00:14:06.840 influencing positively the people around them and also being able to see what their, what their

00:14:12.860 team's gifts are, and then being able to unlock those and unleash them and point them in the

00:14:18.040 right direction. And that is going to have a much bigger impact than trying to do all the work by

00:14:23.400 yourself. People will actually resent you for trying to do everything by yourself often. Uh, whereas if

00:14:31.320 you, if you're working in a, in a team environment or if you find people that are like-minded like you

00:14:36.400 and you can give them the space to, to tap into their gifts and then point them in the right

00:14:44.380 direction towards a common goal, like you will, you'll find that you will fulfill people on a level

00:14:50.740 that they didn't even know existed. And that's leadership. And I think in essence, in a lot of

00:14:56.260 ways, that's what masculinity really represents. It's really interesting that you would say that I

00:15:00.500 had an experience. We've got some mastermind groups that we formed with order of man as well.

00:15:04.520 And what I've noticed is that I really try to be the moderator in those conversations and the

00:15:09.500 facilitators of a great discussion. I'm not necessarily giving all of the insights and

00:15:14.340 everybody's listening to me, but the more that I do that, the more I facilitate other men giving

00:15:19.640 their ideas and allow them and give them a platform to do it, the more influence that I actually build

00:15:25.960 in their eyes. So it's interesting. And I agree with what you're saying there.

00:15:29.380 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I do the same thing with, with man talks. We've got a couple of

00:15:33.700 mastermind groups that we're, we're starting up again in January and we have, you know,

00:15:37.940 50 or 60 guys from in and around Vancouver and in small groups. And it's, it's, it's exactly

00:15:42.660 as you say, like you can, I mean, it's, there's so many, there's so many analogies for it, right?

00:15:48.720 Like you can give a, give a man a fish or you can teach him how to fish or something like

00:15:52.600 that. Or we can lead a horse to water. We can make a drink, like all those kinds of analogies.

00:15:57.100 And it's, you know, it's, it's almost like we know these things, but putting them into practice

00:16:03.480 is almost counterintuitive to what we think we should do in order to be a quote unquote successful

00:16:09.300 man. How have you been able to build influence in the lives of those around you? I think that's

00:16:15.440 something we talk about. Leadership is a key trait and characteristic of a man. What are some things

00:16:20.100 that you've done personally that have helped you build influence in other people's lives?

00:16:23.860 First off for the people listening, if you want to actually have a genuine impact in people's lives, 0.96

00:16:29.960 realize that it's not fucking about you. It's just, it's not about you. People, people try and 0.84

00:16:35.740 make an impact in other people's lives with their own personal intentions first. And, and that doesn't

00:16:43.500 work because people like we can, we can tell, you know, like we're, we're intuitive creatures. We can

00:16:48.920 tell when somebody else is trying to guide us down a certain path because they want to get something

00:16:53.500 out of it and they're attached to a specific outcome. And, and that just does not work. And

00:16:59.140 it, it pitches me off to no end. So there's my little. And you can see it. I mean, we recognize

00:17:03.400 it. It's not like you're hiding the fact or can hide under this cloak that it's not about you. We

00:17:07.480 know when it's about you. Totally. Absolutely. And you know, what's really powerful is when you

00:17:13.520 listen to somebody and when you, when you listen, not from a space of like, what can I get from this

00:17:19.120 person? How can I influence this person? None of that, like none of those, none of those questions

00:17:23.420 or thoughts should even come up in, in your, in your listening. What should actually come up is,

00:17:28.780 okay, what is this person really actually passionate about? What are they really trying to say? What

00:17:33.300 are they, what would they be really fulfilled by? And then finding a way to make that work.

00:17:38.380 A perfect example is, you know, like with Mantox, we have a podcast as well. And I had no interest

00:17:44.300 in doing a podcast. I didn't, I didn't have time for it. But one of my, one of the colleagues,

00:17:49.300 one of my team members for, for Mantox, the director of community engagement, he was adamant. He was

00:17:54.960 like, I want to do a podcast. I've always wanted to do a podcast. It's something that's really

00:17:58.160 inspiring to me. You know, I'll manage the whole thing. And so I was like, okay, sure. If you build

00:18:02.960 it, I'll be a co-host with you. And then, and we'll put it under the banner of Mantox. And, you know,

00:18:08.740 that's a perfect example because we've had huge success with it. And, and it was something

00:18:13.780 that I didn't even think about, but it's something that he's completely fulfilled by

00:18:18.980 and something that he's driving. And he, you know, his, his life from what he's communicated

00:18:24.180 is so much better because, you know, we talked about that and I gave him the space and, and the,

00:18:29.960 the sort of freedom to just run with it. What are some of the ways that, uh, that we can connect

00:18:35.380 with other men in our communities? I know that seems to be a challenge for guys. I don't know why

00:18:40.560 that is, but it seems to be that way. I get, I know we get busy and then we have our egos in the

00:18:44.500 way outside of doing, you know, coming to a live event or something like that. How can we connect

00:18:49.660 on a, on a closer and deeper level with other men in our area? Yeah. It's, it's all about getting

00:18:54.200 out of your comfort zone. It's really like, you know, I think as guys, like we, we love,

00:18:59.560 we really love routines, you know, like whether or not we, we want to admit that I'm sure there's

00:19:03.920 people out there like, Oh, I freaking hate routines. Yeah. But, but we really do like at a core

00:19:09.220 level, especially guys like we love routines and, and that's why the military is so successful

00:19:13.980 is because it provides this like really great structure. Um, but if you want to do something

00:19:20.700 different, you know, if you want to get a different result, you have to do something different.

00:19:24.300 Right. And, and so I think it's about getting outside of your, of your norms. And, you know,

00:19:30.540 if you normally go to the same bar and talk to the same people, like you got to get out of that

00:19:35.280 space, or if your routine on the weekend, it's just to go home and play video games,

00:19:39.140 you got to get out of that. You know, you've got to, you got to take a little bit of risk

00:19:42.240 and you have to find some people that are going to engage you. And you know, how that starts is,

00:19:48.980 is just, you have to know a little bit about what you're interested in. And if you're interested in

00:19:53.860 personal development, or if you're interested in books, like you're finding a book club or,

00:19:58.120 you know, going to a live event where these kinds of conversations are happening,

00:20:02.260 whether it's a TEDx or, um, you know, whatever the case may be, but, but actually finding those

00:20:07.940 and then putting yourself out there to, to just chat with people. And, and I just want to give

00:20:14.680 one quick thing. I call it the fun fact, you know, for the, for the guys that are out there that are

00:20:19.840 like, ah, you know, if I get myself into those situations, I never know what to say, or I never

00:20:24.320 know what to do. Yeah. They feel uncomfortable or awkward. Yeah. One of the, one of the greatest

00:20:29.060 things that I always, that I always coach people on is, um, I call it the fun fact exercise. And

00:20:34.600 it's, it's really, when you're, when you're out somewhere new and you're meeting new people,

00:20:39.640 just literally saying, and I know it sounds so simple, but like, tell me a fun fact about yourself.

00:20:44.360 And I'm putting the other person on the spot because the funny thing is, is that we as people,

00:20:48.700 we want to talk about ourselves. And, and, and when you just say, tell me a fun fact about yourself,

00:20:53.300 you'll be surprised at what people will tell you everything from, I went skydiving with my dog

00:20:59.000 to, I used to be an opera singer to, you know, like you'll, you'll learn things about them that

00:21:05.580 normally wouldn't come up in conversation. And it's a different question than what do you do,

00:21:10.480 which is sort of like the normal everyday question. So that's, that's how I would encourage

00:21:15.660 people to go about it. So you talk about one of the pitfalls being that we get into these routines

00:21:20.560 and these habits, and it keeps us from expanding our horizons and meeting new people. Are there

00:21:23.980 some other pitfalls that we need to be aware of when it comes to trying to build a circle of friends

00:21:29.040 and other guys to be around and hang out with? Yeah, I think, I think there's almost, there's,

00:21:34.380 there's a couple of aspects to that, but two things that I've probably touched on is, you know,

00:21:38.240 what got you to where you are, isn't going to get you to where you want to be. And a lot of the

00:21:42.960 times we, as men, you know, think that we, what's got us to where we are in terms of success,

00:21:48.320 because we think if we, okay, I had a little bit of success and I am where I am today because

00:21:52.040 of these things, that doesn't necessarily mean that that's going to get you to where you want

00:21:55.540 to go, whether it's in your relationship or your business or, or your personal health. So that,

00:22:00.880 that's one, that knowledge that, you know, changes is all everywhere. And two, I think the idea of like

00:22:09.220 letting go of needing things to be perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of the times like men,

00:22:16.840 and you know, we're very proud individuals, like I already said. And a lot of times we just,

00:22:20.660 we just don't want to get out of our comfort zones because we are concerned that we're going to fuck 0.51

00:22:25.560 it up and that it's not going to be perfect. And therefore I just shouldn't even bother.

00:22:29.720 If it's not going to be perfect, I shouldn't even bother. And that can be very, very detrimental.

00:22:35.320 So Connor, let's flip this around a little bit. Let's talk about some of the benefits. I mean,

00:22:39.800 I have my own reasons why, and I know you do too. And I'm really curious as to why

00:22:43.520 you think men need to get up out of their comfort zone, out of their routine and go out and connect

00:22:48.640 with other people out there. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a, I mean, there's tons of benefits. Like I

00:22:53.780 could, I feel like we could probably have a whole podcast on that. Yeah. Yeah, we could. But you

00:22:58.120 know, there's, there's a couple of things. Um, you know, one, you will be, you will be so inspired and

00:23:06.380 so surprised at what people are capable of and how people will give to you and, and the stories that

00:23:12.840 you'll hear and the people that you'll meet and the experiences that you have. And, and life is

00:23:17.120 about experiences, you know, for guys, like we're really driven by adventure and, and exploration,

00:23:22.860 you know, this, this idea that we can get out into, into these public spaces and meet new people.

00:23:28.080 You're going to be so surprised. And when you start putting these things out there, like,

00:23:31.400 Oh, I want to create this event or, Oh, I want to, I want to build this business. You'll be surprised

00:23:36.560 at how many people will come out of the woodworks to support you. Um, like when I was,

00:23:41.120 when I was studying man talks, I, I put on the first event and there was like 42 people

00:23:46.460 and we were just going to put on one event and raise some money for charity and have some guys

00:23:51.280 come up, share their wisdom and, you know, create this different conversation. But that's

00:23:56.900 kind of like where it was going to end. And after the first event, I literally had like

00:24:01.100 15, 20 emails of people just reaching out, being like, that was incredible. That was amazing.

00:24:06.000 How can I support? I know this guy who could be the speaker. I want to build your website.

00:24:10.080 Like it was just, it was exceptional where people just like really came out and, and supported.

00:24:15.540 So, you know, really? Yeah. So the benefits of the benefits of getting out there is about you.

00:24:21.700 Like you're going to get some benefit from, from meeting new people, but you'll be surprised at,

00:24:26.980 at, at what people have to offer. Yeah. What are some of the activities you talk about adventure

00:24:32.340 and you talk about exploration? What are some of the activities that you do with your buddies? I've got,

00:24:36.060 I've got my own, my own. We do, we go camping, I'll go golfing, things like that. Are there some

00:24:40.760 activities that you're participating in that we ought to be aware of that we can also make sure

00:24:45.100 to take advantage of in our areas? Yeah. I mean, I think one of the biggest things that we do is

00:24:49.600 we'll, we'll go on, we'll go on like a hike. Like Vancouver is so close to the mountains and we've got

00:24:55.220 some epic mountains here. Um, and you know, even if you don't have mountains around you, there's,

00:24:59.740 you can still go hiking like you can hike anywhere and you know, find, get out in nature. I think

00:25:04.700 that's one of the biggest things. So we'll, we'll get groups of guys and we'll, yeah, you know,

00:25:09.080 five, five to 10 guys and, uh, we'll go out on a hike and inevitably what will happen?

00:25:14.720 Usually we'll pick a theme or like an intention and we'll say like, this is the theme for this

00:25:18.740 hike. We're going to talk about business or we're going to talk about relationships this time.

00:25:21.820 And we'll just go out and kind of like jam on those things. And what happens is you like,

00:25:26.880 it's kind of like this organic thing where the group will break up into like twos and threes on

00:25:31.320 the hike and some epic conversations happen. Um, so that's pretty great. Uh, rock climbing started

00:25:38.380 doing some bouldering lately and that seems to be a lot of fun, which I I've never done it before,

00:25:43.720 but it's, it's pretty great. Camping also is just any chance to be out in nature is huge. Um,

00:25:50.420 and then I have like my own, like my own personal practices of, you know, yoga and whatnot. So that,

00:25:55.700 that kind of, that balance between having that alone time and that space for yourself,

00:26:00.860 intentional space, not just sitting there playing video games, which I, you know, which I do as

00:26:06.260 well. Um, but then also mix that up with time with a group, like intentional time where you're having

00:26:12.460 fun, not just drinking beers and watching formula one or something. I think that's the biggest key

00:26:17.860 is that we have to be more deliberate and intentional about it. I talk a lot about the fact that sometimes

00:26:23.020 we just happen upon our relationships by default, they happen to be coworkers or a neighbor

00:26:27.260 and we don't ever really put any effort or thought into who we're surrounding ourselves with. So I

00:26:32.100 really liked that you're talking about being deliberate and being intentional about building

00:26:36.260 those relationships. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, uh, the cool thing about man talks is that

00:26:40.280 it's, it is a community of high performing like-minded guys. Like that's, that's the thing. Like if you

00:26:46.780 come to one of our events, there's, there's also women at the events, which is great. Like we

00:26:51.080 want it to be open to men and women. But what we found is that, you know, the type of guys that are

00:26:56.920 coming to the events are like-minded guys that are successful and that are building a life by their

00:27:02.800 own design, not just a life that's happening to them. Are there some memorable events or experiences

00:27:08.500 or stories that stand out as a lesson for you that you didn't know about prior to going into these

00:27:14.060 events? Yeah. I mean, it's, it's interesting. Like each event seems to bring me a different lesson

00:27:19.120 because we have different themes. Like we'll talk about relationships or health, mental health,

00:27:24.080 um, fitness, sustainable business, gratitude. Like we, we kind of, we had our last event was all

00:27:30.500 about sex. Um, so we kind of dive in on a bunch of different topics. I think one of the most profound

00:27:36.180 ones we did, we did one around overcoming adversity and we had three different speakers and the first

00:27:43.300 speaker talked about anxiety and overcoming anxiety. The second speaker talked about, um, depression,

00:27:48.380 dealing with depression. And the third speaker talked about, um, attempting suicide and overcoming,

00:27:53.960 overcoming not only depression, but you know, what it was like to, to, to try and kill himself.

00:28:00.180 And it was just, it, it was, it was moving to see men who were being real and who were actually

00:28:08.500 talking about their lives in an unfiltered manner. And I think what, what I really, what I really

00:28:15.080 gained out of that is that there's power in vulnerability in, in, in, in amounts, right?

00:28:22.640 Like not, not to say that you need to be vulnerable all the time and that you need to like, oh, I stubbed

00:28:26.800 my toe and, uh, and like, you know, cry about it and that kind of stuff. But, right. But, but there is,

00:28:33.440 there's, there's power and vulnerability and vulnerability because people want to connect.

00:28:37.660 And if you tell me something that's real about your life, about your challenges, I, I will innately

00:28:43.720 trust you. I will trust you more than if I, if, if we just talked about surface level stuff.

00:28:49.680 And I think that that's one of the biggest lessons that I've taken away is, and then people want to

00:28:54.340 hear it, you know, like usually when I, usually when people ask me like what man talks is, I'm like,

00:29:00.380 well, Ted's all about ideas and then people. And we're about people first and then ideas.

00:29:04.900 And, you know, I think that that's one of the biggest lessons that I've taken away is that

00:29:09.920 vulnerability isn't something that you need to be afraid of. Vulnerability is something that can

00:29:16.320 change your life for the better and help you move through the shit that you're actually trying to 0.92

00:29:20.200 get through. Yeah. Yeah. It has been very liberating for me as I've talked about some things that I 0.99

00:29:25.460 have never talked about in the past and it gives, it gives other people permission to do the same,

00:29:30.240 which is exactly what they need in some cases. Yeah, absolutely.

00:29:32.860 So, so vulnerability obviously is a value. It's a virtue that, that you've placed some

00:29:38.180 emphasis on. You also have some other core values that I know are written specifically

00:29:43.000 from man talks, but I'm sure that they're probably personal values as well. You talk about authenticity

00:29:48.260 and community and purpose. Talk to me a little bit about how you identified some of your core

00:29:52.140 values and how you operate. Yeah, I think, you know, after, I mean, authenticity is one of those

00:29:57.380 things that it's kind of like a buzzword out there in, in, in some places. Um, but it, it still is a

00:30:04.700 core value. You know, I think some, some guys are kind of like turned off by, about the idea of

00:30:09.800 vulnerability. And so being authentic is a little bit, you know, easier to, to handle in some,

00:30:15.260 some ways. Um, but authenticity is really at the core of what we're doing is like, we want to have

00:30:19.940 real authentic conversations, not the bullshit that you see in like Maxim or like get ripped

00:30:25.640 abs really quick and six easy exercises in one day. And it's just like, ah, it's bullshit, right? 0.99

00:30:30.940 We want to have like real conversations. So that's the biggest one. Um, and then a sense of community, 0.98

00:30:35.440 you know, like we want to build the wolf pack. We want to build a brotherhood that is, that's

00:30:40.440 sustainable. That's helping guys connect. And, and that's, that's bringing them together in a way

00:30:45.360 that, you know, they're not only building lifelong friendship, but they are, they're,

00:30:50.520 they're finding accountability partners, right? Like they're finding people that are holding their

00:30:54.340 ass accountable to the things that they say that they want in their life. So those are the two

00:30:58.040 biggest components. Well, Connor, we'll wind it down on time a little bit. I've got some

00:31:01.200 additional questions for you as we wind things down. And the first question is, I'm excited to

00:31:05.140 hear your answer because you're in the space. And so you've thought about this a lot. So I'm sure

00:31:08.500 you're going to have a great answer for us. And that is, what does it mean to be a man?

00:31:12.300 Hmm. It's funny. We ask that question on our podcast too, sometimes. Oh, do you really?

00:31:17.240 Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. I mean, so we'll flip it around on you then. Yeah. Oh man. The

00:31:21.600 other side, I'm in the hot seat. Um, that's right. You know, for me being a man, it isn't,

00:31:26.480 isn't necessarily about like the, the physical aesthetics of it, of, you know, being jacked and

00:31:31.280 tanned and, um, all that other kind of stuff. While that's nice, um, you know, I definitely

00:31:35.620 appreciate keeping myself and in really good shape. And I hope that, that, uh, the people listening

00:31:41.260 do as well. But for me being a man is, is about enhancing. It's about exploration, uh, exploring

00:31:48.220 your personal boundaries, your, your personal passions and like what really lights you up

00:31:53.080 and what things you can really contribute to the world. I think that's the biggest thing

00:31:57.660 is contribution for me as a man. That's like the biggest piece. Like, what are you, what

00:32:02.680 are you contributing to the world? Like that, that's really where I start with most men that

00:32:07.120 I work with and coach. Like, that's where I start. I'm like, what are you contributing

00:32:10.480 to the world? Nothing. Cool. What do you want to contribute to the world? So masculinity for

00:32:15.580 me and being a man is all about contribution. And that, that is one of the biggest components

00:32:21.480 because once you tap into contribution and what you can give to the world, it just, that,

00:32:27.420 that gives us that sense of fulfillment. And Viktor Frankl talks about this in men's search

00:32:31.880 for meaning, which if, if you're listening to this and you haven't read men's search for

00:32:36.040 meaning, go buy it right now. It's such a great book. It's a life changing book, but you know,

00:32:40.500 he talks about that in his book about, you know, he went through Auschwitz and, and, um,

00:32:45.560 came out the other side, you know, came out of the Nazi camps and, you know, he, he talked about

00:32:50.560 what his life really meant. And he actually talks about how his life, you know, ask not what life

00:32:58.160 can do for you, but what you can do for life, right? Kind of like the JFK thing of asking out

00:33:01.460 what you, what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. I think that is

00:33:05.500 the, that is the keystone, the cornerstone of what it means to be a man is what can you give to your

00:33:11.640 family? What can you give to your friends? How can you actually be of service? And, and that in

00:33:16.940 itself will, will not only set you free, but give you a sense of deep, deep purpose and fulfillment.

00:33:22.820 What would you suggest to a guy who has identified what it is they want to provide and the value

00:33:27.960 that they want to leave and create in the world, or even guys that haven't quite figured that out.

00:33:32.480 What's the one step, the one thing that they could do this afternoon to say, okay, this is what I'm

00:33:37.480 going to do to actually start moving the needle in the right direction. So, so they have identified

00:33:42.460 what they want to do. Yeah. Let's say they've already identified that. Yeah. So, I mean, if,

00:33:46.720 if they've identified what, what they want to accomplish and, and you know, what they want to contribute,

00:33:51.560 I think the next steps are literally taking one action towards it. Like not sitting down and writing out

00:33:56.660 a game plan, none of that stuff, but like legitimately asking yourself, what is the one

00:34:03.400 thing that I could do right now in my life to take one small step towards that, towards that goal or 0.98

00:34:09.620 towards that target, like whatever it is, and then go and fucking do it. Because the funniest thing is, 0.97

00:34:14.540 is that like so many people will like sit down and write and ask questions and, and then they draft

00:34:19.400 out the whole plan. And, you know, weeks later, they, they haven't really done anything necessarily.

00:34:25.740 But if you go and do one thing towards that goal, whether it's building a business or having a

00:34:31.240 better connection with your partner, like go and take one action towards it. And once you have that,

00:34:37.140 once you have that down, then start working on the plan a little bit.

00:34:41.880 Yeah. And we'll leave it there. I mean, we'll offer that and issue that challenge to the guys that

00:34:46.040 are listening to this today is just take that one first step and then let us know about it. Let us

00:34:50.020 know what action step you took, how it went and how it made you feel and how it changed the world.

00:34:54.060 So Connor, I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. Uh, if we want to connect with you, learn

00:34:58.100 about man talks, what you're doing on the podcast or the blog, or even some of these live events,

00:35:01.320 how do we connect with you? Yeah. So you can check us out at man talks.com. Um, you know,

00:35:06.320 we have writers from all over North America writing for us coming up, which is pretty great.

00:35:10.640 We've got the podcast where we've interviewed guys from around, around the world pretty much.

00:35:15.480 And then the live events were in Vancouver, BC. Um, but we're expanding to Toronto in April and

00:35:21.700 we're also going to be coming down to LA and we're working on New York. So, um, we are expanding next

00:35:27.120 year big time. So that's, that's where you can find us. And then for myself personally,

00:35:30.540 um, you can hit me up on Twitter at Connor Beaton, um, or on Instagram at Connor Beaton. And same thing

00:35:37.540 with man talks is, uh, on Instagram, we've got a huge, uh, pretty huge volume, which is pretty great.

00:35:42.200 So if you want some daily inspiration, uh, it's just at man talks. Awesome. Connor,

00:35:46.080 I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. Thanks for imparting some of your wisdom and

00:35:48.780 being on the show today. Awesome. Thank you. There you have it, man. Mr. Connor Beaton sharing

00:35:52.620 with us what it takes to surround yourselves with other men and build a powerful, powerful

00:35:57.140 tribe in your life. Now keep in mind our elite mastermind iron council. You will want to be part

00:36:02.100 of that. If you're ready to take your life to the next level, build some solid relationships with

00:36:05.980 other men, like we talked about on the podcast today and have more accountability to get

00:36:10.080 done what you want to get done in life. And remember our weekly giveaway by our friends

00:36:14.380 over at Seneca Creek, head to order of man.com slash Seneca Creek giveaway five to enter. Again,

00:36:21.060 we're giving away a knife. I think you'll be interested in this will be a weekly giveaway.

00:36:25.280 So if you don't win this week, don't worry about it. Enter next week. We've got something else. We'll

00:36:29.460 be giving away. Then last thing, join the conversation we're having about masculinity on our Facebook

00:36:33.480 group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man guys. I look forward to talking to you next

00:36:39.360 week, but until then take action and become a man you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to

00:36:44.360 the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

00:36:49.180 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 26, 2016

OoM 045： Connecting with Men and Building Your Tribe with Connor Beaton

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