OoM 050： How to Talk with Women with Tripp Lanier
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
196.18999
Summary
Tripp Kramer with TrippAdvice shares why talking to women is so hard, how we can overcome this fear, how to keep ourselves out of the friend zone, and so much more. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You're not easily deterred or defeated, you're rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life, this is who you are, and after all, you can call yourself a man.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Meeting and approaching women can be one of the most difficult things that a man can do.
00:00:03.640
We get nervous, we don't know what to say, or worse, we end up saying something stupid
00:00:10.120
My guest today, Tripp Kramer with TrippAdvice.com, teaches us why talking to women is so hard,
00:00:14.860
how we can overcome this fear, how to keep ourselves out of the friend zone, and so much more.
00:00:20.460
You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest.
00:00:23.320
Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:25.980
When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:30.700
You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:38.280
This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:45.660
Men, what's going on? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the founder of Order of Man.
00:00:49.940
If you're new to the podcast today, we talk about all things manly here.
00:00:52.520
Leadership, self-mastery, relationships, wealth, business, health, a ton more.
00:00:56.760
Basically, all of the manly conversations you want to have wrapped up in one place.
00:01:01.220
Now, today we'll be talking about a topic that I know is on a lot of guys' minds,
00:01:07.680
But before I get too much into this conversation, I do want to share with you a resource.
00:01:11.680
I get a lot of guys out there that want to take this learning from the blog and the podcast to the next level.
00:01:17.480
Really start implementing this information into their lives.
00:01:19.920
And if that's you, you will need to check out the Iron Council.
00:01:26.280
Me and the rest of the guys get together virtually every single week.
00:01:29.740
We discuss the topics that are important to us.
00:01:31.960
For example, we're talking about all things wealth building this week.
00:01:36.580
But the biggest advantage, the biggest takeaway is that we've built in accountability.
00:01:41.100
So you'll actually do what you've always talked about doing, and you'll see the results.
00:01:46.940
Now, this isn't for everyone, but the one thing I have noticed is that the men who really see big results in their lives
00:01:52.400
are the ones who take action, they invest their time, they invest their money, and they get to work.
00:01:57.600
So head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil, get all the details there, and we hope that you'll join us.
00:02:04.380
Remember, as always, you can find the links, the resources, the discussion over at orderofman.com slash 050.
00:02:10.920
We're in our 50th episode, and of course, you can also join in the conversation we're having
00:02:15.280
with over 2,400 men now in our Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman.
00:02:22.260
Men, I am excited to introduce you to my guest today, Mr. Tripp Kramer.
00:02:26.120
Tripp is the founder and CEO of the Tripp Advice Podcast and blog,
00:02:29.980
which is a resource for men just like you and me to help us take our sex and our dating lives to the next level.
00:02:36.300
And just like you and me, Tripp was your typical shy guy, but decided to tackle his challenges with women head on.
00:02:43.520
And so after years of practicing and rejection, Tripp has devoted his life to helping other men create thriving dating lives.
00:02:50.880
He does this through e-books and online courses, coaching, podcasting.
00:02:54.240
All of those things can be found at trippadvice.com.
00:02:58.340
Tripp, what's going on, man? Thanks for joining us on the show today.
00:03:00.740
Hey, Ryan. Happy to be here, man. This is great.
00:03:02.460
Right. So this is a topic that is on – it should be on every guy's mind, not just men who are dating women,
00:03:09.020
but I imagine it also should be a topic for guys who are married as well, right?
00:03:13.620
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I mean it could be really for any guy.
00:03:17.460
And plus, you never know what's going to happen to – they're just good skills to have and good things to learn.
00:03:23.340
Right. So when it comes to dating and it comes to relationships and it comes to all these things,
00:03:29.400
talk to me about what some of your audience is experiencing and why the message that you have is resonating with guys so much.
00:03:36.640
Yeah. I mean I think there's a lot of guys out there who have never learned how to really be around a woman
00:03:47.320
and be comfortable with it and taking that a step further, even being around a woman, being comfortable and being able to actually talk to her in a way
00:03:56.660
where you're trying to attract her or court her or whatever you want to call it.
00:04:02.200
And, you know, there's a million reasons why. I mean every guy comes from a different situation.
00:04:12.280
I think a lot of other guys, maybe they didn't have a mom around when they first started growing up, right?
00:04:16.620
So they didn't really get to develop those skills of interacting with a woman.
00:04:20.280
Other guys, maybe they just had some really bad experiences with women in, you know, junior high, high school, college
00:04:26.620
that really kind of scared the hell out of them and made it so it was just really that more difficult to be able to talk to girls
00:04:34.960
and hook up with girls and get a girlfriend and just kind of do all the normal things a kid should be able to do, right?
00:04:44.200
There's self-esteem issues, insecurity issues, all these things that can prevent us from being able to attract a woman.
00:04:50.760
And plus, there's just a general, maybe everything in your life is perfectly fine
00:04:55.080
and you were raised by a mom and you, you know, had normal experiences as a kid
00:05:00.840
and you don't even have any insecurity issues, but maybe you just really don't know.
00:05:04.880
You're just not really aware of what women are attracted to, what they want, what they're looking for in a man, right?
00:05:10.920
So, it's just a whole list of different reasons why people come and listen to my podcast,
00:05:17.520
the How to Talk to Girls podcast and go on the YouTube channel to find out about what it really takes
00:05:22.220
to kind of speak like the language of flirting and women and understanding kind of what they're looking for in a guy.
00:05:34.160
Well, it's really interesting because, you know, it sounds weird saying this,
00:05:39.460
but this is something I've never really had a problem with.
00:05:41.640
Like, I've never had a problem approaching women.
00:05:43.380
I've never had a problem having a conversation with women.
00:05:45.500
And partly the reason, I think, is because I was raised pretty much by my mom.
00:05:56.320
So, communicating with women, as difficult as it can sometimes be, is something I just learned growing up.
00:06:02.460
And so, it's hard for me to understand why it's difficult for a guy to go up and approach a woman that he's attracted to.
00:06:14.300
Is it something that some guys just naturally have?
00:06:17.240
How do we develop the skill of being able to talk to and approach women?
00:06:24.640
You know, some guys, you know, let's put it this way.
00:06:27.220
And, again, there's so many different situations.
00:06:30.480
I've coached some guys who are good-looking guys who actually just killed it in high school.
00:06:36.980
I'm talking they were the, you know, they were the popular guy in high school.
00:06:45.780
And I think what that does to your self-esteem, you feel great.
00:06:55.220
But then some of these guys, it starts to fall off for them, you know, sometime after the kind of, kind of, like, immature years.
00:07:05.100
And all of a sudden, like, women aren't talking to them anymore.
00:07:09.560
And so now this guy was like, wait, what's happening?
00:07:12.120
And what's really happened is he never had to develop any skills for socializing because he would just kind of have it come to him.
00:07:26.380
Like, I got to actually make an effort to talk to these girls.
00:07:34.440
Even though they weren't rejected when they were growing up, now it's like they kind of go try.
00:07:40.160
And all of a sudden, they'd find it's a little more difficult than it used to be, relatively.
00:07:47.140
So, yeah, I mean, listen, this is something that can be learned.
00:07:50.760
And that's what I luckily, really, I feel lucky that I found out because all my life I didn't understand or was not aware that this is something that can be learned.
00:08:01.260
I grew up watching TV shows like Saved by the Bell or things like that where, like, the jocks got the girls and the nerds, you know, they just didn't.
00:08:16.240
And I don't even consider myself a nerd or anything like Screech.
00:08:23.840
I was not one of those good-looking, chiseled muscle guys.
00:08:27.160
I was, you know, I was like a fucking skinny, lanky dude.
00:08:31.520
And I was just like, well, you know, what am I going to do?
00:08:35.420
That wasn't even a question of what am I going to do because I didn't even know that that was a question.
00:08:44.460
I just stumbled upon this stuff online about people actually learning about how to meet girls.
00:08:50.740
And that was crazy to me because I never – this is how deeply embedded this idea of not learning the skill was.
00:08:59.040
I didn't even think to ask the question on Google, which thousands and millions of people are doing every month.
00:09:05.920
They're just researching how to talk to girls and what to say and how to date.
00:09:10.520
I didn't even know that that was something that would even exist.
00:09:17.900
I mean I know there's probably a lot of great information out there that will help you build your confidence
00:09:21.720
and even give you some techniques and strategies that you can use to make it easier.
00:09:25.240
But then there's probably some absolute just horrible information that's completely destructive
00:09:30.060
and exactly the opposite of what you probably should be doing.
00:09:33.480
I mean listen, a lot of it – there's two things.
00:09:35.640
First of all, you got to find out what works for you because there's so much stuff out there.
00:09:42.540
But within that – within there, really you got to find stuff that's going to feel as natural as possible.
00:09:53.900
Now, I say that kind of in a way where none of this stuff is going to feel natural
00:09:58.740
because you're going to start to learn concepts and skills that you never really had
00:10:06.840
So none of it is going to feel perfectly natural.
00:10:08.880
But if you find something out there that's teaching you to completely be like the opposite of who you are
00:10:17.700
or telling you to say like fake stories about yourself or teach you how to like lie in a way
00:10:25.040
or kind of manipulate because there's a lot of stuff out there that is –
00:10:30.700
But it is because you're not really being very truthful in the way that you're trying to approach
00:10:38.340
That's the stuff you got to be wary of, you know.
00:10:40.480
So, I mean I can sit here and tell you kind of the who's who of –
00:10:45.320
I want people to kind of discover this on their own and find out.
00:10:48.480
I mean personally, obviously my stuff is very natural.
00:10:52.800
But hey, you know you might listen to my stuff.
00:10:58.380
So, make it – try to make sure it's the most natural for you
00:11:02.460
and also stuff that you resonate the most with.
00:11:06.420
I really like that because a lot of guys will come to me and not necessarily for dating advice.
00:11:11.640
But they'll say things like, Ryan, how do I do X or how do I get better at this?
00:11:17.620
And what I've come to realize is that most guys probably already know what it is they need to do.
00:11:25.620
There's this block as to why they're not actually completing what they know they need to do.
00:11:29.660
Do you run into that too when it comes to dating and approaching women?
00:11:33.880
You know, there's so much information out there that we – and I'm guilty of this – in all different areas of learning,
00:11:40.900
you kind of start getting really entertained by the idea of being able to do some of the stuff that you might hear.
00:11:51.620
You think about how great it will be but you never do it.
00:11:53.680
And sometimes people feel just good enough in that point.
00:11:56.940
They feel like, oh, you know, like, yeah, I'll eventually be able to get that girl
00:12:00.200
or I'm going to be starting my own business or I'm going to be really productive
00:12:03.540
or I'm going to lose that weight or gain that muscle.
00:12:06.200
And it's like you kind of get really excited about it but you don't end up pushing yourself to actually do it.
00:12:13.500
That's why actually on my podcast, I'm constantly just telling every single person who listens, like,
00:12:26.460
Yeah, I talk a lot about the process that I've been on with my health over the past several years
00:12:30.800
and there's no way you can read your way to better health, right?
00:12:33.460
At some point, you've got to get into the gym and you've got to start pushing weights around
00:12:37.460
and it's going to hurt and it's going to be uncomfortable and you're not going to be able to do it
00:12:40.740
and you're probably going to look like an idiot.
00:12:46.260
And, you know, a lot of people, they get overwhelmed.
00:12:50.860
I mean, how many podcasts, you know, exist on every single topic
00:12:55.500
and then there's subtopics in, you know, the categories of podcasts.
00:13:04.100
And my advice is, honestly, you just pick one thing, just one tip, one technique,
00:13:11.140
one thing that you might hear on this podcast, on my podcast, any other podcast you listen to.
00:13:16.680
If you can pick one thing and just take action, and it can be really small.
00:13:21.620
It doesn't even matter the size of the, I don't know, tasks that you want to complete.
00:13:27.580
If you just pick one thing and take action on it, you've already, you're significantly ahead
00:13:37.760
I remember reading this, or no, it was an audiobook I was listening to called Mini Habits.
00:13:46.540
And I remember the author, the guy, was saying that it is, from the point of doing absolutely
00:13:55.780
nothing to doing just something, that space right there is massive, right?
00:14:03.940
So he had something called the one push-up method to help get over that space, which
00:14:09.480
was, you know, just, if you want to do, if you want to start working out, just do one
00:14:18.060
Because the hardest part is breaking into the part where you need to take action.
00:14:23.560
So you do that one push-up, and that will automatically take you into doing a second push-up and a
00:14:35.160
So it's all about taking just the first step, because that's the hardest step.
00:14:40.740
I was like, wow, I never really thought about it that way.
00:14:44.060
So let's say somebody's listening to this, and they think, yeah, I know I need to get better
00:14:52.240
What are a couple of examples of the quote-unquote one thing that they should be thinking about
00:14:58.740
Okay, well, it's kind of meta, but that is in itself the first action step.
00:15:04.680
So it's like your first action step could be sitting down with your iPad or a piece of
00:15:09.920
paper or whatever you want to do, and figure out all the areas that you struggle with in
00:15:16.440
Because I can't really tell you right now, or whoever's listening, do this.
00:15:22.520
Some guys have approach anxiety, where they are scared to talk to girls.
00:15:28.440
And they're just like, well, I keep getting thrown into the friend zone.
00:15:31.240
So it's kind of up to you to figure out, you know, what problem do you want to attack?
00:15:38.300
I mean, whatever it is that you feel you have an issue with, try to figure that out first.
00:15:42.180
That would be the first action step to figure that out.
00:15:44.960
And then the second action step would be, all right, do one tiny thing that could push you
00:15:55.180
And if you're like, well, I don't know what that thing is, trust me, just go into Google,
00:15:59.840
go to my podcast, go on YouTube, go wherever you want, type in whatever that issue is that
00:16:07.200
And you'll find some sort of action step to do.
00:16:15.880
So let's talk about the friend zone for a minute.
00:16:17.860
Because my thought has always been, hey, if you get pushed in the friend zone, she's just
00:16:24.820
But maybe this is a reoccurring trend that some guys see.
00:16:27.680
And there's something on their end that they're doing to put themselves there.
00:16:32.300
Yeah, basically, guys who end up in the friend zone,
00:16:35.800
what I've seen, the most common reason why guys end up there, is because they're treating
00:16:45.260
They're treating the girl like she's just, she's like a dude, like any other guy.
00:16:52.100
The guys are too scared to get rejected, so they don't push their flirting boundaries.
00:17:01.020
They don't say any, they don't give her any compliments.
00:17:08.460
You know, they just want to be very careful as they move forward with what they think is
00:17:16.640
the courting process, which is usually just befriending them.
00:17:20.800
And then from there, hoping on some level that the girl will see them as, you know, as a
00:17:30.480
And don't get me wrong, yeah, once in a while that can work.
00:17:36.460
Because if the girl doesn't see the guy making a move, she's going to feel friend-zoned.
00:17:43.240
And then she's going to be like, oh, well, he just thinks of me as a friend.
00:17:47.220
Well, I guess I'm just going to have to think of him as a friend too.
00:17:50.220
Or they don't even think of this guy at all as a potential mate because the guy isn't
00:17:59.240
So therefore, he's just automatically going into the friend zone.
00:18:04.460
And then all of a sudden, the guy gets so fed up that, you know, six months later, he's
00:18:22.440
So the guys have to realize that as sucky as it feels to get rejected, it is so much
00:18:30.680
better to have at least tried with this girl because you never know what's going to happen.
00:18:38.340
And most guys end up finding out through their own experiences.
00:18:41.560
It's not fun to just wait and hope for the best and then eventually realize that.
00:18:46.420
And then all of a sudden, you're in the same position you would be if you just said to
00:18:50.680
her in the beginning that you were interested in her and then ended up maybe getting rejected
00:18:55.660
And that's a key word is maybe is that you still might not.
00:18:59.240
So at the end, it's always going to be the best opportunity for you to just go and learn
00:19:04.460
how to flirt and ask her on a date and tell you like her and just go for it because you
00:19:11.120
So this is a principle I actually use in my financial planning practice.
00:19:14.160
And if somebody is going to reject you, they're going to say no.
00:19:22.680
And when it comes to my financial planning practice, if they're going to say no to me,
00:19:26.180
I want them to say no as quickly as possible so I can move on and spend my time and energy
00:19:32.560
And it sounds like that's a lot about what you're talking about here.
00:19:34.960
Everything in life, honestly, everything, this is what I'm learning recently, everything
00:19:39.940
is, I guess, I don't know, scientifically speaking, maybe is like is a conversion rate,
00:19:47.400
It's like you're not going to win most of the time.
00:19:55.520
I'm saying that more in a positive way because I'm not saying all the time, most of the time.
00:19:59.760
So anything you're going to do, you're going to 50 to 80% of the time get rejected or you're
00:20:06.660
You can name probably anything right now and I'll tell you that it applies to pretty much
00:20:11.640
But the point is, is you need to take the action and do the steps you need to take to
00:20:16.680
get all, to get through that and get those no's or rejections or those mistakes or those
00:20:22.380
screw ups or not getting the proper form on your squat, whatever you're doing, you know?
00:20:27.820
And then all of a sudden, you start to learn from those mistakes and there's where that
00:20:39.440
You know, you end up learning from whatever you're doing and you're starting to see the
00:20:44.320
But it takes screw ups and some pain mentally and physically, you know, whatever it is that
00:20:50.260
you're doing to get through to end up getting those wins.
00:20:53.160
But when you start to win, like for example, you're going to, you're going to approach 10
00:20:56.920
girls, two girls end up saying yes, eight girls say no.
00:21:01.580
You don't even care about those other eight because you're, yeah, it doesn't matter.
00:21:06.460
And I'm not saying that as like a motivate, you actually won't care.
00:21:11.720
You're not thinking of the other mistakes or the other rejections that you made.
00:21:16.680
You're just so excited that what you did finally worked.
00:21:20.120
So that's something you kind of have to go in thinking.
00:21:24.540
Now, guys, I just want to take a quick time out to introduce you to our sponsor and more
00:21:27.940
importantly, give you yet another resource you'll need to check out.
00:21:31.160
If you're listening to this show, it's because you really want to step up in your life as
00:21:35.300
The problem is that there's just a ton of information out there.
00:21:41.360
But one of my favorite go-to resources is the Art of Charm podcast.
00:21:45.100
If you haven't checked this out yet, you'll want to.
00:21:47.660
This isn't just another show that you can fill in your podcast feed.
00:21:50.640
Jordan and the Art of Charm are legitimate when it comes to helping you develop relationships
00:21:55.700
They talk about all of the skills you need to be successful in business like productivity
00:22:03.060
Basically, if you want to get better at it, they're going to talk about it.
00:22:05.440
So go check them out after you listen to this show.
00:22:07.560
And you can do that at theartofcharm.com slash podcast.
00:22:10.700
Or you can find them in iTunes or Stitcher, wherever you get your fix of podcasts.
00:22:14.880
This is a show about leveling up your life, your relationships, your wealth, your fitness,
00:22:20.000
And you'll walk away with a ton of great information that you can actually use.
00:22:27.700
Or again, find the Art of Charm podcast in iTunes or Stitcher or wherever it is you listen
00:22:32.740
to podcasts and start taking your life to the next level.
00:22:35.760
We really enjoy the show and we think you will as well.
00:22:39.600
Yeah, and I like what you talk about with the friend zone.
00:22:45.180
I mean, this is probably overgeneralizing it, but it seems to me that if you never push
00:22:50.220
the boundary a little bit, at least give a woman some sort of your intention, then you're
00:22:56.340
going to have to find a woman who is maybe a little bit more forward or a little bit more
00:23:03.000
And generally speaking, it seems like society says, no, that's the man's responsibility.
00:23:07.700
So you've got to let your intentions know, right?
00:23:11.000
And the thing is, is it is the man's responsibility.
00:23:16.020
And I actually think that's a wonderful thing that guys don't realize.
00:23:26.560
I mean, the fact that I can, it's up to me to do all that stuff that puts me in control.
00:23:32.280
Anything where you're in control, that's where you want to be.
00:23:36.000
So the fact that it's up to you to do all that stuff, you get to pick and choose who
00:23:42.420
It's your decision where you guys go on the first date, when you want to lean in for the
00:23:47.820
first kiss, when you want to say I love you, when you want to have sex for the first time,
00:23:53.820
I mean, of course, you know, girls will make first moves too.
00:23:59.260
But it's pretty awesome for you, the guy, to be able to be in control of that stuff and
00:24:06.320
And it's great because here's the really cool part that a lot of guys don't realize,
00:24:10.580
is that just making the first move, just whatever it is, you know, going and doing the approach,
00:24:19.420
asking her on a date, figuring out the place where you guys are going to go, those things
00:24:24.400
right there, that's already going to make you more attractive, just doing it.
00:24:33.340
Just taking and making the moves is already going to put you in a category of, oh, this
00:24:43.480
And those are the things that women are attracted to.
00:24:47.380
So I think somebody's probably going to get after me for saying what I'm going to say next.
00:24:51.080
But one of the primary responsibilities of a man is to be a leader.
00:25:00.020
I know my wife certainly wants to be, wants me to be authoritative, wants me to have a
00:25:05.400
leadership role, wants me to give guidance and direction.
00:25:09.480
I know a society has changed that a little bit and has tried to equalize that.
00:25:12.880
But at the end of the day, that's built into humans since we've been on this planet and
00:25:19.220
Leadership is one of the more attractive traits that women see in a man.
00:25:26.880
So if you can somehow display that, and there's a lot of ways you can, actually, women are
00:25:39.480
And women are looking for those masculine traits.
00:25:44.200
They're not saying that they're friends over a Cosmo.
00:25:46.740
You know, I'm really looking for a guy who's more of a leader.
00:25:54.820
And they don't even know what they like about you when you do display that trait.
00:25:59.100
They're just attracted because you're just more of a man.
00:26:04.840
But I know that we have a hard time in certain circumstances reading people.
00:26:09.780
So how do you know if a woman is ready for you to take it out of the friend zone?
00:26:17.160
And how do you find that balance between, I want to push the boundaries a little bit,
00:26:22.620
And how do you read a woman when it comes to what she's into and what she's not into?
00:26:29.480
So we can really start from the beginning here.
00:26:31.620
A guy needs to be, okay, I'm going to talk to the guys who are not in the friend zone with a girl yet, right?
00:26:40.080
So, because really you can sit here all day and you can try to figure out how to get out of the friend zone.
00:26:45.540
But, you know, that's not really a skill that you want.
00:26:49.080
Yeah, just don't get into it in the first place.
00:26:59.660
So I want guys to know that if they're interested in a girl,
00:27:04.560
the second that they start to talk to them or approach them or whatever they're introduced,
00:27:09.800
the second that happens, there is no friend zone, okay?
00:27:14.080
You have to know that it doesn't start as friends.
00:27:20.240
It does not exist from the second you talk to her.
00:27:26.940
Well, that means that you're going to be flirting with her and courting her the second that you guys start talking.
00:27:37.640
Like, if you get introduced to a girl, for example,
00:27:40.120
and maybe, you know, you were looking at her across the room and you, like, told on your friends, like, who is that?
00:27:50.380
And all of a sudden, they introduce you and you shake her hand.
00:27:54.380
You can look in her eyes, like, look directly into one of her pupils and just give a really kind of light smile.
00:28:04.660
And then you hold that for, like, three to five seconds, which is kind of a long time, actually.
00:28:11.240
Right there, you're already sending signals to her, I'm interested in you.
00:28:20.140
And so I guess my answer to your question really is guys need to start doing that right from the beginning.
00:28:25.740
And then there's signs that you can find out if they're interested.
00:28:28.940
The thing is, is you actually do want to be more assertive.
00:28:31.560
If anything, you want to be more assertive and less passive because if you're more passive, then you're going to end up in the friend zone.
00:28:44.280
I mean, you know, obviously, right, let's go to an extreme.
00:28:47.240
You're not going to be like, oh, nice to meet you, Stephanie, and start making out with her.
00:28:53.440
But, you know, if she's giving you that smile back, you guys get in the conversation, you know, you're making her laugh a little bit.
00:29:01.060
You guys are having interesting deep talks about whatever.
00:29:04.860
She touches you a little bit, like on the arm when you say something.
00:29:09.600
You guys have created what I call this bubble where it's like you guys are wherever you are, at a party, at a bar, in the sidewalk, at a restaurant.
00:29:17.920
And it's like there's nothing – and you can tell with you and her that you're in this bubble where nothing else seems to even matter right outside of the conversation that you two are having.
00:29:37.700
And then at that point, you can push even further, right?
00:29:45.420
So it's all about creating that moment with a girl where she can get the opportunity to be attracted to you.
00:29:54.420
What about – so obviously one of the biggest things, I'm sure the hurdles, is just that fear factor like you've talked about before.
00:30:01.940
Are there some things or strategies or ideas that you have to maybe lessen the fear factor or create an environment that's not quite as threatening?
00:30:11.840
I was just on a podcast the other day where I was talking about this kind of step-by-step system that I really like because it seems to work with a lot of my students and people who have used it.
00:30:27.300
But I like this one the best because it really is the most practical.
00:30:30.540
And it's this idea that's called systematic desensitization.
00:30:37.300
It's just a fancy term for desensitizing you to whatever it is that you fear, right?
00:30:44.000
So if people, guys, fear approaching a girl or talking to a girl, flirting with a girl, you can really take this really slow baby-step approach to kind of work your way up to it, right?
00:30:55.540
So I might tell a guy, okay, go up to that girl.
00:30:58.620
Tell her you think she's cute and flirt with her within the first 30 seconds.
00:31:12.580
So I'd say, well, why don't you just start with actually friendzoning girls, right?
00:31:18.420
Because maybe you haven't had any experience even doing that.
00:31:21.620
Well, let's just get you to friendzone these girls.
00:31:26.160
Well, it just gets you started into having conversations with girls, right?
00:31:30.760
So there, that friendzone part, that's the only kind of time when it's okay because you're not really used to talking to girls.
00:31:37.740
You're not really used to being comfortable around their presence.
00:31:46.240
Excuse me, I'm trying to go to the Starbucks around the corner.
00:31:50.720
Is it right there or am I in the wrong direction?
00:31:53.520
Whatever it is you want to say, you can start going up to them and just practice conversing with a pretty girl that you've never met before.
00:32:02.060
Because you're not used to that yet and that's something that's very new to you.
00:32:06.320
So you want to start to do that, you know, crawl before you can walk kind of thing.
00:32:11.020
So you can start in these little baby step little moments and you can kind of work yourself up to that with anything really.
00:32:22.900
Are there some common mistakes that you see guys make that we want to avoid and we want to keep ourselves away from?
00:32:33.020
It's a funny mistake that guys make and it's funny because I'm going to say it and guys are going to be like, well, duh, like I'm never going to do that.
00:32:40.480
Well, maybe there's going to be some guys and like, oh, shoot, I am doing that.
00:32:44.520
So here's the mistake that most guys make and it was shocking to me.
00:32:49.920
But I learned this as I started coaching a lot of guys.
00:32:53.840
And it's actually directly related to what we were talking about earlier with the friend zone is that guys, they will wait so long to finally ask the girl out.
00:33:09.840
Because I'll have guys show me their text messages with girls and they'll be like, I don't get it.
00:33:16.460
And I'll scroll through their text messages and I'll look and I'll be like, what do you mean?
00:33:23.760
I'm like, yeah, you've been texting her for like a full week.
00:33:31.120
I just, you know, they weren't even thinking about it.
00:33:35.420
They're just, they're scared of getting the rejection.
00:33:38.180
Like they're waiting for the perfect moment to ask the girl out.
00:33:42.240
They're waiting to know 110% the girl's interested in them.
00:33:49.400
I'll tell you when you will know 100% when she says, yeah, exactly.
00:33:53.620
When you actually, when you make the move and you ask her out.
00:33:56.680
And I like to tell guys to do that sooner than later, because again, like, and again,
00:34:02.200
related to what I was saying earlier, sometimes just, sometimes just doing that is enough to
00:34:11.940
They start to kind of like feel, they just feel that, that kind of connection because you
00:34:17.940
So they start thinking about you and that in a whole different way.
00:34:20.380
Of course, I'm saying that in a sense where the guy has to do that sooner than later.
00:34:26.140
This is not something that they're going to feel good about.
00:34:28.200
If you've been texting her for two weeks or, or you've known her for months and then you
00:34:32.200
finally ask her out, it's going to come out of nowhere.
00:34:36.840
Again, I relate this back to, I mean, obviously sales is my background, but I look at study
00:34:42.080
after study shows that salespeople never get the sale, not because they aren't good, not
00:34:48.420
because the person isn't interested in whatever it is they're offering.
00:34:53.020
So you got to put yourself out there and let people know.
00:34:58.880
And it's part of stepping out of your comfort zone and, and requiring and requesting what
00:35:03.400
it is that you want, letting the world know what you want.
00:35:07.000
You know, here's the big idea is that in life and then, you know, as a microcosm, we're
00:35:13.680
talking about meeting women, it's your canvas to paint.
00:35:26.260
You have to dip the brush into the paint and start painting the canvas.
00:35:29.960
And you got to be the one who's actually making those moves because no one's going to do it
00:35:44.740
Sometimes the person will ask you for, will ask you for the sale.
00:35:48.220
But all that stuff is purely based on chance and luck.
00:35:53.160
And most of the time it's just not going to happen.
00:35:56.980
Well, and not only that, but I imagine that a girl will be attracted to you and in some
00:36:02.420
cases make the first move because you already developed and built the confidence enough to
00:36:07.740
the point where you would be willing to do it yourself.
00:36:14.260
So you've just got to think about that and you got to make sure that you're in control
00:36:29.500
So you've approached a woman, you've told her you want to go out with her and you start
00:36:34.180
to develop and build this relationship that's more outside of the friend zone.
00:36:38.680
How do you know what a woman is looking for in the relationship?
00:36:44.540
Is this something that will continue into marriage potentially?
00:36:49.140
Is this something as simple as asking or how do you start to understand and feel where
00:36:55.580
Well, first off, you got to know what you want out of the relationship, right?
00:37:07.720
You know, are you not sure of any of it and you're kind of just waiting to see what hits
00:37:13.360
I'd say the first step is to know where you're at and know what you want.
00:37:17.080
Because when you know what you want, you're going to act accordingly and you'll start to
00:37:23.180
You'll start to attract the girls who want more casual.
00:37:26.440
You'll start to attract the women who want relationships.
00:37:29.780
If you want a relationship, what are you going to do?
00:37:32.140
Well, you're going to go on multiple dates with the girl, right?
00:37:34.940
And she will either go on those dates with you or she won't.
00:37:38.820
I hate to be general here, but the fact of the matter is that most women, not all, but
00:37:46.640
most women you meet are looking for a husband and are looking for love and are looking to
00:37:53.240
get into some sort of relationship and then eventually looking to get married.
00:37:58.220
Now, you might find a girl who is just not into that altogether or you might find a girl
00:38:11.800
So with that being said, you do have to be a little bit upfront with what it is that you
00:38:21.160
And the thing is, is you can do that and a lot of the times it won't even scare a girl
00:38:30.440
But I mean, listen, you got to be really careful because some girls, when they hear maybe that
00:38:36.300
you're just looking for something casual, they might actually still stick around hoping
00:38:43.640
So you got to be very, very clear at them, like, this is what I'm looking for and this
00:38:53.000
But then, again, here's something else I've learned is that it's totally cool if guys
00:38:57.500
want casual relationships, sell their oats, have sex with a bunch of girls, experience
00:39:03.740
But what I found also, myself included in this, a lot of people that I've coached,
00:39:08.860
students I've talked to, they get tired of the one night stand casual stuff.
00:39:17.500
It is a blast to do it in the beginning and you have a great time.
00:39:21.840
But fairly soon does it get kind of old and you start to seek more of a connection with
00:39:28.100
the girl and you find that that actually is so much more rewarding.
00:39:43.000
I've done one night stand, kind of just hanging out with girls and mean girls wherever.
00:39:50.700
And the best, relatively speaking, is really connecting with that one girl.
00:39:56.480
But don't let me tell that to you and you think, like, well, that's what I got to look
00:40:01.900
Go out and experience all of it because that's going to be the most powerful for you to find
00:40:11.160
I know a lot of guys are going to get some value from this.
00:40:13.200
And at the end of the day, you're telling us we've got to implement this and take action.
00:40:18.140
But as we wind down, I've got a couple additional questions for you.
00:40:20.920
And the first one is, what does it mean to be a man?
00:40:27.400
I think what it means to be a man is honestly just related to what I was saying earlier,
00:40:32.960
but I'll add on top of it, is taking control of your life, taking responsibility for your
00:40:37.800
actions and figuring out what it is that you truly want from life.
00:40:44.320
A lot of guys will just kind of float through, they'll just kind of exist and they won't
00:40:49.860
actually live and they'll let other people make the decisions for them.
00:40:53.380
They'll let society, for example, make the decisions for them.
00:40:56.300
A man goes after what he wants and the first step is figuring that out.
00:41:00.900
That is not easy, by the way, to figure what it is that you want.
00:41:04.780
So if you actually sit down and figure that out and then go after that and create a life
00:41:10.280
that you want that's going to make you happy, you're a man.
00:41:15.380
If guys are listening to this, they want to learn more about what you're doing, get
00:41:24.380
If you go to TrippAdvice.com, you'll find right there, I give away a free e-book called
00:41:29.560
10 Simple and Unknown Dating Tips to Increase Attraction.
00:41:33.580
So some of my best tips for attracting girls are in there.
00:41:38.460
You'll be on my mailing list where I give you tips every single day on attraction and meeting
00:41:43.280
And if you want to bypass all that and just listen to podcasts or YouTube videos, again,
00:41:53.460
I appreciate your friendship and all the things that you shared with us today.
00:42:01.620
Mr. Tripp Kramer, scratching the surface of how we can get better when it comes to talking
00:42:06.980
Now, remember, a quick reminder, head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
00:42:11.040
Watch a quick video so you can get all the details on our elite mastermind, the Iron Council.
00:42:16.360
You'll want to be part of that if you're ready to take your life to the next level, if you
00:42:19.520
want to build some solid, solid relationships with other men and have some accountability
00:42:25.320
And last thing, if you want some additional resources for the show, head to orderofman.com
00:42:28.440
slash 050 and join in the conversation that we're having about masculinity in our Facebook
00:42:33.400
group at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman.
00:42:36.880
Guys, I look forward to talking to you next week.
00:42:38.620
But until then, take action and become the man you were meant to be.
00:42:43.100
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:42:46.080
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:42:50.100
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.