Order of Man - OoM 057： The Power of Self-Awareness with Pejman Ghadimi

00:00:00.000 Today, I talk with the founder of Secret Entourage about building self-awareness in your life.

00:00:04.420 Now, this is easier said than done, but the benefits to becoming more aware in your life

00:00:07.780 far outweigh the effort it takes to building it.

00:00:10.500 PJ and I discuss manipulating your environments, predicting the behavior and actions of others,

00:00:14.880 and how to take control of every element of your life by becoming more aware.

00:00:19.760 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest.

00:00:22.620 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:25.300 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:30.000 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:35.040 This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:37.560 This is who you will become.

00:00:39.260 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:44.720 Men, what's going on today? My name is Ryan Nickler, and I am the host and founder of Order of Man.

00:00:49.720 Now, I'm glad you're tuning in with me here today.

00:00:51.380 If you haven't heard this podcast yet and you're new here, we talk about living manfully.

00:00:56.800 But what does that mean? What does it mean to live manfully?

00:00:58.680 It's a question we attempt to answer each and every week,

00:01:01.380 but I will tell you that out of the 57 guests that I've interviewed so far

00:01:05.180 and asked the question, what does it mean to be a man,

00:01:08.160 that a reoccurring trend of personal accountability and responsibility in one's life

00:01:13.480 is what I see more often than not.

00:01:16.180 Now, before I get into today's episode, I want to talk with you about goal setting.

00:01:20.760 We are now into the second quarter, and I want to ask you personally,

00:01:24.860 have you stuck with your goals for the year, or have you already given up on them?

00:01:30.420 If you're sticking to them, keep going. That's great.

00:01:32.500 If not, I don't want you to feel too bad.

00:01:34.220 Most people, they don't stick with their goals for three weeks, let alone for three months.

00:01:38.900 But I want to help you get back on track, or I want to help you take this to the next level,

00:01:44.940 and that's where the Iron Council comes in.

00:01:47.280 Now, this is our elite mastermind. I'm sure you've heard of it by now.

00:01:50.480 It's designed to push you past your barriers and help you break free of the mediocrity

00:01:55.880 that you may find yourself in as a man.

00:01:58.600 So if you want to improve your relationships, you want to make more money,

00:02:01.360 you want to start a business, you want to take control of your health,

00:02:03.440 or if you just want to become a better man,

00:02:06.060 me and the rest of the men in the Iron Council want you to join us.

00:02:09.120 So you can head to orderofmen.com slash ironcouncil to get all the details and get signed up.

00:02:13.580 I will personally reach out to you and help you get tapped into the network of men

00:02:17.220 that we have inside the Iron Council.

00:02:19.580 Now, I want to get into the show today.

00:02:21.060 Remember, you can find all the links and resources at orderofmen.com slash 057.

00:02:25.940 And as always, join in the conversation we're having with over 3,000 men now.

00:02:30.400 3,000 men.

00:02:31.320 That's exciting news on our Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofmen.

00:02:36.580 Now, my guest today is Pajman Gadimi.

00:02:39.060 He goes by PJ.

00:02:40.140 He's a self-made entrepreneur.

00:02:41.400 He's a best-selling author, and he is the founder of Secret Entourage.

00:02:45.680 PJ left his lucrative banking career and went on to found three major businesses,

00:02:50.760 VIP Motoring, Secret Consulting, and Secret Entourage,

00:02:54.660 which collectively have grossed over $40 million in revenue annually.

00:03:00.000 Now, he shares a very unique perspective on success and entrepreneurship,

00:03:03.280 one that you heard on today's podcast that involved the birth of innovation

00:03:06.480 through the impact made on others, as well as the human connections that we,

00:03:10.860 that you and I, create daily.

00:03:12.440 PJ has authored 10 books to date, and his most recent bestseller,

00:03:15.700 Third Circle Theory, focuses on a unique roadmap to achieving a higher level of self-awareness,

00:03:20.920 leveraging the power of entrepreneurship.

00:03:23.120 Today, he's focusing his efforts on teaching others the importance of self-awareness,

00:03:26.660 belief, and the power of defining your role and purpose to others.

00:03:31.920 PJ, what's going on, man?

00:03:33.040 Thanks for joining me on the show today.

00:03:34.460 Hey, bud.

00:03:34.900 Dan, I appreciate being on.

00:03:36.480 So, this is actually pretty timely.

00:03:38.020 I just bought your book, Third Circle Theory, and I'm excited to have you on the show.

00:03:41.500 And it was funny how we got connected after I bought the book,

00:03:45.780 and I am glad that we had the chance to talk because I'm really enjoying the book.

00:03:49.600 But why don't you tell me the premise behind what you're doing with Secret Entourage

00:03:52.560 and then also with Third Circle Theory?

00:03:54.460 Yeah, so my goal, I mean, after I make quite a bunch of money in the auto industry,

00:04:00.600 I also did really well in banking in a lot of my younger years.

00:04:04.380 And so, taking all of my finances together and no longer pursuing money, I decided to shift

00:04:10.340 my focus on education.

00:04:12.400 One of my biggest talents through my years in corporate America, as well as in small

00:04:17.100 business ownership, was always the ability to evoke people's potential within them.

00:04:23.380 And ultimately, like a leadership trade, you know, being able to get the best out of people

00:04:27.640 and get them to be their better version of themselves.

00:04:31.520 And so, I decided that, you know, wouldn't it be cool if we were able to have a site where

00:04:36.340 everybody that had some success would not only share their success, but in a way that it would

00:04:43.020 really appeal to a younger audience.

00:04:44.560 And so, that kind of gave birth to the idea of Secret Entourage, a business site focused

00:04:50.020 on beautiful imagery illustrated through lifestyle.

00:04:54.440 So, you know, I was a huge car guy, I was a huge car collector, I've always had nice exotic

00:04:58.580 cars because I've worked for them, and I always had a lot of friends with exotic cars.

00:05:02.360 So, it just made sense to kind of share the ones that were self-made, their stories, what

00:05:07.780 they had done, and just be able to illustrate in a way that continuously motivates people.

00:05:12.140 So, that was kind of the idea behind Secret Entourage.

00:05:15.580 And then, over the years, I wrote a lot of books, I wrote like a total of 10 books, and

00:05:21.640 one of which was Third Circle Theory, the one you're talking about in that book, became

00:05:26.180 very important because what it is ultimately is that it's a guideline to how awareness and

00:05:32.560 self-awareness are born, something that a lot of people may have to some degree, but

00:05:38.640 don't understand why or how, and something that a lot of people don't understand how to

00:05:43.300 manifest, such as like passion, purpose, where do these things come from, like how did they

00:05:48.100 come up?

00:05:49.040 You know, it's easy to say, find your passion, but what do you have to do for your passion

00:05:53.500 to show itself?

00:05:54.580 Do you really find it, or does it find you?

00:05:56.520 You know, these are questions that a lot of books hint to, but not really answer.

00:06:01.180 And so, by creating Third Circle Theory, I've taken all of these things that are very abstract

00:06:05.800 to people, that are very, I guess, in the air, and kind of people know they have to do, and

00:06:11.060 have been able to position in a way that is broken down in a black and white setting, where

00:06:15.980 it's very easy to just follow and understand how things happen.

00:06:19.900 Yeah, no, that makes total sense.

00:06:21.140 And I guess the question I have to follow up on that is, how do we become more aware?

00:06:24.980 Is there a process that we would follow?

00:06:26.960 Because I know, here's what I run into, is a lot of guys just feel stuck.

00:06:29.980 So, whether it's within their marriages, or the level of their health that they're at,

00:06:34.400 or even their business or career, is there some strategies or some concepts or ideas where

00:06:39.640 these guys can become more aware?

00:06:41.840 And then, more importantly, how do we act upon that information?

00:06:43.980 Yeah, absolutely.

00:06:44.800 So, not only I'll give you kind of my definition of it, but I'll also give you an exercise maybe

00:06:48.940 your viewers can do, and that may help them kind of know if they are indeed aware or not,

00:06:53.380 you know?

00:06:54.260 So, first off, there's a big difference between awareness, which a lot of people talk about

00:06:58.420 in today's media, and self-awareness.

00:07:01.900 So, awareness being of how conscious we are of the environments we're in and what's really

00:07:05.940 happening, and self-awareness being of how our being, or us as a person, fit into such

00:07:12.460 environments, and as a result, how we are perceived within that environment.

00:07:16.880 Being self-aware is something very, very few people have.

00:07:20.620 Having a heightened level of awareness is something many more of us have today, thanks

00:07:25.140 to social media, and the constant exposure to what's going on around us at all times.

00:07:31.300 So, awareness is something growing just in any part of the world in general.

00:07:36.600 Self-awareness is something that is diminishing, because less and less people are paying attention

00:07:41.200 to how they are being perceived in the same environments.

00:07:44.460 Because they believe they're aware, they pay less attention to that part of it.

00:07:48.320 Almost delusional in a way.

00:07:49.740 Yeah, exactly.

00:07:50.340 So, in other words, people believe they are their environment, they don't believe they're

00:07:54.740 part of their environment.

00:07:56.340 And so, whenever they understand their environment, they assume that obviously they've mastered

00:08:00.080 the environment, when in reality, they're being a pawn in someone else's environment.

00:08:05.080 Right.

00:08:05.300 That is self-aware people have a high level of opportunity for manipulating environments,

00:08:10.620 so that they understand how to position themselves without them.

00:08:14.180 Aware people eat whatever their environment gives them, they just understand what they're eating.

00:08:18.720 There's a very significant thing.

00:08:20.700 It might even be getting too philosophical, so I'll kind of leave it at that.

00:08:23.860 But the idea behind being aware and being self-aware is there's one cool exercise, I guess,

00:08:30.800 you can kind of do, but I'll tell you the benefit of being aware and self-aware is that you're

00:08:35.360 no longer a byproduct of what happens within your environment.

00:08:40.120 You're always in control.

00:08:42.120 So, you see, we've been taught very early on that, like, a right and wrong exists.

00:08:45.600 You know, if we do something, it's correct.

00:08:47.000 If we do something, it's not correct.

00:08:49.220 Right.

00:08:49.560 If you, to become more self-aware, you need to lose the notion of what is right and what

00:08:56.020 is wrong.

00:08:56.540 So, no longer consider something to be right based on someone else's previous perspective

00:09:01.320 or awareness, and no longer consider something to be right or wrong, you know, based on the

00:09:05.520 same principles.

00:09:06.500 What you do have instead is choice.

00:09:08.780 When you change everything that is right or wrong, like, such as you're making a correct

00:09:12.100 decision or a bad decision, when you're simply making a choice, you realize that every choice

00:09:17.920 you make is one that you're in control of.

00:09:20.700 Therefore, the more you're in control, the better you're able to accept the consequences

00:09:25.400 of what happens to you.

00:09:26.940 Therefore, it's no longer becoming a byproduct of your environment.

00:09:30.160 This is a big concept we talk a lot about within Order of Man is this idea and this notion of

00:09:35.960 personal accountability and responsibility.

00:09:37.760 I think too often, and like you said, more and more is people are pawning their accountability

00:09:42.580 and pawning their responsibility and believing that they're victims of what's going on around

00:09:46.460 them rather than creating.

00:09:47.540 So, I'm really fascinated by this term.

00:09:49.600 You said manipulate your environment.

00:09:52.000 So, talk to me a little bit about what that means and what that actually looks like.

00:09:54.820 Yeah, so manipulating your environment simply means that someone who's self-aware understands

00:09:59.800 how the environment they're in plays upon them, right?

00:10:03.680 So, for example, if you walk in an environment where you are not very familiar with things,

00:10:08.400 such as you're about to walk into a conference where you're the underdog, right?

00:10:12.740 You're obviously under, like, being self-aware allows you to understand that you are going

00:10:18.160 to be the underdog there.

00:10:19.900 So, you don't have this illusion that you're part of the environment.

00:10:22.500 You understand that you are going to be considered a smaller point of the environment.

00:10:27.020 So, what can you do?

00:10:28.320 How can you position yourself in that environment?

00:10:30.680 Who can you befriend immediately to get rid of that idea, right?

00:10:35.440 So, that you have an equal chance of creating the same powerful relationships, other people

00:10:40.100 who are not underdogs creating that environment.

00:10:43.120 So, in other words, being into it blind and just understanding where you're going or what

00:10:47.700 happens there just allows the circumstances to still happen to you, right?

00:10:52.500 It allows the environment to do whatever it would do to a new person who doesn't understand

00:10:56.440 what the hell they're doing there or how to use that concept or environment.

00:11:00.320 So, it would just eat you alive and whatever is meant to happen will happen to you that

00:11:03.140 day.

00:11:04.000 In the other hand, once you're consciously aware of why you're somewhere and how you are

00:11:10.160 seen or by others in that space, you can certainly change that, right?

00:11:15.820 If you understand that everybody typically wears red and that says something about them,

00:11:19.160 so you're going to wear blue, then do you really understand what that says about you

00:11:22.880 in that room?

00:11:24.140 What does it create as a result of you changing that one thing, right?

00:11:28.540 Sure.

00:11:28.920 So, knowing that and once you get really good at it, you start understanding how environments

00:11:33.220 react to you.

00:11:34.620 So, you're able to, based on what you wear, who you talk to, how you talk, who you interact

00:11:39.820 with, what you show, all of those things enable you to ultimately position yourself for

00:11:45.520 the results you want rather than what is going to happen anyways just because you're in that

00:11:50.140 room.

00:11:50.680 This is really fascinating because, let's see, a year ago, a little over a year ago, when

00:11:55.760 I started Order of Man, I actually started growing out my beard and a lot of people think,

00:12:00.340 oh, it's just something Ryan did.

00:12:01.460 No, but I was very deliberate about growing it out.

00:12:04.360 And so, to a small degree, I see exactly what you're saying.

00:12:06.840 Well, it makes you more manly, right?

00:12:07.720 It says something.

00:12:08.420 Exactly.

00:12:09.180 Yeah.

00:12:09.460 And that's exactly right.

00:12:10.900 So, I can see how people are responding to me having a beard in a positive way and I

00:12:15.240 deliberately and consciously have grown my beard for that reason.

00:12:19.280 Right.

00:12:19.580 So, your beard is exactly, I'm glad you brought that up.

00:12:22.600 So, your beard is exactly, is a symbol of manhood, right?

00:12:28.280 That people associate with manhood, not necessarily like the world, but just certain people, especially

00:12:34.600 those you're talking to and helping, associate that with manhood.

00:12:38.380 So, now that said, this is no different than how people associate Ferraris with success.

00:12:44.320 Right.

00:12:44.460 It's just, it's a fact of how society and environments have molded people.

00:12:50.420 And so, people who have high levels of self-awareness, not just awareness, understand how this perception

00:12:57.280 happens and they realize how patterns occur.

00:13:01.480 So, these patterns, you're able to shift them based on your understanding of what's about

00:13:07.100 to happen.

00:13:07.480 So, I'll give you a very simple example.

00:13:09.300 If you, you talk about like, you know, grooming men, which I'm sure includes a heavy synopsis

00:13:15.240 on how they treat women or how women are in general, correct?

00:13:18.020 Of course.

00:13:18.520 Right.

00:13:18.800 So, that has a, the opposite sex is a big part to play in that. 0.99

00:13:22.180 So, think about it this way.

00:13:23.040 If you, if you have analyzed symbols in previous people you have dated, okay?

00:13:30.800 Like, they drove X car, they wore these types of heels, they wore this watch, they behaved

00:13:37.000 this way, they spoke this language, all of these things, right?

00:13:39.280 They came from this country.

00:13:41.020 If you typically analyze a lot of your ex-girlfriends in the same way, they all had some of these

00:13:47.620 things in common.

00:13:48.440 They all somehow shifted towards the same color cars, same color clothes, same things,

00:13:54.380 right?

00:13:54.920 So, naturally, what happens is we wear hats that we're not really conscious we're wearing.

00:14:01.720 And if you're very good, you're able to identify what these hats are for people.

00:14:06.020 And so, therefore, you're able to analyze people's behavior and predict what they're

00:14:11.160 going to do way before they do it.

00:14:14.360 So, if you analyze these patterns, and we'll use women because this is something you speak 1.00

00:14:18.240 about in your audience, if you're able to analyze the patterns that your exes had, it's

00:14:23.760 very likely that the next person you're about to approach, if they share similar patterns,

00:14:29.920 will also find the same things your ex found in you attractive, also attractive.

00:14:35.000 Get it?

00:14:36.020 Right, right.

00:14:36.900 So, you're able to almost cater your environment to say, I don't have a chance of failing when

00:14:41.060 I approach this woman because I know everything about her, even though I know nothing about

00:14:44.740 her.

00:14:45.180 Yeah, makes sense.

00:14:46.220 What do you say to the guy?

00:14:47.460 Because I already know what some people are going to say when we have this conversation.

00:14:51.740 What they're going to say is they're going to say that this is manipulation, you're gaming

00:14:56.060 the system, and they're not going to look at this as a positive thing.

00:14:59.600 They're actually going to look at this as a negative, something that you're doing to other

00:15:03.860 people.

00:15:04.240 I'm really curious about your thoughts on this.

00:15:05.940 So, environmental manipulation is very different from people manipulation.

00:15:10.420 To create an environment where you can foster growth for the common good of the world is

00:15:16.320 very different than an environment where you're manipulating one person for your common interest.

00:15:21.340 So, there's two very different distinctive parts.

00:15:25.480 And I talk a lot about this in my book, Third Circle Theory, where these are characteristics of people in the second circle.

00:15:31.360 And what I mean by just the three circles very briefly, the first circle is the mastery of circumstance.

00:15:36.880 Second circle, the mastery of society.

00:15:39.260 Third circle, the mastery of life.

00:15:40.800 Your ability to manipulate an environment or to be within an environment that is being manipulated enables you to create outcomes you want.

00:15:50.400 And if you like it or not as a human being, you're either being manipulated in the environment or you are the one manipulating the environment.

00:15:57.360 Because you're not the only person in the room that has self-awareness.

00:16:01.400 It's possible that there are some rooms you end up in when you don't.

00:16:04.580 But there's a lot of rooms if you end up in a room with me where I'm already playing the room, right?

00:16:09.540 So, if you're not conscious, then you're being played.

00:16:13.500 Make sense?

00:16:14.700 Makes sense to me, yeah.

00:16:15.380 So, you've got to be very conscious of how your environment is shifting as a result of the people in it all the time.

00:16:21.980 And while someone on your show may say, this is very complex, takes a lot of practice.

00:16:26.220 Yes, it does.

00:16:26.760 It's not something that tomorrow morning listening to this, you're going to go in an environment and be like, I'm a master of making this environment work for me, right?

00:16:34.080 The earlier stages, it's a lot of work, thinking, looking, paying attention, which really is the only way you can train your mind is just paying attention to patterns and what's happening.

00:16:44.800 But over time, it becomes natural.

00:16:47.900 So, over time, it just becomes common sense to you that how the environment works and how you work within it.

00:16:54.480 So, trust me when I say, at first, it may seem like manipulation.

00:16:57.800 But over the long term, it's just one more way of functioning within the space you're given.

00:17:02.960 And you're going to be in the space anyways.

00:17:05.100 So, might as well make the best of it.

00:17:06.480 Now, to your point of manipulating people, leadership, like leadership in general, it is a form of manipulation.

00:17:15.020 It's about getting people to buy into something so that you can lead them forward.

00:17:19.400 And that something typically is you.

00:17:21.400 So, if you manipulate people's environments so that they're able to buy into you so you can progress forward and create a common goal, create a common solution for everybody,

00:17:33.000 and everybody wins in it, even if at different levels, right?

00:17:36.180 Everybody in the room wins.

00:17:37.820 Why is that a bad manipulation?

00:17:40.060 Right.

00:17:40.240 I think what you're saying, if I'm understanding you correctly, is it comes down to the motives.

00:17:44.620 What is the motive behind your, quote-unquote, manipulation or just being self-aware about your environment?

00:17:50.380 Exactly.

00:17:50.920 If you're self-aware and you create a lot of great outcomes at a convention, that didn't hurt anybody else.

00:17:55.060 You give yourself a better chance of being the next guy that speaks on stage instead of the next guy that shows up at the conference, right?

00:18:02.520 Well, and I think what happens, too, is I think, like you said, is if you're not manipulating the environment, it's manipulating you.

00:18:08.720 And I think what people do is they actually probably lie to themselves and say that the way that I look or the way that I groom myself or the way I communicate or whatever is not important.

00:18:23.140 And in that case, based on what you're saying, they're actually lying to themselves.

00:18:26.800 It is important and it's valuable and you need to be aware of these things.

00:18:29.760 I mean, you have to.

00:18:31.840 And awareness, again, how you use the information you receive is completely up to you.

00:18:37.040 And like you said, it's based on the motive, right?

00:18:39.460 If your goal is to con people, then, yeah, this is a very dangerous skill you're going to acquire, right?

00:18:44.940 Because you're going to become very good at it.

00:18:46.620 And if your goal is to help people, hey, guess what?

00:18:49.580 It plays the same way, you know?

00:18:51.240 You're going to become really good at it because you're going to be able to predict how people behave and correct that behavior before it happens instead of reactively.

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00:20:18.040 Now back to my interview with PJ.

00:20:19.560 So I think I may have interrupted you and got you off track earlier because you said there's some exercises that we can do to become more self-aware.

00:20:28.280 But I'm not sure we even got into those.

00:20:29.760 No, we didn't.

00:20:30.480 So I'll give it to you really nice and simple.

00:20:32.580 It's an exercise I have at the Academy that I almost force kind of my students to go through to kind of understand where they are on the scale of awareness versus self-awareness.

00:20:43.740 And it's really simple.

00:20:44.620 It's a two-day exercise.

00:20:45.620 All you need is a few pieces of paper, like blank paper.

00:20:50.160 You need a pen and you need to pay attention.

00:20:52.500 That's it.

00:20:53.280 So the only things you're going to have for these two days is a pen and a piece of paper.

00:20:57.540 And what I want you to do is do the same thing you do every single day.

00:21:01.420 But from the moment you wake up, document everything you did, meaning that here's what you do.

00:21:08.460 You wake up at 8 o'clock.

00:21:10.180 You write on your piece of paper.

00:21:11.500 I woke up at 8 o'clock by this alarm, right?

00:21:14.380 So you write the brand of the alarm.

00:21:16.720 You go brush your teeth.

00:21:18.060 You write, I went to brush my teeth at this time.

00:21:22.060 And I used this toothpaste.

00:21:24.780 And I used this toothbrush.

00:21:27.120 And this is what I did.

00:21:28.000 So you're constantly, right, writing down what you did and the components you used to do it.

00:21:34.340 Now, the more details you write, the more observant you are.

00:21:37.260 So that tells you how observant you are in the process, right?

00:21:40.460 Okay, yeah.

00:21:41.020 And the more you write these details, then the second part is you're going to write two days' work.

00:21:45.080 And the reason you write two days' work, even though you're repeating the process, is because you're going to take a lot of what you did on day one and day two, which are the same, right?

00:21:52.520 These are the exact same things.

00:21:54.060 And you're just going to put a time two next to the one sheet you write all of them on, right?

00:21:58.300 So you're going to consolidate your two sheets.

00:22:00.400 But in a two-day period, you're going to tell yourself everything that happened in your day.

00:22:05.100 And you want to see first how well do you pay attention to details.

00:22:08.320 Did you really write down everything?

00:22:10.180 Or you wrote down what you think was important to you, right?

00:22:13.880 And did you really write down the details?

00:22:16.240 Did you write down you took orange juice from the fridge?

00:22:18.780 And what type?

00:22:19.260 This is going to drive you crazy, right?

00:22:20.380 Because we do a lot of things we subconsciously don't pay attention to, you know?

00:22:25.060 So this is what I mean.

00:22:26.380 Like, how observant are you and how much do you pay attention?

00:22:29.360 Those that don't write much on their pieces of paper typically are the ones that need the most work to become self-aware.

00:22:36.620 Because their observation levels are very, very low in general.

00:22:40.600 And their conscious isn't aligned with their subconscious enough.

00:22:44.220 So everything blurs into one.

00:22:46.360 So those people are going to need a lot more work than the people who wrote a lot of details, right?

00:22:51.380 Once you've consolidated the two papers into one long paper as to what happened,

00:22:55.540 you're going to go ahead and do this next exercise, which is really cool.

00:22:59.160 You're going to ask yourself, do you really understand why you did everything you did starting from the top?

00:23:06.320 Why did you wake up at 8 o'clock?

00:23:08.380 Why did you brush your teeth at 8.30, right?

00:23:11.960 But then you're going to ask yourself, why did you choose Colgate, for example, as the brand to brush your teeth with?

00:23:17.820 And then, so from that aspect is why do you select certain brands?

00:23:23.000 Why do you do what it is you've already been programmed to do?

00:23:27.880 So once you understand these concepts, then it goes even further because this is actually slightly a business exercise as well.

00:23:34.160 Then the question is, do you understand how Colgate functions?

00:23:38.340 Do you understand how the toothpaste you're using, how are they manufactured?

00:23:42.380 How do they make money?

00:23:43.840 Where do they appear, you know?

00:23:45.280 Like how is it that they're on the top of the shelf?

00:23:48.060 So like the depth of this exercise is that within two days of your life, you could technically look back and understand the core concepts of the 10 major brands you use every day and how they're even born, what they do and why they function.

00:24:00.340 And then the next, the next phase to it is also understanding, uh, the concepts behind, uh, how reactive versus proactive your days.

00:24:10.440 So what you're really looking for is how much of your behavior is actually reactive versus proactive.

00:24:16.880 Because what you're getting is you, there's a lot of people who take this exercise who are actually realizing that they're completely programmed and that they spend more than 95% of their day on items that are just reacting to their environment rather than being proactive and growing their life.

00:24:36.520 So then this gives you a very clear view of why your life is very focused on survival rather than growth and why your days don't change and why you struggle with plateaus, not advancing, not creating excitement in your life outside of your fun, you know?

00:24:53.200 And so these are, these are things that happen that people, these are steps people can take to really first see if they are likely to become self-aware and if they're not, they need to redo the exercise until they realize how much they're missing.

00:25:06.320 Uh, and then it also allows people to understand how much of their time they're spending, their spending being reactive versus proactive, which is a key part of people who are self-aware versus people who are just aware.

00:25:17.440 So let's look at the other side of this because it seems like some programming would actually probably be a good thing.

00:25:22.540 For example, your brand of toothpaste.

00:25:24.560 So I don't care.

00:25:25.500 I don't care if it's Colgate or whatever else.

00:25:28.100 It doesn't matter.

00:25:28.820 Crest.

00:25:29.200 I don't even know the names of the toothpaste I use because it seems like it's unimportant.

00:25:33.940 So where's the line of this is something I should be aware about and this is something that really doesn't matter?

00:25:39.860 Well, everything matters.

00:25:41.000 So this is the thing.

00:25:41.800 So they're even programming.

00:25:43.180 Like, like you said, like we do certain things.

00:25:44.940 Who cares if we do them, right?

00:25:46.620 Well, no, we do care because even though we may not change them, we should still be aware of them.

00:25:51.460 So while I understand why I brush my teeth with certain, you know, whatever, like toothpaste, I may choose to do nothing about it, right?

00:26:01.620 I may still choose that I'm not going to chase why there's a better toothpaste or not.

00:26:05.940 But I'm still aware that I subconsciously don't understand that process.

00:26:10.000 So just the awareness is the key here, not the actual action.

00:26:13.060 Like being aware of why we do something is the key that we choose to act on it or not is how we are going to be really good at growing our life, which is we're going to pick our battles, right?

00:26:25.340 We're not going to fight everything.

00:26:26.620 Like we choose to go to a job, but we need to understand why we're going to that job and what is going to happen to us if we continue to go into a job that we're unhappy with.

00:26:36.540 We may not be in a position to change that job immediately, but we still need to be aware about the fact that we are unhappy in that role and that we're not, we're creating excuses why we're not going anywhere.

00:26:48.680 Because eventually, we are going to change it because we're aware of it.

00:26:52.960 And the more aware of something we become, the more we tend to want to make it good.

00:26:58.120 And so we're going to spend time doing exactly just that, even if it takes us longer for some than others because we're not trained to do it.

00:27:04.780 No, so this makes sense.

00:27:06.300 I mean, just going back to that toothpaste example, what you're suggesting is that you need to be aware of it and you may consciously be aware.

00:27:13.400 For example, in my case, I've consciously made the decision not to really care if it's Crest or Colgate, right?

00:27:20.100 But at least I know at that point.

00:27:21.900 Is that what you're saying?

00:27:22.620 Yeah.

00:27:22.820 You're not just doing it because you picked it off the shelf and you never looked back.

00:27:27.840 And then I'm sure not only that, when we focus on these, what some people might consider trivial, I'm sure that it enhances your practice and your level of awareness when it comes to more meaningful areas of your life.

00:27:41.100 It changes who you are, right?

00:27:42.640 And I think that's the key part is that the key to becoming more self-aware is to be more in tune with who you are.

00:27:51.660 And like, you know, when people look at themselves in the mirror and they see something they're not, they're like, I'm so great, I'm this and that.

00:27:59.160 But in the reality and in the context of the world, they're nobody.

00:28:03.740 So like a good example is this.

00:28:05.760 Most people, when they look at themselves in the mirror, have an image of who they are on the basis of the influences around them who have told them who they are.

00:28:15.340 So if they live in a small town, right?

00:28:17.500 And if they live in a town where there's not a lot of good looking people, then they're like, oh, I'm very good looking, right?

00:28:23.600 Now take them and put them in an environment where everybody's good looking.

00:28:27.820 Now suddenly they're not that good looking, are they?

00:28:30.360 So again, the perception we have of ourselves, our self-awareness is highly impacted on our environment.

00:28:38.040 If we're born in a small town where there's not a lot of business and the average income is 30K and we make 50K, we're considered rich, right?

00:28:46.560 Take that same guy, transpose him in a city like Chicago, Miami, or New York, and he's below poverty level.

00:28:53.940 So how can we make sure we are conscious of that without having to move to that major city, without having to place ourselves in an environment?

00:29:03.860 How much do we understand ourselves enough to make sure that when we're placed in that other environment, we're not going to be faced with such a drastic surprise and a need to restart how we look at ourselves?

00:29:15.440 You know, it's interesting as I talk with a lot of men, one thing that I run across quite a bit is men who are transitioning from maybe their parents' house, maybe they're graduating high school or they're finishing up college, and they've never had any exposure to the outside world.

00:29:31.480 They've never done any practices like you're talking about when it comes to self-awareness.

00:29:36.180 And then all of a sudden they're in this environment, whether it's college or a new place, and they're out on their own.

00:29:40.000 And frankly, they just can't handle it because they've never even realized what this actually could look like because they've been trapped in this little bubble.

00:29:47.900 Yeah, and what that does is it crushes your one thing which you need a lot of.

00:29:51.620 It's your belief and your confidence.

00:29:53.360 Two key traits you need to be successful in business and in life.

00:29:56.080 And so you're constantly taking blows to your confidence level, and instead of being able to take the blows because you understand where your life differs from the context of society versus the context of life, you're able to, you know, take those blows faster because you're more self-aware.

00:30:13.340 And you're able to adjust faster without as much of the downtime.

00:30:16.040 I mean, the simplest way I can illustrate this for someone is how many people we know consider money the byproduct of success, right?

00:30:26.360 And every 90%, 9 out of 10 people you ask in the street, like, how do you define someone successful?

00:30:32.600 They'll tell you based on how much money they have.

00:30:34.620 You know, based on how much money they've made, had, whatever you want to use it, it's money, right?

00:30:39.860 So money plays a significant role in the way people perceive success, right?

00:30:44.820 But people who have made money typically will tell you money has nothing to do with success.

00:30:50.720 So because they've graduated past the idea of pleasing society, they've grown past the idea of awareness and have gone into this mode of understanding themselves enough and understanding that in the game of life, not in the game of society, money is only a component.

00:31:09.300 It is not the actual end game.

00:31:12.540 And so, you know, they create for themselves what you are able to call fulfillment.

00:31:18.660 You know, whatever fulfillment means, self-fulfillment means that this need to, you know, this validating their existence.

00:31:24.980 And all of them realize that money has no correlation to it.

00:31:28.440 Money was a means to graduating the environment of society.

00:31:32.560 And that's it.

00:31:34.040 So, again, money was a form of manipulation with an environment.

00:31:37.240 So let's talk about the comparison trap because I know this is a trap a lot of people fall into and they start comparing themselves to other people, whether it's their health or whether it's their level of wealth.

00:31:47.400 And it's disheartening in a lot of cases.

00:31:49.760 Is this practice of self-awareness, does it help with that or does it actually make that worse because you are comparing yourself to other environments and other people?

00:31:59.240 Well, you're not comparing yourself.

00:32:01.280 You're positioning yourself within environments.

00:32:03.540 You're not comparing to other people within it.

00:32:06.020 I mean, everybody understands that there's different people playing the game.

00:32:09.060 I would say everybody in life plays the same game with a different zero.

00:32:12.220 But it's the same game.

00:32:13.900 If you're playing the stock market with 10 grand and I'm playing it with 10 million, we're still both playing the stock market, right?

00:32:20.180 Sure, right.

00:32:20.860 We're playing with different zeros.

00:32:21.900 So my moves, even very small, are going to bring a much bigger amount of satisfaction to me than your moves, get it?

00:32:30.240 Because you're not playing with more zeros, right?

00:32:32.700 Sure.

00:32:33.340 But it's still the same game.

00:32:35.060 So if you're very good at the stock market, you can still make a huge splash on your own life, right?

00:32:40.260 Even if you're not playing the game with as many zeros as I am.

00:32:42.780 I think what we need to realize is that we shouldn't compare ourselves to other individuals.

00:32:49.780 We should only compare ourselves to our own baseline.

00:32:54.320 Everybody's background is different.

00:32:57.640 My circumstance was different than yours.

00:32:59.760 Yours is different than one of your students.

00:33:01.560 Mine is different than one of my students.

00:33:03.340 If your student or if someone who wanted to learn how to be a man repeated step by step every single thing you've done in your life to the moment, right, they would still have a different outcome than yours.

00:33:16.820 Right, yeah.

00:33:17.360 So therefore, every single person is different.

00:33:21.560 And there is no point in trying to just look at other people and say, oh, wow, like that guy did this exact way.

00:33:28.560 I'm going to do this the exact same way.

00:33:29.920 I think that the faster we understand the environments and then understand where is our baseline because we have enough self-awareness.

00:33:37.700 Who are we today?

00:33:39.180 How can we improve every day using the skills and talents we learn of others that others have in positions we would like to be?

00:33:49.060 Then the faster we are able to carve our very own position next to them, but not in their exact same spot, but on the same level as them.

00:34:00.040 So I think, you know, the problem is everybody wants to become everybody else.

00:34:05.060 Right.

00:34:05.540 People need to be themselves in the sense that they need to have a clear view of what they're lacking, who they are and how well they're doing, and then need to take themselves to the next level by simply improving who they are, by paying attention to what are the people that they aspire to be like, not become, to be like, that they can learn today to position themselves in that same place in 10 years, in five years, in three years.

00:34:31.860 So I think the goal is to just be yourself because the more you attempt to be others, the more you attempt to have what others have, the less likely you are to actually obtain it.

00:34:42.200 Well, not only that.

00:34:42.900 I mean, yes, that's true.

00:34:43.880 But then it's also this lie you feel – and I've tried to do this.

00:34:47.560 I've tried to emulate other people and do exactly what they do, say exactly what they say, dress the way they dress, communicate the way they communicate, and I'm not happy with that.

00:34:55.480 Right.

00:34:55.720 You become unauthentic and everyone's a person that's not genuine or unauthentic.

00:35:00.900 Right, right.

00:35:01.860 Well, so in addition to maybe this comparison trap that maybe people fall into, are there some other pitfalls or some other traps or things that we need to be aware of when it comes to this journey of more self-awareness in our lives?

00:35:12.600 I mean, there's a thousand traps people fall into.

00:35:16.860 I think that the first one is that most people have a skewed opinion about how long something should take.

00:35:27.300 Yeah.

00:35:27.500 I think this is the biggest trap, you know?

00:35:31.280 And this is one of the biggest traps is that the time frame is something that people really get confused about.

00:35:38.120 They set kind of – you know, they tell themselves, if I'm not married by 35, if I don't have a million dollars by 40, then I'm considered a failure.

00:35:45.700 You know what I mean?

00:35:46.060 And they're constantly changing that kind of like – you know, that evaluation of what that time should be.

00:35:52.960 So they're just giving themselves excuses why they haven't reached it, right?

00:35:56.280 I think that most people should consider that they shouldn't have focuses based on rewards.

00:36:04.900 And I think this is the biggest problem in society today is everything we do is associated with a reward at the end.

00:36:12.480 So how many people – I'm sure you hear this a lot, but, you know, in my academy, I hear a lot of students saying, I want to be a millionaire by 24.

00:36:20.760 You know, I want to be a millionaire by 30.

00:36:22.840 Mark my word, I'll have this Ferrari by 25, you know, and blah, blah, blah.

00:36:27.220 These are all rewards, right?

00:36:29.200 So whenever you make goals on rewards, it's very likely you're never going to reach them.

00:36:33.700 It doesn't mean you shouldn't have aspirations to things you want to acquire.

00:36:36.860 But how many times have you heard someone say, I want to be the best chef in Chicago by 24.

00:36:43.340 I would like to be the number one cross-country runner by 26.

00:36:47.600 I would like to have the most successful e-commerce business selling RC radio cars by 29.

00:36:54.200 These are goals that are based upon actions, you know, that are based upon achievements, right?

00:37:00.500 Not based upon the rewards of such achievements.

00:37:03.800 Okay, yeah, makes sense.

00:37:04.420 And these are the goals people reach typically.

00:37:07.460 Because these goals are built based on the skill set internally you have.

00:37:12.340 And therefore, once again, you are in control of it.

00:37:15.280 So the idea is always to shift every view of things back into your own control.

00:37:22.240 If we think of it in the sense that I talk about this in Third Circle, I think it's towards the end of it.

00:37:28.240 So you may not have gotten to it yet.

00:37:29.580 Yeah, I'm about halfway through the book at this point.

00:37:31.380 Yeah, so we talk a lot about, I mean, in general, like we think as a human race, you know, and as human beings, we typically look at outcomes and choices.

00:37:41.160 You know, we said, I've made a choice and it had X outcome.

00:37:44.940 You know, like I got married and God, this was a bad choice for me and therefore I got a divorce.

00:37:49.580 It was a bad outcome.

00:37:51.040 Or someone will look at something like I started a business that was a bad choice, you know, and therefore that led to a bad outcome.

00:37:57.780 The one difference in the equation, like the difference between successful and unsuccessful people is success is unsuccessful people will write choice equals outcome in their journal.

00:38:07.840 You know, whatever the choice that was a bad or a good idea.

00:38:10.980 Successful people will typically write choice plus their actions led to such outcome.

00:38:18.420 Ah, yeah, that extra component of it.

00:38:19.980 Right?

00:38:20.280 So the difference is the action part is in who's controlled themselves, right?

00:38:24.980 So they realized that now the choice was only part of the equation.

00:38:29.940 The actual actions they took after making the choice led to the outcome.

00:38:35.860 So therefore they were completely in control of such choice.

00:38:39.200 No matter how bad the choices looked at the beginning, right?

00:38:42.480 Like you may have said A or B both don't look that great.

00:38:45.840 The actions you took after could have altered that choice and could have ultimately altered that outcome.

00:38:51.800 So I think the more people take control, first, the more they're going to become men, right?

00:38:57.680 Like the more they're going to become actually capable of accomplishing and are going to fuel their belief and confidence system.

00:39:05.160 But then the more people are in control, the more they are going to become self-aware because the less they're going to blame their environment for everything that happens to them.

00:39:13.400 Well, PJ, we're winding down on time.

00:39:15.880 This has been such a valuable and insightful conversation.

00:39:18.420 I want to ask you a couple of questions as we wind down here.

00:39:20.900 And the first one is, I prepared you for this, what does it mean to be a man?

00:39:25.960 It's actually everything we talked about.

00:39:27.600 It just means that you're no longer a victim.

00:39:30.700 I think that's the key is to not have that victim mentality and to understand that you're in control of everything that happens to you.

00:39:38.120 So if I had to break it down into really one thing, it's to be in control.

00:39:44.220 Yeah, and I agree.

00:39:44.960 I wholeheartedly agree with that.

00:39:46.500 So that's right on point with what I have to believe about it as well.

00:39:51.120 So PJ, if we want to learn more about your work, what you're doing, Secret Entourage, Third Circle Theory, how do we connect with you?

00:39:57.180 Well, I think the best place to do so is I'm at the Secret Entourage Academy every day, which is online.

00:40:03.860 It's found that you can find Secret Entourages at www.secretentourage.com.

00:40:09.380 You can find our academy at www.secretacademics.com, all in one word.

00:40:15.720 And to learn more about the book Third Circle Theory, you can visit www.thirdcirclebook.com.

00:40:22.920 And I do recommend if people are interested in joining your academy, make sure you read the book first.

00:40:29.260 I always tell people, like, don't just join the academy trying to shortcut the book.

00:40:33.740 Understanding yourself is the key to everything.

00:40:36.400 And it doesn't matter that you choose to join, you know, a business academy, learn to be a man, or anything else you want to do in life, which are all valuable resources.

00:40:44.340 I think you should understand yourself first so you can absorb the information better in the long term.

00:40:49.300 Don't be that guy that doesn't grow the habit of going to the gym, but he had one six-minute abs, even though he's overweight, he eats everything.

00:40:56.500 You know, doesn't pay attention to anything, right?

00:40:58.340 That's the key here.

00:40:59.460 And I think if people take just that away from this podcast, I think my mission's done, you know?

00:41:06.540 Well, I've been excited to read the book.

00:41:08.400 I've liked it as I've gone through it.

00:41:09.720 I'm even more excited to go through the rest of it.

00:41:11.760 So, PJ, I appreciate you in taking your time and imparting some of your wisdom.

00:41:14.900 Thanks for joining us on the show today.

00:41:16.360 Yeah, I appreciate you having me on, and best of luck to you.

00:41:20.100 There you have it, men.

00:41:21.080 PJ with Secret Entourage sharing his insights into becoming more self-aware in your life and the benefits of doing so.

00:41:27.940 Again, I want to personally invite you to join me and the rest of the men in the Iron Council.

00:41:32.600 I can personally attest to you that you are going to improve your life when you get involved with this group of men.

00:41:39.080 Every single one of the guys there are doing the work.

00:41:42.080 They're doing the work.

00:41:42.840 They're putting in the work and the effort when it comes to improving their lives.

00:41:46.200 And if you're looking for a tribe of like-minded men, this is it.

00:41:50.240 Head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil and join us right now.

00:41:54.420 And again, all the details for the show can be found at orderofman.com slash 057.

00:41:58.460 And you can join in the conversation we're having about masculinity and living manfully in our Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman.

00:42:06.340 Guys, I look forward to talking to you next week, but until then, take action and become the man you were meant to be.

00:42:12.700 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:42:15.660 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:42:19.680 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:42:22.800 We'll see you next week.

Order of Man - April 19, 2016

OoM 057： The Power of Self-Awareness with Pejman Ghadimi

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