Order of Man - OoM 073： Lewis Howes ｜ Your Path to Greatness

00:00:00.000 I used to feel lost. I knew there was more to life, but I just could not put my finger on it.

00:00:04.200 And even if I had, I wouldn't have known what path to take to get there. My guest today and

00:00:08.320 a man that needs no introduction, Lewis Howes, talks with us about what it means to be great,

00:00:12.720 the power of staying curious, how failure helps light the way, and how you can discover your own

00:00:17.880 path to greatness. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears,

00:00:23.380 and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every

00:00:28.840 time. You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life.

00:00:35.780 This is who you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done,

00:00:41.940 you can call yourself a man. Men, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:46.340 Michler and I am your host and the founder of Order of Man. As always, I am glad that you're

00:00:50.300 here with us today. For those of you who don't know, we are talking about all things manly.

00:00:54.440 So whether you're vying for a job promotion, wondering how you can build more confidence,

00:00:58.040 developing the discipline you need to reach your goals, we have got you covered. We talk with

00:01:02.000 Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, New York Times bestselling authors, and so many more successful

00:01:05.980 people. And we're going to bring you their best insights, their ideas, their inspirations,

00:01:09.560 and all the things that you need to be successful in your own life. And we're bringing that right

00:01:13.080 back to you. Now, I'm not a guy who wants to waste a lot of time. So I usually just jump right

00:01:17.580 into it, which I'm going to do today. We have got a great one lined out. We're going to be talking

00:01:21.980 about the path to greatness. But before I introduce you to our guest, you can get all of the show notes.

00:01:26.860 We're talking about some things that you're going to want to know more about, and you can get those

00:01:29.900 and the rest of the show notes and the links at orderofman.com slash 073. And then make sure you

00:01:35.620 join our closed men's Facebook group for a deeper conversation on the topic of discovering your

00:01:40.780 path to greatness. You can do that at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. Now, let me

00:01:45.540 introduce my guest today. Lewis Howes is a lifestyle entrepreneur, a business coach, a keynote speaker

00:01:50.820 in the New York Times bestselling author of The School of Greatness. He's also a former

00:01:54.980 professional football player, a two sport All-American, a world record holding athlete, and a current

00:01:59.540 USA men's national handball team athlete. In addition to all that, he hosts the School of

00:02:04.380 Greatness podcast and at one point was recognized by the White House as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs

00:02:09.400 in the country under 30. You can see that Lewis has excelled in just about everything he's done.

00:02:14.160 He's been featured in the New York Times, People, Men's Health, The Today Show, and other

00:02:18.020 major media outlets. And today he's on the show to talk about creating your own path to greatness.

00:02:24.380 Lewis, what's up, brother? Glad to have you on the show, man. Thanks for joining us.

00:02:26.840 Thanks, Ron. I appreciate it, man.

00:02:28.140 I've been following you for a long time. I'm sure a lot of the guys that are listening have

00:02:31.080 been following you for a long time. And so it's good to get you on the show. You're a busy man.

00:02:35.360 Thanks, man. Yeah, it's been fun. I'm just always trying to create and add value to the world.

00:02:39.940 Awesome. Yep. We're trying to do the same thing here. So it's good to finally meet up.

00:02:43.660 Tell me a little bit about, I want to explore this word of greatness. And I want to know from you

00:02:48.760 why you feel this work is so important that you're doing in the world.

00:02:53.240 You know, I think growing up, I wanted to be successful. I think that was, I think most men

00:02:59.060 in general want to achieve some level of success. And the challenge is, I feel like there's this

00:03:04.260 pressure and burden and weight that comes with the word success. And there's also this stigma that

00:03:11.100 success is really about the achievements you bring in and the amount of money you make.

00:03:16.260 That's a successful person is that they're making money. Oh, they're successful.

00:03:20.580 And for me, I realized that in my 20s, in my early 30s now, but in my 20s, I was so driven to be

00:03:27.600 successful that I always felt unfulfilled. I would achieve the results, the result of success,

00:03:33.060 but I was so unfulfilled afterwards. And I just kept striving for more and more and more.

00:03:37.620 And it never really, you know, Tony Robbins says that success is a science. And I think I

00:03:43.360 mastered that science, but the fulfillment is an art and it doesn't matter how successful you are

00:03:49.500 if you're not fulfilled. And I kind of woke up to that a few years ago and realized, wow, you know,

00:03:55.980 okay, I've been driven by success for so long, but, but really what I'm chasing is greatness.

00:04:00.840 And what I want to be is great. I want to be great. This for me is a word that makes more sense.

00:04:05.440 And my definition of greatness is comes down to discovering and pursuing the unique gifts that

00:04:12.480 we have and figuring out what those are so we can pursue our dream. And in that process,

00:04:19.700 impact the maximum people around us. And I feel like that takes off the pressure of,

00:04:24.060 you know, having a billion dollar company or being successful. So for me, that's what it is.

00:04:29.320 I'm kind of coming to the point now. I mean,

00:04:31.500 I can literally feel it in my being over the past year that I feel like I'm getting to that level

00:04:36.460 of fulfillment. I don't know if I'll ever be completely fulfilled. And I think anybody who's

00:04:40.780 ambitious probably feels that way, but how have you discovered this? Because I know there's a lot

00:04:45.120 of guys listening to this right now who feel like there's more to it, but don't quite know what the

00:04:50.240 next step of this discovery process and what greatness and success and fulfillment looks like to them.

00:04:55.200 You know, I think it's a, it's a journey, you know, it's, uh,

00:04:58.020 something it took me until I was about 30 to really start to be aware of in terms of feeling

00:05:03.660 like, you know, you know, for me growing up, I just felt suffering all the time internally. I

00:05:08.540 felt suffering. Like I wasn't good enough. I felt suffering that I, um, wasn't smart enough. I was

00:05:13.840 suffering that even the achievements I did make, they, they weren't where I wanted them to be.

00:05:18.140 I didn't feel like I belonged in my family with my peers, my teammates. I didn't feel like I belonged

00:05:23.440 anywhere. So I just felt like this suffering. So for me, it was really came down to,

00:05:28.020 I think feeling like I was worthy, feeling like I was good enough, no matter what I did or what I

00:05:35.900 didn't do that. I'm enough as I am right now. And when I made that switch, just, I took the weight

00:05:41.900 off, you know, I'm still driven. I'm still focused and committed. I want to create amazing things and

00:05:46.240 achieve all these things. But I think it's just being okay with ourselves so we can show up in the

00:05:50.740 world in a powerful, loving way that doesn't hurt other people and hurt ourselves. And that's kind of

00:05:56.380 what it's been. And it's a journey to discover what it is we want to do. You know, I, when I was in high

00:06:01.300 school, I wanted to be a college athlete and then a pro athlete. And it's like, I'm constantly learning

00:06:05.740 and growing. And right now I didn't know I wanted to be a podcast speaker, author 10 years ago.

00:06:11.600 If that even existed, right?

00:06:12.640 Right, right. I didn't know I was going to be doing what I'm doing, but it kind of unfolded as I was

00:06:18.080 curious. I think when we follow our curiosity, the things that we're curious about that make us light

00:06:24.140 up and we just follow them a little bit. And then we figure out, well, how can I build my life around

00:06:28.920 this curiosity? How can I make enough money to, you know, live with this curiosity? How can I find

00:06:34.180 the right relationship that I want in this curiosity? How can I, you know, evolve my life

00:06:38.720 around the things that I'm most curious about that excite me the most? That's what I think the

00:06:43.500 process is. There's not a, there's no science to discovering this. It's definitely a dance and an art

00:06:49.440 in discovering what we love, what we're, we're going to be great at. And it can change, you know,

00:06:54.080 every season it could change, or it could be there for a number of years. And then you may not be

00:06:58.880 passionate about it anymore. You may not be curious about it anymore. So you find something new you're

00:07:03.120 curious about. So I think it's, it's, um, you know, trusting yourself, listening to yourself

00:07:07.960 and being led by curiosity.

00:07:11.700 No, this is a great point. I mean, I'm a financial advisor by trade. Anybody that's listened to this show

00:07:15.480 for any amount of time probably knows that. And about a year and a half ago, not that I was

00:07:19.700 disenchanted with the business, but that something else caught my attention. And I think a lot of

00:07:24.960 guys have that, but they're not willing to take that first step. And that's what I've done. It

00:07:28.680 sounds like that's what you've done. And that's the first step to, uh, to greatness. I'm really

00:07:33.160 curious about, you talked about suffering. You talk about wanting to feel worthy. Where does that come

00:07:38.340 from? Why, why were you feeling that way? I mean, I just, uh, I just don't think I ever belonged. I

00:07:42.200 always, I was always struggled in school as a kid. I couldn't read when I was growing up.

00:07:47.740 It was very challenging for me and I just got made fun of a lot. So I allowed myself to feel

00:07:54.340 the pain and suffering. And I just kind of beat myself up every day for, for not being smart enough

00:07:58.780 for, you know, not having any friends for being like, you know, it was like six, two when I was

00:08:03.880 like 10 years old. So I was like the skinny acne gangly kid who was goofy, who every time the teacher,

00:08:10.040 you know, called upon me in class to read aloud, you know, I couldn't read. I would just skip over

00:08:17.120 words and mumble and just make an excuse. So I just felt very insecure. I was always in the special

00:08:23.900 needs classes as well growing up with me and like three kids in a wheelchair. And so it's just like,

00:08:29.320 it didn't help my confidence. It didn't make me feel like I belonged with the guys that I wanted to

00:08:35.040 hang out with or whatever growing up. I mean, I also was picked on as an athlete. I was picked last,

00:08:40.040 in a dodgeball game in fourth grade with, with our class during recess. We played a dodgeball game

00:08:46.300 and there was two, two captains and they picked me last over all the guys and all the girls. And

00:08:52.080 they picked me. And I just remember being like, I'm a better, you know, I know I'm not this,

00:08:56.940 I don't add zero value in this little game game right here, but I felt like I had no value in life.

00:09:03.260 I was like, if I'm picked last for this, when I know I'm a better athlete, then at least all the

00:09:08.180 girls, right? You would hope, right? I was like, how, you know, do I have zero value in this world?

00:09:14.240 You know, these moments that, that shaped me and made me second guess myself and feel like I didn't,

00:09:19.000 it wasn't worthy. So there are also moments that made me very driven. You know, I remember after

00:09:23.840 that moment, I was just like, I'm never going to get picked last for anything ever again. And I

00:09:27.180 trained like a maniac and I held onto that. And in some ways that drove me forward and people

00:09:32.960 listening here, there's probably something that's happened to you or someone, something said,

00:09:36.460 or a bully or something you lost in that you said, I never want to feel this again. And it

00:09:41.740 drove you to become better, to prove others wrong. And for that never to happen again. And that's

00:09:46.580 what happened to me. You know, I would train every single day after school, I would go to the basketball

00:09:52.420 court and play from three 30 till about nine 30 when I had to go back and get dinner. And I was just

00:09:57.760 playing with high school kids and I was just like training myself. I'd go to the gym, I'd go to the track

00:10:01.940 every single day. I focused on becoming the best athlete that I could be so that essentially no

00:10:09.560 one, but really those kids could never pick me last again, you know, or no one ever in the world

00:10:14.540 could pick me last again type of feeling. And it worked really well. You know, I got incredibly great

00:10:20.620 as an athlete and it was all state and three sports and all American and two sports in college and played

00:10:25.760 professional football. And now I'm on the USA national handball team. And in a lot of ways it

00:10:31.180 served my purpose of being a great athlete, but I lacked this sense of fulfillment inside because I

00:10:37.720 was coming from a place of proving others wrong as opposed to lifting others up. And I think that's

00:10:43.740 where we as men get to shift whenever we're coming from a place of doing something to prove others

00:10:50.600 wrong and to look better than, and to be right and others wrong. It's not going to be fun at the

00:10:56.320 end of the day. There's going to be some suffering or unfulfillment inside of us at the end of the

00:11:01.140 day. That's just not how we want to live. So what's the difference between a guy like you who takes

00:11:06.000 that? And I want to talk about external motivation versus internal motivation. But before we get there,

00:11:09.880 I'd like to really know the difference between a guy like you who has this adversity, bullying this

00:11:15.900 childhood where you didn't feel like you're worthy or belonging and actually use that to your

00:11:20.560 advantage versus some people out there and maybe even the majority of people who that would

00:11:25.920 literally cripple them, that would destroy them. And it's something a lot of people don't recover

00:11:30.360 from. What's the difference between those two? I think it did cripple me in the sense that I was

00:11:34.880 always alone. I always felt lonely and alone and scared. So emotionally I was crippled, but luckily at

00:11:42.940 least I channeled it and I was very aggressive. I was passive aggressive, defensive, guarded, angry,

00:11:49.060 resentful. So in a lot of ways it crippled me emotionally. But for whatever reason, I used that

00:11:56.320 energy towards putting my body and mind through so much physical and emotional pain with training

00:12:03.360 and sports and everything so that I could become better every single day. So luckily I used it for

00:12:08.900 something good as opposed to like, I don't know, just doing drugs and going to prison or something.

00:12:13.400 Self-destruct.

00:12:14.020 Yeah. So I was able to channel it in some ways, but in other ways it ruined me in relationships. It

00:12:19.160 ruined me sexually. It ruined me in my family, emotionally, friends, everything. Not that I

00:12:26.080 was constantly messed up or hurting everyone, but it just internally I felt like I wasn't living,

00:12:32.360 being the man that I wanted to be and I didn't know how to get out of it.

00:12:35.120 And, and when I finally became aware of this, you know, and I was still a loving guy, joyful,

00:12:42.760 playful, but I think I just had triggers. I think we all have triggers. Mine were just very strong

00:12:47.540 triggers. It wasn't until a few years ago when I started to be aware of it. And once I was aware 1.00

00:12:51.760 of it, finally, I was like, Oh, okay, this is what's been holding me back. This is what's been

00:12:55.660 hurting me. This is why, you know, I feel like a piece of crap when I react this way. You know, 0.99

00:13:01.840 I just started to be aware of it. I think I just started to grow up a little bit. It was that

00:13:05.240 awareness that was the first kind of like step and shifting. Now I still have to do like constant

00:13:09.780 work and build positive habits every single day so that I don't go back to that old place.

00:13:15.100 And I'm not perfect, but I'm able to acknowledge it when it happens and see it for what it is. And

00:13:20.720 I just feel much more at peace internally as opposed to feeling like this negative pain.

00:13:27.140 Yeah. Was this awareness just built over time or was this a single event? Because I think sometimes we

00:13:31.520 get stuck in this box, right? And we don't even know what the hell's happening to us. Sure.

00:13:35.920 What did that look like for you? It was over like a, I'd say like a four to six month period. I did a,

00:13:39.940 I did a leadership workshop a few years ago that kind of like brought all my crap to the forefront. 0.59

00:13:46.980 Like there was different exercise in the games that we play. And I kind of realized like how I was 0.63

00:13:52.420 showing up in the world based on these exercises. And it just kind of woke me up. I was like,

00:13:58.460 oh really? Do I really act like this all the time? Interesting. And do I really react like this

00:14:03.400 when something like this happens? And then for the next kind of like four to six months, I was just

00:14:07.160 constantly doing the work on myself. And I had a coach who was kind of like helping me out and

00:14:12.840 things like that. So that was a great process for me in transitioning everything. And after that,

00:14:20.320 you know, all sorts of things started to shift. You know, I sold a company for seven figures. I

00:14:25.180 healed a past relationship of mine. I connected more intimately and honestly with my, all my family

00:14:31.700 members. I opened up about for the first time in 25 years about getting raped as a, as a poor,

00:14:37.080 as a boy when I was five by my babysitter's son. And I just started to let go of this perfectionism

00:14:44.760 image that I felt like I had to have, you know, these masks that I was wearing in order to be like

00:14:49.620 a successful, strong, indestructible man. And I kind of just started to reveal myself. And I think

00:14:57.580 that revealing of myself and others accepting of who I have been and who I am took all this

00:15:06.980 kind of weight off my shoulders because I felt like I couldn't let anyone know of what happened to me or

00:15:12.860 my fears or my insecurities. And when I finally started to just talk about it, just really open up to

00:15:18.340 everyone. It was a huge game changer for me personally, by doing that in amount, maybe it

00:15:23.780 wouldn't work for everyone, but for me that it was a big game changer. Yeah. So this is actually

00:15:28.580 interesting. You bring this up because I got an email from you this morning and you've got a book

00:15:33.300 coming out. I think it's next year. So I hope it's okay. We talk about this right now, but I think

00:15:37.160 it's a lot and I don't know much about the book. I know the title mask of masculinity. And is this what

00:15:41.900 you're talking about or help us understand what you mean when you say that? Yeah. Masculinity is a book

00:15:46.280 that I'm writing right now and it's coming out next year in October. But you know, for the last

00:15:51.320 few years, I've been, as I was writing the school of greatness book, because I kind of wanted to put

00:15:56.740 all the things I've learned out there from all the guests I've interviewed and things like that.

00:16:01.920 And my experiences in sports and business, like what is greatness and how do you make it happen for

00:16:06.720 yourself? So I wrote that book. And then as I was writing it, I was kind of going through this

00:16:11.820 process at the same time. And I remember just being like, man, someday I want to talk about

00:16:16.700 this specific topic, but it's kind of scary for me to talk about. It's kind of scary for me to put

00:16:20.980 myself out there and reveal even more things about me that I haven't talked about and just let the

00:16:27.440 world know. But I have just been feeling called, like I need to do some work with men, but also and

00:16:33.360 with women and just share my experience. Now, in no way, shape or form, am I like this expert coach

00:16:38.520 who can like help everyone with their issues or whatever? But I feel like I'm pretty good at

00:16:44.460 seeing it for what it is on people and guiding them through a process that I think can help them

00:16:49.500 get to a next step. And so we've been doing a lot of research and writing the book about the masks

00:16:55.260 that men live with and carry in front of their face on a daily basis to protect themselves, to

00:17:02.520 not show vulnerability, to act like they're better than they really are, to conquer women,

00:17:08.720 all the different things to not show emotion or express or be intimate because we're afraid of

00:17:14.420 abandonment or whatever it may be. The things that we do on a daily basis that maybe we're not even

00:17:19.580 aware of that hold us back from ultimately our true greatness, from ultimately having fulfillment

00:17:25.680 inside of us, from ultimately having the woman of our dreams, from having the career of our dreams,

00:17:31.160 the relationships with our families, with our children's, whatever it may be that we want,

00:17:35.580 there's something that we wear in front of us that holds us back from it if we don't have it yet.

00:17:40.960 And so I want to uncover that and then give men and women the tools on how to work through it.

00:17:46.460 Yeah, that sounds interesting. I know that the guys that are listening to this are going to be

00:17:49.660 interested. So we'll make sure we keep everybody in tune with when that's released and all of that.

00:17:54.660 I mean, I know how this has worked in my life and this has been a journey just over the past,

00:17:58.800 literally a year and a half for me where I've opened up and I've talked about some of my

00:18:02.320 experiences and it's been empowering in my life. It's been empowering, obviously, in other people's

00:18:05.820 lives. And so I know how it's worked for me. But as you begin to open up and be vulnerable and shed

00:18:11.360 that mask in a way, how have people responded to you and what you're doing now at this point?

00:18:17.420 In every area, it's been unbelievable. Internally, it's been amazing. With my friends and family,

00:18:22.920 I have deeper relationships with my girlfriend. I have a deeper relationship with my business.

00:18:30.100 There's less stress and I feel like growth is more expansive more than ever now. I feel like

00:18:36.920 I'm able to connect with people. Like when I speak on stage, I just feel like a sense of calm

00:18:40.680 and presence and awareness of everyone's feelings in the room. And I never had that ability before.

00:18:49.500 It was more about me trying to look good and not mess up. And now I come from a place of

00:18:56.260 being in service. And I'm not going to be perfect, so don't try to be. But if I show up as myself and

00:19:03.960 who I really am and focus on giving outward as opposed to trying to gain some credibility inward,

00:19:11.020 then I'll never be able to mess up. And the mess ups won't be a mess up. It'll be a perfect

00:19:16.500 experience to connect with someone. So for me, it's just been a game changer on all levels.

00:19:22.060 All right, guys, quick mid-podcast break. You have heard me talk about it. I'm sure you might

00:19:25.680 be getting sick of it by now. Our very first live event, The Order of Man Uprising, which is going

00:19:30.260 to be held September 15th through the 18th in the mountains of Southern Utah. We are getting close to

00:19:35.520 filling this up and I want to give you some more details about it. There are just too many guys out

00:19:39.340 there that are not living life the way that it was meant to be lived. And at the end of the day,

00:19:43.080 we, as men, seem to have lost our way. We're not serving our families. We're not serving our

00:19:47.760 businesses. We're not serving our communities the way that they need to be served. And I want to work

00:19:52.520 right alongside with you face-to-face to make sure that changes. So we've got tactical scenarios.

00:19:57.940 We've got survival situations. We're going to be planning and executing the perfect day for you.

00:20:02.760 And you're going to walk away with tools, resources, strategies, all of the insights and the

00:20:07.400 tactics that you need to excel in life and live like a man. Everything is included. So you're not 0.90

00:20:12.780 going to have to worry about anything. All you have to do is get to Las Vegas by September 15th

00:20:18.220 at 11 a.m. And we are going to take care of the rest. We're going to get you there. We're going

00:20:22.220 to feed you. We're going to do the events, the instructions, world-class instruction,

00:20:25.380 and you're going to walk away again with all of the tools and resources you need to excel.

00:20:29.980 So we're going to fill these spots up. So make sure if you are interested to go to

00:20:33.100 orderman.com slash uprising to reserve your spot. And now let me get back to my interview with Lewis.

00:20:38.260 Yeah. You know, I think there's, and this reminds me of something. I think there's this movement

00:20:43.820 for lack of a better term of, I don't care what other people think. And I kind of get what they're

00:20:49.880 saying, but at the same time, I've never felt like that. But I feel like I'm getting to that

00:20:53.420 same position that you are. Not that I don't care what other people think, but that I'm so

00:20:57.800 focused on me that what they think of me is maybe irrelevant. I don't know if this is making

00:21:03.560 sense, but is there any way that you would quantify that thought process?

00:21:07.880 Listen, I'm a recovering people pleaser. So I want people to enjoy my work and like me and

00:21:14.160 talk about my content and buy my stuff. I want people to think highly of me because I think

00:21:20.400 highly of myself, but I'm not going to change who I am for someone just because it's their own,

00:21:27.100 they have an issue with me or something. I'm receptive to listening to feedback and seeing how I can

00:21:32.180 support that person. But if someone's just going to attack me or has something nasty to say and

00:21:38.000 whatever, then that's on them. And I can't please everyone, but obviously I'm going to do my best

00:21:43.460 and that's all I can do. So let's talk about maybe some actionable things, some tactics. I mean,

00:21:48.480 we'll get down to it of how a guy begins to maybe be more vulnerable, shed that mask, open up and really

00:21:55.220 live in the truth is what I call it to who he really is and how he really feels about the world.

00:22:00.140 I mean, some of the tools are something simple to start with is to create a list. I think when we

00:22:07.400 put pen to paper, something magical happens more so than just communicating it. But I also think

00:22:12.660 having conversations is powerful, but a lot of it is communication. We write down the things we are

00:22:19.080 grateful for every single day that does something to us. When we, when we express gratitude, it's hard

00:22:23.840 to be angry and grateful at the same time. Gratitude is the antidote of anger or resentment

00:22:31.000 or frustration or scarcity. When we are feeling those things or defensiveness, when we are feeling

00:22:41.640 those things, focus on what we are grateful for. Focus on, you know, I'm assuming most of the people

00:22:47.400 are in the United States. Like I travel all over the world for, you know, sports or business or

00:22:53.360 speaking. And every time I go somewhere and I tell people I live in Los Angeles, people just like

00:22:57.860 are in awe of the idea of possibly traveling to the United States one day.

00:23:03.360 Sure. Right.

00:23:04.240 Especially in South America. Like, you know, I play handball with, with guys in Spain and Brazil and

00:23:08.540 Argentina. And they're like, it would, it is my dream, my childhood and lifelong dream to just

00:23:13.920 visit for a weekend to America. Interesting. Yeah. And so I just gained so much perspective

00:23:19.260 when I'm around people who I'm like, I live in freaking a nice condo building with an incredible

00:23:24.860 view of Beverly Hills and Hollywood. And like, I haven't, I have a valet, a rooftop pool. Like

00:23:32.240 I haven't freaking made, I am super blessed and super grateful that I have all of my needs met and

00:23:38.760 I have abundance around me. So the first thing is like, okay, live in gratitude. And when we

00:23:43.900 do that, we start to have perspective on how amazing life actually is. That's the first

00:23:49.940 thing. I think the second, the second thing is writing down your thoughts on a daily basis

00:23:55.960 of if something happened to you today and you were angry or frustrated or pissed off or you

00:24:02.980 didn't feel fulfilled, write it down. The next thing is being aware of what your feelings and

00:24:08.180 emotions are and seeing what the patterns are that show up. Because if we don't know the

00:24:13.100 patterns, we can't shift anything. If it's just going to continue to cycle, but we're

00:24:17.820 not aware of it, it's just going to continue for the rest of our lives. So we got to become

00:24:21.160 aware of it. Write down, I was, today I was feeling really defensive when I was playing

00:24:24.540 pickup basketball and someone like started trash talking me. Like why, why was I feeling

00:24:30.020 defensive? Why do I react in that moment? Why can't I just like laugh it off? Because

00:24:34.940 who cares? It's a pickup basketball game that doesn't mean anything. You know, so write

00:24:39.020 these things down. I think that's really the first step to this is being aware and

00:24:44.000 then you can kind of move from it through there.

00:24:46.360 Yeah. It's interesting you would say this because I just made a Facebook post yesterday

00:24:49.620 about emotions, how too many people are trying to hide or pretend they don't have emotions.

00:24:54.520 And part of this is the stoic movement. And there is a lot of truth in stoicism, but I

00:24:59.060 think it's been taken too far. Like don't even have emotions at all. When in all reality,

00:25:03.160 you actually need to listen to your emotions because they're trying to teach you something,

00:25:06.620 not hide them, but understand them. Exactly. So we're talking about journaling. We're talking

00:25:11.000 about gratitude. We're talking about writing down these emotions. Is this something that

00:25:14.340 you're doing continually, constantly throughout the day, dude, in the morning, evening, how does

00:25:17.700 this look for you? Yeah. For me, it's a, it's a way of life. So I, you know, in the morning I

00:25:21.680 express it. Uh, if someone calls my cell phone, I say, thanks for calling. Make sure to tell me what

00:25:28.400 you're most grateful for today. And then I'll leave you and then leave your message and I'll call you

00:25:32.220 back. It's, it's constantly, I'm constantly evoking it out of people that I connect with

00:25:37.180 on my team calls. We start with gratitude. So for me, it's a constant thing. I say three things

00:25:42.740 I'm grateful for before I go to bed. It's just like a way of being because the bigger the game

00:25:47.580 we're up to in life, the bigger the dream, the more challenges. So I feel like it's even more of

00:25:52.380 a responsibility for us to, to live in that space. That's just for me at least.

00:25:56.760 So one of the big things that you talk a lot about, obviously you've talked about in the blog and

00:26:00.140 the podcast and all that you've been doing in your work, but you also talk about it quite a bit

00:26:03.220 in the book, which is the power of implementing habits. I want to talk about that because I

00:26:08.140 think it's really easy for us to get emotional or get us to get hyped up on a goal or a vision

00:26:12.040 that we have for ourselves and then fail in the execution of habits that, that it takes to get

00:26:16.320 there. Yeah. Habits are powerful, man. I mean, when I'm living in my habits and I'm waking up every

00:26:23.160 morning and going through my routine, I feel like on top of the world and the most productive that day.

00:26:29.160 And I feel less reactive to the stresses in the world that day. When I am off my routine or my

00:26:34.640 habits, I feel more reactive and I can feel it throughout the day and I get more frustrated or

00:26:39.980 upset or whatever. And so for me, it's something that's powerful. And my, my routine in the morning

00:26:45.020 when I'm, when I'm on is wake up and immediately do meditation for 10 minutes. I use Headspace app

00:26:52.420 and then I'll do some light stretching. I just feel like moving and stretching the body. For me at 33,

00:26:57.300 from all the sports I played is what works for me, uh, for about seven to 10 minutes. And then

00:27:02.540 I'll go right into a workout and I mix it up. I'll do a run. I'll do a hit workout. I'll play

00:27:07.440 basketball. I'll do a lift. I'll do kickboxing. And it just depends on what I'm feeling like right

00:27:12.100 now or the season I'm in. And then I come back, take a shower and, um, I will express what I'm

00:27:18.720 grateful for and, and get ready to go. And that's kind of like how I get started. Keep it simple.

00:27:24.940 And the last thing I do is I always make my bed because I think having a clean room and space

00:27:29.620 set you up for a clean, productive day as opposed to leaving it messy. So that's just what I do.

00:27:34.920 Cool. Yeah. I totally see that. If I'm, if I'm off with things, I did this just the other day. My,

00:27:39.400 my office was a complete just wreck. It was destroyed and I was not being productive in the day.

00:27:45.820 And I literally stopped everything, shut down the computer, turn off the phone and I cleaned the

00:27:50.120 office and immediately it changed around my entire day. Exactly. Exactly. How do you cap

00:27:55.760 your day? I mean, we talk a lot about, everybody talks about what the beginning of their day looks

00:27:58.940 like. How do you, I mean, when I'm on, I'll, uh, shut off all the computer and, and TV or whatever

00:28:05.720 and phone. And, uh, I like to sit on my balcony and either have some tea or just sit there. And,

00:28:12.540 um, if I'm alone, then I'll just chill alone and think of my thoughts and express what I'm grateful

00:28:17.780 for. If my girlfriend's there, then we'll, we'll just have a conversation of what we're grateful

00:28:21.440 for and what we're excited about creating for tomorrow. And then just kind of get ready for

00:28:26.420 bed. So I'm usually pretty good at sleeping now, but if, uh, if I, if I can't sleep, I'll just put

00:28:31.320 on my 10 minute meditation and fall asleep. What about, uh, during the day? Cause I know a lot of us

00:28:37.040 have, I've got a list here I'm looking at right now and I've got 20 things I need to get done this

00:28:41.160 week on it. How do you prioritize? Like, where do you put your focus and emphasize your attention

00:28:45.480 on first and how does that look for you? You know, it differs, but if I'm on, if I'm on,

00:28:50.660 then, um, I usually create a list of three things I want to create from the day before the night

00:28:56.120 before of the three most important things. The goal is to tackle those things first. Uh, but my life is

00:29:02.700 every day is different. So there's always something different happening and I'll be preparing for a

00:29:07.800 webinar or a speech, or I'm writing my book right now and I'm preparing for this big event and

00:29:12.920 traveling and training for handball. So it just kind of depends. And I just do my best every day.

00:29:18.360 What do you mean by on? You said when you're on, this is how you do it. I mean, when I'm like,

00:29:22.120 when I'm doing my habits at a hundred percent, then that's what I mean. But some days I'm not

00:29:27.980 doing them about a hundred percent. And, you know, some days I just get up and start going or some

00:29:31.400 days I'll just get up and work out and I won't do the normal routine that I have.

00:29:35.900 Sure. Yeah. So what's the importance of mixing it up then?

00:29:38.500 Um, I think for me, that's the spice of life. I think for me, it's, uh, if it's the same thing

00:29:43.320 every day, then it's not my dream day anymore. So I want to do something that's always adventurous

00:29:47.900 and creative and keeps me sharp and alert and, um, and fun. So it's good to have a routine for me for

00:29:53.840 a while, but then I like to mix it up and change the routine and, or at least have half my day

00:29:59.320 different, you know, something because that's what keeps me excited. What do you say to the guy who

00:30:05.840 maybe feels what you just said is like, yeah, I'd love to mix it up, but I'm so regimented.

00:30:10.340 You know, I look at my life personally, for example, I've got two businesses I'm running.

00:30:14.020 I've got four kids at home. I've got some community service that I'm involved with.

00:30:17.680 And mine happens to be not so structured, but I know a lot of guys listening to this

00:30:21.660 are so regimented in their days because other people are dictating the way they spend their time.

00:30:25.920 I mean, then if that's worse for you, then do what works for you. I mean, for me,

00:30:29.180 uh, I'm an entrepreneur and I like the lifestyle that I have. Um, it works for me at this moment.

00:30:35.780 You know, maybe when I have a kid or I'm married, it won't work for me anymore and I'll need to have

00:30:40.340 more structure throughout the day, but I've got a team around me. I've got 10 people. I've got a

00:30:45.720 full-time assistant who cooks all my meals. So I don't have to think about those things because

00:30:50.940 I've built the team around me to do all the things that I don't want to do and to support my

00:30:56.480 lifestyle so that I can work and then walk outside into my living room. And then there's

00:31:01.700 a meal prepared, prepared for me. And I don't have to deal with any cleaning or cooking or

00:31:05.660 shopping or prepping. It's just, I can focus on what I do best. And that's what I like.

00:31:11.140 So where does the guy who says, I want what Lewis has in, in what you just said,

00:31:16.040 get started if he's not there right now. You create a list of your dream day, write it out.

00:31:22.360 What does your dream day look like? Perfect day for you. Write it out. What are you doing?

00:31:26.480 When do you wake up? Where are you traveling to? Where do you live? How big is your space?

00:31:31.540 Who's next to you? Who are you connecting with? What are you creating? Write it all down.

00:31:37.900 And then you start reverse engineering. Okay, what do I need to do to create this? Who do I need to

00:31:42.020 become to create this? What do I need to learn to do this? What does my team need to look like?

00:31:47.480 And then you just start putting it out there. Be as detailed and specific as possible

00:31:51.520 for your perfect day and start enrolling others around you and supporting your vision.

00:31:59.040 Awesome. Yeah, I can see how powerful that would be. What are you most excited about right now? I know

00:32:03.620 you've got a ton going on. What excites you the most? What drives you the most?

00:32:07.140 I'm going to Rio in two days, so I'm going to the Olympics.

00:32:09.680 Oh, you are?

00:32:10.000 Yeah, I'm excited about that to watch. And I've got a bunch of my podcast listeners are Olympians. So it's got a lot of them

00:32:16.980 we've been reaching out and I'm going to go watch them play and compete and hopefully win some medals.

00:32:22.000 And I'm excited about my event. And I've never done this event before. I'm hosting an event called the Summit of Greatness

00:32:27.820 where I'm bringing 12 of the most inspiring speakers in the world to Columbus, Ohio.

00:32:32.160 And every morning I'm going to have four different elite athletes, world-class athletes, champions, Olympians

00:32:40.300 leading workouts in the morning to give people a total body, mind, and heart experience of how to live a great life

00:32:48.980 and what it looks like and feels like from some of the best in the world.

00:32:53.080 So I'm excited about that. It's the end of September and it's summitofgreatness.com to kind of see what we're creating there.

00:32:59.500 And yeah, I'm excited about writing my book too, Mask of Masculinity.

00:33:04.740 Yeah, you've got a ton going on. We'll make sure we link everything up so the guys that are listening to this can check out the summit.

00:33:09.580 I was actually on your site this morning as I was preparing for our conversation today and saw the lineup of speakers that you have.

00:33:15.640 It's going to be awesome. It's going to be an amazing event.

00:33:17.320 I appreciate it.

00:33:18.020 So is handball part of the Summer Olympics?

00:33:20.760 It is. We did not qualify though.

00:33:22.500 Oh, I was going to ask about that. So 2020 then?

00:33:26.140 Hopefully, or hopefully we get the bid in the U.S. in 2024.

00:33:29.500 And then we'll get the automatic qualifier.

00:33:31.480 Cool. We'll be rooting for you in the meantime.

00:33:33.860 So Lewis, I want to ask a question that I ask every single guest.

00:33:36.700 And I know this is something that you've been thinking about a lot lately as you're preparing and writing your book.

00:33:40.980 What does it mean to be a man?

00:33:43.280 It means to discover and follow your dreams and live in service.

00:33:48.180 So easy, right?

00:33:48.940 I think so. I think so.

00:33:50.640 I mean, if you're not following your dreams, then I don't think you're living your potential as a human being, let alone a man.

00:33:58.440 But I think it's your duty as a man to discover what your purpose is.

00:34:02.860 And that may take a while.

00:34:03.960 It may not happen right away.

00:34:04.860 But to discover what it is and pursue that purpose.

00:34:09.060 You may never achieve it, but the pursuit is the thing that's most important.

00:34:13.340 And we can't fully be a man, in my opinion, if we're not in service to others.

00:34:19.380 Whether that's being in service of our family, you know, making sure that everything's taken care of.

00:34:25.700 But being in service to others is what it means to be a man.

00:34:29.140 In your experience, what is the number one thing that keeps men from pursuing that dream?

00:34:35.220 Because I've never met anybody who didn't have a vision for the future.

00:34:38.360 But it's few and far between on the people who actually do anything about it.

00:34:41.220 It's fear of looking bad and fear of failure.

00:34:44.360 That's what it really comes down to, is they're afraid to look bad, be made fun of.

00:34:50.540 They're afraid of their image, what people are going to say about them when they go do it,

00:34:55.420 or what people are going to say about them when they fail.

00:34:58.440 And men don't want to be wrong in general.

00:35:00.660 They want to be right.

00:35:02.200 And they'd rather be right at something they're average at or that they don't love

00:35:08.360 than pursue something that they might fail at and be wrong at.

00:35:12.600 So I think it's getting away from their ego that holds us back in general.

00:35:18.340 You know, I've been there many times and still working on that.

00:35:21.400 So that's what I would say.

00:35:23.380 Yeah.

00:35:23.800 And I think we could cycle back all the way through this conversation again,

00:35:26.420 because I'm assuming that your answer to overcome that would be being aware of the way

00:35:30.520 that you're actually behaving and how it's hindering your ability to move forward.

00:35:33.580 Yeah.

00:35:33.940 I mean, overcoming fear or ego, which part?

00:35:36.000 Yeah, sure.

00:35:36.440 Both, both overcome.

00:35:37.660 Yeah.

00:35:38.060 I mean, the ego would be the awareness part.

00:35:39.880 And then overcoming fear of failure, I think, is really walking yourself through scenarios.

00:35:46.000 Okay.

00:35:46.540 Well, what am I here to do then?

00:35:47.980 If I'm not going to go after what I really want, why am I here?

00:35:51.520 What's the point?

00:35:52.700 Like, just to show up and be average and die?

00:35:55.080 Or to actually create something in the world that could be meaningful?

00:35:58.380 Or create something in my community or for my family?

00:36:00.620 Whatever.

00:36:00.940 It doesn't have to cure cancer, but just do whatever your curiosity leads you to

00:36:05.100 and be the best that you can be at it.

00:36:07.320 I think you don't want to live, you don't want to be 100 years old and die with all

00:36:11.080 these regrets that, oh, I wish I would have, but I was too afraid.

00:36:14.540 Here lies Lewis Howes, too afraid to go after his dream because he didn't want to be made

00:36:19.120 fun of. 0.99

00:36:20.040 That would fucking suck on my epitaph. 0.99

00:36:22.200 Here lies Lewis Howes, dead with a broken heart because he was too scared to go after 1.00

00:36:27.580 what he wanted.

00:36:28.400 It's like, I don't want that.

00:36:29.340 Here lies Lewis Howes, who had the courage to go after his dream and served humanity

00:36:35.380 in the process.

00:36:37.020 Like, that's something that I can be proud of to leave my legacy behind.

00:36:41.320 And none of my grandkids, great grandkids said, hey, here is an inspiration, a symbol

00:36:46.880 of inspiration of a man that we can look up to and live our lives without fear and go

00:36:52.600 after what we want.

00:36:53.420 I think it's our duty to be symbols of inspiration as men, is to be a symbol of someone who is

00:37:00.240 courageous.

00:37:01.480 Courage can also be vulnerability.

00:37:03.660 It doesn't mean you have to be courageous and not show emotion, but it can be courageous

00:37:08.680 in overcoming your own demons and fears and communicating and being a symbol of inspiration

00:37:15.740 for those around you, being a symbol of harmony, peace, growth, love.

00:37:21.500 And that's what it means to be a man.

00:37:23.420 I love it, man.

00:37:24.320 Powerful stuff.

00:37:25.000 Well, how do we connect with you, Lewis?

00:37:26.060 How do we connect with you and find out about the work you're doing and specifically about

00:37:28.980 the event you have coming up?

00:37:30.040 Yeah, lewishouse.com has all my information, but I'm at lewishouse everywhere on social

00:37:33.960 media and then summitofgreatness.com.

00:37:37.320 Awesome.

00:37:37.680 We'll make sure we link that up.

00:37:38.760 Hey, Lewis, I just want to let you know I appreciate you, man.

00:37:40.620 I really do.

00:37:41.180 I appreciate your work, everything that you've been doing over the years.

00:37:43.640 I've been following you and the opportunity to talk with you and then your ability to impart

00:37:49.160 some of your wisdom.

00:37:49.880 So I appreciate you, man.

00:37:50.660 Thanks, Ryan.

00:37:51.020 Appreciate it, bro.

00:37:51.500 There you have it, guys.

00:37:53.800 Mr. Lewis Howes teaching us what it takes to discover our own path to greatness.

00:37:57.440 So make sure you check out the show notes at orderofman.com slash 073 for the links and

00:38:02.040 the resources that we shared today during our conversation.

00:38:05.080 And in the meantime, you want to make sure you check out that uprising event, which is

00:38:08.720 September 15th through the 18th, 2016.

00:38:11.000 It's going to sell out.

00:38:11.920 We're close right now.

00:38:12.840 So if you're interested, you need to get your spot quick.

00:38:14.520 We're going to be bringing in daily instructors and it's going to be an event unlike anything

00:38:19.900 you've ever been to.

00:38:20.780 So go to orderofman.com slash uprising for all the details.

00:38:24.100 In the meantime, guys, I look forward to talking with you on Friday, but until then, take action

00:38:27.640 and become the man you were meant to be.

00:38:30.220 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:38:33.160 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:38:36.840 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 09, 2016

OoM 073： Lewis Howes ｜ Your Path to Greatness

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