Optimizing Testosterone, When Masculinity Died, and Building Rites of Passages | ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
On this week's episode, we discuss the death of Scott Adams, the late creator of Dilbert Comics, and the impact he had on the world of comedy. We also talk about a new boat project I'm working on, and I answer some listener questions.
Transcript
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Andrew Tate has capitalized on this. I think he's got diagnosis correct. I think his prescription
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is wrong, but I think his diagnosis, he's pretty bright when it comes to him diagnosing what is
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going on. But the reason that people are so compelled to a guy like that is because for a
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boy or an adolescent or somebody who's a full-grown man but immature, what they see is clarity. What
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they see is conviction and confidence. Kip, what's up, man? So great to see you. Not a better way to
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close out the week than having a good conversation with a good friend, and hopefully we'll get some
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good questions answered for the guys today. Yeah, absolutely. You know how it is. It's always great
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to touch base with you. How's your week going? All as well? It's been good. Yeah, it's been a good
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week. Had a couple of podcast interviews. I've got one coming out in a couple of weeks with a guy by
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the name of Joshua Becker talking about minimalism, which was really good. Just released
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the podcast last week on Tuesday with Lauren Ponce, which was really, really good. She's
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very dynamic, got a lot of great information. And then I've got more of a philosophical one
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coming up this week. So as of the release of this podcast, it will have been released yesterday.
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And then I also released my interview with Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert Comics.
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He died earlier in the week, I believe it was. And I figured I should re-release that. I didn't
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agree with the guy on everything, but I was so tired of seeing, I was at the gas station the other day
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and the headline on the newspaper as I walked out said, Scott Adams, disgraced creator of Dilbert
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Comics dies at 65 or whatever. And I'm like, what, what is this? Like, why, why do we do this?
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And, you know, part of the reason that he was quote unquote disgraced is because years ago he had
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made some racist comments for sure. Um, and so then he got canceled and all the, all the newspapers
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pulled his comics and he was a very interesting thinker. Of course, I didn't agree with everything
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as, as it would be with anybody, but you know, when you're, when your life is under a microscope
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like that, and he wasn't even ultra famous, like some of these people, but when you speak for a living,
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you share insights for a living, you talk for a living, the, the, the comments that we sometimes say
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aren't any different than what people are thinking. It's just the fact that ours are recorded and
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documented. So, I mean, we do have to be aware of that, but I just wish we had a little bit more grace
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when people say dumb things or screw up, you know, if they do it repeatedly over and over again,
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and based on what they're saying, you might make the argument that that's a immoral person,
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but not in this case by any means. So it's just, it's wild. So I wanted to release that podcast
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cause he was a very interesting thinker and I got a lot of value from it. So I re-released that one.
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And that, and that boat's looking awesome. The canoe. No, seriously, it looks so good. It's a beautiful,
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like, even if that thing sinks, it's at least beautiful. So you can almost put that on the
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wall and just say, look what I built. And they're like, Oh, do you put it in water? You're like,
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I don't worry about that. It looks beautiful. It's a, it's more, it's more of a decoration than
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it is functional, but it is. I don't know, man. It's been a fun. Yeah. It's the lines are nice and
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everything's like coming together pretty well. I've got a couple of little minor hiccups that I'm
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working through, but I think this weekend we're recording this podcast on Friday, but I think
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this weekend I should have it, I should have it done ready for varnishing next week. So,
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and that's the final, that's the final step is varnish and then it's done. So we'll see
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varnish sand, varnish sand. But yeah, yeah. I made a post on Instagram the other day that apparently
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I'll be sanding for the rest of my life because that's all it seems like I do, which is just crazy.
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Yeah. But it's been fun. I have sawdust and, uh, and, and hailing wood chips. Oh, that's actually
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a good, that's actually interesting. I, you know, light bulb moment for me, my throat's been hurting
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this week. I'm like, what is going on? Am I sick? I'm an idiot. I didn't, that didn't even cross my
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mind. I should wear a mask. I don't, but I should wear a mask. So maybe I will do that this weekend.
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Yeah. At least do the hillbilly version. Get a, um, Oh my gosh. You know, like a gator,
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something like a neck gator. Yeah. Just, uh, you know, put cloth around your, your mouth at least
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like when we're building that house. Oh, good. I was just going to say, I'll just get it. What
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do they call a shysty? I'll just get a shysty. I don't know. I think it's like a, like a balaclava,
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like a, like a thing with like covers your, and it goes over your head and it covers your face.
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I don't know. That's what I've heard. Oh, what I was thinking is a bandana, right? It's just like
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put a bandana around. When I built that house, uh, at, at the lake, it was same thing, man. Like
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just cutting wood on the, on the skill saw, uh, in the table saw, I was just like, dude, I am like
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getting congested with wood dust. You know, it was getting, getting bad for you. Yeah. Absolutely.
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Yeah. So I'll do that and we'll, we'll get on with it. Keep us updated. All right. Should we hop
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into some questions? Let's get after it, man. See what these guys have for us here. All right.
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We're going to jump over to the iron council, our brothers from the iron council. Um, Nick
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Coda, anecdotally, I hear for a few guys in the IC have optimized their testosterone by going on TRT.
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I recall you going that route as well. Can you talk about that journey and recommendations for
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someone considering it? Yeah. And I think it's a very viable, um, solution. If you're having low
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testosterone, I'm not a medical professional by any means. Um, and I am a little bit cautious of
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men just rushing into TRT without knowing the side effects, without knowing the consequences,
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without knowing the long-term ramifications, without doing proper blood work to make sure it's
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something you even need. And ultimately without doing the natural things that just naturally boost
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testosterone. And, and, and those are really easy. Everybody's really confused about this for some
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reason, or, you know, I think it's one of those things where people love to make things more
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complicated than they actually are. The best way to boost your testosterone naturally is to eat the
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right foods, mainly protein, get the right amount of protein. And you could say 0.75 to one gram per
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ideal body weight. So, um, you know, if you, if you're 180 pounds, you'd probably want to
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ideally eat about 160 to 180 grams of, of protein on a daily basis. Simple. Um, get the proper amount
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of sleep, you know, seven hours is about proper. Some need more, some need less, but proper amount of
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sleep, uh, reduce chronic stress because cortisol will destroy testosterone. So that means that sleep is
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important. That means, um, being able to regulate your emotions, having friends, having outlets,
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having people that you can talk with, uh, doing the right things, being in integrity, because that
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will reduce stress levels, uh, lift really heavy weights. You know, that, that's, that's proven to
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boost testosterone, not running, not cardio sprints, maybe a little bit, but that's to be determined,
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but lifting really heavy. Um, having sex actually boost testosterone rates. Uh, competing is another
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thing that, that boost testosterone and winning more specifically competing against men and winning
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will boost testosterone at least in the short term. So that's it. I mean, if you do those things,
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you're going to boost your test, uh, cutting back on alcohol and sugars and things like that.
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So yeah, that's going to boost your testosterone naturally. So what I would say is if this is
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something that you have a problem with, chronic energy issues, um, maybe emotional regulation,
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testosterone may not immediately help with that because it's going to mess with your hormones that
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you'll have to get regulated again, but there's a lot of benefits to it. Building muscle, longevity,
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quality of life, libido, sex drive, sleep, muscle development, all the things that we know as men
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are just going to, going to enhance our lives and make us better protectors, providers, and presiders.
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So, uh, yeah, the first thing is to work with a clinic that specializes in this department. Um,
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your, your doctor, sure, maybe, but more often than not, you're going to have to go to a male clinic,
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uh, because they, they know the ins and outs and intricacies of it. And, uh, you're going to do your
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blood work, see where your testosterone is, make sure you're working with somebody who consistently
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follows up with you and they'll be able to make recommendations as to whether or not this is
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something you want to do and something you want to enhance or add to your, to your regimen.
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I love it because here's the other thing is sometimes people think, Oh, you know, I'm going
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to get jacked and fit and strong and want to have sex with my wife all the time. And it's going to
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be amazing and everything else, but you still have to work. And that's the thing. It's not a,
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it's not a short to hit the gym. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? Like, and people laugh at that
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because they'll see guys who are jacked and like, Oh, he's on gear. It's like, yeah, maybe,
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you know, I don't consider testosterone gear, but maybe he is, but he's also busting his butt
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at the gym. He's also living the life that. And so it's just an amplifier of what you're
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already doing. Testosterone isn't going to make you lose a bunch of weight if you're still
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engaged in the same behavior. So you do have to change your lifestyle as well. But yeah,
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I like it. I mean, energy, um, focus, clarity, muscle development. I'm bigger than I've ever
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been like stronger than I've ever been in my entire life. So yeah, I love it. Yeah. Any side
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effects? I mean, obviously there's side effects, um, any in particular that you've experienced?
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Um, I think I did. And I don't, I'm sure I'm pretty sure that I don't want to speak
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as if I know the answer to this, but I think I did read somewhere that, um,
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your mood is going to change. And I noticed my mood changed initially. I didn't really,
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really become overly aggressive. I actually became a little bit more emotional and it is,
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which was interesting. And, you know, I think the body's way of regulating is they will also,
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um, when you increase testosterone production, your body will also increase, uh, estrogen levels
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naturally to kind of balance. Yeah. To compensate. Yeah. So there are things where you can do like an
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estrogen blocker. I can't remember what it's, what it's called the popular one. Um, but again,
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you would talk with your, your physician on that one. Um, elevated blood pressure is one that a lot
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of people have to worry about. Um, I've even heard of guys having to go donate blood because it reduces
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their blood pressure, um, from testosterone. And the other one, and this is the big one is that, um,
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um, this is, this is a little bit, it's not controversial, but a lot of people debate this
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topic, whether or not it shuts off natural testosterone production, or at least hinders
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it. So if your body's seeing that you have a bunch of testosterone, then, then inherently it may not
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make as much. Yeah. And then if you stop taking external testosterone, then again, this is where
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people debate. So you'll have to do your own research on this. Then, uh, your body doesn't know how to
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kick it back on to start producing its own. So that's why if you're going to do it, it's not like,
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Hey, I'll do it for 90 days and see, it's like, no, you're, you're committing to doing this if
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you're going to do it. So it's not to be aware of. Yeah. And the main thing is, is like, talk to a
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professional about some of the side effects. I mean, I, I know I, I actually haven't taken TRT,
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know a bunch of guys that I train with that do, you know, and there's, there's the jokes that we talk
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about that are real, you know, it's like sometimes, you know, sexual drive goes up and they're
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just more frustrated now with their spouse, not less. Yeah. Well, and the way that you combat that
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is you be somebody that she wants to have sex with. Yeah. And that's one of the things that the
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guys that a lot of guys struggle with most is they're still got to get her to have sex with you.
00:12:21.480
Yeah. Right. They're just, they're living lives out of integrity. They're not being helpful. They're
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not being a good partner. They're not outproducing. They're not parenting correctly with, with their
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wife. And so, yeah, she's not turned on and that's obvious. Yeah. And so I, what's the other stuff
00:12:36.920
like, um, peeing in the middle of night, swollen prostate, I think is a common one. The other one
00:12:42.340
is like your, your, your balls actually shrink, which is a little, uh, I've heard that from multiple
00:12:47.400
guys. Yeah. I've heard that too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of wild, but Hey, it's, and it's going
00:12:52.340
to be different for everybody. So like, just, you know, be careful, right. Make sure it's the right
00:12:56.880
thing and, and, uh, be aware of the possible side effects. Yep. Sweet man. All right. Mitch
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Jameson question around rights of passage for men that never got initiated as boys. I was initiated
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as a boy through hunting and fishing and survival skills. I'm asking to see what can most beneficial,
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what can be most beneficial for men? Have I, as I've talked to feel that they were left out of that
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as a child? What are the key pieces to hit on with initiations into manhood that I can be sure I don't
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miss when attempting to help these men? Yeah. I mean, we've talked about this at length. I love
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this question because you're, you're right. Unless you, unless you grew up hunting and you had your
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father around or other good men in your life, a grandpa who initiated you this way. There's so many
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men that I hear from every week who will say things like, I don't feel like a man, or I don't know
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when I became a man. And that's, that's hard, but it's also good because as a man, you have the means
00:14:00.460
and the opportunity to do what men do. And I say this all the time. We talk about imposter syndrome
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and I've kind of been beaten on it the last couple of, uh, of weeks. You're not an imposter if you're
00:14:10.600
doing the thing. So what do men do? Protect, provide, preside. If you're doing that and, or making
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yourself more capable of doing those things, then you are being a man. Definitionally, definitionally.
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So, um, yeah, there's a lot of guys who have not been quote unquote initiated, but there,
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there are some factors. And by the way, if you hear some noise in the background, my,
00:14:32.440
my neighbor's doing a bunch of construction and building stuff. And I don't know if he blew up a
00:14:37.700
transformer the other day, my power went out for a couple hours, but it's crazy out there. So
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you guys will just have to deal with it. I heard this big explosion. I'm like, what did he do?
00:14:46.220
Because he's got the excavator out and I thought he like ran into something. And then actually it
00:14:52.340
wasn't him that blew it up. It was, it was two blocks away and I heard it and, and I went out
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to talk to him and he said, Oh, I just saw smoke and everything else. And they fixed it. But anyways,
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um, so that's how you initiate yourself is blow up a transformer with your excavator. And then,
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then you'll be a man. Then you'll be a man. Yeah. Yeah. Then you'll be a man, my son.
00:15:12.920
Um, but no, I think there are some key factors. So one I would say is isolation from women is a big
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one. Um, and I'm not saying permanently, I'm just saying in the moment, you know, if it's an acute
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rite of passage type moment, then it's being away from the women. If it's not acute, more of a
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ongoing effort, it would be something like the iron council where it's for men. There's women are not in,
00:15:37.000
in the iron council. And we do that by design because you know, as a man, whenever a woman
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enters the picture, it changes the dynamic. It doesn't make it wrong. Women being in the mix
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is actually very beautiful and lovely. It's actually powerful that it changes.
00:15:52.420
Yeah. It says a lot about them. Yeah. And you know what happens? Like a woman comes around and
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all of a sudden there's posturing and there's flirting and there's, you know, all sorts of weird
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behavior that we laugh at our boys for doing, but we do the same dang thing. So I would say
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isolation from women, either acutely or having an ongoing brotherhood where it's just the men.
00:16:13.840
And that could be your church group where you guys get together on, on a monthly or weekly basis or,
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um, a Bible study group. I wouldn't just isolate it to pontification and pondering on the cosmos.
00:16:27.920
I think you actually need to get out there. And here's the second point,
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introduce an element of risk to your rites of passage. If there's no risk, it's basically just
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you're out for a walk and there's no struggle in that. There's no turmoil in that. There's no
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overcoming anything in that. I think it also has to be deliberate. Like you can't just say,
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Hey, we're going to go camp out this week and it's going to be a rite of passage. What, why,
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why does a camp out automatically make it a rite of passage? Unless you're deliberate and intentional
00:16:57.360
about teaching key concepts, um, overcoming hurdles, overcoming challenge, facing your fears,
00:17:05.920
confronting your emotions, confronting the things that have gone well in your life and the things
00:17:10.980
that haven't gone well, confronting what you need to do in order to be a better man, having other men
00:17:15.580
confront you. So that's an aspect is making sure that you're around other good men who are calling
00:17:20.360
up and, and holding you accountable. And then I think there has to be some sort of, uh, conclusion
00:17:26.480
to it, you know, like, Hey, we're going to do this for, we're going to go on this hunt. And the goal is
00:17:31.280
to kill an animal. And that's our objective. And if we don't complete our objective, we have to come
00:17:36.580
back out here and here and do this again. Um, or our goal is to go out and build this, this barn for our,
00:17:44.660
our friend. Cause he needs some help this weekend and we're going to do this. And here's what we're
00:17:47.900
going to learn. And you're going to learn carpentry. And this guy's going to learn electrical
00:17:51.440
because we have an electrician coming and you'd learn and then it's done and you see it and you're
00:17:55.460
like, Oh, cool. There's the barn or there's the deer that I shot or whatever. And then there has to
00:18:01.040
be, there has to be a mark. So if you look at throughout human history, there's some really
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good books on this. One that I like is manhood in the making by David Gilmore. But historically what
00:18:13.020
has happened when, when a, a young man or boy is looking to be initiated by the men of the village,
00:18:21.360
he's, he's stripped away from the village and from the women. Right. And she's crying and wailing
00:18:28.260
and gnashing of teeth. And she, he's literally pulled off his mom's tit, so to speak. Like you're
00:18:34.180
not going to be with the women. Now you're with the men. And then there's, you go out and you have to
00:18:38.240
kill an animal and go steal the, the, the bald Eagle's egg on a thousand foot cliff or go, you
00:18:46.620
know, I don't, I don't know, whatever you have to go do something. And there's a real element of risk
00:18:51.680
that you might not actually do it. And in ancient times that you might actually die trying. And then
00:18:57.820
you come back to the men and you show that you've done it. And then what happens is they'll usually
00:19:03.880
mark you. So you would have been circumcised or tattooed or branded or pierced. There would have
00:19:11.020
been some permanent mark that says to that boy and the village that this is now a man. He has a seat
00:19:18.200
at the man's table. And then you start treating him like that. Now I'm not saying that you should all go
00:19:23.160
out and, you know, like brand your, your sons or give them a tattoo at 10 years old or anything,
00:19:28.760
but there has to be some sort of token. I call it to acknowledge that you've done something.
00:19:34.060
So a token might be, Hey, we're going to go out and we're going to go camp, but we're going to do
00:19:38.580
these 10 to 12 skill sets. And you're going to do all 12 of these skill sets. And if you do,
00:19:43.120
when you complete it, you get your first knife or you get your first rifle or whatever that token
00:19:47.720
might be. And so, but you can do that with men as well. You know, maybe it's, Hey, when you complete
00:19:53.220
this and we're on this hunt, I do this all the time. Kip, you've hunted with me. When I go on hunts,
00:19:57.500
I usually bring stuff with me at whether it's a Montana knife company knife. And I give it to
00:20:01.920
the guys that I hunt with or a hat or a shirt, not a big thing, but just something that signifies
00:20:07.420
we did work. And, uh, and we're now bonded in that, in that effort. So I think those are some
00:20:15.040
things you can do that with young men and you can do that with peers and guys your age too.
00:20:19.660
Yeah. Right. And let me ask you this because I, I see the correlation between this conversation
00:20:25.200
a little bit and people like finding my purpose, right? Like it's this thing that needs to be
00:20:32.000
sought out versus it's this action that we choose constantly over and over. Right. And so what are
00:20:37.600
your thoughts around one, the rites of passage of manhood, but also being a man means that you're
00:20:43.880
continually taking action, that you're continually protecting, providing, presiding, and we can be
00:20:50.980
acting like a man yesterday and be acting like a boy and being foolish today. Right. And that this
00:20:57.960
is an ongoing effort on our part. Yeah. I mean, and we say funny things like, give me your man card.
00:21:04.620
And we're usually talking about somebody who, you know, cried inappropriately or something like that.
00:21:09.020
Like, give me your man or drives a Prius. It's like, give me your man card or misses a shot on a deer
00:21:14.180
at a hundred yards. All right. Give me your man card. And we joke about it, but there's actually
00:21:17.400
some truth to it. There is a code and I think there's a universal code and then there's a tribal
00:21:22.980
code and the universal code. I've already, I've already explained it three times in this podcast.
00:21:28.200
It's to protect, provide, preside. That's what being a man is in every culture. There's no other
00:21:34.480
culture that would, that would have an exception to that rule for men. The men are the protectors,
00:21:40.260
the providers, and the leaders, period. Now there's nuance in that. There's different ways to go
00:21:47.160
about doing that in different tribes and cultures throughout human history, approach it slightly
00:21:51.520
different. Not really all that much, but slightly, but that's the universal code. And then there's
00:21:57.020
the tribal code and the tribal code is, this is our family motto. Here's how we act as a family,
00:22:01.720
or here's how we act as a group of guys, or here's the behavior that we're engaged in. And if you don't
00:22:07.280
engage in that behavior, you're ostracized from the tribe. You're not part of the tribe. And maybe in
00:22:13.520
some cases you can earn your way back into it, but there's real consequences for not honoring the
00:22:18.900
tribal code. And yeah, you can lose your man card in the very real sense because you're not behaving
00:22:26.200
that way. And so, yeah, you, we look at guys and we're like, oh man, that, that guy's a man. Even if we
00:22:31.180
don't vocalize it and we ask, well, why? Well, maybe he did something heroic. Maybe he did something
00:22:36.320
courageous. Maybe he sacrificed some aspect of his himself or his own life to do something. And we
00:22:42.800
would call that guy a man. And then we see the guy in active shooter situations, for example,
00:22:47.560
and they're cowering in the corner and they're running away and they're not serving. They're
00:22:51.060
not protecting. And we say the opposite. That guy's, that guy is not a man. That guy is weak. That guy is
00:22:59.600
cowardly. That guy is pathetic, right? So we all have the capacity to be weak and cowardly and the capacity
00:23:05.880
to be strong and courageous. And you are what you do. Yeah. Love it, man. William Pinnell on team
00:23:14.480
Oscar. I often find myself hesitating to give advice to my team members, even when solicited.
00:23:20.140
I find that I rely what has or has not worked for me personally quite easily. I find it hard to tell
00:23:27.040
men. Definitely. This is the way I don't feel like I have the authority to tell anyone how they should
00:23:33.000
do something or revert back to my personal experiences. I want to be, uh, uh, I want to
00:23:40.460
be a quality team member and help others. How would you suggest I improve this skill
00:23:44.540
of giving advice to others? Well, I don't think the way you're approaching it now is wrong.
00:23:50.700
You know, you're saying, Hey, you know, if you're asking me for advice, I don't know your dynamic
00:23:56.240
fully. I don't know your personality. I don't know your situation, but here's, what's worked
00:24:00.160
for me. Have you given that a try? That's giving advice. I don't, I think that's a very humble
00:24:05.740
way to give advice. Um, you know, if you want to be more direct, what I would have you consider
00:24:12.660
is a mindset shift. You said something interesting about authority. I don't feel I have the authority.
00:24:18.300
That's an interesting word or choice there that you used. You do have the authority. If somebody's
00:24:24.500
given you the authority, and I think authority is given and authority is recognized. And Kip,
00:24:32.460
you might even have in some capacity, let's say a work environment, you might have the authority to
00:24:37.220
direct me around, but unless I honor that authority, you have nothing over me. Now there might be
00:24:42.600
consequences to me not following it, but we call it an appeal to authority. It only works if the
00:24:50.620
person believes in the authority. So if somebody, for example, comes on the podcast and they start
00:24:55.920
talking about Jesus Christ and God, and they're using that to make a case to somebody who's an
00:25:01.560
atheist, that's a bad argument because nothing you could say is going to convince that person because
00:25:07.880
you're appealing to an authority that that person doesn't recognize. So now how does that apply to
00:25:13.800
you? If I say to you, Hey, well, I'm really curious about how you work with young men. He's a school
00:25:18.540
teacher. So how you work with what young men. And when you're dealing with these kind of things,
00:25:23.040
like what, what kind of conversations are you having? That's me giving you authority over my life
00:25:29.740
in this little, this little measurement, but that's me giving you the authority. And who are you to say
00:25:35.300
that you, that I can't give that to you? You don't get to control me. I do. Now you can decide whether
00:25:41.220
or not you want to act on it, but have faith that if somebody's asking for advice, it's because they
00:25:46.100
want advice. Because how many times do people actually ask for advice? Very little, very little.
00:25:54.600
So if they're actually asking, it means they recognize you as an authority in whatever the
00:26:00.240
topic is and take, take heart in that. Be, be, be flattered, be, be gracious with what you're doing.
00:26:07.960
And again, I don't think the way you're doing it is wrong. It might be a little passive in some
00:26:12.420
cases. Maybe you just, you just work on saying you get rid of the disqualifiers.
00:26:19.300
Um, and you just vote like, Oh, so, okay. So a disqualifier would be, I think that that's,
00:26:27.140
that's, that's, that's a qualifier. Yeah. Right. Or, well, in my opinion, no shit. Whose opinion do
00:26:34.220
you, do I think you're going to give me? But we do that all the time. I do the, I think,
00:26:39.540
I think you should do this, but I don't need to say that. If somebody asked me for a question,
00:26:47.080
I probably should get away from saying, well, I think you should do this. No, you should do this
00:26:52.140
because I believe, or I think that people are smart enough to know that you think that,
00:27:02.100
or that it's your opinion. And if they don't, then they're an idiot. And that's not really going to
00:27:07.560
be a great relationship anyways. It's funny when, when I make a comment on social media,
00:27:12.480
people will say, well, that's all just, that's just your opinion. No shit.
00:27:16.320
Like, did you think that I thought it was something other than my opinion? Whose opinion did you want
00:27:23.620
me to share? Whose ideas did you want me to talk about on my platforms? It's such a silly thing to
00:27:30.720
say. I know it's my opinion. I don't need to qualify everything I say with, I think this, and in my
00:27:36.520
opinion, well, if you're asking me, all of that's already true. It's already baked into the cake. So
00:27:41.700
maybe use just a little bit more direct language and that might come across more authoritative.
00:27:47.500
Yeah. Yeah. I love the fact, William, that you're thinking about it. The, the thing that I would add to
00:27:55.340
kind of your thought process is you're not dictating what people do anyway. You're really not. You're
00:28:03.160
giving advice. There there's, there's agency and choice in what you say. So don't put so much weight
00:28:09.880
like, Oh man, I don't want to have these guys, you know, do exactly what they're not probably
00:28:15.380
not going to do what you suggest anyway. Right. Most of us kind of don't, they, they still have,
00:28:21.440
or they take half of what you say. They misconstrue it. They misunderstand it. And they
00:28:25.900
implement some bastardized version of your recommendation anyway. Right. Like we are all
00:28:31.040
adults. People have agency and choice. You are just facilitating and, or suggesting concepts
00:28:37.900
and ideas for them to consider, remove all the weight that you've put on giving advice to people.
00:28:44.880
And, and so operate from that perspective, there there's choices happening on their part.
00:28:49.420
That's up to them. I love the fact though, that you're thinking like, Hey, do I have the,
00:28:53.500
how do I serve these guys? It may be one way to consider if you're kind of like still stuck on,
00:28:59.780
well, I don't want to come across as authoritative, authoritative, right. Or,
00:29:04.160
or too opinionated, just share what works for you. It's as simple as that. If Ryan goes, Oh,
00:29:10.680
I think, you know, Kip, what should I do in this circumstance? I'd be like, I don't know.
00:29:14.560
There's a lot of nuance there, Ryan. What has worked for me is what I have seen be effective in
00:29:20.540
my life is, and you're just sharing what's, what's present for you and what has worked for you.
00:29:27.360
And then they'll decide what that looks like for them. Yeah. I think that's well said. And you know,
00:29:33.480
there's another funny dynamic at play here. People who are trying to change
00:29:38.540
characteristics or personality traits, or just change who they are, their identity and how they
00:29:44.260
show up. They're always so worried about, well, I don't want to be too fill in the blank.
00:29:49.560
Come across too much a certain way. Yeah. I don't want to come across as too much. I don't want to be a
00:29:54.680
dictator. I don't want to. And then conversely, you might have a guy who knows he needs to tone
00:29:59.480
it down a little bit. He's like, well, I don't want to be too passive. I don't want to be too
00:30:02.220
timid. I don't want to be too weak guys. You won't because you're you there. There's no,
00:30:08.600
there's no possible way, no possible way for me to be a passive individual. It's just not possible.
00:30:18.180
Yep. I can change the way I can communicate. I can be more thoughtful. I could be more empathetic.
00:30:24.680
I can listen more. I can change the way I structure sentences and feedback, but I will
00:30:30.780
never, ever, ever be a passive person. I can't. It's not my nature. So, well, you're never going to
00:30:39.440
be a jerk. I know you guys. That's not in your nature. Even if you say things differently than
00:30:46.820
you are now, you're not going to come across as an a-hole. I promise you, you're going to feel like
00:30:51.620
you are, but nobody's going to read it that way. Cause it's not you. Totally. You know, I love,
00:30:57.780
dude, I I'm so glad you brought this up. We get into this a lot where we'll go, well, it's the
00:31:03.460
conduits communication and it's in the communication that people have perception, not necessarily all
00:31:09.320
the time. I'll share a quick example of this. A couple of years ago, I moved from a director role
00:31:14.940
into an executive role. I went from having peers to being in a senior leadership role where I affected
00:31:21.400
my peers. Immediately at that time, I did a leadership assessment. I asked for feedback
00:31:27.220
from those peers that now were kind of below me. If you want to use that term from an organizational
00:31:32.580
hierarchy perspective, the feedback Ryan pissed me off. Made me irate. I was so annoyed by the feedback.
00:31:41.840
The feedback was Kip is arrogant. He's self-centered. He thinks he's superior than everyone
00:31:48.220
else. I'm like, and I, one, I was, my ego was crushed, but there was an element where I was like
00:31:56.060
really being self-evaluated. And I was like, is that true? And I couldn't feel it. I was like,
00:32:03.500
that's not me. I don't think I'm better than them, but it was enough that it really questioned
00:32:09.580
myself. Here's the funny part. I'm like, actually, it's not how I communicate. It's not, it's, I
00:32:18.740
shouldn't be less passionate about what I'm talking about. I should not have less drive and I shouldn't
00:32:25.820
reduce how I'm communicating. The issue is they don't know me well enough.
00:32:32.200
And so my focus for a quarter was established better relationships with them. I didn't dim my
00:32:41.540
light. I made sure that they knew me, that they had a relationship with me. And what would you know?
00:32:50.180
Changed nothing around communication, but what happened in six months? Kip is such a great servant
00:32:55.460
leader. He helps me so much. He's a stud. Nothing changed about my communication.
00:33:01.900
I just established relationship. So maybe, and I'm glad you brought this up because I think this
00:33:06.920
works out perfect for William. You don't want these guys to perceive you as a know-it-all. Guess what?
00:33:12.280
They need to know you. You need to build leadership capital with them to be in a position to influence.
00:33:18.860
And guess what? When you have leadership capital and influence, you can be a complete asshole and
00:33:23.760
people will go, yeah, but I know William and he's a stud. Exactly. It's about the relationship. It's
00:33:29.900
not about how are you communicating? Yeah. Good point. Really good point. Well, it's your point.
00:33:35.600
You brought it up and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:33:39.380
My point was a good point. What are you talking about? I'm just glad I could riff on it.
00:33:45.740
All right. What's next? All right. Nick Rowe. I think back to a guest you had on the podcast a
00:33:51.640
couple of years ago that said he, he believed that masculinity died off not long after world
00:33:56.880
war two and was reborn sometimes in the eighties and nineties. And that this new wave of masculinity
00:34:02.380
was largely encouraged by women. It was a very domesticated masculinity, masculinity, largely
00:34:09.160
represented by the proverbial sitcom dad that could be considered masculinity in its infant stage.
00:34:17.960
He then moved on to say that the rise of the manosphere and figures like Andrew Tate represent
00:34:23.580
masculinity in its adolescent stage. Do you believe assuming you follow his model at all
00:34:28.800
that we have moved out of the adolescent stage into maturity or are we still in the adolescent stage?
00:34:36.200
I think, well, so stage is interesting. I, I, that's, that's an interesting word.
00:34:42.460
I think it's more cyclical than just progressive or linear stages where it's the hard times create good
00:34:50.620
men, good men create good times, good times create weak men. It's that, it's that whole adage. And, and I,
00:34:55.760
and I ascribe to that. And when you have, when you have desperate times, you know, depressions and world
00:35:03.300
wars and famine and poverty, men step up painfully, sometimes slowly, sometimes with a lack of, of
00:35:13.600
composure and grace and class, but we do, we step up and we get things done. And then when everything's
00:35:21.560
fixed as it will be, and it takes time and it's painful and it's violent in some cases, but when
00:35:27.700
everything settles down, then we were, we go back into like rest and recovery mode. And you've heard
00:35:34.900
me talk about the analogy of the ax that's on the wall and the, in the, um, the fire extinguisher and
00:35:40.820
the ax on the wall in the hotel or the corporate office where it says in case of emergency blip break
00:35:44.800
glass here, that's what happens. So we're, we're facing a time and Andrew, Andrew Tate has capitalized on
00:35:51.740
this. Um, I think he's got, I think he's got a lot of the diagnosis. Correct. I think his prescription
00:36:01.500
is wrong, but I think his diagnosis, he's pretty bright when it comes to him diagnosing what is
00:36:08.360
going on with, with men and culture. And I would agree with a lot of what he says, but his prescription
00:36:14.380
is off. But the reason that people are so compelled to a guy like that is because for a boy or an
00:36:23.180
adolescent or somebody who's a full grown man, but immature, what they see is clarity. What they
00:36:30.660
see is conviction and confidence in the, in the absence of their own clarity and conviction,
00:36:36.480
that looks pretty enticing. That guy must know what he's talking about because look at the way that he
00:36:43.180
says it, he says it with conviction and he is very compelling and he makes good points and he knows
00:36:49.800
how to pit people against each other. And he plays class warfare and tribalism. Like he knows he's very
00:36:54.180
good at that. So it's compelling. Another example of that, who I think has it more right than the
00:36:59.740
prescription, more right than Andrew Tate, although not fully is Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson is an
00:37:05.400
authority figure. He he's, he's a, he's a college professor. He's obviously an intellect. He's achieved
00:37:11.740
huge levels of notoriety and fame and success. And he speaks very eloquently. He's a master of the
00:37:18.880
length, the, the, the human language, English language. And so in the absence of a man, not
00:37:25.320
knowing what he ought to be doing, he's naturally going to be looked to be fathered by the man who's
00:37:30.200
competent and confident. So that's, what's happening is that I think that there were still have some
00:37:36.780
adolescence. Um, I still think we're trying to figure things out. I think there's a lot of grown men
00:37:43.920
aged guys who never really spent time around men. They were raised by single mothers. They went to
00:37:51.680
school for 12, 13, 14, 16 years, and were either taught by, uh, women, 75% roughly of, um, of school
00:38:01.460
teachers, public school teachers are women. And then they go to therapy because all the women told
00:38:06.540
them to go to therapy and roughly 75% of therapists are women. So then they're getting therapized by
00:38:12.840
women. Uh, and it's no wonder to me why men have this like just frustration. I know I should be doing
00:38:22.660
more. I know I want to dominate. I know I want to be aggressive. I know I want to be stoic. I know I
00:38:26.820
want to go on taking the world. I know I want to take risk and challenge myself and push myself and
00:38:31.340
enlist other. I know all of that. And then society says, dangerous. Uh, you go back in that case
00:38:39.140
cause it's not an emergency right now. And you tamper that down. You, you withhold that. You
00:38:46.180
don't share that. You don't put that out into the world. You need to sit down, be quiet, shut up,
00:38:50.560
color within the lines and do what you're told. We'll break the glass when we're ready for you.
00:38:54.300
And so it's no wonder that men are frustrated and pissed and confused. So we need to embrace
00:39:02.420
the masculine side. And you can only do that by being around other men who have already done that,
00:39:08.480
who know how to do that, who celebrate it, who honor it, and who teach you how to use your God-given
00:39:14.820
talents and gifts and abilities and characteristics and traits for the betterment of your life and for
00:39:20.660
other people. And I think that will change as times get hard and they will, we're going to see
00:39:27.740
more men step up. It's inevitable. I mean, this is the pendulum, right? I mean, you can only demonize
00:39:34.660
masculine things so much for men to start seeking like, where am I supposed to go? Right. And they
00:39:40.600
hear some messaging that celebrates some masculinity and there's like, Oh, finally some clarity that I'm
00:39:46.220
not broken. I'm not, you know, the way I feel is not necessarily wrong. And, and that's what Jordan
00:39:52.320
Peterson and Tate do, whether we agree with their tactics or not is a different story, but like,
00:39:58.020
that's, that's what guys are seeking, right? Because not only are we asked not to be masculine,
00:40:02.760
it's being demonized this entire time as well. And it's, you know, where, where do you go with that?
00:40:08.260
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild times. You know, it's funny how it's just crazy how soft we have it,
00:40:15.900
you know? Like when I think about society and I think about the last lack of masculinity, it's just
00:40:21.000
because we're built upon these systems that don't require it of anybody. Right. Why? And we can,
00:40:27.640
we can be feminine than is needed. Yeah. Yeah. Men, men thrive when our backs are against the wall.
00:40:35.320
Like when you're really digging in, clawing and scraping, cause you're in a financial hardship
00:40:40.420
or relational breakup or a divorce or like whatever. And you're just suffering. Yeah,
00:40:46.420
sure. Some men crumble and they can crumble because they're allowed to crumble. Society has
00:40:51.660
all these little, little there's options backstops in place to make sure, you know, like, Oh, you lost
00:40:56.540
your job. Cool. We'll pay you forever. Oh, you're having a hard time making your payments. Cool. Here's a
00:41:01.820
little extra money from somebody else. Who's actually working hard. So we've got all these
00:41:05.480
little backstops in place to protect people. But when it's just you, it's like, I got to do what
00:41:13.200
I got to do. There's a really great scene in, um, I think it's called the gray or gray with Liam
00:41:20.120
Neeson. Have you seen it? 50 shades of gray. No, I haven't watched that movie. No, no. Yeah. I would
00:41:26.420
not want to watch 50 shades of gray with Liam Neeson or yeah, that's a weird image. Um, he's
00:41:34.240
like tiring it up. He's like, I will find you. Yeah. And when I do, um, yeah, I have a very
00:41:42.060
special set of skills. She's tied up on a bed. It's like, Oh gosh. Um, no. So I think it's
00:41:52.620
called gray and he long story, long story short. It's a, it's a cool movie. It's a little
00:41:57.540
slow, but it's a cool movie at the end. He ends up, he's trying to rescue himself and
00:42:01.560
other people, but he ends up stumbling into a wolf den and everybody has died except for
00:42:08.820
him. He's the last man standing. And he realizes he's in the wolf's den and he starts grabbing
00:42:15.540
like a bottle. He breaks a bottle. He puts like grabs rocks, like everything he can. And he
00:42:21.300
like tapes them to his hands and he just like puts up his dukes. Like, all right, let's
00:42:26.580
go. Let's go. He's got glass shards taped to his knuckles and he's going to go out swinging
00:42:32.440
because that's the only choice he has. Now he died, I think, but you know, it's still an
00:42:38.100
interesting story. It's like you, when it's just you and there's no safety behind you,
00:42:44.720
there's no safety stops. You'll do whatever you need to do. And that's a really powerful position
00:42:50.480
to be in. We don't want to be there. It's not comfortable, but it's powerful.
00:42:55.300
Yeah. Yeah. Mike, uh, Mike Arndel, Arndelfer. How do you lead your sons through a current social
00:43:03.420
environment, particularly when it comes to their futures? I have three boys, two in college,
00:43:07.760
one in high school, less concerned about the effect of masculinity, but more career and financial
00:43:14.220
oriented. The days of graduating high school and getting a job at the local mill and getting
00:43:18.800
a professional degree that allow a man to typically make enough money to put down payments on a house
00:43:24.160
and support a family are unfortunately behind us. And that alone is enough, uh, to wound any man's
00:43:30.680
purpose, much less one just starting out. What are your thoughts? I mean, I, I would, I would agree
00:43:36.160
with that assessment. I think it's much harder for a young man to get ahead financially in this
00:43:40.920
climate than it has been for the past several decades, at least, you know, and even when, even when I
00:43:47.900
started order of man just 10 years ago, the climate has just changed immensely. Um, people's income is,
00:43:56.260
is struggling. The, the inflation is rising. There's so much financial stress on people. We
00:44:03.160
still live in a really abundant, prosperous time. The market's doing well, which is weird. So that just
00:44:08.040
goes to show there's a lot of manipulation going on and taking place. It's a very, it's a very weird
00:44:12.900
time. So the best thing that you can do for a young man is to teach them the skills they'll be,
00:44:21.140
they'll need to, to survive. Whether we're talking about the movie, the gray, and you're going to go
00:44:27.180
out there and be a survival guy and, and you're gonna have to face all the wolves. You need to know
00:44:30.940
the skills or the financial skills. So a couple of things come to mind. Financial discipline to me
00:44:37.520
is huge. I think that is hurting more people financially than just about anything else.
00:44:44.860
We live in an age of consumerism. I, when I had, uh, Joshua Becker on the podcast about minimalism,
00:44:51.660
he, he said to me that on average, the, uh, an average human being is advertised to 5,000 times per day,
00:45:01.680
5,000 times. And if you don't know financial discipline, you're going to succumb to a lot of
00:45:10.560
that advertising. You're going to go buy this and buy that and keep up with this person and keep up
00:45:14.600
with that person. And it's killing us. You know, and then we look at the cost of, of homes today.
00:45:23.420
Exorbitant. I mean, just now I don't think we're comparing apples to apples when we compare a home
00:45:27.660
that was built in 2025 relative to something that was built in 1965. It's, it's a significantly
00:45:33.680
better product. At least it should be than it was before. So we're not comparing apples to apples,
00:45:38.540
but even still the amount of things that we need in our lives is crazy from air conditioning to
00:45:46.480
internet to, uh, phones, subscriptions. Here's another one. I just, I just got an email from the
00:45:54.780
local car wash here and it said, Hey, you're, you're billing every, every, uh, month is going
00:46:00.900
from $20 to $29 or something like that. I was like, okay, wait, let me do the math on this. So
00:46:07.080
the average car, the cost of a car wash there is like seven bucks and it's now $30. So that means
00:46:14.140
that I would need to do just over four car washes a month to justify that. And when's the last time I
00:46:21.220
washed my truck? Oh, two months ago. Yeah. I think I'll get rid of the subscription, but we are being
00:46:29.540
killed in a death by a thousand cuts. Your Netflix subscription, your paramount, your UFC, your car
00:46:36.560
wash subscription, your foot, your phone. And then, and then we think like when you go buy a new phone
00:46:41.440
that, and this is planned obsolescence is what they call it. These things are designed to break down
00:46:46.600
and they know when they're going to break down. Even your cars. Is it any surprise to you? I can't
00:46:54.100
believe that people don't really consider this, but how is it that your car falls apart right after
00:46:58.860
the warranty expires? How is that possible? Because it's designed to do that. There's literally
00:47:06.260
engineers on record describing parts that are designed to break after a certain amount of wear
00:47:12.920
and tear of usage. They're designed to break after the warranty as we are being so manipulated and
00:47:20.360
taken advantage of. And then you think, well, my phone, my cell phone built only a hundred bucks.
00:47:24.040
Yeah. But you just paid $2,000 for that phone. What, what could $2,000, $2,000 could have done
00:47:32.380
if you just kept your phone a little bit longer? What could that have done for you? Now you have to
00:47:37.300
weigh the cost and if it's appropriate and everything else, but if you can't have financial discipline and
00:47:42.360
you can't teach your kids financial discipline, yes, there's the other things about how to grow a
00:47:46.320
business and put them in the right environment and invest wisely and learn how to invest.
00:47:50.760
Being around financially literate and successful people, not only will teach them what they need
00:47:55.700
to know, but it'll also expose them to opportunities that other people don't have. You know, when people
00:48:01.200
say the rich get richer, of course they do because they know how to do it. It's just such a silly
00:48:06.700
phrase. Oh, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Yeah. Obviously. Why is that the case
00:48:12.660
though? Because wealthy people know how to build wealth. So put yourself in proximity to those
00:48:17.160
individuals. Man, I could go on this stuff all day. I love this stuff. Totally. Totally. There's a
00:48:21.520
couple of points. You know, Mike, I, I was teaching some high school students yesterday and the
00:48:27.620
conversation was around the importance of having homes where things are peaceful, right? Where it,
00:48:35.540
where our homes are an escape from the chaos of school, social life, and these other things.
00:48:42.380
And as we're talking about this, I'm thinking, Oh, I'm talking with high school kids. Mark my word.
00:48:47.180
They all believe that if their home is not a place of refuge, that it's not their fault,
00:48:52.540
that it's actually up to the mom and dad to determine that. And they're just victims of it.
00:48:57.260
And so I latched onto this idea and I said, there are two people in this world. There are people who
00:49:03.720
believe that their life is made up of things that happen to them, victimhood, or people that make
00:49:11.960
things happen. And then we double down on how do you move to making things happen? What's within
00:49:20.280
your realm of control? And, and Mike, when I see the circumstance, I'm not saying our social situation
00:49:26.240
is not difficult. It absolutely is, but it's really important as parents that we teach our kids to move
00:49:34.020
to what are you going to do about it? And you move to action and you're not in this space of it's
00:49:41.660
happening to you. And what was you guess what? It's tougher to own a home than it's ever been.
00:49:46.900
All right. So son, what are you going to do about it? What can you do about it? What's within your
00:49:53.320
realm of control? Mike, I think you heard what Kip had to say about not painting yourself as a victim,
00:49:58.640
which I wholeheartedly agree. So with that said, I think that's a good sign that we'll wrap it up
00:50:03.660
today. Guys, you had some really, really good questions. I know I kind of went off on my soapbox
00:50:08.040
today, but some of those questions were powerful. And I think it's really important that we ponder and
00:50:13.300
consider how these ideas and the answers to the questions will impact our lives and also the lives
00:50:19.680
of the people that we care about. And that's one theme that I saw in the conversations today from
00:50:24.060
rites of passage to how do I give advice to other men to how do I teach my boys about finances and
00:50:31.380
money? And I can see that where our heart was today was paying it forward and helping other men on their
00:50:39.760
journey, which I love to see. I think that's a big part of what it means to be a man adding
00:50:43.060
value in people's lives. So we did talk about the iron council a little bit, guys. If you want to
00:50:47.100
check that out, head to order of man.com slash iron council. We are open right now. And we just had,
00:50:53.520
I think three or four people sign up just yesterday, which was very cool. So we're growing and it's
00:50:58.580
exciting to see the new men come in there. We had a great call this morning with, with our guys.
00:51:03.500
That's an iron council wide call. And I love that these guys are able to communicate with each
00:51:08.640
other, that they can talk with each other, that they can work through their struggles together.
00:51:12.920
And that's a big part of what we're doing there. So make sure to check that out again,
00:51:15.980
order of man.com slash iron council. All right, guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out
00:51:21.280
there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
00:51:26.280
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:51:31.020
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.