Order of Man - Overcome the Resistance, Dealing with Negative Momentum, and Creating Your Own Demand ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:17.020 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. All right, brother, what's going on? I almost called Sean because he

00:00:28.880 was on the podcast last week. I almost called him Kit. Did you listen to the podcast?

00:00:33.260 Yeah, I did. I was like, hey, Kit. Wait, not Kit. You're Sean. Gotcha. All right. So now I'm

00:00:39.160 back. And he took it as a compliment, I'm sure. Yeah, that was a compliment for Sean. He's like,

00:00:43.940 oh, I'm moving up in life. I'm like here to here within literally two seconds. So of course he did.

00:00:51.000 Man. You have a good weekend? Yeah, it was pretty good. I got a lot of stuff done around the house.

00:00:57.220 I was supposed to be heading to Austin today. I'm not doing that. Long story. So we won't worry

00:01:01.280 about it. And then yesterday I was actually going to pull the canoe down because I put it up for the

00:01:06.900 winter and event season, all this kind of, this is what I say. The reality is like, I just put it up

00:01:12.000 because I didn't want to sand anymore. So I was going to get it down yesterday. I'm like, all right,

00:01:16.060 I'm going to sand it. We're going to sand out that hole, get that done. And then it started raining.

00:01:20.460 I'm like, gosh, like talk about the resistance. If you guys haven't read the war of art by Steven

00:01:29.140 Pressfield, read that. I have so much resistance kept in my life right now between me wanting to

00:01:35.760 pull the canoe down yesterday. And then it's like, no, we're going to rain. It's like,

00:01:38.820 it hasn't rained for like a month and you got to rain that day. Uh, or I was very frustrated last

00:01:45.480 night. Cause I was talking to my wife about a potential surgery that I may have coming up.

00:01:50.240 And I'm like, you know, resistance. I was so wanting to train. I was so disciplined. I was so

00:01:56.200 committed. I was training no less than four days per week for weeks, like probably, probably years.

00:02:07.580 And then this happens and I'm like, are you serious? You know what? It's like

00:02:11.840 other interpersonal communication stuff. I don't need to get into that. I was like,

00:02:16.100 you know, it's like, we're doing so well. We're on top of the world. And then all of a sudden it's

00:02:21.320 like, this stuff happens and that comes up and you have an injury or you do something stupid or

00:02:26.040 that rains. And it's like, gosh, dang, man, I don't mean to shit on anybody's parade today at all.

00:02:32.400 But like, if you're dealing with bullshit right now, and I know a lot of you are,

00:02:35.780 it just sucks. What, what else can I say? It just sucks. And so pivot, adjust,

00:02:44.520 use it as an opportunity to get better, try to make amends, apologize or whatever, where you need

00:02:49.980 to. And then just, just chalk it up to a learning experience and then just get like, get better

00:02:55.840 because of it. Don't just dwell in your own misery. How was your weekend Kip on that note?

00:03:01.480 Yeah. It was, you know, before I say that though, like I, I, I totally agree, man. Like I,

00:03:07.700 I literally that the week that my, my dad started going downhill and it was kind of like, he went

00:03:16.020 really downhill bad. And then the next week is, is kind of when he came home hospice and then passed

00:03:22.040 away that weekend. And literally since then on almost probably 30 days past his death, maybe,

00:03:32.600 maybe even until now, you know, I've, I've been kind of walking around. I was telling my wife,

00:03:37.340 I'm like, I feel like I'm imploding my life, you know, like I was really happy and grateful for

00:03:43.980 things. And I felt like I had like good momentum and stuff. And then I don't know if that just put me

00:03:49.240 in an emotional state that I just got overly sensitive and then everything is like not good

00:03:55.500 enough. Right. Or it's not the way I wanted, or it's not meeting expectations. And you know what I

00:04:00.660 mean? And I'm like, I don't know. Like I, I really felt like at one point I'm like, I might just be a

00:04:05.540 walking time bomb and I'm just looking for opportunity to destroy shit in my life. And it's

00:04:11.520 really weird. So, um, but like to your point, right. It's like, okay, well, you know what?

00:04:18.840 Opportunity to grow, right? Let's evaluate where's this coming from. And you know what I mean? And

00:04:23.440 look and look for opportunity to, I don't know, look into it and grow from it. So,

00:04:28.360 Isn't it interesting? You said a walking time bomb when I, when you said that, I was like,

00:04:32.040 yeah, we self-sabotage. Yeah. Right. We have one external thing happen. That's unfortunate. Sure.

00:04:40.440 Yeah. And, and I'm not trying to just dismiss or downplay your father's death or, you know,

00:04:45.880 my father died three years ago. And, and I hate to say it was unfortunate. It's worse than that. It's,

00:04:51.280 it's way worse than that, but kind of unrelated to these things that I'm, that I'm sabotaging though.

00:04:58.520 Exactly. You don't have to compound it because this thing happened and yet we do it, you know,

00:05:06.860 it's like, ah, my dad died. And so I'm going to start, you know, being a complete a-hole to my wife.

00:05:13.360 Wait, what? Like, what does that have to do with the way you treat your wife? Or, you know, 0.90

00:05:19.120 I'm dealing with this little, little injury I'm dealing with. And so, you know, I'm going to,

00:05:23.300 I'm going to blow up order of man because I'm pissed. Wait, what, what are you talking about?

00:05:28.980 Like, what does that have to do with anything order of man related? And yet we do it because

00:05:34.520 you said it, I'm going to play the victim, throw a little pity party. You know, maybe I'll get some

00:05:39.140 attention. I remember I got in a fight. This is a funny story. I got in a fight when I was,

00:05:44.020 I think I was in seventh or eighth grade and the kid gave me a black eye and a bloody nose.

00:05:51.140 Like he beat, he beat me up pretty good. Yeah. And so I had a black eye actually, no,

00:05:56.200 I'm sorry. I didn't even have a black eye. I had a broken blood vessel in my eye. It wasn't even

00:06:00.000 black. It was just, I broke a blood vessel and I got a bloody nose. Like it's a little fight, 1.00

00:06:04.860 you know, no big deal. Yeah. And I remember I went to school. This was probably on like a Friday

00:06:09.740 or Saturday. Me and this kid got in a fight over. It was legitimately, it was over a playboy

00:06:16.700 magazine. It was his and you stole it or what? I can't exactly remember. I just remember naked 0.73

00:06:24.620 women and a black guy. That's really like all I remember because it was an eighth grade or seventh

00:06:30.720 grade. I think it was, I think we had found one and somebody, I can't even remember. Somebody had

00:06:38.680 like tore it up and like threw it over all over the park. And then somebody's mom found it and then

00:06:45.600 knew it was us. Like the, the group of boys that ran together. Yeah. And, uh, and then somebody

00:06:52.580 ratted so-and-so out that it was there. Like what, like, who knows? I don't even know. And so we got

00:06:58.660 in this little fight. Right. And I get to school, that was a Saturday or Friday and I get to school

00:07:02.860 on Monday and I have this broken blood vessel, bro. I got like hugs and like all the girls were

00:07:09.900 paying attention to me. And I'm like, I want to like deliberately punch myself in the eye

00:07:14.600 next time. And like, and like, get some loving from these ladies. You're like, I don't need a 1.00

00:07:19.060 playboy. I need a black eyes. All I, exactly. That's all I need. And then I look at it. What? 30 years

00:07:26.560 later. That's what we do. We still do that. Yeah. Right. Like we're like, Oh, my life's hard. And

00:07:35.400 all these things happen to me and people hate me and people are out to get me. And I have a black

00:07:40.600 eye. And so like, maybe if I'm social media, I show you my black eye, you'll give me some attention.

00:07:45.080 And so we laugh at that story about when I was, you know, 12, 13 years old about getting a black eye

00:07:50.260 and all the cute girls at school give me a hug. Cause they saw how, you know, hurt I was.

00:07:56.560 And I'm like, we haven't grown out of it. Like we're still playing the victim. We're still using

00:08:03.100 that victim card in order to get what it is we want, whether it's the raise or the attention or

00:08:07.500 the woman or the accolades or whatever. And it's kind of pathetic. Yeah. It's kind of pathetic, man.

00:08:15.140 Totally. It brings up an interesting point though, is when we talk about momentum, we usually always

00:08:21.260 talk about it from a positive perspective, but there's also, I I'm assuming, you know, I don't

00:08:27.660 know, this is drawing the idea that there can be negative momentum, you know, and, and I think

00:08:33.780 sometimes expectations don't get met. Things aren't going as we wish they would go. And it creates

00:08:39.940 momentum and momentum of what else is not going well in my life. And in, you know, and it creates this,

00:08:47.880 this movement of negativity, maybe, you know, and self-sabotage based upon what we're talking

00:08:54.040 about. It's interesting. I never thought of momentum as maybe even being negative.

00:08:58.560 I haven't either. But one thing I got thinking about, as you said, that is obviously you live

00:09:03.580 in Northern Utah. We've got the, you know, the Rocky mountains and whatnot. There's no mountains

00:09:08.000 here. People say they're mountains. They're not mountains, but in Utah, you have mountains.

00:09:11.320 Yeah. Hills and hills. Uh, and you know what I'm talking about? You'll, you'll be going down,

00:09:17.200 um, that highway. I don't know what it is from salt Lake up to like Heber and park city,

00:09:21.480 that area. Yeah. Yeah. The 80, 80, 80. And you're coming down the 80 and there's all these

00:09:27.700 turns like twists and turns and it's all, it's like the whole thing is downhill. Yeah. And,

00:09:32.980 but every once in a while, you'll see, you know, runaway truck gravel pits. Yeah. A couple of them

00:09:37.940 down that freeway in that short distance. Yeah. And so it was like, yeah, like if your brakes

00:09:43.380 are out, you got to hit that gravel pit to slow yourself down. And I think that's a

00:09:48.060 good point, you know, Kip and you and I, and I'm obviously we had a personal discussion

00:09:51.800 before this. I'm not going to get into the specifics, but you know, there's some, some

00:09:56.100 of that negative momentum based on some assumptions on both of our parts. And it's like, you know

00:10:01.020 what? It's going to hurt. It's going to suck, but let's like, we got to hit the gravel

00:10:04.480 pit. Yeah. Like we got to hit the gravel pit. We got to put the brakes on. We got to run

00:10:09.600 into, if we let this keep going. Yeah. It's going to be, we're going to rat. Yeah.

00:10:13.380 Right. So you had to let go of some of your pride. I had to let go of some of my pride.

00:10:18.000 And then we have a good conversation for the last 40 minutes before we hit record. And it's

00:10:21.560 like, cool. We hit the gravel pit, a little awkward, a little uncomfortable. You know, yeah,

00:10:25.940 we had to be vulnerable, which is your favorite word or humble, humble, authentic. And then

00:10:34.620 you're like, okay, you hit the gravel pit. You're like, all right, that wasn't totally

00:10:39.400 comfortable, but like, we're safe. Like all is good. Let's reset, figure out what needs

00:10:44.840 to be figured out and then get back on the path. Yeah. I like it. So I ran Ragnar, the

00:10:52.940 I saw that trail relay. Yeah, man, you would love this. So first off, I went with a couple

00:10:58.140 of guys from the IC, a handful of guys were in the IC was part of the team representing.

00:11:03.540 It was awesome. I saw Greg Nielsen out there running his order of van shirt.

00:11:07.520 Greg's going to hear this and he's going to maybe laugh, but I almost thought maybe Greg

00:11:13.080 might be dying when I saw him on the trail and I messaged him. I said, dude, how are you doing?

00:11:19.500 He's like, let's just say it was an eventful weekend. So I'm assuming there's more to the

00:11:24.800 story, but you know, his kid, by the way, his kids are killers. I don't know if you know that

00:11:31.320 his boys, his boys are runners. They are amazing. Okay. So this, so there might be some like dad's

00:11:38.980 try to level up maybe a little bit harder than he should. I love Greg. I love Greg, but his boys are

00:11:45.800 way better at running than him. Like their state champions, their track all-stars. I don't know if

00:11:51.160 you knew that, but they are, they are runners. Yes. That's funny. Absolutely. I saw him on my eight

00:11:56.360 miler and I'm like, and after we passed, I said to Asia, I'm like, we should have asked him if he

00:12:02.340 was okay, if he needed some water. Cause I thought he's not looking very good, you know? So, but,

00:12:09.240 but here's the part I wanted to share. That was super funny. So we're, we're pulling down camp on

00:12:13.800 Saturday and I have my order man testosterone shirt on my order man swag, which you guys can get

00:12:22.340 at store.order of man.com. And he goes, dude, I love that shirt. Do you want to trade shirts?

00:12:28.780 And I'm like, sure, let's trade shirts. You know what I mean? So we did our, our little exchange

00:12:34.620 shirt thing. And I ended up at some sweaty dudes, a CrossFit shirt from San Diego. And now he has the

00:12:41.000 order of man, a testosterone shirt. So, but it was actually quite funny. Yeah. That is funny. Yeah.

00:12:46.940 The testosterone builder isn't one that we even have available anymore. Cause it was hilarious and

00:12:52.640 but it ran its course. Yeah. Um, but it was hilarious. Yeah, dude, that, that Ragnar is no

00:12:57.960 joke. So that was my, I think that was my first event when I started to get in shape. That was the

00:13:05.000 first event that I went and did up in Zion and it's different. So you've done the trail relay kind of,

00:13:11.720 kind of. So the Ragnar, I think that's one of the only ones where they do it. Like it's a,

00:13:17.180 it's a trail instead of just the road. Yeah. You camp and you do loops. Yeah. Yeah. So I did my,

00:13:23.580 if I remember right, there was like an eight miler and like a five or six miler, if I remember right.

00:13:28.440 Yeah. There's two 4.5s. That's what it was changed from last year, but two 4.5s and one 7.8.

00:13:36.060 Oh no. So we had like a five ish, an eight ish and a 13 ish. Ooh, that's fun. And so I did my,

00:13:45.360 the first thing I did and I don't run, I'm not a runner at all. Yeah. Zero. The first thing I did

00:13:51.220 is the five miler and that was in the afternoon. And I was like, that was cool. Like that was

00:13:55.740 enjoyable. And then I got woken up at 2 AM and I'm like, Hey, it's time for your eight miler.

00:14:00.740 And at first I was like, this sucks. But then I was running through the forest and I felt like an

00:14:05.720 Indian, like, cause there was, it was just the stars and, you know, maybe a glow stick here and 0.98

00:14:11.120 there. Awesome. It was awesome. And I'm like, okay, well that was cool. Like an eight miler. I was,

00:14:16.960 it was like 2 AM. I mean, that was awesome. And then I wake up at like six or seven. Cause that's

00:14:22.800 when my next 13 miler was and maybe it was 11. I can't remember exactly whatever, but that was when the

00:14:28.540 big one was. And I'm like, Oh, this one's going to suck. And I woke up and my tent is like in my

00:14:33.740 face. Like I'm laying my back and the tents in my face. And I'm like, what's going on? I'm like,

00:14:39.420 push my hand out and I get out of the tent and it had snowed and I get out of the tent and there's

00:14:46.220 this van that's backing up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I stop them. My buddy's tent was right there.

00:14:52.320 He almost ran it over. There was that much snow on the ground. Yeah. And we stopped them. He was like

00:14:56.540 a foot or two away from running over my buddy. Yeah. Cause his tent's all flattened out.

00:15:01.500 Couldn't even see the tent. Yeah. So then I go into the chow hall. Cause there was like this big, 0.98

00:15:06.440 like food place, if I remember right. And I'm like, all right, well, I'll get some breakfast.

00:15:10.340 The guy that's running before me is probably going to finish up in the next 20 or 30 minutes. I'll

00:15:14.340 just grab a quick bite and then I'll go run. And I'm dreading it. Cause it's a long race,

00:15:19.420 the long portion of the race. And I get my food and they come in and they're like, Hey, 1.00

00:15:23.820 the race has been canceled. No way. Because the guys that were on the trail were literally up to

00:15:30.400 their shins and knees and just water and mud and cold. And so they canceled the race and they still

00:15:37.960 gave us our things. And I'm like, well, like we didn't finish, you know, technically. And they're

00:15:43.440 like, ah, but you were here. I'm like, okay. So I got a participation trophy from the Ragnar.

00:15:48.640 So I'm like, I don't even think I don't have it displayed. Cause I didn't finish it. It's like

00:15:52.220 a participation trophy, but yeah, I got two thirds of the way through a Ragnar race. One time.

00:15:57.640 I've heard about that story of it snowing up there before. Like someone told me about it.

00:16:02.700 Yeah. It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. I was grateful that I got out of the 13 miler. Let's

00:16:09.960 just put it that way. Yeah. My first run with, so we had two teams and so we could run with our spouses. 0.97

00:16:17.500 It was kind of the idea. Yeah. That's fine. And, um, so my time was really bad. Cause you know,

00:16:23.380 I had to run with my wife, but right. Of course. Yeah. But, um, hopefully she has what I was going

00:16:27.900 to say. Oh, hold on. So I timestamp this so I can. Yeah. Yeah. So I, um, totally, um, maybe,

00:16:36.540 maybe I shouldn't share this on the podcast. So had a burrito the night before totally wrecked me.

00:16:42.380 And I was like, I was up all night long shitting all night long. So I got zero sleep. Woke up in

00:16:51.340 the morning. I'm like, babe, this may go South, you know? So I'm like, bring some wet wipes.

00:16:57.940 Cause I might just be taking the dump in the middle of this run. You gotta do what you gotta

00:17:01.900 do. How this is going to work out. Luckily it didn't happen, but I'm like, oh man, I just feel

00:17:07.200 like crap. But by the third round, I was like, woo, I'm renewed. I'm young again. Yeah. It was

00:17:14.380 great. But that first one was brutal. I thought I was going to die. I've, I've had friends that

00:17:19.140 literally shit themselves on marathons. They're like, I'm not stopping because they're poo. They're 0.64

00:17:24.380 racing. Right. But they just shit. I'm like, no, there's no, there's no, I can't. I mean,

00:17:31.900 maybe there is apparently there is, but I can't think of a race that I care so much. But again,

00:17:36.840 I'm not ever going to be in the contention in a running race like ever. So I can stop at the

00:17:41.940 Port-A-John and do my business and get back on without worry about losing anything. Well, think of

00:17:45.480 it this way. So, so some of these people, so they're not, maybe some of these people are not

00:17:50.580 winning to, or not running to win. They're trying to qualify. But they're running for a time to

00:17:55.340 qualify. And so if you've done a couple of marathons and you didn't hit the qualifying time to go to

00:18:00.380 Boston and now you're doing exactly. And now you're doing good. And if you potentially stop,

00:18:08.340 you're not going to qualify to go to Boston. I don't know. I think I would piss myself. I think

00:18:14.840 I would, I could go to Boston. It's crazy. I'm not run, but I could actually go to Boston

00:18:19.640 and not have to run. They have, they have an airport in Boston. Yeah. You could just fly into

00:18:26.000 and just enjoy Boston. Yeah. You don't have to run. You can enjoy yourself. You can eat,

00:18:32.400 you know, oysters and look at, you know, American history and you don't even have to run a marathon.

00:18:38.560 And the other cool thing is you could do it when the marathon's not happening and you don't have to

00:18:42.660 deal with traffic and people. It's awesome. You should guys try it. It's actually quite amazing.

00:18:48.960 Yeah. It's amazing. All right. Questions. Let's do it. Yeah. We got to do. All right. We're

00:18:55.340 filling these questions from the IAC to learn more about the iron council order, man.com slash iron

00:19:00.520 council. It's not open currently, but sign up for newsletters and whatnot. Stay connected for 30

00:19:08.160 days back up about 30 days, a little less than. Okay. Josh Langdon for both of you, what were your,

00:19:15.040 were your two or three takeaways from the man in caged event? He's probably asking Sean this,

00:19:19.660 but luckily I was there as well. So I can share my opinion, but so takeaways from man in caged.

00:19:25.740 I mean, for me, I got to be involved in, in the planning, in the structure and the organization of

00:19:32.840 it. And so for me, I wasn't just a regular attendee. I was able to be there and be involved in

00:19:39.660 all the behind the scenes, which I'd never done before. So that was really cool. And I'll just

00:19:44.260 tell you, my biggest takeaway is just be around the right people, add value to people's lives,

00:19:50.360 enhance people's lives, try to serve other people. And then you get a seat at their table.

00:19:55.420 And that's really cool. And I will say, and I'm not, I'm going to say this

00:19:59.900 tactfully is that that's, that's my table. Yeah. Like it isn't anybody else's table. I'm the one

00:20:09.300 that invited all those people. I'm the one that, uh, with, with help again, I'm not trying to be

00:20:14.160 arrogant, but like, but you're the, I had to create that table. Yeah. Right. I'm like, Hey,

00:20:18.800 I want you at the table. Kip. I want you at the table. John, Pedro, Tanner, Jack, Matt,

00:20:24.180 Steven Mansfield. Those are all my connections. I'm like, well, I want you guys at this table.

00:20:27.900 So I got to handpick who I wanted to take at the table. And that was cool. Yeah. That was really

00:20:34.600 cool. Sometimes we're like searching around for everybody else's table and how do we get involved

00:20:38.140 in other people's stuff? And that's good. You should, you should add value to those people's

00:20:41.620 lives. I think there's another question about adding value here in a minute. Um, but like create

00:20:46.620 your own table. That was my biggest takeaway is like be worthy of creating your own table that other

00:20:51.180 people want to be part of. I like it. Um, I'm assuming guys can still stand up, sign up to watch

00:20:59.180 the recorded stream. Do you know the details of that? Okay. Yeah. If you just go to man on cage.com,

00:21:04.640 I think it still says virtual conference, but if you just sign up, you're going to get access to all

00:21:08.440 the recordings. Yeah. So, um, so what I'm about to say, I didn't want to say this if guys weren't

00:21:13.600 had that option. Um, man, I, it's funny. I would have assumed coming into the event that I would

00:21:23.000 have resonated with certain speakers more than others and their topic. And Jack Donovan's

00:21:30.680 was so cool. You'll never hear anywhere else. Yeah. And was so spot on. I thought, you know what?

00:21:39.960 That's a really like, it's an angle around masculinity that I never heard anyone kind of

00:21:47.880 talk about to be Frank. And it was, it was awesome. Like I really, really resonated with Jack's, um,

00:21:55.360 presentation. Um, and, and that was, and, and kind of the takeaway, and I've had this mentality a

00:22:02.080 little bit of, it's funny society makes constructs, right. And distinctions or whatever. And I think

00:22:12.500 some of those distinctions we fall into and, and, and I don't know why I shouldn't even be careful or

00:22:18.760 act like I'm trying to be careful with what I'm saying, but we do this shit already. So I'm just

00:22:23.260 going to go with it. So if a guy is overly feminine and shows up slightly feminine, maybe the way he speaks

00:22:30.360 or the way he dresses or whatever, what does society do? Oh, he must be gay. Like almost 1.00

00:22:36.940 instantly versus like, well, maybe he's not gay. Actually, maybe he's just a little bit more 0.75

00:22:42.060 feminine. And, and I wonder how many times someone might be a little bit more feminine or someone or

00:22:50.080 a female might be a little bit more masculine. And then they start assuming that they're gay. 1.00

00:22:55.780 They start assuming these things because everyone's kind of pigeonholed them into this

00:23:00.420 bucket versus like, Oh no, you're just, you know, you like these things, right. Or you're just maybe

00:23:07.220 a little bit more of a feminine guy. And maybe you might be more attracted to a more masculine woman 0.83

00:23:11.800 or, or whatever. And, and I've always had that kind of thought is like, I wonder how often we,

00:23:17.880 we pigeonhole ourselves or put ourselves into buckets based upon how society interacts with us.

00:23:23.020 And it was really interesting because it's kind of aligned a little bit with Jack Donovan's,

00:23:28.360 you know, talk around how masculine men have kind of removed themselves out of the arts because the

00:23:35.500 arts have been kind of coined as more feminine. Yeah. And because they've been more feminized,

00:23:41.620 it's like, and I used to think that all the time. I'm like, why can't there be a masculine

00:23:46.540 ballet dancer? Like, why does he have to start talking different? Why does he have to now be

00:23:54.080 more feminine? Why? Right. Or why gay people talk like that? Totally. Or why does the skateboarder 1.00

00:24:00.660 kid have to dress like a skateboarder? Why can't he love skateboarding and be a preppy and dress

00:24:08.100 different, but just love something. And it's very interesting how we latch our identities onto,

00:24:13.880 whether it's the music we listen to, or if I'm part of the band or I'm a jujitsu player or whatever.

00:24:20.760 And all of a sudden now I start dressing different. I talk different and all these things. Why? Because

00:24:26.480 some social grouping collective said that you need to dress a certain way. If you listen to this kind

00:24:31.860 of music, or you have to act a certain way, if you are more feminine or masculine.

00:24:36.520 But I actually don't think it's that. I mean, I do agree that it's a silly. I don't think that we

00:24:42.360 feel like, Oh, why do I have to start dressing that way? I think that as for example, jujitsu

00:24:48.600 or anything, it doesn't matter. Like ballet is probably a bad example actually. Cause most guys,

00:24:54.900 they don't, there's not a, I don't know. Go ahead. No, I think there's a culture of jujitsu.

00:25:00.520 I know, but I don't think a bunch of guys change the way they dress and handle themselves to fit

00:25:06.320 the culture. Oh, you think so? A hundred percent. Oh yeah. A hundred percent. Okay. Yeah. A hundred

00:25:11.740 percent. So I was talking with Pete, he's been in jujitsu a long time. He's like, I can, I can just

00:25:15.700 look at somebody and tell by the way they carry themselves and walk, whether or not they do jujitsu.

00:25:21.240 And I believe that's true. Yeah. I do believe that. Yeah. But I think people, and the more immersed you

00:25:27.400 get into a thing, whether it's jujitsu or ballet or singing or podcasting or whatever, the more

00:25:32.400 immersed you get into it, the more you start to look like the architect archetypical fill in the

00:25:37.860 blank. Yeah. And I don't think it's this like weird trivial bullshit either. I actually think it's

00:25:44.540 hard, hardwired into us to be part of the tribe. Like take, take, um, you know, who identified the

00:25:53.720 tribe, like the trial scene. Is that the tribe over time? Yeah. I mean, yeah, there was always

00:26:00.540 the B the person who started it. Right. Yeah. Like there's always one and then there's two, 0.68

00:26:05.320 but the tribe, like, so I went to Mexico where you were down there, uh, December of last year

00:26:10.420 and Jordan Stanley, good friend of ours, big advocate for what we're doing, met me down there.

00:26:15.520 And, and it was funny. Like we looked at each other, we were in the exact same thing.

00:26:19.380 Like he had some either, either jeans on or some khaki, you know, pants and a black order

00:26:25.080 of man shirt and a camo order of man hat or a green order of man hat and a beard.

00:26:30.280 Yeah. That's an order of man guy. Yeah. Or the, or the picture we took, every guy had a beard,

00:26:35.860 but one, you know, cause I think we got tons of comments like, Oh, someone didn't have a beard

00:26:40.500 to do this yet. Yeah. But like, I don't think it's trivial. I actually think it's, I think it's

00:26:46.440 actually an integral part to being part of society. That's one of the things that I see wrong with

00:26:50.300 America is that I love that we're so diverse and we have this like melting pot of all these different

00:26:55.680 people. But at the same time, nobody's required to assimilate into a culture. There is no American 0.96

00:27:01.020 culture. There used to be, but it isn't anymore because we've brought in everybody and everybody

00:27:07.960 has their own culture. And then what do they do? They isolate themselves. So you have pockets of

00:27:12.740 different cultures and different countries around. And you'll be like, yeah, New York,

00:27:16.920 that's a big population of Jewish people. It's like, well, why New York? Why couldn't it be, 0.76

00:27:20.500 you know, rural Maine? Like, why isn't it? Well, it's because we're trying to survive.

00:27:27.900 And yes, the threat of us, the threat of us having to face some sort of violent encounter or

00:27:33.660 potentially meet our demise prematurely is, is definitely declined over the past hundred to

00:27:40.920 500,000 years. There's still that thing built into us. Like, no, I want to be part of the

00:27:46.740 jujitsu club because what it signifies to me and other people is that I'm strong. I'm healthy.

00:27:52.420 I'm capable. I care about defending myself or somebody who's, um, Tanner's a great example.

00:27:59.460 Tanner's not gay, but like a lot of people, he dresses really well. So a lot of people might say,

00:28:03.140 oh, that guy's gay. Yeah. Or alternatively, he cares about his appearance. He understands the 0.96

00:28:08.960 importance of it. He likes the way that he looks. He, that aesthetic is important to him. It makes

00:28:13.580 him feel good. And yet we put ourselves into these tribes because there's a benefit to us.

00:28:21.360 Yeah. Right. There's a benefit to us for doing it. I think about it on a surface level of, of sports.

00:28:28.580 If you take the Patriots, like there's no, there's no guessing as to why somebody would put, uh, a,

00:28:34.200 a Patriots uniform on like that does not play for the Patriots. Like they have a, this incredible

00:28:39.480 dynasty of, of winning, but why in the world would anybody put a Browns uniform on?

00:28:47.120 Yeah. Other than there's something in it. Right. And there's something in it for them. We're the

00:28:52.680 underdog. Like we're tough. And no, the fact that nobody, we're the rebels, nobody likes us. And yet

00:29:00.440 we still believe in the track, like there's value in that. Yeah. And it isn't to me, it isn't surface

00:29:07.040 level. It's deep. It's really deep. Um, and, and it's kind of frustrating because we do isolate

00:29:15.520 ourselves. I wish sometimes even as American culture, we would, we call ourselves the melting

00:29:20.080 pot, but really what we're not, it's like, it's like oil and water, you know, you pour, pour oil and

00:29:25.720 water into a big pot or a cauldron. They separate like they don't, they don't mix. And so you might

00:29:33.020 call it a melting pot. But to me, when I hear melting pot, I'm like, Oh, melting. Like we take

00:29:36.820 all of these different cultures and we combine them into one, but that's not actually what's

00:29:40.680 happening. What we start to see pockets of diversity, but diversity to me means you take

00:29:47.660 your ideas. I take my ideas and we're, we melt, we merge, but that isn't what's happening.

00:29:52.160 This is a whole lot of isolation and it's tribal and it's ancestral and it's a survival

00:29:58.080 technique. And it's something that we'll just never grow out of. Yeah. I, I think what I'm

00:30:04.300 getting out of this is just intentionality of, do you want to be part of that tribe or what that

00:30:12.640 tribe's made up of? You know, cause I use the analogy of like, well, I like this music or I want

00:30:17.900 to be a skateboarder, but now I have to start, you know, maybe ask yourself like, Oh, you know,

00:30:21.880 I want to skateboard, but do I want to be part of that tribe? Right. Does that tribe represent 1.00

00:30:26.840 what's best for me? Is it going to benefit me overall? Or can I just participate in that sport

00:30:33.440 and not necessarily, you know what I mean? Tie my identity to that grouping. Right. And you should

00:30:39.000 be able to do that with things that don't matter, like skateboarding. Like it really doesn't. Now,

00:30:43.440 when we're talking about moral issues and you have the left versus the right, I think that's become

00:30:47.540 more of a moral discussion and I'm not interested in tying myself to an immorality.

00:30:52.500 Skateboarding is not immoral. Yeah. You know, I, I actually would the, so I was big into CrossFit

00:30:58.780 years ago, probably like three, three to six years ago. That was like my gap where I was big into

00:31:03.420 CrossFit and they would have these things at CrossFit and they'd have tournaments. And I never

00:31:07.500 got into CrossFit culture. Cause I'm like, I'm not, I don't care about the culture. I care about

00:31:12.280 health. I care about taking care of myself. And so I'd never got into the culture of CrossFit,

00:31:17.900 although I was big into CrossFit at the time. Yeah. Interesting. All right. Jerry McNally,

00:31:24.600 as a single man, what ideas or ways can you fill your time without spending too much money?

00:31:29.940 I often find myself doing all kinds of fun things to keep from sitting in front of the TV

00:31:34.320 and then find myself broke at the end of the week.

00:31:36.940 Yeah. That's, that's a good question. Cause I don't know anything that doesn't cost money.

00:31:43.760 It all costs money. Here's one that doesn't cost. Well, initially it will, but it might actually

00:31:50.160 yield a result is start a business. Yeah. Like, you know, as a single man, if you had time on your

00:31:58.840 hands, I'm not, I would never hope that I was single cause I hate that world and dating and all

00:32:04.040 that kind of stuff. But if I was single, you know how much I could ramp up the order of man stuff.

00:32:09.460 Yeah. I mean, every, yeah. Every married guy would be like, you know how productive I would be.

00:32:14.920 Yeah, for sure. So, I mean, one thing you could do is you could just start a business

00:32:20.740 and yeah, you're, you're going to have to invest in whatever tools are required for the trade. But

00:32:25.280 at the end of the day, that's a business. So that's an investment in yourself. And that's one way

00:32:29.740 to keep yourself occupied, to add value to people's lives, to make yourself better,

00:32:33.520 and to make money while you're doing something that's meaningful and important to you.

00:32:36.600 Whether it's taking pictures or a woodworking or starting a podcast or any number of things,

00:32:43.200 selling art, you could do that and you could find a way to make money doing it. And then you won't

00:32:48.240 have to worry about how much it's costing you. You're actually making money doing the thing you enjoy.

00:32:53.220 Yeah. Like it. All right. Drew Sands.

00:32:56.260 What about you though? What, what, are there some things that you would say? Like,

00:32:59.160 I don't know what doesn't cost money anymore.

00:33:00.920 What's on my mind. Right. I just start, go trail run, run.

00:33:06.160 Yeah. Camp, backpacking. But I mean, I get that there's some gear element to that, but

00:33:12.480 I mean, there is, but not really. Yeah. Like, come on. You've already got some hiking boots.

00:33:17.800 You've already got a pair of pants that you could wear. You've already got some lightweight stuff.

00:33:21.700 You've probably got a 50 or $60 backpack of some sorts that you can use. Like, come on. And also,

00:33:27.600 you know, you could borrow stuff. Like if I was not a backpacker, I'd call you up and be like,

00:33:31.960 Hey Kip, I'm going backpacking. Can I borrow one of your, your rucks and be like, yeah, sure.

00:33:35.660 And I would just borrow it. And it wouldn't be a big deal. Or, or you're like, Hey, I need a tent.

00:33:40.940 It's like, cool. Just borrow somebody's tent. They'll help you out. No problem.

00:33:44.980 Well, and that's the other side of backpacking. That's super fun is the minimalist side of it.

00:33:49.540 Go make a buddy burner. You don't remember those from boy scouts with a tuna can make yourself a

00:33:56.920 buddy burner. Do your own bed roll, man. You don't need money.

00:34:00.440 Better anyways.

00:34:01.580 Well, here's another thing you could do anyway. And I don't know if this is here. Maybe you think it's

00:34:08.720 wrong. Tell me if you think this is wrong. Okay.

00:34:10.560 Okay. So you can organize something and let's say the thing is going to cost. Let's say it's

00:34:18.440 going to cost a thousand dollars. Maybe it's like a camp and you have to pay a thousand dollar fee

00:34:23.740 or like something, or it's a hunt and the hunt's going to cost, you know, $4,000. And so let's just

00:34:33.520 say, let's just say it's a thousand for the sake of math and you can have 10 people involved.

00:34:37.660 And so you're like, okay, well, everybody can pay, you know, $100. Tell me if this,

00:34:43.940 you think this is wrong. It's like, well, I organized it. So everybody else is going to pay

00:34:48.220 $110. And then they pay my, like, I don't pay a thing, but they pay 110 and that covers my entrance

00:34:54.960 fee to it. As long as you're communicating it. Okay. That's fair. Yeah. That's fair. I think as long

00:35:01.240 as you're like, Hey, and just so you know, you know what I mean? Since I'm organizing and putting

00:35:05.520 this together, you know, I'm not, I'm not paying the full amount. Right. Yeah. Okay. So yeah,

00:35:12.180 I think that's a good distinction is, and I, I haven't done that. Like I got a hunt that's coming

00:35:16.660 up in Hawaii. I told you about, and we each pay a fee and I could probably like say, Hey, it's this

00:35:23.140 much instead of this much. And I don't think anybody would balk at that. I pay my own fee because

00:35:27.080 I just think, I don't know. I'm just kind of brainstorming a little bit. Would it be wrong

00:35:31.820 to not pay my own fee and have you guys cover my fee? It's just like a philosophical question to

00:35:38.000 consider. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Hmm. All right. Drew, Drew Sands. What are a few ways you've been

00:35:46.900 able to add value to other professionals that have allowed you to open up access to their network?

00:35:54.480 Well, they've all been able to add value. Yeah. They've allowed me to because I have added value.

00:35:59.160 Yeah. Right. And so the real thing is not how can you add value, but the real question is

00:36:04.600 what do they need right now? Hmm. And are you aware of it? Yeah. Because if you're like,

00:36:11.280 how can I add value? You might just be beating your head against the wall because you don't,

00:36:15.360 you don't know what they need. I don't know. Yeah. You know, I have no idea. So a great example of

00:36:20.140 this would be Josh Smith. We just did a podcast with Josh Smith. He's the co-founder of

00:36:23.780 Montana knife company and Josh Smith. Nice. And I went up there and I spent, uh, I think I was up

00:36:29.940 there for, I was up there for four days. It should have been three, but I got my flights canceled.

00:36:34.420 Uh, and I spent time with him and his wife. He had me stay at their house. He took, you know,

00:36:39.700 two days out of his work schedule to help me build a knife. In fact, I'll show it to you guys.

00:36:44.300 Cool. Um, you know, why, why would he do that? Like, why would anybody do that? Well, because

00:36:53.200 there's something in it for him and I don't, I don't take that wrong. This is the night. I don't

00:36:58.260 know if you can see the right angle. It's awesome. This is the knife that I, that I forged there with

00:37:03.460 him. Um, well for him, it's like, he's got Montana knife and he's trying to get this out to the masses

00:37:11.440 and the people who listen to our podcast are obviously, you know, I think more inclined to

00:37:16.260 buy a knife from a, a, a U S made knife from him. So that makes sense. We'll do a podcast together. 0.80

00:37:22.400 I'll put it out there on the, on the waves and the, and in return, like you got me out and help

00:37:27.480 me fill, forge a knife. And that's good. When I reached out to Jocko initially, it was, it was

00:37:32.060 extreme ownership. He wanted to sell that book. So it's like, cool. I'll help you sell books,

00:37:36.700 like figure out what they want and help them get what they want. Like, don't worry about what you

00:37:43.600 can offer. Don't worry about how to add value. The first question is what does this person need?

00:37:49.800 They need to sell books. They need to sell knives. They need to sell their course. When I reached out

00:37:53.740 to TJ Dillashaw before he was suspended, I think he's coming back now. Uh, he had, he had just opened

00:38:00.180 up a fitness course called rain. I believe it was R E I G N. And I reached out to him on Instagram. 1.00

00:38:06.720 And I'm like, Hey, I know you've got a fight coming up. Um, but you've also got this program

00:38:11.040 and I think I can help introduce guys to this program. Would you like to do a podcast? He's

00:38:15.240 like, yeah, man. Surprisingly, he messaged me back. He's like, yeah, you know, uh, I would like to,

00:38:21.500 but, um, I'm busy with fight camp and I'm like, Hey, no problem. And he re he talked to his

00:38:26.840 like producers or somebody. And in the meantime, he messaged me back. He's like, Hey, these guys

00:38:31.040 really think I should do it. Cause we'll help with rain. I'm like, right. Exactly. Like I'm

00:38:36.100 going to figure out what you want. Uh, Mike Chandler, another great example. Did an interview

00:38:40.560 with him twice now, just a couple of weeks ago before his big fight, which was awesome.

00:38:45.420 I know you like you saw, I wasn't able to watch it, but I saw, you know, the, the, the aftermath.

00:38:51.500 Oh my gosh. But I also watched that guy fight like train. I was like, yeah, no, I get it.

00:38:56.840 Like guy. And I actually got to roll with him around too. And he was just toying with me,

00:39:02.940 which was hilarious. Cause you could tell I wasn't going hard. Cause I knew he had a fight

00:39:07.200 and I didn't want to hurt him. Not that I could hurt him. That's not what I'm saying,

00:39:10.520 but there's always a freak chance that if I do something stupid, like, you know, catch him with

00:39:15.340 an accidental knee or something that I could, you know, hurt him. I mean, or even just slightly.

00:39:19.780 I mean, I can't count how many times guys in fight camps were rolling hard and someone catches an

00:39:25.560 elbow or knee and they get cut. Right. They can't fight. They can't fight. Yeah. Or they're

00:39:32.080 diminished. There's not enough time to, to heal that cut. And they had to get stitches. I mean,

00:39:37.200 right. You know, or you and I can mess you and I were, were doing technique and you were trying

00:39:44.280 something and I did something cause it didn't feel good. And then I hurt your knee. Yeah. And we

00:39:49.740 already had active rolling. Yeah. Benign, like just, just a simple little stupid thing, you know?

00:39:54.900 So, but, uh, but yeah, no, I knew he had a fight coming up and I know he's obviously somebody who

00:40:01.960 gets the marketing component. He's a fighter for sure, but he also understands the marketing

00:40:06.760 component of the, the Michael Chandler brand. And so I said, bro, I'm going to help you get more guys

00:40:13.360 that are going to watch your fight. They're going to be in tune with you. They're going to want to

00:40:16.180 buy your things or listen to you in the future or sign up for social media. And so I'm going to fly

00:40:21.440 my ass down there, which isn't cheap. And I'm going to fly another guy down there, my video guy,

00:40:26.700 which isn't cheap. And then we're going to spend, I probably spent an hour and a half total with,

00:40:32.640 with Michael. Yeah. That's it. And I was gone for, you know, that took a minimum of two of my days

00:40:41.220 and I spent an hour and a half with him. Yeah. Because I want him to win because I know what's

00:40:46.600 important to him and I find it. And then I find ways to add value and it's an investment into them.

00:40:52.580 And I know that I will get what I want from it as well. Ryan, I'm assuming some guys might be

00:40:57.480 mistaken and think that, okay, what I'm hearing Ryan say is I need to ask them, oh, what kind of value

00:41:04.160 can I add? So maybe provide your opinion there. Yeah. Don't ever, I mean, asking is not bad,

00:41:10.000 but if you guys reached out to me and you said, Hey, Ryan, I've heard you on the podcast about adding

00:41:14.540 value and I really like what you're doing. Can, can you tell me how I should add value to your life?

00:41:19.860 Well, actually you didn't just not add value to my life. You actually took value from me

00:41:25.340 because what you're really asking me to do, right. Or even just respond back to you.

00:41:30.820 Yeah. Like, do you think I have time to be responding back to a hundred or a thousand

00:41:35.200 emails? Nobody has time for that. And so if you're like, Hey, I want to add value to life.

00:41:39.400 How can I do it? I'm like, okay, well you're out because you just told me to add value to your life

00:41:45.020 when you're trying to cloak it under adding value to mine. Right. Another way to do it. And I thought

00:41:50.620 about this with man on caged event. Let's say somebody reached out to me like, Hey Ryan, I'd love to have

00:41:54.080 you on the podcast. And you know, I can talk with you about whatever. A lot of the times people reach out to

00:41:58.140 the pod for, for me to be on their podcast. And I'm not joking, Kip, this sounds hilarious,

00:42:02.900 but it's true. These guys will literally say, Hey, I'd love to have you on the podcast. Cause it

00:42:08.960 will really help me promote my brand. That's awesome. I mean, I can appreciate you want to grow

00:42:16.060 your, your brand, but like, do you hear yourself? Yeah. You want me to come on your podcast so you can

00:42:26.040 promote your organization. Awesome. How much, how much are you paying me then? Like what's the,

00:42:32.540 yeah. How's this a win-win? Yeah. That's a silly, silly thing. Right. And so here's what I would do

00:42:40.420 is if I, let's say, let's take man on cage. Cause we were talking about earlier, if I had, you know,

00:42:44.700 Bedros and, and John Lovell and all these guys speaking. And I was like, man, I'd really like to

00:42:50.540 have Bedros on the podcast. You know what exact, here's exactly what I would do. And I say exactly,

00:42:54.820 cause this is what I did. I'd reach out to Bedros and I'd say, Hey, Bedros, I have a podcast. It's

00:43:00.560 called order of man. And I know you have an event in three weeks called man on caged. And, um,

00:43:07.280 I'm come, I paid for a ticket to come to man on caged. And I actually got five of my buddies

00:43:12.300 to buy tickets and all six of us are coming out there. And I thought it would be really cool to

00:43:18.620 have you on the podcast, not only to promote to these six guys, but other guys will be there.

00:43:23.640 And then that way, when us six or seven or eight or 10 of us get there, they'll already have a

00:43:28.520 connection with you. And that way, when you speak, like they'll, they'll see, and they'll

00:43:32.360 have a deeper connection with you. Okay. Well, immediately what I did is I'm like, I, I literally

00:43:37.940 had people. So if it's 700 bucks times six people, you know, that's a 4,200, right? I just

00:43:45.440 created $4,200 in revenue for you. And all I'm asking in return is for you to spend 40 minutes

00:43:53.200 with me on a podcast. I'm much more likely to land that podcast. And the guy who says, Hey,

00:43:59.480 I just really think you could help me blow up my business. I don't care about your business.

00:44:03.940 I care about mine. Yeah. So why not? And I feel if you really cared, Ryan, like guys would be

00:44:10.020 listening to the podcast. They know, they know what you're up to. They know what upcoming events,

00:44:14.780 they know what kind of industry, what kind of avenues you're working in. And so in most cases,

00:44:19.600 if you don't know how to provide value or you don't have some ideas, it's probably because

00:44:24.340 you're not consuming or consuming their content enough, or you're not aware of them enough as an

00:44:30.980 individual to know how you can serve. Yes. And that's on you. If you want to connect with somebody,

00:44:37.760 then you invest. Don't ask other people, don't ask that person to invest. Like, why would I reach out

00:44:43.520 to Bedros and say, Hey, Bedros, I really like what you're doing. How can I help? Yeah. That's not his

00:44:48.000 job. His job's not to find me work. It's your job. So if you want to add value, you do the research,

00:44:55.560 you put in the legwork and then figure out what it is and then do it. And also I would say this,

00:45:01.800 do it without expectation of anything in return. A lot of that stuff will return, but just do it

00:45:06.960 because you care. Right. So I had a guy reach out to me. He's, he's an artist and gosh, I feel bad

00:45:15.560 because I'm drawing a blank right now. I'm going to pull it up because I just can't for whatever

00:45:22.900 reason. Anyways, Sarge died and I had two, two guys reach out on Instagram. Hey man, can I do

00:45:28.340 some artwork for you? Like, just send me a picture of Sarge and I send him a picture and, you know,

00:45:35.440 within a matter of, you know, three or four weeks, they sent something back. And one of them's a very

00:45:39.460 realistic oil painting, probably 12 by 12. And I have it, I have it framed and it's in our living

00:45:46.960 room. And the other one's probably, I would say maybe like 15 by eight. And it's a, you know,

00:45:53.420 full profile of Sarge and it's a little bit more abstract and I have it hanging in the hallway.

00:46:00.660 Those guys didn't have to do that. That's meaningful and important to me. And now I look

00:46:05.360 at those guys, I'm like, Oh, cool. And the, and, and one of them, the abstract I've bought

00:46:10.580 two other paintings from him. Like I've literally I've commissioned him to like, I've paid him.

00:46:17.280 I'm like, Hey, I want you to build. And so I have another one in my living room from the same guy

00:46:21.160 who did Sarge. And he did one of a canoe, me and Brett building a canoe. It's an abstract painting

00:46:27.820 and it's in the living room. And I paid him to do it because he led with value. And he didn't ever say,

00:46:33.100 Hey, if you need anything else. No, I reached out to him because he cared enough about me to reach out

00:46:38.560 in a moment of pain and say, Hey man, like I would like to honor that relationship you had

00:46:42.920 with your dog here, like here, nothing, no expectation of anything. I liked it. I really

00:46:48.420 liked it. I'm like, Hey, by the way, do you do other stuff? Yeah. I want you to commission you

00:46:52.060 to do this. And he did it. And it's beautiful. Yeah. That's great. I have to only do one more

00:46:58.900 question, man. I know we're on, we ran out of time really fast. What do you got? Yeah. You asked

00:47:03.000 that question. Okay. I got you because now I feel bad. I I'm a total jerk for not,

00:47:08.560 but I was going to actually ask the question. I was going to message you and say, Hey,

00:47:11.180 maybe make a post later, but yeah, it's Graham. It's yeah, here it is. Graham Robinson.art.

00:47:19.060 So it's G R A H A M Robinson.art. And then the other one is Richard. Let me just make sure. Yeah.

00:47:27.800 Richard underscore King underscore Africa. Cool. So there's Richard underscore King underscore

00:47:35.660 Africa. And there's Graham G R A H A M Robinson.art. Those are the two people who added value to my

00:47:43.380 life when they didn't need to, and they've never asked for anything in return. Yeah. Okay. Keith

00:47:49.680 Doyle. My kids are very active in sports and combined the games and practices take up six to

00:47:55.520 seven days, um, evenings per week. I often feel guilty missing their events. When I go off and do

00:48:01.260 something for myself, for instance, I'm taking a fly fishing class next week and I'm missing a

00:48:06.180 lacrosse game. How do you handle those emotions and still support your kids while still doing the

00:48:11.760 things you enjoy? Well, I, this is a good question. I think that you're doing, you're actually doing it

00:48:18.280 right. I think you should take care of yourself. And I don't think, I really don't think your kids

00:48:23.800 need you at every game. I used to think that, but you know what, they're going to have to get used

00:48:28.540 to not everybody acquiescing to their requests, not scheduling their entire lives around the things

00:48:34.920 that are them for important for them. But you know, of course you want to make it to some of

00:48:39.020 their games as best you can, but to make it to every game, I just kind of feel like is unrealistic

00:48:43.760 and it's just not going to be an accurate representation of life. Yeah. You know, sometimes

00:48:48.840 trend, you would say it's a problem. That's a different thing, but your kids don't need you at

00:48:54.000 every thing. Like I got to wonder if you're just teeing them up for failure, trying to make them

00:49:02.420 the center of your universe. Like you're not, you know, sometimes my kids will come up to me and say

00:49:08.480 my daughter in particular, she loves to cook. And she's like, dad, would you like this thing? And I'm

00:49:12.380 like, no, thank you. And my wife's like, just take it. And I'm like, no, I don't want it. Like,

00:49:20.140 I don't want that cheese ball or like, or dessert cake brownie thing or whatever, because I have my

00:49:26.060 own goals. And so I explained that to my daughter. I'm like, Hey hon, like, I really appreciate you

00:49:29.900 making that. I've got, I'm on a diet right now. And the reason that I'm not eating that is because

00:49:34.260 I'm really trying to be disciplined. Like, I think that's okay. Cause that's real life.

00:49:40.440 You know, my kid, my youngest will come up to me and he's like, dad, here's a Pokemon card. And I'm

00:49:44.660 like, Hey bud, really appreciate the gesture. Not, not anything I can do with a Pokemon card.

00:49:50.140 So why don't you just keep it in your collection? And anytime you're interested, I'll come look at

00:49:54.120 them. I'll do the games. I'll trade with you or whatever, but I don't need your Pokemon card. You

00:49:58.180 hang on to your Pokemon card. More. I was like, Jay, why can't you just take the card? Like, because

00:50:03.320 it's not like, I don't want it. I don't need it. It's going to clutter up my life. And he needs to

00:50:08.460 learn like, not everything's going to revolve around him. Yeah. You're like, deal with it.

00:50:13.760 He's going to fight it in the recycling trash can later today. Anyway.

00:50:17.280 Exactly. So I've never been one to like bend over backwards for my kids because they offered this

00:50:25.660 thing or whatever. Like that's just not real life. So what, so more practically what I would say

00:50:31.700 when I'm talking to my kids is, Hey bud, I know that I can't remember what sport did he say? Soccer

00:50:38.940 or, um, he didn't say actually, but like, Oh, missing a lacrosse game. He said he's missing a

00:50:44.920 lacrosse game for a fly fishing. Yeah. I was going to say, if it was soccer, you can miss all the

00:50:48.320 doesn't matter. Lacrosse, football, baseball. Um, here's the, yeah. Yeah. Track. You can miss all

00:50:57.920 of the track and field stuff. Soccer. You can miss all that stuff. Tennis. You can miss that,

00:51:03.400 but baseball, football, wrestling. You don't miss wrestling. Everything else is fine. Yeah.

00:51:09.020 No, what I would say is, Hey bud, um, I know that here's your, here's your, here's your schedule

00:51:14.880 for the, for the year, your, your games. And here's your 12 games or 20 games, however many games you

00:51:20.980 play. And, uh, I'm going to be able to make them to 15, but these other five, you've got two games

00:51:26.780 that are three hours away. And this game falls on a time where I'm going to be out of town.

00:51:32.540 And I just want you to let you know ahead of time that I'm going to make it to 15 of your games

00:51:36.480 this year, but the other five, it's not that I don't think you're important. It's not that I don't

00:51:41.000 want you to win or be successful, but you got to know that I have other arrangements and other

00:51:45.760 commitments and other things that are important to me. And I just want to let you know ahead of time.

00:51:49.120 So you don't feel like I'm missing it just because I'm flaking out on you. I want you to know

00:51:53.920 you're important. That's why I'm going to make 15 games, but the other five, unfortunately I won't

00:51:57.520 be able to make, man, you just nipped it in the bud right there. You're you, you just set yourself

00:52:03.780 up for success and him too. And then when you get home, you're like, Hey bud, mom sent, there was a

00:52:09.360 game, um, last year. My son caught his first touchdown pass, my oldest son. And my wife sent me

00:52:15.180 the video. Um, my, my buddy Brody sent me the video while I was gone and my son knew I had to be gone

00:52:21.560 and I got back and I had already seen it. I was already proud. And I said, Hey bud, like I heard

00:52:27.700 you scored a touchdown. And mom said, you had the video, show me the video. Let's, let's talk about

00:52:32.180 it together. Yeah. And we sat down and we watched it. I'm like, Oh dude, that was awesome. Like,

00:52:37.720 and we went through it and he told me the whole story. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, yeah,

00:52:41.840 I already know. Like I already know all this stuff, but it doesn't matter. Like I'm here to serve him in

00:52:46.300 that moment. So I think if you can plan ahead of time and you can communicate those expectations,

00:52:50.960 you can show them why it's important. You can balance that out with being there for 15 games

00:52:55.460 instead of 20. And then when you're gone, you make it important to you. You know, with my son,

00:53:01.000 who's into Pokemon right now, it's like, he'll, he got this like gold pack the other night. It's like

00:53:07.800 this, you know, 40 cards and they're all gold. And I'm like, I don't give a shit about any of this

00:53:12.880 stuff. And he's like, dad, look at this Charizard card. Look at this. I'm like, that's awesome.

00:53:20.600 Like, tell me about it. And he's like, it's level 300 and it's, I don't care. I'm like, that's cool.

00:53:29.760 Like, is that good? Is that bad? Like, I have no idea. What, what do you do with this? Yeah. And so I

00:53:35.280 ask him questions because he's excited about it. And I show him that I don't care about Pokemon,

00:53:40.160 but you know what I do care about? I care about him. Yeah. And so I make that a priority for myself.

00:53:46.700 Copy. All right, sir. All right, guys. Hey, just to close this out, we got the

00:53:51.640 Iron Council opening up in mid-June. And if you jump on the website right now,

00:53:57.200 you may or may not jump on the website because we've had some technical issues

00:54:01.800 with orderman.com. So you can try it and see, and if it works, great. And if it doesn't,

00:54:07.300 just wait longer. I don't know what else to tell you. I've been working on it on the

00:54:09.880 back end and we'll get it dialed in. But Kip, appreciate you, brother. Gentlemen,

00:54:13.600 appreciate you guys. We'll be back on Friday. Until then, go out there, take action and become

00:54:18.640 the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:54:23.040 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:54:26.700 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - May 18, 2022

Overcome the Resistance, Dealing with Negative Momentum, and Creating Your Own Demand ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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