Overcoming a Failed Relationship, Dismissing the term "Fragile Masculinity," and Reversing the Tide of Fatherless Homes ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 19 minutes
Words per Minute
197.82404
Summary
On this episode of the podcast, I sit down with my good friend Kip and talk about his recent birth of his son, Keiko. We talk about the birth of a new baby boy, how it all went down, and what it's like to be a new dad.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020
When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Yeah, and by default, I get to use that as an excuse of losing sleep.
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But in reality, I can't complain. It's mostly my wife losing all the sleep.
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Oh, I thought you were saying that you were mostly complaining about your wife, not your new kid.
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And so by default, we have these Hawaiian names for most of our kids.
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Yeah, because I remember where I'm like, do you still want to do this?
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And then I think I called you at nine or whatever when we were going to record and you didn't
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Although that serves as a perfect lesson, right?
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It was establishing boundaries and not saying yes when you probably shouldn't, right?
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Well, when you said yes, I was thinking to myself, I'm like, no way.
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And then I'm like, well, maybe he just feels like mom and baby will be sleeping and he needs
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Well, what it was is I thought when you asked, we would be home by then and we wouldn't have
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And if we were home, I think I would have been down.
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And as you can imagine, hospital Wi-Fi is almost as bad as hotel Wi-Fi.
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Mom's doing Asia's, you know, Asia, she's a rock star.
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She's already walking around and everyone's like, what?
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Did she do an epidural or did she do it naturally?
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And, but it, I don't know, that stuff messes with her.
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She, she hasn't done one in the past and she recovers really quick.
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Like they're like, oh, you should have your filling of your legs back.
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It was like the next day she still had no legs.
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And that doc was sticking that needle through her spine.
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And I literally, I literally almost passed out.
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The other nurse in the room, like came and grabbed me and had me sit down and like brought
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And my wife was so pissed at me because I shouldn't be passing out while she's about
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Oh, a hundred percent better, like night and day better.
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And she, of course, obviously more painful, but she said that, that doing it naturally is
00:04:05.220
Should we get into this enough talking about women and babies and everything else?
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And let's get into some of these questions today.
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And the first few questions we actually have from Joshua Jones from the, uh, a patron member.
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And so we'll kind of kick off with him and then we'll jump back into some of the order
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And just so the guys know, cause there's probably going to be some guys who are tuning
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in for the first time that these questions come from our Patreon members, which is order
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And there's some other kickbacks and perks and things with, uh, with supporting the show.
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So order of man.com, or excuse me, Patreon P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com slash order of man.
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And then of course there's the iron council, which is our exclusive brotherhood.
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So that's where these questions are coming from.
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And I think these are a lot of, uh, leftovers from previous weeks.
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We, you guys answered the call for action and we have a huge amount of questions.
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And so we'll, we'll get going and, and get through as many of these as we can.
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So Joshua Jones, first question, how many hours a week are you spending on podcasting?
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I think you, I've heard you say this or that you outsource this in the past.
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So we have our Tuesday interview show and those shows are anywhere between 60 to 90 minutes
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Uh, and then once it's recorded, I send it off to an editor.
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I didn't always have an editor, but I've had an editor for two, two and a half years now.
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And that was a lifesaver because I hate editing podcasts.
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Then we've got this show and we go for usually a little over an hour.
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Um, and then I might put in an additional half an hour, just like cleaning it up and,
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and putting it on our, uh, Libsyn account, which is basically where the files hosted.
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It gets a little bit technical, but that's where that goes.
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I just cleaned up the audio a little bit, but there's no splicing or anything like that.
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Uh, and then I do the Friday field notes, which is usually about, I don't know, 25,
00:06:07.680
And I take another 30 minutes just to maybe clean up the audio a little bit there.
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Uh, and the other one takes me an hour and a half.
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What does that editing consist of that I do or that my editor does that your editor does on
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Uh, if there's, you know, weird transition or, you know, if the internet goes out or there's
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a little hiccup or anything that might go wrong with the audio, cause that's just, it has a
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Then he puts the intro and the outro and the mid roll and all the, all that kind of stuff
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into it, splices it all together, uh, cleans up the audio, host it or uploads it to our
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Basically just all of it that I don't want to do.
00:07:01.140
So essentially what I would like to do, and I think this is an important distinction is
00:07:04.380
that it's really important that you do what you're good at.
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I'm capable of doing it, but I don't want to, nor should I be doing stuff like editing
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You, you should, you should play to your strengths and then let other people play to theirs.
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And it's a much more efficient way of running a business.
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I'm totally running with Josh's, uh, or Joshua's question here.
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I've always wondered who's the guy that does the intro voice.
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And you just asked and he did like a mock intro.
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I think what they call it is they call it a gig.
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And he said, Hey, I can do video or excuse me, audio transcription.
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So if you I'll read anything for a minute for five bucks or something like that.
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Now he does all kinds of different voices, celebrity voices, characters, things like that.
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So I just looked at some of his examples essentially.
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So I wrote the script for it, sent it over to him.
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He recorded it, sent it back to me and off to the races.
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Cost me like five, maybe 10 bucks with the outro as well.
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I mean, that's the thing is like the barrier to entry people think it's like, Oh, this is
00:08:18.760
I mean, if, if only the guys listening to this knew where I was recording this from,
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Like I'm, I'm in, in, in my basement in what was the guest bedroom.
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I've got books and papers and I've got my safe over here and I've got this little cheap,
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let's not a cheap desk, but it's my wife's grandfather's desk.
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And I've got this little a hundred dollar microphone in my computer.
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And I think that's a huge mental roadblock to people getting started.
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They think it has to be some, some magical production when in all reality, just a minimum
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I think we talked about that maybe a couple of weeks ago, just get something out there and
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I've invested in some things that clean up the audio and make the audio production better.
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And you know, to pay five or 10 bucks to have somebody do an intro and outro.
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And then I paid, I don't know, 10 bucks for the music and you're off to the races.
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In fact, Ryan was just playing Fortnite like 20 minutes ago.
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You know, I don't even know what every once in a while, my kids come home.
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And they're doing like a Fortnite dance or something.
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I thought they were like fighting or shooting each other.
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Better off what we're going to get on a soapbox at one point about video games, but we'll save
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Joshua Jones, dude, when you have a Patreon account, you get hooked up.
00:10:05.980
What are the top three most challenging things about running an online community?
00:10:13.040
Keeping things civil is certainly a challenge, especially with men.
00:10:17.040
I mean, there's just some real assholes out there.
00:10:19.500
Like, like just bottom line, you know, I mean, there look, there's disagreements that
00:10:23.840
we have every day within our community and there's nothing wrong with that.
00:10:27.560
I think that's actually important that we discuss differences of fit of opinion, but
00:10:32.060
the way that some guys go about doing it is just completely ridiculous.
00:10:36.260
So that's definitely a challenge and making sure that we stay on track, making one of the
00:10:41.220
challenges I have is just making sure that I'm continually putting information and content
00:10:45.580
out into the world, whether that's Instagram or YouTube, Facebook, this podcast.
00:10:50.720
And it, and it's, I mean, it's so easy to get lost right in this sea of everybody doing
00:10:55.620
And in order to stand out, you have to be very, very consistent in putting content out
00:10:59.380
So there's certain days where I'm like, Oh, I don't want to make an Instagram post.
00:11:03.800
And yet I realized this is part of the job description.
00:11:06.380
And so I don't want to say I slap things together, but cause I am prepared and I've got a backlog
00:11:12.240
of things I can talk about, but some days I just don't feel like doing it.
00:11:15.760
And yet I do it because it's important to stay engaged.
00:11:22.320
And then the third component is, and I think this might come a little bit later down the
00:11:27.780
line, you know, we're almost four years into this thing now is finding the right people
00:11:31.140
like yourself, Kip, you know, finding the right people and trying to navigate them into
00:11:36.300
You being here on this podcast is you the right person in this podcast, the right position.
00:11:41.220
And I get messages every single day from people that, that, you know, how much they
00:11:47.140
And they're talking about what we're doing with, with this ask me anything show.
00:11:50.600
And it's just a testament to the fact that, that you are a great co-host and that I've
00:11:55.420
had the ability in this case to be able to put the right person in the right position.
00:11:59.420
Uh, but there's other places inside the iron council and making sure I have good designers
00:12:08.040
I feel like I've got some of that stuff tightened down and others.
00:12:10.120
I feel like I struggle, but, uh, I think those are the top three that come to mind right
00:12:15.440
If you don't mind me jumping to that number two, cause I've been wondering about this
00:12:19.520
when I get into arguments, not already, I shouldn't say that when I disagree with someone
00:12:25.160
on, let's say Facebook and what they said, I'm like, I totally disagree with.
00:12:30.100
And in most cases I address those by it's not worth like I'm not in a position or new,
00:12:37.040
nor do I have the desire to convince someone to see something differently.
00:12:42.320
However, with an online community, do you feel like there's a level of clarity that
00:12:50.260
That if someone on the order of man, Facebook group posts something and says something and
00:12:54.860
it's just a statement, let's say, let's say it's not even a question, but his statement
00:12:59.860
Do you feel a heightened level of responsibility that you need to provide clarity and correction
00:13:08.900
My job is to leave this organization, which means that if there's something that is counter
00:13:13.240
to what this organization stands for, then it's my responsibility to bring it up.
00:13:21.500
It is because there's some crazy wacky ideas out there and, and, and people say, well, according
00:13:29.440
So my, my standard, my beliefs, my thoughts, well, those are just your opinions.
00:13:39.580
So, uh, now here's one thing that I would say and add this little caveat into this thing
00:13:44.160
is that I don't, I don't necessarily get into a debate or quote unquote, defend myself
00:13:50.400
against or what somebody else might say for that individual.
00:13:57.780
So for example, somebody might say something about me or negative about what we're trying
00:14:02.880
And then I'll come in and say, no, this is what we're doing.
00:14:07.620
Other people now come back and say, oh, Ryan, you don't need to defend yourself.
00:14:12.620
I'm not doing it to appease or win this guy over.
00:14:17.380
That's going to read my comment and say that a boy, Ryan, thank you for standing up for what
00:14:22.600
So there's a difference between trying to defend yourself against an individual who
00:14:27.540
frankly just may not be interested in having a civil discussion and doing it.
00:14:34.600
So people that are following you, that are part of the community, know exactly who you
00:14:41.000
So I think I need to be more succinct and maybe that seems so daunting to me because
00:14:58.320
And a lot of people, what they'll say to me is they'll say, right, it's not always so
00:15:02.000
I'm like, well, I know it isn't, but what I'm doing is giving the counter argument.
00:15:05.220
What I'm doing is giving you the extreme because what most people do is water down everything
00:15:09.620
they've ever shared and everything they ever talk about and talk about all the little
00:15:12.760
exceptions and, and talk about how life is just wonderful and little magical fairies
00:15:19.360
And I'm trying to give you the definitive answer to counter the mediocrity that has just
00:15:27.240
And so people will say, oh, it's not always so black and white.
00:15:29.600
I realized that, but what if we just thought of it this way for a minute, what could that
00:15:38.660
The things that I say, I truly believe, I don't like the devil.
00:15:42.680
Let me just throw out some bullshit argument just to give you the counter.
00:15:46.500
I don't really believe it, but let me just throw it out there.
00:15:53.160
It's things that I believe, but I share it in a very succinct, powerful way because nobody
00:16:03.400
All right, Josh's, uh, Joshua's third question.
00:16:07.640
What advice or guidance do you have for any entrepreneurs currently running a brick and
00:16:11.860
mortar store or a skilled trade service that wants to move to an online business supported
00:16:18.340
Uh, just, just get online, you know, just, just build a Facebook page, uh, Instagram,
00:16:24.080
I would, I would focus on those three initially, uh, potentially a Facebook group in addition
00:16:29.240
to the Facebook page that you've had, and then just start sharing your message and be
00:16:33.780
Now, Ryan, your tribe builder, is that course that you offer?
00:16:40.320
It's not always happening, but the tribe builder kind of focuses on this.
00:16:46.540
It's just when enough guys have asked me in a shorter period of time about how to build
00:16:50.640
And Joshua was actually reached out to me and said, Hey, when are you doing your next
00:16:54.440
I don't know when, because like I said, it's not scheduled, but yeah, that's what it's
00:16:57.940
designed for guys that want to build an online community.
00:17:01.440
So, I mean, if you're interested in that, stay tuned when it comes out and if, and whenever
00:17:05.340
else, then we'll, I mean, that's not my focus, you know, I'm not, I'm not like primarily
00:17:09.900
So that's just, if I can do it and I feel like doing it, there's enough people that want
00:17:14.760
And, and for the new listeners, the reason why Joshua was asking this question is because, uh,
00:17:20.640
obviously the podcast has a huge subscription number associated to it and a number of listeners,
00:17:25.800
but there's a corresponding Facebook group, facebook.com forward slash groups, forward
00:17:41.360
So that's ultimately why I think Joshua was asking, right?
00:17:44.200
There, there's obviously a, a lot of momentum and there's a movement around, uh, this podcast,
00:17:51.280
And so that's obviously kind of the root, I think of Joshua's question.
00:17:56.020
And, and to answer his question is, is just get online and post three times per day online.
00:18:01.280
If you can do that and you can do that for six months, you'll start to see some traction.
00:18:06.860
And people are like, well, what about, no, don't ask any more questions.
00:18:10.040
Get online and post three times a day for six months.
00:18:19.700
And what if get online and post three times a day?
00:18:28.280
Get online, post three times a day for six months and you'll start to build your tribe.
00:18:33.120
You don't even need to pay for tribe builder now.
00:18:36.300
Or just now have a patron account because you feel guilty because you got something
00:18:43.340
It's like, well, what if I do this magic little thing and blah, blah, blah.
00:18:48.660
It's the same thing with diets and exercise, right?
00:18:55.580
You eat a little bit better and you move your body a little bit more.
00:18:59.020
Oh, but what about this one special blah, blah, blah?
00:19:05.160
Oh, should I power lift or, or body build or do CrossFit?
00:19:16.860
Get up off the couch, go move your body, eat a little better.
00:19:22.140
Once you've done that for six months, then let's talk about some advanced techniques
00:19:26.180
But for now, just get your lazy butt off the couch and get your body moving.
00:19:29.680
Hey, I brought this up, uh, last Sunday when I was teaching a gospel class on Sunday and
00:19:38.560
And, and it's funny how often people fell at their workouts and their regiments because
00:19:51.220
They try something else because they're not seeing the results quick enough.
00:19:54.300
I mean, sometimes it's like, Hey, you know what?
00:19:55.960
Like to your point, Ryan, give us six months, post three times a day, six months, then see
00:20:02.280
Well, and even talk about, uh, people will say that.
00:20:16.640
Oh, but like, isn't there some sort of like special thing that I can do?
00:20:21.800
But we already know that praying, going to church and reading scripture will enhance your
00:20:34.760
There's no rule that says let's complicate this to the point where we don't do it.
00:20:38.300
And I think that's what I actually, I believe that's what people are doing.
00:20:42.040
I think what they're doing when they're, when they're trying to complicate it is they're
00:20:45.580
trying to weasel their way into an excuse to keep them from moving forward.
00:20:49.180
If it's complicated, then I have an excuse for not doing it.
00:20:58.580
Just do the basics, do them very well for an extended period of time and you will inevitably
00:21:11.780
How do you deal with trauma, specifically childhood trauma that now keeps you up at night?
00:21:16.920
Also, how do you deal with toxic family members who were abusive mentally, physically to you
00:21:29.540
Kip, you and I aren't professionals on this stuff.
00:21:32.900
Like I don't, there's so many guys out there that won't go see a professional, go see a
00:21:36.700
professional, go talk with somebody who's well-versed and educated and has the experience
00:21:42.120
in talking with men about the issues that they've dealt with.
00:21:45.200
I know that doesn't seem like maybe it makes you feel like you're more vulnerable or that
00:21:58.520
But I would rather be that than allow myself to be in a perpetual state of misery and contention
00:22:07.100
and depression, resentment, animosity towards another individual or my life in general.
00:22:14.080
I mean, do you, do you realize how, how much we're selling ourselves short when we give
00:22:22.440
And sometimes the best thing that we can do is to flush that stuff from our system.
00:22:27.080
And the best way to flush all of that resentment and bitterness from your system is to talk with
00:22:32.700
somebody who is educated in the ways of how to flush that stuff from your system.
00:22:38.880
I would love to give a great, great advice, but that's the advice.
00:22:45.920
If you're dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, if you're feeling down, if there's
00:22:51.520
some guilt or sorrow or some past trauma, mental, physical, emotional trauma, go talk
00:22:58.180
with a professional that can help you get through that stuff.
00:23:04.500
Men, you, there's a quote and I'm going to butcher it, but it says men, I don't even know
00:23:16.680
That's a clinical, a medical practitioner, a psychiatrist, psychologist that you can go
00:23:34.360
This isn't advice, but when I read this question, you know, when we talk about childhood trauma,
00:23:40.800
it's assumed that there's a lot of mental meaning as a child that gets raised up in that, in
00:23:51.000
There's a lot of self-talk, probably self-reflection about your value as an individual.
00:23:57.560
And, um, and it's really hard for people to get out of toxic scenarios, especially when
00:24:04.100
they believe it, when they believe that, that it, it's a representation of who they are as
00:24:09.680
And to that, I, I strongly believe that we, um, are all divine, that we are, our capability
00:24:20.940
of who we are, um, comes from a creator, not based upon our circumstance and, and who you
00:24:29.800
are capable of being is divine and it's amazing.
00:24:34.360
And, and try not to let how you were raised set the tone for who you are or who you believe
00:24:45.200
I was talking, I was talking with somebody the other day and we were, we were talking about
00:24:49.440
They asked me anything and the differences in personality between you and me.
00:24:53.180
Like you, I think in a lot of ways we're very similar.
00:24:56.620
Uh, and in a lot of ways we're, we're different.
00:25:02.720
Like, let's give the empathetic, compassionate version of this.
00:25:05.800
But I think you're, what you're saying is something that I didn't initially consider,
00:25:19.940
Did you know that we're getting, did you know that we're, uh, getting some curb brim hats?
00:25:30.360
If you're a curb brimmer, if you're one of the four or five people who wear curb brim hats,
00:25:34.900
I anticipate fully selling five of them and it should be, uh, it should be really good.
00:25:41.900
By the way, I'm sorry, but Bubba, Bubba Downs posted a photo.
00:25:47.820
Dude, that's not even, that's not even like a curb brim, that hat got ran over.
00:25:53.060
Like it's, it's, oh, wait, are you talking about, oh, you're talking about the curb.
00:25:57.700
Did you see the one where he was wearing the flat brim hat and he's like, am I doing this
00:26:07.860
So I posted a picture because I was hunting, uh, last weekend and I was at, uh, this hunting
00:26:14.760
club and they had some, some, some orange gear for me to wear.
00:26:19.280
So I went out there and I put the orange vest on and they had a hat here.
00:26:27.720
So I put it on and no, I took a picture for Bubba specifically.
00:26:31.040
And I just like, it was pointing to my hat and I said, am I wearing this right?
00:26:33.460
It feels weird and everybody gives me a hard time, you know?
00:26:36.360
And then he posts a picture of a selfie with a flat brim hat and he's got it cocked and
00:26:42.120
And he's like doing this really like weird pose.
00:26:45.300
And he's like giving a peace sign and doing duck lips.
00:26:56.940
Well, and Bubba's take the whole curve thing to a whole new level.
00:27:00.040
I don't even know if anyone curves their brim like he does that.
00:27:09.340
Well, I'm going to post photos of him online just to make fun of him.
00:27:18.140
What are your feelings about homeschooling versus public school?
00:27:22.220
You know, I, okay, look, let's be full disclosure because I'm a little fired up today.
00:27:27.200
When I was a kid, the homeschooled kids were the weirdos.
00:27:30.980
Like heaven forbid I say that now, but that was the truth.
00:27:35.640
All the kids who were homeschooled were the weirdos.
00:27:42.580
Uh, but I don't think it's like that anymore because there's so many, the problem I think
00:27:46.780
with homeschooling initially, and I don't think it's this way anymore is that the kids
00:27:52.080
To me, I look at school and look, don't get me wrong.
00:27:55.300
The, the learning aspect, you know, the basics and the foundational principles of English and
00:28:00.020
history and mathematics and these types of things and the study and the diligence and
00:28:03.960
the sacrifice and the homework and all this stuff.
00:28:05.780
I think there's value to that certainly, of course, but I think the real value in school
00:28:11.860
is held in the social interactions with other human beings.
00:28:16.240
So it's the kids on the, on the playground, working their issues out.
00:28:21.960
It's, it's them communicating with an authority figure.
00:28:24.440
It's them, uh, communicating with other kids in class and doing teamwork and working on projects
00:28:29.020
together and those social interactions are critical.
00:28:32.620
They're crucial and homeschooling 20 years ago, 30 years ago, I don't think had that.
00:28:39.260
And so these kids were sheltered and isolated in their bubbles with their moms and dads and
00:28:48.280
So if you're going to homeschool your kid, which I actually, my wife and I are leaning
00:28:51.280
more towards every single year, they're in the public school system now.
00:28:58.340
So we, we are seriously contemplating it, uh, next year, but we also want to make sure
00:29:04.520
that they're heavily involved in sports, that friends still come over, that they still
00:29:09.400
There's these little, um, uh, I think they're like a co-op homeschooling thing where one
00:29:14.700
parent will teach and have the kids over for a few hours and another, another parent will
00:29:20.020
And so there's a lot of cool little opportunities that create the social dynamic that is much
00:29:26.520
But I think homeschooling is a very, very viable route that every parent ought to consider
00:29:34.940
What's your guys' motivation around considering the homeschooling?
00:29:38.360
I just, I mean, there's little kids at school who are assholes, frankly.
00:29:41.820
Uh, and they learned some of the garbage and nonsense and filth that they learn from other
00:29:46.840
kids who are learning that stuff from these parents who have no clue about life and are
00:29:51.900
operating their lives in a way that I feel is, is, is right and accurate.
00:29:56.860
And the way that I want my kids to be exposed to is, is sometimes utterly disgusting.
00:30:03.180
Um, I don't have so much of a problem with the school system itself because we live in a pretty
00:30:09.980
Everybody knows I'm, I'm conservative by nature with regards to my politics.
00:30:16.880
Um, and, and most people in this little community of ours are very conservative in nature.
00:30:23.300
Uh, I actually serve with the elementary school, uh, uh, principal.
00:30:27.460
Um, I serve with him with some young men in the community.
00:30:29.920
So him and I have a great relationship and we know their teachers and we have their, their
00:30:34.140
phone numbers and we text their teachers and things like that.
00:30:40.460
Um, but there's just weird little things like with other kids the other day, my kid came
00:30:43.900
home, my oldest son, he came home and he said, Hey, I saw a weird commercial.
00:30:47.760
We were watching a, some sort of education, something on YouTube.
00:30:51.200
And it went to a commercial and the commercial was about, um, transgenderism.
00:31:02.320
They're like, yeah, it was like a commercial on YouTube.
00:31:03.920
I'm like, well, I don't want you listening to YouTube at school anyways.
00:31:09.820
Uh, and, and so I, you know, I was upset about that.
00:31:14.400
She's like, yeah, we have this approved channel on YouTube that we watch and it's filtered
00:31:19.260
and that, that came on and I heard and ran and turned it off.
00:31:22.700
And so, you know, there's little things like that, that I'm just not okay with.
00:31:27.300
And those are draws for homeschool for me, but it's hard because at the same time you want
00:31:35.700
And then you want to help give them the ability to think for themselves.
00:31:41.620
And if you just shelter them and bubble them, I don't think that's effective either.
00:31:46.360
The dichotomy of trying to figure out how do you provide the foundational knowledge and
00:31:53.300
And then how do you expose them to other, other issues?
00:31:56.940
Like when I see my, my son, you know, when he sees somebody smoking, for example, he's
00:32:03.160
That's, and I tell him, I said, I don't think that's a good decision.
00:32:08.380
I just don't think it's a good decision for their life.
00:32:13.000
And I said, but remember it's, it's their choice, right?
00:32:19.440
And if that's how they choose to live their life, then ultimately that's their choice.
00:32:24.720
It just means they make different choices than maybe what you make.
00:32:27.600
So I think it's okay to expose them to some degree to some of these outside factors so
00:32:31.400
that you can have real conversations with your kids.
00:32:34.380
I wonder how much of that depends on the kid too, where, you know, certain kids you're
00:32:37.940
like, yeah, he's going to be fine in the public school system.
00:32:43.740
I mean, my oldest is really impressionable because he wants to be liked.
00:32:46.600
So my greatest fear with him is that his buddies, as he gets older, his buddies will, you know,
00:32:51.020
want to be at a party or want to steal something or do something stupid.
00:32:53.940
And he'll want to be approved of so much that he'll just go along with something that he
00:33:00.180
I don't have that fear at all with my, with my second son.
00:33:03.580
In fact, my greatest fear with my second son is he'll be the ringleader of that thing.
00:33:08.240
So yeah, I mean, every kid is so different, you know, it's, it's, it's crazy.
00:33:19.740
I would say to like the, if I were to wrap it all up, I think homeschooling is a very
00:33:22.820
viable, significantly more so than one is what it was 20 years ago.
00:33:31.580
Everything you're saying, I'm like, yeah, spot on.
00:33:33.420
And then, and then I think, oh, I'm wondering how much more passionate about homeschooling you
00:33:38.840
would be if you lived to like in California, for instance.
00:33:44.120
Yeah, I would, and well, I don't know where I want to, I just wouldn't live in California,
00:33:51.500
But if I did, then yeah, homeschooling would be a lot more feasible and reasonable for
00:34:00.260
And, and you California guys, we're not hating on you.
00:34:06.460
And we have different values and we have to identify what's best for our families.
00:34:10.100
And, and to be frank, I know multiple families that have moved to Utah from California strictly
00:34:22.920
There's a lot of things about Utah that I really, that I love.
00:34:26.480
Um, and the political and religious climate is a big part of that for me.
00:34:34.760
Les Hine, Hine, maybe post-divorce healing for men.
00:34:39.660
My marriage of 23 years may be ending soon, not by my choosing.
00:34:47.220
Uh, we did a podcast, uh, man, we've done so many podcasts on this subject.
00:34:54.020
I mean, we really have, I feel like sometimes I feel like I'm beating a dead horse on this
00:35:01.940
You know, I've been through a separation, not a divorce, but a separation.
00:35:04.540
I know how challenging and difficult it can be.
00:35:09.540
If you, if you go to our website and go to fix your marriage by like search in the search
00:35:15.480
bar, fix yourself by fixing your marriage, or excuse me, fix, man, fix your marriage
00:35:27.200
Some of which are finding a hobby, something that you engage in, uh, learn a new skill,
00:35:33.260
find some new friends, uh, gain a promotion, go exercise.
00:35:38.500
I mean, there's so many things that you can do.
00:35:40.300
And most, if not all of them are centered around yourself.
00:35:47.060
I know it's hard to get out of the funk, but look at this time in your life as an opportunity.
00:35:52.840
And I know it's really hard to think of it that way, but think of it as an opportunity
00:36:00.580
And what I mean is that I think men thrive, thrive on having something to do.
00:36:06.100
When I was hunting this last weekend, uh, we'd go hunt for two or three hours in the morning.
00:36:10.300
And then we'd hunt two or three hours in the evening hours.
00:36:13.420
And then we had all day for really, we didn't have anything planned.
00:36:17.300
And the guys that were with, they said, Hey, we got to work.
00:36:19.320
We got to do this and this and this, would you like to come?
00:36:21.040
And man, I jumped at that opportunity because I want a project.
00:36:24.700
I think men, we are inherently designed to work and to labor and to look for problems.
00:36:31.420
So take this moment in your life and use it as an opportunity to make yourself a project.
00:36:38.540
How can you remake the man that you are physically, mentally, intellectually, professionally,
00:36:44.880
like what is every facet of your life that you can improve and then find the tactics that
00:36:51.120
And when you consume yourself with how can I get my fitness in check and how can I lose
00:36:55.280
30 pounds and how can I run this marathon and what, what skill do I need to develop at
00:36:59.540
work to get the promotion and how can I start a business?
00:37:02.140
And you start looking at all of these things from the mirror and the lens of how you can
00:37:10.320
I think a lot of the things start to line up and take care of themselves.
00:37:16.340
I mean, that's what say that's ultimately what saved my marriage.
00:37:18.640
And I'm not saying that I did it or even you should do it to salvage your marriage.
00:37:22.480
I'm saying do it for you and things have a way of working out, whether that's reconciling
00:37:27.880
with your wife or not reconciling and being a great catch for the next woman to come into
00:37:32.860
your life, making yourself the project is always, always the right thing to do.
00:37:39.800
And we don't have much info less, but in your question, you said not by my choosing, I would
00:37:47.940
if you're not already, and you may already be doing this, but if you haven't already own
00:37:52.880
it, own the fact that you're getting divorced and it is your choosing.
00:37:57.160
Now you may not have decided, uh, you know, to, uh, you know, answered a question of, do
00:38:03.900
And you said yes, but you don't think your actions played a part.
00:38:08.260
And even if you don't think your actions did play a part, figure out how they did.
00:38:17.720
And that's the only way you're going to make sure that you're not going to divorce the
00:38:21.200
Is figure out what you did wrong in this marriage, figure out how you could have been a better
00:38:29.120
So then that way, the next time you, you meet the next woman that you're, you have your
00:38:34.600
a game, you're the man, you're, you're the perfect husband.
00:38:38.640
You know, it's always really learned through this experience.
00:38:44.820
Uh, you know, what's really interesting is I'll hear a lot of guys will say, Oh, my
00:38:49.420
wife, you know, like she's crazy or she's doing this or she's doing that.
00:38:55.200
Like, man, if you were, if you were half the man that you had the ability to become, you
00:39:00.280
would be repulsed by a woman who was like that.
00:39:04.040
And I know that's probably going to make people's heads explode and spin and, well, not my fault.
00:39:09.280
Look, if you look here, let me, let's just put it really frankly.
00:39:13.380
A very fit individual, a man or a woman, doesn't matter.
00:39:18.200
A very fit individual is going to be very unlikely to be attracted to a fat person.
00:39:26.420
A human being with an abundance mindset is going, it's going to be very unlikely that
00:39:33.520
at that individual will be attracted to somebody with a scarcity mindset.
00:39:38.220
Somebody who is extremely wealthy is probably not going to be attracted to somebody who's
00:39:53.280
So if you've attracted somebody into your life who isn't up to par, maybe that's a reflection
00:40:04.100
So why don't you fix and worry about improving yourself and see if you can help that individual
00:40:10.920
That's one of the greatest lessons I learned in my marriage.
00:40:15.800
Whenever I was unhappy with what my wife was doing or what she wasn't doing, I found that
00:40:20.780
that was a reflection of me more so than it was indicative of her and who she was.
00:40:38.720
I couldn't even say anything and I'm trying not to do my filler things between questions
00:41:04.320
I'm trying to learn to prioritize my time better.
00:41:06.700
How are some good ways that I can build schedules, stay disciplined and following them without
00:41:11.260
being easily distracted in an environment that changes a lot?
00:41:22.700
You're choosing to be distracted by all your stuff.
00:41:25.860
Like I look at my desk right here and I've got a couple little items of mail.
00:41:34.720
The more stuff I have on my desk, the more distracted I am.
00:41:52.720
You go into one of these global gyms, you got 2000 pieces of equipment.
00:41:59.620
You don't need every little gidget and gizmo that ever was made by some person who thought
00:42:06.360
they had the next greatest idea of how to get into shape.
00:42:11.440
Find the thing that's going to produce the biggest result and get rid of everything else.
00:42:23.000
What are the lines that people in your business won't cross?
00:42:25.320
What are the lines in your family that your family members won't cross?
00:42:28.080
You start writing these things down and documenting these things and then not allowing yourself
00:42:35.660
You'll find yourself significantly more effective.
00:42:38.360
My look, I've had plenty of conversations with my wife about taking the trash out in the
00:42:43.040
She can you take the trash out or can you do this?
00:42:48.940
I'll do it when I'm off of work because the boundary is, and you and I have talked about
00:42:52.820
this, that I work from, you know, nine, nine to five.
00:42:57.100
So I can help you before or after not during, not in the middle.
00:43:01.200
Hey, Ryan, will you watch the kids while I go run this errand?
00:43:06.900
And people will hear that and they'll be like, oh, that's so, that's so harsh, Ryan.
00:43:10.440
It's not harsh because her and I have talked about it.
00:43:14.220
It's not like I'm springing some unknown expectation on her.
00:43:20.320
And so when we have, I have these boundaries, I've established what they are.
00:43:24.380
I've communicated them with the people who will be impacted by those decisions and then
00:43:33.220
You'll be more focused and you'll be able to accomplish significantly more than if you
00:43:42.520
And it's great because you're, you're able to pull off those boundaries with your wife
00:43:46.560
because you do take out the trash when you're done.
00:43:50.280
Because the boundaries aren't just in my business.
00:43:52.520
The boundaries for my family are like last night we went to, uh, there in, in the community,
00:43:57.420
there's this little, they call it sleepy hollow.
00:43:59.000
It's a little Halloween village, a little fall Halloween village.
00:44:02.200
I got my phone out only to take pictures of the kids, but I wasn't on their Facebooking
00:44:07.300
or texting or messaging or emailing because the boundary is that I'm at home doing home
00:44:14.620
She believes in my word because I uphold my word both ways, business and personally.
00:44:22.360
What are some book recommendations you have for Devin here?
00:44:27.940
Actually, that's, that's, that's the one book I'd recommend.
00:44:50.100
In fact, another good book, but I'm, I'm hesitant to give a bunch of book recommendations
00:44:54.360
to a guy that's like, Hey, I need to eliminate distractions.
00:45:09.040
How do you maintain your sanity of not sleeping at night when working all day, then training
00:45:20.720
Like I, I don't know if I'm fortunate or if my wife's just running them throughout the
00:45:31.160
I've got two younger kids, a five and a two year old.
00:45:37.240
My wife and I, it's my responsibility to take care of her.
00:45:39.900
So if she's crying, I'll go in there and sing her a song or something or, you know, whatever,
00:45:45.180
And then, uh, our two year old, that's he's, he's my wife.
00:46:06.600
Um, you do what Ryan is saying on the question before about establishing boundaries.
00:46:15.020
You have two adults that could potentially deal with a kid staying up.
00:46:21.820
I think instead of, cause trust me, this has been on my mind.
00:46:26.100
Yeah, because over the last week I'm like, oh man, I, I'm struggling getting to the gym
00:46:33.780
And, uh, and I really think at the root of it is Asia and I, my wife, uh, need to do a
00:46:40.420
better job in dividing and conquering and establishing boundaries and our strategy on how to do this.
00:46:46.640
For instance, by default day one and two, we are both by the baby.
00:46:52.360
Well, when the baby gets up, I wake up, she wakes up, she helps the baby.
00:47:07.720
Most of the time, because she's breastfeeding, I'm providing no value.
00:47:16.600
Like there's a little bit of a social pressure here.
00:47:19.060
Like, man, you know, she's, she's losing all this sleep all by herself.
00:47:26.060
I can say, okay, honey, since you're breastfeeding, there's not much I can do.
00:47:30.820
Do you care if I sleep in the other room so I can get shut eye?
00:47:33.980
And then if you need me to like run to the store and grab something, or I don't know,
00:47:38.920
there's a blowout in the diaper or whatever, then call me out, call me in on those scenarios
00:47:45.020
And then I'll watch the baby from these hours so you can sleep.
00:47:49.020
Like, I really think it comes down to strategy and then figuring that out versus just letting
00:47:54.180
it just naturally happen the way it's going to happen.
00:48:05.460
And instead I just bell on her and sleep in the other room.
00:48:12.440
So I think it's that communication boundaries come up with a strategy.
00:48:22.360
Well, and, and look, let's look at it this way too, Kip.
00:48:24.660
It may not be possible to, to the degree that you would like, because it's the season
00:48:29.640
Like deal with it, bear down for a couple of months and deal with it.
00:48:34.760
Cause such as life, you decided to have kids and having kids is hard, it's rewarding, but
00:48:39.540
So, so what I would say to that is just understand that there's seasons to things, but don't
00:48:44.960
And what I mean is that don't make my wife, Oh, bless her heart.
00:48:54.540
It's like, she just likes to make it more challenging than it needs to be.
00:48:58.880
I think two years old is probably appropriate where a kid can cry it out for a little bit.
00:49:07.480
And if it keeps going and keeps going, but extend that time out, like don't, don't extend
00:49:11.620
your season longer than it has to be like potty training.
00:49:15.280
You know, that's such a pain in the ass, literally a pain in the ass.
00:49:27.260
But I swear to some people just love to extend their problems and makes it make it harder
00:49:34.840
Although I'm curious, I'm curious about Tyler's.
00:49:40.140
Is it what he, I try, are you doing jujitsu all night?
00:49:45.580
Look, I know guys who are jacked and they spend five hours a day in the gym.
00:49:50.520
Great physique, but everything else is falling apart.
00:49:55.820
I don't think that he literally means all night, but maybe, maybe he scales back to three
00:50:02.080
nights a week because that's what has to be done for the next two months.
00:50:05.160
And to your point for the season, maybe it's pushups on the carpet and sit-ups or crunches
00:50:16.540
Next question, Evan Vander, Vander, Vander, turn, turn, tune.
00:50:29.660
I'm looking to improve my sexual wellness and overall physical appearance, foods to eat
00:50:34.880
specifically, and what kind of workouts to achieve and overall toned body with heavy
00:50:57.260
Unless he's going to do like a, like a, a body building or like a fist, a physique contest
00:51:15.660
Don't eat processed food, eat fruit, vegetables, meat, drink a lot of water.
00:51:32.740
But we all know now, as far as exercise goes, yeah.
00:51:36.520
Exercise, do it all lift, lift heavy, go run, do some pushups, stay active, do it all.
00:51:49.840
I mean, Evan, and just so you don't feel beat up, like the reality of it is this is everybody's
00:52:02.080
Maybe I need to change my diet or like there's some, guess what it is most of the time.
00:52:09.840
Like you got it, like figure out whatever plan it is.
00:52:14.060
The plan that you pick is not going to be perfect, but guess what?
00:52:18.340
Give it the 12 weeks and see it through a hundred percent.
00:52:28.440
Fitness people and trainers would be out of work if you just did what they told you to
00:52:32.660
We here at the order of man podcast would be out of work.
00:52:38.840
If everybody just follow the advice that we gave, but they don't and they won't.
00:52:49.180
That's why fitness professionals will always exist.
00:52:52.760
I, I once her a chiropractor, he was a friend of mine and he said, Hey, if I, I just, I could
00:52:56.920
just give you, I'm just going to give you like three to four stretches that if you do every
00:53:01.440
single day, barring some sort of emergency or, or, or accident that you have will keep
00:53:10.460
And I said, well, why would you show that to anybody?
00:53:12.280
He's like, it doesn't matter whether or not I show it to him.
00:53:17.960
So he showed me the four stretches to do every morning.
00:53:27.660
Like you said, Kip, for, for, for four months, three, four months, and you'll
00:53:33.800
And my wife is attracted to me or these girls are attracted to me because I look at my physique.
00:53:38.940
And then keep doing it and keep doing it and keep doing it.
00:53:57.240
Andrew Lennert's a question about everyday carry.
00:54:00.420
Do you, everyday carry more than just a firearm?
00:54:07.620
So what I carry is my keys, my wallet, my phone, my beard comb, and my Glock 43.
00:54:21.800
I love, I love that there's the beard comb in there.
00:54:27.700
I think we talked about this a couple of weeks ago.
00:54:29.160
There's a bunch of guys out there who are like, you, you do like a, what they call a
00:54:33.980
It's like, what kind of pockets are you wearing?
00:54:37.340
Like, do you have, like, are you wearing MC hammer pants to carry all that stuff around?
00:54:49.760
I don't carry it with me, but it's in my truck.
00:54:57.260
It's just got just like it, like just some things that I may face.
00:55:04.140
Uh, it's got, I got a little bit of cash in there.
00:55:08.240
I've just got some things, some odds and ends that I may need.
00:55:12.620
Should I run into a disaster or some sort of thing?
00:55:19.000
Um, but other than that, I don't wear MC hammer pants or cargo pants and load them to the brim.
00:55:27.720
Like these guys everyday carries and what they put on their pit.
00:55:33.220
So I carry my little, my Glock 43, my beard comb, my, my wallet, my phone, and my keys with a little small knife on there.
00:55:53.020
Um, I guess you can change, you know, chamber one, but.
00:55:55.920
Uh, so you better be accurate, but it's what I need or what I have.
00:56:01.700
You know, it's, uh, this is advice for you, Ryan.
00:56:09.200
Oh, well you're going to have one of those foil blankets.
00:56:12.680
And, uh, I have an older brother that's somewhat of a survivalist, right?
00:56:19.340
And, uh, he went with boy Scouts to go backpacking and he thought, you know what?
00:56:29.020
And, uh, gets up in the mountains down there by St. George, by the way.
00:56:37.200
And he, he, he rips out that little emergency blanket and it's like four feet by like three
00:56:54.500
Look, I mean, you don't need to carry everything, but also don't be stupid.
00:56:59.740
You know, like, like, like carry, like carry what you need.
00:57:05.400
He's like, I'm going to try something new and he, and this is his thing for sure.
00:57:08.420
But like, don't, don't make it harder than it has to be, but you don't have to carry
00:57:21.380
But it's funny because I have so many of those blankets as well, but I've never opened one.
00:57:30.120
Like, I just assumed that they're like six feet by four or something, but no, they're
00:57:47.400
Well, and it's like one of those despair posters.
00:57:49.700
It's like, sometimes your lot in life is to serve as a warning for others.
00:58:03.720
I'm really, I'm just maybe on one a little bit.
00:58:12.120
So not everyone's feeling like you're just attacking in them.
00:58:29.440
Well, I think I know what it means, but it also doesn't exist.
00:58:38.700
It's designed to be tough, resilient, gritty, fortitude.
00:58:41.820
Like all those words that you think about when you generally think of men strength.
00:58:45.080
So are you displaying, are you being fragile as you're displaying masculinity?
00:58:56.540
I know what people think it means, but it's not a thing.
00:59:13.260
I think, I don't want to put words in his mouth, but I think what he's referring to is that
00:59:16.820
men are so insecure in their masculinity and their manliness that they just like overcompensate
00:59:40.320
You can be masculine at times, but you can't be fragile and masculine.
00:59:45.720
That would be like saying I'm, I'm cold in a hot kind of way.
00:59:49.160
It's like, well, you either are cold or you're hot or, or it's like pregnancy.
00:59:56.360
You either are pregnant or you're not pregnant.
01:00:00.440
Like there's no, there's no middle ground on this.
01:00:03.680
So I think what he's referring to is guys who are so insecure about what they do that
01:00:09.460
they're like walking around, like I got a big truck and big, heavy swinging balls and
01:00:24.140
So when I hear people talk about, oh, the traditional view of masculinity is to have
01:00:29.840
sex with a bunch of women and drive a big truck and lift heavy things.
01:00:37.820
And anytime that anybody's ever said that that's masculine, they've been wrong since the dawn
01:00:45.580
Masculinity is about protecting, providing, and presiding.
01:00:49.380
It's about using the skills and the tools and the virtues like strength and honor and
01:00:58.060
Jack Donovan talks a lot about the tactical virtues.
01:01:00.500
It's using all of those characteristics, violence, even aggression when necessary to produce effective
01:01:06.160
outcomes for yourself and other people and being fragile and being weak and being pathetic
01:01:14.480
It's just being weak and pathetic and insecure period.
01:01:23.840
I know people like to distort what those phrases mean, but that's not, they're, they're misnomers.
01:01:29.320
They're not accurate definitions of masculinity.
01:01:38.140
No, not a, not so much a nerve, but maybe, maybe, I mean, this is, this is my life's work.
01:01:44.660
So it's like, you know, I just get, I just, I get frustrated when he, oh, he's, he's fragile.
01:02:03.360
I know women who are assholes too, and I've never said toxic femininity.
01:02:23.360
Oh, well it's, it's a preconceived notions of masculinity.
01:02:27.440
Thus, thus, this is a character or this issue is related strictly to men.
01:02:41.960
As a single man, how can I prepare for marriage and my wife?
01:03:01.160
We've talked a lot about boundaries in this podcast, developing a new skill set so that
01:03:05.860
you can provide more effectively and more efficiently, being able to build and develop
01:03:11.760
and nurture relationships, having a hobby and an activity and an interest, something
01:03:14.820
that engages your mind and your heart and your spirit and your soul.
01:03:17.520
These are all things that you can do to improve yourself, which make you a much more suitable
01:03:25.060
And you know, what's funny is when you stop looking and focusing on, oh, my wife and I
01:03:30.060
And you start focusing more on yourself and becoming a man of value, a deeply convicted,
01:03:46.820
I would say this kid, not even hold onto it, but continue to develop it because holding
01:03:51.980
I think of when I think of holding onto it, I think of picking up on the beach of handful
01:03:56.400
of sand and then like grasping it, what happens this, the, the, the sand gradually slips through
01:04:08.900
It's active, meaning that you will never get where you have the potential of going.
01:04:15.920
Once you achieve some level of mastery, when it comes to being a man or some proficiency,
01:04:20.320
when it comes to a skillset that helps you be a better protector, provider, presider,
01:04:24.240
that target moves because now you have new potential.
01:04:27.580
So not only hold onto it, like actively pursue it.
01:04:31.660
That's what happens when guys get into relationships.
01:04:33.760
Kip, I'm, I'd be willing to bet you've done this.
01:04:35.400
I've done this where I'm so enthralled by this beautiful woman that I've, I have a connection
01:04:40.380
I let everything else go like my, my buddies and my hobbies and my activities and my
01:04:52.140
And she ends up leaving because you're not the man that she initially fell in love with.
01:04:56.360
And the irony is, I would say, and hopefully my wife still doesn't listen to the podcast.
01:05:02.140
Uh, I would say that most women would ask you to give up all those things.
01:05:07.060
They, a lot of them would be like, Oh no, it's all about me.
01:05:12.580
It's like, they may be verbally saying that, but that's ultimately not what they're attracted
01:05:23.460
I would say definitely some women because they're insecure.
01:05:26.600
I think an insecure woman would say, no, no, no, no.
01:05:33.180
I think the women that you want, the women that I want anyways, my, my wife is completely
01:05:42.540
She encourages me to go on hunts and do activity.
01:05:45.620
It, it's always funny when, when I hear guys will be like, Oh yeah, my wife didn't let
01:05:54.780
Number one, you're blaming your weakness on her.
01:06:02.340
Number two, you're letting your wife dictate your life.
01:06:05.700
She certainly has a say in the matter, but she shouldn't be dictating your life.
01:06:12.600
Now, if you made the choice, like, Hey, you know what, I didn't go hunting this weekend
01:06:15.760
because it was my, uh, my kid's game and, and my wife already had something planned and
01:06:21.440
And then I needed to stick around to, to take care of the kids while she was away.
01:06:26.740
But don't you dare say that my wife wouldn't let me.
01:06:29.400
That's, that's a sign of, uh, definitely not ownership and a sign of weakness.
01:06:37.120
I'd probably suggest too, that a lot of guys that have really healthy relationships aren't,
01:06:44.080
are not even close to being the same men that you were in the past.
01:06:48.020
If I look at who I was when I first married Asia, I am not the same man.
01:06:55.440
I'm constantly changing and, and I don't think, and I think that's healthy, right?
01:07:00.920
If, if you're stagnant to what you're saying, Ryan, I don't think you're in a good place.
01:07:07.240
It's the quote that says, no man steps in the same river twice for he is not the same
01:07:17.700
If I'm not a different guy in the next 24 hours than I am today, then I have failed the
01:07:34.440
Uh, preparing a single man for marriage and wife.
01:07:47.560
How can we turn the tide of fatherless homes in a society becoming more feminist and anti-masculine?
01:07:55.080
Another quote, if men don't learn, boys won't know, or excuse me, is that how it goes?
01:08:08.060
Um, the reason I bring that up is it's our responsibility to raise the future generations
01:08:21.100
Look, there's kids in my community who don't have dads around and they're weak and they're
01:08:29.200
And it's more, what morally we have an obligation responsibility to do.
01:08:33.640
If I have the ability to reach outside the walls of my home and help a young man become
01:08:37.320
a better man, then it's my moral obligation to do so.
01:08:42.100
We get involved in organizations like order of man.
01:08:46.780
And then we look around and we say, here's a, here's a young man, whether this is my biological
01:08:51.060
son or a neighborhood kid or somebody on my team that needs some guidance, direction
01:08:56.840
It's my responsibility to instill that upon him.
01:08:59.580
So that we don't have a bunch of weak, cowardly, pathetic, effeminate little boys running around
01:09:05.140
dictating the conversation that we should be having when it comes to what it actually
01:09:09.440
means to be a man and how we display masculinity in the society.
01:09:13.660
So we turn the attention outwards to the young boys who need the guidance and direction and
01:09:20.760
aren't getting the guidance and direction they need.
01:09:26.320
And I would say it doesn't need to become your life's work, but it should become a part
01:09:45.420
It's how you show up at work and other men looking to you going, yeah, that's, that's
01:09:56.760
I actually thought you were going to say, it's our job to teach that with women to,
01:10:01.420
I thought you were going to go that route, which I actually agree with girls.
01:10:04.900
I think it's, I think it's critical that my daughter sees me being a man because the,
01:10:13.840
the hopefully gentlemen that she chooses to be with down the road will likely be a lot
01:10:20.940
And so it's my responsibility to teach her what is acceptable behavior in a potential
01:10:34.580
And if you're showing up like an asshole, she's going to be with an asshole.
01:10:37.340
And that's probably partly due to you and the things that you failed to do as a man.
01:10:51.760
If you're not having already, you can join the iron council.
01:11:07.260
That's why he does this podcast to turn that tide that you're talking about.
01:11:11.940
And, and the more that you support this message and what we're doing and, and standing up for
01:11:18.700
So a hundred percent, man, let's take one more after it.
01:11:21.600
Steven Payne Davis, when is the right time to give up on pursuing a woman who is in a relationship
01:11:27.520
with someone else, but isn't happy according to her?
01:11:31.540
You shouldn't even pursue that woman in the first place.
01:11:35.240
Like until she's mature enough to see that she's in a relationship where she's not happy.
01:11:43.000
Go find somebody else who's hot, but isn't, it doesn't have the emotional baggage or whatever
01:11:48.940
Go find somebody else who's not in a relationship, who wants to be committed to you, who sees
01:11:54.180
the value of, of a good man, who sees the value of commitment and honor and wants to have
01:12:06.460
There's plenty of women, women out there who are beautiful and lovely and want to be loved
01:12:12.060
and want to be led and want to be a partner with you.
01:12:21.100
She's in a relationship that she is not happy with.
01:12:27.800
And, and I, I used to use this term back in the day, but she's vine swinging, right?
01:12:32.640
Well, no, I don't even know if it's that or if she's just insecure.
01:12:40.180
Like she could be genuinely committed to this other individual.
01:12:45.640
She's just, she's just insecure because she thinks that for whatever reason, maybe she had
01:12:51.680
some past traumatic events or maybe dad was out of the picture, but for whatever reason,
01:12:55.880
she's more comfortable in a relationship where she's not happy than being alone.
01:13:07.540
It's not your responsibility to save everybody.
01:13:10.160
Even the woman who you could potentially and genuinely love.
01:13:14.460
And by the way, that thought that's somewhat of a folly, assuming that you can even save
01:13:19.540
I mean, that's a, that's a personal issue, right?
01:13:24.140
And, and you're just, you, you could just be addressing the dependency that she's, that
01:13:33.980
Cause what's to say that, you know, it's, it's like the old adage goes that you are the
01:13:40.480
So what's to say it's actually the relationships that that's the problem, or even this gentleman
01:13:51.500
I would say there's plenty of other fish in the sea.
01:14:00.380
I'm going to go back and listen to this because we're, this is actually going to be released
01:14:03.340
tomorrow just because we got a little behind with, with you being unavailable last week
01:14:07.980
And I'm like, man, am I being like bitter or am I just like fired up?
01:14:12.920
How would you categorize my, the tone of my answers today?
01:14:22.080
But sometimes, I mean, let's say, let's say it this way.
01:14:28.560
Would maybe say you're being an asshole, but the reality of it is, is you're speaking the
01:14:34.440
truth and we need to not be so sensitive all the time.
01:15:02.380
And I appreciate your willingness to share them because look, if you're having this problem,
01:15:07.500
then it's safe to say that there's millions of other men who are dealing with some very,
01:15:11.300
very similar issues who don't have the balls to speak up or just quite, quite frankly,
01:15:24.860
They push themselves outside of their comfort zone.
01:15:27.260
And sometimes some of these questions and bringing up these conversations, frankly,
01:15:30.780
are not comfortable, but that's what it takes to improve.
01:15:36.000
You want to end this thing, wrap this thing up Kip for us?
01:15:39.700
If you want to join these gentlemen that have submitted these questions, you, you primarily
01:15:45.740
You can go to patreon.com forward slash order of man, which is a paid membership that comes
01:15:51.080
with a handful of perks, not only having your questions read here on the podcast, but some
01:15:58.300
Second, you can join us on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash order of
01:16:07.640
Um, and you'll be rubbing shoulders with five, 50,000 plus other men.
01:16:11.940
That's kind of dealing with the same questions and having those conversations.
01:16:14.820
And it's a great opportunity to not just come browse and read, but post and contribute and stand up for
01:16:22.760
other men and, and make a difference and, and get on the path of, of what Landon would, um, alluded to
01:16:28.860
earlier of turning the tide of fatherless homes.
01:16:34.780
And if you want to step up even further, then you join us in the iron council and you can join
01:16:39.400
the iron council at order of man.com forward slash iron council.
01:16:43.500
And the iron council is, is pretty much a brotherhood.
01:16:46.100
You get assigned a, uh, within a battle team, you rub shoulders with anywhere from 10 to 15 other
01:16:52.000
men, uh, that will hold you accountable that, uh, get past the mentality that we sometimes have
01:17:00.080
in society of buying into other people's bullshit.
01:17:07.180
That goes away in the iron council because guess what guys, it's not effective.
01:17:11.680
And, and if you're willing to level up, guess what you need to do?
01:17:14.280
You need to face your issues straight on and you need to hold other men accountable.
01:17:21.020
You can connect with Ryan on Instagram at Ryan Mickler.
01:17:25.400
Uh, I think, uh, what Twitter is at order of man.
01:17:30.460
And, uh, if you're looking for some swag and curve brims and you want to help Bubba purchase
01:17:35.740
more than the five that he's planning on buying.
01:17:39.140
So not only are we selling five of them, but Bubba who's buying all five.
01:17:44.140
I think Bubba's buying five and we need someone else to buy the other a hundred.
01:17:53.940
Some swagger, get some swagger, order man, swagger.
01:17:58.020
And, and I know, I know it's cheesy, but man, I find, and I think this is the case for
01:18:02.420
most guys is we find honor in those decals on the back window of our cars.
01:18:08.160
We find honor and we're in those shirts because they represent something.
01:18:11.520
They represent something you're standing, standing up for.
01:18:14.140
So do it, stand up for it and let the world know.
01:18:27.580
I know the guys I've, I've tried to send you messages when I get messages from the guys
01:18:31.700
about you and your contribution to this podcast.
01:18:34.360
Um, but I, I'm getting a lot of messages that, that from these guys who really appreciate
01:18:42.720
You know, I'm just grateful to serve, um, this, this adds purpose, uh, to my life
01:18:54.800
We'll let you get going, uh, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant
01:18:59.180
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
01:19:02.500
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:19:06.500
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.