Order of Man - Overcoming Anger Issues, Not Making Yourself a Victim, and How Stoicism Can Serve You ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.040 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.540 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.780 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.960 Kip, man, it's good to see you. We're doing this. We're recording at a different time.

00:00:28.640 I'm on a different computer. Quite frankly, we spent 26 minutes at this point trying to figure this out.

00:00:36.500 So, yeah. We're getting there. We're getting there.

00:00:40.100 We were talking about technology. Technology is ridiculous. It's 2021.

00:00:44.980 Like, everything should be done automatically for you.

00:00:48.200 At this point, I feel like you should just be able to think something, and it just manifests itself before you.

00:00:54.580 Maybe that's wishful thinking. I don't know.

00:00:56.040 Yeah. Well, I don't know. I'm the technologist, right? So, I hear people say, like, this is too hard.

00:01:04.500 This is too hard. Why isn't this easier? Like, well, it's more complex than that, but I get it.

00:01:09.040 I know, but see, isn't the point of, okay, so there's technology geeks, and I would lump you under that umbrella, okay?

00:01:17.700 And then there's designers. And the designers need to work with the geeks, but the geeks don't know how to talk to the designers, and the designers don't know how to talk to the geeks.

00:01:27.660 But the designers should figure out how to communicate in both normal language, like layman's terms, and also geek code or whatever, so that they can help us understand how your freaking minds work.

00:01:45.760 Because the layman, like myself, has no idea. I'm like, what is going on?

00:01:51.600 And that's why, actually, I'm not joking. Like, what you said is perfect, because the best designers are guys that used to be programmers, and then they design.

00:02:02.000 Right, because they get it. They see it from both sides.

00:02:04.260 Yeah, they understand the limitations of the technology or what's possible. Because the other problem is you have designers that are just like, they're all creatives, and they create something, and you're like, that's awesome, but that's impossible.

00:02:17.360 You can't do that, right? Or they never look past like, well, what happens when that screen is shrinked to half the size? Your design goes to shit, right?

00:02:27.040 Like, you have to consider more factors. And so, the best designers are guys that were programmers, and then are also designers, I think, anyway.

00:02:34.760 So, I just wish you guys would figure it out, so I wouldn't have so much of a headache trying to get on a podcast.

00:02:42.300 I've been doing this for six years. Like, you'd think I'd have this thing figured out.

00:02:46.020 But I will say, though, the migration process from my old computer to this one was actually pretty nice.

00:02:52.400 I was worried I'm not going to copy everything.

00:02:55.000 Yeah, because they talk to each other, right?

00:02:57.040 I was just worried I'm going to have to copy everything, then input everything, and then download and install all the new apps and everything, and that was already taken care of, so it was good.

00:03:06.820 So, it automatically installed all your programs, moved your files over.

00:03:10.860 All my programs, all my apps. It saved, like, my internet passwords and bookmarks and all that stuff, so.

00:03:17.480 That's impressive.

00:03:18.480 Yeah, that was pretty nice.

00:03:19.740 Yeah, I don't think that's possible on a Windows PC.

00:03:22.540 There's a lot that's not possible.

00:03:24.040 I was telling you before we hit record, I'm like, why does this look like a five-year-old coloring book, okay?

00:03:30.300 Am I right, though? Come on.

00:03:31.640 I know you're a PC guy. You're a Windows guy.

00:03:33.760 Yeah.

00:03:33.780 Why does it look like a coloring book?

00:03:35.680 I joke, Microsoft has some other products. There's a product called Power Apps, and the joke is that I call it the Teletubby interface.

00:03:44.080 Yes.

00:03:44.420 It looks horrible. I'm like, this shit looks like shit, you know, just by default.

00:03:49.020 It does. They're just playing to the lowest common denominator of the population, apparently. I don't know what it is.

00:03:54.700 Or they're nerdy now, and there's no designer's part of it, and they're just like, yeah, make it work, you know, and that's it.

00:04:00.820 You know, it's like, well.

00:04:01.680 Yeah, but how it looks is more important than how it works sometimes.

00:04:07.100 Well, it's both important. Both of it's important. You know, if it works, but you can't use it, then it's useless.

00:04:12.860 If it looks good, but you can't use it, then it's also useless.

00:04:15.860 Yeah.

00:04:16.640 So, yeah, it's technology. You know, it's wonderful until it isn't, and then, you know, we just deal.

00:04:25.540 I was thinking, actually, with Windows, and then we'll stop beating a dead horse on this, with PC and Windows, I was thinking, it looks like the horrendous modern art that we see today.

00:04:36.680 That's what it actually reminds me of, and it's not even art. I don't even know how to describe it, but that's what it looks like.

00:04:45.080 So, you have these modern artists designing it, and they don't realize how shitty everybody else thinks it looks.

00:04:52.580 They think it looks good, and it's like when you stare at that big red block in the middle of, you know, the beautiful building, and you're wondering, what the hell is this even supposed to mean?

00:05:02.800 And that's who's designing Windows.

00:05:04.620 And you're just being insensitive and inconsiderate, you know? Like, how could you judge my art? It's my art.

00:05:11.740 I think I got the side of the populace on my side on this one.

00:05:15.500 Yeah. We'll see which technologies are superior when they start taking down your websites and everything because of your political views, and then we'll see who's the ideal technologist, yeah?

00:05:28.360 I was going to say, so far, we haven't had to deal with that yet, but I shouldn't tempt anybody.

00:05:33.880 Holy cow. 0.89

00:05:35.000 And it's funny because we talk to clients all the time. It's like, everybody's moving in the cloud.

00:05:39.560 Like, it's not even debatable, right? Like, it makes sense. It gives you the most functionality. It's more secure than something you'd have on-prem.

00:05:47.100 Like, it's just the way to go. And then after the last, you know, few months and the events of websites being, you know, turned off by AWS, by Amazon and Parler,

00:05:57.860 you start wondering, like, some company owners might go, maybe I don't want to put all my stuff in Amazon's cloud.

00:06:06.240 Exactly.

00:06:06.400 Maybe I'm concerned that some woke leftist is going to, like, figure out where I'm hosting my stuff and I'm going to get my stuff turned off, right?

00:06:14.220 Like, it's, I don't know, that's a weird time. I never thought that would ever happen.

00:06:17.860 It's not weird. It's dangerous. It's just, we're just setting dangerous precedent left and right.

00:06:22.260 I was talking about cancel culture on my social medias the other day and some guy's like, oh, there's no cancel culture. It's just free markets.

00:06:29.940 I'm like, come on, bro. Like, free markets is, okay, I'm going to choose to spend my money here or not here.

00:06:36.780 And so, seven, almost, I think it's actually over 8 billion people on the planet decide with their pocketbook where they're going to spend money.

00:06:45.060 And if you don't offer a valuable service or product, then you go under. That's the free market.

00:06:51.320 And if you offer something that people can conceive as valuable, then you make money and you prosper.

00:06:58.340 Cancel culture is not the free market. Cancel culture is going after somebody, personally attacking them, trying to de-platform them, trying to get them to lose their energy.

00:07:08.040 It has nothing to do with the service. It's like social media.

00:07:10.560 Nothing to do with their service. It has to do with what they said that you didn't like or that you're pretending.

00:07:17.500 And I'd say pretending on purpose that you're pretending to be upset about.

00:07:22.220 Because let's be real. You know, the latest one that I heard was this woman is upset that Tom.

00:07:28.940 No, well, there's that one. We can talk about that one. That's another one I was thinking of too.

00:07:32.000 But this woman whose father designed the Lombardi trophy was mad at Tom Brady because he was drunk and he tossed it across a boat. 1.00

00:07:44.920 Yeah.

00:07:45.080 Yeah. It's like you're not – you can't really be offended by that unless you're so pathetically weak.

00:07:51.760 And I just can't even envision somebody who's that weak that they're like, Tom Brady owes my father an apology.

00:07:59.220 Because he designed the trophy? Like, what, you own the trophy now?

00:08:02.580 Like, I don't even understand.

00:08:05.460 That's – and of course, normal people don't understand it.

00:08:08.940 And that's cancel culture.

00:08:11.060 That has nothing to do with a product being brought to market and whether or not it's valuable or not.

00:08:17.580 So I was debating with a guy until I realized he was name-calling and things like that.

00:08:21.720 And I realized, okay, this guy is just a troll.

00:08:25.540 But it's funny because there's actually people you don't know anymore.

00:08:28.900 You don't know if they're being a troll or you don't know if they're actually that dumb.

00:08:33.140 That's the scary part.

00:08:34.400 There's people that are that dumb that you can't tell if they're trolling you or if they actually believe the bull crap that's being spewed out of their mouth.

00:08:42.860 Yeah, and at the root of cancel culture is stupidity and or lack of critical thinking, right?

00:08:50.960 I would say –

00:08:51.620 I really do – people don't – they've dehumanized other people, right?

00:08:55.180 They've classified them into a group.

00:08:56.580 They don't consider the other point of view.

00:08:59.040 They're not doing critical thinking, and so they're offended.

00:09:02.800 I don't think it's lack of critical thinking.

00:09:05.220 It is that.

00:09:05.960 It is that for sure.

00:09:07.340 But I don't think that's the root.

00:09:08.580 I think the root is emotional immaturity, that they've been handed everything for decades of their life, that when things don't go their way, it couldn't possibly be about them.

00:09:24.420 If somebody says something just even in the slightest that might come across as threatening or harmful to that individual, they think they're being personally attacked and persecuted.

00:09:35.920 And so we have this victimized culture, and we also reward people for being victims at this point.

00:09:44.180 And so there's no resilience in these people.

00:09:48.140 I have people every day who mock me, who ridicule me, who say things about me that I won't repeat here in this podcast.

00:09:56.500 And yet I keep doing it because I have enough emotional maturity to just deal with it and just keep going.

00:10:08.440 But some people just don't have that because they've never had to do it before.

00:10:12.800 Well, and I don't think you're a good comparison because I think a lot of these people, they're not being called names.

00:10:19.380 They're not being criticized.

00:10:20.560 They're looking to be a victim.

00:10:23.480 Like, yes, they're like grasping, like, give me something, right?

00:10:26.900 Give me something for me to be a victim about, right?

00:10:29.560 And that's where their complaints come from.

00:10:32.620 But it's a choice.

00:10:33.760 It's not even directed towards them.

00:10:35.860 You know, they're going out of their way to find it.

00:10:38.440 Well, and so here's an interesting dichotomy.

00:10:40.460 It's kind of a trap.

00:10:41.420 It's like, you know, a lot of these people, I think a lot of them are just doing it for their 15 minutes of fame.

00:10:47.860 And it's sad because they actually get it.

00:10:50.660 We as a society collectively give it to them.

00:10:54.720 But there's a fine line between just brushing these weirdos off and a lot of that we should.

00:11:00.760 And then also addressing a real concern in society, which is the cancel culture phenomenon.

00:11:07.340 So trying to find the line between ignoring the wackos, but then also addressing the problem. 0.50

00:11:16.680 Yeah.

00:11:17.300 That's an interesting thing.

00:11:18.740 And I haven't found that line yet.

00:11:20.180 And I don't think it's a hard and fast line.

00:11:22.000 But we got to be careful of giving people attention that they don't deserve and yet still address some of the issues that are being brought up.

00:11:29.560 Yeah.

00:11:30.220 And it goes back to what we talked about, I think, on this podcast quite a bit.

00:11:33.780 It's like being clear on your vision, you know?

00:11:36.040 And I think people get lost in things, right?

00:11:38.220 Where the feminist movement at one point, their focus was great. 0.97

00:11:43.360 And now it's become something drastically different, right?

00:11:46.480 Even some of these men's movements, there might have a genuine or original like good focus and direction and mission.

00:11:54.680 And then it goes off track, right?

00:11:56.600 And so it is with us, you know?

00:11:59.620 It's like, oh, I want my focus to be successful in work.

00:12:02.300 And if you're not careful, what happens?

00:12:04.320 Your family goes to the wayside and you're dropping the ball there, right?

00:12:07.840 And we have to make sure that we maintain that focus and that proper vision of what we're, I don't know, what we're about and what we're kind of working towards.

00:12:15.260 But yeah, and I think a lot of these movements and these propositions and these things that could ultimately be good things also get hijacked by those who have, we'll just call it less than noble ambitions and pursuits for the group or the movement or the organization.

00:12:32.840 So you have to be careful of these like trait.

00:12:35.920 They're not even traitors.

00:12:36.840 They're, they're flat out enemies.

00:12:38.700 You know, you have to be careful of these people who like infiltrate and get into your organizations and sabotage things and then take them over as their own.

00:12:47.420 Like it's, yeah.

00:12:48.560 Yeah.

00:12:48.880 So anyways, it's a crazy time.

00:12:52.020 It is, but that's why this, that's why this podcast is so good because, you know, we're talking about these issues and I brought it up in the, in, on Instagram the other day.

00:13:01.040 And I said, you know, some people get very upset when I talk about real issues like transgender and, and homosexuality and politics and some of these like biggest, hottest issues, race issues, and people get upset about that.

00:13:15.860 But what, what are we, what, we're not going to talk about it because it, people are upset or because it, it tends to get people riled up.

00:13:25.020 No, I think that's actually the exact reason that we should talk about it because we're not talking about it.

00:13:30.740 Right.

00:13:31.340 Because if you make it familiar, it's the same thing with children.

00:13:34.260 It's, it's the old adage, curiosity killed the cat.

00:13:37.260 Right.

00:13:37.580 So if we don't talk about it, then it goes underground.

00:13:40.640 It doesn't go away.

00:13:41.900 And then the, the strangest fringe outliers are the only people that are talking about it.

00:13:49.080 The extremes on, on all sides of the equation, the extremes are talking about it instead of the normal level-headed rational people who should actually be hosting and facilitating the conversations.

00:14:02.060 So if you're listening to this and you appreciate what we're doing, just share the message.

00:14:06.920 That's all we ask.

00:14:07.860 Just share it, you know, take a screenshot.

00:14:10.020 A lot of you guys do that on Instagram because that's where I'm most active.

00:14:13.620 You know, just share it on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter or wherever you're doing the thing.

00:14:17.940 If you appreciate what we're doing, if you don't appreciate what we're doing, because they're difficult conversations and it makes you uncomfortable.

00:14:23.800 What I would say to you is subscribe to the podcast and keep listening.

00:14:28.220 Yeah.

00:14:28.780 And, and, and ask yourself why you're offended.

00:14:31.340 Right.

00:14:31.800 Like, yeah.

00:14:32.580 Come to that conclusion.

00:14:33.800 Don't, don't stop there.

00:14:34.980 I'm offended.

00:14:35.740 That's not a complete thought.

00:14:37.080 Like finish the thought and figure out why you're offended.

00:14:40.240 Right.

00:14:41.360 And, and then we can have a civil discussion about it.

00:14:43.600 And I, I tend to be, I try to be, I don't always, but I try to be civil and rational and reasonable in my dialogue with you guys on the socials.

00:14:51.720 I did something funny, not funny, interesting, fun.

00:14:55.120 I guess I would say on Instagram the other day, I did an Instagram live and I invited guys to do one-to-one lives with me.

00:15:01.760 So I took three or four random people.

00:15:04.480 Yeah.

00:15:04.840 We had, we had a, we had a state trooper join us.

00:15:08.360 Uh, we had a friend of mine who I met years and years ago and BNI from Southern Utah.

00:15:13.140 We had a couple other guys join me, a guy that had lost, gosh, I want to say he lost.

00:15:18.020 I can't even remember right offhand, but it was like 50 or 60 pounds.

00:15:20.500 I think, uh, over the past several months, like we, we had some cool guys join.

00:15:24.720 So I'm going to be doing that more often over there too.

00:15:26.760 It was a lot of fun.

00:15:27.380 Actually, it was really fun.

00:15:28.440 That's, that's at Ryan Mickler for Instagram and Twitter, including Facebook for those guys.

00:15:34.460 I want to check those.

00:15:35.520 All right.

00:15:36.040 Well, I'm glad you did that.

00:15:37.620 We're 20 minutes deep into this thing.

00:15:39.360 Should we, should we answer some questions?

00:15:40.960 I think we call it quits.

00:15:42.200 We've already addressed the critical issues.

00:15:44.220 This is all we need to talk about today.

00:15:45.840 You guys do on that.

00:15:46.960 And, uh, we'll be back next week.

00:15:48.740 See ya.

00:15:49.200 Yeah.

00:15:49.620 If you're offended at complete the thought, stop being offended, find the conversation

00:15:54.460 that's down the middle and encourage critical thinking and discussion.

00:15:58.840 There you go.

00:15:59.840 Well, you know, it's funny when you say stop.

00:16:02.320 And windows.

00:16:03.600 Yeah.

00:16:03.820 And windows, not iOS.

00:16:05.420 Yeah.

00:16:05.520 When you say, uh, stop being offended.

00:16:10.060 It's actually that easy.

00:16:13.020 No, I should say it's that simple because here's the interesting thing about taking offense.

00:16:17.940 I mean, even the phrase take offense, you can have to take my comments as offensive.

00:16:26.080 Yeah.

00:16:27.140 I have to receive it.

00:16:28.400 If I came to you and I said all the bad things I possibly could about you, Kip, and I just

00:16:32.720 threw you under the bus and I just mocked you, ridiculed, made fun of you.

00:16:36.500 You still have to accept it in order to be offended.

00:16:40.660 Yeah.

00:16:41.100 And if you don't accept that, if I say you're an idiot and you think, well, that's actually

00:16:46.120 not true.

00:16:47.480 You wouldn't be offended because you know, you're not.

00:16:51.480 Well, and, and it's even, it's simpler.

00:16:53.700 Yeah.

00:16:53.840 I think it's even simpler than that in the sense of most time, no one's telling you you're

00:16:58.500 stupid. 0.90

00:16:59.860 Most of the time, no one's actually even calling you names.

00:17:03.140 You're making that up, right?

00:17:04.820 They said X, Y, Z.

00:17:06.120 And you're like, oh, that must mean that Ryan thinks I'm stupid.

00:17:09.460 It's like, dude, yeah.

00:17:10.800 You'd even, you'd even say that, you know, now I know you allude to that shit all the

00:17:15.060 time, but you know, I just blow it off.

00:17:17.960 Yeah.

00:17:18.320 Like on your Facebook post the other day or yesterday or today, you know, like iron sharpens

00:17:23.120 iron.

00:17:23.540 I'm like, cool.

00:17:24.200 Why are you there?

00:17:26.840 It was super great.

00:17:27.980 I was like, well, but there's truth to it because I just get my ass kicked with those guys.

00:17:32.020 He said, so I'm like, that's true.

00:17:34.280 But my comment was not all, not all irons created equal.

00:17:38.380 I didn't see that.

00:17:39.140 I was going to look at it.

00:17:40.580 All right, man.

00:17:41.220 Let's get to some questions.

00:17:42.580 Yeah.

00:17:42.820 Yeah.

00:17:43.000 For sure.

00:17:43.420 All right.

00:17:43.680 Instagram is where we're getting these questions.

00:17:45.600 And like we mentioned earlier at Ryan Mickler on the, on the socials, Mr. Sharpster seven,

00:17:52.300 what would you say are three to five books on finance that guys should read?

00:17:56.060 I know some Dave Ramsey stuff like having an emergency fund and et cetera, but who else has good

00:18:01.280 financial advice?

00:18:04.120 There's, so a random walk down wall street is pretty good.

00:18:07.520 I can't remember the, it's not boggle.

00:18:09.640 I can't remember the author.

00:18:11.220 I can look it up too.

00:18:12.660 McCarrie.

00:18:13.240 Random walk down rice wall street.

00:18:14.680 Yeah.

00:18:14.920 Down wall street.

00:18:15.600 That one's really good about how the stock market actually works.

00:18:18.700 So it really depends on what you're looking for.

00:18:20.640 You know, I think Ramsey has some good stuff on cashflow and budgeting and paying off debt.

00:18:24.860 I mean, I would say there's, it would be hard to argue that there's been somebody more influential

00:18:29.220 than him when it comes to those items.

00:18:31.020 So Ramsey's books are great for that, but yeah, random walk down wall street.

00:18:36.300 Uh, Burton.

00:18:37.800 I just, McKell.

00:18:39.020 McKell.

00:18:39.420 Yeah.

00:18:40.040 Yeah.

00:18:40.240 Um, I don't read a whole lot of finance books.

00:18:44.700 Maybe that's just because I was in the business for so long.

00:18:47.540 Gosh, I'm just trying to think.

00:18:48.740 I wish I would have been prepared for this.

00:18:52.760 Who cares about finances?

00:18:54.520 You don't need money.

00:18:56.200 I mean, the thing is we kind of already know what to do.

00:18:59.540 Really?

00:19:00.100 Probably a better book would be a discipline book for you, you know, because you know what a

00:19:04.640 budget, you know, to spend less than you make.

00:19:07.760 Like, you know, these things, most of us do now, if you wanted to learn about, uh, cryptocurrency

00:19:13.260 or how the stock market works or how to pay off debt most effectively, then, you know,

00:19:18.180 do some searches in Amazon and find a book and find several books and get after it and

00:19:23.080 consolidate that information into one place.

00:19:25.360 And, but I just don't read a whole lot of financial books.

00:19:30.160 I really don't.

00:19:31.360 That wasn't helpful.

00:19:32.600 Next question.

00:19:33.880 I gave him one random walk down wall street.

00:19:37.060 Also too, I would say maybe, um, cause people ask me about finances a lot.

00:19:44.060 That might have something to do with my background, but maybe instead of just saying, what's a

00:19:46.840 good financial book, maybe say, what's a good book on investing or what's a good book on

00:19:53.520 paying off debt or what's a good book on budgeting.

00:19:56.780 It's the same thing with how do I, how do, how do I improve my relationship?

00:20:00.600 I don't know.

00:20:01.000 What's the problem with your relationship?

00:20:02.820 Yeah.

00:20:03.180 Is it communication?

00:20:04.840 Is it intimacy?

00:20:06.820 Like that's a more specific isolated question.

00:20:11.220 And you're just bound to get better answers when you do that.

00:20:14.720 I've said it.

00:20:15.380 And I've, I've heard this quote and I've had, this is one of my favorite quotes for a long

00:20:18.520 time.

00:20:18.960 The quality of your life will be determined by the quality of questions that you ask.

00:20:22.940 So if you say, so here's the interesting thing about the finance and I'm, and I'm not

00:20:26.120 trying to pick on the guy who asked about finance, but it's just a, it's a good illustrative

00:20:29.740 point.

00:20:30.160 If you say, what's a good book on finance?

00:20:31.800 And I say a random walk down wall street, which happens to be about how to invest in

00:20:35.240 the stock market and how the stock market works.

00:20:37.240 You might come back and say, well, I don't, I'm not investing in the stock market.

00:20:40.060 I was asking about real estate.

00:20:41.520 Okay.

00:20:41.740 Well then you should have asked about real estate.

00:20:43.780 Yeah.

00:20:44.560 Yeah.

00:20:44.780 Or you shouldn't be investing in the market if you have zero cashflow.

00:20:48.600 So maybe that's what you need to focus on first.

00:20:52.220 Yeah.

00:20:52.560 Bigger pockets podcast.

00:20:53.780 There's a great resource stacking Benjamins.

00:20:55.900 That's a great resource.

00:20:56.740 That's a podcast.

00:20:57.680 Um, good financial sense by Jeff Rose is another great podcast.

00:21:01.500 So my financial information is usually consumed via audio.

00:21:05.140 So, uh, bigger pockets podcast, which is real estate heavy stacking Benjamins, which is

00:21:11.860 very entertaining and funny.

00:21:13.160 Is that puff daddy?

00:21:14.140 Is that puff daddy?

00:21:14.980 The, um, Joe saw C high close.

00:21:17.360 And then, uh, the third one is good financial sense by Jeff Rose.

00:21:22.800 All right.

00:21:23.420 There's someone appreciated my puff, my puff daddy joke.

00:21:26.000 Someone did.

00:21:26.500 I don't think so.

00:21:27.580 I don't think everybody did.

00:21:28.460 All right.

00:21:29.360 Z don't have that many listeners that you'd find the one person, the one guy listening

00:21:34.060 to the hip hop from the nineties.

00:21:35.500 That's right.

00:21:36.440 All right.

00:21:37.020 Zeke Bishop.

00:21:38.040 Why do most people in society act like a victim?

00:21:41.060 I don't understand why one would want to focus on that.

00:21:44.480 I actually don't think most people do.

00:21:47.360 Do you think it's by accident or you don't think most people are victims?

00:21:51.860 I don't think, I don't think most people are victims, but I don't think most people

00:21:55.440 are acting like victims either.

00:21:57.140 I think they're very loud and they're just vocal and they're annoying.

00:22:00.700 And so we think that they're more prevalent and social media as well.

00:22:04.620 So we think they're more prevalent than they actually are.

00:22:07.240 But if I were to walk down the street or go to a restaurant or interact with somebody at

00:22:14.220 origin, for example, and I talked with a hundred people, a hundred of them would be

00:22:19.260 getting after it.

00:22:20.300 They'd be doing their work.

00:22:21.320 They'd be doing their jobs.

00:22:22.460 They'd be trying to improve themselves.

00:22:25.440 They would be on the path to improvement.

00:22:27.760 Which makes them too busy to be complaining on social media about how the world is affecting

00:22:35.200 them.

00:22:35.900 Yeah.

00:22:35.980 Right.

00:22:36.580 Right.

00:22:37.480 So it's just what we focus on.

00:22:42.260 Um, but to answer the question in earnest, it's easy, it's easier, right?

00:22:48.960 It's way easier to say, Oh, it was Kip's fault.

00:22:51.400 The reason that this isn't a good podcast is my co-host sucks.

00:22:55.120 Couldn't possibly be me.

00:22:57.000 Yeah.

00:22:57.480 See, I, now I'm not adding meaning to that.

00:22:59.480 So we're going to try out what your advice was earlier.

00:23:04.640 Look, and that, and that's the reality though.

00:23:06.440 Isn't that what we do is like, Oh, the reason why I didn't get that promotion is because my

00:23:09.720 boss is an asshole.

00:23:10.460 The reason my marriage isn't what it is is because my wife's a bitch. 1.00

00:23:13.080 The reason that my portfolio isn't doing as what it should be is because Trump or Biden

00:23:17.720 or this or that.

00:23:19.220 So we make up all of these reasons because it's significantly easier to say it was him

00:23:24.700 than it is to look at yourself in the mirror and say, Oh, it was me.

00:23:28.600 I messed that up.

00:23:29.700 I fell short, but ironically, maybe it's not ironic, but it is interesting is that when you

00:23:39.080 decide to say that it's not anybody else, that it is you and you take responsibility, not

00:23:45.580 all the fault is different, but you take responsibility for it, then you actually put yourself in a

00:23:51.340 better position.

00:23:52.040 So those who love to be victims, they either do it for one of several reasons.

00:23:56.220 One, they like the attention.

00:23:57.520 And I know a lot of people personally, I know a lot of people who like to play the victim

00:24:01.480 because they like the attention number two, it's significantly easier.

00:24:07.260 Number three, they actually could believe that they are a victim because that's their programming.

00:24:12.300 Somebody told them that and conditioned them to believe that they're a victim or number

00:24:17.120 four, they're just lazy and they don't want, they know they're not, but rather than face

00:24:21.660 the harsh reality of doing the work, they're just going to continue to perpetuate that myth.

00:24:25.500 And then until it becomes their reality or the, the, the popular quote, their lived experience.

00:24:32.000 Yeah.

00:24:32.640 Yeah.

00:24:33.460 Let me run this idea by you.

00:24:35.420 And you can tell me if I'm off base and, and I'm trying not to be too nerdy, but I think,

00:24:40.360 I think a reference to Harry Potter is great.

00:24:43.740 Okay.

00:24:44.280 All right.

00:24:45.360 We're going to turn this shit off.

00:24:47.160 I'm going to, I'm going to pause this recording and we're going to rewind.

00:24:51.960 We're going to go back to the last thing I said, and I'm going to give you a mulligan on that one.

00:24:56.520 All right, go ahead, go ahead.

00:24:58.820 So, so at one point in, in those shows to commit murder, would they use the term,

00:25:05.980 it rips the soul because it is unnatural to the soul and it tears the soul apart.

00:25:12.520 I think that when we are out of integrity, one of two things have to happen.

00:25:18.860 I have to justify my action or my lack thereof, or I have to change.

00:25:27.240 And most people are forced to do one of those two things.

00:25:30.340 And when you don't do one of those two things, it's almost like tearing your soul.

00:25:34.220 It just won't work.

00:25:36.040 You have to justify it or you have to change.

00:25:39.480 And I think that's at the root of victimhood.

00:25:41.820 Because the minute I don't do what I know I should do, then I have to justify it.

00:25:47.620 And most justifications has a finger that's pointing towards someone else.

00:25:52.120 Well, I had to do it because of Ryan.

00:25:54.720 I had to do that because of my boss.

00:25:56.600 I had to do that because my spouse doesn't appreciate me the way I am.

00:26:00.280 I have to do that because my parents didn't raise me like they should have.

00:26:04.160 Like it always has a sense of blaming, aka victimhood to it, or they're inspired to change.

00:26:12.160 But it can't be any other option.

00:26:14.800 And so when I see victims, I think there's been a whole lot of decisions in their past

00:26:19.740 of being out of integrity.

00:26:21.520 And they've held on to those poor decisions.

00:26:26.020 And as long as they hold on to them, they have to keep it going.

00:26:30.900 They have to keep justifying why they're at where they are because they haven't decided

00:26:36.320 to go on the other side of that trail and that fork in the road that says,

00:26:41.260 holy shit, this is actually all my fault.

00:26:43.940 Right.

00:26:44.660 Yeah, I think that's a great point.

00:26:46.420 You know, let's take an extreme, extreme example of that.

00:26:50.980 Let's go back to Nazi Germany in the late 30s, early 40s.

00:26:56.020 The, those Nazi soldiers, the SS and the soldiers and everything else.

00:27:01.620 Kip, that could have very easily been you or me.

00:27:04.420 Do you realize that?

00:27:05.980 Totally.

00:27:06.980 Very easily.

00:27:08.300 People don't think, oh, it would never be.

00:27:10.220 No, no, no, no, it would never be.

00:27:12.040 That could very easily be you or me.

00:27:14.800 Okay.

00:27:15.140 So, and, and by the way, that's how people treat slavery too.

00:27:18.500 Oh, how could they have slaves?

00:27:21.360 And you're like, bullshit.

00:27:22.720 Shit, if you're raised in the same exact time that was culturally acceptable and you're

00:27:27.660 raised the same way, you totally would have.

00:27:30.240 Absolutely.

00:27:31.040 Any hundred percent.

00:27:32.320 Yeah.

00:27:33.080 And a lot of these people are on record saying, I was just doing what I was ordered to do.

00:27:39.820 Yeah.

00:27:40.460 Just, I was doing my job.

00:27:43.000 Justification.

00:27:43.480 Because they could not live with themselves if they didn't just, for what they did, if

00:27:48.340 they didn't justify it.

00:27:50.140 Yeah.

00:27:50.300 And those that didn't justify it, what did they end up doing?

00:27:53.040 Fighting against the Nazis.

00:27:54.880 Fighting against their own people.

00:27:56.420 And it ended up being covert, you know, underground warriors against their, their own society.

00:28:02.760 Yeah.

00:28:03.900 Interesting.

00:28:04.700 All right.

00:28:05.380 Proceed.

00:28:06.720 Jeez.

00:28:07.540 Were we reading questions?

00:28:08.640 I don't know.

00:28:10.000 I don't know what he asked.

00:28:10.880 We went from, well, seriously, what was he asking?

00:28:14.420 He was asking, who knows?

00:28:16.220 Oh, victim mentality in Nazi Germany. 0.53

00:28:18.220 Who knows how we got there?

00:28:19.160 We got there though.

00:28:20.260 Yeah.

00:28:20.500 Windows and PCs.

00:28:21.900 All right.

00:28:23.300 L Custom Wood Garage.

00:28:25.700 Mr. Mickler, what would you say is the single most important thing a man or woman should be

00:28:31.640 teaching their young boys and girls about society today to correct some of the things that

00:28:36.500 have been lost over the last two decades or so, and have led us to where we are today?

00:28:45.780 You know, I don't know about society.

00:28:47.340 I mean, I think we've been talking a little bit about victimhood and why it's easy to do

00:28:50.920 that.

00:28:51.220 So I would, I would say the best thing that you could teach your child is personal responsibility.

00:28:55.800 Yeah.

00:28:56.160 And I do that with my children.

00:28:57.840 Sovereignty, right?

00:28:58.680 Right.

00:28:58.900 Right.

00:28:59.280 And even at, you know, at, at, at four and eight and 10 and 13 years of age, you know,

00:29:04.720 they're already doing it.

00:29:06.000 Oh, well, he did it.

00:29:07.660 He was him.

00:29:08.640 It was her.

00:29:09.420 It was her fault.

00:29:09.940 Oh no, I didn't make that met.

00:29:11.580 Okay.

00:29:11.980 So we learn this stuff very early on.

00:29:15.000 And so I don't, very human.

00:29:16.620 Yeah.

00:29:17.020 It is a human thing.

00:29:17.880 Of course it's a, it's a defense mechanism.

00:29:20.760 Same thing with lying.

00:29:21.860 Why do kids lie?

00:29:23.420 Why do adults lie?

00:29:24.900 It's a defense mechanism.

00:29:26.180 You, you, you think if you can weasel your way out of what actually happened, that you'll

00:29:31.260 survive.

00:29:31.680 It's a defense mechanism.

00:29:32.780 It's, it's human nature.

00:29:34.740 It's the natural man.

00:29:35.960 We talk about that kid, right?

00:29:37.180 It's like, that's natural.

00:29:38.320 Like we lie.

00:29:39.120 That's what we do.

00:29:40.420 We have to overcome that.

00:29:41.800 We have to fight against that.

00:29:43.800 So personal responsibility is a big fight against that because it's often painful.

00:29:48.000 If you mess up, you have to admit it and say, no, I messed up, or I fell short, or I

00:29:52.240 took advantage of this person, or I did this person wrong.

00:29:54.540 And it's going to cost you financially.

00:29:58.160 It's going to cost you time.

00:29:59.460 It's going to cost you money and attention, maybe a little wounded pride.

00:30:02.580 It's going to cost.

00:30:04.020 There's a payment, a sacrifice that needs to be made in order to reconcile these things.

00:30:09.420 So if there's one thing that we can do to rectify these situations that we see in

00:30:13.620 society, it's to embrace personal responsibility.

00:30:16.720 You know, and I get very frustrated when we have this, these ideas of revisionist history

00:30:22.420 and we whitewash, you know, what happened in history and we gloss over it or we pretend

00:30:27.120 it had something different than it really was.

00:30:28.880 Like, I think we should own our faults, but not subject ourselves to them.

00:30:34.880 Yeah.

00:30:35.940 Right?

00:30:36.240 Like, okay, so let's take the country, for example.

00:30:38.820 You know, we as a country have fallen short in many ways of living up to the ideals espoused

00:30:44.540 in our founding documents.

00:30:46.160 I think that's a fair assessment.

00:30:48.520 Like we haven't always lived up to the words in the founding documents.

00:30:53.760 We don't need to pretend that isn't true.

00:30:55.640 We should actually, we should actually embrace the fact that as reality and then, okay, well,

00:31:00.640 what can we do moving forward?

00:31:02.280 But then you have people who want to pin themselves back to history that happened 250 years ago

00:31:07.120 without acknowledging that there's been some growth and progression over the past 250 years.

00:31:12.100 Is it perfect?

00:31:12.800 No, it's not even as good as it could be or will be as long as we continue to work through it

00:31:18.100 and we take responsibility.

00:31:20.660 I look at Martin Luther King, for example, you know, a great leader of the civil rights movement

00:31:25.260 and he had a lot, him and millions of other people had the right, I think, to be upset

00:31:33.680 about the way that they were treated.

00:31:35.600 And yet he took responsibility for it.

00:31:39.600 Okay.

00:31:40.900 Not my fault.

00:31:42.440 These are circumstances beyond my control.

00:31:45.460 What's happened has happened.

00:31:47.220 And yet I'm going to take responsibility.

00:31:49.320 I just feel like personal responsibility is a huge, huge virtue.

00:31:56.620 And I think it's something that is increasingly lacking in society today.

00:32:01.480 And it's only going to lead to poor outcomes to put it mildly.

00:32:06.420 Yeah.

00:32:06.620 Because the opposite of that is what?

00:32:08.500 And it's exactly what we're talking about earlier.

00:32:10.420 It's victim.

00:32:10.880 It's victimhood.

00:32:12.140 Yeah.

00:32:12.760 Which means what?

00:32:13.760 Who's in control?

00:32:15.580 Somebody else.

00:32:16.920 Someone else.

00:32:18.740 Legacy metal restoration.

00:32:21.060 I wonder if these, this is a good way to promote your business.

00:32:25.160 Don't tell them that.

00:32:27.420 You're going to be promoting all these businesses.

00:32:28.900 All of a sudden, legacy metals, like, ask the questions every single week.

00:32:32.300 Yeah.

00:32:32.820 We're going to measure your business acumen based on the quality of questions that you ask.

00:32:38.500 So just be prepared for that.

00:32:39.560 And we'll see if your business goes down or up.

00:32:42.600 And then we're going to give your business a grade based on the question that you asked.

00:32:48.060 We're not going to do that.

00:32:49.240 Legacy metals or whatever it was.

00:32:50.920 I don't remember what it was offhand.

00:32:52.660 Oh, yeah.

00:32:53.480 What service provider business do you recommend for improving credit and debt management?

00:32:59.360 I don't know.

00:33:00.740 I don't have an answer to that one.

00:33:01.960 Improving credit and debt management.

00:33:03.580 I have a resource.

00:33:04.900 A company to, like, help your, like, if you're really into debt, you call them.

00:33:08.160 They help you consolidate.

00:33:08.800 I don't know what company.

00:33:09.820 I think you just do it yourself.

00:33:12.080 Like, that's the resource.

00:33:13.220 Some of those companies seem like scams.

00:33:14.860 I don't know.

00:33:15.240 Well, a lot of them are.

00:33:16.220 Like, they're going to consolidate your debt and increase the interest rate.

00:33:18.880 Why would they do that?

00:33:19.580 Why would they take on debt?

00:33:22.040 Yeah.

00:33:22.740 Because they're going to make money on it.

00:33:23.920 They know they'll make money on it.

00:33:25.060 That's why they would buy that debt.

00:33:27.080 I've actually heard, I've heard this advice.

00:33:29.620 Let me know if this is legit advice that if someone's struggling with debt, that you actually

00:33:34.220 should call who you owe and ask them, like, say, hey, I'm struggling.

00:33:39.960 This is a circumstance.

00:33:41.540 Could I reduce my interest rate?

00:33:43.560 Like, literally, like, ask those questions.

00:33:45.900 Is that personal responsibility?

00:33:48.280 Right?

00:33:48.440 Because it's two parties.

00:33:50.480 Yeah.

00:33:50.980 It's two consenting parties negotiating terms.

00:33:55.880 I don't know.

00:33:56.180 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:33:57.380 That's.

00:33:57.680 And these debt management companies, that's all they're doing, too.

00:33:59.940 Right?

00:34:00.660 Well, maybe.

00:34:01.640 It's probably on your behalf.

00:34:02.720 Yeah.

00:34:03.120 They might be negotiating it.

00:34:05.360 The other thing, too, is, well, one thing to be aware when you start settling like that

00:34:10.360 is being aware of any tax ramifications.

00:34:12.980 So, talk with your CPA on that.

00:34:14.280 Because let's say you have $10,000 worth of debt and you settle it for five.

00:34:20.600 I'm just using arbitrary numbers here.

00:34:22.460 And the company's going to write off $5,000.

00:34:25.300 That's what they're going to do.

00:34:26.480 And then you will be liable for that $5,000.

00:34:30.080 The tax.

00:34:30.960 The tax on the $5,000.

00:34:33.440 So, because they wrote it off.

00:34:35.840 So, somebody's got to pay the tax.

00:34:37.320 Taxes got to be paid, bro.

00:34:39.700 And that company just wrote it off.

00:34:41.080 So, they didn't collect the income.

00:34:42.140 So, they don't have to pay taxes on it.

00:34:43.580 But they wrote it off to you.

00:34:45.380 You have to pay the taxes on it.

00:34:46.720 So, just be aware of things like that.

00:34:48.220 That's why it's good to consult with, you know, financial advisors, CPAs, investment

00:34:52.500 advisors, that sort of thing.

00:34:55.180 So, I don't know.

00:34:55.940 I don't know.

00:34:56.720 That's not a thing I deal in.

00:34:58.220 But just get your stuff in order now.

00:35:01.180 Okay.

00:35:01.700 Start having some of that discipline like we were talking about earlier.

00:35:04.340 Look into Ramsey's stuff.

00:35:05.980 Get yourself out of debt.

00:35:07.520 Whittle that stuff off.

00:35:08.800 Talk with your creditors.

00:35:09.780 Negotiate new terms.

00:35:10.860 Be aware of the ramifications of doing so.

00:35:12.720 So, and, you know, maybe even talk, like if it's bad, bad, bad, maybe you need to talk

00:35:18.660 with an attorney, a bankruptcy attorney, and see what your options are there.

00:35:21.620 There's a route too.

00:35:22.580 So, I personally would say that's a last resort for me because I incurred the debt.

00:35:28.480 I would want to pay it off.

00:35:29.440 But I realize there's extenuating circumstances and you all can make your own decisions.

00:35:35.380 You're big boys.

00:35:36.100 So, yeah.

00:35:37.140 I would just be careful.

00:35:38.300 Tread lightly.

00:35:39.000 Something we hear a lot, you know, is guys like have a tendency to blow things off, right?

00:35:42.940 Because they don't want to deal with it.

00:35:44.320 So, you know, and you've kind of already alluded that in your answer, but like deal with it.

00:35:48.360 Don't shy away from it.

00:35:50.780 Don't pretend it's not there.

00:35:52.640 You know, like own it.

00:35:54.420 Take responsibility for it.

00:35:55.820 It's a good point.

00:35:56.760 The alternative is to spend the next five years or even decade or longer of your life

00:36:01.660 fretting about it, dealing with it, creditors chasing you down, letters and notifications.

00:36:08.420 So stressful.

00:36:09.060 And I'll tell you what, outside of the financial ramifications of that, that you, that's going

00:36:16.440 to diminish your confidence and it's going to undermine your authority with the people

00:36:21.400 that you're meant to lead, like your kids and your wife.

00:36:24.560 If you're, if you're trying to deal with creditors and creditors are chasing you down and they're

00:36:29.680 sending you bills and eviction notice and last cancellations and creditors are tracking

00:36:33.820 you down.

00:36:34.440 Do you think you're white?

00:36:35.500 How's that going to, what kind of image is that going to foster from your wife? 1.00

00:36:40.600 Yeah.

00:36:42.380 Or, or, or a client or your boss or your children.

00:36:47.940 So there's, there's some financial ramifications of that, but there is some serious, serious

00:36:54.320 mental and relational issues that will stem from that.

00:36:58.620 If you don't do so deal with it, it's going to suck.

00:37:01.740 It's like the old adage of rip, just rip the bandit off, deal with it.

00:37:04.940 And then you're like, okay, good.

00:37:06.080 And I, it's going to feel like weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

00:37:09.840 It's going to be good.

00:37:10.860 It's just, it's hard to do it first.

00:37:13.440 Yeah.

00:37:14.520 Jay Landers, 1906, uh, next project on the house.

00:37:18.460 What are you working on?

00:37:19.820 Uh, we have to insulate the attic and I think the boys are going to move up to the attic

00:37:23.600 and we're going to put the store in the attic as well.

00:37:27.120 So yeah.

00:37:28.260 How tall is it up there?

00:37:30.020 It's like, it's, yeah, it's full.

00:37:32.180 I mean, it's pitched.

00:37:33.700 So as you get toward the edges, it's lower, but you have a lot of usable space.

00:37:40.800 There's bed, there's two bedrooms up there in the attic.

00:37:43.240 Oh, really?

00:37:43.800 That's cool.

00:37:44.840 Yeah.

00:37:46.160 So it's, uh, yeah, there's space up there.

00:37:48.520 So we're going to insulate the attic drywall, the panelation drywall.

00:37:52.560 We're going to do the insulation.

00:37:53.820 We're going to do spray foam.

00:37:55.640 And then we're going to do some, uh, like ship lap type stuff that we're going to put up.

00:38:00.880 It's going to, it's going to look really, it's going to have a cool feel up there.

00:38:03.500 So that's, that's the next project after I get done with the boat, the canoe

00:38:06.540 and, uh, follow Mr.

00:38:10.040 Well, I, cause I, I, okay.

00:38:13.660 I'll be honest.

00:38:15.260 I, I'm kind of hoping that you go live and you sink.

00:38:19.700 What a jerk.

00:38:21.480 It would be so funny to have you guys work on that thing forever.

00:38:25.880 And then all of a sudden you're like jump ship.

00:38:28.720 I remember that kid.

00:38:30.220 I remember that.

00:38:31.640 Oh, you know what?

00:38:32.860 Thanks for wanting to, I'm just saying what everyone else is not willing to say.

00:38:37.400 Winners want their friends to win.

00:38:41.240 Winners want their friends to win.

00:38:42.680 So what does that say about you, Kip?

00:38:44.400 What does that say about you?

00:38:45.920 I am a loser that want to be entertained by you drowning.

00:38:50.640 You have to admit it would be funny.

00:38:53.500 It would be hilarious if I didn't pour as many hours as I've have into that dang canoe. 1.00

00:39:01.880 Guaranteed.

00:39:02.320 I know you wouldn't be laughing.

00:39:03.520 You'd be pissed.

00:39:04.920 Would you make it even funnier?

00:39:06.400 Anyhow, so he's going to go live.

00:39:11.520 He's going to go live when he, when he, when they, I am going to go live and I'm going to

00:39:15.540 sail that son of a bitch across the pond without even taking on an ounce of water. 1.00

00:39:19.980 But you'll have like a little pump in there just in case.

00:39:26.360 I'll have a life vest on just in case.

00:39:29.320 Just in case.

00:39:30.040 My confidence is really high, but you know, see, safety comes first.

00:39:33.460 All right.

00:39:34.340 Jesse MDB, NDP.

00:39:38.120 How to handle lending family members, maybe close friends too, I guess.

00:39:41.820 Money, give and forget or hold them accountable.

00:39:45.080 Oh, that's easy.

00:39:46.060 Don't lend them money.

00:39:47.700 Just don't, don't, just don't start.

00:39:49.580 The best thing you can do is tell family members.

00:39:52.980 Well, look, here's what I would do.

00:39:54.540 Family members.

00:39:55.480 Oh, okay.

00:39:56.300 Hold on.

00:39:57.660 Let me start over.

00:39:59.820 If a family member comes to you and says, I need to borrow some money.

00:40:04.640 Your default response should be no.

00:40:08.540 No, that's my default response.

00:40:10.920 Now that said, I realize that people are in difficult circumstances.

00:40:15.080 You might have a sibling or a parent or a cousin or whoever, whatever, who are in a difficult

00:40:19.480 circumstance.

00:40:20.000 And because they're your family, you want to take care of them.

00:40:21.900 And I actually commend that.

00:40:23.560 So what I would say is lend them, not gift them, lend them the money, knowing that you'll

00:40:30.660 probably never get it back.

00:40:32.560 Yeah.

00:40:33.620 Yeah.

00:40:34.200 Just expect that as a risk.

00:40:35.860 Yeah.

00:40:35.940 Because that's the possibility.

00:40:37.140 And if you can't afford that, then you can't afford to lend them the money either.

00:40:42.140 Like if you, if you can't afford, let's say it's $500.

00:40:45.280 Let's say, let's say Kip, you're my brother.

00:40:46.860 You're like, Hey man, I'm having a hard time with a mortgage and I lost the job and COVID

00:40:50.260 blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:40:51.080 Can I borrow $500?

00:40:53.560 And, and if I could not give you $500, I'm not in the position to lend you $500.

00:41:01.380 Okay.

00:41:01.740 Now, what I would say to you in this scenario is I'd say, if I wanted to lend, but I was

00:41:08.660 okay with it never being returned to me.

00:41:10.440 If I, if I was in that position, I would say, Hey, yeah, Kip, you know, um, we want to help

00:41:14.440 you.

00:41:14.580 I talked to my wife.

00:41:15.400 You definitely want to talk with your wife on this.

00:41:17.460 Okay.

00:41:18.200 I talked to my wife and we feel like we would be able to help you out, but in order to do

00:41:23.020 that, we would need to see a plan for repayment from you.

00:41:27.680 Yeah.

00:41:28.000 So as soon as you get that over to me, then we can discuss the terms and that's good for

00:41:32.780 them because it forces them to actually do what they should have done already and figure

00:41:37.100 out how they could turn things around.

00:41:40.260 And what you'll probably find is a lot of them won't do it.

00:41:42.760 And Kip, here's what, if you were my brother, here's what you might say.

00:41:46.120 You're a dick, dude.

00:41:47.380 Why can't you just give me $500?

00:41:50.800 Go sink in your boat.

00:41:52.600 Yeah.

00:41:52.720 And that's, and that's exactly why you do it to avoid the emotions that come with

00:41:59.240 it.

00:41:59.500 And then also, I want to know if you're serious about it or if you just want to steal

00:42:02.920 my money from me.

00:42:04.720 So if you, if you throw up a, throw a temper tantrum, I'm like, cool, red flag.

00:42:08.320 And guess what?

00:42:08.760 I caught it and I saved myself.

00:42:11.200 If you actually do it, I'm like, okay, well, like maybe this is legit.

00:42:16.020 And he is serious about repaying.

00:42:17.820 Are you still probably never going to pay me back, but at least you're legit.

00:42:21.320 Like I'm, I, I just eliminated some of those red flags.

00:42:25.320 Yeah.

00:42:26.160 But if you don't do, if you throw up a temper tantrum or you don't come up with a plan,

00:42:30.820 I'm going to put it back on you.

00:42:32.040 Again, we go back to responsibility.

00:42:33.700 Kip, you want $500 of my money.

00:42:35.480 You tell me why I should do that.

00:42:38.100 Propose that to me and tell me what your repayment strategy is going to be.

00:42:42.220 Yeah.

00:42:42.900 Unless, unless you just want to give it to them.

00:42:45.320 And if I was in the position and you came to me and you said, Hey Ryan, you know, like

00:42:48.400 we're in this position.

00:42:49.080 And I said, Kip, here's $500.

00:42:51.160 We've had a great year.

00:42:52.700 This is our gift to you.

00:42:54.700 But this is a one-time thing.

00:42:56.100 If you come to me next time and you ask for more money, we're either not going to do this.

00:43:00.040 We're going to talk about repayment strategies with interest.

00:43:02.820 And I would totally do that.

00:43:04.880 Yeah.

00:43:05.300 Well, and, and, and so, well, and it's not that, that I need to make sure that you don't

00:43:09.540 sound heartless, but like part of this, this is what they need to do, right?

00:43:14.160 Like in a lot of these cases, they're only thinking about the current moment.

00:43:19.020 You know, like when I think about like some of my family's like financial hardships, sometimes

00:43:23.660 I'm like, you shouldn't be lending.

00:43:25.940 You shouldn't be getting money.

00:43:27.420 You should be selling the house.

00:43:28.920 Yeah.

00:43:29.360 You should, you should be doing these other things first, because even if I give you the

00:43:33.920 $500, you're going to need another five next month and next month and next month.

00:43:38.700 And you're not even in a position to even like, you don't have the right cashflow.

00:43:42.480 Do you deal with what you have?

00:43:44.200 And so why would I stop the bleeding when you're just going to take a knife to another

00:43:48.200 vein?

00:43:49.720 It's just not, it doesn't make sense.

00:43:51.400 It's a waste of my money and a waste of their time at the same time, you know?

00:43:54.960 Well, and you know, you, you're, you're touching on something really interesting here.

00:43:58.920 When you say you don't want to be heartless, it's actually heartless to give people something

00:44:05.360 that's not going to serve them well.

00:44:07.020 So let's look at it in a different context.

00:44:10.980 I'm not going to coddle you because I care about you.

00:44:14.040 I'm not going to coddle you, even though that might stroke your ego and feel good about

00:44:19.120 yourself because I care about you.

00:44:21.340 I'm going to tell you the things that I need to tell you.

00:44:24.320 Yeah.

00:44:24.980 And it's the same thing with the circumstance, right?

00:44:27.100 Because I care about you.

00:44:29.880 Coddling you is actually me caring more about myself because I don't want to have uncomfortable

00:44:34.600 conversations.

00:44:35.360 That's an ego thing.

00:44:36.540 That's like, Oh, I don't want to do that.

00:44:38.740 You know, it's a lazy thing.

00:44:40.520 It's a payoff.

00:44:41.560 Let me give you $500 so you don't bother me.

00:44:44.140 Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:44:45.860 It's not even that.

00:44:46.960 Let me give you $500.

00:44:48.840 So I feel good about it.

00:44:51.360 Yeah.

00:44:52.200 Yeah.

00:44:53.020 Because if I came to you, here's what most people do.

00:44:55.080 And then I'll undermine you after I give it to you anyway, and bitch and moan about how 1.00

00:44:59.080 you should.

00:44:59.920 Right.

00:45:01.060 But if, again, we'll go back to our scenario of you wanting to borrow.

00:45:04.040 If I, if I came to you and I said, yeah, well, we're going to lend you $500.

00:45:08.720 I want to see a plan.

00:45:10.220 I want to see a strategy.

00:45:11.820 That's hard to do.

00:45:13.080 If you've never done that before, it's very uncomfortable for you, the one lending the

00:45:17.140 money.

00:45:18.000 But you know what?

00:45:19.920 That person puts you in that position by asking you for money.

00:45:24.460 So why are you letting them off the hook?

00:45:26.520 They should feel just as uncomfortable asking for the money as you should, if not more so of

00:45:31.460 you giving it.

00:45:32.880 Yeah, totally.

00:45:34.040 So basically you're saying, oh yeah, sure.

00:45:35.920 Let me take your financial and emotional problems and let me have them.

00:45:39.640 Cause I don't have enough shit to deal with on my own.

00:45:43.440 So what I would do is I would say, Kip, because I care about you, we are going to help you under

00:45:49.000 these terms that allow you to actually help yourself.

00:45:55.900 I guess there's a difference between being, you know, heartless.

00:46:01.200 Is it, is it really being heartless or is it being ballless?

00:46:04.500 That's the better, like, are you not, are you, is it that you don't have a heart or that

00:46:10.220 you don't have balls?

00:46:11.640 Yeah.

00:46:12.220 As, as Johnny Lawrence on Cobra Kai would say, don't be a wingless dork.

00:46:17.060 I haven't heard that one.

00:46:18.360 Thanks for root.

00:46:19.220 Spoiler alert, man.

00:46:20.820 Thanks for ruining that for me.

00:46:22.280 Oh, sorry.

00:46:23.600 I gave up on Cobra Kai.

00:46:25.980 What?

00:46:26.840 I usually, uh, I usually watch like 60% of a season.

00:46:31.780 I'm like, all right, got it.

00:46:33.040 And then I move on to something else.

00:46:34.460 Cause I get bored.

00:46:35.280 So where did you start?

00:46:36.460 I mean, I started in season one and then you never went to season two or three.

00:46:42.320 I don't even think I finished season one.

00:46:44.360 Oh man.

00:46:45.080 It gets better next season.

00:46:46.080 Maybe I've, yeah, this is coming.

00:46:48.460 I know, but this is coming from, I don't, I don't like do shows like literally like Cobra

00:46:54.320 Kai is the only show I've watched this for the last two years.

00:46:57.660 We'll give it another try.

00:46:58.800 It does get better, but I'm not, I did watch.

00:47:00.680 I'm not against the creek.

00:47:02.460 And that's kind of, I heard that's funny.

00:47:04.420 I heard that's pretty funny.

00:47:05.620 That's pretty funny.

00:47:07.200 I've, I've heard it.

00:47:07.900 What is that on Netflix or?

00:47:09.980 Uh, yeah, I think so.

00:47:11.340 Netflix or Amazon.

00:47:12.480 I think it's Netflix.

00:47:13.320 Sponsored, sponsored by order of man podcast.

00:47:16.040 Shit's cream. 0.90

00:47:17.480 No.

00:47:18.080 Okay.

00:47:18.680 Should we get some more?

00:47:20.200 Yeah, man, let's do it.

00:47:21.200 I'm sorry.

00:47:21.780 We're ranting a little bit today.

00:47:23.680 We're ranting.

00:47:24.900 We're all over the place, but you know what?

00:47:26.740 It's good stuff.

00:47:27.460 5.15.

00:47:28.480 My time.

00:47:29.260 It's 3.15.

00:47:30.500 Your time.

00:47:31.440 It's later in the afternoon.

00:47:32.700 Just deal with it.

00:47:34.300 Yeah.

00:47:34.720 All right.

00:47:35.100 The redneck genius. 0.71

00:47:36.980 I like that.

00:47:37.680 How do you respond to a coworker who is constantly complains about anything and everything?

00:47:43.520 I know amidst my control issues, it's not my problem to fix, but a negative focus is

00:47:49.540 extremely frustrating to me.

00:47:50.920 It's a disease to the workplace.

00:47:54.280 I would literally say, yeah, that sucks.

00:47:56.120 What are you going to do about it?

00:48:00.560 Every time.

00:48:01.640 Only one of two things is going to happen.

00:48:03.720 That person is going to actually come up with an answer, which is good.

00:48:07.240 That's what you want them to do.

00:48:08.280 Oh, so you're recommending he says that to the person complaining.

00:48:12.380 Yeah.

00:48:13.240 Got it.

00:48:13.940 So if somebody comes up and is like, oh, I hate blah, blah, blah.

00:48:16.320 You're like, oh, that's, yeah, that does suck.

00:48:17.780 What are you going to do about it?

00:48:20.840 They're either going to come up with an answer, which is good.

00:48:23.580 Again, that's what you want them to do.

00:48:24.880 Or they're going to stop complaining to you because they hate you saying that.

00:48:28.220 This is also good.

00:48:31.700 It's different if they're a teammate, like on your team where you have some sort of authority

00:48:38.260 position.

00:48:38.760 It's different.

00:48:39.700 You need to work that out for sure.

00:48:42.140 But if they're a parallel, they're equal, and you don't have any sort of authority over

00:48:46.460 them or with them.

00:48:48.260 Yeah.

00:48:49.240 Oh, man.

00:48:49.840 I really feel for you there.

00:48:53.280 What are you going to do about it?

00:48:54.880 And you just say that over and over again.

00:48:57.960 They're going to start working through their problems, which I want them to do.

00:49:00.980 That's like what we should be helping people do.

00:49:03.520 That's what we talked about earlier with lending money.

00:49:05.640 Or they'll just stop asking you, which is also good.

00:49:08.160 Then you can just put your head down and get to work.

00:49:10.920 Because look, the alternative is you get sucked into it.

00:49:14.340 And you know what that person is going to do?

00:49:17.320 They're going to throw you under the bus the minute they have an opportunity.

00:49:20.260 Oh, well, well, Ryan, he was talking to me about it too.

00:49:25.720 You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:49:27.460 Yeah.

00:49:27.780 You're like, I was listening to you.

00:49:29.020 I'm not in this.

00:49:29.720 I'm not in this.

00:49:30.920 But no, you were in it because you allowed yourself to get sucked in by a manipulative

00:49:35.000 son of a gun.

00:49:36.400 Yeah.

00:49:36.760 So the solution is, oh, man, I'm sorry.

00:49:40.340 That's sorry you're dealing with that.

00:49:41.520 How are you going to fix that?

00:49:44.200 Just do that over and over again to the point where it's annoying.

00:49:48.240 Because look, they're annoying you just as much as maybe you're annoying them.

00:49:51.880 So good.

00:49:52.920 Fair trade.

00:49:54.260 So in the other example you had, so the guy is on your team.

00:49:59.500 You know?

00:49:59.820 Oh, like a subordinate type thing.

00:50:02.060 Yeah.

00:50:02.540 How do you?

00:50:03.240 What's your strategy there?

00:50:04.800 The same thing.

00:50:05.400 Yeah, but just so Kip, if you're so let me guide the conversation a little bit more.

00:50:10.700 Of course.

00:50:11.200 Yes, of course.

00:50:11.900 So Kip, you're on my team, let's say, and you come to me and you're complaining about

00:50:15.240 something like, yeah, man, that's that actually is a real challenge.

00:50:18.260 That's going to be a struggle.

00:50:19.820 What's your proposition?

00:50:23.220 You're on my team.

00:50:24.300 You're coming to me with this problem.

00:50:25.260 What's your solution?

00:50:26.500 Well, I don't have one.

00:50:27.240 Cool.

00:50:27.720 Well, how long do you need to come up with one?

00:50:30.360 Yeah.

00:50:30.600 Like, let's don't let it die.

00:50:31.940 They're like, oh, you will listen to me.

00:50:33.700 And you're like, well, let's let's talk through that.

00:50:36.420 Why don't you think he'll talk?

00:50:37.620 Why don't you talk with him about it?

00:50:39.600 Or why won't he have that conversation with you?

00:50:41.240 OK, well, maybe we approach it differently and just continue driving.

00:50:45.520 And you give that person an opportunity to improve their attitude.

00:50:47.760 And if that's improving, then you acknowledge it because it's it's just psychology.

00:50:52.960 If you're doing well, then I'm going to acknowledge it.

00:50:54.900 Hey, Kip, you know what, like you've you've you've been you've been in a positive mindset.

00:50:58.940 You've really been positive lately.

00:51:00.760 You've been a good contributing member of the team.

00:51:02.720 You've been providing solutions and being creative.

00:51:06.580 And I know it doesn't all work out, but I just I want to commend you for the work that

00:51:10.360 you put forth over the past 60 days.

00:51:11.840 Big improvement over the past couple of months.

00:51:14.360 You're going to do more of it.

00:51:15.940 Yeah, and and and alternatively, if it doesn't get better, then I'm going to need to have

00:51:22.320 some more serious conversations.

00:51:24.640 And it might go something like this, Kip, for the past several months, you've been complaining.

00:51:29.240 And then I give you the opportunity to present solutions so I could hear what what we can

00:51:34.200 do to help you in your role and your position and thrive.

00:51:37.620 And yet you don't ever present any solutions.

00:51:40.840 You don't ever come up with any creative ideas and you continue to complain.

00:51:44.860 And that undermines the team.

00:51:46.860 So here's my expectation for you.

00:51:49.480 And I would like to evaluate this over a 30 day period.

00:51:53.660 And then we continually check in in 30 days.

00:51:56.120 We escalate it or, you know, we celebrate the fact that you've actually improved because

00:52:01.680 you gave them an opportunity to improve.

00:52:03.620 That is what you want.

00:52:05.540 You don't want to fire people.

00:52:07.840 You want those people to get better.

00:52:10.600 And so is your job as a leader to help improve that person and give them every

00:52:14.780 resource and opportunity.

00:52:16.280 But some people are just never going to take advantage of it.

00:52:19.340 And in that situation, once you've escalated it, once you've given them opportunities, you've

00:52:24.440 set expectations, you've communicated what they are, you've ongoing communication.

00:52:30.400 At some point, you got to sever the tie.

00:52:32.940 Kip.

00:52:33.160 Yeah.

00:52:33.280 And here's how we do that.

00:52:35.040 Kip.

00:52:36.100 We've talked now for three months.

00:52:39.840 And my biggest concern is that you would continually come to the table with problems without any

00:52:45.260 solutions.

00:52:45.720 And at this point, I've given you five different opportunities to propose solutions and you

00:52:51.720 have not presented any solutions.

00:52:53.660 In fact, the only thing you have done is come to me with more problems.

00:52:57.620 So at this point, I think that it's safe to say that this isn't a good fit for you.

00:53:05.600 And we are going to terminate your employment.

00:53:10.080 And if you have an HR department, you do it obviously with them because that's important

00:53:13.560 legality issues.

00:53:14.680 But I'm just giving you a hypothetical.

00:53:16.720 And I want you to thrive.

00:53:18.840 So whatever I can do to help you on your next job or to look for a job, I'm here to help

00:53:25.000 you, but I think there's an opportunity for you to be and thrive somewhere else.

00:53:29.660 It just isn't here with us.

00:53:33.060 Yeah.

00:53:33.920 I like it.

00:53:36.940 Can I add a couple of thoughts to that?

00:53:38.580 I shouldn't ask.

00:53:39.260 I just should start talking.

00:53:41.520 Never ask a question that you don't want the answer to.

00:53:44.900 Yeah.

00:53:45.360 I take that back.

00:53:46.280 Let me just start talking.

00:53:47.460 There you go.

00:53:48.180 So, so, and I don't know where I picked this up from.

00:53:52.960 I'm sure it's not a Kip original thought, but I think most people complain and undermine

00:53:59.080 in a work setting with maybe if they're undermining you as a, as a manager or as a leader on the

00:54:06.640 team, because they're not bought in to whatever it is that they're complaining about.

00:54:12.220 And a lot of the time that has to do with the fact that they don't see the vision, that

00:54:18.040 it wasn't clearly communicated.

00:54:19.640 They don't see the bigger picture or you didn't communicate the bigger picture to them.

00:54:23.560 And so they're like, why are we doing this?

00:54:25.800 This is, and then that's what kind of where the complaining comes in.

00:54:28.140 And so just some strategy, it doesn't, it's just a different answer, right?

00:54:32.900 To the question, a different angle.

00:54:34.400 Um, I think everything that you said is, is still a hundred percent valid, but I think

00:54:39.060 from a strategy, from a leader, leadership perspective, make sure that one, we get buy

00:54:44.600 in.

00:54:44.920 One of the best ways to do that is for me to include you in the decision process, get

00:54:49.320 your input, and then make sure we communicate the bigger why and the reason behind something.

00:54:55.100 And when we do that, I think that drastically reduces the chances of employees complaining

00:55:00.780 about something or undermining something because they understand.

00:55:03.420 I think most of the time when we don't complain, when we complain about something, it's because

00:55:06.400 we don't see the bigger picture.

00:55:07.560 And I've made that effort, even on my part, where, where Brian, the owner of, of our company,

00:55:13.140 where he'll say XXX.

00:55:14.780 And I'm thinking, why are we doing that?

00:55:16.780 That's like my natural reaction is like, well, that's stupid.

00:55:19.960 That shit.

00:55:20.400 And then my thought is like, no, no, no, I don't have enough information.

00:55:23.480 Yeah.

00:55:23.860 You don't see the whole picture.

00:55:25.320 Exactly.

00:55:25.780 And then, and I've gone to him multiple times saying, give me more information so I can get behind

00:55:30.860 this.

00:55:31.300 Like I, I need to see the vision here so I can back it because if I don't, and I'm just

00:55:36.940 doing it because he asked me to, the natural tendency is going to be, I'm going to undermine

00:55:40.920 it because I'm not, I'm not a hundred percent bought in.

00:55:43.400 And even if I don't say it, my actions will come across mediocre.

00:55:47.780 The probability of me taking ownership around the tasks that are related to it are going to

00:55:53.420 dwindle.

00:55:53.980 Now I'm just doing it because he asked me to, I'm not really owning it.

00:55:56.980 Right.

00:55:57.460 Because I don't see what the bigger picture is.

00:55:59.340 And, and I love some advice I got last week about this is when we delegate to employees,

00:56:04.520 it shouldn't be a delegation of task.

00:56:07.000 It should be a delegation of the outcome.

00:56:10.120 And they should, they should be committed to the outcome, not the task at hand.

00:56:14.940 And when they do that, that gives them the freedom to pivot.

00:56:18.240 Right.

00:56:18.520 I know what Ryan's vision is and he asked me maybe to do task a, but because I know

00:56:24.020 the vision, I realized the task I need to be doing is task C or D, and I can own the

00:56:30.080 outcome and the results, not just do the task because I was asked.

00:56:33.820 And those are drastically different approaches to how we delegate and communicate to employees.

00:56:40.160 I like that.

00:56:40.580 I actually wrote a couple of things down here as you were talking about it, because these

00:56:43.280 are two concepts in the military.

00:56:44.800 The first is decentralized command.

00:56:47.400 So as a leader, what's happening is you're decentralizing the command, meaning that you're

00:56:52.240 letting your subordinates, we're just using that term, but I think you understand we're

00:56:56.960 letting the subordinates make their own decisions because they're vested in their bot into the

00:57:01.440 process.

00:57:02.000 I'll give you an example.

00:57:03.400 My background is retail management.

00:57:04.960 I spent a lot of years in retail management, specifically with buckle clothing stores.

00:57:09.500 And one of my managers, her name was Stacy.

00:57:11.460 Stacy, she would, I remember as I was in the management development program, she would give

00:57:15.680 me responsibility for a segment and a section of the store.

00:57:18.500 And she would do that with multiple leaders within the organization.

00:57:21.360 And she would say, your responsibility is this.

00:57:24.740 Our objective is to sell these clothes.

00:57:28.320 So what do we need to do here to make this attractive, to make it functional so that we can

00:57:36.000 sell as many of these jeans or these shirts or these hoodies or whatever it was we happen

00:57:39.640 to be selling and she would give us authority to make decisions. 1.00

00:57:43.900 Now she would give us input.

00:57:44.980 She wouldn't leave us on our own, but she would let us make those decisions.

00:57:48.740 And then we would constantly go back and evaluate.

00:57:51.480 There's another, there's another concept as well.

00:57:54.360 So we have decentralized command, but then we also have commander's intent.

00:57:58.900 If you're working with your team, you need to ensure that your team knows what your intent

00:58:04.160 is in this case to sell more clothes, right?

00:58:07.420 And if they know what the intent is, then we can backfill the strategy and tactic to achieve

00:58:13.420 the intent, the intended result.

00:58:16.420 So decentralized command, commander's intent, I think falls in line with what you're talking

00:58:20.600 about here.

00:58:21.700 Perfect.

00:58:22.420 Look, all right.

00:58:24.460 And then we'll wrap it up.

00:58:25.680 Core 101.

00:58:26.660 My family just had a loss in the family and the funeral's tomorrow.

00:58:30.660 So this is funerals probably last week, almost about seven days ago.

00:58:35.660 As a man, what can I do to help my family through this?

00:58:40.560 It's interesting when we have things like this, first of all, well, two things.

00:58:44.160 I'm sorry about your loss.

00:58:46.360 It's, it would be hard regardless of who it is that you lost.

00:58:49.320 It would be a difficult thing.

00:58:50.380 So I, I feel for you there.

00:58:53.700 And the second thing is I actually commend you for asking this question because in a time

00:58:58.500 of grief, you're still thinking about serving.

00:59:02.360 That's admirable.

00:59:03.920 Yeah.

00:59:04.620 Big time.

00:59:05.040 Because you're feeling it.

00:59:06.080 If you weren't, you wouldn't have asked the question if you weren't feeling it.

00:59:08.640 So you're feeling grief and yet you still have a desire to serve.

00:59:11.380 That's, that's an admirable quality in my mind.

00:59:14.600 But there's an interesting thing that happens.

00:59:16.360 I believe that sometimes we mistake prudence or excuse me, action for prudence.

00:59:23.440 We believe that we have to be doing something all the time.

00:59:28.720 And if we aren't doing the special formula or the special thing, then we aren't serving

00:59:33.800 in the way that we feel like we should.

00:59:36.020 We don't feel like we're adding value.

00:59:37.960 And that's a very hard thing for hard charging, high ambitious, highly motivated men.

00:59:44.700 The reason I tell you that is because there isn't some formula for you.

00:59:48.860 There isn't some series of checklist.

00:59:53.620 Okay.

00:59:53.940 First, you're going to do this.

00:59:55.160 Then you're going to make this phone call.

00:59:56.620 Then you're going to consult this person this way.

00:59:58.560 There isn't, it's not out there.

01:00:00.220 It doesn't exist.

01:00:01.760 It would be so much easier if it did.

01:00:04.020 This is part of the hard realities of dealing with setbacks and failures and struggles and

01:00:09.080 loss because there isn't a manual for it.

01:00:11.720 But I think the best thing you can do, and this is something that I struggle with personally

01:00:16.860 is just try to observe what's going on.

01:00:21.200 So that way you can make the necessary adjustments.

01:00:24.440 Whatever they are, whatever, I don't know what they are because I don't know what your

01:00:29.400 mom is like, or your dad is like.

01:00:31.260 I don't know what your siblings are like.

01:00:32.620 I don't know how they're handling the situation.

01:00:34.840 I don't even know who it is you lost.

01:00:36.800 I don't know, but you do.

01:00:39.600 You're intimately familiar with these people.

01:00:41.760 And as long as you can just take a step back and observe how sis dealing with this, how's 1.00

01:00:48.560 mom dealing with this, how's dad dealing with this, what are they doing?

01:00:52.200 How is it going?

01:00:53.120 What's their attitude like?

01:00:55.100 What are they doing?

01:00:56.380 Well, what are they not doing?

01:00:57.640 Well, if you sit back and you just give yourself a little bit of margin and start to observe

01:01:02.740 those things, I think you're going to begin to identify how each of the individual family

01:01:08.080 members in your family need to be served, but there's no specific answer I can give you

01:01:13.040 other than to continue to be of service and observe with that servant's heart what they're

01:01:21.640 going through so you can give the appropriate response.

01:01:25.100 Breathalk 24, can you also talk about how to deal with and overcome anger?

01:01:34.460 I've been struggling with it a lot lately.

01:01:41.140 I've, so I, there's a, there's points in my life where I've been really mad and angry.

01:01:48.460 Like mad is one thing.

01:01:51.000 Mad to me is like an isolated event.

01:01:52.660 Like I'm mad, I'm upset, right?

01:01:54.560 That's an isolated event.

01:01:56.180 And then we have anger.

01:01:58.020 And I think that's not as isolated.

01:02:01.320 I think that, that we, we begin to experience anger, like ain't bouts of anger, I would say.

01:02:09.200 Yeah.

01:02:09.440 I don't understand.

01:02:10.480 Like, um, could you clarify, you know, what, what those are different.

01:02:15.800 You can be angry with a scenario for sure.

01:02:18.140 And I don't know what, I don't know what this guy's asking exactly, but I'm just describing

01:02:22.240 like what I would, if I was angry about a specific situation, the, this, the, the simple answer

01:02:27.760 is just attempt to take back control and figure out what's going on and then rectify the situation

01:02:33.800 or embrace what is uncontrollable.

01:02:36.420 Yeah.

01:02:38.160 Right.

01:02:38.600 Like there's things like the way people act, you know, maybe somebody did you wrong.

01:02:43.120 Yeah.

01:02:43.740 And so you're angry about it.

01:02:45.080 Well, how does being angry about it serve you?

01:02:48.500 If it's beyond your control, you just have to accept that that's the reality.

01:02:52.760 But then there's, there's times in my life where I've just felt angry in general, where

01:02:59.780 it's, it's longer than an isolated.

01:03:02.380 You're doing your wife's, uh, your entrepreneur.

01:03:05.820 Yes.

01:03:06.440 Entrepreneur PMS.

01:03:07.780 Yes.

01:03:08.720 Or guys will say, I'm in a funk.

01:03:10.680 I don't even know why, but I'm just there.

01:03:13.320 Yeah.

01:03:13.720 Right.

01:03:14.040 Gotcha.

01:03:14.820 And, and I think that that comes from, for me, it become the entrepreneur PMS thing comes

01:03:21.880 from a comparison.

01:03:22.740 Like I start to compare myself.

01:03:24.220 That's one.

01:03:25.600 Uh, but then also, and this goes back to the, one of the very first things that you said,

01:03:29.020 as we started this conversation, you talked about vision, you've, you've lost sight of

01:03:33.800 your vision and, or you've deviated from the tactics that keep you on the path towards

01:03:38.620 that vision.

01:03:40.380 It's it, to me, it's usually one of those things.

01:03:42.980 And so now, because you don't have a compass or excuse me, you don't have a destination and

01:03:49.060 you aren't actually moving the needle.

01:03:51.060 It's very easy for you to get sidetracked and distracted.

01:03:54.020 And as men, we experienced that in a lot of different ways.

01:03:57.540 Me, it's not depression.

01:03:59.960 That's not the right word.

01:04:01.460 I don't even know what it is.

01:04:02.660 That's why I like what you said.

01:04:03.600 Funk.

01:04:03.920 It's like, I'm in a weird funk.

01:04:05.560 I don't even quite know how to articulate and describe it.

01:04:08.760 Yeah.

01:04:09.280 Some people get angry.

01:04:11.300 Some people are depressed.

01:04:12.920 Everybody reacts to it a little bit differently, but I think the underlying issue is that you've

01:04:20.100 lost sight of what you want and, or you're not working towards it.

01:04:23.920 So then how do you fix it back in alignment?

01:04:28.180 Okay.

01:04:29.180 What is it that I want?

01:04:30.980 Okay.

01:04:31.500 Here's what I, not what somebody else wants, not what I think somebody wants of me.

01:04:35.600 Like, what do I want?

01:04:38.220 Yeah.

01:04:38.980 I want this.

01:04:40.400 Okay.

01:04:41.420 Got it.

01:04:42.100 What do I need to do today?

01:04:44.140 Not like generally not over the next year.

01:04:48.620 What is it that I need to do right now and today and tomorrow and the next day and every

01:04:55.200 day until I achieve that objective.

01:04:57.320 And I begin to bring that into my sights and into alignment.

01:05:02.440 I feel better.

01:05:03.620 I can't say it's going to work for you, but I know it's worked for millions and millions

01:05:07.400 of men because it's hard to be angry or feel sorrow or remorse or barring mental illness,

01:05:13.720 depression, even suicidal thoughts.

01:05:15.540 If you're actively working and pursuing a noble objective.

01:05:20.380 Yeah.

01:05:21.500 And if, and if you don't mind me adding to that, if you're fulfilled, if you feel fulfilled and

01:05:28.120 you will, when you're doing those things, you'll find fulfillment in the moment, in the day,

01:05:34.140 I think.

01:05:34.520 Yes, I think so.

01:05:36.480 So if you're talking about an isolated incident, what I, what I would say, or isolated incidents,

01:05:41.420 where it's just, you're losing control.

01:05:44.780 Things that you shouldn't get upset about, maybe, uh, uh, doing a dive into stoicism meditations.

01:05:54.300 Ryan holiday's got some great information on stoicism and that's going to help you.

01:05:58.840 Yeah.

01:05:59.280 Guide to the good life.

01:06:00.060 Yeah.

01:06:00.140 That's going to help you control the controllables and let go of the uncontrollables, which is

01:06:04.680 actually really nice.

01:06:05.740 I don't know if I shared this the other day when I was down in South Carolina, I was at

01:06:09.640 Soren X's winter strong event and I was driving down the road.

01:06:12.860 I think I did share it and this guy in a blue Mustang, like cut me off.

01:06:16.740 Yeah.

01:06:17.180 Did I talk about it?

01:06:18.460 Yeah.

01:06:18.960 Yeah.

01:06:19.220 And at first I was like, I was pissed because that's how we get right.

01:06:22.940 Like he cut me off.

01:06:23.840 Like how inconsiderate.

01:06:25.040 That's my part of the road.

01:06:26.620 Yeah.

01:06:26.900 How dare you pass me?

01:06:28.120 Yeah.

01:06:28.740 And then I remember thinking, well, I don't know what he's doing.

01:06:31.260 Like maybe he's going home to maybe his wife just called and, uh, their, their son just

01:06:37.280 broke his arm or maybe he's late for a job interview.

01:06:41.660 Like something as trivial as that he's going to a job interview and he's late or he's late

01:06:45.720 to pick up his kid from school or from his ex-wife's house.

01:06:49.020 Like, I don't actually know what the problem is, but whatever it is, apparently it's, it

01:06:53.620 much more urgent than whatever I was doing.

01:06:56.560 Yeah.

01:06:57.040 And, and the practice of stoicism allowed me to just let it go.

01:07:02.320 Like, it's okay.

01:07:04.660 It's, I watched that.

01:07:06.400 I don't know if I told you about this one, the video the other day where the two neighbors

01:07:10.140 were arguing about something and the one neighbor went into his house and got a gun

01:07:14.380 and basically executed his neighbors on the street.

01:07:17.540 It was insane.

01:07:19.500 Off of a fight, like a yelling fight in the yard.

01:07:22.060 A fight, which probably boiled up over months or years of animosity and contention.

01:07:26.540 But, but they were arguing about snow, something about snow shoveling.

01:07:29.540 That person, those, those two people died over snow shoveling.

01:07:36.280 You know, the guy was obvious because he killed them and then he went and killed himself,

01:07:39.620 obviously mentally unstable.

01:07:42.500 Yeah.

01:07:43.080 But that didn't need to happen because you were focused, they were focused on things that

01:07:47.420 were uncontrollable.

01:07:49.140 Just let it go.

01:07:50.280 It's, it's okay.

01:07:51.320 And that, that practice of stoicism has really helped me do that.

01:07:54.020 When it goes, and it kind of goes back to the previous question, you know, about, you

01:07:58.620 know, how does a guy help his family with a, with a loved one that's passed away?

01:08:02.520 Like, and that's a, a stoicism practice of, you know, memento more.

01:08:07.100 It's like being present to, to your mortality.

01:08:10.900 Right.

01:08:11.420 You know, like, right.

01:08:12.500 It was a lot shorter than we realize, you know, and, and we put a lot of weight on stuff

01:08:16.700 that's not very important.

01:08:18.180 That's why I love backpacking so much.

01:08:20.740 It's always been a good reset for me.

01:08:22.680 Like sometimes if I get in a funk, if I go backpacking for a couple of days, it just kind

01:08:28.040 of roots me a little bit.

01:08:29.700 And I go, Oh yeah.

01:08:31.720 Yeah.

01:08:32.020 Like this house running water, a toilet, toilet paper, like all of a sudden I find joy in like

01:08:39.580 very simple things.

01:08:41.120 And I'm thinking, Whoa, I'm, I'm getting mad at some really silly things.

01:08:45.120 And, and, you know, there's two rhymes, like that's one of the benefits of that guys have

01:08:49.700 in jujitsu is, you know, when, when you're, when your body has taken over from the space

01:08:57.500 of fight and survival, and it's so primitive.

01:09:02.100 And then you come back to an office and it's like, Oh, I got to have to have this uncomfortable

01:09:06.880 conversation with someone about them not following up on an email.

01:09:10.720 You're like, that's so easy to deal with because earlier today, I just thought I was like trying

01:09:15.740 to stay alive.

01:09:16.440 And I felt like someone was going to kill me, you know?

01:09:19.660 And so it's like, Oh, perspective, you know, like, and, and, and jujitsu does that in a

01:09:24.620 very interesting way because it's, you're physically threatened and you're very much surviving,

01:09:30.940 like primitive, like, you know, and we've tried about it.

01:09:34.500 It's, it's a game of, I kill you, you kill me.

01:09:37.700 That's the game.

01:09:39.200 And, and it's scary to think about it that way.

01:09:41.840 Think, Holy shit.

01:09:42.760 Like that time I tapped, if he didn't stop, you know what I mean?

01:09:48.640 He could kill me.

01:09:49.900 Right.

01:09:50.500 Like, dang, that's scary.

01:09:52.820 Right.

01:09:53.280 It's like, that's a lot of trust in someone.

01:09:55.460 And, and, and it puts, so maybe look for those areas to reset a little bit, right.

01:09:59.820 And re reboot and reevaluate what's really important and, and really where you're at

01:10:05.400 in life.

01:10:05.780 I, I, I think sometimes we get really angry over really kind of silly things in, in regards

01:10:11.600 to once we start comparing them to what really matters.

01:10:15.160 Right.

01:10:15.600 And that's actually what I wrote down right here.

01:10:17.560 I wrote nothing matters and everything is wonderful.

01:10:22.240 Like, and when I say nothing, I, what I actually mean is very little.

01:10:27.480 Yeah.

01:10:27.880 Cause there are some things that matter, right?

01:10:29.900 Your family matters.

01:10:31.520 Your, your faith probably matters.

01:10:33.700 Like there are things that matter, but then getting cut off on the road.

01:10:37.960 I had a friend who used to say, is this going to bother you in, in two days?

01:10:42.920 No.

01:10:43.480 Then why let it bother you in two minutes?

01:10:45.760 Yeah.

01:10:46.200 I like that.

01:10:47.120 I like that.

01:10:47.900 Like the guy cut me off on the road.

01:10:49.360 So why?

01:10:49.960 Okay.

01:10:50.220 So am I even going to be bothered by it in two days?

01:10:52.860 No, I'm not bothered by it at all.

01:10:54.080 I got to remember it, but I'm not bothered by it.

01:10:55.940 And so why let it bother me for two minutes?

01:10:59.140 Yeah.

01:10:59.560 And then everything is wonderful.

01:11:00.900 Like everything is wonderful.

01:11:02.560 Think about the technology that we, I was even thinking about it was, we were trying to do this podcast.

01:11:06.800 Like we were having technology issues and we're making fun of Mac and windows.

01:11:09.720 And, and, and yet everything is wonderful.

01:11:13.400 Like I'm complaining about technology.

01:11:15.940 And yet here we are, we're probably what, two, 2,500 miles apart.

01:11:19.680 We're in the opposite sides of this country.

01:11:21.520 Having a conversation about topics that are engaging and millions of people are listening to what we have to say.

01:11:28.060 And they're improving their lives.

01:11:29.460 And I'm complaining that it took me an extra 10 minutes to get onto a Mac or a desktop or whatever, you know, it's like, totally nothing really matters.

01:11:37.500 And everything's actually pretty wonderful.

01:11:40.020 And, and you're not entitled to anything.

01:11:43.900 Yeah.

01:11:44.540 True.

01:11:46.460 You're there's no raw law that says your wife should love you. 1.00

01:11:50.140 You're not, you, she, she doesn't owe you her love.

01:11:56.080 You know what I mean?

01:11:57.260 You're not entitled to your children or your home.

01:12:01.040 None of those things you're entitled to, which means that they'll all like blessings and gifts.

01:12:07.180 Yeah.

01:12:08.460 Yeah.

01:12:10.420 Well, I think that's a good one to wrap up on Kip. 0.94

01:12:13.300 Let's let's bring it home, man.

01:12:15.520 Yeah.

01:12:16.040 I mean, we talked about this and I'm, I'm bummed.

01:12:18.720 I missed your Instagram live.

01:12:20.400 Cause I'd, it'd be super great to see those kinds of, we'll do it again.

01:12:24.020 We'll do it again.

01:12:24.460 Followers.

01:12:24.860 Yeah.

01:12:25.060 Cause I had, I'll make sure to, I'll make sure to follow you.

01:12:27.780 What was your Instagram?

01:12:28.840 Yeah.

01:12:29.200 If you're not following me, you might want to.

01:12:31.840 Yeah.

01:12:32.300 So when I talk bad about you, then just pretend like you're not just ignore those, but I have a choice not to let those offend me.

01:12:38.660 So that's one of my, I'm going to do my darndest to offend you for you to actually take offense.

01:12:43.780 I'm going to see if I can get you to be offended about something I say about you.

01:12:46.860 Nah, maybe skip that idea.

01:12:49.860 I'm probably a little bit more sensitive than you realize.

01:12:54.120 So to follow Mr.

01:12:57.700 Mickler, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook at Ryan Mickler.

01:13:01.620 And of course, you know, Ryan had to ask earlier today, you know, this, we need conversations, right?

01:13:08.220 We need critical thinking.

01:13:09.560 We need just logical conversation, not the avoidance of it.

01:13:13.840 And, and so there's many ways you guys can do that with us.

01:13:16.720 That's through the Facebook group at facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:13:21.060 That's through sharing and subscribing to this podcast, leave a rating and review, or also catching us on YouTube to that channel as well.

01:13:29.640 Or you can even join us in the iron council where I think those conversations are greatly elevated.

01:13:36.080 Yeah.

01:13:36.280 And you're surrounded with like-minded men that are on that same path and man, how that is so valuable, especially in the world that we're in today.

01:13:45.840 So to, to learn more about the iron council or to join us there, go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:13:52.240 And then as always support with order of man swag at the store, that store.order of man.com where you can get shirts, hats, wallets, flags, decals, and more.

01:14:03.980 And a new product.

01:14:05.820 The beard oil.

01:14:07.060 The beard oil.

01:14:08.120 And can they get that from the order of man?

01:14:10.960 So is that from origin?

01:14:11.940 Currently it's, well, it's not even, it is, it is an origin product, but it's all on Amazon right now.

01:14:16.940 So if you're interested in Amazon, okay.

01:14:18.640 Yeah.

01:14:19.080 I'll actually probably put some links in the store.

01:14:21.040 So it'll take you directly to Amazon.

01:14:23.720 And I think origin's doing the same, but so you can check that out there, but yeah, it's, it's all, it's all on Amazon right now.

01:14:29.860 And if you sent, if you pick up a bottle, leave a review, a rating and review on Amazon, a verified review.

01:14:36.460 And send that screenshot to us at, what is it?

01:14:41.980 Promotions at originmfg.com.

01:14:44.900 Promotions at originmfg.com.

01:14:47.100 We will send you a free bottle of beard oil while supplies last.

01:14:52.320 Excellent.

01:14:52.920 And if you are driving and you didn't catch all that, follow Mickler on Instagram, reach out, you know, and ask for those details.

01:15:02.100 Or I'm assuming that will be on the website, orderofman.com.

01:15:06.360 Yeah.

01:15:06.660 With some instructions.

01:15:07.980 Okay.

01:15:08.160 Yeah, definitely.

01:15:08.760 Excellent.

01:15:09.420 Cool.

01:15:09.840 All right.

01:15:10.100 Thanks, Kip.

01:15:10.620 Guys, appreciate you.

01:15:11.520 Great questions as always.

01:15:12.600 We'll be back again next week.

01:15:14.160 Until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:15:17.760 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:15:20.320 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - February 17, 2021

Overcoming Anger Issues, Not Making Yourself a Victim, and How Stoicism Can Serve You ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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