Order of Man - Overcoming Arrogance, Building Boundaries, and Getting Humbled ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 But if you don't know what your other needs are,

00:00:02.220 then you don't know what boundaries to uphold.

00:00:04.380 So for example, a need of mine is to be treated

00:00:06.880 with kindness, love, and respect.

00:00:08.900 If other aspects of the relationship are good,

00:00:11.480 but I'm not being met with kindness, love, and respect,

00:00:14.220 that's a relationship I'm not interested in.

00:00:16.420 Because I know that there's a world that exists

00:00:18.840 where I can have both the needs that are being met

00:00:21.460 in the current relationship and the other needs that I have.

00:00:25.180 So what I would do first and foremost

00:00:27.220 is I would list out the needs that I have.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.700 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:34.120 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:37.080 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:40.540 Every time.

00:00:41.600 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:43.880 Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:46.640 This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:49.220 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.900 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:53.960 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:57.300 Kip Sorensen, good to see you, brother.

00:00:58.860 Glad to be back.

00:00:59.860 Loved the way we start off our weeks with the Ask Me Anythings.

00:01:02.980 It's a good way for me to think about some of these questions

00:01:06.400 and hear from you, which gives me a new perspective,

00:01:08.480 and obviously to help with this purpose and this mission that we're doing here.

00:01:12.000 So glad to be here, man.

00:01:13.560 Yeah, it's the morning affirmation, Monday morning affirmations, or not affirmations.

00:01:18.440 What is it? Level set, focus on the right things? I don't know.

00:01:23.360 I thought you were going to say the morning after or something,

00:01:25.460 like the morning after pill or something.

00:01:27.120 That's where I thought you were going first.

00:01:28.360 I'm like, what the hell is he talking about?

00:01:30.060 Nope. It wasn't going there, but you did, kind of.

00:01:32.620 So awesome.

00:01:36.680 Anyways, we've got the morning affirmations after whatever.

00:01:39.640 We're, you know, here we go. So...

00:01:41.640 Yeah, absolutely.

00:01:43.620 So headlines, sir. Do you want to kick us off?

00:01:46.520 Yeah, I'll start.

00:01:47.380 So I heard some interesting news this past weekend.

00:01:51.960 This is actually from CNBC,

00:01:54.420 and it is titled,

00:01:55.840 Interest Payments on the National Debt Top $1 Trillion As the Deficit Swells.

00:02:02.380 So I did a little math here,

00:02:04.580 because, look, the total debt of the U.S. right now

00:02:09.800 is roughly $35 trillion, give or take a billion.

00:02:13.880 But it's $35 trillion,

00:02:15.960 and the servicing on that debt is above $1 trillion.

00:02:20.940 Those are such large numbers

00:02:22.800 that nobody knows that it's as bad as it is

00:02:25.840 because it's just so absurd

00:02:27.300 that we can't even fathom or wrap our heads around it.

00:02:30.280 So I ran some numbers just to kind of give us

00:02:33.280 a little bit better of a bearing

00:02:34.660 on what is, how much that is to us ordinary Americans.

00:02:38.960 So here's what I ran.

00:02:40.940 If the debt, the national debt is $35 trillion,

00:02:43.760 and there's roughly 330 million people

00:02:46.900 that live in America,

00:02:49.820 then that means that each individual,

00:02:52.660 every man, woman, and child

00:02:54.220 that lives in America, that is an American citizen,

00:02:57.260 owes roughly $105,000 in debt

00:03:02.820 to foreign nations and debt holders

00:03:06.520 and everything else.

00:03:07.840 If we were to take that down to,

00:03:11.200 and I didn't write this down,

00:03:12.700 but I want to say it's roughly 258 million people

00:03:15.940 in America over the age of 18.

00:03:18.080 So we're going to exclude children.

00:03:19.560 So just adults.

00:03:20.720 Just adults.

00:03:21.460 That means every man and woman in America

00:03:24.400 and whatever else, gender,

00:03:26.200 and whatever else they choose to call themselves,

00:03:27.900 but we here in real world, not fantasy land,

00:03:30.960 man and woman in America,

00:03:32.940 owe $135,000.

00:03:39.100 That is unsustainable.

00:03:42.240 And here's another couple of things I read in this article.

00:03:44.700 It's the debt service is up 30%

00:03:50.600 from the same period a year ago.

00:03:54.080 30%.

00:03:54.600 30%.

00:03:55.100 And I think I saw somewhere,

00:03:58.220 somewhere that it would be by 2035,

00:04:01.160 upwards of $2 trillion.

00:04:03.360 And it says here,

00:04:04.360 the jump in debt service cost came

00:04:06.080 as the U.S. budget deficit surged in August,

00:04:08.980 edging closer to $2 trillion for the year.

00:04:11.680 So what that means is that we're acquiring a new $2 trillion,

00:04:16.260 which obviously is going to be exponentially higher than that

00:04:18.740 for the entire year.

00:04:20.540 It's absolutely unsustainable.

00:04:22.940 And if you look at the actual line items

00:04:26.540 of the highest expenses that the government pays,

00:04:29.800 and I don't have it right in front of me.

00:04:31.380 So if you really want to know more,

00:04:33.060 you guys can go look at all of this stuff.

00:04:35.260 So I'm not maybe precise on the numbers,

00:04:37.700 but this is something that I found interesting

00:04:39.800 is that if I understand correctly,

00:04:43.120 the servicing on the national debt

00:04:44.680 exceeds that of our national defense spending

00:04:47.820 and is just under two primary programs in the U.S.,

00:04:54.760 Social Security and Medicare.

00:04:57.900 So we're in for a world of hurt.

00:05:02.120 This is not sustainable.

00:05:03.040 In any business or any household,

00:05:05.900 if you had a million dollars in debt,

00:05:10.220 but you were only bringing in,

00:05:12.720 because again, it's $2 trillion.

00:05:14.400 So what's that?

00:05:15.060 Like, I can't even really do the math.

00:05:16.400 10%.

00:05:16.840 So you had a million dollars in debt,

00:05:18.600 but you're only bringing in,

00:05:21.480 that's probably not a great analogy actually.

00:05:23.920 But to the degree that we're bringing in

00:05:26.980 is actually less than even a percentage of what we owe.

00:05:33.500 Like, it's going to be very, very rough.

00:05:37.080 And the answer is we got to stop doing this

00:05:41.900 and we have to stop electing politicians

00:05:43.740 who are going to spend money.

00:05:45.960 And this is on both sides of the aisle.

00:05:47.460 By the way, everybody knows how conservative I am.

00:05:50.920 Trump is just as guilty, if not more guilty,

00:05:53.160 with regards to national spending

00:05:55.120 than every other president.

00:05:56.580 So I'm not picking sides here.

00:05:58.440 This is a problem.

00:05:59.620 It runs deep and it permeates both sides of the aisle.

00:06:03.480 Well, and then you look at the two programs

00:06:05.940 that you mentioned.

00:06:07.280 How well are those being ran?

00:06:10.760 Yeah, good job, federal government.

00:06:13.140 I mean, you have two programs

00:06:15.160 that the majority of the debt's a result of,

00:06:18.820 and they're doing a poor-ass job running both of those.

00:06:22.540 Yep.

00:06:22.880 And what I love about this, Ryan,

00:06:27.000 is whenever you hear the government doing a program

00:06:31.360 and how much they're going to spend,

00:06:34.840 they're pandering to the typical citizen

00:06:38.160 that is naive enough to say,

00:06:40.420 oh yeah, this is important,

00:06:41.820 but we don't have the other conversation

00:06:43.460 that we would typically have in our households.

00:06:45.400 Sure, we can get a car.

00:06:47.820 We can get a new car.

00:06:49.000 However, what does it look like against our budget?

00:06:52.740 What costs are we looking to stop spending

00:06:55.660 to justify that or make a pivot?

00:06:58.760 You never hear that, ever said,

00:07:01.180 that, hey, we're going to spend in this,

00:07:03.740 we're going to do this program,

00:07:05.160 and as a result,

00:07:06.640 we're going to stop spending money somewhere else

00:07:09.300 so we can afford it.

00:07:11.660 That's never had.

00:07:12.680 It's just, oh no,

00:07:13.560 we'll just keep doing these other things

00:07:15.500 and promise to provide other services

00:07:18.460 and other things

00:07:19.220 without ever a conversation

00:07:21.040 of what adjustments we're going to make

00:07:23.500 so we can even afford it.

00:07:25.840 Well, I will say,

00:07:27.880 yes, I agree with the sentiment,

00:07:29.640 but there is one adjustment

00:07:30.840 that the government always proposes.

00:07:33.880 Oh yeah, we'll tax you more. 0.99

00:07:35.860 Additional tax revenue.

00:07:37.920 But they only,

00:07:38.840 and most of the time,

00:07:39.880 this falls on the liberal side of the aisle,

00:07:42.480 and they say they're only going to tax

00:07:44.860 the ultra-wealthy.

00:07:46.040 Well, here's the problem.

00:07:48.000 When you start taxing the ultra-wealthy

00:07:49.960 and you start taxing corporations

00:07:51.640 to exorbitant amounts,

00:07:53.340 I think Joe Biden is proposing legislation

00:07:55.840 that makes a minimum corporate tax of 15%.

00:07:58.780 Kamala Harris is considering increasing

00:08:01.760 not only the cost of corporate taxes,

00:08:04.420 but also taxes on unrealized gains.

00:08:09.980 So let's say, Kip,

00:08:11.420 we take Order of Man

00:08:12.560 and we grow it from,

00:08:13.820 and I'm just spitballing

00:08:14.840 and throwing out numbers,

00:08:16.140 but we grow it from a $2 million basis, right?

00:08:23.260 So like it appraised our values for $2 million.

00:08:25.600 And let's say that over the next year,

00:08:28.440 we grow it and we do really well,

00:08:30.440 50% growth,

00:08:31.500 and we grow it to $3 million.

00:08:32.960 Well, now we're liable,

00:08:37.120 as proposed as it goes,

00:08:38.840 we're liable for the taxes

00:08:41.580 on the extra $1 million

00:08:44.080 that was generated in thin air,

00:08:48.060 not really realized.

00:08:49.940 There's two problems with that.

00:08:51.460 Number one, how do you value a company?

00:08:52.940 So does every company get valued?

00:08:55.140 Number two, that's going to bankrupt me.

00:08:57.480 I don't have the kind of money

00:08:58.580 to put towards that in the bank

00:09:00.540 because those are unrealized gains.

00:09:02.320 And then number three,

00:09:03.360 what happens if I go from $3 million next year

00:09:05.860 to $2 million the following year?

00:09:08.620 Does that mean I get a tax credit

00:09:10.440 for the million dollars of revenue lost?

00:09:12.640 Of course not.

00:09:13.880 And the other thing that people are saying

00:09:15.660 is, well, you know,

00:09:17.520 it only applies to the ultra-wealthy

00:09:20.260 or the ultra-rich

00:09:21.200 or these large corporations.

00:09:22.440 If you tell me throughout American history,

00:09:25.760 anytime the government gets its greedy fingers

00:09:28.940 into the pocketbooks of Americans,

00:09:32.600 it stops itself.

00:09:34.280 It has restraint.

00:09:35.900 This is a glimpse into what will happen.

00:09:38.800 It starts with the ultra-wealthy

00:09:40.400 and then it expands to everyday,

00:09:43.340 hard-working Americans like you and me.

00:09:46.580 We cannot, this is not sustainable

00:09:48.420 and you can't even tax the wealthy

00:09:50.460 to even a sliver of percentage

00:09:52.800 to begin to make a difference

00:09:54.300 on this $35 trillion.

00:09:55.900 They'll just leave.

00:09:56.780 I would.

00:09:57.980 Yeah.

00:09:59.060 So it's a problem.

00:10:00.540 And you know, the government,

00:10:01.380 one other thing,

00:10:01.900 and I'll drop it here for now,

00:10:02.960 but this is very important.

00:10:04.660 I know I get fired up about it

00:10:05.840 and I know a lot of people are like,

00:10:06.900 eh, it doesn't matter.

00:10:08.000 It should matter.

00:10:09.460 Is that this is a game of semantics

00:10:13.080 that the government likes to play.

00:10:15.900 So let's say that we spend,

00:10:18.140 again, I'm making up numbers here,

00:10:20.160 $2 trillion for the next 12 months.

00:10:22.560 But the previous 12 months,

00:10:24.400 we spent $3 trillion.

00:10:26.180 What they'll say is they'll say,

00:10:29.500 well, we have a spending deficit

00:10:32.200 of over 50% of what we did the previous year.

00:10:37.620 Now, what that makes it sound like

00:10:39.180 is that we actually reduced the deficit.

00:10:41.360 No, we didn't.

00:10:42.240 We just didn't spend and go into debt

00:10:45.720 as fast as we did the year before.

00:10:47.920 That's all that means.

00:10:49.340 But again, they're playing

00:10:51.020 on the lowest common denominator. 0.99

00:10:52.520 They're playing on ignorant people. 0.99

00:10:53.900 They're preying on people 0.99

00:10:55.640 who don't actually want to know

00:10:57.120 or get involved.

00:10:58.120 And we just keep passing this nonsense

00:11:00.000 until finally we just destroy ourselves

00:11:03.000 without some foreign invasion

00:11:04.900 or war or anything like that.

00:11:06.320 We just erode

00:11:07.120 because we keep pumping fake money,

00:11:09.540 printed money.

00:11:10.420 It's like monopoly money.

00:11:12.400 Tip, if you said,

00:11:13.140 hey, Ryan, you owe me $1,000

00:11:14.340 for the work that I do with Order of Man.

00:11:16.660 I said, hey, will you take monopoly money?

00:11:18.880 Of course you're not going to take monopoly money.

00:11:21.920 What are you going to do?

00:11:22.480 You're going to quit.

00:11:23.160 Like, I'm not doing this anymore.

00:11:24.860 And so it hampers growth

00:11:26.320 and research and innovation.

00:11:30.820 It's rough.

00:11:31.660 It's very rough.

00:11:32.860 What a mess.

00:11:34.420 Yep.

00:11:34.720 Well, I have a more upbeat headline, right?

00:11:38.340 It's not really a headline as much as

00:11:39.920 it's just kind of interesting.

00:11:41.080 So at the release of this podcast,

00:11:44.780 yesterday is the date

00:11:48.680 by which the Constitution was signed.

00:11:52.760 It was signed September 17, 1787.

00:11:57.780 39 delegates out of, I believe, 55

00:12:00.720 signed the Constitution on that particular day.

00:12:05.300 And I just have some fun facts, right?

00:12:07.580 For us to consider around the Constitution.

00:12:11.120 So obviously, as we know-

00:12:12.800 Before you pull those up, Kip,

00:12:14.140 can I just say one thing on that?

00:12:16.200 Yeah.

00:12:16.800 I'm really, I'm really,

00:12:18.040 I know some things,

00:12:19.340 but I'm really ignorant on this.

00:12:21.060 My ex-in-laws,

00:12:23.320 they at one point had a student stay with them,

00:12:27.220 a foreign exchange student from Thailand, I believe.

00:12:31.020 And she knew more about the American government,

00:12:34.900 the Declaration of Independence,

00:12:36.280 the Constitution.

00:12:37.740 I remember coming over one day

00:12:39.200 and she was researching and studying.

00:12:41.020 She knew all, whatever it was at that point,

00:12:43.460 42 or 43 presidents at that point.

00:12:46.000 She knew all of them,

00:12:47.280 had their names memorized,

00:12:48.320 what time frame,

00:12:50.000 what number president they were. 1.00

00:12:52.040 We are so dumb 1.00

00:12:53.380 and we deserve exactly what we're going to get. 1.00

00:12:55.240 So I'm actually anxious to hear these things

00:12:57.360 because I probably don't know a lot of them.

00:12:58.980 No pressure.

00:13:00.460 But I just,

00:13:01.200 it was a conversation I had

00:13:03.340 with someone yesterday, actually.

00:13:05.400 And I was like,

00:13:06.060 man, I didn't even realize some of these things.

00:13:08.120 And so I did my own little research

00:13:09.880 to kind of add to the conversation.

00:13:13.020 So out of the 39 delegates

00:13:15.160 that signed the Constitution in Philadelphia,

00:13:18.320 average age of those 39 was 29 years old.

00:13:21.320 And we talked about this a few weeks ago,

00:13:23.420 how young these men were.

00:13:25.720 And it showed just empowering

00:13:27.840 what they were about in life

00:13:30.440 at such a young age.

00:13:32.180 So the Constitution was drafted in secret

00:13:34.580 by delegates to the Constitutional Convention

00:13:37.340 over the summer of 1787.

00:13:39.900 The delegates debated

00:13:41.360 and redrafted the document

00:13:43.040 in closed sessions,

00:13:44.340 addressing issues such as

00:13:45.860 how much power to give central government

00:13:48.040 and how many representatives

00:13:49.860 each state would have in Congress

00:13:51.680 and how those representatives

00:13:53.120 would be elected.

00:13:54.720 Three things the Constitution primarily does.

00:13:57.860 It creates a system of checks and balances

00:14:00.120 between the three branches.

00:14:01.820 Second, it divides the power

00:14:03.580 between the federal government

00:14:04.720 and the states.

00:14:05.700 And third,

00:14:06.580 it protects various individual liberties

00:14:08.720 of the American citizens.

00:14:10.300 The U.S. Constitution

00:14:12.180 has 4,400 words.

00:14:15.080 It is the oldest

00:14:15.880 and shortest written constitution

00:14:18.560 of any major government

00:14:20.700 in the world.

00:14:22.880 A few days later,

00:14:24.980 after the signing of the Constitution,

00:14:26.840 President George Washington

00:14:28.160 issued a proclamation

00:14:29.560 naming Thursday, November 26th,

00:14:33.260 November 26th

00:14:34.520 as the day of public Thanksgiving

00:14:36.680 for the first Thanksgiving

00:14:38.280 was celebrated

00:14:39.160 underneath the new Constitution.

00:14:41.560 That I didn't know.

00:14:43.180 I didn't know that.

00:14:44.720 Yeah.

00:14:45.320 So maybe even something to,

00:14:48.320 like literally after I learned

00:14:50.060 that yesterday,

00:14:50.640 I was like,

00:14:51.120 you know what?

00:14:52.060 Maybe we need to pull up

00:14:53.020 the Constitution

00:14:53.680 as part of our Thanksgiving,

00:14:55.360 you know,

00:14:56.120 family tradition

00:14:57.060 because that's where

00:14:59.340 it was formulated.

00:15:00.920 Very cool.

00:15:01.980 That's awesome.

00:15:03.340 Yeah.

00:15:03.640 I think we need to know

00:15:04.700 more about this stuff

00:15:05.580 because obviously our liberties

00:15:06.700 are being threatened

00:15:07.340 and unless we have some knowledge

00:15:09.140 about what's happening

00:15:09.920 and what that Constitution

00:15:10.880 was framed on

00:15:11.680 or founded for

00:15:12.960 or written for,

00:15:13.980 we're going to let those rights go

00:15:15.580 without even knowing

00:15:16.340 what we're letting go.

00:15:17.840 Yeah, totally.

00:15:18.920 And by the way,

00:15:19.980 it's one of the,

00:15:21.180 well, I mentioned this,

00:15:22.140 the oldest,

00:15:23.160 one of the oldest constitutions

00:15:25.100 and one of the most widely used

00:15:27.560 documents in the world

00:15:28.840 where other federal governments

00:15:31.440 or other governments

00:15:32.380 have used it as a baseline.

00:15:35.580 for their constitutions.

00:15:38.460 So very,

00:15:39.260 very cool stuff.

00:15:41.000 Awesome.

00:15:41.760 And there's one other thing

00:15:42.940 that I learned.

00:15:44.080 I did a,

00:15:45.600 Madison Cawthorn with,

00:15:47.640 did a tour

00:15:48.920 of the Capitol building

00:15:50.120 for us years ago.

00:15:51.760 And one of the things

00:15:53.200 that I learned

00:15:54.040 was that I think more so

00:15:55.400 the Declaration of Independence

00:15:56.520 and I think also part

00:15:57.540 of the Constitution

00:15:58.240 was derived from

00:15:59.920 a different document

00:16:01.480 that most people aren't aware,

00:16:03.340 which is the Magna Carta.

00:16:04.560 And I pulled it up here.

00:16:05.940 It was signed

00:16:07.020 by King John of England

00:16:08.100 in 1215.

00:16:09.660 So a lot of people

00:16:10.440 don't even know

00:16:11.240 a lot of where

00:16:12.620 our founding

00:16:14.140 and charter documents

00:16:15.240 derive from,

00:16:16.240 which were

00:16:16.720 hundreds of years earlier.

00:16:19.560 Yeah, totally.

00:16:20.920 Super cool.

00:16:22.500 Yeah.

00:16:22.680 All right.

00:16:22.980 I think that stuff's interesting.

00:16:24.260 So we got questions

00:16:25.160 from the Foundry

00:16:26.460 and Facebook

00:16:27.120 and so

00:16:28.000 from the Iron Council.

00:16:29.500 So we'll go ahead

00:16:30.180 and jump right in

00:16:31.200 to the IC.

00:16:32.360 And maybe, Kip,

00:16:33.160 if I can,

00:16:33.700 when you say the Foundry,

00:16:34.940 sometimes people

00:16:35.700 might not know what that is.

00:16:37.200 No, it's good.

00:16:38.280 The reason I bring it up

00:16:39.480 is because

00:16:39.840 inside of our Brotherhood,

00:16:41.360 the Iron Council,

00:16:42.740 one of the biggest questions

00:16:43.720 I often get is,

00:16:44.740 oh, I don't have social media

00:16:45.780 or I don't like social media

00:16:47.200 and I understand the sentiment.

00:16:49.260 So we don't use social media

00:16:51.040 in that Brotherhood.

00:16:52.480 We have a closed platform,

00:16:54.840 completely private,

00:16:55.640 that is outside of the scope

00:16:57.720 of Meta or Facebook

00:16:58.760 or Instagram or YouTube

00:16:59.800 or Twitter or X

00:17:00.800 or whatever.

00:17:01.760 And it's completely isolated there.

00:17:03.960 So we're able to stay

00:17:05.160 on track and focus

00:17:06.300 and really have the conversations

00:17:08.240 without distractions

00:17:09.240 and without bad actors

00:17:11.380 coming in to mess

00:17:12.740 with what we have going on.

00:17:14.600 So I just want to throw

00:17:15.680 that out there.

00:17:16.200 Sometimes people ask

00:17:17.360 about the social media

00:17:18.140 aspect of it.

00:17:18.980 Yeah.

00:17:19.560 Yeah, good point.

00:17:20.780 All right.

00:17:21.320 Our first question is from Jay,

00:17:23.180 one of our senior leaders

00:17:24.360 in the Iron Council.

00:17:25.160 He says,

00:17:25.920 is it necessary?

00:17:27.760 And I really love

00:17:28.640 this question, by the way.

00:17:29.600 In fact, I had a debate

00:17:30.820 about this question

00:17:31.660 like probably six months ago

00:17:33.120 with someone.

00:17:34.660 But his question,

00:17:35.840 is it necessary

00:17:36.800 to have a breakdown

00:17:38.000 before a breakthrough?

00:17:40.780 Is it necessary

00:17:41.900 to have a breakdown

00:17:42.940 before a breakthrough?

00:17:44.780 So I thought about this question.

00:17:46.880 I saw it this morning

00:17:47.800 and my right from the hip answer

00:17:50.260 was no,

00:17:51.260 it's not necessary.

00:17:53.060 That was my immediate response.

00:17:54.720 In my head anyways.

00:17:56.280 And as I talked to myself,

00:17:57.820 which sometimes I do,

00:17:59.240 I thought,

00:18:00.540 well,

00:18:00.820 I guess it depends

00:18:01.740 on what you mean

00:18:02.380 by breakdown.

00:18:04.280 And here was my,

00:18:05.620 here was my thinking on this.

00:18:07.440 Something has to give

00:18:08.940 in order for you

00:18:09.800 to have a breakthrough.

00:18:10.500 So something quite literally

00:18:13.600 has to break down.

00:18:15.880 A mindset,

00:18:17.580 a thought process,

00:18:19.700 a toxic relationship,

00:18:21.360 a bad habit.

00:18:23.300 Something has to break down.

00:18:25.920 So maybe the answer is yes,

00:18:27.960 there actually does have

00:18:28.980 to be a breakdown.

00:18:30.320 But the real question then is,

00:18:33.240 to what severity

00:18:34.360 does the breakdown

00:18:35.200 need to occur

00:18:35.920 before I have a breakthrough?

00:18:37.000 So a lot of guys

00:18:38.600 will wait until

00:18:39.300 it's absolutely severe.

00:18:40.580 For example,

00:18:41.620 they'll change the way

00:18:42.820 they show up

00:18:43.360 in a relationship

00:18:44.060 after the threat of divorce.

00:18:47.460 They'll start going

00:18:48.520 into the gym

00:18:49.280 and getting themselves

00:18:50.140 in shape and fit

00:18:51.220 after a medical diagnosis

00:18:53.340 or a medical scare.

00:18:55.220 They'll start getting

00:18:56.260 financially savvy.

00:18:57.660 They'll educate themselves

00:18:58.740 and teach themselves

00:18:59.660 about how to properly

00:19:00.680 handle their finances

00:19:01.760 after they declare bankruptcy

00:19:03.700 because they're broke.

00:19:05.720 So that is not necessary.

00:19:07.780 The severity of the breakdown

00:19:08.960 is not necessary.

00:19:10.440 But look,

00:19:10.880 if something wasn't going wrong,

00:19:12.980 you wouldn't have

00:19:13.780 anything to fix.

00:19:14.620 Therefore,

00:19:14.940 no breakthrough would exist.

00:19:16.440 So my answer,

00:19:17.240 final answer,

00:19:18.340 is yes,

00:19:19.800 there has to be a breakdown.

00:19:21.560 But you get to decide

00:19:23.020 the severity.

00:19:23.760 If we're looking at

00:19:24.300 the scale of severity

00:19:25.320 in these breakdowns,

00:19:26.640 do you hit it

00:19:27.220 when it's a one

00:19:27.880 where it's not really

00:19:28.700 a real problem?

00:19:29.720 You notice there's

00:19:30.280 a little bit of tension

00:19:31.100 between you and your wife

00:19:32.280 or you notice

00:19:33.380 you're getting a little

00:19:33.940 behind on your bills

00:19:35.160 or you're starting

00:19:36.540 to see a little spare tire

00:19:37.560 around your midsection,

00:19:38.600 that's a severity of one.

00:19:41.080 The ones I just listed before

00:19:42.460 might be a severity

00:19:43.340 of eight to ten.

00:19:44.380 So you decide the severity,

00:19:46.420 but it's going to happen

00:19:47.540 and it will break down

00:19:48.480 and you're on the path

00:19:49.260 to destruction

00:19:49.840 unless you make the decision

00:19:51.700 as soon as you possibly can

00:19:53.860 and maybe even voluntarily decide,

00:19:56.200 I'm going to break that habit.

00:19:57.800 I'm going to break away

00:19:58.640 from this toxic relationship.

00:19:59.920 I'm going to break away

00:20:02.060 from financial enslavement

00:20:03.500 to credit card companies

00:20:04.660 and debt institutions.

00:20:07.300 That's how I looked at it

00:20:09.940 after having a little internal debate

00:20:11.400 this morning about it.

00:20:12.940 Yeah.

00:20:13.820 I like it, man.

00:20:15.300 I, you know,

00:20:16.340 when I think about this,

00:20:18.220 I just jump to

00:20:19.900 what's happening, right,

00:20:21.760 in this example

00:20:22.680 when there's a breakdown,

00:20:24.200 what is occurring

00:20:25.700 that causes a breakthrough?

00:20:27.760 And probably the biggest

00:20:30.440 is a realization

00:20:32.160 or a transformation

00:20:33.440 of how we see something.

00:20:36.560 Now, that may be forced upon us

00:20:38.740 and in other cases,

00:20:41.860 it may not be.

00:20:43.080 And so at first glance,

00:20:45.540 when I hear Jay's question,

00:20:46.920 I'd say, no.

00:20:48.060 However, the question is,

00:20:50.440 is who's creating the breakdown?

00:20:52.820 Is it on your terms

00:20:54.360 and you're coming

00:20:55.660 to that realization

00:20:56.720 of how serious this is

00:21:00.240 and you're causing

00:21:01.280 the transformation

00:21:03.120 or the paradigm shift?

00:21:05.940 Or is it being forced upon you?

00:21:09.180 And ironically enough,

00:21:11.000 I would even say

00:21:11.900 that breakdowns

00:21:13.060 can cause those paradigm shifts,

00:21:15.480 but that necessarily

00:21:17.260 isn't always true.

00:21:19.280 We know people

00:21:20.300 that have had breakdowns

00:21:22.500 in their lives

00:21:23.100 and their life falls apart

00:21:24.200 and do they learn?

00:21:26.020 They don't.

00:21:27.100 They still don't learn.

00:21:29.480 And so I would say

00:21:31.540 the breakdown

00:21:32.140 doesn't guarantee

00:21:33.160 a breakthrough.

00:21:34.740 Sometimes it will.

00:21:36.940 But I think

00:21:37.780 it can be on our terms.

00:21:39.660 But we have to see

00:21:41.000 the world differently.

00:21:43.920 And I think

00:21:44.760 that's the definition

00:21:46.560 or at least my definition

00:21:47.840 of a breakthrough.

00:21:49.840 It is almost like

00:21:52.360 I saw the world one way

00:21:54.580 and the next second

00:21:55.560 I now have clarity

00:21:57.440 and I've had

00:21:58.180 what Stephen Covey calls

00:21:59.680 is a paradigm shift.

00:22:01.700 And that causes

00:22:03.200 you showing up

00:22:05.000 differently in the world.

00:22:06.300 And that's the definition

00:22:07.340 of a breakthrough.

00:22:08.100 How you get there,

00:22:08.920 I think it's up to you.

00:22:10.860 But I've always

00:22:12.260 held on to the belief

00:22:14.640 that we will all learn

00:22:16.860 sooner or later.

00:22:18.580 The question is,

00:22:20.800 does it come with

00:22:21.740 a handful of regret

00:22:23.580 or do you learn

00:22:26.180 a little bit

00:22:26.700 earlier on in life?

00:22:27.840 But sooner or later

00:22:28.780 we will all learn.

00:22:30.600 And unfortunately

00:22:31.120 for some of us

00:22:31.900 it may be on our deathbeds.

00:22:35.800 I mean,

00:22:37.580 I love the thought

00:22:38.980 I wrote this down.

00:22:39.800 It's on your terms

00:22:40.760 or it's either

00:22:42.240 internal or external.

00:22:43.800 You can decide

00:22:44.580 or it will be decided

00:22:45.420 for you.

00:22:45.980 A new paradigm

00:22:47.880 is something I wrote down here

00:22:49.040 and you talked about that.

00:22:49.920 But this is also why

00:22:50.740 it's so important

00:22:51.420 that we be vigilant

00:22:52.360 towards our growth.

00:22:53.740 The phrase that I've often heard

00:22:55.280 and I really resonate with this

00:22:56.780 is you can either

00:22:57.880 be humble

00:22:58.560 or get humbled.

00:23:00.580 Yeah.

00:23:01.180 Those are the only two choices

00:23:02.600 but humility

00:23:03.280 will always present itself

00:23:04.740 whether acted upon

00:23:05.560 or forced upon you.

00:23:07.200 So vigilance

00:23:07.900 is really important.

00:23:08.940 This is why

00:23:09.520 we need to listen to podcasts.

00:23:11.560 Why we need to join

00:23:13.000 groups like the Iron Council

00:23:14.320 and other groups.

00:23:15.040 Why we need to listen

00:23:15.780 to good books

00:23:16.400 and why we need

00:23:16.980 to surround ourselves

00:23:17.640 with the right people

00:23:18.360 because they're going

00:23:19.160 to infuse

00:23:20.260 new information

00:23:21.640 into our lives

00:23:22.520 that will cause us

00:23:23.720 to rethink

00:23:24.520 the way we're living

00:23:25.580 our current life.

00:23:26.860 You know,

00:23:27.040 for example,

00:23:27.880 I went to the gym

00:23:29.120 this morning

00:23:29.560 and as I looked around

00:23:30.700 I see a bunch

00:23:31.360 of fit people

00:23:32.160 and the guys

00:23:32.660 who aren't fit

00:23:33.280 they're still in there

00:23:34.300 getting after it

00:23:34.940 trying to get fit.

00:23:36.420 So the gym

00:23:38.020 is a culture

00:23:38.760 of health.

00:23:41.940 If I go

00:23:42.820 into that culture

00:23:43.500 of health

00:23:43.920 I voluntarily

00:23:44.760 decide to get

00:23:45.780 out of bed

00:23:46.160 and my alarm

00:23:46.780 went off

00:23:47.260 at 5 a.m.

00:23:48.060 this morning

00:23:48.500 and I said

00:23:49.860 no,

00:23:50.140 I need 20 more minutes

00:23:51.080 and then after 20 minutes

00:23:52.100 I did get up

00:23:52.780 but I very easily

00:23:54.260 could have stayed in bed.

00:23:55.680 I consciously

00:23:56.260 made the decision

00:23:57.160 I went into the gym

00:23:58.480 and as I was looking around

00:23:59.680 and I was seeing guys

00:24:00.540 who were fit

00:24:01.200 some guys who weren't

00:24:02.820 but they were still

00:24:03.340 doing work

00:24:04.060 I was inspired

00:24:05.240 and motivated by that.

00:24:06.440 It changed the way

00:24:07.340 even to a very small degree

00:24:08.880 how I view the world

00:24:10.520 and how I view

00:24:11.360 me showing up

00:24:12.640 in it.

00:24:13.500 So be very vigilant

00:24:14.420 on what information

00:24:16.460 what knowledge

00:24:18.120 what resources

00:24:19.480 you're gathering

00:24:20.020 because you're going

00:24:20.480 to act on those things.

00:24:22.320 Something you said Ryan

00:24:23.460 that I think

00:24:24.000 is profound

00:24:24.800 and you used

00:24:26.120 the phrase

00:24:26.820 that you know

00:24:28.060 humble yourself

00:24:28.920 or get humbled

00:24:29.740 and that's powerful

00:24:32.220 and to add to that

00:24:34.740 the difference

00:24:37.060 of those two

00:24:37.840 is one comes

00:24:39.420 with probably

00:24:41.640 more regret

00:24:42.740 and a price.

00:24:45.400 Of course.

00:24:47.100 And so anybody

00:24:48.500 listening is like

00:24:49.360 well I'm not sure

00:24:50.200 if I agree

00:24:50.580 with these guys.

00:24:51.960 My thought is

00:24:53.280 get present

00:24:54.800 to the cost

00:24:56.600 because if I wait

00:24:59.400 to be humbled

00:25:00.340 that comes

00:25:01.680 at a price

00:25:02.320 and that price

00:25:04.200 is more likely

00:25:05.360 in the relationships

00:25:06.420 of people

00:25:07.120 that I care

00:25:08.380 and I love for

00:25:09.400 and you will never

00:25:11.540 be able to get

00:25:12.140 that back.

00:25:15.880 Well let's talk

00:25:17.040 about it

00:25:17.360 from a practical

00:25:17.980 standpoint.

00:25:18.660 Let's talk about it

00:25:19.280 in a relationship

00:25:19.860 standpoint.

00:25:20.680 If you decide

00:25:21.420 to be humble

00:25:21.960 and you know

00:25:22.340 your relationship

00:25:22.960 isn't great right now

00:25:23.840 and you decide

00:25:24.220 to be humble

00:25:24.760 and learn

00:25:25.380 from other people

00:25:26.180 or get new information

00:25:27.680 or just be humble

00:25:28.360 with her

00:25:28.840 and try to figure

00:25:29.700 out where she's

00:25:30.220 coming from

00:25:30.720 the cost

00:25:31.900 associated with that

00:25:32.880 is it's going

00:25:34.180 to take some time.

00:25:35.880 You're going

00:25:36.280 to have to be

00:25:36.780 a little bit

00:25:37.120 more thoughtful.

00:25:38.080 You're going

00:25:38.460 to have to reserve

00:25:39.100 judgment.

00:25:39.940 You're going

00:25:40.180 to have to learn

00:25:40.680 not how to be

00:25:41.360 angry or reactionary

00:25:44.180 when she says

00:25:44.800 things that you

00:25:45.300 don't like.

00:25:45.860 You're going

00:25:46.140 to have to maybe

00:25:46.800 hire a therapist,

00:25:48.900 maybe do some

00:25:49.940 counseling or get

00:25:51.100 on some online

00:25:51.740 coaching or programs.

00:25:52.960 You're going

00:25:53.440 to have to invest

00:25:54.140 some money.

00:25:55.800 But the alternative

00:25:56.780 to your point

00:25:57.700 is if you wait

00:25:59.860 then you're going

00:26:00.800 to go through

00:26:01.160 a divorce

00:26:01.660 and you're

00:26:02.540 going to have

00:26:02.860 the financial

00:26:03.380 hardship and

00:26:04.700 constraints that

00:26:05.380 come from a

00:26:06.300 divorce and you're 0.91

00:26:07.360 going to have

00:26:07.580 the heartbreak

00:26:08.200 and then your

00:26:08.820 kids' lives are

00:26:09.480 going to be

00:26:09.780 impacted and your

00:26:10.940 business is going

00:26:11.560 to be impacted

00:26:12.220 and your own

00:26:12.740 health, your

00:26:14.000 mental health and

00:26:14.620 emotional health is

00:26:15.300 going to be

00:26:15.700 impacted.

00:26:16.180 So you're going

00:26:16.660 to pay a cost.

00:26:18.500 Do it now or do

00:26:19.120 it later.

00:26:20.360 I like that.

00:26:22.100 What's next?

00:26:22.720 Chase Kimball,

00:26:24.520 what advice would

00:26:25.500 you give to a man 0.73

00:26:26.560 that struggles with

00:26:27.440 boundaries within a

00:26:28.460 relationship?

00:26:29.020 I'm on this

00:26:30.140 journey myself and

00:26:31.000 I've been attending

00:26:31.640 counseling for a

00:26:32.500 couple of years.

00:26:33.420 I've also been

00:26:34.360 actively making big

00:26:35.540 moves within my

00:26:36.400 life to help

00:26:37.060 repair this deep

00:26:38.660 seated issue

00:26:39.460 within myself.

00:26:40.880 I've had the

00:26:41.560 tendency to just

00:26:42.480 keep the peace

00:26:44.020 and efforts to

00:26:44.820 keep my own

00:26:45.540 needs met.

00:26:46.540 I'm currently

00:26:47.220 moving on from

00:26:48.080 a very toxic

00:26:48.800 relationship and

00:26:50.220 I'm seeking the

00:26:50.960 healthiest way to

00:26:51.700 address my pitfalls

00:26:52.700 within my romantic

00:26:53.760 life.

00:26:54.980 Also, I should

00:26:56.500 add, I am

00:26:57.820 focusing on myself

00:26:58.960 and my son and

00:26:59.900 not dating for a

00:27:00.860 while and this is

00:27:01.880 far from what I've

00:27:02.740 done in the past.

00:27:03.660 I've always felt the

00:27:04.820 need to be with

00:27:05.600 someone.

00:27:06.820 Any resources you

00:27:07.860 can recommend would

00:27:08.780 be a huge help.

00:27:09.940 Thank you guys.

00:27:12.360 A couple of things

00:27:13.360 that stood out and I

00:27:14.080 was taking notes as

00:27:14.900 he was saying this.

00:27:15.760 So he said this.

00:27:16.960 This was really

00:27:17.440 interesting.

00:27:17.860 This is the one

00:27:18.360 thing that really

00:27:18.880 stood out to me.

00:27:19.860 He said, I've

00:27:20.600 always tried to

00:27:22.220 make amends or

00:27:24.160 make her happier.

00:27:25.120 He said something

00:27:25.540 like that in

00:27:26.620 order to have

00:27:27.820 keep the peace

00:27:28.360 in order to

00:27:29.100 have my needs

00:27:30.480 met.

00:27:31.820 And I wrote

00:27:32.600 this here.

00:27:33.060 I said, but are

00:27:34.060 your needs being

00:27:34.700 met?

00:27:36.600 Some of them, no

00:27:37.760 doubt.

00:27:39.100 Companionship, maybe

00:27:39.800 a little validation,

00:27:41.240 maybe some physical

00:27:42.520 intimacy here and

00:27:43.560 there.

00:27:43.900 Like, sure, some

00:27:44.960 things are being

00:27:45.540 met, but you're

00:27:46.860 struggling.

00:27:48.480 Your emotional

00:27:49.320 needs aren't being

00:27:50.000 met.

00:27:50.240 You just said you

00:27:50.840 ended a toxic

00:27:51.420 relationship.

00:27:52.060 So your emotional

00:27:53.180 needs weren't being

00:27:53.820 met.

00:27:54.420 Maybe your physical

00:27:55.720 needs weren't being

00:27:56.440 met.

00:27:56.840 Maybe your own

00:27:58.240 hopes and dreams

00:27:59.000 and desires for

00:27:59.720 what you want to

00:28:00.240 create out of this

00:28:00.780 life weren't being

00:28:01.460 met.

00:28:02.120 So you can't say

00:28:03.240 your needs are

00:28:03.880 being met.

00:28:04.440 I think what's

00:28:04.980 really important to

00:28:05.680 realize is what

00:28:06.460 are your needs?

00:28:08.880 If you don't know

00:28:09.880 what those are, yes, 0.95

00:28:10.940 okay, yes, sex,

00:28:12.360 companionship,

00:28:12.980 validation, sure,

00:28:13.840 those are needs.

00:28:14.640 Nothing even wrong

00:28:15.720 with some of those

00:28:16.520 to varying degrees.

00:28:18.600 But if you don't

00:28:19.400 know what your

00:28:19.820 other needs are,

00:28:21.020 then you don't

00:28:21.560 know what

00:28:21.960 boundaries to

00:28:22.560 uphold.

00:28:23.740 So for example,

00:28:24.820 a need of mine

00:28:25.500 is to be treated

00:28:26.180 with kindness,

00:28:27.320 love, and

00:28:27.580 respect.

00:28:30.040 If other aspects

00:28:32.360 of the relationship

00:28:33.140 are good, but I'm

00:28:34.260 not being met

00:28:35.120 with kindness,

00:28:35.840 love, and

00:28:36.100 respect, that's

00:28:37.500 a relationship I'm

00:28:38.600 not interested in.

00:28:40.500 Because I know

00:28:41.580 that there's a

00:28:42.180 world that exists

00:28:43.040 where I can have

00:28:43.820 both the needs

00:28:45.900 that are being met

00:28:46.420 in the current

00:28:47.060 relationship and

00:28:48.280 the other needs

00:28:49.220 that I have.

00:28:49.840 So what I would

00:28:52.000 do first and

00:28:52.760 foremost is I

00:28:53.620 would list out

00:28:54.320 the needs that

00:28:54.900 I have.

00:28:57.220 Physical

00:28:57.700 intimacy, the

00:28:59.660 ability to

00:29:00.160 communicate

00:29:00.540 effectively, the

00:29:02.180 ability to

00:29:02.740 express and

00:29:03.440 voice my

00:29:04.120 opinion, even

00:29:04.860 though it might

00:29:05.320 not always be

00:29:06.020 agreed upon, at

00:29:06.760 least it's

00:29:07.140 valued, similar

00:29:09.240 goals and

00:29:09.980 ambitions and

00:29:10.640 desires, somebody

00:29:11.460 who's going to

00:29:11.840 be honest and

00:29:12.560 open and

00:29:13.020 respectful towards

00:29:13.780 me, kindness,

00:29:15.000 like I could

00:29:16.260 go on and

00:29:16.720 on and I

00:29:17.060 know exactly

00:29:17.580 what they

00:29:17.920 are because

00:29:18.260 I've literally

00:29:18.900 listed them

00:29:19.580 out, I have

00:29:20.280 them on my

00:29:20.760 computer written

00:29:22.040 down what

00:29:23.460 exactly they

00:29:24.220 are and then

00:29:26.160 if things aren't

00:29:26.880 being met the

00:29:27.780 way that works

00:29:28.740 for me then I'm

00:29:29.740 willing to have

00:29:30.300 that conversation

00:29:31.100 in a respectful

00:29:31.880 way because I'm

00:29:32.620 not willing to

00:29:33.260 compromise on

00:29:34.000 those things.

00:29:34.940 Some things I

00:29:35.700 will compromise

00:29:36.220 on but that's

00:29:37.160 not where a

00:29:37.560 boundary needs to

00:29:38.100 be created.

00:29:39.640 Yeah.

00:29:40.100 So I don't

00:29:41.420 know if you've

00:29:41.980 done this exercise

00:29:42.640 but if you

00:29:43.140 haven't you need

00:29:44.200 to spend some

00:29:44.900 real time

00:29:45.580 especially where

00:29:46.100 you're not

00:29:46.460 dating because

00:29:47.520 here's what

00:29:47.820 happens, you're

00:29:49.420 going to start

00:29:49.760 dating at some

00:29:50.360 point and if

00:29:52.600 you haven't

00:29:53.100 written this

00:29:53.580 stuff down and

00:29:54.480 you don't know

00:29:54.860 exactly what it

00:29:55.760 is, you're

00:29:57.260 going to overlook

00:29:58.100 red flags because

00:29:59.940 you love her.

00:30:01.400 Guys say that all

00:30:02.020 the time, but I

00:30:02.660 love her as in

00:30:03.780 as if the

00:30:05.780 emotional connection

00:30:07.260 is the only thing

00:30:08.360 that matters.

00:30:09.040 I can love a lot

00:30:10.020 of people and not

00:30:11.800 want to spend much

00:30:12.520 time with them.

00:30:14.200 I can love a lot

00:30:15.820 of people but not

00:30:16.920 want to do the

00:30:18.160 rest of my life

00:30:18.920 with that person.

00:30:20.160 So there has to

00:30:21.100 be alignment

00:30:21.580 between your

00:30:22.380 emotional feeling

00:30:23.280 and the pragmatic

00:30:24.920 side of things

00:30:25.780 which is, yeah,

00:30:26.720 she has needs

00:30:27.240 and so do I.

00:30:28.400 And if I can't

00:30:29.020 meet hers, I'll 0.64

00:30:30.220 voluntarily bow out.

00:30:31.480 If she can't

00:30:32.120 meet mine, then

00:30:33.380 I'll also

00:30:34.440 voluntarily bow out.

00:30:36.440 Yeah.

00:30:36.920 And not that I

00:30:38.100 need to reiterate

00:30:38.840 this but the

00:30:40.820 importance of this

00:30:41.780 is because any

00:30:43.800 any scenario

00:30:45.960 by which you

00:30:46.760 get your needs

00:30:47.540 met through

00:30:48.480 you manipulating

00:30:49.640 comes with

00:30:51.440 animosity

00:30:53.000 and other

00:30:54.280 yucky stuff.

00:30:56.280 Like you want

00:30:58.100 someone to

00:30:59.140 meet those

00:31:00.140 expectations of

00:31:01.120 your needs out

00:31:02.000 of agency and

00:31:02.880 choice, not out

00:31:04.160 of you pandering

00:31:05.240 and trying to do

00:31:06.220 all these little

00:31:06.840 things and skirting

00:31:07.660 around issues to

00:31:09.120 like beg for it.

00:31:10.160 And so be

00:31:13.020 very careful

00:31:13.960 even in an

00:31:15.300 example where

00:31:16.600 you think you

00:31:17.220 can get your

00:31:17.720 needs met by

00:31:19.040 quote unquote

00:31:19.620 keeping the

00:31:20.220 peace, that

00:31:21.400 is not the

00:31:22.320 kind of peace

00:31:22.840 that you want.

00:31:23.820 You want it

00:31:24.640 added to their

00:31:25.260 agency and

00:31:25.900 choice that

00:31:26.360 they're showing

00:31:27.220 up powerfully.

00:31:28.360 Now, you're

00:31:29.620 kind of asking

00:31:30.260 what are

00:31:30.740 resources or

00:31:31.540 recommendations

00:31:32.140 around getting

00:31:33.600 to this.

00:31:34.040 I can't help

00:31:34.720 but look at

00:31:35.220 this chase and

00:31:35.880 say how much

00:31:36.940 of this is

00:31:37.500 about your

00:31:38.300 own self

00:31:38.980 confidence

00:31:39.500 and you

00:31:40.580 seeking

00:31:40.960 validation in

00:31:42.080 an external

00:31:42.560 relationship to

00:31:44.160 prove to

00:31:44.920 yourself that

00:31:45.440 you're valuable

00:31:46.040 and you're

00:31:46.500 worth loving.

00:31:49.140 And that's a

00:31:50.740 projection I know

00:31:51.780 and may not

00:31:52.460 necessarily be

00:31:53.160 true but for

00:31:54.020 those listening

00:31:54.700 I would say

00:31:55.740 this is where

00:31:57.180 you getting

00:31:57.840 your own

00:31:58.660 house in

00:31:59.300 order, you

00:32:00.940 living a life

00:32:01.940 of integrity,

00:32:02.880 you showing

00:32:03.460 up powerfully

00:32:04.380 and being

00:32:05.400 happy on

00:32:07.580 your own

00:32:08.340 and not

00:32:09.720 executing a

00:32:11.040 relationship

00:32:11.540 due to that

00:32:12.300 need of

00:32:12.920 feeling loneliness,

00:32:13.880 you need to

00:32:14.780 address that

00:32:15.440 independently of

00:32:16.660 those relationships

00:32:17.420 so that way

00:32:18.780 any future

00:32:19.580 relationships

00:32:20.040 because you

00:32:20.880 choose it

00:32:21.900 not because

00:32:22.560 you need

00:32:23.040 it.

00:32:25.360 And so

00:32:25.740 just focus

00:32:26.660 I would

00:32:27.240 double down

00:32:28.060 on focusing

00:32:28.560 on yourself

00:32:29.180 and be

00:32:29.860 the kind

00:32:30.940 of man

00:32:31.300 that you're

00:32:31.840 excited about

00:32:33.020 being and

00:32:33.980 feel happy

00:32:34.680 with yourself

00:32:35.300 and feel

00:32:35.660 content

00:32:36.240 and then

00:32:37.780 seek

00:32:39.140 relationships

00:32:39.660 in the

00:32:40.000 future.

00:32:41.960 Yeah, I

00:32:42.500 mean that's

00:32:42.860 well said

00:32:43.280 Kip and

00:32:43.640 this is why

00:32:44.180 we talk about

00:32:45.120 the battle

00:32:45.520 planning because

00:32:46.380 a lot of

00:32:46.640 guys just

00:32:47.000 don't have

00:32:47.340 a plan.

00:32:48.660 This is why

00:32:49.140 programs like

00:32:49.860 75 Hard

00:32:50.720 do so well

00:32:52.040 and what I'm

00:32:53.380 about to say

00:32:53.840 is not a

00:32:54.320 knock on

00:32:54.700 75 Hard.

00:32:55.980 It's a path

00:32:56.660 to run on

00:32:57.080 and at this

00:32:57.440 point Andy

00:32:58.020 Frisilla who's

00:32:58.880 a friend of

00:32:59.260 mine has

00:32:59.560 helped probably

00:33:00.760 tens if not

00:33:01.340 hundreds of

00:33:01.740 thousands of

00:33:02.420 people go

00:33:03.240 through this

00:33:03.520 program.

00:33:04.680 But the

00:33:04.900 reason it's

00:33:05.240 so popular

00:33:05.820 is because

00:33:06.640 people don't

00:33:07.420 have a

00:33:07.700 plan.

00:33:08.800 They don't

00:33:09.200 have their

00:33:09.520 own plan.

00:33:10.900 So they

00:33:11.480 need a plan

00:33:12.040 from somebody

00:33:12.560 else and

00:33:13.220 again that's

00:33:13.580 not to knock

00:33:14.240 75 Hard.

00:33:15.140 If that's

00:33:15.620 what jump

00:33:16.080 starts your

00:33:16.640 self-development

00:33:17.420 journey, by

00:33:18.480 all means do

00:33:20.500 what you need

00:33:20.860 to do.

00:33:21.200 Use programs,

00:33:21.980 use frameworks,

00:33:22.680 use whatever

00:33:23.060 you need to

00:33:23.460 use but man

00:33:24.480 do you have

00:33:25.740 your own

00:33:26.160 plan?

00:33:27.260 That's where

00:33:27.780 this comes

00:33:28.240 into play.

00:33:30.440 We have

00:33:31.360 our version

00:33:32.280 of 75 Hard

00:33:33.240 and mine's

00:33:33.800 different Kip 0.82

00:33:34.360 than yours

00:33:34.960 and yours

00:33:36.180 is different

00:33:36.540 than somebody

00:33:36.960 else in the

00:33:37.380 Iron Council.

00:33:38.000 It's different

00:33:38.520 because it's

00:33:39.100 created for

00:33:40.060 that individual

00:33:40.720 by that

00:33:41.300 individual.

00:33:42.920 So have

00:33:43.640 the plan

00:33:44.040 and I also

00:33:45.000 wrote this

00:33:45.440 down because

00:33:46.040 I thought I

00:33:46.440 liked what

00:33:46.800 you were

00:33:46.980 saying about

00:33:47.380 internal

00:33:47.820 versus external

00:33:48.600 validation is

00:33:52.460 we need to be

00:33:52.980 very cautious

00:33:53.620 in meeting

00:33:55.560 our internal

00:33:56.640 validation

00:33:57.520 things using

00:33:59.300 external resources

00:34:00.580 because I

00:34:03.080 actually do

00:34:03.880 believe there

00:34:04.520 are some

00:34:05.020 external factors

00:34:06.320 that meet

00:34:07.740 our needs

00:34:08.220 like physical

00:34:09.900 for example

00:34:10.600 it requires

00:34:12.700 a partner

00:34:13.180 you know

00:34:14.240 so that's

00:34:15.880 an appropriate

00:34:16.760 use of

00:34:17.420 external

00:34:18.200 factors

00:34:19.320 to meet

00:34:20.380 individual

00:34:21.680 needs

00:34:22.260 but there's

00:34:24.200 other things

00:34:25.000 like love

00:34:26.500 a sense

00:34:28.300 of worth

00:34:28.980 a sense

00:34:30.860 of pride

00:34:31.620 and confidence

00:34:32.760 if that

00:34:33.620 comes from

00:34:34.340 a woman 0.57

00:34:34.740 or anybody

00:34:35.660 else

00:34:36.160 that's an

00:34:37.920 inferior

00:34:38.440 that's inferior

00:34:40.120 to the way

00:34:41.740 that you should

00:34:42.500 feel about

00:34:42.960 yourself

00:34:43.360 now don't

00:34:44.040 get me wrong

00:34:44.640 I think all

00:34:46.020 of us ought

00:34:46.480 to be with

00:34:46.860 partners that

00:34:47.480 are willing

00:34:47.840 to lift

00:34:48.520 us up

00:34:48.920 and edify

00:34:49.380 us

00:34:49.820 like when

00:34:50.380 my girlfriend

00:34:51.620 says I

00:34:52.240 love you

00:34:52.760 or thank

00:34:53.900 you

00:34:54.140 or I

00:34:54.420 appreciate

00:34:54.900 you

00:34:55.360 that feels

00:34:56.440 good

00:34:56.740 it's not

00:34:57.100 necessarily

00:34:57.540 a need

00:34:58.060 but it

00:34:58.420 supports

00:34:59.020 what I

00:34:59.560 believe

00:34:59.860 about

00:35:00.140 myself

00:35:00.560 or at

00:35:00.920 least

00:35:01.060 what I'm

00:35:01.400 working to

00:35:01.920 believe

00:35:02.140 about

00:35:02.380 myself

00:35:02.940 and so

00:35:05.120 I think

00:35:05.400 it's really

00:35:05.800 important

00:35:06.400 also that

00:35:06.920 we look

00:35:07.480 at our

00:35:07.700 own little

00:35:08.100 insecurities

00:35:08.620 I'll give

00:35:08.940 you an 0.64

00:35:09.080 example

00:35:09.420 so this

00:35:10.600 weekend

00:35:10.960 and I

00:35:11.420 don't think

00:35:11.920 she minds

00:35:12.280 me sharing

00:35:12.660 this but

00:35:13.100 this weekend

00:35:14.140 we got

00:35:14.600 into

00:35:15.040 yeah

00:35:16.260 because I'm

00:35:17.000 going to

00:35:17.140 share it

00:35:17.600 anyway

00:35:17.800 so

00:35:18.200 it might

00:35:19.320 create more

00:35:19.700 problems

00:35:20.100 but we'll

00:35:20.480 see

00:35:20.700 no we

00:35:21.380 got into

00:35:21.760 a little

00:35:22.080 minor

00:35:22.520 I wouldn't

00:35:23.180 even say

00:35:23.620 disagreement

00:35:24.260 but we

00:35:25.100 just got

00:35:25.440 into it

00:35:26.520 a little

00:35:26.820 bit

00:35:27.060 not a big

00:35:27.820 deal

00:35:27.960 just a little

00:35:28.560 bit

00:35:28.800 and

00:35:30.320 we ended

00:35:31.640 the conversation

00:35:32.360 amicably

00:35:32.920 again it was

00:35:33.880 small

00:35:34.140 and then I

00:35:35.620 messaged her

00:35:36.140 back because I

00:35:36.740 was feeling a way

00:35:37.760 about it I'm like no I

00:35:38.600 need to share this is how I

00:35:39.700 feel so I messaged her

00:35:40.520 back and she messaged me

00:35:41.480 back and then I hopped on a

00:35:42.360 phone call with her and we

00:35:43.640 kind of worked through it there

00:35:44.400 was some real just

00:35:45.260 misunderstandings that's all

00:35:46.480 just some basic

00:35:47.360 misunderstandings

00:35:48.220 and we talked about

00:35:51.260 some things and one of the

00:35:52.600 insecurities that came up

00:35:54.160 for me

00:35:54.620 was I was

00:35:57.260 I can jump to worst case

00:35:59.600 scenario really really

00:36:00.860 quickly and she said oh I'm

00:36:02.720 glad we talked about it but

00:36:04.380 this doesn't seem like a big

00:36:05.740 deal to me that's what she

00:36:06.660 said

00:36:06.960 and in looking at it or

00:36:08.980 along those lines but

00:36:10.100 looking at it I was like yeah

00:36:11.560 it's not actually a big deal

00:36:14.120 but I

00:36:14.500 catastrophized it in my mind

00:36:16.640 yeah

00:36:17.500 and I blew it out of

00:36:18.800 proportion

00:36:19.220 and that's an insecurity that

00:36:22.040 was highlighted that I

00:36:23.740 clearly

00:36:24.600 need to do some work on it

00:36:26.360 what am I threatened by what

00:36:27.440 am I so afraid of

00:36:28.500 where is the lack of trust

00:36:30.500 where is that stemming from

00:36:32.500 I don't know the answer

00:36:33.540 but I just want to share

00:36:35.240 that because

00:36:36.000 we all have insecurities

00:36:38.380 it's not a question of if

00:36:39.580 you'll have them

00:36:40.280 it's really a question of if

00:36:41.740 you'll recognize them

00:36:42.620 and if you're willing to deal

00:36:44.340 with them

00:36:44.680 yeah

00:36:45.640 totally

00:36:47.540 because most people don't

00:36:49.060 deal with them

00:36:49.460 they just sit with them

00:36:50.580 no

00:36:50.700 and I have it in the past

00:36:51.820 and then it just gets worse

00:36:52.800 right

00:36:53.400 those insecurities

00:36:54.160 and then what ends up

00:36:55.400 happening and this happens

00:36:56.280 a lot in relationships

00:36:57.220 guys will blow things

00:36:59.480 out of proportion

00:37:00.160 actually I've seen this

00:37:02.700 men who are so insecure

00:37:04.980 that anytime their woman 0.64

00:37:06.720 talks with another man

00:37:07.740 maybe it's a co-worker

00:37:08.660 or a boss

00:37:09.380 or a client

00:37:09.960 or even a family member

00:37:12.060 or a friend

00:37:13.100 they think their woman

00:37:15.960 is cheating on them

00:37:16.820 yeah

00:37:17.940 and that she's like

00:37:18.900 gonna leave

00:37:19.580 and find somebody

00:37:20.520 who's like better than them

00:37:21.900 and then he starts

00:37:23.540 planting seeds

00:37:24.580 of discontent

00:37:25.360 in the relationship

00:37:26.140 that don't need

00:37:28.520 to exist

00:37:29.200 and then eventually

00:37:30.860 she's like

00:37:31.480 you know what

00:37:32.240 actually

00:37:33.400 yeah

00:37:34.400 I think I am

00:37:35.660 gonna be out

00:37:36.420 because I can find

00:37:37.720 somebody else

00:37:38.360 who doesn't have

00:37:39.080 all these insecurities

00:37:39.980 isn't worried about

00:37:40.820 me cheating

00:37:41.320 isn't worried about

00:37:42.120 what I'm doing

00:37:42.940 every minute of every day

00:37:44.040 and I think I'm

00:37:45.780 yeah ready to find

00:37:46.540 somebody else

00:37:47.040 and then you say

00:37:47.840 see

00:37:48.260 knew it

00:37:49.720 I knew it

00:37:50.680 yeah

00:37:51.120 no

00:37:51.640 you did it

00:37:52.880 and you're blaming it

00:37:54.460 on her

00:37:55.000 yeah

00:37:55.800 almost creates

00:37:56.640 a self-fulfilling prophecy

00:37:58.080 absolutely

00:37:59.120 yeah

00:37:59.600 yeah

00:38:00.360 yeah

00:38:00.820 all right

00:38:01.840 Jarrett

00:38:02.360 Silverback

00:38:03.540 Storl

00:38:04.600 the word arrogant

00:38:06.480 seems to be used

00:38:07.540 by people less driven

00:38:08.960 than us here in the IC

00:38:10.320 yeah

00:38:11.400 how does that

00:38:12.940 is that an arrogant statement

00:38:13.540 that's just

00:38:14.040 kind of ironic

00:38:16.000 a little bit

00:38:16.480 I don't know

00:38:16.880 making it real

00:38:17.380 yeah

00:38:17.800 how does that

00:38:19.000 even make sense

00:38:20.460 we are building

00:38:21.460 ourselves better

00:38:22.340 and they call us

00:38:23.380 arrogant

00:38:23.900 yeah 0.99

00:38:25.460 first of all

00:38:26.060 it doesn't matter

00:38:26.740 right

00:38:27.320 if you're doing the work

00:38:28.220 for the right reasons

00:38:29.020 it really doesn't matter

00:38:30.000 but let's talk about

00:38:31.640 why they do that

00:38:32.460 because I think you're right

00:38:33.400 yep

00:38:34.260 there's a lot of men

00:38:36.260 and women

00:38:36.800 who are threatened

00:38:37.560 by assertive people

00:38:38.840 yep

00:38:39.960 because they're timid

00:38:41.200 and they're passive

00:38:41.860 and they're weak

00:38:42.480 and then they look at

00:38:43.560 passion

00:38:44.220 or enthusiasm

00:38:45.220 or confidence

00:38:46.480 as false bravado

00:38:48.900 pride

00:38:50.000 arrogance

00:38:50.800 when in reality

00:38:52.060 it's just that

00:38:53.360 you're sure of themselves

00:38:54.320 so it's actually

00:38:55.180 not an indictment

00:38:56.120 against you

00:38:56.740 it's an indictment

00:38:58.140 against their own

00:38:59.060 lack of self-confidence

00:39:00.800 yep

00:39:01.860 so that's reason number one

00:39:03.260 reason number two

00:39:04.980 is because

00:39:06.100 if they can tear you down

00:39:07.980 they're not required

00:39:09.640 to lift themselves up

00:39:10.820 yeah

00:39:11.540 you make them look bad

00:39:13.660 and feel bad

00:39:14.740 about themselves

00:39:15.880 yes

00:39:17.080 and so they're not

00:39:18.460 gonna say 1.00

00:39:19.060 oh I'm a piece of shit 1.00

00:39:20.360 they're gonna say 1.00

00:39:21.040 you're a piece of shit 1.00

00:39:22.280 and you shouldn't 1.00

00:39:24.440 be like that

00:39:25.240 you should be more

00:39:26.320 like me

00:39:26.920 and they cloak it 1.00

00:39:29.060 under you're arrogant 0.99

00:39:30.040 you're prideful 0.99

00:39:31.000 you're this

00:39:31.460 you're that

00:39:31.740 now don't get me wrong

00:39:32.720 there are people

00:39:33.580 who are successful

00:39:34.740 who are very proud 0.67

00:39:36.180 and very arrogant 0.95

00:39:37.700 and you know 0.97

00:39:39.800 you know what that is

00:39:41.100 and I'll tell you

00:39:41.540 what it is

00:39:42.060 the difference

00:39:43.620 I think anyways

00:39:45.400 is people who are confident

00:39:48.020 self-confident

00:39:49.340 they will always

00:39:51.360 lift other people up

00:39:53.080 and they have

00:39:53.600 a heart of service

00:39:54.660 people who are prideful

00:39:58.500 and egotistical 1.00

00:39:59.460 and arrogant 0.96

00:40:00.060 will always step on people

00:40:02.940 in order to lift

00:40:04.220 themselves up

00:40:05.300 yeah

00:40:06.080 they see others

00:40:07.080 this is objects

00:40:07.820 yes

00:40:09.180 yes

00:40:10.100 if you see two leaders

00:40:11.320 both successful

00:40:12.660 maybe it's financially

00:40:13.720 they're both successful

00:40:15.300 and one

00:40:17.000 is

00:40:18.000 serving

00:40:18.820 and edifying

00:40:19.760 and uplifting

00:40:20.220 other people

00:40:20.860 that's the humble one

00:40:22.620 and the other one

00:40:23.860 who's pushing people down

00:40:24.940 mocking people

00:40:25.620 making other people 1.00

00:40:26.400 feel stupid 1.00

00:40:27.080 that's the arrogant one 1.00

00:40:29.000 and so you can have 0.59

00:40:30.300 success with both

00:40:31.400 I just believe

00:40:32.740 that the way

00:40:33.900 that we do things

00:40:35.100 matters

00:40:36.100 matters more

00:40:37.020 than the results

00:40:38.480 that we experience

00:40:39.400 so I love

00:40:41.380 Jared's question

00:40:42.000 because last week

00:40:43.120 I had a phone call

00:40:44.240 and this by the way

00:40:45.160 this is one of the benefits

00:40:46.080 of the iron council

00:40:46.940 Doug reached out to me

00:40:49.340 in the IC

00:40:49.800 said hey Kip

00:40:50.620 do you have 30 minutes

00:40:52.640 scheduled a call

00:40:54.200 and we had a chat

00:40:55.400 and hopefully he doesn't

00:40:56.060 mind me sharing

00:40:56.820 a little bit

00:40:57.540 well it's Doug

00:40:58.380 we'll find out

00:40:58.960 we'll find out

00:40:59.680 there's no last name

00:41:00.320 there's no last name

00:41:01.060 isn't that what you said

00:41:01.920 about me

00:41:02.240 I'm going to figure out

00:41:04.420 who it is

00:41:04.780 I'm going to tell them

00:41:05.440 but it was a similar question

00:41:07.580 hey how do you deal

00:41:08.980 with people

00:41:09.540 that see you

00:41:10.140 as being overly arrogant

00:41:11.940 because you're getting

00:41:13.200 after it

00:41:13.680 and we had the same

00:41:14.600 exact conversation

00:41:15.400 it's because

00:41:16.500 you might be exposing them

00:41:18.640 right

00:41:19.300 making them feel bad

00:41:20.420 about where they are

00:41:21.360 what I like

00:41:23.280 about our conversation

00:41:23.940 though

00:41:25.240 is we moved on

00:41:26.260 from it

00:41:26.680 like well

00:41:27.280 what do you do

00:41:28.020 with it

00:41:28.500 because it's also

00:41:29.700 not beneficial

00:41:30.300 for us to go

00:41:31.240 it's just them

00:41:32.500 because they're not

00:41:33.860 as amazing as you are

00:41:35.080 and we just move on

00:41:36.240 it's like okay

00:41:37.260 well I have people

00:41:38.320 that think I'm arrogant

00:41:39.100 and by the way

00:41:39.600 I've gotten this criticism

00:41:41.280 years ago

00:41:42.580 almost about

00:41:43.980 exactly two years ago

00:41:44.980 from leaders

00:41:45.620 of Kip's too arrogant

00:41:47.620 and I know it's not true

00:41:51.400 I'm like what

00:41:52.300 that's not my heart

00:41:55.320 so what do I do

00:41:57.060 with it

00:41:57.440 I bring them along

00:41:59.980 and so

00:42:02.460 those in your life

00:42:03.800 that might be

00:42:04.600 perceiving you

00:42:05.200 as arrogant 0.97

00:42:05.820 enlist them

00:42:07.500 coach them

00:42:09.580 and establish

00:42:11.240 a stronger relationship

00:42:12.320 with them

00:42:12.900 because most arrogance

00:42:14.320 and judgments of arrogance

00:42:15.440 is because I don't know

00:42:16.700 you well enough Ryan

00:42:17.640 you're this untouchable 0.99

00:42:19.740 arrogant person 0.99

00:42:20.620 but the minute 0.99

00:42:21.500 that you and I

00:42:22.200 have a relationship

00:42:23.080 and you're in a position

00:42:24.040 of influence

00:42:24.760 now your arrogance

00:42:26.020 isn't arrogance

00:42:26.780 your arrogance

00:42:28.060 is inspiration

00:42:28.880 because I know

00:42:30.380 you care about me

00:42:31.100 as an individual

00:42:31.780 and now

00:42:33.600 you're in a position

00:42:35.160 to bring me with you

00:42:36.380 and now you can

00:42:38.100 coach me

00:42:38.820 and inspire me

00:42:39.740 and motivate me

00:42:40.600 not just

00:42:41.360 you know

00:42:42.140 be this figurehead

00:42:43.120 and so if

00:42:44.280 if some of this arrogance

00:42:45.480 and I know

00:42:45.920 Jared's question

00:42:46.520 is like more

00:42:47.300 like social

00:42:48.320 broad

00:42:49.160 scenario

00:42:50.120 but if you're in a position

00:42:51.260 of leadership

00:42:51.860 and you're getting this

00:42:52.940 a little bit

00:42:53.360 like you might be

00:42:54.500 perceived as someone

00:42:55.420 that's arrogant

00:42:56.040 I use that

00:42:57.760 as a red flag

00:42:58.520 of you need

00:42:59.540 to establish

00:43:00.020 relationships

00:43:00.800 better

00:43:01.100 make sure

00:43:03.260 that you're in a position

00:43:04.080 of influence

00:43:04.640 with those

00:43:05.120 that you're leading

00:43:05.780 and that will

00:43:07.000 kill the arrogance

00:43:08.500 because they will know you 1.00

00:43:09.560 and they'll know

00:43:10.620 that you actually care

00:43:11.520 and that you're just

00:43:12.940 passionate about

00:43:13.760 what you're doing

00:43:14.400 and then focus

00:43:16.020 on coaching

00:43:16.560 and inspiring them

00:43:17.900 Kip this is why

00:43:20.620 I love these conversations

00:43:21.720 because we

00:43:22.620 we see things differently

00:43:24.460 the way to arrive

00:43:25.920 to a conclusion

00:43:26.760 I think a lot of the times

00:43:27.640 we see it differently

00:43:28.360 you're way more

00:43:29.660 thoughtful

00:43:30.680 and empathetic

00:43:31.500 about those things

00:43:32.400 than I am

00:43:32.920 but we seem

00:43:34.520 to always arrive

00:43:35.420 at similar conclusions

00:43:36.380 and I wrote this down

00:43:38.640 before you even started

00:43:40.240 saying that

00:43:40.660 I wrote

00:43:41.000 you serve them

00:43:41.780 yeah

00:43:42.860 if you're obligated to

00:43:44.840 right

00:43:45.080 like there's some people

00:43:46.080 like online

00:43:46.660 for example

00:43:47.360 yeah right

00:43:48.260 like online

00:43:48.980 for example

00:43:49.580 you know

00:43:50.120 people are gonna make

00:43:51.100 all sorts of accusations

00:43:52.060 and call me names

00:43:52.800 and everything else

00:43:53.300 I'm not obligated

00:43:54.180 to like go out of my way

00:43:55.080 and bend over backwards

00:43:55.900 to serve them

00:43:56.580 but if I'm in a position

00:43:58.120 of leadership at work

00:43:59.240 I can't ignore them

00:44:01.800 like they're part of the team

00:44:04.100 I need to get them involved

00:44:05.320 so you serve them

00:44:06.760 a good example of this

00:44:08.060 I think I've shared it before

00:44:09.120 is

00:44:09.440 I think I told you about

00:44:11.640 Benjamin Franklin's theory

00:44:13.860 with borrowed books

00:44:14.900 did I talk with you about that?

00:44:16.720 no

00:44:16.900 but I'm intrigued

00:44:17.820 so

00:44:18.140 yeah

00:44:18.940 so Benjamin Franklin

00:44:20.180 he acknowledged

00:44:21.140 and recognized

00:44:21.740 that there were people

00:44:22.820 that obviously

00:44:23.500 didn't like him

00:44:24.400 and when he ran across

00:44:26.340 somebody that he did

00:44:27.360 that did not like him

00:44:28.860 he would do something

00:44:29.860 very fascinating

00:44:30.880 you would think

00:44:32.160 he like would go

00:44:33.000 I don't know

00:44:34.400 go get them a job

00:44:36.020 or go

00:44:36.980 give them something

00:44:38.360 no he did something else

00:44:39.440 and this

00:44:40.000 this goes to your point

00:44:41.000 he would ask

00:44:42.400 to borrow a book

00:44:43.060 from them

00:44:43.400 and so he would say

00:44:46.620 can I borrow

00:44:47.080 I know you have a copy

00:44:48.120 of X, Y, and Z

00:44:48.840 can I borrow the book

00:44:49.720 and the people

00:44:50.680 begrudgingly maybe even

00:44:51.860 would say

00:44:52.360 sure I guess

00:44:54.160 and he'd borrow the book

00:44:55.540 and then he would return it

00:44:57.220 in a prompt time

00:44:58.220 and then he would tell them

00:45:00.040 what he learned from the book

00:45:01.240 and be very gracious

00:45:02.180 about their

00:45:03.100 lending him the book

00:45:04.900 and he found that

00:45:06.640 when he did that

00:45:07.940 people's

00:45:08.860 the level to which

00:45:11.760 people liked him

00:45:12.460 increased exponentially

00:45:14.000 totally

00:45:15.020 and part of that

00:45:16.520 is for two reasons

00:45:17.300 he served them

00:45:18.900 and I'll get to that

00:45:20.960 one in a minute

00:45:21.400 but he allowed them

00:45:23.180 to serve somebody else

00:45:24.920 so that's how

00:45:26.340 Ben Franklin

00:45:26.980 served that person

00:45:28.120 is he gave

00:45:29.060 another person

00:45:29.860 an opportunity

00:45:30.420 to be valuable

00:45:31.180 it's the same reason

00:45:34.220 why you should

00:45:34.800 never

00:45:35.440 ever

00:45:36.120 ever

00:45:37.140 turn down

00:45:38.540 or dismiss

00:45:39.340 a compliment

00:45:39.920 or

00:45:41.860 a genuine show

00:45:43.320 of gratitude

00:45:44.120 or sincerity

00:45:44.780 because you're

00:45:47.060 robbing somebody

00:45:48.740 of an opportunity

00:45:49.540 to serve

00:45:50.420 and be valuable

00:45:51.240 in your life

00:45:51.840 so when somebody

00:45:52.880 compliments you

00:45:53.540 instead of saying

00:45:54.220 oh no

00:45:54.740 thank you

00:45:56.620 for acknowledging that

00:45:57.640 I've struggled

00:45:58.800 with that

00:45:59.360 but I'm

00:46:00.420 that means a lot

00:46:01.560 to me

00:46:01.820 that you would

00:46:02.180 acknowledge

00:46:02.460 and recognize

00:46:02.980 that in me

00:46:03.520 you don't even

00:46:05.740 need to

00:46:06.140 take it on

00:46:07.220 as your own

00:46:07.620 you just

00:46:08.020 thank them

00:46:08.720 for what

00:46:09.040 they're giving

00:46:09.420 you

00:46:09.640 you look

00:46:10.920 and this

00:46:11.320 goes to your 0.84

00:46:11.720 point earlier

00:46:12.180 about working

00:46:12.880 with your team

00:46:13.420 always look

00:46:15.000 for ways

00:46:15.860 to serve

00:46:16.440 other people

00:46:17.080 and opportunities

00:46:18.380 for them

00:46:19.080 to serve

00:46:19.700 and the

00:46:21.640 likability factor

00:46:22.560 just goes

00:46:23.080 through the roof

00:46:23.700 that's so good

00:46:25.820 I read

00:46:26.860 I don't know

00:46:28.540 where I got this

00:46:29.300 but I read

00:46:31.240 a study around

00:46:32.080 in psychology

00:46:33.300 where whenever

00:46:34.540 you serve

00:46:35.340 someone

00:46:36.100 by default

00:46:37.660 it generates

00:46:39.920 a sense

00:46:40.760 of caring

00:46:41.160 for them

00:46:41.580 always

00:46:42.480 of course

00:46:43.400 that's just

00:46:43.800 what happens

00:46:44.420 and that's

00:46:45.880 what Ben Franklin

00:46:46.500 he more or less

00:46:48.080 got them

00:46:48.740 to like him

00:46:49.540 by having them

00:46:50.580 help him

00:46:51.460 serve

00:46:52.040 serve him

00:46:52.840 yeah

00:46:53.380 yeah

00:46:53.640 I love that

00:46:55.140 this is kind of

00:46:55.780 a personal story

00:46:56.720 and again

00:46:57.500 I hope it's okay

00:46:58.240 to share

00:46:58.680 but

00:46:59.080 it's a story

00:47:01.300 about my mom

00:47:01.980 so years ago

00:47:03.980 in the final years

00:47:05.500 of my grandmother's life

00:47:07.080 her mom

00:47:07.560 they had a strained

00:47:09.220 relationship

00:47:09.760 when she was young

00:47:10.780 and there's a lot

00:47:11.940 of reasons for that

00:47:12.620 but it was strained

00:47:13.640 and my mom

00:47:15.300 made the decision

00:47:16.020 that she was

00:47:17.260 going to go

00:47:17.700 serve

00:47:18.380 her mom

00:47:19.360 my grandmother

00:47:20.240 in the last years

00:47:21.700 of her life

00:47:22.220 and she did this

00:47:23.760 with her father

00:47:24.260 as well

00:47:24.600 and she had a much

00:47:25.180 closer relationship

00:47:25.960 with her father

00:47:26.500 but I cannot

00:47:28.780 even express

00:47:29.600 to you

00:47:30.220 the level

00:47:30.860 of healing

00:47:31.500 that I saw

00:47:32.560 in my mom

00:47:33.420 because she served

00:47:36.060 knowing that she

00:47:36.820 was not going

00:47:37.560 to get anything

00:47:38.240 in return

00:47:38.740 I'm just going

00:47:40.760 to serve

00:47:41.300 I'm going

00:47:41.800 to help

00:47:42.140 I'm going

00:47:42.500 to move

00:47:43.080 closer to her

00:47:44.000 and I'm going

00:47:45.280 to serve her

00:47:45.800 into the transition

00:47:46.700 from this life

00:47:47.360 to the next

00:47:47.860 and the amount

00:47:49.220 of healing

00:47:49.620 I saw

00:47:50.100 in my mom

00:47:50.620 was amazing

00:47:52.260 all because

00:47:53.460 of what you

00:47:53.860 just said

00:47:54.220 Kip

00:47:54.480 when we serve

00:47:56.460 other people

00:47:57.040 we learn

00:47:57.500 to care

00:47:57.860 about them

00:47:58.320 we actually

00:47:58.920 see the humanity

00:47:59.960 in them

00:48:00.440 and we're much

00:48:01.320 more gracious

00:48:01.960 and empathetic

00:48:02.820 towards maybe

00:48:04.120 even past

00:48:04.860 hard situations

00:48:05.880 it's really

00:48:06.640 really powerful

00:48:07.260 yeah

00:48:08.300 yeah consider

00:48:09.540 that for any

00:48:10.300 strained relationship

00:48:11.080 that you have

00:48:11.820 it's like

00:48:12.260 oh yeah

00:48:12.600 the answer is

00:48:13.560 go serve them

00:48:14.480 serve them

00:48:14.980 yeah

00:48:15.600 which is awesome

00:48:17.080 hey can I just

00:48:17.720 can I take a break

00:48:18.620 from conversations

00:48:19.340 real quick

00:48:19.820 because we've

00:48:20.180 talked a little bit

00:48:20.740 about the iron council

00:48:21.700 and what you

00:48:24.160 might not know

00:48:24.600 I don't even

00:48:24.960 think we said

00:48:25.460 is it's open

00:48:26.080 for enrollment

00:48:26.620 right now

00:48:27.260 we only open

00:48:28.280 up four times

00:48:29.080 a year

00:48:29.340 and this will

00:48:29.680 be the last

00:48:30.180 open period

00:48:31.260 before the end

00:48:32.120 of the year

00:48:32.540 so I had a

00:48:34.680 bunch of guys

00:48:35.160 in the iron council

00:48:35.940 explain to me

00:48:36.840 what they think

00:48:37.620 the iron council

00:48:38.260 is

00:48:38.600 because it's

00:48:40.660 easy for me

00:48:41.880 to say it's

00:48:42.520 this this this

00:48:43.100 and this

00:48:43.480 and of course

00:48:44.540 I'm biased

00:48:45.060 and so that

00:48:45.660 doesn't even

00:48:46.040 have as much

00:48:46.520 weight and

00:48:46.880 credibility

00:48:47.240 as what a few

00:48:48.440 of these guys

00:48:48.860 say and I've

00:48:49.360 got I've got

00:48:50.520 dozens and dozens

00:48:51.460 of examples

00:48:53.520 but I'm just

00:48:53.980 going to read

00:48:54.300 two real quick

00:48:54.980 so this one

00:48:56.520 comes from

00:48:57.040 Josh Wellman

00:48:57.780 Josh is a

00:48:58.500 marketing consultant

00:48:59.220 he says this

00:48:59.920 the iron council

00:49:01.120 is a self-mastery

00:49:02.400 think tank

00:49:03.060 built on

00:49:03.840 servant leadership

00:49:04.640 it's the blueprint

00:49:06.460 for any man

00:49:07.340 from any background

00:49:08.240 to supercharge

00:49:09.060 your growth

00:49:09.560 sharpen your skills

00:49:11.220 step up to serve

00:49:12.600 and lean on a network

00:49:13.820 of men

00:49:14.420 who have your back

00:49:15.760 it will put

00:49:16.500 more on your plate

00:49:17.380 but through

00:49:18.180 relentless action

00:49:18.980 you'll make

00:49:19.880 your plate bigger

00:49:20.540 I like that one

00:49:21.340 yeah I love that too

00:49:22.920 and then the other

00:49:23.780 one this is from

00:49:24.680 Anthony Heck

00:49:25.400 he's a navy chief

00:49:26.220 he says the iron

00:49:27.040 council is a place

00:49:27.920 where you cannot

00:49:28.460 have the answers

00:49:29.460 as long as you're

00:49:30.680 working for them

00:49:31.720 it's a place

00:49:32.820 where men will

00:49:33.420 invest in you

00:49:34.200 and your future

00:49:35.040 and you will

00:49:36.040 invest in them

00:49:36.680 in return

00:49:37.120 it's a place

00:49:37.700 where if you're

00:49:38.180 struggling to make

00:49:38.860 sense of your

00:49:39.440 life and purpose

00:49:40.300 you can find

00:49:41.360 your way with

00:49:41.840 mentorship of men

00:49:42.980 that have found

00:49:43.920 theirs

00:49:44.260 it doesn't have

00:49:45.420 all the answers

00:49:46.260 you will still

00:49:47.760 need to earn

00:49:48.540 and find some

00:49:49.520 for yourself

00:49:50.180 which makes them

00:49:51.400 infinitely more

00:49:52.220 valuable when you do

00:49:53.240 those are a couple

00:49:54.660 and I've got more

00:49:55.440 and I'll be talking

00:49:56.100 about more

00:49:56.560 throughout the coming

00:49:57.100 weeks

00:49:57.380 but those are two

00:49:58.640 that really stood

00:49:59.300 out to me

00:49:59.700 from Josh

00:50:00.220 and Anthony

00:50:00.660 and I appreciate

00:50:01.200 both those guys

00:50:01.940 and what they do

00:50:02.620 inside the iron council

00:50:03.420 yeah

00:50:03.920 and to sign up

00:50:05.100 gentlemen

00:50:05.820 that's

00:50:06.280 orderofman.com

00:50:08.100 slash iron council

00:50:09.260 to sign up

00:50:10.700 with us

00:50:11.060 this quarter

00:50:11.620 or to learn more

00:50:12.820 yep

00:50:14.020 all right

00:50:15.140 next question

00:50:15.660 all right

00:50:15.940 Brian Boyd

00:50:17.360 I have control

00:50:19.060 and responsibilities

00:50:20.140 of a specific area

00:50:21.560 within my department

00:50:22.500 this is a great

00:50:23.600 question by the way

00:50:24.440 I plan

00:50:25.560 execute

00:50:26.180 and do the job

00:50:27.060 for each location

00:50:28.040 however

00:50:28.580 I'm not invited

00:50:29.660 to participate

00:50:30.540 when these areas

00:50:31.520 are addressed

00:50:32.180 in other meetings

00:50:33.060 I have asked

00:50:34.240 one of the bosses

00:50:35.040 why I was not

00:50:36.020 invited to these meetings

00:50:37.120 since they are

00:50:38.180 part of my wheelhouse

00:50:39.380 I was told

00:50:40.820 I am just a supervisor

00:50:42.540 and not a manager

00:50:43.840 and I didn't need

00:50:45.200 to attend

00:50:45.820 this scenario

00:50:47.140 has happened

00:50:47.700 numerous times

00:50:48.500 and I've kept

00:50:49.100 my mouth shut

00:50:49.940 because good leaders

00:50:51.400 should not have

00:50:52.120 to beg for recognition

00:50:53.340 well it happened

00:50:55.000 again last week

00:50:55.980 and I said something

00:50:57.200 I told my boss 0.99

00:50:58.180 this is bullshit 1.00

00:50:59.000 and it isn't right 1.00

00:51:00.460 I'm tasked

00:51:02.140 with these areas

00:51:02.900 of responsibility

00:51:03.800 but I'm

00:51:04.580 but I'm purposely

00:51:06.100 left out of meetings

00:51:07.120 that I should be part of

00:51:08.300 the boss told me

00:51:09.680 not to take it personal

00:51:10.720 I've been here

00:51:11.420 for 20 years

00:51:12.340 I do take it personal

00:51:13.560 I've never had

00:51:15.140 a bad mid-year

00:51:16.600 or annual review

00:51:17.540 they give me new

00:51:18.460 and different responsibilities

00:51:19.620 and then I pass things

00:51:20.840 on to other folks

00:51:22.120 maybe I'm missing

00:51:23.460 something that I cannot see

00:51:25.140 am I being too proud

00:51:26.920 or do I have

00:51:27.760 a legitimate beef

00:51:29.200 with being left out

00:51:30.440 I mean who's to say

00:51:33.240 it's legitimate

00:51:33.800 if I was in your shoes

00:51:35.260 I would feel slighted too

00:51:36.600 all right

00:51:37.360 I would

00:51:38.680 I think all of us would

00:51:39.780 we'd feel slighted

00:51:41.160 but I wrote this down

00:51:43.180 why is it important

00:51:45.920 to you

00:51:46.300 and that's a question

00:51:49.180 I have to ask myself

00:51:49.980 when I feel slighted

00:51:50.740 and there is an instance

00:51:51.780 I can think of today

00:51:53.000 that I had

00:51:54.200 where I felt slighted

00:51:55.120 yeah

00:51:56.140 and I have to ask myself

00:51:58.820 why do I feel that way

00:52:00.960 and why do I need

00:52:02.520 whatever it is

00:52:03.560 I'm trying to get

00:52:04.760 why do you

00:52:06.620 so I'm not

00:52:07.340 when I ask these questions

00:52:08.540 these are not rhetorical questions

00:52:10.120 and I'm asking them

00:52:11.080 genuinely and honestly

00:52:12.320 in sincerity

00:52:12.980 I'm not pointing at you

00:52:15.160 when I say this

00:52:15.780 I'm saying

00:52:16.540 ask yourself

00:52:17.840 why do I need this

00:52:20.480 what do I gain from this

00:52:23.340 why is this so important to me

00:52:25.380 because if you know the answer

00:52:27.240 then maybe you can think

00:52:28.240 to yourself

00:52:28.760 or find out

00:52:29.340 that maybe it's not

00:52:30.100 that important to me

00:52:31.060 or maybe the reason I need it

00:52:34.460 is because of this

00:52:35.200 and maybe there's another way

00:52:36.060 to get that

00:52:37.100 in a different way

00:52:38.460 I'm also reminded

00:52:40.340 of Don Miguel Ruiz

00:52:42.880 the four agreements

00:52:43.800 never take anything personal

00:52:44.960 you know you're taking

00:52:45.900 this personal

00:52:46.480 and you even said

00:52:48.000 they're deliberately

00:52:49.260 leaving me out of meetings

00:52:50.500 yeah

00:52:51.480 maybe they're deliberately

00:52:52.500 but are they doing it maliciously

00:52:54.500 I don't think

00:52:55.260 they're doing it maliciously

00:52:56.300 yeah

00:52:57.160 I think that probably

00:52:58.280 if I'm in their shoes

00:52:59.840 probably it comes down

00:53:02.140 to just an efficiency

00:53:03.220 of meetings

00:53:03.840 it's probably what

00:53:05.200 it comes down to

00:53:05.760 like we don't need

00:53:07.400 every person involved

00:53:08.260 we need the managers

00:53:08.920 to explain

00:53:09.580 and then we can get

00:53:11.100 out of this meeting

00:53:11.500 faster and be more efficient

00:53:12.520 so it's probably

00:53:13.460 just an efficiency discussion

00:53:15.020 but you're making it

00:53:17.100 I'm gonna steal

00:53:17.580 from your playbook

00:53:18.320 you're making it

00:53:19.760 mean something

00:53:20.680 that you don't

00:53:21.440 even know it means

00:53:22.520 yeah

00:53:23.700 and then the last point

00:53:25.560 that I'll make here

00:53:26.100 because I do want to hear

00:53:26.740 what you have to say

00:53:27.260 on this Kip

00:53:27.660 is

00:53:28.900 maybe

00:53:30.720 instead of

00:53:31.820 being upset

00:53:32.900 that you're not

00:53:33.720 being invited

00:53:34.240 to a meeting

00:53:34.680 you think

00:53:35.060 you should be

00:53:35.420 invited to

00:53:36.080 maybe there's a way

00:53:38.560 to be valuable

00:53:40.380 in that meeting

00:53:41.040 and it's kind of

00:53:42.240 a flank move

00:53:43.640 where

00:53:44.360 hey

00:53:44.960 boss

00:53:45.840 if I'm here

00:53:46.640 at this meeting

00:53:47.340 then I can

00:53:49.780 X Y and Z

00:53:51.360 because right now

00:53:51.960 he probably doesn't see

00:53:52.820 100%

00:53:54.180 again it's not malicious

00:53:54.920 I don't think

00:53:55.440 but 100%

00:53:56.620 he does not see

00:53:57.480 the value of you

00:53:58.060 being there

00:53:58.500 otherwise he would

00:53:59.180 so is there

00:54:01.180 something else

00:54:02.220 that you would

00:54:02.980 bring value

00:54:03.820 to the meeting

00:54:04.480 that he would

00:54:05.080 think

00:54:05.320 oh you know

00:54:06.000 what

00:54:06.240 we should

00:54:08.100 have you there

00:54:08.620 because right now

00:54:10.260 it's not

00:54:11.820 it's not there

00:54:12.600 again it's not

00:54:13.400 malicious

00:54:13.700 but the value

00:54:14.720 is not there

00:54:15.160 what do you think

00:54:16.120 Kip

00:54:16.260 this happens

00:54:18.100 all the time

00:54:18.820 man

00:54:19.140 I mean

00:54:20.020 I've done this

00:54:21.540 not invite someone

00:54:23.040 to a meeting

00:54:23.560 why

00:54:23.880 because

00:54:24.340 I can't have

00:54:25.720 20 people

00:54:26.680 in the meeting

00:54:27.280 right

00:54:27.660 so we

00:54:28.760 handpick

00:54:30.020 a handful

00:54:30.460 of guys

00:54:30.980 do I think

00:54:31.700 they're not

00:54:32.200 effective

00:54:32.600 in their jobs

00:54:33.320 absolutely

00:54:33.900 not

00:54:34.480 but

00:54:35.680 there's a lesson

00:54:37.080 here

00:54:37.520 and we talked

00:54:38.360 about this

00:54:39.040 in the Iron

00:54:39.640 Council

00:54:39.980 we do

00:54:40.520 like a

00:54:41.000 leadership

00:54:41.660 training

00:54:42.100 once a month

00:54:42.740 and last

00:54:44.120 Wednesday

00:54:44.440 we covered

00:54:45.020 effective

00:54:45.460 communication

00:54:46.160 or leadership

00:54:46.720 communication

00:54:47.400 and one of

00:54:47.840 the areas

00:54:48.340 that we talk

00:54:48.800 about

00:54:49.040 is the

00:54:49.420 power

00:54:49.860 of

00:54:50.060 transparency

00:54:50.740 and

00:54:52.160 transparency

00:54:52.720 is powerful

00:54:53.300 why

00:54:53.720 because it

00:54:54.840 makes

00:54:55.480 people feel

00:54:56.560 valued

00:54:57.420 and that's

00:54:59.180 what this

00:54:59.500 comes down

00:55:00.000 to

00:55:00.220 right

00:55:00.700 Brian

00:55:01.180 got invited

00:55:01.820 to this

00:55:02.160 meeting

00:55:02.460 he's going

00:55:03.560 to feel

00:55:03.860 valued

00:55:04.340 he's going

00:55:04.820 to feel

00:55:05.140 appreciated

00:55:05.800 he feels

00:55:06.480 like his

00:55:07.080 what he

00:55:07.540 has to

00:55:08.000 share

00:55:08.340 say

00:55:09.260 matters

00:55:10.500 and he's

00:55:11.020 more

00:55:11.240 appreciated

00:55:11.760 by leadership

00:55:12.420 and all

00:55:13.360 as well

00:55:13.860 right

00:55:14.760 and that's

00:55:15.880 that's

00:55:16.240 really what

00:55:16.700 this is

00:55:17.040 all about

00:55:17.500 and so

00:55:18.220 you know

00:55:18.660 Brian

00:55:19.000 I'd put it

00:55:19.740 back on

00:55:20.180 you

00:55:20.400 is

00:55:20.640 you want

00:55:21.180 to get

00:55:21.380 to that

00:55:21.660 meeting

00:55:22.000 he just

00:55:23.140 told you

00:55:23.480 the answer

00:55:23.940 you're not

00:55:24.700 a manager

00:55:25.140 you're not

00:55:25.840 a manager

00:55:26.260 so

00:55:27.120 what are

00:55:27.940 you going

00:55:28.320 to do

00:55:28.720 to get

00:55:29.320 in position

00:55:29.840 to be

00:55:30.280 a manager

00:55:30.680 and then

00:55:32.380 better yet

00:55:33.080 just to be

00:55:34.440 a little

00:55:34.700 abrasive

00:55:35.160 with you

00:55:35.540 have you

00:55:37.000 had a

00:55:37.240 conversation

00:55:37.660 with him

00:55:38.020 that you

00:55:38.520 feel

00:55:38.780 underappreciated

00:55:39.480 and undervalued

00:55:40.200 because that's

00:55:42.680 what you're

00:55:42.940 saying

00:55:43.220 hey I don't

00:55:45.480 feel appreciated

00:55:46.120 and valued

00:55:46.580 I'm not

00:55:47.380 invited to

00:55:47.900 the seat

00:55:48.180 of the table

00:55:48.700 I've been

00:55:49.300 here for

00:55:49.600 20 years

00:55:50.200 never had

00:55:50.920 a bad

00:55:51.320 mid-year

00:55:51.840 or annual

00:55:52.420 review 0.55

00:55:52.820 I'm killing 0.99

00:55:53.740 it what I 0.99

00:55:54.280 do

00:55:54.540 and I don't

00:55:55.280 get invited

00:55:55.720 to these

00:55:56.060 meetings

00:55:56.380 ask him

00:55:58.240 why

00:55:58.480 and what

00:56:00.000 you need

00:56:00.380 to do

00:56:00.800 to have

00:56:01.800 a seat

00:56:02.040 at that

00:56:02.360 table

00:56:02.620 because that

00:56:03.140 would be

00:56:03.400 meaningful

00:56:03.760 to you

00:56:04.240 and you're

00:56:04.860 ready to

00:56:05.240 level up

00:56:05.780 actually I

00:56:13.100 will correct

00:56:14.280 I think

00:56:14.620 one thing

00:56:15.000 that you

00:56:15.240 said

00:56:15.520 you said

00:56:19.420 he's never

00:56:20.460 had that

00:56:20.840 conversation

00:56:21.460 he actually

00:56:23.320 did

00:56:23.660 he just

00:56:24.400 did it

00:56:24.720 really

00:56:25.100 really

00:56:25.440 poorly

00:56:25.840 yeah I

00:56:27.520 was going

00:56:27.760 to say

00:56:27.980 no he

00:56:28.280 did it

00:56:28.560 this is 1.00

00:56:29.040 bullshit 1.00

00:56:29.400 is it 1.00

00:56:30.000 right

00:56:30.260 is it

00:56:30.880 yeah but

00:56:31.260 you're right

00:56:31.640 it is the

00:56:32.260 conversation

00:56:32.780 it's just

00:56:33.220 not an

00:56:33.940 effective

00:56:34.300 one

00:56:34.660 and that's

00:56:35.860 the point

00:56:36.300 so I gotta

00:56:37.200 ask you this

00:56:37.920 Brian

00:56:38.280 what what

00:56:40.700 do you

00:56:40.960 like first

00:56:41.660 of all

00:56:41.920 don't

00:56:42.640 don't be

00:56:43.700 your own

00:56:44.020 worst enemy

00:56:44.640 Kate you're

00:56:47.440 not getting

00:56:47.880 what you want

00:56:48.540 and instead

00:56:49.100 of doing this

00:56:49.800 in a healthy

00:56:50.240 way and I

00:56:50.760 get it

00:56:51.100 you're mad

00:56:51.820 but now

00:56:52.980 you're becoming

00:56:53.560 your own

00:56:53.940 worst enemy

00:56:54.520 because now

00:56:55.620 you're risking

00:56:56.100 not just

00:56:56.640 not going

00:56:57.080 to the

00:56:57.260 meeting

00:56:57.440 now you're

00:56:57.900 risking

00:56:58.140 your job

00:56:58.840 absolutely

00:57:00.780 so you

00:57:00.980 just made

00:57:01.340 it way

00:57:01.840 worse

00:57:02.360 can I

00:57:03.020 interject

00:57:03.320 before you

00:57:03.980 finish

00:57:04.360 yes

00:57:05.160 Brian

00:57:05.460 just to

00:57:06.140 drive this

00:57:06.540 point home

00:57:07.040 really quick

00:57:07.680 if I were

00:57:08.900 your boss

00:57:09.460 and your

00:57:11.180 approach to

00:57:12.080 me was

00:57:12.640 hey this 1.00

00:57:13.040 is bullshit 1.00

00:57:13.560 and this 1.00

00:57:13.940 isn't right

00:57:14.460 you just

00:57:16.100 checked out

00:57:16.900 with me

00:57:18.080 a little bit

00:57:18.860 more than

00:57:19.280 you were

00:57:19.560 before

00:57:19.900 like you

00:57:21.900 just reduced

00:57:22.720 the chances

00:57:23.280 of you being

00:57:23.960 at that

00:57:24.280 table even

00:57:24.900 more than

00:57:25.340 you did

00:57:25.600 before already

00:57:26.300 because now

00:57:28.180 you're just 0.97

00:57:28.720 an annoying 0.66

00:57:29.320 supervisor

00:57:30.720 that's

00:57:32.020 making it

00:57:32.820 about what

00:57:33.460 you

00:57:35.020 versus

00:57:36.500 what's best

00:57:37.220 for our

00:57:37.600 team

00:57:38.000 and best

00:57:38.420 for the

00:57:38.700 org

00:57:39.000 you're not

00:57:39.520 even thinking

00:57:39.920 strategic

00:57:40.480 man

00:57:40.900 so

00:57:43.160 to

00:57:44.080 Brian's

00:57:44.500 point

00:57:44.900 I'm just

00:57:45.500 telling you

00:57:45.840 from a

00:57:46.480 leadership

00:57:46.780 position

00:57:47.360 that would

00:57:48.720 not go

00:57:49.120 well

00:57:49.460 for you

00:57:50.560 go ahead

00:57:52.280 sorry

00:57:52.500 so

00:57:53.740 you have

00:57:55.520 to ask

00:57:55.840 yourself

00:57:56.240 what is

00:57:56.660 it that

00:57:56.940 you want

00:57:57.320 in this

00:57:57.660 case

00:57:57.900 you want

00:57:58.160 to attend

00:57:58.400 the meeting

00:57:58.720 so

00:58:00.620 does

00:58:00.940 going to

00:58:01.260 your boss

00:58:01.660 and saying

00:58:02.100 this is 1.00

00:58:02.440 bullshit 1.00

00:58:02.780 are you 1.00

00:58:04.440 closer to

00:58:05.160 that objective

00:58:05.700 or are you

00:58:06.480 further away

00:58:06.960 to Kip's

00:58:07.340 point

00:58:07.620 well you're

00:58:08.520 further away

00:58:09.040 of course

00:58:10.660 you're further

00:58:11.060 away

00:58:11.320 so here's

00:58:12.220 what I would

00:58:12.600 suggest

00:58:13.040 Kip I would

00:58:13.840 like to hear

00:58:14.220 if you think

00:58:14.740 this is

00:58:14.980 appropriate

00:58:15.360 let's do

00:58:16.220 a little

00:58:16.400 role play

00:58:16.720 with you

00:58:16.960 you're

00:58:17.120 my boss

00:58:17.580 I just

00:58:18.320 said this

00:58:18.620 is 1.00

00:58:18.760 bullshit 0.99

00:58:19.100 I kind 1.00

00:58:20.080 of exploded

00:58:20.540 a little

00:58:20.800 bit

00:58:21.100 yeah

00:58:21.820 would

00:58:22.820 this be

00:58:23.360 appropriate

00:58:23.760 from your

00:58:24.520 perspective

00:58:24.940 because I think

00:58:26.240 here's what

00:58:27.440 I would

00:58:27.600 say

00:58:27.800 hey Kip

00:58:28.540 first of

00:58:29.560 all like

00:58:29.800 email you

00:58:30.380 or something

00:58:30.640 like set

00:58:31.020 up an

00:58:31.200 appropriate

00:58:31.500 time

00:58:31.840 hey boss

00:58:32.640 can we

00:58:33.240 talk this

00:58:33.660 afternoon

00:58:33.960 around 3

00:58:34.400 o'clock

00:58:34.740 yes you

00:58:35.340 can

00:58:35.460 okay

00:58:35.700 you go

00:58:36.580 to the

00:58:36.740 meeting

00:58:36.980 hey boss

00:58:38.200 look

00:58:38.480 first things

00:58:39.720 first

00:58:40.100 I'm sorry

00:58:41.500 and it's

00:58:43.340 not like

00:58:43.660 I apologize

00:58:44.320 no it's

00:58:44.800 like first

00:58:45.220 things first

00:58:45.760 I am

00:58:46.340 sorry

00:58:46.700 I said

00:58:48.440 some things

00:58:49.000 in the

00:58:49.340 moment

00:58:49.560 that I

00:58:49.980 was upset

00:58:50.540 about

00:58:50.840 and I

00:58:51.520 blurred

00:58:51.820 those things

00:58:52.320 out

00:58:52.580 uncharacteristically

00:58:53.520 and I

00:58:54.680 should not

00:58:55.020 have done

00:58:55.340 that

00:58:55.600 I was

00:58:55.960 feeling a

00:58:56.380 certain way

00:58:56.940 and I

00:58:57.800 am sorry

00:58:58.360 that I

00:58:58.960 approached

00:58:59.280 it like

00:58:59.600 that

00:58:59.900 the way

00:59:00.780 I was

00:59:01.040 feeling

00:59:01.440 was that

00:59:02.320 I was

00:59:02.600 underappreciated

00:59:03.520 for what

00:59:04.740 I bring to

00:59:05.100 the equation

00:59:05.620 and I just

00:59:06.740 communicated that

00:59:07.760 in a very

00:59:08.560 very immature

00:59:09.400 poor way

00:59:09.940 and I'm

00:59:10.380 sorry

00:59:10.640 and that's

00:59:12.740 that's it

00:59:12.960 that's all

00:59:15.160 I would

00:59:15.360 do for that

00:59:15.760 meeting

00:59:16.020 I wouldn't

00:59:17.340 justify

00:59:17.920 anything

00:59:18.480 I wouldn't

00:59:19.220 ask if

00:59:19.780 he forgives

00:59:20.540 me or

00:59:20.960 if there's

00:59:21.240 anything I

00:59:21.700 can do

00:59:22.100 to make

00:59:22.600 nope

00:59:23.260 the apology

00:59:24.740 is the

00:59:25.300 apology

00:59:25.740 and then we

00:59:26.680 can talk

00:59:27.040 about other

00:59:27.420 conversations

00:59:28.020 about once

00:59:29.160 you start

00:59:29.560 building up

00:59:30.160 the relationship

00:59:31.420 again

00:59:31.880 then we

00:59:32.800 can start

00:59:33.080 talking about

00:59:33.620 hey what

00:59:33.940 would you

00:59:34.200 like to see

00:59:34.660 or what

00:59:34.960 would it

00:59:35.200 take to

00:59:35.480 be a

00:59:35.720 manager

00:59:35.960 but you

00:59:36.440 have

00:59:36.860 you have

00:59:38.080 something to

00:59:38.700 correct right

00:59:39.540 now and I

00:59:40.180 think you

00:59:40.680 should correct

00:59:41.140 it would you

00:59:41.540 agree or

00:59:41.900 disagree with

00:59:42.340 that Kip 0.99

00:59:42.660 absolutely

00:59:43.540 agree and

00:59:45.140 and I

00:59:46.660 would think

00:59:47.220 more highly

00:59:47.800 of you

00:59:48.180 immediately

00:59:48.860 that's it

00:59:53.920 and I

00:59:54.440 think that

00:59:54.780 meeting should

00:59:55.260 take two

00:59:55.740 minutes

00:59:56.060 any longer

00:59:57.620 and I

00:59:57.900 think you're

00:59:58.180 doing it

00:59:58.420 wrong because

00:59:58.800 now you're

00:59:59.160 starting to

01:00:00.020 explain and

01:00:00.680 all no

01:00:01.060 two minute

01:00:01.760 meeting

01:00:02.020 and the

01:00:02.720 minute you

01:00:03.100 explain then

01:00:04.180 the apology

01:00:04.760 is diminished

01:00:05.700 right because

01:00:06.520 it's not

01:00:07.000 really an

01:00:07.360 apology

01:00:07.680 you're now

01:00:08.240 just ranting

01:00:09.020 and complaining

01:00:09.600 in another

01:00:10.040 way

01:00:10.380 right exactly

01:00:11.920 yeah exactly

01:00:13.060 all right

01:00:14.140 I got one

01:00:15.040 more question

01:00:15.460 do you have

01:00:15.720 enough time

01:00:16.160 or do we

01:00:16.500 need to

01:00:16.740 wrap

01:00:16.920 uh let's

01:00:18.440 let's do

01:00:18.900 rapid fire

01:00:19.360 on I gotta

01:00:19.700 get going

01:00:20.040 but let's

01:00:20.320 do rapid

01:00:20.620 fire

01:00:20.940 mr.

01:00:21.780 bob

01:00:21.980 ross

01:00:22.400 my wife

01:00:23.680 this year

01:00:24.300 started a

01:00:25.020 homeschool

01:00:25.640 our eight

01:00:26.500 year old

01:00:26.800 son I

01:00:27.580 work

01:00:27.880 traditional

01:00:28.680 monday

01:00:29.320 through

01:00:29.480 friday

01:00:29.820 8 a.m.

01:00:30.340 to 4 p.m.

01:00:32.000 when I

01:00:32.600 get home I

01:00:33.240 want to spend

01:00:33.660 time with my

01:00:34.180 son and give

01:00:34.680 her a break

01:00:35.140 any tips and

01:00:35.800 ideas or

01:00:36.580 on site on

01:00:37.660 what I can

01:00:38.460 do that could

01:00:39.220 help her and 0.64

01:00:40.180 feel supported

01:00:40.920 thank you

01:00:41.940 eight year old

01:00:43.420 son correct

01:00:44.220 yes sir

01:00:45.160 okay this is

01:00:46.280 awesome I like

01:00:47.340 this question

01:00:47.880 you get home at

01:00:49.520 four o'clock you

01:00:50.580 immediately take

01:00:51.240 your eight year old

01:00:51.640 son and you go

01:00:52.600 do man things

01:00:53.460 so this afternoon

01:00:55.340 hey son we're

01:00:56.940 going to the

01:00:57.300 shooting range and

01:00:58.200 we're going to 0.97

01:00:58.520 shoot guns this 0.99

01:00:59.180 afternoon he's old 0.87

01:00:59.860 enough he can 0.63

01:01:00.240 shoot a gun 0.99

01:01:00.660 well I will 0.99

01:01:02.820 say depending on

01:01:03.460 maturity but you

01:01:04.440 know there's maybe

01:01:05.000 some circumstances

01:01:06.180 but you get it

01:01:07.100 or hey son we're

01:01:09.800 going to go down

01:01:10.360 and we're going to

01:01:10.940 this afternoon we're

01:01:11.760 going to go down to

01:01:12.200 the community center

01:01:12.880 and we're going to

01:01:13.840 go play some

01:01:14.600 basketball together

01:01:15.380 they're doing a

01:01:16.040 father son thing

01:01:16.760 or we're going to

01:01:17.900 go to the community

01:01:18.340 center and we're

01:01:18.900 just going to go

01:01:19.360 swim today or

01:01:20.780 there's this really

01:01:21.380 cool art class at

01:01:22.640 the college and I

01:01:24.040 enrolled both of us

01:01:25.120 and so we're going to

01:01:26.240 do some art this

01:01:27.020 afternoon you can find

01:01:28.800 these things and a

01:01:29.480 lot of them you can

01:01:30.100 find through your

01:01:30.700 local community

01:01:31.360 center that are

01:01:32.000 hosting these things

01:01:32.820 and they're either

01:01:33.320 free or very

01:01:34.080 inexpensive to

01:01:34.860 participate and you

01:01:36.540 can just show up

01:01:37.080 maybe it's a

01:01:37.480 martial arts class

01:01:38.280 you call up a

01:01:39.220 couple places and

01:01:39.920 you say hey can I

01:01:41.720 come in and you

01:01:42.600 know they usually

01:01:43.400 have like a drop-in

01:01:44.160 rate or free for the

01:01:45.460 first time to check

01:01:46.300 it out another thing

01:01:47.960 that I've done in

01:01:48.420 the past when my

01:01:49.240 oldest son was young

01:01:50.500 he wanted to be a

01:01:51.300 cowboy animal doctor

01:01:52.500 that's what he

01:01:53.160 wanted to be so I

01:01:55.260 have a friend who's a

01:01:56.380 local veterinarian I

01:01:57.640 called him up I

01:01:58.220 said hey do you mind

01:01:59.200 if we come in around

01:02:00.120 lunchtime and just you

01:02:01.520 can kind of show my

01:02:02.240 son what to do we'll

01:02:03.420 be quiet we'll stay

01:02:04.240 out of your way he's

01:02:04.700 like yeah so we came

01:02:06.200 in and I if I'm I

01:02:07.620 remember what we did

01:02:08.700 he did a he had to

01:02:11.540 give a cat a 0.92

01:02:12.540 suppository which was

01:02:13.580 hilarious and he had

01:02:16.000 to extract two teeth 0.67

01:02:17.680 two rotted teeth from a

01:02:18.900 dog and then he had a

01:02:20.520 chameleon that we you

01:02:21.440 know played so we were

01:02:22.280 there for maybe a half

01:02:23.100 an hour and I still

01:02:24.960 remember it I know my

01:02:25.980 son still remembers it

01:02:27.080 now here's the really

01:02:28.800 cool thing about

01:02:30.040 homeschool that a lot

01:02:31.040 of people don't know

01:02:31.740 and with a little

01:02:32.920 planning and I'm sure

01:02:33.780 your wife would know

01:02:34.620 all about this because

01:02:35.640 she probably carries the

01:02:37.040 bulk of this is that

01:02:38.580 everything that I just

01:02:39.780 listed all counts

01:02:42.680 towards education

01:02:44.520 totally everything I

01:02:46.460 listed it is all

01:02:47.940 education based so if

01:02:48.980 you document and write

01:02:50.140 these things down

01:02:50.840 depending on your state

01:02:51.640 and your rules look at

01:02:52.360 what that is all of the

01:02:54.100 things that you do with

01:02:54.840 your son which is just

01:02:56.220 having fun with your

01:02:57.300 son counts towards his

01:02:59.640 educational requirements

01:03:01.020 in homeschooling you

01:03:02.240 just have to document

01:03:03.040 it look at what your

01:03:04.120 state regulations and

01:03:05.060 rules are and then you

01:03:06.300 submit it the way that

01:03:07.120 they require but it all

01:03:08.640 counts so you're

01:03:10.180 actually helping her by

01:03:11.600 helping him meet his

01:03:12.680 homeschooling credits and

01:03:14.280 you're helping her so

01:03:15.360 that she can unwind from

01:03:16.540 a stressful day teaching

01:03:18.200 your son and she can take

01:03:21.400 a nap read a book cook

01:03:23.480 dinner go get a manicure

01:03:26.140 I don't know but it

01:03:28.000 serves both purposes

01:03:29.140 yeah I love that man

01:03:31.080 I'll recommend something

01:03:32.640 for you Bob Asia's doing

01:03:34.720 this with the girls but

01:03:35.740 every every Tuesday it's

01:03:38.860 family cooking so the

01:03:41.800 kids cook dinner on

01:03:43.180 Tuesday nights you could

01:03:45.140 easily do the same thing

01:03:46.280 when you come home and

01:03:47.040 say hey let's surprise

01:03:48.160 mommy and let's make her 1.00

01:03:50.640 dinner right and now

01:03:52.080 you're teaching your

01:03:52.680 eight-year-old son how

01:03:53.560 to make breakfast or

01:03:54.600 eggs or you know choose

01:03:55.660 something easy that's not

01:03:56.700 too hard and then that

01:03:58.360 way you're serving her but

01:03:59.640 you're also and and it's

01:04:00.980 funny how often I've done

01:04:02.020 that with my kids where

01:04:02.780 I'm like hey let's

01:04:03.580 surprise mom like I'll use

01:04:05.400 that to my benefit all the

01:04:06.500 time hey mom's gone clean

01:04:07.940 your room yeah let's clean

01:04:09.840 the house and surprise mom

01:04:11.160 and they're all they're all

01:04:12.460 so excited about it I'm

01:04:13.640 like this is such BS but

01:04:15.900 whatever right yeah and

01:04:17.680 then they they mad

01:04:18.800 scrambles clean because

01:04:20.020 they're so excited about

01:04:22.020 serving her and so maybe

01:04:23.880 figure out what those

01:04:24.640 areas where where your

01:04:25.700 son and you can serve mom

01:04:27.240 and make it exciting and

01:04:28.360 fun I think it's a great

01:04:30.080 idea I like that cool cool

01:04:31.960 all right guys I got a jet

01:04:34.340 I had a hard stop at 11 it's

01:04:35.720 1107 guys iron council we

01:04:38.380 got a lot of cool stuff

01:04:39.320 going on in there I'm gonna

01:04:40.760 be sharing with you and

01:04:41.680 Kip is as well over the

01:04:42.760 next couple of weeks we'll be

01:04:43.900 open until the end of this

01:04:44.760 month what exactly takes

01:04:46.300 place what's going on in

01:04:47.660 there why it's in your

01:04:48.900 advantage how you can

01:04:50.380 serve that's really just

01:04:51.980 not about getting and

01:04:52.920 extracting there is a not

01:04:54.680 a requirement but an

01:04:55.520 expectation that you will

01:04:57.100 also give back with your

01:04:58.160 knowledge and information

01:04:59.000 and expertise that's what

01:05:00.080 makes it so great and we

01:05:01.960 hope to see a lot of you in

01:05:03.400 the next couple of weeks

01:05:04.160 inside of there and also by

01:05:05.620 the way I'm gonna be

01:05:06.340 spending the first 30 days

01:05:08.020 with you so there's me and

01:05:10.900 Jay and Alan we're gonna be

01:05:11.980 working closely with you so

01:05:13.320 we're not just throwing you

01:05:14.180 to the wolves we're gonna

01:05:15.860 bring you in teach you

01:05:17.040 everything you need to

01:05:17.620 know about the systems and

01:05:18.540 tools and get you 80%

01:05:19.920 comfortable with where

01:05:20.760 we're at and then we're

01:05:22.120 gonna start letting you

01:05:22.960 work with teams and do the

01:05:24.940 real work inside the iron

01:05:25.980 council it's very fun and

01:05:27.540 it's gonna really help you

01:05:29.000 on whatever path you're

01:05:30.020 trying to walk we'll help

01:05:30.820 you figure that out if you

01:05:31.940 don't know what it is so

01:05:33.300 again that's order a man

01:05:34.180 dot com slash iron

01:05:35.100 council stole it from you

01:05:36.480 Kip perfect yeah I was I 0.93

01:05:37.800 was ready cool all right

01:05:41.040 you guys appreciate you great

01:05:42.120 questions today hopefully we

01:05:43.400 gave you something

01:05:43.780 consider thank you Kip

01:05:44.920 appreciate you as well

01:05:45.960 guys we'll be back on

01:05:47.860 Friday until then go out

01:05:48.940 there take action and

01:05:50.280 become the man you are

01:05:51.500 meant to be

01:05:52.020 thank you for listening to

01:05:57.900 the order of man podcast

01:05:59.440 you're ready to take

01:06:00.500 charge of your life and be

01:06:01.920 more of the man you were

01:06:02.880 meant to be we invite you

01:06:04.400 to join the order at

01:06:05.600 order of man dot com

01:06:13.780 you know you were

01:06:16.980 szcz �omme right on

01:06:18.100 you're gonna play and it's

01:06:18.920 Why are you going to keep

01:06:19.280 we mean to make you

01:06:19.580 get paid off

01:06:20.640 whatever you want to know

01:06:21.500 so as information he's

01:06:21.520 how you make every

01:06:22.360 day to escape

01:06:22.920 now just here get the

01:06:23.840 answer what you want was

01:06:24.600 cámara is going to be

01:06:25.560 thank you you're going to oh

01:06:26.120 yeah just like you are

01:06:26.560 forgiveness though yeah

01:06:26.840 you're gonna collect

01:06:27.860 how you got it

01:06:29.480 now just like me and you're

01:06:30.300 **** yeah we're actually

01:06:31.260 that's kinda ol

01:06:32.960 about the owner that I've been

01:06:33.060 three car

01:06:33.520 that I could gonna actually

01:06:34.400 get my view

01:06:35.140 back I love you

01:06:36.020 yeah I could

01:06:37.200 get everything

01:06:38.200 back

01:06:39.140 fire

01:06:40.700 car

01:06:41.080 all compet

01:06:41.800 marketing

Order of Man - September 18, 2024

Overcoming Arrogance, Building Boundaries, and Getting Humbled ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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