Order of Man - Overcoming Complacency, Communication is Key, and Correctly Comparing Yourself to Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 If you believe it's good and you believe that you have a moral responsibility to build wealth

00:00:05.180 in your life and that if you have more abundance and prosperity financially, that you can do

00:00:10.040 bigger and better things for more people, you're naturally going to be more attracted to the

00:00:14.200 activities and behaviors that produce wealth in your life. You're not going to save your money.

00:00:18.500 You're not going to bury it so it can't be used. You're going to go out and enlist, deploy your

00:00:23.140 dollars, and they're going to go out there like little soldiers, little minions, and they're going

00:00:26.820 to go collect their friends and they're going to come back to you. I love that visual.

00:00:32.700 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your

00:00:37.860 own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You are not easily

00:00:43.840 deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is

00:00:51.140 who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself

00:00:56.540 a man. Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. This is your weekly Ask Me Anything.

00:01:03.540 Normally, I'm joined by my good friend and co-host Kip Sorensen, but he could not make it this week,

00:01:09.060 so I am flying solo, and you get to hear from me. I always say for better or worse, mostly worse.

00:01:15.700 Kip adds a dynamic that is definitely missed when he's not here on these Ask Me Anythings, and

00:01:20.880 normally when we start this program out, what we usually do is discuss headlines, but headlines

00:01:27.060 aren't nearly as enjoyable if I am not communicating with someone else. So I've got a couple of headlines

00:01:32.560 and some new thoughts for headlines and segments that we're going to do here on the Ask Me Anything

00:01:36.500 podcast, but I'm going to wait until next week when Kip is back. So for today, I just want to jump

00:01:42.440 right into the questions. We're going to get to some questions, and I've gone through most of them,

00:01:47.060 not all of them. Some really good questions from the Iron Council, which is our exclusive

00:01:52.820 brotherhood. If you want to know more about that, head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil,

00:01:58.180 and then also we're going to get to a couple of questions if time permits inside of our free

00:02:04.140 Facebook group, which can be found at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman. I believe we have

00:02:09.920 75,000 guys over there, and I think that we have about 1,100, a little less than 1,100 over in the

00:02:17.880 Iron Council. So hopefully I'll see you in both places, but let's just jump right into it, guys.

00:02:22.160 Like I said, good questions, and if you're new to the podcast, we cover all things men, manliness,

00:02:28.080 masculinity, fatherhood, leadership, self-development, strength, fitness, finance, and of course,

00:02:34.300 cultural commentary and thoughts as well. So let's get into it. This one, and you'll see how well I do

00:02:40.840 with names. I always give Kip a hard time for mispronouncing names, but you'll see I'm probably

00:02:45.440 not much better, maybe worse. This one comes from Tony Bahal. He says, after some good shifts

00:02:51.140 and positive movement in my life, I find myself leaning somewhat, let's see, leaning somewhat

00:02:57.300 complacent. How do you stay intentional about continuing to push or are quarterly battle plans

00:03:04.120 enough of a regular evaluation for you? They are for me. I've never really had the problem of

00:03:13.600 complacency. I guess that's not true. I guess there have been points or periods in my life where

00:03:20.000 I've coasted and rested on my laurels or my past accomplishments and achievements,

00:03:24.680 but I think just with my personality, it lends to being driven and motivated and ambitious and

00:03:31.260 wanting more, doing better, being better in all facets of my life has not really been too much

00:03:37.600 of a concern for me personally. But that's not to say it doesn't impact a lot of men. I hear from a

00:03:44.080 lot of men every day, in fact, who have grown complacent or lethargic. And a couple of things

00:03:49.340 that I would suggest for somebody who's like that, number one, you've just got to mix up your life a

00:03:54.960 little bit. And I'm not saying blow everything up. I'm not saying like, go quit your job and yell at

00:04:03.240 your boss and burn the bridge or go find a new fling or go do something reckless and stupid or 1.00

00:04:09.240 spend your money unnecessarily. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I am saying within the realm of 1.00

00:04:15.660 your current responsibilities, are there some new things that you can try? Are there some new interests,

00:04:21.320 some new hobbies, some new activities? Is there a potential vacation that you've always wanted to go

00:04:27.300 on, but have made excuses as to why you can't go do that thing, you know, take your family on, even if

00:04:32.920 it's an extended weekend where you guys just get away to a neighboring town or somewhere close and you

00:04:38.560 don't spend a bunch of money, but you mix it up. Maybe there's something within the capacity of your work

00:04:44.640 that you could do. It's taking on a new task or assignment or a project. But for me, I found that

00:04:51.300 most of the time when I get complacent, if I do, it's because life is boring and it's monotonous.

00:04:58.620 Now, I have talked about in the past, the importance of having a vision. And if you have a vision for your

00:05:04.400 life, then you can always measure what you're currently doing against that. But sometimes it's

00:05:08.420 not enough. We get in mental states and we get setbacks we have to deal with. And maybe even we

00:05:15.140 deal with depressed down days. If it's chronic, that's different, but you know, it happens.

00:05:21.380 And I don't know if in that case, tying your actions to a long-term vision is enough just to

00:05:29.840 get you out of that rut. And that's the analogy I use. If you're driving down a muddy road, you know,

00:05:37.420 sometimes you just got to turn the wheel and give it some gas and that's going to get you out of the

00:05:41.920 rut. But you got to be careful because it's very easy to slip back into that rut. And so giving it

00:05:46.300 gas in your life looks like doing something new, doing something different, maybe calling an old

00:05:51.280 buddy that you haven't seen for a while. Maybe you and your wife do that vacation, or maybe you spice

00:05:56.900 it up in the bedroom. Maybe there's a task at work, all the things that I just said. Even working out,

00:06:01.580 I love strength training. It's really enjoyable to me. I like to push myself. I like to see how strong

00:06:08.380 I can get. I enjoy it personally, but also it gets monotonous. And so on those days where it is

00:06:15.260 monotonous, I might choose to do something else, whether it's jujitsu, or I might even just do some

00:06:20.660 cardio or stair climbers or whatever, just to mix up my life a little bit. So you can mix it up and

00:06:26.640 still stay on course and still stay on track. And that's one of the most important things that you

00:06:31.000 stay on track, stay with your battle plan, but mix it up within your plan. I hope that helps Tony.

00:06:36.060 Next one comes from Scott Vandewater. He says, what are some of the most underrated habits that can

00:06:42.640 help men build confidence and resilience in today's world? I thought of two when I saw this

00:06:48.340 and there's an infinite number of characteristics and habits and values that I could get into,

00:06:53.660 but I thought of two that I think are really, really important. One is fairly obvious and the

00:06:58.220 other is not so obvious or often overlooked, as you said, underrated for building confidence. I think

00:07:05.220 there's a misconception that some men are just more confident than others. And I don't think that's

00:07:11.600 true because I don't think you can man, I should say this. They're not automatically more confident. 0.52

00:07:18.060 They're just not blessed with confidence. They've, they've earned it. So there are just to clarify,

00:07:22.820 there are men who are more confident than others, but it's because they've earned it relative to

00:07:27.500 somebody else, but it's not just bestowed. It's not a, it's not a characteristic trait that people are

00:07:32.500 just born with. Arrogance, pride, ego. Yeah. All of those things are pretty innate within us,

00:07:39.960 I believe. And we have to fight against those natural desires. You've often heard me talk about

00:07:45.640 the natural man. Confidence, however, is earned and it's earned through first courage. This is the

00:07:52.340 formula I've shared with you guys. Courage first, courage to do something different, to ask for the

00:07:57.360 sale, to ask for the date, to have a difficult conversation, to do something brave, to start a

00:08:04.380 new business or a podcast, to write a book, fill in the blank. It takes courage. And the beautiful

00:08:10.000 thing about courage is you can just decide that you're going to be courageous. There's something

00:08:14.800 in front of you, you want whatever it is, and you have to just be courageous enough to go after it.

00:08:19.820 It's just a decision. With courage comes competency. So the more courageous you are in taking those

00:08:27.260 actions every single day, you're going to start to develop and build a competency with having

00:08:32.660 difficult conversations or approaching attractive women or going to the gym and doing weightlifting and

00:08:40.100 building your muscles and taking on assignments and tasks at work and learning how to podcast or

00:08:46.900 getting better at writing the book, you're going to develop competency. And then through the competency,

00:08:51.820 now that fosters confidence. So that's the formula. Courage, competency, confidence. So in order for a man

00:09:03.300 to build that level of confidence, one of the things that he's really going to need to do, and this is

00:09:08.120 another C in that formula, and this is my first point, he has to be hyper-consistent. Just robotic

00:09:15.960 monotonous at times, unfallible, unflappable. You're just going to continue to drive on in the

00:09:23.480 course of whatever comes your way. And you're just going to make the decision that come hell or high

00:09:28.040 water, I'm going to do the work required to achieve the result that I desire. So if it's the gym and you

00:09:36.820 don't feel like going to the gym today because you're tired and you had a long day yesterday and

00:09:40.680 you're a little sore from a couple of days ago and the workout you did, or maybe you're a little under

00:09:45.380 the weather, you get your butt out of bed and you go to the gym. If you say, hey, I'm going to start

00:09:50.460 a podcast, you can't just start it and hope that it's all going to work out and everything's going

00:09:55.040 to, you know, all your wildest dreams are going to come true and you're going to be able to get the

00:09:58.880 best high-level name guests on the podcast that you could imagine out of the gate. I still get turned

00:10:03.820 down today after doing this for nearly 10 years now. It takes time. When I started this podcast,

00:10:10.680 I remember I talked with a friend of mine, his name is Ever Gonzalez. I actually haven't talked

00:10:14.960 with Ever for a while. I got to reach out to him. It's a side note. And I remember when I talked with

00:10:21.260 him, I said, hey, I'm going to do this podcast and I'm going to do it for two years, two years before

00:10:26.200 I even evaluate whether or not I should continue or throw in the towel. Now, obviously I was going to

00:10:31.340 make pivots and adjust and get better in that two years, but I was not making any decisions as to

00:10:36.100 whether or not I was or was not going to continue until I reached that two-year mark. And I made the

00:10:41.500 decision way earlier than two years that I was going to do this for as long as I could foresee

00:10:46.660 indefinitely. And here we are in March coming up on our 10-year anniversary, and we've done over

00:10:52.420 1,500, probably closer to 1,550 podcasts at this point. So that's a lot of podcasting. And there's been

00:11:01.480 days that I haven't wanted to do it. There's been times in my life that have been dark and challenging

00:11:06.060 and full of struggle and emotional turmoil. And every single week for the three episodes that

00:11:13.440 we now do every week, I'm here, I'm doing the thing. And if I'm not here, I have somebody else

00:11:19.880 filling in for me, but it is imperative that we maintain our consistency. And I've often said

00:11:25.420 that me personally, I can't speak for you. I don't have the luxury of not being consistent.

00:11:30.720 I'm not talented enough. I'm not good looking enough. I'm not wealthy enough. I'm not connected

00:11:36.900 enough. I don't have the skill sets innate in some people that I think where they're just

00:11:41.580 naturally inclined to be good at certain things. I don't have that. I'm just a regular, maybe slightly

00:11:48.340 better than average in some things, certainly not everything. And that's it. So the only thing I have

00:11:53.960 going for me is that I'm ruthlessly consistent. I do not miss. When I dedicate myself to something,

00:12:01.420 I go all in and I don't miss. And I do it day in and day out forever or as long as it takes. So

00:12:07.860 that's number one. Number two, and I think this is a little bit, I don't think it's counterintuitive

00:12:13.320 necessarily, but I think it's something people overlook. Your ability to generate small talk

00:12:19.360 and conversation with strangers is a hugely underrated habit. Most people, I was at the gym

00:12:27.400 this morning and most people have their earbuds in and they're, they're in their own world and in

00:12:32.700 their own bubble and whatever, that's fine. Like if it helps them work out and stay focused or they

00:12:36.940 just need alone time or want to listen to a good ebook or some music all for it, no problem. But for me,

00:12:43.340 when I go to the gym, it's a bit of a social thing for me as well. I work at home. I'm by myself

00:12:48.940 here most of the days. Like I like the social aspect of it. And I like striking up conversations

00:12:55.020 with new people that I've never met before, or I've never talked with before. And I can't tell

00:13:01.280 you how good it feels to know that you can start a conversation with somebody from scratch and

00:13:07.320 develop some level of rapport in a very short period of time. The other benefit of this, especially

00:13:13.740 as it relates to confidence, is that you're going to create all sorts of opportunities.

00:13:18.940 opportunities for business, opportunities for personal friendships and relationships,

00:13:23.940 opportunities for potentially romantic relationships. If you're in the market,

00:13:27.680 so many opportunities are going to come from that. And when a man has opportunities,

00:13:32.600 he's more confident. Let me give an example. If you're struggling at work, maybe like Tony was

00:13:38.320 talking about earlier, uh, you've grown complacent. Maybe you're not enjoying work as much.

00:13:43.720 Uh, but you know, because you're good at networking, you're good at creating small talk. You're good at

00:13:49.700 connecting with other people that you have three or four or five other job opportunities lined up

00:13:54.980 right now. There's a level of confidence and swagger that comes with that. You can hold your head up high

00:14:00.540 and your chest out and your shoulders back a little bit easy, easier knowing that I have job

00:14:06.440 opportunities over here. If this one isn't something I like, or this one falls through. Same thing when

00:14:11.460 it comes to, if you're dating now, a lot of guys are either that listen are either in relationships or

00:14:16.160 they're married at this point. But if you're dating casually dating, if you have one option, I mean,

00:14:22.140 you're going to cling to that one option because that's all you have. But if you have other options,

00:14:27.460 plenty of high quality options in women that you would love to spend more time with, then you 0.99

00:14:32.800 aren't likely to really have to pander to a woman or change who you are or jeopardize your values or

00:14:40.160 your personality or your desires because you have to make this one relationship work. The best way to

00:14:46.860 do that is to create as many opportunities as you possibly can. Because when you have those

00:14:51.200 opportunities, you're more confident with your current scenario and situation because you can just be

00:14:57.380 yourself and you can let loose and there's less pressure for you to perform in a certain way

00:15:01.700 if it's not something that you actually want to do. And the only way I know how to create opportunities

00:15:06.640 is learning how to connect with people. That's the only way. I never had an opportunity arise without it

00:15:13.580 being somewhat involved with somebody else. Whether it's somebody who's listening to a podcast or buying

00:15:19.460 my product or my service or giving me a job or sponsoring the podcast, like, for example, Montana Knife

00:15:28.260 Company. Josh Smith with Montana Knife, I met years and years ago. Jess up there who works in the marketing

00:15:35.580 team for them now, I've known her for probably five years, long before she ever worked with Montana Knife. And I think

00:15:42.300 she would probably tell you too that her ability to connect is what got her and her husband up to Montana

00:15:47.620 working with Montana Knife Company. Guys, learn how to small talk. Learn how to approach people. Learn how

00:15:55.500 to tell a joke. Learn how to make somebody laugh. Learn how to make a statement that maybe they haven't

00:16:02.840 heard before that gets them out of the routine. The other day I was at, where was I? I was at the

00:16:09.260 pharmacy the other day. And the pharmacy tech, I think that's the term they use. I know her. And I said,

00:16:17.340 hey, how you doing? And she's like, I'm doing pretty okay. And it kind of stopped me in my tracks

00:16:24.200 because what do most people do? They follow the script. The script is, I'm doing good. How about

00:16:29.140 you? That's the script. So when I asked that question, I thought she was just going to follow

00:16:33.920 the script, but she didn't. And because she didn't, it generated a funny conversation like, oh, pretty

00:16:39.300 okay. Just okay. And we had just a quick interaction because she was working and I was running errands,

00:16:44.160 but you, you gotta, if, when it comes to small talk, you've got to do something different

00:16:49.900 to jar people from the script. That's how you connect. But this, there's a whole separate

00:16:54.740 conversation. But the point is, is that if you can learn to do small talk and learn how to network,

00:17:00.540 you're definitely going to build confidence. And of course the resilience that comes with options.

00:17:04.380 All right, let's go to Anthony Correa. He says, good morning, everyone. I want to start by expressing

00:17:10.520 my gratitude. The order of man and the iron council have been pivotal moments in my life.

00:17:15.000 Thank you for your time. I did not tell him to say that. And I am reading from his comments. So

00:17:19.780 I'm not making that up either. He says for my contribution quadrant, I aim to improve my

00:17:26.500 communication with my family, friends, and coworkers by reading and implementing three books over the next

00:17:32.140 90 days. All right. Well, there's already, there's already a little dilemma I see here,

00:17:38.680 but we'll continue. I've heard great things about how to win friends and influence people by Dale

00:17:44.520 Carnegie. So I've started with this book. Can you recommend two other books that will help me with

00:17:48.940 my, my communication skills? Uh, what are your tips and tricks for comprehension and reading a

00:17:55.160 retaining information while reading a book? All right. So I'm going to have to think on two books to help

00:18:04.960 improve your communication skills. Actually one is I'm going to pull it up here. It's been a while,

00:18:13.600 but I think this is a really good book for you. If you're looking to, uh, work on your communication,

00:18:22.100 uh, there it is. It's called co-active coaching, changing business, transforming lives. This is

00:18:31.820 more of a professional, uh, or, or career oriented book, but the whole premise of co-active coaching

00:18:39.120 is learning how to communicate effectively by listening to what other people have to share and

00:18:45.920 by soliciting and, and getting them to speak and share information so that you can learn what you

00:18:54.260 need to learn in order to help transform their life, help develop in their career, help your wife,

00:19:00.100 help whoever it might be. So co-active coaching, uh, is a very, very good book. I recommend that one,

00:19:08.100 especially if you're in the coaching business, but even if you're not, you can learn a lot about how

00:19:12.080 to communicate effectively with other people. Uh, another really good book that I like is,

00:19:17.460 uh, Robert Cialdini and it's called influence. I just want to make sure I get these right.

00:19:24.880 Influence the psychology of persuasion. So this one will help you understand people more and

00:19:30.920 understand certain techniques that people use not to negatively manipulate people. Although there are

00:19:36.860 some examples of that, but I think learning human psychology is going to help you communicate

00:19:42.320 better because you're going to start to get to the root of what people want, what they need and

00:19:46.400 what they actually respond to. So that's a really good book. And then of course there's, uh, 48,

00:19:52.260 48 laws of power. I'm trying to give you different books than just like the, the normal communication

00:19:57.580 books. Cause you can figure that out on your own. Um, but this is the 48 laws of power, uh, by Robert

00:20:04.080 Green. That's another good, good one. Um, just learning the game of, of life and the power dynamics

00:20:11.100 that are, that exist in relationships and businesses and communities, but that's called 48 laws of power.

00:20:18.280 So there's three books, a little, a little bit answers your question, but a little on a different

00:20:24.500 vein, just because you can just Google communication books and find all the books. So those are a little

00:20:29.180 different. Um, as far as tips and tricks for comprehending and reading, uh, I talked about

00:20:34.760 this on the ask me anything we did, I think a couple of weeks ago, what I do when I read a book

00:20:39.440 is I never read a book without a highlighter. I always have a highlighter with me when I'm reading.

00:20:44.820 In fact, I probably have it just right. Oh no, it's over. It's over on my nightstand.

00:20:49.800 Um, so I'll read a book and then if I see a sentence or a paragraph or even a full page,

00:20:56.920 I just take that pink highlighter and I just highlight whatever the paragraph is or the

00:21:01.580 sentence or the, or just a line straight through the entire page. And then what I do is I just do

00:21:07.720 a little dog ear on, on the page itself. And then I just continued reading to me. This has worked

00:21:12.780 really well because I don't get tripped up. I see that there's something important. Um, and I made

00:21:17.920 some people will spend a lot more time on it. I like to get through the whole book because it gives

00:21:21.840 that other passage, additional context that is important in many cases. So I'll do that. And then

00:21:28.400 I'll get through the entire book and I might have, I don't know, 30 pages or so of a traditional book,

00:21:34.760 like 10 to 15% of the pages are marked. And again, it could be a sentence. It could be a paragraph. It

00:21:39.740 could be a concept. If it makes me think of something else, I usually will write in the margin,

00:21:44.740 you know, this paragraph means this to me. And then, then I go back when I'm done with the book

00:21:50.980 and I just start reading the dog eared pages and I read in order to apply. And that's one of the

00:21:58.520 things that I wanted to talk with you about real quickly, Anthony, as you said, for your contribution

00:22:02.900 quadrant, I'm going to improve my communication with family, friends, and coworkers. Love that.

00:22:08.480 And then he said, by reading and implementing three books over the next 90 days,

00:22:12.000 implementation is going to be the biggest thing for you. And I'm not even sure if you necessarily

00:22:17.300 should read three in 90 days. You certainly could. That's doable. But I would, I would be more pressed

00:22:25.840 to say, Hey, why don't you just read one book on communication and spend 80% of your time

00:22:33.220 implementing what you're learning. So for example, if you're going to pick how to win friends and

00:22:37.280 influence people, read that book, use the tactic of highlighting and dog earing the pages. And then

00:22:43.780 maybe every week for the next 12 weeks, that's your 90 day battle plan. You take one concept from the

00:22:50.680 book and you apply it for a week. And then the next week you do that previous concept and concept two

00:22:56.660 in the next week. And by the time you're done, you're doing 10 to 11 to 12 different things that

00:23:02.360 you were not doing before. That's going to be way more effective with learning how to communicate

00:23:07.600 with your family, friends, and coworkers than it is to read three books and try to implement all of

00:23:12.660 this stuff. So I just think the ratio of your activity could be a little heavily weighted towards

00:23:18.440 reading and you can't communicate with people by reading. You only get better at communicating with

00:23:24.820 people by actually communicating with people. Now I'm not saying just go do it haphazardly,

00:23:30.020 but if you, like I said earlier, if you're trying to start conversations with people,

00:23:35.160 just random people at the gym or at the grocery store or wherever it may be when appropriate,

00:23:39.360 even if you didn't read a book, you're going to get significantly better at communicating.

00:23:43.860 If you learn to read what they're thinking or read their body language or look for subtle

00:23:48.280 social cues, do a little after action review, you're going to get way better at that than if you

00:23:53.420 read a book at all. And again, I'm not saying don't read a book, just tip it, read one book,

00:23:59.200 80% should be focused on implementation. All right, let's go to Barry Lawrence. He says,

00:24:06.840 Hey, your team insomnia solutions would help me. My brand is quote unquote, fall asleep within minutes

00:24:13.700 and wake up one or two hours later. And then I'm up all night. I've been battling it with it for 30

00:24:20.040 years. I've addressed several causes, blue light, not apnea, uh, working out till I drop, et cetera,

00:24:25.600 not into pills. I'm getting pretty certain it's stress insight on how to quiet the mind,

00:24:31.460 eliminate anxiety and actually fall asleep. Well, first things first, I'm not a doctor. Okay. So I

00:24:38.980 don't know if there's a medical issue happening here. You said it's not sleep apnea. So that's good.

00:24:45.240 Um, but there could be something else. I don't know. So I'm only going to give you ideas and advice

00:24:50.880 based on what I do and what I know with regards to falling asleep. Uh, number one is watch your

00:24:57.560 caffeine. That is big. I, I like to have a red bull here and there. And I noticed that if I have

00:25:06.960 one late at night, I can usually fall asleep. That's not an issue is I can fall asleep. If I

00:25:13.480 have a red bull, no problem. But I usually find myself tossing and turning in the middle of the night,

00:25:18.140 or even waking up in the middle of the night because I had that and the caffeine kicks in

00:25:22.640 and then I'm up. So popular wisdom says to stop consuming caffeine after about two o'clock in the

00:25:32.820 afternoon. Also watch your alcohol intake. I don't know if you drink, I don't know if you're having a

00:25:38.400 few drinks before bedtime, but a lot of people will. And they'll say, Oh, it helps me relax. And it puts me

00:25:44.020 to sleep. No, it actually doesn't do either of those things. It knocks you out. It hinders your

00:25:52.060 ability to function properly. So you're not actually resting. You're passed out. I used to say that when

00:25:58.120 I was in the throes of my alcohol abuse is like, you know, I would say I'm asleep. That's not accurate.

00:26:03.600 I was passed out and that's different because you're not actually getting the proper rest. And I don't know

00:26:08.440 the science behind it. I'm sure somebody like Andrew Huberman, uh, or Matthew Walker could probably tell

00:26:13.180 you he's a big sleep guy could probably tell you the science behind it, but I'm just telling you,

00:26:17.540 if you're drinking before you go to bed, you're probably going to fall asleep, quote unquote,

00:26:22.380 really fast, AKA pass out. Uh, and then you'll wake up in the middle of the night and because your

00:26:27.940 body's like, Hey, we're rested. We just slept for four hours. Like we're ready to go now. Well,

00:26:33.220 no, you're not, but the alcohol is messing with you. So those are two things. Another thing before you

00:26:38.740 go to bed. So those are both before you go to bed. Another thing before bed is, uh, be very careful

00:26:43.780 of the electronics. You alluded to blue light here, which is good. That's the light illuminating from

00:26:49.540 our devices and TVs and electronics. Uh, you can use blue light blockers. Best thing to do is just

00:26:55.600 to do away with electronics altogether. Uh, another thing that's helpful when it comes to sleeping

00:27:01.180 is that the bed, when you're in bed, it should be for two things, sleep and sex. That's, that's how

00:27:08.720 I look at it. I want to train my body that when I get into bed, one of those two things is going to

00:27:13.760 happen and that's it. I'm not in there playing games. I don't, I do occasionally watch a movie,

00:27:19.360 um, cause I've got the TV here, but I don't like to do that and fall asleep to that necessarily. I think

00:27:24.980 it, I think it messes with your sleep. So usually if I'm watching a movie, I'm, I'm on the couch,

00:27:30.380 I'll watch a movie on the couch and then I'll get in bed and go to sleep. When I'm ready to go to

00:27:34.380 bed, I usually do fall asleep on the couch, which probably is not a great thing either,

00:27:37.800 but yeah, designate the, the, the bed for exactly what it's for and do nothing else.

00:27:42.860 Train your body to know that, Hey, when you get in there, you're going to sleep. Uh, outside of that,

00:27:48.240 what I would say is maybe read a good book, uh, keep the lights low, but read a really good book,

00:27:54.560 read something not heavy, just read something light. Maybe it's even fictional work,

00:28:00.060 Jack Carr's got some great series, uh, that you can, uh, that you can read, uh, lead child,

00:28:06.940 Jack Reacher, uh, the lead child and Andrew child who writes those, uh, those are good fictional

00:28:12.700 works that I enjoy. Never look at your phone before you go to bed, especially don't ever pull

00:28:19.060 up your emails. If I pull up my emails, man, it's over. I'm not going to sleep for a very long time.

00:28:25.700 So my emails do not get checked before I go to bed. Uh, and then as far as the way your,

00:28:31.460 your sleeping arrangement should be set up is find a mattress that's suitable for you.

00:28:36.740 I like a fairly firm mattress. Uh, I'm, I'm either a stomach sleeper or a side sleeper.

00:28:42.580 So I need to have that, that support. So I like a firm mattress and then you want to make sure it's

00:28:48.120 as dark as it can be. So I don't know if you have like streetlights coming in your window,

00:28:53.060 I'd get some, I have blackout curtains on my, on my door here that goes out to the,

00:28:58.420 the, the backyard and the window light blocking, uh, drapes, black, black light blocking drapes.

00:29:06.200 Um, all the little, uh, the little lights on electronics, you know, I've got like a printer

00:29:11.740 over here and it's got like a little red light. And then my TV has like a little blue light.

00:29:15.540 And then the power surge button right here has like a little red light. I actually went through

00:29:19.280 and put black electrical tape on all of that. I've got other little gadgets and gizmos in here.

00:29:24.920 I unplug all of that because I want it as dark as it can possibly be. I want zero light in here

00:29:30.040 when I go to bed. Um, and then the other thing is the temperature and you're going to have to

00:29:35.120 probably fight your wife on this a little bit, but I think 68, 69 degrees, uh, is pretty commonly

00:29:41.100 held practice for the best temperature for falling and staying asleep. That's what I do. So I don't know

00:29:47.280 if you've tried all of those things, but if not, give them a try. Let me know how that works out

00:29:51.720 for you. Cause sleep is crucial. All right, let's go over to Joe Johnston. He says, good morning

00:29:59.160 from Port Liberty, crazy at work today. But I think my main question is how to actively be less

00:30:05.820 complacent. Okay. So we talked about this. What habits can we form in our head to basically quote

00:30:10.840 unquote quit bitching? Have a great day guys. Vision is done. Ready to work on objectives and

00:30:15.340 quadrants this week. The only other thing I would say on this, Joe, outside of what I talked about

00:30:19.900 with Troy is making sure, since you're talking about your vision and we alluded to it a little

00:30:26.260 bit earlier, just making sure that that is dialed in, that it is emotionally charged and it's actually

00:30:33.220 very compelling for you. And if it's not, then you're not going to be motivated to do big and great

00:30:39.800 things. You just won't. But if you can associate the work that you're doing professionally,

00:30:46.140 personally, within your family, financially, all the work that you're doing, and you can tie it

00:30:51.960 directly to some long-term vision of the way you see your life going, and it's inextricably connected,

00:31:01.160 I think you're going to have an easier time staying motivated when things get hard, work's tough,

00:31:08.120 you feel like you're in a rut, can't get out of this groove that you've been in.

00:31:12.280 And if it's compelling, then I think that in a lot of ways will compel you to keep going,

00:31:18.740 even though you're feeling burnt up and burnt out. And of course, the other ideas that I gave you with

00:31:23.200 mixing things up and trying new things. All right, let's go over to Kevin Nickel,

00:31:27.820 battle team leader for Team Romulus, a great man. He says,

00:31:30.980 we can sometimes compare ourselves to others, leading to an inflated ego, resulting in telling

00:31:37.580 ourselves that we are better than others. We can also compare ourselves to others, resulting in

00:31:42.800 thinking that we can never be where that person is, or what they have accomplished. How do you get out

00:31:49.680 of the comparison trap? So I have a bit of a different take on the comparison trap. I actually

00:31:54.400 don't think it's bad if you do it in a healthy way. Now, don't get me wrong. It can be bad. If it leads

00:32:01.080 to Kevin, what you just said, thinking that you could never accomplish what another person has

00:32:06.080 accomplished, that's an issue. I sometimes fall into that on, on social media. A lot of the times

00:32:13.380 are other podcasters that I admire and respect what they're doing, where I think, well, how come

00:32:18.220 I'm not as far as that person? Or why didn't I have that guest on the podcast? Or why do I not get as

00:32:23.280 many downloads or have as many social media followers as this person or that person? And it's

00:32:28.100 no longer a healthy way to look at what other people are doing. It's actually a toxic trait.

00:32:34.700 It's a toxic behavior. So in that case, I cut it out. And I've done this probably half a dozen to a

00:32:40.800 dozen times over the past 10 years, where I noticed I might get fixated on one particular person.

00:32:45.780 Let's say Joe Rogan, for example, I don't feel this way about Joe Rogan. I actually look at what

00:32:51.040 he's doing and it inspires me. Like if that guy can do what he's doing, then I certainly can.

00:32:55.720 Nothing against Joe Rogan. I think he's great. I think he's wonderful, but I don't think he's

00:33:00.440 superhuman. I think he's a, a probably a pretty ordinary guy doing some incredible things because

00:33:06.540 of his work ethic and his characteristics and the things that he's done. And that inspires me,

00:33:12.940 but let's say it didn't. Let's say every time I got behind this microphone, I'm like, oh man,

00:33:18.580 Joe Rogan, I'm never going to be able to be as good as him and never going to have the gas,

00:33:22.520 never going to make the money, never going to impact or have his level of reach. In that case,

00:33:28.240 I would completely stop listening to Joe Rogan. I would unfollow his social media accounts. I would

00:33:33.920 unsubscribe from any, uh, like Twitter or any emails that I might get or be sent out. I would just

00:33:40.440 completely get rid of it because it's toxic. And like I said, I've done that at points in my life

00:33:45.040 and in my career over the past 10 years where I've just completely stepped away from somebody where I

00:33:50.720 start to get that toxic feel and it's nothing against them at all. It's my own issue. So it's

00:33:56.200 not an indictment against what I have a person I have to unfollow is doing. It's just, Hey, I can't

00:34:02.180 because it's consuming my thoughts and I don't, I don't want it to be that way. Um, when it comes to

00:34:08.920 thinking that we're better than other people, I just try to look at their worth is as human souls,

00:34:15.760 not even human beings as souls, sons and daughters of God. Like I'm not better than anybody else.

00:34:22.120 I might be better at certain things than other people and other people are better at certain

00:34:27.080 things than me, but that that's not the same as their worth as a human being. Everybody's worth

00:34:34.220 is equal. It's unlimited, full of potential. And I used to feel this way. You know, what actually

00:34:42.440 helps is being humbled in life. Like you can, as the phrase goes, you can either be humble or get

00:34:48.300 humbled. And when humility is introduced into the framework, it has a very clear way of letting you

00:34:57.600 know that you shouldn't be passing judgment on other people. Now I'm careful with that language

00:35:05.100 because a lot of people say, well, you shouldn't judge. I don't actually completely agree with that

00:35:11.280 either. Again, it can be done health in a healthy way and an unhealthy way. If I'm judging, for example,

00:35:17.540 who my kids are spending their time with, I would say that's righteous judgment. Like I'm,

00:35:23.200 I'm not only am I allowed to make those judgments, I'm required to make those judgments. So if I see

00:35:30.020 that my kids are hanging out with a piece of trash because of not, again, not as his worth, 0.83

00:35:34.780 but because of the things that he does, then my kids and I are going to have conversations about 0.96

00:35:40.300 that. And you better believe I'm judging that person. But if I'm at the gym and I see a guy walk

00:35:45.420 in and he's 80 pounds overweight, I'm not going to laugh at him and say he's inferior or look at this

00:35:50.340 fat guy. And I'm not going to do that because he's at the gym. He's getting after it. I used to be

00:35:58.680 in a very similar boat. And again, that's a level of humility that you can either decide to have or

00:36:06.460 life or God, however you choose to look at it, is going to deliver it to your inbox. It's just going

00:36:13.360 to happen. More likely, you're going to create a situation yourself that, that causes you to get

00:36:18.780 humbled, lose a job, breakdown of a relationship, financial issues, but you will be humbled.

00:36:25.380 So you can decide to do it ahead of time. But that's what I would say. Be humble with those,

00:36:30.440 know their worth as human souls, not necessarily human beings. And then when it comes to the

00:36:35.560 comparison trap of what other people are doing, get rid of the people that you feel like you're

00:36:41.720 having a toxic relationship with, uh, and only spend time focusing on those people who inspire,

00:36:50.580 motivate, edify, and uplift you. That has nothing to do with them. That's your issue. That's my issue,

00:36:54.940 but it's still one I'm very aware of. And I don't, I don't play in that ballpark.

00:36:58.980 All right, let's go to Jeremy coffee. Uh, Oh, actually one of the thing, when you notice

00:37:06.520 yourself and this comes to comparing the comparison trap of other people and what they have,

00:37:11.260 usually that's what you're comparing yourself to. And that's the comparison trap. You're not

00:37:16.440 usually comparing yourself to the work that it took for that person to achieve the result.

00:37:20.860 It's envious. You just want their result without the effort they had to put in. So if you ever catch

00:37:29.260 yourself discounting somebody's success, that's a red flag that you are falling into the comparison

00:37:36.100 trap. You might not call it that. It might not be so readily available to you or be aware of it,

00:37:41.720 but I promise you, if you're saying how that guy gets so lucky, well, yeah, if I had this or did that

00:37:49.060 or made this connection or had that opportunity, well, then I'd have what he has. You're discounting

00:37:55.260 a person's level of work. It took to get there. I've done this even in the gym, like you, Kevin,

00:38:00.900 you're, you're like a physical specimen. You're strong. You're fit. It used to be where I'd be

00:38:06.380 like, yeah, it's just good genetics. Like Kevin's just got good genes. And like, there's nothing I

00:38:09.920 could do to look like that. That's just genes. How arrogant of me to say, but, but the reality is,

00:38:18.020 and you can tell me the truth because the truth is you bust your ass at the gym. You keep your diet 1.00

00:38:24.500 clean. You work hard. You train. You're like, you do those things. So anybody who says it's just genes

00:38:31.520 is discounting everything that you did to have what you have. And the guys who are saying that

00:38:37.680 are only saying that because they're envious of what you have, but they're certainly not envious of

00:38:42.220 the work it took to get there. So be aware of that. If you're starting to discount like, oh,

00:38:47.140 that guy got lucky. Oh, he was at the right place at the right place at the right time.

00:38:51.500 If that kind of stuff, you're falling into comparison trap. And instead of looking at

00:38:56.020 what that person has, start asking yourself, what did that person do? If I want to look like Kevin,

00:39:02.220 I'm not going to say genes or luck or whatever. Look, no, I'm going to say, what did Kevin do

00:39:07.160 in order to build that physique and that level of health in his life? And am I willing to personally

00:39:12.640 do it? The answer might be no, by the way. And if it's, that is, that's okay. But if it's not,

00:39:18.280 then you have to actually do the work. If you want to experience the result, that's been helpful for me

00:39:22.260 too. All right, let's go to Jeremy Coffey. He says, I was recently asked by an iron council member,

00:39:31.460 what's your greatest strength? My answer was that I don't quit thinking more about it. That can't be

00:39:37.940 accurate. Otherwise I'd still be playing youth soccer and trying to get the high score on the

00:39:42.860 Galaga machines at Supreme pizza. Oh man, throwback to a easier times for sure. Can you provide your

00:39:51.040 insights on how, when you choose to move on from something versus putting your head down and trying

00:39:55.820 to make it work no matter what? Okay. I like this question. So here's, here's the distinction that you

00:40:02.640 need to make. There's quitting and there's pivoting. They're cousins, but they're different

00:40:09.180 quitting and pivoting. Quitting in my mind is doing something that you still have a desire to do.

00:40:18.360 There's still some inkling of desire for you to do it, but you stop doing it because you said it was

00:40:25.840 too hard or it took too long or it costs too much. You still want it, but you're saying the sacrifice

00:40:32.280 isn't, is too great to me, that's quitting. So if you were playing soccer when you were a kid

00:40:40.180 and you found out that, you know what, I just don't like soccer, but I like team sports and I want to

00:40:45.480 go try hockey or lacrosse or baseball or football or track or wrestling or whatever. That's not,

00:40:53.620 you didn't quit. I mean, yes, technically, you know, we use that word. Oh, he quit playing soccer,

00:40:57.600 but you didn't quit according to the definition I just gave you. You're not interested in it.

00:41:03.160 You pivoted. You said, Hey, I like team sports. I like being here. I like being active. I like

00:41:08.660 competing. I like winning. I like getting better. I just don't like the medium of soccer. So I'm

00:41:13.420 going to do baseball. That's not quitting. That's pivoting. Again, quitting is when you still have the

00:41:19.540 desire to do it, but the sacrifice is just, you're not willing to pay the sacrifice.

00:41:24.680 Time, money, energy, resources, et cetera. Same thing with work. If works too hard, like you love

00:41:33.500 the job, but the hours are rough and, and it's hard, but you still have this desire to do it,

00:41:39.600 but you just don't want to put forth the effort. That's quitting. You're betraying yourself is what

00:41:43.900 you're doing. You still want it, but you're not going to do the work to get it. That's a betrayal of

00:41:50.400 yourself. Pivoting is, Hey, I'm not interested in that, but here's the elements of the things

00:41:57.580 that I'm interested in. And here's what I'm going to do. I'll give you an example. So I started a

00:42:01.400 podcast in late 2014 called wealth anatomy. Some people who listen to this podcast, maybe have

00:42:08.880 listened to that podcast or have heard me talk about this, but it was my very first entrance into

00:42:13.740 the podcasting game. It was called wealth anatomy. And it was a podcast dedicated to helping, uh,

00:42:19.420 healthcare professionals with their financial services. Cause that's my previous job of financial

00:42:23.360 advisor. And I did about 20 or 25 episodes. And I realized I, I really love, I really love

00:42:31.780 podcasting. I just don't want to have this conversation. It wasn't that it was too hard.

00:42:36.200 It wasn't that the sacrifice was too much. It was like, I don't even want to have that. I had no desire.

00:42:41.200 So I shut down wealth anatomy. You could say quit quote unquote, but I shut down wealth anatomy and

00:42:49.240 I launched order of man. And immediately, I mean, overnight I realized, okay, that was such a

00:42:57.580 pivotal moment. I'm using the word pivot on purpose, pivotal moment for me because I found out things I

00:43:04.640 liked. I opened myself to new opportunities. I pivoted, I adjusted, and I made a little change,

00:43:10.620 still podcasting different subject. And here we are 1500 episodes in 10 years later, millions and

00:43:17.080 millions of men are across the planet being reached all because of a pivot. Now I could have been

00:43:21.280 hardheaded and stubborn say, I'm not going to quit. I never throw in the towel. That's stupid. And we

00:43:26.800 don't want to be stupid. You don't need to do things to bang your head against the wall just because 1.00

00:43:31.440 you don't want to be a quote unquote quitter. And that's why it's important to differentiate between

00:43:35.200 quit and pivot. But you have to be careful because you know yourself better than anybody else, even

00:43:42.460 subconsciously, mostly subconsciously probably. So it's very easy for you to generate ideas in your

00:43:49.220 head and make them sound real in order to justify you actually quitting. So you might say, I really

00:43:56.780 want to start this business, but you know, like I can't right now because of the kids and this and

00:44:03.780 to that, like you're just making excuses and you're betraying yourself, but you're telling yourself

00:44:09.580 things that are true so that you can live with yourself. Because if you had this vision and this

00:44:15.400 dream and this goal, and you couldn't justify why you weren't doing it, you you'd be miserable.

00:44:21.580 Like many people are. We all know those people. They have goals and dreams and visions and ideas,

00:44:26.600 and they're not doing anything about it. And they're depressed and they're down and they're

00:44:31.560 isolated and maybe even suicidal. And it's like, how, how are we questioning the problem here?

00:44:37.300 You're not actively working towards the things that you believe in your soul are meaningful to you.

00:44:42.680 So of course you're depressed. Of course you're anxious. Of course you're feeling down and depressed

00:44:49.860 and sad. And maybe even, of course you are. So pursue the things, do not betray yourself and,

00:44:56.740 and get after it. I would also want to address one of the things you said, putting your head down

00:45:03.200 and trying to make it work no matter what. With regards to making it work no matter what,

00:45:08.640 if it's still of interest to you, I would adopt that mantra. I'm going to make this work no matter

00:45:12.640 what. There's a Latin phrase and you guys tell me I'm wrong on this. I don't know a Latin, but it's

00:45:18.480 like Envenium Atificium. I don't know if that's exactly how you pronounce it, but it means I will

00:45:24.220 either find a way or make one. I will either find a way or make one. And that's an internal

00:45:30.300 principle of mine. I'm either going to find a way to make this work or I'm going to create a way.

00:45:36.940 That's it. Those are the only two options. So that's been helpful. But what I would say on a more tactical

00:45:41.880 level is if you feel like you're banging your head against the wall and you're not making progress the

00:45:48.380 way you want to, first, stop banging your head against the wall. Second, drop the ego. Third,

00:45:55.800 go get some help. Go get some coaching. If you're going to the gym and you've plateaued and you're

00:46:01.300 not doing any better than you were before and you're not seeing results or you're not losing weight,

00:46:05.820 go hire a trainer. Go hire a fitness coach. Go hire a nutritionist. If you're doing a podcast and

00:46:12.260 it's not growing and it's not building, hire another podcaster. I actually just last week reached out to

00:46:17.080 two podcasters that are doing significantly better than I am to say, Hey, and they don't offer this

00:46:22.820 publicly. I said, Hey, do you guys, can I, can I get some coaching? Like I'll hire you whether it's

00:46:28.700 for an hour or whether it's an ongoing basis or for a month or whatever. Unfortunately, both of them

00:46:34.160 declined, but I'm just telling, and I'll find somebody who will do it because I'm willing to

00:46:39.080 invest in them and myself. But I'm just telling you, even at this stage of the podcasting game,

00:46:44.860 I'm still looking for people who are out ahead and looking for professional coaching so they can

00:46:50.680 teach me the things I need to know to be better at this game. Coaching is crucial. All right, let's go

00:46:56.960 to Mark Contreras. He says, when it comes to coaching your kid in a team sport, how do you set boundaries

00:47:04.220 and make it clear to them when you're in coach mode and in dad mode? Also, it seems my son doesn't

00:47:09.880 have a passion for playing soccer. He acts like sorta likes it. And I don't see him putting enough

00:47:14.640 effort into sharpening his skill. How would you navigate a conversation regarding passion and

00:47:20.140 effort and dedication? Um, he says regarding soccer, I'm having a difficult time coaching my son

00:47:26.360 because he thinks I pick on him, him, even though he does, he does need more help than others. I stay

00:47:32.800 away from him as much as possible during practices, but sometimes I need to be the one to call him out or

00:47:38.540 focus on him more, but he hates it when I do that. Okay, cool. All valid. First of all, I want to

00:47:45.100 commend you for coaching his team. That's really cool. A lot of dads don't do that. And I know

00:47:48.940 firsthand experience. Anytime I coach a team, it's like pulling teeth sometimes to get another dad just

00:47:53.380 to help to be an assistant coach. So I like that you're doing that. Um, I think there's some

00:47:58.380 conversations that you need to have Mario with your, with your son about the boundaries. So first thing I

00:48:05.960 would say is, Hey, look, son, you know, I don't know how old your boy is by the way, that actually

00:48:10.600 would be useful information because it would change the answer a little bit depending on his age. Um,

00:48:17.420 but what I would say is, Hey son, look, we need to be able to establish boundaries. I want to coach

00:48:23.940 your team, but we need to establish the difference between when I'm in dad mode and when I'm in coach

00:48:28.340 mode. And here's some things that will need to happen. Um, number one is you don't call me dad on the

00:48:33.120 field. You call me coach. I'm your coach. Yes, I'm your dad, but there I'm your coach.

00:48:37.700 And that's not only good for us and we know what mode we're in, but it's good for other people to

00:48:42.800 see that I'm not playing favorites or giving you any sort of different treatment just because you

00:48:47.560 happen to be my son. So when we're on the field, I am coach Contreras coach or whatever, but you don't

00:48:54.000 call me dad. So that's one thing that I would say. Um, I would also have a real conversation. Again,

00:49:02.100 I don't know how old he is, but I would start to have a conversation. Let's just assume he's

00:49:05.960 gosh, I don't know, eight, nine or so maybe right in there. Uh, I would start to have a conversation

00:49:11.460 about ego with him. Um, and because it sounds like a little bit of that is creeping in. He thinks that

00:49:17.980 you're picking on him and actually maybe you are. So you have to be aware of that because I sense it

00:49:24.180 in here a little bit when you say he, uh, he acts like he likes it, but he doesn't put enough effort

00:49:28.920 into it. You don't really know how you're coming across to him. So you need to really be aware.

00:49:36.520 He might be misinterpreting what you're saying, but if he's misunderstanding the way you're

00:49:42.480 communicating, then that's an issue for both of you, not just him because you want to reach him.

00:49:48.520 And you also want to reach your other players. When I was coaching the way that I would coach

00:49:53.640 my son would be different than the way I might coach another boy on the team and not because he's

00:49:59.520 my son, but because he has a different personality than another player on the team. And I was not

00:50:05.400 great at this. In fact, in a lot of ways, I was kind of horrible in some instances, which I hate to

00:50:11.560 say, but you know, it's, we go through it. Like we mature and we grow up and we develop and we learn

00:50:18.500 better. And as I'm coaching my kids as teams now, I've definitely enjoyed it more. I know they have as

00:50:23.320 well, cause they're asking me if I'll coach their teams, but knowing your players is crucial.

00:50:28.640 And of course you're going to treat every one of them different. So when you're done with practice,

00:50:33.940 you might on the way home say, Hey bud, look, I know I got a little bit after you at practice today

00:50:38.940 about your passing. Um, and it wasn't to pick on you. It wasn't to isolate you, but you're part of

00:50:45.420 the team. And if you notice, I actually talked with little Billy too, about him paying attention on the

00:50:53.140 field and why it's important to be ready. Even if the ball is not near you, you remember me having

00:50:57.740 that conversation with him? Yeah, I do. Right. So I want you to see that I'm not here to pick on you.

00:51:03.260 I'm here to help you improve. And I'm not isolating you. I'm actually giving instruction and coaching

00:51:08.000 to you and every other little boy or girl on the team. So do you see that? Do you recognize that?

00:51:15.920 Do you acknowledge that? And I think he will start to see it. And then regarding the soccer thing,

00:51:20.240 again, last time I'll say this, I don't know his age, but I know it's very easy for a dad who has

00:51:29.300 high expectations of his son. And we all, we all do because we want the best for our kids.

00:51:34.600 And that's where it comes from. It doesn't come from a place of malice. It comes from a place of

00:51:39.480 benevolence. We, we want our children to thrive and to win and succeed. But sometimes we, as men

00:51:44.920 think that we're talking to men and we're not, we're talking to boys, future men, sure. But not

00:51:53.340 develop to the level that like, if I got in your face and said, Hey man, you're messing up. Like,

00:51:57.460 let's go. You're part of the team. Let's go. You could handle that significantly better. Again,

00:52:02.100 I'm assuming that an eight or a nine-year-old little boy can. So what I suggest is maybe he's

00:52:11.420 not enjoying it because you're a drill sergeant. I don't know. I'm making some assumptions here.

00:52:16.420 Maybe you are. And is there a way for you to coach in a different way that actually potentially with

00:52:25.300 a little empathy, not softness, I'm not saying that, but just a more empathetic approach could

00:52:31.060 actually help you be a better coach to not just your son, but the rest of the boys on the team.

00:52:35.780 Could it actually help them more? And could it actually help you guys win more games? Which is

00:52:41.640 ultimately what you want to do. Teach them the skills to win on the, on the field and in life.

00:52:47.580 As I get a little older, I'm 43 years old, a little more gray hair. You can see in the beard

00:52:51.980 starting to creep in. I'm finding that making things fun, especially the younger the kids are,

00:52:59.120 and just having a little bit more empathy and not being so tough and hard and rigid.

00:53:05.300 You know, I remember soccer last year with my, my son and it's hilarious. You know, he was,

00:53:10.780 he was seven at the time. It's like hurting cats. It's, it's hilarious. If you take it that way,

00:53:17.600 like you can be serious and have fun with it and coach, but I had the most fun I've ever had

00:53:24.120 coaching a team last year. We didn't, I think we won one game and it was when I was out of town,

00:53:29.940 the assistant coach came in and they won one game. The rest of the season, we didn't want win one

00:53:34.460 game. And I had more fun that season than any other time that I had. And don't get me wrong.

00:53:39.380 You guys know, if you've been listening, I keep score. I'm here to win. This is not all about just

00:53:44.400 having fun, but part of it is because if you're having fun with the boys and they like being with you

00:53:52.000 again, not soft, but they like being with you, you're going to have more influence. So when you

00:53:56.840 speak up, they're going to listen. So evaluate that, try to try to be as objective as possible.

00:54:02.640 Maybe ask other dads or see other co what other coaches are doing. Um, maybe you have an assistant

00:54:08.060 coach, or maybe you are the assistant coach and get some feedback from one of your other coaches.

00:54:12.200 Um, ask your wife, I'd say, be careful on that one because women generally are going to be overly 1.00

00:54:16.980 empathetic. Like if, if we're overly, uh, aggressive, they're overly empathetic. So you

00:54:23.340 have to kind of find the balance of that. I think having a man there to be assertive and bold is a

00:54:29.900 lot of the times what the situation calls for, but empathy allows for you to be assertive and bold 0.88

00:54:34.740 without being a dickhead. So something to keep in mind. And then, uh, I did want to publicly say

00:54:40.260 this as well. So Daniel Gray, another member of the iron council says that he highly recommends

00:54:44.680 inside out coaching by, uh, Joe Airman. So that's a, that's a pretty good resource apparently as

00:54:51.680 well. I don't know, but that's a recommendation. Um, all right guys, last question of the day.

00:54:57.200 It says a long time ago, I said something to Breckin. I apologize if the spelling's off. No,

00:55:01.440 you got it right. John about having the right attitude towards finances on his podcast. My question

00:55:07.320 is what is the right attitude towards finances? I struggle with my relationship with finances and

00:55:13.400 have been constantly trying to improve any insight into basic financial relationships

00:55:17.360 would be greatly appreciated. Well, so when I was doing financial planning, uh, I had a early

00:55:24.460 mentor. His name was Mark Madsen. His name is still Mark Madsen actually. And, uh, in fact,

00:55:30.040 he was on the podcast about two or three months ago and he put together, uh, some training on what

00:55:38.000 he calls money demons and money demons are toxic, negative thoughts we have about money and our

00:55:47.700 emotion towards money. And one of the exercises he would say is he would say to the group that he was

00:55:53.920 coaching guys, fill in the blank. Money is blank. And then you would write it down. And then he'd give

00:56:02.400 you another prompt, rich people, excuse me, excuse me, rich people are blank. And then you would write

00:56:09.500 it down. What was fascinating about this is most of the people, not all, but most of the people say,

00:56:15.960 said money is the root of evil. Money is greedy money is, you know, those types of things. Or they'd say

00:56:24.920 rich people are, uh, assholes. Rich people are pretentious. Rich people are crooks. Rich people 1.00

00:56:32.380 are criminals. Not everybody, but most people had negative responses to money is, and rich people

00:56:39.180 are, and then the fill in the blanks. And what he said is that every time you say something negative

00:56:44.360 about that, that's a money demon creeping in to your behavior and patterns around wealth building. 1.00

00:56:51.560 So if you said rich people are assholes, well, you don't want to be an asshole. I don't think. 1.00

00:56:58.940 So you're in your mind, even subconsciously conflating being wealthy with being a dick. 0.98

00:57:05.740 And if that's the case, even subconsciously, you will subconsciously sabotage yourself because you 0.97

00:57:12.820 don't want to be that way. And you equate having money to being that way. So this is where false

00:57:19.640 dichotomies come in. People will say, well, you know, I'd rather be broke and, you know, be a nice

00:57:25.980 person. Sure. Okay. But that's a false dichotomy. You don't actually have to choose between the two.

00:57:34.140 You can be massively wealthy and also be nice. That's why it's a false dichotomy. You don't have

00:57:42.080 to choose between one or the other. So a lot of people have some toxic traits and behaviors, uh,

00:57:47.620 about, about money. And you can start thinking about where these came from. And most of them come

00:57:53.940 from when you were a kid, when you were a kid, the adults in your life said and did certain things

00:58:02.080 with money that you adopted and never questioned. So your mom or dad likely said, well, money doesn't

00:58:10.520 grow on trees. And technically that's true, but what, what is that teaching you that you can't create

00:58:20.620 wealth just out of nothing? Well, of course you can not out of nothing. I guess that's, uh, that,

00:58:27.320 that's a, uh, a theory, right? Is that energy is, is cannot be created or destroyed. It's just

00:58:33.140 transferred. And so it can't be created out of nothing, but it can be created from effort and

00:58:38.180 resources. Of course you can create money. You can grow your wealth. Of course you can, but you believe

00:58:43.060 that money doesn't grow on trees. So you can't just create it out of thin air. Or what's another

00:58:48.320 one? A penny saved is a penny earned. No, it isn't. A penny saved is a penny you didn't spend.

00:58:56.280 You didn't earn anything else. Like that's, that's as old as the Bible. It's the parable of the talents.

00:59:03.300 When the, the, the, the Lord comes to the servants and says, here's, here's some money,

00:59:08.820 go put it to work. And they got the one guy buries it. He's not saving anything. So he comes back and

00:59:15.440 the guy says, what'd you do with the money? He's like, I buried it. Cause I don't want to lose it.

00:59:18.780 And he got shunned for burying his talents. And the guy that said, I took all of it and I put it

00:59:25.540 to work and I doubled it and I came back and here's what I did. He was given more. He was taking the

00:59:30.540 money, the talents that was, were taken from the one who buried it and given to the one who actually

00:59:35.500 went out and did something with it. So a penny saved is a penny earned. That's stupid.

00:59:40.720 A penny saved is a penny, not spent a penny earned means you actually went out and you added value to 1.00

00:59:48.420 somebody's life and you created a product or a course or program or a service that people would

00:59:54.920 get value from. So you got to start thinking about the phrases that you learned. I remember growing up,

01:00:02.820 like I had to go buy shoes at Payless shoe source because that's all that we could afford. And you know,

01:00:09.120 you make ends meet, you make it work the way you can. And I remember I went to school one time

01:00:13.900 and a kid made fun of my, they were cheetahs. So like knockoff Nikes. He made fun of them.

01:00:20.160 I was probably like seven or eight and he made fun of them. And I'm 43 years old and I still remember

01:00:25.420 that. So you can't tell me that we don't adopt past experiences, even something as simple as an

01:00:32.720 eight-year-old making fun of you, that you won't adopt that into the rest of your life. Of course you

01:00:37.500 will. So you have to go back and ask yourself, what are my money demons and where are they coming

01:00:41.480 from? And then what do I replace them with? So for example, if my thought was rich people are a-holes,

01:00:48.760 well, now I should probably start thinking rich people are generous. Rich people are creative.

01:00:59.180 Rich people add value to the world. Rich people are intelligent. Rich people are resourceful.

01:01:07.920 There's a thousand things you could say about wealthy people. And if you associate positive

01:01:12.700 characteristics with it, you're more likely to want to be that kind of person. The one that I've

01:01:17.380 adopted into my life is I have a moral responsibility to be abundantly wealthy.

01:01:24.840 A moral responsibility. And why do I feel that way? Because that's how I serve my family, my friends,

01:01:31.460 my colleagues, you guys, if I have as much resources, charity. I pulled over the other day.

01:01:37.160 I don't know why I did this because I usually don't, but there was this woman on the side of 1.00

01:01:40.440 the road and she needed gas. And, and so I pulled over and I said, do you need, do you need help?

01:01:45.820 And she's like, yeah, I just, I'm trying to get some gas and look, we can critique whether or not

01:01:50.480 I should have done this or if it was better or worse. But I said, well, let's like here. And I

01:01:56.140 gave her five bucks. Like it wasn't a lot. Not too long ago, I saw another lady that was pulled over 1.00

01:02:02.320 and she needed gas. And I, I can't remember if she had a gas can or if I did, or I went to the

01:02:06.800 store and bought one, but I just went and filled it up like $15 worth of gas and brought it over to

01:02:11.100 her. Like I can't, you can't do that if you don't have money. If I'm worried about making ends meet

01:02:17.940 and I'm living paycheck to paycheck, I can't be charitable. I can't take the day off and go spend

01:02:23.720 it on things that are important to me. I can't go to all the, all the games that I can with my kids.

01:02:28.860 If I'm working because I'm enslaved, because I haven't really figured out how to make money.

01:02:33.660 Now there's a whole lot of strategy and tactics that we can get into and all that stuff. And we

01:02:37.760 will, of course we will. We have on this podcast and we do it in iron council as well. But the first

01:02:43.400 thing you need to do is get your mindset around money, right? If you, if you believe it's good

01:02:51.020 and you believe that you have a moral responsibility to build wealth in your life,

01:02:56.040 and that if you have more abundance and prosperity financially, that you can do bigger

01:03:00.560 and better things for more people, you're naturally going to be more attracted to the

01:03:04.860 activities and behaviors that produce wealth in your life. You're not going to save your

01:03:09.420 money. You're not going to bury it. So it can't be used. You're going to go out and enlist 0.69

01:03:13.180 those dollars. You're going to go deploy them. If you will. I heard this from Kevin O'Leary

01:03:18.300 on shark tank. You're going to go deploy your dollars and they're going to go out there and like

01:03:22.760 little soldiers, little minions, and they're going to go collect their friends and they're

01:03:25.700 going to come back to you. I love that, that visual. You're going to put your dollars to

01:03:30.680 work. I just invested in a company, um, black flag. In fact, I have their shirt on right 0.99

01:03:35.100 here. I just invested in this company. I had the means to do that. I'm very excited about

01:03:39.220 it because of the products they're putting together. And also the ability I have to see

01:03:43.200 a return on my investment. I invest in origin. I have other companies that I'm invested in

01:03:48.160 because I believe that I need to put my money to work so that I can do bigger, better,

01:03:54.460 greater, more charitable things in my life. That's what you're here to do. That's what

01:03:59.680 I'm here to do. To be the best person I can possibly be and to help other people do the

01:04:04.960 same. And I'm telling you, it's easier to do if you have the means to do it. So ask

01:04:10.400 yourself, what are my money demons and what are the right attitudes around money that I

01:04:14.160 can replace them with? To go back to your original question, you have a moral responsibility

01:04:18.220 to build wealth in your life. That's one. It does, being wealthy actually means you're

01:04:24.800 creative, resourceful, intelligent, thoughtful, generous. Those are things that you could say.

01:04:31.540 Um, and then realizing that money is, is, is just not bad. You know, a lot of people have

01:04:38.400 adopted, here's another phrase, money is the root of all evil. We hear that in the, in the

01:04:42.460 Bible. Well, it's not what it says. It's not money is the root of all evil, the love

01:04:47.800 of money, the love. And I, I would actually say it's probably more akin to lust, the lust

01:04:52.920 of money. Okay. Cause I think you can love money if you know that it represents wealth

01:05:02.100 value. This is the last thing I'll say on it. This is, I get worked up cause this is like

01:05:06.540 my previous job here, but what you need to understand is that money is only a metric

01:05:14.040 of value. That's all it is. It's nothing more. It's nothing less. The more money you

01:05:20.800 have, the more perceived value that you've given and created in other people's lives.

01:05:26.780 If I make $500,000 this year, that's the amount of value that I provided perceived value that

01:05:35.200 I provided other people. If I make 750,000, then I, I provided a perceived $250,000 more

01:05:45.720 value in people's lives. And if you look at it like that, then isn't it our job to create

01:05:51.420 as much value for other people as possible? Of course it is. You start adopting those mindsets

01:05:57.940 and then we'll get into strategies and tactics, but you got to get the mind right first. All

01:06:02.080 right, guys, that's all I've got for you. Great questions today. Hopefully I gave you

01:06:05.100 some good answers. Kip will be back for the better next week. It's always better when he's

01:06:09.760 here. We can bounce ideas off each other and we always have some good banter as well. So

01:06:14.760 make sure you tune in, subscribe. If you haven't left a rating and review on Spotify or iTunes,

01:06:19.700 or I guess it's not iTunes, it's Apple podcast that changed like seven years ago. I'm still

01:06:23.980 calling it iTunes. Uh, but Apple podcast and Spotify, that would mean a lot to me. This

01:06:29.320 is a grassroots movement. We're trying to add as much value to people's lives as we, as

01:06:32.860 we possibly can. So getting the word out is important. And then, uh, Oh, the only other

01:06:37.060 thing I was going to tell you about is make sure you check out themensforge.com, themensforge.com.

01:06:42.900 This is an event that me, Larry Hagner, Matt Boudreau, Connor Beaton, Matthew Vincent are

01:06:48.680 putting together just outside of St. Louis, May 1st through the 4th. And we just got word from

01:06:53.960 Dr. Robert Glover, the author of no more Mr. Nice guy. He's going to be one of our featured

01:06:58.800 speakers at the event. So we'd love to have you guys there. That's themensforge.com. All right,

01:07:05.100 guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become a man you are meant

01:07:10.200 to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge

01:07:18.940 of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

01:07:23.260 of man.com.

Order of Man - January 15, 2025

Overcoming Complacency, Communication is Key, and Correctly Comparing Yourself to Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Order of Man - January 15, 2025

Overcoming Complacency, Communication is Key, and Correctly Comparing Yourself&#xA0;to&#xA0;Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Overcoming Complacency, Communication is Key, and Correctly Comparing Yourself to Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING