Order of Man - Overcoming Insecurities and Preparing for Parenthood ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 Sometimes we have this idea that a real man just falls on his sword.

00:00:04.180 Screw that.

00:00:05.220 Like, have you seen the movie The Last Samurai?

00:00:07.740 And so the main samurai was defeated and he was going to kill himself.

00:00:13.660 And so Tom Cruise's character was like, no, you're not going to kill yourself.

00:00:17.720 Like, you're going to get up and fight.

00:00:19.000 And this main samurai character really came to love and appreciate Tom Cruise's character because of that fighting spirit.

00:00:26.520 I don't think it's noble to fall on your sword.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:31.620 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:33.060 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:36.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:39.420 Every time.

00:00:40.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:42.760 Rugged.

00:00:43.540 Resilient.

00:00:44.560 Strong.

00:00:45.500 This is your life.

00:00:46.620 This is who you are.

00:00:48.020 This is who you will become.

00:00:49.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:56.380 All right, guys.

00:00:57.200 Look who's finally back.

00:00:58.300 Kip, good to see you, man.

00:00:59.400 I don't know.

00:00:59.820 I don't know if you've been gone more or me.

00:01:01.460 Yeah, you've been gone more than me.

00:01:02.940 I went two weeks without you.

00:01:05.880 You only went one without me.

00:01:07.540 So.

00:01:08.160 All right.

00:01:08.600 You're the slacker.

00:01:09.900 I think that's actually historically true as well.

00:01:12.620 I don't think it's just the last two or three weeks.

00:01:14.860 I think it's the last five years or however long we've been doing this for.

00:01:19.160 It's been a while.

00:01:20.060 Well, I was thinking about how many episodes.

00:01:22.460 I usually make a document with the questions, and the document for today is 300.

00:01:30.040 That's not an exact, yeah.

00:01:31.540 That's not an exact, like I might be off a little bit.

00:01:34.180 Give or take.

00:01:34.500 But yeah, 300, 300 episodes.

00:01:36.760 That's pretty good.

00:01:37.700 Yeah.

00:01:37.900 That's pretty good.

00:01:38.700 We're doing well.

00:01:39.640 You might be finally getting our feet under us.

00:01:41.560 I was going to say, you'd think I'd be better at this by now with 300 tries, but maybe we

00:01:45.900 have to go for like, what is it?

00:01:47.080 10,000 hours before you're actually great at something?

00:01:50.420 I guess.

00:01:51.220 I guess.

00:01:51.880 I think I'm at about 1,500, close to 1,500 podcast episodes now.

00:01:58.040 It's crazy.

00:01:59.500 300 seems crazy in my mind.

00:02:02.540 I remember doing episode 20.

00:02:05.960 I remember the first episode.

00:02:07.560 Yeah.

00:02:08.040 And it's pretty amazing how far it goes if you just stick to it long enough.

00:02:12.300 Sometimes though I wonder, and maybe not wonder, but my personality is one that sometimes gets

00:02:19.440 burned out.

00:02:20.840 And when I do, I have enough discipline to keep doing it because my efforts are so tied

00:02:26.640 to the result that I desire.

00:02:28.580 So my vision is there.

00:02:29.940 But I think at times I end up on cruise control.

00:02:34.040 And that's one thing that I don't want to have happen with this podcast or the movement

00:02:37.540 is that you just coast because you're so good at whatever it is you're doing.

00:02:42.300 Because you've been doing it for a long time that you forget to grow and develop and get

00:02:46.340 better.

00:02:46.960 That's true.

00:02:47.760 But I think that's probably a natural tendency for all of us where if we're not intentional

00:02:53.340 about improving and doing AARs and seeing what we can improve, it's a very natural human

00:02:59.700 instinct to just coast, right?

00:03:01.400 And think about all the scenarios by which we might coast in life.

00:03:04.360 Our marriages, being a parent, how we show up at work, podcasts, it's so easy to do.

00:03:13.560 Yeah.

00:03:14.760 Yeah.

00:03:15.340 And I think I've talked about this in the past.

00:03:17.780 I actually think it's even worse than just coasting because coasting makes it sound like

00:03:22.580 it's linear.

00:03:23.600 Yeah.

00:03:24.340 And that doesn't happen.

00:03:26.280 It's, you know, people will use the analogy of cruise control.

00:03:29.540 Well, okay, well, that will maintain your speed, but there is no cruise control in life.

00:03:33.420 So if you're going down the road and you're going at 80 miles an hour, and yes, we can

00:03:37.940 do that here in Utah, you're going probably Texas too.

00:03:41.200 You're going down the road 80 miles an hour and you let your foot off the pedal.

00:03:46.240 It's not like you're going to stay at 80 miles an hour.

00:03:48.420 You're going to gradually slow down and eventually come to a halt.

00:03:51.320 So it's not even a coast.

00:03:53.360 It's a gradual decline.

00:03:56.000 If you don't stay on top of it and stay vigilant.

00:03:58.420 Totally.

00:03:59.120 Totally.

00:03:59.600 How do you, Ryan, when it comes to this podcast and even everything around order of man and

00:04:05.920 iron council, not lose sight that, that it's, that it's not an echo chamber because sometimes,

00:04:15.080 you know, we've talked about this a little bit is we get on the podcast, we talk and, and

00:04:19.160 sometimes I do question like, are we really moving the needle here?

00:04:23.040 It feels like we're saying the same things over and over.

00:04:27.540 Yeah.

00:04:27.740 How do you ensure that, that you stay motivated or just inspired or connected to your vision

00:04:33.660 in a way that you don't fall into that trap of just an echo chamber?

00:04:39.060 Cause I know it's not like when I think about it, cause I get messages and every so often

00:04:43.240 I'm like, holy crap, right?

00:04:44.380 Like this is really important, but it's hard to, to keep that on the forefront of my mind

00:04:49.240 and, and not lose sight of that.

00:04:52.460 Yeah.

00:04:52.900 I think, I think you brought up a really good point.

00:04:55.160 I get so many messages throughout the day from men who are impacted in a positive way

00:04:59.700 by the work we're doing.

00:05:00.820 So it's a constant reminder that we're doing the right things.

00:05:04.440 But I also get a lot of messages from men who are really struggling in their marriage

00:05:09.620 or with their weight or career aspirations.

00:05:12.720 And so I know, man, we need to do a better job serving these people.

00:05:17.040 And I also want to be really clear about something.

00:05:20.640 Obviously echo chamber has a negative connotation because you're just talking to each other and

00:05:25.460 what you're saying is just being said right back to you.

00:05:27.540 So there's no new stimulus coming in, but people have at times, and I see this a lot on

00:05:34.520 social media seem to think that just because you don't want it to be an echo chamber, then

00:05:40.420 you should allow all sorts of ideas into the movement.

00:05:43.900 And that's not true either.

00:05:45.380 We can entertain those ideas and we can think about them and ponder them and really decide

00:05:51.100 if they're valuable and if they're virtuous ideas.

00:05:53.620 But ultimately, of course, there's a set of core principles with the order of man movement.

00:05:59.860 I made a post the other day about eight or nine masculine political positions.

00:06:05.120 And I thought I made a pretty compelling case that I look at it through the lens of protect,

00:06:15.500 provide, preside, because that's the movement.

00:06:18.740 That's the mission.

00:06:19.420 And everybody says, oh, that's not what it is.

00:06:20.920 This, this, this, this, this.

00:06:21.940 A lot of people got really upset about it.

00:06:24.800 And my thought is, if you don't agree with it, you're welcome to leave.

00:06:29.700 Like, but these are the core tenets of what it means to be a man.

00:06:34.260 And some people will say, well, that's just your opinion.

00:06:36.540 Of course it is.

00:06:38.020 Who else's opinion would it be?

00:06:40.080 I started the movement 10 years ago.

00:06:42.400 Of course it's my opinion.

00:06:44.200 Now, I try to make the case for why protect, provide, preside is such a great way to view

00:06:49.440 the lens of life through for men.

00:06:52.000 But if you don't agree with that foundational principle, this is just not it.

00:06:56.500 And I'm not obligated or even feel all that compelled to move my mission around.

00:07:01.180 So you'll feel more comfortable with your opinion that might directly contrast with ours.

00:07:08.680 Yeah.

00:07:09.260 So people are just soft and weak.

00:07:11.460 It's, it's hard to deal with at times.

00:07:13.460 When it's weird that we get, we get into these thoughts like that thought where we demonize

00:07:18.580 something, you know, really similar last week, I was having a conversation with someone and

00:07:23.520 I got some feedback around me being so passionate around what I'm doing and I'm committed to

00:07:31.280 it being the right thing.

00:07:32.800 Right.

00:07:33.300 And, and the feedback was a little bit like that's negative.

00:07:36.260 And I was like, no, actually don't you want me to be highly abated and highly confident

00:07:43.100 that it's the right thing?

00:07:44.020 Like it'd be much worse if I was like, well, you know, it all depends.

00:07:48.580 And, and now we're not going anywhere like, but it's funny when you do that and you're

00:07:54.040 like, oh, well, they're so stern or they're so like passionate and committed to it.

00:07:57.180 It's like, yeah, maybe we should be, otherwise I shouldn't be doing it.

00:08:00.080 Right.

00:08:01.000 And so it's, it's funny how we have these little thoughts, you know, but anyhow, I just

00:08:06.040 think that softness has permeated every little fabric of society.

00:08:09.860 So anytime you say something that might conflict with somebody else's worldview, uh, or that

00:08:16.580 might be threatening to themselves or the way they see life, or maybe even potentially

00:08:23.300 even, uh, critical of the way that they're living their life, heaven forbid you offend

00:08:29.060 somebody, but being kind and being nice, although I think can be virtuous are not our highest

00:08:36.800 ideals.

00:08:37.300 They're not mine anyways.

00:08:38.780 Yeah, totally.

00:08:39.480 So they are being kind is an important thing, but it's not my most important thing.

00:08:46.400 Yeah.

00:08:46.760 Not at the sake of other things that are more important.

00:08:49.560 Yeah.

00:08:50.000 Yes.

00:08:50.780 Yeah.

00:08:51.100 So I don't set out to offend people.

00:08:53.680 I don't set, set out to piss people off.

00:08:55.680 Sometimes it might seem like I do, but that's because I'm willing to, I'm willing to sacrifice

00:09:01.980 that in order to share what I think is true and what I think will lead men to a good life.

00:09:07.440 And if you don't agree with it, that's fine.

00:09:10.280 You know what?

00:09:10.640 There's a lot of movements out there that I don't agree with at all.

00:09:14.480 And so I don't engage with those movements.

00:09:17.400 Like I'm not part of those movements and I don't ask those people to change their movement.

00:09:22.320 I asked them to come over to our side, but I don't ask them to change their movement.

00:09:25.640 But so, yeah, yeah, it's good stuff.

00:09:29.000 All right, sir, you got a headline for us.

00:09:31.860 Yeah, I pulled this up.

00:09:33.080 I saw this earlier this month.

00:09:34.860 There was, let's see, I'm just pulling it.

00:09:37.360 Uh-oh, there it is.

00:09:39.160 More than 200,000 pounds of a popular deli meat brand recalled nationwide, 200,000 pounds.

00:09:45.580 And I was reading through this article and it was saying that, I guess this was the end

00:09:52.860 of July, uh, 34 people have been infected in 13 states, including 33 hospitalizations

00:09:59.500 and two deaths.

00:10:01.360 So it doesn't appear to be a, a huge, from, from deli meat.

00:10:06.620 But it's like contaminated with what, do you know?

00:10:09.120 It's contaminated.

00:10:09.960 Oh, uh, let's see here.

00:10:13.980 I don't know that it said what.

00:10:19.140 I don't know.

00:10:19.900 I'll look in a minute, but yeah.

00:10:21.340 Yeah, and, and it's probably not, it says here, it's a situation in which there is a

00:10:26.220 reasonable probability that the use of or exposure to of a violative product that will

00:10:31.560 cause serious adverse health consequences or death.

00:10:34.940 But that's really all it says in this article anyways.

00:10:38.700 That's, uh, oh, contaminated with listeria, fever, chills, headache, nausea, diarrhea, convulsions,

00:10:45.620 and more.

00:10:46.000 It's also life-threatening for people who are 65 years of age or older, people who are

00:10:50.340 pregnant or compromised immune systems.

00:10:52.960 200,000 pounds, I don't really know, actually, is probably not a lot in the grand scheme of

00:10:57.360 things.

00:10:57.680 And 34 people hospitalized is not a lot in the grand scheme of things either.

00:11:01.700 But I thought it was a perfect segue into, as men, when we talk about being protectors,

00:11:07.440 providers, presiders, I think there's something that I've latched onto over the past eight years

00:11:12.280 that will help you do that, uh, with regards to the food that you're introducing your family

00:11:18.700 to.

00:11:19.740 And this is a very, very important thing, not only because are you risking contaminants,

00:11:24.240 but you're also stacking on all sorts of potential health issues, especially when we

00:11:30.600 start to get into genetically modified meat, which is going to be more and more common and

00:11:35.760 these impossible type meats, which isn't really meat at all.

00:11:39.980 So I think what, what you ought to be doing is a couple of things, source, sourcing your

00:11:46.760 own food primarily.

00:11:47.860 And you can do that in a couple of different ways.

00:11:49.780 I'm not just talking about protein and meat.

00:11:51.340 I'm talking about vegetables and fruits and that's really all you need.

00:11:55.480 So hunting is a big part of that.

00:11:57.980 If you guys are not into hunting and want to be, that's obviously going to be a huge

00:12:02.380 way to source healthy, good protein.

00:12:06.760 Uh, there's also opportunities if you have land to buy cattle, I've realized that's a

00:12:12.100 little bit prohibitive for a lot of people, but you could also go in with somebody, a family

00:12:16.620 member or family members that might have land and you can split, split a cow.

00:12:22.060 That's an option.

00:12:23.140 Uh, there's also a lot of co-ops that will do this.

00:12:25.660 And then there's other little area, little, um, I say little, and they are, they're smaller

00:12:30.440 ranches that are going direct to consumer and, and cutting out a lot of the, the middlemen

00:12:36.240 and the processing that takes place with some of these larger, uh, companies.

00:12:40.280 The one that comes to mind is Greg Putnam.

00:12:42.680 I had him on the podcast like two or three weeks ago and his company is little belt cattle 0.99

00:12:47.560 company and they're doing incredible things.

00:12:50.620 AJ Richards is another person who I went to Iraq with.

00:12:53.420 Um, he's doing a lot of good work in brokering these small cattle ranches and then delivering

00:13:00.520 direct to consumer.

00:13:01.920 So that's huge.

00:13:03.160 And then the co-op thing also works for fruits and vegetables and, or growing your own garden.

00:13:08.060 So I just wanted to take, take a moment to talk about the importance of sourcing your

00:13:12.540 own food, not only because it could potentially be contaminated, but because your own food is

00:13:18.120 healthy and also if food supply chains get cut off, you're in a significantly better position

00:13:25.540 to make sure that your family has food and can sustain some, some way of life.

00:13:31.180 So there's a lot of reasons why I think it's really important that men start thinking about,

00:13:36.040 uh, how to, how to source their own food and make sure those, uh, channels are backed up

00:13:42.540 so they can provide for their family the way they need to.

00:13:45.800 I love it.

00:13:47.060 I love it, man.

00:13:48.100 Well, my headline is really similar to kind of what we've been talking about, not losing

00:13:52.240 sight of, of the vision of what we're about.

00:13:55.900 And, and that's what I was impressed with RFKs stepping down, uh, from, from running for

00:14:03.600 president, right.

00:14:04.520 And endorsing Trump.

00:14:05.620 I'm not sure if you watched his video where he talks about why he's doing it and it was

00:14:11.060 really, I watched some of it and it was somber.

00:14:12.960 Really good.

00:14:13.400 Yeah.

00:14:13.680 And it was, it was kind of like, I loved it in so many ways.

00:14:17.640 Like the fact that he's like, Hey, I'm, I'm at this age.

00:14:20.700 I probably have 10 years left, you know, until my life's over.

00:14:26.940 And, and the whole purpose I got on this path to begin with was to drive awareness around

00:14:33.160 health, right.

00:14:35.560 And, and I, and more or less he hasn't lost sight of it.

00:14:39.820 And so he, the, his pivot is in line with that greater vision and purpose.

00:14:45.100 And I just, I don't know.

00:14:46.500 I was just inspired by the fact that it, it's super clear, uh, he was convicted in it and

00:14:53.480 the idea that in life we have to pivot and, and back to our earlier conversation, how critical

00:14:59.020 is that we don't lose sight of what we're about and why we're doing what we're doing.

00:15:03.760 Cause it's super simple.

00:15:05.440 I mean, I'm sure it even more so running it for president, all the opportunities to feel

00:15:11.320 like you get your ego involved and make it about something else.

00:15:16.000 And, and this guy, um, in, in my opinion, very honorably, uh, is stepping down and, but

00:15:22.720 not, not deterred from what he's about.

00:15:26.860 And, and it was awesome.

00:15:30.200 I, I think that's, I think it's great.

00:15:32.540 I think it ties in line with what we've talked about a lot too, which is the mission first.

00:15:36.340 Yeah.

00:15:37.800 You know, and, and there was no path to victory for, for him at the, at that point.

00:15:41.940 And so putting that mission of health first, it is funny though, because even if he, if

00:15:46.520 he ends up with a cabinet position under Trump, you know, you look at, you can sometimes just

00:15:51.460 look at people and know, you know, this is a, this is a better person for the job than

00:15:56.080 who might be currently doing it.

00:15:57.480 And that is, that is nowhere more truer than in some of these health ministries and health

00:16:03.800 departments around the world.

00:16:05.360 Um, I just pulled this up because I didn't know the official title, but the assistant

00:16:09.300 secretary for health of the United States department of health and human services is first of all,

00:16:14.700 a man, uh, that goes by Rachel Levine, Admiral Rachel Levine, excuse me.

00:16:20.420 Um, he looks like the penguin from Batman.

00:16:26.740 I mean, he's not healthy, not healthy, obese, clearly mental illness and some mental issues

00:16:34.880 happening here.

00:16:35.560 And this is the director or the secretary, excuse me, for the health of, uh, health and human

00:16:40.880 services for the United States.

00:16:42.220 It's craziness.

00:16:44.080 It is insane, insane who we're taking advice from and who we're listening to on some of

00:16:51.240 these really, really important matters.

00:16:53.080 So I do like that, um, RFK has a very heavy, um, health conscious agenda, uh, or platform.

00:17:02.740 Um, I don't agree with a lot of, a lot of the things that he says.

00:17:06.000 I listened to him on, I think it was the Sean Ryan show.

00:17:08.580 Um, you know, he, he's no conservative, but I think he brings some, uh, really powerful

00:17:15.480 options to the table specifically in the realm of health.

00:17:18.160 And totally, hopefully we, uh, we see how it goes.

00:17:21.060 Let's all hope we're as healthy as he is at, at what?

00:17:24.620 65.

00:17:25.560 The guy is, you know, he's jacked and shredded.

00:17:29.720 I'm like, are you joking?

00:17:31.680 Dude, he's, he's in good shape.

00:17:33.400 Well, and it goes back to what you said earlier, right?

00:17:36.440 Like there, there's a level of sovereignty of how we source our food, but also like be

00:17:40.840 aware.

00:17:41.720 I mean, look at the, you don't have to look very far.

00:17:44.760 Look at your government's food pyramid.

00:17:46.300 And you tell me if that is good guidance, it's a joke, right?

00:17:51.660 So if you're relying on the government and grocery stores to, to help you determine what's

00:17:56.340 healthy or not, nah, you're being fooled.

00:17:59.500 You know, you need to own that in very serious ways.

00:18:02.560 I think really what it comes down to is people are just lazy and they're so bombarded with

00:18:09.860 information and all we want to do is be entertained.

00:18:14.060 So if it takes a little bit of effort, like going to the grocery store and staying on the

00:18:19.580 outside of the, the, uh, the grocery store and hitting the outside aisles, right?

00:18:23.340 That's the common thing you hear for health, uh, or, or not going to McDonald's, bringing

00:18:28.840 your kids to McDonald's, that's all it takes, you know, but people will make excuses.

00:18:34.540 Oh, it's more expensive.

00:18:35.960 I don't have the time.

00:18:37.640 Figure it out.

00:18:39.260 Like figure it out.

00:18:41.180 It's your kids.

00:18:42.260 It's your life.

00:18:43.080 Yeah.

00:18:43.620 Well, what's interesting about this is everything is harmonious and relies on something else.

00:18:51.060 So people will often say, well, it's, it's so expensive and I don't have the money.

00:18:56.580 Well, what if you ate healthy and got in shape?

00:18:59.880 Do you think maybe you'd pick up a couple of new clients this week?

00:19:03.200 Cause you have more energy and enthusiasm about your job.

00:19:06.120 Do you think maybe your employers would start acknowledging that?

00:19:09.400 Oh my goodness.

00:19:10.540 You know, look at Ryan, like he's doing this and doing that.

00:19:12.940 He's making deals and he needs to be promoted or we need to give him a raise.

00:19:16.980 Do you think maybe with all of that extra weight that you lose and you start getting in shape

00:19:21.880 and you build up energy that you might have a few hours throughout the week to start a

00:19:26.260 side business?

00:19:28.340 So I know it's expensive and I know that we have these excuses, but if we start to address

00:19:34.000 them, everything else starts to work itself out.

00:19:37.560 Yeah, totally.

00:19:39.320 Something's got to give first though.

00:19:40.900 And so it's just doing the right thing.

00:19:42.300 All right, let's get into questions today.

00:19:43.940 Yeah.

00:19:44.140 Price needs to be paid, right?

00:19:45.660 So we're going to field questions from the gram, from Instagram to follow Mr. Mickler

00:19:50.040 there.

00:19:50.520 It's at Ryan Mickler.

00:19:52.300 All right, Billy, Amaya 13.

00:19:55.320 Hey, Ryan and Kip, hope all is well.

00:19:57.320 I have two questions for you this week.

00:20:00.120 We'll see Billy if you get two.

00:20:02.020 We might just give you one.

00:20:03.300 I said, ask me anything, not ask me everything.

00:20:08.620 Good point.

00:20:10.320 I recently found out that I'm going to be a father.

00:20:12.960 Congrats, Billy.

00:20:14.080 It's all good news.

00:20:15.260 We're hoping to have a kid soon.

00:20:17.060 It's our first kid.

00:20:18.100 And I was wondering as a man, what could you have done differently to prepare for your

00:20:22.600 first child that you know you should have done?

00:20:25.420 He mentions that he's, you know, trying to get, make sure his fitness dialed in, right?

00:20:29.920 And getting those things in track.

00:20:31.060 But is there something mentally, physically, or emotionally that you wish you would have

00:20:36.740 done that goes beyond the first Google questions of what to prepare for?

00:20:41.740 I think emotionally and mentally, the best thing to do is not to overprepare, actually,

00:20:47.100 because there isn't anything that you can do that will adequately prepare you for it.

00:20:51.800 So you might end up just totally stressing yourself and your wife out.

00:20:55.940 Because the expectations you're going to create because of that, right?

00:20:59.220 Right.

00:20:59.520 And then you'll start thinking, well, the baby's not sleeping the way they should.

00:21:03.360 And why does he cry so much?

00:21:06.080 And now my wife's mad at me. 1.00

00:21:08.140 And like, we talked about this and she shouldn't be mad.

00:21:10.680 Like, her homegrown level should be where they need to be.

00:21:13.280 Yeah, we planned this.

00:21:14.320 Yeah, exactly.

00:21:16.720 So basically, I would have just taken my plan and just ripped it up and thrown it out the window

00:21:21.440 on the way home from the hospital.

00:21:23.740 But I think there is a baseline level.

00:21:26.400 Sometimes I wish I had a better answer for you as to, oh, just do this and do that and do this.

00:21:31.940 I think based on you even just asking the question and some of what I heard,

00:21:36.240 you're already doing exactly what you need to be doing.

00:21:38.900 The only other thing that I would give you is let go of the expectations.

00:21:44.580 Let go of the way you think it ought to be or the way your child should behave or isn't behaving,

00:21:50.520 the way your wife should show up, the way your house should look, the way your schedule should run. 1.00

00:21:55.000 Let go of some of that and just let it play out.

00:21:59.140 And I'm not saying be passive.

00:22:01.160 I'm not saying let life happen to you.

00:22:04.140 But life is going to happen.

00:22:05.640 And there's a lot, especially in this new time, that are uncontrollable things.

00:22:10.000 So just control what you can control.

00:22:12.500 Work out.

00:22:13.940 Eat properly.

00:22:15.440 Get your work done as much as you can while you're at work.

00:22:18.320 And just let the rest ride a little bit.

00:22:21.620 Learn to be flexible.

00:22:23.540 Learn to recognize and acknowledge what your wife might be feeling and experiencing

00:22:27.140 so she can get a breather and a break.

00:22:28.800 Because she's not going to have a breather at all.

00:22:31.280 So anything that you can do.

00:22:32.360 If she's a little mad at you or a little upset, don't take it personally.

00:22:36.260 Just back up.

00:22:37.140 Like, you know what's going on.

00:22:38.700 I just think if I was going to do it differently with my uptight personality,

00:22:43.000 I would have brought it down 20 degrees and just chilled a little bit.

00:22:48.540 Yeah.

00:22:48.960 I love it, man.

00:22:50.100 Flexibility is so critical.

00:22:51.660 The only thing I'd add is when you're flexible and you decide on taking action towards things,

00:22:58.200 just over communication on who's doing what.

00:23:01.120 Because these are the areas of life where what we end up doing is we end up doing everything

00:23:06.240 together because, like, you want to be extra supportive, but it may not make sense.

00:23:10.880 Like, it may not make sense for both of you to get up and take care of the baby.

00:23:14.960 And you want to be up because she's up and you feel obligated to.

00:23:18.180 And you want her to know that you're supporting when what you should be doing is probably sleeping

00:23:22.040 in the other room.

00:23:22.860 So you can take shift, too.

00:23:25.500 Totally.

00:23:26.260 So communicate these expectations.

00:23:29.000 Clarify some roles and responsibilities of what you're doing versus what she's doing.

00:23:32.900 I know it's not sexy conversation to have, but define those things so you can own what

00:23:38.400 you own and show up powerfully in those areas.

00:23:40.680 And then continue to be flexible as she might need things.

00:23:45.640 Yeah.

00:23:46.380 Well, and your last point of continuing to be flexible as she might need things is one

00:23:50.700 thing I wrote here as you were saying that.

00:23:52.500 Just make sure you're checking in because, again, if you're over communicating what role

00:23:57.580 goes with where, it may not be exactly right for the first little while.

00:24:01.460 So you're just trying to, like, figure it out.

00:24:03.380 So just communicate.

00:24:05.280 If she gets up because she's breastfeeding the baby and you're sleeping in, I promise 1.00

00:24:11.620 you she's going to be mad at you, even though you already talked about it. 0.99

00:24:15.520 And even though she knows, logically, it is the right thing, she's still going to be mad

00:24:20.120 at you because that's the way it goes.

00:24:23.680 So, but check in.

00:24:25.580 Like, hey, hon, how's this arrangement working?

00:24:28.860 How are you feeling about it?

00:24:30.160 Is there anything I can help out or need to know so we can make sure this works better?

00:24:34.280 So that falls in line with communication as well.

00:24:37.120 But don't just set the expectation or the communication and then never follow up with

00:24:42.040 it.

00:24:42.580 Yeah.

00:24:43.260 Yeah.

00:24:44.280 All right.

00:24:44.960 I'm Jeff Mitchell.

00:24:46.180 What's your biggest insecurity?

00:24:47.980 Way to just go right in there, Jeff.

00:24:50.560 What's your biggest insecurity?

00:24:52.920 Oh, my biggest insecurity.

00:24:54.660 I think, you know, you can give the cookie cutter answers, but I think my biggest insecurity

00:25:01.940 is I'll give to, I do think I have a little bit of a fear of abandonment, a little bit

00:25:11.320 of fear of being alone or not being liked.

00:25:14.360 Yeah.

00:25:14.540 That is definitely one thing for me.

00:25:16.900 It's not debilitating by any means or debilitating.

00:25:21.160 I always say debilitating, but it's debilitating.

00:25:24.480 Yeah.

00:25:25.260 It's something I'm keenly aware of and it's something that I can actually sit in because

00:25:30.140 I'm aware of it.

00:25:31.540 And so I can acknowledge when things aren't going exactly right in relationships or, you

00:25:39.200 know, a conversation I might have with somebody.

00:25:41.580 I can usually catch it fairly quickly.

00:25:44.700 Yeah.

00:25:44.880 Feel that trigger.

00:25:45.920 Yeah.

00:25:46.100 The other one that I have, and this one is coming to light more recently, is I have

00:25:51.960 an insecurity of being insignificant.

00:25:57.200 Just being this random person at some random time, not doing anything meaningful or significant

00:26:05.880 in my life.

00:26:07.820 And maybe I feel that as I get a little older or as I've had my own personal failures and

00:26:12.820 setbacks, I can see like, I need to change and adjust this.

00:26:16.220 But I also noticed that when people are doing what I perceive to be significant, it bothers

00:26:22.180 me sometimes.

00:26:23.320 Yeah.

00:26:23.620 Cause you're not there.

00:26:24.220 It's not like I'm always so excited for them.

00:26:26.380 I should be, but it's like, well, why am I not there?

00:26:29.700 And it's more of a resentment or a jealousy popping up.

00:26:32.860 So that's one I have to work through a little bit still a lot, I'm sure.

00:26:37.580 But the, the idea of being insignificant, I know people say, well, you're not insignificant

00:26:42.180 to your kids.

00:26:43.240 I get it.

00:26:43.940 And you're not wrong.

00:26:44.840 Of course, I want to be significant to my kids and I want to be more significant than

00:26:49.580 that.

00:26:50.280 Yeah.

00:26:51.200 I don't know.

00:26:52.340 I'll have to work through that one a little bit.

00:26:53.800 Not just the blip on the, uh, on the timeline.

00:26:57.120 Yeah.

00:26:57.360 I honestly believe, I don't know if other guys feel this way or if this is arrogant, but

00:27:01.840 I've had this thought in my mind for probably 20 years that I'm just meant to do something

00:27:06.360 big and great and grand.

00:27:07.800 I, I've never once believe, I shouldn't say never believed, but for a very long time, I've

00:27:14.920 always just believed that God has put me here at this time with the set of skills, with

00:27:20.320 the experience I have to do something really, really powerful to make a difference in people's

00:27:26.440 lives.

00:27:26.740 And it's not just about me.

00:27:27.940 It's that I can be a catalyst, his hand and a catalyst for growth in, in people's lives.

00:27:34.460 And I've, and I've, I've seen it like that for a long time.

00:27:37.360 And I, sometimes I wonder, okay, well, when's that going to happen?

00:27:41.280 Yeah.

00:27:41.960 But maybe that's happening now.

00:27:44.340 And I just don't recognize it because it's hard to see it when you're in it.

00:27:47.440 You know, we've built this incredible movement.

00:27:50.480 I don't know.

00:27:51.480 Just some random thoughts.

00:27:52.460 Well, and what's tough about that too, is that also comes with a hindsight of like looking

00:27:59.260 back and, and regret, right?

00:28:02.040 Like, did I take advantage of what I had, you know, in, in the, in the moments that I

00:28:07.660 had, or should I have shown up more powerfully?

00:28:09.560 And you start wondering that, is that the case?

00:28:13.180 I, not so much for me.

00:28:15.540 Okay.

00:28:15.780 I think that's pretty common.

00:28:16.900 Um, one thing I think I do fairly well is I can chalk up past experiences pretty quickly

00:28:25.000 and just chalk them up.

00:28:26.480 Yeah.

00:28:27.080 And so I don't dwell on, I don't dwell in a negative way on what could have or should have

00:28:32.380 been.

00:28:33.900 I've just had an ability to translate that to do better.

00:28:39.240 That's nice.

00:28:40.320 And that's a, that's a good thing.

00:28:42.060 Cause I don't, you know, guys will talk about dealing with depression and even suicidal thoughts.

00:28:47.160 I mean, I've been depressed, not chronically depressed, but I've, I've been down.

00:28:52.840 Um, there's been times in my life where I thought, would the world be better without

00:28:56.780 me in it?

00:28:57.360 Or maybe I'll just stop, step out in front of that truck sometime this afternoon, but

00:29:01.500 never to the point where I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with the gun in my mouth.

00:29:05.400 Like it's never been that serious.

00:29:07.500 And I think a large part of the reason that is, is because I don't dwell on things negatively

00:29:12.280 that way.

00:29:13.360 It's just not the way I operate.

00:29:14.620 And so I'm able to get myself out of that quickly through action.

00:29:18.160 Oh, you should hang out with me, man.

00:29:19.440 I'll, I'll drag you through misery.

00:29:21.840 I know you will.

00:29:23.440 I'm super good at that.

00:29:24.160 I know you will.

00:29:26.420 Well, it's funny.

00:29:27.860 Um, so I have the abandonment thing for sure.

00:29:31.280 What I find interesting, let me ask you this, and this, this might be getting a little personal.

00:29:35.060 Um, have you ever been in a scenario by which, um, abandonment is obvious?

00:29:42.980 Like you're in a situation where you feel that and there's a sense of gratification of

00:29:51.000 it being true.

00:29:52.640 Do you, do you understand what I'm asking?

00:29:55.440 Yeah.

00:29:56.060 You're validating your insecurity is what I hear.

00:29:58.640 I think I hear you saying.

00:29:59.520 Yeah.

00:29:59.900 And, and the, the, the pay, the sick payoff of that, you're probably right around being

00:30:06.640 abandoned.

00:30:06.940 Are you, do you think you're, do you think, I don't do that, that I know of.

00:30:12.340 I have, there's been crystal clear moments in time where I have felt abandoned and there's

00:30:18.160 probably like five or six of them I could just rattle off off the top of my head, but

00:30:23.400 I've never, I, I don't know.

00:30:27.880 My mentality is like, whether it's healthy or not, my mentality has been, well, you just

00:30:32.920 have to be better.

00:30:34.320 You have to be more likable.

00:30:35.560 You have to be more wealthy or whatever.

00:30:38.160 And I'm not saying those are healthy ways to cope with it.

00:30:40.320 So please don't misinterpret that, but it's forward thinking.

00:30:43.540 It's not like dwelling it and are, do you think if you do that, do you, are you punishing

00:30:48.660 yourself?

00:30:49.360 Is that what you're doing?

00:30:50.260 No.

00:30:50.600 Like I, I, I have, it's, it's not healthy.

00:30:56.000 So everyone listening, you are like, but there's been scenarios by which I, I have that feeling

00:31:01.740 of abandonment and there's a sick sense of gratification from it being true.

00:31:09.160 Like I knew it.

00:31:11.740 Why though?

00:31:12.500 What is that?

00:31:13.600 I think it's just upbringing and like all these feelings of abandonment that when, when

00:31:18.640 there's a thought of it actually happening, or I think it might be like, I might be in

00:31:23.760 a, in the space of being, feeling abandoned, that there's this kind of sick satisfaction

00:31:29.260 that comes with it.

00:31:30.880 But like, it's interesting.

00:31:32.060 It's miserable.

00:31:33.060 And it's also like affirming in, in some horrible way.

00:31:38.240 I mean, you are also a bit of a masochist as well.

00:31:40.480 So let's be honest about that.

00:31:43.540 Yeah.

00:31:44.480 It's, it's, it's interesting.

00:31:45.880 So anyhow, that is, yeah.

00:31:47.840 Someone else is like F that.

00:31:50.740 I'm like, no, that's not true.

00:31:52.500 Well, I do want to get into, because I, I think this is a really good question.

00:31:59.720 It's not important what our insecurities are for you to hear them.

00:32:03.720 What's important is how do we address them and deal with them?

00:32:07.140 Totally.

00:32:07.460 So I would give you a couple of pointers.

00:32:10.160 Number one, you, you have to acknowledge it and be honest with yourself.

00:32:14.680 And we don't want to do that.

00:32:16.020 I even stumbled over my words, sharing some of those things.

00:32:19.040 I even know that about myself and I still don't want to talk about it and share it because

00:32:23.620 it makes me feel weak and pathetic and cowardly and soft.

00:32:27.540 And I don't want to be any of those things.

00:32:30.120 So it's really trying to understand.

00:32:32.480 And the best way that you can understand what your insecurities are is that when things are

00:32:37.400 going wrong in your life, what about your actions or behaviors is making it worse?

00:32:45.940 Yeah.

00:32:47.300 And if, and, and, and that's how, you know, because a lot of times you don't know when

00:32:51.100 your insecurities are popping up.

00:32:52.560 No, you know, if things are going worse, it's because your insecurities are dealing with it.

00:32:58.680 So if you're in a relationship and you guys get into an argument and you just decide you're

00:33:06.060 just going to blow up the relationship and step out on her or, uh, dump her or ask for 0.99

00:33:13.660 divorce or whatever, okay, that you're making the problem worse than it needs to be.

00:33:18.000 So what is the underlying insecurity?

00:33:20.440 If you're at work and you get passed over for a promotion, we all know logically the

00:33:26.000 healthy thing would be, let me talk with my boss, figure out what's going on, improve

00:33:31.320 my performance and get it the next time.

00:33:34.040 Yeah.

00:33:34.320 Everyone knows that's the healthy thing to do.

00:33:37.180 But what we do is, oh, well, you know, office politics.

00:33:41.040 And then you start talking about why that guy shouldn't have got the promotion and why

00:33:46.000 you should have.

00:33:46.740 And you start spreading rumors and you start trying to sabotage him.

00:33:49.960 You start looking for other jobs because they don't appreciate you.

00:33:53.540 You're making it worse.

00:33:55.460 Why?

00:33:56.300 Because there's an insecurity going on.

00:33:58.620 Yeah.

00:33:59.000 So, so you need to ask a lot of questions.

00:34:01.700 Why do I feel that way?

00:34:03.200 Where did that come from?

00:34:05.020 If I feel that way, what makes me feel that way?

00:34:08.020 In these situations, what can I do more effectively?

00:34:11.400 And I journal.

00:34:12.380 Journaling has been very, very helpful for me.

00:34:14.560 And also therapy, you know, talking with somebody who can work you through where those

00:34:19.060 issues are coming from.

00:34:20.600 I don't like therapy that is non-actionable, where you're just sitting, talking about all

00:34:27.180 of your trauma and baggage and bullcrap. 0.57

00:34:30.060 Because that's actually, to me, going to make it worse.

00:34:32.540 Now I'm just justifying why I feel like a loser.

00:34:35.540 Because I am.

00:34:37.620 Instead, I'd rather focus on therapy that says, hey, that's where that came from.

00:34:42.860 Here's some things that you can do to address that, like journal and read and spend time

00:34:47.000 with friends.

00:34:47.900 And a lot of what, I heard a podcast today was from Jocko.

00:34:55.120 And he was referencing something that he heard from Tim Ferriss.

00:34:59.400 And he said in these, and I halfway agree with it, maybe 80% agree with it and 20% don't.

00:35:07.160 Tim Ferriss says, in these moments, you have to get out of your head and into your body.

00:35:13.720 And specifically what he's referring to is go to the gym, eat right, go for a walk, like

00:35:21.220 all of these things.

00:35:23.620 Totally agree.

00:35:25.840 In the moment.

00:35:27.220 But those are just distraction techniques.

00:35:30.140 Yeah, me not be addressing.

00:35:31.000 Now a lot of that will, yeah, a lot of it will actually make you feel better, right?

00:35:34.980 If you go to the gym, this morning I went to the gym and I worked hard.

00:35:40.020 Like I went super hard today.

00:35:41.840 I got done.

00:35:42.900 I felt great.

00:35:45.540 But I didn't address any underlying issues from stuff that I dealt with last week.

00:35:52.260 But I feel good.

00:35:53.260 So guess what?

00:35:54.780 Those things are going to pop up in a week, in a month, in a year, because I never actually

00:36:00.400 addressed them.

00:36:01.620 And sometimes we just need to sit in our head a little bit and start to process.

00:36:07.360 But it's not like the echo chamber that we're talking about.

00:36:10.000 It's not that.

00:36:10.760 It's thinking about it, processing it, talking out loud with people, and journaling and writing

00:36:15.960 it down.

00:36:16.320 That's how you get it out.

00:36:17.640 Critically thinking through it.

00:36:19.780 Yeah.

00:36:20.920 Totally.

00:36:21.360 Yeah.

00:36:21.680 I don't even know about thinking through it as much just like working through it.

00:36:25.400 Yeah.

00:36:25.680 Because there's a lot of feelings too that, and it's okay to have those feelings.

00:36:30.820 I think if you're just critically thinking about it, it just goes to logic.

00:36:34.440 Well, I shouldn't feel this way.

00:36:35.900 Yeah.

00:36:37.060 Okay.

00:36:37.460 But I do.

00:36:38.080 But you do feel that way.

00:36:39.140 Yeah.

00:36:39.360 So let's address why you actually feel that way.

00:36:42.020 Yeah.

00:36:42.340 Yeah.

00:36:42.600 Not that it's justified or anything else.

00:36:45.140 You know, the one thing, so statistically, by the way, there's been studies that literally

00:36:50.540 just taking action towards something, like addressing it, will immediately put people in

00:36:57.180 a space of empowerment, right?

00:36:59.040 Most victim mindsets where people feel hopeless, it's because they're sitting in the space of

00:37:05.920 this is still outside of my realm of control versus identifying what is within the realm

00:37:12.100 of control and then taking action towards it.

00:37:14.780 And one thing that I've really latched onto is anything by which I'm waiting and hoping

00:37:20.320 for something else to happen.

00:37:25.040 That's kind of like my, oh, that's an area that needs to take some action.

00:37:30.400 And I don't know if it was on a previous episode a couple of weeks ago, but I had this

00:37:35.600 thought, and I've been thinking about it more and more of late, the correlation between

00:37:40.620 my ability to have empathy towards others gives me the reps to have more empathy towards

00:37:46.660 myself.

00:37:48.640 And I really think that people that are not very empathetic generally are not empathetic

00:37:54.120 even with themselves.

00:37:55.720 And, and so there's some power in kind of seeing how much empathy you have towards other

00:38:03.020 individuals and that will kind of soften your heart towards your own struggles at the same

00:38:08.220 time.

00:38:09.800 That's a good point.

00:38:11.160 Yeah.

00:38:11.640 Um, I wrote one other thing down here, Kip, that you said, driving yourself towards action.

00:38:18.700 So a guy messaged me the other day and he said, cause I'd put a post on Instagram.

00:38:25.020 I said, guys, it's okay to be sad.

00:38:26.860 It's okay to be upset.

00:38:27.740 It's okay to be hurt.

00:38:29.720 You know, it's okay.

00:38:30.980 Like sometimes you just have to sit in it, experience it, and then you can get on about

00:38:34.280 your day and go to work.

00:38:35.240 And I said, if you need to message me or call me, you can.

00:38:37.400 And this guy did, he messaged me and he was really struggling with depression.

00:38:43.360 He's going through a whole litany of challenging things in his life from separating and losing

00:38:49.860 his father earlier last year.

00:38:51.440 There's a lot going on.

00:38:52.780 And I just asked him a question.

00:38:54.620 I said, what one thing, oh, he's dealing with some health issues too.

00:38:58.500 I said, what one thing can you do to improve any of those departments right now?

00:39:04.780 And he said, I can go to the gym.

00:39:06.800 I said, good.

00:39:07.980 Go do that. 0.52

00:39:09.100 And he did.

00:39:10.100 Surprisingly, he did.

00:39:11.600 And he messaged me back and he said, hey, man, I got, I went into the gym this morning

00:39:16.400 and I said, great.

00:39:18.500 How do you feel?

00:39:19.100 He's like, I feel like a million dollars.

00:39:23.140 And I said, good.

00:39:24.080 That's do that again tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

00:39:28.420 But I also told him, I said, the one thing though, is you don't, don't wrap up the feeling

00:39:35.000 in the way that you look, wrap up the feeling in the way that you feel about yourself, not

00:39:42.660 physically, but how you feel about you as a person.

00:39:45.780 Yeah.

00:39:45.880 That to me is more powerful.

00:39:48.680 The way you look, your physical body is just a manifestation about the way that you feel

00:39:52.400 of yourself.

00:39:52.960 And when it comes to building confidence, for example, it's not getting the date with the

00:40:00.240 hot woman. 0.87

00:40:00.940 It's not the six pack abs.

00:40:02.760 It's that you prove to yourself that you could do something that you were either afraid of

00:40:08.680 or procrastinating or lazy about or weak over.

00:40:15.480 It's that you're proving that you can actually overcome hard things.

00:40:19.820 And then the result is just the manifestation of you overcoming the challenging thing.

00:40:24.660 So wrap up the identity in the fact that you're disciplined, you're strong, you're courageous,

00:40:31.500 you're bold, you're assertive.

00:40:34.040 The results will take care of themselves.

00:40:36.060 Yeah.

00:40:36.680 Yeah.

00:40:37.360 I love that.

00:40:38.680 All right.

00:40:39.120 Metallica Teca.

00:40:41.140 What age is too late to start a family or is it ever too late?

00:40:48.360 Yeah, I would say it is too late, but there's some biology.

00:40:53.020 So I'm like, well, biology, sure, sure.

00:40:55.980 Not so much for men as it is for women, though, but sure, there's some biology. 0.80

00:41:00.560 But my answer is, yeah, it's too late if you start thinking about what your life will look

00:41:05.420 like in 10 years.

00:41:07.660 Because right now you're thinking, let's say you're 65 years old.

00:41:11.620 I don't know.

00:41:12.120 Let's just say you're 65 years old.

00:41:14.260 You're like, you know, I'd really like to have a kid.

00:41:16.860 Well, that might sound okay, right?

00:41:20.160 Like today, based on the way you feel today.

00:41:22.260 But in 10 years, he or she is going to be in dance and sports and school and have friends.

00:41:29.760 And you got to run them here and run them there and do this and do that.

00:41:32.780 And you're going to be 75 or dead.

00:41:36.320 Yeah.

00:41:36.760 So I think there's a little pre-planning when it comes to building a family is, okay, this

00:41:43.640 seems reasonable now.

00:41:46.100 In 10 years, am I going to want to have a 10-year-old?

00:41:51.060 If the answer is, yeah, I could actually see that.

00:41:53.320 Like I could see coaching his teams or going to her dance recitals.

00:41:57.380 I could see playing in the yard together.

00:41:59.400 I could see teaching them after school.

00:42:01.380 And you could actually see yourself being a good and engaged father at that age, 10,

00:42:05.860 20 years from now.

00:42:07.680 Then I think, sure, entirely appropriate.

00:42:11.060 Yeah.

00:42:12.160 Yeah.

00:42:12.560 I also think there's something to be said for starting a family young too.

00:42:15.720 You know, you're young and everybody's learning and growing together.

00:42:19.360 And you've got the energy and the stamina and you're excited and you don't have as many

00:42:24.620 responsibilities as you do when you get older.

00:42:26.780 And then by the time you do get a little older, kids are now going to be moving out of the

00:42:31.380 house and you're going to have your house back with your wife. 1.00

00:42:33.960 And then grandkids are going to show up.

00:42:35.840 You're still fairly young.

00:42:37.180 Maybe you're 60, 65 years old.

00:42:39.320 You still have energy to play with the kids and the grandkids.

00:42:43.400 Not to mention just the tremendous growth that comes from raising kids.

00:42:48.100 I can't think of anything that could help you become a better man than raising a child.

00:42:53.300 But I will say as a caveat, don't do it just because you want to become a better man.

00:42:58.880 Like actually have a good motive for doing it, knowing it's going to help you realize

00:43:02.200 your full potential.

00:43:03.500 Yeah.

00:43:04.160 Yeah, totally.

00:43:05.620 All right.

00:43:05.960 Rough Sea Sailors Club is struggling through a job you hate for the family noble or is it

00:43:12.760 just setting a bad example for your kids?

00:43:15.940 It's both.

00:43:18.100 It's both.

00:43:21.060 Like this is a false dichotomy.

00:43:24.520 Is it noble to struggle so that you can put food on your kids?

00:43:28.120 Of course.

00:43:29.400 Who would not?

00:43:30.180 Who would say that isn't?

00:43:31.320 Yeah.

00:43:32.320 Like we've all done work that we hate in order to realize benefits for our family.

00:43:39.720 And that's noble.

00:43:40.840 And also, you don't have to do that.

00:43:45.760 You're not required to do that.

00:43:47.520 Now, you might not be able to change that today.

00:43:50.260 But I think if you're in a dead-end job that's miserable, that you hate,

00:43:55.300 if you're not thinking about how to improve your career over the next one year, two years,

00:44:01.320 five years, ten years, that's not noble either.

00:44:04.780 Yeah.

00:44:07.180 That's being weak.

00:44:09.000 It might be being cowardly.

00:44:11.240 And we don't want to be that.

00:44:13.240 So sure, nobility and providing for your family and doing what you need to do.

00:44:17.280 And also teach them that, hey, we're in this position that we don't like.

00:44:23.040 Then we work towards getting ourselves in a better position.

00:44:26.940 It's both.

00:44:28.160 Yeah.

00:44:29.420 I think the nobility thing comes, the last thing I was going to say on that, Kip,

00:44:33.600 I think the nobility thing comes from sometimes we have this idea that a real man just falls on his sword.

00:44:41.860 Screw that.

00:44:43.520 Like, have you seen the movie The Last Samurai?

00:44:46.220 Yeah.

00:44:46.460 Great show.

00:44:47.800 I love that movie.

00:44:49.260 And the main samurai, and I don't know if this is historically accurate about the way they see things.

00:44:57.580 I mean, obviously the movie's not, but the way they view it is that killing yourself after defeat is honorable.

00:45:04.500 I don't know if that's really the way samurais feel or if that's just what was portrayed in the movie.

00:45:09.220 And so this, the main samurai was defeated and he was going to kill himself.

00:45:16.580 I don't think that's honorable at all.

00:45:20.240 And so Tom Cruise's character was like, no, you're not going to kill yourself.

00:45:25.760 Like, you're going to get up and fight.

00:45:27.180 And this main samurai character really came to love and appreciate Tom Cruise's character because of that fighting spirit.

00:45:35.140 I don't think it's noble to fall on your sword.

00:45:38.720 I don't think it's noble to be a martyr.

00:45:41.720 Now, certain situations may require that of you, but I'm going to fight and claw and scratch and dig and do whatever I can do until when and if that day comes that I'm required or compelled to fall on my sword.

00:45:57.940 But that's certainly not my objective.

00:46:00.260 So I don't think there's any honor in letting that happen sooner than it needs to.

00:46:04.600 Keep fighting.

00:46:06.380 Totally.

00:46:06.980 Well, and in the spirit of having a fighting, in that vein of having a fighting spirit, it's like struggling through a job.

00:46:14.860 So you're showing up powerfully in that job, right?

00:46:16.940 Your energy is being brought to the table and you're doing a great job and you have integrity in regards to how the job should be done.

00:46:24.980 Nah, not really.

00:46:26.360 Most cases, you're struggling in your job, you're showing up poorly, you're not giving it your all, you're not fully engaged.

00:46:34.020 And so maybe another way of looking at this is struggling with your job or like fully engaged.

00:46:38.980 Being fully engaged with whatever it is that you're engaged in until you're not.

00:46:43.860 But show up powerfully regardless of it.

00:46:46.100 And there's honor in that, even if it's a challenge and a difficulty and a struggle for you.

00:46:52.840 You know what else also about that, Kip?

00:46:57.920 Excuse me, being fully engaged.

00:47:00.000 This is a bit ironic and cruel, but being fully engaged in work that you hate will actually create opportunities for you to find work that you love.

00:47:10.760 And I don't know that it's always found over there.

00:47:14.360 I think it's found and developed where you are.

00:47:16.780 We've talked about this at length.

00:47:18.040 Totally.

00:47:18.200 And over there might happen only if you do what you can do here.

00:47:24.760 Yeah.

00:47:25.560 Yeah.

00:47:26.020 It's fascinating to think how often we are looking elsewhere for success and growth when in reality all that we need to do is just win where we are and show up powerfully.

00:47:38.840 Yeah.

00:47:39.140 All right.

00:47:41.020 Big Jake HTX.

00:47:43.060 I have two sons.

00:47:44.180 One is five and the other is six.

00:47:46.100 So five and six.

00:47:47.560 What do you feel are three vital skills I should be teaching them at this age?

00:47:51.900 Five and six.

00:47:55.500 How to work well with others.

00:47:58.260 I think they can start learning those things.

00:48:01.500 Delayed gratification.

00:48:03.420 I think at five and six they can start to learn that.

00:48:05.760 To go back to working well with others, I'm talking about with toys.

00:48:10.080 I'm talking about getting them involved in sports and activities where they're all together.

00:48:14.440 Yeah.

00:48:14.700 Yeah.

00:48:16.360 Delayed gratification, meaning, hey, you know, no dessert until you finish what's on your plate.

00:48:21.400 We're not going to go play with your friends until our house and room is straight and clean.

00:48:25.000 Like those types of things.

00:48:27.700 It might take me a second to come up with one.

00:48:30.220 What do you think, Kip?

00:48:31.160 Do you have any?

00:48:31.860 The only other thing is like this is at that age, especially, he said, boys.

00:48:36.780 So like learning when to play rough and be competitive and when to be gentle.

00:48:43.940 This starts showing up at this age.

00:48:45.800 I have a five to six year old right now and this is our balance.

00:48:51.440 Because I want him, I want the aggression.

00:48:54.460 I want to play hard.

00:48:55.580 But I'm also trying to teach him like there's times and periods and we need to be nicer with mom and sisters, you know, and we can rough house, right?

00:49:06.860 So and how to balance that.

00:49:09.480 That's a good one.

00:49:10.720 That's a really – and I think maybe more often than not, especially with boys, we're trying to bring out the more civilized side of them, right?

00:49:19.640 Yeah.

00:49:20.180 But embracing it too, though, the wild.

00:49:23.000 You have to.

00:49:24.440 Yeah.

00:49:25.300 That's the thing most of society will do because, look, when they start going to school, it's sit down, shut up, color within the lines, don't back talk, raise your hand if you need to go to the bathroom, raise your hand if you want to talk.

00:49:38.920 Like, and some of that needs to happen, okay, in a teaching environment, I understand.

00:49:45.980 But it's so heavily weighted towards civility.

00:49:50.160 Like the zero tolerance policy at school, when a kid gets into a fight sticking up for somebody who is getting bullied, he gets suspended.

00:49:59.840 Yeah.

00:50:00.440 Like, what are we doing here?

00:50:03.300 You know, there's instances where it would make sense and there's instances where that guy ought to be celebrated at the next assembly in front of the school for being a hero.

00:50:11.660 He's not sent home because he got in trouble like he was creating problems.

00:50:16.240 So most of society is pushing towards softness and even feminization of our young boys.

00:50:24.380 And so, yes, some of that is needed to temper the other side of it.

00:50:28.420 But they need to have that outlet, and that's why sports, jiu-jitsu, roughhouse with their father, that's why that stuff is so important.

00:50:38.020 Yeah, totally.

00:50:38.880 The other thing that comes to mind actually now listening to you, Ryan, is being expressive.

00:50:45.560 I've noticed that with Koa a little bit right now is like he wants to naturally kind of bottle up and get mad and not talk it through.

00:50:55.060 And so that's been a lot of focus.

00:50:56.800 Like, oh, you're upset?

00:50:57.620 Okay, got it.

00:50:58.280 Like, everything's fine.

00:51:00.900 Why are you upset?

00:51:02.800 You know, let's work through it versus just being angry and throwing things around.

00:51:07.120 So there's a little bit of just dealing with that emotion, sitting with it.

00:51:10.660 How do you do that?

00:51:12.540 Like, oh, maybe I misunderstood because I thought you were saying that you talked about bottling up.

00:51:19.920 And so I think a lot of people will do that, and that might be like an avoidant attachment where people bottle up and they retreat and withdraw.

00:51:26.080 Yeah.

00:51:26.260 How do you elicit that?

00:51:28.800 Because I have some of that with my kids, and I struggle with how do I get them to express and talk and be open?

00:51:35.500 Well, at five, it's a little – I can use some authority with him that I probably wouldn't use with my daughters.

00:51:42.740 But with him, it's, hey, we have to talk about it.

00:51:46.360 So we don't have to talk about it right now.

00:51:48.020 You can wait five minutes or whatever if you're frustrated, but we need to talk through it.

00:51:54.220 And then it's usually me sitting on the floor, eye-to-eye level.

00:51:58.140 And then I try not to be upset at anything he says because otherwise I'm going to shoot down him being expressive and demonize his feelings, if that makes sense.

00:52:11.480 And so I just try to let him express and talk about his frustration.

00:52:16.480 And then I've been really trying to be like, okay, so what are we going to do about it?

00:52:21.160 Well, sister, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:52:23.660 I'm like, got it, but what can you do about it?

00:52:26.640 What are you going to do about it?

00:52:27.760 Like I keep bringing it back like, so what can you do about it?

00:52:30.060 Well, maybe I won't play with her for right now.

00:52:33.280 Oh, that's probably a good idea.

00:52:36.100 But it's always back to what are you going to do about it versus let's demonize someone outside my realm of control and let me fester in trying to control people, right?

00:52:45.520 I just try to always move to what are you going to do?

00:52:49.000 Yeah.

00:52:49.640 No, that's good.

00:52:50.360 That's helpful.

00:52:50.920 I think some of the struggles I've been bumping up against, I know a lot of guys do as well.

00:52:55.860 Well, as you were saying that, I was thinking about a lot of guys who are also avoidance, who would never be willing to have that conversation with their kids because they'd rather avoid too.

00:53:05.620 Yeah, totally.

00:53:06.400 And so as grown men, as fathers, we need to fight against our own nature and do what our children need.

00:53:13.160 Yeah, so we need to fix and heal ourselves too.

00:53:17.320 I tend to be on the opposite side of the spectrum.

00:53:19.940 I'm overly expressive and overly anxious.

00:53:24.140 So if there's a problem, I'm like, get in here.

00:53:26.700 We're doing this right now.

00:53:28.020 We can put on gloves if we need to.

00:53:30.220 We can yell at each other if we need to, but we're not leaving until this is resolved.

00:53:36.600 And so that's something I really have to, I need to, like with my oldest son, he's not like that.

00:53:41.720 That he's more of just internalized.

00:53:44.720 I can't pressure him.

00:53:46.500 Like it doesn't work.

00:53:48.140 He just withdraws more.

00:53:50.240 And so with him, it's what's going on.

00:53:53.220 And he shares and I'm like, I want to know more.

00:53:55.340 But I'm like, okay, that's cool.

00:53:57.840 And that's it.

00:53:58.580 Like I just do it in little small segments because I can't push too hard.

00:54:02.000 But it was funny.

00:54:03.260 Somebody had made a comment and they were taking a jab at me based on something I said on social media.

00:54:07.380 But they said, they did, in quotes, I wonder what Ryan thinks about this issue, said no man ever.

00:54:15.480 And I thought he was being a dick about it.

00:54:19.000 But I'm like, that's actually pretty good.

00:54:20.940 That's pretty accurate, actually.

00:54:24.440 Good jab.

00:54:25.640 Good jab.

00:54:26.240 Totally.

00:54:26.560 All right, Kanellis Jr., your thoughts on Project 2025.

00:54:32.380 Do you have thoughts on this?

00:54:34.360 Look, speaking of wondering what Ryan thinks on this issue, I don't have an opinion because I don't know what Project 2025 is.

00:54:42.940 I think it's a 900-page document that the Heritage Foundation maybe put together.

00:54:47.460 I think the person who's responsible, well, that's a different story.

00:54:52.100 But that's a political tactic.

00:54:54.180 That's not an actual thing.

00:54:57.380 But I think the individual who put it together, who headed up the project, has been terminated or stepped down.

00:55:03.760 And yes, so the liberal side of the aisle is attaching this to Trump.

00:55:12.380 Even Trump's like, I don't know what it is.

00:55:14.420 I haven't read it.

00:55:15.180 I don't know what it is.

00:55:16.340 I have no idea.

00:55:17.760 So I don't actually have an opinion.

00:55:18.880 My only opinion on the issue is I think everybody ought to just drop the Project 2025 because Democrats are misrepresenting it and Republicans don't even know what the hell it is.

00:55:29.780 So that's my opinion.

00:55:32.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:55:32.900 I don't know enough about it.

00:55:34.340 I've been meaning to – I wanted to read it because I thought it was a legit thing, but I haven't.

00:55:39.840 So I don't have an opinion.

00:55:41.480 I don't think any – but I don't even think the people using it as a political tactic against conservatives have even read it.

00:55:47.700 Yeah.

00:55:48.700 All right, Ion DB, how do you battle lust in an overly sexualized world we live in today?

00:55:55.500 Well, just reduce the exposure to lustful activities.

00:56:05.920 Obviously, pornography is one.

00:56:08.240 But it's so much more than – I mean, you go to the grocery store and you go to check out for the groceries for dinner and you see People magazine and Us magazine and all these raunchy magazines with women with their slutty dresses on at the Oscars. 0.72

00:56:21.500 And all this kind of stuff, movies, music.

00:56:25.100 My boys, some of the music I listen to, I'm like, do you even know what they're – do you know what that means?

00:56:30.200 Did you hear what they just said?

00:56:32.600 Yeah.

00:56:33.220 And they don't.

00:56:34.380 Yeah.

00:56:34.600 You know, my oldest – my older two know more, but they're being exposed to this stuff and I think it's really important that we deal with it.

00:56:42.680 I think one of the biggest issues – I don't know if it's the biggest issue or one of the biggest issues, but I think there's an issue with our aversion to talking about healthy sexuality.

00:56:57.480 So then – yeah.

00:57:00.640 Got it.

00:57:01.140 So it never then gets discussed.

00:57:03.720 Right.

00:57:04.100 Because it's all bottled up.

00:57:05.640 So for a young man, 13-year-old man, he's going through puberty.

00:57:10.100 You know, his balls are dropping.

00:57:11.740 He's getting like hormones pumping through his veins.

00:57:15.820 He's seeing girls now in a different light.

00:57:18.920 He's super interested.

00:57:20.160 And then you're like, don't do that.

00:57:23.140 Don't play with yourself.

00:57:24.500 Don't look at her.

00:57:25.500 Don't talk to her.

00:57:26.460 Don't do this.

00:57:27.420 Sex is bad.

00:57:28.240 This is this.

00:57:29.000 This is this.

00:57:30.060 And then hide under everything.

00:57:32.120 And then when he sees a magazine – maybe – it's not a magazine now.

00:57:37.720 I'm thinking about when I was a kid.

00:57:39.120 When he sees something online, I remember I had the Pamela Anderson Playboy and it was like the prized possession of all the kids in the neighborhood.

00:57:50.100 But now it's online.

00:57:51.560 It's everywhere, right?

00:57:52.740 Yeah.

00:57:52.980 And so when he sees it and he sees a naked woman who is obviously very attractive and you told him everything's bad and everything's wrong and sex is the devil, then he sees it and he's like, I got to hide that.

00:58:08.440 Then there's no conversation about it.

00:58:10.200 Yeah.

00:58:10.860 Yeah.

00:58:11.200 Because he's going to still engage in it.

00:58:13.520 Yeah.

00:58:14.420 Because he likes it.

00:58:16.020 But he hides it.

00:58:17.260 And then it gets progressively worse.

00:58:19.140 And then he gets all these mixed signals.

00:58:21.420 Well, you know, everybody's telling me how horrible sex is.

00:58:24.220 But then I listen to this song and these rappers are out there sleeping with everybody.

00:58:28.220 And it's just all this mixed messaging.

00:58:31.240 So the thing that we need to do is to limit exposure to that, of course.

00:58:35.540 I'm not saying – some people will say, well, you know, just expose them to it because they're going to see it and they know how to deal with it.

00:58:40.860 That's dumb.

00:58:42.160 Yeah.

00:58:43.080 That's like taking a three-year-old and just like throwing him in the water and saying, hey, at some point you're going to be around a pool.

00:58:50.020 Figure it out.

00:58:52.660 Like you wouldn't do that.

00:58:54.060 Well, they're going to learn from school and all the wrong people.

00:58:56.900 Right.

00:58:57.280 It's not coming from us.

00:58:58.580 So I think start having healthy conversation.

00:59:01.820 I don't know if he's talking about with children though, but I think this is one avenue is just to start talking about it in a healthy way with your children, with your peers.

00:59:12.840 Was he talking about kids or himself though?

00:59:15.180 I don't know.

00:59:15.840 I'm assuming he's probably talking about himself.

00:59:17.940 Otherwise, I think we would have – he would have had that in the question, right, dealing it with our kids.

00:59:23.120 Yeah.

00:59:23.840 So he's probably a young guy, right?

00:59:25.700 And he's probably trying to stay on the path.

00:59:30.160 Maybe he's saving himself for marriage.

00:59:31.820 Maybe he's a virgin and wants to be with one.

00:59:33.720 I don't know.

00:59:34.200 I don't want to guess.

00:59:36.080 But yeah, I think that's going to be an uphill battle.

00:59:39.420 But I think you know where the temptations come from.

00:59:41.660 And a lot of it's probably around pornography.

00:59:45.760 And there's a great website called – I think it's called Fight the New Drug.

00:59:49.480 Yeah.

00:59:49.720 And you can learn a lot of new skills and mindsets and practical application.

00:59:54.400 Another great resource is Sathya Sam.

00:59:57.380 Sathya is S-A-T-H-I-Y-A.

01:00:01.180 Sathya Sam.

01:00:02.500 He's a great podcast.

01:00:03.460 He's been on the Order of Man podcast.

01:00:04.640 He talks a lot about how men can deal with unhealthy sexual urges and activities.

01:00:10.780 I think that one's worth checking out as well.

01:00:14.060 Got it.

01:00:14.980 You know, one thing that comes to mind is just idle hands.

01:00:18.400 You know, like I think most things that are not good for us, whether it's drugs and other addictions, even if it's in the space of sexuality, it's always going to be in this area of us being idle and not getting after it, right, and doing all the other things that we should probably be doing and being about something.

01:00:40.260 And so I – not that I'm saying just like keep yourself busy, but like be about something that is a higher calling than oneself.

01:00:49.260 How's that?

01:00:50.380 And be disciplined in acting towards it.

01:00:53.260 Well, I think that's a great point and realizing that you're meeting your sexual desires is not the pinnacle of your human achievement.

01:01:01.840 Yeah.

01:01:02.180 But, you know, getting laid or scoring that woman is not going to bring you as much happiness after about 10 or 15 minutes as you think it will.

01:01:10.540 Yeah.

01:01:11.360 So what is it that's calling to you in a more significant way?

01:01:14.660 And then another just simple tactic is just don't be alone.

01:01:18.540 Yeah.

01:01:18.880 The more you're alone, the more easy it is to get into some of these temptations and you got to avoid that.

01:01:29.040 Even when you find yourself being tempted and you want to step away from it, go get out, go to the gym, go grocery shopping, go for a run.

01:01:36.440 Go do math.

01:01:36.840 Don't be alone.

01:01:37.500 Go do math.

01:01:40.460 Think about baseball and grandmas or something.

01:01:46.820 I don't know.

01:01:47.380 Maybe that does it for some people.

01:01:48.460 Maybe universally that's not true.

01:01:50.680 I don't know.

01:01:53.500 All right.

01:01:54.120 One more question.

01:01:55.520 Yeah, let's do it.

01:01:56.340 All right.

01:01:57.140 So I'm going to go with we're going to jump over to Facebook to join us there.

01:02:01.320 Facebook dot com slash group slash order of man.

01:02:03.820 We'll grab one question here.

01:02:05.520 And I like this.

01:02:06.540 So will Luna, he says how to get out of the roommate phase with my wife.

01:02:12.540 So maybe things are smooth and kind of got into a roommate phase.

01:02:17.560 Did you listen to last week's Friday Field Notes, Kip?

01:02:20.420 I did not.

01:02:21.580 Did you guys address this question?

01:02:23.560 I know you didn't.

01:02:24.780 Because I talked to.

01:02:26.840 No, I talked about it.

01:02:29.000 So how to get out of the friend zone.

01:02:31.100 Yeah.

01:02:31.380 No, it was a good question.

01:02:32.520 I saw it.

01:02:32.900 I'm like, I actually need to address that because other people have brought it up.

01:02:35.200 But let's let's hit on it real quick here.

01:02:36.700 Number one, you have to state your intentions.

01:02:41.620 You have to talk with her.

01:02:43.800 Does it say how long Will's been married with his wife?

01:02:46.120 No, nothing.

01:02:47.240 Let's say it's 10 years.

01:02:49.380 I don't know.

01:02:49.920 Let's just hypothetically.

01:02:50.800 We'll throw that out there.

01:02:51.420 It's been 10 years.

01:02:52.740 You guys have fallen into some habits and some patterns.

01:02:55.280 You know, maybe some kids are in the mix now.

01:02:56.740 And so nights and evenings and weekends are busy.

01:02:59.600 But you're not happy with your intimacy.

01:03:02.920 I mean, that's really what this means, right?

01:03:04.780 Yeah.

01:03:05.180 You're just not being as intimate as you want.

01:03:06.940 So you're not happy with it.

01:03:08.680 You need to express that to her.

01:03:11.500 And so, you know, you have a conversation and you say, hey, hon, you know, like, I don't know if you're feeling it.

01:03:16.880 I'm sure if I'm feeling it, you're probably feeling it, too.

01:03:19.760 I feel like we're just so stuck in this rut and we feel like we're roommates and we're not intimate.

01:03:25.960 It's been a while since we had sex together.

01:03:28.180 Like, I'm not feeling this.

01:03:30.480 I actually don't like this.

01:03:32.740 I'm not going anywhere.

01:03:34.480 And I'm not even using this as a threat.

01:03:36.360 I'm just bringing it to the table because I want to know how you feel about it.

01:03:41.520 And maybe she feels the same way.

01:03:44.120 Maybe she doesn't entirely feel the same way.

01:03:45.960 But regardless of what it is, you just need to start broaching the conversation.

01:03:49.620 It starts with a conversation.

01:03:51.860 Okay, now that's at the risk of being, I won't say it.

01:03:58.180 I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm trying to work on my, the things I say.

01:04:03.420 So it's not going to be a very sexual arousing conversation for her.

01:04:09.060 Okay, I'll put it that way.

01:04:10.940 So you actually do need to sexually arouse her.

01:04:15.140 Otherwise, why would she want to have sex with you? 1.00

01:04:20.000 So part of that means making yourself somebody who's desirable to her.

01:04:25.960 Are you a man of your word?

01:04:28.040 Are you lean and fit and in shape?

01:04:31.600 Do you have, to your point earlier, Kip, a vision about where you want to take yourself

01:04:36.740 and your life and the family?

01:04:38.480 Is it compelling?

01:04:39.860 Are you including her?

01:04:42.200 Like these are all things you can work on.

01:04:43.880 Are you making good income?

01:04:45.440 A lot of people said money doesn't have anything to do with it.

01:04:47.440 Well, then you've never been around women.

01:04:49.600 Like they care about the fact that they can be taken care of.

01:04:52.920 It's not even wrong.

01:04:54.280 They just want to be provided for.

01:04:56.200 Yeah, or they're going to be stressed out, right?

01:04:59.440 Like part of this is to create stability so they're not stressed out.

01:05:02.980 Like I don't know about you, but intimacy in a relationship goes out the window with stress.

01:05:09.560 Of course.

01:05:10.480 Right?

01:05:10.780 So like if you're a mess and you're creating a lack of stability in your family and kids are upset

01:05:19.120 and emotions are all a mess, yeah, that's a tough environment to feel loving.

01:05:26.200 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

01:05:29.000 The next thing that you really need to do is you need to seduce her.

01:05:32.880 Plain and simple.

01:05:33.980 Fait her, yeah. 0.97

01:05:34.660 You know, at some point you were romantic with her.

01:05:37.460 At some point you guys were physically attracted to each other.

01:05:41.660 At some point the activities in the bedroom were probably exactly where you wanted them to be

01:05:46.720 and for her too.

01:05:47.760 And it's when you were being seductive.

01:05:50.780 But now you're not probably.

01:05:52.620 You know, you go to work, you get up with just amount of time,

01:05:55.160 you come home, you're tired, maybe you're a little overweight.

01:05:58.980 You know, maybe you don't help out around the house.

01:06:01.180 Maybe you don't plan dates.

01:06:02.560 Maybe you don't do anything exciting or fun.

01:06:05.700 Keith Yackey, The Married Game, has some really good information on this.

01:06:09.960 He talks about the five dials.

01:06:12.400 So there's a lot of them.

01:06:13.500 But player is one of the dials.

01:06:15.800 And it doesn't mean be a player as in sleep around.

01:06:18.360 It means be playful.

01:06:19.740 Like what do players have?

01:06:20.820 Man, they're mysterious.

01:06:23.140 They dress well.

01:06:25.220 They look the part.

01:06:26.820 They can flirt.

01:06:28.760 They know how to build up sexual tension. 0.87

01:06:31.780 They're not always so agreeable.

01:06:36.040 They're a little confrontational and challenging.

01:06:38.200 Man, if you start to learn that with her,

01:06:42.280 and even just the way you touch her when you walk by,

01:06:45.740 I mean, do you even touch her at all, right?

01:06:48.040 But touching her when you walk by,

01:06:50.420 maybe it's a text that you send throughout the day,

01:06:52.500 a suggestive text or, you know, something playful.

01:06:55.360 Like there's so much you can do right here.

01:06:57.560 And then the last part of this,

01:06:59.800 and this I don't really think applies to a marriage

01:07:03.580 because I'm not one to really just say,

01:07:05.160 hey, throw in the towel if you're not getting exactly what you want.

01:07:08.200 I would just keep working on this.

01:07:09.780 But I made that last point on the podcast of just uphold the boundary.

01:07:14.480 If you've done all the things right and she's still not interested,

01:07:18.080 then there's a boundary that needs to be maintained here.

01:07:23.140 But there's also maybe some other reasons too.

01:07:26.000 Like she could have some sexual trauma 0.55

01:07:29.020 that hasn't been fully addressed or you're not aware of.

01:07:33.220 She could also potentially have some medical issues 0.98

01:07:36.200 that makes it unenjoyable or maybe even painful for her.

01:07:40.260 That's something that happens.

01:07:42.200 And those things can be addressed if you talk about them.

01:07:45.580 Yeah.

01:07:46.320 What I'm hearing though, just don't be passive

01:07:48.600 and oh, it is what it is, right?

01:07:50.260 Because that's going to show up in your relationship anyway.

01:07:54.420 It's a covert contract if it doesn't get addressed.

01:07:57.280 And so address it.

01:07:59.820 Just a seducer, man.

01:08:01.180 Yeah.

01:08:01.800 Like you know how to do it.

01:08:03.400 You already did it once.

01:08:04.380 She's your wife. 0.87

01:08:05.980 You pulled it off.

01:08:06.780 Do it again.

01:08:07.980 You pulled it off.

01:08:09.140 Go back to that.

01:08:09.820 What did you do then?

01:08:10.860 What did you do when you were trying to get in her pants 1.00

01:08:13.440 when you were 18 or 19 years old?

01:08:15.040 Do that because it worked.

01:08:18.120 That's funny.

01:08:19.420 Cool, man.

01:08:20.440 We good?

01:08:22.100 Good to go.

01:08:23.060 All right.

01:08:23.200 Lots of good questions today, guys.

01:08:24.460 Appreciate it.

01:08:27.100 I did want to share we've got that Divorce Not Death course

01:08:29.500 coming up here pretty quick in the next month-ish, five weeks.

01:08:33.140 So make sure you get signed up for that.

01:08:35.880 DivorceNotDeath.com is really my only ask for today.

01:08:38.600 Did you have anything else, Kip?

01:08:39.800 No.

01:08:40.300 I mean, IC will be opened up in a couple weeks.

01:08:43.200 So that's coming.

01:08:44.860 So just be aware of that.

01:08:46.260 And we'll, of course, share more as we get closer.

01:08:50.200 Yep.

01:08:50.420 That's right.

01:08:51.320 All right, guys.

01:08:51.920 We'll make it a great week.

01:08:52.980 And thank you for the great questions.

01:08:55.000 I know that hopefully not only did it serve you, but I know that through you asking your

01:08:59.540 questions, it also serves other people dealing with the same issue.

01:09:02.860 And that's what we're all about here.

01:09:04.520 It's a mission to reclaim and restore masculinity.

01:09:06.700 So the more that we can share and start talking about these issues and actively working together

01:09:11.060 to deal with them, the better off not only we're going to be, but our families and our

01:09:14.300 communities in this country will be.

01:09:15.640 So continue that fight.

01:09:17.820 Also, we've got in the next month and a half or so, we're going to have a brand new website

01:09:22.420 available.

01:09:23.900 I'm excited about that refresh.

01:09:25.240 Josh Wellman's helping out with that.

01:09:26.660 So we've got some cool and exciting things in the works.

01:09:28.780 So stay tuned.

01:09:29.880 All right, guys, we will be back on Friday.

01:09:32.260 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:09:36.300 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:09:44.280 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:09:48.300 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:09:51.480 We'll be right back.

Order of Man - August 28, 2024

Overcoming Insecurities and Preparing for Parenthood ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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