Order of Man - Overcoming Overwhelm, Marketing a New Business, and Making Difficult Decisions ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.420 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man. I want to

00:00:32.000 welcome you back. This is the Wednesday show, which isn't Ask Me Anything. Normally, I have my co-host

00:00:37.140 Kip Sorensen here with me, but he is on vacation with his family for a much-needed getaway and some

00:00:43.620 R&R in Hawaii, so you get to listen to me. One thing I do want to apologize for right offhand is I know

00:00:50.740 there's probably a bit of an echo on this podcast, and the reason that is is because I'm clearing out

00:00:56.400 my entire podcast studio. It's getting a little makeover here, and it's going to be absolutely

00:01:02.660 incredible. We're going to start doing a lot more video, but for now, it's empty. I've got hardwood

00:01:07.140 floors. There's nothing in here, and so the sounds are reverberating off the walls and floor and

00:01:12.940 ceiling, and so we're going to have to deal with that echo for the next week or two as we get the

00:01:18.120 podcast studio up and running. It's going to be phenomenal. Anyways, guys, if you're new to the

00:01:22.400 Order of Man podcast, again, this is your Ask Me Anything, where we're fielding questions from

00:01:26.100 our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council, and we're also fielding questions from our Facebook

00:01:31.540 group. You can find the Iron Council at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil, and our Facebook group

00:01:37.940 with over 57,000 men in the group now at facebook.com slash groups slash Order of Man. We've also got an

00:01:46.720 interview show, which is released every Tuesday, so we've got one that released yesterday, and then we've

00:01:51.540 got our Friday field notes, which is some of my thoughts and ideas from throughout the week about

00:01:55.760 masculinity and fatherhood and being a more capable man in general. So glad you're tuning in. If you

00:02:02.140 haven't already subscribed, make sure you do. If you haven't left a review, please also make sure you

00:02:06.420 do that. You're getting this for free. I like to put this information out there. I think it's much

00:02:10.400 needed in the world, and all I ask in return is that you leave us a rating review and that you share

00:02:15.520 it with a man that you know who may want to be part of this or may need to hear the message that we

00:02:19.560 have to share of reclaiming and restoring masculinity. So with that said, actually, no, before I get into

00:02:26.040 the questions today, just a quick announcement on our main event. This is a meetup in Maine on my

00:02:33.560 property that we purchased about a month ago now, and we're going to have two days of instruction,

00:02:40.100 two days of activities, two days of teaching you frameworks and giving you exposure to a network

00:02:45.120 that's going to help you succeed in big ways in your life as a man. So I think we've got about 20

00:02:50.900 spots or so left. So if you are interested, you got to do that quick order a man.com slash main event

00:02:57.120 main is in the state main order a man.com slash main event, go check it out, get registered. And

00:03:02.140 hopefully we'll see you here, August 10th and 11th, 2019. All right, guys, let's get into the

00:03:07.500 questions. Uh, we've got quite a few and I'll get through as many as I possibly can. The first one

00:03:12.020 comes from the one and only Bubba Downs. He's been a great supporter of what we're doing here.

00:03:16.840 And of course, uh, instrumental in helping with the iron council and growing the movement that we

00:03:22.180 have. So he says, uh, now that the nonsense is behind me, cause he was telling jokes about

00:03:27.840 something about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck. That was the question he originally asked,

00:03:31.900 but, uh, I skipped that. Anyways, he says, what is your favorite thing about the new house

00:03:36.140 and how do you envision the new HQ taking shape? Well, the house is amazing. Um, it's a big home.

00:03:43.420 It was built in the early 1900s, a lot of history behind this house. And so I've been researching

00:03:48.660 and studying and learning about not only the house, but the area in the corner on which we live.

00:03:52.960 Uh, my favorite thing about the house has got to be the barn. The barn is absolutely incredible.

00:03:59.600 In fact, that's where we're going to be hosting our main event, uh, in the barn there, we're going to

00:04:04.080 be doing instruction and some of our activities there. Uh, that's pretty cool. Obviously I like

00:04:08.640 the toys, the zero turn, the tractor, the side-by-side. Uh, those are always fun. We've

00:04:12.720 got lots of property here, uh, roughly 48 acres. So plenty of room to spread out. And, uh, we haven't

00:04:19.300 seen all of it yet. There's going to be hunting on the property. I've got an archery lane that's in

00:04:23.380 the process of getting a set up, uh, soar next gym equipment. I've been talking with them. They're

00:04:28.160 going to help us build a gym here as well. Lots and lots of cool stuff. I'm trying to get a lot

00:04:33.760 of it done and taken care of for the main event. So when you guys come out, uh, we've got all that

00:04:37.620 set up origin, of course, is going to help and getting some things set up as well. So we've

00:04:41.740 got a lot going on as far as how do I envision the HQ taking shape. I already told you that we've

00:04:47.620 got this, uh, room that I'm in right now, which will become the podcast studio. That's going to be

00:04:52.380 nice. Uh, we've got the barn, which all of our events will be run from. In fact, as we get the

00:04:57.200 barn retrofitted, we're going to set up, uh, barracks and we're going to set up, uh, sleeping

00:05:02.780 arrangements in the barn itself. So we'll run all of our events from the barn and the guys will stay

00:05:07.240 in the barn, uh, when they come here, uh, at some point, we'll probably turn it into an event center

00:05:12.720 as well. So weddings and other types of events, they'll be able to do here at the barn. Uh, we're

00:05:17.680 going to have an archery course, a 3d archery course with 18 to 20 targets set up throughout the,

00:05:23.920 the property. And the idea is that you'll go from target to target, to target, to target,

00:05:28.260 different elevations, different distances. Hoyt is, uh, now sponsoring and, and have agreed to come

00:05:34.180 on and help, uh, help us with some of that as well. So they're going to be sending us, uh, some

00:05:39.720 bows for the event itself. And then just for, for other events and other things that we have going

00:05:44.020 on. So there's so many ideas, so many that I feel overwhelmed at this point. So I'm just trying to

00:05:48.480 try to take it in stride and get what I need to done specifically for the podcast. Cause that's a

00:05:54.920 priority of mine, of course. And then also for the event, August 10th and 11th. So there you go,

00:05:59.440 Bubba. You'll see it when you get out here. I know you're coming a day early to help out and

00:06:02.140 we're stoked to have you. Uh, Roger Taylor says, when can I get an order of man, uh, beard grooming

00:06:08.020 kit? Well, we don't have one, so I don't know when you're going to get one. And I don't envision

00:06:14.400 having one. It seems like everybody who has a beard feels like, well, I've got to put out a beard

00:06:19.460 oil and a beard comb. And look, I could do that probably, and probably sell a bunch as well.

00:06:25.320 But I'm, I'm just not interested. I've actually been really good at staying focused on the things

00:06:31.660 that are important and meaningful to me and getting distracted with beard grooming kits. Although

00:06:37.000 tempting is not something I'm really interested in doing, but you can go to, I think it's order

00:06:42.580 of man.com slash beard brand order of man.com slash beard brand. Uh, and you can check out the

00:06:49.100 beard oils that I use and the beard comb that I use as well. Cause that's all I use the oil and the

00:06:54.400 home. So check that out. All right. Andrew, uh, McLeod McLeod, I think is how I'd say that.

00:07:01.620 Anyways, he says, what are some of the winter activities that you and your family are looking

00:07:05.080 forward to doing? Well, we're not a winter family and we haven't really been a snow family

00:07:10.380 up until this point, because where we were from Southern Utah, it snowed maybe once a year

00:07:16.460 and it didn't even stick overnight. So obviously we're going to do some, some snowboarding and some

00:07:23.260 skiing. Apparently there's a really cool little beginner course around here in the area that I am

00:07:27.440 in Maine that, uh, that the kids can go to. So that'll be nice. We'll get them started and trained

00:07:31.620 and coached and get them going on snowboards and skis. Uh, doing some snowmobiling is something that

00:07:37.800 we definitely want to do. And with as much property as that we've been fortunate to have,

00:07:41.400 we've got plenty of room to do that. Uh, we've also got some Hills here on the property. So

00:07:45.780 there's going to be some sledding, uh, just the basics, snowball fights, making snowmen,

00:07:51.820 snowmobiling, snowboarding, skiing, and sledding. That's what I see going on. We're excited about it,

00:07:58.060 but it's easy to say when it's nice and warm outside. Uh, Brandon Stull says when spending

00:08:03.100 one-on-one time with the kids, what are your favorite activities? He says also that he has multiple

00:08:07.160 children, five like you, uh, I don't have five. I have four, but, uh, but five's a lot. Definitely

00:08:12.940 four is a lot as well. Um, anyways, he has multiple children and he tries to make sure that he spends

00:08:17.140 one-on-one time so that he can make a meaningful connection. I think that one-on-one time is really,

00:08:21.680 really important. Uh, in fact, I would recommend for those of you who are fathers, uh, to check out

00:08:28.060 Jim Shields program, uh, the family board meeting, family board meeting. He's got a book on it. Very

00:08:33.900 quick book, easy to read, but very insightful with some one-on-one activities that you can do with

00:08:38.320 your children. Again, Jim Shields, S H I E L S I believe. And the family board meeting is his, uh,

00:08:45.140 his book and his philosophy, which I've incorporated. And it's, I've, I've made some big strides with my

00:08:49.840 kids because of it. Uh, when spending one-on-one time, uh, activities with my kids, what do I enjoy

00:08:55.940 doing? Man, we, we like to hike. We do jujitsu. Uh, we, we, we, we exercise. Uh, we just go out and

00:09:05.900 build forts and run around. And my son is learning how to drive the tractor. My oldest son, I should

00:09:10.860 say, drive the tractor and also the side-by-side. Uh, we're going to have some livestock here. So we'll

00:09:16.580 be able to do that kind of stuff. Uh, archery. We like to go on, on little trips, you know, in the

00:09:23.220 surrounding area. I mean, there's so much that we like to do so much. Camping is another big one.

00:09:27.600 Just being outside and playing catch. I feel like there's so many activities to do that. I just can't

00:09:32.140 narrow it down to one or two things. It's like, if you can do something, then just go do it with one

00:09:36.280 of your kids and include them, involve them and, and make it work. So we do a ton, a ton of stuff.

00:09:41.420 And if you can think of it, then we've probably done it and we've, we probably engage in it. Okay.

00:09:46.380 Alan, uh, Placer says, I met my best friend 11 years ago when I renewed my self-improvement

00:09:53.200 journey. Uh, I started hanging out with him because he was a role model, surround yourself

00:09:56.960 with success, et cetera, et cetera. Uh, a decade later, I find myself questioning his character

00:10:01.500 and can't tell if I've outgrown him. He's regressed or some combination. So his question is, how do you

00:10:07.660 deal with other people who are not on the same growth journey that you are and may no longer mesh

00:10:13.480 with you? I think many men struggle with this with spouses as well. Well, I think the friends thing

00:10:17.960 and the spouse thing is different. Um, with, with a friend, you know, you're going to outgrow those

00:10:22.600 and you're going to move on and friends are going to move on and you're going to move and you're not

00:10:25.400 going to be in the same proximity, uh, with a spouse. I think there's a deeper connection and

00:10:29.280 a deeper commitment as well that you make. And, uh, I would probably suggest that you take it further

00:10:34.940 with a spouse than you would necessarily with, with a friend, but let's talk about the friend

00:10:39.300 thing for a minute. And, and you're exactly right. There's going to be times where you outgrow people

00:10:44.180 and that's the goal. You know, you want to continue to improve. You want to continue to get

00:10:47.940 better. And not everybody wants to do that and not everybody will do that. So with those friends,

00:10:53.460 you've got to realize that there is, there is no obligation to, uh, make sure that this person

00:11:00.100 walks shoulder to shoulder with you indefinitely. I think you can still be friendly. I still think

00:11:06.060 you can have a friendship, but it might not be as meaningful as new friendships that you make with

00:11:11.420 members, for example, of the iron council, uh, who are focused on growth and really, really interested

00:11:19.100 in improving their lives and continuing, continuing to get better. So I would say that you not cut this

00:11:26.960 individual necessarily out of your life, but start replacing the time that you're potentially spending

00:11:31.660 with him, with somebody else, another mentor, somebody else who's growth minded and growth oriented.

00:11:36.640 Um, I, I don't feel like I have any sort of long term obligation to friends. Um, people come and go

00:11:45.840 and there's certain chapters of our lives and you do what you can in one chapter. And when it's time

00:11:51.140 to move to the next chapter, you do that as well. Uh, I realized there's probably a lot of guilt that

00:11:55.240 comes with that, especially if you guys have been through some stuff together over the past,

00:11:58.880 what, 10, 11 years. Um, but again, you've got to focus on your growth and your progression. And if

00:12:04.840 that individual is not focused on that or interested in that, then you need people who are. And so you

00:12:09.800 might be starting to fill up your time more with, with those types of individuals. So again, I don't

00:12:15.360 think you need to cut this individual out of your life, but you do need to focus on, on growth and

00:12:20.360 those who are going to help you grow, which I think you understand. All right. Drew Sands says

00:12:25.200 outsource house cleaning or commit to weekly cleaning. I think the answer is both, but I'd like to hear

00:12:30.980 your thoughts. Well, I think it's, it's simply this it's, do you find meaning in it? If you have

00:12:36.840 the, if you have the means to be able to outsource cleaning of your house and you don't find meaning

00:12:42.280 or purpose and your time can be spent, uh, in a much more productive manner, then I would say you

00:12:47.860 probably should outsource it. Now, that being said, one of the, uh, the things that we need to do here on

00:12:53.060 the property is maintain the yards. We've got a lot of grassed area that we want to maintain and keep

00:12:57.940 cut low to, to enjoy. And also to keep the ticks out of here. So, but, but I enjoy mowing the lawn.

00:13:05.120 So I find value in it. I could outsource it. I could hire it out to somebody else. And that would

00:13:09.000 be a good use of my time, but I enjoy it. I like doing it. I don't, I don't find that it's,

00:13:13.440 that it's menial or, or not enjoyable. I actually like doing it. So I don't mind doing that. Um,

00:13:19.700 if you have kids, I think kids are a great way to outsource chores and teach them responsibility and

00:13:24.240 let them know that they have a contribution to the house as well. I think that's one

00:13:27.740 uh, one source of, of being able to, to outsource this. Um, but yeah, I, I don't know. I, I, I guess

00:13:35.760 it's just personal preference. You know, if you want to keep cleaning and find value in that or

00:13:39.800 members of your family, find value in that, then do it. And if not, then hire it out. I don't think

00:13:44.760 there's a definitive answer. All right. Aaron, uh, goats says, while this question is premature,

00:13:50.040 do you think there will be a point, uh, at which iron council membership grows too large

00:13:56.080 and negatively affects the quote unquote, small town community feel? Uh, do you think there's a

00:14:01.080 sweet spot for how big you want the IC membership size to be? This will be a great problem to have.

00:14:05.720 Yes, it will be a great problem to have. And we continue to grow each and every week. Uh,

00:14:10.240 and I do anticipate that there's a point where we will get so big that either it will, uh, keep me

00:14:17.220 disconnected, which I don't want to be, or it will fragment or not be as, as conducive and

00:14:23.060 productive to what I'm trying to create for the men. So what is that number? I don't know. I really

00:14:27.600 don't. I've always had this number of 1000 men in the iron council and it's a thousand guys and

00:14:34.060 that's all it is. And once we get to a thousand, we close it off. And if, if men want to be part of 0.60

00:14:39.180 it, they've got to wait, you know, three months or six months till there's, there's some openings.

00:14:43.020 Ideally, that's what I'd like it to be because that does a couple of things that create some

00:14:46.760 exclusivity, uh, makes men realize that I should maintain and reserve my spot and be engaged

00:14:52.940 that way. Uh, and it also continues to elevate the group because let's say we've got, I don't know,

00:14:59.140 10 or 20 spots available and we have 200 men who want to join, then we get to be selective about who

00:15:05.500 we bring into the iron council and how much value they're going to be added or adding, I should say

00:15:10.420 to, to our brotherhood. So we continue to elevate, you know, you heard the term you're only as, as strong

00:15:16.300 as your weakest link. Well, we can, we can elevate our weakest link and improve our weakest link. And

00:15:22.500 I think that's a good problem to have. And ultimately it will serve the men who are interested

00:15:26.640 in growing. So definitely there will come a point in time and there'll be some other more,

00:15:30.860 uh, exclusive offerings for lack of better term. But, uh, that's kind of, kind of where I'm at

00:15:36.340 with that. I hope that helps. It answers that question. All right. Pramit ball says,

00:15:40.620 are there any specific areas that you need support from iron council members to help the growth of the

00:15:45.380 movement? Uh, yeah, I mean, just sharing, I think is huge, uh, especially in the Facebook group.

00:15:50.860 A lot of guys in the Facebook group with 57, 7,000 men, um, want to know where they can go

00:15:55.720 to elevate not only the conversations, but the actions they're taking. And I think that's a big

00:15:59.940 difference between the Facebook group and the iron council is in the Facebook group. A lot of good

00:16:05.000 discussions, a lot of powerful conversations, a lot of meaningful input and insights that are

00:16:09.940 shared there. Uh, but the iron council is elevated because the men are invested literally

00:16:15.480 in themselves and they're investing to be part of the organization. Now I know there's a lot of

00:16:20.480 pushback on that from people who are like, well, you're trying to make money from this and blah,

00:16:24.220 blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is they say. But the reality is this is a business and I run it

00:16:28.840 like a business. This is what allows me to put food on the table. This is what allows me to invest

00:16:33.200 in myself and allows me to invest in other projects like our events that we do and to have this property

00:16:38.720 and to create the life that I want. There's no, there's nothing wrong with making money. Um, but

00:16:44.720 it also, uh, creates a barrier to entry. And although it's small, $67 a month, it is a barrier

00:16:51.340 to entry. And those men are genuinely interested in improving themselves. And you see a difference

00:16:57.500 between the Facebook group and, uh, and the iron council. And I, and I think the biggest difference

00:17:03.180 is that members of the iron council are guys who take action. Ultimately, that's what they do.

00:17:08.560 They're taking, they're taking action. We're, we're pushing them to take action. It's all

00:17:11.400 developed and built around men taking action. So continue to share your experience in the iron

00:17:18.900 council, continue to come to the events, share the podcast, share the movement, um, give guys

00:17:23.220 some insights into what it is you're doing inside the iron council. Uh, also within the iron council

00:17:28.160 is making sure that you're, uh, volunteering to host and moderate channels is a big deal. And just

00:17:33.760 being engaged there because your engagement is going to help other guys be engaged as well.

00:17:38.380 So permit, I appreciate, uh, your desire to continue to grow the movement and appreciate

00:17:44.520 you being part of it as well. All right. Mike Milakovic says it's a two-part question. What

00:17:50.020 are some of the best ways to network for new clients when building a business? And what is

00:17:55.700 the best way to go about asking for referrals from current clients? So I did this a lot, uh,

00:18:01.260 specifically as a financial advisor. Uh, my whole financial planning practice was built

00:18:05.540 around networking. Uh, it was also built around asking for referrals and, and, and growing the,

00:18:11.980 the, the business that way. So the best way to network for new clients, uh, I found that having,

00:18:17.560 uh, partnerships with strategic partners, for example, as a financial advisor, a strategic

00:18:22.740 partner for me was a CPA, uh, or an intern and an attorney, I should say other insurance agents

00:18:28.440 who maybe didn't offer the financial planning that I did. These were all strategic partnerships

00:18:33.000 because they're working with my potential clients. So if I can, uh, be introduced to their

00:18:38.780 clients. And then of course I was introducing my clients to them as well. It was a reciprocal

00:18:42.580 relationship. So I did that over a course of, well, almost 10 years and built up some really,

00:18:49.300 really good relationships. People that I'm still friends with today, even though I'm no longer in

00:18:53.480 the business. Um, also there's networking groups, professional networking groups. One is business

00:18:58.120 network international. And I was part of that for gosh, six or seven years. So it was very,

00:19:04.420 very instrumental in helping me grow my financial planning practice, introducing me to professional

00:19:08.560 people, and then ultimately building up my, uh, my referral business. The best way to go about asking

00:19:14.320 for referrals is to get specific. And if you can suggest categories or groups or demographics that

00:19:21.320 you'd like to work with, for example, I worked with a lot of medical professionals. And so as I would

00:19:25.000 talk with a dentist or a chiropractor or a physician, I would ask what other dentists they

00:19:31.420 know that may need to know about this. Or if I knew that they knew somebody, I would say, Hey, I know

00:19:36.220 that you know, Dr. Jones, would you be willing to place a call or a text to Dr. Jones and, and

00:19:43.180 introduce me? And the more specific I could be about, about my introductions that I wanted rather than

00:19:48.780 who do you know? Uh, the more likely it was that I'd get a referral because what a lot of people

00:19:54.880 will do is they'll say, well, who do you know anybody that dot, dot, dot, that needs your

00:19:58.600 services. And when you leave it that open and that general and that broad, people are always

00:20:03.080 going to say, I don't know, or they'll think of somebody and then they'll automatically disqualify

00:20:07.500 that individual just based on what they think they know about them. So don't ask for general

00:20:14.440 referrals, ask for specific groups, categories, demographics, uh, and, and even people that you

00:20:20.480 want introductions to, and you'll have a lot more success there. And then also build your

00:20:23.840 strategic partner, uh, network as well. Okay. Uh, George Sykes. So George, glad to, glad

00:20:29.920 to hear you here. Uh, what's the single toughest decision that you've ever had to make in your

00:20:33.900 adult life? Uh, do you regret that decision? Man, the single toughest decision that I've ever

00:20:42.540 had to make. Um, I mean, the things that come to mind are, uh, that I had to walk away from

00:20:50.980 the financial planning business. That was a scary thing, um, to do this full time. Of

00:20:55.340 course, I don't regret that. That was one of the best decisions I ever made. Uh, deciding

00:21:00.060 to ask my wife to marry me, uh, was a tough decision, not because I didn't want to just

00:21:04.300 because I knew that, you know, life was changing and I was in a new chapter, but I don't regret

00:21:08.620 that having kids. Of course, those are tough decisions. Even moving here to Maine was a tough

00:21:14.020 decision. Uh, but I, I can't really think of a decision that I've made in my adult life,

00:21:19.580 uh, that I've, that I've regretted when I was 17, I made the decision to join the national guard.

00:21:25.840 Um, that was a very, very hard decision. I wasn't an adult, but close enough. Uh, but I don't regret

00:21:32.340 that. Uh, I can't really think of something that I've regretted as a decision. That was a major

00:21:37.440 decision. You know, I've done little dumb things here and there and that, that I've regretted, but

00:21:41.420 nothing significant. So I'm sorry that I couldn't be more specific or be more help on that.

00:21:48.220 Vic curl. How do you get your son to buck up in situations where he is afraid or just doesn't

00:21:54.120 want to do something like going to school or swim lessons? Good question. Um, if you have the answer,

00:22:00.420 let me know. Cause I deal with that as well. Uh, I do have a couple of little solutions or,

00:22:05.720 or suggestions, maybe some insights and ideas here is number one, you've got to make it interesting to him.

00:22:11.420 Interesting to him. If it's only interesting to you, it's going to be very difficult. And I feel

00:22:14.800 like you'll always be fighting an uphill battle. If it's boring or if it's, uh, tiresome or something

00:22:21.860 not in his wheelhouse or something that interests him. Now I realized that, you know, as kids,

00:22:25.880 they're going to have to do things that aren't always like fun. They're not always designed to

00:22:29.960 entertain. I think that's a problem. A lot of parents have is they think, well, I just need to

00:22:33.360 entertain my kid and make sure he's having fun the whole time. No, of course that's not what we want to do.

00:22:38.340 Um, afraid is, is interesting. I think afraid and fear tends to go away with the level of

00:22:46.200 familiarity we have with, with the thing, right? So I've noticed, for example, cause we've got two

00:22:50.920 dogs and both of them are pretty big. One of them is a German shepherd and he's, he's, he's friendly,

00:22:56.980 but he's scary looking. So people will come over to the house and, and I, and I know instantly,

00:23:02.020 instantly who has been around dogs and who has not. And you can see the people who have not been

00:23:07.100 around dogs or, you know, they're, they're keeping their eye on him and they, they have these like

00:23:12.080 really weird defensive positioning and posturing. And they'll, they'll kind of try to avoid going

00:23:16.940 around the dog and people who have been around dogs are, are friendly and they're, you know,

00:23:21.180 petting him and talking to him. And it's like a different experience. And the only difference is

00:23:26.920 people who have been around dogs and people who haven't. So I think there's a lot to be said for

00:23:32.960 familiarity and creating small wins as well. So if you're, if you're telling your kid to run a

00:23:38.140 marathon, that's daunting. There's a lot of fear. There's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of

00:23:42.880 doubt that comes with that. But if you say, Hey son, you know, let's go run, uh, let's go run a

00:23:48.580 quarter of a mile or a half a mile or a mile at whatever level he's at. Um, and you build upon

00:23:53.480 these small wins. And let's say you run a mile together and it takes you 10 minutes. Let's just

00:23:58.680 say hypothetically, well, you, you show your kid that, Hey, we did this in 10 minutes. Do you think

00:24:03.520 we could do better? And I think naturally your, your kid is probably going to say, yeah, I think

00:24:07.340 we could do better. Hey, what if we made it a goal to shave 15 seconds off our mile? Like what if next

00:24:13.440 time we did it, we did at nine 45. I think you can get some buy-in from that. And I think if you went

00:24:17.920 and ran that next time you would, he would look at the watch. You would tell him, Hey, we got it.

00:24:23.260 We got, we can't walk. We got to make that nine 45. And I think that would help motivate, uh, your

00:24:28.780 son, because I think boys are competitive by nature. Um, they're a little rougher. They want

00:24:33.160 to be involved. They want to compete. And there's some aggression there. I think that's inherently

00:24:37.500 hardwired into us is as males. And I think if you tap into that, uh, you're going to have a whole

00:24:42.820 lot better experience getting him, uh, getting him involved in, in those things. So I hope that helps.

00:24:48.120 Let me know, Vic, if you have any ideas, uh, share that here in the iron council. And I'm sure guys

00:24:52.480 would like to know that as well. All right. How are we doing on time here? Good. Oh, we're doing

00:24:56.720 good. All right. Mike Dewar says, uh, I recently moved to a new city, leaving the day-to-day business.

00:25:02.880 He still owns it, but, uh, has a three person staff now. Congratulations, by the way. That's,

00:25:07.220 that's amazing. Um, I still oversee the business and I'm in a new city, expanding my business to

00:25:11.620 Cincinnati. I listened to your podcast about the things to do to grow yourself in a new environment.

00:25:15.180 And it's been helpful. Uh, the biggest thing that I struggle with, this is a little longer,

00:25:18.940 but I think that's going to be a good one is being patient and dealing with the little voices in my

00:25:22.840 head, anxious voices that keep asking if I'm doing enough, will I actually make it expand the

00:25:27.260 business, et cetera. Uh, I stay busy with a manager and online biz, my writing job and taking time for

00:25:33.040 myself to grow commuting, uh, committing to the IC. However, I feel at times I could be doing more.

00:25:39.300 I was a main provider for my family and we moved where my wife took a great job that allowed me to 0.63

00:25:43.020 step away from my job. We both knew, uh, it would change things and she's fine with it. I just feel

00:25:48.260 like I am not contributing since I was the main bread winner. It's only been a month and business

00:25:53.060 is growing and I'm doing things. Uh, I just used to be full throttle and I find my, where I am now

00:25:58.460 that's much slower. Not sure if that question or whatever, but any helpful, any feedback is helpful.

00:26:02.680 So, uh, here's what I'd say is that I believe that men have to have drive and purpose. And if you

00:26:08.840 don't have that, you're going to feel useless. And I'm wondering Mike, if you feel like that a little

00:26:12.220 bit, because you found drive and significance and purpose in providing financially, which I think you

00:26:17.040 should, I think there's obviously value to that. And I think that's ultimately one of the jobs that

00:26:20.740 we are meant to play. But if that's no longer there, then you've got to find that, that motivation

00:26:25.360 and that drive and that discipline and that meaningful activity or part of your life and

00:26:30.600 something else, if it's not there and you don't need it to be there or don't have it, have a desire

00:26:35.180 for it to be there anymore. So maybe it's, maybe it's picking up a new hobby and, and, and investing in

00:26:40.920 that. Maybe it's figuring out ways that you as a, as a father, uh, can really find meaning

00:26:46.760 and significance and improvement in those areas. Maybe you do want to take a part-time gig

00:26:51.480 in addition to what you're already doing, because that's where you find meaning and purpose. But now

00:26:56.340 that you're in a situation where you can maybe think a little bit harder about what it is you

00:27:01.100 want to be doing versus what you have to be doing. I think this is a great opportunity for you to find

00:27:06.260 more meaning and purpose and significance in your life outside of what you may have already been

00:27:10.980 doing. So this is a rebuilding stage. This is a, this is a transitionary stage. And what you can do

00:27:16.620 right now is remake yourself into something more, but you've got to think about what that is. What

00:27:21.000 do you enjoy doing? What are you doing when time moves the fastest? What are people asking you for

00:27:25.360 advice about, uh, find the answers to those questions. And those are all great indicators. Those are

00:27:30.020 things that, that you're driven to do that you find meaning and significance in. So use this as a

00:27:35.660 rebuilding, use it as a transition, uh, use it as a, uh, uh, a makeover, I guess, for lack of a better

00:27:42.620 term or a time to really make yourself into something new and find meaning and significance

00:27:47.480 and something else outside of what you were already doing. All right, Joshua Gherkin. He has a couple of

00:27:53.960 questions here. How do you determine, uh, doing your best at your job versus time for yourself? I love

00:27:59.860 what I do. I'm struggling with spending enough time at home with my girlfriend, myself, and even

00:28:05.440 the dog. So how do you determine doing your best at your job versus time for yourself?

00:28:10.140 It's different for everybody. I mean, it really is like it's different. You know, I know guys that

00:28:15.120 want to go balls to the wall, a hundred miles an hour with their business and they travel and they're

00:28:18.640 away from their families and that's just what they want to do. And if that's their, their goal or what

00:28:23.900 does it for them, then, you know, who am I to knock that? That's not it for me. I find more meaning

00:28:29.340 and purpose and significance being with my family and being engaged and going on vacations and taking

00:28:33.860 trips and spending time with my kids. And so I have to throttle back the business at times.

00:28:38.580 Although it's tempting because I do know exactly what I want out of life and it's to work as little

00:28:44.060 as possible and to engage as much as possible with my family and my friends and the hobbies and interests

00:28:49.400 that I have. So I think you really have to evaluate. And this is something that not a lot of guys do

00:28:54.400 or take time to do. They just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And when it's done, they feel

00:28:59.780 worthless because they're not, they're not going like they think they should. But what I would

00:29:04.500 encourage you to do, and I've been talking about this for years is you've got to find time to

00:29:10.720 decompress. You've got to find time to think about what you actually want. This is why I talk so much

00:29:17.440 about the after action review process and carving out 10 to 15 to 20 minutes every single morning to

00:29:23.020 be deliberate and intentional about not only what you're doing, but your thought process around doing

00:29:28.400 it. And I feel like the more reflective that we can be, the more insightful, the more intentional

00:29:36.240 with our thoughts that we can be, uh, the more fulfilling and rewarding life that we're going to

00:29:42.720 create. So the question you asked is how do you determine doing your best at your job versus time

00:29:47.560 with yourself? You determine it, you determine it. There is no, I can't give you an answer and say,

00:29:54.340 well, you got to be doing 70% of your job and 30% for yourself. It's not how it works.

00:30:00.440 It might be how it works for you, but you have to determine that. And you do that through

00:30:05.040 engaging in your business, engaging at home with your girlfriend and your dog and spending time

00:30:10.760 with yourself even and evaluating how you feel. And if it feels good and it feels right,

00:30:16.740 then you're on the right track. If it feels off and you feel guilty or feel like something needs to

00:30:20.840 change, then experiment just like a scientist would experiment, change out one variable and see

00:30:25.260 if that improves your, your psyche or your wellbeing. But you've got to spend time with

00:30:29.660 yourself and really thinking about some of these questions. It's a great question. And one that I

00:30:33.260 wish I could give you an answer, but ultimately you have to discover the answer for yourself through

00:30:37.220 trial and error. Uh, Joshua also asked care, uh, comparison can kill at times yet. What other men's

00:30:43.740 groups do you check out? Not looking to leave just curious because all I've heard of is art of

00:30:49.460 manliness. I didn't think you were, you're interested in leaving. I'm not real worried about

00:30:54.020 quote unquote competition. Um, art of manliness. Uh, Brett McKay is a friend of mine. Uh, he has been

00:31:00.480 very, very instrumental since, since the beginning of order of man and helping me establish this both

00:31:06.820 directly and indirectly. And I, I think he's doing wonderful things. Uh, Sean Whalen has, uh, lions or

00:31:14.500 excuse me, uh, lions, not sheep and he's doing great things. He had a mastermind that I was part

00:31:19.940 of for years, years and years. And I gained a lot of insight and value from him. Uh, what else? I

00:31:26.700 think there's, there's one called wake up warrior, uh, Garrett white. Um, I have not been part of that,

00:31:32.700 but I've heard good things about that. And the thing about this is all of us are different. What

00:31:36.900 Brett's doing with art of manliness is different than what I'm doing is different than what Sean's doing

00:31:42.120 and different than what Garrett's doing. Another one is, uh, Larry Hagner, the good dad project,

00:31:46.900 dad edge. Uh, he runs a great program. He's a close personal friend of mine. I don't worry about

00:31:52.640 competition. I really don't. I don't worry about competition because I think what we're creating

00:31:56.780 here is not only do I think it's the best because why would I do it if I didn't think it's the best,

00:32:01.480 but I also think we evolve the quickest. And I think there's value in that. Like when I learn new

00:32:06.460 things or have new ideas and insights, I'm willing to try them and implement them and see if these

00:32:11.680 things work and see if they're going to work. So yeah, there's, I don't know, four or five that

00:32:17.680 you can check out and see, but those are things that I, you know, I, I don't, I don't compare

00:32:22.980 myself necessarily to, but that I look at and I'm aware of, um, to see and have my pulse on what's

00:32:28.320 going on. All right, Kevin, Whitney, how would you go about marketing a service business in your new

00:32:34.780 area with your limited connections to the community? In other words, how would you go about building a

00:32:38.740 business that serves other businesses without knowing a single business owner there? Uh, Kevin,

00:32:42.820 I've, I've dropped this resource, uh, for the past couple of weeks. It's a strategies for success

00:32:49.680 in a new environment. It was a Friday field notes from two or three weeks ago. Go check it out. Yes.

00:32:54.520 It's more on a personal level, but it can also be done on a business level and everything I talk about

00:32:58.580 there. I think there's seven strategies, maybe seven strategies for making yourself successful in a new

00:33:05.040 environment. And so it would be, I could give you an answer here, but it would be short compared to

00:33:10.120 as in-depth as I went on that podcast. Again, it's called, uh, strategies for success in a new

00:33:16.100 environment. And it was a Friday field notes from, I think it was, I want to say three weeks ago. So go

00:33:20.720 check that out. And anybody who's interested in growing their business or networking in a new

00:33:24.760 community, that's the podcast to check out. All right, Billy Trujillo. He says, what if any

00:33:30.200 mindful practices, uh, excuse me, mindfulness practices do you utilize? I don't know. This

00:33:37.360 one's always hard for me. You know, we talk about meditation and silence and float tanks and ice

00:33:42.960 baths and all this kind of stuff. Uh, you know, there, I think there's value in that kind of stuff,

00:33:47.320 but for me, it's just sitting down quietly each and every day thinking about what I want. I talked

00:33:51.900 about this earlier. What do I want? Uh, what, what do I hope to accomplish out of life? What new ideas

00:33:56.740 do I have? And I write these things down and I implement, um, I give myself space and margin

00:34:01.440 throughout the day to think about and reflect upon how I'm behaving and how I'm acting and what my

00:34:05.300 thought processes are. This is one area that I'm not necessarily the strongest in. I tend to be more

00:34:10.640 of an action oriented guy. And, and I realized there's value in, in being reflective and being

00:34:17.120 mindful. Uh, but this is one area that I know I need to improve. Uh, this is one area I don't feel

00:34:23.060 like I have locked down, but I do spend time thinking about life and pondering spirituality

00:34:29.820 and thinking about, are there aliens and what's the purpose to life and why am I here? And all of

00:34:35.800 these important questions that I think most of us ask, I'm willing to ask myself those questions on a

00:34:40.020 daily basis. I'm willing to explore the answers and really willing to ponder on, uh, what, what I think

00:34:47.780 is the answer. I also read a lot and that reading gives me new insights and new clarity and new input

00:34:54.380 that I can then ponder on and think about how it may apply to my life. So those are my mindfulness

00:34:59.880 practices. Hope that helps give you some, gives you some ideas. It's not great. I know because again,

00:35:05.020 that's not my strength. So that was it guys for the iron council questions. We got through all of

00:35:10.800 those. Hopefully I gave you some good answers and pointed you in the right direction. Uh, I do want to

00:35:15.160 get into some Facebook questions. So guys, just as a recap real quick with the iron council,

00:35:21.820 that's our exclusive brotherhood. You can go to order of man.com slash iron council. And then this

00:35:26.840 is our Facebook group, which is at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. All right, let's

00:35:34.360 get into the questions from here. I thought I had, Oh yeah, I got it pulled up. Kyle shields. How do you

00:35:40.340 introduce the idea of quote unquote swear words to kids? How do you talk about what is appropriate

00:35:45.460 time to use them? And when it makes you sound unintelligent? Do you personally use such words

00:35:49.880 around your kids? Thanks guys. Uh, I try not to swear, although I am not great at it. I will swear

00:35:55.720 occasionally. Um, but it's something that I really try to refrain from doing. There's a lot of guys out

00:36:00.540 there who, uh, yeah, like you said, it just sounds unintelligent. It's like you can't come up with a

00:36:06.120 better word or way to communicate than that. And what they'll say is they'll say, well, that's just

00:36:10.240 how I do it. So F you, if you don't like it. And my thought is, well, you're a human being, you're

00:36:14.920 capable of change. You're capable of evolving. You're capable of, of a little emotional intelligence

00:36:21.620 and, and understanding how people might read into that. So, I mean, everybody can make their own

00:36:26.740 choice there. I don't try to shelter my kids from swear words necessarily. Um, I talk with them about

00:36:31.880 it and you know, Hey, what do you think about that guy's language? Why did he use that word?

00:36:35.220 Uh, because I think it's important. You have these types of conversations. So when I,

00:36:39.800 when I swear, um, a lot of times I'll apologize for swearing. I don't want to swear in front of my

00:36:44.040 kids because words have meaning. And some people say, Oh, you shouldn't be offended by words.

00:36:47.960 Well, just because you don't like a word doesn't mean you're offended. Let's get that clear.

00:36:51.280 Uh, but I also think that, that there is a, there's value in restraint. There's value, um, in,

00:37:01.120 in discipline with the way that you're communicating. And so, although I slip and

00:37:05.700 mess up at times, um, I just have conversations. It's as simple as that. Just have conversations.

00:37:10.420 I don't think there's a whole lot more to it other than, Hey, what'd you think about that word? Or

00:37:13.920 do you think you should use swear words? Why or why not? And just sharing, uh, what you think about

00:37:18.820 those words. But yeah, I, again, I, I try to refrain from using swear words. All right, Bruce Horton,

00:37:24.460 patience and communication. Is there anything else important? Um, yeah. I, important to what? Yeah.

00:37:32.940 I mean, there's a ton discipline and grit and resiliency and I mean, physicality and being

00:37:40.300 strong and being supportive and empathetic. Like, yes, there's, there's a lot that's more important

00:37:45.820 or I shouldn't say more important. That is important. So he's, so Bruce says patience and

00:37:50.500 communication. Is there anything else important? Yeah. There's a lot of other things that are

00:37:54.760 important among patients and communication. Uh, Vlad Stepanov says, what are your three top three

00:38:01.660 book recommendations that you'd recommend to anyone? Uh, extreme ownership by Jocko Willink is really

00:38:07.400 good. Uh, as a man thinketh by James Allen is a book that I recommend quite often. And then my book

00:38:15.940 sovereignty. If I didn't think my book belonged there, I wouldn't have wrote it. So there you go.

00:38:20.200 Extreme ownership, uh, as a man thinketh and sovereignty, Jeff Brown, do you have any tips

00:38:25.820 for recognizing when you have taken on too much versus when you have filled up your life and are

00:38:31.220 adjusting to the new level of work? A reflection, Jeff reflection is huge on this and how you feel

00:38:35.920 like, I think we are intuitive creatures. And I think all too often, uh, we forget to look at our

00:38:41.120 intuition as a metric, as a metric for evaluation in our lives. And that's what it is. It's it's you,

00:38:47.640 you, we have all of, we have feelings, we have thoughts, we have emotions, we have physical

00:38:53.100 ways to measure things, but, but our intuition and the way we feel about things is a metric of

00:38:58.680 measurement. It's probably hard to quantify and it's not, uh, it's not objective. It's subjective,

00:39:03.940 but how do you feel? Do you feel overwhelmed? And is this just something that's temporary or has this

00:39:09.480 been, uh, perpetual, right? That you're always overwhelmed, that you're always stressed out,

00:39:15.560 that you always feel like you're, you're drowning or you're up to your eyeballs and activities and

00:39:20.900 things that you don't enjoy doing. How do you feel about it? Tap into that. And if the answer is,

00:39:27.140 Hey, you know what? Like this has got to last for a week, then maybe that's all it is. Maybe it's a

00:39:30.880 season. Maybe it's a couple of weeks. Maybe you just took out a new job and you got to get your feet

00:39:34.340 under you. You know, I felt like for me, for example, in this past month or so, where we've made

00:39:38.860 this move to Maine that not that I've taken on too much, but I've been very, very overwhelmed,

00:39:43.620 but I haven't been too concerned about it because I know that it's just a season.

00:39:47.760 I know that we'll get our feet under us. I know that we'll get familiar with the area and get all

00:39:52.000 these little things done that we need to. And as we do and have over the past month,

00:39:55.640 I've begun to feel better and better and more confident in the decision that we made.

00:39:59.960 So I really try to, uh, try to evaluate whether this is something that's short-term. And if it,

00:40:05.260 if it is, then I plow through it. If it's something that's long-term, I realized, you know what?

00:40:09.460 I can't sustain that. And I've gotten a lot better at saying no to things. And as I say no to the

00:40:15.080 wrong things, I just feel better. Again, it's that metric of feeling. I feel better about it.

00:40:20.800 And therefore I know I made the right decision. So try experiment and ask yourself as a short or,

00:40:26.440 uh, or long-term. All right, Bruce Donaldson, what are your thoughts on organizations such as the

00:40:31.940 Elks Lodge and how do you see them fitting into the young, into the younger family man? I don't know

00:40:37.080 much of anything about the Elks Lodge, so I can't speak to the Elks Lodge, but I do believe that

00:40:43.340 there's value in men's organizations. And I don't know if Elks Lodge is, is exclusive to men or not.

00:40:50.760 Like I said, I don't know anything about the Elks Lodge. Uh, but whether it's, it's, it's Freemasons

00:40:55.800 or the Elks Lodge or Rotary, or even your church congregation or a sports team or the iron council,

00:41:05.680 I think there's value in having yourself around other men. And a lot of these institutions have

00:41:13.540 gone away. And so the moral code of the institution is lost because people aren't holding each other

00:41:20.060 accountable to, uh, what that moral code is. So I look at religion, for example, and, and I know

00:41:26.120 that even as I say that guys are like, Oh, I don't need religion or my religion is the mountains or

00:41:29.700 whatever. It's like, cool, great. Even outside of spirituality or, or some sort of misguided sense

00:41:35.980 of, of, uh, restraint that, that, uh, they feel are being opposed upon them. It's an awesome

00:41:43.100 responsibility. It's an awesome power and, and, and value to be able to have structure and

00:41:49.640 discipline and a moral code of conduct, uh, for the way in which you're going to live your life.

00:41:55.200 So I, although I don't know Elks Lodge, I think there's value into having organizations that believe

00:42:00.160 like you do, that you can tap into, that you can be accountable to, and you can help others be

00:42:03.940 accountable to as well. Robert Griffith, uh, Griffiths, how do you tell kids your own or nieces and

00:42:10.360 nephews, uh, what you do for a living if it's something legal, but considered unsavory by society at large?

00:42:17.380 Well, I, do you feel guilty about it? I mean, it sounds like maybe you do. And if you feel guilty

00:42:22.840 about it, like, are you actually in, in, in the right, right profession? Because if you didn't feel

00:42:29.780 guilty about it, I don't think you'd have a hard time sharing with your, with your kids or your

00:42:33.720 nieces or nephews. So I don't think this is how you tell your kids. I think this is how you feel

00:42:38.520 about your own thing. So I would say that you probably ought to really reflect and ask yourself,

00:42:47.660 is this something that you want to be associated with? And maybe the only reason you're doing it

00:42:51.860 is because it's all you've ever known, or you make good money, but you don't feel good about it. Well,

00:42:56.520 okay. And that's, it's a pretty good indicator that you ought to maybe think about what it is you're

00:42:59.980 doing. Um, but to answer your question, how do you tell kids what you do for a living? If I think if

00:43:05.460 you felt good about it, you wouldn't have to ask the question. All right. Uh, why am I never

00:43:12.060 satisfied with progress? That's Andrew Bankston senior. Why am I never satisfied with my progress?

00:43:18.420 Well, it could be that you are just a high achiever and that you have ambition and motivation and drive.

00:43:26.580 Um, it could also mean that you are not living up to your potential and you know it, I don't know

00:43:31.300 which one it is, but if you can figure that out, then I think you're closer to the,

00:43:35.400 uh, the answer to this question. So what I would suggest is that you ask yourself and really

00:43:40.360 ponder on whether or not you, um, are actually doing what you know you're capable of doing.

00:43:47.340 If the answer is yes, good. Keep doing it. If the answer is, or excuse me, yes, that's right.

00:43:53.320 If the answer is no, then I would say, well, okay, you ought to double down or find something that you're

00:43:57.960 more satisfied with. And as far as your, your activity and the level at which you engage. Um,

00:44:03.760 I think this is something that I deal with too. Like I'm, I'm happy with, with where I am,

00:44:09.660 but I'm not content. I'm never satisfied with the status quo or what I currently have. And so

00:44:14.940 I'm always driving. And I think this is something that high achieving men are always going to deal

00:44:17.900 with. Joshua shoe bridge. What tips do you have for guys who wear rose tinted glasses and don't see

00:44:23.760 the red flags just lost mine. And it's like leaving the matrix. Um, well, I would say that

00:44:31.280 you've got to either, well, you've got to decide, do I want to be right all the time? Or do I want

00:44:38.040 to progress? Do I want to be right all the time? Or do I want to progress and progression by its very

00:44:44.580 nature means that you're going to need to face truth and face the reality. I know guys who won't

00:44:49.120 even jump on the scale. They know they're fat and they know they're overweight and yet they won't,

00:44:53.100 don't want to jump on the scale because they don't want to face the objective reality that

00:44:57.000 they've gotten themselves into a, into a bad situation. Other guys don't even want to look

00:45:01.360 at their bank account. They know they're up through their eyeballs in debt and yet they won't look at

00:45:04.300 their bank account because they don't want to face the fact that they've, they've shot themselves in

00:45:10.360 the foot financially. So what tips do you have for guys who wear rose tinted glasses? I think the first

00:45:16.360 thing is you've got to, you've got to realize that you have them on, that you're part of quote unquote,

00:45:19.880 the matrix like you're talking about, because if you're just, if you're delusional, you don't even

00:45:24.720 know that you have them on. You don't know that there's some alternative. So the best way to look

00:45:28.460 at that is to surround yourself with other men who are high achieving. If you want to be a high

00:45:32.500 achiever, surround yourself with high achievers. And then I think as you do, you begin to question,

00:45:36.440 am I doing all I can be doing? Am I doing everything that, that I can be successful with? Am I living

00:45:45.020 up to my full measure of a man? I think that's a, that's key finding other men. That's why we're

00:45:50.540 here. That's why we're here in the Facebook group. That's why we're in the iron council. That's why we

00:45:54.720 have our events is so that we can put ourselves around other men who will bring to light some of

00:46:00.860 our own inadequacies and show us what is possible. If we pushed a little harder or did something a

00:46:07.240 little different. All right, Ben McMillan, what podcast do you like to listen to? Man, I listened to a

00:46:12.760 lot. Um, I listened to Joe Rogan experience. In fact, I'm just going to pull out my phone here and

00:46:17.640 pull this up here. Um, I listened to hands of daylight. That's by origin, Pete Roberts and

00:46:23.360 Brian Littlefield. I listened to art of manliness. Um, I listened to great man.tv by Steve Mansfield,

00:46:30.040 knock on TV, or excuse me, knock on podcast. I listened to the Jordan Peterson podcast,

00:46:35.400 Ben Greenfield fitness, uh, Jordan Harbinger show. What else? What else? What else? What else? I'm just

00:46:42.040 going cleared. Hot is another one. London real with Brian Rose is a great podcast. Love that one.

00:46:47.460 Just does a great job. Um, mind pump, uh, Ben Shapiro, mic drop podcast. I'm just going through

00:46:54.780 this. Occasionally I'll listen to Aubrey Marcus, of course, Jocko, uh, gritty podcast, MFCEO.

00:47:03.500 I don't know. There's a dozen or so that I listened to. So check them out. They're all good.

00:47:07.660 Jake Willis. How do you court a woman versus date a woman? Well, I think dating is, is temporary.

00:47:16.140 And I think it's designed to be fun. And I think, by the way, I don't think there's anything wrong

00:47:20.240 with that. If you're not in the, in the position where you want to, to court and be in a long-term

00:47:26.080 relationship, or you're just trying to figure things out or just some, have some fun with the

00:47:29.600 opposite sex. Then I think dating is just fine. I think you should date. Uh, but courting is a mindset. 0.92

00:47:34.960 I think that's the difference between courting and dating. It's a mindset. Courting is with the

00:47:38.860 intention of a long-term relationship, some sort of union marriage, whatever it may be. Uh, and so

00:47:44.780 how do you do that? I think once you have that mindset, you're going to kind of start to figure

00:47:49.780 things out on your own. If you're just dating, you're out having fun and you're doing your thing.

00:47:52.840 And maybe you're seeing other people, uh, and, and there's no real level of commitment,

00:47:58.100 no emotional commitment necessarily. But if you're courting somebody, Hey, this is exclusive.

00:48:02.900 I'm not dating other people. I'm really trying to determine if you are somebody that I'm willing

00:48:08.000 to, and have a desire to spend the rest of my life with. And that's the difference to me between

00:48:13.700 courting and dating. David Flores, would your wives be proud if you died defending a person you don't

00:48:20.840 know, but see in danger, or would you risk your life if you are in a family? I'm trying to read that

00:48:27.260 next, next place there. Or would you risk your life if you are in a family trip? For example,

00:48:32.340 would my wife be proud? Uh, probably would she be happy? No, but shitty situations happen and I'm

00:48:40.040 a man and our job is men is to protect, provide and preside. And so that means that at times we're

00:48:45.400 going to need to do that for complete strangers. Um, of course, you're going to use your discretion

00:48:49.320 and try to figure out the best you can in certain situations. Sometimes you don't have the opportunity

00:48:53.820 to do that. Things happen too quickly, but, um, yeah, I, for example, you know, I spent time in the

00:48:59.820 military. So we were in Iraq, we were, we were helping those people. I don't, I didn't know any

00:49:04.800 Iraqis and yet I was there and there was a real potential and threat of death, but I felt like 0.99

00:49:09.900 that was my job and responsibility as a man. And so I would have been proud. Um, and I think my wife

00:49:14.940 would have been proud, although it would have been heartbreaking and potentially devastating.

00:49:19.340 So it's a tough one, but yeah, I think she would be proud. Should I invest my money? This is

00:49:24.440 Brandon Namath. He says, should I invest my money in the stock market and bring on a financial advisor?

00:49:29.320 Is it really worth it? I don't know. I really don't. Um, I was a financial advisor for almost

00:49:34.560 a decade. I think investing money in the stock market can be valuable if it's part of your plan

00:49:40.800 and ties into your objectives. I think financial advisors are valuable and they add a lot of, um,

00:49:47.820 potential returns to a portfolio and take a lot of risk and uncertainty out of the equation.

00:49:52.960 If you find the right advisor, they do a good job. They're competent and they have your best

00:49:58.760 interest at heart. So not all financial advisors are equal. You've got to find one that works for

00:50:03.920 you. You got to find one that, uh, that has your best interest at heart and will help you accomplish

00:50:09.020 what you want to accomplish. So the answer spoken like a true financial advisor is depends, just depends

00:50:14.980 on what you want to accomplish on what you want to do. Does it fit into your investment strategy or

00:50:19.480 your long-term goals? If yes, then it's a great place. If no, then maybe somewhere else is more

00:50:23.840 appropriate. Matthew Hunt, how do you have a positive mindset on every day, uh, on, on every

00:50:29.620 circumstance you face and how to look at as an opportunity instead of an issue. You just make

00:50:33.660 the decision, Matthew. That's all. You just make the decision. Each and every one of us get to decide

00:50:38.280 how we're going to act and how we're going to respond and how we're going to view and what our

00:50:41.780 perception of reality is going to be. We don't have the 360 degree picture, which means that we have

00:50:47.040 to decide and fill in some blanks. And look, if you're going to fill in some blanks about an

00:50:50.360 opportunity or a situation or a circumstance, I mean, why not? Why not look at it optimistically?

00:50:56.280 Not naively, but optimistically. Hey, here's some things that could go very, very well. If I do this,

00:51:02.200 here's some things I need to be very aware of if this, if this goes South, but if you're looking at

00:51:07.080 it as an opportunity and you have that mindset and you've made the decision, maybe it's your code of

00:51:11.660 conduct, your personal code of conduct that you're going to look for the opportunity in things,

00:51:15.520 then you will start to see the opportunity in things. You're going to see scenarios where you

00:51:20.100 used to think, Oh, this is devastating. This is horrible. This is tragic. This is all going to go

00:51:24.120 wrong. You're going to start to see those situations in an entirely new light, even though it's the same

00:51:28.860 set of circumstances has nothing to do with the circumstance itself. It has everything to do with

00:51:33.080 the way you view it. And if you get to decide what you do, how you view things, then look at it as

00:51:39.760 opportunities and practice it. It is an exercise. It is a skillset that can be developed through

00:51:45.100 practice. Tobias rapidly. How do you go from dream to action? You just go, you just go.

00:51:52.960 You have this dream. You have this vision. You have this idea. Cool. What's the first step?

00:51:57.780 What's the very first thing that you can do? Do that. Then you ask yourself, what's the next thing

00:52:02.900 I can do? Then you do that. Then the next thing, then you do that. And so on and so forth. We can't

00:52:07.100 over, we can't, we can't make this more complicated than it needs to be because otherwise we'll always

00:52:12.360 stay in dream mode and think that that's actually accomplishing or achieving something. It isn't.

00:52:16.600 So how do you go from dream to action? You take a step and then another step and then another step

00:52:21.300 and then another step. And that's how you do it. Caleb Croshaw, who does your opening and closing

00:52:26.020 voice over sound clip? I don't know. Good question. Uh, I had it done on Fiverr and I had it done four

00:52:32.500 years ago. Uh, I can't remember who it was, but, uh, there's all kinds of things on Fiverr that can

00:52:39.180 get that done for you. Oh, see this. Look, I mean, Daniel, Daniel, Aaron, the point, he says,

00:52:44.800 toilet paper over the front of the role or behind every man, every man knows that the toilet paper

00:52:53.100 goes over the front of the role. Every man understands that. No question. Steve Carpoo,

00:53:02.840 I think is how you say it. Carpoo or Carpo looking back to when you opened your prior business in

00:53:08.580 financial services. What are some of the key things you wish you would have done differently

00:53:12.140 to set you up for a sustainable business model? Uh, I would have networked a whole lot sooner.

00:53:17.380 I would have gotten involved with business international a whole lot sooner. Uh, and I

00:53:21.760 would have asked for referrals a whole lot sooner as well. There's also a level of confidence that,

00:53:26.020 that you need to be able to gain new clients, but you can only get that through time and through

00:53:31.300 learning and through failing and winning and messing up and succeeding. That just comes with time.

00:53:36.360 What would I have done differently? Uh, I think I really think I would have focused on my marketing,

00:53:42.240 um, more than I did. I thought just having knowledge about the financial services I was

00:53:48.380 offering was enough. And it wasn't when I began to look at myself as more of a marketer and financial

00:53:54.820 service just, just happened to be the thing that was marketing. That's when I started to find some

00:53:58.920 real, real success. So become a good marketer, especially digitally, uh, with this day and age,

00:54:03.120 social media is incredible. Use it, use it to your advantage. Use it. Well, I remember a friend

00:54:07.420 showing me Facebook and saying that I should be on Facebook. And I thought, how stupid is that? 1.00

00:54:11.620 I'm not going to be on Facebook. That's dumb. Nobody wants to hear what I'm doing. 1.00

00:54:14.500 And yet here I am now making a living by being on social media and putting a message out there.

00:54:19.420 So get good on social media network, find strategic partners, and you will be off to the races.

00:54:24.920 All right, Jeremy Ruff, excuse me. How do we get common sense reintroduced to society? It seems

00:54:30.440 to be eroding in many areas. Well, look, I think the best way to do this is to teach your children.

00:54:35.860 It's to teach our children common sense is to be engaged in their lives. It's to share things with

00:54:40.120 them. It's to be present and, and connect the dots between the circumstance and the teaching

00:54:45.160 opportunity a moment. You're not going to take somebody who's 30 years old, who's been blindfolded

00:54:49.900 their whole life or never learned how to do this stuff or completely delusional about life and just

00:54:53.800 automatically change them. So how do you do it? You recondition. I mean, here's how I look at it

00:55:00.780 is our children are being systematically reprogrammed to be dependent on the government.

00:55:06.020 That's what's happening. And so these morons are walking around thinking that the government is 1.00

00:55:10.880 somehow going to take care of them when all they're really doing is trying to enslave these, 1.00

00:55:15.560 these people. How did this happen? Because they were indoctrinated from the time that they were

00:55:20.240 little families have been being broken apart. More and more children are being born out of

00:55:24.960 wedlock. Then they get into school and they go through this whole school system, which is like

00:55:29.240 a conveyor belt to train them to be obedient and subservient to the government. And they've been

00:55:35.360 indoctrinated to believe this way. So how do you fix it? You, you play the same game. You play the same

00:55:41.380 game. You start to teach them and train them. And if you want to use the word indoctrinate them into the

00:55:46.680 way of self-sufficiency and self-reliance and common sense and, and being involved. And that's

00:55:53.180 the hard part is it takes involvement. Too many people think, Oh, if I send my kid off to school,

00:55:57.100 or, you know, I put them in a youth activity program, then they'll do it. Somebody else will

00:56:01.360 do it. Somebody else will do it. Somebody else will do it. And then they get upset when their kids come

00:56:05.820 back and they're trying to worship somebody else rather than the thing that, uh, you would have them

00:56:11.480 strive to be like, and live to. So teach our children. All right. What are we doing on time?

00:56:17.300 We're about 55 minutes. I think I'll take a couple of more and, uh, and we'll call it good.

00:56:21.900 How would you recommend young men go about starting their own businesses? For me, I have set up, uh,

00:56:26.840 I have set in motion an outfitting guiding company with plans to be fully operational 2022. Holy shit, 0.99

00:56:32.520 man. 2022. Like, why aren't you operational right now? That's like, that's like three years away. 1.00

00:56:38.500 I don't understand that. I think you could probably set something up right now and, and you could take

00:56:44.440 somebody out in 30 days. Like if you were really serious, Marcus, this is Marcus Denebriga, by the

00:56:49.300 way, if you were really serious about this, you wouldn't, you wouldn't have something where it

00:56:54.620 says plans to be fully operational in 2022. And maybe I'm misreading this. Maybe what you're saying

00:56:59.400 is that you're going to have it where you want it to be in 2022. And that's great. But if I'm reading

00:57:05.500 it correctly and you're not going to be doing anything until 2022, I think you're making a big,

00:57:10.940 a big, uh, a mistake. Just get going. Just start your business. All right. Whatever your business

00:57:18.580 aim is, open a Facebook account, open an Instagram account, potentially open a Twitter. I wouldn't

00:57:23.220 even necessarily recommend that right off the bat. Get a website, go on, do that this weekend or this

00:57:28.600 week. So by Friday, here's what I would do by Friday. I would have my website up. I'd have my Facebook

00:57:33.980 page going. I'd have an Instagram account and I would be taking enrollment or, um, opening up

00:57:39.600 guided tours in my area where I'm really familiar with, uh, in the next 30 to 60 days. It's, that's

00:57:45.780 the summer. Um, and I don't know if you're, if you're talking about just like hunting or what

00:57:52.260 you're talking about, maybe it's just for this fall, but like, let's get this thing going. Just

00:57:56.160 get going. Start the Facebook page, start the website, start Instagram, open up registration,

00:58:00.660 tell people what you're going to do. Maybe you discount it to a degree and just get the thing

00:58:04.360 going. Don't overcomplicate it and don't wait till 2022. Oh my goodness. Uh, Josh, uh,

00:58:10.920 Tchaikovsky, what's the best way to quit a job? I'm working on getting a new job lined up. Uh,

00:58:17.500 but won't quite till that's set. I don't really know what that means. Anyways, but how should I go

00:58:21.640 about it? I don't want to burn any bridges. Seeing as how it's a good son's seeing how his son is a good

00:58:26.180 friend of mine. What advice do you have? We'll get your job lined up first. I don't think you should

00:58:29.700 leave before you have another job lined up, but get your other job lined up and then go to this

00:58:34.300 individual and say, Hey, you know, I've got an opportunity to go over here. Uh, it's going to

00:58:37.860 be really good for me and or my family. And I think there's a lot of upward mobility and an opportunity

00:58:42.700 here. I really appreciate what you have created for me. I value what you've done. Um, I've, I've really

00:58:48.820 been glad to be here. And in the meantime, be, be the best employee that you can be. So if you ever do

00:58:55.120 decide to come back, the individual who would potentially bring you back on knows you're a

00:59:00.020 good worker, knows you left with class and grace and wants to bring you back. Uh, let's see.

00:59:07.200 Rob plant. Do I have a baby face under that awesome beard? I don't know. It's been so long. I don't know

00:59:11.780 what, what it looks like under here. Mark muscle white. What advice would you give to a 15 year old

00:59:16.440 self? And then 25 years old, uh, just take risks, just take risks. That's what I'd say is like,

00:59:23.160 just go out, take risks, um, learn, participate in as many opportunities as you can right now.

00:59:27.840 You're young. There's not anything really on the line and, uh, learn and grow and have experiences

00:59:33.600 and do things and take, take, say yes to things and go on adventures to as much as you possibly can.

00:59:40.920 That's it. I think I'll take one, maybe two more if they're quick. Uh, Anthony says, this is a two

00:59:47.940 part question. Looking back at yourself as an adolescent, as an adolescent into your teen years,

00:59:55.520 what advice do you wish to give? And okay, I just answered that one. How do you feel we can deliver

00:59:59.660 this message to the general mass of young men in the sensitive, sensitive society we live now? You

01:00:03.640 just deliver it. You just share it. Just share, just open your mouth and share. You've got, if you have

01:00:07.740 kids, share with your kids. If they have friends, when they come over, share with them. I got a

01:00:11.740 message the other day from a friend of mine. And she said that her grandson said that he wanted to

01:00:16.460 be part of order of man. Well, why would he want to be part of that? Because I've shared it with my

01:00:20.780 kids. They've shared it with their friends and their friends see it. When, when neighborhood kids

01:00:26.660 come over to my house, uh, I would have them work and then they would earn a order of man shirts and 0.99

01:00:33.000 hats. So I'd have them, I'd have them pick up trash or I'd have them do something outside or 0.98

01:00:37.580 rake the yard. And if they did that, then I'd give them a shirt or a hat or something. And it

01:00:42.160 wasn't, they love it, you know, and then they wear it around with pride and then they go to school

01:00:46.160 and they've all got order of man shirts on. And other kids are like, well, how'd you get that shirt?

01:00:51.200 Oh, I, I, I did this and we had this lesson or whatever. And you just start sharing. The more we

01:00:57.780 can open our mouth and communicate a message that we believe in, the more people are going to rally

01:01:02.400 around that and resonate with it. That's exactly what we're doing right here. You know,

01:01:05.980 I started sharing an idea about reclaiming and restoring masculinity four years ago.

01:01:10.080 And now we've grown to hundreds of countries, uh, I think 14 million or something downloads on the

01:01:16.380 podcast, 57,000 men in this Facebook group. We've had, I want to say close to 200 men go through the

01:01:22.640 events that we run, uh, probably another 40 to 50 sons go through the events that we run. It's

01:01:28.620 absolutely incredible. What can happen when you open your mouth, share your thoughts, share your ideas

01:01:33.520 and, uh, and, and let people hear what you have to say. All right, guys, I think that's it. We're

01:01:39.020 about an hour into this thing. Uh, we went through a lot of questions. There is a lot more. It looks

01:01:43.660 like, well, not a lot, maybe 10 or 15 more. Uh, we'll get to these next week. Cause I don't want

01:01:47.480 to miss these things, but I do appreciate you asking these questions. Kip will be back. So

01:01:51.640 the podcast will be more entertaining next week. He is the, uh, he is the, uh, comedic relief. I know

01:01:57.400 I'm a little bit more serious. He's the comedic relief for us. So he'll be back on next week and

01:02:02.340 you'll have both of us here, but, uh, I hope that helps. And I hope I was able to answer your

01:02:06.340 questions. Want to let you know, guys, I'm, I'm proud and honored to stand shoulder to shoulder

01:02:09.440 with you in this fight and the battle to reclaim and restore masculinity. Uh, so, so glad that you're

01:02:15.300 here. Couldn't do without you. Um, and this movement would not be nearly what it is without the

01:02:19.820 tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands and soon to be millions of men, uh, who are listening

01:02:24.700 in, tuning in and being engaged the way that you guys are. So keep out there. Uh, keep,

01:02:29.120 keep being those examples as husbands and fathers and business owners and community leaders. Keep

01:02:33.480 asking those questions. Keep sharing what, you know, failure, successes, victory, setbacks,

01:02:37.760 all of it so that we can improve ourselves as well. All right, guys, I'm going to be back on

01:02:41.220 Friday for our Friday field notes, but until then go out there, take action, become the man you want

01:02:46.740 to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:02:51.700 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - July 03, 2019

Overcoming Overwhelm, Marketing a New Business, and Making Difficult Decisions ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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