Order of Man - Overcoming Past Mistakes, the Power of Words, and Getting Your Wife on Board ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.320 Kip, what's up, brother? Glad to be joining you here again on the Ask Me Anything for the week.

00:00:30.000 It's good to be here. I've browsed through some of these questions this morning and super excited about them.

00:00:35.920 Yeah. Well, it's going to be a great conversation.

00:00:37.660 I think so. I think so, too. I mean, the questions that we get seem to be improving every week,

00:00:42.520 and maybe we're just doing a good job filtering, or maybe the guys are just asking deeper, more profound, more significant questions.

00:00:48.480 It's probably a bit of both.

00:00:50.160 Yeah. And what a lot of people may not realize is I'm just rewording all the questions and then just using their names.

00:00:57.000 So you're just making up your own stuff and just dropping their names in there.

00:01:00.360 Completely on my questions.

00:01:02.520 So this is just for you. It's not for anybody else. It's just for Kip.

00:01:06.580 This is Kip Ask Ryan Questions episode.

00:01:10.660 Oh, man.

00:01:11.420 It's one of the things I've always wanted to know, and I've just never had a chance, so I've just bypassed the entire process.

00:01:16.480 Yeah. Well, that's the benefit of being my co-host, right?

00:01:21.500 Yeah, totally.

00:01:22.080 If you guys don't like it, then you should have vied for the position.

00:01:25.760 Did you see that we hit 10 million downloads? I think it was Sunday night. We hit 10 million downloads.

00:01:34.400 Isn't that crazy?

00:01:35.560 10 million times our show has been listened to. That is just – that's staggering. That's mind-blowing to me.

00:01:42.940 That is so – it's almost strange. It is. It's just strange.

00:01:45.800 I made a post on Instagram today. It's like a lot of the times I just don't feel adequate to be able to share this message.

00:01:53.000 If the guys knew all the ways that I messed up and half of the shit I've done to sabotage myself, I don't think anybody would listen. 0.89

00:01:59.820 But man, I guess I'm glad they don't know that stuff. But man, I think that's a bit of imposter syndrome, right? 0.96

00:02:08.640 Where you start to feel like unworthy of being able to do what it is you're doing.

00:02:12.660 And I think that's actually healthy in a lot of ways because it keeps you humble.

00:02:15.920 But then I think it also can play to your detriment if you take it to the extreme as well.

00:02:19.260 Yeah. But it's a testament to the conversation that's happening and really the mission of the order and what this is really about.

00:02:28.680 And it resonates with people. I mean that's really what it comes down to.

00:02:32.540 Well, and I think – and I guess one of the things that I feel like differentiates us between some of these other organizations out there, whether they're exclusively for men or not, is that I just feel there's a lot more realness to what we're doing here.

00:02:44.360 Dare I say authenticity?

00:02:46.360 Yeah. My favorite word. Your favorite word.

00:02:48.500 Yeah. I just think there is. I just think there's a lot of ego out there.

00:02:53.560 I think a lot of these guys are driven by their need to feel superior to other people, to really prop themselves up.

00:03:01.100 And that drive that's ego-driven is – gosh, it's disingenuous and it's frankly a turnoff.

00:03:10.140 And I think people will wake up to that a little bit and realize, you know what? I want somebody that's real.

00:03:14.880 And I think if anything, you and I bring that, you know, all of our flaws and our mess-ups and the things that we might be struggling with.

00:03:21.560 And I think that's probably why we have the growth that we do because we're not trying to fool anybody to – into thinking that we're, you know, something that we're not.

00:03:30.600 Yeah. I think a good example of that, Ryan, is the post that you had this morning on Instagram.

00:03:35.960 You posted a picture. It looks like a bunch of guys that were in a CrossFit gym.

00:03:40.280 Yeah.

00:03:40.560 And they're circled around sitting on like boxes, jump boxes or whatever, and chairs.

00:03:45.680 And they're having a conversation and you mentioned, you know, that these guys are reviewing your book, Sovereignty.

00:03:51.580 And they're discussing different topics and how to improve as men.

00:03:56.420 And that's really what we do on the podcast.

00:03:58.100 That's what's happening in the Iron Council.

00:03:59.900 That's what's happening on the Facebook group.

00:04:01.960 It's men coming together, banding together, rubbing shoulders together, and looking for opportunities to serve one another but also to level up personally.

00:04:11.760 And, yeah, it's just awesome.

00:04:13.320 I love it when I see someone wear an Order of Man t-shirt or, you know, we had talked about this in the past where you make eye contact with a guy and you get a little nod because you know.

00:04:24.300 Right.

00:04:24.540 Right?

00:04:24.820 And you know where the other person is and what kind of path that they're on.

00:04:27.880 Yeah.

00:04:28.400 It was interesting because I was in – I was in the gas station yesterday and I'm standing there in line and a guy walks in and he makes like eye contact with me.

00:04:39.240 But it wasn't just random eye contact.

00:04:40.760 Like I could tell it was one of those things you're talking about.

00:04:43.440 And he walks up.

00:04:44.220 He's like, hey, man, are you Ryan Mickler?

00:04:46.420 I'm like, yeah.

00:04:47.720 And he's like, dude, I follow your Instagram.

00:04:50.560 I love what you're doing.

00:04:51.820 And I was really flattered.

00:04:53.220 I was humbled.

00:04:53.940 You know, I'm like, that's like why?

00:04:55.540 You know, like that's what's weird to me is like I think to myself, why?

00:05:00.740 You know, I'm just on this path.

00:05:03.140 I'm trying to be better.

00:05:03.940 Like I don't have everything figured out, but it's just really humbling.

00:05:06.380 And he's like, hey, man, can I get a picture with you?

00:05:08.460 I'm like, yeah, absolutely.

00:05:09.660 And then he had like checked his pockets, but he didn't have his phone.

00:05:12.580 So he's like, oh, will you wait here?

00:05:14.360 I got to go grab my phone out of my truck.

00:05:15.680 I'm like, yeah, you bet.

00:05:16.620 So he grabbed his phone, came back in.

00:05:18.060 We took a picture.

00:05:18.820 And like I said, it's really flattering, really humbling, certainly strokes the ego.

00:05:22.240 So, uh, but at the same time, it was just, I just feel like I have a, uh, a, a large weight

00:05:29.360 on my shoulders, a responsibility to continue to bring this mission forward and then strive

00:05:34.700 to live my life worthy of that admiration and that level of respect from people who frankly

00:05:39.620 just, they don't know me, but they're inspired by what we're doing here.

00:05:42.660 It's cool.

00:05:43.380 It's just an interesting position to be in.

00:05:45.740 Yeah.

00:05:46.220 Well, congratulations on the 10 mil.

00:05:48.260 Well, you too.

00:05:48.980 Good, sir.

00:05:49.900 Well, I, I kind of jumped in, you know, a little bit and contribute, but I just think it's awesome.

00:05:55.100 So cool.

00:05:55.760 It is.

00:05:56.280 All right, man.

00:05:56.860 Should we get into this enough, uh, time wasting here?

00:05:59.020 We're, we're getting better instead of 10 minutes.

00:06:01.020 We get, we get five minutes.

00:06:02.320 So we're getting better at this.

00:06:04.520 All right.

00:06:05.060 So we're going to jump right into the Facebook group, uh, for you guys that want to submit

00:06:08.700 questions in the future.

00:06:09.780 Uh, of course, if you're in the iron council, you know how to do it.

00:06:13.400 Um, if you want to join us on Facebook and our, um, uh, secured Facebook group for the

00:06:18.560 order of man, you can go to facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.

00:06:22.940 You said slash by the way.

00:06:24.580 So well done.

00:06:25.720 I've been working on it.

00:06:26.760 You're evolving slash slash slash.

00:06:31.660 So I'm totally going to say forward slash later.

00:06:34.780 I know you are.

00:06:35.340 But, um, we'll break it on Facebook.

00:06:37.060 Join us on Facebook if you guys want to submit these questions.

00:06:39.700 So our first question, Robert FH, how do you transition from being who you are now to being

00:06:46.040 the person you need and want to be?

00:06:48.080 I suffer from a real lack of social confidence, Mr. Nice guy syndrome, and at times a grumpy

00:06:53.880 persona.

00:06:55.060 Since my change is based on how I present to others, how do I make the change from me now

00:07:01.540 to improve me?

00:07:02.720 And, and I read it specifically exactly how he wrote it, because I think there's a little

00:07:07.620 that's interesting.

00:07:08.580 I think that last sentence, since my changes based on how I present to others, how do I

00:07:14.000 make that change?

00:07:15.220 Yeah, that's actually interesting.

00:07:16.220 I'm glad you reiterated that because it is a thing that we do a lot.

00:07:19.600 Like we change for other people, right?

00:07:21.360 One of the things I did when I went through my separation with my wife, which was about 10

00:07:26.820 years ago now, is initially when we were going through that separation, my whole objective

00:07:32.100 was to change for her.

00:07:34.240 You know, like if I, and frankly, even before I got to that point, I think that's an elevated

00:07:38.120 point.

00:07:38.460 Even before I got to that point, it was to try to change her.

00:07:40.460 So that was the first thing I did.

00:07:42.040 And then that wasn't working.

00:07:43.200 And I'm like, well, maybe I'll change for her.

00:07:45.780 And if she sees this, then I'll get what I want.

00:07:47.860 That's also a selfish type behavior, right?

00:07:50.360 It's like, if I change, it's a manipulative tactic.

00:07:52.940 If I change for this reason, if this is my motive for changing, then she'll change.

00:07:57.640 So I'm just, again, I'm just, it's, it's a, it's a sophisticated way of changing somebody

00:08:01.760 else's behavior is what you're doing.

00:08:03.960 And a covert contract without telling them.

00:08:05.880 That's absolutely great point.

00:08:07.660 And it doesn't work.

00:08:10.000 The motive is just isn't there.

00:08:11.740 So the next step that you have to get to is changing for what I consider the right reason,

00:08:16.440 which is for yourself, because you want to improve because you want to feel good because

00:08:20.320 you want to excel, because you want to experience the, the rewards and the blessings of being

00:08:25.800 a good man and also being a capable man, which are two different things.

00:08:29.560 And we can talk about that.

00:08:31.360 So yeah, I think this guy, what's his name?

00:08:34.760 I can't remember his name.

00:08:35.580 Robert.

00:08:36.020 Robert.

00:08:36.340 I think Robert's already getting to this point because Robert, what you're saying is

00:08:40.160 I don't want to change for other people.

00:08:41.500 I want to change for myself.

00:08:43.560 I hesitant to, I hesitate to tell you the answer, or at least my, my perception of the answer,

00:08:48.100 because I've said it so often that it might feel like it's coming across as a cop-out,

00:08:52.920 but honestly, it's the battle plan.

00:08:56.860 It's the battle plan.

00:08:58.460 Guys, when you get to that position where you're like, I have to change for the right

00:09:01.560 reason.

00:09:01.780 I have to change for me.

00:09:02.860 I'm not happy with who I am.

00:09:04.480 I don't have any confidence.

00:09:05.760 I'm not satisfied.

00:09:06.920 I feel a lack, a sense of uneasiness or a lack of, of growth and progress in my life.

00:09:13.140 If you're experiencing this, then you have to get to the battle plan.

00:09:15.740 That is the next step.

00:09:17.060 And the battle plan is four simple steps.

00:09:19.160 Number one, vision.

00:09:21.420 So Robert says, I need to change and not be this grumpy guy that I used to be.

00:09:24.880 Okay.

00:09:25.040 Well, what is your vision of the future?

00:09:27.380 What type of man are you going to show up to be now?

00:09:30.300 When people interact with you, how do, how do those interactions work out when people view

00:09:35.060 you and perceive you?

00:09:36.060 What, what is it that they see?

00:09:38.180 Probably.

00:09:38.700 And Brian, if you don't mind me throwing in there, what is the probable future, Robert?

00:09:43.820 If you don't change, if you want a little bit of motivation, like, Hey, if I don't get

00:09:48.060 on this path and I don't come up with this vision, right?

00:09:50.940 That you're talking about, what's going to be the probable future?

00:09:55.120 Well, a lot of the same.

00:09:56.760 Yeah.

00:09:57.220 I mean, that's, that's ultimately what it is, but you bring up a good point.

00:10:00.240 I think it's, I think it's worth weighing that, right?

00:10:02.360 Cause that helps you realize, Oh, if I stay down on this path, I'm going to produce these

00:10:05.220 results.

00:10:05.560 I'm not interested in that result.

00:10:06.540 So I'm not going to do that anymore.

00:10:07.920 So number one, vision.

00:10:08.960 Number two, objectives.

00:10:10.440 What, what specifically do you want to accomplish?

00:10:12.480 I don't think it's enough to say, I want to make more money.

00:10:14.820 I don't think it's enough to say, I want to be healthier.

00:10:17.040 I don't think it's enough to say, I want to participate in this hobby or whatever.

00:10:22.140 I mean, pick, pick your thing.

00:10:23.080 I think most people, if I said, what is it that you want?

00:10:25.900 If I asked a hundred men, what do you want out of life?

00:10:28.980 Most of them would say, I want to be happy.

00:10:31.960 I want to be fit.

00:10:33.020 I want to have some money in the bank account.

00:10:34.440 I want to have a good relationship.

00:10:36.120 I want to have a, a exciting sex life.

00:10:39.300 I want to experience some things.

00:10:41.580 I just generally want to be happy.

00:10:43.120 I'm like, well, great.

00:10:44.060 Welcome to the club.

00:10:44.840 And we all want that, but very rarely is that going to actually produce the results that

00:10:49.480 you're hoping to accomplish.

00:10:50.700 I think you've got to get more specific.

00:10:52.440 Okay.

00:10:52.640 I want to be wealthier, but how much wealthier you make a hundred thousand right now?

00:10:56.340 How much more do you want to make?

00:10:58.260 And what does, and then what does that look like?

00:11:00.780 Well, how does it tie into your vision?

00:11:02.520 Exactly.

00:11:03.000 Yeah.

00:11:03.180 Right.

00:11:03.880 Cause, and, and I, you bring up a great point there too, as well, because I think a lot

00:11:07.400 of guys, they will get to this objective point and they'll say, okay, well, I'm making

00:11:10.980 a hundred a year right now.

00:11:12.420 I want to make 120.

00:11:14.200 And so I'm just going to go after that.

00:11:15.640 Well, if you don't have any vision to tie that to the, the, the means by which you accomplish

00:11:20.660 that could be compromised because there's no vision.

00:11:23.260 Like if you lie, cheat and steal to get to that point is, does that tie into your vision

00:11:28.040 of the type of man you want to be?

00:11:29.260 Probably not.

00:11:29.980 So having it tied to a deeply emotional, deeply connected vision will help you stay

00:11:35.800 on the right path and do this the right way because the way that we win matters.

00:11:38.940 And I told this to a group of teenagers, a baseball team.

00:11:43.160 In fact, as I, as I presented them, I said, guys, winning is important.

00:11:46.620 All right.

00:11:46.860 You're past the point of like, Hey, we're just here to have fun and let's try our hardest.

00:11:49.900 The point of this game is to win and it's to improve ourselves.

00:11:52.760 But the way in which we win matters, it's not the scoreboard is not enough itself.

00:11:57.720 It is one metric of how we perform, but the way that we go about doing that matters.

00:12:03.200 So I'm being long-winded here, but ultimately it's the, it's the vision, it's the objectives.

00:12:08.480 And I would say, come up with, you know, two to two to four objectives that you want to

00:12:12.280 accomplish over the next 90 days.

00:12:13.700 And then it's the tactics.

00:12:15.040 So if you want to lose 30 pounds, because it's tied into the vision you have for, for

00:12:19.920 a healthy male, then what are you going to do on a daily basis?

00:12:23.740 Okay.

00:12:24.100 For me, it's, I'm going to work out every single day.

00:12:26.480 And in fact, five days a week, I work out twice.

00:12:29.720 It's drinking enough water.

00:12:31.200 It's cutting out processed sugars.

00:12:32.740 It's getting enough sleep.

00:12:34.260 It's also my mental health.

00:12:35.880 There's a lot that goes to it, but there's tactics that I complete every single day that

00:12:40.560 I literally check off.

00:12:41.960 I have a spreadsheet that I use and I literally check that off and say, yes, I accomplished

00:12:47.640 that.

00:12:48.080 Or it goes unchecked and no, I didn't accomplish that.

00:12:50.640 And when it, when it shows that I didn't accomplish it, it shows that on the spreadsheet

00:12:55.120 itself, like, oh yeah, you didn't accomplish this.

00:12:57.180 And if you miss enough, then it goes into the red.

00:12:59.120 And so you actually see it.

00:13:00.140 You're like, oh, I really failed this week in my objectives.

00:13:03.060 And how can I improve moving forward?

00:13:04.480 So it's a long-winded answer, but ultimately it's the battle plan.

00:13:07.800 You can find it in the back of my book, Sovereignty.

00:13:10.740 Uh, you can join us inside of our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council and, and do your

00:13:15.780 battle plan.

00:13:16.280 We're coming up with a new one here in the next, what?

00:13:17.820 10 days, nine days, I think now, and you get the tracker and everything else that goes

00:13:22.940 with it.

00:13:23.220 But yeah, ultimately it's the battle plan.

00:13:25.300 Yeah.

00:13:26.220 Cool.

00:13:26.940 There you go, Robert marching orders.

00:13:29.300 All right.

00:13:29.880 Wade Ryder.

00:13:30.720 How do you keep yourself from falling into a rut when your wife and family have been radiating

00:13:35.960 negative energy?

00:13:37.160 Well, I mean, we kind of fall into what Robert, I think was saying, like, who are you doing

00:13:41.820 this for?

00:13:43.500 You know, if you, if you're doing it for your wife or your family and ultimately you should,

00:13:48.200 I mean, there's elements of that.

00:13:49.200 Okay.

00:13:49.400 So don't, don't get me wrong here.

00:13:51.240 Like we, we have to serve as men.

00:13:53.200 That's primarily our responsibility.

00:13:55.340 I talk about this a lot.

00:13:56.440 Protect, provide, preside.

00:13:57.500 All of those have an element of service.

00:13:58.940 We're serving other people, right?

00:14:00.580 But if you're not willing to take care of yourself for the right reasons, then these

00:14:05.220 outside influences, and yes, even your family's an external factor are going to play a larger

00:14:10.280 role.

00:14:10.820 It's going to be a, a heavier weighted variable than if you were just to do it for the right

00:14:16.640 reason, which is I want to be a good and capable man for myself.

00:14:19.880 And the benefit of that is I'm more capable of serving other people.

00:14:23.000 So how do you, how do you get out of the rut, do the battle plan, man, get it done, get

00:14:30.640 your battle plans done, execute, find other men who you can work with and communicate with

00:14:36.120 open the lines of communication with your family.

00:14:38.940 Maybe there's some breakdown in communication or a barrier there that you need to make sure

00:14:43.140 that you address, maybe improving the family dynamic and the family relationship is one

00:14:47.800 of the things that you actually put into your battle plan itself and try to figure out

00:14:52.260 what, what, what's the negativity about?

00:14:54.340 Is it something they're dealing with?

00:14:55.620 Is it some animosity or contention between you and your wife or you and your kids?

00:15:00.080 And then come up with a plan to address it, find other positive people in your life, find

00:15:04.380 people who are going to hold you accountable and hold your feet to the fire, do the same

00:15:08.500 for them and get the thing done.

00:15:11.820 As a way of motivation to Wade, it's taught to change culture within a company and even within

00:15:18.240 a family, and you can't do it by being mediocre.

00:15:22.260 I think you have to be inspiring.

00:15:25.240 Like you have to be on your a game and just be utterly inspiring to those around you.

00:15:30.620 And it's possible.

00:15:31.780 I really do think it's possible.

00:15:33.520 I don't want to deter you saying, you know, it's not possible.

00:15:36.120 It's just you, you have your work made out for you and don't approach it from a mediocre

00:15:40.720 perspective.

00:15:41.640 Like, I think you really have to get after it.

00:15:44.300 Yeah, you really do.

00:15:45.240 And I have a lot of guys who will say things like, how do you get your wife to trust you?

00:15:48.680 You'd be trustable.

00:15:50.140 Yeah.

00:15:50.700 You know, like my wife, I want to start this new business.

00:15:53.040 Here's when I get a lot.

00:15:53.780 I want to start this new venture.

00:15:54.980 This new business is my wife doesn't believe in me. 1.00

00:15:57.560 Yeah.

00:15:57.980 And why should she?

00:16:00.060 Like, give me, give me one good reason.

00:16:01.800 Most of the guys that say this, if I say, give me one good reason why she should, all

00:16:05.900 you hear is crickets.

00:16:07.600 Because you failed and you've dropped the ball and you've been out of integrity and you've

00:16:11.000 let things slip and you haven't been a man of your word and so many other things that

00:16:14.860 she just doesn't believe you now. 0.99

00:16:16.280 So when guys, because occasionally what my wife and I will do is we'll kick, kick you 1.00

00:16:20.860 off the air and I'll bring her on instead. 0.97

00:16:22.440 Right.

00:16:22.880 I've done that twice now.

00:16:24.360 And, uh, and I was offended.

00:16:25.900 And those were my most popular episodes.

00:16:27.380 Ask me anything.

00:16:28.180 No, I'm just kidding.

00:16:28.600 Um, but I'll bring her in and, and we have, we have a great relationship, a very good

00:16:34.540 relationship.

00:16:35.020 We still fight and we got into a fight on Sunday.

00:16:37.560 I think about something.

00:16:38.720 I can't even remember what it was about.

00:16:39.620 Anyways, beside the point.

00:16:41.560 Uh, and guys will say, man, how she, she really seems like she trusts you with your business

00:16:45.720 and with, with the things that you're doing.

00:16:46.860 Well, guys, that wasn't always the case.

00:16:48.800 All right.

00:16:49.400 There was a point in time where she wouldn't trust a word that came out of my mouth and

00:16:54.000 looking at it objectively.

00:16:55.060 I think that was pretty warranted because there was no track record of me being an

00:17:00.580 integrity and me being a man of my word.

00:17:02.780 But now I do to the best of my ability, everything that I can in order to fulfill my commitments

00:17:10.640 to her and fulfill my commitments to you guys as the listeners and Kip, you and my kids.

00:17:14.960 So she sees all these little micro wins, all these little micro acts of integrity.

00:17:20.220 And she's like, Oh, okay.

00:17:21.640 I believe the noises that come out of Ryan's mouth, because every time he says that he

00:17:27.920 follows through and he, and he does it.

00:17:30.440 So being a man of your word and being an integrity and getting the things done that

00:17:34.740 you say you will, when you say you'll do them is the single greatest tactic.

00:17:39.520 And I, and I hesitate even saying tactic.

00:17:41.480 It's the greatest single act that you can do over a long and sustained period of time

00:17:46.100 to prove to your wife or your kids or your employees or your employer that you are a

00:17:52.500 man to be trusted.

00:17:54.800 Totally.

00:17:56.000 Ryan, do you mind?

00:17:57.440 I mean, I, and it's going to come up again.

00:17:59.220 I, I, cause I looked over some of these questions earlier.

00:18:01.980 Um, and I, we're already seeing evidence of it from the question from Robert and this

00:18:06.400 other question from Wade about kind of the tugboat versus lighthouse mentality.

00:18:12.840 Do you want to touch base on that briefly and the power of that?

00:18:16.100 And then, and I think that will serve us as we go over some of, some of these other questions

00:18:20.860 as well.

00:18:21.600 Yeah.

00:18:21.700 I mean, I think a lot of guys listening to this know the tugboat, tugboat versus the

00:18:25.220 lighthouse concept.

00:18:26.160 You know, the, the lighthouse is the, they both serve the same purpose, right?

00:18:30.220 Which is to warn ships from danger and help them navigate safely to shore.

00:18:34.320 Um, but ultimately the lighthouse is, is the fixture that's, that's, that's permanent.

00:18:40.360 It's, it's got a foundation.

00:18:42.380 It's there shining its light and being an example, regardless of the conditions or the

00:18:48.040 weather or any other factor that may come up and it stands and it shines to as many people

00:18:53.940 as it possibly can.

00:18:54.860 On the other hand, you've got the tugboat, which gets down into the, into the harbor, into

00:18:59.720 the bay and it's crashed upon by the waves and it's getting beat up and it's pushing

00:19:03.380 and, and, and pulling and manipulating this, this, this boat or another individual, if we're

00:19:09.060 using the analogy and it's, it's getting banged up and beat up and, and it's not able to serve

00:19:14.580 necessarily more than one people or a person or boat in this case.

00:19:18.600 So really the whole concept is that if we can be a lighthouse, we can shine, we can stay

00:19:23.760 above the waves and the friction and really keep ourselves in an, I want, I don't want

00:19:30.920 to say elevated position, but a stronghold, if you will, then we have the capability of

00:19:35.440 serving more people in a greater capacity for a longer period of time.

00:19:39.620 So really ultimately, you know, you've got to take care of yourself.

00:19:42.480 You've got to keep yourself above the fray and above the noise and above the nonsense that

00:19:47.360 you can serve the people that you want to serve.

00:19:49.500 And you know what, inevitably you might lose a ship or two, but sometimes you kind of have

00:19:55.540 to, right?

00:19:56.220 Because these people aren't ready for your message or aren't willing to attempt to rescue

00:20:01.720 themselves.

00:20:02.500 Now the, the analogy falls short in a lot of ways, but I think everybody understands the

00:20:07.220 concept that we're trying to make or the point that we're trying to make here.

00:20:10.400 And to relate it to Wade's question is as a lighthouse, you're not going out in the water,

00:20:15.140 forcing change upon boats.

00:20:17.900 They make a change.

00:20:19.500 Yeah.

00:20:20.200 Yeah.

00:20:20.480 They make the change.

00:20:21.520 And so, you know, in, in Wade's quest, right, to become, you know, remove that negative energy

00:20:26.580 within his household by doing it as a lighthouse, you, you create an opportunity for them to

00:20:32.140 see the light, for them to come to that way of being and you don't force it upon them.

00:20:37.480 And, and as we've learned, uh, rarely do we ever successively forcibly change people.

00:20:44.780 Well, and even if you do, it's temporary on their own.

00:20:47.340 Yeah.

00:20:47.640 Yeah.

00:20:48.060 Yeah.

00:20:48.340 If they're not ready, it's just a temporary change.

00:20:51.180 Yeah.

00:20:51.680 All right.

00:20:52.300 Chris Morrison, Ryan, what has been your biggest challenge in leading other men on a large scale,

00:20:58.420 50,000 foot view level through order of man?

00:21:01.260 How did you approach and overcome them?

00:21:03.840 Kip for you, as you lead battle teams on a smaller, more intimate level, how did you approach

00:21:08.660 and overcome them?

00:21:09.400 I like this question.

00:21:12.180 Uh, for me, what is my biggest challenge?

00:21:15.060 Um, I, I, you know, I get disheart, disheartened a little bit when I really pour my heart and

00:21:19.540 soul and energy and everything I have and can into this movement or into another individual

00:21:24.040 and they decide to maintain their current path.

00:21:27.780 You know, they'll tell me, Hey, I want to change or I want to improve the relationship

00:21:30.500 or I want to get fit or I want to make more money.

00:21:32.260 And I, and I clearly lay out a plan for them to be able to do that through, again, the battle

00:21:36.520 plan.

00:21:36.800 I'm going to keep hitting that home and they just don't do anything with it.

00:21:40.040 You know, it's really frustrating.

00:21:41.240 And that's what I've learned to go back to this lighthouse concept is I can't get down

00:21:45.440 in it with people because a lot of them aren't just aren't ready for it.

00:21:49.940 And that's fine.

00:21:50.720 You know, we all have to live our own lives.

00:21:52.460 And, but man, if you're going to, if, if you're going to talk about being ready for

00:21:56.460 improvement and change, like then don't just pay a lip service, like be willing

00:22:00.360 to invest time and energy and resources and commitment and dedication and sacrifice into

00:22:06.820 improving your life.

00:22:07.840 It's really, really discouraging for me.

00:22:10.060 And because it's discouraging, I sometimes lose my cool or lose my patience with those

00:22:16.380 men.

00:22:16.780 And then I think what that ends up doing is diminishing or undermining my credibility

00:22:22.420 and authority with those who do really want to improve.

00:22:27.440 And so I have to be, in fact, I did it in the iron council the other day.

00:22:30.060 And I, and I quickly apologized.

00:22:31.260 I don't know if you saw that or not, but I got frustrated with the team leaders because

00:22:35.580 I didn't feel like they were doing what was in the best interest of the iron council and

00:22:40.560 their teams.

00:22:41.320 And I let that slip in a way that I don't think was effective, an effective way to address

00:22:45.880 it.

00:22:47.000 And I think I apologize, you know, I made that post or whatever in the afternoon and that

00:22:50.560 in that evening, I apologized and said, Hey man, here's, here's where I was guys.

00:22:54.620 I apologize.

00:22:55.420 I did that wrong.

00:22:56.020 I still believe what I said, but I could have handled that more tactfully.

00:22:59.360 And here's what we're doing to address it.

00:23:01.200 So I took ownership of that, but I do lose my patients very, very quickly.

00:23:05.660 And it's just, man, it's just something that I, that I have to deal with and recognize that,

00:23:09.440 you know, people are looking to me as an example of, of how to lead in their own lives.

00:23:13.260 And if I let that kind of stuff get to me, I'm not serving them in the best way possible.

00:23:18.780 So that's a challenge.

00:23:21.520 And, you know, the other thing that, that I run into is guys thinking that, and again,

00:23:26.300 this goes back to the patient's thing that their situations are unique, you know, it's

00:23:30.160 like, Oh, I'm dealing with a situation with my wife.

00:23:32.900 I'm like, well, I'm like, well, I clearly show other guys who have gone through that

00:23:37.960 and, and, and what they've been doing and they're like, well, my, my situation is different.

00:23:41.900 And then it leads me to say, well, screw off then, you know, like if you're not interested

00:23:46.080 in learning or growing from these other experiences that people have had, but again,

00:23:49.280 that's a patient's issue on my part.

00:23:51.440 I realized that I look at my own life differently than Kip, I would look at yours.

00:23:55.740 Like, it's really easy for me to say, Oh, your, your life is easy, Kip.

00:23:59.420 You have it all set.

00:24:00.260 And then look at my life and, and filter it through a different, a different lens or whatever.

00:24:05.780 So ultimately it's just being patient and understanding and empathetic, which is not my strong suit.

00:24:13.180 Yeah.

00:24:14.160 Yeah, for sure.

00:24:14.920 I think as I, you know, I have, I have, as I have worked with some of the battle teams

00:24:19.960 and in, even in my job here at journey team, I think one of the challenges that I, that

00:24:25.040 I've struggled with, and it's not a, it's a, it's a, it's, it's, well, it's Jocko's book

00:24:29.660 dichotomy of leadership, right?

00:24:30.960 It's one of those dichotomies that I have to constantly, um, work on and it's not putting

00:24:37.840 team members before the mission, um, of the team.

00:24:40.800 Um, I've struggled with that in the past, probably six months or so, uh, within echo.

00:24:45.960 I've seen it even, um, with my team here where I have to make sure that I put the mission

00:24:51.240 first, uh, cause I have a tendency to, to want to rescue, right?

00:24:55.520 A single team member or, um, focus on the individual some too much.

00:25:00.460 And sometimes I lose sight of, of the actual mission, uh, and, and what we're doing.

00:25:05.900 So that's, that's been a, not an Achilles heel, but something that I have to be mindful

00:25:10.620 about to make sure that I don't do.

00:25:13.640 I like, and I'll, I'm trying to look at this objectively.

00:25:16.860 I like the, both of us really tried to take that upon ourselves, like not what is the problem

00:25:21.160 with these other guys?

00:25:22.020 Although maybe I did that a little bit, but ultimately how can I improve myself, right?

00:25:25.500 How can I improve my capabilities as a leader?

00:25:27.480 So it's recognizing that I have an inability to be patient and then fixing that and then

00:25:33.680 seeing how that improves the relationship I have with the guys.

00:25:36.320 And of course you're doing the same thing as well.

00:25:38.060 So it's good that we recognize it and try to improve what we can, which is ultimately

00:25:42.060 ourselves, right?

00:25:43.420 Yeah, totally.

00:25:44.560 Lighthouse.

00:25:45.260 Yes, sir.

00:25:46.240 All right.

00:25:46.700 John Reiners, Ryan and Kip, any tips for letting go of past mistakes you've made?

00:25:52.000 I'm curious if you still struggle with regrets from your past history and how you've dealt with

00:25:55.960 moving past them and forgiving yourself.

00:25:59.260 I'm going to sound like a broken record, man.

00:26:01.420 Do the battle plan.

00:26:02.640 Do the battle plan.

00:26:04.460 Guys, if you haven't done a battle plan, I don't even care if you use mine.

00:26:07.700 All right.

00:26:07.860 That's not, that's not even what I'm telling you.

00:26:09.260 I'm just saying, if you don't have some sort of planning tool for your life that you can

00:26:14.000 learn from mistakes, you can evaluate mistakes, you can evaluate what you want, and then come

00:26:19.340 up with a plan and a strategy and the actions towards improving yourself, you're, you're

00:26:24.700 selling yourself short.

00:26:26.660 So I think number one, when we're talking specifically about past mistakes is doing an

00:26:32.940 after action review.

00:26:34.300 Yeah.

00:26:34.740 An after action review is not an opportunity to throw yourself into the mix and get down

00:26:41.000 in the mud like a tugboat would and really beat yourself up and tell yourself how sad or 0.99

00:26:45.220 wrong or how pathetic you are. 0.99

00:26:46.640 It's, it's an objective analysis and that's difficult because you're doing it yourself, but 0.99

00:26:52.160 it is an objective analysis on the circumstance.

00:26:55.960 Here's what I was trying to accomplish.

00:26:57.420 Here's how I handled it.

00:26:58.280 I did it incorrectly.

00:26:59.260 Here's what I learned.

00:27:00.060 Here's what I didn't accomplish.

00:27:01.160 Here's what I did accomplish.

00:27:02.300 And here's my plan moving forward.

00:27:05.320 Try to be as objective as possible.

00:27:07.580 And like you always say, Kip, don't attach meaning to it.

00:27:11.440 So when you're doing the after action review, for example, when my wife and I got into that

00:27:15.600 argument on Sunday, actually, I do know what it was about.

00:27:20.940 I remember when I said I lost my patience with the, or lost my cool with the iron council

00:27:24.480 guys, with the team leaders.

00:27:26.040 I let that spill over into the relationship with my wife and kids.

00:27:30.840 And so I was upset and then I felt like she was nagging me about something, but looking

00:27:35.760 at it now, it wasn't that at all.

00:27:37.440 It was just that I perceived it to be that way because I was in the middle of something

00:27:40.520 else.

00:27:42.200 So I looked at the situation and realized, oh, that was my fault, right?

00:27:48.340 Now it wasn't a chance to beat myself up.

00:27:50.040 It was what went wrong.

00:27:51.440 Where was the breakdown?

00:27:52.500 Well, I didn't give myself enough time.

00:27:53.940 I didn't communicate to her that I was trying to work and I couldn't be involved with whatever

00:27:58.240 they were doing at the moment.

00:27:59.740 There's a lot of different things I could have done, but I looked at that objectively.

00:28:02.320 And now I know, right now I know I, I arm myself with the information and the tools

00:28:07.060 and the plan of action moving forward that when this comes up, I know what I'll do.

00:28:11.420 And so do I feel bad that I snapped at her and the kids?

00:28:14.800 Of course, of course, I feel bad about that.

00:28:17.760 There's nothing I can do about that though.

00:28:19.460 All I can do now is do it differently next time that set of circumstances comes up and

00:28:24.560 it will inevitably, it's going to come up again.

00:28:26.960 So how do my hand, how do I handle myself next time?

00:28:30.920 Yeah.

00:28:31.820 What I'm hearing, what you're saying, Ryan is, and, and that I think it's in the case

00:28:35.620 of these small arguments or where we might lash out at our families or our spouses.

00:28:40.520 To even the more extreme things of, you know, craziness, right? 1.00

00:28:45.960 I got divorced as a complete asshole or, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:28:49.300 Really, even really bad past decisions. 1.00

00:28:52.880 And, and at the root of all that, and we've talked about this in the past, we've made this

00:28:57.300 distinction in the past is how do you ensure that you don't have regret?

00:29:00.640 You grow, you learn.

00:29:02.740 If you don't grow and learn from your mistakes, you will regret them, but it's, but it's ironic.

00:29:08.400 Like for instance, I would never condone getting divorced without a doubt.

00:29:12.160 I would never condone it.

00:29:13.100 And even when I look at my past and why we quote unquote got divorced from my ex-wife,

00:29:19.580 I would still say that it wasn't warranted and we, and it shouldn't have happened.

00:29:23.360 But guess what?

00:29:24.760 It's really hard for me to regret it.

00:29:27.160 Why?

00:29:27.880 Because I grew from it.

00:29:30.260 I am such a different man than I was before.

00:29:34.300 And so I became a better person because of it.

00:29:37.340 And I met an amazing woman because of it, because I put myself on a path of, of being

00:29:42.540 substantially better than I was.

00:29:44.000 And so it's really hard for me to look at the past and go, I regret that happening.

00:29:47.780 Why?

00:29:48.140 Because I grew and it was part of my path of, of becoming who I am today.

00:29:52.800 And so one, I think one of the strongest things that we can do to ensure that we don't

00:29:56.340 have regret is don't waste the struggle.

00:29:58.940 Don't waste the pain and the suffering and, and all the, the hardship that you went

00:30:03.980 through, don't waste that grow from it.

00:30:06.600 Right.

00:30:07.040 And, and to what you're saying, Ryan, what I'm hearing is one of the ways you learn and

00:30:11.700 you don't waste it is after action review.

00:30:14.640 Why did it happen?

00:30:16.100 What could you correct?

00:30:17.520 What could you do moving forward?

00:30:18.800 And et cetera.

00:30:20.900 Well said.

00:30:21.580 I mean, that's absolutely, you got to reframe it, right?

00:30:23.960 I mean, I think it's, it's hard to do in the moment when you're quote unquote failing,

00:30:28.240 but reframe it as, you know what?

00:30:31.300 Maybe this isn't a complete failure.

00:30:33.180 Maybe this is just one little learning opportunity and reframe it from failure to, okay, what

00:30:38.980 did I learn and how am I going to improve moving forward?

00:30:41.900 Totally.

00:30:42.800 Hmm.

00:30:43.280 Cool.

00:30:44.100 All right.

00:30:45.520 Uh, Sasha Flammer, uh, flame, Flammer's burger.

00:30:51.600 Sasha F.

00:30:52.940 Sasha F.

00:30:53.860 Sasha alphabet.

00:30:54.740 Remember, if we don't know, we just say alphabet.

00:30:56.920 Alphabet.

00:30:57.460 All right.

00:30:57.700 How would you comment on German tendencies to have parliament equally filled with men

00:31:03.080 and women by law? 1.00

00:31:04.960 Well, that's stupid. 1.00

00:31:06.240 I mean, look, well, look, okay. 1.00

00:31:08.140 Let me back up.

00:31:09.320 I don't know enough about German government to make a, uh, educated statement on how their

00:31:17.720 government is run.

00:31:19.480 So, but let's just, let's just talk about the principle of it.

00:31:23.060 Yeah.

00:31:23.580 Cause, and we, and we can relate to this principle to.

00:31:26.820 Anything.

00:31:27.520 Equality of gender.

00:31:28.660 Right.

00:31:28.940 And race.

00:31:30.300 Colleges, Congress, workforce, all the, all these scenarios.

00:31:35.060 Right.

00:31:36.120 When here, so here's my, here's my thoughts from a principled standpoint.

00:31:42.080 When you force organizations or companies or teams or societies to quote unquote equalize

00:31:55.460 the playing field, you diminish, well, I should say it this way.

00:32:00.020 You potentially diminish the validity and the effectiveness and the efficiency of that

00:32:07.340 organization, because what you're doing by default is you're not measuring based on who

00:32:12.360 is the best performer you're measuring off of other factors like race or gender or sexual

00:32:20.060 orientation or whatever, fill in the blank.

00:32:23.180 And those are not determined or, or, or, or a factor when it comes to who is most capable

00:32:30.460 of doing the job most effectively. 0.99

00:32:32.600 So from a principled standpoint, it's stupid and it actually undermines the organization 0.98

00:32:38.740 to mandate that you take into consideration anything other than performance. 0.98

00:32:44.780 That's why meritocracies will always outperform other organizations, other governments and, and,

00:32:51.760 and, and teams that operate in, in a different capacity is because they promote those who

00:32:57.720 warrant the promotion and they will always outpace those who don't and measure on different

00:33:04.360 variables.

00:33:06.140 Yeah.

00:33:06.900 This drives me mad.

00:33:09.180 Like this makes me look, let's okay.

00:33:12.220 Organization and let's say they're being sexist, right?

00:33:17.520 And they're not interviewing women and they're only hiring men.

00:33:20.300 Explain to me how you, a company purposely choosing only to hire women is any different.

00:33:29.340 Well, it's not different.

00:33:30.500 Yeah.

00:33:30.660 It's based upon the same exact principle.

00:33:33.060 The only difference is we've, we've grouped one as a minority.

00:33:36.340 So then it's now okay to be sexist, right?

00:33:40.700 It's, it's quite honestly, Kip, it's when, when we do these types of things, whether it's

00:33:45.120 in German governments or here in the States, or even just private entities that say, I have

00:33:49.980 to have a certain amount of minorities or a certain amount of women on my board or whatever. 0.63

00:33:53.940 Um, it's, well, frankly, it's un-American that first, and it's just, it's just, I don't 0.97

00:33:59.960 know how else to say it other than it's a ridiculous, ridiculous sexist or racist assertion and an 0.96

00:34:07.540 attempt to control something that can never fully be controlled. 0.98

00:34:11.400 So if you want to win, that's the funny thing is like, this is coming from people who say

00:34:16.880 they don't want to be sexist or they don't want to be racist.

00:34:19.180 And yet they're engaged in the exact behavior that they're pretending to defend against.

00:34:24.840 Yeah.

00:34:25.720 And they're perpetuating that sex is like, or, or it's a hand-me-out that's insulting.

00:34:32.280 Like I would be insulted.

00:34:34.000 I would be insulted if my company hired me because I'm a white male.

00:34:39.580 Oh, well, we, we need to meet a quota. 0.69

00:34:41.720 So let me hire you because you're a white male. 0.90

00:34:43.340 Like that's insulting. 1.00

00:34:44.780 Damn it. 0.99

00:34:45.360 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:45.520 And people should actually be insulted by that mentality as well.

00:34:48.960 Well, they're not because, and I'll tell you why it's because it's a race to the bottom.

00:34:52.940 Like whoever's the most victimized, whoever is the most oppressed, whoever is the most

00:34:57.440 downtrodden, then those people are the ones who get attention.

00:35:02.020 They, they get the accolades.

00:35:04.000 They, they're, they're dubbed as courageous simply because they, there's some perceived

00:35:09.480 slight against them. 0.97

00:35:11.020 It's absolutely ridiculous. 0.88

00:35:12.440 And I'm not interested in racing to the bottom. 0.89

00:35:14.620 I'm interested in racing to the top.

00:35:16.020 And if a woman in my organization is going to help me get to that point, by all means,

00:35:19.600 let's go.

00:35:20.220 So if it's going to be a man or somebody who's black or somebody who's African-American or

00:35:25.200 somebody who's Asian or Indian or whatever, then fine. 0.55

00:35:29.000 I don't care.

00:35:29.820 I want to win as an organization.

00:35:31.420 So I'm going to bring people on who are going to help me win period.

00:35:35.640 Yeah.

00:35:36.540 It's craziness.

00:35:37.720 And this is like everywhere.

00:35:40.120 It is everywhere.

00:35:41.300 Because again, that, that idea of the victim, the victim hood and the victim mentality and

00:35:47.140 the downtrodden thing is just permeating every fabric of society.

00:35:51.240 And it's disgusting. 0.88

00:35:52.060 It's despicable. 0.92

00:35:53.180 And instead of feeding it, that's what we're doing.

00:35:55.880 Instead of feeding it, we ought to just trample it under our feet.

00:35:59.340 And, and how do we do that?

00:36:01.040 We encourage, we destroy it, but we encourage those who are downtrodden. 1.00

00:36:05.360 So please don't misunderstand.

00:36:06.580 There are people who don't have the same opportunities as us.

00:36:09.460 Okay.

00:36:10.240 That's, that's a fact.

00:36:11.680 So how do we overcome this victim hood mentality?

00:36:14.480 We don't pander to those people.

00:36:16.080 We help empower them.

00:36:17.320 Right.

00:36:17.740 We educate them.

00:36:18.920 We teach them.

00:36:20.000 We give them a hand up when we can, and we encourage them to face the consequences of

00:36:24.700 their decisions and everything else that you and I, and the majority of people listening

00:36:28.820 to this podcast have done.

00:36:30.720 You don't do people favors by pandering and, and, and, and making them the victim and playing

00:36:36.720 into their narrative.

00:36:37.520 So for a good resource on this, uh, for you guys, your, Ryan's conversation with Goggins

00:36:43.960 on, on kind of this subject was, was spot on.

00:36:47.740 I don't know.

00:36:48.440 You know, I don't know you, the podcast history and find that episode, but that conversation

00:36:52.480 that you and David had was, was just excellent from this perspective.

00:36:55.880 Yeah.

00:36:56.100 I mean, that was a great conversation anyways, but that point where he was talking about

00:36:59.380 feeling like he was just being picked on.

00:37:02.040 And he's like, no, man, there was like two racist people in his entire town.

00:37:05.320 And he let that taint what he felt about white people.

00:37:10.020 And he was like, man, if I would have been awake, you know, if I would have really been

00:37:13.020 aware of this, I would have realized that it was two guys.

00:37:15.440 It wasn't white people. 1.00

00:37:16.660 It was just two racist, ignorant people. 1.00

00:37:19.120 So it was, it was a really powerful moment in that podcast for sure. 0.99

00:37:22.740 Okay.

00:37:24.020 Christopher Matthew Buckner.

00:37:25.960 I know much of your message is about making a decision to move forward and change bad habits

00:37:30.780 or poor decisions making, uh, making by taking action.

00:37:34.560 But how do you recommend best breaking down and using mistakes, bad choices, and et cetera

00:37:39.740 from the past to make an amends with people you've hurt and learn lessons from your mistakes

00:37:44.600 to help them move forward in the future?

00:37:46.400 I actually think it's a really good idea to make amends, even if that's a simple apology

00:37:50.720 for a lot of different reasons.

00:37:51.920 But the one reason I want to share in this context is that it is very, very humiliating

00:37:58.120 to have to do it.

00:37:59.420 Yeah.

00:38:00.020 And because it's humiliating to have to do it, you can take that one of two ways.

00:38:03.820 Number one is I'm never going to apologize for anything I ever do again.

00:38:07.140 I think most people, rational people would think that's unhealthy.

00:38:11.140 Number two is to say, I'm not going to make that decision or that mistake again.

00:38:14.720 So I don't have to apologize for the very thing I'm doing right now.

00:38:17.880 That's a healthy approach.

00:38:19.060 So what I said earlier about living with the consequences of our choices, we as parents

00:38:24.660 and employers and friends and just society in general are trying to strip away all of

00:38:30.020 the consequences of poor decisions.

00:38:33.440 And we think that we're helping people, you know, when we don't let our kid, like, for

00:38:38.400 example, if our kid is bullying somebody at school and we come in and we, we rescue our

00:38:44.160 child and we say, well, and we defend him and we come up with all the reasons why he

00:38:48.660 didn't do that.

00:38:49.240 Or she didn't do that. 0.99

00:38:50.740 What we're doing is we're saying that behavior is okay.

00:38:53.280 In fact, I encourage it because I'll just come in and rescue next time.

00:38:56.440 If on the other hand, you come in and say, you know what?

00:39:00.280 Yes, my kid's going to have some disciplinary action at home.

00:39:03.580 He's going to have some disciplinary action here.

00:39:05.340 I support you as a school with what you're doing within reason, of course.

00:39:09.440 And you let the child feel the full weight of their decisions.

00:39:13.520 That is actually very empowering because with a healthy perspective that you give them, which

00:39:19.940 is not, I'm just going to discipline you and not explain why, but I'm going to discipline

00:39:22.940 you and explain why this is so important we don't behave in this manner, then you're actually 1.00

00:39:27.500 empowering your children not to behave and not to make those same stupid mistakes that 1.00

00:39:31.660 aren't going to serve them well down the road. 1.00

00:39:34.820 So yeah, I think you should make amends.

00:39:37.800 I think you should apologize.

00:39:39.200 I think you should try to rectify any situations that you may have messed up.

00:39:43.960 And I don't feel like you can fully move forward until you've made an attempt to do so.

00:39:49.060 And I say attempt because let's say that Kip, let's say, for example, that you stole from 0.97

00:39:56.240 me.

00:39:56.520 Okay.

00:39:56.880 You stole money from me.

00:39:57.980 However, you logged it, whatever.

00:39:59.040 Okay.

00:39:59.180 You stole money from me and you apologized about it and you paid me that money back.

00:40:04.200 Am I obligated to accept your apology?

00:40:08.020 No, no, no, I'm not.

00:40:10.100 And that's what sucks is that Kip, you could try to make full amends and rectify the situation,

00:40:14.380 apologize, pay it back with interest, even do whatever you needed to do to make it right.

00:40:19.060 And I don't have to accept any of that.

00:40:21.320 So the best that you can do as a human is to apologize, fix it to the best of your ability

00:40:27.960 and let the chips fall where they may, because it's nobody's responsibility to accept that

00:40:32.300 from you.

00:40:33.100 It's so ironic that I was just having this conversation with my boys last night and the conversation

00:40:38.640 was actually around repentance.

00:40:40.600 And I actually think it's, and I told him, I'm like, guys, throw religion out the window.

00:40:46.000 The principle of repentance is universal.

00:40:49.380 So let's, let's walk through it, right?

00:40:51.900 You come into the realizations that you've made a mistake.

00:40:55.760 You try to resolve the mistake, right?

00:40:58.260 You ask for forgiveness and then you re and then you commit not to do it again.

00:41:01.940 And to your point, Ryan, what was, I think is profound is if I come to you and apologize

00:41:07.120 and I pay back the money, right?

00:41:08.380 And I try to resolve the problem the best I can.

00:41:10.660 If I'm doing it, so you trust me again, then I'm doing it for the wrong reason, right?

00:41:16.060 If I'm going to you and correcting the problem, because that is the right thing to do.

00:41:21.140 And because I'm committed to change and not being that way anymore, guess what?

00:41:25.460 It doesn't matter if you forgive me or not, because I've made the amends the best I can.

00:41:30.400 Right, right.

00:41:30.900 And I grew from it.

00:41:32.620 And, and there's, and that's why repentance is so powerful.

00:41:35.720 This conversation is a power.

00:41:36.760 This is where growth is.

00:41:39.040 If you're unable, you have so much ego and you're unable to look at your circumstance

00:41:43.440 and say, guess what?

00:41:44.800 I screwed up.

00:41:45.840 I did this wrong and have a, you know, after action review and realize what you did wrong

00:41:50.320 so you can correct it.

00:41:51.460 Then guess what?

00:41:52.120 You're not growing.

00:41:53.720 Right.

00:41:54.200 And, and that's, that's the power of this conversation, right?

00:41:57.260 Whether repentance, right?

00:41:59.520 From a religious standpoint or just really from this.

00:42:01.740 It's the same thing.

00:42:02.140 Making mistakes.

00:42:02.900 It's the same exact concept.

00:42:04.060 So while you were talking here, Kip, I actually pulled up the repentance process specifically

00:42:09.320 for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, because I'm, I'm LDS.

00:42:13.400 You are Kip too.

00:42:14.240 So, but, but again, the principle applies.

00:42:16.640 So, so take that element out of it.

00:42:18.420 Let me just tell you what the process is.

00:42:20.260 There's, there's seven steps.

00:42:21.400 So number one, you must recognize your sin, or you can fill in the blank with mistake or

00:42:26.980 transgression or whatever term you want to use, but you have to recognize it.

00:42:30.020 Number one, if you don't recognize it, there's no repentance.

00:42:31.940 And there's nothing else that can take place.

00:42:33.600 You don't even know you did anything wrong.

00:42:34.800 You're not willing to acknowledge it.

00:42:37.260 And not recognizing it is also blaming someone else.

00:42:40.140 Oh, I did it because of this.

00:42:41.400 Yeah.

00:42:41.760 Justifying it, right?

00:42:42.860 Yeah.

00:42:43.420 So recognize your sin or your mistake.

00:42:46.440 Number two, feel sorrow for it.

00:42:48.440 Okay.

00:42:48.600 So maybe you recognize that it was wrong, but if you don't feel sorry about what you did,

00:42:51.820 like, is, are you really learning from that?

00:42:54.160 Right?

00:42:54.380 So there has to be some sort of sorrow for your, your mistake or your sin.

00:42:58.100 Uh, number three, we have to forsake our sins.

00:43:01.400 So we have to commit to ourselves that we aren't going to do that anymore.

00:43:05.160 Does that mean we're going to be perfect forever?

00:43:06.740 No, but it means that we are making an honest effort, a concerted effort to forsake that mistake,

00:43:12.880 to not make that sin anymore.

00:43:14.800 Uh, number four, we have to confess our sins.

00:43:17.820 So in the context of here, we're talking about confession to the Lord.

00:43:20.680 Um, but I also think that there's an element of confessing to ourselves, making amends,

00:43:26.380 uh, confessing to other people that maybe we wronged.

00:43:29.480 So there's an element of confession.

00:43:30.860 Number, I think I'm on five.

00:43:32.520 We must make restitution.

00:43:34.440 So wherever you can, you have to make it right.

00:43:36.780 You have to make that other individual that you may have wronged whole again.

00:43:40.400 And that might take some creative problem solving.

00:43:43.820 Um, and, and you may not be able to do it to the best of your ability or, or do it fully,

00:43:47.680 but just do as best as you can.

00:43:48.820 Uh, number six, this one's actually really important.

00:43:52.360 We must forgive other people of their sins, or again, fill in the blank with mistakes.

00:43:58.340 Like if you make mistakes and you want to go through the repentance process and you want

00:44:02.280 to fix this process, but you're not willing to acknowledge that other people make mistakes.

00:44:06.700 This is why I feel like I'm very, very quick to a say, sorry, and very, very quick B to accept

00:44:12.540 other people's apologies.

00:44:13.700 Because I feel like if I want to be forgiven or, or, or, or, or yeah, I guess that's the

00:44:20.220 best word forgiven for my mistakes and my sins, then I have to be willing to do the same for

00:44:24.080 other people.

00:44:25.420 And then the last, and this is in the context of religion and spirituality is that keeping

00:44:30.020 the commandments of God.

00:44:30.980 But I also think this can translate into living to the other principles that you've committed

00:44:36.560 to living to.

00:44:37.400 So it's not enough just to isolate this one element of your life and say, well, I'm not

00:44:40.780 going to do that anymore.

00:44:41.880 I think it's important that you expand and you broaden your definition and say, well, I'm

00:44:46.200 going to live a principled life, not just this principle, but all the other principles

00:44:49.740 that I believe are important in my life.

00:44:51.700 Yeah.

00:44:51.940 I like to, that last step, I like to like think of that as honor.

00:44:56.260 Sure.

00:44:56.940 Yeah.

00:44:57.180 Right.

00:44:57.680 Yeah.

00:44:57.840 Because, you know, I steal money from you.

00:44:59.840 I apologize, whatever.

00:45:00.760 And I'm like, all right, I'm committed not to do that again, but you know, I'm going to

00:45:04.020 do shady business over here though.

00:45:05.360 Right.

00:45:05.820 Right.

00:45:06.240 I, I, that doesn't work.

00:45:07.940 Or something completely different that might not have to do with theft at all.

00:45:10.880 It's like, you can't compartmentalize being a moral person.

00:45:15.140 Like you have your set of morals and principles.

00:45:17.700 You don't get to adhere to like one of 10 and say that you're a principled human being.

00:45:23.540 Yeah.

00:45:23.940 If you're a principled human being, then that means you adhere to all the

00:45:27.120 principles that you find value in.

00:45:29.460 Yeah.

00:45:29.720 Integrity.

00:45:30.300 Yeah.

00:45:31.640 What else?

00:45:33.380 That's great.

00:45:34.260 Good question.

00:45:34.920 Way to pull out some gospel there. 0.61

00:45:37.320 Yeah, man.

00:45:38.780 Peter Van Zyl.

00:45:40.340 When is enough enough from your employer?

00:45:42.780 He thinks he owns his employees.

00:45:45.280 He's never wrong.

00:45:46.600 Time to move.

00:45:47.820 Well, there you go.

00:45:48.760 I kind of, yeah.

00:45:49.820 I mean, yeah.

00:45:52.220 I look, if you're asking the question, two things here.

00:45:55.220 If you're asking the question, you're probably getting to that point already.

00:45:58.020 And, or you're not putting a plan in place that will help you be maybe a better employee.

00:46:05.960 Yeah.

00:46:06.380 And I'm not saying that it's your fault, but it could, there could be an element of it.

00:46:11.120 Yeah.

00:46:11.360 I mean, he could approach this scenario like, Hey, I'm going to see this as a game.

00:46:15.120 Right. 0.90

00:46:15.580 How do I kill it at this job? 1.00

00:46:17.060 Despite the fact that I have a shitty boss. 1.00

00:46:18.580 And maybe he's already done that. 0.82

00:46:20.620 So I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that if you've already done that,

00:46:23.480 then you need to formulate a plan to, in fact, if you listen to, I think it was last

00:46:29.040 week's Friday field notes, 10 steps to crushing your career.

00:46:31.860 Yep.

00:46:32.300 I think there's five or six of those things in there that will help in this exact situation,

00:46:36.060 which will help you be a, a better employee now while you're transitioning or making a plan

00:46:43.260 or working the plan to be an employer, a business owner somewhere else, you don't have to burn the

00:46:47.820 bridges and burn the ships, but you should start formulating a plan. Like, I don't, I don't think

00:46:54.060 that there should ever be a situation where you couldn't find a job. I'll give you an example.

00:47:00.060 If for whatever reason, order of man didn't work out, I didn't like doing it anymore. Everybody

00:47:05.920 like a mass exodus from order of man. I, I would have new employment within 24 hours and I don't

00:47:13.120 want to put that to the test. I don't want that to happen, but if it happened, I'd have new

00:47:17.540 employment within 24 hours. There's not a single doubt in my mind that that would be the case.

00:47:21.520 Why? Because I'm very well connected. I add value to as many people as I possibly can.

00:47:28.540 And I strive to serve those individuals. And because of that, I've got job security.

00:47:35.620 It's when we don't do those things, when we don't network and connect ourselves,

00:47:39.460 we're not adding value to our employer, our current employer's life, our teammates,

00:47:43.820 our coworkers lives and other people's lives that we really could find ourselves in hot water.

00:47:48.340 Should we lose employment? So you really got to formulate a plan. Go back, listen to that Friday

00:47:52.160 field notes, formulate a plan. And then also I think the 10th step is to find meaning and purpose

00:47:57.560 and being a good employee where you are right now and seeing if that actually changes the scenario for

00:48:01.760 you. Love it. Good reference to Friday field notes. Stephen Estill, any thoughts on how your

00:48:08.520 personal verbiage that you use day in and day out affect you? The saying, whether you say you can

00:48:13.960 or you say you cannot, you're right. I mean, it's huge. It's huge. It's funny because I was

00:48:19.700 having this conversation with, I can't remember, John Roman, front row factor, front row dads. I

00:48:26.320 think he's coming out with a front row moms now too. Anyways, he came into town a couple of weeks ago

00:48:30.880 and we went and hiked in Zion national park and everything was a lot of fun. And we were talking about

00:48:35.560 language and it was really funny because I think it was this, uh, this Russian couple that walked

00:48:42.080 past us. Cause he knows some Russian. He's like, Oh, they're speaking Russian. And I started thinking,

00:48:46.080 I'm like, it's really funny because they're speaking a language that I don't understand.

00:48:50.080 I had no idea what they were saying. They understood it. John understood some of it.

00:48:54.740 And I thought, isn't that funny? Because all that is, is noises that our body makes.

00:49:00.680 And then we manipulate the air that's coming into our lungs and then leaving our lungs through our

00:49:05.960 vocal cords. And we change the shape of our mouth and change the position of our tongue to

00:49:10.920 manipulate a sound. And the only reason that that sound actually means anything is because we

00:49:19.300 collectively have decided that that particular sound means fill in the blank. Right? So we have

00:49:26.580 attached meaning to certain sounds that are coming from our body. That's such a strange thing to me.

00:49:32.220 It's the same things with, uh, with written language. Cause if you like, I'm taking notes as we do this

00:49:37.460 podcast, somebody could take these notes and know exactly what I mean, which is interesting because all

00:49:44.440 it is, is these little scribbles and these series of lines and people look and say, well, that's a V

00:49:51.180 and that's an H and that's a D and that sound makes that. And those letters make this word,

00:49:56.820 which means fill in the blank. Right? But they're just lines on a piece of paper. But the only reason

00:50:01.560 they have meaning is because we've attached meaning to them. Yeah. So now that that's a, that's a long

00:50:06.840 lead up. The point I'm making here is that words are powerful because we've given them meaning.

00:50:13.140 And so if you're telling yourself things and you're saying to yourself things out loud,

00:50:19.480 or whether it's in your head or writing these things down, you've attached meaning to these

00:50:24.020 words, whether you realize it or not, every sound that you utter has a meaning. And when you say

00:50:32.660 those words or write those words, you are telling your brain that this is how it operates. This is how

00:50:39.900 it thinks. This is how it behaves. This is how we respond. And all of those are very, very real.

00:50:47.540 So if you're telling yourself positive and uplifting and encouraging things,

00:50:51.960 then the meaning is positivity, encouragement, uplifting. If you're saying to yourself destructive,

00:51:00.160 harmful, hurtful words, then the meaning is that you're shitty or you're not a good human being, 0.93

00:51:07.600 or you're not deserving or fill in the blank with whatever destructive thoughts that you have. 0.86

00:51:13.760 So long story short, guys, words are very, very powerful, very powerful. And if you can

00:51:21.680 learn to use language in a way that will help you, that will serve you, I think you're going to be

00:51:28.120 better off. It's just a tool. And a tool is only as effective as your ability to use it effectively.

00:51:34.760 Cool. Kevin Miller, I'm struggling with regaining the strength to train again after a previous place

00:51:43.960 of employment caused injury. I've gained weight and it's basically like I have to start over again

00:51:49.540 with these added elements. How would it be best to approach working out after injury to yourself?

00:51:55.580 Example, tennis elbow, cracking wrist, pelvic pain, et cetera.

00:51:58.860 But the beauty is you are starting over. You got a clean slate, man. It's awesome.

00:52:02.540 So you go into the gym and let's say you're going to do, and I'm not, I'm not a, I'm not an expert on

00:52:07.720 this stuff. Okay. So I'm not telling you to do specific lifts because I don't know the extent of

00:52:11.140 your injuries and I don't know what will actually exacerbate the problem. Okay. But what I'm saying

00:52:15.100 is that hypothetically, let's say that you wanted to go in and start working on your bench press.

00:52:19.940 And because of that elbow injury, you really couldn't do much weight. And so you can only bench the

00:52:24.360 bar 45 pounds. Okay. Well, maybe before you could do 200 pounds. So you think, well, I've fallen 200

00:52:32.420 pounds. Well, yeah, but what's done is done. All right. It's already done. It's cleared. So now you

00:52:37.140 can do 45 pounds. Forget about everything else that came before it. The goal is the next time you do 55

00:52:44.120 pounds, the next time you do 65 pounds, the next time you do 85 pounds, the next time you do 135 pounds,

00:52:51.260 the goal is to get better than you are today. That's the goal. And so right now the past,

00:52:59.320 let it go, man. It's already happened. What are you going to do about it? You're going to rewind time

00:53:03.200 and, and not injure yourself or not have to deal with that problem. No, you can't do that.

00:53:08.000 So this is why I don't like questions. Not, not this question, but why I don't like questions where

00:53:12.340 they say, if you could go back in time, what would be one thing you could change? Dude, I can't go back

00:53:17.420 in time, but I'll tell you what I can do now. I'll tell you what I learned from that. I'll tell

00:53:24.120 you how I'm going to continue to grow and develop and expand. So what's this guy's name?

00:53:29.020 Kevin. So Kevin, make yourself the project, man. You've got a clean slate. Go in there and get a

00:53:33.680 baseline with whatever you want to do. Maybe it's jujitsu. Maybe it's powerlifting. Maybe it's

00:53:38.900 CrossFit. Maybe it's a combination of who knows what, maybe it's hit training. Go in there today

00:53:44.980 and get your baseline. And your baseline is it's it. The only reason your baseline is relevant is so

00:53:51.980 that you can improve tomorrow on it. It's not to measure against who you were prior to your injury.

00:53:56.680 It's not to beat yourself up and to say, look how far you've fallen. It's only to give yourself the

00:54:02.380 foundational basis and benchmark for who you're going to be tomorrow and do all your lifts,

00:54:09.760 do a deadlift, do a squat, do a bench press, do a push press, do a pull up. If you can do,

00:54:14.900 whatever you can. And again, I'm not the exercise specialist here, so don't hurt yourself,

00:54:19.280 but do whatever you can to establish the benchmark. And then tomorrow, when you go in,

00:54:24.940 improve the next day, improve the next day, improve, make yourself the project.

00:54:30.080 Love it. Cody Reed Westnich, leadership advice. If you had someone that was your manager,

00:54:36.900 but they were 10 all the way up to 30 years younger than you, what would you want to see out of that

00:54:42.560 leader? Um, definitely initiative would be huge. The ability to communicate a vision. So I guess

00:54:53.740 that's two is that they would have vision and that they would be able to communicate it effectively.

00:54:57.820 And somebody who is a self-starter, somebody who doesn't need instruction necessarily to get going,

00:55:08.000 um, but can see something that needs to be accomplished and then come up with it and formulate

00:55:13.040 a plan and rally the troops around it. That's what I'd look for. That's great.

00:55:19.420 All right. How about you? Would you add anything to that? Um, no, I, I think when I think of young,

00:55:26.640 I'm stereotyping, right? When I think of guys that are 10 to 30 years younger than I am,

00:55:30.420 and they're in a leadership position, uh, they have a tendency to be arrogant.

00:55:34.480 So I think humility would be important. Um, and, and let's be honest in any leadership

00:55:39.880 position, if you're coming across like an arrogant ass, right? Like people aren't going to rally 0.99

00:55:45.240 around you. So I think there's some humility and, um, you know, we've talked about this in the iron

00:55:50.620 council, but like celebrating the wins of your team, making it about the team that wins, not you,

00:55:56.140 right? Be really careful in your language. I mean, I've had that conversation even in the iron council

00:55:59.860 where I was coaching one of the battle team leaders and, and he would always talk, he'd always

00:56:04.880 use the verbiage, my team, my team, well, my team. And I said, and I, and I suggested to him,

00:56:09.960 I'm like, don't use that. I wouldn't use that. I would say the team, right? I would say echo,

00:56:14.840 our team, Epsilon, that way you're saying we did it. They did it. Not. I did it. Right. Yeah.

00:56:22.840 That's one thing I'm actually very, very aware of is that I don't ever want to say I, my, me, mine,

00:56:31.400 try to be very, very inclusive to those that you're working to serve.

00:56:36.820 Totally. Yeah. Celebrate those wins. People know that you report to you. They know,

00:56:42.020 you know what I mean? The job that you're doing, you don't need to verbally communicate it. You

00:56:46.140 know what I mean? Yeah. It helps the team. Yep. Yeah. Andrew Swope, you have mentioned several

00:56:51.520 times to do what it takes to get business up and running, but at what point do you decide to cut

00:56:56.500 your losses and do something else? I have a repair shop that I advertise and all of my customers are

00:57:02.220 happy, but I can't get enough business to make it work. Um, I think that the point you consider

00:57:08.660 throwing in the towel is when you become indifferent to it. I've thought a lot about

00:57:12.600 this. Um, I, I would have not motivated by it anymore. Yeah. I mean, motivation is one

00:57:17.360 thing. I mean, there's days I wake up quite frankly, I love order of man, obviously, but

00:57:21.280 there's days I wake up and I'm not motivated. That doesn't mean I should throw in the towel

00:57:24.160 because I'm unmotivated for the day. Yeah. But I think it's, it's different. There's an

00:57:28.460 indifference. Like I just don't give a shit anymore about this or what happens today. And 0.98

00:57:33.220 I'll tell you, I felt, I started to feel like that with my financial planning practice. You know,

00:57:37.040 I'd have clients, they'd call me up and they're like, Hey Ryan, we need to change our investment

00:57:40.740 portfolio or investment strategy. I would literally see people calling on my caller ID

00:57:44.560 and I'd be like, Oh, I don't want to do this anymore. And it was a pattern. It wasn't like

00:57:51.100 one day I was having a bad day. Cause that happens. It was a pattern that every time like, Oh,

00:57:56.000 I don't want to rebalance this person's portfolio. I don't want to open a new 401k. I don't want to,

00:58:01.420 I didn't even want to do things that would, that would improve the, improve the organization,

00:58:06.960 improve the practice. I was like, so indifferent to my clients and learning. Like there'd be events

00:58:14.340 that I could go to in seminars. I'm like, I don't care about that anymore. And that level of

00:58:19.240 indifference was a great signifier to me that it just wasn't there anymore. And I had to do what was

00:58:26.240 in the best interest of my clients because I was a fiduciary, which means I had an obligation to put

00:58:30.800 their interest first and, and, and my best interest is very much aligned in this case.

00:58:36.760 So what's this guy's name? Andrew. So with Andrew, it doesn't sound like there's a level of

00:58:42.680 indifference. There might be a level of frustration. Yeah. Sounds like you love it. Sounds like you still

00:58:47.900 enjoy it. It's just not going as well as you'd like. So I would say in that case that you need

00:58:53.460 to consider hiring a coach. You need to consider trying something new and something different.

00:58:58.240 Even go to your clients and say, Hey, how can I improve my service or what

00:59:01.740 other values or, or, or products or services can I offer to you? But it sounds like it's time to mix

00:59:07.820 things up and gain a new and fresh perspective, not necessarily throw in the towel because it's

00:59:12.580 not quite working. Yeah. Cool. Chase Saxton, Ryan and Kip, what has been y'all's favorite

00:59:20.860 interview podcast episode on order of man? Hmm. I didn't really come prepared for that one. I

00:59:27.940 didn't know this was a question, but I would say that, um, you know, it's easy, it's easy to say

00:59:33.240 like, Oh, my wife came on and those things are fun. Of course. Uh, but my favorite, I really liked,

00:59:41.640 I love sitting down with Goggins. That conversation was amazing to me. So good to sit down with an

00:59:47.600 individual who's that intense. Uh, it just, it's just opens up a new perspective that you haven't

00:59:53.200 really thought about before, especially, I mean, everybody knows he's an intense dude, but then

00:59:57.280 when you sit down with him, you're like, Holy cow, this guy is the real deal here. Yeah. So Goggins

01:00:02.340 was good. I really liked John Eldridge. Um, he's man, he has just been instrumental in this journey in

01:00:08.660 my life, uh, because of, you know, what he, what he teaches wild at heart. It's one of the greatest,

01:00:14.200 I think it's one of the greatest books on masculinity of all time. Yeah. Um, Brett McKay,

01:00:20.540 I sat down with him twice. Brett McKay's interviews were amazing. Uh, I think, I think maybe I wasn't,

01:00:26.380 I know I wasn't as good of an interviewer then. So as far as like somebody listening,

01:00:30.760 it probably wouldn't be that good, but for me, it was awesome because he was a huge role model of mine.

01:00:35.800 Um, I would also say Jocko, um, in particular Jocko three, cause I've done three interviews with him.

01:00:41.260 Now the third one was the best. I sat down with him face to face. That was the best interview

01:00:45.780 of the three. So yeah, Goggins, Jocko, John Eldridge and Brett McKay.

01:00:53.340 It's hard because like, as I think about that, I'm like, well, then I had Andy Frisilla on and

01:00:57.980 then Grant Cardone was cool. Cause he talked about this. Oh, and then I talked to TJ Dillashaw and that

01:01:03.120 was a cool perspective. It's like, it's, it's almost like not a fair question because it's like asking

01:01:08.780 what child is your favorite? You know, it's like, I love them all like for different reasons.

01:01:12.920 So I don't know. I can't, I don't know if I can give you a favorite, but those are certainly a few

01:01:17.500 that, that stood out in my mind. Yeah. What's interesting too, is I, as I was trying to recall

01:01:22.960 previous episodes that I really enjoyed, I enjoyed them at the time. Yeah. Yeah. We've been on this

01:01:28.200 journey for years. Right. And so when I think about like a particular interview that I really love,

01:01:33.100 I wonder if I listened to it again, if I'd enjoyed as much as I, I did back then, you know what I mean?

01:01:38.100 Yeah. Well, you probably wouldn't because you've evolved, you know, it's, it's that saying that no

01:01:43.360 man steps in the same river twice for he is not the same man. It is not the same river.

01:01:47.660 Yeah. So you've evolved. The podcast has certainly evolved and yeah, you may not enjoy a previous

01:01:54.380 conversation as much as one that you enjoy today. Probably one of my favorite episodes that,

01:01:59.240 that comes to mind is, is not because, well, it was a great conversation. Don't get me wrong

01:02:03.240 because, and it was ironic because the subject was around, uh, is that masturbation or pornography 0.97

01:02:10.460 one that you did recently? Oh yeah. Yeah. And he, he talked about tactics that I'm like, wait, 0.98

01:02:16.920 this is applicable to like any form of addiction. Like, you know what I mean? I'm like, what,

01:02:21.900 this is really insightful stuff. Um, but it's probably one of my favorites because I'll remember

01:02:26.160 forever. Um, I was in my car listening to the podcast and I'm like, Oh, this is good stuff.

01:02:32.980 And I'm on the way to the dentist. Okay. So, and I'm, I'm listening to podcasts and then I get a

01:02:38.040 phone call. And so I'm talking to the person on the phone. I pull up into the dental office and I'm

01:02:43.240 still on the phone and I walk up to go check in. I hang up with individual I'm talking to. And then

01:02:49.400 my podcast turns back on, on speaker, on my, on my cell phone. About pornography and masturbation. 0.99

01:02:57.000 Yeah. And as I'm checking in and it's just, and he starts talking, I'm like, Oh my dear Lord. And 0.95

01:03:02.980 I'm like trying to turn this thing off. I literally just ran out of the dental office as I'm trying to

01:03:08.360 turn off the volume because I was so embarrassed because there's all these people, all the ladies 1.00

01:03:13.060 are laughing. I'm like, Oh boy. They're like, what's this guy listening to you? Like tips on

01:03:17.340 masturbation. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's a good one. Yeah. So I'll, I'll, I'll remember that 0.92

01:03:25.380 episode. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. All right. Greg Schultz, describe how you incorporated your wife

01:03:31.400 into your vision. Was she on board day one or did it take time, some time to persuade?

01:03:38.060 Well, I like with order, man, I didn't come to her one day and say, I'm going to quit my financial

01:03:42.880 planning practice hunt. I'm going to teach men how to be better men full time. And we're going to make

01:03:47.180 a living and we're going to have all these opportunities open to us and it's going to be

01:03:50.820 incredible. Yeah. Because she would have laughed me out of the room. Instead, what I did is I

01:03:58.260 started another podcast. A lot of you guys don't know that I had a podcast in my financial planning

01:04:02.820 practice called wealth anatomy, and it was focused on helping medical professionals with their financial

01:04:07.200 services. So I started that. Yeah. Boring, totally boring. And I did about 20 episodes and realized

01:04:14.640 I love the medium, but this is boring. And, uh, and at that point I had thought long, long story

01:04:21.340 short, I'm cutting some of this out, but that it would be, it'd be cool to have a podcast, but centered

01:04:26.180 on being a better man. And I thought, what greater way to have conversations with men I admire and

01:04:30.860 respect than to encourage them to come on my show and share it with the world. And so I did it, you know,

01:04:36.920 just as a podcast and it took me a couple hours a day. And then it was three hours a day and then

01:04:42.960 four and then five hours a day. And so she came to me in November of 2015. So this was probably

01:04:48.200 seven months after I had started. And she said, I really appreciate that you're doing order of man

01:04:52.320 stuff. Like you seem to really like it. It's, it's uplifting for it's good for you, but you aren't

01:04:57.300 bringing as much money into the household because you're not doing as much financial planning, which

01:05:00.900 is how we were making money at the, at the time. And, and she was right. I wasn't. So she said,

01:05:06.540 you probably ought to consider a way to make money or scale back. And I wasn't going to scale back.

01:05:11.160 I mean, I wanted to double down on this thing. So we figured out a way to create a course and we

01:05:15.880 had 12 guys sign up for us called the iron council. And then we opened it up down the road.

01:05:19.880 And so like it gradually happened over a period of four years. It wasn't like I went one day and just

01:05:25.360 pulled the plug on the business and the family income and decided to do something else. I worked

01:05:29.680 my way into it and she saw that it was working. She thought, saw that it was uplifting me.

01:05:34.140 She saw that we were bringing money into the household and that started to increase. And it was just

01:05:38.040 a gradual process. It's not as sexy as the entrepreneurial Instagram type gurus will tell

01:05:43.420 you like, burn the boats, burn the bridges, go all in. Very few people do that. In fact,

01:05:48.660 I think it's not prudent. That's a nice way of putting it.

01:05:53.540 Wait, and this is so sick of those entrepreneur people on Instagram. I'm so freaking burned out on

01:05:59.500 those morons. Like I try not to be negative in this because again, words matter, but these guys who 1.00

01:06:05.720 come on and tell you to hustle and grind and 24 seven. And it's like, get a, get a, get a life,

01:06:11.680 man. Like, like entrepreneurship and business ownership is not the extent of my life. I have

01:06:18.180 so many other things I want to do. That's why when you're on Instagram and you're following me,

01:06:22.020 you're going to see pictures of me and my family and we're hiking or going on a trip or me coaching

01:06:26.260 my baseball team. Cause quite honestly, like if all you're talking about is entrepreneurship,

01:06:31.100 you're full of shit a or B your life is completely out of whack and you're not living life the way 0.99

01:06:38.980 it's meant to be lived. Yeah. And the unfortunate part is you get, we get this younger generation 1.00

01:06:43.040 coming on. I want to be an entrepreneur, right? What the hell does that mean? Right. You, I know

01:06:47.900 what you think it means. It means I have a great idea and I'm going to get rich quick. Right. That's

01:06:52.620 what they think. And show you all my, my fast cars and my fancy clothes, my beautiful women on my arm.

01:06:59.080 Get real. I just want to point out cause, and we've, we've talked about this in the past, but

01:07:04.100 you figured it out and you made it work after you tested the waters and navigated and pivoted

01:07:11.440 and adjusted. And that is life that, and that's how it works. Right. Like we sometimes sit back and

01:07:17.960 all, we got to plan this out. Right. So I, no, no, no. You actually need to act because there's a

01:07:21.900 whole bunch of stuff that you know that you don't know that you don't know. And you're not going to

01:07:26.320 know those things until you actually get on pavement and start running. Yeah. Well, and

01:07:30.280 you say, I figured it out. I mean, I figured some things out, but things will continue to evolve and

01:07:34.780 grow and change and morph. And you, this order, man, won't even be recognizable in five years,

01:07:40.100 just because we're going to continue to evolve and grow and change things and take new paths and

01:07:46.060 explore new technologies that come available. So I'm not so fixed in what we're doing that it

01:07:51.120 isn't going to evolve and grow. Yeah, totally. Let's take a couple more. 0.94

01:07:55.840 All right. Sounds good. Joshua, uh, turnings, turningza. How are, uh, are you ever going to

01:08:02.280 take live calls? So maybe do this episode live is what I'm assuming. And then any tips on family

01:08:08.740 unrest? This is a little lengthy, but I'll bang through this fairly quickly. So any tips on family

01:08:14.140 unrest? I have a brother has removed himself from the family. He says, my parents are the cause of his

01:08:18.720 issues and doesn't want anything to do with us. We love him. We'd love to have a continued

01:08:22.700 relationship with him and his wife and their kids. It makes me mad to see the way it affects my parents

01:08:27.680 who gave us such a great upbringing and have my kids grow up without their cousins. I've tried

01:08:33.940 a passive route and actively trying to address the situation. Results seem to be the same.

01:08:39.920 Let's address that one first. Yeah. Um, I think you're holding on too tight, man.

01:08:45.180 Like with just that limited statement there, I think you're holding on too tight. And I think

01:08:50.780 you're trying to manipulate your brother. He's got his own reasons. He's got his own thing going on.

01:08:56.120 I'm not saying you can't question it. I'm not saying you can't be upset about it. I'm just saying

01:09:02.360 he's got his life, man. Like he's got to live his life and you've got to live yours. So what I would do

01:09:06.920 is change the motive. Cause right now the motive sounds, uh, sounds, um, selfish. He's, he's wrong.

01:09:16.220 Let's change him. Not even that. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's different. I think what

01:09:20.600 I'm hearing is like, well, he's, he's, it's what about our parents? You know, like he's making,

01:09:26.300 he's making me mad because our parents gave us so much and, and my kids won't get to spend time

01:09:31.960 with their cousins. It doesn't even sound, sound about him to me. Sounds about, sounds more about

01:09:38.020 you. So I think if you, if you love your brother and you would love to be involved, I think you got

01:09:45.980 to change your motives, man. I think you got to try to understand him and where he's coming from.

01:09:51.180 I think you got to try to speak into him, not at him, but into him. I think you got to, you know,

01:09:57.240 go shoot guns or go bowling or go or have a barbecue or go on a hike together and not talk

01:10:02.720 about mom and dad, not talk about the cousins or all the things that he's doing wrong and right.

01:10:07.020 And what he should be doing and how he should behaving, how bad he should feel. Just like go

01:10:10.540 enjoy a hike together, you know, and, and connect. And if he chooses to reconcile and come back into

01:10:17.880 the family, great. If he chooses not to cool, you can still have a good relationship with him.

01:10:23.000 And if he chooses not to be involved at all, well, that sucks, but that's his choice. And the

01:10:30.280 more you push the greater wedge, you're going to drive between him and you and the rest of the

01:10:34.320 family. Yeah. And this is, this is one of the questions why I, why I asked you earlier to

01:10:40.060 explain that white lighthouse versus tugboat mentality, right? Because this is very much

01:10:46.680 applicable to Joshua's question. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Now that you say that, absolutely. You know,

01:10:51.660 if you get down there in the, in the Bay and in the, in the Harbor and you try, try pushing him

01:10:55.760 around and manipulating him and coercing him and trying to get him to do things and behave

01:10:59.460 differently. So he's not crashing into the shores. I mean, you might recognize it, but unless he's

01:11:02.980 willing to do something about it, you're just going to go up there and get banged up and beat up and

01:11:07.080 everything else. And it's not a good approach. It's not going to help him. You know, it's really not,

01:11:11.760 it's going to probably going to hinder him. It's probably going to hurt him. And it's going to

01:11:14.680 certainly hurt the relationship you guys have for whatever it is. What was the first question though?

01:11:19.300 Uh, live calls. Oh, um, I don't really know what he means. Live calls on the podcast or doing like

01:11:25.900 a live podcast or what? A couple of guys have asked this question. Like, will we ever do AMAs

01:11:30.580 live where they can just call in and ask questions? Oh, like more like a radio show.

01:11:36.300 Yeah, I think that's what I assume he's talking about. Yeah, that'd be cool. I actually want to do

01:11:40.920 some live podcasting. Like when we get up to, uh, when we get up to Maine, um, yeah, just do it like

01:11:47.740 that we've got a big barn in there. So like do a live podcast in the barn and invite like 50 to

01:11:52.440 a hundred guys and just do it right there. Um, but yeah, I want to do more live stuff. I'd have to

01:11:57.400 see how to do live AMAs, but that is a pretty cool idea. Maybe we could do something on Facebook or,

01:12:02.540 or something. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Like a Facebook live and they can just,

01:12:06.880 yeah. And then we download it as a podcast or something. Yeah. I think we can do something

01:12:09.840 like that. I'll look into that. It's a good idea. Yeah. Cool. Um, I actually have top of the hour. I have

01:12:15.180 to wrap up if that's okay. Let's call it a day, man. We got through a lot today.

01:12:19.420 Yeah. Great questions as always. So, um, yeah, we've talked about this guys. I mean, uh, the

01:12:26.040 exclusive brotherhood, the iron council and the Facebook group, those are two areas in which you

01:12:29.700 guys can get your questions submitted. Um, if you want to learn more about the exclusive

01:12:33.780 brotherhood, the iron council, that's order of man.com slash iron council. And then you, of course,

01:12:39.340 we welcome you to join the Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.

01:12:45.180 You can connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. And we have a couple

01:12:51.500 of things in the hopper from a schedule and, and slash event perspective. We first have the origin

01:12:56.660 main, uh, jujitsu immersion camp, August 25th through September 1st. You can sign up at origin

01:13:03.360 main.com slash order camp. And we encourage this, right? That way we get a count of how many guys are

01:13:09.140 associated to order of man. That's that's coming out to that event. Well that, and we're going to try

01:13:14.240 to do a custom rash guard as well. So if we know who's coming specifically with and through order

01:13:19.840 of man, then we can work on those, uh, rash guards a little better. Yeah. Awesome. And then your Hoyt

01:13:25.540 giveaway, if you want to touch. Yeah. Very simply guys, April 1st, we're giving away a brand new Hoyt

01:13:30.900 bow. It's called the helix. It's their, it's their newest, uh, their newest bow. And we're giving that

01:13:35.160 away again, April 1st. So all you have to do is go to order of man.com slash Hoyt, very simple

01:13:40.140 instructions to register and enter your name, which I think you can do multiple times in there

01:13:44.780 up to six times. I think there's points that you, you get for doing different things. Very simple,

01:13:49.460 very easy. Gosh, I think we have, I'm really curious now, but I think we have maybe, I don't

01:13:55.360 know, 3000 people that have signed up for that thing. That's awesome. That is awesome. And I

01:14:00.160 appreciate the support and I wish you luck. Um, but that's going to be given away on April 1st.

01:14:06.840 Yeah. 2,600 is how many people we've had signed up so far. That's cool. It's crazy.

01:14:12.180 Anyways, order of man.com slash Hoyt. All right, guys, Kip, I know you got to get going guys. We'll

01:14:15.880 let you get going. Appreciate the questions and being in this fight with us. And it is a fight.

01:14:20.040 It's a fight to reclaim and restore traditional masculinity. And I'm glad you're, uh, you're on

01:14:24.500 board with us here. All right, guys, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:14:29.160 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:14:33.740 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - March 20, 2019

Overcoming Past Mistakes, the Power of Words, and Getting Your Wife on Board ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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