Overcoming Regrets, Why Mission Solves Everything, and Why Young Men Need Responsibility ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 12 minutes
Words per Minute
177.02496
Summary
In this episode, Ryan and I talk about the importance of being a man of action when life knocks you down and how to get back up and keep going no matter what life throws your way. We also talk about how to deal with stress and how important it is to have a backup plan in case things don't go as planned.
Transcript
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Don't forget the lessons. Don't forget the hard times. Don't even sedate yourself against those
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hard times. I say we do a better job embracing it. And when we do that, then we don't need to
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get over anything. It's a constant reminder. Now, look, you know, I could talk about the divorce.
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Why should I get over it? Now, I'm not going to wallow in my own self-pity like I did probably
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initially for the rest of my life. I'm going to move on. Yes. But it's just the way that I respond
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to it. I'm not so emotionally attached. I'm not so connected. There's a lot of pain that was
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forgotten. But I also remember a lot of the lessons that I'm hopefully am bringing into my relationship
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now. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears and boldly chart your
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own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time you are not easily
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deterred or defeated. Rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is
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who you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done, you can call yourself
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Kemp, what's up, brother? Great to see you on this lovely Monday morning.
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Yeah, Icy's open, end of the year coming, week before Christmas.
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We got a lot going on, man. Yeah, it is. It's a busy time of year. I was feeling a little stressed
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over the weekend just with everything that's going on and all the demands for time and attention. I'm
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not unique or different than anybody listening, but it gets a little stressful. That's kind of where
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I'm at right now. This is a busy day. Yeah. I sighed. It was funny. It was like last night,
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do you think it was last night or the night before? I just took a deep breath and I was like
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sighing. I'm like, and, and my wife goes, oh, what's going on? Like you stress. I'm like, yeah,
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just too much going on. And she goes like, what? I'm like, how much time do you have to go over my
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list? Right. Also, have you ever been like where somebody's like, oh, really? What's going on? I'm
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like so much that I don't want to talk about what's going on because now it's one more thing I don't want
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to do. Totally. You just added more work on my list. Exactly. Just put that on my more stuff on
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my to-do list. Totally. When I, it was really great. The first time I had administrative assistant,
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she says, let's brain dump all the things. And three hours later, right. And she's like,
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okay. Oh boy. Like, oh yeah, that's a lot. And I'm like prioritize and execute, which is grab the
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first things. But these are all the things, right. That are just, that need to be addressed
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eventually that have, that we have going on. And, um, yeah, what do you do? It's, it's little things
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too. You know, sometimes it's work related. I have to make this email or follow up this with this
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person or get this thing published or even send a little message, a little text to our editor and
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say, Hey, fix this one thing or tweak that, adjust that, do this video, do that video. But then it's
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Christmas time and it's like, I got to, I just had family pictures taken of me and the kids. So now I
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have to run over to Walmart. I have to get them printed. And then I want to get them framed. Cause I
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thought that'd be a good present for my mom. I can say that cause my mom doesn't listen to the podcast
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anymore. She's had more than enough of me. And, uh, you know, so it's like all these like little
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things that just add up and I'm just trying to like diffuse and not bring as much onto my plate.
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So it's, it's good. And it's a world problems. It's fine. And self-inflicted, right? So yeah,
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everyone, absolutely. Everyone relax. We're not moaning and complaining. We get it. I am
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and everyone knows your handle. So when you, uh, you know, just lean into Ryan and let him know that
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he shouldn't be moaning and complaining about his life. Yeah. I mean, we would talk about that all
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the time. Stop whining, do something about it, you know, or, or, or complaining without, uh,
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without a solution is just whining. Right. Or something like that. So yeah, I have no solutions
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other than just get busy. Actually, I do have one solution. It's this right here. It's the battle
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planner. It's the battle planner. I have used this thing for 10 years now. And I'm telling
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you what, when I use this effectively and we created it and still sometimes I have a hard
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time using it correctly, but when I use this and I'm diligent and using this, everything
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else gets better. When I don't use this, I get stressed out. I can't prioritize my, my tasks.
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I don't know what types of things I need to get done on a daily basis. So battle planner,
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that's a, that's a huge resource for me personally too. Yeah. And I can't count how
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many times I've had this conversation with people of the, the theory of, well, I just
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need to work harder. Right. Or I need a, I need to remember to do that. It's like, what's
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your system? Well, I don't have a system, dude. If you don't have a system, you will drop
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the ball. Like get a system. If it's important, write it down. If you don't have a place for
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taking notes, take notes, right? You need systems, especially high achieving individuals
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that have a lot going on and, and relying on your memory and, and hoping that you'll
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remember to do something that is important is not a strategy.
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Do you know that, uh, that line on grumpy old men, when, when, uh, one of the guys loses his,
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his pole, his green duck fishing pole. And the other one says, says something about hit,
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how stupid his pole is. And he's like, that fish has caught or that pole has caught more
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fish than you've lied about. Yeah. You remember that scene? No, but that's hilarious. It's
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hilarious. And I can't help but think I've lost more ideas because I haven't written them
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down than ideas that I've implemented. I have, I've lost so many million dollar ideas because
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I don't have a system. I'm going to call out one thing you said though. You said, especially
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if you're high achieving man, you need a system. No, I would actually say, especially if you're
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a low achieving man, cause high achieving men, guess what they already have? That's the
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systems. Yeah. Low achieving men don't have systems. So if you want to be a high achieving
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man or a higher achieving man, have a system, uh, order a man.com slash battle planner, by
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the way, is where are you going to get that? Excellent. All right. Shall we jump in the headlines?
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Yeah. I don't, you know, I don't really have a headline today, but I have, no, I just want
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to do a little bit of a pitch for, uh, the podcast that, well, the podcast that came out
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yesterday. Uh, obviously the big, some of the big news that we see is, uh, Diddy's sexual
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indiscretions and allegations. I think, um, Jay-Z has now been implicated in some of that
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as well. Obviously Epstein was a big case years ago. And I had a gentleman by the name
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of Nick Bryan on the podcast, and he has done work over 22 years on sex trafficking specifically
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with children. So he's very qualified, very well researched. And we talked about the blackmail.
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This is what blew my mind. The blackmail. That's why they do these really. Right. Yes. It's a
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blackmail strategy. Well, I don't, I don't think it originally starts as that. I think
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you have individuals who are malicious and intent and, you know, pedophiles and all of
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this. And then over time, I think what ends up happening is this is an individual we can
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use for our pursuits, our political pursuits. So we talk a little bit about, uh, political
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blackmail throughout history with Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson, all the way up
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to, uh, Clarence Thomas, he was talking about. So it's pretty interesting when you started
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to get into the blackmail systems or strategies for, for amassing political power. Anyways,
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if you haven't listened to it, go listen to it. And also he has a, uh, nonprofit called
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Epstein justice, which is trying to not only bring justice to the individuals who have been
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victimized by Epstein and his clientele. Uh, but also making sure that those who have
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done wrong get brought to justice and ensuring these types of things don't happen again. So
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that's my headline, really cool podcast. Josh Wellman, who's an iron council introduced me to
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Nick and it was a good show. Very good show. Cool. I love it. No, I, my headline or just my up
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at night or, or whatever's on my mind is pretty much these drones, man. It's, oh yeah, it's crazy.
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Have you seen some of the footage around this? It is, it's not, I actually haven't stayed too much.
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It's not that I don't care. It's that one for whatever reason isn't, I, we already know what
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it is. It's, it's, it's foreign spies. That's what it is. I'm just convinced. That's what I think too.
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And, and, and what I was going to read here is, is so, uh, who was it? It's, uh, Van Drew. He's a
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a Senator in New Jersey. And he said the following, he says, uh, I'm going to tell you, uh, the real
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deal. Iran launched a mother ship that contains these drones. It's off the coast, East coast of
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the United States of America. They'd been launched from there. And then he goes on that he has insight
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that this ship that carries these drones is missing from port. He can't disclose his resources
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and that these things need to be shot down. And, and the part that just drives me mad is
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the lack of communication, the lack of information. No one seems like they have any idea what's going on,
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right? And this is your federal government, or at least they're not communicating it. But then I,
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all, all, all we have to do is look past history and remember the little balloon thing.
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Chinese, there's a Chinese balloon. Yeah. I'm like, you guys couldn't even stop a balloon
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from floating around. So like the, the idea that you guys know what you're doing when it comes to
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these drones, I'm like, they probably don't. And which is just crazy. I don't agree with that.
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Why aren't they shooting them down? If we want to get into, um, conspiracy theories,
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we can start talking about landing on the moon. Okay. Let's just say, hypothetically,
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you believe that we've landed on the moon. And I do, I do believe that one, that we have landed on
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the moon. Uh, if we can do that, well, we can't shoot a drone that's 200, 300, whatever feet off the
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ground in the sky and we can't shoot them down. Totally. So why don't you think they do?
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A slow, because it's an arrangement. It's a conspiracy. It's two parties conspiring for
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whatever purpose. I can't tell you what that purpose is, but you can't tell me that America
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didn't arrange with China to allow them to fly a balloon over our airspace. And if we really believe
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that these are foreign drones, you can't tell me that we couldn't just take either just a regular,
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you know, M 16 or whatever, and shoot them down, let alone helicopters or, or other drones.
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Yeah. Like we can do what we can do whatever we want to those things. So we absolutely can. The only
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reason we wouldn't is because there's an arrangement that they will not be shot down and they will
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allowed to be flown in United States airspace. And what other explanation is there?
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I have no idea. That's why it bothers me so much.
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There isn't one. I don't think you need to let it bother you. Cause we know exact,
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I'm not saying that it should bother us, but we already know what's happening. And so, yeah,
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just shoot them down. And I've heard other people say, well, you know,
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we don't know what they are. Right. So shoot them down. We're not going to give them the benefit of
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the doubt. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So that's what I think you're being way too nice.
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I don't know. They don't know. No, they know. I actually, the older I get, so full disclosure
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here, I was, I was having a conversation with someone last weekend. I, I'm starting to think that
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we didn't land on the moon. I'm, I'm totally like, yeah, I'm totally getting down that path,
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man. I'm like, I don't think we did it. I think it was all like, they, they faked the whole thing
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just so they couldn't keep up popular opinion. It's during the cold war, you know, and they just
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totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I totally get the motive. I'm not saying I don't believe that. Do
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you know how many people would need to be in on a conspiracy like that quiet? Yeah. Yeah. I feel
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the same way about 9-11, you know, it's like, do I think it was an inside job? I guess it depends on
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what you mean by inside job. Do I think that it was orchestrated or had some influence? Of course.
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Were there arrangements made? Yes. Yeah. I don't know if the CIA or the FBI went and set bombs inside
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world, the world trade center. You know, I don't know. Yeah. That that's hard for me to believe
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because thousands and thousands of people, dude, you can't even tell your sister something that
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happened at work about an employee without it getting around town. You're telling me that
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thousands of people working for the highest echelons of government aren't going to like
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flap their lips. Come on. Yeah. That's a stretch for me. Yeah. That's a good point. That's a good
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point. But I see the other side too. There is, there is merit to the other side and I do see that as
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well. Yeah. I mean, my main thing is just that we've never gone back. I'm like, we have
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landed on the moon to the moon. Yeah. Yes. We've landed on the moon. When, when's the last time
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we've been back? Let me pull it up since the sixties. And then how many times? And have you seen the
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footage from, was it India when they had a Rover on the moon? Like how eight bit it was. And then our
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version is like high def. That's funny. Okay. So look, I'm going to get. Humans have landed on the
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moon. This, most people don't know this. Yeah. This is humans have landed on the moon six times,
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six times. Which countries? We, uh, we have during the Apollo missions. I don't know what,
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I don't know what other countries I'd look at. I'll look at that. But Apollo 11, 12, 14, 15,
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16, 17, six separate times. Uh, 12 men have walked on the lunar surface in total. Uh, let's see.
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Yeah. This is all in the sixties though. 69, 69, 70, 70, 70, 70. Yeah. Uh, let's see.
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But to your point, that's a lot of people keeping a, keeping a lie. So there's, so the Soviet union,
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China, India, and Japan have landed spacecraft on the moon. Yeah. Never. But as, as, as this says,
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never a human being. Yeah. That's a little fishy. All right. Well, we'll let you guys decide. Now
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you got me thinking. Now you got me second guessing now. Leave it in the comments. Leave it in the
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comments. Yeah. All right. Well, we're going to field questions from the iron council on that note,
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uh, enrollments open. So if you want to join us in the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron
00:15:41.380
council. Learn more. Sign up. We should start a, uh, join us. We should start a conspiracy channel
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inside the iron council where we just talk about these crazy. I don't want to do that. We're not
00:15:51.620
doing that guys. That would get wild. Yeah. All right. Charles Phillips. What is the best or worst
00:16:00.520
Christmas? All of these questions are like end of year Christmas oriented. Um, but Charles Phillips,
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what is the best or worst Christmas present you have ever received? Put someone on blast.
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So I made this post the other day about what guys I made it on, uh, on X and I got into a debate
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actually about something. So this is what I wrote. Um, let's see, where did I write it? Things men don't
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want for Christmas, small items of clothing. So ties, socks, underwear, et cetera. Yeah. Uh,
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number two, as seen on TV tools, if we wanted it, we would have already bought it. Yeah. And those are
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cheap anyway, and they're going to break. They're going to fall apart. And number three, clever gifts.
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If he tells you what he wants, just buy him that don't think, gee, that's lame. I'm going to buy him
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this weird, obscure thing instead. Just buy him the thing that he asked for. So what's the worst gift
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that I've ever gotten? I don't, I don't know what the worst is, but I'll tell you the worst Christmas
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I've ever had. If I'm being really honest, it was the Christmas before my divorce was finalized.
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My ex-wife and I were keeping it together and I was still working on trying to maintain the family,
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but I kind of knew where it was going at that point. And it was really, really hard. That was a
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hard Christmas. Um, and then this Christmas, you know, I don't have my kids with me this Christmas,
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so that's hard. There's all these new things that I'm having to adapt and grow with, but it's fine.
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But yeah, those are, those can be really challenging for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I had one of those Christmases
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and it was, it was a tough one. Um, you know, I did one year in Iraq during Christmas too.
00:17:49.200
That was interesting. Yeah. Was it kind of neat though, to be with other individuals
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also without their families? I wouldn't use the word neat, but it was, it was fine. We're all a
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brotherhood and I remember certain aspects of it and, and it was a unique experience for sure.
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I remember we walked to the chow hall, which was on our base and we had contractors from,
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I think some were from Pakistan and some were from India and I walked in and there was this huge
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slab of butter, like, like two feet long of butter carved into baby Jesus. It was hilarious.
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And some of them probably did that not to be funny. It was like supposed to be unique.
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No, it actually looked, from what I remember of it, I actually was, it was funny, but I was actually
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pretty impressed too. Yeah. But it's just weird to like carve up baby Jesus and spread him on your bread.
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Yeah. I didn't like dip my knife into his, you know, into his bosom. You started adding speed at
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least. Yeah. Yeah. I felt a little blasphemous if I would have done that. So I left baby Jesus alone
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and went for the margarine instead that day. But yeah, that's funny. I hate, I hate cheap things that
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I'm never going to use because it, and it's not just like, I'm not going to use it. It's like a waste
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of space and resources on planet earth. I hate like someone. Tell us how you wasted time making it.
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It used resources. It was given to me and it goes back into a landfill. Like talk about the ultimate
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form of waste. So just crappy things. I hate crappy things. Um, best Christmas, best Christmas. You know,
00:19:39.700
I was, uh, I was, I was raised, uh, we were pretty poor and, um, we were living in Kanab. Uh, how old
00:19:49.800
was I? This is probably like fifth grade maybe. And, um, there's a radio shack in downtown or downtown
00:20:00.140
off main street in Kanab, Utah. And people would submit names of families for that would, that would
00:20:09.240
have like a radio shack Christmas. And our family was, was, um, I don't know, was submitted and, and we
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got a Christmas from this store with all these toys and stuff on Christmas morning. And, uh, so I was
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like the handout, like we're like the handout family once. And, and I remember it was a couple of
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things. It was like, we had these blankets that people made and then we got these toys and it was
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just, I don't know, like it was the spirit of Christmas, right? Like this idea of all these
00:20:42.760
strangers that we didn't know that didn't say who it was. Um, you know, making sure that we had a
00:20:49.280
Christmas when I was little and it was special. That's awesome. Yeah. I love stuff like mine's,
00:20:54.500
mine's way more selfish than yours, Kip. You are, you are definitely the good guy on this podcast.
00:20:59.760
I'm like, yeah, I like this one thing. I still haven't gotten my best gift.
00:21:05.720
Yeah. To be determined. No, I'll tell you my best gift that I ever received. I can't remember what
00:21:11.600
year, but I got this gold 49ers starter jacket and a 49ers hat. And I was, when I was young, like
00:21:21.600
9, 10, 11, somewhere right in there, I was a huge 49ers fan and Jerry Rice and Joe Montana
00:21:30.260
were my heroes. My bike lock was always 49, 16, 16 is Joe Montana or 16, 80, 80 is Jerry Rice.
00:21:39.980
The, the code on the garage was always like 16, 80 pin numbers to his debit card for everything,
00:21:45.420
you know, at all. Um, but yeah, man, that gold jacket and the, uh, and the hat, phew, that was it
00:21:54.080
for me. That was so cool. Yeah. I had one of those starter jackets. It was a, it was a Kings,
00:22:00.780
the hockey team. Oh yeah. Yeah. So it was gangster. Yeah. It was funny.
00:22:03.940
All right. That. And I remember when I moved to small town, Southern Utah, it was starter jackets
00:22:11.560
and Jerbo, Jerbo or Jerbo jeans. Yeah. Never got a pair of those. Me did not bring myself to doing it.
00:22:18.560
Too expensive too. And guest jeans were popular too. Yeah. Oh man. Funny. All right. Danny Skolnick.
00:22:27.180
What is it? Uh, what is in your current contribution quadrant and what will it be? What will your
00:22:34.260
contribution quadrant be next quarter for both of you? Yeah. So my contribution quadrant,
00:22:40.340
if you guys don't know what that is, um, is to, um, be a man of value. And I know that's pretty
00:22:48.200
broadly determined, but my four last quarter was to finalize our divorce, not death course,
00:22:56.000
because that's going to be a valuable tool. Unfortunately, it's not going to be done in
00:22:59.860
time. So we don't always hit, hit our goals. So I had to reevaluate and think about what needs to
00:23:05.100
be included because I want to do it right. And so that will be part of, um, what I do, uh, what I do
00:23:11.820
moving into the next quarter. My contribution goal for next quarter is really trying to boost and
00:23:18.040
increase our social media following. And I have some very specific strategies. I've invested money with a
00:23:23.600
marketing firm to help because we need to get this mission to reclaim and restore masculinity out to
00:23:28.920
the masses. And I think the way that we did it 10 years ago, uh, was good at the time and a lot of
00:23:34.960
grassroots, but the way that social media is working now, if you really want to build a mission, a
00:23:42.820
movement, it requires capital different than it did 10 years ago. And so we're trying to figure out
00:23:47.900
strategies to take this thing to the next level. So that's my contribution as we roll into 2025.
00:23:54.020
Got it. Yeah. Mine was focused on, on really my own personal development around, around leadership.
00:24:00.500
And it was, it was dedication of, of so many, well, I should say so many hours, at least an hour a day,
00:24:07.600
uh, focus in that space. Um, and then really next, next quarter is, is to really, it sounds weird to
00:24:14.880
say this. I need to come up with a different phrase, but like really just button things up,
00:24:18.760
uh, around my responsibilities in my, in my day job. And so I'm dedicating kind of the, the term I'm
00:24:25.900
using is time around addressing the big rocks, right? The important, but not urgent items that,
00:24:32.760
that often get overlooked in the whirlwind of work. Um, and I really need to button up those strategic
00:24:38.320
areas. Uh, so it'll be really focused in the same area of just dedicating time to it each day.
00:24:43.420
Tip, I know you and I have had separate conversations about this. So I know a little
00:24:48.100
bit about what your, uh, objective and tactics are. Cause we have accountability to each other
00:24:52.580
in the iron council as well. Uh, button things up is, I know you said you probably shouldn't use that.
00:24:58.940
And I just want to be clear on that with other guys, buttoning things up is not a great objective
00:25:04.280
cause it's so loose. I'm not calling you out because I know that you have identified what those metrics
00:25:10.320
are and what would actually mean success. And that's the difference. A lot of people will say,
00:25:15.420
for example, I want to have a better relationship with my wife. I mean, that's good. That's great.
00:25:21.800
We all want that. I would think, but what exactly does that mean and how do you actually know? And so
00:25:28.320
you have to quantify it. I will say some of the hard to quantify, uh, objectives prove to be a
00:25:36.100
challenge because you don't know if you're getting better. So one thing that you can do is you can
00:25:41.740
take, you can create your own metrics. So for, and, and you can even make it a system or a game.
00:25:49.380
So for example, if it's to better connect with a spouse, what does that mean? Well, it could be
00:25:54.840
more intimacy. Like we're in the bedroom together more. Uh, it could be more time date nights.
00:26:00.320
That could be a metric. Uh, it could be more quality time. The amount of time that we spend
00:26:04.660
together. It could actually just be an overall sense of feeling of being connected and in love
00:26:09.380
with each other. I don't know what those metrics are for you. You can determine what they are and
00:26:13.700
then communicate that with your wife and say, Hey, let's rate each other on these things.
00:26:17.920
You know, in the bedroom, we're at a five right now. Let's bump that to a seven. What would that take?
00:26:22.140
Mid mid session. Just like, Hey, how are you rating this session right now?
00:26:26.180
What do you think? What do you think? Come on, give me some feedback here, babe. What are you thinking
00:26:29.580
right now? Do you like that? Is this a five? Like she's like, yeah, could you make it a seven
00:26:37.120
to eight, please? She's like, this is about a two going right now. What we're experiencing
00:26:42.120
right now is a two. You didn't step it up. I hope you understand guys. We're joking.
00:26:48.140
And so please don't do that. And if you do, don't tell her that you heard it here on this podcast.
00:26:53.560
Yeah. And if you do, then please share how that went because we all want to laugh about it.
00:26:58.380
I have been accused on a couple of occasions, I think two in particular of breaking up marriages.
00:27:04.180
So please don't throw me under the bus. But the point that I'm making is you guys communicate,
00:27:13.200
talk with each other. Do you need to communicate more? Do you need to go on more dates? Do you need
00:27:17.160
to have more sex? Do you need to, I don't know, whatever, figure out what it is, put it on a sliding
00:27:22.180
scale and then be open over a quarter about how it's improving and getting the feedback you need so
00:27:26.920
that you guys are both feeling loved and feeling connected if that's what your objective is?
00:27:32.900
Yeah. All right. Edward Cluck, any regrets about 2024? How and what will you do to turn that regret
00:27:43.480
into a positive lesson or experience moving forward into the next year?
00:27:48.160
I admittedly, I didn't take the opportunity to look at these questions ahead of time. I kind of wish I
00:27:55.520
would have on this question and I might think of something, but I can't think of a, I can't think
00:28:04.100
of a specific regret that I have. I think generally there are things that have come up where they
00:28:10.520
didn't turn out the way that I wanted, or I could have simple things, you know, maybe I could have
00:28:14.500
handled the conversation with my son better or a, or a disagreement with my girlfriend a little bit
00:28:20.760
with some more grace or class or made a different decision. But fortunately they all seem to be
00:28:28.360
pretty minor. One of the lessons that we can take away though is the, how large a problem is,
00:28:40.520
is really just based on your perception of it. Yeah. And I, I've been pretty good throughout life
00:28:48.600
of chalking up my failures, not dismissing them and throwing them away, but just that was a failure.
00:28:54.960
And what do I need to do better? What can I learn from it? How can I improve? And how can I drive on?
00:29:05.420
Yeah. And so I, I, that's one of the things that I don't know if that's nurture or nature or a
00:29:12.080
combination of both, but I've never really taken failure as catastrophic. It's, it's painful. I've
00:29:21.260
had a lot of dark moments and sad times and regrets in my life, but I've also learned a lot from those
00:29:29.700
things as well. So it's not, I'm not, I'm not here to tell you I don't have regrets. I do.
00:29:33.460
I just can't really think of anything that happened this last year where I thought, oh,
00:29:37.180
that was catastrophic. Knock on wood. I'm grateful for that.
00:29:40.960
Yeah. I don't have anything major either. Full disclosure though. I, I beat myself up
00:29:47.780
way too much. So like when I think, when I heard, when I first read this question, he regrets. I'm like,
00:29:55.260
how much time do we got, man? Like I could come up with a list of all the things I could have done
00:30:00.500
better. My workouts could have been better. I, I could have trained more. I could have got way
00:30:04.640
more done at work than I actually got done. Uh, my relationship could be like, and, and it's,
00:30:10.580
and I have to, and I've, I've been reading this book called the gap and the gain. And I was going
00:30:15.480
to actually talk to you about this. I actually think it's something we should cover in the future.
00:30:19.440
Yeah. I've heard of it. Um, but man, I, I really needed that book, uh, because am I improving?
00:30:27.440
And the answer is yes, but I rarely celebrate the gain and the gap is always there. And I'm always
00:30:38.720
seeing the gap as a negative thing against some ideal. And guess what? If I'm not careful,
00:30:44.960
I'm going to be miserable because I'll never meet it. Meanwhile, while I'm improving, I'll never
00:30:50.440
be celebrating the win. So that's an area I need to improve on Edward. I love the question around
00:30:58.080
turning around regret. And, and I, I really like want to call that out because we've had a lot of guys,
00:31:06.080
you know, talk to us probably personally questions on this podcast around moving beyond their past,
00:31:14.100
having a tough, you know, scenario that they dealt with probably through agency and choice
00:31:20.540
and trying to move beyond it and, and trying to reinvent or create themselves and, and, or dealing
00:31:29.520
with just the remorse and regret of what you've done. And, and the answer to that is the way you move
00:31:37.280
on is by becoming a better version of yourself. So good that you can't help, but be almost in a sick
00:31:46.680
way, grateful for the thing because it, you wouldn't be who you are today. If it wasn't for
00:31:53.380
those past choices. And, and that's how we move on from regret is by becoming a better version.
00:31:58.980
So I agree with everything that you're saying. I really just want to be careful of the terminology
00:32:06.980
that we use because a lot of guys will come and say, how do I move on? How do I move beyond?
00:32:12.360
Those are a couple of things you said. Another one of that often here is how do I get over
00:32:15.940
fill in the blank? Yeah. I don't think that's a productive way to look at it.
00:32:20.820
Why do you need to move on? Why do you need to get over something? Bad things happen to your point.
00:32:28.740
A lot of it is self-induced. Some of it is beyond your control, but we shouldn't get over it.
00:32:36.980
We shouldn't move beyond it. I know what you're saying when you say that, but I just want to make
00:32:41.560
sure guys don't forget the lessons. Yeah. Don't forget the hard times. Don't even sedate yourself
00:32:48.200
against those hard times. I've done that where you'll drink or drugs or whatever your vice of
00:32:53.500
choice is in order to disassociate from whatever you might be dealing with. I say we do a better
00:33:00.440
job embracing it. And when we do that, then we don't need to get over anything. It's a constant
00:33:05.500
reminder. Now, look, you know, I could talk about the divorce. Why should I get over it? Now I'm not
00:33:11.720
going to wallow in my own self-pity like I did probably initially for the rest of my life. I'm going to
00:33:16.280
move on. Yes. But it's just the way that I respond to it. I'm not so emotionally attached. I'm not so
00:33:24.080
connected. There's a lot of pain that was forgotten, but I also remember a lot of the lessons that I'm
00:33:30.480
hopefully am bringing into my relationship now and the way that I lead my kids. So learn the lessons,
00:33:37.060
but don't feel like you need to escape from anything. All of the stuff that's happened to you
00:33:41.240
in your life, even the horrible and the traumatic makes you who you are. And without that, a lot of
00:33:48.400
Carl Jung talks about it as shadow work. Without being aware of that shadow or that darker side of
00:33:54.840
you, you're not whole. You're walking around pretending that you're somebody you're not.
00:33:59.780
And then it comes out in very non-productive ways in your life and self-destructive.
00:34:05.040
Yeah. I've been a good example of this. I had a conversation with someone probably about a month or so
00:34:10.260
ago. And the language he used was, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. And, and at first it was, I'm exhausted
00:34:21.680
of everybody still holding onto my past. Right. And I'm like, and in my suggestion to him, which,
00:34:29.980
which luckily connected was, no, you're exhausted because you're not dealing in reality.
00:34:34.800
And the reality of it was, you're still, you're still making excuses for your past. Oh, well,
00:34:42.520
I did this because of blah, blah, blah. And it's like, dude, stop, stop making excuses.
00:34:48.180
Like you got to own it. And the reality of it is, is you're a dipshit. Got it. Right. I, I, I,
00:34:57.220
I made mistakes. Got it. But he was at the time he was constantly loading it with reasons. Oh yeah.
00:35:03.760
Yeah. Well, I, yeah. But I did that because of blah, blah, blah. It's like, dude, you're trying
00:35:07.020
to convince everybody that, that your past was something that it wasn't. There's power in
00:35:12.960
dealing in reality. And then that way you can then do something about it. Right. Yes. I was that.
00:35:23.760
So I, I brought up a couple of, I, I've got my phone cause, um, I w I wanted to pull up Facebook
00:35:29.340
on this real quick because I've done something over the past. I've always known to do this,
00:35:35.080
but I've been a little better at doing this over the past week or two on social media when people
00:35:39.160
call me out or call up my past. And so, you know, I'd made a post because I'm doing some stuff with
00:35:45.420
daily wire plus. And this guy writes, Ryan has no credibility with me. He's a hypocrite of the first
00:35:49.880
order. I love Jordan Peterson though. So it's easy to take things like that. Very per that is
00:35:57.600
personal. I mean, that's as personal as it can get. Yeah. So it's easy to take that to heart.
00:36:04.820
And you, I know you're a huge fan of the four agreements. Never take anything personally is
00:36:08.940
one of them. So in the past I might've lashed out or said you're an idiot or whatever. And I'll tell
00:36:14.020
you what was very liberating and freeing. Here's what I said. I definitely fell short and failed.
00:36:19.280
The only two options I have now are to wallow in it or pick myself up and do better. Only one man
00:36:25.560
never failed or faltered. It certainly wasn't you or me. Another, another comment I got.
00:36:32.420
I said this failing to lit. He's talking about how I failed to live up to our ideals and motto.
00:36:38.640
And I said, failing to live up to it doesn't mean I don't understand it. I definitely fell short,
00:36:43.900
but there's redemption and picking yourself up and doing better. Some people will never make room in
00:36:49.240
themselves for that. It's unfortunate, but too many people are too heavily invested in watching other
00:36:55.020
men stumble. Man, that is so liberating for me. I don't need to play gotcha with these guys.
00:37:04.000
I don't need to take it to heart. I don't need to lash out. I just, I don't even need to respond
00:37:10.040
quite frankly, but I'm doing that for me because it's helping me with the discipline of accepting
00:37:16.380
reality. There is truth in what both of those individuals said. Did they need to say it? No.
00:37:20.860
Should they have said it? I don't know. It's up for them to determine, but they did. And there's
00:37:25.800
power in me acknowledging what is true. Even if it's really uncomfortable to hear,
00:37:31.580
that's what gives you the fuel to move forward. Yeah. It's great, man.
00:37:37.820
John Pedrosa, what are some traditions that you and your family partake in for Christmas and New Year's?
00:37:44.940
This one, this is kind of like the Thanksgiving one. I do the same things everybody does. Like
00:37:50.440
we open a present the day before. The night before. Or the night before. Yeah, that's right.
00:37:55.660
You know, Christmas party. New traditions for us are probably going to happen. I told you this is
00:38:02.140
a Christmas without the kids. So there has to be something new because I'm not with the kids all
00:38:08.420
the time. So I'm just trying to think of what that might look like. I think one thing I'd like to do
00:38:13.620
is maybe every year or every other year, I guess, because that's when I have the kids, is do a,
00:38:19.720
I don't know, a little, a small vacation somewhere or, you know, take them. And I can't probably do
00:38:26.160
that every Christmas that I have them, but maybe Christmas or New Year's, you know, a two to three
00:38:30.300
day cabin one time, or I don't know. I'm kind of trying to think through that a little bit. Of course,
00:38:35.420
we read the story of Christ's birth the night before. We used to cut down the Christmas tree.
00:38:42.800
Admittedly, we don't do that anymore. I should, I should actually bring that one back because
00:38:46.760
that was a cool bonding time. But yeah, I think the same things as everybody else. Do you have
00:38:53.960
any unique ones? Yeah. I mean, we, we hop on the tracks and like go downtown and go ice skating
00:39:00.700
and go see the Christmas lights at the, at the temple downtown. Our, our Christmas Eve, we have a
00:39:09.080
Christmas Eve dinner and dinners followed up with a talent show. Oh yeah. That's kind of unique.
00:39:16.440
That's cool. All the kids are expected to do a talent. So, and it's just fun.
00:39:24.080
That's about it. I mean, usually around Christmas time, we'll do something that we call,
00:39:28.400
uh, we call snaked is what I call it. Snow naked in the snow. Yeah. Got it. Okay. And, and so I'll,
00:39:36.200
I'll tell my kids once the snow's deep enough, we're like, all right, snaked time. And everyone
00:39:42.100
gets in their underwear or shorts and we go out and do snow angels in the yard. Oh, that's funny.
00:39:47.600
That's cool. I like stuff like that. It's just this thing that they hate doing that like, it'll be
00:39:51.280
wild. You know what I mean? But they'll remember that when they're 30 and 40 years old, they'll be like,
00:39:56.960
remember dad had that stupid snaked thing. And we always had, we hated it, but we had to do it.
00:40:01.060
And they'll laugh and they'll smile about it. Yeah. Yeah. They do love like it's, it's always,
00:40:05.920
no one wants to do it, but every year it's always a memory, right? Of course. Yeah. A couple of
00:40:11.740
things that came to mind as you were saying that. So the Christmas party thing was big. Ugly sweater
00:40:16.180
parties were, were a big thing. White elephants, gag white elephants are always fun. Those are a couple
00:40:22.000
of things I really enjoyed. Uh, the other thing that I've done is Polar Express rides
00:40:26.880
are really cool. And there's one in just about every town, at least if it's, you know, somewhat
00:40:31.920
sizable where you can, I thought you were going to say that when you're talking about tracks.
00:40:35.100
Yeah. We've done the Heber, Heber Creeper, I think it is, they call it up here.
00:40:38.840
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to come up with a better name. That's a bad name for it,
00:40:42.740
but whatever. Uh, is that Santa Claus? Is he the Heber Creeper? He's the Creeper, yeah.
00:40:49.620
What is that? Sneaking into little kids' bedrooms at night and giving them gifts,
00:40:54.340
whether they're naughty or nice. Yeah. You'll appreciate this. Koa asked me,
00:40:57.920
asked me the other night. He's like, so, uh, is he watching this all the time? I'm like, yeah. And
00:41:05.260
he's like, even when I'm changing? And I'm like, you're like, uh, except for that. Yeah. No,
00:41:14.160
not when you're changing your clothes. Freaky. I usually just say, what do you think? Is he
00:41:20.060
watching? What do you think? I don't think he is. I'm like, cool. Then that's all you need to think
00:41:23.580
about. All right. What's next? All right. Um, James Kong, what's your favorite achievement this
00:41:33.120
year? And what is something you wish you did in 2024? I should have brought this question up by the
00:41:37.800
other one, but maybe greatest achievement. Greatest achievement in 2024.
00:41:48.120
I don't know. I don't know. I, you know, I suffer from the same affliction that you do, Kip.
00:41:55.300
I have goals and then I do them and then I pick a new goal and I'm like, I don't know. I don't
00:42:00.640
remember what my goal was. You know, I, I will say this. A lot of this year was a rebuilding year
00:42:07.700
for me personally, professionally, relationships with my kids. Um, the woman I'm dating, we've been
00:42:13.680
together for over a year now. This was, this was a rebuilding year. I've learned a lot about myself.
00:42:19.760
Uh, I've learned a lot about what I like and what I don't like. Uh, I've learned how to be more gracious
00:42:25.160
with myself and my performance, not to excuse or let myself off the hook, but just to understand that
00:42:32.580
I'm human. Um, I've done a lot of healing this year. I've done a lot of reflecting and journaling.
00:42:38.620
I've had, frankly, I've had lonely days and nights, quite a, probably more of them this year than I
00:42:43.780
have in my entire life. And, but all in all, it was a really good year. And I feel like maybe for the
00:42:52.820
first time in a really long time, I feel like I have my feet under me. Yeah. It's not that I went and
00:42:59.680
ran this Spartan race or, and I'm not nothing against that, or that I did some great thing in
00:43:06.480
business or had this huge personal victory. I feel like my feet are under me. And at this point,
00:43:12.820
I feel like even I'm trying to, I'm even catching my stride again a little bit. And that feels really
00:43:18.620
good. And what's, what's great about what you shared, Ryan, and maybe I'm reading this wrong.
00:43:23.900
None of that had anything to do with a job financial scenario or anything else, but 100% mental.
00:43:35.000
Yeah, but yes, but ironically, maybe not ironically, but as a result of doing the mental work,
00:43:44.500
the physical realm responds. Yeah. So the way that your kids communicate you with you responds,
00:43:52.940
the way that your employer or clients perceive you is impacted. So it's not to say that I didn't
00:44:00.080
have those professional and personal victories. I did, but they were a result, the inevitable result
00:44:05.940
of doing the inner work. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Two things that come to mind. Like, I just felt like
00:44:12.800
this was a good year for me. Some guys know, like the executive role I'm in is new. It's been new for the,
00:44:20.820
the, the, the past year. And I'm like, you use this term, like kind of your stride. I feel like
00:44:28.240
I've reached my stride in this, right? Like I, I'm, I'm, I'm good at it. I'm killing it. And I feel
00:44:35.240
good about it. Right. And, and I, I can see where I fit and where I'm performing, not just within my
00:44:43.460
organization, but with my peers. And I feel really confident, um, about my role and how I've been
00:44:49.040
doing. And then the second thing is us probably finishing that house, um, off the water. Uh, it,
00:44:55.800
it, it's actually built and we can enjoy it. Right. And that was probably a big milestone for us this
00:45:02.040
year. Yeah. Yeah. Can I say one thing that I'm really proud of you about this year? Yeah. Is
00:45:08.400
launching your leadership development company in business. I, I, man, I thought the world of you
00:45:15.300
for a long time, Kip, and to see that come to fruition and see how you're sharing your message
00:45:19.940
and articulating your message and getting better at sharing it. Like when I watch you do that,
00:45:25.400
I'm very excited for you. So I, I don't know that you are, are not proud of that, but I am proud of
00:45:31.300
that in watching you do that. Yeah. I, I, I am actually proud of it. And I, it's, you know how it is.
00:45:37.100
I mean, we've had these conversations, like it's so hard. This would be a hundred percent harder if
00:45:42.840
I weren't talking with you. Right. It's always hard to hit record and talk to yourself right in a,
00:45:48.880
in a screen, you know, and, and to put yourself out there and, and you've, you've shared that story
00:45:55.480
of like your willingness to light yourself on fire and let people watch. And, and I've never actually
00:46:01.460
confirmed this with you, but what that means to me is that choosing to take on a higher purpose
00:46:09.380
than how you look. And, and that's really what I've had to really connect to is like, nah, you know,
00:46:16.200
whether I look good or my concern about looking good or avoidance of looking bad, isn't the point.
00:46:22.020
The point is, is that this subject or this topic is truly important to me. And I'm choosing to put
00:46:30.760
myself out there for something bigger than the acceptance of other individuals or the,
00:46:35.860
or the concern of looking good. Well, that's exactly right. I mean, how many, how many people
00:46:41.820
truly want to subject themselves to critique from strangers to anybody, not very many people. Yeah.
00:46:51.500
And the only people who do it successfully are the ones that care so much about whatever their
00:46:56.580
message or their craft or their trade is that they're willing to subject themselves to the critique
00:47:02.140
that inevitably will come, but they're doing it because to your point, there's something bigger
00:47:07.520
in it. There's something greater. There's a mission or a calling or a purpose that goes well
00:47:12.460
beyond their own, it could be safety, their own security, their own wellbeing in a lot of cases.
00:47:22.880
So I, the lighting yourself, I I've said the light, light yourself on fire and let other people
00:47:28.180
watch you burn. Like you are the light. You have to be, you have talents. Everybody who's listening
00:47:35.340
has a gift, has a story, has a lesson, has experiences, has skillsets. You're obligated
00:47:41.740
to use them. And you're obligated to make yourself the best light possible because somebody needs to
00:47:48.880
hear what you have to share. There will be somebody who listens to this podcast. Lots of
00:47:54.100
somebodies in fact, because of the levels that we've reached, that their life will drastically change
00:47:59.160
for the better because of the work you and I are doing and other people as well. Yeah. That is
00:48:04.400
powerful, man. Yeah. What's the alternative? Sit around and like, I don't know what punch numbers
00:48:09.700
on a keyboard and do something I'm, you know, miserable at and not enjoy the, the watching
00:48:17.480
this guy said, I can't remember his name. I wish I could remember his name. He sent me a message the
00:48:21.600
other day. This was probably maybe like two or three months ago. And he had this goal of fitting
00:48:28.580
into his military jacket that he wore before he retired. And he had it on and he had this white
00:48:33.740
shirt on underneath and he had his jacket on and literally it would not close. He just got too
00:48:40.660
big. Yeah. And he sent me a message a couple of weeks ago. He's like, Hey Ryan, I did it. That's
00:48:45.980
all he said. And he sent me a, hold on, going to get a little emotional on this one. He sent me a
00:48:53.920
before and after. Man, he looks sharp. He has a jacket on. It's fitted perfectly. The buttons
00:49:02.140
close. He even just looking at his demeanor, the way he's standing proud of his accomplishment.
00:49:09.260
We can't take all the credit for that, but he's part of this community and he's decided to do things
00:49:15.160
and we've given him tools to do it. You're willing to light yourself on fire when you see stuff like
00:49:22.060
that. Yeah. Yeah. Love it, man. Nathan's trouble. What tactics do you recommend to not be so self-conscious?
00:49:32.220
Self-conscious. I think it actually goes back to what we just said. Self-conscious is selfish.
00:49:45.300
I'm trying to think about this. I'm thinking in my mind here a little bit. It's okay to be
00:49:50.960
conscious of what you're doing and how you're showing up and how you're presenting and the way
00:49:56.420
you're living your life. That's okay. But when you put self in front of it, it almost turns into selfish
00:50:01.340
or excessive where you're worrying, oh, how do, what do people think of the way I look? What about,
00:50:07.840
what if they don't like this? What if I fail? What if they say mean or hurtful things? Now you're just
00:50:13.360
worried about you. But when I, so I got ready today and I went to the gym. I woke up on time. I worked
00:50:23.020
out hard with my training partner. I came home. I took a shower. I put on presentable clothes. I trimmed and
00:50:29.980
shaved and did my hair. I actually don't have to do any of that. I work at home. I'm alone. Like
00:50:35.860
nobody's here. I didn't have to go to the gym. I didn't have to shower. I don't have to put pants
00:50:42.020
on. I do have pants on. I don't have to do any of that. And I do it. Why? Because I want to look good?
00:50:47.880
Yes. But deeper than that, because I want to present well to you, to everybody who's listening
00:50:56.340
to this podcast. I'm not self-conscious to the point of like, what if? No, I do things because I want
00:51:02.580
to impact you. So I, I put a message out there. I invest in technology and equipment and things that
00:51:09.480
are important to move my purpose and mission forward. And if you're self-conscious, what's that,
00:51:14.720
that, what that's telling me is that your own security is more important than your mission
00:51:23.960
or the lack of mission that you have. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's using that analogy of lighting
00:51:31.080
yourself on fire or being a light on the hill. You can't have reach. You can't be the light on the hill
00:51:38.820
and not be seen. Yeah. It, it, it comes with the territory, right? And, and it goes back to that
00:51:47.780
previous question is we have to be willing to be courageous and say that the light shining is more
00:51:54.740
important than the possible or perceived judgments that we might receive.
00:52:00.660
You know, there's a huge misconception in this talking point because I already hear a lot of
00:52:09.800
guys listening to this podcast who will say like, oh, my reach isn't important. You know, my,
00:52:14.600
just the little things like, I don't want my ego to get in the way. And they're trying to present
00:52:19.060
this false sense of humility. And I think I understand where they're coming from. But if you're
00:52:24.660
telling me that reach isn't important, you're flat out wrong. Plain small. Take, take the greatest
00:52:31.800
example that we have in Jesus Christ. I remember I had Grant Cardone on the podcast years and years ago.
00:52:38.660
And he said something that was a little harsh, but I don't think he's wrong. He said, if Jesus Christ
00:52:46.220
was walking on this earth, he'd have a fleet of jets to help him spread the message.
00:52:50.640
And it was very brash. Yeah. Almost blasphemy. But also, no, that's actually probably true. Wouldn't
00:53:00.000
he? Doesn't he believe that his message is so important that he would use every bit of technology
00:53:06.640
at his disposal to share it? Of course, that's true. Of course it is. And so if you're like, oh,
00:53:12.960
my reach doesn't matter. My influence doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I have credibility.
00:53:16.320
You're wrong. It's why you're amassing it. Are you amassing it to prop yourself up or are you
00:53:24.040
amassing it and developing it and cultivating it so that you can serve others? That's the
00:53:27.920
difference. Is it about you or is it about other people? If it's about you, you're wrong. If it's
00:53:34.240
about others, absolutely. You should work to build up as much credibility, as much income,
00:53:40.880
as much influence that you possibly can so you can do good in the world. Yeah. And maybe like just a
00:53:48.040
little, I don't know, a thought for you, Nathan, as you are addressing this in your own life that I
00:53:54.460
find powerful is realizing that everybody is constantly operating from looking good and the
00:54:03.140
avoidance of looking bad and almost everything that they do. And in the grand scheme of things,
00:54:08.740
even the comment that someone leaves on social media about someone else is more likely rooted
00:54:16.040
in them looking good and not as much about the comment that itself. So just realize the human
00:54:24.000
condition that most people are so obsessed with themselves that they really don't care about
00:54:32.840
the way you look or how I look as much as we think. Yeah. And, and that's just powerful to realize.
00:54:41.060
I was, um, I got out of the gym this morning and I was walking to my truck and I park in the back row
00:54:46.360
because my truck doesn't turn real well. So like working in and navigating into small parking spaces
00:54:52.160
doesn't always go well. So I park in the back and I'm walking out to the back and I got done a little
00:54:57.580
late and all the morning people are leaving, getting ready for work. And so it's a little empty in the
00:55:01.860
parking lot. And I have my GMC three quarter ton silver pickup sitting in the stall. And right
00:55:10.420
next to me is this brand new lifted. I don't know dodges very well, but it's a, it's a rad truck.
00:55:18.820
Yeah. It's black. It's all blacked out. It's lifted. I'm like, dang, that truck looks pretty good.
00:55:24.280
And my truck is not a small truck, but it's dwarfed in comparison to this truck. And as I'm walking to my,
00:55:29.880
to my truck, another truck pulls in and it's a GMC and it's lifted. It's brand new. It's black.
00:55:38.160
It's the Denali HD. And he pulls in right next to me. And I'm like, this is awesome. I look at my
00:55:45.140
truck. I actually thought my truck was pretty cool until those two trucks pulled in next to me.
00:55:51.380
The comparison is the thief of joy. I was happy with my truck. Yeah. Two seconds later, I'm like,
00:55:57.180
hmm, do I need a new truck? Yeah. I might need a new truck. Maybe I should. And then I caught myself
00:56:04.000
and thought it doesn't matter what hit that guy and that guy's truck payment are worth probably more
00:56:08.640
than my mortgage payment. Yeah. And maybe, or maybe not, I don't know. And I don't care.
00:56:13.780
They don't get to enjoy the same vacations or financial privileges that I do. It doesn't really
00:56:18.260
matter if I'm right or wrong as no relevancy in my life or, or just the generic idea that there's
00:56:24.660
a price of all things. So guess what? Those trucks have a price and that price is a different price
00:56:30.020
than your truck. Yeah. Yeah. Always. So I, I felt inferior as I was walking up to what
00:56:37.220
relatively look like a small truck, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not a small truck.
00:56:42.900
It's a big truck. Yeah. It's, it's clean. It, it's older. Yeah. It's got some mileage on it,
00:56:49.460
but I take care of it. It could probably use, you know, a detailing, but other than that, like,
00:56:54.140
it's fine. I have other things I'm worried about. Don't let yourself get wrapped up in what
00:56:59.240
everybody around you is doing and think because they do it, you have to. I I'm glad you brought that up,
00:57:04.000
right? Because I mean, how often do, do we feel, or we think that people's like self-consciousness
00:57:10.240
have to do with the comparison to others? I mean, absolutely. Absolutely. Good, good call.
00:57:17.300
I mean, some of the, some of the most successful people in life that I know are the most unassuming.
00:57:25.540
You can look at it from a position of wealth. Some of the wealth, some of the wealthiest people,
00:57:32.040
Warren Buffett drives like an old Chevy pickup truck and looks like a complete slob.
00:57:37.500
He's one of the richest men in the world. Yeah. You know, if you look at another one,
00:57:41.620
we talked about this several weeks ago and I can't remember who it was, but there was that
00:57:45.420
boxer that got into an altercation at a game with another guy. Totally. And the guy was yapping
00:57:50.160
and barking at him and the box, the world champion boxer is laughing and just diffused and walked away.
00:57:55.940
Yeah. He would have destroyed him. Yeah. Some of the most, the best fighters, the toughest,
00:58:02.140
the strongest, you would never know it because they aren't wrapped up in the vanity because they're
00:58:07.600
focused on the mission. Yeah. Mission solves all of that. Yeah. I love it. Joe Hehera. Hehera.
00:58:17.580
Hopefully I got that right, Joe. Ryan and Kip. You did. Definitely did not. Definitely did not.
00:58:22.440
It sounded good to me. Ryan and Kip, I'm going to start dating in 2025. Being in a relationship is
00:58:29.740
part of my vision and I'm currently working on implementing goals and tactics in my battle plan
00:58:34.720
to accomplish being in a loving and healthy relationship. This is getting good. For some
00:58:39.920
background, I've been divorced since 2020. My ex-wife and I dated for five years and married for five
00:58:44.980
and I'm currently 37. I dated a bit in 2020, but ended up getting a master's program, put that on
00:58:52.520
hold. Do you mind sharing your approach to getting back to dating? Did you use any online apps, social
00:58:58.520
clubs, church, using friend network, et cetera? Any tips for dating in your thirties? Thanks for your
00:59:03.900
advice. I'll definitely address that first. I just want a word of caution on making that your objective
00:59:11.920
because a lot of that is out of your hands. Yeah. And what ends up potentially what could
00:59:19.960
happen here is you go on a few dates and you're like, Oh shit, this is my 90 day plan. I got to be
00:59:25.720
in a relationship. And then you start overlooking all of the red flags that you should have addressed,
00:59:31.680
but didn't because you made it part of your plan to be in a relationship. I'm going to tell you to pump
00:59:36.860
the brakes on that. Yeah. What I would rather see, I'm not saying don't date. I'll talk about
00:59:41.940
that in a second. I'd rather you see you learning to have a good, loving, healthy relationship with
00:59:48.800
yourself. Oh, and by the way, I'm dating. And if something works out based on me being in the dating
00:59:56.320
space, then I can do that. But if it doesn't, I'm okay with myself. I'd rather that be a goal. I
01:00:02.600
can't make your goals for you. I just think that's probably going to be more effective. And by the
01:00:08.120
way, if you're dating and you're doing it right, you are going to be in a relationship. It may not
01:00:13.040
be today. It may not be in the first quarter of 2025, but you will, you absolutely will let that
01:00:17.960
part develop, but just do the right things in the meantime. Would you agree with that? At least
01:00:22.200
that assessment? Absolutely. Well, and that goes for all of us, right? It's like, yes. And, and,
01:00:27.380
and to be, think of it this way too, Joe, just a quick thought, like what kind of pressure are you
01:00:32.600
putting on someone? Holy crap, man. Like that's exhausting, right? Like I already don't want to
01:00:37.380
date you, right? Because I'm like, oh, this, oh, well, this is my year. It's like, no, dude, just
01:00:43.980
be a stellar guy. Feel great about yourself. Feel great about how you're showing up in the world.
01:00:49.960
That's the by-product of, of you showing up powerfully for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. As far as
01:00:58.260
dating goes, that's a tactic. And that's great. You know, getting yourself in the, in the dating
01:01:02.900
pool and making yourself available and, you know, finding out what you like and what you don't like.
01:01:08.960
And, and that's good. You should definitely do that. So a couple of pointers I might give to you is
01:01:13.620
dating apps are great. I know a lot of people bash on them and bag on them. If you do it right,
01:01:18.760
and you're there for the right reasons and you're honest with people, I actually think they're a
01:01:22.760
really powerful way to meet women. It's also very non-threatening because if you're at the gym and
01:01:29.500
you see this attractive woman every day and you really want to ask her out or you really want to
01:01:34.500
get her number or strike up a conversation, there's a very real risk of rejection in that.
01:01:41.520
You don't know if she's married. You don't know if she doesn't want anything to do with you.
01:01:45.560
You, you, you know, nothing and you might still make your move, but you're going to face a lot of
01:01:52.580
rejection in doing that. And that's not wrong. I'm just saying it exists, but in the, in the,
01:01:57.460
on dating apps, that doesn't exist. That's why they're there. Yeah. A woman might as well, that
01:02:03.940
woman who's at the gym that you like, she might as well slap a post-it note on her head and say,
01:02:08.100
I'm available. Cause that's what dating apps are. And that's what you're doing too. You're slapping
01:02:13.720
the post-it note on your head saying I'm available. The amazing thing that I saw and
01:02:18.080
have heard about dating apps is that even though both parties said I'm available for a relationship,
01:02:24.020
you guys have to agree on what that might look like, whether it's just a one night stand type
01:02:28.360
thing or something deep and meaningful. It was interesting to me that guys still had a hard time
01:02:35.120
asking for dates. I don't understand that. She's there to meet men. She clicked on your profile.
01:02:43.920
You clicked on hers. Why aren't you asking her on a date? Men are so afraid, even when they know they
01:02:51.200
should do it. They're so afraid to do it. So dating apps are good. Make sure if you are going to be on a
01:02:56.980
dating app, you set up your profile correctly. You be respectful. You be honest. I would also say,
01:03:02.920
you know, maybe not edgy necessarily, but just like be firm, be bold, be assertive, put a good
01:03:09.200
picture up of yourself. Like don't like snap a selfie in the mirror. Like right when you got out
01:03:14.220
of the shower or whatever, like actually take a nice picture of yourself or you out in public,
01:03:20.220
but they actually look nice. That's a big one. Uh, and then here's the other thing. And this goes
01:03:25.520
back to what I was saying earlier. When you go out with women, especially on the first date,
01:03:31.300
no expectations. I want you to drop all of your expectations. I don't want you to think about
01:03:37.580
getting laid. I don't want you to think about having a girlfriend. I don't want you to think
01:03:41.800
about her being the next miss wonderful. The only expectation that you should have when you go on a
01:03:48.160
date with a woman is I'm going to go out with her and see if she's somebody I'd like to go on a second
01:03:53.680
date with. And then she can make that determination about me. But the, the, the quicker you do that,
01:04:00.380
it's ironic. It's weird because when you put all these weird expectations, you alluded to this
01:04:06.180
earlier on women, they are repulsed by it. And when you drop the expectations and you just go to have
01:04:13.300
a good time, they are attracted to it. Yeah. So take that to heart. Um, but yeah, outside of that,
01:04:20.600
yeah, definitely use friends, uh, approach women. I would even at the grocery store, even women you
01:04:26.240
aren't interested in, I would learn how to strike up conversations with women. Let's say you're trying
01:04:31.080
to pick a, I don't know, an onion out or an avocado and you see a woman next to you. Maybe you're not
01:04:36.740
attracted to her necessarily, but she's alone. See if you can strike up a conversation, ask her, Hey, I don't
01:04:42.380
know how to pick out avocados. How do you know which one's ripe? If you can do that in any environment,
01:04:50.500
your game, so to speak, will move up tenfold very, very quickly. Yeah.
01:04:58.100
All right. Last question, Joe Gunter. I am preparing to coach our church's young men's group,
01:05:04.660
uh, through their goal setting for 2025. In your opinion, what is the most urgent goal,
01:05:10.720
behavior or habit that young men should work on that would advance the movement of men?
01:05:20.700
Responsibility. I was just thinking about our motto, protect, provide, preside. Every bit of that has
01:05:28.260
responsibility in it. I think if more men across the planet understood that we have a sense of duty,
01:05:34.740
obligation, and responsibility to perform, we would do what was necessary to do it. And that's not to say
01:05:39.900
we'd do it perfect. I've always had a deep sense of responsibility in my life. I can thank probably
01:05:45.300
a little bit of nature and a lot of my mom for helping me out with that. Yeah. Uh, but you,
01:05:52.800
so I'm, I'm not saying even if you know how much responsibility and, and that you're meant to bear
01:05:59.720
as a man, that if you knew that you wouldn't fail, you, you still would fail. But I think you'd get on
01:06:07.240
your feet faster, you'd serve people more effectively. You, you definitely love more people. And in
01:06:13.760
return, you would build influence and you would have the love that you desire, whether it's platonic
01:06:19.220
or romantic, and you would have the clients and you would have the business. But all of that is a
01:06:23.940
direct result of the responsibility that you're willing to bear and your ability to make yourself
01:06:29.320
capable of dealing with it. You know, I put some weight on the bar this morning when I was at the gym
01:06:34.380
and it was the same weight I did last week. And so this week I decided to put five more pounds on
01:06:39.780
and I could do it. And I did it. I did all my reps with an additional five pounds. Three weeks ago,
01:06:46.420
I don't think I could have done that. I made myself more capable. It's the same thing at work. Make
01:06:52.940
yourself more capable of making more money, impacting more people, serving your mission better. Make
01:06:57.900
yourself physically stronger, mentally stronger. Make yourself capable of having conversations,
01:07:02.780
making yourself capable of, um, not allowing other people's opinion to spill over into yours or
01:07:10.360
allowing their behavior to influence yours in some way, like making yourself a sovereign man. But I
01:07:16.040
think at the root of it is being responsible for things, everything. Yeah. I love that. I had the
01:07:25.100
opportunity to do like, uh, it was six weeks for like a youth around, um, it was actually around
01:07:33.360
emotional resilience. And so it's a little bit on my mind of late, but you know, a thought for you to
01:07:39.760
Joe is like, as you look to coach these people, how critical, um, emotional resilience is and how
01:07:47.560
critical self-awareness is for them. Because otherwise everything's always, the problem's
01:07:54.540
always everywhere else until we are self-aware. Right. And, and we actually start learning to
01:08:01.500
mitigate and to understand the indicators on the back dashboard that are called emotions. And what
01:08:08.080
do we do with them? And how do we, how do we use them to our benefit towards a mission, um, of being
01:08:14.340
more capable and, and, and serving others? And so I can't help, but think through the importance of
01:08:20.580
those elements, um, especially with youth and especially probably the youth of our day. Um,
01:08:27.240
I think this is one of the key areas that they're probably struggling, struggling with the most,
01:08:31.640
in my opinion. Yeah. I think it's a good point. I wrote down a couple of things that tie into
01:08:36.780
resilience, adaptability and creativity. Yeah. Like I've seen grown men crumble at the
01:08:44.080
slightest little inconvenience. Yeah. You know that the 16 year old kid gets your mocha frappuccino
01:08:50.500
order wrong and you completely flip out and it ruins your day. It's like you got bigger problems to
01:08:58.940
worry about than that $6 sugar bomb you're trying to put into your gut. If that's, what's going to
01:09:03.940
get you razzled for the day. Totally. And in our society today is rampant with victim mindset
01:09:09.360
where the problem is always everywhere else. We've outsourced our emotional state, our happiness,
01:09:15.620
everything else is not up to us to decide. Um, and unfortunately it's bleeding on over to the youth,
01:09:22.380
I think. And, and it's, this is, this is why we constantly be looking for, you know, our rescuers
01:09:28.500
and the federal government needs to save us or mom and dad. And it's like, man, they don't,
01:09:32.780
they lack self-confidence, which is a result of having a victim mindset. Um, and in doing so they,
01:09:38.740
they need their rescuers. It's really sad. And a victim mindset is a direct result of lack of
01:09:45.900
responsibility. Yep. You're, you don't think you're responsible for your own life. You think
01:09:50.800
somebody else is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hope that helps. Let us know how it goes. Cause
01:09:55.780
obviously that's very in alignment with our mission here. So, and, and props, Joe, right? Props for
01:10:01.760
coaching youth at your church, man. That's awesome. So way to level up and, and, um, you know,
01:10:08.000
take on something like that. That's awesome. Well, and that's what, that's exactly what we're
01:10:11.700
trying to champion here. And the fact that you're not just listening to a podcast, but you're getting
01:10:15.440
out and you're impacting 40 young men. That's a big deal. Imagine a 40 guys impacted 40.
01:10:23.080
Awesome. 1600 people impacted just like that. It's pretty incredible. Absolutely. All right,
01:10:30.080
gentlemen, call to action really this week is enrolling the iron council. Uh, we're open for
01:10:35.520
enrollment until the end of this month. Um, in the past, you've let it bleed over a little bit past
01:10:41.280
the first of the year. Yeah. But I don't want to say that even though we probably will, because I
01:10:46.560
don't want you to wait, like get your ass in the game. You know, if you know, you're going to join
01:10:50.680
the iron council and you've been sitting on the fence about, Oh, should I, should I not maybe? Well,
01:10:54.460
what if they keep it open another week? No, just sign up right now. Just when the podcast is over,
01:10:59.840
go to order a man.com slash iron council, get registered. Don't think too much about it.
01:11:04.660
You know, you want to do it and it's going to serve you. And you know what? Here's the worst
01:11:08.720
case scenario. You jump in there and you see that everybody's an asshole and nobody's helping each
01:11:16.360
other and there's no resources. And then you message me and you say, Hey, right, this was,
01:11:19.840
this is dumb. I thought it was different than this. Can you give me my money back? And then I send you
01:11:24.200
an email and says, yeah, here you go. And it comes back into your account in three days.
01:11:28.120
That's the worst case scenario. I'll play those odds all day long. Yeah. Yeah, totally.
01:11:37.020
What's our cutoff date for ordering a swag from the store? We're there. I will do everything I can
01:11:43.900
to get it to you by Christmas. If you order it after today, I still will work diligently with my
01:11:49.300
children. Cause we are the ones, my little, my little elves were the ones who package up the presents
01:11:55.040
and try to get them to you. We will work diligently in getting those to you. I can't guarantee you at
01:12:00.080
this point. Yeah. Okay. Excellent, sir. Okay, guys. Appreciate it. Great questions today. Really
01:12:06.060
enjoyed the conversation. And that's in part because of you, you know, you guys listening,
01:12:10.100
you guys asking thoughtful, powerful questions that gives me fuel too. So we're all serving each other.
01:12:15.460
All right, guys, we'll be back Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you
01:12:19.140
are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of
01:12:28.680
your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.