Order of Man - Overcoming Regrets, Why Mission Solves Everything, and Why Young Men Need Responsibility ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 Don't forget the lessons. Don't forget the hard times. Don't even sedate yourself against those

00:00:05.620 hard times. I say we do a better job embracing it. And when we do that, then we don't need to

00:00:10.440 get over anything. It's a constant reminder. Now, look, you know, I could talk about the divorce.

00:00:14.880 Why should I get over it? Now, I'm not going to wallow in my own self-pity like I did probably

00:00:18.900 initially for the rest of my life. I'm going to move on. Yes. But it's just the way that I respond

00:00:25.060 to it. I'm not so emotionally attached. I'm not so connected. There's a lot of pain that was

00:00:30.340 forgotten. But I also remember a lot of the lessons that I'm hopefully am bringing into my relationship

00:00:36.640 now. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears and boldly chart your

00:00:44.320 own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time you are not easily

00:00:50.300 deterred or defeated. Rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is

00:00:57.620 who you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done, you can call yourself

00:01:03.000 a man.

00:01:05.940 Kemp, what's up, brother? Great to see you on this lovely Monday morning.

00:01:10.260 Yeah, Icy's open, end of the year coming, week before Christmas.

00:01:14.460 We got a lot going on, man. Yeah, it is. It's a busy time of year. I was feeling a little stressed

00:01:21.900 over the weekend just with everything that's going on and all the demands for time and attention. I'm

00:01:29.060 not unique or different than anybody listening, but it gets a little stressful. That's kind of where

00:01:35.240 I'm at right now. This is a busy day. Yeah. I sighed. It was funny. It was like last night,

00:01:41.720 do you think it was last night or the night before? I just took a deep breath and I was like

00:01:45.200 sighing. I'm like, and, and my wife goes, oh, what's going on? Like you stress. I'm like, yeah,

00:01:52.580 just too much going on. And she goes like, what? I'm like, how much time do you have to go over my

00:01:58.800 list? Right. Also, have you ever been like where somebody's like, oh, really? What's going on? I'm

00:02:04.500 like so much that I don't want to talk about what's going on because now it's one more thing I don't want

00:02:10.800 to do. Totally. You just added more work on my list. Exactly. Just put that on my more stuff on

00:02:18.240 my to-do list. Totally. When I, it was really great. The first time I had administrative assistant,

00:02:24.480 she says, let's brain dump all the things. And three hours later, right. And she's like,

00:02:33.360 okay. Oh boy. Like, oh yeah, that's a lot. And I'm like prioritize and execute, which is grab the

00:02:41.560 first things. But these are all the things, right. That are just, that need to be addressed

00:02:46.660 eventually that have, that we have going on. And, um, yeah, what do you do? It's, it's little things

00:02:53.400 too. You know, sometimes it's work related. I have to make this email or follow up this with this

00:02:57.580 person or get this thing published or even send a little message, a little text to our editor and

00:03:04.840 say, Hey, fix this one thing or tweak that, adjust that, do this video, do that video. But then it's

00:03:10.980 Christmas time and it's like, I got to, I just had family pictures taken of me and the kids. So now I

00:03:16.460 have to run over to Walmart. I have to get them printed. And then I want to get them framed. Cause I

00:03:21.460 thought that'd be a good present for my mom. I can say that cause my mom doesn't listen to the podcast

00:03:25.360 anymore. She's had more than enough of me. And, uh, you know, so it's like all these like little

00:03:31.220 things that just add up and I'm just trying to like diffuse and not bring as much onto my plate.

00:03:37.520 So it's, it's good. And it's a world problems. It's fine. And self-inflicted, right? So yeah,

00:03:43.360 everyone, absolutely. Everyone relax. We're not moaning and complaining. We get it. I am

00:03:49.080 and everyone knows your handle. So when you, uh, you know, just lean into Ryan and let him know that

00:03:57.560 he shouldn't be moaning and complaining about his life. Yeah. I mean, we would talk about that all

00:04:01.660 the time. Stop whining, do something about it, you know, or, or, or complaining without, uh,

00:04:07.320 without a solution is just whining. Right. Or something like that. So yeah, I have no solutions

00:04:12.640 other than just get busy. Actually, I do have one solution. It's this right here. It's the battle

00:04:17.660 planner. It's the battle planner. I have used this thing for 10 years now. And I'm telling

00:04:22.960 you what, when I use this effectively and we created it and still sometimes I have a hard

00:04:28.720 time using it correctly, but when I use this and I'm diligent and using this, everything

00:04:34.340 else gets better. When I don't use this, I get stressed out. I can't prioritize my, my tasks.

00:04:41.560 I don't know what types of things I need to get done on a daily basis. So battle planner,

00:04:46.320 that's a, that's a huge resource for me personally too. Yeah. And I can't count how

00:04:50.100 many times I've had this conversation with people of the, the theory of, well, I just

00:04:56.100 need to work harder. Right. Or I need a, I need to remember to do that. It's like, what's

00:05:00.300 your system? Well, I don't have a system, dude. If you don't have a system, you will drop

00:05:05.620 the ball. Like get a system. If it's important, write it down. If you don't have a place for

00:05:10.540 taking notes, take notes, right? You need systems, especially high achieving individuals

00:05:16.080 that have a lot going on and, and relying on your memory and, and hoping that you'll

00:05:22.220 remember to do something that is important is not a strategy.

00:05:25.540 Do you know that, uh, that line on grumpy old men, when, when, uh, one of the guys loses his,

00:05:33.020 his pole, his green duck fishing pole. And the other one says, says something about hit,

00:05:38.760 how stupid his pole is. And he's like, that fish has caught or that pole has caught more 1.00

00:05:43.940 fish than you've lied about. Yeah. You remember that scene? No, but that's hilarious. It's

00:05:50.320 hilarious. And I can't help but think I've lost more ideas because I haven't written them

00:05:56.200 down than ideas that I've implemented. I have, I've lost so many million dollar ideas because

00:06:02.440 I don't have a system. I'm going to call out one thing you said though. You said, especially

00:06:06.400 if you're high achieving man, you need a system. No, I would actually say, especially if you're

00:06:11.760 a low achieving man, cause high achieving men, guess what they already have? That's the

00:06:15.800 systems. Yeah. Low achieving men don't have systems. So if you want to be a high achieving

00:06:21.880 man or a higher achieving man, have a system, uh, order a man.com slash battle planner, by

00:06:27.200 the way, is where are you going to get that? Excellent. All right. Shall we jump in the headlines?

00:06:31.200 Yeah. I don't, you know, I don't really have a headline today, but I have, no, I just want

00:06:36.120 to do a little bit of a pitch for, uh, the podcast that, well, the podcast that came out

00:06:40.980 yesterday. Uh, obviously the big, some of the big news that we see is, uh, Diddy's sexual

00:06:48.340 indiscretions and allegations. I think, um, Jay-Z has now been implicated in some of that

00:06:55.780 as well. Obviously Epstein was a big case years ago. And I had a gentleman by the name

00:07:01.700 of Nick Bryan on the podcast, and he has done work over 22 years on sex trafficking specifically

00:07:08.300 with children. So he's very qualified, very well researched. And we talked about the blackmail.

00:07:16.740 This is what blew my mind. The blackmail. That's why they do these really. Right. Yes. It's a

00:07:21.840 blackmail strategy. Well, I don't, I don't think it originally starts as that. I think

00:07:26.700 you have individuals who are malicious and intent and, you know, pedophiles and all of

00:07:33.460 this. And then over time, I think what ends up happening is this is an individual we can

00:07:39.240 use for our pursuits, our political pursuits. So we talk a little bit about, uh, political

00:07:44.320 blackmail throughout history with Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson, all the way up

00:07:49.060 to, uh, Clarence Thomas, he was talking about. So it's pretty interesting when you started

00:07:55.800 to get into the blackmail systems or strategies for, for amassing political power. Anyways,

00:08:02.980 if you haven't listened to it, go listen to it. And also he has a, uh, nonprofit called

00:08:08.780 Epstein justice, which is trying to not only bring justice to the individuals who have been

00:08:14.300 victimized by Epstein and his clientele. Uh, but also making sure that those who have

00:08:20.960 done wrong get brought to justice and ensuring these types of things don't happen again. So

00:08:27.460 that's my headline, really cool podcast. Josh Wellman, who's an iron council introduced me to

00:08:33.040 Nick and it was a good show. Very good show. Cool. I love it. No, I, my headline or just my up

00:08:40.460 at night or, or whatever's on my mind is pretty much these drones, man. It's, oh yeah, it's crazy.

00:08:47.720 Have you seen some of the footage around this? It is, it's not, I actually haven't stayed too much.

00:08:54.900 It's not that I don't care. It's that one for whatever reason isn't, I, we already know what

00:08:59.920 it is. It's, it's, it's foreign spies. That's what it is. I'm just convinced. That's what I think too.

00:09:05.400 And, and, and what I was going to read here is, is so, uh, who was it? It's, uh, Van Drew. He's a

00:09:12.500 a Senator in New Jersey. And he said the following, he says, uh, I'm going to tell you, uh, the real

00:09:20.840 deal. Iran launched a mother ship that contains these drones. It's off the coast, East coast of

00:09:27.300 the United States of America. They'd been launched from there. And then he goes on that he has insight

00:09:33.840 that this ship that carries these drones is missing from port. He can't disclose his resources

00:09:41.300 and that these things need to be shot down. And, and the part that just drives me mad is

00:09:47.880 the lack of communication, the lack of information. No one seems like they have any idea what's going on,

00:09:55.740 right? And this is your federal government, or at least they're not communicating it. But then I,

00:10:01.120 all, all, all we have to do is look past history and remember the little balloon thing.

00:10:06.580 Chinese, there's a Chinese balloon. Yeah. I'm like, you guys couldn't even stop a balloon 1.00

00:10:10.800 from floating around. So like the, the idea that you guys know what you're doing when it comes to

00:10:16.740 these drones, I'm like, they probably don't. And which is just crazy. I don't agree with that.

00:10:23.060 You are, you are way too, of course they know.

00:10:26.200 Why aren't they shooting them down? If we want to get into, um, conspiracy theories,

00:10:32.320 we can start talking about landing on the moon. Okay. Let's just say, hypothetically,

00:10:36.820 you believe that we've landed on the moon. And I do, I do believe that one, that we have landed on

00:10:41.380 the moon. Uh, if we can do that, well, we can't shoot a drone that's 200, 300, whatever feet off the

00:10:48.580 ground in the sky and we can't shoot them down. Totally. So why don't you think they do?

00:10:53.200 A slow, because it's an arrangement. It's a conspiracy. It's two parties conspiring for

00:11:02.200 whatever purpose. I can't tell you what that purpose is, but you can't tell me that America 0.58

00:11:06.540 didn't arrange with China to allow them to fly a balloon over our airspace. And if we really believe

00:11:14.880 that these are foreign drones, you can't tell me that we couldn't just take either just a regular,

00:11:23.880 you know, M 16 or whatever, and shoot them down, let alone helicopters or, or other drones.

00:11:33.880 Yeah. Like we can do what we can do whatever we want to those things. So we absolutely can. The only

00:11:39.200 reason we wouldn't is because there's an arrangement that they will not be shot down and they will

00:11:44.320 allowed to be flown in United States airspace. And what other explanation is there?

00:11:51.200 I have no idea. That's why it bothers me so much.

00:11:54.020 There isn't one. I don't think you need to let it bother you. Cause we know exact,

00:11:58.380 I'm not saying that it should bother us, but we already know what's happening. And so, yeah,

00:12:03.740 just shoot them down. And I've heard other people say, well, you know,

00:12:06.040 we don't know what they are. Right. So shoot them down. We're not going to give them the benefit of

00:12:10.900 the doubt. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So that's what I think you're being way too nice.

00:12:18.000 I don't know. They don't know. No, they know. I actually, the older I get, so full disclosure

00:12:23.480 here, I was, I was having a conversation with someone last weekend. I, I'm starting to think that

00:12:28.880 we didn't land on the moon. I'm, I'm totally like, yeah, I'm totally getting down that path,

00:12:33.820 man. I'm like, I don't think we did it. I think it was all like, they, they faked the whole thing

00:12:39.860 just so they couldn't keep up popular opinion. It's during the cold war, you know, and they just

00:12:47.180 totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I totally get the motive. I'm not saying I don't believe that. Do

00:12:54.080 you know how many people would need to be in on a conspiracy like that quiet? Yeah. Yeah. I feel

00:13:00.000 the same way about 9-11, you know, it's like, do I think it was an inside job? I guess it depends on

00:13:07.440 what you mean by inside job. Do I think that it was orchestrated or had some influence? Of course.

00:13:14.300 Were there arrangements made? Yes. Yeah. I don't know if the CIA or the FBI went and set bombs inside

00:13:21.120 world, the world trade center. You know, I don't know. Yeah. That that's hard for me to believe

00:13:26.400 because thousands and thousands of people, dude, you can't even tell your sister something that

00:13:32.300 happened at work about an employee without it getting around town. You're telling me that

00:13:37.520 thousands of people working for the highest echelons of government aren't going to like

00:13:42.180 flap their lips. Come on. Yeah. That's a stretch for me. Yeah. That's a good point. That's a good

00:13:48.040 point. But I see the other side too. There is, there is merit to the other side and I do see that as

00:13:52.840 well. Yeah. I mean, my main thing is just that we've never gone back. I'm like, we have

00:13:58.860 landed on the moon to the moon. Yeah. Yes. We've landed on the moon. When, when's the last time

00:14:06.280 we've been back? Let me pull it up since the sixties. And then how many times? And have you seen the

00:14:12.480 footage from, was it India when they had a Rover on the moon? Like how eight bit it was. And then our

00:14:18.840 version is like high def. That's funny. Okay. So look, I'm going to get. Humans have landed on the

00:14:25.900 moon. This, most people don't know this. Yeah. This is humans have landed on the moon six times,

00:14:32.360 six times. Which countries? We, uh, we have during the Apollo missions. I don't know what,

00:14:39.900 I don't know what other countries I'd look at. I'll look at that. But Apollo 11, 12, 14, 15,

00:14:45.180 16, 17, six separate times. Uh, 12 men have walked on the lunar surface in total. Uh, let's see.

00:14:55.340 Yeah. This is all in the sixties though. 69, 69, 70, 70, 70, 70. Yeah. Uh, let's see.

00:15:05.300 But to your point, that's a lot of people keeping a, keeping a lie. So there's, so the Soviet union,

00:15:12.020 China, India, and Japan have landed spacecraft on the moon. Yeah. Never. But as, as, as this says,

00:15:18.420 never a human being. Yeah. That's a little fishy. All right. Well, we'll let you guys decide. Now

00:15:26.480 you got me thinking. Now you got me second guessing now. Leave it in the comments. Leave it in the

00:15:29.400 comments. Yeah. All right. Well, we're going to field questions from the iron council on that note,

00:15:35.720 uh, enrollments open. So if you want to join us in the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron

00:15:41.380 council. Learn more. Sign up. We should start a, uh, join us. We should start a conspiracy channel

00:15:46.260 inside the iron council where we just talk about these crazy. I don't want to do that. We're not

00:15:51.620 doing that guys. That would get wild. Yeah. All right. Charles Phillips. What is the best or worst

00:16:00.520 Christmas? All of these questions are like end of year Christmas oriented. Um, but Charles Phillips,

00:16:06.040 what is the best or worst Christmas present you have ever received? Put someone on blast.

00:16:13.720 So I made this post the other day about what guys I made it on, uh, on X and I got into a debate

00:16:22.620 actually about something. So this is what I wrote. Um, let's see, where did I write it? Things men don't 0.57

00:16:30.300 want for Christmas, small items of clothing. So ties, socks, underwear, et cetera. Yeah. Uh,

00:16:37.320 number two, as seen on TV tools, if we wanted it, we would have already bought it. Yeah. And those are

00:16:43.020 cheap anyway, and they're going to break. They're going to fall apart. And number three, clever gifts.

00:16:47.780 If he tells you what he wants, just buy him that don't think, gee, that's lame. I'm going to buy him

00:16:52.060 this weird, obscure thing instead. Just buy him the thing that he asked for. So what's the worst gift

00:16:59.660 that I've ever gotten? I don't, I don't know what the worst is, but I'll tell you the worst Christmas

00:17:05.300 I've ever had. If I'm being really honest, it was the Christmas before my divorce was finalized.

00:17:11.520 My ex-wife and I were keeping it together and I was still working on trying to maintain the family,

00:17:19.380 but I kind of knew where it was going at that point. And it was really, really hard. That was a

00:17:25.820 hard Christmas. Um, and then this Christmas, you know, I don't have my kids with me this Christmas,

00:17:30.700 so that's hard. There's all these new things that I'm having to adapt and grow with, but it's fine.

00:17:37.080 But yeah, those are, those can be really challenging for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I had one of those Christmases

00:17:42.880 and it was, it was a tough one. Um, you know, I did one year in Iraq during Christmas too.

00:17:49.200 That was interesting. Yeah. Was it kind of neat though, to be with other individuals

00:17:53.360 also without their families? I wouldn't use the word neat, but it was, it was fine. We're all a

00:18:00.280 brotherhood and I remember certain aspects of it and, and it was a unique experience for sure.

00:18:05.880 I remember we walked to the chow hall, which was on our base and we had contractors from,

00:18:11.780 I think some were from Pakistan and some were from India and I walked in and there was this huge

00:18:18.700 slab of butter, like, like two feet long of butter carved into baby Jesus. It was hilarious.

00:18:30.620 And some of them probably did that not to be funny. It was like supposed to be unique.

00:18:34.880 No, it actually looked, from what I remember of it, I actually was, it was funny, but I was actually

00:18:40.580 pretty impressed too. Yeah. But it's just weird to like carve up baby Jesus and spread him on your bread.

00:18:46.580 Yeah. I didn't like dip my knife into his, you know, into his bosom. You started adding speed at 0.66

00:18:53.360 least. Yeah. Yeah. I felt a little blasphemous if I would have done that. So I left baby Jesus alone

00:18:59.960 and went for the margarine instead that day. But yeah, that's funny. I hate, I hate cheap things that

00:19:07.820 I'm never going to use because it, and it's not just like, I'm not going to use it. It's like a waste

00:19:14.160 of space and resources on planet earth. I hate like someone. Tell us how you wasted time making it.

00:19:23.260 It used resources. It was given to me and it goes back into a landfill. Like talk about the ultimate

00:19:30.780 form of waste. So just crappy things. I hate crappy things. Um, best Christmas, best Christmas. You know,

00:19:39.700 I was, uh, I was, I was raised, uh, we were pretty poor and, um, we were living in Kanab. Uh, how old

00:19:49.800 was I? This is probably like fifth grade maybe. And, um, there's a radio shack in downtown or downtown

00:20:00.140 off main street in Kanab, Utah. And people would submit names of families for that would, that would

00:20:09.240 have like a radio shack Christmas. And our family was, was, um, I don't know, was submitted and, and we

00:20:20.420 got a Christmas from this store with all these toys and stuff on Christmas morning. And, uh, so I was

00:20:28.800 like the handout, like we're like the handout family once. And, and I remember it was a couple of

00:20:34.100 things. It was like, we had these blankets that people made and then we got these toys and it was

00:20:38.580 just, I don't know, like it was the spirit of Christmas, right? Like this idea of all these

00:20:42.760 strangers that we didn't know that didn't say who it was. Um, you know, making sure that we had a

00:20:49.280 Christmas when I was little and it was special. That's awesome. Yeah. I love stuff like mine's,

00:20:54.500 mine's way more selfish than yours, Kip. You are, you are definitely the good guy on this podcast.

00:20:59.760 I'm like, yeah, I like this one thing. I still haven't gotten my best gift.

00:21:05.720 Yeah. To be determined. No, I'll tell you my best gift that I ever received. I can't remember what

00:21:11.600 year, but I got this gold 49ers starter jacket and a 49ers hat. And I was, when I was young, like

00:21:21.600 9, 10, 11, somewhere right in there, I was a huge 49ers fan and Jerry Rice and Joe Montana

00:21:30.260 were my heroes. My bike lock was always 49, 16, 16 is Joe Montana or 16, 80, 80 is Jerry Rice.

00:21:39.980 The, the code on the garage was always like 16, 80 pin numbers to his debit card for everything,

00:21:45.420 you know, at all. Um, but yeah, man, that gold jacket and the, uh, and the hat, phew, that was it

00:21:54.080 for me. That was so cool. Yeah. I had one of those starter jackets. It was a, it was a Kings,

00:22:00.780 the hockey team. Oh yeah. Yeah. So it was gangster. Yeah. It was funny.

00:22:03.940 All right. That. And I remember when I moved to small town, Southern Utah, it was starter jackets

00:22:11.560 and Jerbo, Jerbo or Jerbo jeans. Yeah. Never got a pair of those. Me did not bring myself to doing it.

00:22:18.560 Too expensive too. And guest jeans were popular too. Yeah. Oh man. Funny. All right. Danny Skolnick.

00:22:27.180 What is it? Uh, what is in your current contribution quadrant and what will it be? What will your

00:22:34.260 contribution quadrant be next quarter for both of you? Yeah. So my contribution quadrant,

00:22:40.340 if you guys don't know what that is, um, is to, um, be a man of value. And I know that's pretty

00:22:48.200 broadly determined, but my four last quarter was to finalize our divorce, not death course,

00:22:56.000 because that's going to be a valuable tool. Unfortunately, it's not going to be done in

00:22:59.860 time. So we don't always hit, hit our goals. So I had to reevaluate and think about what needs to

00:23:05.100 be included because I want to do it right. And so that will be part of, um, what I do, uh, what I do

00:23:11.820 moving into the next quarter. My contribution goal for next quarter is really trying to boost and

00:23:18.040 increase our social media following. And I have some very specific strategies. I've invested money with a

00:23:23.600 marketing firm to help because we need to get this mission to reclaim and restore masculinity out to

00:23:28.920 the masses. And I think the way that we did it 10 years ago, uh, was good at the time and a lot of

00:23:34.960 grassroots, but the way that social media is working now, if you really want to build a mission, a

00:23:42.820 movement, it requires capital different than it did 10 years ago. And so we're trying to figure out

00:23:47.900 strategies to take this thing to the next level. So that's my contribution as we roll into 2025.

00:23:54.020 Got it. Yeah. Mine was focused on, on really my own personal development around, around leadership.

00:24:00.500 And it was, it was dedication of, of so many, well, I should say so many hours, at least an hour a day,

00:24:07.600 uh, focus in that space. Um, and then really next, next quarter is, is to really, it sounds weird to

00:24:14.880 say this. I need to come up with a different phrase, but like really just button things up,

00:24:18.760 uh, around my responsibilities in my, in my day job. And so I'm dedicating kind of the, the term I'm

00:24:25.900 using is time around addressing the big rocks, right? The important, but not urgent items that,

00:24:32.760 that often get overlooked in the whirlwind of work. Um, and I really need to button up those strategic

00:24:38.320 areas. Uh, so it'll be really focused in the same area of just dedicating time to it each day.

00:24:43.420 Tip, I know you and I have had separate conversations about this. So I know a little

00:24:48.100 bit about what your, uh, objective and tactics are. Cause we have accountability to each other

00:24:52.580 in the iron council as well. Uh, button things up is, I know you said you probably shouldn't use that.

00:24:58.940 And I just want to be clear on that with other guys, buttoning things up is not a great objective

00:25:04.280 cause it's so loose. I'm not calling you out because I know that you have identified what those metrics

00:25:10.320 are and what would actually mean success. And that's the difference. A lot of people will say,

00:25:15.420 for example, I want to have a better relationship with my wife. I mean, that's good. That's great.

00:25:21.800 We all want that. I would think, but what exactly does that mean and how do you actually know? And so

00:25:28.320 you have to quantify it. I will say some of the hard to quantify, uh, objectives prove to be a

00:25:36.100 challenge because you don't know if you're getting better. So one thing that you can do is you can

00:25:41.740 take, you can create your own metrics. So for, and, and you can even make it a system or a game.

00:25:49.380 So for example, if it's to better connect with a spouse, what does that mean? Well, it could be

00:25:54.840 more intimacy. Like we're in the bedroom together more. Uh, it could be more time date nights.

00:26:00.320 That could be a metric. Uh, it could be more quality time. The amount of time that we spend

00:26:04.660 together. It could actually just be an overall sense of feeling of being connected and in love

00:26:09.380 with each other. I don't know what those metrics are for you. You can determine what they are and

00:26:13.700 then communicate that with your wife and say, Hey, let's rate each other on these things. 0.86

00:26:17.920 You know, in the bedroom, we're at a five right now. Let's bump that to a seven. What would that take?

00:26:22.140 Mid mid session. Just like, Hey, how are you rating this session right now?

00:26:26.180 What do you think? What do you think? Come on, give me some feedback here, babe. What are you thinking

00:26:29.580 right now? Do you like that? Is this a five? Like she's like, yeah, could you make it a seven 0.99

00:26:37.120 to eight, please? She's like, this is about a two going right now. What we're experiencing

00:26:42.120 right now is a two. You didn't step it up. I hope you understand guys. We're joking.

00:26:48.140 And so please don't do that. And if you do, don't tell her that you heard it here on this podcast.

00:26:53.560 Yeah. And if you do, then please share how that went because we all want to laugh about it.

00:26:58.380 I have been accused on a couple of occasions, I think two in particular of breaking up marriages.

00:27:04.180 So please don't throw me under the bus. But the point that I'm making is you guys communicate,

00:27:13.200 talk with each other. Do you need to communicate more? Do you need to go on more dates? Do you need

00:27:17.160 to have more sex? Do you need to, I don't know, whatever, figure out what it is, put it on a sliding 0.99

00:27:22.180 scale and then be open over a quarter about how it's improving and getting the feedback you need so

00:27:26.920 that you guys are both feeling loved and feeling connected if that's what your objective is?

00:27:32.900 Yeah. All right. Edward Cluck, any regrets about 2024? How and what will you do to turn that regret

00:27:43.480 into a positive lesson or experience moving forward into the next year?

00:27:48.160 I admittedly, I didn't take the opportunity to look at these questions ahead of time. I kind of wish I

00:27:55.520 would have on this question and I might think of something, but I can't think of a, I can't think

00:28:04.100 of a specific regret that I have. I think generally there are things that have come up where they

00:28:10.520 didn't turn out the way that I wanted, or I could have simple things, you know, maybe I could have

00:28:14.500 handled the conversation with my son better or a, or a disagreement with my girlfriend a little bit

00:28:20.760 with some more grace or class or made a different decision. But fortunately they all seem to be

00:28:28.360 pretty minor. One of the lessons that we can take away though is the, how large a problem is,

00:28:40.520 is really just based on your perception of it. Yeah. And I, I've been pretty good throughout life

00:28:48.600 of chalking up my failures, not dismissing them and throwing them away, but just that was a failure.

00:28:54.960 And what do I need to do better? What can I learn from it? How can I improve? And how can I drive on?

00:28:59.460 I don't know.

00:28:59.860 Moving on from it fairly well.

00:29:01.000 Moving on. Yeah.

00:29:01.900 Not moving on, moving up.

00:29:04.360 Moving on. I want to be better.

00:29:05.420 Yeah. And so I, I, that's one of the things that I don't know if that's nurture or nature or a

00:29:12.080 combination of both, but I've never really taken failure as catastrophic. It's, it's painful. I've

00:29:21.260 had a lot of dark moments and sad times and regrets in my life, but I've also learned a lot from those

00:29:29.700 things as well. So it's not, I'm not, I'm not here to tell you I don't have regrets. I do.

00:29:33.460 I just can't really think of anything that happened this last year where I thought, oh,

00:29:37.180 that was catastrophic. Knock on wood. I'm grateful for that.

00:29:40.960 Yeah. I don't have anything major either. Full disclosure though. I, I beat myself up

00:29:47.780 way too much. So like when I think, when I heard, when I first read this question, he regrets. I'm like,

00:29:55.260 how much time do we got, man? Like I could come up with a list of all the things I could have done

00:30:00.500 better. My workouts could have been better. I, I could have trained more. I could have got way

00:30:04.640 more done at work than I actually got done. Uh, my relationship could be like, and, and it's,

00:30:10.580 and I have to, and I've, I've been reading this book called the gap and the gain. And I was going

00:30:15.480 to actually talk to you about this. I actually think it's something we should cover in the future.

00:30:19.440 Yeah. I've heard of it. Um, but man, I, I really needed that book, uh, because am I improving?

00:30:27.440 And the answer is yes, but I rarely celebrate the gain and the gap is always there. And I'm always

00:30:38.720 seeing the gap as a negative thing against some ideal. And guess what? If I'm not careful,

00:30:44.960 I'm going to be miserable because I'll never meet it. Meanwhile, while I'm improving, I'll never

00:30:50.440 be celebrating the win. So that's an area I need to improve on Edward. I love the question around

00:30:58.080 turning around regret. And, and I, I really like want to call that out because we've had a lot of guys,

00:31:06.080 you know, talk to us probably personally questions on this podcast around moving beyond their past,

00:31:14.100 having a tough, you know, scenario that they dealt with probably through agency and choice

00:31:20.540 and trying to move beyond it and, and trying to reinvent or create themselves and, and, or dealing

00:31:29.520 with just the remorse and regret of what you've done. And, and the answer to that is the way you move

00:31:37.280 on is by becoming a better version of yourself. So good that you can't help, but be almost in a sick

00:31:46.680 way, grateful for the thing because it, you wouldn't be who you are today. If it wasn't for

00:31:53.380 those past choices. And, and that's how we move on from regret is by becoming a better version.

00:31:58.980 So I agree with everything that you're saying. I really just want to be careful of the terminology

00:32:06.980 that we use because a lot of guys will come and say, how do I move on? How do I move beyond?

00:32:12.360 Those are a couple of things you said. Another one of that often here is how do I get over

00:32:15.940 fill in the blank? Yeah. I don't think that's a productive way to look at it.

00:32:20.820 Why do you need to move on? Why do you need to get over something? Bad things happen to your point.

00:32:28.740 A lot of it is self-induced. Some of it is beyond your control, but we shouldn't get over it.

00:32:36.980 We shouldn't move beyond it. I know what you're saying when you say that, but I just want to make

00:32:41.560 sure guys don't forget the lessons. Yeah. Don't forget the hard times. Don't even sedate yourself

00:32:48.200 against those hard times. I've done that where you'll drink or drugs or whatever your vice of

00:32:53.500 choice is in order to disassociate from whatever you might be dealing with. I say we do a better

00:33:00.440 job embracing it. And when we do that, then we don't need to get over anything. It's a constant

00:33:05.500 reminder. Now, look, you know, I could talk about the divorce. Why should I get over it? Now I'm not

00:33:11.720 going to wallow in my own self-pity like I did probably initially for the rest of my life. I'm going to

00:33:16.280 move on. Yes. But it's just the way that I respond to it. I'm not so emotionally attached. I'm not so

00:33:24.080 connected. There's a lot of pain that was forgotten, but I also remember a lot of the lessons that I'm

00:33:30.480 hopefully am bringing into my relationship now and the way that I lead my kids. So learn the lessons,

00:33:37.060 but don't feel like you need to escape from anything. All of the stuff that's happened to you

00:33:41.240 in your life, even the horrible and the traumatic makes you who you are. And without that, a lot of

00:33:48.400 Carl Jung talks about it as shadow work. Without being aware of that shadow or that darker side of

00:33:54.840 you, you're not whole. You're walking around pretending that you're somebody you're not.

00:33:59.780 And then it comes out in very non-productive ways in your life and self-destructive.

00:34:05.040 Yeah. I've been a good example of this. I had a conversation with someone probably about a month or so

00:34:10.260 ago. And the language he used was, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. And, and at first it was, I'm exhausted

00:34:21.680 of everybody still holding onto my past. Right. And I'm like, and in my suggestion to him, which,

00:34:29.980 which luckily connected was, no, you're exhausted because you're not dealing in reality.

00:34:34.800 And the reality of it was, you're still, you're still making excuses for your past. Oh, well,

00:34:42.520 I did this because of blah, blah, blah. And it's like, dude, stop, stop making excuses.

00:34:48.180 Like you got to own it. And the reality of it is, is you're a dipshit. Got it. Right. I, I, I, 1.00

00:34:57.220 I made mistakes. Got it. But he was at the time he was constantly loading it with reasons. Oh yeah.

00:35:03.760 Yeah. Well, I, yeah. But I did that because of blah, blah, blah. It's like, dude, you're trying

00:35:07.020 to convince everybody that, that your past was something that it wasn't. There's power in

00:35:12.960 dealing in reality. And then that way you can then do something about it. Right. Yes. I was that.

00:35:19.520 And now this is what I'm doing moving forward.

00:35:23.760 So I, I brought up a couple of, I, I've got my phone cause, um, I w I wanted to pull up Facebook

00:35:29.340 on this real quick because I've done something over the past. I've always known to do this,

00:35:35.080 but I've been a little better at doing this over the past week or two on social media when people

00:35:39.160 call me out or call up my past. And so, you know, I'd made a post because I'm doing some stuff with

00:35:45.420 daily wire plus. And this guy writes, Ryan has no credibility with me. He's a hypocrite of the first

00:35:49.880 order. I love Jordan Peterson though. So it's easy to take things like that. Very per that is 0.99

00:35:57.600 personal. I mean, that's as personal as it can get. Yeah. So it's easy to take that to heart.

00:36:04.820 And you, I know you're a huge fan of the four agreements. Never take anything personally is

00:36:08.940 one of them. So in the past I might've lashed out or said you're an idiot or whatever. And I'll tell 1.00

00:36:14.020 you what was very liberating and freeing. Here's what I said. I definitely fell short and failed.

00:36:19.280 The only two options I have now are to wallow in it or pick myself up and do better. Only one man

00:36:25.560 never failed or faltered. It certainly wasn't you or me. Another, another comment I got.

00:36:32.420 I said this failing to lit. He's talking about how I failed to live up to our ideals and motto.

00:36:38.640 And I said, failing to live up to it doesn't mean I don't understand it. I definitely fell short,

00:36:43.900 but there's redemption and picking yourself up and doing better. Some people will never make room in

00:36:49.240 themselves for that. It's unfortunate, but too many people are too heavily invested in watching other

00:36:55.020 men stumble. Man, that is so liberating for me. I don't need to play gotcha with these guys.

00:37:04.000 I don't need to take it to heart. I don't need to lash out. I just, I don't even need to respond

00:37:10.040 quite frankly, but I'm doing that for me because it's helping me with the discipline of accepting

00:37:16.380 reality. There is truth in what both of those individuals said. Did they need to say it? No.

00:37:20.860 Should they have said it? I don't know. It's up for them to determine, but they did. And there's

00:37:25.800 power in me acknowledging what is true. Even if it's really uncomfortable to hear,

00:37:31.580 that's what gives you the fuel to move forward. Yeah. It's great, man.

00:37:37.820 John Pedrosa, what are some traditions that you and your family partake in for Christmas and New Year's?

00:37:44.940 This one, this is kind of like the Thanksgiving one. I do the same things everybody does. Like

00:37:50.440 we open a present the day before. The night before. Or the night before. Yeah, that's right.

00:37:55.660 You know, Christmas party. New traditions for us are probably going to happen. I told you this is

00:38:02.140 a Christmas without the kids. So there has to be something new because I'm not with the kids all

00:38:08.420 the time. So I'm just trying to think of what that might look like. I think one thing I'd like to do

00:38:13.620 is maybe every year or every other year, I guess, because that's when I have the kids, is do a,

00:38:19.720 I don't know, a little, a small vacation somewhere or, you know, take them. And I can't probably do

00:38:26.160 that every Christmas that I have them, but maybe Christmas or New Year's, you know, a two to three

00:38:30.300 day cabin one time, or I don't know. I'm kind of trying to think through that a little bit. Of course,

00:38:35.420 we read the story of Christ's birth the night before. We used to cut down the Christmas tree.

00:38:42.800 Admittedly, we don't do that anymore. I should, I should actually bring that one back because

00:38:46.760 that was a cool bonding time. But yeah, I think the same things as everybody else. Do you have

00:38:53.960 any unique ones? Yeah. I mean, we, we hop on the tracks and like go downtown and go ice skating

00:39:00.700 and go see the Christmas lights at the, at the temple downtown. Our, our Christmas Eve, we have a

00:39:09.080 Christmas Eve dinner and dinners followed up with a talent show. Oh yeah. That's kind of unique.

00:39:16.440 That's cool. All the kids are expected to do a talent. So, and it's just fun.

00:39:24.080 That's about it. I mean, usually around Christmas time, we'll do something that we call,

00:39:28.400 uh, we call snaked is what I call it. Snow naked in the snow. Yeah. Got it. Okay. And, and so I'll,

00:39:36.200 I'll tell my kids once the snow's deep enough, we're like, all right, snaked time. And everyone

00:39:42.100 gets in their underwear or shorts and we go out and do snow angels in the yard. Oh, that's funny.

00:39:47.600 That's cool. I like stuff like that. It's just this thing that they hate doing that like, it'll be

00:39:51.280 wild. You know what I mean? But they'll remember that when they're 30 and 40 years old, they'll be like,

00:39:56.960 remember dad had that stupid snaked thing. And we always had, we hated it, but we had to do it. 1.00

00:40:01.060 And they'll laugh and they'll smile about it. Yeah. Yeah. They do love like it's, it's always,

00:40:05.920 no one wants to do it, but every year it's always a memory, right? Of course. Yeah. A couple of

00:40:11.740 things that came to mind as you were saying that. So the Christmas party thing was big. Ugly sweater

00:40:16.180 parties were, were a big thing. White elephants, gag white elephants are always fun. Those are a couple 1.00

00:40:22.000 of things I really enjoyed. Uh, the other thing that I've done is Polar Express rides

00:40:26.880 are really cool. And there's one in just about every town, at least if it's, you know, somewhat

00:40:31.920 sizable where you can, I thought you were going to say that when you're talking about tracks.

00:40:35.100 Yeah. We've done the Heber, Heber Creeper, I think it is, they call it up here.

00:40:38.840 Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to come up with a better name. That's a bad name for it,

00:40:42.740 but whatever. Uh, is that Santa Claus? Is he the Heber Creeper? He's the Creeper, yeah.

00:40:49.620 What is that? Sneaking into little kids' bedrooms at night and giving them gifts,

00:40:54.340 whether they're naughty or nice. Yeah. You'll appreciate this. Koa asked me,

00:40:57.920 asked me the other night. He's like, so, uh, is he watching this all the time? I'm like, yeah. And

00:41:05.260 he's like, even when I'm changing? And I'm like, you're like, uh, except for that. Yeah. No,

00:41:14.160 not when you're changing your clothes. Freaky. I usually just say, what do you think? Is he

00:41:20.060 watching? What do you think? I don't think he is. I'm like, cool. Then that's all you need to think

00:41:23.580 about. All right. What's next? All right. Um, James Kong, what's your favorite achievement this

00:41:33.120 year? And what is something you wish you did in 2024? I should have brought this question up by the

00:41:37.800 other one, but maybe greatest achievement. Greatest achievement in 2024.

00:41:48.120 I don't know. I don't know. I, you know, I suffer from the same affliction that you do, Kip. 0.98

00:41:55.300 I have goals and then I do them and then I pick a new goal and I'm like, I don't know. I don't

00:42:00.640 remember what my goal was. You know, I, I will say this. A lot of this year was a rebuilding year

00:42:07.700 for me personally, professionally, relationships with my kids. Um, the woman I'm dating, we've been

00:42:13.680 together for over a year now. This was, this was a rebuilding year. I've learned a lot about myself.

00:42:19.760 Uh, I've learned a lot about what I like and what I don't like. Uh, I've learned how to be more gracious

00:42:25.160 with myself and my performance, not to excuse or let myself off the hook, but just to understand that

00:42:32.580 I'm human. Um, I've done a lot of healing this year. I've done a lot of reflecting and journaling.

00:42:38.620 I've had, frankly, I've had lonely days and nights, quite a, probably more of them this year than I

00:42:43.780 have in my entire life. And, but all in all, it was a really good year. And I feel like maybe for the

00:42:52.820 first time in a really long time, I feel like I have my feet under me. Yeah. It's not that I went and

00:42:59.680 ran this Spartan race or, and I'm not nothing against that, or that I did some great thing in

00:43:06.480 business or had this huge personal victory. I feel like my feet are under me. And at this point,

00:43:12.820 I feel like even I'm trying to, I'm even catching my stride again a little bit. And that feels really

00:43:18.620 good. And what's, what's great about what you shared, Ryan, and maybe I'm reading this wrong.

00:43:23.900 None of that had anything to do with a job financial scenario or anything else, but 100% mental.

00:43:35.000 Yeah, but yes, but ironically, maybe not ironically, but as a result of doing the mental work,

00:43:44.500 the physical realm responds. Yeah. So the way that your kids communicate you with you responds,

00:43:52.940 the way that your employer or clients perceive you is impacted. So it's not to say that I didn't

00:44:00.080 have those professional and personal victories. I did, but they were a result, the inevitable result

00:44:05.940 of doing the inner work. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Two things that come to mind. Like, I just felt like

00:44:12.800 this was a good year for me. Some guys know, like the executive role I'm in is new. It's been new for the,

00:44:20.820 the, the, the past year. And I'm like, you use this term, like kind of your stride. I feel like

00:44:28.240 I've reached my stride in this, right? Like I, I'm, I'm, I'm good at it. I'm killing it. And I feel

00:44:35.240 good about it. Right. And, and I, I can see where I fit and where I'm performing, not just within my

00:44:43.460 organization, but with my peers. And I feel really confident, um, about my role and how I've been

00:44:49.040 doing. And then the second thing is us probably finishing that house, um, off the water. Uh, it,

00:44:55.800 it, it's actually built and we can enjoy it. Right. And that was probably a big milestone for us this

00:45:02.040 year. Yeah. Yeah. Can I say one thing that I'm really proud of you about this year? Yeah. Is

00:45:08.400 launching your leadership development company in business. I, I, man, I thought the world of you

00:45:15.300 for a long time, Kip, and to see that come to fruition and see how you're sharing your message

00:45:19.940 and articulating your message and getting better at sharing it. Like when I watch you do that,

00:45:25.400 I'm very excited for you. So I, I don't know that you are, are not proud of that, but I am proud of

00:45:31.300 that in watching you do that. Yeah. I, I, I am actually proud of it. And I, it's, you know how it is.

00:45:37.100 I mean, we've had these conversations, like it's so hard. This would be a hundred percent harder if

00:45:42.840 I weren't talking with you. Right. It's always hard to hit record and talk to yourself right in a,

00:45:48.880 in a screen, you know, and, and to put yourself out there and, and you've, you've shared that story

00:45:55.480 of like your willingness to light yourself on fire and let people watch. And, and I've never actually

00:46:01.460 confirmed this with you, but what that means to me is that choosing to take on a higher purpose

00:46:09.380 than how you look. And, and that's really what I've had to really connect to is like, nah, you know,

00:46:16.200 whether I look good or my concern about looking good or avoidance of looking bad, isn't the point.

00:46:22.020 The point is, is that this subject or this topic is truly important to me. And I'm choosing to put

00:46:30.760 myself out there for something bigger than the acceptance of other individuals or the,

00:46:35.860 or the concern of looking good. Well, that's exactly right. I mean, how many, how many people

00:46:41.820 truly want to subject themselves to critique from strangers to anybody, not very many people. Yeah.

00:46:51.500 And the only people who do it successfully are the ones that care so much about whatever their

00:46:56.580 message or their craft or their trade is that they're willing to subject themselves to the critique

00:47:02.140 that inevitably will come, but they're doing it because to your point, there's something bigger

00:47:07.520 in it. There's something greater. There's a mission or a calling or a purpose that goes well

00:47:12.460 beyond their own, it could be safety, their own security, their own wellbeing in a lot of cases.

00:47:22.880 So I, the lighting yourself, I I've said the light, light yourself on fire and let other people

00:47:28.180 watch you burn. Like you are the light. You have to be, you have talents. Everybody who's listening

00:47:35.340 has a gift, has a story, has a lesson, has experiences, has skillsets. You're obligated

00:47:41.740 to use them. And you're obligated to make yourself the best light possible because somebody needs to

00:47:48.880 hear what you have to share. There will be somebody who listens to this podcast. Lots of

00:47:54.100 somebodies in fact, because of the levels that we've reached, that their life will drastically change

00:47:59.160 for the better because of the work you and I are doing and other people as well. Yeah. That is

00:48:04.400 powerful, man. Yeah. What's the alternative? Sit around and like, I don't know what punch numbers

00:48:09.700 on a keyboard and do something I'm, you know, miserable at and not enjoy the, the watching

00:48:17.480 this guy said, I can't remember his name. I wish I could remember his name. He sent me a message the

00:48:21.600 other day. This was probably maybe like two or three months ago. And he had this goal of fitting

00:48:28.580 into his military jacket that he wore before he retired. And he had it on and he had this white

00:48:33.740 shirt on underneath and he had his jacket on and literally it would not close. He just got too

00:48:40.660 big. Yeah. And he sent me a message a couple of weeks ago. He's like, Hey Ryan, I did it. That's

00:48:45.980 all he said. And he sent me a, hold on, going to get a little emotional on this one. He sent me a

00:48:53.920 before and after. Man, he looks sharp. He has a jacket on. It's fitted perfectly. The buttons

00:49:02.140 close. He even just looking at his demeanor, the way he's standing proud of his accomplishment.

00:49:09.260 We can't take all the credit for that, but he's part of this community and he's decided to do things

00:49:15.160 and we've given him tools to do it. You're willing to light yourself on fire when you see stuff like

00:49:22.060 that. Yeah. Yeah. Love it, man. Nathan's trouble. What tactics do you recommend to not be so self-conscious?

00:49:32.220 Self-conscious. I think it actually goes back to what we just said. Self-conscious is selfish.

00:49:45.300 I'm trying to think about this. I'm thinking in my mind here a little bit. It's okay to be

00:49:50.960 conscious of what you're doing and how you're showing up and how you're presenting and the way

00:49:56.420 you're living your life. That's okay. But when you put self in front of it, it almost turns into selfish

00:50:01.340 or excessive where you're worrying, oh, how do, what do people think of the way I look? What about,

00:50:07.840 what if they don't like this? What if I fail? What if they say mean or hurtful things? Now you're just

00:50:13.360 worried about you. But when I, so I got ready today and I went to the gym. I woke up on time. I worked

00:50:23.020 out hard with my training partner. I came home. I took a shower. I put on presentable clothes. I trimmed and

00:50:29.980 shaved and did my hair. I actually don't have to do any of that. I work at home. I'm alone. Like

00:50:35.860 nobody's here. I didn't have to go to the gym. I didn't have to shower. I don't have to put pants

00:50:42.020 on. I do have pants on. I don't have to do any of that. And I do it. Why? Because I want to look good?

00:50:47.880 Yes. But deeper than that, because I want to present well to you, to everybody who's listening

00:50:56.340 to this podcast. I'm not self-conscious to the point of like, what if? No, I do things because I want

00:51:02.580 to impact you. So I, I put a message out there. I invest in technology and equipment and things that

00:51:09.480 are important to move my purpose and mission forward. And if you're self-conscious, what's that,

00:51:14.720 that, what that's telling me is that your own security is more important than your mission

00:51:23.960 or the lack of mission that you have. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's using that analogy of lighting

00:51:31.080 yourself on fire or being a light on the hill. You can't have reach. You can't be the light on the hill

00:51:38.820 and not be seen. Yeah. It, it, it comes with the territory, right? And, and it goes back to that

00:51:47.780 previous question is we have to be willing to be courageous and say that the light shining is more

00:51:54.740 important than the possible or perceived judgments that we might receive.

00:52:00.660 You know, there's a huge misconception in this talking point because I already hear a lot of

00:52:09.800 guys listening to this podcast who will say like, oh, my reach isn't important. You know, my,

00:52:14.600 just the little things like, I don't want my ego to get in the way. And they're trying to present

00:52:19.060 this false sense of humility. And I think I understand where they're coming from. But if you're

00:52:24.660 telling me that reach isn't important, you're flat out wrong. Plain small. Take, take the greatest

00:52:31.800 example that we have in Jesus Christ. I remember I had Grant Cardone on the podcast years and years ago.

00:52:38.660 And he said something that was a little harsh, but I don't think he's wrong. He said, if Jesus Christ 0.80

00:52:46.220 was walking on this earth, he'd have a fleet of jets to help him spread the message.

00:52:50.640 And it was very brash. Yeah. Almost blasphemy. But also, no, that's actually probably true. Wouldn't

00:53:00.000 he? Doesn't he believe that his message is so important that he would use every bit of technology

00:53:06.640 at his disposal to share it? Of course, that's true. Of course it is. And so if you're like, oh,

00:53:12.960 my reach doesn't matter. My influence doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I have credibility.

00:53:16.320 You're wrong. It's why you're amassing it. Are you amassing it to prop yourself up or are you

00:53:24.040 amassing it and developing it and cultivating it so that you can serve others? That's the

00:53:27.920 difference. Is it about you or is it about other people? If it's about you, you're wrong. If it's

00:53:34.240 about others, absolutely. You should work to build up as much credibility, as much income,

00:53:40.880 as much influence that you possibly can so you can do good in the world. Yeah. And maybe like just a

00:53:48.040 little, I don't know, a thought for you, Nathan, as you are addressing this in your own life that I

00:53:54.460 find powerful is realizing that everybody is constantly operating from looking good and the

00:54:03.140 avoidance of looking bad and almost everything that they do. And in the grand scheme of things,

00:54:08.740 even the comment that someone leaves on social media about someone else is more likely rooted

00:54:16.040 in them looking good and not as much about the comment that itself. So just realize the human

00:54:24.000 condition that most people are so obsessed with themselves that they really don't care about

00:54:32.840 the way you look or how I look as much as we think. Yeah. And, and that's just powerful to realize.

00:54:41.060 I was, um, I got out of the gym this morning and I was walking to my truck and I park in the back row

00:54:46.360 because my truck doesn't turn real well. So like working in and navigating into small parking spaces

00:54:52.160 doesn't always go well. So I park in the back and I'm walking out to the back and I got done a little

00:54:57.580 late and all the morning people are leaving, getting ready for work. And so it's a little empty in the

00:55:01.860 parking lot. And I have my GMC three quarter ton silver pickup sitting in the stall. And right

00:55:10.420 next to me is this brand new lifted. I don't know dodges very well, but it's a, it's a rad truck.

00:55:18.820 Yeah. It's black. It's all blacked out. It's lifted. I'm like, dang, that truck looks pretty good.

00:55:24.280 And my truck is not a small truck, but it's dwarfed in comparison to this truck. And as I'm walking to my,

00:55:29.880 to my truck, another truck pulls in and it's a GMC and it's lifted. It's brand new. It's black.

00:55:38.160 It's the Denali HD. And he pulls in right next to me. And I'm like, this is awesome. I look at my

00:55:45.140 truck. I actually thought my truck was pretty cool until those two trucks pulled in next to me.

00:55:51.380 The comparison is the thief of joy. I was happy with my truck. Yeah. Two seconds later, I'm like,

00:55:57.180 hmm, do I need a new truck? Yeah. I might need a new truck. Maybe I should. And then I caught myself

00:56:04.000 and thought it doesn't matter what hit that guy and that guy's truck payment are worth probably more

00:56:08.640 than my mortgage payment. Yeah. And maybe, or maybe not, I don't know. And I don't care.

00:56:13.780 They don't get to enjoy the same vacations or financial privileges that I do. It doesn't really

00:56:18.260 matter if I'm right or wrong as no relevancy in my life or, or just the generic idea that there's

00:56:24.660 a price of all things. So guess what? Those trucks have a price and that price is a different price

00:56:30.020 than your truck. Yeah. Yeah. Always. So I, I felt inferior as I was walking up to what

00:56:37.220 relatively look like a small truck, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not a small truck.

00:56:42.900 It's a big truck. Yeah. It's, it's clean. It, it's older. Yeah. It's got some mileage on it,

00:56:49.460 but I take care of it. It could probably use, you know, a detailing, but other than that, like,

00:56:54.140 it's fine. I have other things I'm worried about. Don't let yourself get wrapped up in what

00:56:59.240 everybody around you is doing and think because they do it, you have to. I I'm glad you brought that up,

00:57:04.000 right? Because I mean, how often do, do we feel, or we think that people's like self-consciousness

00:57:10.240 have to do with the comparison to others? I mean, absolutely. Absolutely. Good, good call.

00:57:17.300 I mean, some of the, some of the most successful people in life that I know are the most unassuming.

00:57:25.540 You can look at it from a position of wealth. Some of the wealth, some of the wealthiest people,

00:57:32.040 Warren Buffett drives like an old Chevy pickup truck and looks like a complete slob.

00:57:37.500 He's one of the richest men in the world. Yeah. You know, if you look at another one, 0.93

00:57:41.620 we talked about this several weeks ago and I can't remember who it was, but there was that

00:57:45.420 boxer that got into an altercation at a game with another guy. Totally. And the guy was yapping

00:57:50.160 and barking at him and the box, the world champion boxer is laughing and just diffused and walked away.

00:57:55.940 Yeah. He would have destroyed him. Yeah. Some of the most, the best fighters, the toughest,

00:58:02.140 the strongest, you would never know it because they aren't wrapped up in the vanity because they're

00:58:07.600 focused on the mission. Yeah. Mission solves all of that. Yeah. I love it. Joe Hehera. Hehera.

00:58:17.580 Hopefully I got that right, Joe. Ryan and Kip. You did. Definitely did not. Definitely did not.

00:58:22.440 It sounded good to me. Ryan and Kip, I'm going to start dating in 2025. Being in a relationship is

00:58:29.740 part of my vision and I'm currently working on implementing goals and tactics in my battle plan

00:58:34.720 to accomplish being in a loving and healthy relationship. This is getting good. For some

00:58:39.920 background, I've been divorced since 2020. My ex-wife and I dated for five years and married for five

00:58:44.980 and I'm currently 37. I dated a bit in 2020, but ended up getting a master's program, put that on

00:58:52.520 hold. Do you mind sharing your approach to getting back to dating? Did you use any online apps, social

00:58:58.520 clubs, church, using friend network, et cetera? Any tips for dating in your thirties? Thanks for your

00:59:03.900 advice. I'll definitely address that first. I just want a word of caution on making that your objective

00:59:11.920 because a lot of that is out of your hands. Yeah. And what ends up potentially what could

00:59:19.960 happen here is you go on a few dates and you're like, Oh shit, this is my 90 day plan. I got to be 0.95

00:59:25.720 in a relationship. And then you start overlooking all of the red flags that you should have addressed,

00:59:31.680 but didn't because you made it part of your plan to be in a relationship. I'm going to tell you to pump

00:59:36.860 the brakes on that. Yeah. What I would rather see, I'm not saying don't date. I'll talk about

00:59:41.940 that in a second. I'd rather you see you learning to have a good, loving, healthy relationship with

00:59:48.800 yourself. Oh, and by the way, I'm dating. And if something works out based on me being in the dating

00:59:56.320 space, then I can do that. But if it doesn't, I'm okay with myself. I'd rather that be a goal. I

01:00:02.600 can't make your goals for you. I just think that's probably going to be more effective. And by the

01:00:08.120 way, if you're dating and you're doing it right, you are going to be in a relationship. It may not

01:00:13.040 be today. It may not be in the first quarter of 2025, but you will, you absolutely will let that

01:00:17.960 part develop, but just do the right things in the meantime. Would you agree with that? At least

01:00:22.200 that assessment? Absolutely. Well, and that goes for all of us, right? It's like, yes. And, and,

01:00:27.380 and to be, think of it this way too, Joe, just a quick thought, like what kind of pressure are you

01:00:32.600 putting on someone? Holy crap, man. Like that's exhausting, right? Like I already don't want to 0.99

01:00:37.380 date you, right? Because I'm like, oh, this, oh, well, this is my year. It's like, no, dude, just

01:00:43.980 be a stellar guy. Feel great about yourself. Feel great about how you're showing up in the world.

01:00:49.960 That's the by-product of, of you showing up powerfully for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. As far as

01:00:58.260 dating goes, that's a tactic. And that's great. You know, getting yourself in the, in the dating

01:01:02.900 pool and making yourself available and, you know, finding out what you like and what you don't like.

01:01:08.960 And, and that's good. You should definitely do that. So a couple of pointers I might give to you is

01:01:13.620 dating apps are great. I know a lot of people bash on them and bag on them. If you do it right,

01:01:18.760 and you're there for the right reasons and you're honest with people, I actually think they're a

01:01:22.760 really powerful way to meet women. It's also very non-threatening because if you're at the gym and

01:01:29.500 you see this attractive woman every day and you really want to ask her out or you really want to

01:01:34.500 get her number or strike up a conversation, there's a very real risk of rejection in that.

01:01:41.520 You don't know if she's married. You don't know if she doesn't want anything to do with you. 1.00

01:01:45.560 You, you, you know, nothing and you might still make your move, but you're going to face a lot of

01:01:52.580 rejection in doing that. And that's not wrong. I'm just saying it exists, but in the, in the,

01:01:57.460 on dating apps, that doesn't exist. That's why they're there. Yeah. A woman might as well, that 1.00

01:02:03.940 woman who's at the gym that you like, she might as well slap a post-it note on her head and say, 1.00

01:02:08.100 I'm available. Cause that's what dating apps are. And that's what you're doing too. You're slapping

01:02:13.720 the post-it note on your head saying I'm available. The amazing thing that I saw and

01:02:18.080 have heard about dating apps is that even though both parties said I'm available for a relationship,

01:02:24.020 you guys have to agree on what that might look like, whether it's just a one night stand type

01:02:28.360 thing or something deep and meaningful. It was interesting to me that guys still had a hard time

01:02:35.120 asking for dates. I don't understand that. She's there to meet men. She clicked on your profile.

01:02:43.920 You clicked on hers. Why aren't you asking her on a date? Men are so afraid, even when they know they

01:02:51.200 should do it. They're so afraid to do it. So dating apps are good. Make sure if you are going to be on a

01:02:56.980 dating app, you set up your profile correctly. You be respectful. You be honest. I would also say,

01:03:02.920 you know, maybe not edgy necessarily, but just like be firm, be bold, be assertive, put a good

01:03:09.200 picture up of yourself. Like don't like snap a selfie in the mirror. Like right when you got out

01:03:14.220 of the shower or whatever, like actually take a nice picture of yourself or you out in public,

01:03:20.220 but they actually look nice. That's a big one. Uh, and then here's the other thing. And this goes

01:03:25.520 back to what I was saying earlier. When you go out with women, especially on the first date, 0.89

01:03:31.300 no expectations. I want you to drop all of your expectations. I don't want you to think about

01:03:37.580 getting laid. I don't want you to think about having a girlfriend. I don't want you to think

01:03:41.800 about her being the next miss wonderful. The only expectation that you should have when you go on a

01:03:48.160 date with a woman is I'm going to go out with her and see if she's somebody I'd like to go on a second 1.00

01:03:53.680 date with. And then she can make that determination about me. But the, the, the quicker you do that,

01:04:00.380 it's ironic. It's weird because when you put all these weird expectations, you alluded to this

01:04:06.180 earlier on women, they are repulsed by it. And when you drop the expectations and you just go to have 1.00

01:04:13.300 a good time, they are attracted to it. Yeah. So take that to heart. Um, but yeah, outside of that,

01:04:20.600 yeah, definitely use friends, uh, approach women. I would even at the grocery store, even women you 0.75

01:04:26.240 aren't interested in, I would learn how to strike up conversations with women. Let's say you're trying 1.00

01:04:31.080 to pick a, I don't know, an onion out or an avocado and you see a woman next to you. Maybe you're not

01:04:36.740 attracted to her necessarily, but she's alone. See if you can strike up a conversation, ask her, Hey, I don't

01:04:42.380 know how to pick out avocados. How do you know which one's ripe? If you can do that in any environment,

01:04:50.500 your game, so to speak, will move up tenfold very, very quickly. Yeah.

01:04:58.100 All right. Last question, Joe Gunter. I am preparing to coach our church's young men's group,

01:05:04.660 uh, through their goal setting for 2025. In your opinion, what is the most urgent goal,

01:05:10.720 behavior or habit that young men should work on that would advance the movement of men?

01:05:20.700 Responsibility. I was just thinking about our motto, protect, provide, preside. Every bit of that has

01:05:28.260 responsibility in it. I think if more men across the planet understood that we have a sense of duty,

01:05:34.740 obligation, and responsibility to perform, we would do what was necessary to do it. And that's not to say

01:05:39.900 we'd do it perfect. I've always had a deep sense of responsibility in my life. I can thank probably

01:05:45.300 a little bit of nature and a lot of my mom for helping me out with that. Yeah. Uh, but you,

01:05:52.800 so I'm, I'm not saying even if you know how much responsibility and, and that you're meant to bear

01:05:59.720 as a man, that if you knew that you wouldn't fail, you, you still would fail. But I think you'd get on

01:06:07.240 your feet faster, you'd serve people more effectively. You, you definitely love more people. And in

01:06:13.760 return, you would build influence and you would have the love that you desire, whether it's platonic

01:06:19.220 or romantic, and you would have the clients and you would have the business. But all of that is a

01:06:23.940 direct result of the responsibility that you're willing to bear and your ability to make yourself

01:06:29.320 capable of dealing with it. You know, I put some weight on the bar this morning when I was at the gym

01:06:34.380 and it was the same weight I did last week. And so this week I decided to put five more pounds on

01:06:39.780 and I could do it. And I did it. I did all my reps with an additional five pounds. Three weeks ago,

01:06:46.420 I don't think I could have done that. I made myself more capable. It's the same thing at work. Make

01:06:52.940 yourself more capable of making more money, impacting more people, serving your mission better. Make

01:06:57.900 yourself physically stronger, mentally stronger. Make yourself capable of having conversations,

01:07:02.780 making yourself capable of, um, not allowing other people's opinion to spill over into yours or

01:07:10.360 allowing their behavior to influence yours in some way, like making yourself a sovereign man. But I

01:07:16.040 think at the root of it is being responsible for things, everything. Yeah. I love that. I had the

01:07:25.100 opportunity to do like, uh, it was six weeks for like a youth around, um, it was actually around

01:07:33.360 emotional resilience. And so it's a little bit on my mind of late, but you know, a thought for you to

01:07:39.760 Joe is like, as you look to coach these people, how critical, um, emotional resilience is and how

01:07:47.560 critical self-awareness is for them. Because otherwise everything's always, the problem's

01:07:54.540 always everywhere else until we are self-aware. Right. And, and we actually start learning to

01:08:01.500 mitigate and to understand the indicators on the back dashboard that are called emotions. And what

01:08:08.080 do we do with them? And how do we, how do we use them to our benefit towards a mission, um, of being

01:08:14.340 more capable and, and, and serving others? And so I can't help, but think through the importance of

01:08:20.580 those elements, um, especially with youth and especially probably the youth of our day. Um,

01:08:27.240 I think this is one of the key areas that they're probably struggling, struggling with the most,

01:08:31.640 in my opinion. Yeah. I think it's a good point. I wrote down a couple of things that tie into

01:08:36.780 resilience, adaptability and creativity. Yeah. Like I've seen grown men crumble at the

01:08:44.080 slightest little inconvenience. Yeah. You know that the 16 year old kid gets your mocha frappuccino

01:08:50.500 order wrong and you completely flip out and it ruins your day. It's like you got bigger problems to

01:08:58.940 worry about than that $6 sugar bomb you're trying to put into your gut. If that's, what's going to

01:09:03.940 get you razzled for the day. Totally. And in our society today is rampant with victim mindset

01:09:09.360 where the problem is always everywhere else. We've outsourced our emotional state, our happiness,

01:09:15.620 everything else is not up to us to decide. Um, and unfortunately it's bleeding on over to the youth,

01:09:22.380 I think. And, and it's, this is, this is why we constantly be looking for, you know, our rescuers

01:09:28.500 and the federal government needs to save us or mom and dad. And it's like, man, they don't,

01:09:32.780 they lack self-confidence, which is a result of having a victim mindset. Um, and in doing so they,

01:09:38.740 they need their rescuers. It's really sad. And a victim mindset is a direct result of lack of

01:09:45.900 responsibility. Yep. You're, you don't think you're responsible for your own life. You think

01:09:50.800 somebody else is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hope that helps. Let us know how it goes. Cause

01:09:55.780 obviously that's very in alignment with our mission here. So, and, and props, Joe, right? Props for

01:10:01.760 coaching youth at your church, man. That's awesome. So way to level up and, and, um, you know,

01:10:08.000 take on something like that. That's awesome. Well, and that's what, that's exactly what we're

01:10:11.700 trying to champion here. And the fact that you're not just listening to a podcast, but you're getting

01:10:15.440 out and you're impacting 40 young men. That's a big deal. Imagine a 40 guys impacted 40.

01:10:23.080 Awesome. 1600 people impacted just like that. It's pretty incredible. Absolutely. All right,

01:10:30.080 gentlemen, call to action really this week is enrolling the iron council. Uh, we're open for

01:10:35.520 enrollment until the end of this month. Um, in the past, you've let it bleed over a little bit past

01:10:41.280 the first of the year. Yeah. But I don't want to say that even though we probably will, because I

01:10:46.560 don't want you to wait, like get your ass in the game. You know, if you know, you're going to join 0.98

01:10:50.680 the iron council and you've been sitting on the fence about, Oh, should I, should I not maybe? Well,

01:10:54.460 what if they keep it open another week? No, just sign up right now. Just when the podcast is over,

01:10:59.840 go to order a man.com slash iron council, get registered. Don't think too much about it.

01:11:04.660 You know, you want to do it and it's going to serve you. And you know what? Here's the worst

01:11:08.720 case scenario. You jump in there and you see that everybody's an asshole and nobody's helping each 1.00

01:11:16.360 other and there's no resources. And then you message me and you say, Hey, right, this was, 0.99

01:11:19.840 this is dumb. I thought it was different than this. Can you give me my money back? And then I send you 0.95

01:11:24.200 an email and says, yeah, here you go. And it comes back into your account in three days.

01:11:28.120 That's the worst case scenario. I'll play those odds all day long. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

01:11:37.020 What's our cutoff date for ordering a swag from the store? We're there. I will do everything I can

01:11:43.900 to get it to you by Christmas. If you order it after today, I still will work diligently with my

01:11:49.300 children. Cause we are the ones, my little, my little elves were the ones who package up the presents

01:11:55.040 and try to get them to you. We will work diligently in getting those to you. I can't guarantee you at

01:12:00.080 this point. Yeah. Okay. Excellent, sir. Okay, guys. Appreciate it. Great questions today. Really

01:12:06.060 enjoyed the conversation. And that's in part because of you, you know, you guys listening,

01:12:10.100 you guys asking thoughtful, powerful questions that gives me fuel too. So we're all serving each other.

01:12:15.460 All right, guys, we'll be back Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you

01:12:19.140 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of

01:12:28.680 your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - December 18, 2024

Overcoming Regrets, Why Mission Solves Everything, and Why Young Men Need Responsibility ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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