Overcoming the Fear of Failure, Goal-Pivoting (When and Why), and Building On Previous Success ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode, I answer a question from Tim Phillips of the Iron Council. He asks the question, "Is there a point where you decide that your objective is not working and you adjust it? Or is this more something each man has to decide for himself?"
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
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I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here today.
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Glad you're tuning in. This one is your ask me anything. So I'm going to field some questions
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today specifically from our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. And by the way, if you're not
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part of the Iron Council, you should highly consider it. I know I'm a bit biased, so obviously you can
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take that with a grain of salt, but there's no better organization out there that brings men
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together in a constructive way that has the systems, the tools, the framework, the network,
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the accountability and camaraderie that you need to thrive. I've seen a lot of organizations out
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there. There's a lot of local organizations that are really good. Very few of them focus on men's
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issues specifically. And I've also seen a lot of online men's organizations, some better than others,
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but very few of them have the structures for accountability. Guys, we are wandering around
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aimlessly based on what other people are saying, based on what the media is shoving down our
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throats, based on what pop culture is telling you what it means to be a man. And we're all depressed,
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we're all miserable, we're all suffering, and we're not living how we could be living.
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If you tap into a system like the Iron Council that has all the tools and accountability built
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into it, you're going to see a lot more direction, a lot more purpose, and a lot more clarity in your
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life. And isn't that what you want? To be clear on what you want, and then to have a system that
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has proven to work, that is going to help you get stronger, help you make more money, help you in
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your relationships, your personal and professional relationships, help you build businesses,
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all the things that you want to do. So you can check it out at orderofman.com
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slash iron council. Now today, guys, we're talking specifically about an element of the
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Iron Council called battle planning. This is our tool for mapping out your next 90 days for success.
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Regardless of whether or not you're in the Iron Council, this one's going to be useful for you
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because we are fielding these questions. And let's just go ahead and get started. I'm going to go to
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Iron Council questions first, and then we'll go to our Facebook group. By the way,
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as I'm pulling this up, normally I'd have my co-host and good friend, Kip Sorensen here.
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He's gallivanting around the world with his family. I think they're in France right now. So
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good on them for doing that. And we'll excuse them because he's doing good things with his family.
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All right, let's get to Tim Phillips. He says, I don't know if this has already been discussed,
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but is there a point where you decide that your objective is not working and you adjust it?
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Or is this more something each man has to decide for himself?
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Well, I think the answer... Let me back up. Before I give the answer, let me tell you what an
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objective is. With the battle planning system that we use and have developed over almost eight years
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now, we have identified that having an objective in four key areas of your life is something that
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you can focus on for the next 90 days. Now, inevitably, things come up. Things happen. Life happens.
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External circumstances. Things within your control. Things beyond your control come up.
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So Tim is asking whether or not it's appropriate to adjust your objective.
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One problem I see with a lot of guys who are using the battle planning as a method for achieving
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their goals is they think just because it's planning for 90 days that they can't deviate for 90 days.
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100% you can deviate. If the plan is not working, I don't want you to wait until day 90
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to adjust. If you know after 30 days or 45 or 60 days or 70 days that it's not working,
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stop doing that. Adjust as quickly as you can. Again, there's so many different things that can
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happen in life. Bankruptcies, medical conditions, job losses, financial strains, relational issues,
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all sorts of things can come up. And you don't need permission to wait 90 days before you adjust
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your plan. Now, a word of caution. I don't think that you should just adjust your plan willy-nilly
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because things are hard or it's not working out the way that you would like it to because we do
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have to give it a chance. If you're trying to learn jujitsu, for example, since we talk about that a lot,
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and you go into the gym and you start training and think, well, I'm going to get my blue belt in 90
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days. Okay. You need to give it some time. It's not going to happen in 90 days. And if you start
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pivoting because you don't have your blue belt after 30 days, well, obviously you're never going
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to achieve your goals. So make sure that it's appropriate based on what the objective is.
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But yes, if your objective is not working or your tactics aren't working or your vision is no longer
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relevant for whatever reason, adjust it as quickly as you can, as quickly as you possibly can.
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So you can get back on path. And by the way, the way, you know, whether or not they're working
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is by utilizing the system. See, we too often men do things in their lives and they assume that it
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works or they saw somebody do something one time and they think, well, I'll just do that. And they
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assume it's going to work in their situation, but they have no method for tracking it in our battle
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planning tool, which I have right here in my hand. If you're on YouTube, you can see it.
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The first quote, the very first words in this planner, you can see right there on top is that
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which is measured improves. That's a quote by Carl Pearson, that which is measured improves.
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So if you're not measuring things and you're just willy nilly throwing spaghetti at the wall to see
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what sticks, you're not measuring anything. You don't know what's improving. You don't know what to
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improve. So track it using the system or a system you have. I don't care. And then you can actually
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know whether or not you're online or not. Alan Tran, he's from 4007. So he signed up for the
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Iron Council probably in the last week or so. And by the way, we're only available and open for the
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next three or four days, the end of this month, June. Just started reading Sovereignty. That's the
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first book I wrote. And maybe this is covered in the book. Can you share your thoughts on the mindset
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of building and following through on a first time battle plan? Yes, it is, Alan, in the book. And I
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think I may have addressed this question yesterday inside the Iron Council on the live that we did.
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But we can share it here. The mindset of building and following through on a first time battle plan
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is that you know it's not going to be exceptional. And that's okay. We have some guys that have been
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an Iron Council for six, seven, eight years. They're on their 30th potentially iteration of a battle
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plan. So there should be more sophisticated than somebody who has never done any sort of planning
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in their life. But don't allow that to be a deterrent. Sometimes that happens. You know,
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we don't have it perfect or we don't have it the way that that guy has it. And we think, well,
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if I can't do it to that degree, then I'm not going to do it at all. No. The mindset is get started.
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Be open-minded. Be receptive to a new way of doing it and see if a new way of doing it will
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produce a different result than you're currently experiencing. Alan, you're in the Iron Council.
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Tim, Adam, I see other guys in here, or Aiden, I should say. Brett, John, these guys who are asking
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questions. They're in the Iron Council for a reason. They're here because this works and or their
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current system isn't. So be open-minded and receptive. Know it doesn't have to be perfect.
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Even if it's simple, you can develop and build and articulate on it down the road and you should.
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And we can, we know we can because we're tracking it. Again, this is very important. You have to track
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it. You cannot set goals three months ago and never even see them or never have any system on a daily
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basis for tracking and then hope that you're going to accomplish it. It just doesn't work.
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So that's the mindset. This one comes, I would say Aiden, but I don't know for sure. It's spelled
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A-D-E-N. I've always seen it with an I. So it's either Aiden or Aiden, but I would guess Aiden.
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4007. So brand new member of the Iron Council. He says, is there a difference in doing the battle plan
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on the battle planning app and the official battle planning journal or random notebook having taken notes
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from sovereignty? And what are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Is there a more effective
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one? Well, the battle planning app is, is good for those of you who like apps on your phone,
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digital. I don't personally like that as much as having what I refer to as the analog version,
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right? This is the written version of the battle plan, which you can pick up at store.orderman.com,
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whether you're a member of the Iron Council or not. I've got this one. If you want to use a notepad,
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I always have a notepad handy. I've got a notepad right here and I can take notes on it throughout
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the day or write down things that I need to get done. I have field notes by my nightstand over
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there and in different parts of the house. So I like having a notepad handy and I like having the
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battle planner available. The advantage of having the analog version of the battle plan is that you
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actually have to sit down and write it out and do it. And for me, that works wonderfully.
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If you're just doing it on papers that you printed from the PDF version of the book,
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or you're using a notepad, I don't think it's a bad idea. I just don't think it's a system.
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It's a systematized process for it. It'll be more random. And I personally like tapping into a system
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and utilizing that system because it's created in the way that it is for a specific reason to produce
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a specific result. But that said, you can use that. Now, as far as the battle planning app,
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very similar to this version of the battle planner. The only difference is that, especially
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in the iron council, is that it synced to you as an individual, which syncs to your team.
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And in the iron council, we have teams that work together. These are 10 to 12 to 15 guys
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all working together. If you're in the battle planning app and you're in the iron council,
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it's going to sync with your team. So somebody is going to be able to pull that up and say,
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Hey, Aiden, you said you were going to work out every single day this week. And you were going
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to do these workouts at this time on this date. And I can see that of the past five or six days
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we've had, you've only done two or three workouts. What gives? I told you guys, we have accountability
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in the iron council. Some of you guys think, well, that'd be really good. That'd be helpful for me.
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Some of you guys are like, I don't want that. Regardless, we all need it. So that's why it's
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important to use the battle planning app. So your team members see it and it builds in the
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accountability. And by the way, you should be doing that for your team members too.
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If you see that John said he was going to read a book or write a certain amount of words every day
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to write his own book. And he doesn't list that in a battle planning app. And you see that as a good
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brother of the iron council, you should call him and say, Hey man, what's up? You said you were going
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to do 1200 words a day. You did it Monday. You did it Tuesday, but you didn't do it Wednesday.
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You didn't do it Thursday. You didn't do it Friday. So what's going on?
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And maybe he says, well, I'm on vacation. Okay. Well, what can you do to hit your goals even while
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you're on vacation? Or maybe he doesn't answer at all, which we've had happen. That's a little
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flag there. Hey, I should reach out to this guy and see if everything's okay. I mean, we've had
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members who have done wellness checks because people are struggling. We've had guys in the past
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who are suicidal that a brother reached out and talked them off the ledge. And this is a powerful
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network of people, but we have the tools in place to make sure we're doing it as effectively as
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possible. All right, let's go to Brett Huber. He's the XO. So the executive officer for Battle Team
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Everest. Brett, I appreciate you. He says, is it best for our objectives for each new quarter to build
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on progress made in the last quarter, or is it okay to bounce around so long as it is moving us towards
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our vision? I'm not going to say that it's better to do one over the other. And again, guys, I want
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to reiterate, this doesn't apply just to battle planning. This applies to life. Whether you use
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this battle planning system or that goal setting method or whatever it might be, these are good
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questions. So should you build on a previous goal or should you bounce around as long as it moves towards
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our vision? I'm really glad that you put the disclaimer of moving us towards a vision. It's
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very, very important that it moves you towards your vision. That's the first thing that we talk about in
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the battle planning system. You don't get to objectives. You don't get to tactics. You don't
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get to checkpoints until we know what direction you're heading. If you don't know where you're going,
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it doesn't really matter what you do. So we're not going to tell you what to do, or at least have you
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identify what you should do unless we have a heading. That's what we need first. There's our
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heading. There's the place we're going. Here's our incremental steps along the way. Here's what
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I have to do every single day to get there on a timely manner. And then here's my checkpoints along
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the way to ensure that I'm on the path and doing the right thing. That's the method. So first and
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foremost, it has to be moving you towards your vision. If you want to bounce around a bit, I think
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that makes sense if your circumstances change. If you go through a major life event, like you get married
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or get divorced. If you have a child, if you have a business that you start, if you lost your job,
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any number of things it could be, that's probably going to change some of your objectives. And
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therefore, I think it's appropriate to bounce around. But I also think it's appropriate to
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bounce around if you want to try something new and experiment with life. That's part of the reason
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that I only plan in 90-day segments. Some guys will try to pin me down to what's your plan for the next
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year? What's your plan for the next five years? Bro, I don't even know what I'm going to have for
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dinner tonight in two to three hours, let alone what I'm going to be doing in a year. I have a
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direction. I have a vision for myself. I have a place I would like to go. I have a way that I would
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like to show up as a man, but I'm agile. I'm mobile. I can move around. I can adjust. I can pivot
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based on the current circumstances and based on the vision, the heading that I want to go.
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So if building on something from the previous month works for you, and maybe you're at a level
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one or two with whatever that activity is. For example, maybe you have a goal in the next year
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to do a bodybuilding competition. Okay. Well, this quarter, you may want to lose 30 pounds and that's
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your objective. Next quarter, you really want to lock in the nutritional side of it so that you can
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start to get lean, cut and shredded. The next quarter, maybe it's muscle mass. The next quarter,
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I don't know. I'm just throwing this out here. So that's building upon what you're doing,
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but there's other instances where you may bounce around. So I can't give you a direct answer.
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All I can say is whatever's appropriate based on your vision and based on external circumstances.
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Okay. John Davies been with us for a very long time. He's the battle team leader for team Arte.
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He says, what does your battle plan look like for Q3? So guys, we do battle planning in four key areas.
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So the first area that we do battle planning in is calibration and calibration is getting right with
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your mind, with your body, not your body. That's a different quadrant, your mind, your mental,
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your emotional health. So for me, I've got some big goals with regards to my emotional health. And
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part of that is a journaling process that I'm building, that I'm developing. I've done a lot of
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journaling and I've got so many questions about how to journal. So my goal this quarter is to build
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out a plan. That's going to, that's going to be a framework for you guys to be able to use and tap
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into for your own journaling. Cause I get so many questions about how to journal and what to write
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about and what to talk about and what that system looks like. Now that's a calibration objective,
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meaning that gets me right mentally, emotionally, spiritually. But in this case, I'm building
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something out, which is a business venture as well. But in the process of building it out,
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I'm going to have to do a lot of experimentation to get myself right as well. The next is my
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connection quadrant. So that's the relationships I have with other people. I'm based on life events.
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A lot of, you know, that I went through a divorce in the past year. And so my goal is to connect fully
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with my kids to spend a lot of time with my kids. So I've got a lot of things planned. We just got
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back from a hunt in Hawaii. My oldest son and I, I'm going to Africa here in the next two to three
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weeks with my two oldest boys. And I'm in the process of identifying some things that I can
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specifically do with my younger ones as well. So it's connecting, but really what that means is
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spending quality time with them and having some conversations about our own transitions in life
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that are, that are hard, that are challenging, um, where, where they're having a hard time,
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or I am to be able to work together, to be able to connect with them on a deep level and to be there
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for each other. The third is my condition quadrant. So for me, it's locking in my weight and specifically
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my body fat percentage. So that's my key focus. And that is primarily going to be done this quarter
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through daily eating, correctly, correct, eating, uh, food preparation during the week,
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and also tracking my calories and my macros. That's going to be really important. So I've got
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those tactics and that'll help me get to where I want to be. And by the way, your tactics should
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inevitably produce the result that you're after. And that's why we work backwards. And then the fourth
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quadrant is our contribution quadrant. So this is becoming a man of value. This is giving back to the
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community or maybe getting your finances, right. Uh, or starting a business or creating a new project
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or finishing a new task or assignment, uh, with work. That's what the contribution quadrant is all
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about. So for me, I've got two new programs inside the iron council that I want to develop. And the big
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one that I want to do is start bringing courses into the iron council. So these are outside individuals
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who are putting content together. Johnny Loretty, my fitness trainer, uh, Keith Yaki on improving a
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marriage, which is something that I could have used in the, in the last year. So I want to make sure
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that resource is available. And then Cynthia Sam, who's an expert on overcoming pornography addiction
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is putting a course together as well. So bringing these courses online, they're going to be free to
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iron council members. They're going to be a small fee just because of the cost of it for people who are
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not in the iron council. And my goal is to get those online and up and running. So I appreciate
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you asking John next one. This one comes from Ryan, excuse me, Robert Frags. He says, while having a
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full-time career, how can I incorporate for the first time ever a side hustle that I'm going all in
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on into my battle plan? And his secondary question is, how did you start with the order of man while
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having your financial business? So Robert is correct. Um, I started order of man when I was
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doing the financial planning practice. And what I would do personally is I would work for two hours
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in the morning and then I would get the kids up and get them ready and say goodbye to my, my ex-wife.
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And then, then I would go into my business. And then if I had breaks during the business, I would do
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some things with order of man, whether that was a podcast, uh, or getting the site up and running.
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And then I would come home. I'd spend some time with my family. We'd have dinner together as a
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family. Uh, we'd put the kids down and I'd spend another one to two hours in the evenings doing the
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same thing, getting the website up and running, making course available, setting up t-shirts and
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hats, getting online merchandise and merchant software available. So we could collect payments.
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Like these are the things I was doing and that's hard. It's exhausting, but it's what's required.
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You'll hear a lot, burn the boats, burn everything into the ground, just go all in.
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And while I appreciate the, the zest and the zeal for doing that, I don't know if that's a prudent
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decision, especially if you have a family to take care of. So I didn't do that personally. So I don't
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want to recommend that you do because I don't, that's not what I did. And it didn't work for me
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that way. So I busted my ass and I burned the candle at both ends for months, even a year before I
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finally took order a man full-time. So that's what I did, Robert. And that's what I suggest you do
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two hours in the morning, do your personal stuff, then do your work, do your personal stuff. And then
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another one to two hours in the evening. It sounds like a lot, but if you want to make it work, that's
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what you would do. Michael, uh, Cara Malagos, Cara Malagos, I think is how you pronounce that
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feeling a little bit like Kip with a mispronunciation of, of names today. By the way, we'd like to give Kip a hard
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time. He does pretty good, but we do like to give him a hard time, but he's also missed. He says he's
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new to the iron council and excited to join the brotherhood. Any advice will be well-received.
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Well, I, you know, here's one thing I'm really good at. I'm really good at creating systems and
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processes. And, uh, sometimes people will ask like, Oh, what other advice do you have? I don't. I made a
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process and a system for the advice. So what I would suggest, Michael, in your instance, in your case
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is number one, join the start here segment, because that's going to walk you through what
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you need to do in the next 24 to 48 hours to get up to speed as quickly as possible.
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From there, I want you to keep an open mind and join the forge. The forge is where you're going to
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spend your first 30 to 60 days, getting familiar with the tools and the resources that we have
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available, the wording and the verbiage that we use, how to join a battle team, how to do a first time
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battle plan. You actually will be doing that reading together, working together, because in 30 days,
00:21:56.340
you're going to be eligible to join a team. So you guys can see, I don't do anything just kind
00:22:03.120
of haphazardly that isn't in my nature. And that's why I'm trying to be humble when I say this, but this
00:22:08.800
is why I've been able to create success in my life and where I failed and I have failed miserably in some
00:22:16.080
areas of my life. I want to be very clear and honest about that. When I have failed, it's because I'm not
00:22:21.880
doing what I know I should be doing. It's not utilizing the systems that I create. And yes,
00:22:28.560
I slip and fall and deviate from those things. I wish I didn't because it impacts me and you and
00:22:33.900
my ex-wife and my children and other people negatively. So I wish that wasn't the case,
00:22:40.200
but it is the case. But what I'm excited about is that I do have a system to get back on track
00:22:44.960
when I fall behind. So my advice is use the system. I know you wanted something more than that,
00:22:50.640
but the system's there. The tools are there. The resources are there. Dive headfirst into all of
00:22:55.480
that and you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Josh Savage says, can nutrition alone be an objective
00:23:02.840
for the condition quadrant? And Robert here says, and I like this question. He says, is it better?
00:23:09.000
It is better to ask, would this objective move the needle to achieving something in your vision?
00:23:15.260
That's exactly right. Robert's right there. So again, Josh says, can nutrition alone be an
00:23:19.520
objective for a condition quadrant? Technically the answer is yes. And I'll explain that in a minute,
00:23:24.780
but the better question is, would dialing in your nutrition move you towards the vision of the type
00:23:31.140
of man that you want to show up professionally and personally? If the answer is yes, it would move me
00:23:36.220
towards that vision. Then the answer is yes, you should focus on nutrition as one of your objectives
00:23:42.440
for the next 90 days. So now that being said, I have to ask when you say, can nutrition alone be an
00:23:49.620
objective? If I just said nutrition, because that's what you're saying here. So if I just extracted that
00:23:54.980
word and I just said nutrition, that's not an objective. What does that mean? Nutrition. It's just a
00:24:01.800
word. It doesn't, it doesn't mean anything. Now you might have some meaning for it. And if you do,
00:24:06.540
I commend you, but I don't know what it is based on your question. This is what people do. They're so
00:24:11.520
broad and they're so general with their planning that they don't really ever achieve measurable results
00:24:18.140
or they cannot do it consistently or they cannot get back on track if they screw up. So what do you
00:24:26.060
mean about nutrition? Do you mean the amount of calories? Do you mean the type of food? Do you
00:24:31.140
mean food intake? Do you mean intermittent fasting? And when you eat, do you mean cutting out certain
00:24:35.080
things because you're eating too much processed sugar? Like there's a lot that can go into nutrition
00:24:39.160
and nutrition alone. Let's just say, I want to dial in my nutrition. Okay. Again, what does that mean
00:24:46.100
and why do you want to dial in your nutrition because you're doing a bodybuilding competition?
00:24:51.560
Cause that would be different than dialing in your nutrition because you're going to go run a Spartan
00:24:55.000
race. So we need to know what you're doing. So a better objective, just to use it as an example here
00:25:01.060
is in the next 90 days, I want to complete a Spartan beast in under three hours. I'm just throwing out
00:25:08.520
an arbitrary number. Well, I don't know if that's appropriate or not. I don't know. I've done a couple
00:25:13.560
beasts and I can't remember. It seems like it took me three and a half to four hours, but that could
00:25:18.220
just be me. I don't know. That's a better objective. And then dialing in nutrition. So for
00:25:24.420
example, counting your food, your macros might be a tactic that you can do every single day that will
00:25:33.560
move you towards a Spartan race. Now, some of you might say, well, Ryan, he got, he should probably run
00:25:38.360
too. Yes. And so maybe running is also a tactic or maybe it's not, you know, we've got a guy in
00:25:45.260
iron council, Logan, he lives here in Southern Utah. And I went and ran a Ragnar with him.
00:25:49.300
That guy should never have running as an objective on his battle plan because he runs every single day.
00:25:56.820
Like it's not hard for him. It would be for him. It would be like putting brush my teeth as a strategy
00:26:02.520
for personal hygiene. Uh, so I can look better and get more dates. Like it just doesn't make sense to put
00:26:08.300
brush your teeth as an objective to your battle plan because you're already doing it. It's not
00:26:13.220
significant. And it's the same thing with Logan. If he puts running on his battle plan, I'm going to
00:26:17.980
smack him because he's already doing that. It needs to be something different that he's trying to push
00:26:23.840
himself outside of his current comfort zone. So Josh, maybe for you dialing in your nutrition is an
00:26:30.200
important component of that. But again, what is it leading you to? Is it a Spartan race? Is it a
00:26:34.360
bodybuilding competition? Is it just looking good naked in the mirror, having your wife
00:26:37.940
compliments you, which is not wrong by the way, but what exactly is it? And then specifically with
00:26:44.120
regards to nutrition, what do you mean? Cut out processed sugars, implement a new fasting or a
00:26:49.600
new diet, um, you know, carnivore diet or keto diet. Is it cutting out processed sugars? Is it only
00:26:55.620
eating within a certain window or a certain amount of time? I don't know, but you got to get specific
00:26:59.800
with that. Okay. Lots of good questions guys. Now I am flying through these a little bit because I do
00:27:05.420
have a meeting this afternoon, very important meeting that I'm excited to tell you guys about
00:27:09.780
here very soon. Uh, but I wanted to make sure I got this to you and I get it to our podcast editor.
00:27:15.980
So he has time to clean it up and make it sound real nice for you guys. Let's go over to Facebook.
00:27:21.420
This is our group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. The first question comes from Brian
00:27:28.280
cents. He says this, Hey Ryan, I think the biggest thing for me is getting over a fear of failure.
00:27:36.120
Recently, I've been afraid to make certain decisions because I'm too attached to the outcome.
00:27:41.320
While I have not made catastrophically bad decisions. I feel like I have made some less
00:27:46.700
than optimal ones. Welcome to the club on that one, Brian. And I've made bad decisions. So regardless,
00:27:53.180
he also says, and those mistakes have set me pretty far back, but I know that I have to keep moving
00:27:59.620
forward. So my question is how do we reconcile with our fear of failure? This fear that another
00:28:06.500
mistake will leave me tumbling in a pit. Well, I think the first thing is acknowledging that fear is
00:28:12.800
real. Too many people hide it and pretend it doesn't exist. It does. I mean, we're all afraid of
00:28:20.380
things at times. And if we don't address that fear and recognize that we really are concerned with
00:28:27.680
aspects of life, then we're not giving a face to that enemy. And I think fear is an enemy.
00:28:34.500
It can be used to shore up some areas of your life, but ultimately that fear is attempting to suppress
00:28:43.660
your path forward. It's a lot like Steven Pressfield's, the art of war, excuse me, the war of
00:28:53.460
art. I always get those two backwards. The war of art. He talks about the resistance. Fear is a mechanism
00:28:58.600
of resistance and it will keep you from driving forward. So acknowledge the fear. Another thing
00:29:04.540
that you can do is you can play out worst case scenarios. And that's actually a healthy practice.
00:29:08.620
If I do this, then if I start my business, then that will take away from time at my nine to five
00:29:16.880
job. If I step out on my wife, then she will not want to be married anymore. If I engage in pornography
00:29:27.220
or this behavior or addiction or whatever it could be, then here is the result of that.
00:29:33.320
I'm giving you negative examples, but there could be other things that aren't negative, like
00:29:38.000
starting a business or going to run a Spartan race. So if I train for a Spartan race, I will have
00:29:44.760
less time with my family. That would be an important consideration. You'd probably want to know that
00:29:51.220
so that you can talk to them about what it's going to take for your training in order to successfully
00:29:55.480
complete that Spartan race. So we want to visualize and map out what could happen. Even if things go
00:30:02.180
wrong, what could potentially go happen or happen. But another thing that I think we need to
00:30:07.040
acknowledge is that not as everything is as catastrophic as we make it out to be. In fact,
00:30:11.040
most things aren't. You're not performing brain surgery. I don't think you're not building a rocket
00:30:17.640
to go to the moon or a submarine to go see the Titanic. Like there's catastrophically severe,
00:30:25.660
dire consequences if things fail in those environments, but that's probably not what you're doing.
00:30:31.740
Now you could be starting a business and lose your $20,000 startup cost. Is that catastrophic?
00:30:39.100
I don't know your financial situation, but I would say to me, that's a trade that I'd be willing to
00:30:44.600
make personally. Can't make that decision for you, but I would make that trade because that 20,000
00:30:49.720
might turn into 200,000 or 2 million and it might impact thousands or tens or hundreds of thousands of
00:30:56.540
people's lives. So I'm okay with that decision. So I think the best thing that you can do with
00:31:03.680
regards to your fear of failure is acknowledge that you have fear, acknowledge that there are
00:31:09.520
some consequences to what you might be doing and also play it out and then realize it's not as
00:31:18.560
catastrophic as maybe you're making it out to be. Another thing with regards to failing is I'm trying
00:31:28.180
to pull up that question because I want to make sure I get this answered correctly for you. Another
00:31:32.600
thing with regards to failing is just giving yourself permission to fail. It's okay. It's okay
00:31:40.760
that you fail. It's okay that you fall back. It's okay that things don't always work out the way that
00:31:44.540
you want them to. Yes, it impacts you. Yes, it impacts other people. Some are some more severe
00:31:49.760
than others, but it is okay to fail and learning from your failures is a good part of life. It's a
00:31:55.040
good way to learn. It's a good way to improve and get better. Elijah Henry says, what do I do with the
00:32:00.560
days between your four 90-day battle plans each year? There aren't many days. I mean, there might be a few
00:32:07.080
days here and there. I guess if you look at the amount of days in the calendar versus
00:32:13.700
four 90-day cycles, 360, 365, so there's five additional days, I don't do anything different. I just
00:32:21.400
tack them on to the end of my battle plan. So, one time it might be 92 days. The other might be 91.
00:32:27.900
I don't know if that's the question you're asking. If you're asking, what do I do after I make the
00:32:31.700
plan? Well, then I execute, but I'm going to execute the plan. And so, maybe you can be a little
00:32:35.940
bit more specific. What do I do with the days between your four 90-day battle plans each year? Another way
00:32:40.720
you can use those little crossover days that don't fit into 90 days is you can still do your battle
00:32:45.380
plan, your previous battle plan, or even your new. You can start it a couple days early, but you can
00:32:49.720
use that time to develop and build and test your new battle plan for the next quarter. So, that's
00:32:56.220
how I'd answer that one. A couple more here, guys. This one comes from Cody Reese. He says, do you have
00:33:02.180
any tips on how to set up multiple goals at once? I find myself going 110% on one goal at a time
00:33:08.280
than beat myself up for not moving forward with my other goals. Man, I wish I had a whiteboard for
00:33:12.840
you, but I want you guys to consider the concept of work-life balance because this is something that
00:33:18.420
we hear a lot about. How do you balance between work and life? And what most men are asking when
00:33:23.840
they ask that question is, what is the perfect ratio for time spent and invested at home versus
00:33:31.280
time spent and invested professionally? That's what most men are asking, I think.
00:33:36.000
And the answer is, I don't know because I don't know your situation. And I also don't know what's
00:33:43.000
going to happen today. You woke up today, you rolled out of bed, your alarm went off, you got out of bed,
00:33:46.980
whether you hit snooze or not, you got out of bed and you went into work or you went on to do
00:33:51.580
something. Maybe it was vacation or whatever, but something about your day changed. Maybe for the
00:33:56.300
better, maybe for the worse, maybe it's neutral, but something about your day did not go according to
00:34:01.500
plan. I can 100% guarantee that's what happened. It did for me. You might hear or notice that I've
00:34:08.200
got a new microphone. Well, I've got this one right here. You guys can see if you're watching
00:34:12.780
the video, this is the normal microphone I use. It's a high quality microphone I use for the podcast
00:34:16.880
and they invested heavily into this. It's not working correctly. So I had to run into Best Buy and
00:34:22.120
buy this, which is an inferior microphone, but I had to make do with what I had because I have to
00:34:27.340
record these podcasts. I had a good conversation with my guests for the next couple of weeks,
00:34:31.840
Remy Adeleke. You guys can hear that in a couple of weeks. I had this podcast to do. I have other
00:34:36.480
conversations I need to have. So I had to go buy this microphone. I didn't expect that to happen.
00:34:43.240
The reason I bring this up is because if you knew 100% of the time, what was going to happen
00:34:48.160
throughout your day, then you could create that perfect ratio. You could say today, I'm going to spend
00:34:53.420
60% of my time invested in my family and home and 40% of my time invested in my business clients
00:35:00.000
and employees or employer. And you can figure that out, but we don't know. So I did a podcast
00:35:07.160
several months ago called Balance is a Verb. And what I mean by that is that you're constantly
00:35:11.560
balancing and moving. So the analogy I use is a surfboard. If you get into the Pacific or Atlantic
00:35:17.640
Ocean and you decide to catch a wave, you catch that wave, you're paddling hard, you're paddling,
00:35:23.700
paddling, paddling. Hopefully you get on top of it and hopefully you're going to be able to pop up
00:35:26.940
onto your knees and then up onto your feet, right? Then you get up onto your feet and you're reading
00:35:33.340
the wave. So the first time you ever get up on your feet, you probably just go straight and just
00:35:37.440
kind of wobbly hop along, hoping that you ride the wave as long as you can. But after a thousand times
00:35:43.360
of doing it, you're cutting left, you're cutting right, you're breaking. Maybe you're even trying
00:35:47.560
some tricks and cutbacks. I don't even know what they're called because I don't surf, but you get
00:35:50.820
the analogy. You're on a longboard, you're moving forward, you're moving back, you're literally walking
00:35:55.460
on the board, you're doing things, you're dynamic. Balance is dynamic. On a wave, it's constant
00:36:01.360
adjusting to thousands of little factors and little feedback and variability in the wave.
00:36:06.540
It's forward leaning, it's backwards leaning, it's back, it's front, it's left, it's right.
00:36:10.320
Same thing with life. If I'm here doing this podcast and I get a knock at the door or I get a
00:36:17.580
call and somebody calls me three times in a row, that's probably in an emergency. So I'm going to
00:36:22.160
stop podcasting. I'm going to get on the phone and maybe it's because my daughter broke her leg.
00:36:28.500
My situation just changed. So now it goes from investing so much time into the business to
00:36:34.160
investing more time into my daughter in this case. And that's what I'm saying. We have to be able to
00:36:38.780
read the environment, read what your people need, read what your goals are, read what fires might
00:36:43.800
come up. You can actually get ahead of those preemptively. So you don't have to worry about
00:36:47.060
adjusting. But if we wrap our heads around the idea of balance being a verb, meaning it's active.
00:36:52.940
So a verb would be like jumping. Nobody thinks you just stand there and you just jump. No, you load your
00:36:59.640
body, you load your legs, you squat down, you start to explode, you start to extend, you come up in
00:37:05.300
the air, you drop down, you land and you don't land stiff legged. You bend your knees and you catch
00:37:10.000
yourself. Jumping is dynamic. Balancing is also dynamic. It's not a static thing. I hope that
00:37:16.660
analogy helps. David Osburnson. I recently visited my parents with my kids. My dad has been suffering
00:37:25.100
with Parkinson's for the past four years. Sorry to hear that brother. That's hard. And he's really
00:37:29.860
going downhill. He just turned 80 years old. My question is, why is it hard to see your dad who
00:37:35.880
was once strong, a strong, able-bodied man, all of a sudden is just skin and bones?
00:37:43.280
Well, David, first, I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my father several years ago, about five years ago.
00:37:49.600
Now he, he was younger. He was in his sixties and I missed, unfortunately I missed his death,
00:37:57.460
his last breath, I should say by about 30 minutes. And I walked into the hospital and into his room
00:38:07.060
and all that was there was this lifeless body of my dad. And it was hard to see him in that state
00:38:13.340
because I'd put him on this pedestal. I'd, I'd, I'd seen him do things and he wasn't always the
00:38:17.280
greatest father. Neither am I, by the way, he wasn't always the greatest father, but there were
00:38:21.680
redeeming qualities about my dad that I really loved. You know, I was, I really loved my dad.
00:38:27.460
And there was things about it that, that were hard for me to wrestle with because when we are
00:38:32.340
boys, we look up to our father so much, literally and figuratively. I mean, we're looking up to
00:38:38.720
connect with them. We see what they do and we think it's heroic. It might not be, but we think
00:38:44.540
it is as young boys. And we see this able-bodied man, like you said, who is strong and who would
00:38:49.860
carry us and would lift things and work on cars and fix the house and love our mothers. And like,
00:38:56.100
this is what we saw. And typically we have romanticized versions of life, right? Think
00:39:02.740
about, think about an experience that you had, that you really, really enjoy. Like you look back
00:39:09.520
on it fondly. So one I have is a couple of weeks ago, my oldest son and I were in Hawaii
00:39:14.300
and we shot this goat and it was a really hard situation. The goat had fallen 300 feet. We had
00:39:22.060
to go down this cliff to get this dang goat, cut him up, hike him back out. It was hot. It was
00:39:27.080
miserable. We almost got the car stuck. Like it was just, it was a disaster by, by all accounts.
00:39:33.320
And yet I'm like, Oh, that was so fun. That was so fun. Was it though?
00:39:40.400
Like, was it fun? I remember it being fun, but then if I'm objectively looking at it,
00:39:46.300
I'm kind of thinking, no, it wasn't fun. We had to descend down this cliff. I had to do it two or
00:39:53.040
three times because I couldn't find the dang thing. And I didn't want to leave it down there. Cause
00:39:56.040
that's something I wouldn't do. Descended this cliff a couple of times. You know, I was hot. I was
00:40:02.660
tired. We ran out of water, but to break this thing out in the heat, it was 11 or 12 in the,
00:40:07.060
in the afternoon or late morning. And then we had to hike it out with this extra weight that we were
00:40:12.100
carrying around. Like it was not fun if, if I actually go through the details, but I remember
00:40:18.160
it fondly. And I think that's what we do with our loved ones who have to see who have passed away
00:40:23.480
or, or in your case, are dealing with this. We look at things fondly and we forget some of the
00:40:30.300
hard times, or we forget some of the humanity of people, which isn't always good. And sometimes
00:40:34.320
it's really ugly. And I'm not saying that you need to look poorly upon your father, but just
00:40:40.600
realizing, I think that our fathers are human and that they make mistakes and acknowledging that,
00:40:48.280
because I think part of the power in acknowledging that is you give yourself permission to falter and
00:40:55.460
fail and stumble, which you will. And if you're so hard on yourself that you're not willing to
00:41:00.500
acknowledge that you'll suffer or you'll, you'll fail from time to time, it might cripple you.
00:41:05.340
So we're going to start looking at our fathers as humans. And then hopefully we'll see the humanity.
00:41:11.620
We'll see that they're feeble. We'll see that they're unable to take care of themselves. And
00:41:14.480
because again, hopefully they loved us. We feel the desire because we're good men too,
00:41:20.540
to serve them in their time of need. And we can look back fondly on the memories we have,
00:41:25.540
and we can remember their humanity and we can serve them as well as possible. I don't know if
00:41:30.020
that gives you an answer, but maybe it gives you some perspective. And I hope everything goes well
00:41:33.860
with that. Eric Burke. This is the last one I'll take today, guys.
00:41:40.480
I might take two more. We'll see. This one's fast. He says, how's your BJJ journey going now that
00:41:46.560
you're back in Utah? You have found, have you found a school yet? Good luck on your new relationship.
00:41:51.100
I wish you the best. I followed from almost the beginning and the Ryan of late, in my opinion,
00:41:54.900
is better. I agree with that too. So I appreciate you acknowledging that, Eric, because I really lost
00:42:00.700
my way for some years there. Thanks for the work you're doing. So to answer your question, Eric,
00:42:06.820
the jujitsu journey has been slow back in Utah. And that's primarily because right when I moved back,
00:42:13.380
I started doing something that I hadn't done for a long time that I'm glad I did.
00:42:16.560
And that is coaching my kids' sports teams. So I was coaching two baseball teams and that was
00:42:22.580
taking four days a week. And on top of the divorce and on top of the business, it got to be a lot.
00:42:30.440
So that's what went, but that was a season. I do have a school. It's actually the school that I
00:42:35.160
started at Ace Martial Arts here in St. George. It's the school that I started at before I moved to
00:42:39.980
Maine. So I'm back there. In fact, I just got an email that said, I need to update my credit card
00:42:45.480
because, or my card on file because I was using the card I was using in Maine. So I need to contact
00:42:50.780
them. And that's a good reminder for me to get back in there. So appreciate the question, Eric.
00:42:56.000
I love jujitsu. I got to make it, make sure it happens. This was the last question I was going
00:43:00.320
to say here. He says, how much should you involve your girlfriend, not your spouse in talks about
00:43:06.440
planning for the future? Ask for feedback on finances, career, living situations. My girlfriend and
00:43:11.220
I live apart and I've been dating for two years. We were both happy and comfortable with our own
00:43:15.280
places. Daniel McKibben says, just make sure your spouse doesn't find out about your girlfriend and
00:43:20.940
your sailing brother. And Randy responds back, nah, they have lunch once per month. Good luck with
00:43:27.640
that. I know it's a joke, but if it weren't, good luck. So how much do you involve your girlfriend?
00:43:33.140
I don't know what you mean by involve. If you mean, do you ask for every little piece of feedback
00:43:38.700
from her on every decision that you're making? I mean, if it impacts her, like for example,
00:43:44.020
if you're going to buy a new car, you guys have been together for two years. I would probably talk
00:43:48.940
with her about that because if you're going to get married or be committed or live together
00:43:53.500
within the next six months or a year, then she's going to be living with that decision.
00:43:57.960
So I think like if you were to put that on her, I would think you would want to know that.
00:44:02.420
Now, if you're trying to figure out, you know, what color comforter you want on your bed,
00:44:08.700
like, I'm not sure you really need to consult her about that. So I think it just really depends
00:44:13.660
on the gravity of what you're talking about, but asking for feedback on finances, career,
00:44:18.360
living situations. Yeah. You should probably be talking about that. You should talk about politics.
00:44:23.800
You should talk about having kids. You should talk about religion. You should talk about money.
00:44:27.300
You should talk about career. You should talk about living together. You should talk about raising
00:44:30.500
kids. Like all the things that you could talk about, you should talk about because you need to
00:44:36.460
know some of those things. And some of them might be deal breakers. Probably not a lot. I think you
00:44:42.460
would have, I hope you would have acknowledged those red flags and address them early. But yeah,
00:44:49.560
you should be talking about those things, especially because you've been together for a significant
00:44:53.280
amount of time, two years. And based on the way you're saying it, I think at some point,
00:45:00.100
I don't know, you say you're both happy and comfortable living at your own places. I just don't know
00:45:03.960
the dynamic, but if you are going to be committed to each other, move in together, live together,
00:45:10.000
then probably you should involve her in some of the weight of your decisions. Okay. All right,
00:45:14.900
guys, that's all I've got for you today. I hope that gave you some answers to some really good
00:45:18.560
questions. Kip will be back next week. So you'll get a little more, a little bit more dynamic with
00:45:22.900
Kip and I, but keep them coming. Remember, we've got the iron council that's opened up right now,
00:45:28.180
our exclusive brotherhood. We've got about 1200 guys there and we'd love to see more of you in there.
00:45:33.960
We've got the systems and the tools and we're bringing courses available and we've got all
00:45:37.300
the things. So check it out at order of man.com slash iron council. Guys, appreciate you. Thanks
00:45:43.060
for the feedback. Thanks for the support. Thanks for sharing this. Take a screenshot real quick,
00:45:47.400
tag it up, tag me, put it on social media, let people know what you're listening to.
00:45:50.960
We've got a big mission here to reclaim and restore masculinity. Let's get after it.
00:45:54.480
All right, guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you
00:45:59.000
are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge
00:46:04.080
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