Order of Man - Overcoming the Fear of Failure, Goal-Pivoting (When and Why), and Building On Previous Success ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge

00:00:04.960 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.380 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.060 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.580 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.

00:00:27.280 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here today.

00:00:31.860 Glad you're tuning in. This one is your ask me anything. So I'm going to field some questions

00:00:35.880 today specifically from our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. And by the way, if you're not

00:00:41.160 part of the Iron Council, you should highly consider it. I know I'm a bit biased, so obviously you can

00:00:45.620 take that with a grain of salt, but there's no better organization out there that brings men 0.97

00:00:51.140 together in a constructive way that has the systems, the tools, the framework, the network,

00:00:58.780 the accountability and camaraderie that you need to thrive. I've seen a lot of organizations out

00:01:03.060 there. There's a lot of local organizations that are really good. Very few of them focus on men's

00:01:08.040 issues specifically. And I've also seen a lot of online men's organizations, some better than others,

00:01:13.500 but very few of them have the structures for accountability. Guys, we are wandering around

00:01:20.820 aimlessly based on what other people are saying, based on what the media is shoving down our

00:01:27.260 throats, based on what pop culture is telling you what it means to be a man. And we're all depressed,

00:01:33.200 we're all miserable, we're all suffering, and we're not living how we could be living.

00:01:38.140 If you tap into a system like the Iron Council that has all the tools and accountability built

00:01:43.700 into it, you're going to see a lot more direction, a lot more purpose, and a lot more clarity in your

00:01:49.520 life. And isn't that what you want? To be clear on what you want, and then to have a system that

00:01:54.580 has proven to work, that is going to help you get stronger, help you make more money, help you in

00:02:00.360 your relationships, your personal and professional relationships, help you build businesses,

00:02:05.600 all the things that you want to do. So you can check it out at orderofman.com

00:02:09.340 slash iron council. Now today, guys, we're talking specifically about an element of the

00:02:15.040 Iron Council called battle planning. This is our tool for mapping out your next 90 days for success.

00:02:23.340 Regardless of whether or not you're in the Iron Council, this one's going to be useful for you

00:02:27.100 because we are fielding these questions. And let's just go ahead and get started. I'm going to go to

00:02:31.360 Iron Council questions first, and then we'll go to our Facebook group. By the way,

00:02:35.180 as I'm pulling this up, normally I'd have my co-host and good friend, Kip Sorensen here.

00:02:39.760 He's gallivanting around the world with his family. I think they're in France right now. So

00:02:45.340 good on them for doing that. And we'll excuse them because he's doing good things with his family.

00:02:49.800 All right, let's get to Tim Phillips. He says, I don't know if this has already been discussed,

00:02:55.020 but is there a point where you decide that your objective is not working and you adjust it?

00:02:59.620 Or is this more something each man has to decide for himself?

00:03:03.620 Well, I think the answer... Let me back up. Before I give the answer, let me tell you what an

00:03:08.180 objective is. With the battle planning system that we use and have developed over almost eight years

00:03:13.000 now, we have identified that having an objective in four key areas of your life is something that

00:03:18.180 you can focus on for the next 90 days. Now, inevitably, things come up. Things happen. Life happens.

00:03:23.960 External circumstances. Things within your control. Things beyond your control come up.

00:03:28.000 So Tim is asking whether or not it's appropriate to adjust your objective.

00:03:35.680 One problem I see with a lot of guys who are using the battle planning as a method for achieving

00:03:42.400 their goals is they think just because it's planning for 90 days that they can't deviate for 90 days.

00:03:49.160 100% you can deviate. If the plan is not working, I don't want you to wait until day 90

00:03:56.980 to adjust. If you know after 30 days or 45 or 60 days or 70 days that it's not working,

00:04:04.660 stop doing that. Adjust as quickly as you can. Again, there's so many different things that can

00:04:10.480 happen in life. Bankruptcies, medical conditions, job losses, financial strains, relational issues,

00:04:17.440 all sorts of things can come up. And you don't need permission to wait 90 days before you adjust

00:04:23.720 your plan. Now, a word of caution. I don't think that you should just adjust your plan willy-nilly

00:04:30.080 because things are hard or it's not working out the way that you would like it to because we do

00:04:34.260 have to give it a chance. If you're trying to learn jujitsu, for example, since we talk about that a lot,

00:04:39.260 and you go into the gym and you start training and think, well, I'm going to get my blue belt in 90

00:04:43.800 days. Okay. You need to give it some time. It's not going to happen in 90 days. And if you start

00:04:50.860 pivoting because you don't have your blue belt after 30 days, well, obviously you're never going

00:04:54.880 to achieve your goals. So make sure that it's appropriate based on what the objective is.

00:05:00.020 But yes, if your objective is not working or your tactics aren't working or your vision is no longer

00:05:05.660 relevant for whatever reason, adjust it as quickly as you can, as quickly as you possibly can.

00:05:12.740 So you can get back on path. And by the way, the way, you know, whether or not they're working

00:05:16.680 is by utilizing the system. See, we too often men do things in their lives and they assume that it

00:05:23.800 works or they saw somebody do something one time and they think, well, I'll just do that. And they

00:05:27.680 assume it's going to work in their situation, but they have no method for tracking it in our battle

00:05:31.760 planning tool, which I have right here in my hand. If you're on YouTube, you can see it.

00:05:34.900 The first quote, the very first words in this planner, you can see right there on top is that

00:05:42.200 which is measured improves. That's a quote by Carl Pearson, that which is measured improves.

00:05:47.840 So if you're not measuring things and you're just willy nilly throwing spaghetti at the wall to see

00:05:53.580 what sticks, you're not measuring anything. You don't know what's improving. You don't know what to

00:05:58.380 improve. So track it using the system or a system you have. I don't care. And then you can actually

00:06:04.320 know whether or not you're online or not. Alan Tran, he's from 4007. So he signed up for the

00:06:10.240 Iron Council probably in the last week or so. And by the way, we're only available and open for the

00:06:16.720 next three or four days, the end of this month, June. Just started reading Sovereignty. That's the

00:06:21.700 first book I wrote. And maybe this is covered in the book. Can you share your thoughts on the mindset

00:06:26.280 of building and following through on a first time battle plan? Yes, it is, Alan, in the book. And I

00:06:33.380 think I may have addressed this question yesterday inside the Iron Council on the live that we did.

00:06:39.380 But we can share it here. The mindset of building and following through on a first time battle plan

00:06:45.040 is that you know it's not going to be exceptional. And that's okay. We have some guys that have been

00:06:50.080 an Iron Council for six, seven, eight years. They're on their 30th potentially iteration of a battle

00:06:56.380 plan. So there should be more sophisticated than somebody who has never done any sort of planning

00:07:01.940 in their life. But don't allow that to be a deterrent. Sometimes that happens. You know,

00:07:07.080 we don't have it perfect or we don't have it the way that that guy has it. And we think, well,

00:07:10.600 if I can't do it to that degree, then I'm not going to do it at all. No. The mindset is get started.

00:07:15.780 Be open-minded. Be receptive to a new way of doing it and see if a new way of doing it will

00:07:24.820 produce a different result than you're currently experiencing. Alan, you're in the Iron Council.

00:07:28.980 Tim, Adam, I see other guys in here, or Aiden, I should say. Brett, John, these guys who are asking

00:07:34.240 questions. They're in the Iron Council for a reason. They're here because this works and or their

00:07:40.800 current system isn't. So be open-minded and receptive. Know it doesn't have to be perfect.

00:07:48.080 Even if it's simple, you can develop and build and articulate on it down the road and you should.

00:07:52.900 And we can, we know we can because we're tracking it. Again, this is very important. You have to track

00:07:58.900 it. You cannot set goals three months ago and never even see them or never have any system on a daily

00:08:06.320 basis for tracking and then hope that you're going to accomplish it. It just doesn't work.

00:08:10.920 So that's the mindset. This one comes, I would say Aiden, but I don't know for sure. It's spelled

00:08:15.940 A-D-E-N. I've always seen it with an I. So it's either Aiden or Aiden, but I would guess Aiden. 0.84

00:08:22.180 4007. So brand new member of the Iron Council. He says, is there a difference in doing the battle plan

00:08:27.220 on the battle planning app and the official battle planning journal or random notebook having taken notes

00:08:32.820 from sovereignty? And what are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Is there a more effective

00:08:36.780 one? Well, the battle planning app is, is good for those of you who like apps on your phone,

00:08:43.860 digital. I don't personally like that as much as having what I refer to as the analog version,

00:08:49.840 right? This is the written version of the battle plan, which you can pick up at store.orderman.com,

00:08:54.420 whether you're a member of the Iron Council or not. I've got this one. If you want to use a notepad,

00:09:00.680 I always have a notepad handy. I've got a notepad right here and I can take notes on it throughout

00:09:05.000 the day or write down things that I need to get done. I have field notes by my nightstand over

00:09:09.380 there and in different parts of the house. So I like having a notepad handy and I like having the

00:09:15.380 battle planner available. The advantage of having the analog version of the battle plan is that you

00:09:21.540 actually have to sit down and write it out and do it. And for me, that works wonderfully.

00:09:25.820 If you're just doing it on papers that you printed from the PDF version of the book,

00:09:31.100 or you're using a notepad, I don't think it's a bad idea. I just don't think it's a system.

00:09:36.940 It's a systematized process for it. It'll be more random. And I personally like tapping into a system

00:09:44.340 and utilizing that system because it's created in the way that it is for a specific reason to produce

00:09:50.680 a specific result. But that said, you can use that. Now, as far as the battle planning app,

00:09:55.420 very similar to this version of the battle planner. The only difference is that, especially

00:10:00.960 in the iron council, is that it synced to you as an individual, which syncs to your team.

00:10:07.280 And in the iron council, we have teams that work together. These are 10 to 12 to 15 guys

00:10:11.640 all working together. If you're in the battle planning app and you're in the iron council,

00:10:16.760 it's going to sync with your team. So somebody is going to be able to pull that up and say,

00:10:20.720 Hey, Aiden, you said you were going to work out every single day this week. And you were going

00:10:24.820 to do these workouts at this time on this date. And I can see that of the past five or six days

00:10:29.860 we've had, you've only done two or three workouts. What gives? I told you guys, we have accountability

00:10:35.360 in the iron council. Some of you guys think, well, that'd be really good. That'd be helpful for me.

00:10:39.820 Some of you guys are like, I don't want that. Regardless, we all need it. So that's why it's

00:10:44.860 important to use the battle planning app. So your team members see it and it builds in the

00:10:49.860 accountability. And by the way, you should be doing that for your team members too.

00:10:53.200 If you see that John said he was going to read a book or write a certain amount of words every day

00:10:58.600 to write his own book. And he doesn't list that in a battle planning app. And you see that as a good

00:11:03.100 brother of the iron council, you should call him and say, Hey man, what's up? You said you were going

00:11:07.360 to do 1200 words a day. You did it Monday. You did it Tuesday, but you didn't do it Wednesday.

00:11:11.740 You didn't do it Thursday. You didn't do it Friday. So what's going on?

00:11:15.120 And maybe he says, well, I'm on vacation. Okay. Well, what can you do to hit your goals even while

00:11:20.660 you're on vacation? Or maybe he doesn't answer at all, which we've had happen. That's a little

00:11:25.600 flag there. Hey, I should reach out to this guy and see if everything's okay. I mean, we've had

00:11:31.220 members who have done wellness checks because people are struggling. We've had guys in the past

00:11:36.820 who are suicidal that a brother reached out and talked them off the ledge. And this is a powerful

00:11:41.800 network of people, but we have the tools in place to make sure we're doing it as effectively as

00:11:47.300 possible. All right, let's go to Brett Huber. He's the XO. So the executive officer for Battle Team

00:11:53.280 Everest. Brett, I appreciate you. He says, is it best for our objectives for each new quarter to build

00:12:02.200 on progress made in the last quarter, or is it okay to bounce around so long as it is moving us towards

00:12:09.820 our vision? I'm not going to say that it's better to do one over the other. And again, guys, I want

00:12:18.540 to reiterate, this doesn't apply just to battle planning. This applies to life. Whether you use

00:12:23.820 this battle planning system or that goal setting method or whatever it might be, these are good

00:12:28.600 questions. So should you build on a previous goal or should you bounce around as long as it moves towards

00:12:34.260 our vision? I'm really glad that you put the disclaimer of moving us towards a vision. It's

00:12:40.720 very, very important that it moves you towards your vision. That's the first thing that we talk about in

00:12:46.340 the battle planning system. You don't get to objectives. You don't get to tactics. You don't

00:12:50.380 get to checkpoints until we know what direction you're heading. If you don't know where you're going,

00:12:55.460 it doesn't really matter what you do. So we're not going to tell you what to do, or at least have you

00:13:00.720 identify what you should do unless we have a heading. That's what we need first. There's our

00:13:04.880 heading. There's the place we're going. Here's our incremental steps along the way. Here's what

00:13:09.440 I have to do every single day to get there on a timely manner. And then here's my checkpoints along

00:13:13.300 the way to ensure that I'm on the path and doing the right thing. That's the method. So first and

00:13:18.120 foremost, it has to be moving you towards your vision. If you want to bounce around a bit, I think

00:13:22.560 that makes sense if your circumstances change. If you go through a major life event, like you get married

00:13:27.720 or get divorced. If you have a child, if you have a business that you start, if you lost your job,

00:13:33.980 any number of things it could be, that's probably going to change some of your objectives. And

00:13:39.240 therefore, I think it's appropriate to bounce around. But I also think it's appropriate to

00:13:43.060 bounce around if you want to try something new and experiment with life. That's part of the reason

00:13:47.580 that I only plan in 90-day segments. Some guys will try to pin me down to what's your plan for the next

00:13:52.500 year? What's your plan for the next five years? Bro, I don't even know what I'm going to have for

00:13:56.660 dinner tonight in two to three hours, let alone what I'm going to be doing in a year. I have a

00:14:01.000 direction. I have a vision for myself. I have a place I would like to go. I have a way that I would

00:14:06.160 like to show up as a man, but I'm agile. I'm mobile. I can move around. I can adjust. I can pivot

00:14:11.840 based on the current circumstances and based on the vision, the heading that I want to go.

00:14:18.760 So if building on something from the previous month works for you, and maybe you're at a level

00:14:23.500 one or two with whatever that activity is. For example, maybe you have a goal in the next year

00:14:29.800 to do a bodybuilding competition. Okay. Well, this quarter, you may want to lose 30 pounds and that's

00:14:37.680 your objective. Next quarter, you really want to lock in the nutritional side of it so that you can

00:14:43.100 start to get lean, cut and shredded. The next quarter, maybe it's muscle mass. The next quarter,

00:14:48.100 I don't know. I'm just throwing this out here. So that's building upon what you're doing,

00:14:52.200 but there's other instances where you may bounce around. So I can't give you a direct answer.

00:14:57.600 All I can say is whatever's appropriate based on your vision and based on external circumstances.

00:15:04.000 Okay. John Davies been with us for a very long time. He's the battle team leader for team Arte.

00:15:08.500 He says, what does your battle plan look like for Q3? So guys, we do battle planning in four key areas.

00:15:15.360 So the first area that we do battle planning in is calibration and calibration is getting right with

00:15:22.060 your mind, with your body, not your body. That's a different quadrant, your mind, your mental,

00:15:26.780 your emotional health. So for me, I've got some big goals with regards to my emotional health. And

00:15:33.480 part of that is a journaling process that I'm building, that I'm developing. I've done a lot of

00:15:39.280 journaling and I've got so many questions about how to journal. So my goal this quarter is to build

00:15:45.160 out a plan. That's going to, that's going to be a framework for you guys to be able to use and tap

00:15:52.300 into for your own journaling. Cause I get so many questions about how to journal and what to write

00:15:56.440 about and what to talk about and what that system looks like. Now that's a calibration objective,

00:16:01.020 meaning that gets me right mentally, emotionally, spiritually. But in this case, I'm building

00:16:05.920 something out, which is a business venture as well. But in the process of building it out,

00:16:10.580 I'm going to have to do a lot of experimentation to get myself right as well. The next is my

00:16:19.320 connection quadrant. So that's the relationships I have with other people. I'm based on life events.

00:16:25.920 A lot of, you know, that I went through a divorce in the past year. And so my goal is to connect fully

00:16:34.340 with my kids to spend a lot of time with my kids. So I've got a lot of things planned. We just got

00:16:40.500 back from a hunt in Hawaii. My oldest son and I, I'm going to Africa here in the next two to three 0.97

00:16:45.380 weeks with my two oldest boys. And I'm in the process of identifying some things that I can

00:16:50.420 specifically do with my younger ones as well. So it's connecting, but really what that means is

00:16:55.840 spending quality time with them and having some conversations about our own transitions in life

00:17:01.220 that are, that are hard, that are challenging, um, where, where they're having a hard time,

00:17:06.420 or I am to be able to work together, to be able to connect with them on a deep level and to be there

00:17:10.980 for each other. The third is my condition quadrant. So for me, it's locking in my weight and specifically

00:17:21.120 my body fat percentage. So that's my key focus. And that is primarily going to be done this quarter

00:17:26.920 through daily eating, correctly, correct, eating, uh, food preparation during the week,

00:17:33.880 and also tracking my calories and my macros. That's going to be really important. So I've got

00:17:41.480 those tactics and that'll help me get to where I want to be. And by the way, your tactics should

00:17:45.100 inevitably produce the result that you're after. And that's why we work backwards. And then the fourth

00:17:49.800 quadrant is our contribution quadrant. So this is becoming a man of value. This is giving back to the

00:17:54.980 community or maybe getting your finances, right. Uh, or starting a business or creating a new project

00:18:02.480 or finishing a new task or assignment, uh, with work. That's what the contribution quadrant is all

00:18:08.320 about. So for me, I've got two new programs inside the iron council that I want to develop. And the big

00:18:15.080 one that I want to do is start bringing courses into the iron council. So these are outside individuals

00:18:19.700 who are putting content together. Johnny Loretty, my fitness trainer, uh, Keith Yaki on improving a

00:18:25.840 marriage, which is something that I could have used in the, in the last year. So I want to make sure

00:18:30.340 that resource is available. And then Cynthia Sam, who's an expert on overcoming pornography addiction 0.94

00:18:35.580 is putting a course together as well. So bringing these courses online, they're going to be free to

00:18:40.120 iron council members. They're going to be a small fee just because of the cost of it for people who are

00:18:44.760 not in the iron council. And my goal is to get those online and up and running. So I appreciate

00:18:49.700 you asking John next one. This one comes from Ryan, excuse me, Robert Frags. He says, while having a

00:18:59.240 full-time career, how can I incorporate for the first time ever a side hustle that I'm going all in

00:19:06.000 on into my battle plan? And his secondary question is, how did you start with the order of man while

00:19:13.200 having your financial business? So Robert is correct. Um, I started order of man when I was

00:19:19.040 doing the financial planning practice. And what I would do personally is I would work for two hours

00:19:24.520 in the morning and then I would get the kids up and get them ready and say goodbye to my, my ex-wife.

00:19:30.980 And then, then I would go into my business. And then if I had breaks during the business, I would do

00:19:36.160 some things with order of man, whether that was a podcast, uh, or getting the site up and running.

00:19:40.500 And then I would come home. I'd spend some time with my family. We'd have dinner together as a

00:19:45.060 family. Uh, we'd put the kids down and I'd spend another one to two hours in the evenings doing the

00:19:50.520 same thing, getting the website up and running, making course available, setting up t-shirts and

00:19:56.480 hats, getting online merchandise and merchant software available. So we could collect payments.

00:20:01.740 Like these are the things I was doing and that's hard. It's exhausting, but it's what's required.

00:20:06.840 You'll hear a lot, burn the boats, burn everything into the ground, just go all in.

00:20:12.540 And while I appreciate the, the zest and the zeal for doing that, I don't know if that's a prudent

00:20:17.600 decision, especially if you have a family to take care of. So I didn't do that personally. So I don't

00:20:22.660 want to recommend that you do because I don't, that's not what I did. And it didn't work for me

00:20:26.480 that way. So I busted my ass and I burned the candle at both ends for months, even a year before I 0.99

00:20:33.900 finally took order a man full-time. So that's what I did, Robert. And that's what I suggest you do 0.99

00:20:38.700 two hours in the morning, do your personal stuff, then do your work, do your personal stuff. And then

00:20:44.500 another one to two hours in the evening. It sounds like a lot, but if you want to make it work, that's

00:20:47.840 what you would do. Michael, uh, Cara Malagos, Cara Malagos, I think is how you pronounce that

00:20:54.180 feeling a little bit like Kip with a mispronunciation of, of names today. By the way, we'd like to give Kip a hard

00:21:00.560 time. He does pretty good, but we do like to give him a hard time, but he's also missed. He says he's

00:21:05.100 new to the iron council and excited to join the brotherhood. Any advice will be well-received.

00:21:10.280 Well, I, you know, here's one thing I'm really good at. I'm really good at creating systems and

00:21:15.140 processes. And, uh, sometimes people will ask like, Oh, what other advice do you have? I don't. I made a

00:21:22.260 process and a system for the advice. So what I would suggest, Michael, in your instance, in your case

00:21:26.740 is number one, join the start here segment, because that's going to walk you through what

00:21:31.160 you need to do in the next 24 to 48 hours to get up to speed as quickly as possible.

00:21:36.280 From there, I want you to keep an open mind and join the forge. The forge is where you're going to

00:21:40.780 spend your first 30 to 60 days, getting familiar with the tools and the resources that we have

00:21:45.240 available, the wording and the verbiage that we use, how to join a battle team, how to do a first time

00:21:51.300 battle plan. You actually will be doing that reading together, working together, because in 30 days,

00:21:56.340 you're going to be eligible to join a team. So you guys can see, I don't do anything just kind

00:22:03.120 of haphazardly that isn't in my nature. And that's why I'm trying to be humble when I say this, but this

00:22:08.800 is why I've been able to create success in my life and where I failed and I have failed miserably in some

00:22:16.080 areas of my life. I want to be very clear and honest about that. When I have failed, it's because I'm not

00:22:21.880 doing what I know I should be doing. It's not utilizing the systems that I create. And yes,

00:22:28.560 I slip and fall and deviate from those things. I wish I didn't because it impacts me and you and

00:22:33.900 my ex-wife and my children and other people negatively. So I wish that wasn't the case,

00:22:40.200 but it is the case. But what I'm excited about is that I do have a system to get back on track

00:22:44.960 when I fall behind. So my advice is use the system. I know you wanted something more than that,

00:22:50.640 but the system's there. The tools are there. The resources are there. Dive headfirst into all of

00:22:55.480 that and you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Josh Savage says, can nutrition alone be an objective

00:23:02.840 for the condition quadrant? And Robert here says, and I like this question. He says, is it better?

00:23:09.000 It is better to ask, would this objective move the needle to achieving something in your vision?

00:23:15.260 That's exactly right. Robert's right there. So again, Josh says, can nutrition alone be an

00:23:19.520 objective for a condition quadrant? Technically the answer is yes. And I'll explain that in a minute,

00:23:24.780 but the better question is, would dialing in your nutrition move you towards the vision of the type

00:23:31.140 of man that you want to show up professionally and personally? If the answer is yes, it would move me

00:23:36.220 towards that vision. Then the answer is yes, you should focus on nutrition as one of your objectives

00:23:42.440 for the next 90 days. So now that being said, I have to ask when you say, can nutrition alone be an

00:23:49.620 objective? If I just said nutrition, because that's what you're saying here. So if I just extracted that

00:23:54.980 word and I just said nutrition, that's not an objective. What does that mean? Nutrition. It's just a

00:24:01.800 word. It doesn't, it doesn't mean anything. Now you might have some meaning for it. And if you do,

00:24:06.540 I commend you, but I don't know what it is based on your question. This is what people do. They're so

00:24:11.520 broad and they're so general with their planning that they don't really ever achieve measurable results

00:24:18.140 or they cannot do it consistently or they cannot get back on track if they screw up. So what do you

00:24:26.060 mean about nutrition? Do you mean the amount of calories? Do you mean the type of food? Do you

00:24:31.140 mean food intake? Do you mean intermittent fasting? And when you eat, do you mean cutting out certain

00:24:35.080 things because you're eating too much processed sugar? Like there's a lot that can go into nutrition

00:24:39.160 and nutrition alone. Let's just say, I want to dial in my nutrition. Okay. Again, what does that mean

00:24:46.100 and why do you want to dial in your nutrition because you're doing a bodybuilding competition?

00:24:51.560 Cause that would be different than dialing in your nutrition because you're going to go run a Spartan

00:24:55.000 race. So we need to know what you're doing. So a better objective, just to use it as an example here

00:25:01.060 is in the next 90 days, I want to complete a Spartan beast in under three hours. I'm just throwing out

00:25:08.520 an arbitrary number. Well, I don't know if that's appropriate or not. I don't know. I've done a couple

00:25:13.560 beasts and I can't remember. It seems like it took me three and a half to four hours, but that could

00:25:18.220 just be me. I don't know. That's a better objective. And then dialing in nutrition. So for

00:25:24.420 example, counting your food, your macros might be a tactic that you can do every single day that will

00:25:33.560 move you towards a Spartan race. Now, some of you might say, well, Ryan, he got, he should probably run

00:25:38.360 too. Yes. And so maybe running is also a tactic or maybe it's not, you know, we've got a guy in

00:25:45.260 iron council, Logan, he lives here in Southern Utah. And I went and ran a Ragnar with him.

00:25:49.300 That guy should never have running as an objective on his battle plan because he runs every single day.

00:25:56.820 Like it's not hard for him. It would be for him. It would be like putting brush my teeth as a strategy

00:26:02.520 for personal hygiene. Uh, so I can look better and get more dates. Like it just doesn't make sense to put

00:26:08.300 brush your teeth as an objective to your battle plan because you're already doing it. It's not

00:26:13.220 significant. And it's the same thing with Logan. If he puts running on his battle plan, I'm going to

00:26:17.980 smack him because he's already doing that. It needs to be something different that he's trying to push

00:26:23.840 himself outside of his current comfort zone. So Josh, maybe for you dialing in your nutrition is an

00:26:30.200 important component of that. But again, what is it leading you to? Is it a Spartan race? Is it a

00:26:34.360 bodybuilding competition? Is it just looking good naked in the mirror, having your wife 1.00

00:26:37.940 compliments you, which is not wrong by the way, but what exactly is it? And then specifically with

00:26:44.120 regards to nutrition, what do you mean? Cut out processed sugars, implement a new fasting or a

00:26:49.600 new diet, um, you know, carnivore diet or keto diet. Is it cutting out processed sugars? Is it only

00:26:55.620 eating within a certain window or a certain amount of time? I don't know, but you got to get specific

00:26:59.800 with that. Okay. Lots of good questions guys. Now I am flying through these a little bit because I do

00:27:05.420 have a meeting this afternoon, very important meeting that I'm excited to tell you guys about

00:27:09.780 here very soon. Uh, but I wanted to make sure I got this to you and I get it to our podcast editor.

00:27:15.980 So he has time to clean it up and make it sound real nice for you guys. Let's go over to Facebook.

00:27:21.420 This is our group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. The first question comes from Brian

00:27:28.280 cents. He says this, Hey Ryan, I think the biggest thing for me is getting over a fear of failure.

00:27:36.120 Recently, I've been afraid to make certain decisions because I'm too attached to the outcome.

00:27:41.320 While I have not made catastrophically bad decisions. I feel like I have made some less

00:27:46.700 than optimal ones. Welcome to the club on that one, Brian. And I've made bad decisions. So regardless,

00:27:53.180 he also says, and those mistakes have set me pretty far back, but I know that I have to keep moving

00:27:59.620 forward. So my question is how do we reconcile with our fear of failure? This fear that another

00:28:06.500 mistake will leave me tumbling in a pit. Well, I think the first thing is acknowledging that fear is

00:28:12.800 real. Too many people hide it and pretend it doesn't exist. It does. I mean, we're all afraid of

00:28:20.380 things at times. And if we don't address that fear and recognize that we really are concerned with

00:28:27.680 aspects of life, then we're not giving a face to that enemy. And I think fear is an enemy.

00:28:34.500 It can be used to shore up some areas of your life, but ultimately that fear is attempting to suppress

00:28:43.660 your path forward. It's a lot like Steven Pressfield's, the art of war, excuse me, the war of

00:28:53.460 art. I always get those two backwards. The war of art. He talks about the resistance. Fear is a mechanism

00:28:58.600 of resistance and it will keep you from driving forward. So acknowledge the fear. Another thing

00:29:04.540 that you can do is you can play out worst case scenarios. And that's actually a healthy practice.

00:29:08.620 If I do this, then if I start my business, then that will take away from time at my nine to five

00:29:16.880 job. If I step out on my wife, then she will not want to be married anymore. If I engage in pornography 0.96

00:29:27.220 or this behavior or addiction or whatever it could be, then here is the result of that.

00:29:33.320 I'm giving you negative examples, but there could be other things that aren't negative, like

00:29:38.000 starting a business or going to run a Spartan race. So if I train for a Spartan race, I will have

00:29:44.760 less time with my family. That would be an important consideration. You'd probably want to know that

00:29:51.220 so that you can talk to them about what it's going to take for your training in order to successfully

00:29:55.480 complete that Spartan race. So we want to visualize and map out what could happen. Even if things go

00:30:02.180 wrong, what could potentially go happen or happen. But another thing that I think we need to

00:30:07.040 acknowledge is that not as everything is as catastrophic as we make it out to be. In fact,

00:30:11.040 most things aren't. You're not performing brain surgery. I don't think you're not building a rocket

00:30:17.640 to go to the moon or a submarine to go see the Titanic. Like there's catastrophically severe,

00:30:25.660 dire consequences if things fail in those environments, but that's probably not what you're doing.

00:30:31.740 Now you could be starting a business and lose your $20,000 startup cost. Is that catastrophic?

00:30:39.100 I don't know your financial situation, but I would say to me, that's a trade that I'd be willing to

00:30:44.600 make personally. Can't make that decision for you, but I would make that trade because that 20,000

00:30:49.720 might turn into 200,000 or 2 million and it might impact thousands or tens or hundreds of thousands of

00:30:56.540 people's lives. So I'm okay with that decision. So I think the best thing that you can do with

00:31:03.680 regards to your fear of failure is acknowledge that you have fear, acknowledge that there are

00:31:09.520 some consequences to what you might be doing and also play it out and then realize it's not as

00:31:18.560 catastrophic as maybe you're making it out to be. Another thing with regards to failing is I'm trying

00:31:28.180 to pull up that question because I want to make sure I get this answered correctly for you. Another

00:31:32.600 thing with regards to failing is just giving yourself permission to fail. It's okay. It's okay

00:31:40.760 that you fail. It's okay that you fall back. It's okay that things don't always work out the way that

00:31:44.540 you want them to. Yes, it impacts you. Yes, it impacts other people. Some are some more severe

00:31:49.760 than others, but it is okay to fail and learning from your failures is a good part of life. It's a

00:31:55.040 good way to learn. It's a good way to improve and get better. Elijah Henry says, what do I do with the

00:32:00.560 days between your four 90-day battle plans each year? There aren't many days. I mean, there might be a few

00:32:07.080 days here and there. I guess if you look at the amount of days in the calendar versus

00:32:13.700 four 90-day cycles, 360, 365, so there's five additional days, I don't do anything different. I just

00:32:21.400 tack them on to the end of my battle plan. So, one time it might be 92 days. The other might be 91.

00:32:27.900 I don't know if that's the question you're asking. If you're asking, what do I do after I make the

00:32:31.700 plan? Well, then I execute, but I'm going to execute the plan. And so, maybe you can be a little

00:32:35.940 bit more specific. What do I do with the days between your four 90-day battle plans each year? Another way

00:32:40.720 you can use those little crossover days that don't fit into 90 days is you can still do your battle

00:32:45.380 plan, your previous battle plan, or even your new. You can start it a couple days early, but you can

00:32:49.720 use that time to develop and build and test your new battle plan for the next quarter. So, that's

00:32:56.220 how I'd answer that one. A couple more here, guys. This one comes from Cody Reese. He says, do you have

00:33:02.180 any tips on how to set up multiple goals at once? I find myself going 110% on one goal at a time

00:33:08.280 than beat myself up for not moving forward with my other goals. Man, I wish I had a whiteboard for

00:33:12.840 you, but I want you guys to consider the concept of work-life balance because this is something that

00:33:18.420 we hear a lot about. How do you balance between work and life? And what most men are asking when

00:33:23.840 they ask that question is, what is the perfect ratio for time spent and invested at home versus

00:33:31.280 time spent and invested professionally? That's what most men are asking, I think.

00:33:36.000 And the answer is, I don't know because I don't know your situation. And I also don't know what's

00:33:43.000 going to happen today. You woke up today, you rolled out of bed, your alarm went off, you got out of bed,

00:33:46.980 whether you hit snooze or not, you got out of bed and you went into work or you went on to do

00:33:51.580 something. Maybe it was vacation or whatever, but something about your day changed. Maybe for the

00:33:56.300 better, maybe for the worse, maybe it's neutral, but something about your day did not go according to

00:34:01.500 plan. I can 100% guarantee that's what happened. It did for me. You might hear or notice that I've

00:34:08.200 got a new microphone. Well, I've got this one right here. You guys can see if you're watching

00:34:12.780 the video, this is the normal microphone I use. It's a high quality microphone I use for the podcast

00:34:16.880 and they invested heavily into this. It's not working correctly. So I had to run into Best Buy and

00:34:22.120 buy this, which is an inferior microphone, but I had to make do with what I had because I have to

00:34:27.340 record these podcasts. I had a good conversation with my guests for the next couple of weeks,

00:34:31.840 Remy Adeleke. You guys can hear that in a couple of weeks. I had this podcast to do. I have other

00:34:36.480 conversations I need to have. So I had to go buy this microphone. I didn't expect that to happen.

00:34:43.240 The reason I bring this up is because if you knew 100% of the time, what was going to happen

00:34:48.160 throughout your day, then you could create that perfect ratio. You could say today, I'm going to spend

00:34:53.420 60% of my time invested in my family and home and 40% of my time invested in my business clients

00:35:00.000 and employees or employer. And you can figure that out, but we don't know. So I did a podcast

00:35:07.160 several months ago called Balance is a Verb. And what I mean by that is that you're constantly

00:35:11.560 balancing and moving. So the analogy I use is a surfboard. If you get into the Pacific or Atlantic

00:35:17.640 Ocean and you decide to catch a wave, you catch that wave, you're paddling hard, you're paddling,

00:35:23.700 paddling, paddling. Hopefully you get on top of it and hopefully you're going to be able to pop up

00:35:26.940 onto your knees and then up onto your feet, right? Then you get up onto your feet and you're reading

00:35:33.340 the wave. So the first time you ever get up on your feet, you probably just go straight and just

00:35:37.440 kind of wobbly hop along, hoping that you ride the wave as long as you can. But after a thousand times

00:35:43.360 of doing it, you're cutting left, you're cutting right, you're breaking. Maybe you're even trying

00:35:47.560 some tricks and cutbacks. I don't even know what they're called because I don't surf, but you get

00:35:50.820 the analogy. You're on a longboard, you're moving forward, you're moving back, you're literally walking

00:35:55.460 on the board, you're doing things, you're dynamic. Balance is dynamic. On a wave, it's constant

00:36:01.360 adjusting to thousands of little factors and little feedback and variability in the wave.

00:36:06.540 It's forward leaning, it's backwards leaning, it's back, it's front, it's left, it's right.

00:36:10.320 Same thing with life. If I'm here doing this podcast and I get a knock at the door or I get a

00:36:17.580 call and somebody calls me three times in a row, that's probably in an emergency. So I'm going to

00:36:22.160 stop podcasting. I'm going to get on the phone and maybe it's because my daughter broke her leg.

00:36:28.500 My situation just changed. So now it goes from investing so much time into the business to

00:36:34.160 investing more time into my daughter in this case. And that's what I'm saying. We have to be able to

00:36:38.780 read the environment, read what your people need, read what your goals are, read what fires might

00:36:43.800 come up. You can actually get ahead of those preemptively. So you don't have to worry about

00:36:47.060 adjusting. But if we wrap our heads around the idea of balance being a verb, meaning it's active.

00:36:52.940 So a verb would be like jumping. Nobody thinks you just stand there and you just jump. No, you load your

00:36:59.640 body, you load your legs, you squat down, you start to explode, you start to extend, you come up in

00:37:05.300 the air, you drop down, you land and you don't land stiff legged. You bend your knees and you catch

00:37:10.000 yourself. Jumping is dynamic. Balancing is also dynamic. It's not a static thing. I hope that

00:37:16.660 analogy helps. David Osburnson. I recently visited my parents with my kids. My dad has been suffering

00:37:25.100 with Parkinson's for the past four years. Sorry to hear that brother. That's hard. And he's really

00:37:29.860 going downhill. He just turned 80 years old. My question is, why is it hard to see your dad who

00:37:35.880 was once strong, a strong, able-bodied man, all of a sudden is just skin and bones?

00:37:43.280 Well, David, first, I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my father several years ago, about five years ago.

00:37:49.600 Now he, he was younger. He was in his sixties and I missed, unfortunately I missed his death,

00:37:57.460 his last breath, I should say by about 30 minutes. And I walked into the hospital and into his room

00:38:07.060 and all that was there was this lifeless body of my dad. And it was hard to see him in that state

00:38:13.340 because I'd put him on this pedestal. I'd, I'd, I'd seen him do things and he wasn't always the

00:38:17.280 greatest father. Neither am I, by the way, he wasn't always the greatest father, but there were

00:38:21.680 redeeming qualities about my dad that I really loved. You know, I was, I really loved my dad.

00:38:27.460 And there was things about it that, that were hard for me to wrestle with because when we are

00:38:32.340 boys, we look up to our father so much, literally and figuratively. I mean, we're looking up to

00:38:38.720 connect with them. We see what they do and we think it's heroic. It might not be, but we think

00:38:44.540 it is as young boys. And we see this able-bodied man, like you said, who is strong and who would

00:38:49.860 carry us and would lift things and work on cars and fix the house and love our mothers. And like,

00:38:56.100 this is what we saw. And typically we have romanticized versions of life, right? Think

00:39:02.740 about, think about an experience that you had, that you really, really enjoy. Like you look back

00:39:09.520 on it fondly. So one I have is a couple of weeks ago, my oldest son and I were in Hawaii

00:39:14.300 and we shot this goat and it was a really hard situation. The goat had fallen 300 feet. We had

00:39:22.060 to go down this cliff to get this dang goat, cut him up, hike him back out. It was hot. It was 0.92

00:39:27.080 miserable. We almost got the car stuck. Like it was just, it was a disaster by, by all accounts.

00:39:33.320 And yet I'm like, Oh, that was so fun. That was so fun. Was it though?

00:39:40.400 Like, was it fun? I remember it being fun, but then if I'm objectively looking at it,

00:39:46.300 I'm kind of thinking, no, it wasn't fun. We had to descend down this cliff. I had to do it two or

00:39:53.040 three times because I couldn't find the dang thing. And I didn't want to leave it down there. Cause

00:39:56.040 that's something I wouldn't do. Descended this cliff a couple of times. You know, I was hot. I was

00:40:02.660 tired. We ran out of water, but to break this thing out in the heat, it was 11 or 12 in the,

00:40:07.060 in the afternoon or late morning. And then we had to hike it out with this extra weight that we were

00:40:12.100 carrying around. Like it was not fun if, if I actually go through the details, but I remember

00:40:18.160 it fondly. And I think that's what we do with our loved ones who have to see who have passed away

00:40:23.480 or, or in your case, are dealing with this. We look at things fondly and we forget some of the

00:40:30.300 hard times, or we forget some of the humanity of people, which isn't always good. And sometimes

00:40:34.320 it's really ugly. And I'm not saying that you need to look poorly upon your father, but just

00:40:40.600 realizing, I think that our fathers are human and that they make mistakes and acknowledging that,

00:40:48.280 because I think part of the power in acknowledging that is you give yourself permission to falter and

00:40:55.460 fail and stumble, which you will. And if you're so hard on yourself that you're not willing to

00:41:00.500 acknowledge that you'll suffer or you'll, you'll fail from time to time, it might cripple you.

00:41:05.340 So we're going to start looking at our fathers as humans. And then hopefully we'll see the humanity.

00:41:11.620 We'll see that they're feeble. We'll see that they're unable to take care of themselves. And

00:41:14.480 because again, hopefully they loved us. We feel the desire because we're good men too,

00:41:20.540 to serve them in their time of need. And we can look back fondly on the memories we have,

00:41:25.540 and we can remember their humanity and we can serve them as well as possible. I don't know if

00:41:30.020 that gives you an answer, but maybe it gives you some perspective. And I hope everything goes well

00:41:33.860 with that. Eric Burke. This is the last one I'll take today, guys.

00:41:40.480 I might take two more. We'll see. This one's fast. He says, how's your BJJ journey going now that

00:41:46.560 you're back in Utah? You have found, have you found a school yet? Good luck on your new relationship.

00:41:51.100 I wish you the best. I followed from almost the beginning and the Ryan of late, in my opinion,

00:41:54.900 is better. I agree with that too. So I appreciate you acknowledging that, Eric, because I really lost

00:42:00.700 my way for some years there. Thanks for the work you're doing. So to answer your question, Eric,

00:42:06.820 the jujitsu journey has been slow back in Utah. And that's primarily because right when I moved back,

00:42:13.380 I started doing something that I hadn't done for a long time that I'm glad I did.

00:42:16.560 And that is coaching my kids' sports teams. So I was coaching two baseball teams and that was

00:42:22.580 taking four days a week. And on top of the divorce and on top of the business, it got to be a lot.

00:42:30.440 So that's what went, but that was a season. I do have a school. It's actually the school that I

00:42:35.160 started at Ace Martial Arts here in St. George. It's the school that I started at before I moved to

00:42:39.980 Maine. So I'm back there. In fact, I just got an email that said, I need to update my credit card

00:42:45.480 because, or my card on file because I was using the card I was using in Maine. So I need to contact

00:42:50.780 them. And that's a good reminder for me to get back in there. So appreciate the question, Eric.

00:42:56.000 I love jujitsu. I got to make it, make sure it happens. This was the last question I was going

00:43:00.320 to say here. He says, how much should you involve your girlfriend, not your spouse in talks about

00:43:06.440 planning for the future? Ask for feedback on finances, career, living situations. My girlfriend and

00:43:11.220 I live apart and I've been dating for two years. We were both happy and comfortable with our own

00:43:15.280 places. Daniel McKibben says, just make sure your spouse doesn't find out about your girlfriend and

00:43:20.940 your sailing brother. And Randy responds back, nah, they have lunch once per month. Good luck with

00:43:27.640 that. I know it's a joke, but if it weren't, good luck. So how much do you involve your girlfriend?

00:43:33.140 I don't know what you mean by involve. If you mean, do you ask for every little piece of feedback

00:43:38.700 from her on every decision that you're making? I mean, if it impacts her, like for example,

00:43:44.020 if you're going to buy a new car, you guys have been together for two years. I would probably talk

00:43:48.940 with her about that because if you're going to get married or be committed or live together

00:43:53.500 within the next six months or a year, then she's going to be living with that decision.

00:43:57.960 So I think like if you were to put that on her, I would think you would want to know that.

00:44:02.420 Now, if you're trying to figure out, you know, what color comforter you want on your bed,

00:44:08.700 like, I'm not sure you really need to consult her about that. So I think it just really depends

00:44:13.660 on the gravity of what you're talking about, but asking for feedback on finances, career,

00:44:18.360 living situations. Yeah. You should probably be talking about that. You should talk about politics.

00:44:23.800 You should talk about having kids. You should talk about religion. You should talk about money.

00:44:27.300 You should talk about career. You should talk about living together. You should talk about raising

00:44:30.500 kids. Like all the things that you could talk about, you should talk about because you need to

00:44:36.460 know some of those things. And some of them might be deal breakers. Probably not a lot. I think you

00:44:42.460 would have, I hope you would have acknowledged those red flags and address them early. But yeah,

00:44:49.560 you should be talking about those things, especially because you've been together for a significant

00:44:53.280 amount of time, two years. And based on the way you're saying it, I think at some point,

00:45:00.100 I don't know, you say you're both happy and comfortable living at your own places. I just don't know

00:45:03.960 the dynamic, but if you are going to be committed to each other, move in together, live together,

00:45:10.000 then probably you should involve her in some of the weight of your decisions. Okay. All right,

00:45:14.900 guys, that's all I've got for you today. I hope that gave you some answers to some really good

00:45:18.560 questions. Kip will be back next week. So you'll get a little more, a little bit more dynamic with

00:45:22.900 Kip and I, but keep them coming. Remember, we've got the iron council that's opened up right now,

00:45:28.180 our exclusive brotherhood. We've got about 1200 guys there and we'd love to see more of you in there.

00:45:33.960 We've got the systems and the tools and we're bringing courses available and we've got all

00:45:37.300 the things. So check it out at order of man.com slash iron council. Guys, appreciate you. Thanks

00:45:43.060 for the feedback. Thanks for the support. Thanks for sharing this. Take a screenshot real quick,

00:45:47.400 tag it up, tag me, put it on social media, let people know what you're listening to.

00:45:50.960 We've got a big mission here to reclaim and restore masculinity. Let's get after it. 1.00

00:45:54.480 All right, guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man you

00:45:59.000 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge

00:46:04.080 of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of

00:46:09.220 man.com.

Order of Man - June 28, 2023

Overcoming the Fear of Failure, Goal-Pivoting (When and Why), and Building On Previous Success ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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