Porn and Masculinity, Financial Planning for New Fathers, and Serving in the Community ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about the snowstorm that hit us in the early morning hours of December 18th, and how we dealt with it. We also answer some of your questions and talk about some of the things we've been up to the past week.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Okay, what's going on, man? Not much. It's an early morning for us.
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For the YouTubers, they'll be like, what's going on with these guys' cameras? A little dark.
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Yeah, it's a little darker than normal. It's amazing to me how dark it gets so early. I think
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my wife and I and kids were out yesterday at around 4.30, and it was starting to get dark.
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It gets dark early up here. Yeah, you might as well be moved to Alaska or something.
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Yeah, the last outpost, essentially. When we were here last year, we came out in December of last year,
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my wife and I. It was our first visit to Maine. It was my second visit to Maine, and that's when
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we put an offer in on our property. I had met with Travis Mills, who I had on the podcast.
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We went in there. It must have been 1 o'clock or so, somewhere in there. We came out at 4,
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4.30, and it was pitch black by that time. It's going to continue to get darker earlier,
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and that's an adjustment. We just had our first snowfall. My kids were funny because
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they actually liked shoveling snow last night. I'm like, man, I better enjoy this while I can
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because it won't be long before this just wears out and is not a fun thing for them at all.
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I don't even know if they'll make it that long, but we'll see. Right now, I'm enjoying the fact
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that they don't mind pushing snow off the deck and off the driveway and stairs, so we'll take
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Yeah. I see you've got your puffy coat on there. It must be cold up there in Salt Lake, too.
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Last night, yeah. I'm only an hour away from you now.
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Yeah. Yeah, it's freezing. It's actually really cold. It snowed last night, and then the roads
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are all icy or whatever. Talking about the way things look, so I may wince a little bit. I popped
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a rib out last week, and so you can't be as funny as you normally are, Ryan, because laughing hurts.
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I'll try to refrain from telling jokes and making you laugh too hard.
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Sure. Maybe try to be a little bit more serious and straightforward and joking around.
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Fair enough. Fair enough. Well, hey, man, I know you're on a time crunch here and a deadline,
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so let's just jump into it as quickly as we can. I know we've got a lot of questions from our
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Facebook group, and we want to answer those to the best of our ability and get to as many as possible.
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So, guys, if you're listening for the first time, that's exactly what we're doing. We're fielding
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questions from you. It's our goal to give you the best answers that we can, make up what we need to,
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and that's a joke, by the way, Kit. You're supposed to laugh at that one.
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I'm not laughing. I told you. I have a hurt rib, so.
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And if we don't know the answer, in all seriousness, if we don't know the answer,
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we'll let you know we don't know the answer. We don't have this all figured out. We're on the path
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the same as you. So let's get after it this morning.
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I love it. All right. So these guys are from Facebook. To join us there, facebook.com slash group
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slash order of man. Our first question, Brandon stole. Have you ever thought about do, and I
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laughed at this at first when I first read it. Have you ever thought about doing a video podcast?
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And I'm thinking, um, we thought about it once and then we nixed it and yeah. Yeah. And we're on
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YouTube. However, he's talking about a different technology says, I know there are YouTube channels,
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but it would be nice to watch the video on the Apple podcast app. So maybe there's a little bit
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of a, something different. Maybe I don't podcast. Yeah. Uh, I think there is quite honestly,
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I don't know enough about it to give you an intelligent answer on that, but yeah, I think
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there are video podcasts via Apple. Uh, so maybe that's something that we'll look into,
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but as of right now, audio on Apple and other iTunes or excuse me, uh, podcasting platforms
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and then video via YouTube. So make sure you subscribe to YouTube. We're at 80, I want to
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say 89,000 subscribers right now. They're just under 90,000. It's crazy. It's, it's been blowing
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up. It's awesome. Yeah. I hit refresh every about five minutes and I think it was 89, just,
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you know, four minutes ago. Thank you. Thank you. So it must be 89,001 right now. Yeah.
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Yeah. Anyways, guys go subscribe over there. YouTube.com slash order of man. If you want
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to watch the video, that's where it is for now, but potentially, uh, we'll look into a video on
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Apple, uh, podcast. Okay. Tyler cross, what capacity do you serve in the community or local
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organizations? Uh, I have actually not done a whole lot, frankly speaking, within our community
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up to this point, uh, with me just getting settled in, in the past, I was very, very involved
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with some young men through our church. Uh, and, and I was involved with the, uh, 14 to
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16 year old boys, uh, in our, in our area. And I loved it. I really, really enjoyed doing
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that. Um, it was fulfilling for me. I felt like it was good for them. It was rewarding
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and uplifting. And I felt, and it was very much in alignment with what we're doing here
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with order of man. So I enjoyed that. I see myself getting involved in that again. I also
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see myself getting involved in, uh, coaching sports again. I didn't coach my oldest son's
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football team. They had everything lined out and set up. So, um, I let that take care of
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itself. Of course, I went to every game. I think I did miss one, which I wasn't happy
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about. Uh, but yeah, that's, that's where we'll go. I don't, somebody was asking me the
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other day about politics and local politics, and I try to keep my thumb on the pulse. Although
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I'm not real excited about getting into any sort of politics, even at the city council
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level all the way up, it's just, it's just nasty. Uh, I don't, I don't want to pretend
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that I like people. I'm not really interested in playing that game. Uh, it's just doesn't
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seem like something that's very exciting to me. And I feel like I can have a greater impact
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via this movement and, uh, coaching and being involved that way. Yeah. Are you going to coach
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baseball in the spring? Probably. Yeah. I would like to. Uh, I think, I think my will
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house would be football and baseball. Uh, I, I didn't play basketball. I got cut from
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my basketball team when I was a freshman. So I don't really know much about that at
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all. I, I actually, I've been thinking about wanting to get a jujitsu class together for
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kids in the community, but I don't know, maybe you have some insight on this. I'm, I'm a white
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belt. I don't, I don't know if I'm in the position to be able to do that or if that's
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disrespectful or disingenuous. I don't know. What's your thoughts with that?
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Yeah. Yeah. That's a really interesting question. I have a good friend. Um, he started his school
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when he was a blue belt, I believe. Is that right? Yeah. And he's a black belt now. And,
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and he obviously does it for the love of, of the, of the art. There's some, yeah. I mean,
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there's some thoughts I think in the community that you should be a little bit higher up, but
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like, but I think the only thing would limit you is people's perception of like, Oh, who's this guy?
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But if you're volunteering your time, it's like, what are they going to complain about it anyway?
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Right. You know what I mean? And if anybody does complain, it's like, cool, come join me. Help me.
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Yeah. And most people that are like, I don't know. It's funny how that is, right? Like when you teach
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kids classes, even at our school, it's like, I'm assuming almost all our white belts and blue belts
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could teach those kids really well. Oh, for parents, but the parents are going to judge the quality of the
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teaching because of the color of the belt around that guy's waist, whether they're teaching blue
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belt or white belt techniques or not. Right. It's, it's more about the perception I think than
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anything, but I think there's value. I, I, in my neighborhood, I've done that like self-defense
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stuff for the young men all the time. That's kind of like, you know what I mean? The one thing I get
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called upon to do and it's fun. I love it. I like it. I'd much rather work with the young men than,
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than grown men. I don't, I don't want to spend time with adults. I want to hang out with the kids and
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have fun and teach them and guide them and instruct and lead and do all the things that we know how to
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do. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you more plowpable or you don't mean humble enough to actually consider
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what's being taught as well? Yeah. Well, I don't know. That's a challenge sometimes too. When you
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get 14 and 16 year old boys, they think they know it all. You know, it's like sometimes you just have
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to kind of say, you know, shut up, sit down, listen, pay attention. I know, I know you may think you
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know everything. I know you think I'm an idiot, but I've got a few more things figured out than you.
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But those challenges are rewarding for me as well. So I really like working with a young man in the
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community. Yeah. All right. Michael Riviera, in your opinion, of course, does watching porn affect
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manhood? Does it make you more or less a man? That's an interesting question. Yeah. The way it's
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yeah, I do think, I do think it's, I do think it affects manhood because at its most fundamental
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level, you've just become a cuck. Like you're watching another dude have sex with an attractive
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woman. So you should be working on that yourself with your wife, not watching other guys perform
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those acts. And I think it paints an unrealistic and potentially damaging view of, of sex and intimacy
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with a woman that you care about and are connected to. Yeah. So I don't, I don't have all the research.
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I don't know all the research, but I know porn is a big problem. I know it's a big issue and I do
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believe it affects your masculinity. And I do believe you put yourself in a, in a dangerous situation and
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a dangerous path too, because I think pornography can open the doors and lead to a physical temptation
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with another woman, whether it's a secretary or some other woman who shows you a little bit of
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attention, uh, and, and threaten the commitments and bonds that you've made with your, with your
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spouse. So I would just say work towards being more intimate and adventurous. And, you know, like,
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here's the thing about marriage. You know, I've been married for 15 years now. I mean, let's be honest.
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Sometimes it gets a little monotonous, right? And it gets a little mundane and I'm talking about
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under the sheets department. So I think it's healthy to have conversations with your spouse
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and talk about maybe being a little bit more adventurous or spontaneous or, or trying some
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new things. Like there's nothing wrong with that. But I think if you do it in the parameters that you
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and her upset, you're going to have, you're going to be much more fulfilled. It's going to be much
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more healthy. Uh, and you're not going to relinquish any of that masculinity by watching another
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dude, bang a, bang a woman. Like, I just, I don't think that's a healthy practice.
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Yeah. Well, I think the general thought process, you know, if you look at James Allen,
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right. As a man thinketh like what you think about affects you period. Definitely. Yeah. So if we just
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look at this from a very simple, logical perspective, does pornography affect? Yeah, it does. What are you
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thinking about? Right. Yeah. Like it's, it's going to affect who you are, how you show up, what, what
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you're pondering about and, and those thoughts ultimately, ultimately lead to action. Like they
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affect you. Well, it's interesting. You know, one of the things I haven't really talked about this,
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but I used to have a slight pornography problem. I don't know if I would say addiction, but I did have
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a problem. And one thing I noticed is that I, and this is one of the realizations I came to that
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helped me stop watching porn is I would be walking down the street and I would be looking at women
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differently because I was used to seeing them with their clothes off and, and, and having sex and in
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that position. And so I would look at women that I'd normally wouldn't, I would look at them differently.
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So of course, like you said, of course that impacts you. The, the stimulus and everything and all the
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information that's going into your mind is what is producing your results. So whether it's positive
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or negative, everything that's going into your brain right now, this moment is impacting you is
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affecting you. Like we don't live in these vacuums where these outside influences don't happen. I know
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there's this big thing of like zero Fs and I'm a, I'm my own man and whatever. Like it's great. Cool.
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Sounds really tough. You sound awesome. It's just not reality. Yeah. Hmm. What's that? Uh,
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sorry. What's that company? The, um, the new drug is that new drug? I think it's what it's called
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the new drug. I would get up real quick, but really, really interesting movement. I haven't
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like dived into it all, but like, I, I know that they end up with some statistical evidence around,
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um, pornography being addictive. They compare it to drugs and they have some, a lot of analysis
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around that. I, they actually showed up at my son's high school a couple of years ago and did a
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presentation that, that parents could come and, and, and bring their kids with and stuff. And so
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anyhow, it may be, maybe a resource to check out. Cause I, I've been intrigued by them anyway.
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Yeah. It, um, it's called fight the new drug.org. And I just jumped on the site. It looks like they
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have a documentary. It says a three-part documentary series, breaking down the science
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and detailing personal accounts of how porn impacts the brain, the heart and the world.
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So that was some good information there. Yep. All right. Tyler cross. Have you thought
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about speaking at high schools, colleges across the country?
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Yes, I have thought about that. I don't particularly enjoy traveling all that much. So I turned down a lot
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of opportunities to speak and to travel and to do that because it would have to be very compelling for me
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to do in order for me to leave my family. That's the reality. You know, I, I created this organization
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and this movement to yes, help men with the tools of the resources they need to step into their
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masculinity. But I also created it so that I would have the life that I wanted, which was to be home
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and to be present and to be available for my wife and my kids. So yeah, I've thought about it and
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I've had to throttle back a lot of my ambitions when it comes to the business, because there's other
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priorities. And I've made those decisions consciously and I've acted in a way that is in
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alignment with those objectives. So I don't see myself traveling to colleges and universities and
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high schools spreading this message when I can do it here digitally. I can invite men out here to run
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in our events and I can be here and present with my family.
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All right. Clay Adar, I'm planning on having a child within the next year. What kind of financial
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plans, excuse me, should I be putting in place to prepare?
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Save money because it's going to be expensive. Kids are expensive. That's the deal.
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No, man. Kids are amazing. I was at, I know you are, but somebody is going to hear that and think
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that that's serious because that seems to be a common trend. And I, I think it's, I don't think
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it's a good thing. You know, I think children are fulfilling and rewarding and uplifting and
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challenging in good ways. And man, they just bring so much light into the world. Uh, I took my kids to
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the local department store, I guess you'd say. It's not really a department store, but anyways,
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I took them there and we were getting to Snowfoot.
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Rennie's. That's where we took them. We took them to Rennie's.
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Yeah. No, it's a, I love that store. Rennie's is awesome. Anyways, I took them into Rennie's
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cause we had to get some snow stuff cause it was snowing yesterday. And, uh, where was
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Yeah. So, uh, we were upstairs looking at the toys and just checking it all out. And, uh,
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there was a couple of workers at the stairs and they were standing there and I said, Oh,
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excuse me, can we get by? And they're like, yeah. And I said, there's going to be a big
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procession. Cause it was me, my wife and my four kids that had to sneak by these workers to get
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downstairs. And, you know, I just thought I got this little Mickler army and how cool
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it is. You know, it's challenging and frustrating at times in a struggle, but all these little
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Micklers in tow is just, I love it. I love it. So congratulations for making that decision.
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Uh, what would I say about getting ready, prepared for finances? Again, save as much money as you can.
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Definitely, definitely pay off as much debt as you possibly can. This is going to apply whether
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you're having kids or not, like get out from underneath that debt, whether it's taxes or
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medical debt or consumer debt or personal loans, get out from underneath that. That's going to help
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get good at budgeting and managing your cashflow. Uh, have a meeting with, I assume his wife,
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have a meeting with your wife, uh, every single week about your money, what's coming in, what's
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going out, where is it being spent and start getting good at recognizing where it's, it's
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leaking. So imagine this when it comes to cashflow. And this is like my past life. When I'm talking
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about financial planning, your cashflow is, is a pipeline. And at the beginning of that pipeline
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is cashflow. It's money in from your employment or investments wherever. So that money comes in.
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And at the end of that pipeline is the money out. That's your money that you get to spend
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or have that's like excess. And then all along that pipeline, there's little outlet valves
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that go into different payments. So that could be house payment or your car payment, uh, groceries,
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entertainment, et cetera, et cetera. But all along that pipeline, there's these little cracks
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in that pipe. And those little cracks are where money seeps out and you don't even recognize
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it or know that it's there. So it's, it's extra expenses on entertainment and dining and being
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nickeled and dimed on fees at your bank and all these little things that you don't recognize or
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acknowledge that are there. And it becomes very, very inefficient. So the goal of your cashflow is
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to make it as efficient as possible, meaning that you account for a hundred percent of your expenses
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or your income rather. So you have a hundred percent of your income coming in and you have a place
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for all of it, food, groceries, budget, entertainment, dining, mortgage payment, car payment, gas,
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fuel, et cetera, et cetera. And also a place to save and invest and put money aside. It should,
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you should be able to account for a hundred percent. You want a hundred percent efficiency on that cashflow.
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Uh, I would also say not necessarily pertaining to money exactly, but indirectly is consider your
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estate planning documents. So a will, a trust, your advanced care directives, which is your,
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your healthcare instructions. Should you become incapacitated? Those things are important as well.
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So I would, I would start with, with those few things, those four or five items.
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Do you ever, have you ever dealt with like, uh, investments that your kids use? Like I remember
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there was a thing for this, like where you could be investing so much money and then it goes, it gets
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willed to your kids at the age of 18 and then they can use it. Yeah. What? I don't even know what I'm
00:19:18.380
talking about. No, there's different things. There's like 529E plans. Those are college educational
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plans. There's some tax advantages for those types of things. Uh, you can also set them up an account
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where it basically is their account, but you're the custodian until they reach age 18.
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Yeah. I'm not going to get into all the specifics. There's pros and cons of that. If you're
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interested in that, go meet with a financial advisor. Uh, and, and they'll, and if they can't
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walk you through that, meet with a different financial advisor. Uh, but I would say this,
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take care of yourself first. Yeah. It's amazing to me how many people I had when I was in my
00:19:53.240
financial planning practice that would come in and they would ask about these types of plans.
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And I said, well, that's great. We can talk about that. Tell me about your planning. Oh, well,
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we don't have any money set aside. We don't have a 401k. We don't have money. No cashflow. Yeah.
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Yeah. It's like, okay, well, I appreciate that you want to take care of your kids, but if you can't
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take care of yourself, you certainly can't take care of your kids. And there's all kinds of things
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that your kids can, can do later. I mean, they can work, uh, they can get scholarships and grants
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and loans and like worry about yourself first. And if you want to lend them some money or give them
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some money from your investment accounts at some point, then you can do that. But that stuff should
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be ancillary to what you're doing for yourself first. Yeah. Cool. All right. There you go, Clay.
00:20:40.720
All right. Will Luna, what can I do to get my stepdaughter, 11 years old, to be a team player
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for our tribe? We are engaged with her, show up to all her activities, et cetera, but her, but her
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contributions to the overall team are not there. Constant reminder on chores and tasks won't take
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responsibility. Thank you gentlemen for all you do. I would say without knowing too much about the
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situation that you probably ought to give her additional responsibility, give her something
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to be in charge of. And you know what she's going to, yeah. And she's going to fail. And when she fails,
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let her experience the full weight of the consequences of failing. Don't save her. Cause if
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you save her, then it teaches her that she doesn't have to take responsibility. Is this a team? Is
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this a sports team? Did I misunderstand what this is? Did he say, did he? No, I mean, no, I think it's
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his, it's his stepdaughter and he's referencing their family. I'm assuming as their tribe. Right. And so
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she's not being a team player in that tribe. Right. So if she can't make her bet her room,
00:21:50.160
clean her room or clean, make her bed, then she doesn't sleep on the bed. Like, like there has to
0.96
00:21:55.940
be consequences. And people, I know there's people who hear that and think, Oh, that's harsh. Yeah.
00:22:00.440
It's also okay that a child sleeps on the floor. Like I went to bed hungry a few nights because I was
00:22:07.080
being a jerk at dinner and my mom excused me from the table. Cause I wasn't being a contributing
00:22:12.140
member of the family. And so I went to bed hungry. Did I starve? No, but I went to bed hungry and I
00:22:17.980
worse. Oh, and it was still a choice. Right. People fail to realize like, Oh, how harsh you
00:22:23.600
make them sleep on the floor. No, they chose. Right. There was as long as you clearly outline
00:22:29.980
those expectations. Right. So I think when it comes to a family or a team or a tribe, like this
00:22:37.060
gentleman is saying that you give that individual responsibility and ownership, like you had said,
00:22:42.560
you clearly outline the expectations and the consequences of failing to meet those expectations.
00:22:47.980
And then you have to uphold them. That's the hardest part. You have to uphold the expectation
00:22:53.320
and the standard and, and, and tie the consequence to the action itself or the inaction so that they
00:23:00.500
realize, Oh, if I don't make my bed, I don't get to sleep in it. If I'm a jerk at the dinner table,
00:23:06.340
then I don't get to engage with the family. It's, it's gotta be uncomfortable for them. The pain
00:23:11.860
of the consequence has to be greater than the struggle of doing the thing you're asking them to do.
00:23:18.420
Yeah. I really haven't dealt with this too much. It might just be the age of my children. Cause I've
00:23:24.400
got, well, I've got an 11 year old, just like he does. So 11, eight, six, and a nine, almost nine,
00:23:29.640
six and three. And I haven't really had a problem with that. I'm thinking, I'm trying to decide if
00:23:35.020
it's a personality thing. It definitely is with my 11 year old. He's very agreeable.
00:23:38.680
So yeah, I was going to say, I think it might show up maybe, I think for, for Brecken, he might
00:23:43.880
be a little bit more easy sailing. Yes. You know what I mean? At first and your first teenager
00:23:48.720
will be your second son. Yeah. Second or my daughter. Yeah. Uh, and definitely my, my fourth,
00:23:55.360
my son, he's, he's wild. Um, so it might be a combination of their personality and how we raise
00:24:03.380
them. Yeah. Like there's, there's choices and there's consequences for your action or inaction
00:24:08.860
and you get to deal with them. Not me. They're not my consequences. Yeah. Tyler cross. Have
00:24:15.240
you considered or already gotten concealed carry insurance? Um, no, I haven't considered it. I know
00:24:22.980
that's available. Um, I actually just heard this on the radio not too long ago. I didn't really know
00:24:27.040
about it until then. I didn't even know about it until I just read that question. There's insurance
00:24:30.660
for everything, right? I mean, you got to be careful because a lot of these types of insurances,
00:24:36.020
you're just paying into a, into their coffers and nothing ever comes of it. I would really
00:24:40.360
another leak in that pipe. Yeah, for sure. I would really, really research that before
00:24:45.960
I ever considered that or looked into that. Um, I, you know, the, the better thing to do is know
00:24:51.660
the firearms rules and regulations of your state and follow those. Like that's the better thing to do.
00:24:57.980
Yeah. You've still might find yourself in a situation, but as far as, as far as you've done things
00:25:01.840
legally and, and, and done any, everything the state requires, then you're good. Um, but I believe
00:25:08.500
there should be a constitutional carry throughout the United States. Uh, I, I believe that it's,
00:25:13.320
it's ingrained into who we are as a country. It's in our constitution for crying out loud.
00:25:20.680
And we all ought to, uh, be able to protect ourselves and defend ourselves with firearms should,
00:25:26.460
should that situation arise. Just be careful, just follow the rules and make good choices,
00:25:33.120
train yourself well so you can make good choices and hopefully you don't find yourself in that
00:25:36.340
situation for many different reasons. Yeah. David Palma, what do you do when you feel you have,
00:25:43.380
you have played all your cards in your deck to provide for your family, but nothing has come out
00:25:48.060
of it. This goes beyond striking to some, uh, striking, sticking to something or seeing something
00:25:53.580
through. I went to med school and it's still in my ultimate goal to be a doctor. I have one more
00:25:58.680
board exam to enter residency, but I've had some health complications that have not allowed me to
00:26:04.560
take or pass the last exam. So I have tried different avenues to make some money for my family
00:26:09.460
while I get this exam out of the way. A foreign medical medical degree isn't worth much if you aren't
0.99
00:26:15.220
licensed. I'm fully confident that I'll make this career happen. It's just a matter of time.
00:26:20.600
Well, I think you have the right attitude. I mean, he's saying that he he's fully confident.
00:26:25.380
He's going to make it happen. It's just a matter of time. Sounds like there's some health complications
00:26:28.920
that have come up and you know, I feel for that for sure. I can see how that would make things an
00:26:34.140
issue. You're just in a season and that season is just lasting a little longer than you would have
00:26:38.220
hoped. So keep your head down, keep your eye on the prize, adjust where necessary and just keep
00:26:45.260
going. Like you're going to get through it. If you stop, you won't. And, and, and at first when
00:26:50.700
he said, what do you do when you, when you feel like you've played all the cards in your hand,
00:26:54.180
I would say, get a new deck of cards. Like we're not, we're not bound or fixed into this one path.
00:27:00.240
And you know, if, if this doesn't work out, let's just hypothetically assume for a second that
00:27:05.820
the licensing and exam just doesn't work out. And you literally have tried everything that you can
00:27:11.580
and know how to do. It's not the end of the world. It's really not. There's so many different avenues
00:27:17.120
and routes and different things that you can do and take. And it may seem like that because you've
00:27:21.920
had this lifelong ambition, but it's not the end of the world. I don't want to focus on that though.
00:27:26.040
I want to focus on you maintaining the course, you doing what needs to be done. Yeah. It's taking
00:27:32.760
longer because sometimes we have faulty expectations and other times things come up. You know, you,
00:27:38.280
you're, you have a medical thing that you you're dealing with. All right, adapt. This is life.
00:27:44.720
And, and it's not going to be the last hurdle that comes up in your life. You're going to have
00:27:49.640
hurdles thrown at you all the time. That is part of life. And what I've recognized and acknowledged
00:27:54.760
is that the hurdles as difficult as they are and as a little, I want them. I don't, I don't want those
00:28:00.880
hurdles necessarily. I have learned to, in a way, appreciate the fact that it's just helping me be better
00:28:06.840
for something that's yet to come. Consider that for a second, consider that if, and when you overcome
00:28:13.020
this obstacle that you have just been prepared and hardened and strengthened for bigger and better
00:28:21.360
things. I talked about this in the podcast about elevating your problems, right? If your problems
00:28:26.640
and the things you're thinking about, and the things are derailing, you were down here on this scale.
00:28:30.540
I don't one, you're not ready for a two. You're not ready for a level two success because you can't
00:28:35.980
deal with level two problems. Yeah. So if you want level two, three, five, 10 success, you have to be
00:28:43.420
capable of dealing with level 10 problems. And right now you're not because you've got a problem that's
00:28:50.340
derailing you or that's keeping you back. When you overcome that you've proved to God or the universe
00:28:56.820
or yourself or whatever you choose to use, that you are capable of handling greater problems,
00:29:03.020
therefore achieving greater success. They go hand in hand. You can't have the success without the
00:29:09.420
corresponding problem. That's why lottery winners, we've talked about this in the past,
00:29:13.800
have such a difficult time keeping the money that they are, that they win because they haven't
00:29:19.000
earned the right to have that money. And so they lose it and they get swindled and they give it away
00:29:24.280
and they make stupid purchases because they don't have the skillset to be able to obtain that level
00:29:29.760
of wealth and keep that level of wealth. Yeah. So odd how we have to think about this or, you know what
00:29:37.000
I mean? We all know where growth comes from, you know, trials and hardships, but yet like it's so
00:29:44.540
ingrained to want to be comfortable and not have to deal with those things. It's, I don't know,
00:29:50.980
like I have to remind, you know, we talk about all the time and I even have to remind myself like,
00:29:55.140
yeah, this is for my own good. Like, why am I trying to avoid hardship? Like, I mean,
00:29:59.920
don't get me wrong. I shouldn't seek it out, but maybe I should. You should, you should. And,
00:30:05.000
and not dangerous situations, but demanding and difficult situations so that you can be more
00:30:09.760
adequately prepared for the things that are yet to come. Yeah. It's just, it's just how the human
00:30:15.160
behavior is comfort. All the time. It's a simple road. Yeah. I think that's just, I mean, we have
00:30:22.980
a lot of creature comforts, you know, when it gets cold, we turn the heater on and how, you know,
00:30:27.120
we were in London last week and it took us five and a half hours to fly to London. Like how amazing
00:30:32.580
is that? I know that was months. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we, and, and we toured all the,
00:30:38.820
the castles and the tower of London and, you know, to see even what Kings, the condition Kings were
00:30:45.460
living in was like, Oh, this is brutal compared to what we live in now. So it's, it's pretty amazing
00:30:52.100
what we have, but we need to consider that the comforts that we have might be a great enemy of
00:30:58.520
ours to our wellbeing and our growth. Yeah. CJ Vanek. I work with a guy who is very difficult and wants
00:31:07.140
everything to be done his way, even if it isn't the safest and most efficient way. I know he will
00:31:13.300
not listen to me. It is better to keep pushing against his stupidity or just knuckle under and
00:31:19.020
try to avoid him. Well, it depends on the hierarchy of the, of who this guy is. If he's a, if he's a guy,
00:31:28.100
if he's at your level, let's say, then you need to appeal to the higher ups. And I'm not saying
00:31:34.340
rat this guy out or throw him under the bus, but I'm, I'm saying that you need to prove yourself
00:31:38.380
capable of leading the project or the task. So the, uh, upper level management looks at you and
00:31:44.500
says, Hey, you got the, you got the lead on this one. Right? So that's what I would do in that
00:31:50.300
situation. What would I do if he's above me? I would let him do his thing and I would try to help
00:31:56.280
him win where I could. And I would look good in his eyes and I would try to gain favor in his eyes,
00:32:00.720
not by being a brown noser, but by doing the work well and helping him win. And then gradually you
0.98
00:32:08.520
might earn his level of trust. Now, if you're in a dangerous situation, you may need to go up the
00:32:13.820
chain of command so that you're not putting him yourself or anybody else at risk. That's something
00:32:18.980
entirely different, but if it's not dangerous, it's just inefficient and ineffective, help him win,
00:32:26.160
show your leaders that you should be the guy calling the shots and, uh, and consider looking
00:32:33.620
for new employment. Yeah. I'm wondering for CJ, if there's ever an opportunity here where you guys can
00:32:39.700
divvy up tasks. So then that way his inefficiencies aren't affecting you per se as much. And you're
00:32:47.860
saying, okay, I'm going to tackle this over here. You tackle that portion. We come together. And then
00:32:52.580
that way you're not necessarily affected as much by the things that he's doing, but you can still
00:32:57.340
have that value of being efficient with, with your tasks in particular. So I wonder if there's
00:33:03.320
some opportunity there to kind of divvy up the work. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a challenge here.
00:33:08.520
If you just continue to do it his way, especially if he's at your same level, because if the project
00:33:14.180
fails, he's going to throw you under the bus. Yeah. Right. So you, you've got to find a way to stand
00:33:21.120
out, to shine, to excel and, and really prove to your management that you're the guy who should be
00:33:27.460
making the calls. Yeah. And there might be some value here too, to understand like, why, why does
00:33:34.140
he want to do it that way? I know. I mean, it's really simple for us to say, I mean, obviously we
00:33:39.460
have like what, two sentences here to describe this guy that, that you've been working with. So
00:33:44.100
he's such a jerk. I hate this guy. Idiot. But, but maybe, maybe you're wrong.
00:33:51.880
Yeah. Maybe he's right. Yeah. Good call. So, uh, consider it, or maybe he's focused on like
00:33:58.980
it's inefficient, but maybe quality is really important to him and he wants it really done
00:34:04.300
perfectly. And he, maybe he's been told by management that take your time, just make sure
00:34:09.560
it's perfect. And you're seeing it as like, this is highly inefficient, wasting our time.
00:34:12.660
Like, so maybe ask, maybe understand a little bit more why he's doing it different.
00:34:18.040
Yeah. Those are good. Those are good perspectives. Also, maybe it's his ego. I mean, if he really
00:34:22.880
is this way, it's, it's not to dismiss what you just said, but if he really is this way,
00:34:27.900
he's probably ego driven. Okay. Well, good. That's good to know. Feed into his ego.
00:34:32.000
So yeah, simply play the game. Right. Jeff, uh, bombing. I can't go to, I can't go to all
00:34:42.300
my daughter's daughter's school and extracurricular events without missing work or limiting personal
00:34:48.240
downtime. I'm fortunate to have the flexibility to give up time at work and an obvious personal
00:34:53.680
time, but how do you prioritize which kids events to attend? Pick your favorite kid.
00:35:02.000
I'm making you laugh now. That was, that was good. That was pretty good.
00:35:08.860
You just do it. That's it. You just, you just do it. Like you don't, you're overthinking this.
00:35:16.140
Like if you went to little Billy's baseball game last week, go to little Susan's dance recital this
00:35:20.240
week. Okay. Do your best. You can't, you can't do it all. Explain to your kids why you can't do it
00:35:27.220
all. I don't know if, if your wife is in the picture. If she is, then, you know, you divide
0.56
00:35:32.540
and conquer. There's been times where wife's gone to my son's baseball game and I've gone to my
00:35:38.360
daughter's soccer game. And so we both couldn't see it, but we both took pictures. We both supported
00:35:42.800
and let our kids know that they were loved and had support. Uh, but, but these, these are things
00:35:47.620
you shouldn't overthink. You should car. I do believe that you should carve work time out and personal
00:35:53.180
timeout to attend your, attend your kids as things, you know, for coaching, for example, uh, I, I would
00:35:59.060
love to coach all of my kids teams. I can't. So one year I'm going to coach my oldest. The next year I
00:36:04.660
coached my second and so on, because that's, that's what they need from me. And it was hard to make those
00:36:12.600
decisions, but it's not really supposed to be easy. You just give love and attention to all of them
00:36:18.620
as best you can, as equally as you can divide and conquer with your spouse and your partner.
00:36:22.580
And make it work. Yeah. I think the key thing that you said, Brian is, is attention, right? Like
00:36:31.120
ultimately, why do you want to go to the event? What's the purpose? The purpose is so your kids
00:36:37.500
know that you support them. Okay. Well, if you can't make it to the event, how do you support them?
00:36:42.080
Right. Mom records the video. You come home, you sit on the couch and you say, Oh, mom recorded your
00:36:46.880
thing. Come sit down. Let me watch how you did. Right. You watch it together. So they see your excitement of,
00:36:52.460
of, of you watching them perform or, you know, do their event or whatever. And guess what? You
00:36:57.520
didn't have to be there, but they, they saw your excitement. You, you communicated your excitement.
00:37:02.920
You, you know, like you said, set expectation that you couldn't make it, but you really wanted
00:37:06.380
to be there and watch the event with them sitting on the couch. You had just accomplished the same
00:37:11.000
thing. So I think it's get down to why it's important that you go and figure out how do you
00:37:16.840
address that? And maybe another way when you have to divide and conquer. Yep. I like it.
00:37:21.740
All right. Zurich Meraz, Movember men's mental health in general. So I'm going to pull it totally
00:37:32.200
pull audible. So I was talking to Cody and he's going to put together a, uh, uh, Movember order of man page.
00:37:41.140
Should we bring it up on the podcast? Yeah. Do you know where, what it is, what it is? It's like,
00:37:47.840
uh, like the URL. No, I don't, but we'll share it on the Facebook group. Okay. Yeah. That'd be
00:37:53.020
great. Is that cool? All right. Yeah. Did that guy have a question about Movember? No, I think he
00:37:57.680
just wanted us to talk about it. There you go. Yeah. What, what do you, what do you do? I don't,
00:38:04.060
what's, what's the thing. Do you know, uh, Movember? Yeah. I think it's just raising,
00:38:12.260
um, money towards like, I thought, I thought it was actually towards. Oh, it's a, it's a fundraising
00:38:17.920
for men's men's men. Yeah. Remember you don't shave for November. You get it. Yeah. I'm going to,
00:38:22.460
I'll do that. I won't shave for November. Ryan's good. Ryan's going to participate. I think you're
00:38:26.840
supposed to shave it at the beginning of the month, which I'm not doing that. Um, yeah, I don't know.
00:38:33.020
Just whatever. Like, sure. Okay. If we want to create a page, then cool. If you, if you want to
00:38:39.520
do it yourself, that's, that's cool. Like whatever. I think the, to provide value to Xeric's statement
00:38:47.180
here is, um, get involved. If there's something that moves and inspires you run with it, you know,
00:38:53.580
whether it's, uh, whether it's sharing the order of man podcast, because you appreciate what we talk
00:38:58.420
about here or whether it's increasing, uh, mental health and raising money for some other event.
00:39:03.820
Like I love that, that people kind of get connected to something and they kind of think beyond
00:39:10.300
themselves and try to drive and provide value in a way. So if that's something that interests you
00:39:15.740
run for it, the only problem with that movement is it's just for November. So what are you going to
00:39:20.480
do the other, uh, 11 months of the year? But yeah, I mean, there's probably other things to do
00:39:25.000
within the organization. Cause I think Cody's pretty involved in it, but yeah, I think like
00:39:28.940
you said, if it inspires you and you want to get going and by all means do it. Okay. Well,
00:39:34.620
we'll post something about Movember on the Facebook group. So if you guys aren't there,
00:39:39.360
join us there, facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And if you are there, look for a post.
00:39:44.480
Cool. I'm good. All right. Sam Johnson, what advice do you have for men who work in white
0.79
00:39:49.280
collar environments dominated by women? Be the best, whatever you can be, which would be the
0.98
00:39:58.380
same, whether it's not dominated by women or not. So who cares? What like kind of a weird question?
00:40:03.620
No, I mean, uh, it might be, but just be, be the best, whatever insurance salesman or doctor or nurse
00:40:12.840
or I don't know, whatever your, whatever your thing is, like just be the best at it. You know,
00:40:17.900
women, obviously, generally speaking are going to be a different personality than men. So you're
1.00
00:40:22.760
going to have to deal with that. You're going to have to probably deal with a little bit more
00:40:25.980
potentially gossip. Uh, you know, there's things, uh, so you recognize it, you acknowledge it,
00:40:32.820
you know, it's there. Otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question. So just, just play the game,
00:40:37.220
be a good employee, do the best you can help them win, finish your projects and your tasks and help
00:40:42.440
the organization succeed. The end. Cool. Daniel wires, raising a bunch of boys. How are you bringing
00:40:50.900
them into manhood and dealing with the teen years? Fortunately, I don't have a teenager yet,
00:40:56.420
so I haven't had to deal with that. Uh, but I just stay involved. I stay very active. You know,
00:41:02.600
we go camping and we go hiking and my oldest son and I worked out in, in our front room the last
00:41:08.060
night, you know, we were, we're going to go hunting this weekend. Like we just do things together.
00:41:13.260
That's what I would say. And I actually heard something very interesting from Dennis Prager
00:41:17.740
just yesterday as, as I was listening to his podcast, cause somebody asked a similar question
00:41:22.360
and he said, you know, the standard answer is to, to be an example and that's good. He said,
00:41:28.500
the problem is, is it fall short. And the analogy that he used is he said, imagine that I'm a great
00:41:33.800
pianist and that I want my son or daughter to be, uh, become a great pianist as well.
00:41:39.440
Can I teach them to be a great pianist by being a good example, by being a good, good at playing
00:41:44.420
the piano? Yeah, no, of course not. It's not enough to just be a good example. You have to actually
00:41:50.360
teach as well. And through the lessons and your example, that's what helps that individual thrive
00:41:56.760
into something that you'd like him to become. It's the same thing with, with our kids, with our sons,
00:42:01.940
for example, you'd be a great example of what it means to be a man. You'd be the protector, the
00:42:06.000
provider, the presider that we're all working to become listening to this podcast. You'd be that
00:42:10.620
individual. And then you help your sons connect the dots. This is what it means. This is why we work
00:42:15.660
out. This is why we hunt. This is why we provide. This is why we train. This is why we do, uh, read
00:42:20.420
books. This is why we, uh, do everything that we do. This is why, so that we can be the men that
00:42:27.160
we're supposed to be. And we can lead and we can protect and we can provide for our loved ones and
00:42:31.140
ourselves, connect the dots for them, teach them those lessons and then be the example so that they
00:42:36.720
see what they can strive towards. Yeah. And, and back to your original point, right? I'm assuming
00:42:41.880
what you're saying is, and by spending time with your son, that creates those opportunities for you
00:42:47.600
to teach, for you to be an example, to show them the way, like that's not going to happen if you're
00:42:53.120
not hanging around your son at all. And then all of a sudden you're like, all right, lesson number five,
00:42:57.060
let me read it off to you. When these things happen, this is what you do. Like it's just not
00:43:01.520
going to be as effective. And we're boys. We know, we already know this. I, that's how I learn.
00:43:06.940
Most boys learn through action in the process of doing something. And those opportunities present
00:43:11.880
themselves strictly by spending time with your children. And, and I would say again, to reiterate
00:43:17.460
this, it's not enough just to spend the time. You have to connect the dots. Take jujitsu,
00:43:22.200
for example, if I'm rolling with my, my children, I mean, I could dominate them, right? Obviously
00:43:29.260
because I'm bigger and maybe, maybe not. Kip's like, I don't know. Okay. So, but if I do a move
00:43:39.720
and I don't teach them, okay, here's, here's why you got into that position or, Hey, when you're in
00:43:46.360
this position, try this. If I don't pause and explain the process and the steps, they're just
00:43:54.380
going to get beat up. And that's not the objective. Yeah. The objective isn't just to beat them up.
00:43:59.680
It's to teach them. So you got to pause and you got to stop. This came down to a question. Uh, I think
00:44:04.900
what a couple of weeks ago, when somebody was talking about, do you ever, do you ever let your
00:44:09.240
kids win when you're, you're playing with them? It's not about winning and losing. I know that I can
00:44:14.620
beat my son in basketball, like beating him. And if that's my sole purpose would just be like an ego
00:44:22.240
thing. And that's stupid because I don't know how you can develop and build an ego beating a,
00:44:26.240
an 11 year old boy at basketball, but guys do it. That's not the objective. The objective is to help
00:44:33.540
them learn the game, learn the skills of life, get better, and, and be able to apply the lessons from
00:44:40.460
sports to life. Sometimes that requires you going hard and other times it requires you easing up,
00:44:48.020
pulling back on the reins a little bit and, and explaining things and teaching fundamentals so
00:44:54.580
that they can improve. Just use some discernment as a man and figure out what's going to be best
00:44:59.580
for your son's sons and daughter as well. Cool. All right. Last question. Is that cool?
00:45:07.080
Sure. I know you got to get going. So all right, Chris bitters better be a good one.
00:45:10.780
Well, it's a, maybe we'll see. Uh, when are your shirts and hats going to be made in the USA?
00:45:16.960
So I'm assuming he's asking about, I lost your audio. It sounds like Kip. Yep. Sorry. Oh,
00:45:23.000
there we go. So I'm assuming this comes down to his order man gear going to be, uh, kind of funneled
00:45:28.280
through origin eventually is, is kind of what I'm assuming the question is. Uh, the shirts and hats
00:45:34.280
will be made in America when they have the best quality. I mean, right now the shirts and hats we use
00:45:40.240
are the best. We get so many hats, so many compliments in our shirts and hats. And so,
00:45:44.420
um, they're printed in America, they're sewn in America. Uh, but I want to, I want it to be the
00:45:53.140
best. So when origin or whoever else makes like the best shirt and they are, I've talked to them.
00:46:01.140
They're, they're in the process of that right now. Um, then that's who we're going to use.
00:46:05.020
Cool. That's good answer. All right, gentlemen, that's a wrap for today. So we mentioned this
00:46:13.700
a handful of times, support the podcast, subscribe, uh, visit us on YouTube. That's
00:46:19.140
youtube.com slash order of man. And we brought this up a handful of times and these questions
00:46:24.620
were filled with from the Facebook group. So join us on facebook.com slash group slash order of man.
00:46:29.220
We do still have openings for the legacy event, uh, June 11th through the 14th, 2020 in Maine. Um,
00:46:37.820
that's for men and young boys between the ages of eight to 15 years old. You can learn more at
00:46:44.860
order of man.com slash legacy. And of course you can follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram
00:46:51.140
at Ryan Mickler. That's M I C H L E R also pronounced Mitchler for some people.
00:46:59.000
You should, you should hear how many people slaughter my name. It's crazy. Uh, they announced
00:47:05.520
the roster for football. And so hearing them try to say my last name here for my son as they announced
00:47:11.560
his name. That's crazy. They say K Mickler. Uh, no, they've never said Mickler yet. Okay. Say
00:47:17.940
Mickler, Michular or something. Yeah. Just weird things. I'm like, really? Like I get Mitchler. I can
00:47:26.300
understand Mitchler. I can see that. There's no T in it, but I could still see it. Uh, but it is
00:47:31.720
Mickler. Thanks Kip for confusing this and everybody. Sorry. Yeah, it is what it is.
00:47:38.780
Well, we're going to make a, like a, I think we're going to make a persona of you of like a hipster,
00:47:45.040
um, feminist guy by the name of Brian Mitchler. Maybe I would like to see that. That'd be funny.
1.00
00:47:57.100
He's, does he have a, he probably has a beard like me anyways, probably got a man, probably
00:48:01.540
has a man bun. Yeah. Man bun with a trim beard, a trim beard. Yeah. Perfect. I like it. All right,
00:48:09.080
guys. We'll, uh, on that parting note, we'll get going, but Hey, I want to let you know,
00:48:13.340
I appreciate you. The podcast continues to grow. YouTube is continuing to grow. This movement is
00:48:18.260
just really, really starting to take off. I feel like we're starting to hit some strides here and
00:48:22.100
it's because of you. Uh, we appreciate you being in this battle. We appreciate your desire to become
00:48:26.960
a more capable man and, and giving us the ability to be able to share these things with you for better
00:48:31.740
or worse. Uh, but we're glad, we're glad we're all in this together. All right, guys, we'll let you get
00:48:36.120
going until Friday. Yeah. Friday for our Friday. If you'll know, let's go out there, take action,
00:48:40.600
and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:48:45.280
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:48:49.060
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.