Order of Man - Preparing Kids for a Move, Crafting a Compelling Vision, and How to Build a Movement ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.020 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.280 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.860 you can call yourself a man. Sean, how you doing, sir? Great. How are you? Good, man.

00:00:30.000 We were just talking. We have lots going on. You have family things happening, lots of family

00:00:35.480 things. Business is good. I think I've created my own chaos on my own as well, but as long as

00:00:43.440 it's self-inflicted, maybe it's a little bit easier to swallow. Yeah. That tends to be,

00:00:50.680 at least for me, it's always nonstop. People say they're busy and it's always that, but it's all

00:00:56.880 self-inflicted and it's always good. Yeah. Generally speaking. Well, I mean, with me,

00:01:02.200 Frank, right? Like is all suffering and stress really self-inflicted from a stoic philosophy?

00:01:08.020 I guess we could all say yes. So choose your battle, right? Or choose your problems. I've always

00:01:14.400 loved, years and years ago, I picked this up from someone. I don't even remember what it was,

00:01:19.980 but it was like, life has problems. It's better when you get to choose yours. Yeah. So choose your

00:01:26.020 problems, you know? And it's, and it, and it, I don't know if you run into people like this where,

00:01:32.120 and it's almost like the busy thing where you could know someone that retires, has all the time

00:01:40.940 in the, in the, in the, in the world to spend and they're busy or the person that is no longer

00:01:48.320 working there, there may be chilled and they have problems. Like, I think it's almost human nature for

00:01:55.100 us to feel busy and for us to create problems. So we might as well be intentional and take on a

00:02:01.460 legit problem versus creating our own mental problems of drama or whatever else, you know,

00:02:06.940 comes up in our lives. So, yeah. Yeah. I like the, uh, I heard it said is choose your suck.

00:02:14.460 Yeah. You know, I mean, there's something's going to suck all the time. Right. And you could be 0.99

00:02:19.100 destitute and barely getting by and stressed out, not able to pay bills and, you know, physically

00:02:26.300 jacked up or whatever, or you can work your ass off to not have any of that stuff going on and 0.64

00:02:33.380 creates other stresses. You know, either one's going to suck, but choose your suck. Yeah. I like 1.00

00:02:38.500 that. Choose your suck. The just one more thought on this topic is sometimes I think when guys might 1.00

00:02:49.780 be listening, going, Oh, so these guys are talking about working out or, um, dealing with like other

00:02:57.400 hardships or whatever, what we're also saying is you don't like homelessness. Choose that as your

00:03:04.060 suck. You don't like, um, uh, what we all should dislike this, but like child sex trafficking, you 1.00

00:03:11.840 want to take that on choose that as your suck. Like there is enough problems in this world that if you 0.99

00:03:19.480 feel like you're wrapped up around the horn and you got drama in your life, choose better drama,

00:03:24.300 like literally go take on something and make it your problem geographically, maybe in your community

00:03:30.860 or within your state and do something about it. Choose your suck. And, and I ironically, when we do 0.99

00:03:35.840 that, all these other things that used to make us upset become not critical because we're not in our 0.97

00:03:43.600 heads around stupid, maybe family drama or even politics because you're about something. Yeah. 0.99

00:03:50.780 Yeah. When you're about something, how much clarity you get around the minute, less important things

00:03:59.280 of the world. I interrupted you. No, I was going to say, and generally when you do that, you're around

00:04:04.560 real problems, real issues, you know, people that are really suffering and not the kind of the

00:04:11.520 self-inflicted stuff we're talking about. Yeah. And it gives us perspective. Yeah. I like it. I don't

00:04:18.060 know. Take something on guys. If you haven't do it, let us know what it is. All right. We're going

00:04:22.660 to fill the questions from Facebook today. If you haven't joined us there, go to facebook.com

00:04:27.140 slash group slash order of man. We have a handful of questions. It's going to be Sean and I this week

00:04:32.360 and next week as Mr. Mickler, is he still hunting next week as well? Yeah, he is. Yeah. He's in Molokai.

00:04:39.960 So he's out hunting with his son. You get us. We'll do our best to give you thoughts and ideas to

00:04:45.680 consider for yourselves so you can make those decisions on your own. Not necessarily just

00:04:51.660 take for, you know, take our word for it, right? That's the whole point of, of these conversations

00:04:56.800 is really to generate the thought and the idea and the discussion for us to come to our own

00:05:02.080 conclusions on what is best for us. So once again, facebook.com slash group slash order of man,

00:05:08.280 a quick plug, um, iron council opens up this week, this Thursday. So if you've been on the fence,

00:05:16.140 you've been wanting to join us, that window is going to be open for roughly about the remainder

00:05:20.900 of June, and then it's going to close back down. So if you're on the fence, join us, go to, uh,

00:05:26.360 order of man.com slash iron council. Um, if this is something you want to do, let me give some

00:05:33.760 coaching, even though you guys may not be wanting it. Here's some coaching. If you want something

00:05:39.200 and you feel like you, you want to get buy-in from your spouse. So let's say Sean goes and this

00:05:46.880 could, this works for anything. Sean wants to go on a hunting trip for two weeks. I want to go to,

00:05:52.620 to Brazil for a month. You want to join the iron council, whatever that is. This is what you do.

00:05:58.760 You sit down and it's father's day. So like, this makes it even easier coming up, but you communicate

00:06:04.840 why it's important, right? Why this is important to you. You don't try to sell them. You just be

00:06:10.420 honest and explain why it's important to you. And then what you do is you say for me, for you to feel

00:06:18.000 good about me making that decision, what would you like me to do? So you feel good about it between

00:06:24.580 now and then, what do I need to do to make you feel good about it? And then, and then document

00:06:30.780 what that is. And then honor that commitment. That's how you pull it off anything. And, and that's,

00:06:37.040 that's clarity around making and keeping commitments and setting expectations and clearly communicating

00:06:43.900 what's important to you. So there you go. We gave you the formula for all those guys that was on the

00:06:48.440 fence about joining the IC. That's how you do it. All right. I'm sorry, Sean, I'll, I'll get to the

00:06:52.680 questions here. All right. John McDermott question. My ex-wife is moving to Kansas city later this 0.93

00:06:59.080 summer, which means I will move to Kansas city or near there also so that, so I won't have to travel

00:07:06.000 two hours to see my kids. The issue is that my son is very apprehensive about moving. He and his sister

00:07:13.520 have lived in the same town in the Southwest Missouri since they were born for the question.

00:07:19.020 How do I encourage him to embrace acceptance in this rather than becoming more hyper emotional

00:07:25.560 for the record? I've moved overseas when I was his age and it shaped me into the person I am today.

00:07:31.160 I am a better person because of it. I believe.

00:07:35.540 Well, moving's hard no matter what. Yeah. You just did this with your family.

00:07:41.540 Has it been a year already? Yeah. One year, almost exactly.

00:07:45.140 Okay. And I mean, just lots of conversations. And at the end of the day, if you get any of your kids

00:07:53.960 happy about it, that's a miracle. I mean, it's no one likes change in general and kids, depending on

00:08:02.920 the ages, you know, I had my daughter going into her senior year of high school. I had my,

00:08:07.960 my son going into his senior year of middle school and, um, and you know, my other son going into seventh

00:08:16.620 grade and my little guy didn't care really. Um, but all the teenagers, I mean, they were not happy

00:08:25.240 and, you know, especially the two oldest because their friend group is so important to them

00:08:33.340 and leaving that was difficult. And so had to have a lot of fairly heavy conversations and a lot of

00:08:43.700 tears. And, um, ultimately the explanation of why, and to try and help them look long-term

00:08:55.120 at the benefit of why was all we could do. And then a lot of prayer, a lot of trying to keep focused on,

00:09:06.080 uh, trust in the overall plan for our family and, and then let it land where it did.

00:09:18.420 And here we are a year later and it's the dust is just settling in that for us. And so I don't know

00:09:27.740 what his experience was as a kid going overseas. I mean, I don't know if there's a different language

00:09:32.760 involved or any of that as well. And, and yeah, you grow from it and my kids have had a lot of growth,

00:09:39.720 but it was also really difficult. And so, and, and I think things went fairly smooth for us as well.

00:09:48.480 They, they met friends right away, new friends, they got into, you know, good friend groups,

00:09:56.260 they got into activities, into sports, into, so they weren't lacking in those areas and it was still

00:10:03.120 really hard. Um, but the most important thing I think on our end was the, the conversations had by

00:10:10.100 my wife and I, and there'll be separate conversations. So I think it's going to be

00:10:15.080 important, you know, him and his wife being aligned, aligned and, and talking through with each other,

00:10:24.120 the conversations they've been having, um, with each of the kids and then just making sure they're

00:10:30.280 taking the time to have those conversations with them as often as I guess the kids will allow.

00:10:37.060 Yeah. How's it's been a year now. What's your daughter's opinion since it's been a year? She just

00:10:44.060 graduated, right? Um, is she still resentful and kind of upset about the move or as she like, I don't

00:10:52.340 know, like how long did it take for the kids are like, okay, this is status quo, you know?

00:10:56.720 Yeah, it's, she's fine with it. But our advantage with her was that she wasn't, we were in California,

00:11:04.500 so she wasn't in school. She was online for two years. And so she hadn't gone back to school. So

00:11:10.580 her going to her senior year would have been similar to going to a new school anyways.

00:11:16.340 Yeah. Um, because she hadn't been in school and she would, we put her in a private online

00:11:22.020 one-on-one school because the, the online stuff was so bad. Yeah. Um, and, and so she lost sports,

00:11:32.280 all the stuff she was doing was gone anyways. And so, um, that helped, I think. Um, I don't know if

00:11:40.540 she's totally over it. Like she still wants to go see some friends if she can in California before

00:11:45.760 she starts school, but she did get into BYU. So that's helpful. Um, you know, part of all of this

00:11:51.500 actually, I think helped her get into that school and more than anything, that's, that's part of the

00:11:56.160 conversations we've been having is I'm like, look, no matter how you're feeling about this, this year,

00:12:01.820 the senior year, your experience, and it's been a good experience. Um, just know this next four years

00:12:07.280 that's coming is probably going to be some of the best of your life. Yeah. You know? And so look,

00:12:12.680 let's look forward to that. Let's focus on that. Let's get you prepared for that. And so honestly,

00:12:18.600 she's, I think we've gotten closer probably over the last couple of months, um, than we have so far.

00:12:27.980 Um, again, through that conversation, kind of, I don't want to say forcing the conversation,

00:12:33.760 but talking to her, you know, sometimes when she didn't really want to or necessarily feel like it.

00:12:38.820 Um, but now it's become much more open. And now that she's got these possibilities for

00:12:45.780 what's on its way because she's used to being in those conversations and these are

00:12:50.740 more comfortable. Um, we've, we've gotten very close through the process. So it's been cool.

00:12:58.160 Hey, let me know if you need anything. We're not far from there. So if you want me to run some

00:13:02.740 interference or whatever, why your daughter's at BYU. So, um, you know, it's funny about this. Uh,

00:13:11.600 and I don't, we didn't get the names or the ages, I mean, from John on his kids, but yeah, let me give

00:13:17.600 you an example of how irrational children are anyway. Right. So like, even if they're upset about it,

00:13:23.040 it's like, they're going to be upset about things that don't even logically make sense. Right. Like we,

00:13:28.300 we have both of our daughters in, um, kind of a private school. Um, I can explain some other time,

00:13:35.200 but, uh, in a private school where they can use the bathroom whenever they want. They don't have to

00:13:40.720 ask. Yeah. If they work better on a couch in the break room, they can do their work there. They can

00:13:48.020 sit in the classroom. Like there's literally kind of like no rules. Yeah. There is, there's a rule.

00:13:55.680 There are set rules. How you get there is up to you and they're self-directed in their process.

00:14:00.340 So the freedoms that they experience in their school is like night and day compared to public

00:14:06.680 school. Here's the rub. They go talk to their old friends and they share this with their old friends

00:14:13.680 and their old friends are like, this is crazy. No way. That's amazing. Right. Guess what? My daughter

00:14:18.760 has complained about to me that I want to kind of go to a school where like, you just can't go to

00:14:25.620 the bathroom whenever you want. And where I have to, you know, like literally she explains like

00:14:30.780 the crappy aspects of school that she wishes that she had. Well, it's like, they don't know what they

00:14:37.560 want. You know what I mean? It's like, if it wasn't that it would be, she'd be complaining about

00:14:41.760 something else. And so, you know, I, I went a bit too much weight into it, obviously. I mean,

00:14:47.480 help them understand, seek, uh, communicate the desired outcome, the bigger picture.

00:14:52.700 But I really like what you said, Sean is just like, let them be where they are. Right. Like

00:14:58.600 they'll process it and, and eventually, you know, they'll be fine. I'm sure. But yeah, well,

00:15:04.640 let me ask you this. I mean, because you're not moving, but you're going to be leaving the country

00:15:10.660 for over a month. And so I bet your girls are not happy about that. Right. They're leaving their

00:15:15.600 friends for the summer. They're excited about it. They're excited. Yeah. Yeah. They're not.

00:15:21.120 Oh, wow. Yeah. Slightly upset about it, but, but we, they travel really well and our kids love

00:15:29.380 traveling. So we went to Barcelona was it earlier this year for a couple of weeks and they're just

00:15:37.180 great. They're just great travelers. So, uh, there's no pushback, but we make it really fun or I

00:15:43.060 shouldn't, I shouldn't say we, my wife makes it really fun. And so, um, it's hard not to pick that

00:15:51.060 up from people when they're excited about life and they are having a blast. And so I think they get

00:15:56.800 that from their mom and they're just like, good to go. So that, you know what, that's a key. I'm glad

00:16:02.480 you said that because that was for us, this move, even though it was hard, I, and I was probably the

00:16:09.920 best in our family at doing this is keeping us in the positive of why all of the great things,

00:16:15.500 all of the good that, that came with the move and, and for the future and for their future families and

00:16:22.100 kids and everything else. And, um, you know, and, and the, the focus on the positive aspect of why we

00:16:30.340 were doing it, um, and the benefits, um, again, which is hard when you're in the moment of why you

00:16:36.800 don't like it. And in their situation, you know, like you're going to have to, you're going to have

00:16:41.360 to drum up the positives. Um, you know, cause it's an overall, like not the ideal situation,

00:16:47.980 but really focus on the good, you know, and all of the little good things that kind of happen in

00:16:54.540 process. Yeah. And the flip side of that, right. Sean is like, you're angry, pissed off, grumpy about

00:17:01.860 the whole move process, right? Like your daughters are going to be like, uh, like even more upset 1.00

00:17:06.820 about it. Probably. Yeah. It makes it worse. Yeah. If you weren't intentional around how you're

00:17:11.580 showing up around the move. Yeah. That's a good point. All right. Ben Walston difficulty with vision.

00:17:18.960 Is it about giving yourself permission to be more getting it wrong? Always had difficult with it.

00:17:25.800 Even after talking with the Texas Yeti, thanks Kip and Sean. All right. So Ben here, difficulty with

00:17:35.280 vision and throws out some ideas, right? Getting it wrong, uh, giving your permission to be more kind

00:17:41.960 of that whole dreamy aspect of it all. Just always had difficulty with setting up his vision. So what I

00:17:47.980 guess overall tips and suggestions, recommendations, I don't know what works, what has worked for you?

00:17:52.680 Well, the biggest challenge for most people is almost nobody really knows what they want.

00:18:01.080 They think they do. And until you start the process of trying to really know what you want,

00:18:09.000 you're not going to know. So you got to start somewhere and start with something that,

00:18:13.940 I mean, I think it's great to add some things that may sound ridiculous to you now,

00:18:18.440 um, just that you think you want dreamy and that might change. Yeah. But at least start with that

00:18:25.320 and it'll evolve. I mean, my vision for what I want my life to be is vastly different than it was

00:18:35.160 24 years ago when I started my self-development journey in my early twenties. And I feel fortunate

00:18:42.520 that I started in my early twenties and it's, I mean, from my business aspect, being in a financial

00:18:52.520 services business where I'm helping people plan for their futures. And I'm just, and this is just

00:18:58.040 on the financial side. It trickles into other parts of their life as well. But when you're talking

00:19:02.480 about just the financial side, it's amazing how many thousands of people I've sat with in the last 24

00:19:09.000 years that are in their fifties and sixties and still don't know really what they want to do with

00:19:16.220 their life and who they want to be and how they want it to look and feel. Um, you know, and like I

00:19:22.800 said, it's, you can't talk about people's money without the other parts coming up, but most people

00:19:28.980 are just winging it. Yeah. And by the time we get to them in their fifties and sixties, they've,

00:19:33.460 they've been winging it most of the time. And so it's, I think just start and start to

00:19:40.460 pursue. What is it that I want? Who do I want to be? How do I want that to feel? And, and then start

00:19:49.620 whatever you think the best process to getting there is. And you'll see, it'll evolve. It'll grow.

00:19:56.020 It'll change. And then put yourself in an environment that'll help fertilize that. 0.95

00:20:01.280 Yeah. One thing is a good place for that. Yeah. Other groups, an analogy that, that we've used in

00:20:09.220 the past. So, and I won't beat it up too much. Cause I'm sure a lot of guys have already heard

00:20:13.280 us talk about this, but it's, it's like hiking to a peak. Right. And, and it's ironic is what most

00:20:19.620 people are doing. They're like, well, you know, I want to go to a peak, which one, you know, I don't

00:20:23.200 know. And so they're just wandering around the Valley, right? Like not sure what peak might show up

00:20:30.000 accidentally on their list. And, and what I heard you say, Sean, which I think is profound is

00:20:36.000 sometimes you have no idea how to get to that peak until you get over a ridge. And that's the reality.

00:20:43.460 You don't know what you don't know. And so much knowledge is made available to us once we start

00:20:51.100 taking action. And now the unknown becomes known to us. It's not, you're not possible. Sometimes it's

00:20:57.800 not even a possible for us to even create the quote unquote ideal vision because you don't have

00:21:03.380 the experience, the reps or whatever to even make that decision. So what do you do? You, you plant

00:21:09.720 your flag on it, on a peak and on your way to the peak, you learn, you grow and you go, oh, you know

00:21:16.740 what? This is an okay peak, but that one over there now resonates with me, but you would have never

00:21:23.340 known it resonated with you. If you didn't start progressing towards something. Is that,

00:21:28.000 is that a good analogy, Sean, based upon what you're saying? Is that fair? Or did I disrupt

00:21:34.360 anything you just said? No, it was great. And especially if you've been in the back country

00:21:39.800 at all, you know, that it's a legit, pretty much every time you get to the first ridge, you realize

00:21:47.980 it's going to be way harder to get to that peak than you originally thought, because you'll see

00:21:52.760 more valleys and more ridges. And what you thought was a ridge on a range that you were going to

00:22:00.920 basically kind of traverse, you find out is like three peaks over, you know, there's several different

00:22:08.940 ridges, the ridge lines that you're going to have to take. And so true. So, you know what I like the

00:22:15.000 fact that you just like, Oh, and guess what? It's going to be a lot harder than you realize.

00:22:19.020 You're like, Oh man, this is way harder. But here's where I think we get wrong. Sometimes

00:22:23.280 is guys will get to that ridge, Sean, and then be like, Oh, and then they'll beat themselves up.

00:22:29.040 Oh man, I shouldn't have gone this way. I knew my vision was wrong. This wasn't the right peak.

00:22:33.780 And then they'll, and then they'll stay hung out on that ridge because they don't want to make the

00:22:37.900 mistake again. When it was never a mistake, it was what was needed for us to learn and grow.

00:22:43.820 Yeah. Period. So don't Ben, try not to get wrapped up in what I'm hearing kind of in your language,

00:22:51.780 the right or wrong vision. Your vision is your vision. It is what it is. It's what it's based

00:22:59.320 upon where you are. It's perfect. And based upon where you're going to be in a year, it's not going

00:23:05.080 to be perfect. And that's when we self-evaluate and we evolve and we change it. Okay. So let me ask

00:23:11.000 you this, Sean, because part of the, I think it's important to connect to this is, well, why,

00:23:16.060 why even have a vision anyway? Right? So some people might be listening and is like, Oh, what,

00:23:21.600 what I even understand. Why does Ben even care about quote unquote, having a vision and all this

00:23:27.840 kind of jazz. So how, what, what role has that played in your life and what recommendations would

00:23:33.960 we give guys about establishing a vision and what do you use it for?

00:23:40.020 Hmm. Well, I mentioned the evolution when I was in my early twenties, I just wanted something more.

00:23:47.120 I wanted to control my time schedule. I didn't want someone to have their thumb on me. Like I didn't

00:23:51.820 want to have to ask to go to the bathroom anymore. Like you were talking about in school, you know,

00:23:57.060 like to have a job like that, where literally, if you want to go to the bathroom or you want to eat

00:24:00.960 a meal, you have to ask someone else controlling you. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, um, and so I wanted to

00:24:06.740 not have that. Um, and then I, there were financial things that I wanted that I thought were where my

00:24:14.660 vision lied. And then as I started in that process, I started figuring out, Hey, in order for me to

00:24:21.460 accumulate more wealth or money or those financial things that I want, I'm going to have to build my

00:24:27.020 character to be able to handle it when I get it. And then, so my vision became more about my

00:24:32.800 character strength and being able to attract and retain other people of that character and value as

00:24:40.880 well. And so then my focus became that being a person of value, a person of integrity, a person of, um,

00:24:50.860 you know, hard work, a good example, you know, there's so many different things that I worked on

00:24:58.520 that I needed to, um, at that time. And so it evolved into that. And then when all of that started

00:25:07.580 happening, then it became about significance and impact and legacy and generational impact in,

00:25:17.200 and, and more thought led into those sorts of things. And, um, and so that, you know, I mean,

00:25:25.920 we talk about our battle plans and, uh, the best battle plan start with a, with a, I think a strong

00:25:33.540 vision, uh, which everybody has their own definition of, but if without it, without knowing, first of all,

00:25:42.820 what you think who you want to be is, um, then you're just winging it, you're drifting. Right. And

00:25:53.620 it's, it's, I mean, you mentioned the hiking. What if you're, what if you're on a ship, right. And

00:26:00.940 you're, you're trying to get to a destination and you just drift and hope you're going to end up there

00:26:07.000 at some point. It's, that's never going to happen. And that's what most people are doing with their

00:26:13.940 lives. So setting the destination is very important. I, I love two aspects. When I think

00:26:22.400 about visions, Ben, there's two things I like that. The first one is creating something that moves,

00:26:30.580 touches and inspires me that when I read it and I think, man, if I, if I can be this kind of man

00:26:41.240 getting present to the impact of that. Right. And, and I like, I like this language that by

00:26:49.800 accomplishing or working towards that vision, I am living a life worth living. Like I, that's,

00:26:56.660 that's kind of the, the canvas, right. That I like to see it from, but most importantly,

00:27:02.420 and guys will write that down. It's like, almost like this destination, right. It's like, Oh,

00:27:06.980 in 10 years, I want blah, blah, blah. And, and, and here's the unfortunate part too,

00:27:11.380 is though, like what they, like, it's like materialistic list, you know, an access, a 20,

00:27:18.840 it is on my list though, but access, a 20 boat for surfing. Right. Like I want these things and

00:27:23.800 then happiness will be there. Right. And we know guys, we know that's not happiness,

00:27:30.580 right. That's those, those are exciting. That's not happiness. Happiness is actually found in the,

00:27:38.900 probably the, the path of getting there. The confidence gained through accomplishing the goal,

00:27:47.840 right. To, to, to thriving, continuous growth and whatever else. So I like to think about,

00:27:53.900 like, I like to project a vision of a future state, but most importantly, I like to then pause

00:28:00.660 and say for me to reach that destination, Sean, what kind of man do I need to be today and break

00:28:09.840 that down? What, who do you need to be to make that possible? Are you, are you the guy that,

00:28:16.920 that doesn't do the reps to failure, right? You, you cut out of their exercises when they get a

00:28:23.480 little hard. Is it, or is your, for me to get there, am I the guy that, you know, what withdraws

00:28:30.120 and doesn't communicate upsets to people? Am I the kind of guy that's not going to get out of the bed

00:28:35.800 in the morning, even though I plan to, am I the kind of guy that leaves work early, take shortcuts?

00:28:41.160 Like, who do I need to be? And then ultimately the goal is to be that today. And you do it again

00:28:51.720 tomorrow. And you just use the vision as a reminder of what you're working towards a reminder

00:28:59.020 of your commitment to oneself about how you show up in the world. And so I like to kind of vision

00:29:05.760 outward, but most importantly, almost then like an ethos of, okay, great for me to reach that.

00:29:12.680 Who do I need to be today? And list out those ways of being, and then show up that every single day.

00:29:21.360 And then use a vision as a kind of a guidepost of, of why you're doing that. You're going to say

00:29:27.420 something, Sean. No, I was going to ask you a question because as you're saying that, yeah,

00:29:33.180 you need to know who you need to be, but you also need the reminders to yourself that it's worth it.

00:29:38.760 And so, as you said that, um, what was it? An axis? What? 220. Yeah. A 20, a 20, a 20. Okay. Yeah.

00:29:48.160 20 foot axis. So 20 foot axis. Right. And so, so here, well, here's why I ask you that because that's,

00:29:54.680 if, if, if there's boat guys listening, they're probably like, oh yeah, that's, you know, and,

00:29:59.840 and like, I'm not a boat guy. So Malibu, why an axis? Yeah. But whatever, that's your thing. But

00:30:05.360 here's the thing. It's not, those things are important, but they're important in this way.

00:30:09.240 And, and I'll ask it to you this way. When you think of that boat, is it just having the boat or is

00:30:15.700 it more how it's going to feel when you're on the lake with your family? When you're like right now,

00:30:22.140 you're building your lakefront property. And I'm sure you've already envisioned the dock and you

00:30:28.220 pulling up after the day on the lake, on that boat to your home that you guys built and the feeling of

00:30:37.380 happiness, exciting, you know, the thought, like we did this together as a family. Is that all wrapped

00:30:45.260 up in the thought of having that boat? I'm assuming it is, but I have to ask you the question that that's

00:30:49.600 what you, not just what you see the boat, but that's what you feel when you think about

00:30:54.980 getting that boat. Right. And that's what I'm talking about in, in knowing that it's worth it

00:31:00.280 to be who you need to be to get to that point, because it's going to suck. It's going to be

00:31:04.480 hard. It's going, there's going to be difficulties along the way. Like you're frustrated right now at

00:31:08.660 the house, but I bet you think about how it's going to feel on that boat, pulling up to your dock and

00:31:13.660 seeing that house when you're going through those frustrations. Now, is it, was that?

00:31:17.880 Yeah, it's spot on. I mean, it is literally the creation of experience is what that is to be able

00:31:25.660 to go out and see my kids surf on awake, relax, listen to some good music, come back down to the

00:31:32.740 house, sit on the grass, play some ukuleles, sing some songs, campfire at night. Right. It's,

00:31:39.920 it's the experience. Yeah. Yeah. Spot on. All right. Nick, Nicky Bilyeu. Hey, Nicky, how's it

00:31:47.760 going, man? How do you grow the iron council from 20 men to a hundred? I'm keeping on, I'm keen on

00:31:54.980 knowing that. So Nicky, unfortunately Ryan's not here. However, Sean has experience of growing

00:32:00.960 some movements. I can share. I mean, I've been in the iron council for six years, so I do have some

00:32:08.020 opinions about this. So we'll, we'll give it a go. But maybe ping Ryan as well, Nicky in regards to

00:32:14.080 that question. So go ahead, Sean. Yeah, it's, we answered it kind of already in what we were

00:32:20.500 talking about the vision. I mean, first of all, you have to have the vision to grow anything

00:32:24.600 to that size. And I mean, I've, my company has thousands of people in it now and I didn't start

00:32:32.660 thinking I could do that. I, I didn't think anyone would listen to me if I'm being totally honest when

00:32:39.480 I started. So I had to first become that person of value. And I said this already that can be the,

00:32:48.300 the type of person of character that would attract the type of person that I think could, could find

00:32:55.380 success in a business like mine long-term and then be a strong enough leader and example to retain

00:33:01.940 that person long-term and, and then have the value that if in the track record of, if they do the

00:33:10.720 things that I have done or that I'm telling them to do that, they'll find success in those things.

00:33:16.340 And if that happens, it'll organically grow through that process and telling people that that's what we

00:33:25.980 were going to do because no one wants to be part of a movement of, you know, that's going to land

00:33:31.620 at 10 people, you know, like it's, you know, I think that's where mom and pop shops struggle.

00:33:39.900 And again, no offense if you're a mom and pop shop out there, but we're talking about growth here,

00:33:45.260 right? So if you want growth or if you want to be a part of something that's growing, you wouldn't just,

00:33:52.440 you know, stay with long-term a mom and pop operation, right? You'd want to be a part of

00:34:00.400 something that is growth oriented. And so that has to be, you have to know that, have that vision,

00:34:07.180 talk about it and then be about it. I love it, man. I love it, man. It's funny. So, so I work for

00:34:14.600 an IT consulting firm. I'm the CPO and our vision as a company is to set the new standard for consulting

00:34:25.320 to do what other consulting firms don't do. And, and that goal and focus is not like,

00:34:32.160 oh, consulting firms in Salt Lake. Like when I get on a phone call with a potential client

00:34:37.640 and they're like, oh yeah, we've spoken to Bain Capital and McKinsey and company and the Deloitte,

00:34:44.000 like the big four, dude, I'm like, I bring my a game. I'm like, well, and let me show and illustrate

00:34:50.220 to you why I'm better than all of them. Like I'll play that game without a doubt. And so we take a

00:35:00.040 really serious, like, no, we are disrupting an industry. So there's something exciting, right?

00:35:05.860 About that unified focus. And this is one of the key things that we do to bring teams together

00:35:11.520 is to have unit unified focus around the organization or the group or whatever.

00:35:18.640 If you don't have unified focus of a, of a committed desired outcome,

00:35:23.560 then everyone's just on the team, right? And, and you brought up something really profound,

00:35:30.260 Sean, cause I, I use this analogy a couple of weeks ago. It's, it's really easy to be a team player

00:35:35.720 when the team is winning. When the team is failing, look at, look at basketball, a losing team.

00:35:42.380 What is the best players do on a losing team? What are they worried about? They're not worried

00:35:46.260 about the team. They're worried about their individual stats, making sure they look good.

00:35:51.020 So they eventually they get traded off that crappy team. So the team's got to be performing.

00:35:56.460 You got to be performing. And then second, create a unified focus around what that team is about.

00:36:03.260 Something that moves and touches and inspires people, something they can get behind. And then I think

00:36:09.680 how we show up as individuals is critical. You mentioned this, I'm just going to say it a different

00:36:14.860 way, right? If you want to inspire people, you got to be inspired. And we want people that are inspired

00:36:21.720 on our teams. There are about something in life. So we need to be inspirational. The second, there needs

00:36:27.460 to be a sense of team belonging and, and everyone listening, like, don't get wrapped up in like,

00:36:32.940 oh, these guys are talking about men's group. Now I'm talking about your company, right? And you were

00:36:38.020 kind of talking about your company, right? We're, how do you recruit the best talent and get the great,

00:36:45.380 the best employees? This is how you do it is as a leader, you need to be inspiring. You need to create

00:36:50.880 a sense of team belonging. And that sense of team belonging is a unified focus on something bigger

00:36:55.720 than yourselves. And the last thing I'd add to it is you got to go with people being self-directed

00:37:05.720 and fully committed about what you're doing. This isn't, especially from an employment perspective,

00:37:12.460 command and control does not generate inspiration whatsoever. Command and control is a nine to five

00:37:18.220 job. I'll show up, Sean, just enough not to have you fire me. That's not what we want. We want people

00:37:24.260 that are committed to the vision and they're driving forward and they don't need, like I could step out

00:37:30.780 of the captain's ship and someone else could jump in and they're committed to it and they're going to

00:37:34.800 drive it forward. To do that, you need people self-directed and committed to the mission and the

00:37:41.020 values, values of the organization. They have to love the idea. And guess what? If they don't love the

00:37:46.300 idea, they shouldn't be here. Yeah. Which also means that we have to off-board the people that

00:37:51.800 are not committed to the idea of what we're doing as a company because they'll actually just drag others

00:37:56.520 down. Yeah. That's, man, that was so good. The, one of my mentors always told me, light yourself on

00:38:05.640 fire with enthusiasm. And when people show up to watch you burn, you recruit them. And so many people

00:38:12.460 asking or wondering how you motivate people. I think that's how they think they're going to do

00:38:17.340 it. I'm going to start a little group and I'm going to motivate them. And then we'll grow through

00:38:21.520 that group. You don't motivate the existing people. You, you get excited, enthusiastic about

00:38:28.940 where you're headed and what you're doing and what makes you different, what makes you unique and what

00:38:32.600 makes you better. And you'll find motivated people. Yeah. They'll come knocking. And that's,

00:38:38.880 that's actually what I tell our recruiter. Like I, I don't want it easy to join us.

00:38:44.900 Yeah. I want people knocking on the door going, how do I join you guys? How do I work for you?

00:38:51.460 And if, and if you're elite enough and if you're chosen, we're all in with you, but to get in the

00:38:58.200 door, good luck. Cause there's lots of people that want to join us. And that's the mentality we want to

00:39:04.260 have, because we're not, I'm not okay with a nine to five person. Like when I do executive

00:39:09.580 interviews, I literally sit down with someone. Like if it was you, Sean, and you're applying for

00:39:14.660 a position, I'm literally like, Sean, this is what I'm asking you to be fully committed

00:39:20.320 to this organization, how we show up. And what does that look like? It looks like this. It looks

00:39:26.420 like you're showing up at the office, energetic, excited about what you do. And I'm going through the

00:39:31.840 list of what I expect, how they show up in the org. And, and that's okay. That's a choice.

00:39:37.240 And if they go, oh man, that's too much for me, then awesome. This is not a good fit for you.

00:39:41.780 We'll find a job for you with one of our competitors, right? But if you're going to come

00:39:46.080 here, there's some expectation and I want you to love your job. And if you don't love your job,

00:39:51.160 you also don't belong here. Life's too short to have people working or with you that don't love

00:39:56.280 what they're doing. Go somewhere else where you're miserable. 0.93

00:39:58.960 And do you see some people that do that and you, and you encourage them, you say, Hey, 0.94

00:40:03.520 you're not a fit for us. Great. But then they want to come back, you know, after they, they figure it

00:40:08.620 out after they get into an environment, that's not conducive to growth and, and people helping each

00:40:16.160 other and having each other's back and being part of a real team. And then they, you know, once they

00:40:20.460 realize that the extra money wasn't even worth it to them. Totally. Totally. And, and this,

00:40:25.640 this, when you, when you get people that get that,

00:40:28.960 man, then they'll even self-recruit, right? You got, they want the right people to join them,

00:40:34.020 right? In their growth. Yeah. All right. There you go. All right. Keith Morris just had my first

00:40:40.280 child on June 1st. Beautiful girl. Congratulations, sir. I would like to know what advice would you give

00:40:46.720 on balancing time with my fiance and child and my own personal growth and fitness? Any advice would

00:40:52.620 be greatly appreciated. And this one, these kinds of questions always make me giggle when it's,

00:40:59.240 you know, it's like, Oh, they're adding a kid to the mix. It's going to be like five more, dude.

00:41:08.620 And, um, you know, here's the thing, like, you just have to schedule it in. It really is make it

00:41:15.880 important. Um, and you have the time. Everybody has the time. You just have to, to make sure you

00:41:23.940 stay on it. Just don't get, yeah. Prioritize. Don't get lazy. Um, fitness is not going to be a

00:41:31.280 difficult thing. People say, Oh, I sleep less. We're up more, you know, the baby's up. We're

00:41:35.540 doing this. We're doing, it's an adjustment. I'm not going to say it's not, but you just need to

00:41:40.160 prioritize. And let's be honest, you have a kid now, so maybe there's even, you have multiple

00:41:47.300 hobbies or things you like to do. Honestly, you may have to cut out one of those things or some of

00:41:54.540 one of those things or whatever. You just, you got to prioritize and, uh, you can fit it all in.

00:42:02.280 And again, congratulations on the first kid. Um, I don't know if you're only going to have one,

00:42:08.040 right. But two gets, uh, honestly, I didn't think it got that much harder. Three gets way harder,

00:42:14.100 you know, and then four and five, like that actually gets easier as you get beyond three,

00:42:18.740 I think. But, um, either way, each one has its own unique set of, um, challenges.

00:42:27.740 And as long as you are communicating with your fiance, like you said, uh, and you have enough

00:42:36.000 communication to make sure everything's getting done in the home and, and, you know, whatever needs

00:42:41.700 to be done with your daughter and you're on the same page for those things. And then you support

00:42:47.480 each other and being able to, um, take care of your self care, um, in each other, which means that

00:42:55.020 she'll support you. So you can go do whatever it is for your fitness or, you know, that sort of thing.

00:43:00.900 But then you're also going to support her in those things. And as long as you're communicating

00:43:05.640 and scheduling it in, um, you have more than enough time. Yeah. I like what you said, Sean,

00:43:11.680 like you said, communication, like 20 times there, because that's where we go wrong. Right. Where

00:43:16.560 it's like, well, I'm going to prioritize my, my fitness, but I'm not going to talk to my wife about

00:43:21.600 it. I'm just going to prioritize it. And then I'm, I'm running off and she's like, what's going on?

00:43:26.860 Why aren't you helping me? Like you gotta be clear, cut and dry, right? It's like, Hey, I want

00:43:31.740 to, I want to still hit the gym. I want to work out. Um, what's easiest is it when you and baby are

00:43:38.200 napping? Um, when do you want to get your workout in? Because if you guys are both like doing the

00:43:44.400 breakdown of communication where you're just elusive, baby's crying. It's like, is your turn?

00:43:49.600 Is my turn? Like you guys, you gotta get clear. Like, Hey, at night I'll take the baby at during

00:43:56.800 the morning. Do you take the baby? So then I can do this. I'll do, you know, and just get clear

00:44:02.020 and concise. And when, when things are happening, otherwise your expectations are flying all over

00:44:07.540 the place and none of them are being met and you're going to get frustrated. The only other

00:44:11.900 thing that I was going to add is, um, be okay with it being different, right? Like you, you may go

00:44:18.720 like, Oh, you know, fitness is so hard. And a lot of the time it might be hard because it's not

00:44:24.740 what you think it should be. Let go of that. It may not be the way you want it. It may not change

00:44:31.540 the 6am workout anymore. It now may have to be routine. Yeah. It may be have to lunch. It might

00:44:37.620 be pushups, you know, before bedtime, whatever it is, make it a priority, but you're going to have to

00:44:44.580 shift and it may not look exactly how you'd like it. That doesn't mean that you can't do it. So still

00:44:50.440 prioritize it, even though it might be drastically different than you'd plan.

00:44:53.140 Great point. All right. Bob Ross. Yes. He says, yes, Bob Ross is here. No bad questions. Just happy

00:45:01.840 little accidents. Kip, I know you are building a home. I did the same about six years ago. What

00:45:07.520 have you learned from the process? How can you apply this to your life in the future? Is this similar

00:45:12.520 to Ryan's experience with moving across the country? Thanks for all you both do. Um, have you

00:45:20.300 build a home, Sean? No, heck no. Through other people's experience. I've had enough friends do

00:45:28.180 it. Yeah. No, it's, uh, the best way to learn, they say, is learn through other people's mistakes.

00:45:37.200 It's like, I don't need you. I've already learned. Um, so I'll, I'll answer first and maybe anything

00:45:42.520 you'd like to add to it, Sean. So, um, what have I learned through the process? Wait, you know,

00:45:47.100 it's funny. Someone said this to me, my good friend, Tim said this to me. He says,

00:45:50.760 once you build your first house, you wish that you could build two more. And I was like that,

00:45:57.360 whatever. He's totally right. I actually want to do it again. Um, and I want to do it a couple of

00:46:03.980 times. And the reason why I want to do it is because back to what we said earlier, now that I know how to

00:46:10.860 get to the peak, I kind of wish I could do that route over and go up the most efficient way. And,

00:46:18.780 and it's the same thing on the house, right? Now that I know what I know, it's like, oh man,

00:46:23.540 like I would have done this maybe differently, or I would have taken this approach. I mean,

00:46:28.800 even silly things like, let me give you, let me give you a funny example. So, so we have all the

00:46:35.040 wood, right? We're framing this thing up and we, we get the, let me think through this really quick.

00:46:41.940 The, the bottom half of the house is framed. It's a two story house and we have the lift there.

00:46:50.100 So we can do the second floor and get two by fours up and everything else. And we went through this

00:46:55.520 whole process. Eventually at one point I am shimmying the, the, like, I think it's like an inch

00:47:03.720 thick plywood on my back up ladders, getting them on the, to the second floor. Right. And then I did

00:47:11.820 that stupid crap again for the roof. Right. And it's like, I'm an idiot. Why didn't I, when we had 1.00

00:47:19.780 the lift here, move all the plywood that was for the second floor, all the two by fours for the framing

00:47:26.940 and the roof and place them appropriately. You know what I mean? On the first floor I did. It's just

00:47:32.620 you know what I mean? And I was like, man, that, that wasn't smart. Right. Like there's just these

00:47:37.860 little things that I'm like, ah, lessons learned. So I get to your question, Bob. So life lessons here,

00:47:46.460 there's value in the process period. Like, and, and I could get sideways. I could get really frustrated.

00:47:55.160 In fact, I, I have gotten really frustrated with dang it. Why didn't we, well, does that serve me?

00:48:02.620 It doesn't actually, the house isn't going to magically like things aren't going to magically

00:48:08.100 change now because I know it doesn't serve me to be pissed off about something, but it does serve

00:48:16.160 me the next time I build a house. And so be okay with whatever it is that you're learning as much

00:48:22.980 as I, I, and I, I probably lean in the, in the negative side of complaining about it.

00:48:28.180 All seriousness. It's been really cool. It's been actually enlightening learning and not just

00:48:37.700 learning, but I'll be honest with you, an element of I'm going to do this. And I have no idea kind of

00:48:44.400 if I'm doing it right or not, and I'm just going to go. And there's been a lot of that, like a lot,

00:48:51.480 like even yesterday I was doing the water line from the city, Maine to the house. I'm not a hundred

00:48:58.780 percent sure that I did that correctly. Did you trench it and everything yourself?

00:49:06.380 Yes. And I'm not a hundred percent. Right. And there's some stress to that. Right. Cause I'm like,

00:49:12.020 if that, if that shit is wrong, right. We got a problem. Right. 0.99

00:49:15.600 Right. But there's some power in me going based upon the knowledge that I have based upon some

00:49:23.140 Googling, based upon my understanding, we're going to go with it. And it's probably going to be fine.

00:49:29.660 Right. It's probably correct, but I don't do that very often. Right. I don't do many things

00:49:35.220 that way. Like I, at work, I'm really good at what I do and there's high levels of confidence in what

00:49:42.680 I'm doing. It's kind of crazy to do a bunch of stuff where my confidence level is like way down

00:49:49.420 and I'm just acting, but man, like, and, and it has come with growth, but man, isn't that life?

00:49:58.820 Isn't that what it's all about anyway, is learning on how to build a house and do you have to do

00:50:04.420 different. Do you have any background in construction at all in any capacity? No, not only that I was

00:50:12.400 raised on a farm. So any form of like background that I would have gotten from the farm is not the

00:50:20.260 correct way of doing things, but all the incorrect ways of doing things. Cause that's how my dad

00:50:25.860 operated. Right. It's like, I don't know. And he just patched that up and did that, you know,

00:50:29.920 slap things up. Yeah. And it was wrong all the time. I'm sure. You know what I mean? And so not only

00:50:36.220 do I not have experience, I probably have the wrong experience to be doing anything like this.

00:50:40.680 So, wow, there you go. That's the only lesson I could think of anyway.

00:50:46.620 That's a good one. I, I would, the only thing I would add, and I guess this could be in his moving

00:50:53.820 question, but it's in what you're talking about too, is, um, don't be too grounded in your expectations

00:51:01.480 of how fast things are going to happen. Cause it never lands on the timeline that you lay out for

00:51:09.060 yourself when you want to build anything. Yeah. And, uh, you know, so much of it really,

00:51:14.840 yeah. I mean, and a lot of it is out of your, even if you're building everything yourself,

00:51:18.900 you still need things delivered and the deliveries don't always happen when you want them to and

00:51:25.020 expect them to, you take time off and then you can't work. And then you, you know, I mean,

00:51:29.500 that's usually the most frustrating parts of a build is when things don't go your way.

00:51:34.560 And most of the time things aren't going your way. So it's a lot of course correction and just

00:51:41.100 being okay with when that happens. And then, and then doing what you can in those moments,

00:51:48.020 you know, and, and make those adjustments and totally, and being willing to sometimes just

00:51:53.020 chalk it up as you can't do what you thought you were going to do in that timeframe and just deal

00:51:58.760 with that. Totally. Well, I'll give you a permanent example of what we're both saying. I have,

00:52:05.520 it's, it's weird. It's silly. It's actually, it's not that big of a deal. It's me. I don't know. 0.64

00:52:11.700 Maybe some builders are going to listen. You're like, Kip, that's a really big deal. Tear that

00:52:14.600 shit down. So, um, the trusses on the end of a house on a peak, they just have some plywood that 1.00

00:52:21.940 comes out and, and it creates the overlap. And I don't even know the names, how this is how I'm

00:52:28.040 sharing my experience that I have no idea what I'm talking about, but the truss on the very end

00:52:32.120 of a house has two by fours that go out and it creates the overhang over the house. Um, those

00:52:39.500 were all like loosey goosey on the trusses. When we put them up, they're like hanging in or whatever.

00:52:45.760 And the guy that was with me, he was like, Oh, those would be fine. Right? Like it's not a big deal.

00:52:51.140 Right. To tighten those up. Like they'll get tightened up when we do the roof. Right.

00:52:58.100 In hindsight, there's a gap on the one that's pretty bad. And I, and it bothers me. It's like,

00:53:05.120 it's a really big gap on the outside and it will get covered up with when they, when they do the

00:53:10.780 gutters and that kind of stuff. But like, part of me goes like life lesson was, man, I should have

00:53:17.460 just screwed those in before we put them up. That's all. And, and so sometimes it's like,

00:53:24.780 yeah, I can't change it now though. Does it make sense? So there's an element of like, Hey,

00:53:28.720 it is what it is. Course corrected lessons learned. Right. And then next time, right. Next time I'm

00:53:36.280 with someone and I don't know, I'm helping someone build their house. I go, Hey, you know what?

00:53:40.340 I'd tighten those up. I'd screw those up before you put that truss up. That will really make sure

00:53:45.580 that there's no future gap when they do the roof, you know? And it's just like, that's,

00:53:50.420 that's the way it is, but you got to let go of it. Cause if I don't let go, there's no time I'll

00:53:54.460 walk in the backyard. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, man, just let it go. And it's,

00:54:02.400 and it's really not that big of a deal. All right. Daniel Weyers, any tips on public speaking

00:54:07.980 and maybe the difference between testimony. Yeah. This is funny that Daniel brought this up.

00:54:12.080 Any tips on public speaking and maybe the difference between a testimony talk

00:54:16.500 and an informative type of talk. For an example, a talk in leadership.

00:54:22.760 Hmm. I think a good talk in a public speaking setting takes both. I don't think you separate

00:54:30.860 the two. I think you need both in a good talk, but if you're talking about starting into public

00:54:37.300 speaking, the most important part of starting is making yourself do it. And then in a big pro tip

00:54:44.900 is record yourself as often as possible. If you can have someone record you with your phone or just

00:54:52.400 set up your phone to record yourself, do it every single time and you'll hate it. You, I still don't

00:55:01.320 like my voice when I listened to anything that I do. If I listened to myself speak, but I learned

00:55:07.200 from it and you'll be amazed at how many stupid filler words you have, how many unnecessary noises 1.00

00:55:14.800 you make. There's just so many things that you'll find in yourself, but you have to be diligent and 0.99

00:55:22.420 continuing to do it. And then just like anything, the more practice you have. And by the way, this

00:55:28.080 includes, if you freeze up, um, probably the biggest opportunity I got early on in my, my career.

00:55:37.960 And I do a lot of speaking, like I I've, I've speak in groups of thousands. I've spoken probably

00:55:43.800 the largest group I've spoken in front of is close to 40,000 people. And that'd be reckoning. Yeah.

00:55:51.160 That by the time I got there, it, I didn't even think about it. The number of people was a non-issue

00:55:57.140 cause I'd done it so many times, but the first time I got asked to speak in front of a large group

00:56:03.660 was probably about five or 600 people. And it felt like 2000 to me at the time. And I literally

00:56:11.560 locked up for about 30 seconds straight of zero sound. And it was a big opportunity.

00:56:20.540 Did you just not know what to say? No, I had it written down word for word on a yellow pad in front

00:56:26.960 of me. Just like stage fright, just stage fright, everything you hear people do it. And I thought

00:56:33.960 there's no way I prepared. I practiced. I had the time to, I had two minutes to, to nail this talk.

00:56:41.280 And it was an opportunity to be in front of a group for the first time of that size, you know,

00:56:49.000 as an upcoming person and what I'm trying to do and had this great talk written out and froze the

00:56:56.700 first 30 seconds. And in my head, it was the longest 30 seconds of my life. I still remember

00:57:01.880 how it fell. All the words I was telling myself inside my head as no words are still coming out of

00:57:07.400 my face. And I'm literally like screaming at myself, just say anything, say your name, say

00:57:12.840 hello, say I had hello written on the sheet in front of me on this yellow pad and still didn't do

00:57:19.480 it. And it ended up those 30 seconds were one of the words to my life. But as soon as I started,

00:57:26.040 then I picked up steam and then I nailed it. And because I was in a hurry, I wasn't trying to all

00:57:32.800 of the mannerisms or things I thought were, I was going to make myself funny, or I was going to,

00:57:38.140 because I had less time, I kind of crunched it, but it upped my energy up the flow. I was just

00:57:44.940 banging it out. And I think it actually ultimately made it better because the energy got higher and as

00:57:53.860 terrible as it was. And then I got a standing ovation as soon as I was done. And I don't know

00:57:59.580 if they were being nice or if I, they actually thought it was good. And I kind of nailed it.

00:58:04.560 So I did a two minute doc in one and a half minutes and, and completely failed in the first

00:58:11.040 30 seconds. Did the absolute worst thing you could ever do in a public speaking setting,

00:58:16.060 but it's, I think the best moment I've ever had in a pub is because the very worst to the very,

00:58:24.940 the pop that I got at the end and everybody's standing up and the cheer and the, you know,

00:58:29.980 like was inexplainable. And it made me want to do it again and again and again and again,

00:58:35.340 without the bad part. And so that's, yeah, reps. And, and I would have never thought I would lock up

00:58:46.980 and I had done it so many times before that big setting that I didn't think it was going to be an

00:58:52.780 issue, but it happened. And, and it's never happened since. And, um, I don't know why or how

00:59:01.520 or anything else, but without the reps leading up to that, it would have been way worse. And then

00:59:06.720 without continuing after that, um, it, it would have never gotten better either. So just start and

00:59:15.540 improve and, uh, and get help. You know, you, you have your self-evaluation also find somebody you

00:59:23.500 can trust. That's going to be honest with you to tell you that, Hey, you said this word too many

00:59:28.320 times. You said, um, 500 times you'd said, everybody has words that they feel and that they don't realize

00:59:35.140 they're doing. And you just got to do it. And then pauses always seem way worse than they really

00:59:43.340 are. I've done. I have realized where I feel like I can't pause or I got to keep talking. And then I,

00:59:50.800 if I'm intentional instead of using a filler word and I just pause every so often, it's really not

00:59:56.980 that bad. And in fact, even sounds way more professional. So I would consider that it's okay

01:00:03.960 to talk slower to pause when necessary. I'm going to give Daniel a whole other idea.

01:00:11.540 What's the point of the public speaking. And, and I, for me, if I get really connected to why

01:00:20.260 am I talking and I'm bought into it and I'm passionate about the subject, I can almost get

01:00:26.740 over any of the nervousness over the fear over the other things, because guess what? It's not about.

01:00:31.760 It's not about me. It's about the subject that I'm talking about. And that's, what's really

01:00:38.540 matters. And that's, what's really important. And, and I think sometimes we'll get in our heads

01:00:44.520 about this. Like I'll, I'll do this all the time. Sometimes where I'll be like, okay, I'm going to be

01:00:51.240 funny. And I'll say this, and you run this story of how it's going to go and people are going to be

01:00:56.000 excited. And, and I think it's the way I'm saying words. I think it's the way I'm pronouncing the way

01:01:03.280 I posture and everything else, but it's not, it's the words that I'm saying. It's the message that I'm

01:01:12.560 portraying. It's, it's the meat. Now, don't get me wrong. Delivery is important, right? The better we

01:01:18.660 can deliver the better impact, whatever else, but it's totally possible that you could have someone

01:01:23.400 that's an amazing public speaker. They kill it. Like they're, they're experts at it. But if they're

01:01:30.600 not passionate about what they're talking about, if they're not connected to what they're talking 0.97

01:01:37.320 about, and if they're not behind it, who gives a crap? It's not even valuable. So whatever it is 0.94

01:01:44.800 that we're talking about, don't lose sight of the point of this conversation, right? Like even, even we

01:01:51.860 could do this on this podcast, right? Oh, did I say a bunch of ums? Did I say right at the end of

01:01:55.800 every sentence? Did I do these things? Not, and don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we shouldn't

01:02:01.440 focus on continuous improvement. Could I get better in these things? I'm not saying that,

01:02:05.740 but if I'm too wrapped up in that, that I've lost sight of the whole point of this conversation

01:02:11.540 is for you and I to share in a way that we might be able to connect and give ideas to other men so they

01:02:18.540 can show up more powerfully in their lives and we can be better fathers and better husbands and leave

01:02:23.760 a lasting impact in the world. If I've lost sight of that, who gives a shit how good I'm talking? 0.98

01:02:30.940 Yeah. So get connected to the message and, and, and sometimes you get some grace when you're 0.97

01:02:39.620 passionate about something and you're inspirational about it. You get some grace from people, even though

01:02:46.060 every pronouncing things wrong and everything else, because they're, they're bought into the mission

01:02:51.060 and the conversation and the subject that you're presenting to them. Yeah. That's just a word of

01:02:57.540 caution in that. I don't want them to hear that and think, oh, okay, I need to make a message, you

01:03:02.240 know, and here's the, where the testimony part comes in because yeah, you can make it about the message

01:03:10.160 and not about you, but it's still important that you give your experience with whatever you're

01:03:16.760 talking about, because you could, why would people listen to you? Yeah. Right. Like they need a reason

01:03:22.480 to listen to you and they have to know you have experience in it. So you have to be able to share

01:03:27.940 that experience and what you learned through it. That most of the time is going to be a more value than

01:03:34.380 just giving the good information or giving the information. Well, there has to be a connection

01:03:42.080 that makes them want to listen to you. I'm glad that you brought up the whole testimony thing

01:03:46.480 because, and I've shared this in the past and we've even probably shared this conversation together,

01:03:50.320 but, but there is, um, this is my last statement. I'm, I'm, I promise. So in, in the triangle of

01:03:59.920 knowledge retention, right. Of how people learn the bottom of it is understanding, logical understanding

01:04:07.400 memorization, et cetera. And then at the top of it is creation. When we share stories, it's less

01:04:16.080 preachy and allows me to take the story, Sean, that you're sharing with me and for me to try it on for

01:04:23.480 myself, which is a form of creation. People will connect to you sharing yourself more than they

01:04:33.740 will connect to you preaching at them always. And, and I, and I think that's where to kind of what

01:04:42.020 your point, that whole testimony sharing of yourself kind of approach. I don't, I think it's

01:04:48.020 always applicable, whether it's a leadership conversation or anything else, the more that

01:04:53.660 you can share of yourself and, and it gives you obviously some credibility. It gives examples,

01:04:58.220 but allows me to be like, Oh, interesting. That happened to Sean. How does that show up in my life?

01:05:03.380 And I'm now having that internal dialogue in consideration for myself versus you just saying,

01:05:09.100 Hey, kit, you know, do X. Yeah, totally agree, man. All right, man. Um, we got through questions

01:05:16.440 and we're almost up on time. So we'll go ahead and wrap up. Um, so once again, or actually our last

01:05:21.820 question is like, Hey, when's iron council opening that's this week. So go to order of man.com slash

01:05:26.680 iron council, uh, to join us most importantly, um, you know, obviously join us in the IC, but, but let me,

01:05:35.000 let me back to what the comment we said earlier, right? How do you grow a men's group? Well, we create a

01:05:40.920 unified focus. So why would you want to join the iron council? Because we believe that the majority

01:05:50.220 of the problems in this world is actually a result of not large political decisions, not large social

01:05:59.700 issues, but what happens in our homes and how men are showing up as fathers and as husbands,

01:06:07.080 as community members and how they show up in the workforce and you listening, if we all just did

01:06:14.060 that better, if we all just showed up within the circle of control that we have powerfully, not only

01:06:23.840 would a lot of societal issues would be addressed. We would cause ripple positive ripple effects in

01:06:32.180 generations to come. I wholeheartedly believe that how we show up as men is huge, huge. And how we

01:06:41.880 show up, what am I talking about? Your fitness, whether you're financially secured and you have

01:06:48.240 some sovereignty within your house, how you communicate with your spouse, how you show up at

01:06:52.860 work. If you start evaluating the kind of man you are and the impact and the ripple that you can leave

01:07:01.180 in those that come in contact with you, I think most of us downplay it. I don't think we're actually

01:07:06.880 really connected to the idea of how much impact we truly have in this world. And let me just say it

01:07:14.100 this way, impact for the bad and for the good. And so the question I would pose to you guys is,

01:07:21.100 is it the best impact possible or are we leaving a ripple effect that is damaging to be frank in the

01:07:29.120 lives of our kids and our families? Sean, any closing remarks?

01:07:34.520 Totally agree. It's, I mean, that's why I joined the IC was that I just felt that it could

01:07:43.000 have a positive impact beyond just me. And that being around like-minded men would help restore

01:07:53.700 masculinity like we're trying to do. And it is.

01:07:59.100 Yeah. Super important. All right, gentlemen. Thank you, Sean. Thank you. We'll talk to you

01:08:03.480 guys next week. Until then, until Friday, Field Notes, take action and become the men you were meant

01:08:09.180 to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:08:14.080 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 14, 2023

Preparing Kids for a Move, Crafting a Compelling Vision, and How to Build a Movement ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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