Order of Man - Pros and Cons of Tribalism, The Cost of Doing Good Work, and How and Why to Journal

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.900 Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up my friend? Good to see you again.

00:00:27.380 Good to see you, man. It looks like you had a great weekend from the Instagram.

00:00:34.480 Yeah, yeah. I actually tuned out for the entire weekend. I was going to do podcasts and post pictures and be productive.

00:00:42.560 Stay in touch with everybody. And instead, I decided I wasn't going to do any of that nonsense.

00:00:48.600 And I was just going to be present because my oldest son actually came.

00:00:51.200 So this is my fourth Winter Strong. And my oldest son, Brecken, actually came with me.

00:00:55.960 So it was cool because he was able to meet everybody. And I just wanted to be present.

00:01:01.100 You know, that's so hard to do anymore. It shouldn't be. It's kind of embarrassing that it is.

00:01:05.720 But, you know, it is what it is. So we made it happen.

00:01:10.320 Yeah. Looks like it was a great event. Good turnout, too.

00:01:12.860 Oh, it's fun.

00:01:13.620 Yeah. It's a killer event. We always have a good time.

00:01:17.780 Some of the best people on the planet there. A lot of them come from the strength and training world.

00:01:21.440 And so they're NFL players, professional athletes, Olympians.

00:01:27.300 We had two Medal of Honor recipients there. Kyle Carpenter, who's a friend of mine.

00:01:31.500 And then I can't remember the other gentleman's name.

00:01:34.900 They're actually both from the same town, interestingly enough.

00:01:38.120 And they're both really young Medal of Honor recipients.

00:01:41.580 Yeah. That's awesome.

00:01:42.480 Yeah. Archers. I mean, it's just it's just you just have no idea who you're sitting next to a group like that.

00:01:50.260 Like you could be talking to somebody that get after it. Right.

00:01:53.760 There are people that are just about something.

00:01:56.220 Yeah. 100 percent. Every single one of them is an incredible human being.

00:02:00.780 So it was good. It was really good. Yeah.

00:02:02.980 That's cool. I Asian. I did pushups with Ray on Saturday morning.

00:02:07.760 Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. Like I did. I just got done working out chess, by the way.

00:02:13.020 I ended up working, finished chess. And then, you know, Instagram's like Ray's live.

00:02:17.840 And I'm like, what's this? What's this stuff?

00:02:20.080 And he's just doing pushups like like 100 rounds of pushups.

00:02:24.000 Like it's just crazy. He does. I think he does 20 every minute on the minute for like hours until he hits a thousand, whatever it is.

00:02:32.000 Yeah. Yeah. It's like unreal. And then he and then he's like, oh, join me for a set of 22, you know?

00:02:37.760 So I'm like, man, that's what it is. He's just like, I want to join. I'm like, okay, we'll do some pushups with Ray.

00:02:42.640 And then he immediately just smoke you. She smoked you.

00:02:45.700 You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You know, I had chest day.

00:02:49.860 I already gave a precursor of why she could have smoked me.

00:02:54.320 You just got it warmed up.

00:02:58.560 All good, man.

00:02:59.600 All right. Well, let's get into some. Yeah. Ray's awesome. He does some good stuff.

00:03:03.080 Let's get into some questions today. Yeah, for sure.

00:03:05.580 So we're fielding questions from the Facebook group to join us.

00:03:09.460 Go to facebook.com slash group slash order, man.

00:03:12.620 Our first question, chance pits, any news on the Spartan death race opportunity?

00:03:18.080 I know Joe mentioned it on the podcast, but I haven't heard anything else about it.

00:03:23.700 Yeah. And I haven't followed up on it.

00:03:25.500 Admittedly, um, my, my schedule this year is so intense and I'm really not interested in adding a bunch.

00:03:33.320 Um, so here's what I did different relative to what I've done in years past.

00:03:37.360 Uh, I have, I have, uh, somebody on my team who helps me out with podcast planning, securing guests, which is why we've had so many incredible guests lately.

00:03:48.240 Uh, and then she helps me with my logistics and scheduling and just like higher level stuff.

00:03:52.940 And we actually sat down about a month or so ago and planned out the entire year, 2022.

00:04:01.300 So now I know that subject to change is different events come up or something gets canceled or something gets moved around, but we've got it all laid out.

00:04:08.980 And I've never had anything like that before.

00:04:11.040 So I'm going through my schedule and I'm looking at it every, you know, two to three weeks I'm traveling.

00:04:18.060 I'm, I'm going from different place to place.

00:04:20.340 I have different events going on.

00:04:21.960 So yeah, adding something else into the mix is probably just not going to happen.

00:04:27.620 It's that's just the reality of it because look, here's the deal guys.

00:04:30.940 When you say yes to something like it's Spartan death race or any number of things you could immediately, you're disqualifying a lot of other things.

00:04:38.700 And for me being home with my family in between events and things like that is very, very important.

00:04:43.920 And I'm just not willing to negotiate much more with my, now look, that's not to say I'm not open to opportunities that will present themselves either.

00:04:52.080 If there are opportunities that are going to do one of two things, they're going to, they're going to help me and my family or directly, or they're going to move my business along exponentially.

00:05:05.880 Then I will be open to those things.

00:05:08.740 Yeah.

00:05:09.140 You know, like if, if Joe Rogan, cause he's in the news, he's all over the news right now.

00:05:12.120 If he called and said, Hey Ryan, I need to do a podcast this Sunday with you, like in the next three or four days, like I'm going to make that happen.

00:05:20.940 You know what I'm saying?

00:05:21.720 So we have our calendar built out, but I'm flexible.

00:05:25.360 And then I, I weigh opportunities against my battle plan.

00:05:30.120 And then I can make the correct call as to whether it's a yes or a no.

00:05:34.860 Yeah.

00:05:35.180 It's so powerful.

00:05:36.320 And I think there's so many times that we even good do good things and we never pause and say, what's the price of this?

00:05:43.940 What's the cost of this?

00:05:45.500 And to always evaluate, is it worth the cost?

00:05:48.280 Cause we could do great things, but the cost is greater.

00:05:51.820 It really is right.

00:05:53.260 You could be out, focus on service of other individuals and putting your family as a lower priority sometimes.

00:06:00.540 And maybe you shouldn't.

00:06:02.040 So, and, and, and, and sometimes you should, right.

00:06:03.940 So, but I don't know, I'm just regurgitating the same thing you said in a different way.

00:06:08.260 It's just being aware of the cost is so valuable.

00:06:11.360 Well, I see it personally in my own life when I, and here's something that a lot of guys struggle with.

00:06:15.120 Cause they want to take care of themselves, right?

00:06:17.380 Yeah.

00:06:17.600 But they feel guilty because they do it.

00:06:19.620 So the areas for me personally are jujitsu and hunting.

00:06:23.980 I always feel guilty to some degree, not so much anymore.

00:06:28.420 Cause I built some things in place.

00:06:29.960 I'll explain in a minute, but I feel guilty about leaving for five days to go hunting.

00:06:34.540 My family's not with me.

00:06:35.480 I feel guilty when I go train at night and I know the family's at home.

00:06:40.080 So, or I go in the morning before they wake up and they wake up and I'm not there.

00:06:44.120 I feel guilty about that, but we've done a lot of things to put those in place.

00:06:47.840 But again, this is what you're saying is that those two activities are healthy and they're good for me.

00:06:54.180 They're going to help me be a better man in general, which is going to translate into being a better husband and a better father.

00:06:59.700 But still there's a level of guilt there and you can certainly take those things way too far where, yeah, maybe you ought to feel guilty for doing that because you're neglecting your other responsibilities that you have.

00:07:14.620 For sure.

00:07:15.960 John Golden, tribalization and cliques.

00:07:20.500 I get being with people that have shared interests, but I also feel like not associating with different types of people and seeing different viewpoints and experiences really hampers spiritual and social growth.

00:07:33.120 What are your thoughts?

00:07:34.420 Is limiting yourself to a small circle of acquaintances harmful for growth?

00:07:40.280 It could be either, you know, in a lot of ways.

00:07:43.500 So let me tell you that what he's saying.

00:07:45.580 Yeah.

00:07:45.940 Oh, a hundred percent.

00:07:46.980 But let me tell you why it's a good thing first.

00:07:48.720 And this goes into the question we just answered.

00:07:51.400 If I have a huge circle of people that I want to stay in touch with and be connected and close with, then I'm going to get very surface level interactions with those individuals merely because I don't have the time to do that.

00:08:03.500 It has to be superficial.

00:08:04.940 You can't pull it off.

00:08:05.780 Yeah.

00:08:06.420 But if I have five friends, you know, if you called and you needed help or I needed to visit with you or whatever, like I'd be able to do that because I can go deep into that relationship because I don't have 50.

00:08:17.440 I have five people like that.

00:08:19.860 Yeah.

00:08:20.060 Right.

00:08:20.220 Um, and so there's, there's levels and it sounds a little weird, but there's people in my life who are at the most connected intimate level.

00:08:32.280 Right.

00:08:32.740 And then there's other people who are, um, they're friends, you know, but we're not super close.

00:08:38.960 Like we don't talk to each other every couple of days or every week.

00:08:42.300 Uh, and then there's acquaintances.

00:08:44.000 And then there might be people who, uh, just casually I know of, or they know of me.

00:08:49.340 And, and so it seems like it shouldn't be that way.

00:08:52.800 And it almost feels like you're categorizing people by their worth.

00:08:57.820 It's not that, but it really does have to be done.

00:09:00.840 Like you can't give equal amount of time and attention to everybody.

00:09:04.120 So I like having a very close core group of, you know, five to six to seven individuals who I'm very close with.

00:09:13.200 And those others, it's a, just a different relationship.

00:09:16.080 That's all.

00:09:17.240 Yeah.

00:09:17.860 Now the problem is right.

00:09:20.220 You're all going to think alike.

00:09:21.340 You're going to start acting the same.

00:09:23.040 You're going to talk the same.

00:09:24.040 You're going to be interested in the same subjects.

00:09:25.860 And so it is a bit of an echo chamber, which is not entirely bad by the way, because.

00:09:32.900 Echo chamber has a negative connotation to it, but it's actually not bad because what it does.

00:09:38.280 So here, let me give you an example.

00:09:39.500 So the iron council, which is our online, our digital exclusive brotherhood, about 1100 guys

00:09:45.640 in there or so.

00:09:46.900 And you could say, well, that's an echo chamber, right?

00:09:49.920 By design.

00:09:51.760 It's supposed to be like that, because what that does is that elevates all of us.

00:09:56.460 And if somebody is not pulling their weight, it, people are going to say, Hey, look, this

00:10:00.580 is the system.

00:10:01.400 These are, this is what we do.

00:10:02.640 These are the numbers you have to hit.

00:10:03.900 Here's the commitments you have to make.

00:10:05.240 And it's the echo chamber that keeps guys from slipping into the path of least resistance.

00:10:10.920 It elevates who they are and how they show up.

00:10:15.380 The, where it gets into an issue is if you're not introducing new concepts, new ideas, new

00:10:22.340 perspectives, new ways of looking at things.

00:10:24.300 That said, there needs to be some foundational piece of the puzzle that you can build the

00:10:32.640 relationship on.

00:10:33.940 So I can have a relationship with somebody from India, for example, as long as he's striving

00:10:44.440 to be a good man and I'm striving to be a good man.

00:10:47.200 And there's a foundational belief system that we can work on.

00:10:51.900 And then what he, now that we have the foundation, I can learn from him how to shore up the building

00:10:56.960 that what I'm trying to create, and he can learn from me what I'm trying to create.

00:11:00.900 But if there isn't that base level, that foundational level of mutual understanding, like diversity

00:11:07.560 is not power in and of itself.

00:11:10.900 It's not inherently strength.

00:11:12.560 People say that diversity is strength.

00:11:14.640 No, it's not.

00:11:15.300 No, it's not.

00:11:15.880 Because Kip, if I say ABC is the only way to do this.

00:11:19.840 And you say X, Y, Z is the only way to do this.

00:11:22.500 Well, there's some diversity in that, but now we're just butting heads and nothing ever

00:11:27.080 gets accomplished.

00:11:28.400 Diversity can be powerful.

00:11:30.600 It's not power inherently.

00:11:31.740 It can be powerful.

00:11:34.120 It can be strengthening when your mission is aligned.

00:11:39.980 And if the mission is an alignment, and now we're looking at different ways of doing things,

00:11:46.200 okay, then it's powerful.

00:11:47.840 This happens in the military.

00:11:49.920 There's a big push in the military right now to be diverse.

00:11:54.440 And you're going to hear all these cute little buzzwords.

00:11:56.560 And they've come up with a bunch of little cute videos about how diversity is so good.

00:12:02.660 And it makes us better.

00:12:03.800 I don't care.

00:12:04.700 All I care about is the lethality of our military fighting force.

00:12:09.860 That's all I care about.

00:12:11.460 I want to know that our military can have a clear objective, has the tools and resources

00:12:17.620 and training and skillset required to address the threat or whatever it is they're dealing

00:12:24.560 with.

00:12:25.000 If diversity helps do that, great.

00:12:27.240 But you haven't proved to me that that's the case.

00:12:29.360 What these little commercials are doing is they're saying diversity in and of itself

00:12:36.860 is the goal.

00:12:38.760 No, it's only good in as much as it moves us towards the goal.

00:12:43.860 And you haven't proven to me in the military anyways, that having women, for example, more

00:12:48.460 diverse actually makes our military fighting force more effective.

00:12:53.380 Oh, well, we're diverse.

00:12:54.380 Yeah.

00:12:54.800 But show me how that makes us more effective.

00:12:57.800 Oh, well, it's because it's because we're all included.

00:13:00.760 Okay, good.

00:13:01.400 But show me how that makes us more effective.

00:13:05.580 Yeah.

00:13:06.100 How that completes the mission more successfully.

00:13:09.160 Right.

00:13:10.180 The mission is not to have women in the military or white people or black people in the military.

00:13:14.920 That's not the mission.

00:13:15.780 The mission is to accomplish whatever that mission or objective target enemy in front of

00:13:22.160 us is.

00:13:22.960 Yeah.

00:13:23.560 And on the business side, I can't help but make the correlation here, right?

00:13:27.260 So at work, when we talk about establishing a company culture, what's required, establishing

00:13:33.920 the mission and the why, the existence of the organization, common attitudes, shared

00:13:40.280 beliefs, and guiding principles by which all members should be aligned.

00:13:46.260 Now, once that alignment's in place, back to your point, diversity, different viewpoints,

00:13:51.900 excellent.

00:13:53.160 Misalignment on guiding principles and attitudes, problem.

00:13:56.360 Period.

00:13:57.360 Period.

00:13:59.060 Yeah.

00:13:59.520 I guess the best way to round that thought out is diversity in strategy can be powerful,

00:14:07.020 but diversity in objectives is sometimes most often problematic.

00:14:13.220 Yeah.

00:14:13.500 And I love your distinction on the mission.

00:14:18.320 What's the mission?

00:14:19.120 Does an organization or the military exist for the sake of making people feel good?

00:14:25.120 Or is the mission actually to be a fighting force that's highly effective?

00:14:31.120 If that's the case, then it's out of alignment, right?

00:14:34.100 And as much as that might pander or make certain people feel good, trust me, there's a negative

00:14:40.920 feel good on the flip side of, wait a second, where there's misalignment occurring, right?

00:14:46.280 This happens in companies too.

00:14:47.980 You say, these are our guiding principles.

00:14:49.900 You say, these are our core attitudes, and this is why we exist as an org.

00:14:53.600 And then you act against it by hiring individuals that's not aligned.

00:14:58.660 Trust me, it's going to affect your culture in a negative way.

00:15:01.300 It's going to affect the military in a negative way, you know, and, you know, other organizations

00:15:06.420 or groups, even without the Iron Council.

00:15:08.240 Imagine if we did that in the IC, it would be toxic.

00:15:10.580 Yeah.

00:15:12.140 Well, a great example in the Iron Council is we have Ron Inman who does our monthly topics.

00:15:19.180 So Ron and I would not have, we would not approach that the same.

00:15:23.180 The way that I would do a monthly assignment is completely different than the way he does

00:15:27.880 it.

00:15:28.120 But you know what I don't doubt?

00:15:29.360 That he cares about what we're doing, that his purpose is in alignment with what we're

00:15:34.240 trying to accomplish, and that he's going in the same direction.

00:15:39.080 And now I think, okay, well, I know he's going in the same direction.

00:15:43.260 I don't always see eye to eye with him or agree with the way he might do an assignment,

00:15:47.840 but I actually yield to that to some degree.

00:15:50.620 You know, I offer my input and whatnot.

00:15:51.960 It's my organization ultimately.

00:15:53.840 But I do yield to that to some degree because I know our purposes are in alignment, and he

00:15:59.660 brings something to the table that I cannot bring myself.

00:16:03.000 So I might see something and be like, I don't totally agree with that.

00:16:05.860 And he might make a case for it.

00:16:07.140 And I'm like, cool, try it because I don't know.

00:16:11.180 Like, that's not my personality.

00:16:13.420 And so it's better that way.

00:16:14.780 That's a great example of how diversity in strategy or in personality can work effectively.

00:16:21.760 All right, James Percival, Ryan, after the Brian Callen episode, which was such a great

00:16:31.720 show, by the way, how close are you to recording with Rogan?

00:16:35.520 Personally, I feel like the young Jedi is ready.

00:16:38.080 And by young, I mean, 40-year-old Jedi.

00:16:42.020 Almost 41.

00:16:42.820 Is he calling you a Jedi?

00:16:43.960 And the guy with the last name Percival, like, isn't that, that's like a Harry Potter, you

00:16:49.180 know, Harry Potter family.

00:16:50.480 And he's referencing Star Wars.

00:16:51.980 James, you're like Uber dork.

00:16:53.780 So anyhow, go ahead.

00:16:55.480 Do you call it an Uber dork?

00:16:57.060 I don't know what Percival and Harry Potter, like, you're the one that knows all the names.

00:17:01.780 Apparently.

00:17:02.320 There's people listening.

00:17:03.600 They're like, yep, that's funny.

00:17:05.520 Maybe.

00:17:06.340 I don't know.

00:17:06.800 Okay.

00:17:06.940 Okay.

00:17:07.220 Anyhow, young Jedi.

00:17:08.280 Well, you geeks can get together and create your own little echo chamber on Harry Potter

00:17:12.760 and Star Wars.

00:17:14.860 I don't know.

00:17:15.620 I don't know how close I am.

00:17:17.240 So I don't, I don't, I've, I mean, I would like it to happen.

00:17:21.300 You know, I would love to record a podcast with him, you know, this week, especially this

00:17:25.680 week.

00:17:26.080 If I'm ever going to record with Joe Rogan, like this is the week to do it because all

00:17:29.780 the fire he's in right now, which, you know, is, is both obnoxious, but also interesting.

00:17:36.920 You know, every, every post I see on Instagram or, or Twitter is I stand with Joe Rogan.

00:17:42.980 I hate Joe Rogan.

00:17:44.000 It's like, okay, well, you know, like, how about this?

00:17:47.800 Listen to Rogan or don't listen to Spotify or don't.

00:17:51.280 And just that be the end of it.

00:17:53.060 And the minute that you start trying to force or, or blackmail, uh, or give some sort of

00:18:01.540 ultimatum or censorship.

00:18:04.040 Okay.

00:18:04.480 That only makes me want to listen more.

00:18:07.120 Totally.

00:18:07.660 So just knock it off.

00:18:09.220 Like if you don't want to listen to Rogan, cause you think misinformation, like just don't

00:18:13.480 listen or tell your friends not to, I don't care.

00:18:16.920 That's the beauty of free speech.

00:18:18.460 Like just stop listening.

00:18:20.720 Yeah.

00:18:21.200 Anyways, um, back to the question.

00:18:23.240 Yeah.

00:18:23.500 I would love it.

00:18:24.200 You know, I feel like I'm dancing around the fringes a little bit.

00:18:26.240 Brian Callen's been on obviously.

00:18:27.700 And, uh, I've got a lot of other friends, personal friends of mine, uh, who we met via the podcast

00:18:33.680 who have been on Rogan and, and know him personally, but also like, I don't need to push.

00:18:40.240 Like I'm going to swing, I'm going to take my at bats, but I don't need to push.

00:18:43.480 Cause I'm finding value in what we're doing.

00:18:45.060 And there's, there's a handful of people I would love to have on a podcast or visit on

00:18:48.900 theirs.

00:18:49.480 Joe Rogan's one, uh, Jordan Peterson is one.

00:18:53.180 Mike Rowe is somebody I've been interested in having on the podcast for a very long time.

00:18:57.120 And, you know, for whatever reason it hasn't worked out, but it's not because we haven't

00:19:00.720 tried know that, but it just hasn't worked out.

00:19:03.660 And if it's going to work out, you know, we're going to put in our effort and then just let

00:19:08.180 the chips fall where they may.

00:19:09.520 So I imagine that at some point in the not too distant future, it will happen.

00:19:15.160 Um, but that's not going to change anything about what we're doing either, right?

00:19:20.300 Like it's not going to change how hard I go.

00:19:22.480 It's not going to change what our schedule looks like.

00:19:24.420 It's not going to change my podcasting schedule.

00:19:27.100 Like I'm you're driving for on the track.

00:19:29.120 Yep.

00:19:29.560 And if it happens cool, and if it doesn't, that's, that's cool too.

00:19:34.500 I, there was actually some really good presentations, uh, this weekend with, with winter strong at

00:19:39.340 Sorenex and, and it was kind of revolved around that.

00:19:42.620 Like, Hey, just, just do the work.

00:19:45.420 Like just put in the work, put in the effort, be diligent, be smart, be strategic, make good

00:19:51.920 choices.

00:19:52.360 Don't make bad choices.

00:19:54.300 And then just let the externals take care of themselves.

00:19:59.560 I was, um, I was driving home from, from visiting my, my dad yesterday.

00:20:05.700 And I, I literally, like, I was just, you know how it is sometimes you're driving and

00:20:09.440 thoughts, you know, enter your mind and, and this side in my mind of like, sometimes the,

00:20:16.460 the answer is not a better boss, a different job, more money opportunity.

00:20:22.980 Sometimes the answer is just get to work.

00:20:26.620 Sometimes the answer is just take advantage of the opportunity that you have in your lap

00:20:32.080 right now and just work hard and be present.

00:20:36.480 And all that other stuff will actually just kind of work it work itself out, you know,

00:20:41.000 but far too often it's like, Oh, I, I need these breaks, Ryan.

00:20:44.440 I need cash.

00:20:45.500 I need these other things.

00:20:46.680 And we're worried.

00:20:47.480 And then yet the opportunity sitting in our lap just gets passed by.

00:20:52.400 Yeah.

00:20:53.460 Yeah.

00:20:53.980 I mean, I know there's one thing about my personality and I think it is a personality

00:20:58.300 where I will, I will do something that I'm proud of or something externally will happen

00:21:06.300 that I'm excited about.

00:21:07.920 Yeah.

00:21:08.600 And I celebrate for literally 12 seconds.

00:21:11.740 And then I'm like, what's next?

00:21:13.940 You know, like the book is a great example.

00:21:15.560 Last week, I finished up the first manuscript, the first draft of the book submitted it.

00:21:20.080 And my wife's like, are you so excited?

00:21:21.640 I'm like, no, like not.

00:21:24.500 I mean, like, it's cool, but like now I know what needs to be done next.

00:21:28.560 And she's like, well, it's going to be a great book.

00:21:30.180 You know, she's really, she's always been a great supporter of what we're doing.

00:21:34.180 Yeah, totally.

00:21:35.460 And, and I said, well, yeah, but like, it's done now.

00:21:38.960 So I don't know what to do next.

00:21:40.220 And she's like, well, you're not writing another book.

00:21:42.260 I'm like, why?

00:21:43.280 And she's like, cause you hate the book writing process.

00:21:46.280 And I, I, this was last week.

00:21:48.140 I said, actually, I already have another book idea.

00:21:51.780 She's like, are you serious?

00:21:53.800 Well, yeah, I do.

00:21:54.560 Like I've been thinking about it and it might be two, three, four, five years.

00:21:57.540 Who knows?

00:21:58.460 Yeah.

00:21:58.780 And maybe, like I said, maybe that's just a personality thing, but it's always like, okay, what's

00:22:03.500 next?

00:22:03.820 What's next?

00:22:04.300 What's next?

00:22:05.100 But it's always focused on what I can do.

00:22:08.140 Like, okay, now that book's done.

00:22:09.580 Now, what do I do now?

00:22:10.880 What do I do now?

00:22:11.700 What I do.

00:22:12.060 And I don't have any desire even to just stop and reflect on how wonderful things may have

00:22:18.760 been that it happened in the past.

00:22:20.620 Like, it's just not an issue, but it can be taken to the extreme.

00:22:24.240 Yeah.

00:22:24.320 I was going to say, does your wife criticize you for Asia criticizes me for this.

00:22:29.680 She's just like, celebrate, like enjoy it.

00:22:32.800 You know, like she sees it as me being so negative, right?

00:22:35.580 It's like, oh, congratulate this.

00:22:36.740 So awesome.

00:22:37.120 And I'll be like, man, you know, next, you know what I mean?

00:22:39.560 And she sees it as me not embracing it and enjoying it and being negative.

00:22:45.460 When reality, you know, there's, there's some pride, but I, you know what I mean?

00:22:48.760 I, I, I do the same thing.

00:22:51.620 Well, I was thinking about this because the other day you had sent me the video from your

00:22:54.760 black belt promotion.

00:22:55.900 How many, yeah.

00:22:56.620 How many black belts did you have that got promoted?

00:22:58.400 Um, I think there was, there was seven or eight of us.

00:23:03.420 Okay.

00:23:03.740 That's what I thought.

00:23:04.320 I was going to say about 10, but regardless, I saw it and I was thinking, you know, Kip,

00:23:08.480 correct me if I'm wrong, but here's what I was thinking.

00:23:10.700 I bet a bunch of people have asked like, oh, what are you going to do now?

00:23:13.500 And your, your answer was like, uh, I'm going to go back to training.

00:23:17.680 Keep training.

00:23:18.980 Like, there's no, what do you mean?

00:23:20.420 What am I going to go to Disneyland?

00:23:22.180 Like, what do you mean?

00:23:22.840 What am I going to do?

00:23:23.580 I'm going to keep training.

00:23:24.840 I'm going to get, keep getting choked out and beat up by other people.

00:23:28.400 I'm going to stop.

00:23:31.240 I'm going to stop.

00:23:32.100 I've, I'm, I'm a master now.

00:23:33.840 I've succeeded.

00:23:34.380 Yeah.

00:23:34.580 I can't be touched.

00:23:35.540 I've arrived.

00:23:36.440 And so I'm just going to stop.

00:23:38.520 Yeah.

00:23:39.040 But we do that.

00:23:39.800 You know, we're joking about it in this context, but a lot of people do that actually.

00:23:43.460 Yeah.

00:23:44.560 And I'm guilty of it too.

00:23:45.760 You know, we rest, we rest on our laurels and we ride other people's coattails or we

00:23:50.120 sit around too long after we've accomplished something great.

00:23:52.840 And we're like, oh, we're awesome.

00:23:54.300 And then you realize three years down the road, oh wait, I haven't.

00:23:58.400 I haven't really been doing anything for the past three years.

00:24:02.060 I actually call it the accordion effect.

00:24:04.020 So here's what a lot of guys will do.

00:24:05.600 And I learned this in my financial planning practice about what I do is if my back's against

00:24:11.360 the wall, I'm a pretty good scrapper.

00:24:13.120 Like I'll fight through it.

00:24:14.420 Right.

00:24:14.740 So in my financial planning practice, if I was getting low on money or clients or I would

00:24:20.540 bust my ass just trying to like drum up business and get referrals and it would work.

00:24:28.840 Surprise, surprise, you know, it'd work.

00:24:30.780 You put in the effort and it works.

00:24:32.100 And so you start to build up new clients, then business gets closed and you get a payday

00:24:37.780 and you hit it big and you're like, oh, sweet.

00:24:39.960 This is awesome.

00:24:40.820 And then what do you do as the accordion?

00:24:42.800 You kind of let off, right?

00:24:43.960 You're like, okay, just let, just take it easy.

00:24:46.140 Now you're good.

00:24:46.900 But the problem in the financial planning world, and this is a principle broadly, is

00:24:51.460 that it takes anywhere from six to eight weeks from the time I meet a prospective client to

00:24:57.360 the time, or even maybe longer to the time I actually get paid for doing business.

00:25:01.400 So what would happen is I would do really well and, and I'd be riding on my, you know,

00:25:07.800 laurels for two or three months.

00:25:10.000 And then I would realize, oh crap, like I don't have anything in the pipeline.

00:25:14.780 And so then you press on the accordion, but it takes three months to start building up

00:25:20.380 again.

00:25:20.680 And so my whole life was just contraction, expansion, contraction, expansion, contraction,

00:25:25.840 expansion.

00:25:26.900 And, and I think a lot of people do this.

00:25:29.140 So what I've learned, it's kind of like cruise control.

00:25:32.660 You know, when you're driving down the freeway, you always know that asshole who doesn't either

00:25:36.560 a have cruise control, which can't be possible if his vehicle was made after, you know, 1995

00:25:42.980 or something, or you think their cruise control is broken.

00:25:46.480 Like I wonder how, yeah, nobody ever thinks that I've always wondered this as well.

00:25:51.620 No, it's not broken.

00:25:53.160 They're just dummies and they don't know how to use cruise control.

00:25:56.200 And so what do they do?

00:25:57.860 Accelerate, decelerate, accelerate, decelerate.

00:26:00.040 And they only accelerate.

00:26:00.860 Meanwhile, you're just going to have an opportunity to pass them.

00:26:03.620 Yeah.

00:26:03.880 Yeah.

00:26:04.740 And, and it's just bet.

00:26:06.740 So in life, it's better to set the cruise control.

00:26:09.900 And I don't mean coast to take it easy.

00:26:11.660 That's what I'm saying.

00:26:12.180 Like it's better to find a pace that you can, you can maintain forever.

00:26:19.320 It's like zone two training.

00:26:20.980 If you guys aren't familiar with zone two training, it's like ritual talks about this.

00:26:25.340 A lot of healthy people talk about it.

00:26:27.320 So I'm looking into it more.

00:26:28.500 It's the pace that is going to push you.

00:26:31.380 It's not comfortable.

00:26:32.240 It's going to push you, but you do it for a very, very, very long.

00:26:36.300 It's sustainable over long periods of time.

00:26:39.560 Yeah.

00:26:39.640 That's what more people need to do in their life.

00:26:41.980 Be in zone two.

00:26:43.440 Don't be in four and zero.

00:26:46.080 Yeah.

00:26:46.520 Then bounce back and forth between those.

00:26:48.300 Be in zone two forever.

00:26:50.400 Yeah.

00:26:50.800 Yeah.

00:26:51.280 When I've worked out with James, like on some Jim Jones stuff, it's like, it's not about,

00:26:56.580 you know, he used to use this analogy of, yeah, you can burn out and do 15 pushups and then be done.

00:27:02.040 Or pull-ups or you could do two pause, two pause and go all day and, and you will grow.

00:27:13.920 You'll get stronger that way than just like a quick burnout, you know?

00:27:18.180 And, and I could, dude, I could relate so much from my early days of consulting.

00:27:22.540 Cause it was the same thing.

00:27:23.720 I'd be like cash, you know, check comes in.

00:27:27.740 I'm like, you know, and you're like, honey, we're doing, you know, we're living large.

00:27:32.260 Right.

00:27:32.600 Before, you know, you're like, oh shit.

00:27:34.320 No cells in the pipe.

00:27:35.260 Beans and rice.

00:27:36.280 Yeah.

00:27:36.840 Yeah.

00:27:37.480 Don't.

00:27:38.040 It's so hot and cold.

00:27:38.800 It's very, but it's very immature is what it is.

00:27:42.140 And you just learn it as you get older, you just get you, what you do is you get older.

00:27:46.940 And from, from my perspective, I'm not old, but I'm getting older is, you know, like you just

00:27:51.460 learn how to conserve energy.

00:27:53.260 You know, even in jujitsu, I'll train with some young guys and I kind of laugh because

00:27:57.740 they're like, and I'm like, all I have to do is sit here and just let this guy

00:28:04.040 like, he's like trying to choke and it's not going to submit me.

00:28:07.780 And he's like, and he's like burning himself out.

00:28:11.320 And I'm like, just let me know when you're done so we can move on here, you know?

00:28:16.260 And so, but that's, that's the strength of, and the wisdom of, of, of the gray, the gray

00:28:23.900 in our hair, you know?

00:28:25.460 So, yeah.

00:28:26.300 And we see this in the IC, you know, so like just add a little extra value for guys listening.

00:28:30.780 And it's like, you know, we, we have battle plans to learn more about the battle.

00:28:35.380 You know, you can sign up for battle ready order, man.com slash battle ready, but our

00:28:39.700 battle plan is our goal system, right?

00:28:41.540 If you want to use that term of, of how we are effective men.

00:28:44.700 And we see this, you know, some guys join the IC, they're pumped up, they're motivated.

00:28:49.380 Their battle plans look like, holy shit, you know?

00:28:53.240 And then it's like four weeks in, they're just like, I'm done.

00:28:56.600 I'm out, they're fried, burnt out, they're fried, you know?

00:29:00.480 And it goes back to your point, you know, it's that, uh, that steady pace is where success

00:29:06.100 is.

00:29:07.140 I saw a post the other day.

00:29:08.540 I got an email and it, I think I said this maybe before, but the email was like, here's

00:29:14.080 250 books to read in 2022.

00:29:17.740 I'm like, I see those all the time.

00:29:20.500 I actually save them so I could read the books, but I, or like, you know, look at the book

00:29:25.480 titles, but I'm like, I have a hard time, like just being effective with the handful

00:29:31.060 of books that we read, you know?

00:29:33.140 I don't know.

00:29:33.700 Oh, me too.

00:29:34.640 Here's what I would say.

00:29:35.700 Here's the five or six books you should read this year.

00:29:39.500 Yeah.

00:29:40.040 Yeah, for sure.

00:29:41.460 For sure.

00:29:41.880 Anyways.

00:29:42.160 All right.

00:29:42.400 Jordan, you know, the other thing that one other, one other lesson in that.

00:29:45.820 So let's say you, you scale back your, uh, your intensity, we'll call it.

00:29:50.760 And instead you decide to be more focused and deliberate on fewer things.

00:29:56.040 So you're not like as intense, but you're maintaining that.

00:30:00.600 Let's just take books as the example.

00:30:03.000 If you have 200, a list of 250 books to read, you're going to read a lot of crappy books.

00:30:09.240 If you give, if you say to yourself, I'm only choosing five this year, you're going

00:30:13.600 to pick the best five.

00:30:14.860 And the other thing you're going to do is you're going to pick up a book and I, you

00:30:18.700 know, I've got this one right here.

00:30:19.520 So we'll use this as a bad, this is my book.

00:30:21.460 So this is not going to happen with my book, but let's just hypothetically say is you open

00:30:26.340 it up and you read the first like 10 pages and you're like, this book sucks, but you feel

00:30:32.860 like you have to power through it.

00:30:34.400 Well, if you only give yourself five or six books in the year, you're going to put this

00:30:37.920 one down, which is okay.

00:30:40.260 Like if you're, if you've picked up a book and you don't like it, it would be like listening

00:30:43.980 to a song.

00:30:44.760 You remember when we were kids and we had tracks, you know, tapes and you had to listen

00:30:50.200 to all of it.

00:30:51.260 Like the whole thing had to be good because everybody has to listen to the entire thing.

00:30:57.020 Now you can just buy one song at a time.

00:30:59.380 Yeah.

00:31:00.020 Okay.

00:31:00.300 Yeah.

00:31:00.520 When, when you force yourself to focus on only the most productive work, you're going

00:31:06.140 to eliminate the stuff that's not.

00:31:07.960 So you're going to get through 10 pages of a book or you're going to listen to that song.

00:31:13.340 You're like, I don't like that song.

00:31:14.240 Yeah.

00:31:14.340 You would change the channel, but we don't do that with books.

00:31:17.220 A lot of people don't necessarily do that with podcasts, but it's going to force you to

00:31:20.560 put it down and focus on the, the, the action that's going to yield the biggest result.

00:31:25.760 So, yeah, there you go.

00:31:27.720 There you go.

00:31:28.560 Jordan Caldwell, Ryan, if you started over a new business venture, completely indulged

00:31:35.280 in it, what do you think you would find yourself doing?

00:31:38.180 It's kind of a fun question, actually.

00:31:39.900 That's what I left.

00:31:40.400 I'm not a fun guy though.

00:31:41.660 That's the problem.

00:31:42.320 Oh, come on.

00:31:43.240 Cause I hear it and I'm like, I would just do this again.

00:31:45.560 I would just start this.

00:31:46.560 Uh, look, if I was going to do like some sort of off the wall, like dreams, sort of, it's

00:31:55.460 so weird.

00:31:56.420 I don't have a really hard time with these questions.

00:31:58.360 I'm such a practical person that like, it's really hard.

00:32:02.220 I don't dream about doing anything else, guys.

00:32:05.160 Like you need to know that.

00:32:06.240 Like, cause well, here's another thing.

00:32:08.860 Like if you could do anything in the world, what would you do?

00:32:11.200 Well, you can.

00:32:12.680 And I am like, I'm doing what I want.

00:32:16.560 That's a medical question.

00:32:18.140 That's what I'm saying.

00:32:19.060 My practice.

00:32:19.740 I don't even know.

00:32:20.820 Cause I don't, what would I do?

00:32:22.600 An astronaut?

00:32:23.460 Maybe I think that'd be kind of cool.

00:32:25.060 Like.

00:32:26.000 I think he's being a little bit more practical than that.

00:32:28.600 Right.

00:32:28.760 I mean, like I could totally see you going into like, uh, doing some like outdoor hunting

00:32:36.000 brand of some sort or something.

00:32:37.880 No.

00:32:41.080 No, no.

00:32:42.000 Like I I'm doing what I want to do.

00:32:44.720 Like, that's why it's so hard for me.

00:32:47.140 Yeah.

00:32:48.040 Yeah.

00:32:48.480 Maybe, maybe some sort of hunting thing.

00:32:51.280 Um, you know, I do think being able to train jujitsu all day would actually be pretty cool.

00:32:58.640 Yeah.

00:32:59.140 So I, I could, I would actually be awesome at that.

00:33:02.580 Not maybe not necessarily the technical side of it, but running a jujitsu school, dude,

00:33:08.640 I would destroy.

00:33:09.840 Cause I know how to market.

00:33:11.860 Yeah.

00:33:12.620 And that's what people don't get, not just in jujitsu, but in life they think, well,

00:33:16.000 if I'm good at it, then like, then I'll have a great dojo or studio or academy or whatever.

00:33:21.540 No, not necessarily.

00:33:22.720 Like you get to be amazing teacher and shit show.

00:33:26.300 So, no, I, I think, I think that would actually be really cool.

00:33:29.620 Like I would like, I could see myself running a school at, you know, I'd actually like to

00:33:34.600 focus is on kids more than anything.

00:33:37.100 You know, and, and, and if, and if people like I would do parents and kids and that's

00:33:42.480 it, like, if you weren't a parent or a child, I'd be like, no, this, that like, we've specifically

00:33:46.860 focused on dads with their children, dads with their sons and daughters and moms with

00:33:51.700 their sons and daughters.

00:33:52.420 Like, that's it.

00:33:53.280 That's exclusively what we do.

00:33:54.580 And if you're like a single person who it's like, we'll go get married and then you can

00:33:57.960 join our school, have a kid.

00:33:59.500 And then you can join our school.

00:34:01.060 Yeah.

00:34:01.500 And a powerful impact.

00:34:03.240 Right.

00:34:03.620 From that perspective.

00:34:04.580 Yeah.

00:34:05.060 Have you read mind over muscle yet?

00:34:08.140 No, I haven't read it.

00:34:10.160 That's the book that's, um, I don't think I've heard it.

00:34:12.820 The origins of the, of the judo con of, of really how judo originated.

00:34:17.940 Oh no.

00:34:19.040 Mind over muscle.

00:34:20.020 Cool.

00:34:20.260 I'll check it out.

00:34:20.560 Mind over muscle.

00:34:21.240 One of my favorite things about that book is his philosophy was this was, it was a school

00:34:28.260 of philosophy of life.

00:34:30.280 It wasn't martial arts.

00:34:32.380 Right.

00:34:32.820 And, and I love that.

00:34:35.840 Like I, and I, and maybe this is just me nerding out and I don't even know if it would ever

00:34:41.280 be practical.

00:34:41.900 Like people would quit like after a couple of days or not, but how powerful could jujitsu

00:34:48.600 be if, if the instruction and the coaching was geared around the philosophy and, and

00:34:56.700 the relationship and the lessons we learn in real life from it.

00:35:01.000 You know what I mean?

00:35:01.720 Cause we all learn them, but it's like after the fact and you figure it out on your own,

00:35:07.040 it's not part of the instruction.

00:35:08.680 It's not, you know what I mean?

00:35:10.160 It, it, it's almost like this natural by-product that just happens for, and I don't, to be

00:35:15.580 honest, I don't think it happens for everybody.

00:35:16.980 I think some guys are still like jujitsu is fun.

00:35:19.400 Right.

00:35:19.720 And they, they're not making the correlation of life out of it.

00:35:23.020 Um, but having that conversation more prominent as part of the teaching process, I think would

00:35:29.620 be just so awesome, but yeah.

00:35:32.960 So do you know who Jason Wilson is?

00:35:36.300 Uh, he was on the podcast several months ago.

00:35:38.960 He's a martial artist.

00:35:40.380 Uh, he had, he, he runs a program.

00:35:42.480 I believe it's called cave of Adalum is that or Adalum or Adalum is how, I don't know.

00:35:47.920 It's how it's a, it's a reference to the Bible and admittedly like I'm not the person to be

00:35:51.880 referencing the Bible because I'm not, not up to speed as some, as much as other people.

00:35:56.620 Uh, anyways, he trains young men in the Detroit area, but he takes them through.

00:36:03.460 If I, if I remember it, I know you're talking about course.

00:36:06.600 Uh, he just wrote a book called cry like a man.

00:36:09.400 And that's why I totally know who you're talking about.

00:36:11.580 We're talking about him at uncaged a little bit.

00:36:14.120 Right.

00:36:14.660 Yeah.

00:36:15.680 So, uh, uh, yeah, he's, he's an incredible, he's an incredible person.

00:36:21.880 And he's doing exactly what you're saying for those young men in his community.

00:36:26.260 And I just can't respect that guy more.

00:36:28.600 I mean, he had the video that went viral with the boy that, that couldn't break the board.

00:36:32.680 Right.

00:36:33.180 And they're like, yeah, really setting the press.

00:36:35.560 He's had a bunch of videos go viral just because of the powerful nature of what he's doing.

00:36:40.460 Yeah.

00:36:41.160 Totally stud.

00:36:41.980 All right.

00:36:43.780 George Morris, the third as a father with three teenage girls who have been abused by their mother.

00:36:50.640 I now have full custody.

00:36:52.560 How do I approach not quote unquote, fixing them or not fixing everything.

00:36:58.040 I went through my own abuse and suicidal thoughts and overcame it all.

00:37:01.860 I can't seem to get them to be okay.

00:37:04.900 Well, look, I mean, think about what, think about the conflicting nature of your question.

00:37:11.180 How do I not solve everything?

00:37:13.920 And then next is you're like, I just can't get them to be okay.

00:37:17.940 Like that's a conflict.

00:37:19.360 There's, there's a lot of conflict in those two thoughts.

00:37:22.500 Cause on one hand, which I commend is you want to save and serve your girls.

00:37:27.740 Of course.

00:37:28.320 Great.

00:37:28.680 I love them.

00:37:29.140 And I commend you for wanting to do that.

00:37:31.120 And on the other hand, you're trying to exert your will into them.

00:37:35.280 And that's going to create some real contention.

00:37:37.420 In fact, the harder you go, the more friction and potentially the wedge and that even maybe

00:37:45.300 driving them away at some point.

00:37:46.740 And it doesn't help that you just got full custody either.

00:37:49.880 So yeah, things have been shifted.

00:37:52.140 There's a shift.

00:37:53.160 There's change.

00:37:54.220 And now you're showing up this way, right.

00:37:57.620 Is even more difficult.

00:37:58.780 The challenge with questions like this is I can't tell you if you do A, B, and C, then

00:38:05.820 D will happen in the next 60 days.

00:38:10.640 And that's what a lot of men are looking for.

00:38:12.800 They're looking for a formula.

00:38:14.520 You know, if guys do this in the gym is, or we're trying to lose weight.

00:38:18.820 You know, if you do this for 90 days, then you're going to lose, you know, 30 pounds,

00:38:25.040 right?

00:38:25.360 That's the formula.

00:38:26.380 And so we take that same approach and we put it into the dynamics of relationships

00:38:33.200 and baggage that people are going through and their own personalities and their own experiences.

00:38:39.280 And it doesn't happen the way that we want it to.

00:38:41.200 And that's frustrating.

00:38:41.860 And the other challenge is that if you do something that is in their best interest,

00:38:48.560 you may not see the result immediately.

00:38:51.000 Like you're not going to see an instantaneous change.

00:38:53.620 In fact, it may be that they really don't realize that specific conversation or that specific thing

00:38:59.880 that you did for two or three decades down the road.

00:39:02.520 You know, so you have to look at it and think, okay, I'm not going to do this and expect an immediate outcome.

00:39:10.460 I'm going to do this with a long-term focus of what is going to be in their best interest.

00:39:16.040 I would say therapy is something that the girls definitely ought to participate in because you don't know what you're doing.

00:39:26.920 And a therapist is going to have more tools and resources at their disposal to be able to do that.

00:39:32.480 And then what I would do is I would ask a lot of questions of the therapist, not me.

00:39:37.060 Like, thank you for asking us, but I don't feel qualified to answer that question.

00:39:42.280 So I would find a great therapist, get the girls into therapy, and then you go to therapy too,

00:39:49.780 independently from the girls for yourself, but also so you can ask that therapist,

00:39:54.940 what you can be doing as a father to help them navigate this really strange time for your daughters right now.

00:40:03.140 Yeah.

00:40:03.840 I don't feel like I can give you good information outside of that.

00:40:06.600 I just don't, I can't write about it.

00:40:08.100 I don't know.

00:40:09.540 Okay, good.

00:40:10.200 Go.

00:40:11.020 No, well, I'll just share something that I learned probably, or Asia and I have learned over the last two years.

00:40:18.440 And I think it's safe to say that one of the things that you want your daughters to understand is that they're good enough.

00:40:30.860 Without a doubt, I almost guarantee it, that's how they feel that they're not good enough.

00:40:37.300 And so, and that's why this is such an important conversation and counseling is so critical is why, when we try to fix people, what's the translation, Ryan?

00:40:46.220 If I come to you and say, hey, Ryan, you're broken.

00:40:48.460 Let me give you all these things that are wrong with you.

00:40:50.340 Then you're not good enough, right?

00:40:52.720 So, that's why this is so, you have to be so careful.

00:40:56.340 One of the books that I think is profound in this area of like empathy and relationship and being in a position to provide guidance and direction is the books by the Harbinger Group.

00:41:06.700 There's the Anatomy of Peace.

00:41:09.400 What's the leadership book?

00:41:10.700 Like leadership deception.

00:41:12.460 And then there's like outward mindset, which is the other book.

00:41:15.780 All three books really teach the same principle.

00:41:17.800 And one of those principles is what they call like the relationship pyramid.

00:41:24.100 And you can't, before we're in a position to correct someone, you start at the bottom of the pyramid and correction is at the very top.

00:41:33.680 And first, you need to, one, build relationships with people that already have influence.

00:41:39.700 So, what people in their life have influence over them, right?

00:41:44.700 And have a relationship with them.

00:41:46.940 Then build your relationship with them even stronger.

00:41:50.340 To your point, Ryan, listen and learn.

00:41:53.520 A lot of listening and learning.

00:41:56.020 Opportunities to teach and then correct.

00:41:58.480 You jump to correct without established influence.

00:42:01.940 It's, it's going to come across as you, I'm not good enough and you're just trying to fix me.

00:42:07.860 And that is the opposite of probably what they want to hear.

00:42:12.020 Well, and the opposite of what you're trying to create for them.

00:42:15.120 Correct.

00:42:15.660 Yeah.

00:42:15.920 Better said.

00:42:16.480 Yeah.

00:42:17.080 Yeah.

00:42:17.980 Good luck, George.

00:42:19.040 That's tough, man.

00:42:19.740 Yeah.

00:42:20.380 It is.

00:42:21.540 Don't, I don't want to say good luck.

00:42:23.040 I don't, I don't like that.

00:42:24.360 That phrasing.

00:42:26.040 Um, be like, I know, I know you're saying that with good intentions.

00:42:30.320 I just, I just think like, it's not luck, George, like you go out and you do like, I,

00:42:36.160 I prefer to, and maybe it's semantics, but I, I would prefer, you know, like best wishes.

00:42:41.620 Like I want, I wish the best for you.

00:42:43.740 I want the best for you.

00:42:44.920 And that requires you to go do the work.

00:42:47.420 Like not good luck.

00:42:48.680 Like good luck.

00:42:49.440 It can't happen, but.

00:42:50.780 It's going to need luck to pull it off.

00:42:52.300 Yeah.

00:42:52.680 Right.

00:42:53.180 Best wishes to you.

00:42:54.720 You're on an important path.

00:42:56.260 So go do the important work that will help your daughters.

00:42:59.920 Yeah.

00:43:00.400 I like that.

00:43:01.060 I like that distinction.

00:43:01.860 I'm going to try to do that more often.

00:43:03.260 Actually.

00:43:03.940 I don't, it's weird.

00:43:05.080 It's that's a little pet people.

00:43:06.380 Like I don't ever say good luck to anybody anymore.

00:43:08.800 Like I always say, you know, whenever that, that opportunity or that situation, it's always,

00:43:13.800 Hey, best wishes or wishing the best for you.

00:43:16.620 Yeah.

00:43:17.500 It's never, again, that's a weird little kink.

00:43:20.480 Well, it's funny because like, I've, I've caught myself not saying good luck when guys

00:43:25.920 are like, I'm off to worlds to compete.

00:43:29.480 And my first instinct is to say good luck.

00:43:31.860 And I'm like, no, no, no, this ain't luck.

00:43:33.400 And so then I'm like, I say like war.

00:43:36.800 Yes.

00:43:37.240 Or something else, you know, exactly.

00:43:39.380 Yeah.

00:43:39.640 It's kind of the same idea because I don't want to discredit what he's done and it's not

00:43:43.680 going to be luck that, that, that is going to determine success.

00:43:46.800 So why would I say that?

00:43:47.820 Right.

00:43:48.400 Right.

00:43:48.720 I mean, even, even something I've said is, is I know you can do it or I have faith in

00:43:55.900 you or I'm, or I'm rooting for you or, you know, like something along those lines.

00:44:00.880 Yeah.

00:44:01.420 Anyways.

00:44:02.300 All right.

00:44:03.040 Tim Fridsma, do you have any tips or techniques for avoiding beard loss during jujitsu?

00:44:09.960 I took several months off for an injury and now have, have a beard of four or five inches

00:44:16.120 long.

00:44:16.460 First class back this morning.

00:44:18.220 I found myself constantly shifting my face because my beard was getting pinched and pulled.

00:44:23.640 Yeah.

00:44:24.540 You're going to lose your beard, whether you do it preemptively on your own terms or somebody

00:44:29.780 else's terms.

00:44:30.720 Why do you think my beard is shorter than it was, you know, two or three years ago because

00:44:36.840 of jujitsu.

00:44:37.640 And every time I'd leave, I'd have 10% less hair.

00:44:41.960 So I did ask Josh Tyler about this, this weekend, cause he's been training for, I think, 15 years

00:44:47.520 or so.

00:44:47.960 And he's got a big red beard, big gnarly beard.

00:44:50.440 And I'm like, what?

00:44:51.400 So like, do you tie up your beard?

00:44:52.540 What do you do when you train?

00:44:53.420 And he's like, no, he's like the beard hairs that get pulled are just the weak ones that

00:44:57.500 don't belong in my beard.

00:44:58.420 Anyways, here's, here's the closing statement.

00:45:03.840 So the closing statement is there are, there are things in life by which the jujitsu gods

00:45:10.840 will, will teach you whether you're willing to accept or not.

00:45:14.880 So you can make the decision or the jujitsu gods will make the decision for you.

00:45:20.320 Beard beard length is one of them.

00:45:22.100 There's not even a decision to be made.

00:45:25.120 Like it's going to happen.

00:45:27.340 The only question is how are you going to go into the bathroom and trim it down?

00:45:32.980 Look, Kib, you and I have similar beard lengths.

00:45:35.120 Mine might be slightly longer, right?

00:45:36.860 Yeah.

00:45:37.120 But like, it's going to happen.

00:45:39.160 Like, I don't know.

00:45:40.380 And look, admittedly, I don't follow jujitsu too closely within like the competitive circles.

00:45:46.340 I can't, you correct me if I'm wrong.

00:45:48.500 I can't think of any high level jujitsu players that have a big old nasty gnarly beard.

00:45:54.940 What does that tell you?

00:45:56.760 Yeah.

00:45:58.460 Yeah.

00:45:59.240 Or, you know, I think you could potentially braid it up, tie it up or whatever, four or

00:46:04.760 five inches, probably not too long to be able to do that.

00:46:07.640 Yeah.

00:46:07.980 So that way people can get a better grip on it, you know, kind of get into a rope.

00:46:13.320 Yeah.

00:46:13.800 And just pull on, yank on it.

00:46:15.160 Uh, the only other thing I'd say is just maintain top control.

00:46:20.820 And I guess that's less likely to have somebody yanking on your beard.

00:46:25.340 I mean, that's don't, if you're anything like me, you're, you're not going to be on the top

00:46:29.700 very, very long.

00:46:30.700 So you better get used to being underneath somebody else trying to kill you.

00:46:34.440 So I don't know.

00:46:35.100 That's, that's my suggestion.

00:46:36.240 All right.

00:46:37.820 Eric Kovach questions for both Ryan and Kip.

00:46:41.200 If for some re weird reason, Brazilian jujitsu did not exist in the world, what martial art

00:46:47.560 would you two train instead?

00:46:49.500 What did the world?

00:46:50.340 This is another question.

00:46:52.720 This is another question.

00:46:54.180 Like hypothetical.

00:46:55.160 It's like, I don't even think about that.

00:46:56.760 Cause it isn't life.

00:46:57.920 Like, this is what it is.

00:46:59.140 This is actually why I'm not super philosophical because I just don't get like stuck in my thoughts.

00:47:05.760 Like, I'm like, okay, go here.

00:47:07.380 It's like that.

00:47:08.020 I told you shit done.

00:47:09.660 No, it's like, I, I calculate things to come to formulate a conclusion so I can do work.

00:47:15.600 Like, that's why I think about things.

00:47:17.720 I don't think about them to just like stick around forever.

00:47:22.020 It's a, it's a linear path.

00:47:24.320 It's not, it's like, okay, this is the problem.

00:47:27.840 Here's a couple options based on what I know.

00:47:30.700 Here's what I think I should do.

00:47:32.520 Go.

00:47:33.360 It's linear.

00:47:34.240 Philosophie philosophy is like you bounce around in your brain and well, what if this, and what?

00:47:40.160 Okay.

00:47:40.460 Well, what conclusion do you come to?

00:47:41.700 I don't know.

00:47:42.260 I'm still thinking about it.

00:47:43.840 Okay.

00:47:44.620 Well, like no conclusion.

00:47:45.640 Just thought.

00:47:46.420 Yeah.

00:47:46.940 Right.

00:47:47.800 Um, all right.

00:47:48.940 So if jujitsu is not around, I think, um, I think I'd wrestle actually.

00:47:55.160 Yeah.

00:47:56.560 That's the, that's the practical right answer for me.

00:47:59.300 Like if I think about it, I'm like, the right answer would be to wrestle.

00:48:03.960 My first thought was Sambo, but that's like a cheating answer.

00:48:08.000 Cause I think Sambo originated in the early 1900s from a guy that went to Japan and learned

00:48:12.760 judo and jujitsu.

00:48:13.680 So like that doesn't really count, you know, and what is it, is it more throwing or what

00:48:18.720 is, I don't know.

00:48:19.320 Sambo is striking and what is it?

00:48:21.480 Yes.

00:48:22.140 Uh, Sambo is the martial art in Russia where the guy wears a red gi and the other guys

00:48:27.980 wears blue, but they wear shorts and they'll do judo throws, submissions, wrestling.

00:48:33.420 It's, it's, it's, it's sort of mixed.

00:48:37.240 Yeah.

00:48:37.720 And they strike, they're striking.

00:48:39.560 Uh, I think there is striking in Sambo.

00:48:41.540 Yeah.

00:48:42.300 Yeah.

00:48:42.580 But there's tons of judo throws to jujitsu too.

00:48:45.380 So it's like, yeah, you know, that's cheating.

00:48:48.040 Yeah.

00:48:48.340 You can't say something, you can't say judo, like you have to pick something completely

00:48:52.620 different.

00:48:54.100 Muay Thai.

00:48:54.920 I love Muay Thai.

00:48:55.680 I've done some Muay Thai.

00:48:56.860 I think, you know, that'd be on my list, but what's the difference between Muay Thai and

00:49:02.520 uh, kickboxing.

00:49:05.140 Yeah.

00:49:05.620 That's a really good point.

00:49:06.700 So Muay Thai is really focused on six points of contact, right?

00:49:10.960 So elbow strikes and a lot of heavy knees, right?

00:49:14.320 Kickboxing.

00:49:14.760 I don't even think a clinch exists in kickboxing, right?

00:49:18.060 And I don't think kickboxing does like elbow strikes.

00:49:20.320 I might not, I'm not a kickboxer kind of guy, so I don't know, but Muay Thai is, you

00:49:26.040 know, you typically see guys dancing in elbows and knees.

00:49:28.980 The clinch is a Muay Thai thing.

00:49:30.780 Yeah.

00:49:31.120 Right.

00:49:31.740 Okay.

00:49:31.980 Really brutal, a lot of cuts, you know, cause the elbows, I mean, I think, I think Muay

00:49:37.540 Thai or kicking, uh, kickboxing, I think that's a good answer.

00:49:42.000 I don't think you can be in that game as long as you can with something like jujitsu or wrestling,

00:49:46.480 but I, but I think that's a good, like knowing how to strike and using your weapons, your

00:49:52.580 elbows, your hands, your knees, your feet.

00:49:54.800 You don't break your hands either, man, but also learning how to block and protect yourself

00:49:59.960 against strikes.

00:50:00.960 Yeah.

00:50:01.340 That's, that's awesome.

00:50:02.460 Yeah.

00:50:02.900 Dude, if you ever, if you ever have a chance to go to Thailand, I went out there to compete

00:50:09.260 in a jujitsu tournament in, in Tokyo.

00:50:12.180 And we actually swung by Thailand, went to do some traditional Thai fights in Bangkok.

00:50:18.480 Awesome.

00:50:18.880 So awesome.

00:50:19.840 So awesome.

00:50:21.320 Yeah.

00:50:21.440 There's a couple of guys I follow on Instagram that do, I think they're doing Muay Thai

00:50:26.140 cause there's knees and stuff.

00:50:27.520 And I'm like, dang, this is legit.

00:50:30.380 This is crazy.

00:50:31.280 That, that, that is their country's sport.

00:50:34.720 That's their sport.

00:50:35.820 Muay Thai.

00:50:36.500 Yeah.

00:50:36.760 Oh, so we're not talking like football or soccer.

00:50:39.800 Like, no, it's Muay Thai.

00:50:40.880 It is Thailand sport is Muay Thai.

00:50:43.900 Yeah.

00:50:44.060 They take it very, very serious.

00:50:45.900 Yeah.

00:50:46.120 It's, it's awesome.

00:50:47.720 All right.

00:50:48.340 Mitchell, he's a, he's a kickboxer.

00:50:50.920 I think.

00:50:51.800 Did you know that?

00:50:53.220 Uh, I didn't know that.

00:50:54.140 That's his, that's his background.

00:50:55.940 I don't think it's Muay Thai.

00:50:57.640 I'm pretty sure it's kickboxing.

00:50:59.160 So that's his background.

00:51:00.100 All right.

00:51:00.580 Next question.

00:51:01.740 All right.

00:51:02.040 Mitchell Burton.

00:51:02.660 What are some writing tips you have journaling advice and how important do you think journaling

00:51:07.160 is for manifesting thoughts into action?

00:51:11.040 Actually, I think journaling is good because not, yes, it will help manifest thoughts into

00:51:16.780 action because you're putting it on paper.

00:51:18.500 And again, it's more linear writing is more linear versus thinking, which is more circular.

00:51:23.340 It can get stuck up there at times, but when you write it or speak it, you start to put

00:51:27.940 it into action.

00:51:28.660 It lines it out.

00:51:30.240 So that's what's this clarity of thought.

00:51:32.040 Would you say?

00:51:32.780 Totally.

00:51:33.400 Yeah.

00:51:33.660 Because you'll write something like, okay, I could say something in this podcast and

00:51:38.740 it could be utter bullshit and I won't give it a second thought.

00:51:43.520 Okay.

00:51:43.920 But if I write it and I look at it, I'm like, well, hold on a second.

00:51:49.040 Like I've caught myself doing that.

00:51:50.600 Like I'll write something.

00:51:51.380 I'm like, yeah, I don't know if I believe that actually.

00:51:54.700 Like, I don't know if that's right.

00:51:56.080 And then you, you actually are forced to examine it from a different perspective, not just

00:52:01.560 emotionally or just your belief system.

00:52:04.980 Like you're actually forced to examine it.

00:52:07.220 And so when I wrote sovereignty, there was a lot of things in there that I wrote.

00:52:11.160 I'm like, no, I don't actually believe that.

00:52:14.320 I've been talking about it for three or four years at the time.

00:52:16.780 And I'm like, I actually don't think that's right.

00:52:18.960 And I did the same thing on this book.

00:52:21.440 So I addressed the concept of toxic masculinity a little bit, and I'm openly critical about

00:52:27.420 the term toxic masculinity.

00:52:29.100 But in the book, I actually give a different perspective that I'm a little nervous about

00:52:35.680 putting out because of some things that I've said in the past and the way that it is generally

00:52:41.880 accepted in this space and community that I think challenges that a little bit.

00:52:48.020 But I don't know that I would have examined it that closely if I didn't write it in a book

00:52:53.960 that other people were going to read.

00:52:55.420 So, because then you're, you have to examine it because you're like, this is going to be

00:52:59.260 out there.

00:52:59.580 Like, I have to, like, is this right?

00:53:02.200 And so you have to look at it.

00:53:04.920 There's another, I don't journal admittedly a whole lot.

00:53:08.300 Occasionally I do, but there is one tactic when I was journaling more that I really, that

00:53:14.260 I really liked.

00:53:15.200 And I always wrote it with the idea that my kids were going to read it in 30 years.

00:53:21.500 And so it became very instructional based on what I had learned throughout the day or the

00:53:29.020 week, however often you journal.

00:53:30.940 Now I have had some people say, well, that's not good because then you're going to, you're

00:53:34.300 going to manipulate and massage it knowing that your kids are going to read it.

00:53:37.500 Yes, that's a good point.

00:53:39.540 You know, you, you might be tempted to make yourself out to be better or cooler or stronger

00:53:44.860 or braver than maybe you really are.

00:53:47.020 Uh, but I still think it's a good way to flesh out some ideas that you wouldn't have

00:53:51.060 considered otherwise.

00:53:52.060 Yeah.

00:53:52.580 And everyone journals for different reasons, right?

00:53:54.680 I mean, I, the only reason why I ever journal, I used to think this idea that my journal was

00:53:59.720 like some golden plates of record that would be used in, you know, in some future time.

00:54:04.360 And I had to document everything and it became this chore and then I would avoid it because

00:54:09.240 it's too hard.

00:54:10.160 And then the best journaling I've ever done is just, I write down one thing that I'm

00:54:15.720 grateful for.

00:54:17.140 That's it.

00:54:18.000 And I, and I, and it forces me to pause and like really look at life and evaluate, you

00:54:22.720 know what I mean?

00:54:22.980 And express appreciation.

00:54:24.120 That's it.

00:54:25.080 You know, and that's, that's its intent.

00:54:27.460 Let me ask you this, right?

00:54:28.360 So do you think you writing has helped you articulate thought process in interviews on podcasts

00:54:36.860 and conversations and to be able to do that better as well?

00:54:40.620 Maybe in the, in the podcast where I speak like a Friday field notes, for example, a

00:54:45.980 great example of that is last week, uh, the Friday field notes was titled have some self

00:54:51.500 respect.

00:54:52.400 Well, that's a, that's a chapter from the book.

00:54:55.100 Yeah.

00:54:55.640 And so I, I took excerpts from that book and then broke it down and kind of looked at it

00:55:00.720 and figured out, okay, well, how, how would this make a good, you know, 15 to 30 minute

00:55:04.640 Friday field notes.

00:55:06.660 So yeah, it's definitely helped me articulate that.

00:55:09.520 Now, as far as doing interviews, the, the single, the single greatest thing I've done

00:55:15.480 to improve my ability to communicate effectively in an interview style format is just to be

00:55:20.340 curious.

00:55:21.440 Yeah.

00:55:21.940 That's it.

00:55:23.080 Yeah.

00:55:23.500 I guess what I'm asking for is, is more on your ability to articulate intelligently, not

00:55:30.260 just, you know what I mean?

00:55:32.000 Feel connected to your, who you're interviewing, but you're, you do a great job explaining your

00:55:37.580 thoughts and you do it in a very professional way.

00:55:40.380 And is, yeah, I think, I think part of that or no.

00:55:46.240 So yes, yes, a hundred percent people that read people that write, I would even go so

00:55:53.260 far as to say, and I don't know if this is right, but anecdotally, at least in my mind,

00:55:57.000 it seems like it would be people who know other languages or maybe even sign language.

00:56:03.600 I just think the people who study communication and all of its forms, audio, visual, written,

00:56:12.340 whatever song art, the people that study communication are going to, yes, of course,

00:56:19.200 they're going to be better communicators.

00:56:21.060 Absolutely.

00:56:21.840 A hundred percent.

00:56:22.720 Yeah.

00:56:22.840 And if, if you know, if, if, if you speak English and you know how to speak French or

00:56:29.480 Spanish or Italian, you're going to be able to explain things.

00:56:34.840 And you know, who's really good at this comedians, you know, they take a very common situation

00:56:43.080 that everybody has been through and they make it funny because they see it in a different

00:56:49.200 way and they say it differently than the way that a normal person would say it.

00:56:55.580 And so it's funny because we've all been through that, that situation, whatever we like, we

00:57:00.220 can all agree, but we never looked at it like that before.

00:57:03.480 And that's what makes it funny.

00:57:04.980 Comedians it's with, uh, with Brian Callen, I, I cannot even begin to describe how many messages

00:57:13.660 I got from people who said, I had no idea Brian was that well-versed.

00:57:19.200 I had no idea Brian was that intelligent.

00:57:21.740 I had no idea he was that well-read.

00:57:24.420 Frankly, neither did I, but it makes sense to me.

00:57:27.600 He's got to know all of this stuff and look at it from different perspectives to share something

00:57:33.460 everybody's who experienced, but in a different way to make it relevant and funny.

00:57:37.180 Yeah.

00:57:38.740 Yeah.

00:57:38.940 It's a mastery of understanding and communication that allows him to make it funny.

00:57:44.740 Exactly.

00:57:45.860 And, and even if you gave, so if you gave Brian Callen a script, you know, you wrote, you

00:57:51.520 wrote a joke out.

00:57:52.300 He said, here's the script.

00:57:53.560 I want you to perform this.

00:57:54.960 And then you gave it to me and it was the same script.

00:57:59.120 It would be funnier coming from him because he, it's not just words.

00:58:04.800 It's, it's timing, it's tempo.

00:58:07.420 It's the way your voice sounds.

00:58:09.480 It's the way that you look.

00:58:10.680 It's the way, how you command present.

00:58:12.300 Like there's so much.

00:58:13.600 And in order to do that effectively, you just need to know how to communicate on so many

00:58:18.560 different levels and layers.

00:58:21.720 All right.

00:58:22.380 Levi, David, similar question or in the, in the, I guess, in the same area of what we're

00:58:28.260 talking about here.

00:58:29.140 What is your process in preparation for upcoming episodes and interviews?

00:58:32.880 How long are your notes?

00:58:34.800 My notes are blank.

00:58:38.060 Like I have no, I have no notes anymore.

00:58:40.580 I used to, I used to have pre-scripted questions and I would.

00:58:43.520 Yeah.

00:58:43.860 But you read up usually kind of read up on there.

00:58:46.820 Oh yeah.

00:58:47.480 Get the latest episodes, that kind of stuff.

00:58:49.780 Yeah.

00:58:50.100 Yeah.

00:58:50.320 I usually will.

00:58:51.140 So what I'll do is if they have a book out, I'll, I'll read their latest book or I'll

00:58:55.080 live more.

00:58:56.480 I've been listening because I can listen on audible at two times the speed, you know, so I can

00:59:01.240 get through more information and then I follow, I usually subscribe to their emails because

00:59:06.880 I might get an email a day or two before the thing on a particular subject.

00:59:10.300 Uh, I, I follow their Instagram accounts and their Twitter and Facebook accounts so that

00:59:15.600 I can stay up to date.

00:59:16.520 If I see something they may have said that is controversial or has gotten a lot of attention,

00:59:21.700 that's going to make some great fodder for the conversation.

00:59:24.640 Uh, but usually the people that I interview are people that I, that I know that I'm familiar

00:59:29.760 with.

00:59:30.280 So, and, and I also think that over planning takes away some of the authenticity, the genuineness

00:59:40.320 of the conversation, because you're, you're trying to manipulate the conversation.

00:59:44.640 Like I would never do that if I was going to hang out with a buddy.

00:59:47.800 Like if you and I are going to go to like, how about you?

00:59:49.600 You're talking about fight night and you're like, Hey Ryan, come over to fight night.

00:59:52.400 And I brought it, brought with me a list of notes.

00:59:56.020 Like, and then I got it out and it was like, yeah, I'm going to do this.

00:59:59.620 And then how is your wife?

01:00:02.640 Uh, what's her name?

01:00:03.720 Oh, how is your wife Asia?

01:00:06.400 Yeah.

01:00:06.900 You're like, get out of here.

01:00:10.040 You don't even know my wife's name.

01:00:11.560 Yeah.

01:00:12.080 Right.

01:00:12.480 It's forced.

01:00:13.100 Yeah.

01:00:13.620 It just doesn't make sense.

01:00:15.200 And then, but we think it's acceptable in a conversation that that's like a podcast.

01:00:20.880 No, I don't think so.

01:00:22.400 I don't think it is.

01:00:23.120 It's, it's very amateur and I used to be an amateur, which is why I did it.

01:00:26.720 And now I'm not, I'm a professional.

01:00:28.340 So I don't do it.

01:00:29.440 I do what professionals do.

01:00:30.760 And that's why I said earlier that curiosity is the biggest key.

01:00:35.280 Like just be curious.

01:00:36.900 I could know nothing.

01:00:38.180 I could.

01:00:38.520 Okay.

01:00:39.100 Here's how I would say it.

01:00:41.800 Let's say that I needed a podcast guest and because I didn't have something scheduled.

01:00:46.660 And I said, Kip, I need, I need a podcast guest.

01:00:49.240 Who do you got?

01:00:49.680 And you're like, Hey, talk to a John Stevenson here.

01:00:53.340 I could have a great conversation with John and not know a single thing about him.

01:01:00.220 Nothing.

01:01:01.620 Because I'm good at asking questions.

01:01:04.680 And that's all it takes because I'm curious.

01:01:07.080 Like, I want to know what makes John tick.

01:01:08.980 Where's he from?

01:01:09.840 What's he do for work?

01:01:10.900 Why does he do that?

01:01:12.140 Why does he do that thing that way?

01:01:13.600 Where did he learn that?

01:01:14.600 Who taught him?

01:01:15.300 Who does he teach?

01:01:16.040 Like there's so many great questions when you're curious, you don't even have to think

01:01:20.320 about them.

01:01:21.220 You just, they say something and you just ask the next question because it's natural.

01:01:26.400 Like it's just, that's what, that's the next question, of course, obviously, but it does

01:01:30.420 take time and practice for sure.

01:01:33.760 Garrett Brock in my career, just as many others, I often struggle with feeling as though I'm

01:01:38.740 not valued as a person, but rather viewed as a name and a number on a page by both supervisor

01:01:44.060 and society.

01:01:44.840 This affects my motivation to be as proactive as possible from time to time.

01:01:50.460 I realized that the best way to fix this issue is to play the game and promote to a level

01:01:56.440 where I can make a positive change for others around me.

01:02:01.060 Do you have any advice or tips on effectively playing the game in order to make this enhancement

01:02:05.560 for others?

01:02:06.940 I can answer that question, but I'm going to answer a better question that you didn't

01:02:11.400 ask because you assumed that playing the game was the way that's going to make you feel

01:02:15.720 better.

01:02:16.020 But let's just play this out for a second.

01:02:18.360 You quote unquote, play the game and you secure a couple of promotions over the next 10 years.

01:02:23.140 And now you're in a position of authority and you have a team to manage and you're working

01:02:28.360 directly under maybe the owner of the company or something.

01:02:32.320 Are you going to feel different?

01:02:34.880 No, you're not.

01:02:36.740 You're still going to feel unappreciated.

01:02:39.040 You're still going to feel undervalued.

01:02:40.820 You're still going to feel like you didn't get the attention or notoriety or accolades that

01:02:45.480 you deserved.

01:02:45.980 It's not the external that's going to change this for you.

01:02:49.740 It's the internal.

01:02:51.000 So the first thing you need to do is you need to go back to Friday and you need to listen

01:02:55.100 to the podcast, have some self-respect because that's where it starts.

01:03:00.000 The level of respect that you will gain and garner from other people is a direct correlation

01:03:04.940 to the respect that you have for yourself.

01:03:07.360 And you're feeling like you're not adequate or not worthy or not getting the attention or notoriety

01:03:13.360 you deserve because you don't know how to foster it for yourself.

01:03:17.540 Like Kip, I don't need you to tell me I'm a good husband.

01:03:20.640 I don't need you to say you're a great father.

01:03:22.840 I like those things.

01:03:24.200 I'll accept the compliment.

01:03:25.540 It's encouraging to me.

01:03:26.740 It's positive, but I don't need it to know that.

01:03:30.700 I know that because I'm doing the work of a good husband.

01:03:34.740 I'm doing the work of a good father.

01:03:36.540 I'm engaged.

01:03:38.080 I'm trying to improve myself.

01:03:39.960 I'm on the path.

01:03:41.220 And I know how to validate myself.

01:03:44.100 I don't need anybody else to do it for me.

01:03:46.740 And when you get to that point, all of that stuff becomes irrelevant.

01:03:50.400 And you know what?

01:03:52.220 Ironically enough, and kind of unfortunately, is that when you don't care or don't need the

01:03:57.440 validation of others, that's when they give it to you.

01:04:00.800 Yeah.

01:04:01.540 Because you're not desperate.

01:04:02.860 You're not clinging onto their every hope and desire and whim and word and not of approval.

01:04:07.600 You're doing it for yourself.

01:04:08.800 And because you're doing it for yourself, people see it and they're like, oh, there's

01:04:12.720 something special about that guy.

01:04:14.260 And then they're drawn to you and they give you validation and accolades and praise and

01:04:19.980 notoriety and all these things that you want, not because you want it, but because you don't

01:04:24.400 need it.

01:04:25.300 It's like a cruel twist of fate.

01:04:27.680 You want it so bad and they won't give it to you.

01:04:30.820 And when you learn to not need it is when you'll actually get it.

01:04:34.740 It's so strange.

01:04:36.040 I wish it wasn't like that, but it is.

01:04:38.680 So work on yourself and ask yourself why you feel badly about who you are.

01:04:48.400 It's not about what they think.

01:04:50.000 I want you to figure out why you can't validate yourself and why you feel like the way to success

01:04:58.560 is getting it from other people.

01:05:00.280 And that's, I'm not saying that as a rhetorical question or exercise, I actually want you to

01:05:06.180 do that.

01:05:07.580 And then once you figure it out, maybe you think, let me give you a couple of examples

01:05:11.820 of what it might mean.

01:05:12.940 Maybe you're a little heavier than you'd like to be.

01:05:14.820 Maybe you yell it and you're impatient with your children.

01:05:19.480 Maybe, you know, deep down inside, you're actually not doing the work you should be doing

01:05:23.800 at work to secure the promotion.

01:05:25.900 Out of integrity.

01:05:26.240 Maybe, maybe there's some, some, some things that you've done that you have not yet made

01:05:32.540 amends for.

01:05:33.800 Maybe there's some people that you've wronged that you need to say sorry to.

01:05:37.180 Maybe somebody has wronged you and they apologized and you didn't accept it or at least give them

01:05:43.380 the opportunity to say, sorry.

01:05:46.240 There's a thousand, maybe you cheated on your wife and that guilt is hanging over your head

01:05:52.320 and you think you're a loser.

01:05:53.820 Okay.

01:05:54.400 Like there's a thousand things that could be, figure it out and then make it right.

01:05:59.800 I was doing a little research the other day and I was, I came across the word atonement.

01:06:06.120 And usually when we think of the word atonement, we think of it in a spiritual context, like

01:06:10.420 Christ atoned for the sins of the world, right?

01:06:12.500 Well, atonement isn't necessarily a spiritual word.

01:06:16.360 All it means is to, uh, make, to, to repair.

01:06:21.800 If I remember to repair, so reparations to repair, to fix, to make a right.

01:06:27.520 So the, to atone is to repair damage that has been done.

01:06:32.720 So you need to atone for what you have done to others and to yourself.

01:06:43.100 How do you repair the damage that you've done to your body by drinking?

01:06:48.420 Well, you stop drinking and you get healthy.

01:06:51.080 How do you atone for cheating on your wife?

01:06:54.860 First you stop the behavior and then you have to make it right with her, which is scary because

01:07:01.760 there's some real risk in that, right?

01:07:04.620 How do you make a tone or excuse me?

01:07:06.440 How do you atone for somebody that you've wronged at work?

01:07:10.280 Maybe you threw somebody under the bus.

01:07:11.720 You make it right by apologizing to that person, not the mob, by the way, it's a different

01:07:17.540 conversation, but to that person.

01:07:19.680 And then you make it right by going and talking with whoever needs to have a conversation with

01:07:24.600 so that they know it was actually that person who did the good work and not you.

01:07:29.680 We talked about that a couple of weeks ago.

01:07:30.920 I think you need to atone.

01:07:32.980 There's something going on and you need to atone for that.

01:07:35.760 And when you do, you're going to feel better about yourself, of course.

01:07:38.700 And then you'll need less validation from others.

01:07:41.580 Very long answer, but that's how you do it.

01:07:44.280 How do you play the game?

01:07:45.540 The game's easy.

01:07:46.700 Here's the game.

01:07:48.060 You ready for the game at work?

01:07:51.240 Help people win.

01:07:54.120 You know, when you get out a new game, you bust out this new board game and you get the

01:07:57.720 rule book out and you're like, okay, step one, set up step two, number of players.

01:08:01.820 Step three, what is the objective of the game?

01:08:03.900 The objective of the game is to help other people win.

01:08:07.620 That's it.

01:08:08.700 So at work, when your boss is an asshole, it doesn't say help him win if he's a good

01:08:14.600 guy.

01:08:15.820 The objective is to help him win.

01:08:18.980 With your clients, the objective is to help them win.

01:08:21.980 With the company you're working, look, and here's another thing.

01:08:24.560 If you're not interested in playing the game or at least finishing the objective, then don't

01:08:30.180 play the game.

01:08:30.840 So if you're at a, if you're at a, uh, if you're an employment that you hate, you despise

01:08:36.680 it.

01:08:37.220 You've got a boss who's a complete jerk and he doesn't appreciate you.

01:08:41.980 Uh, okay.

01:08:43.260 Then you need to make a decision because right now you're playing the game and the objective

01:08:46.940 is to help him win.

01:08:47.760 If you can't do that, don't play that game.

01:08:49.840 There's games.

01:08:50.520 I don't like like my wife, a different one.

01:08:53.000 She won't play risk with me probably because I'm a jerk when I do, but she chooses not to

01:09:00.020 play the game because she doesn't like the game.

01:09:02.920 Okay.

01:09:03.540 She's opted out fine.

01:09:05.700 Right.

01:09:06.520 Same thing with that.

01:09:07.660 Either you're in and you do it or you've opted out, but you don't get to like dabble your

01:09:11.780 toes in the water and be part of the game.

01:09:14.060 If you're not willing to complete the objective and you know, when you do this, everything

01:09:19.320 is better.

01:09:21.460 Everything is better.

01:09:22.640 The relationship between you and your boss will get better.

01:09:25.780 People will appreciate you more.

01:09:27.600 They'll be glad to see you.

01:09:29.000 You're going to feel better about yourself.

01:09:31.660 It's just better.

01:09:32.820 You're going to be more marketable.

01:09:34.500 You're going to have other job offers.

01:09:36.360 Clients are going to see what you're doing.

01:09:37.800 And some opportunity may present itself where they come to you and say, what was his name?

01:09:41.920 This guy.

01:09:43.180 Uh,

01:09:44.060 Did you close it?

01:09:45.200 I got it.

01:09:45.560 I got it.

01:09:46.320 Garrett.

01:09:47.380 So a client comes to you, Garrett, and says, Hey, you know what?

01:09:51.000 I own this organization.

01:09:52.920 We're a fortune 500 company.

01:09:54.820 And I want to let you know, I've been watching you for the past couple of years, the way that

01:09:59.280 you do business here, the way you handle yourself, the way you conduct your business,

01:10:03.400 the way you help your team, the way you service your clients.

01:10:06.820 And we have an executive level position opened up.

01:10:09.720 And I really want to talk to you more about it.

01:10:12.420 Like some people might hear that.

01:10:13.900 I can hear that and think that's far-fetched.

01:10:15.800 That's happened to me multiple times where I've done the work I'm supposed to be doing

01:10:21.080 and opportunities like that have presented themselves because of it.

01:10:24.280 That's how you play the game.

01:10:26.280 Yeah.

01:10:26.800 Cool.

01:10:27.160 One more question.

01:10:28.900 All right.

01:10:29.060 One more.

01:10:29.480 Yep.

01:10:30.280 All right.

01:10:30.620 Jesse clock.

01:10:32.820 First of all, my name is pronounced clock.

01:10:35.260 Kip.

01:10:35.620 Ha ha.

01:10:36.240 All right.

01:10:36.540 Whatever.

01:10:36.900 Jesse.

01:10:37.680 Is it spelled clock?

01:10:39.900 No, it's spelled K L O K.

01:10:43.360 Yeah.

01:10:43.860 Well, spell it right, man.

01:10:45.740 I would have gotten it right.

01:10:49.000 My question is this.

01:10:50.560 In Canada, we have had the truckers convoy going on for the last week because of our lack

01:10:55.540 of leadership in our country.

01:10:56.880 I've gone down to the Coutts border blockage to support the truckers there.

01:11:01.580 I've called my government reps and not getting much in communication.

01:11:05.480 What would you guys do to lead in this situation?

01:11:09.560 What would we do to lead?

01:11:11.220 Well, I think ultimately you would.

01:11:13.520 I'm assuming what he's asking to do more than what he's doing, right?

01:11:16.260 Yeah.

01:11:16.960 Yeah.

01:11:17.520 What I would do is I would enlist more people in it.

01:11:20.100 That's how you lead.

01:11:21.220 You rally more people around the cause.

01:11:23.440 You get more people engaged.

01:11:25.220 The more people that are engaged, the more people who are committed, the more likely it

01:11:30.020 is that you're going to start gaining traction, getting attention, getting noticed.

01:11:35.000 And also, I think I saw this morning in Ottawa that either they have or they're considering

01:11:40.980 making it a state of emergency or something like that in Ottawa so that they can bring

01:11:48.320 in federal authorities to start cracking down on some of this stuff.

01:11:52.380 So it's dangerous, man.

01:11:54.460 It's really dangerous.

01:11:56.300 And that's why a lot of people won't do this.

01:11:57.900 But the more people who do it, the more likely it is you're going to start seeing some change.

01:12:05.020 So the way you lead is do what you want to do, do what you feel compelled to do, and then

01:12:09.880 enlist other people to help you do it.

01:12:11.880 That's how you lead.

01:12:12.700 That is the definition of leadership.

01:12:15.440 So, yeah.

01:12:16.660 Cool.

01:12:17.620 All right.

01:12:18.420 So we mentioned a couple of things.

01:12:21.040 Battle ready.

01:12:21.940 To learn more about battle ready, go to orderman.com slash battle ready.

01:12:25.800 Also, you can get the battle planning app at 12weekbattleplanner.com.

01:12:31.480 That's the number one, two, or 12weekbattleplanner.com.

01:12:36.060 Iron Council is closed.

01:12:37.900 We will be opening that up for new members coming in the month of March.

01:12:42.780 So stay tuned.

01:12:44.180 Follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and Instagram for updates at Ryan Mickler, as well as signing

01:12:49.660 up for the newsletter on the orderofman.com website.

01:12:53.200 Anything else, sir?

01:12:54.280 Um, no, I think that's it with, with the Iron Council being closed and this being the

01:13:00.680 beginning of February, we have a little, about three weeks at this point.

01:13:04.040 Uh, what I would suggest to you guys to get ready for joining the Iron Council.

01:13:08.300 And I know there's hundreds of you who want to, is to go through the battle ready course

01:13:12.340 now.

01:13:12.840 So you talked about it, Kip.

01:13:14.260 So just, I want to reiterate that orderofman.com slash battle ready.

01:13:18.260 You're going to go through that over 30 days.

01:13:19.960 And when we open up on March 1st, you're going to hit the ground running and you're going to

01:13:23.460 know a lot more than the guys who don't go through that program and sign up for the

01:13:27.940 Iron Council.

01:13:28.580 So that's a free program.

01:13:30.280 It's orderofman.com slash battle ready.

01:13:32.400 Just wanted to reiterate that.

01:13:33.920 All right, guys, that's all we've got.

01:13:35.400 Great questions today.

01:13:36.180 I really, uh, I really feel like we had some good questions.

01:13:38.680 Hopefully I would, we had some good answers for you.

01:13:40.720 Uh, we will be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become the man

01:13:45.400 you are meant to be.

01:13:46.880 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:13:49.460 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:13:53.420 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - February 09, 2022

Pros and Cons of Tribalism, The Cost of Doing Good Work, and How and Why to Journal ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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