Order of Man - Raising Great Kids, Humor in Fatherhood, & Rebuilding Your Social Circle ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 Mindset towards personal growth and development.

00:00:02.440 I think the mindset of it's in the service of others.

00:00:05.380 And the minute that our personal growth and development is tied to something bigger than

00:00:10.700 ourselves, now we're talking about a powerful mindset.

00:00:14.380 Oh, I'm really nervous about this.

00:00:15.840 Okay, great.

00:00:16.420 But guess what, Kip?

00:00:17.600 It's not about you.

00:00:18.680 It has to be bigger than me.

00:00:20.880 The intent has to be, how do I get on the stage and serve the individuals that I'm going

00:00:26.760 to speak to in a way that they walk off better than they were before they showed up?

00:00:32.680 You're a man of action.

00:00:34.340 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:35.800 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:38.740 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:42.080 Every time.

00:00:43.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:48.240 This is your life.

00:00:49.320 This is who you are.

00:00:50.740 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:53.340 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:00.140 Sean, we do it again, sir.

00:01:01.880 How you been?

00:01:02.940 Great.

00:01:03.600 How are you?

00:01:04.740 Good, man.

00:01:05.580 It's, I don't know.

00:01:07.560 I feel like spring is here, but Utah's crazy.

00:01:12.420 Whenever I think spring has shown up, all of a sudden, like we have like the best snowstorm

00:01:16.880 ever.

00:01:17.240 So it's, you know, it always plays with you and probably kills all the plants and all

00:01:23.740 the poor birds are suffering.

00:01:25.760 But, you know, I'm excited.

00:01:28.220 I'm over winter.

00:01:29.520 I'm ready for spring and summer to come along.

00:01:32.280 I agree.

00:01:33.280 It's the same in Tennessee.

00:01:34.560 It's bipolar weather.

00:01:36.340 But the difference here is like nothing dies.

00:01:38.860 It just keeps getting greener and prettier and more color and crazier.

00:01:44.640 Yeah.

00:01:44.940 When you're raised in the high desert, you don't realize until you go back east and you're

00:01:49.600 like, oh, got it.

00:01:50.960 This is what green looks like.

00:01:53.440 Yeah.

00:01:55.140 Yeah, totally.

00:01:56.580 Well, we're going to field questions from the Iron Council today.

00:02:01.840 And enrollment for the Iron Council is still open.

00:02:05.460 We have a cohort still open.

00:02:07.000 You guys, you have until the end of this week to sign up there and to join us in the

00:02:13.780 Iron Council.

00:02:14.720 The URL to read more and to sign up is orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:02:20.920 And as always, man, if you guys have questions, whether it's on YouTube or on the socials, you

00:02:27.280 know, ping us.

00:02:28.460 We'll shoot it straight.

00:02:29.760 One of the principles that I think is is kind of profound about even our acceptance of new

00:02:36.520 members in the IC is guess who we want?

00:02:40.020 Not everybody.

00:02:41.640 And the reason why is because if you're not ready, if you're not willing to sacrifice and

00:02:46.460 pay the price to join us and be ineffective, then it's not good for you.

00:02:50.000 And guess who else?

00:02:50.800 It's not good for.

00:02:51.760 It's not good for us.

00:02:52.780 So if you're up for it, awesome.

00:02:55.680 Band with us.

00:02:56.380 If you're not, let us know when you're ready.

00:02:59.560 And so we're looking for men that are willing and able to step up and start playing on the

00:03:08.580 court and get out of the bleachers and stop being a spectator.

00:03:12.140 So once again, that's orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:03:16.320 Sean, should we get right into the questions?

00:03:18.480 Let's do it.

00:03:19.100 Jump in.

00:03:19.480 All right.

00:03:20.260 So Noah McCauflin, what lessons on mindset towards personal growth and development can

00:03:28.300 we give our sons and daughters that will motivate them to lead a fulfilling life that can lead

00:03:34.340 them to do great things that they will be remembered in history as great men and women that choose

00:03:40.480 to make their mark on the world?

00:03:42.880 I see your grin as you read it.

00:03:45.800 I know.

00:03:46.340 I couldn't, like, I'm getting triggered as I read it.

00:03:49.340 Sorry, Noah.

00:03:50.220 But I'm like, man, you are asking for disappointment as a parent.

00:03:56.160 But that means we're on the same page because my first reaction was, dude, that's too much

00:04:03.160 pressure for you, for them.

00:04:05.500 To put that on your kids.

00:04:06.540 Oh, man.

00:04:08.100 But how about let's just focus on the mindset, personal growth, development.

00:04:15.340 And a life of fulfillment.

00:04:16.940 Yeah.

00:04:17.540 That's okay.

00:04:18.740 Being a positive, influential person in your community and in society and how far that reaches

00:04:25.980 is kind of like a side note, right?

00:04:31.460 There's a bonus if it reaches further than your community.

00:04:34.680 But if you're a stud, we all have that guy.

00:04:37.580 There's someone in our community that you know you could call right now for anything.

00:04:42.640 They'd help you.

00:04:43.500 They'd be there.

00:04:44.760 They have made and will make a difference in your life.

00:04:48.060 But it might not stretch beyond the community.

00:04:50.580 And you wish that their type of influence would go further.

00:04:54.880 But the thing is, maybe it does.

00:04:56.380 Maybe there's a kid in that community that that man impacts or that woman impacts that 1.00

00:05:02.840 goes on to do great things with their lives.

00:05:04.580 And they may or may not credit that man or woman for it.

00:05:09.000 But that's the way life works.

00:05:10.880 That's the way God works.

00:05:12.180 That's, you know, there's a plan happening that we're a part of.

00:05:15.900 And we just have to do our best in that plan.

00:05:20.140 So what I would say, if you're trying to teach lessons, the number one lesson you can teach

00:05:23.960 is by example.

00:05:26.380 And so if you want them to be great at anything, you have to show them what that means.

00:05:33.560 And, you know, I can only use my personal example.

00:05:36.920 But I thought of this.

00:05:38.780 I'm like, what are some examples I've had throughout the years?

00:05:41.040 Because I have a lot of friends that are about as world-class as it gets.

00:05:48.760 You know, if you want to call them influencers, if you want to call them literally have reached

00:05:52.500 like millions, probably, you know, a couple of them, hundreds of millions, maybe lives

00:05:57.400 and billionaires and, you know, whatever.

00:06:00.540 But I also have men at church that I go to locally here with that are just as great.

00:06:08.400 Yeah.

00:06:09.420 And they both do the same things.

00:06:12.620 It's just the focus and scale has happened.

00:06:15.940 Some of it's a little luck.

00:06:16.940 Some of it's a little hyper focus.

00:06:19.400 But what they all have in common is they're consistent.

00:06:22.080 And they're consistent in their actions, what they talk about, what's important to them,

00:06:28.300 knowing their values, knowing what they want in life, having it written down, having goals,

00:06:34.540 pursuing those things with excellence.

00:06:37.460 Not meaning that they're perfect in the pursuit, but that they're constantly trying to improve

00:06:43.380 and get better.

00:06:44.260 And that automatically is going to show if you're that.

00:06:49.180 And then simultaneously, as I talk about some of these guys, um, it's, I thought of this

00:06:55.180 one example, because right now we're in the middle of, you mentioned spring.

00:06:58.560 So it's baseball season here and I've, I've coached baseball is my wheelhouse.

00:07:04.540 So since my oldest was, you know, six, seven, I don't coach T-ball.

00:07:09.340 That's my rule.

00:07:09.960 Cause it's like hurting catch.

00:07:11.460 But as soon as they get into like real baseball, I start coaching them.

00:07:15.900 But it's been, I think I'm at the 10 year mark now, you know, since my oldest started

00:07:20.080 of coaching every year and now with my youngest and every year, inevitably there's the one

00:07:26.560 or two dudes in the league as coaches that are super hyper aggro with their kid.

00:07:33.360 And, um, when I, my very first year I started coaching my son, I was lucky enough in the league

00:07:40.220 that we were in, they brought in Mike Socia for a coach's clinic for this little league

00:07:46.080 out in, you know, thousand Oaks, California.

00:07:48.980 Um, they just brought him out to do this coach's clinic because he lived nearby and someone knew

00:07:54.180 him.

00:07:54.360 And so he comes and he does this clinic and he basically tells everybody.

00:07:58.580 And then those hyper aggro coaches that wanted their kids to be major leaguers, of course,

00:08:04.320 hands up, like ask the question.

00:08:06.320 Cause he was talking about his son and how he plays baseball, basketball foot.

00:08:10.580 He's a multi-sport athlete.

00:08:12.380 And, um, and then they asked him about that.

00:08:15.040 Don't you think that it's better if you want him to play in the major leagues to, to focus

00:08:19.460 on baseball and Mike Socia like didn't even think twice about it.

00:08:25.280 He said, no, he said, I think it's important that they play multiple sports because their

00:08:29.580 bodies need to rest for certain muscles.

00:08:32.160 They start working in these other sports and it builds other muscles.

00:08:35.380 They're stronger all around.

00:08:37.240 They're healthier.

00:08:38.180 They last longer.

00:08:39.820 Yeah.

00:08:39.920 Right.

00:08:40.880 And, um, yeah, cross-training.

00:08:42.460 I mean, it was a basic answer.

00:08:44.440 And, um, literally it was funny because those couple of guys afterwards, you know, everybody's

00:08:50.040 talking to each other and those couple of guys congregated together and I just happened

00:08:53.040 to be near them.

00:08:54.000 And you could literally, I overheard them say, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

00:08:57.580 And so another thing he talked about was the pressure of that, that he doesn't put pressure

00:09:06.500 on his kid to be a major leaguer.

00:09:08.220 He wants his kid to be passionate about something.

00:09:11.080 And I thought, man, what a great lesson just for life.

00:09:14.620 Forget about baseball.

00:09:15.860 If you want your kid to be great at anything, you want them to be passionate about it.

00:09:20.220 If it's baseball, great.

00:09:21.660 But you, your support, another thing we need to be an example of is supportive in those

00:09:27.380 things.

00:09:28.620 Ryan talks about this all the time, how different his kids are.

00:09:31.020 My kids are so different.

00:09:32.180 Your kids are so different.

00:09:33.520 Every single one of them.

00:09:34.780 And if we can get behind them being passionate, that gives them their best chance to do great

00:09:40.940 things.

00:09:41.820 And again, where that lands is different for everybody.

00:09:45.940 But if you want to be happy, like you could be miserable your whole life with the pressure

00:09:51.100 and trying to push for quote unquote greatness, or you can help your kids to know what they

00:09:59.560 need to do to pull the best out of them and support them in that process.

00:10:05.020 So I don't know if it's making sense or landing the way I wanted to articulate it, but it's

00:10:10.340 my thought on that.

00:10:11.160 Yeah.

00:10:11.820 Well, let me round it out or illustrate something because you talked about the importance of

00:10:16.380 modeling, right?

00:10:17.100 Or the importance of leading by example.

00:10:19.000 And that's what we should do, right?

00:10:21.160 For our kids.

00:10:22.440 But Noah, I would say, and Sean, I think you're in agreement here, is that's one of the mindsets

00:10:28.500 around personal growth that you need to distill in your kid.

00:10:31.960 That for them to have a life of fulfillment, meaning, and purpose where they're influencing

00:10:37.300 other people, guess how you do it?

00:10:38.960 Kid, you walk the talk is how you do it.

00:10:43.100 You show up powerfully is how you do it.

00:10:45.120 You operate within your realm of control and how you do school, how you do your chores,

00:10:50.960 how you do those things is the stepping stone of being able to serve other people.

00:10:57.400 And for me, when I think of, because you use this word, lead a fulfilling life.

00:11:04.280 In my opinion, that is always found in the service of someone else. 0.63

00:11:11.380 Always.

00:11:13.020 Not popularity in the service of someone else.

00:11:17.780 And our impact varies, right?

00:11:20.340 Like I was even thinking about this, Sean, and let me know if you agree with this or not.

00:11:24.680 It's ironic that I was thinking about this last night.

00:11:27.000 But as our reach gets wide, it somewhat gets superficial.

00:11:33.920 And it's interesting because we latch on to people, right?

00:11:38.020 So let's grab someone people might latch on to, like David Goggins, right?

00:11:43.900 Or we could go with Ed, or we could go with Jordan Peterson, right?

00:11:48.980 Like, oh my gosh, these guys' impact.

00:11:51.060 Well, is Jordan Peterson's impact in my life really that impactful compared to an amazing father?

00:12:02.720 Is it really?

00:12:04.540 Because I don't know him.

00:12:06.800 And guess what?

00:12:07.640 He doesn't know me.

00:12:09.740 Like, where's really impact found?

00:12:13.500 Where is service really found?

00:12:15.400 I don't think it's in the scale of millions.

00:12:21.060 I think it's in the scale of the few.

00:12:24.340 I think it's in our kids and the close relationships with our friends and our brothers and our family members.

00:12:31.440 I think that's where the biggest fulfillment is found.

00:12:36.660 And this is why you get popular people that, you know, behind the curtains, you know, they're depressed.

00:12:44.360 And they're struggling in different areas of their life because their impact is not as what you think it is, you know?

00:12:53.800 Yeah.

00:12:54.180 And the fulfillment that they're finding in life isn't as powerful as you think it is because you are misleaded to believe that popularity and fulfillment and service of others are the same thing.

00:13:07.180 And I don't think they are.

00:13:08.240 Now, don't get me wrong.

00:13:09.420 I think there's scales of that, right?

00:13:11.460 But I know the more I get stretched thin and the more I'm serving a larger audience, is my level of care and service as high as if it was intentional with a handful of people?

00:13:22.820 The answer is absolutely not.

00:13:24.880 And so, be careful, right?

00:13:27.960 And I'm not saying you're saying that, Noah, but be careful that we don't mix those two.

00:13:31.920 So, back to the question, though.

00:13:33.220 Mindset towards personal growth and development.

00:13:35.560 I think the mindset of the importance of modeling, I think, is important.

00:13:39.660 The mindset of what's within your realm of control is super critical.

00:13:44.120 And then I think we nonchalantly said this, and let me see if you agree with me here or not, Sean, on Noah's question, is it's in the service of others.

00:13:58.220 And the minute that our personal growth and development is tied to something bigger than ourselves, now we're talking about a powerful mindset.

00:14:08.560 Oh, I'm really nervous about this.

00:14:10.080 Okay, great.

00:14:10.720 But guess what, Kip?

00:14:11.860 It's not about you.

00:14:12.640 It's not about this thing that you're nervous about, right?

00:14:16.360 I have a keynote that I have scheduled for next April.

00:14:20.200 It's my first big keynote.

00:14:21.960 And I'm a little nervous about it.

00:14:23.820 And I literally had the conversation with myself the other day, and I went, who's it about, Kip?

00:14:29.440 Really?

00:14:30.400 Oh, got it.

00:14:31.460 That's why you're nervous.

00:14:32.280 Because you're worried about, what, looking good?

00:14:35.660 You're worried about how you're perceived?

00:14:38.440 No, no, no, no.

00:14:39.120 You've lost it.

00:14:40.620 What's my intent?

00:14:41.440 Sorry, my ringers.

00:14:43.700 What's my intent?

00:14:45.000 It has to be bigger than me.

00:14:47.220 The intent has to be, how do I get on the stage and serve the individuals that I'm going to speak to in a way that they walk off better than they were before they showed up?

00:14:57.660 If that is true, then I have something bigger than myself.

00:15:02.660 And ultimately, that is what's going to give me fulfillment in life, not, you know, all these other things.

00:15:09.320 You know, it was the one last thing.

00:15:13.320 Totally agree.

00:15:14.160 And I'm not going to add to that.

00:15:15.340 But I do want to say something in how you answered the question, because we're talking mindset.

00:15:21.820 You said that he said fulfilling life in his question.

00:15:25.140 He actually didn't say that in his question.

00:15:27.100 He said, how does it lead to great things?

00:15:29.620 But you and your brain automatically switched great things to a fulfilling life.

00:15:38.060 And I think that's important to note, because a lot of people think of great things as scale, right?

00:15:47.320 Like we were talking about, where it's actually more important that we're happy.

00:15:52.820 Because you could scale anything, but if you're miserable, there's plenty of miserable billionaires, right?

00:15:59.580 I mean, there's plenty of people that lead miserable lives.

00:16:02.960 And you think maybe they've done great things.

00:16:05.900 But at the end of the day, you know, when they meet their maker again, it's, can they, can it be said to them, well done, good and faithful servant?

00:16:14.980 And yeah, you had impact in this company, but what about your family?

00:16:19.220 What about your personal life?

00:16:20.800 What about the, you know, the trail of destruction that you left behind you in pursuit of these things?

00:16:25.960 So what's really important?

00:16:29.320 And for me, I'm, I'm in alignment with you for fulfilling life.

00:16:34.300 I think you need to be a good husband, a good father, a good partner, a good brother, a good sister, a good, you know, just good and a good member of your community, of your church or whatever it is.

00:16:49.240 Um, and pursuing getting better at those things all the time.

00:16:55.400 And at the end of that life, I think you'll be happy with what you did.

00:17:03.080 And it's, it's the same for us to try and help our children find those, that as well.

00:17:10.200 Yeah.

00:17:10.940 And, and isn't it funny, Sean, like we started this question off, kind of giggling a little bit with Noah's question.

00:17:16.060 And, and, and, and full disclosure, I'm assuming you're just like me at one point I had this exact same mindset.

00:17:23.240 Oh, for sure.

00:17:24.680 Oh, my boys, they're going to like achieve these things.

00:17:28.680 My daughter's going to be, you know, like it was this badge of honor to raise them.

00:17:33.440 Right.

00:17:33.840 Because they were going to make me look so good.

00:17:36.380 Right.

00:17:37.360 And, and it's funny as, as I've gotten older, what do I want for my kids?

00:17:42.380 To, to find joy.

00:17:44.680 Yeah.

00:17:45.560 To find joy in life.

00:17:47.120 And to experience life, the hardships, the, the pleasantries.

00:17:52.940 And, and to, in the end, to not have a life of regret and know that they are loved.

00:17:57.220 And, you know, but it also, it's, you started with that thought with your kids, but I, for me, when you said it, it started with me for me first.

00:18:07.400 Yeah, that's true.

00:18:08.180 I wanted to be successful, right?

00:18:09.500 Like I want to be uber successful and I want to do all these things.

00:18:12.300 I want to make this much money and I want to, you know, buy, drive these cars and all of these pursuits that I thought were super important to me.

00:18:21.180 And, and then went out and achieved those things.

00:18:24.040 And then I figured out what was really important.

00:18:27.220 So sometimes it's, we have to achieve that.

00:18:29.400 I think there's too many, especially men out there that are trying to live vicariously through their children.

00:18:35.380 Cause maybe they didn't achieve some of the things like the Al Bundy syndrome of, oh, when I was in high school.

00:18:41.080 So they don't, so they don't learn the lesson that it's not about those things.

00:18:43.800 So they hold onto it and then their kids have to hopefully teach them that lesson.

00:18:48.500 Yeah.

00:18:49.100 And maybe their kids suffer through that because of it.

00:18:51.740 Right.

00:18:51.960 So that's why it's so important that we be those examples so that we can get to the point where we figure out what's really important.

00:19:01.380 Yeah.

00:19:02.020 So there you go, Noah.

00:19:03.160 Hopefully we jumped all around.

00:19:05.360 A lot of pieces.

00:19:06.380 Yeah.

00:19:06.780 But hopefully he gave you some thoughts to consider there.

00:19:09.760 Jeremy Kofi, what role does humor play in being a strong man, husband and father?

00:19:14.680 I think it's, for me, it's everything it's, but that's my natural personality and we can have different answers here because I know for you naturally, your tendency is not to think humor first.

00:19:30.140 It's to think, uh, uh, results first.

00:19:35.180 Yep.

00:19:36.160 And, um, I'm the opposite.

00:19:37.940 Mine's like fun first and then results, you know?

00:19:42.160 Yeah.

00:19:42.460 Um, so I think we, in our different personalities, um, it's easier for some than others, but I also think it's important and, and I, not just important.

00:19:55.880 I think it's vital, um, but where the, the importance comes in is that we never, ever take ourselves too seriously.

00:20:07.460 And I think humor is a reminder of that because most of the instances that we find ourselves in, in our day-to-day are not life or death.

00:20:18.380 And if we only treat it that way and we're only serious in everything that we do, we miss the joy in the process of these things.

00:20:29.800 And that fulfillment we were talking about earlier, the fulfillment is just less if you can't poke fun at not just some of it, but most of it, of our jobs, of our lives, of ourselves, of the things that we do are silly, of our mistakes.

00:20:52.480 There's, there's too many of us that don't find humor in the mistakes that we make.

00:20:58.680 And that causes misery in our lives where just a little humor added in and being able to laugh about some of that would heal our hearts if we just allowed it.

00:21:11.360 So that's my take, but again, for me, it's more natural.

00:21:15.060 How do you feel?

00:21:16.740 You know, it's funny, you know, there's a couple of thoughts that, that enter my mind and, and, and, and I just want to illustrate your point that, that it's so solid because like, first off, no, no kid ever goes like, oh, my dad, he's so great.

00:21:29.760 You know, he's so serious all the time is highly effective, right?

00:21:32.300 It's like play, play, play is so important, you know, and my kids remember the times when, when I was goofy and I messed around and, and life was humorous, you know, and, and fun.

00:21:48.520 And so I know that even though that's not my default, it will never be my default.

00:21:54.740 But I know I'm in a better state.

00:21:56.620 My kids are in a better state when, when I'm acting that way.

00:22:01.300 And, and it's funny that you, that this question even came up, there's all this alignment for whatever reason so far on these questions with, with last week.

00:22:09.840 And so I was preparing my bio, right?

00:22:12.360 For that keynote that I have scheduled for April, right?

00:22:14.740 Like we need this.

00:22:15.680 And, and, and I wrote up this, oh my gosh, so dramatic.

00:22:20.660 Like, like I wrote it and I was, I felt proud of it, but I was just like, oh, it's so professional.

00:22:31.040 And, and then I was like, this isn't going to work.

00:22:35.640 Like, I don't know.

00:22:37.660 I, this isn't memorable.

00:22:38.900 This is like everything else.

00:22:40.660 And so I beat it up and took on an entirely humorous route, route to it.

00:22:46.820 And even kind of poked fun of the bio about me, right?

00:22:54.260 And I poked fun of, I'm a hillbilly kid from small town Elsinore.

00:22:59.300 I, I, I poke fun of an award that I got last year that really just sounds like a self-created

00:23:06.520 award with a fancy title, right?

00:23:08.340 Like I just really like beat it up because guess what?

00:23:13.260 In the end, what mattered is the last sentence that I put in the bio, which is that I'm inspired

00:23:20.000 and dedicated to helping people lead better so we can impact people's lives.

00:23:25.660 And in the end, that's all that matters anyway.

00:23:29.080 All that other stuff is just hoo-ha, right?

00:23:32.060 And, and, and, and, and mark my word, guaranteed.

00:23:36.800 I said it to the people and I said, this is a little bit different, but I'm thinking we

00:23:43.020 go this route.

00:23:43.780 And I said it to them and they're like, we love it.

00:23:46.400 Why?

00:23:47.280 Because man, because of what you said, Sean, right?

00:23:51.000 We're taking life way too serious, you know, and sometimes we need to beat it up.

00:23:55.180 I had to look up this quote by Greenville, I think it's Kleiser.

00:24:00.760 Good humor is a tonic for the mind and body.

00:24:04.240 It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression.

00:24:07.520 It is a business asset.

00:24:09.340 It attracts and keeps friends.

00:24:11.060 It lightens human burdens and it is the direct route to see, uh, serenity and contentment.

00:24:19.400 Hmm.

00:24:21.440 All right.

00:24:22.760 Elijah Elliott, his question.

00:24:25.640 How do voluntary sacrifice and altruistic servitude contribute to personal fulfillment and

00:24:34.840 social wellbeing?

00:24:35.800 Uh, I, we answered it, I think in the first question and, and, uh, but I will, I will just

00:24:48.100 add with Elijah's question that I can already tell Elijah is a much deeper thinker than I

00:24:56.060 am just by the way he worded that question.

00:24:59.080 Yeah.

00:24:59.220 You're like, be nice to people.

00:25:00.700 It's a good thing.

00:25:01.560 Next question.

00:25:02.220 That's right.

00:25:05.800 Do what's right.

00:25:06.580 Do what serves people.

00:25:08.440 Um, but the, it's, I kind of want to, he talks about voluntary sacrifice.

00:25:15.820 All sacrifices, voluntary, unless you're, unless there's a, unless there's a draft, unless

00:25:21.080 we're, you know, in a communist country, that kind of stuff.

00:25:24.340 Right.

00:25:24.660 But it's not even sacrifice then it's now something else.

00:25:27.620 Right.

00:25:28.080 Yes.

00:25:28.460 Yes.

00:25:28.920 That's just, it's just servitude.

00:25:31.600 And so, um, altruistic servitude, um, sounds so deep.

00:25:40.260 And, um, I think altruistic servitude is just, um, helping people for the sake of it's the

00:25:51.840 right thing to do.

00:25:52.500 Um, and again, kind of the deeper meaning of altruistic, I think people think deeper

00:26:01.540 into how God views that, how the universe does it, how karma reacts to it.

00:26:07.620 There's all these different words we can put onto it as far as altruistic servitude.

00:26:12.720 But let's just go down to what you were talking about.

00:26:15.860 When we were talking about service, nothing feels better than doing something for someone

00:26:22.360 else, knowing that there's nothing they could do in return for you.

00:26:28.460 Yeah.

00:26:29.440 And that you stopping on the side of the road to help someone change a tire.

00:26:34.500 You, you know, it's so funny.

00:26:35.980 I can think in my life, there's all these things that felt great.

00:26:38.700 All these accomplishments, all these awards, like you were talking about that I've received

00:26:43.620 in my life.

00:26:44.160 And none of them gets even close to, you know, I was leaving an airport one time in Texas.

00:26:50.180 I don't even know what part of Texas.

00:26:51.440 I think I was in Austin.

00:26:52.920 And, um, and I saw this couple on the side of the road, elderly couple just kind of walking

00:26:57.940 around their car, stopped, helped them out.

00:27:00.520 I was in a rental car and, uh, changed their tire for her.

00:27:04.480 And it was so cute.

00:27:05.960 Like the guy tries to slip me money and stuff like that.

00:27:08.620 You know, he literally like tries to put it in my pocket after I wouldn't take it and

00:27:12.740 all this stuff, you know, I ended up just taking his money cause he wasn't gonna, you

00:27:17.020 know, it made him feel good to give it to me.

00:27:20.760 And, um, and, and like, that was, I don't know how many years ago that was, but it's one

00:27:27.340 of the things that stands out to me in my life that just felt so great.

00:27:30.340 This cut, they literally were like, oh man, you saved us today.

00:27:33.540 We had, we had to do this and this, and we got it, you know, and it was just such a

00:27:39.040 simple, easy thing.

00:27:40.700 I had the time I stopped.

00:27:42.480 And that one thing is I'm never going to see him again.

00:27:45.740 I'm never like, and, uh, and who knows what it helped him do that day and where that,

00:27:51.560 what that trickled into, but Holy smokes, that felt better than any of the, you know, 0.97

00:27:57.580 dumb awards. 0.95

00:27:59.000 I did like, I could look around here that have sitting on shelves and stuff. 0.97

00:28:03.060 Um, I guess you could call that altruist, altruistic servitude.

00:28:07.440 Right.

00:28:07.820 And those things feel great for a reason.

00:28:13.460 Yeah, totally.

00:28:14.640 Well, and, and I'm not going to beat it up anymore.

00:28:16.580 I think it's spot on.

00:28:17.920 I think what's just kind of fun.

00:28:20.760 And Elijah, I get that you're not asking this part, um, for this kind of response to

00:28:26.520 your question, but I just want to call it out because I think it's so profound.

00:28:30.740 It's the power of agency and freedom.

00:28:35.500 And this shows up in multiple areas, not just service.

00:28:39.300 There's a big difference between you voluntarily choosing to serve someone versus out of obligation.

00:28:48.640 It is the same in all areas of life.

00:28:51.980 There's a big difference when I try to command and control you, Sean, as an employee versus

00:28:59.040 me clarifying what's the outcome and you executing out of agency and freedom, right?

00:29:06.540 Any scenario by which we are trying to manipulate people, command and control them, I'm telling

00:29:13.420 you the results will not be as good ever, period.

00:29:19.640 And that goes for service.

00:29:22.280 That goes for your job.

00:29:24.080 That goes for your kids doing their room.

00:29:26.920 It goes for your marriage.

00:29:28.940 If your wife is acting out of a way, out of obligation, out of manipulation of your

00:29:36.380 part, trust me, it comes with resentment.

00:29:39.860 It comes with all the ugliness.

00:29:42.760 This is why we can never operate from the space of manipulating people to do what we want

00:29:49.340 them to do.

00:29:50.540 You need to accept people for where they are and be okay with what they do.

00:29:56.620 And if they choose and it's not a good alignment thing, that's it.

00:30:00.100 But this control-

00:30:01.380 Well, with the caveat of as long as those things are also of service to your community

00:30:11.060 or other people, that you can't be okay with that.

00:30:13.420 Out of violence.

00:30:14.060 Yeah.

00:30:14.280 I mean, do we use violence to control people?

00:30:16.780 Absolutely.

00:30:17.900 Right?

00:30:18.200 But if you're looking to serve someone, if you're looking for what's beneficial to the

00:30:22.540 group or whatever, it needs to be in the space of voluntary action always, right?

00:30:30.000 I'm telling you.

00:30:31.220 All right.

00:30:31.440 So I had to dig that leadership principle in there because it's just transcendent, right?

00:30:35.700 This is not just about service, this concept that Elijah's bringing up.

00:30:40.280 All right.

00:30:40.400 Well, and he said for societal well-being.

00:30:42.760 I mean, do you believe in karma?

00:30:45.500 I don't.

00:30:46.900 I actually don't believe in karma.

00:30:48.320 But I believe in the butterfly effect.

00:30:51.300 I believe that how I show up in the world affects how things show up to me.

00:30:56.620 Why?

00:30:57.440 Because my state of being is different, right?

00:31:01.080 This is just like when your heart's intent is pure and I'm a sales rep and I'm trying

00:31:07.000 to do what's best for you, what do you sense?

00:31:09.140 Not desperateness.

00:31:10.320 You sense care.

00:31:11.820 So what's the higher probability of you accepting the deal?

00:31:14.660 A lot higher.

00:31:15.900 People will say, oh, that's karma.

00:31:17.140 You're one for best for them.

00:31:18.400 You got, well, no, actually, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because of your way of showing up

00:31:23.940 in the world.

00:31:25.000 And when you show up a particular way, it aligns better.

00:31:29.640 That's why.

00:31:30.700 That's karma.

00:31:31.520 That's my definition of karma anyway.

00:31:33.800 Well, that's why I asked because I had a feeling you didn't, but you believe in blessings,

00:31:38.120 right?

00:31:39.020 Absolutely.

00:31:39.780 Promise blessings.

00:31:40.820 Yeah.

00:31:41.100 But even then, I think God is saying, hey, I'll give a framework of this thing called blessings.

00:31:47.800 You do what's right and there's blessings.

00:31:49.820 I don't think he has a hand in it.

00:31:51.640 I think he's smart enough to go, guess what?

00:31:53.760 When you do what's right, things come around.

00:31:56.940 People understand your intention and you will be blessed.

00:32:00.940 That's how the universe works.

00:32:02.320 Yeah.

00:32:03.160 Yeah.

00:32:03.360 And that's why I asked because everybody has their word for it.

00:32:09.100 Some it's karma, some it's blessings, some it, you know, and on the other end, it's curses.

00:32:13.320 It's, you know, bad comments, like all these things that, that what goes around comes around,

00:32:18.400 right?

00:32:18.820 That's what it comes down to.

00:32:20.420 Yeah, absolutely.

00:32:21.800 All right.

00:32:22.100 Andy Smiley Collins, this last week, I had my boss's boss through me and a coworker under

00:32:29.180 the bus for something that we proved we were not at fault over.

00:32:33.380 The issue has been reoccurring issue.

00:32:35.920 I hate to be the guy that says it's not, it's night shift's fault, but we've had many instances

00:32:43.340 that this issue keeps happening and little is done by those that can instigate change.

00:32:49.220 We do our part the right way and back it up with photographs and safeguard ourselves.

00:32:53.760 How do you manage this situation without becoming bitter, angry, and extremely negative?

00:33:00.040 This is an otherwise decent job, but not something I'm willing to put up with.

00:33:04.600 Good stuff.

00:33:06.660 Yeah, this is, I think it's an easy fix, but not easy process.

00:33:12.100 So you kind of answered your own question when you said it's an otherwise decent job,

00:33:16.820 which means you're not passionate about it.

00:33:19.980 It's not your dream job.

00:33:21.500 It's not something you love.

00:33:23.440 Now, that type of job might be something you're passionate about and love, but being in that

00:33:28.660 environment and being hindered by that is not worth it long-term.

00:33:33.780 So, so how much longer do you want to stay in mediocrity?

00:33:38.920 Because you're in it right now.

00:33:40.320 If you're saying, I like, how exciting is that to talk about with your buddies, man, I've got

00:33:45.060 this otherwise decent job.

00:33:47.980 It's just amazing.

00:33:48.840 You know, no one wants to say that.

00:33:52.220 And, uh, and so, um, and you also said not something I'm willing to put up with it.

00:33:57.660 So then don't, I'd start putting the feelers out there, start putting out resumes, start

00:34:01.760 asking people, you know, if they're hiring, start calling other companies.

00:34:06.560 And by the way, keep doing what you're doing in the job you're in, keep documenting, keep

00:34:10.380 having that stuff because if they give you a recommendation or maybe they give you a bad

00:34:16.560 recommendation somewhere, now you've got that to back it up, um, you know, down the road,

00:34:22.240 or maybe it won't come up, but I would start the pursuit if you haven't already of just

00:34:28.020 finding somewhere else to go, because if it hasn't gotten better yet and you don't see

00:34:33.340 a light at the end of the tunnel, I don't think you're going to.

00:34:36.840 Yeah.

00:34:37.520 Yeah, totally.

00:34:38.460 You know, and, and meanwhile, right.

00:34:40.600 As you're checking out whether this is the right job for you, you know, I think there's

00:34:45.320 some lessons to be learned in this process.

00:34:49.540 Let, let me use an example.

00:34:51.860 So Sean, you're my boss and you identify there's an issue at play right now, human behavior.

00:35:00.260 Let me pause for a second.

00:35:01.540 Andy, there's power and empathy.

00:35:04.580 Okay.

00:35:05.340 So this is all based upon empathy.

00:35:08.220 So Sean's my boss.

00:35:10.200 There's a fault.

00:35:11.520 There's this issue.

00:35:12.620 It's reoccurring.

00:35:13.560 You're feeling the pressure by your higher ups and you're like, what the heck is going

00:35:18.420 on?

00:35:19.180 And, but you're not close enough to it.

00:35:21.080 Right.

00:35:21.360 Boss.

00:35:22.340 You're what my boss's boss.

00:35:25.000 Right.

00:35:25.340 So levels away from the issue.

00:35:27.600 So you don't know.

00:35:29.640 You, you're not boots on ground.

00:35:32.000 Right.

00:35:32.560 So, but based upon what you're hearing from multiple sources, you make a call.

00:35:39.320 And that call is that I'm at fault.

00:35:41.820 And so you communicate.

00:35:45.040 Yeah.

00:35:45.340 I think Kip's at fault, man.

00:35:47.100 Like the baseball and everything I've heard.

00:35:49.040 I'm not boots on ground.

00:35:49.960 I actually don't know, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it's Kip's fault.

00:35:53.420 And I come to the table to you, Sean.

00:35:55.100 And I go, that's not my fault.

00:35:57.800 It's night shift's fault.

00:35:58.980 And this is why, and I'm combative with you that I helped my circumstance or hurt it.

00:36:04.740 Totally hurt the circumstance.

00:36:06.180 On the flip side, Sean, you come to me and say, hey, you know, I heard this is your fault,

00:36:10.980 Kip, or whatever.

00:36:11.600 And I go, man, I sure hope it's not.

00:36:16.020 Let me dive into it and see where we went wrong so we can address the issue right away.

00:36:21.740 In fact, I have some ideas that some things happening during the night shift may have played

00:36:27.700 a part, but I don't know.

00:36:28.860 I don't want to be accusatory.

00:36:30.980 Lead by example, by the way.

00:36:32.300 I don't want to be as accusatory and make assumptions without all the information, but

00:36:36.980 let's resolve it.

00:36:38.420 What can I do?

00:36:39.600 What do you think I can do, boss, to level up, to make sure this issue stops right away?

00:36:45.360 Dude, I'm telling you right there.

00:36:47.720 Sean, what are you thinking about the second version?

00:36:51.980 You're like, oh, Kip's the right guy for the job.

00:36:54.440 All of a sudden, you're like, man, he's teachable.

00:36:56.320 He's coachable.

00:36:57.100 He's willing to identify the issue.

00:36:58.440 Like, dude, I'm telling you, tit for tat, not my fault.

00:37:02.380 Someone else's fault will never serve you.

00:37:05.960 And you're taking a personal, boss threw me under the bus, boss's boss.

00:37:09.820 Guess what?

00:37:10.780 Do you think he just like saw your name on the board and says, I hate your name.

00:37:15.120 I want to like criticize that guy.

00:37:17.580 No, he probably has some data points, whether they're valid or not, that you're probably

00:37:22.740 at fault.

00:37:23.960 And so he made a call.

00:37:25.420 And the more defensive you are in this circumstance will not benefit you.

00:37:31.500 It will not.

00:37:32.220 I promise you, it will not.

00:37:34.680 And in fact, I'll give you an example.

00:37:38.420 I was on a call with some people and I heard an employee go, we had a situation that went

00:37:45.420 south and I had an employee say, there's nothing better we could have done.

00:37:50.960 We'd done everything possible.

00:37:53.560 You know what my thought was?

00:37:54.560 Got it.

00:37:56.920 So you're incapable of solving a problem. 0.98

00:37:59.420 So I should hire someone else to get rid of you. 0.85

00:38:03.060 Like you've done everything and it still went south.

00:38:06.000 Got it.

00:38:07.160 You don't fix solutions.

00:38:10.160 Right.

00:38:10.760 Be careful how much rigidness you take on not taking fault for anything.

00:38:15.240 Because otherwise it's like, well, then why are you here?

00:38:17.220 I'll find someone that might at least consider that they played a role in it and help me

00:38:23.600 identify root cause versus just allocating blame somewhere else or avoiding blame.

00:38:27.460 Now, with that all said, it could be a really bad scenario.

00:38:33.040 And this is like, it happens a hundred times and you're not happy there.

00:38:35.600 And I want to take away from Sean's advice of like, Hey, if you don't want to put up with

00:38:39.660 the exit, but, but also realize the human condition here and which, which approach serves

00:38:46.060 you, if this doesn't work for you, then excellent.

00:38:48.300 Start exiting.

00:38:49.560 But meanwhile, man, play the game a little bit, right?

00:38:54.760 Help your boss win, have some empathy on the boss's boss and deal with the situation that

00:39:00.660 best serves people.

00:39:02.300 Don't, don't go for tip for tap, especially with the boss's boss.

00:39:05.840 That's not going to work out well for you.

00:39:07.600 Yeah.

00:39:09.460 Or anybody.

00:39:10.760 And, um, and talking about pursuing something else, if you do pursue something else and you'd

00:39:16.840 start seeing the same thing happen in other places, you know, then it might be you and

00:39:21.360 not this place.

00:39:22.100 You know, I don't know the backstory and how many jobs you've had before or how many experiences

00:39:26.680 and how many working environments you've been in.

00:39:29.560 But I can tell you, if you go somewhere else and you're having similar things happen, then

00:39:33.780 you need to take a real close look at what Pip is talking about.

00:39:36.920 And your personality and how you show up and how you react to how other people are showing

00:39:43.580 up around you.

00:39:44.940 And then maybe learn a little bit more about people and personalities and human nature and

00:39:51.440 get better at those things.

00:39:53.740 Here's the fundamental principle.

00:39:55.880 When I hear we're taking photos, safeguard ourselves, all that I hear is CYA, CYA, cover 0.99

00:40:02.780 our ass, cover our ass, make sure we're not at fault. 0.98

00:40:05.600 I'm telling you, that's not what's best for the company. 0.99

00:40:08.320 So then you might be like, well, Kip, in my position of authority, I can't change these

00:40:12.160 things.

00:40:12.380 That's up to someone else.

00:40:13.480 Then get in a position of influence.

00:40:15.660 Oh, how do I do that?

00:40:17.220 Well, do you have a relationship with that night crew?

00:40:19.720 A relationship.

00:40:22.180 You understand how many kids they have, their wife, their hobbies.

00:40:25.260 You've gotten to know them.

00:40:26.320 So you have a strong relationship where they know that your intent is not to throw them

00:40:31.700 under the bus, but your intent is to do what's best for them.

00:40:35.340 Trust me, man.

00:40:36.100 There's some opportunity here to level up and have impact without the position.

00:40:42.260 And it's in relationships.

00:40:44.720 It's in the relationships, not in staying in your box or operating in your processes only.

00:40:50.360 Yeah, spot on.

00:40:53.220 Okay, Gavin, Misserly, what is the best way you've found to encourage an introvert to engage

00:40:59.880 with a group?

00:41:00.800 So encourage an introvert to engage with a group, whether it to be teammates, coworkers,

00:41:06.860 or maybe someone who can tell is having a difficult time engaging.

00:41:12.140 So Gavin, I'm assuming that it's not encouraging you as an introvert, but like, how do you encourage

00:41:20.600 someone else that's an introvert?

00:41:22.180 Is that kind of how you pick that up, Sean?

00:41:25.080 Or maybe asking for a friend.

00:41:27.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:41:29.240 There was a little bit of feeling of that.

00:41:31.820 Like, it's like, well, you're just asking for a friend.

00:41:34.120 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:35.000 All right.

00:41:35.600 What say you?

00:41:36.100 I mean, it's create an environment that is inclusive.

00:41:42.080 And when I say inclusive, I don't mean inclusive in the sense of like DEI.

00:41:46.680 I mean, in a sense of, we were just talking about personality types, right?

00:41:52.960 And not just safe, but that has everything in it where you can connect to the different

00:41:59.300 personalities in the room, whether that's speaking.

00:42:02.640 And you'll like get this as a keynote speaker, as a speaker in any capacity, but especially

00:42:09.340 as a keynote, the best speakers.

00:42:12.080 You mentioned Ed earlier and the impact and the reach.

00:42:15.040 And the reason Ed is so great is because his personality is about as A-type as it gets.

00:42:22.040 And I've been partnered with Ed for 25 years.

00:42:28.500 So I saw him on the front end of his career and that super, super mega driven, you know,

00:42:37.640 gnarly, hardcore, high energy, in your face guy compared to you listen to his podcast now.

00:42:47.140 And he's like, oh, Ed's so sweet.

00:42:48.700 He's so soft.

00:42:49.560 He gets me.

00:42:50.760 He understands me.

00:42:52.780 He's, he just, he's so loving.

00:42:55.760 And that's all been worked on by him.

00:43:00.140 That's not his natural tendency.

00:43:03.340 That's not where he started.

00:43:06.160 But he, it's been important enough for him to get good at those things and to have that

00:43:14.940 empathy you were talking about and to be able to understand how other people feel in

00:43:21.660 different situations, what motivates them, what drives them, what gets them excited, what

00:43:29.280 helps them move to action.

00:43:31.740 And he's built that into the way that he speaks.

00:43:35.840 Now, if we're talking about an organization, you need to do the same and understand what,

00:43:40.760 what triggers different personality types to take action and build those things into your

00:43:49.500 company, into your events that you're going to have, or your meetings that you're going

00:43:58.180 to have.

00:43:58.520 If we're talking about getting the different people to engage, there needs to be questions,

00:44:04.180 even questions in how they're worded, speak to different personality types different.

00:44:10.100 So if you're trying to find those people and to get them to engage, you may need to ask

00:44:16.320 more questions about stats.

00:44:18.460 You need to maybe ask more direct questions to them specifically.

00:44:27.920 Whatever it is, you'll learn that as you understand the personality types better, but it needs to

00:44:32.400 be inclusive in that all of the events.

00:44:36.600 And that's what I'm assuming when you're talking about engaging in a group, all of the events

00:44:40.540 that you plan, that you understand human nature enough.

00:44:43.880 And it could be any of those things like, what's the one about dogs, like different dog

00:44:47.780 types.

00:44:48.180 I'm a Labrador.

00:44:49.080 I'm a pit bull.

00:44:49.940 I'm a, you know what I'm talking about?

00:44:51.180 Like there's, and it's tied to people.

00:44:53.260 Yeah.

00:44:53.620 It's tied to people.

00:44:54.980 It's a, I think, I think Blair Singer's the author, but they, but there's all these personality

00:45:00.680 things, right?

00:45:01.460 These profiling things, if you want to call it that.

00:45:04.200 Um, you could latch onto any one of those things and find enough about people and how

00:45:09.640 to engage with them to include that in your events.

00:45:13.740 Yeah.

00:45:14.640 Yeah.

00:45:14.920 I love it, man.

00:45:15.600 I mean, I think at the root of this, right, best ways to encourage an introvert to engage

00:45:21.100 with the group, to help them understand that their label that you just used on them, introvert

00:45:29.580 does not define you and, and whether you have a natural tendency to be an introvert or an

00:45:35.940 extrovert, it, it's not a set way of being.

00:45:40.060 And, and so one get past that, that it's not set, get past a fixed mindset, have a growth

00:45:46.220 mindset.

00:45:46.620 And I think the other thing is like, help them understand the, the benefit of, of them moving

00:45:53.740 beyond it.

00:45:54.820 Right.

00:45:55.260 If, if Sean, if you're, if you're an introvert and you never engage with people and I wanted

00:46:00.540 what's best for you, I'd probably want to have a conversation with you and say, Sean,

00:46:03.780 dude, right?

00:46:04.700 Like you're hurting yourself, right?

00:46:08.100 Your, your, your lack of desire to engage with people hurts you around to your ability

00:46:15.820 to impact others, to serve others, to be more effective in your job.

00:46:20.440 Right.

00:46:20.740 Like, and, and I believe that you're fully capable to rise above it, just like Ed did

00:46:25.860 right.

00:46:26.520 And learn to be more empathetic or whatever, and make it bigger than yourself.

00:46:31.880 And there's some value in it.

00:46:33.380 So let's go.

00:46:34.080 Right.

00:46:34.400 And so I think those are the key things.

00:46:36.480 Let go of the label that doesn't define you have a growth mindset.

00:46:40.060 Second, man, it, it, the impact of you choosing to be stuck in that box, um, hinders your impact

00:46:49.100 and the ability to progress, you know?

00:46:52.780 And if you are, and if you were quote unquote, asking for a friend, then you need to be willing

00:47:00.720 to be a little more uncomfortable in those social situations.

00:47:03.700 And, and not that you have to go talk to everybody and make yourself be awkward, but you will start

00:47:10.620 to learn if you're in a group for long enough, who has similar interests as you, it could be

00:47:16.440 one little thing and you find that person.

00:47:18.860 And then you go talk to them about that thing.

00:47:21.140 And that's where you start.

00:47:22.060 And then maybe that leads into other people showing up in the conversation and you build

00:47:26.160 from there, but you make yourself uncomfortable, pay attention, find those people with at least

00:47:32.120 one similar interest that you have, where you can start the conversation in that thing

00:47:36.200 and see where that builds.

00:47:38.100 Yeah.

00:47:38.600 And then do it more.

00:47:40.040 Yeah.

00:47:40.320 I love it.

00:47:40.960 I love it.

00:47:41.800 All right.

00:47:42.140 Dalton Harward, Harward, how do you advise someone trying to rebuild a social circle,

00:47:48.540 go about it while balancing a busy home life?

00:47:52.000 I have a seven-year-old and three-year-old triplets.

00:47:55.280 Well, seven-year-old and a three-year-old triplets.

00:47:59.600 And I feel like I'm not working.

00:48:01.760 My main focus should be given my wife relief. 1.00

00:48:05.500 We have no help from family and with kids.

00:48:08.360 So obviously he's in a season, three-year-old triplets, got it.

00:48:12.660 Yeah.

00:48:13.080 And trying to rebuild social circle.

00:48:15.680 It's, I've been in this with my four kids and it's not that they're triplets, but they're

00:48:21.480 all young kids at the same time.

00:48:23.480 And now we have a mix of both.

00:48:25.580 And I can tell you from when I started having kids, because they were the most important

00:48:31.000 thing in my life, my quote unquote social circle started to get smaller from a sense

00:48:36.400 of like going out with the guys to, but my social circle didn't necessarily shrink.

00:48:43.440 It just changed.

00:48:45.280 And so I haven't gone out with the guys, quote unquote, meaning going out to a club, going

00:48:51.020 to a bar, going to a, some event in a group together.

00:48:55.340 And I don't know if it's been a couple of decades, right?

00:48:58.640 Like not as an important thing for like guys that I'm friends with in my community, but I

00:49:04.160 can tell you, I've been in church groups with men that I'd love being around.

00:49:09.760 You know, I've been at baseball games and sporting events with my kids.

00:49:14.920 And we have our circle, like we have the dads at my, at my son's high schools, you know,

00:49:20.600 that we all hang out with at the football games and we do that.

00:49:24.700 And so you don't need to leave a social circle.

00:49:27.020 It's just that circle is going to change.

00:49:29.980 You don't have to hold on to every friendship that you've had your whole life because that's

00:49:34.480 what you've always done.

00:49:35.680 And the way you hang out doesn't have to stay the same for you to, to have a social life.

00:49:42.320 So for me, it's been kind of with whatever the kids are involved in, meeting the new

00:49:48.740 parents in those different places and creating relationships and building there.

00:49:52.700 And then for me, that like going out with the guys, I don't have that, but I have jujitsu.

00:50:00.160 You know, I can still go into jujitsu three, four times a week and roll with the guys and

00:50:04.160 have a brothership with those guys, like the brotherhood with those guys and a connection

00:50:10.920 with those guys.

00:50:12.600 And like, we don't go hang out and drink and, you know, do that stuff together, but I see

00:50:17.660 them every week.

00:50:18.300 That's a social circle.

00:50:19.600 So maybe you just need to redefine what you're calling a social life.

00:50:25.800 Yeah, totally.

00:50:26.920 Well, and, and don't, I mean, you're a parents of young kids, right?

00:50:31.000 And so the more you integrate your kids into whatever you're doing, the better, just heads

00:50:36.360 up.

00:50:36.580 I know you're not asking for that, but it's like, man, if you like trail running, start

00:50:40.540 trail running with them now at three.

00:50:43.980 Oh, but Kip, find a way, man.

00:50:46.220 Right.

00:50:46.480 I'm telling you, it's good for the kids.

00:50:47.920 It's good for the family, right?

00:50:49.440 Like bring them along, integrate them.

00:50:52.460 Don't you integrate to them.

00:50:54.620 Right.

00:50:55.080 And find yourselves like cabin fever stuck in the house all the time.

00:50:58.200 Right.

00:50:58.580 Like really good point.

00:51:00.320 You're going to have to redefine what life looks like, especially with that many littles.

00:51:04.780 Trust me, you can figure it out and it's going to be great.

00:51:08.160 And you're going to be happy that all those scenarios where it would have been easier just

00:51:13.160 to stay at home and because of the kids and they're very difficult to get out.

00:51:17.780 Trust me, whenever that crosses your mind, load them up, go out anyway, you're going to

00:51:23.100 be better off for it.

00:51:24.820 And, and, and involve yourself in those social, social circles, like Sean saying, just bring

00:51:30.300 the kids along and it's going to be a good time.

00:51:32.680 So yeah, it'll be different, but it's, it's going to be just as rewarding and you'll be

00:51:39.000 just as happy and you'll feel just as good with the people that you're socializing with.

00:51:45.180 Totally.

00:51:45.700 I mean, it's like you said, redefine it.

00:51:47.500 All right.

00:51:48.000 It's a, it's a season and you're going to have to redefine what that looks like.

00:51:51.160 So cool, man.

00:51:52.560 Well, uh, top of the hour, man, I got to wrap up.

00:51:54.860 So, uh, and we covered them all.

00:51:56.680 So we got through the questions at least from the iron council.

00:51:59.500 Well, that's a big call out guys.

00:52:01.300 Um, the iron council is still open.

00:52:03.460 If you want to band with us and join us there, orderofman.com slash iron council.

00:52:07.920 The other thing is we have the men's forge event that is May 1st through the 4th, uh, coming

00:52:15.900 up this summer to learn more about the details.

00:52:18.720 That's the men's forge.com and, uh, join us at that event.

00:52:25.880 Sean, how do you guys get connected with you?

00:52:28.100 Oh my gosh.

00:52:30.500 Uh, Instagram at Sean BMD, uh, happy and strong.com financial revolution.com.

00:52:38.020 All the, all the different things.

00:52:40.060 It's yeah.

00:52:40.740 I'm not a big presence out there, but yeah, if you guys want to DM me on any of that stuff,

00:52:45.520 we can connect.

00:52:46.700 Excellent.

00:52:47.420 All right, Sean.

00:52:48.040 Thanks for, thanks always, man.

00:52:49.980 It's always a great conversation.

00:52:51.260 Um, you know, like I said, you're my paid friend, uh, through just podcasting.

00:52:57.300 So one day we'll be real friends and, uh, we'll actually hang out, uh, in some other

00:53:02.480 time other than soon, but, uh, until then I'll take what I can get.

00:53:07.780 It's absolutely me too.

00:53:09.660 And, uh, look forward to the next one, brother.

00:53:13.120 All right.

00:53:13.480 Sounds good.

00:53:14.160 Uh, until Friday, field notes, men take action and become the men you were meant to be.

00:53:23.920 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:53:26.760 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:53:30.580 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - March 26, 2025

Raising Great Kids, Humor in Fatherhood, & Rebuilding Your Social Circle ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man - March 26, 2025

Raising Great Kids, Humor in Fatherhood, &#x26; Rebuilding Your&#xA0;Social&#xA0;Circle ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Raising Great Kids, Humor in Fatherhood, & Rebuilding Your Social Circle ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING