Raising Great Kids, Humor in Fatherhood, & Rebuilding Your Social Circle ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss the importance of a positive mindset and how to guide our sons and daughters to live a life of purpose and meaning in life. We talk about how important it is to have a mindset that is in service of others, and how we can help others achieve their full potential.
Transcript
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Mindset towards personal growth and development.
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I think the mindset of it's in the service of others.
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And the minute that our personal growth and development is tied to something bigger than
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ourselves, now we're talking about a powerful mindset.
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The intent has to be, how do I get on the stage and serve the individuals that I'm going
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to speak to in a way that they walk off better than they were before they showed up?
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Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
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This is who you will become at the end of the day.
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And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Whenever I think spring has shown up, all of a sudden, like we have like the best snowstorm
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So it's, you know, it always plays with you and probably kills all the plants and all
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It just keeps getting greener and prettier and more color and crazier.
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When you're raised in the high desert, you don't realize until you go back east and you're
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Well, we're going to field questions from the Iron Council today.
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And enrollment for the Iron Council is still open.
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You guys, you have until the end of this week to sign up there and to join us in the
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The URL to read more and to sign up is orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
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And as always, man, if you guys have questions, whether it's on YouTube or on the socials, you
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One of the principles that I think is is kind of profound about even our acceptance of new
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And the reason why is because if you're not ready, if you're not willing to sacrifice and
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pay the price to join us and be ineffective, then it's not good for you.
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And so we're looking for men that are willing and able to step up and start playing on the
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court and get out of the bleachers and stop being a spectator.
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So once again, that's orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
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So Noah McCauflin, what lessons on mindset towards personal growth and development can
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we give our sons and daughters that will motivate them to lead a fulfilling life that can lead
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them to do great things that they will be remembered in history as great men and women that choose
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I couldn't, like, I'm getting triggered as I read it.
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But I'm like, man, you are asking for disappointment as a parent.
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But that means we're on the same page because my first reaction was, dude, that's too much
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But how about let's just focus on the mindset, personal growth, development.
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Being a positive, influential person in your community and in society and how far that reaches
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There's a bonus if it reaches further than your community.
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There's someone in our community that you know you could call right now for anything.
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They have made and will make a difference in your life.
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And you wish that their type of influence would go further.
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Maybe there's a kid in that community that that man impacts or that woman impacts that
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And they may or may not credit that man or woman for it.
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That's, you know, there's a plan happening that we're a part of.
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So what I would say, if you're trying to teach lessons, the number one lesson you can teach
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And so if you want them to be great at anything, you have to show them what that means.
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And, you know, I can only use my personal example.
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I'm like, what are some examples I've had throughout the years?
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Because I have a lot of friends that are about as world-class as it gets.
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You know, if you want to call them influencers, if you want to call them literally have reached
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like millions, probably, you know, a couple of them, hundreds of millions, maybe lives
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But I also have men at church that I go to locally here with that are just as great.
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But what they all have in common is they're consistent.
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And they're consistent in their actions, what they talk about, what's important to them,
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knowing their values, knowing what they want in life, having it written down, having goals,
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Not meaning that they're perfect in the pursuit, but that they're constantly trying to improve
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And that automatically is going to show if you're that.
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And then simultaneously, as I talk about some of these guys, um, it's, I thought of this
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one example, because right now we're in the middle of, you mentioned spring.
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So it's baseball season here and I've, I've coached baseball is my wheelhouse.
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So since my oldest was, you know, six, seven, I don't coach T-ball.
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But as soon as they get into like real baseball, I start coaching them.
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But it's been, I think I'm at the 10 year mark now, you know, since my oldest started
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of coaching every year and now with my youngest and every year, inevitably there's the one
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or two dudes in the league as coaches that are super hyper aggro with their kid.
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And, um, when I, my very first year I started coaching my son, I was lucky enough in the league
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that we were in, they brought in Mike Socia for a coach's clinic for this little league
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Um, they just brought him out to do this coach's clinic because he lived nearby and someone knew
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And so he comes and he does this clinic and he basically tells everybody.
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And then those hyper aggro coaches that wanted their kids to be major leaguers, of course,
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Cause he was talking about his son and how he plays baseball, basketball foot.
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Don't you think that it's better if you want him to play in the major leagues to, to focus
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on baseball and Mike Socia like didn't even think twice about it.
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He said, no, he said, I think it's important that they play multiple sports because their
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They start working in these other sports and it builds other muscles.
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And, um, literally it was funny because those couple of guys afterwards, you know, everybody's
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talking to each other and those couple of guys congregated together and I just happened
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And you could literally, I overheard them say, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
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And so another thing he talked about was the pressure of that, that he doesn't put pressure
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He wants his kid to be passionate about something.
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And I thought, man, what a great lesson just for life.
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If you want your kid to be great at anything, you want them to be passionate about it.
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But you, your support, another thing we need to be an example of is supportive in those
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Ryan talks about this all the time, how different his kids are.
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And if we can get behind them being passionate, that gives them their best chance to do great
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And again, where that lands is different for everybody.
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But if you want to be happy, like you could be miserable your whole life with the pressure
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and trying to push for quote unquote greatness, or you can help your kids to know what they
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need to do to pull the best out of them and support them in that process.
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So I don't know if it's making sense or landing the way I wanted to articulate it, but it's
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Well, let me round it out or illustrate something because you talked about the importance of
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But Noah, I would say, and Sean, I think you're in agreement here, is that's one of the mindsets
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around personal growth that you need to distill in your kid.
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That for them to have a life of fulfillment, meaning, and purpose where they're influencing
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You operate within your realm of control and how you do school, how you do your chores,
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how you do those things is the stepping stone of being able to serve other people.
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And for me, when I think of, because you use this word, lead a fulfilling life.
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In my opinion, that is always found in the service of someone else.
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Like I was even thinking about this, Sean, and let me know if you agree with this or not.
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It's ironic that I was thinking about this last night.
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But as our reach gets wide, it somewhat gets superficial.
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And it's interesting because we latch on to people, right?
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So let's grab someone people might latch on to, like David Goggins, right?
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Or we could go with Ed, or we could go with Jordan Peterson, right?
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Well, is Jordan Peterson's impact in my life really that impactful compared to an amazing father?
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I think it's in our kids and the close relationships with our friends and our brothers and our family members.
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I think that's where the biggest fulfillment is found.
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And this is why you get popular people that, you know, behind the curtains, you know, they're depressed.
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And they're struggling in different areas of their life because their impact is not as what you think it is, you know?
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And the fulfillment that they're finding in life isn't as powerful as you think it is because you are misleaded to believe that popularity and fulfillment and service of others are the same thing.
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But I know the more I get stretched thin and the more I'm serving a larger audience, is my level of care and service as high as if it was intentional with a handful of people?
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And I'm not saying you're saying that, Noah, but be careful that we don't mix those two.
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Mindset towards personal growth and development.
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I think the mindset of the importance of modeling, I think, is important.
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The mindset of what's within your realm of control is super critical.
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And then I think we nonchalantly said this, and let me see if you agree with me here or not, Sean, on Noah's question, is it's in the service of others.
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And the minute that our personal growth and development is tied to something bigger than ourselves, now we're talking about a powerful mindset.
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It's not about this thing that you're nervous about, right?
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I have a keynote that I have scheduled for next April.
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And I literally had the conversation with myself the other day, and I went, who's it about, Kip?
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Because you're worried about, what, looking good?
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The intent has to be, how do I get on the stage and serve the individuals that I'm going to speak to in a way that they walk off better than they were before they showed up?
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If that is true, then I have something bigger than myself.
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And ultimately, that is what's going to give me fulfillment in life, not, you know, all these other things.
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But I do want to say something in how you answered the question, because we're talking mindset.
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You said that he said fulfilling life in his question.
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But you and your brain automatically switched great things to a fulfilling life.
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And I think that's important to note, because a lot of people think of great things as scale, right?
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Like we were talking about, where it's actually more important that we're happy.
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Because you could scale anything, but if you're miserable, there's plenty of miserable billionaires, right?
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I mean, there's plenty of people that lead miserable lives.
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But at the end of the day, you know, when they meet their maker again, it's, can they, can it be said to them, well done, good and faithful servant?
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And yeah, you had impact in this company, but what about your family?
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What about the, you know, the trail of destruction that you left behind you in pursuit of these things?
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And for me, I'm, I'm in alignment with you for fulfilling life.
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I think you need to be a good husband, a good father, a good partner, a good brother, a good sister, a good, you know, just good and a good member of your community, of your church or whatever it is.
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Um, and pursuing getting better at those things all the time.
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And at the end of that life, I think you'll be happy with what you did.
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And it's, it's the same for us to try and help our children find those, that as well.
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And, and isn't it funny, Sean, like we started this question off, kind of giggling a little bit with Noah's question.
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And, and, and, and full disclosure, I'm assuming you're just like me at one point I had this exact same mindset.
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Oh, my boys, they're going to like achieve these things.
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My daughter's going to be, you know, like it was this badge of honor to raise them.
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Because they were going to make me look so good.
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And, and it's funny as, as I've gotten older, what do I want for my kids?
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And to experience life, the hardships, the, the pleasantries.
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And, and to, in the end, to not have a life of regret and know that they are loved.
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And, you know, but it also, it's, you started with that thought with your kids, but I, for me, when you said it, it started with me for me first.
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Like I want to be uber successful and I want to do all these things.
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I want to make this much money and I want to, you know, buy, drive these cars and all of these pursuits that I thought were super important to me.
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And, and then went out and achieved those things.
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And then I figured out what was really important.
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I think there's too many, especially men out there that are trying to live vicariously through their children.
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Cause maybe they didn't achieve some of the things like the Al Bundy syndrome of, oh, when I was in high school.
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So they don't, so they don't learn the lesson that it's not about those things.
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So they hold onto it and then their kids have to hopefully teach them that lesson.
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And maybe their kids suffer through that because of it.
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So that's why it's so important that we be those examples so that we can get to the point where we figure out what's really important.
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But hopefully he gave you some thoughts to consider there.
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Jeremy Kofi, what role does humor play in being a strong man, husband and father?
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I think it's, for me, it's everything it's, but that's my natural personality and we can have different answers here because I know for you naturally, your tendency is not to think humor first.
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Mine's like fun first and then results, you know?
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Um, so I think we, in our different personalities, um, it's easier for some than others, but I also think it's important and, and I, not just important.
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I think it's vital, um, but where the, the importance comes in is that we never, ever take ourselves too seriously.
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And I think humor is a reminder of that because most of the instances that we find ourselves in, in our day-to-day are not life or death.
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And if we only treat it that way and we're only serious in everything that we do, we miss the joy in the process of these things.
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And that fulfillment we were talking about earlier, the fulfillment is just less if you can't poke fun at not just some of it, but most of it, of our jobs, of our lives, of ourselves, of the things that we do are silly, of our mistakes.
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There's, there's too many of us that don't find humor in the mistakes that we make.
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And that causes misery in our lives where just a little humor added in and being able to laugh about some of that would heal our hearts if we just allowed it.
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So that's my take, but again, for me, it's more natural.
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You know, it's funny, you know, there's a couple of thoughts that, that enter my mind and, and, and, and I just want to illustrate your point that, that it's so solid because like, first off, no, no kid ever goes like, oh, my dad, he's so great.
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You know, he's so serious all the time is highly effective, right?
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It's like play, play, play is so important, you know, and my kids remember the times when, when I was goofy and I messed around and, and life was humorous, you know, and, and fun.
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And so I know that even though that's not my default, it will never be my default.
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My kids are in a better state when, when I'm acting that way.
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And, and it's funny that you, that this question even came up, there's all this alignment for whatever reason so far on these questions with, with last week.
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For that keynote that I have scheduled for April, right?
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And, and, and I wrote up this, oh my gosh, so dramatic.
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Like, like I wrote it and I was, I felt proud of it, but I was just like, oh, it's so professional.
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And, and then I was like, this isn't going to work.
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And so I beat it up and took on an entirely humorous route, route to it.
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And even kind of poked fun of the bio about me, right?
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And I poked fun of, I'm a hillbilly kid from small town Elsinore.
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I, I, I poke fun of an award that I got last year that really just sounds like a self-created
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Like I just really like beat it up because guess what?
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In the end, what mattered is the last sentence that I put in the bio, which is that I'm inspired
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and dedicated to helping people lead better so we can impact people's lives.
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And in the end, that's all that matters anyway.
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And, and, and, and, and mark my word, guaranteed.
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I said it to the people and I said, this is a little bit different, but I'm thinking we
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And I said it to them and they're like, we love it.
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Because man, because of what you said, Sean, right?
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We're taking life way too serious, you know, and sometimes we need to beat it up.
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I had to look up this quote by Greenville, I think it's Kleiser.
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It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression.
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It lightens human burdens and it is the direct route to see, uh, serenity and contentment.
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How do voluntary sacrifice and altruistic servitude contribute to personal fulfillment and
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Uh, I, we answered it, I think in the first question and, and, uh, but I will, I will just
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add with Elijah's question that I can already tell Elijah is a much deeper thinker than I
00:25:08.440
Um, but the, it's, I kind of want to, he talks about voluntary sacrifice.
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All sacrifices, voluntary, unless you're, unless there's a, unless there's a draft, unless
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we're, you know, in a communist country, that kind of stuff.
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But it's not even sacrifice then it's now something else.
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And so, um, altruistic servitude, um, sounds so deep.
00:25:40.260
And, um, I think altruistic servitude is just, um, helping people for the sake of it's the
00:25:52.500
Um, and again, kind of the deeper meaning of altruistic, I think people think deeper
00:26:01.540
into how God views that, how the universe does it, how karma reacts to it.
00:26:07.620
There's all these different words we can put onto it as far as altruistic servitude.
00:26:12.720
But let's just go down to what you were talking about.
00:26:15.860
When we were talking about service, nothing feels better than doing something for someone
00:26:22.360
else, knowing that there's nothing they could do in return for you.
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And that you stopping on the side of the road to help someone change a tire.
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I can think in my life, there's all these things that felt great.
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All these accomplishments, all these awards, like you were talking about that I've received
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And none of them gets even close to, you know, I was leaving an airport one time in Texas.
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And, um, and I saw this couple on the side of the road, elderly couple just kind of walking
00:27:00.520
I was in a rental car and, uh, changed their tire for her.
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Like the guy tries to slip me money and stuff like that.
00:27:08.620
You know, he literally like tries to put it in my pocket after I wouldn't take it and
00:27:12.740
all this stuff, you know, I ended up just taking his money cause he wasn't gonna, you
00:27:20.760
And, um, and, and like, that was, I don't know how many years ago that was, but it's one
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of the things that stands out to me in my life that just felt so great.
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This cut, they literally were like, oh man, you saved us today.
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We had, we had to do this and this, and we got it, you know, and it was just such a
00:27:42.480
And that one thing is I'm never going to see him again.
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I'm never like, and, uh, and who knows what it helped him do that day and where that,
00:27:51.560
what that trickled into, but Holy smokes, that felt better than any of the, you know,
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I did like, I could look around here that have sitting on shelves and stuff.
00:28:03.060
Um, I guess you could call that altruist, altruistic servitude.
00:28:14.640
Well, and, and I'm not going to beat it up anymore.
00:28:20.760
And Elijah, I get that you're not asking this part, um, for this kind of response to
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your question, but I just want to call it out because I think it's so profound.
00:28:35.500
And this shows up in multiple areas, not just service.
00:28:39.300
There's a big difference between you voluntarily choosing to serve someone versus out of obligation.
00:28:51.980
There's a big difference when I try to command and control you, Sean, as an employee versus
00:28:59.040
me clarifying what's the outcome and you executing out of agency and freedom, right?
00:29:06.540
Any scenario by which we are trying to manipulate people, command and control them, I'm telling
00:29:13.420
you the results will not be as good ever, period.
00:29:28.940
If your wife is acting out of a way, out of obligation, out of manipulation of your
00:29:42.760
This is why we can never operate from the space of manipulating people to do what we want
00:29:50.540
You need to accept people for where they are and be okay with what they do.
00:29:56.620
And if they choose and it's not a good alignment thing, that's it.
00:30:01.380
Well, with the caveat of as long as those things are also of service to your community
00:30:11.060
or other people, that you can't be okay with that.
00:30:18.200
But if you're looking to serve someone, if you're looking for what's beneficial to the
00:30:22.540
group or whatever, it needs to be in the space of voluntary action always, right?
00:30:31.440
So I had to dig that leadership principle in there because it's just transcendent, right?
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This is not just about service, this concept that Elijah's bringing up.
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I believe that how I show up in the world affects how things show up to me.
00:31:01.080
This is just like when your heart's intent is pure and I'm a sales rep and I'm trying
00:31:11.820
So what's the higher probability of you accepting the deal?
00:31:18.400
You got, well, no, actually, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy because of your way of showing up
00:31:25.000
And when you show up a particular way, it aligns better.
00:31:33.800
Well, that's why I asked because I had a feeling you didn't, but you believe in blessings,
00:31:41.100
But even then, I think God is saying, hey, I'll give a framework of this thing called blessings.
00:31:56.940
People understand your intention and you will be blessed.
00:32:03.360
And that's why I asked because everybody has their word for it.
00:32:09.100
Some it's karma, some it's blessings, some it, you know, and on the other end, it's curses.
00:32:13.320
It's, you know, bad comments, like all these things that, that what goes around comes around,
00:32:22.100
Andy Smiley Collins, this last week, I had my boss's boss through me and a coworker under
00:32:29.180
the bus for something that we proved we were not at fault over.
00:32:35.920
I hate to be the guy that says it's not, it's night shift's fault, but we've had many instances
00:32:43.340
that this issue keeps happening and little is done by those that can instigate change.
00:32:49.220
We do our part the right way and back it up with photographs and safeguard ourselves.
00:32:53.760
How do you manage this situation without becoming bitter, angry, and extremely negative?
00:33:00.040
This is an otherwise decent job, but not something I'm willing to put up with.
00:33:06.660
Yeah, this is, I think it's an easy fix, but not easy process.
00:33:12.100
So you kind of answered your own question when you said it's an otherwise decent job,
00:33:23.440
Now, that type of job might be something you're passionate about and love, but being in that
00:33:28.660
environment and being hindered by that is not worth it long-term.
00:33:33.780
So, so how much longer do you want to stay in mediocrity?
00:33:40.320
If you're saying, I like, how exciting is that to talk about with your buddies, man, I've got
00:33:52.220
And, uh, and so, um, and you also said not something I'm willing to put up with it.
00:33:57.660
So then don't, I'd start putting the feelers out there, start putting out resumes, start
00:34:01.760
asking people, you know, if they're hiring, start calling other companies.
00:34:06.560
And by the way, keep doing what you're doing in the job you're in, keep documenting, keep
00:34:10.380
having that stuff because if they give you a recommendation or maybe they give you a bad
00:34:16.560
recommendation somewhere, now you've got that to back it up, um, you know, down the road,
00:34:22.240
or maybe it won't come up, but I would start the pursuit if you haven't already of just
00:34:28.020
finding somewhere else to go, because if it hasn't gotten better yet and you don't see
00:34:33.340
a light at the end of the tunnel, I don't think you're going to.
00:34:40.600
As you're checking out whether this is the right job for you, you know, I think there's
00:34:51.860
So Sean, you're my boss and you identify there's an issue at play right now, human behavior.
00:35:13.560
You're feeling the pressure by your higher ups and you're like, what the heck is going
00:35:32.560
So, but based upon what you're hearing from multiple sources, you make a call.
00:35:49.960
I actually don't know, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it's Kip's fault.
00:35:58.980
And this is why, and I'm combative with you that I helped my circumstance or hurt it.
00:36:06.180
On the flip side, Sean, you come to me and say, hey, you know, I heard this is your fault,
00:36:16.020
Let me dive into it and see where we went wrong so we can address the issue right away.
00:36:21.740
In fact, I have some ideas that some things happening during the night shift may have played
00:36:32.300
I don't want to be as accusatory and make assumptions without all the information, but
00:36:39.600
What do you think I can do, boss, to level up, to make sure this issue stops right away?
00:36:47.720
Sean, what are you thinking about the second version?
00:36:51.980
You're like, oh, Kip's the right guy for the job.
00:36:54.440
All of a sudden, you're like, man, he's teachable.
00:36:58.440
Like, dude, I'm telling you, tit for tat, not my fault.
00:37:05.960
And you're taking a personal, boss threw me under the bus, boss's boss.
00:37:10.780
Do you think he just like saw your name on the board and says, I hate your name.
00:37:17.580
No, he probably has some data points, whether they're valid or not, that you're probably
00:37:25.420
And the more defensive you are in this circumstance will not benefit you.
00:37:38.420
I was on a call with some people and I heard an employee go, we had a situation that went
00:37:45.420
south and I had an employee say, there's nothing better we could have done.
00:37:59.420
So I should hire someone else to get rid of you.
00:38:03.060
Like you've done everything and it still went south.
00:38:10.760
Be careful how much rigidness you take on not taking fault for anything.
00:38:15.240
Because otherwise it's like, well, then why are you here?
00:38:17.220
I'll find someone that might at least consider that they played a role in it and help me
00:38:23.600
identify root cause versus just allocating blame somewhere else or avoiding blame.
00:38:27.460
Now, with that all said, it could be a really bad scenario.
00:38:33.040
And this is like, it happens a hundred times and you're not happy there.
00:38:35.600
And I want to take away from Sean's advice of like, Hey, if you don't want to put up with
00:38:39.660
the exit, but, but also realize the human condition here and which, which approach serves
00:38:46.060
you, if this doesn't work for you, then excellent.
00:38:49.560
But meanwhile, man, play the game a little bit, right?
00:38:54.760
Help your boss win, have some empathy on the boss's boss and deal with the situation that
00:39:02.300
Don't, don't go for tip for tap, especially with the boss's boss.
00:39:10.760
And, um, and talking about pursuing something else, if you do pursue something else and you'd
00:39:16.840
start seeing the same thing happen in other places, you know, then it might be you and
00:39:22.100
You know, I don't know the backstory and how many jobs you've had before or how many experiences
00:39:26.680
and how many working environments you've been in.
00:39:29.560
But I can tell you, if you go somewhere else and you're having similar things happen, then
00:39:33.780
you need to take a real close look at what Pip is talking about.
00:39:36.920
And your personality and how you show up and how you react to how other people are showing
00:39:44.940
And then maybe learn a little bit more about people and personalities and human nature and
00:39:55.880
When I hear we're taking photos, safeguard ourselves, all that I hear is CYA, CYA, cover
00:40:02.780
our ass, cover our ass, make sure we're not at fault.
00:40:05.600
I'm telling you, that's not what's best for the company.
00:40:08.320
So then you might be like, well, Kip, in my position of authority, I can't change these
00:40:17.220
Well, do you have a relationship with that night crew?
00:40:22.180
You understand how many kids they have, their wife, their hobbies.
00:40:26.320
So you have a strong relationship where they know that your intent is not to throw them
00:40:31.700
under the bus, but your intent is to do what's best for them.
00:40:36.100
There's some opportunity here to level up and have impact without the position.
00:40:44.720
It's in the relationships, not in staying in your box or operating in your processes only.
00:40:53.220
Okay, Gavin, Misserly, what is the best way you've found to encourage an introvert to engage
00:41:00.800
So encourage an introvert to engage with a group, whether it to be teammates, coworkers,
00:41:06.860
or maybe someone who can tell is having a difficult time engaging.
00:41:12.140
So Gavin, I'm assuming that it's not encouraging you as an introvert, but like, how do you encourage
00:41:31.820
Like, it's like, well, you're just asking for a friend.
00:41:36.100
I mean, it's create an environment that is inclusive.
00:41:42.080
And when I say inclusive, I don't mean inclusive in the sense of like DEI.
00:41:46.680
I mean, in a sense of, we were just talking about personality types, right?
00:41:52.960
And not just safe, but that has everything in it where you can connect to the different
00:41:59.300
personalities in the room, whether that's speaking.
00:42:02.640
And you'll like get this as a keynote speaker, as a speaker in any capacity, but especially
00:42:12.080
You mentioned Ed earlier and the impact and the reach.
00:42:15.040
And the reason Ed is so great is because his personality is about as A-type as it gets.
00:42:28.500
So I saw him on the front end of his career and that super, super mega driven, you know,
00:42:37.640
gnarly, hardcore, high energy, in your face guy compared to you listen to his podcast now.
00:43:06.160
But he, it's been important enough for him to get good at those things and to have that
00:43:14.940
empathy you were talking about and to be able to understand how other people feel in
00:43:21.660
different situations, what motivates them, what drives them, what gets them excited, what
00:43:31.740
And he's built that into the way that he speaks.
00:43:35.840
Now, if we're talking about an organization, you need to do the same and understand what,
00:43:40.760
what triggers different personality types to take action and build those things into your
00:43:49.500
company, into your events that you're going to have, or your meetings that you're going
00:43:58.520
If we're talking about getting the different people to engage, there needs to be questions,
00:44:04.180
even questions in how they're worded, speak to different personality types different.
00:44:10.100
So if you're trying to find those people and to get them to engage, you may need to ask
00:44:18.460
You need to maybe ask more direct questions to them specifically.
00:44:27.920
Whatever it is, you'll learn that as you understand the personality types better, but it needs to
00:44:36.600
And that's what I'm assuming when you're talking about engaging in a group, all of the events
00:44:40.540
that you plan, that you understand human nature enough.
00:44:43.880
And it could be any of those things like, what's the one about dogs, like different dog
00:44:54.980
It's a, I think, I think Blair Singer's the author, but they, but there's all these personality
00:45:01.460
These profiling things, if you want to call it that.
00:45:04.200
Um, you could latch onto any one of those things and find enough about people and how
00:45:09.640
to engage with them to include that in your events.
00:45:15.600
I mean, I think at the root of this, right, best ways to encourage an introvert to engage
00:45:21.100
with the group, to help them understand that their label that you just used on them, introvert
00:45:29.580
does not define you and, and whether you have a natural tendency to be an introvert or an
00:45:40.060
And, and so one get past that, that it's not set, get past a fixed mindset, have a growth
00:45:46.620
And I think the other thing is like, help them understand the, the benefit of, of them moving
00:45:55.260
If, if Sean, if you're, if you're an introvert and you never engage with people and I wanted
00:46:00.540
what's best for you, I'd probably want to have a conversation with you and say, Sean,
00:46:08.100
Your, your, your lack of desire to engage with people hurts you around to your ability
00:46:15.820
to impact others, to serve others, to be more effective in your job.
00:46:20.740
Like, and, and I believe that you're fully capable to rise above it, just like Ed did
00:46:26.520
And learn to be more empathetic or whatever, and make it bigger than yourself.
00:46:36.480
Let go of the label that doesn't define you have a growth mindset.
00:46:40.060
Second, man, it, it, the impact of you choosing to be stuck in that box, um, hinders your impact
00:46:52.780
And if you are, and if you were quote unquote, asking for a friend, then you need to be willing
00:47:00.720
to be a little more uncomfortable in those social situations.
00:47:03.700
And, and not that you have to go talk to everybody and make yourself be awkward, but you will start
00:47:10.620
to learn if you're in a group for long enough, who has similar interests as you, it could be
00:47:22.060
And then maybe that leads into other people showing up in the conversation and you build
00:47:26.160
from there, but you make yourself uncomfortable, pay attention, find those people with at least
00:47:32.120
one similar interest that you have, where you can start the conversation in that thing
00:47:42.140
Dalton Harward, Harward, how do you advise someone trying to rebuild a social circle,
00:47:52.000
I have a seven-year-old and three-year-old triplets.
00:47:55.280
Well, seven-year-old and a three-year-old triplets.
00:48:08.360
So obviously he's in a season, three-year-old triplets, got it.
00:48:15.680
It's, I've been in this with my four kids and it's not that they're triplets, but they're
00:48:25.580
And I can tell you from when I started having kids, because they were the most important
00:48:31.000
thing in my life, my quote unquote social circle started to get smaller from a sense
00:48:36.400
of like going out with the guys to, but my social circle didn't necessarily shrink.
00:48:45.280
And so I haven't gone out with the guys, quote unquote, meaning going out to a club, going
00:48:51.020
to a bar, going to a, some event in a group together.
00:48:55.340
And I don't know if it's been a couple of decades, right?
00:48:58.640
Like not as an important thing for like guys that I'm friends with in my community, but I
00:49:04.160
can tell you, I've been in church groups with men that I'd love being around.
00:49:09.760
You know, I've been at baseball games and sporting events with my kids.
00:49:14.920
And we have our circle, like we have the dads at my, at my son's high schools, you know,
00:49:20.600
that we all hang out with at the football games and we do that.
00:49:24.700
And so you don't need to leave a social circle.
00:49:29.980
You don't have to hold on to every friendship that you've had your whole life because that's
00:49:35.680
And the way you hang out doesn't have to stay the same for you to, to have a social life.
00:49:42.320
So for me, it's been kind of with whatever the kids are involved in, meeting the new
00:49:48.740
parents in those different places and creating relationships and building there.
00:49:52.700
And then for me, that like going out with the guys, I don't have that, but I have jujitsu.
00:50:00.160
You know, I can still go into jujitsu three, four times a week and roll with the guys and
00:50:04.160
have a brothership with those guys, like the brotherhood with those guys and a connection
00:50:12.600
And like, we don't go hang out and drink and, you know, do that stuff together, but I see
00:50:19.600
So maybe you just need to redefine what you're calling a social life.
00:50:26.920
Well, and, and don't, I mean, you're a parents of young kids, right?
00:50:31.000
And so the more you integrate your kids into whatever you're doing, the better, just heads
00:50:36.580
I know you're not asking for that, but it's like, man, if you like trail running, start
00:50:55.080
And find yourselves like cabin fever stuck in the house all the time.
00:51:00.320
You're going to have to redefine what life looks like, especially with that many littles.
00:51:04.780
Trust me, you can figure it out and it's going to be great.
00:51:08.160
And you're going to be happy that all those scenarios where it would have been easier just
00:51:13.160
to stay at home and because of the kids and they're very difficult to get out.
00:51:17.780
Trust me, whenever that crosses your mind, load them up, go out anyway, you're going to
00:51:24.820
And, and, and involve yourself in those social, social circles, like Sean saying, just bring
00:51:30.300
the kids along and it's going to be a good time.
00:51:32.680
So yeah, it'll be different, but it's, it's going to be just as rewarding and you'll be
00:51:39.000
just as happy and you'll feel just as good with the people that you're socializing with.
00:51:48.000
It's a, it's a season and you're going to have to redefine what that looks like.
00:51:52.560
Well, uh, top of the hour, man, I got to wrap up.
00:51:56.680
So we got through the questions at least from the iron council.
00:52:03.460
If you want to band with us and join us there, orderofman.com slash iron council.
00:52:07.920
The other thing is we have the men's forge event that is May 1st through the 4th, uh, coming
00:52:15.900
up this summer to learn more about the details.
00:52:18.720
That's the men's forge.com and, uh, join us at that event.
00:52:30.500
Uh, Instagram at Sean BMD, uh, happy and strong.com financial revolution.com.
00:52:40.740
I'm not a big presence out there, but yeah, if you guys want to DM me on any of that stuff,
00:52:51.260
Um, you know, like I said, you're my paid friend, uh, through just podcasting.
00:52:57.300
So one day we'll be real friends and, uh, we'll actually hang out, uh, in some other
00:53:02.480
time other than soon, but, uh, until then I'll take what I can get.
00:53:09.660
And, uh, look forward to the next one, brother.
00:53:14.160
Uh, until Friday, field notes, men take action and become the men you were meant to be.
00:53:23.920
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:53:26.760
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:53:30.580
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.