Order of Man - Raising Kings： 10 Strategies for Shaping Boys Into Men

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.620 Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement, The Order

00:00:31.180 of Man. I want to welcome you. I've been saying it for years now. We need more men in this

00:00:35.920 fight, and so I'm honored that you'd be tuning in, whether you're listening for the first

00:00:39.060 time or you've been listening for nearly four years now. This is the place. This is the

00:00:43.840 place where you can turn to get any resources and guidance and direction and insight, and

00:00:50.100 specifically with the podcast, the conversations that you feel like you need to be a better

00:00:55.240 father, better husband, better business owner, community leader, whatever facet of life you're

00:00:59.920 showing up as a man, this is the resource for you. And today specifically, I'm not going

00:01:03.840 to be talking about manhood as much as I'm going to be talking about the ability to turn

00:01:09.500 our boys, our young men and our sons into men. I've titled this Raising Kings because it is

00:01:15.540 apparent to me that boys are falling behind on just about every metric. And I had made a post

00:01:21.240 earlier in the week on Instagram or Facebook about somebody that had asked if I was afraid of

00:01:27.760 raising sons in an environment that we see in society, which seems to continually be dismissing

00:01:34.220 masculinity and manliness. And I believe raising our boys effectively. And if I was afraid and I said,

00:01:41.080 you know, I'm not afraid at all. I mean, in the society and in the, in the climate and culture

00:01:45.600 that we have right now. And the way that I think generally society seems to be migrating to the

00:01:51.000 way that they're raising boys is, is my, my sons are going to rule the world. And I said that kind

00:01:57.320 of jokingly, but I can't help believe that there's a lot of validity to that, that there's a lot of

00:02:01.520 truth to that because I feel like I'm, I'm raising them effectively. I feel like I'm teaching

00:02:06.280 them to harness those raw masculine virtues and characteristics that are coursing through their

00:02:12.340 veins. And I think we do our, our boys a huge disservice when we don't teach them how to utilize

00:02:18.740 all that is good and all the potential that they have within them as young men and, and use that for

00:02:24.840 productive outcomes for them, making more money and being able to serve in the community and just

00:02:30.540 living a fulfilling, rewarding life. And I, that's my job. And that's your job. If you are a father to

00:02:37.420 sons, then that is our obligation. Now I'm going to throw this disclaimer out here

00:02:41.480 because I know a lot of people are going to ask about this. I'm going to do a raising Queens

00:02:45.680 version in the next couple of weeks as well. So specifically today, I'm talking about how to

00:02:50.400 raise our boys, how to usher them into manhood, how to shape them into the fine men that we would

00:02:56.160 eventually go on to follow as, as they are hopefully leading us effectively. And I know there's going to

00:03:02.060 be a lot of crossover too. This isn't exclusive to boys, but it is a focus. It is an emphasis on boys.

00:03:07.080 And then again, I'll be doing the raising Queens version here in the next couple of weeks.

00:03:11.720 And also before I get into too much of this, I do want to let you know that we have an experience

00:03:18.180 that's coming up April 11th through the 14th, 2019. And that is designed to help you and your son

00:03:25.220 between the ages of eight to 15 to foster deeper connections and deeper bonds between yourself.

00:03:31.640 And then ultimately give each of you the tools that you will both need in order for him to step

00:03:37.260 from boy into man. So there's a physical, mental, emotional challenges. We go through a code of

00:03:43.980 conduct. We do some, some wilderness survival. We do some personal defense. I mean, there's so many

00:03:51.020 cool activities that we do over the course of three and a half days. All you have to do is get to Las

00:03:56.100 Vegas on April 11th and we take care of the rest. We shuttle you and your son up to our lodge that

00:04:02.940 we've got locked down and we have an unforgettable three days. So if you're interested, make sure you

00:04:08.560 check it out. We only have, I think seven, maybe eight spots left. Just head to order of man.com

00:04:14.040 slash legacy order of man.com slash legacy. You can watch a video, a film from our last event and get a

00:04:22.060 taste of what we're going to do during this event. Although we may have changed some, a few things up

00:04:26.500 to make it even that much more compelling and rewarding for you guys. So again, that's order of

00:04:31.200 man.com slash legacy. So with that said, let me get into this again. We're talking about raising

00:04:37.340 Kings 10 strategies for shaping your boys into men. And I will say a lot of what I talk about and a lot

00:04:44.460 of what I believe, because I am not the definitive authority on the subject. Although this is, this is my

00:04:49.760 world. This is my work. I get a lot of my information from Dr. Leonard Sachs. He wrote

00:04:55.240 two books in particular that I want to share with you is one is a why gender matters. And the other

00:05:00.520 one is called boys adrift. And then the other individual I want to present to you is Dr. Warren

00:05:06.240 Farrell. And he wrote a book titled the boy crisis, and you can go and research those books, read those

00:05:12.680 books. We've had both of these guys on the podcast, great information. So go back, get some of that

00:05:17.580 information. And one of the things that I have noticed in their research and their work is that

00:05:22.220 boys are really falling behind on a lot of, well, really alarming metrics. I mean, if you look at

00:05:28.840 everything from academics to college entry to careers and income to depression and suicide to drug use and

00:05:39.940 criminal activity, it is very, very apparent that boys are continuing to slip further and further and

00:05:47.340 further down as we continue to develop and we continue to grow. And I think a lot of this has

00:05:52.540 to do with the fact that we've gone away from the traditional idea of masculinity, or at least we're

00:05:56.840 moving that route and we're stripping, or maybe I'd say robbing our boys of the opportunities that

00:06:04.040 they need in order to take all of the, the power and the aggression and the competitiveness and

00:06:10.060 potentially even violence and physicality to be able to take that that's coursing through their

00:06:16.160 veins and then harness it, harness it so that they can lead effectively in their families and their

00:06:21.440 businesses and their communities. And they can go on to careers that are meaningful and they can

00:06:26.440 defend themselves and their loved ones against emergency situations, natural disasters, violent

00:06:33.040 encounters. These are the types of things that we're going to eventually call upon our boys to

00:06:38.660 complete, to be able to, to lead us and to take care of us. And unless we're adequately preparing them

00:06:44.300 to do so, uh, I think there will be a day of reckoning, a day of reckoning when they are faced

00:06:50.000 with a task or, or a demand that they can't meet because we've stripped them or robbed them of the

00:06:55.900 opportunity to do that. And that's what this conversation is about today. It's about giving

00:06:59.980 you 10 strategies that you can incorporate as you're raising young men. And this could be a biological

00:07:05.260 son. It could be an adopted or a stepson or a foster child. Maybe it's a nephew or a neighborhood

00:07:12.660 boy or somebody that you're coaching on one of your teams, any situation in which you have some

00:07:18.200 sort of responsibility for lifting young men up. All right. So let's get into this again, 10 steps.

00:07:24.760 And these aren't in any order. Uh, I just wrote these things down as I thought of them. And of

00:07:28.860 course the list isn't exhaustive either. So if you have additional thoughts and ideas, uh, please let

00:07:34.060 me know. I'd love to hear what you have to share. You can do that on Instagram or Twitter, both at

00:07:38.660 Ryan Mickler, very active on those two sources at Ryan Mickler. My last name is spelled M I C H L E R.

00:07:46.200 All right, let's get into this. Number one, uh, foster competition. I mean, look guys, it's, you know,

00:07:52.400 you know, as well as I do that competition is being stripped away. We don't want any little kids to feel

00:07:57.640 bad for losing. And so what do we do? We don't keep score. We don't keep score at all. And we give

00:08:02.080 away participation trophies. And we tell all the kids, whether they performed or didn't perform that

00:08:07.660 they're equal, that they're just as good. And frankly, that's not true. Now that doesn't speak

00:08:13.100 to their worth just because you happen to lose a baseball game or a football game. Doesn't mean

00:08:18.120 that a young man is worth less than another one. But if you're competing, if you're actively trying

00:08:24.800 to get better at something, whether it's competitive sports or a spelling contest or schoolyard games or

00:08:32.440 whatever, then I think it's probably pretty apparent. You would think that we ought to keep

00:08:37.520 score that we ought to track it and that we ought to give our boys the opportunities to

00:08:43.680 learn from that immediate and that instantaneous feedback of the scoreboard. And that's what

00:08:50.160 competition is all about. So you have a lot of people, when I talk about this, they'll say,

00:08:53.440 well, kids really need to learn the game and they really need the help on, on developing these

00:08:57.680 skills. Yes. That is the point of keeping score. The point isn't just the score. The point is to

00:09:04.300 use the score to see, okay, here's where we did well. Here's where we didn't do well. And then of

00:09:09.540 course, fill in the blanks. Now, some guys will say, well, yeah, it takes good coaches to do that.

00:09:14.500 I know that that's exactly what I'm saying. So we, as men need to foster that competition,

00:09:21.700 we need to encourage competition. When, when boys are on their bikes and they're riding around,

00:09:27.760 have them race each other, have them compete against each other. See who can do the most

00:09:31.480 jumping jacks, keep score in, in your sporting outings, whether it's baseball or football or

00:09:36.600 swimming or whatever, keep score. It's really interesting to me because I think inevitably,

00:09:42.520 and just, just inherently young boys, they want to keep score. When I was coaching my,

00:09:49.680 my boys, when they were little, they don't keep score at very young ages. And what was always

00:09:54.360 interesting is, is that after the game was over, even in the leagues that we didn't keep score,

00:09:58.560 the boys would always come up to me and say, who won, who won. I didn't teach them that nobody else

00:10:05.480 taught them that that wasn't societally constructed. They want to know who won. They want to know if

00:10:12.260 they're enough. And if they're not enough, then we, as men have an obligation to teach them why

00:10:17.880 it's not to strip away the potential bad feeling. It's to use the bad feeling losing as feedback to

00:10:24.080 continue to grow and develop. So guys, number one, foster competition. Number two, allow our boys to

00:10:31.040 self-regulate. I think there are so many parents, so many teachers, so many quote unquote authority

00:10:37.420 figures that will not allow boys to self-regulate. And we have this thing about bullying, right? Oh,

00:10:43.660 everything's bullying. If one little kid says the wrong thing to somebody else, then it's bullying.

00:10:48.140 And that person needs to get told on or go to the principal's office or get in trouble or get the

00:10:53.520 parents involved. Look, not everything is bullying. Some of this is just healthy peer pressure. And I

00:10:58.960 realize there's a line, all right? I'm not saying that we shouldn't address some serious issues, but

00:11:03.880 if a little kid is getting pestered or picked on or poked or whatever it may be, like we've really got to

00:11:09.580 ask ourselves, is this bullying or are these boys just self-regulating? Because I know when I was

00:11:15.380 young and I was growing up, there was all kinds of schoolyard antics and little bickerings and back and

00:11:20.620 forth. And I remember getting into a couple of fights. And once those things are done and established on

00:11:25.940 the play yard, it was done. Everybody knew and everybody understood. And I remember one time in

00:11:31.880 particular, I must've been in, I don't know, fifth grade or something. And me and a friend got into a fight

00:11:38.260 and we threw a couple of punches and we were rolling around on the ground. And I think he had

00:11:42.400 a bloody lip and I may have had a bloody nose or whatever. And we got sent to the principal's

00:11:46.560 office and he scolded us. And then he sent us back out on the schoolyard, which is kind of

00:11:50.480 interesting to think about. He didn't send us home. And I remember we were inseparable from that moment

00:11:55.040 on because we established ourselves and we worked out our differences without a whole lot of other

00:12:01.560 outside influence. And I'm not saying that we just let our kids be, you know, Lord of the flies or

00:12:07.380 something. I'm not talking about that, but there are instances where we don't need to swoop in and

00:12:11.840 rescue. We don't need to play Papa or mama bear. We just need to let the boys do what they're going

00:12:17.300 to do within reason and allow them to work out the pecking order, allow them to work out the societal

00:12:23.000 rules that they have that maybe are unwritten or unspoken and just let them figure it out amongst

00:12:29.360 themselves. The, this is how they develop and grow and, and learn how to interact with other

00:12:36.000 individuals. Let them self-regulate. Number three, give them authority. Give them authority. What I

00:12:42.640 mean is give them responsibility. There's all kinds of little things that we can do to give them some

00:12:47.240 sort of responsibility or leadership, whether that's taking care of their room or making dinner

00:12:52.560 one evening or deciding what you want to do over the weekend or, uh, taking care of a pet or whatever.

00:13:00.460 So many different opportunities in life to give our children authority. And I think boys in particular

00:13:06.100 are constantly trying to figure out, especially as they get older, where they fall in the pecking order,

00:13:12.100 where they fall in line societally. And if we can teach them to take on some authority,

00:13:16.780 we can give them some independence and we can allow them to succeed and even allow them to

00:13:22.320 fail in that authority position. We're equipping them. We're giving them the tools. We're letting

00:13:27.000 them have experience with leading, which is ultimately what we want them to do. So if we're

00:13:31.840 spending all of our time keeping our kids down or quote unquote, keeping them in check and eventually

00:13:38.080 crushing their spirit, I mean, how, how assertive are these boys going to be? How, how many opportunities

00:13:44.360 do they actually have real world experience in leading? They don't. And so when they leave the nest and

00:13:50.900 they go out into the college and they go out into their careers and jobs, and they're given authority,

00:13:54.740 they crumble because they've never been exposed to it. And they're so reliant upon other people or

00:14:01.560 somebody else telling them what to do and when to do it and why to do it and how to do it, that they

00:14:06.720 can't operate on their own. So in your household and in your community, look for as many opportunities

00:14:12.600 within reason and based on their maturity level for them to have some authority, for them to have

00:14:18.720 some leadership opportunities and allow them to develop that, allow them to explore that.

00:14:24.320 Number four, encourage roughhousing. Now, a lot of us saw this Gillette video, I don't know,

00:14:31.060 maybe a month or so ago. And one of the things that really struck out to me is this, these dads were at

00:14:36.260 this barbecue and two boys were roughhousing. They're rolling around on the ground and fighting.

00:14:41.340 And the dad who, I mean, let's be honest, the dad isn't like the ideal picture of what a man should

00:14:49.140 be and how he should show up. But the dad swoops in, right? He swoops in to rescue the kids and to

00:14:54.200 save the kids from themselves and says, don't be bad little boys and don't fight. That's not how we

00:14:58.460 solve problems. And it really wasn't obvious to me that they were doing anything wrong, but

00:15:02.760 there is so much energy. You guys know that there is so much energy in little boys. And

00:15:07.980 sometimes roughhousing is exactly what they need to do. They need to fight. They need to roll around.

00:15:13.060 They need to be physical and they need to burn that energy up and they need to develop strength

00:15:16.720 and they need to understand where the lines are and where they are. And they're testing. That's

00:15:20.880 what they're doing. They're testing. And so you tell a little boy to stop rolling around or stop

00:15:25.400 rustling on the ground and you're, you're robbing him. You're robbing him of the opportunity to test

00:15:32.020 himself, to test somebody else, to figure out where he is. And I think this comes back to the

00:15:36.920 competition component as well is to get that feedback of how he needs to improve. There's so

00:15:42.360 much positive benefit that comes from roughhousing. So in my house, we encourage roughhousing. We tell

00:15:49.380 our boys to, to, to duke it out, if you will, to, to fight it out, to roll around. I wrestle with my

00:15:55.100 boys and also my little girl, because there's a bond that's, that's forged there in the wrestling. And

00:16:00.360 there's a lot to be learned from it. Now, from the outside, somebody might look in and say,

00:16:04.320 Oh, well, they shouldn't be physical. This is not the best way to solve problems. Yeah. Maybe,

00:16:09.040 maybe sometimes it isn't, but sometimes it's the exact right thing to do. So encourage roughhousing

00:16:13.980 in the right moments and the right opportunities. I think I'm on number five. Yes. Number five,

00:16:21.280 teach them to protect, provide, and preside. Now, if you've been following us for any amount of time,

00:16:26.580 you know, that's what we're all about here with order of man is our, our tagline, our motto,

00:16:31.360 but frankly, our way of life is to be that of a protector, a provider, and a presider.

00:16:36.240 And if our young men and our boys don't understand that that is ultimately our responsibility and job,

00:16:42.460 and we never talk with them about that, they're going to have a hard time realizing what it is.

00:16:46.540 They should be doing. It's the same reason that a lot of people have so much financial struggle.

00:16:50.880 It's because their parents never told them about money, never taught them about money,

00:16:54.220 and they didn't learn it in the school system. And so they get out into the quote unquote real world

00:16:58.300 where they have bills and they have expenses and they have financial obligations and they don't

00:17:02.420 know how to handle it because nobody ever talked to them about it. Nobody ever told them that they're

00:17:07.440 going to need to protect themselves and others, that the world can be a very dangerous place.

00:17:12.200 They live in this world of, of naiveness, believing that everything's just happy and jolly and people

00:17:17.980 are inherently good. And while I believe some of that, I also believe there's, there's a lot of

00:17:22.640 violence and there's a lot of danger out there as well. So let's be real about that.

00:17:26.460 Let's teach them what it means to provide financially and mentally, emotionally, spiritually

00:17:31.000 for their families. Let's lead by example and talk with our boys about how to do that. And then also

00:17:36.860 to preside. And I just said that leadership, right? To lead with vision and clarity and focus and

00:17:42.980 communication and grit and determination. And then also giving our boys what I said in point number three,

00:17:48.720 some authority so that they can lead and they can learn how to lead effectively and communicate

00:17:53.380 a vision and then help people get to that, that place that others could not have imagined going on

00:17:59.080 their own. So again, teach them to protect, provide, and preside. Next. And I think this is number six

00:18:05.440 is holding them accountable, right? We've got to hold people accountable to what they say,

00:18:12.140 what they do. There has to be consequences to their actions. And gosh, we as a society are so

00:18:18.540 afraid of making anybody feel bad. Oh, heaven forbid a little boy gets his feelings hurt or,

00:18:24.640 or gets in trouble for doing something he shouldn't be doing. Oh, we can't hurt this tender

00:18:29.280 little child. And while we're trying to, to protect this child, what we're doing is we're just bubble

00:18:35.100 wrapping them and, and, and falsely keeping them safe from these threats. And then what it's almost

00:18:42.140 like a, like a wounded animal, right? You have this, this animal, this, this bird, let's say,

00:18:47.040 they're an Eagle and it breaks its wing and somebody finds it out on the ground underneath

00:18:50.280 the tree. And what does that person do? Brings, brings the Eagle inside and, and feeds it out

00:18:55.260 of a little bottle and nurses it back to health, which all sounds really great until it's time to

00:18:59.900 release that Eagle back out into the wild. And then what happens? The thing dies because it came. So

00:19:04.720 became so accustomed to being fed and, and doted on and, and, and having everything without any

00:19:12.560 struggle guys, it's the struggle, you know, this, and maybe I'm preaching to the choir,

00:19:16.380 but it's the struggle. It's the challenge. It's the adversity and the fire that makes us who we are

00:19:22.160 that forges us, that makes us stronger. And that allows us to address these things as they come up.

00:19:27.480 So it's important to hold our, our boys accountable in controlled environments, right? We don't want them

00:19:33.200 to like completely hurt themselves or disable themselves or injure themselves. But if we can hold

00:19:38.020 them accountable and allow them to experience the full weight of their decisions in controlled

00:19:42.460 environments, that adequately prepares them for the day when, when it's not under control,

00:19:47.320 when they are out on their own. And we ask them to, to spread their wings and fly, if you will.

00:19:51.220 So number six, hold them accountable. Number seven, challenge them, challenge them. If they're,

00:19:59.500 if they say something that you don't know, if they understand what they mean, challenge it.

00:20:03.800 What do you mean by that? Explain that. How do you know that question them? See what they know.

00:20:08.020 See what they don't know, but challenge them, push them maybe a little harder than,

00:20:11.840 than they have in the past. This is how we, we prepare them. This is how we harden them. This

00:20:17.280 is how we toughen them up. So when they're saying things that maybe they don't understand,

00:20:22.220 or you don't know if they understand, challenge it. Hey, let me see what you know about that.

00:20:26.820 What do you know about sex? For example, what do you know about money? What do you know about

00:20:33.100 God? What do you believe about God? Like challenge their thought processes.

00:20:38.000 How did you come up to that conclusion? Oh, somebody told you this at school. Well,

00:20:42.060 what do you think? Why do you think that? Is that person right? Is that person wrong?

00:20:45.980 Allow them to be independent thinkers, to think critically about the things that they hear and

00:20:51.040 the things they understand. I know my oldest boy, for example, he's, he's so tenderhearted and,

00:20:56.720 and frankly, a little naiveness comes with that. And so his school teacher will tell some,

00:21:02.140 tell him something, or, or one of his friends will tell him something and he'll just take it,

00:21:05.960 you know, just take it on surface level and just believe it. And I'm constantly challenging him.

00:21:10.160 Well, why do you think he said that? Do you really think that's how it happens? And the more that I

00:21:15.120 have this, this dialogue and this communication with him, the more I'm equipping him to actually

00:21:19.520 question, don't we want that? Don't we want boys who question authority? Not, not to, to buck the

00:21:26.980 system, but to ask if this is really in their best interest and the best interest of the people that

00:21:32.880 they will eventually go on to lead. It's their families and their neighbors and, and their coworkers

00:21:38.440 and the people that they're ultimately going to serve. But you can't do that. If you have a

00:21:42.560 spineless coward who believes everything he says, because he never learned how to be challenged.

00:21:47.120 He never had his thoughts or his ideas challenged. He never had to flush out any of this stuff out.

00:21:52.260 So this takes some time though, because now I'm asking you to have real conversations with your,

00:21:57.280 with your boys, not just how was your day? Oh, it was good. What video game did you play today?

00:22:01.920 No, like really dive deep. What did you learn? Do you believe that's true? Why do you believe

00:22:06.460 that's true? What do you want to learn? These are the types of questions that I think are going to

00:22:11.080 challenge them mentally, but then also to get them to be independent and critical thinkers,

00:22:16.680 which is what I want for my boys. Let's see. We're on number eight, I believe. Yes. Eight is

00:22:23.540 congratulate your boys when they stand up for themselves and others. We had this in,

00:22:29.280 in school a couple of years ago, my oldest got into a little, a little rift, I guess you'd say

00:22:36.360 with somebody else, because he was standing up for another, another kid in school and he got in

00:22:41.300 trouble over it. He got in trouble for fighting or arguing. I don't even remember exactly what he's

00:22:45.000 doing, but he got sent to the principal's office and he was so worried. He was so upset about being

00:22:49.260 sent to the principal's office. And I, when he got home, I said, you know, you don't, you don't need

00:22:53.740 to be upset about that. He's like, I just don't want my teacher, my principal to be mad at me.

00:22:56.920 And I said, you know, they might be, but ultimately do you feel like you did the right thing? And he knew

00:23:01.760 he did because we congratulate, we honor when our boys stand up for themselves. And look, I don't,

00:23:08.900 I don't want my boys to fight. All right. That's, that's not what I'm saying, but in some cases,

00:23:13.740 it's necessary. In some cases, it's necessary to fight or at a minimum, use your words to stand up

00:23:20.300 for yourself. So when my boys stand up to a bully for themselves or for other people, I reward that.

00:23:28.000 I honor that. I respect that. And I let them know how proud I am of doing what they are supposed to be

00:23:34.720 doing as men. I don't want a bunch of cowards. I don't want a bunch of weaklings. I don't want a

00:23:39.640 bunch of submissive, passive little boys who are more worried about getting in trouble with the

00:23:44.880 principal or the teacher than I am, or than they are with, with standing up against, against an enemy,

00:23:52.240 against a foe. So reward when they do the things that you want them to do, this is behavioral

00:23:57.540 psychology, reward, good behavior and, and punish bad behavior. Good behavior is a boy who stands up

00:24:04.480 for himself, takes care of himself. And he does what needs to be done, even though he may have

00:24:08.820 been fearful about doing it. We reward that. Number nine, present opportunities for suffering.

00:24:17.060 Present opportunities for suffering. We do not suffer at all. I mean, you think about if you get

00:24:24.200 cold, you turn the heat on. I can turn my car. I can click a little button and turn my car and have

00:24:28.680 the heater going from inside the house. I don't even need to get into a cold vehicle, which sounds silly.

00:24:33.360 I know, but we do that. If you want food, you go to the grocery store. You don't have to fight for

00:24:37.760 it. You don't have to go hunt. You can have even have it delivered to you. If you want a new book or

00:24:42.540 a new gadget or, or, or, or gizmo, you just order it on Amazon and you have it within 24 hours. I mean,

00:24:49.000 it's crazy and it's, it's a beautiful thing. Look, I'm not complaining about it, but what I am saying

00:24:53.780 is that through the technologies and the advancements of modern time, which are wonderful,

00:24:59.440 we've stripped away any opportunity that we've had for physical, mental, and emotional suffering.

00:25:06.000 And so it's no longer a question of when it will present itself. It's a question of if we're going

00:25:11.500 to voluntarily step into it. And I love doing stuff like this, whether it's taking my boys to go do a

00:25:17.000 workout or going camping when it's cold, so many playing sports when maybe they don't feel like it

00:25:23.440 are going to practice so many opportunities for physical and mental suffering in controlled

00:25:30.260 environments. Again, this is not about putting them in danger or, or harm's way, but it's about

00:25:35.020 presenting suffering opportunities so that they can learn to develop the physical and mental and

00:25:41.520 emotional fortitude to, to suffer through times that are inevitably going to happen. I mean,

00:25:48.340 there's just so many just weenies, wimps who crumble at the slightest sign of adversity because

00:25:55.580 they never had to deal with anything tough. So present opportunities for suffering for your young

00:26:01.040 men. And then the last one, number 10 is show them how to harness their emotions. Show them how to harness

00:26:07.700 their emotions. This is such a sensitive one. And it's just, it's amazing to me how many people have

00:26:18.200 this idea that somehow masculinity is about teaching boys not to cry. It's not about not crying. It's

00:26:26.540 about knowing when to cry and when it's not appropriate. And guess what? Newsflash, it's not

00:26:33.460 always appropriate to cry, especially for boys, especially for men who have things they need to

00:26:39.120 accomplish. And if they're crying or babbling about how difficult or how hard something is, when they're in

00:26:44.600 the middle of a situation, they're not going to be effective. They're not going to be productive.

00:26:49.700 They're not going to lead people effectively in that situation. And so for me, my, I look at my job

00:26:55.060 as a father to my boys is to teach them that, Hey, sometimes you're going to be happy. And sometimes

00:27:00.400 you're going to be sad. And sometimes you're going to, you're going to be jealous. And sometimes you're

00:27:04.720 going to be angry. And sometimes you're going to be joyous. You're going to have a whole range and

00:27:10.020 spectrum of emotions, those things, even what we would consider the negative emotions,

00:27:14.780 they're not there to hinder us. They're actually there to serve us. The American Psychological

00:27:21.400 Association actually says in their recent study about men and masculinity, that the traditional

00:27:28.960 masculine virtue of quote unquote stoicism is somehow harmful or damaging to men. First of all,

00:27:36.000 if that's what they believe, they don't understand what stoicism is. And secondly,

00:27:41.560 even if they understand what it means, I don't think they'd have that same perspective.

00:27:46.220 Stoicism isn't about subduing or suppressing your emotions. It's about focusing on what you can

00:27:53.260 control. It's about utilizing the way that you feel to focus on the things that you can control,

00:27:59.200 as opposed to the things that are outside of your control. And I've used this analogy before. A lot of

00:28:03.900 you guys are familiar with this. Emotions are like the dashboard and the gauges on your vehicle,

00:28:09.940 the odometer and the speedometer and all the fuel gauge, oil temperature and pressure.

00:28:15.460 Those are there to just give you little indicators that things are working correctly the way they

00:28:20.500 should be in the engine or that they're not working correctly. And if they're not working

00:28:24.720 correctly, a little warning light comes on, AKA the emotion and tells you something's off,

00:28:29.880 something's wrong. So you look at it, you read it, you analyze it, and you figure out what needs to

00:28:35.400 be done. You address it accordingly, and then you drive on. So we're not talking about suppressing

00:28:41.140 emotions, but on the flip side, we're not talking about them just to babble around however they'd want

00:28:46.140 to just based on how they feel. It's about utilizing it, understanding the emotion, and then harnessing it

00:28:52.080 to do what needs to be done, to get the job done. So that's it guys. 10. I know you have more. This

00:28:59.240 wasn't an exhaustive list. Let me just go through these things again. Again, it's, I titled this

00:29:03.600 Raising Kings 10 Strategies for Shaping Boys Into Men. Number one, foster competition. Number two,

00:29:11.820 allow them to self-regulate. Number three, give them authority. Four, encourage roughhousing.

00:29:18.400 Five, teach them to protect, provide, and preside. Number six, hold them accountable. Number seven,

00:29:25.600 challenge them. Number eight, congratulate them when they stand up for themselves and others.

00:29:31.640 Number nine, present opportunities for suffering. And the last one, number 10, show them how to harness

00:29:37.640 their emotions. So guys, I will do another podcast in the coming weeks on Raising Queens,

00:29:43.520 because I know a lot of you guys are going to ask how this would apply to daughters. Again,

00:29:48.240 I'm not the expert, but I've got some, I've got some ideas. I've got some insights that I'll share

00:29:51.720 with you. So go out there, guys. Let's, let's raise these boys. It's our obligation as men who

00:29:56.920 have gone before to turn around and help these boys out. And gosh, we know the government's not

00:30:03.100 going to do it. We know the school system's not going to do it. We know that the healthcare system

00:30:07.180 is beginning to turn its back on boys. So it's up to us as it has always been for the men who have

00:30:12.900 gone before to do the work, to carry the load, to shoulder the weight. If you will, I know you're

00:30:18.160 up for it. You wouldn't be listening to this podcast if that weren't the case, but let's go

00:30:21.700 out there and raise Kings. Now, as I, as I part with you today, again, remember we've got our legacy

00:30:27.260 experience, April 11th through the 14th, 2019 is designed for you and your boy between the ages of

00:30:35.920 eight to 15 to foster some deeper bonds, forge some connections, and then ultimately give both

00:30:42.180 you and your son or sons, uh, the tools that they need to thrive in a society, uh, that again,

00:30:48.660 seems to be dismissing masculinity. We're helping to reintroduce that and to harness that, uh, so that

00:30:56.320 they can have the lives that they're capable of having. You can check that out at order of man.com

00:31:00.320 slash legacy. Again, order of man.com slash legacy. All right, guys, I'll let you get going. Uh, until

00:31:06.500 next week, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening

00:31:12.220 to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

00:31:17.260 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - February 01, 2019

Raising Kings： 10 Strategies for Shaping Boys Into Men ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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