Order of Man - Raising Queens： 10 Strategies for Raising Daughters

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.520 Michler and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is called

00:00:31.420 Order of Man. I want to welcome you to the podcast. Glad you're tuning in. I'm glad each

00:00:36.500 and every week that you're here, whether you're here for the first time or been with us for

00:00:40.100 gosh, any amount of time, four years now, I am glad that you're here. We need more men

00:00:44.040 in this fight and I've got a good one. I think it's a good one anyways, lined out for you

00:00:47.700 today. It's called Raising Queens. Specifically, we're going to be talking about some tactics

00:00:52.660 and strategies and tools and tips for raising daughters. Now, if you haven't listened to my

00:00:57.900 last Friday field notes from last week, make sure you go back and listen to that one. You

00:01:01.840 can do that after the show, but that one's called Raising Kings. And inevitably, I always

00:01:07.140 get some, some pushback. It's not even really pushback. I just get some ideas or insights

00:01:11.860 or questions as to when I'm going to talk about raising daughters. I have three boys and

00:01:15.940 one little girl, and there's a lot of crossover. Certainly there's a lot of crossover in the

00:01:19.780 way I raise my kids, but I think there are some things that are unique to raising boys

00:01:24.160 and some things that are unique to raising little girls. So I'm going to talk with you

00:01:28.400 about that today here in a minute. Just a very quick announcement. I don't have a whole

00:01:32.480 lot for you today. I do want to let you know that we've got a new course that's going to

00:01:36.280 be starting March 1st of this year, 2019. It's called Podcast Pro. Over the last couple

00:01:43.860 of weeks or maybe even month, I've gotten so many questions. And I think, I think I get a

00:01:49.040 lot of questions about the podcast because we have been so successful and things are

00:01:52.920 really, really starting to ramp up with our downloads and the caliber of guests that we're

00:01:57.060 getting on the show. And so I've had a lot of guys ask me about starting their own podcast

00:02:00.820 that I figured I'd put together a very informative, comprehensive four week course that will walk

00:02:07.460 you through everything from the right equipment to how to secure great guests. We've had guys

00:02:14.160 like Jocko Willink and Lewis Howes and Grant Cardone and Andy Frisilla and David Goggins and

00:02:20.400 TJ Dillashaw. The list is incredible. So I'm going to talk with you about that. But more importantly

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00:02:31.140 that message, how to rally people around a mission or a purpose or a message like we do here

00:02:36.880 within Order of Man. So if you are interested in that, I want you to know also that this is not

00:02:42.180 for somebody who wants to dabble or somebody who wants to podcast for a hobby. Although that's

00:02:47.900 great. I've got no problem with that. This course is designed specifically for men who want to be

00:02:55.240 professional podcasters. You got to be want to be a professional podcaster because we're going to go

00:03:00.120 in depth and we're going to hit everything in this course over a period of four weeks. So if you're

00:03:04.580 interested, make sure you do that very, very quickly. We're going to sell this thing out. I know we

00:03:08.760 are. In fact, I think we've already got quite a few people that have registered. So head to

00:03:13.420 orderofman.com slash podcast pro orderofman.com slash podcast pro. You can learn what we're doing.

00:03:20.780 There's a quick video you can watch that explains what's going to be happening over the period of

00:03:25.080 four weeks and all the features and benefits and why you'd want to consider that. So again,

00:03:29.700 it's orderofman.com slash podcast pro. All right, guys, that's it. That's all I've got is by way

00:03:35.540 of announcements. Like I said, just want to get into the conversation about raising Queens,

00:03:39.560 because I know there's a lot of you out there who are raising daughters and have some questions

00:03:43.660 about how to do that. And I'll tell you, I don't have this all figured out. All right. I'm learning

00:03:47.920 just as much as you are. I've got some ideas. This is not an exhaustive list, but I've got 10

00:03:52.720 strategies here, 10 tips, things that we should be teaching our daughters. I would love to hear from

00:03:58.220 you guys. So I'm very, very active over on Twitter. I'm very, very active on Instagram. And both of

00:04:04.360 those can be found at Ryan Mickler. My last name is spelled M I C H L E R. So hit me up on Twitter

00:04:10.360 or Instagram at Ryan Mickler. And let me know if I missed something or overlooked something or,

00:04:15.140 or something else needs to be added to the list on things that we should be teaching our daughters.

00:04:19.360 I'm all ears. And if you share that, then of course that's going to benefit me and

00:04:23.080 benefit everybody else who's, who's tuning in. All right. So this is raising Queens guys. It is

00:04:28.100 critical that we raise Queens. It's critical that we understand the nuances between how to raise

00:04:34.220 boys and how to raise girls and the differences, and then how to play to their strengths and shore

00:04:38.820 up their weaknesses. And I think I've got a pretty good list here. So number one is, and these aren't

00:04:44.620 in any particular order. I just wrote these down as I had thoughts about these things. But the first

00:04:49.000 thing I wrote down is to teach them self-reliance. It is so critical that we teach our daughters

00:04:54.380 to be self-reliant, to not have to rely on anyone or anybody else. I think traditionally women have

00:05:02.860 probably had to be a little bit more self-reliant in, in the past, but I don't believe that's the

00:05:08.500 case anymore. I don't think they should be. I want a daughter who is strong, who is capable,

00:05:14.520 who is self-reliant, who doesn't have to come back to mommy and daddy and ask for help or,

00:05:19.600 or, or any of the things that, you know, we, we shouldn't have to provide after they move on.

00:05:25.540 And after they grow up, there comes a stage where we have to let our little girls go out into the

00:05:30.020 world. And hopefully at that point, whether it's 18 years from now or 10 or five years,

00:05:34.680 wherever your little girl is right now, hopefully you've done enough to help them be self-reliant,

00:05:40.160 to help them manage their finances, to help them manage a home, to help them manage and advance in

00:05:47.540 a career, to help them with little emergencies that they may face, whether it's changing a tire or,

00:05:53.700 uh, doing some basic stuff around the house that they would need to know how to do,

00:05:58.700 because I think it's easier for a woman to get taken advantage of in a lot of different ways.

00:06:04.680 In fact, I'm going to talk about some of that stuff here in a little bit, but I don't want

00:06:08.520 my daughter to be in a position where she gets taken advantage of. So it's important that I train

00:06:15.440 her. It's important that I show her. It's important that I let her experience things and, and, and learn

00:06:21.320 new skills and develop new ideas and be able to think on her feet so that she is self-reliant

00:06:27.360 and she doesn't have to rely on somebody else or some situation that she finds herself in,

00:06:33.840 that she's not capable of overcoming that obstacle. So we've really got to teach self-reliance.

00:06:38.900 I think the area that I struggle with, with my daughter is that I want to shelter her,

00:06:45.240 that I want to protect her and, and, and place, you know, her in bubble wrap, if you will,

00:06:51.220 more so than I do with my boys. I, I, I feel like naturally we have a tendency as men to do that,

00:06:56.320 but I also think that it's a misstep. I think that if we just overly coddle and protect our

00:07:02.160 little girls, that we don't allow them to be self-reliant. We don't allow them to develop the

00:07:07.300 skills they need to develop to go out into the world and, and be successful and face the world

00:07:13.080 on their own two feet. So in all ways and all opportunities, teach your daughters to be self-reliant.

00:07:18.640 Number two is make sure that we're teaching them that their self-worth isn't tied to what men think

00:07:27.180 of them. I think that we have a tendency of doing that. Sometimes I see a lot of women who go out

00:07:33.840 into the world, especially if you look on social media, you know, they're flaunting around in their

00:07:38.020 bodies and they're wearing skimpy clothes and they just want so much attention because they think

00:07:43.900 that their self-worth is tied to their body image. And I'm not one of these body positive type

00:07:49.940 people. Like I think men and women should take care of themselves from exercise to nutrition,

00:07:56.060 to strength and diet and everything else. So I'm not talking about body positive, but what I am

00:08:00.660 talking about is that you don't have to go flaunting your body parts around in order to get attention

00:08:07.580 from members of the opposite sex. You don't need to use your body in order to secure promotions or

00:08:15.840 advancements in your career. And we have to do a good job as fathers in helping our little girls

00:08:22.680 recognize that there's more to them than their physical appearance. Physical appearance is important.

00:08:29.420 I'm not going to deny that. And I just think that it's important that we recognize and teach our girls

00:08:35.120 that we want them to be intelligent. And we want them to be, like I said, in point number one,

00:08:39.660 self-reliant, that we want them to understand that they can be successful outside of the way

00:08:45.740 somebody views them physically. So critical that we teach them that their self-worth isn't tied to what

00:08:53.320 men think of them. I've actually heard and seen some studies that suggest that women who are abused,

00:09:01.940 even sexually tie their worth to their sexuality. And so it creates a real problem. Based on this

00:09:13.080 research, one of the most powerful things about a father is that they can teach a daughter that she

00:09:19.480 is special, that she is important, that she has worth without having to tie it to some sort of sexual

00:09:29.240 energy or sexual attraction. Hopefully, obviously that's not what we as fathers produce. So if you

00:09:37.200 can be and show how a healthy relationship works outside of sexual attraction, then she's more likely

00:09:44.740 to be healthier when she goes out into the world and she is interacting with other men as potential

00:09:52.060 partners, other men as colleagues and coworkers and employers and every other man that she's going to

00:09:58.160 interact with on a daily basis. But she has to understand that her self-worth isn't tied to her body,

00:10:04.520 isn't tied to sexuality and isn't tied to what men think of her. Number three, teach her what a man looks

00:10:12.820 like. And I'm not just talking about what he looks like, but how he behaves, how he interacts, how he shows

00:10:18.000 up in the world, how he shows up for her mother, his wife. That's a big part of this. I think that women or

00:10:26.140 girls as, as they become women, I think they're going to naturally look for a partner who looks like, acts

00:10:35.380 like, behaves like, thinks like their father did. So if they're attracted to some scrupulous characters, we'll

00:10:43.240 say, what does that say about us? What does that say about the way that we showed up? I want my daughter to be

00:10:50.080 attracted to a strong, rugged, self-reliant, caring, loving, disciplined, committed, dedicated

00:10:59.440 man, which means that I have to show her what that looks like. I have to show her how a husband treats

00:11:07.720 his wife. I have to show her how a father treats his daughter. I have to show her how a man goes out

00:11:13.760 into his job and performs and brings the income home. I have to show her how he interacts within

00:11:20.540 his community. And now he uplifts his neighbors and he edifies callings and tasks and things that

00:11:28.380 he's trying to do. That's my responsibility is to stand over here and let her see how I engage with

00:11:37.100 the world. And we've got to understand that whether we want to or not, and whether we're deliberate and

00:11:42.520 intentional about it or not, we are being an example. We are setting an example. We are

00:11:48.400 influencing our young daughters. We are influencing them positively or we are influencing them

00:11:55.040 negatively. And it doesn't matter if you want to, it doesn't matter if you're intentional or not.

00:12:00.020 They are looking, they are watching, they are observing, and they are seeing how you interact with

00:12:05.100 the world. And eventually they're going to be led to believe that that is the natural way,

00:12:10.020 that the way her father showed up is the way that men should be showing up. Is that a good thing?

00:12:16.380 Or is that not so good based on your behavior? So remember your job is to be an example of what a

00:12:23.140 strong man looks like, how he behaves, how he interacts with the environment and how he interacts

00:12:28.020 with other people around him. Number four is that we should be encouraging kindness, compassion,

00:12:35.660 and empathy. I think generally speaking, women are much more capable of exhibiting these behaviors and

00:12:42.500 characteristics than anybody else. And it might be then men, I should say, again, that's generally

00:12:47.960 speaking. And it might be tempting to, I wouldn't say deliberately take that away from them necessarily,

00:12:58.400 but not necessarily encourage that because generally speaking, men aren't, I believe is kind,

00:13:03.780 compassionate, empathetic. We can be, we can certainly exhibit those traits, but I don't believe

00:13:08.420 generally that that's our strong suit. And so it might be very easy for us to look at our daughters

00:13:13.940 and say, well, don't behave that way, or don't reward kindness or compassion or empathy. You know,

00:13:18.860 for example, when my daughter wants to take care of me, when I'm sick, I try to encourage that not

00:13:24.200 because she's taking care of me, but because she's playing to her strengths. When she wants to have a

00:13:28.220 tea party with me or wants me to play Barbies with her, well, I'm going to do that because that's an

00:13:33.520 opportunity for, for me to help her explore something that she's interested in. So I'm not

00:13:39.480 going to squash that. I'm not going to tell her not to be kind or compassionate or empathetic.

00:13:44.920 I want to encourage that. And so when she's out in the world and she's sees her brother who falls on

00:13:50.820 the ground and she rushes over to try to pick them up and give them a hug and she'll even try to kiss

00:13:55.300 him. And my boys were like, Oh, don't do that. I encourage that because I think she's playing to

00:14:00.360 her strengths. She's using kindness, compassion, empathy, nurturing, love, all of the things that

00:14:06.880 I think generally women are better at. She's, she's utilizing that she's trying to harness that

00:14:12.740 to, to do what she's eventually going to do best. So I want to encourage that behavior. I want to

00:14:19.440 reward. I want to acknowledge that behavior. And then I want to help her utilize it so she can

00:14:25.180 be productive and effective the way that she wants to show up. I think this can be taken to the

00:14:30.180 extreme. And I'm going to talk about that here in a minute. Cause I wrote down another point.

00:14:34.500 So you got to be careful not to, not for it to go too far, but certainly we want to encourage

00:14:39.020 kindness, compassion, empathy, a number. Well, I'm going to switch these around a little bit

00:14:44.560 because we're on this point, but I'm on number five. So the alternate to this, I think,

00:14:50.900 in a way is that you also want to foster and teach reasoning in their decision-making process.

00:14:58.000 Now I got to be careful because I know if there's a woman listening to this, she might

00:15:01.780 be led to believe that somehow I'm saying that women can't be logical. And that's not what I'm

00:15:08.560 saying at all. But what I am saying is that women generally speaking tend to feel a little bit more

00:15:16.380 than maybe they think. And I think men tend to be more logical than they feel like we play to those

00:15:23.540 strengths. Not that we're not capable of the other, but we play to our strengths. And so women are very,

00:15:29.360 they're, they're, they're more feeling right. They, they base their decisions more on emotions.

00:15:33.240 Again, generally speaking, men base it more on logic and reasoning again, generally speaking.

00:15:38.940 So what we want to do is we want to help our daughters understand the role of both.

00:15:43.280 Yes, she can feel and she can have empathy and she can love and she can work through that and use

00:15:48.840 that as a strength. But we also want to be able to teach her how to, I don't want to say strip away

00:15:55.480 the emotions, but to check the emotions, to harness the emotions, not to be so reactionary to the way

00:16:02.240 she feels, but also include an element of, Hey, let's stop. Let's slow down. Let's think through this

00:16:09.720 a little bit and using our decision-making and reasoning and incorporating her general direction

00:16:18.160 towards empathy and emotional decision-making. I think this is going to create a more well-rounded

00:16:25.900 woman. And that's what we bring to the table. We bring reasoning. We bring logic. We bring this type

00:16:33.200 of decision-making. It's not always accurate, but because we, as men bring that to the table,

00:16:37.900 it helps balance her decision-making process between emotional and logical, and both have

00:16:44.560 their place. It's our job to help foster both of them. All right. So we're on number six, teach them

00:16:51.840 to defend themselves. You guys probably listened to our ask me anything episodes, which are released

00:16:58.280 every Wednesday. I've got my co-host Kip Sorenson on there. In fact, over the past, I think just over

00:17:04.500 the past couple of weeks, he's been talking about this a little bit is that it's, it's good to get

00:17:09.120 our daughters involved in martial arts. It's good to get them involved in self-defense because there

00:17:14.040 might come a position or a point in time where they're going to have to utilize that stuff,

00:17:18.840 that skillset. We want them to be capable of doing them. We don't want them to be helpless.

00:17:24.000 And so I think there's a, maybe a natural tendency to try to shelter our daughters in a way from

00:17:30.020 reality and keep them safe and keep them protected. And while that's certainly our job as fathers of

00:17:35.680 not only daughters, but sons as well, it's also our job to make sure they're adequately prepared.

00:17:40.900 And so this actually goes also into point number one, which is self-reliance. So I would suggest

00:17:46.840 that you get your daughter involved in sports, that you get her involved in martial arts,

00:17:52.540 that she has the ability to defend herself. Should she find herself in this situation and

00:17:58.540 heaven forbid that ever happens, but I would rather her be at least somewhat prepared and

00:18:04.920 have some familiarity with a violent encounter and not have to use that skillset than to need to use

00:18:12.560 the skillset, but be completely lost and not have the ability to do that. So I think teaching them

00:18:18.040 how to defend themselves, getting them enrolled in martial arts, getting them into sports and things

00:18:23.300 like that are very, very important for the development of her physically. And then also for her

00:18:29.400 development of the capacity for not violence necessarily, but to be able to defend herself

00:18:35.640 and protect herself. Should she need to use it? That's number six. Number seven, I didn't,

00:18:41.620 I didn't list these out. I should have done that. But number seven is encourage education,

00:18:47.720 encourage education. I'm talking about a college degree. I'm talking about post-secondary education.

00:18:52.700 I'm talking about informal education. I'm talking about reading books. The more that she can be

00:18:58.320 educated, the more options that she creates in her life. Now she may not even use a formal education

00:19:05.560 to advance in her career. For example, my wife is a great example of this. She's got a college

00:19:10.800 degree. I don't, my wife does. She doesn't use that college degree for a career. My wife is a

00:19:17.660 homemaker. She's been at home for gosh, 11 years now since, since we started having children and

00:19:25.120 she, she doesn't, she doesn't need to use that degree, but she's got it. She's got it. And she's

00:19:30.580 got the options. And so if she ever wanted to go back out into the workforce, because the kids are

00:19:34.560 out of the house or things change, priorities change, then she has the opportunity and the options to do

00:19:39.920 that. Uh, I think that having an education and gaining knowledge and having an appreciation for

00:19:47.440 learning is going to serve her very, very well. And I know traditionally, and maybe even historically,

00:19:54.860 uh, women haven't, you know, had had to maybe have that, that type of, of education, or they have been

00:20:01.900 discouraged to get a formal education. Uh, I think that's a huge mistake. I think we ought to encourage

00:20:07.680 the, the women in our lives to gain an education, to be knowledgeable, to learn new things, because

00:20:14.580 it's just going to make their lives that much better because they have options. And whether

00:20:18.220 they use that formal education or that degree or not having knowledge and intellect and learning

00:20:24.160 new things is always going to serve her well. So encourage, encourage education. Uh, don't

00:20:30.360 discourage that in her, uh, number eight is don't treat them like victims. Don't treat them like

00:20:37.400 victims. Uh, there was, there was the feminist movement of the sixties. And of course the equal

00:20:42.600 rights movements that, that started well before that, uh, to gain some, well, that's exactly what

00:20:49.000 it is to gain equal rights for women. And I think that's important. I think that a woman should be able

00:20:54.240 to vote. I think women should, should be able to gain an education. I think women should be able

00:20:59.260 to enter the workforce. I believe that women should get paid the same amount as men for the same work

00:21:05.060 and don't even get me started on the gender pay gap because it's not really a gender pay gap. And we

00:21:11.740 can talk about that another time, but that said, I do believe that we should be paid equally for the

00:21:15.900 same work. And I think that we actually are. So the point that I'm making here is that I believe

00:21:23.020 that there's a movement and we, we hear this in third wave feminism, that women are somehow the

00:21:29.900 victims. And to me, I hear that. And it's just, it's absolutely crazy to me. It's like, give me one

00:21:37.140 example of how women are victims. Tell me one thing that a woman cannot do or is restricted from doing, uh,

00:21:48.420 that, that a, that a man is able to do. There isn't anything there's college education, there's

00:21:53.840 voting rights, there's entering the workforce. There isn't anything out there that says that women

00:21:59.580 can't get or have access to anything that a man can. And when we treat women like victims and women do

00:22:08.000 this to themselves, they've victimized themselves. What they do, and you know, you've seen this is

00:22:13.600 they become bitter and contentious and resentful over nothing. They're making up stories that don't

00:22:22.340 exist. So we should be encouraging and fostering empowerment of our daughters and our wives and the

00:22:28.800 women in our lives. But we don't want to take it so far that they begin to believe that they're,

00:22:34.200 they're held down by some imaginary force or the tyrannical patriarchy that just doesn't exist.

00:22:41.620 We want to deal in reality and reality says is that nobody's holding you down. Nobody's keeping

00:22:48.320 you back. You have every opportunity and we want to help you realize and capitalize on those

00:22:54.260 opportunities by teaching you self-reliance and encouraging that you get an education and how to

00:22:59.980 use kindness and compassion and empathy, but also be level-headed. We want to use all these skill sets

00:23:04.720 to produce what it is you want out of your life, but don't for one second, think that you're a victim

00:23:10.040 and don't play the victim card and, and, and don't behave that way. Because when you do,

00:23:15.940 you sell yourself short and you create stories in your own mind that aren't really there.

00:23:20.300 And I've seen this. I've had firsthand first, first, first, first account experience with this kind of

00:23:26.580 stuff on social media, uh, from, from bitter women who have either a been damaged, uh, through some

00:23:34.980 past experience that they can't seem to isolate to a one-off event or they're delusional and they're

00:23:42.240 making things up that don't actually exist. So don't treat your daughter like a victim, empower her,

00:23:48.980 let her know how it really is. Don't create weird stories, uh, that, that, that teach her that some,

00:23:56.000 she's somehow held back or, or, or kept back from doing anything in, in this world. She's, she's not

00:24:02.760 empower her to do what she wants. Let her know there's going to be, of course, obstacles and

00:24:07.600 trials, just like there is for anybody else. Uh, number nine is let her know. And I think we let her

00:24:14.660 know through the way that we show up, the things that we say are our behavior, but letting her know

00:24:20.600 that there's strength in femininity, there's strength in femininity. Our daughters don't

00:24:26.480 need to act like men. This kind of ties into some of the other things I've talked about is that I

00:24:31.440 think there's a misconception out there that if a woman wants to be successful, that she's got to act

00:24:36.240 like a dude and it's, it's disturbing in a lot of ways. Uh, and it's, it's, it's not good. It's not

00:24:44.060 good. There is strength in masculinity. There is strength in femininity. And we need to teach her that

00:24:49.260 she can be a woman, a strong, assertive, lovely womanly woman and teaching her how to use her

00:24:58.940 feminine characteristics to exhibit strength. I look at my wife, she's very feminine, but she's

00:25:05.320 also very strong. She's very assertive. I love her for who she is. She's very kind and empathetic

00:25:10.860 and kind in a way that I'm not really all that familiar with. Uh, and yet she's somebody I admire

00:25:17.020 for her strength and her determination and how lovely and beautiful she is. And I'm not

00:25:23.340 just talking about the way she looks, her physical appearance, although that's important to me

00:25:27.580 and everybody else as well. I'm talking about who she is as a woman, not necessarily what

00:25:32.840 she looks like, but we have to be able to encourage that, to foster that, to let her know that when

00:25:39.100 she's expressing herself and she's using her emotions and she's tuned into the way other people

00:25:45.080 are feeling and she's exhibiting compassion and empathy that we encourage that. And we let her

00:25:50.600 know that she's being strong and she's using her natural abilities and skillsets to bring something

00:25:56.740 to the table that might not otherwise be there. But when we try to make her behave like, or act like a

00:26:03.280 dude, so she gets ahead, she ends up selling herself short because she's neglecting what actually makes

00:26:08.840 her a beautiful, strong woman. So really help our daughters understand that there is strength in

00:26:16.660 femininity, that it's okay to be a girl, that it's okay to be feminine, that women are just as strong

00:26:23.640 and capable as men. Although the way that we might approach our lives and the way that we might

00:26:28.280 handle situations is unique and is different. There's strengths in multiple different ways of

00:26:34.180 approaching circumstances that we may face. And the last one guys, number 10, that I wanted to talk

00:26:39.660 with you about today is that we need to be careful of pretending that this world is a fairy tale or that

00:26:49.660 our daughter is a princess. All right. We don't live in a world of magical unicorns and rainbows and

00:26:57.320 happily ever after. We have to be realistic about the challenges that we're likely to face. I know

00:27:05.100 so many women and bless their hearts, but I know so many women who are absolutely naive about threats

00:27:12.600 that they could potentially face about how the world works, about the fact that there is violence

00:27:18.220 out into the world. I know women who just want to hug everybody and hug it all out and think that if we

00:27:22.800 just love and, and exhibit kindness and compassion, uh, that, that people will just, just be good and

00:27:29.780 decent human beings. A lot of that stems from the fact that we have these fairy tales that, that

00:27:35.260 don't paint an accurate picture of life. You know, my daughter watches fairy tale movies from Disney and

00:27:41.540 although cute little storylines and everything else, it's just not the way that life works. And so I

00:27:46.900 can't treat my daughter like a princess. I can't make her believe that the world revolves around her.

00:27:52.660 I can't not expose her or at least recognize that there is danger and evil and even violence out

00:27:59.700 into the world. I am doing her a disservice when I treat her like a princess and make her believe

00:28:04.740 that the world revolves around her. It doesn't. The world has some amazing, amazing, beautiful

00:28:11.720 opportunities, but it also has some very real and destructive threats. And my job is to help her

00:28:19.480 operate from a position of reality to help her be self-reliant, to help her defend herself and to

00:28:24.780 help her be aware of the potential threats that could come up. She's not going to be adequately

00:28:30.280 prepared for, or even recognize those things. If we spend our entire lives treating her like life is

00:28:37.040 a fairy tale and we dress up and we are the white knight and we treat her like a princess. It's a very,

00:28:43.180 very destructive habit. And it's easy to fall into because we want to shelter our girls.

00:28:49.140 We want to protect our girls that is inherently built into us as men. And yet if we take it too far,

00:28:56.080 then we actually hinder our daughters as opposed to help them be self-reliant, to help them be

00:29:02.160 realistic, to not be so naive about what is actually going on in the world. And then of course,

00:29:07.360 adequately prepare them to face some of these situations that we hope that they never find

00:29:12.900 themselves in. And yet they are potentially there. We need to prepare them for that.

00:29:17.760 So that's it guys. Again, not an exhaustive list. I know there's a lot more to it.

00:29:22.060 I'm sure that you have ideas that should be included on this list. I would love to hear those things on

00:29:26.060 Instagram or Twitter, both at Ryan Mickler. And again, my last name is spelled M I C H L E R.

00:29:31.840 Uh, but let me go through these one more time. Just do a quick recap and then we'll call it a day

00:29:36.300 and we'll call it a weekend. Uh, number one is self-reliance teaching her self-reliance. Number

00:29:41.360 two is helping her understand that her self-worth is not tied to what men think of her or her body

00:29:48.720 or sexuality. Uh, number three is teaching her what a man looks like and how he shows up. Number four,

00:29:55.740 encouraging kindness, compassion, empathy, love. Number five is using reasoning in her decision

00:30:03.520 making process. Number six, teaching her how to defend herself. Number seven is to encourage

00:30:08.980 education. Number eight, do not treat her like a victim. Number nine, show her that there is strength

00:30:15.600 in femininity. And number 10, that life is not a fairy tale and she is not a princess. So guys,

00:30:22.360 I hope that helps. Uh, admittedly, I struggled with this a little bit more, uh, as far as the

00:30:27.680 list goes a little bit more than I did with raising Kings, but I hope there's some insight

00:30:31.360 in there. I hope there's some value in there. I, I don't have this stuff all figured out.

00:30:36.100 I'm not perfect at these things, but the more that I write it down, the more that I talk about

00:30:39.780 it and have these conversations with you. Uh, I feel like I improve my capacity for being

00:30:45.280 a better father to my sons and also in this case, my daughter. So guys, I hope that helps.

00:30:50.420 Glad you're on this journey with me. Looking forward to hearing what you have to say about

00:30:53.460 this conversation and what things you would add. Uh, I just want to let you know that I appreciate

00:30:57.500 you being in this battle, in this fight with me. Uh, we need it now more than ever. And we could

00:31:02.140 not do this without you. Uh, on a parting note, remember we've got the, uh, the podcast course

00:31:06.600 that's happening March 1st, 2019 order of man.com slash podcast pro. We've got our legacy event

00:31:13.120 coming up. That's a father son event, April 11th through the 14th, 2019. You can find out

00:31:18.680 more at order of man.com slash legacy. Uh, we've got our exclusive brotherhood, the iron

00:31:23.260 council order of man.com slash iron council. We've got all kinds of stuff. So check it out

00:31:28.320 again. Glad you're on the journey guys go out there, take action, become the man. You are

00:31:33.160 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge

00:31:37.820 of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

00:31:42.160 of man.com.

Order of Man - February 08, 2019

Raising Queens： 10 Strategies for Raising Daughters ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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