Order of Man - Rebuild and Remake Yourself ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.

00:00:27.700 I am the host and the founder of The Older Man Podcast and Movement. Welcome here and welcome

00:00:32.820 back. Look, guys, I'm going to be real honest with you. I do not feel like recording a podcast today

00:00:38.980 at all. But I made a commitment that I would never miss a podcast episode, barring my death or maybe

00:00:48.060 a close family member. But here I am recording a podcast for you. And I say, losing a close family

00:00:56.900 member, it feels like over the past couple of days that I have, our family dog died a couple of days

00:01:03.140 ago. And it's been very, very difficult for me and the family. But again, I made a commitment to you

00:01:12.120 guys to be here to do these podcasts. It's important to me. It's important to you guys. And I want to be

00:01:18.700 a man of my word. So here I am recording this podcast. And I thought a lot about what I wanted

00:01:24.760 to talk with you about today. And frankly, I'm just going to shoot from the hip a little bit today.

00:01:31.820 I didn't really create a lot of notes or anything like that. But I got thinking about it over the

00:01:36.100 past couple of days because of what my family and I have been dealing with, with the loss of our

00:01:39.920 family dog. He had an inoperable brain tumor that was keeping him from walking. And he was starting

00:01:51.160 to lose his vision and other motor functions, including some of his breathing as well. So we

00:01:57.580 made the decision to put him down. So as I thought about what I wanted to talk with you about today,

00:02:04.360 I know that a lot of you guys are dealing with hardship and I don't want to compare hardships.

00:02:09.920 Um, some of you guys are dealing with things that are more difficult than others,

00:02:14.740 but, but I don't get to decide what's hard for you and what isn't hard. And you don't get to decide

00:02:20.340 what is hard for me and what isn't. Um, so what I would say is we're all dealing with, uh, we're all

00:02:28.140 dealing with hardship. In one form or another, we're all dealing with hardship. Uh,

00:02:39.920 and, and it's, and it's challenging. It's difficult. It's demanding. It's, uh, demoralizing

00:02:44.580 a lot of the times it's, uh, just, just consumes you. But what I would say in difficult times is

00:02:51.720 that we as men have the opportunity to use these times to rebuild ourselves.

00:02:56.460 That's it. It's a lot like, um, I don't know, moving to a new town or going to a new school

00:03:04.520 when you were a kid, you, you, nobody knows you, right? And so you have the opportunity to

00:03:10.720 create your image or to make yourself into whatever it is that you want to make yourself into.

00:03:15.580 And it doesn't change as we get older. We have the opportunity to make ourselves into something

00:03:24.940 more, whether we're dealing with the loss of a pup, like we are, or the loss of the family member

00:03:33.040 or, or a job loss or medical illness or any number of things. Maybe you lose your job. Maybe you're

00:03:41.160 dealing with, with medical issues, any number of things that could happen on a daily basis to us.

00:03:45.580 Uh, but if you're still here and you're still alive and you're still kicking, you have the

00:03:49.600 opportunity to rebuild yourself into something more. And, and I'm a firm believer that, that

00:03:56.420 rebuilding process

00:04:00.140 can only happen through challenge and struggle and hardship

00:04:05.980 and suffering and pain and even maybe misery. And it's uncomfortable. And we don't obviously

00:04:15.040 wish for it, but we can thrive in spite of it. So how do we do that? How do we take a divorce or a

00:04:24.540 loss of a job or a lawsuit or a medical condition or the loss of a loved one? And how do we rebuild

00:04:29.520 ourselves? Number one, start thinking about the long-term.

00:04:32.240 Um, what do you, what do you want out of your life?

00:04:41.480 Have you thought about that? Have you considered that? Like, what do you actually want?

00:04:47.720 What do you want to look like? What do you want to feel like? How do you want to engage? What do you

00:04:51.220 want to be doing for work? What do you want your fitness to be like? What do you want your bank account

00:04:55.260 to look like? What experiences do you want to create? Who do you want to serve? Who do you want to help?

00:04:59.380 Who do you want to lead? Who do you want to be with? All questions that you want to be pondering

00:05:03.820 and considering on a daily basis. And when we have these difficult and challenging times,

00:05:10.700 that's what you should be drawing upon because you could dwell and you could focus and you can

00:05:15.480 spend all your time and attention wallowing in your own self-pity and feeling bad for yourself

00:05:19.920 and your circumstances. And by the way, I think there's a time and a place for that that's

00:05:23.980 appropriate. But at some point we ought to be thinking about what the future holds and

00:05:29.240 how we can recreate our own future and desires and goals and ambitions. And we can, we can

00:05:34.660 rebuild. It should be a time of optimism, you know, that we can, we can build from the ground

00:05:39.280 up and we can make something new. We can make ourselves into something better than we were

00:05:43.000 before. But in order to do that, you have to start answering those questions I just listed out.

00:05:48.520 Are you thinking about the future or are you just thinking about what, what currently is,

00:05:52.840 or even worse thinking about what was, what's done is done.

00:05:59.380 What hasn't happened yet isn't, isn't really something totally within our control, but you

00:06:04.240 can focus on the present and you can begin to rebuild, but it takes that forward thought process

00:06:09.440 so that you can reverse engineer. You can work backwards into what you should be doing today to

00:06:13.300 rebuild. So the first thing you need to do is think about what are you going to recreate? Who are you

00:06:21.300 going to recreate? What is going to rise from the ashes of suffering and despair and challenge and

00:06:26.000 loss and all of those things? The second thing I would say is what do you, what do you need in

00:06:33.380 order to make that a reality? One of the best questions, uh, one of my mentors, Sean Whalen asked

00:06:38.020 me very, very early on, as he said, of course, the vision thing, who do you want to be? And then he

00:06:43.960 asked, what, what kind of person do you need to become in order to accomplish that?

00:06:47.100 Because if I was already that person that I would already be experiencing or at a minimum be on the

00:06:54.300 path to experiencing the, the results that I desire. So are you asking yourself, what kind of

00:07:00.420 person do I need to become? Because the guy that I had envisioned for myself couldn't be 50 pounds

00:07:06.420 overweight. He couldn't be somebody who was incapable of having a conversation. He couldn't be somebody who,

00:07:13.740 uh, was incapable of adding value to people's lives. The man that I envisioned for myself was

00:07:20.100 somebody who could add value, who was healthy and fit and can communicate effectively and could reach

00:07:25.940 the right people and add value to their lives and, and, and share and lead and serve.

00:07:33.000 And this is part of the reverse engineering process of rebuilding your life.

00:07:36.920 Also, what assets do you need?

00:07:42.620 When I say assets, I'm talking about your skill development. Do you need to learn how to be more

00:07:47.120 assertive? Do you need to learn to be more, uh, more effective communicator?

00:07:52.100 Are there certain hard skills like coding or welding or painting or computer skills or budgeting?

00:08:00.860 Any of these hard skills that you need to develop in order to recreate who you are?

00:08:04.240 Probably. So what are those? Have you listed them and what is your goal for obtaining those things?

00:08:13.600 Think about who you need to become. Think about what you want and who you need to become.

00:08:17.120 And the third thing I would say, and we're going to keep this fairly short today, because again,

00:08:21.360 I've got a lot on my mind is, uh, you've got to start formulating a plan.

00:08:26.260 I guess there's four things. Number one is, is think about what you want. Number two is asking

00:08:30.000 yourself who you want to become. Number three, I would say is formulating a plan. What's your strategy?

00:08:33.900 For getting there because there's a thousand ways to get to that mountain. That's just outside of

00:08:38.180 my window. I can look out the window and I could see a mountain over there. And there's a thousand

00:08:41.780 or more different ways that I can get up that mountain. Some are more efficient. Some are less

00:08:47.860 efficient. So I got to figure out what's the best way to do this. And that goes back to point number

00:08:53.560 two. Maybe I need to bring somebody, the right people into my life who have done it before.

00:08:57.920 That's an asset. That's something I need. And so if I can surround myself with people who've done it

00:09:02.080 before, they're going to tell me, Hey, don't go that way. Do go this way. Watch out for this trap.

00:09:06.920 Avoid this, avoid that. And they're going to help guide me towards the right path. That's going to

00:09:11.800 be the most effective and efficient way of getting there. That's number three. Number four,

00:09:20.100 get to work guys. That's it. Get to work. You know, a lot of us spend a lot of time thinking

00:09:26.640 and planning and strategizing and reading and gathering information and collecting resources.

00:09:30.860 And we think that we're moving the needle. And I think it's an important part of moving the needle,

00:09:35.900 but you aren't actually moving the needle until you get to work. And I get it. It is hard, man.

00:09:42.320 The last couple of days, like I've not wanted to do podcasts. I'm going to be traveling today.

00:09:48.580 Uh, like, I don't, I don't want to do anything. I just want to go lay in my bed and just

00:09:55.540 like tune everything out. That's what I want to do. But what I need to do is different. I need to

00:10:03.020 lead my family. I need to lead myself. I need to serve you guys. I need to honor my commitments.

00:10:08.980 And so that means that I need to get my ass out of bed and stop wallowing around and start getting

00:10:14.380 to work. And it's hard. It is hard when you're dealing with this stuff. You know, I went through

00:10:19.500 a separation with my wife about 12 years ago, man, that was the darkest time of my life. And

00:10:25.140 actually this is kind of feeling like that. As far as mentality goes with the situation with my dog,

00:10:30.140 um, I'm kind of feeling like that right now. Same, same sort of feeling. And I don't want to do

00:10:36.780 everything, but guys, you can force yourself to get up and go to work and do what you need to do.

00:10:40.680 And you're going to feel better when you do. And you should be optimistic about that.

00:10:44.380 You get to recreate yourself. You get to build, you get to thrive, you get to create a new reality

00:10:49.320 for yourself, but you got to get to work and you don't have to hit all the home runs and you don't

00:10:57.500 have to work as hard as maybe you have in the past, but you got to do something and moving the

00:11:01.920 needle feels good. Doesn't it? When you get up and you overcome your natural desire and tendency to

00:11:08.500 want to be lazy and want to stay in bed and want to wallow around and want to throw yourself a pity

00:11:13.820 party, doesn't it feel good to get up and go to work and be productive and then honor yourself

00:11:19.440 and honor the other people in your life and honor the commitments that you made, but you got to go

00:11:24.460 to work to do that. So here I am recording this podcast when frankly, I don't feel like it, but I'm

00:11:30.540 going to feel better when this is done because I've honored my commitment to myself by doing this

00:11:34.500 podcast. And I've also honored my commitment to you by being here, by being present, by being

00:11:40.700 focused, by sharing what I think will be valuable for you to some capacity or some degree in your

00:11:47.140 life. This is a very, very simple strategy of not easy, of course, especially in the wake of what you

00:11:55.580 might be going through currently, but this is, this is the way, this is the path.

00:12:00.720 So as easy it is to be down and, and sad and hurt and guys, by the way, we can experience those

00:12:11.960 things. You know, I'm so tired of this, like fake machismo, this just like alpha bull crap that

00:12:18.100 isn't really, really real. You know, people put on this persona so they can pretend that they're

00:12:22.280 better than they are. Like we struggle guys. Like we struggle with challenges and hardships and

00:12:28.980 it's okay. You can struggle. It is okay, but you can't do it indefinitely.

00:12:37.600 You can't shirk your responsibilities.

00:12:42.340 You can't use it as an excuse to self-destruct, but what you can do and what I think you,

00:12:48.760 what I believe you ought to be doing is using these downtime as a moment of reflection and

00:12:55.020 pause and consider what's important in your life and then rebuilding from the ground up.

00:12:59.760 And isn't that a sense of optimism? Isn't that a sense of hope that I could, I get to build myself

00:13:06.500 better than I was before. And you will, you will be better. It may not feel like it now, but you know

00:13:10.820 that, right? Whatever you might be experiencing, whatever hardship you might be dealing with right

00:13:15.260 now, you've, you've dealt with that. You've dealt with maybe even worse.

00:13:18.760 And you've come out of it. Okay. So have hope. Think about what you want out of your life.

00:13:27.500 Think about what kind of man, number two, that you need to become in order to accomplish that.

00:13:32.720 Number three, formulate the plan, the strategy, the way that you're going to get there. And number

00:13:36.680 four, get to work, get to work guys. That's all I got. I know this one was kind of short, but

00:13:47.400 you know, again, we can, we can, we can deal with these things in our own way. And I've talked to

00:13:52.360 my kids about this and they've been concerned about how they mourn and they wondered if they

00:13:58.080 can smile and laugh and be sad and the range of emotions that they're going to be experiencing over

00:14:03.580 the next several days and weeks and maybe even months. And I said, yeah, you, you can, you can mourn

00:14:09.000 however you, you feel like you want to mourn. You know, if you want to cry, you can cry. If you

00:14:12.860 just want to be sad and just kind of relax, you know, you can do that. If you want to be happy

00:14:18.900 and smile and think about the good times we had with our dog, you can do that. There's no right

00:14:23.200 or wrong way to do this, but I would say that you can't do it indefinitely and that you have to keep

00:14:27.840 progressing and you have to keep honoring your commitments and your word. And here I am trying to

00:14:31.540 do that to show you that it's important that we, in fact, I think it's the most important thing.

00:14:39.000 That we honor our commitments, that we do what we say we're going to do

00:14:43.560 and that we strive to always make ourselves better. That's it. No plugs, no ads, no asks.

00:14:55.420 Just wanted to share that with you. Also want to thank you for all the well wishes. I appreciate

00:15:00.460 that. It means a lot to me that thousands and thousands of you would send messages and emails

00:15:05.220 and texts and everything else and express your sorrow and your condolences. That means

00:15:09.600 actually a lot to me more than you might know. So I do appreciate that.

00:15:13.540 All right, guys, I got a couple of great podcasts coming up. We've got

00:15:17.160 Ben Shapiro. We've got Dan Crenshaw. We've got Jason Wilson. We've got

00:15:21.700 some other Jesse Itzler, incredible men coming in the podcast. So make sure

00:15:26.360 you're tuned in, you're subscribed, you're tapped into what we're doing here

00:15:29.540 and stay tuned. But go out there, guys. I know you're dealing with hardship right now

00:15:33.580 to varying degrees. One is not more significant than the other, especially when we're comparing

00:15:38.560 to each other. We all have our own things to deal with. Deal with it effectively. Deal

00:15:43.100 with it effectively. That's all I would say. All right, guys, go out there, take action

00:15:47.280 and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:15:52.340 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:15:56.340 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 10, 2021

Rebuild and Remake Yourself ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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