Order of Man - Rebuild and Remake Yourself ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES [REPLAY]

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.940 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.360 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.020 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.520 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler.

00:00:27.400 I am the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome

00:00:32.520 back. Look, guys, I'm going to be real honest with you. I do not feel like recording a podcast today

00:00:38.680 at all. But I made a commitment that I would never miss a podcast episode barring my death or maybe

00:00:47.760 a close family member. But here I am recording a podcast for you. And I say losing a close family

00:00:56.600 member, it feels like over the past couple of days that I have, our family dog died a couple of days

00:01:02.840 ago. And it's been very, very difficult for me and the family. But again, I made a commitment to you

00:01:11.820 guys to be here to do these podcasts. It's important to me. It's important to you guys. And I want to be

00:01:18.400 a man of my word. So here I am recording this podcast. And I thought a lot about what I wanted

00:01:24.460 to talk with you about today. And frankly, I'm just going to shoot from the hip a little bit today.

00:01:31.520 I didn't really create a lot of notes or anything like that. But I got thinking about it over the

00:01:35.800 past couple of days because of what my family and I have been dealing with, with the loss of our

00:01:39.640 family dog. He had an inoperable brain tumor that was keeping him from walking. And he was starting

00:01:50.860 to lose his vision and other motor functions, including some of his breathing as well. So we

00:01:57.280 made the decision to put him down. So as I thought about what I wanted to talk with you about today,

00:02:04.060 I know that a lot of you guys are dealing with hardship and I don't want to compare hardships.

00:02:09.640 Um, some of you guys are dealing with things that are more difficult than others,

00:02:14.440 uh, but, but I don't get to decide what's hard for you and what isn't hard. And you don't get to

00:02:19.700 decide what is hard for me and what isn't. Um, so what I would say is we're all dealing with, uh,

00:02:27.360 we're all dealing with hardship.

00:02:28.700 In one form or another, we're all dealing with hardship. Uh, and, and it's, and it's challenging.

00:02:41.180 It's difficult. It's demanding. It's, uh, demoralizing. A lot of the times it's, uh, just,

00:02:46.320 just consumes you. But what I would say in difficult times is that we as men have the opportunity to use

00:02:54.400 these times to rebuild ourselves. That's it. It's a lot like, um, I don't know, moving to a new town

00:03:02.200 or going to a new school when you were a kid, you, you, nobody knows you, right? And so you have the

00:03:09.200 opportunity to create your image or to make yourself into whatever it is that you want to make yourself

00:03:14.880 into. And it doesn't change as we get older. We have the opportunity to make ourselves into

00:03:23.980 something more, whether we're dealing with the loss of a pup, like we are, or the loss of the

00:03:32.020 family member or, or a job loss or medical illness or any number of things. Maybe you lose your job.

00:03:40.560 Maybe you're dealing with, with medical issues, any number of things that could happen on a daily

00:03:44.060 basis to us. Um, but if you're still here and you're still alive and you're still kicking,

00:03:48.880 you have the opportunity to rebuild yourself into something more. And, and I'm a firm believer that,

00:03:54.740 that rebuilding process can only happen through challenge and struggle and hardship

00:04:05.640 and suffering and pain and even maybe misery. And it's uncomfortable. And

00:04:13.140 we don't obviously wish for it, but we can thrive in spite of it. So how do we do that?

00:04:22.520 How do we take a divorce or a loss of a job or a lawsuit or a medical condition or the loss of a

00:04:27.520 loved one? And how do we rebuild ourselves? Number one, start thinking about the longterm.

00:04:31.940 Um, what do you, what do you want out of your life?

00:04:41.180 Have you thought about that? Have you considered that? Like, what do you actually want?

00:04:44.480 what do you want to look like? What do you want to feel like? How do you want to engage? What do

00:04:50.880 you want to be doing for work? What do you want your fitness to be like? What do you want your

00:04:54.180 bank account to look like? What experiences do you want to create? Who do you want to serve?

00:04:58.400 Who do you want to help? Who do you want to lead? Who do you want to be with? All questions that

00:05:02.180 you want to be pondering and considering on a daily basis.

00:05:07.500 And when we have these difficult and challenging times, that's what you should be drawing upon

00:05:12.380 because you could dwell and you could focus and you can spend all your time and attention

00:05:16.860 wallowing in your own self-pity and feeling bad for yourself and your circumstances.

00:05:21.340 And by the way, I think there's a time and a place for that that's appropriate.

00:05:25.700 But at some point we ought to be thinking about what the future holds and how we can

00:05:29.540 recreate our own future and desires and goals and ambitions. And we can rebuild. It should be a time

00:05:35.500 of optimism that we can build from the ground up and we can make something new. We can make

00:05:41.120 ourselves into something better than we were before. But in order to do that, you have to

00:05:44.320 start answering those questions I just listed out. Are you thinking about the future? Or are you just

00:05:50.680 thinking about what currently is? Or even worse, thinking about what was. What's done is done.

00:05:59.040 What hasn't happened yet isn't really something totally within our control, but you can focus on

00:06:04.580 the present and you can begin to rebuild. But it takes that forward thought process so that you can

00:06:09.740 reverse engineer. You can work backwards into what you should be doing today to rebuild.

00:06:16.380 So the first thing you need to do is think about what are you going to recreate? Who are you going

00:06:21.120 to recreate? What is going to rise from the ashes of suffering and despair and challenge and loss and

00:06:26.060 all of the other things? The second thing I would say is what do you need in order to make that a

00:06:33.820 reality? One of the best questions, one of my mentors, Sean Whalen asked me very, very early on,

00:06:38.800 as he said, of course, the vision thing, who do you want to be? And then he asked, what kind of person

00:06:44.880 do you need to become in order to accomplish that? Because if I was already that person that I would

00:06:51.260 already be experiencing or at a minimum be on the path to experiencing the results that I desire.

00:06:56.700 So are you asking yourself, what kind of person do I need to become? Because the guy that I had

00:07:03.260 envisioned for myself couldn't be 50 pounds overweight. He couldn't be somebody who was

00:07:10.120 incapable of having a conversation. He couldn't be somebody who was incapable of adding value to

00:07:16.140 people's lives. The man that I envisioned for myself was somebody who could add value,

00:07:21.480 who is healthy and fit and can communicate effectively and could reach the right people.

00:07:26.340 And add value to their lives and share and lead and serve. And this is part of the reverse

00:07:34.120 engineering process of rebuilding your life. Also, what assets do you need? When I say assets,

00:07:43.280 I'm talking about your skill development. Do you need to learn how to be more assertive? Do you need

00:07:47.520 to learn to be a more effective communicator? Are there certain hard skills like coding or welding

00:07:55.900 or painting or computer skills or budgeting? Any of these hard skills that you need to develop in

00:08:02.420 order to recreate who you are? Probably. So what are those? Have you listed them? And what is your

00:08:07.720 goal for obtaining those things? Think about who you need to become. Think about what you want and who

00:08:15.980 you need to become. And the third thing I would say, and we're going to keep this fairly short today,

00:08:20.280 because again, I've got a lot on my mind is you've got to start formulating a plan.

00:08:25.960 I guess there's four things. Number one is think about what you want. Number two is asking yourself

00:08:30.020 who you want to become. Number three, I would say is formulating a plan. What's your strategy for

00:08:33.860 getting there? Because there's a thousand ways to get to that mountain that's just outside of my

00:08:38.000 window. I can look out the window and I could see a mountain over there and there's a thousand

00:08:41.480 or more different ways that I can get up that mountain. Some are more efficient. Some are less

00:08:47.560 efficient. So I got to figure out what's the best way to do this. And that goes back to point number

00:08:53.260 two. Maybe I need to bring somebody, the right people into my life who have done it before.

00:08:57.640 That's an asset. That's something I need. And so if I can surround myself with people who have done it

00:09:01.780 before, they're going to tell me, Hey, don't go that way. Do go this way. Watch out for this trap.

00:09:06.760 Avoid this, avoid that. And they're going to help guide me towards the right path.

00:09:11.180 That's going to be the most effective and efficient way of getting there.

00:09:17.600 That's number three. Number four, get to work guys. That's it. Get to work.

00:09:24.300 You know, a lot of us spend a lot of time thinking and planning and strategizing and reading and

00:09:28.380 gathering information and collecting resources. And we think that we're moving the needle. And

00:09:32.460 I think it's an important part of moving the needle, but you aren't actually moving the needle until

00:09:37.600 you get to work. And I get it. It is hard, man. The last couple of days, I've not wanted to do

00:09:45.600 podcasts. I'm going to be traveling today. I don't want to do anything. I just want to go lay in my bed

00:09:54.760 and just like tune everything out. That's what I want to do. But what I need to do is different.

00:10:02.360 I need to lead my family. I need to lead myself. I need to serve you guys. I need to honor my

00:10:08.260 commitments. And so that means that I need to get my ass out of bed and stop wallowing around and start

00:10:13.820 getting to work. And it's hard. It is hard when you're dealing with this stuff. You know, I went through

00:10:19.200 a separation with my wife about 12 years ago, man, that was the darkest time of my life. And

00:10:24.840 actually, this is kind of feeling like that as far as mentality goes with the situation with my dog.

00:10:30.940 I'm kind of feeling like that right now. Same, same sort of feeling. And I don't want to do

00:10:36.480 everything, but guys, you can force yourself to get up and go to work and do what you need to do.

00:10:40.440 And you're going to feel better when you do. And you should be optimistic about that. You get to

00:10:44.440 recreate yourself. You get to build, you get to thrive. You get to create a new reality for

00:10:49.360 yourself, but you got to get to work and you don't have to hit all the home runs and you don't

00:10:57.200 have to work as hard as maybe you have in the past, but you got to do something and moving the

00:11:01.620 needle feels good. Doesn't it? When you get up and you overcome your natural desire and tendency to

00:11:08.200 want to be lazy and want to stay in bed and want to wallow around and want to throw yourself a pity

00:11:13.520 party. Doesn't it feel good to get up and go to work and be productive and then honor yourself and

00:11:19.980 honor the other people in your life and honor the commitments that you made, but you got to go to

00:11:24.300 work to do that. So here I am recording this podcast when frankly, I don't feel like it, but

00:11:29.980 I'm going to feel better when this is done because I've honored my commitment to myself by doing this

00:11:34.200 podcast. And I've also honored my commitment to you by being here, by being present, by being

00:11:40.400 focused, by sharing what I think will be valuable for you to some capacity or some degree in your

00:11:46.840 life. This is a very, very simple strategy of not easy, of course, especially in the wake of what you

00:11:55.280 might be going through currently, but this is, this is the way, this is the path.

00:12:00.420 So as easy it is to be down and, and sad and hurt and guys, by the way, we can experience those

00:12:11.660 things. You know, I'm so tired of this, like fake machismo, this just like alpha bull crap that

00:12:17.800 isn't really, really real. You know, people put on this persona so they can pretend that they're

00:12:21.980 better than they are. Like we struggle guys. Like we struggle with challenges and hardships and

00:12:28.700 it's okay. You can struggle. It is okay, but you can't do it indefinitely.

00:12:37.300 You can't shirk your responsibilities.

00:12:42.040 You can't use it as an excuse to sell self-destruct, but what you can do. And what I think you,

00:12:48.460 what I believe you ought to be doing is using these down times as a moment of reflection and

00:12:54.740 pause and consider what's important in your life and then rebuilding from the ground up.

00:12:59.460 And isn't that a sense of optimism? Isn't that a sense of hope that I could, I get to build myself

00:13:06.200 better than I was before. And you will, you will be better. It may not feel like it now, but you know

00:13:10.520 that, right? Whatever you might be experiencing, whatever hardship you might be dealing with right

00:13:14.960 now, you've, you've dealt with that. You've dealt with maybe even worse.

00:13:18.460 And you've come out of it. Okay. So have hope. Think about what you want out of your life.

00:13:27.200 Think about what kind of man, number two, that you need to become in order to accomplish that.

00:13:32.420 Number three, formulate the plan, the strategy, the way that you're going to get there. And number

00:13:36.380 four, get to work, get to work guys. That's all I got. I know this one was kind of short, but

00:13:47.100 you know, again, we can, we can, we can deal with these things in our own way. And I've talked to

00:13:52.060 my kids about this and they've been concerned about how they mourn and they wondered if they

00:13:57.780 can smile and laugh and be sad and the range of emotions that they're going to be experiencing over

00:14:03.280 the next several days and weeks and maybe even months. And I said, yeah, you can, you can mourn

00:14:08.700 however you, you feel like you want to mourn. You know, if you want to cry, you can cry. If you

00:14:12.560 just want to be sad and just kind of relax, you know, you can do that. If you want to be happy

00:14:18.600 and smile and think about the good times we had with our dog, you can do that. There's no right

00:14:22.900 or wrong way to do this, but I would say that you can't do it indefinitely and that you have to keep

00:14:27.560 progressing and you have to keep honoring your commitments and your word. And here I am trying to

00:14:31.240 do that to show you that it's important that we, in fact, I think it's the most important thing.

00:14:38.700 That we honor our commitments, that we do what we say we're going to do

00:14:43.260 and that we strive to always make ourselves better. That's it. No plugs, no ads, no asks.

00:14:55.120 Just wanted to share that with you. Also want to thank you for all the well wishes. I appreciate

00:15:00.160 that. It means a lot to me that thousands and thousands of you would send messages and emails

00:15:04.920 and texts and everything else and express your, your sorrow and your condolences. That means

00:15:09.300 actually a lot to me more than you might know. So I do appreciate that. All right, guys, I got a

00:15:14.160 couple of great podcasts coming up. We've got Ben Shapiro. We've got Dan Crenshaw. We've got Jason

00:15:20.300 Wilson. We've got some other Jesse Itzler, incredible men coming in a podcast. So make sure

00:15:26.060 you're, you're tuned in, you're subscribed, you're tapped into what we're doing here and stay tuned,

00:15:30.640 but go out there guys. I know you're dealing with hardship right now to varying degrees.

00:15:35.220 One is not more significant than the other, especially when we're comparing to each other.

00:15:39.020 You, we all have our own things to deal with, deal with it effectively, deal with it effectively.

00:15:43.940 That's all I would say. All right, guys, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant

00:15:48.760 to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:15:53.600 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at quarterofman.com.

Order of Man - September 23, 2022

Rebuild and Remake Yourself ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES [REPLAY]

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