Order of Man - Rebuilding Trust, Deep Networking, and Raising Boys and Girls ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Kip, what's up, man? How are you? Good. Good.

00:00:28.480 We were just talking about it last Ask Me Anything. We went for an hour and 45 minutes.

00:00:32.840 I think we kind of just came to the conclusion that we're trying to keep these things to about an hour, right?

00:00:38.440 Yeah. I don't know how we lost track of time that much.

00:00:41.040 I guess just these conversations are so riveting that time just flies, you know?

00:00:46.440 Yeah, all those suckers that listened to the last AMAs are like, I'm never listening to one of those again.

00:00:50.620 I just blew an hour and a half.

00:00:52.200 I don't know, though. I listen to it again, and people make fun of me.

00:00:54.900 They're like, you listen to your own podcast? I'm like, yeah, absolutely I do.

00:00:57.860 Because I want to know, right? I want to know where I need to improve and where I need to get better

00:01:02.100 and what questions I may have missed or opportunities that I overlooked.

00:01:06.200 And so, yeah, I'm listening to it, and I pull it up, and it's an hour and like 45 minutes.

00:01:10.460 I'm like, whoa, I didn't realize it was that long.

00:01:12.620 Yeah. What's funny about listening to previous podcasts is, because my wife gives me crap about the same thing. 0.97

00:01:21.300 I'm like, what are you doing? I'm like, well, it's good for me to critique kind of how I'm speaking,

00:01:26.840 but sometimes I lose myself in listening, and I start like laughing.

00:01:30.660 Oh, I do that too. I'm like, how funny.

00:01:33.720 I like laugh at my own jokes. I'm like, I'm so lame.

00:01:37.480 Yeah.

00:01:37.680 I even know what I'm going to say, and I still think it's...

00:01:39.840 And it's still funny. You're like, I am good. I'm good at this podcasting thing.

00:01:43.780 All right, man. Should we just jump right into it?

00:01:46.660 Hey, for those of you guys who don't know, we do this every week.

00:01:49.600 This is our Ask Me Anything.

00:01:50.680 And one thing I would also suggest to you as well is that if you're not following us

00:01:54.920 or connected or subscribed or whatever the term is on YouTube, that you get that done

00:02:00.000 because you'll get to see me and Kip interact.

00:02:02.640 We're going to do a lot more video in 2019, and I think we've done the last three or four

00:02:08.500 Ask Me Anything podcast episodes on YouTube, and we've got a lot of good feedback from it.

00:02:13.300 Guys like the interaction and the format, so if you're interested in video,

00:02:17.280 just head to youtube.com slash order of man, and you'll find this exact episode in video format.

00:02:25.560 And you can see all the order of man swag that you can order from the store.

00:02:29.400 That's right. I got my hat on. You're not representing today.

00:02:31.640 You had your Iron Council jacket on, but outside of that, I'm a little disappointed.

00:02:35.760 I know. I... Client meetings.

00:02:38.500 I'm officially back to work.

00:02:40.000 I told you what would happen if you were your order of man swag. 0.72

00:02:42.900 You'd sell more and make more money and all the other things.

00:02:47.020 Or like, order... What's that for?

00:02:48.900 Oh, this is pie. You do pie.

00:02:50.920 And then it's like this old long, drawn-out question to explain.

00:02:54.460 Yeah, that's true.

00:02:55.260 Yeah.

00:02:55.880 All right. Well, let's jump into this thing today.

00:02:57.740 I was having a debate. In fact, I'm going to bring this up real quick.

00:02:59.980 I was having a debate with a friend of mine about the length of shows

00:03:04.620 and whether or not we owe it to our audience to get right into it.

00:03:07.980 And he said that it's the responsibility of the creator of podcasts in this case

00:03:13.020 to get to the meat of the information as quickly as possible.

00:03:17.760 And I would agree with that for the person that's interested in that.

00:03:22.740 But I would disagree with that for the person who may appreciate a little banter

00:03:28.500 or more conversational than just jumping right into the meat of the thing.

00:03:32.080 So, I'm actually really curious what you guys who are listening would say.

00:03:35.820 Do you like the longer format where Kip and I go back and forth?

00:03:38.960 Or do you just want us to get right into questions as quickly as possible?

00:03:43.900 I imagine it's mixed, which is why we have the Friday Field Notes 1.00

00:03:47.020 because that's a little bit shorter and it just gets right into it.

00:03:49.580 We've got this where we have this conversation and the interviews.

00:03:52.400 And I don't even say interviews anymore, but conversations.

00:03:55.260 I'm just really curious on what format you like and why.

00:03:58.000 So, drop me a line on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook or an email, whatever.

00:04:03.540 I'd be really curious what you guys have to say

00:04:04.940 because we want to make sure that we're serving you best.

00:04:07.300 Yeah, it'd be interesting to hear what people say.

00:04:09.620 I mean, because so many questions, right?

00:04:11.580 We could go, you know, look at the first question.

00:04:14.160 I'm interested in hunting.

00:04:16.360 Go hunting.

00:04:17.420 Next question.

00:04:18.360 Do more hunting.

00:04:19.360 Yeah.

00:04:20.800 What's the vitamins and supplements you recommend?

00:04:23.200 All of them.

00:04:23.940 Do your research.

00:04:24.720 Next question.

00:04:27.760 Which sometimes there's validity to that too, though.

00:04:30.260 Sometimes like the quick answer is the right answer.

00:04:32.900 Yeah.

00:04:33.180 We'll just be like complete assholes.

00:04:35.520 Yeah.

00:04:36.040 How do you rebuild trust?

00:04:37.360 Be honest.

00:04:38.180 Next question.

00:04:39.840 But that's true though.

00:04:41.520 I mean, you could get like, look,

00:04:43.780 I think sometimes we just have a tendency of rattling on and on and on and on.

00:04:47.420 But I think at the end of the day, what it does is it waters down and it excuses our behavior

00:04:51.540 or it just confirms what we already knew we should be doing in the first place.

00:04:56.320 I see that a lot in the Order of Man Facebook group.

00:04:58.200 Guys will ask questions, but they'll ramble on

00:05:01.160 and they'll actually answer their own questions in the post itself.

00:05:06.220 I'm like, dude, you already answered the question.

00:05:08.140 Just throw some balls and like follow through on what you know you should be doing.

00:05:13.640 And look, knowing what you should do, knowing the path and the course that you should take,

00:05:19.180 it doesn't make it easier.

00:05:21.080 It really doesn't.

00:05:22.380 It just means you know what you need to do.

00:05:24.800 And you know those guys are doing that when they have this whole backstory.

00:05:28.760 Oh, let me tell you this story.

00:05:29.940 Because guess what, Ryan?

00:05:31.240 This story will justify a different answer than what I think.

00:05:35.720 Right.

00:05:36.060 So let me give you this story and you're like, guess what?

00:05:38.420 That story doesn't matter.

00:05:39.440 I don't care.

00:05:39.940 It's still the same.

00:05:40.720 If somebody in the group says something to the effect of,

00:05:45.520 hey guys, sorry for the long post.

00:05:47.980 And that's the first sentence.

00:05:49.100 I'm like, dude, I'm out.

00:05:51.140 Like it doesn't need to be long.

00:05:52.660 The longer it is, the more to your point, you're excusing away your behavior.

00:05:56.260 Just tell us what the deal is and we'll see if we can point you in the right direction.

00:06:00.160 But that is one of the things that I appreciate about the Iron Council a little bit more is,

00:06:05.140 for lack of a better term, we've conditioned these guys not to excuse away their behavior.

00:06:08.900 And so they're not giving us the story because we frankly flat out say,

00:06:12.540 dude, I don't care about your story.

00:06:14.280 Like what you're doing right now is off.

00:06:17.100 You know it's off.

00:06:18.060 Correct the behavior.

00:06:19.480 Yeah.

00:06:19.660 And we have to remind guys every so often.

00:06:21.380 You're like, all right, share.

00:06:22.500 No story.

00:06:23.700 Straight to the point, right?

00:06:24.980 Because those stories don't matter.

00:06:26.240 Yeah, they don't.

00:06:27.220 I mean, they do, right?

00:06:29.200 Like to the degree that you're living it.

00:06:31.260 But they don't matter a lot when it comes to trying to excuse away your behavior.

00:06:37.020 Yeah.

00:06:37.560 And everybody will say, no, no, no.

00:06:38.720 It matters because my situation is different.

00:06:40.540 No, it isn't.

00:06:42.140 We all deal with it.

00:06:43.140 We all want the same things for the most part.

00:06:45.660 Yeah.

00:06:45.800 We all deal with the same things for the most part.

00:06:48.720 So.

00:06:49.260 Yeah.

00:06:49.560 And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that a lot of the responses are principle

00:06:54.460 based.

00:06:55.400 And when the answer to an issue is principle based, guess what?

00:07:00.200 It doesn't matter what the story is.

00:07:01.580 The principle is applicable regardless of the backstory, regardless of anything else.

00:07:05.740 So.

00:07:06.360 Right.

00:07:06.560 So I guess the moral of the story is don't just, just do what you know you need to do.

00:07:13.820 Answer your own problems, solve your own problems and execute, take action on it.

00:07:18.720 Yeah.

00:07:19.180 Yeah.

00:07:19.540 And maybe get confirmation.

00:07:21.360 You know, if you.

00:07:22.140 No, I don't even think.

00:07:23.080 I mean, maybe, maybe I think there's some circumstances where you might need that, you know, if you're

00:07:28.420 dealing with maybe a technical issue.

00:07:31.180 But, but at the end of the day, like, I think the decisions that we're making, if you're

00:07:34.880 doing what you know is right.

00:07:37.180 I don't, I think just having the experience of, of going through the process will confirm

00:07:44.760 what it is you should be doing.

00:07:46.700 Like, I don't, I don't think that I need a whole lot of confirmation from you or anybody

00:07:51.580 else on what workouts I should be doing.

00:07:54.320 Like, you're not even working out.

00:07:56.040 So just go into the gym and move.

00:07:57.440 And once you get the fundamentals right, then you can worry about these little intricacies

00:08:01.640 that you're hung up on right now.

00:08:03.960 People say that all the time in the money world too.

00:08:05.560 There's like, Ryan, I just, and I'm not, I sold my practice.

00:08:08.760 So I'm no longer a financial advisor, but they would say, you know what?

00:08:12.240 I just want, you know, the best rate of return, like what's the best rate of return you can

00:08:15.960 get me?

00:08:16.200 And I'd always ask, well, tell me what your savings and investment strategy is now.

00:08:20.100 And they're like, oh, I'm not saving anything now.

00:08:22.580 It's like, well, why don't I, like a hundred percent on zero is zero.

00:08:28.680 So why don't you learn to like save some money first and then we can worry about, right.

00:08:34.240 Pay off that credit card that has a huge interest rate.

00:08:36.980 That's a guaranteed rate of return.

00:08:39.040 Yeah.

00:08:39.400 Yeah, for sure.

00:08:41.160 Yeah.

00:08:41.580 Whatever.

00:08:42.240 Cool.

00:08:42.740 Let's get into the questions, man.

00:08:43.900 What was the first one about hunting?

00:08:45.420 Yeah, it is actually about hunting.

00:08:46.780 I use those as an example.

00:08:48.020 So Ryan Pardini, I've been very interested in learning how to hunt.

00:08:51.740 I've never hunted in my life and I want to learn.

00:08:53.940 What do you suggest to do to get into hunting?

00:08:56.780 I want to go, but I want to, but I want to make, make sure I do everything properly.

00:09:02.320 I do not want to be a wasteful hunter.

00:09:04.800 You are, you're going to, it's going to happen.

00:09:07.920 It's just like anything.

00:09:08.940 When you very first start, you're, you're going to be slow.

00:09:11.880 You're going to be inefficient.

00:09:13.120 You're not going to have things dialed in just right.

00:09:15.440 And I think that we owe, especially when it comes to hunting, that we owe the animal,

00:09:19.900 uh, our training and our, our reverence, I think is probably the right word when it comes

00:09:26.760 to, you're actually out there stalking an animal and you're going to put an arrow or a bullet

00:09:30.700 through that animal and take its life and then claim it and eat it.

00:09:33.500 I think there's a lot of, uh, reverence that should be shown towards the wildlife and that

00:09:39.000 animal that you're trying to harvest.

00:09:40.440 So, yes, I do appreciate that you're trying to gain some knowledge and experience.

00:09:45.400 Um, but just understand that it's not going to go perfectly and it's not going to all work

00:09:49.700 out the way that you thought it would.

00:09:51.120 My first hunt actually went really, really well, which was kind of a trap because my,

00:09:55.360 my next several hunts did not go so well.

00:09:58.040 So I, I was kind of slapped in the face with reality, but I think there's plenty of information

00:10:03.480 online.

00:10:04.600 Uh, there's, there's guys who are hunters, there's TV shows about hunting that you could

00:10:08.780 definitely get involved with.

00:10:09.980 There's people in your area.

00:10:11.380 There might even be organizations or gun clubs or hunting clubs in your area that you can

00:10:15.320 get involved with where you can start to become friends with these individuals.

00:10:18.660 Uh, and, and I've gone out on hunts with friends where I didn't even have a tag.

00:10:23.420 So I had a friend, uh, this was probably four or five months ago.

00:10:26.640 He called me up and I asked him what he was up to.

00:10:28.940 And he said, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm going on a hunt in, uh, whenever he was going and it's

00:10:33.520 down in your neck of the woods.

00:10:34.420 I said, do you mind if I come along?

00:10:35.880 I'm like, I don't have a tag.

00:10:36.800 I just want to come along.

00:10:37.580 I'll help spot for you or whatever I can do.

00:10:39.160 He's like, oh yeah, that'd be great.

00:10:40.660 And so I just went out with him and two or three of his other buddies.

00:10:43.360 And I didn't even have my, my firearm or anything with me or my bow and just went out and

00:10:48.280 spotted for him.

00:10:49.040 And it was a good time.

00:10:50.300 And I learned a little bit.

00:10:51.160 So find people who are doing it, uh, find people online, go through courses, see if there's a

00:10:55.720 local gun club or hunting club in your area.

00:10:57.960 Uh, I would even go to the shooting range.

00:11:00.120 Cause a lot of these guys who are shooting are also going to be hunters.

00:11:03.160 That makes sense.

00:11:04.400 So there's a lot of little resources, but you're going to have to exercise some assertiveness

00:11:07.880 in it and really put yourself in an environment where these hunters are.

00:11:11.920 Uh, maybe there's conferences that you can go to, but there there's things out there.

00:11:15.600 There really are.

00:11:16.340 There's, there's plenty out there.

00:11:17.580 If you really want to do it, you'll find a way to make it happen.

00:11:20.580 What I'm hearing though, is don't, don't think you're going to get it perfect.

00:11:24.140 And, and you're definitely not just, you want to like, you want everything to go right.

00:11:29.980 Because again, the last thing you want to do is wound an animal.

00:11:32.840 That's the last thing I want to do.

00:11:34.440 I don't want to go out.

00:11:35.500 I'd rather not take a shot than take a shot and wound an animal and never be able to recover

00:11:39.040 it.

00:11:39.740 So there's, there's, there's a seriousness about what it is that we're doing when we're

00:11:44.840 out in the field hunting for an animal and it deserves your, uh, your respect and it

00:11:50.160 deserves your training so that you can do it successfully, but it's hunting.

00:11:54.660 It's not grocery shopping, right?

00:11:56.600 So things are going to go wrong and it's going to be a challenge.

00:11:59.500 Cool.

00:12:00.400 All right.

00:12:00.980 Next question.

00:12:01.740 Ian Mason, what are some essential vitamins or supplements that you have found?

00:12:07.640 Um, I don't, I've never really big, been big into the supplemental thing, but I actually

00:12:11.580 work a lot with, with origin.

00:12:13.660 I know you guys have probably heard me talk about origin on the podcast.

00:12:16.800 Um, but the way they formulate their supplements and it's, it's partnered up with, uh, with

00:12:21.680 Jocko Willink, but they do the mulk, which is their protein.

00:12:24.760 Uh, they have a new, uh, nootropic they just introduced, uh, which was incredible.

00:12:30.580 Like I felt an immediate reaction to that in a positive way.

00:12:34.140 Uh, they've got their super krill, uh, then their joint warfare, which was really good for 1.00

00:12:39.240 me, um, especially as I was getting started in jujitsu, cause my joints were really hurting.

00:12:43.260 You know, there's a lot of pressure on, on your joints and your arms and your knees and

00:12:47.060 your neck and everything else.

00:12:48.620 So those, those are valuable.

00:12:51.240 Um, and, and I've implemented those in, in my regimen.

00:12:54.280 Um, but I don't get too carried away with the supplements.

00:12:57.080 I, I, I figure that, and this comes back to our point that we made earlier about, um,

00:13:03.400 about, uh, you know, like getting the fundamentals, right?

00:13:06.240 Like people are worried about supplements and yet they get most of their food at Burger King.

00:13:12.240 There's no supplement that's going to make up for that.

00:13:14.200 So get your, get your diet, right.

00:13:15.760 Your nutrition, right.

00:13:16.680 You know, eat, eat, eat meats, eat vegetables, drink lots of water.

00:13:20.460 And once you start pinning that stuff down, then you can add to that, right?

00:13:23.760 Then you can enhance what you're already doing.

00:13:25.320 But I think a lot of people think, oh, if I just take a supplement, it'll make up for

00:13:28.060 everything else I'm doing.

00:13:29.080 No, it won't even make a dent.

00:13:30.600 Yeah, I have a, I have a trainer, uh, he's a, um, old Jim Jones guy.

00:13:36.760 And it's funny cause we, we talk about diet all the time.

00:13:39.960 And he's like, most people, it's simple.

00:13:41.760 Like we want to kind of over engineer the process.

00:13:44.860 He's like, just stop eating candy at first.

00:13:48.400 Stop drinking soda.

00:13:49.880 Right.

00:13:50.220 Get your sugar input, you know, like just do the fundamental things first, you know,

00:13:54.980 and you can have much better results.

00:13:56.900 And like you said, it doesn't matter what supplements you're taking if you're still

00:14:00.640 pounding, pounding a Snickers or whatever.

00:14:02.920 Right.

00:14:03.140 I think that over engineering, that's a really good term.

00:14:05.680 I think we do that to excuse ourselves in a bit, in a way, right?

00:14:09.180 We just, we, we, we complicate the process and we think that our story or our situation

00:14:13.700 is so unique that we have to do something special.

00:14:15.740 And really at the end of the day, what it causes you to do is to not take any action at

00:14:19.120 all, because you might even be doing this subconsciously because if it's, if it's

00:14:24.140 complex, then you have a reason for not doing it.

00:14:26.900 But if it's simple, you have to look at the guy in the mirror and say, oh, this has been

00:14:30.620 simple and yet I'm still not doing it.

00:14:32.920 So it's, it's a lot, it's a lot harder to justify when it's simple, but when it's

00:14:37.060 complicated, you're like, oh, well, it's complicated.

00:14:38.980 Like it just takes time and we excuse away our behaviors and patterns.

00:14:43.060 Well, and sometimes we make it so complicated that it becomes our boundary, our barrier.

00:14:48.520 It ends up becoming an issue because we've made it so complex to, to actually accomplish

00:14:53.000 anything.

00:14:53.400 So do you think, uh, the joint wolf warfare has helped you with, uh, destroying little

00:14:59.480 kids on dodge ball?

00:15:01.260 Uh, a hundred percent.

00:15:03.620 Dude, you saw that video.

00:15:04.960 I'm, I'm, I'm a killer dude.

00:15:07.280 It was so funny.

00:15:08.720 So Ryan posted this picture on Instagram at, at Ryan Mickler, by the way, and it's pronounced

00:15:13.920 Mickler, right?

00:15:14.540 Not Mitchler or, you know, I'm just joking.

00:15:17.680 We've had that.

00:15:18.140 We've known, we've known each other long enough.

00:15:20.000 I'm not even going to, I'm not even going to entertain your stupid jokes.

00:15:23.560 So he posted a picture yesterday and he's like, he's, he's playing dodgeball.

00:15:28.300 I think it's your wife or I don't know.

00:15:29.560 Someone is video.

00:15:30.740 Look at all these kids playing dodgeball.

00:15:32.600 And all of a sudden she pans over to the left and you see Ryan out there.

00:15:36.380 And right then he like chucks this ball and like takes out this kid's legs.

00:15:40.380 It was so awesome.

00:15:41.940 I mean, I hit both of his legs and he just did like a face plant.

00:15:45.180 And then I had two balls and the kid behind it, I, he was, he was good.

00:15:50.120 The kid behind him was good.

00:15:51.600 And I, so I threw it at the kid in front of him, dropped him, threw it at the kid behind

00:15:55.720 him and he tried to catch it, but he couldn't catch it.

00:15:58.060 And I was like, yeah, double kill.

00:16:00.900 You know what is like, I, we were at the bounce house.

00:16:04.160 This is valuable.

00:16:04.880 I think this is an important thing here that we talk about this.

00:16:07.200 We're at the bounce house yesterday for my kids, my second's, uh, his birthday party.

00:16:11.800 That's where he likes to go.

00:16:12.780 I'm like, this is why I like bounce house.

00:16:13.960 Cause it's good exercise and everything anyways.

00:16:16.020 So we get there and there's literally two dozen parents there and all of them are in their

00:16:22.640 little fancy high heels and they're tight little, they're tight little jeans and they're

00:16:27.260 a cute little button up bejazzled button up shirts.

00:16:30.640 And I'm like, what the hell are you doing?

00:16:32.300 You're at the bounce house.

00:16:33.260 You know, like when I knew we were going, I got my gym shorts on and my, like my, my dry

00:16:38.540 wick shirt on.

00:16:39.240 Cause I knew I was going to go jump around with the kids.

00:16:41.160 Right.

00:16:41.820 And I see these parents and they're all on their phones and they're so preoccupied with

00:16:45.400 what they're doing and their kids are out there playing, having fun.

00:16:47.580 And look, there's value in letting your kids interact with other kids.

00:16:50.440 Sure.

00:16:50.780 But I actually wonder how much of this spills over this, this lack of attention in their

00:16:55.360 kids' lives spills over into other elements or aspects of the relationship.

00:16:59.720 I think it's very indicative or at least telling of, of the relationship between kids and their

00:17:06.800 parents.

00:17:07.240 And I just thought, you know, I think it's really, really important that we, as parents

00:17:10.080 get involved.

00:17:10.620 And sometimes that means throwing dodge balls at kids and having fun.

00:17:14.580 And yeah, I like, that's just something I like to do, man.

00:17:17.800 It's a good time.

00:17:18.540 And I have people say, oh, you're a bully or whatever.

00:17:20.420 You know what?

00:17:21.020 Maybe.

00:17:21.840 But who else is going to do it?

00:17:23.220 But I still won.

00:17:24.440 I still won.

00:17:26.040 But who else is going to do it?

00:17:27.840 Yeah.

00:17:28.100 Like who else is going to put a kid in their place?

00:17:30.260 You know, it's like, we'll get that anymore.

00:17:32.080 I had some kids over for their birthday party and one of them was being a little turd. 1.00

00:17:35.420 And I told him, I said, hey, don't act like that.

00:17:38.600 You might be able to act like that at your house, but you don't act like that here.

00:17:41.360 And he's like, he was so scared.

00:17:43.420 I'm a good.

00:17:44.160 You should be, you should have some respect.

00:17:45.820 Like I see kids these days and I'm like, oh, like kids these days, but I see kids these

00:17:50.280 days.

00:17:50.500 And I'm like, where is your level of respect?

00:17:53.000 Like there's nobody, everybody's so afraid to tell kids, okay, this is how you behave.

00:17:57.760 These are the parameters in which you can operate.

00:17:59.520 And if you fall out of these parameters, there's consequences of heaven forbid we do that.

00:18:04.380 So I, uh, I deliver consequences in the form of red rubber dodge balls into the face and

00:18:11.060 legs.

00:18:13.000 Oh, so funny.

00:18:14.600 So funny.

00:18:15.620 Good times.

00:18:16.580 Good times.

00:18:17.320 And now you know why we ramble.

00:18:19.260 That's right.

00:18:20.480 All right.

00:18:21.760 Nathan, uh, Federico, uh, how to rebuild trust a general guide.

00:18:30.780 Be honest.

00:18:32.800 Isn't that what you said earlier?

00:18:34.380 Yeah, that's it, man.

00:18:36.540 Like it's going to take some time.

00:18:38.280 You know, you, you, you did something that what I assume that, that somebody is now questioning

00:18:43.440 your, your level of trust and credibility.

00:18:46.240 So, and maybe rightfully so, frankly, I don't know what the situation was, but you rebuild

00:18:53.100 trust by upholding your word.

00:18:56.180 It's, it's very simple.

00:18:57.360 It takes time.

00:18:58.100 I wish it could be, I wish you could just say, Hey, you can trust me, but you proved otherwise

00:19:03.780 that you can't be trusted.

00:19:06.240 So how do you build it?

00:19:07.660 Well, you, you build it.

00:19:09.360 So when you say you're going to do something as simple as taking the trash out or checking

00:19:13.660 out of work at a certain time, or, you know, picking up something at the grocery store for

00:19:18.220 your wife or whatever these, even these little seemingly insignificant things, the more that

00:19:23.000 you do that over and over and over and over again, the more that you rebuild that trust.

00:19:28.680 It's the analogy I've heard before, not necessarily with trust, but other avenues.

00:19:32.500 And I think it applies here is think of, think of your trust as, as a bank account.

00:19:37.680 And when you go into the bank and you ask the teller, how much money can I pull out of the

00:19:41.060 account?

00:19:41.400 They're going to say, well, let me pull it up and see how much is in here.

00:19:43.720 And let's say there's $20,000 in there.

00:19:45.320 Well, you can pull up to $20,000 out.

00:19:46.940 What happens when, when you damage trust is you're, you're, you're making a withdrawal

00:19:54.180 from that trust bank, right?

00:19:56.720 And your withdrawal may not have covered your deposits.

00:20:01.340 And so you break that trust and you go bankrupt.

00:20:04.320 So how do you rebuild it?

00:20:05.760 You start making deposits into that trust account again.

00:20:08.160 And how do you do that?

00:20:09.080 Keeping your word, honoring your commitments, following through on the things that you say

00:20:13.020 you're going to follow through on and rebuild what you have spent, quite frankly.

00:20:20.180 Anything you'd add?

00:20:22.380 No, just consistency is key.

00:20:25.080 The minute you slip up, it's up, you know, Ryan, he didn't change.

00:20:29.260 Same old, same old.

00:20:30.280 Yep.

00:20:30.740 So you can't, you got to be on your A game.

00:20:33.320 You can't, you can't slip up and you already alluded to it.

00:20:36.840 You have to, in your mind, you need to be extreme about it.

00:20:40.420 But the slightest little, I don't know, you, you got to be honest about everything.

00:20:48.040 And there is no gray space.

00:20:50.560 You got to be a hundred percent trustworthy.

00:20:52.840 Yeah.

00:20:53.080 I would say also be careful of pandering too, because you might feel like you're in the

00:20:57.000 position where you need to make up for something.

00:20:58.600 And so you'll do things and compromise maybe your own sanity or wellbeing, um, just to like,

00:21:04.340 like over, overcompensate.

00:21:06.280 And I think that's a, I think that's a trap that you could potentially fall into.

00:21:11.080 Like what's done is done.

00:21:12.500 Okay.

00:21:12.900 It's done.

00:21:14.340 So you, you, even though somebody else might not be able to, you have to wipe your slate

00:21:19.160 clean.

00:21:19.620 You have to forgive yourself and say, okay, I messed up.

00:21:23.360 I made amends to the best of my ability.

00:21:25.640 I apologize or I rectified the situation to the best that I could.

00:21:29.620 Now I'm rebuilding from, from ground level.

00:21:32.380 Now somebody else might have a different view, but that's the point that you need to take.

00:21:35.860 So don't dwell on that stuff and don't allow people to hold it over you either.

00:21:39.920 And that's what they'll do a lot of times.

00:21:41.560 Well, remember when you did this, yes, I did that.

00:21:45.100 And here's how I'm correcting the behavior moving forward.

00:21:47.340 So don't allow yourself to, to be railroaded either because, or, or blackmailed or what do

00:21:52.480 they call blackballed or something?

00:21:53.560 Because you, you've done this in the past, right?

00:21:56.180 You have to live with a consequence for sure.

00:21:58.040 But now you just, you correct your behavior moving forward.

00:22:00.540 Yeah, that's interesting.

00:22:03.480 At the root of what you just said, Ryan, I think it's, why are you now going to be honest?

00:22:10.320 Like, like, uh, earning back trust should be the result of the new version of you.

00:22:16.640 And it shouldn't be the focus.

00:22:18.860 That's interesting.

00:22:19.460 But if your focus is, oh, I got to earn back trust.

00:22:21.720 I got to earn back trust.

00:22:22.580 Then where, where are you putting, uh, happiness and success in?

00:22:26.820 Then, that other person changing, you're, you're now building your identity around what

00:22:33.260 someone else thinks of you.

00:22:35.360 That's dangerous too, right?

00:22:37.280 So.

00:22:37.360 That's interesting.

00:22:38.220 Yeah, that makes sense to me.

00:22:39.080 Yeah.

00:22:39.300 Maybe focus on transforming yourself and being that man that you should be.

00:22:44.300 And, and, and a bystander or a byproduct of that will be establishing or reestablishing

00:22:50.740 trust with someone.

00:22:51.960 Right.

00:22:52.340 I, I think the way, the same thing when it comes to fitness and other aspects of our lives,

00:22:55.960 people are going to be strong.

00:22:56.700 I got to be strong.

00:22:57.400 No, you have to work out.

00:22:59.680 Yeah.

00:23:00.160 Strong.

00:23:00.860 The strong part will just happen.

00:23:02.240 I got to cut.

00:23:02.900 I got to, I got to, I got to lose weight.

00:23:03.880 I got to lose weight.

00:23:04.580 No, you have to eat right.

00:23:06.200 And you have to, uh, run and, and exercise and move your body.

00:23:10.440 And the weight thing will take care of itself.

00:23:12.480 We focus so heavily on the end result to your point.

00:23:15.220 Uh, and, and we forget about the tactics that we should be employing to achieve those

00:23:19.400 ultimate results.

00:23:20.220 I like that.

00:23:21.380 Cool.

00:23:21.880 What else?

00:23:22.660 All right.

00:23:23.680 Uh, this is, this is a little lengthy and a, and a good question actually.

00:23:27.960 So, um, although I only read a portion of it just as we're, as you're speaking.

00:23:31.900 So Alec McGill, I have a parenting question.

00:23:35.780 This may be long and a bit controversial, but I need advice.

00:23:39.420 So my girlfriend and I have a kid.

00:23:41.860 While I know kids don't know everything, this situation is very complicated.

00:23:46.320 Our kid from the looks of it is a transgender and I don't know how to go about this, but

00:23:51.760 I know this is probably genetic and nothing to do with how we raised our kid due to the

00:23:56.340 fact that our kid has an uncle that turned and on their mom's side, mom wants to let

00:24:01.940 the kid wear and play what they want because she doesn't want our kid to suffer like her 1.00

00:24:06.660 siblings did.

00:24:07.300 I just don't know what the answer is or how to go about this in order to be the best dad

00:24:12.480 possible.

00:24:13.460 I am skeptical because of our kid is eight.

00:24:17.300 I don't, I don't want to be one of those parents on television who is so misunderstood,

00:24:22.220 made out to be indoctrinating their kids into being a transgender. 0.89

00:24:26.680 That's not the case.

00:24:27.740 We're both conservative Christians who just aren't sure what would be the best way to go

00:24:32.580 about this because we have tried to discourage it for years until recently when we overheard

00:24:38.060 our child praying to be with Jesus.

00:24:40.540 If they can't wake up as an, as another gender, please do not judge me.

00:24:45.380 I'm asking for advice.

00:24:47.440 Yeah, man.

00:24:47.700 I don't, I don't judge on that.

00:24:49.000 That's a difficult situation.

00:24:50.140 And I'm certainly not the expert.

00:24:52.680 I don't even know really.

00:24:54.400 I don't know.

00:24:55.020 Um, I haven't read these questions ahead of time, so I don't, I haven't really thought

00:25:00.600 about this, but maybe you have, maybe you can interject and I can think about it, but

00:25:04.980 I would just say, raise your child in love and give them discipline and structure and

00:25:11.240 guidance and, um, you know, teach them right from wrong and teach them why it's important

00:25:16.660 to, I believe there's probably some biological issues in some, some situations.

00:25:22.160 I certainly not all.

00:25:23.000 I don't believe that every situation is like that.

00:25:25.160 I think sometimes, you know, being transgender or being gay, uh, is something that may be

00:25:31.220 looked at as cool.

00:25:32.760 Right.

00:25:33.240 And so, exactly.

00:25:35.220 Yeah.

00:25:35.840 Um, no, but again, that's, I don't believe that in every circumstance and I don't know

00:25:39.720 this gentleman's circumstance.

00:25:41.800 I don't know, man.

00:25:42.760 I don't know.

00:25:43.280 Maybe, maybe there's, maybe there's other people that you can talk with who have been through

00:25:46.660 this.

00:25:46.960 Maybe there's some, some, uh, some medical, you know, help that you can get some, some coaching

00:25:52.260 or consulting, uh, or counseling.

00:25:55.660 Uh, I, I just don't know.

00:25:57.540 I really, I wish I had a stance.

00:25:59.000 I wish I could say, well, just treat them like a boy or treat them.

00:26:01.420 Or I don't know.

00:26:02.540 I really don't.

00:26:03.700 Yeah.

00:26:03.960 I don't know.

00:26:05.140 Me either.

00:26:05.740 This, this is super tough.

00:26:07.300 The only thing that comes to mind and, and I try to, um, bestow this on my kids on a regular

00:26:15.740 basis, especially my older boys.

00:26:17.780 And I, and the, and the point that I try to make to them that I think it is applicable

00:26:21.980 to this is that you are defined by your choices and your actions always, and society is going

00:26:30.920 to have a tendency to put labels on you.

00:26:34.400 Uh, maybe this is a label or whatever, but in the end, in the end, what defines you as

00:26:39.540 a man is what you choose to do.

00:26:43.160 That's ultimately what defines you.

00:26:45.560 Right.

00:26:45.660 Um, if I was defined about in regards to what my thoughts were, trust me, people would see

00:26:51.140 me much different, right?

00:26:52.660 I, you know, but to be frank, I'm not perfect.

00:26:55.140 I have probably horrible thoughts on a regular basis and you know what I mean?

00:26:58.560 I'm trying to struggle and become a better person all the time.

00:27:01.060 If I was defined by that, then I want to be who I am.

00:27:06.020 And so I'd like to think that I'm defined by my actions and what, what, but what around

00:27:11.000 what I choose to do and what I try to do, um, and not be defined by labels or my thought

00:27:17.660 process or anything else.

00:27:18.920 And so I would just try to reiterate that, that they decide, they decide how they're going

00:27:24.400 to be defined, not anyone else.

00:27:25.940 We decide that.

00:27:27.080 But I also think, yeah, I, yeah, I mean, I agree, but I also believe that it's healthy to

00:27:34.120 give our children parameters in which to operate.

00:27:36.660 Right.

00:27:37.140 And so, you know, the fact is, is this a, is this a boy?

00:27:42.540 I didn't really catch.

00:27:43.380 Is this a biological?

00:27:44.880 Let's just assume that's what it is.

00:27:46.360 Just unless, unless it says otherwise.

00:27:48.060 I don't think he says.

00:27:49.080 The fact is that he is a boy, right?

00:27:51.360 He's, he's a boy.

00:27:52.780 If that's, if that's, you know, what he's born.

00:27:55.680 Um, and there's parameters in which you need to teach and coach and guide this child.

00:27:59.980 Now, can he be a feminine boy? 0.97

00:28:01.720 Sure.

00:28:02.120 You know, I, I know, I know plenty of boys who they're not transgender.

00:28:07.740 They're just, they're feminine. 0.99

00:28:08.980 I know, I know feminine men that aren't gay, that aren't transgender.

00:28:12.120 They're just, they're feminine. 0.99

00:28:13.900 That doesn't make them a woman necessarily. 1.00

00:28:16.660 Um, but, but I do think it's really important that we teach our children these parameters in

00:28:22.480 which to operate.

00:28:23.260 And, and some people will say, well, then, you know, he's going to struggle.

00:28:26.900 Look, he or she is going to struggle anyways.

00:28:29.320 This is a situation where if, if, uh, you decide to treat your son like a girl, he's

00:28:37.660 going to struggle.

00:28:38.680 It's not going to make his life easier.

00:28:41.980 If, if you treat him like a boy, because he is a boy and he wants to be a girl, he's 0.75

00:28:46.800 going to struggle.

00:28:48.940 This is a situation in which regardless of what you do, this child is going to struggle.

00:28:53.840 So it's your job to teach them love, kindness, compassion, grit, determination, fortitude,

00:28:59.040 all the virtues that we've been talking about here.

00:29:01.940 Um, and then talking about gender and boys and girls and why it's important and how,

00:29:07.340 how special it is to be a boy if you're a boy or how special it is to be a girl if

00:29:11.300 you're a girl.

00:29:12.280 And, and I don't know.

00:29:15.320 I don't know, man.

00:29:16.140 I don't have a great answer.

00:29:17.440 And I think that's where the labels come in that are like, uh, that I hate, I hate this.

00:29:22.820 And then this is.

00:29:23.540 But what labels are you talking about?

00:29:24.960 Well, like, I'll give you an example.

00:29:26.200 Like you use the perfect example already is you said, well, I know feminine guys. 1.00

00:29:30.360 Well, guess what society does the minute they see a guy that's slightly feminine. 1.00

00:29:35.160 Oh, he's gay. 1.00

00:29:37.200 Sure.

00:29:37.980 Uh, he's trans. 0.98

00:29:38.600 Well, maybe he's not actually, maybe he's just feminine a little bit. 0.60

00:29:42.900 That's it.

00:29:43.400 And, and, and maybe, maybe he's not actually gay, but because the society in which he lives

00:29:49.020 in, everyone throws this label on him.

00:29:50.580 And then he looks at himself and goes, oh, geez, well, maybe I am because everyone thinks

00:29:54.280 I am.

00:29:54.820 And I get labeled this way when we're out.

00:29:56.940 It's like, no, maybe I'm just kind of a feminine guy.

00:29:59.700 And the ideal girl for me is someone that's a little bit more masculine and domineering. 0.98

00:30:04.120 And that works out well for me.

00:30:05.880 Sure.

00:30:06.500 Right.

00:30:06.760 But we throw labels and then these guys feel like they have to fall into these labels sometimes.

00:30:10.380 Now I'm not saying that's the case with this kid, but I don't know.

00:30:13.460 It's something that the other side though, too, though, Kip is like some of these labels,

00:30:17.600 they, they're not even labels that are just the way we define it.

00:30:21.480 You know, like, like a boy.

00:30:22.860 All right.

00:30:23.180 A boy has a Y chromosome and has a penis. 0.97

00:30:26.500 So that makes him a boy.

00:30:27.680 Is that a label?

00:30:29.200 No, that's what we, that's the word.

00:30:32.140 Those are the, those are the noises that we make with our mouths to describe that phenomenon.

00:30:40.800 Yeah.

00:30:41.340 Yeah.

00:30:41.920 That's not really a label.

00:30:43.260 It's just like, that's how we describe it so that we can't look.

00:30:47.000 I think we as humans are constantly trying to make sense of everything around us.

00:30:51.160 And the way that we make sense is by communicating those words.

00:30:53.940 Yeah.

00:30:54.440 By using the words so that we can understand and make sense of what is actually happening in our lives.

00:30:59.500 Just some of them can be damaging.

00:31:02.000 Right.

00:31:02.380 And I would say this is then, and it's on us as parents to teach our children that, to teach them to deal with that.

00:31:12.440 Yeah.

00:31:12.620 And I think we do ourselves and our children a disservice when we don't help them build up some emotional resiliency.

00:31:18.540 You know, like, like the other day, well, when we were at the bounce house, a bunch of kids were swearing and my son's like, dad, those kids were swearing.

00:31:26.160 I'm like, well, you've heard swear words before right now.

00:31:28.100 Should they be swearing in there?

00:31:29.140 No.

00:31:29.500 And of course.

00:31:29.860 And I, and I told him, Hey guys, watch the language.

00:31:31.840 You got little kids around here.

00:31:33.120 Yeah.

00:31:33.700 But at the same time, you're going to run across swearing.

00:31:38.080 So get used to it.

00:31:40.120 That doesn't mean that we need to make those same choices or we need to use those words, but they're going to be exposed to it.

00:31:46.320 So this is how you deal with it.

00:31:49.020 And I think that we need to do that as parents is like, Hey, look, people, there's going to be bullies.

00:31:54.640 There's going to be people that don't like you.

00:31:56.400 There's going to be people who disagree with you.

00:31:58.100 And that's just part of life.

00:31:59.740 We can't strip it away.

00:32:01.060 And I know we try.

00:32:02.360 We really try to legislate it away and strip it away and do these little anti-bullying things.

00:32:07.180 Look, that stuff's not going away.

00:32:08.660 But what you can do to assertively address this situation is help your children be comfortable enough where they know who they are and they can stand on their own two feet.

00:32:20.280 And when people mock and ridicule, whether it's because they're transgender or because they're gay or because any number of variables that could possibly play out, that they aren't as impacted by that as somebody who's never been taught to express some emotional intelligence and resiliency.

00:32:39.280 This is tough, man.

00:32:43.500 Well, and I think, and I think you did say this already, Ryan, but it just comes to mind is from Alex's perspective.

00:32:50.640 I think, you know, you do your best.

00:32:53.380 You make sure your kid knows that they are loved regardless.

00:32:56.080 Right.

00:32:56.560 That's super critical.

00:32:57.520 Yeah, I think so.

00:33:00.020 It's tough.

00:33:02.180 Controversial too.

00:33:03.560 It is controversial because I know people are going to hear this and say, well, you should let that child be a girl.

00:33:07.900 I'm like, I don't know.

00:33:08.920 I don't know if you should.

00:33:10.460 Yeah.

00:33:10.900 Well, it's like I used the analogy the other day is what was it?

00:33:18.300 What was it?

00:33:19.100 Damn it.

00:33:20.500 I think it was my fortune.

00:33:22.520 My 15-year-old son said something like, oh, well, I know.

00:33:26.020 And I'm like, no, no, you don't know.

00:33:28.260 Right.

00:33:28.480 Like, let's be frank.

00:33:30.360 Would you go to school if we didn't force you to?

00:33:34.560 No, I wouldn't.

00:33:35.500 Well, exactly.

00:33:36.620 You don't know what the hell you're doing and you just get to listen.

00:33:41.360 Right.

00:33:41.680 You get to listen.

00:33:42.660 I get to tell you what?

00:33:43.860 Because you're a moron.

00:33:45.400 If it were up to you, you'd play Fortnite every day and do nothing else.

00:33:49.160 Like that's the reality.

00:33:51.380 Right.

00:33:51.560 So, no, you're not in a position to make any decent decisions.

00:33:55.240 That's why you're a minor and we're your parents.

00:33:58.280 That's exactly right.

00:33:58.920 That's why there's authority figures.

00:34:00.560 That's why there's parents.

00:34:01.540 And that's why the family unit is so critical.

00:34:04.380 And I think there's this ultimate attack.

00:34:06.840 I mean, I talk about this dismissal of masculinity, but I believe that there is this ultimate attack

00:34:11.360 on gender in general.

00:34:13.460 I also believe there's an attack on the family unit.

00:34:16.480 And I think both of those pose a very, very serious threat to the fabric of society.

00:34:23.900 We can't let our kids do whatever they feel like doing.

00:34:28.140 Because we know.

00:34:29.860 We already know.

00:34:30.580 It would be like the real life Lord of the Flies.

00:34:35.000 Totally.

00:34:35.320 We can't.

00:34:37.780 That's not healthy.

00:34:40.120 So, a lot of people say, well, it's healthy to allow them to express themselves fully.

00:34:43.260 Look, when they're out of the house, they can do whatever it is they feel like they want

00:34:46.060 to do.

00:34:46.700 But it's my job to teach them action and consequence.

00:34:49.080 And why we operate in these parameters and how it helps us actually be more successful.

00:34:55.500 Yeah.

00:34:55.980 Actually, it was, I now remember, it was a conversation around religion.

00:35:00.500 Around, oh, you know, I'm not sure if I believe in these things.

00:35:02.860 Well, guess what?

00:35:03.800 It doesn't matter.

00:35:05.300 That's, well, like when I was younger, my mom made us go to church every single Sunday.

00:35:10.320 And I would say that, like, I don't know.

00:35:11.420 She's like, well, you don't have to know.

00:35:13.360 You're still going to church.

00:35:15.220 Exactly.

00:35:15.960 And that's what it was for me when I was younger.

00:35:17.380 Yeah, that's part of parenting.

00:35:19.980 All right.

00:35:20.480 Michael Charman, we're going to go from serious to even more serious.

00:35:25.020 How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?

00:35:28.900 I thought you were scrubbing these questions.

00:35:31.120 I just had to say, I mean, it's kind of funny.

00:35:33.800 It was funny the first hundred times I heard, like, because I did these Ask Me Anythings in

00:35:38.040 our Facebook group.

00:35:39.180 And that's the one people would always say that question.

00:35:42.040 And the other question they would ask is, oh, something about a.

00:35:46.420 Oh, it's like a military thing.

00:35:48.280 No, they would ask, what's this bird?

00:35:50.260 Swallow or something.

00:35:51.380 And it's on some movie that somebody's going to mock me because I don't know what.

00:35:54.820 Mighty Python.

00:35:55.680 What is it?

00:35:56.020 Mighty Python?

00:35:56.560 I don't know.

00:35:57.020 Whatever.

00:35:57.980 And I'm supposed to say African or European.

00:36:01.020 And there's like this whole little script.

00:36:02.720 I'm like, okay, I've heard that, you know, 200 times now.

00:36:08.500 It's just not funny anymore.

00:36:09.800 All right.

00:36:10.160 So the question is, do I skip these next two questions?

00:36:14.780 I probably should.

00:36:16.240 Well, if we're scrubbing them.

00:36:17.660 Yeah.

00:36:18.280 Yeah.

00:36:19.060 Okay.

00:36:19.620 But it's kind of funny.

00:36:20.740 Stan Michaels.

00:36:21.440 I leave it to you.

00:36:21.820 I leave it to you.

00:36:22.940 So I'm failing now.

00:36:24.600 So Stan Michael, his comment is, why do your AMA podcast never apply to my special circumstances?

00:36:33.040 Which I think is kind of funny.

00:36:34.060 You're special.

00:36:34.900 That's why.

00:36:35.620 Because Stan's special.

00:36:36.500 All right.

00:36:37.860 And someone else wants to ask why I'm not wearing a curvy brim.

00:36:42.180 Hey, keep watching the YouTube.

00:36:44.240 Maybe we will.

00:36:45.460 Maybe we will.

00:36:46.620 Just keep watching the videos.

00:36:48.040 No, we won't.

00:36:49.960 All right.

00:36:50.640 Noel Rodriguez.

00:36:51.740 What's the difference between raising a boy as opposed to a girl? 0.93

00:36:55.560 I had a recent argument with my sister because she feels that my five-year-old niece shouldn't

00:36:59.940 be doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

00:37:01.760 I introduced her to BJJ and I see her growth every week that passes by.

00:37:08.080 I actually, this is one question I saw and I like this question a lot because it's tough.

00:37:13.480 It's really tough.

00:37:14.400 Then I've had a lot of people ask me that.

00:37:16.040 Here's what I thought.

00:37:17.660 This may not be the definitive answer, but it's a good one.

00:37:20.460 I think is that I think that every child has the right to be raised in a family unit with both a mother and father present.

00:37:34.080 I believe that's critical because I can teach my children very much the same thing between my boys and my daughter.

00:37:42.780 I can teach them very much the same thing, how to be tough and gritty and resilient and fortitude and why strength and determination and all of these things are very, very important.

00:37:52.260 But what I've noticed is that even though I can teach my children the same thing, my daughter is naturally, naturally, and this is generally speaking, going to be more empathetic, more loving, more kind, compassionate.

00:38:04.740 And my boys are naturally, again, generally speaking, going to be more assertive, more aggressive, more dominant, more physical, more gritty, even though I teach them the same things.

00:38:16.300 So I think it's the responsibility of the same-sex parent to help them foster their own femininity and masculinity. 0.74

00:38:25.400 So I can teach them the same things.

00:38:27.120 I pick up something different from me as they are from my wife, and my daughter is going to pick up something different from my wife than they are from me, even though we might be teaching the same thing.

00:38:40.720 That's why it's so important that we have a mother and a father in the home is because my wife is going to help my daughter bring out her feminine characteristics more fully than I'd ever be able to. 1.00

00:38:49.360 And I'm going to help my kids bring out my son's more masculine characteristics more than my wife would ever be able to.

00:38:57.020 Now, both of them can exhibit, both women and men, masculinity and femininity, right? 0.63

00:39:02.980 We have that within both of us.

00:39:04.900 And yet, that same-sex parent is going to help that thing be more developed in boys and in girls.

00:39:12.500 So, yeah, I teach my daughters the same thing.

00:39:15.000 My daughter hasn't expressed interest in jiu-jitsu, but physical fitness is important.

00:39:18.620 So, she's in basketball and soccer and dance and the things that she's doing.

00:39:22.480 We go on campouts together.

00:39:23.820 I do all the same things.

00:39:25.120 When she scrapes her knee, I tell her to get up. 0.96

00:39:28.740 Get up.

00:39:29.660 Wipe it off.

00:39:30.500 Get back to it.

00:39:31.220 Just like I would tell my boys.

00:39:33.200 But I think they just naturally develop.

00:39:36.060 Yesterday, when we were out to dinner for, again, my son's birthday, my daughter came over to my son, and she was hugging up on my son.

00:39:43.640 And she's like, I just want to give you birthday kisses. 0.96

00:39:45.900 I just want to cuddle you.

00:39:46.960 And he's like, get off of me.

00:39:49.280 And it's just the way it is, man.

00:39:52.200 They're going to be naturally more affectionate, and guys are going to be more naturally assertive and aggressive and a little bit more dominant.

00:39:58.460 And the same-sex parent really brings that out in the child, I believe. 0.97

00:40:02.180 Yeah.

00:40:02.720 So, Noah, I'll give you some ammunition with your sister.

00:40:07.400 You ask her if your daughter should be a victim and feel afraid and be unable to defend herself for the rest of her life or not.

00:40:17.800 Do you want that of your daughter?

00:40:19.240 If you don't, you throw in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

00:40:23.220 That's what you do.

00:40:24.140 And a perfect example of this, I gave Asia, my wife, grief over this the other day.

00:40:28.820 She went to work.

00:40:30.200 She had a client that they canceled, and it's a session like at 5 a.m., 5.30 a.m. in the morning.

00:40:39.420 No one was there at the building.

00:40:41.360 She was in her car, and she calls me.

00:40:43.280 She says, I feel afraid.

00:40:45.140 I hate being a girl.

00:40:48.240 Right?

00:40:49.320 Ask a lot of women. 1.00

00:40:50.940 They feel this way all the time.

00:40:53.000 They feel that they are potentially at danger all the time.

00:40:57.160 And the primary reason for it, and this is what I told my wife, is because they do not know how to defend themselves.

00:41:04.480 Period.

00:41:05.980 And then you can go, well, yeah, the guys are more physically stronger than women, blah, blah, blah. 0.95

00:41:10.340 Guess what?

00:41:11.160 It doesn't matter.

00:41:11.900 Look, the most dominant positions in Brazilian jiu-jitsu is a woman on her back in a position that she would more likely be in in the event that she was getting raped. 0.99

00:41:22.240 That's the whole point of jiu-jitsu is to equalize the playing field between a smaller opponent and a larger one.

00:41:28.560 Exactly.

00:41:29.340 And so you are giving your daughter amazing ammunition to build confidence and to protect herself in the event that she got attacked or, you know,

00:41:39.060 God forbid someone attempted to rape her or anything else. 1.00

00:41:42.480 So, you know what?

00:41:43.140 You want to empower your daughter, the women in our world, to, like, feel confident and to be able to defend themselves?

00:41:48.740 Then, you know what?

00:41:49.700 Yeah.

00:41:50.180 Definitely throw them in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

00:41:51.920 And, and, and, again, you're right.

00:41:54.780 I believe you're right.

00:41:56.240 And she needs a woman in her life to help nurture and foster the feminine side of her. 1.00

00:42:03.180 Yeah.

00:42:03.500 That, like, if all she's getting is that side of things, you're doing her injustice.

00:42:09.580 I love that.

00:42:10.380 Like, if she's only getting the tough, physical, rough, rowdy, dominant side of things, she's not going to fully develop into the woman that she's capable of becoming.

00:42:20.020 And vice versa.

00:42:21.260 Yeah.

00:42:21.420 If a boy is only getting the feminine, soft, kind, compassion, I'm not saying it's not important, it is.

00:42:26.880 But if that's all he's getting, and he's not getting the rough, tough, dominant, aggressive side of developing his, his character, he's, he's not fully and well-rounded as a man.

00:42:39.780 They need both.

00:42:41.460 They need both.

00:42:42.420 Yeah.

00:42:42.560 To your point, the importance of the family unit, right?

00:42:45.200 Yes.

00:42:45.900 Yeah.

00:42:46.420 Super critical.

00:42:47.920 All right.

00:42:48.620 Clint Easton.

00:42:50.240 I am a leader over young men at church.

00:42:52.100 What is the one thing I could strive to teach 11 to 13 year old boys spiritually or life related that may not, that they may not learn from their fathers?

00:43:03.160 Self-sufficiency.

00:43:06.200 Handle your shit.

00:43:08.120 It's not my responsibility.

00:43:09.360 Give you an example.

00:43:10.400 So I'm, I'm a leader in our church as well.

00:43:12.380 He may be LDS.

00:43:13.260 I'm LDS.

00:43:13.780 You're LDS, Kip. 0.93

00:43:14.420 Um, so I, my, my calling is, is what it's referred to as in, in the church is working with the, uh, 14 to 16 year old young men.

00:43:25.400 They're called, they would call them teachers.

00:43:26.920 So that's my, that's my responsibility in the church.

00:43:29.600 And we, every summer we do what we call a high adventure.

00:43:32.480 It's part of the scouting program.

00:43:34.020 So we take these boys on a 17 mile hike and the first, it's an overnighter.

00:43:42.080 So the first night we hiked down and I want to say it was, this was probably five or six years ago.

00:43:45.940 So my details are a little fuzzy, but, uh, it was a hike down.

00:43:50.000 I want to say six or seven miles down to the Canyon and there's some really cool pools.

00:43:53.920 And the boys went and jumped in the pools and everything.

00:43:55.500 It's really cool.

00:43:56.680 And, and then we, we found our camping spot, set up camp, and then we hiked out the remaining 10 miles the next day.

00:44:04.420 And so it was getting dusk.

00:44:06.340 We got some dinner and the boys were like, Hey, what times, what time is bedtime?

00:44:10.000 And I'm like, I don't know.

00:44:12.960 And they're like, well, what do you mean?

00:44:14.120 And I said, I don't, what do you mean?

00:44:16.220 What time's bedtime?

00:44:17.480 I'm like, whenever you want.

00:44:18.860 And they're like, well, most of our scout leaders make us have a bedtime.

00:44:21.580 I'm like, you're 14 years old.

00:44:24.320 You don't need me to tell you what time to go to bed.

00:44:26.280 I'll tell you this though.

00:44:27.700 We're leaving at 7am, which means that you need to be up, packed, changed.

00:44:33.720 And food in you because we're hiking out at 7am.

00:44:37.400 We got other things to do.

00:44:38.900 So I don't care if you go to bed now, or if you go to bed at 630, as long as you're ready at 7am.

00:44:44.420 It doesn't matter.

00:44:45.840 I said, and I, and I said to, I said, these are, these here, here's our motto.

00:44:50.900 Do whatever you want and suffer the consequences.

00:44:54.700 That was our motto of the event.

00:44:56.280 And so I went to bed and there's a river by where we're at.

00:45:02.020 And I go to bed and there's probably seven boys.

00:45:04.060 And I hear them midnight.

00:45:05.880 I hear them at one o'clock at night and they're playing in the river.

00:45:09.380 And they're, they found some frogs.

00:45:10.820 They put a frog in my sleeping bag.

00:45:12.200 They about got their butts kicked for that.

00:45:14.340 So they're out playing and I wake up the next morning about 530 or six o'clock.

00:45:18.880 And I start kicking.

00:45:19.740 I'm like, Hey guys, get up.

00:45:21.280 They're like, we don't want to get up.

00:45:23.140 I'm tired.

00:45:24.260 So I asked him, I said, well, what time did you go to bed?

00:45:26.080 They said three o'clock.

00:45:28.000 I said, do whatever you want.

00:45:29.720 Suffer the consequences.

00:45:30.700 Now you suffer the consequences.

00:45:33.660 So they got up.

00:45:34.700 We went and hiked.

00:45:35.400 They were tired.

00:45:35.980 They were exhausted.

00:45:36.780 I had a couple of parents mad at me, of course.

00:45:38.820 Yeah.

00:45:39.080 But dude, you're 14 years old.

00:45:41.960 It's time for you to learn that you can go to bed on your own.

00:45:44.720 You don't need me or anybody else telling you when you go to bed.

00:45:47.100 Now, the next hikes that we went on, guess what time they went to bed.

00:45:50.600 Yeah.

00:45:51.100 Right when they should have.

00:45:52.640 Got plenty of sleep because they know I'm not going to tell you.

00:45:56.440 You're big, you're big kids.

00:45:58.080 You can figure some of this stuff out and they're not going to get that because every

00:46:01.540 parent's like, you got to do this and you got to do this and, and I'll save you.

00:46:04.460 And if you do something wrong, then I'll come rescue you.

00:46:06.220 And if you get in trouble, then I'll save you.

00:46:07.680 And it's like, dude, you're, you're, you have a great responsibility as, as a scout

00:46:12.980 leader or young men's leader to teach them to be reliant upon themselves and each other

00:46:19.500 and not be so helicopter parent ish.

00:46:23.440 If you will, it's a great position to be in and they're not going to get it from their

00:46:26.640 parents.

00:46:27.380 Yeah.

00:46:27.820 The majority of them aren't anyways.

00:46:29.120 Yeah.

00:46:29.960 So do whatever you want.

00:46:30.960 Suffer the consequences and then uphold the consequences.

00:46:33.700 I could have like in this, in this scenario, I could have,

00:46:36.200 said, all right, guys, well, you know, we'll sleep in for another couple hours.

00:46:39.180 No, I'm not going to, I'm not going to rob you of the opportunity of learning from your

00:46:44.220 mistake.

00:46:45.460 I'm going to let you wallow in the misery of being completely exhausted.

00:46:51.100 So you learn the lesson and you don't do it next time.

00:46:55.600 Yeah.

00:46:58.120 That's great.

00:46:59.220 Scouts, man, young men and scouts.

00:47:01.360 It's so awesome.

00:47:02.560 We did a high adventure years back.

00:47:06.240 We, we attempted a 50 miler.

00:47:08.720 Oh yeah.

00:47:09.840 All in all at once.

00:47:10.940 Cause I think you have a week to do it, but you did it all in an entire week, an entire

00:47:14.220 week.

00:47:15.300 And, uh, I'll have to tell you this story sometime.

00:47:18.420 It was so funny.

00:47:20.220 Like it was hilarious.

00:47:21.900 I just, everything went wrong and it was awesome.

00:47:25.580 But, and that's the things that they'll remember too.

00:47:27.920 They'll look back and say, remember, remember that scout leader we had and everything went

00:47:32.320 wrong and it started snowing and then our clothes got wet and they got lost in the river.

00:47:36.100 Remember how awesome that was totally remember.

00:47:39.320 And, and that, that particular high adventure is still talked about in our neighborhood.

00:47:43.320 Even today, it is.

00:47:44.940 It's the llama.

00:47:46.140 It's the llama high adventure trip.

00:47:48.100 Yeah.

00:47:49.200 But anyhow, it's awesome.

00:47:51.000 Okay.

00:47:51.220 Kyle hike.

00:47:52.440 Hey, how to date in this day of age.

00:47:55.400 I'm 20 and girls, my age just want sex. 0.99

00:47:58.420 I was not raised this way.

00:48:00.540 Kyle, you are the only 20 year old complaining about this.

00:48:04.580 I'm just joking.

00:48:05.200 I shouldn't, I shouldn't have put fun.

00:48:08.260 I've, that seems weird to me.

00:48:12.740 Um, I mean, if he's, uh, look, if that's not what you want, you're hanging out in the

00:48:16.760 wrong circles, bottom line, you know, if, if, if that's not what you're interested in,

00:48:21.360 I commend you for that.

00:48:22.500 I don't think, I don't think a person should have sex before they're married.

00:48:25.180 So I commend you for that decision.

00:48:26.860 If that's not what you're interested in, you got, you got to get out of those circles.

00:48:29.880 Maybe you're in the partying circle.

00:48:31.040 Maybe you're hanging out at the bar.

00:48:32.600 Maybe you're hanging out with frankly, you know, women who are, who are acting slutty. 1.00

00:48:35.760 You know, I don't know, but if that's what you're finding yourself in, you put yourself

00:48:39.600 in that environment, put yourself in a new environment, be around professionals, be around

00:48:43.080 women who maybe are a little bit older. 0.99

00:48:44.780 You know, maybe they're not 20, maybe they're 25 or 26.

00:48:47.180 And maybe you're just a little bit more mature, which is, which is great, but go, go to professional

00:48:53.880 conferences, go to where people are serious, where people are, you know, maybe more interested

00:48:58.860 in taking care of themselves, like, like the gym or they're, they're engaged in a, in a

00:49:04.680 specific hobby.

00:49:05.920 But I think you found yourself in a circle that you aren't interested in being around.

00:49:10.260 And although you might be comfortable in that circle, it's not producing the results that

00:49:14.380 you're after, which tells me that you've got to find a new circle.

00:49:18.300 Do you think that his assessment is accurate?

00:49:21.660 Do you have women changed so much? 1.00

00:49:23.660 I mean, I, I don't, I'm a, my experience, but I've been out of the game for 16 years now.

00:49:29.200 So I'm an old guy and I would suggest that any girl that quote unquote, all she wants 1.00

00:49:34.560 to do is have sex at age 20. 0.56

00:49:36.100 I would argue that that's actually not what she wants, that she may act like that because 0.99

00:49:41.720 she thinks that's all that you want.

00:49:44.260 But I don't think, uh, I don't know.

00:49:46.980 I don't know if I agree with that.

00:49:48.320 No.

00:49:49.120 Why?

00:49:49.640 Like, I'm sure there's promiscuous women, just like guys who want to sleep around. 1.00

00:49:54.500 Yeah.

00:49:55.620 Just making it sound like all 20 year olds.

00:49:57.780 That's all.

00:49:58.520 Yeah.

00:49:58.700 Of course.

00:49:59.060 It's not all, it's just all for your circle.

00:50:01.400 You know, we have this, this confirmation bias, right?

00:50:04.560 We talk with 10 of our friends and we're like, the world and the world is like this.

00:50:09.980 It's like, yeah, your 10 closest friends are like that because you've just made it that

00:50:15.540 way.

00:50:15.760 It's certainly not all of them.

00:50:17.060 You just found yourself in the wrong circle.

00:50:18.980 Yeah.

00:50:19.580 Create a new circle, find a new circle.

00:50:21.480 Well, you got something going for you, Kyle.

00:50:23.280 I mean, you're probably a good looking guy.

00:50:25.600 Apparently.

00:50:26.960 Got game.

00:50:28.540 Got game.

00:50:30.260 All right.

00:50:30.760 What, how are we doing on time?

00:50:32.100 I don't, I don't know.

00:50:32.940 I should have asked you.

00:50:34.740 You said you wouldn't want me to track it anymore.

00:50:36.440 I think we've got about 10 minutes.

00:50:37.900 All right.

00:50:38.360 10 minutes.

00:50:38.700 According to my clock, which is.

00:50:40.980 30 minutes fast.

00:50:43.700 It's an hour off.

00:50:44.920 Yeah.

00:50:45.300 Jeez.

00:50:46.300 All right.

00:50:46.640 John Gilliland.

00:50:47.740 Hey, John.

00:50:48.720 How's it going?

00:50:49.860 Uh, what arrows and broad heads do you shoot?

00:50:54.360 Um, I shoot gold tips is are the arrows that I shoot broad heads.

00:50:59.520 I mean, maybe you can give me some, some suggestions.

00:51:01.480 I've been using the, uh, the, uh, rage tripans, but I'm thinking about going to the, uh, the

00:51:08.760 grim reapers.

00:51:09.720 They're expandables.

00:51:11.440 Um, I don't know.

00:51:13.580 I don't know.

00:51:13.880 I've tried a lot of different ones.

00:51:14.860 So maybe you guys can give me some pointers on that.

00:51:17.960 I know when I say that every, you know, everybody's going to send, send a different thing.

00:51:21.200 I'm have like 30 different ones.

00:51:22.600 I need to try.

00:51:23.320 I, I just kind of think like, just put the arrow where it's supposed to go and it'll do

00:51:27.000 the job.

00:51:28.040 I'm not saying that's an easy task.

00:51:29.840 You know, I'm, I'm not great at that quite yet, but, uh, that's what I've been using.

00:51:34.360 John, I think you should go with wood and, and, uh, an arrowhead, make an arrowhead.

00:51:41.140 That's what I would do.

00:51:42.060 Go native.

00:51:43.040 That's right.

00:51:44.860 What else?

00:51:46.560 Anthony Lim, list men's survival skills in the modern age.

00:51:52.440 Um, well, in the modern age, I think knowing how to do some basic, uh, electrical, I know

00:52:02.180 like knowing how to work on your vehicle, uh, is important.

00:52:06.120 Change of tire is important.

00:52:07.700 Uh, self-defense is important.

00:52:10.180 Situational awareness is important.

00:52:11.820 Uh, being prepared for situations that you may run across, having some contingency plans

00:52:17.100 in place.

00:52:17.540 Should an emergency or natural disaster take place?

00:52:21.080 Um, know your slashes, know your slashes, your backslashes and your forward slashes.

00:52:26.240 Absolutely.

00:52:26.680 Um, know how to handle a firearm, know how to use a knife, know how to make a fire.

00:52:34.100 I mean, all of, all of it.

00:52:36.820 You need to know everything.

00:52:39.520 No, really.

00:52:40.320 You need to know everything.

00:52:41.760 Don't stop.

00:52:42.340 Exactly.

00:52:43.460 So that's exactly right.

00:52:44.800 You don't never stop learning ways to take care of yourself and, and get yourself out

00:52:50.700 of a sticky situation.

00:52:51.720 Physical fitness is certainly an element and a component of that.

00:52:54.660 Um, but yeah, just learn it all, learn everything you possibly can.

00:52:58.280 Yeah.

00:52:59.120 Cool.

00:52:59.600 John Mofa, what to do when your dad never really set the example of a being a man as

00:53:06.740 described by Ryan, Andy, Ed, and et cetera, not, not driven out of shape, lazy relationship

00:53:13.360 with your mom.

00:53:14.000 Isn't the best.

00:53:14.940 Do I try to help him get better or just leave, let it be?

00:53:19.840 Well, what do you, I mean, what are you going to do?

00:53:22.140 So I'm confused.

00:53:23.700 So is he talking about himself or I think he's talking about himself.

00:53:27.040 And I think he's, I think he's saying that he didn't have a great role model and a father

00:53:30.740 and he's wondering if he should help him.

00:53:32.840 Um, look at the end of the day, you can't help people who aren't willing to help themselves.

00:53:36.160 Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but you've got to determine, is this an individual and

00:53:39.240 your father who's willing to help himself?

00:53:40.900 If he is, then there's certainly some things that you can share.

00:53:43.640 Yeah.

00:53:44.200 I mean, try to help, but I mean, realize you can't change someone.

00:53:48.040 Right.

00:53:48.260 Exactly.

00:53:49.100 Yeah.

00:53:49.320 Being an amazing example for sure.

00:53:52.620 Yeah.

00:53:53.000 Now, what do you do for yourself?

00:53:55.120 Your father is not the only place to learn how to be a man.

00:53:59.420 Yeah.

00:54:00.000 People say that all the time.

00:54:00.840 It's like, well, I never had a father growing up.

00:54:02.260 Neither did I excuse.

00:54:04.160 It is.

00:54:04.760 That's exactly what it is.

00:54:05.820 I didn't have a father either.

00:54:07.620 And there's millions of other people who didn't have fathers and they learned what needed

00:54:12.200 to be learned.

00:54:12.760 How?

00:54:13.200 By surrounding themselves with other men who knew how to be men.

00:54:15.840 Yeah.

00:54:16.200 Whether it's here or order a man, Facebook group or the iron council or somebody in your

00:54:20.380 community or a local brotherhood or a fraternity or a sports team or the military or whatever.

00:54:25.900 Just find, learn from other men.

00:54:27.780 You're learning from me and Kip and Andy and Ed and all the guys you're talking about.

00:54:32.120 That's how you do it.

00:54:33.500 You surround yourself with people who are, who have become and who are aspiring to be like

00:54:38.480 a type of individual and man that you are aspiring to be like.

00:54:41.960 So don't, don't use the thing of like, oh, I didn't have a father.

00:54:44.100 So what do I do?

00:54:45.080 Figure it out.

00:54:46.440 Find somebody else who can behave in a way that you want to behave and you want to show

00:54:50.620 up and become that type of man.

00:54:52.740 Yeah.

00:54:52.980 By him, by him sovereignty, John.

00:54:55.820 Yeah, for sure.

00:54:56.800 If he'll read it.

00:54:58.100 Really?

00:54:58.420 Like, I think that I love that way of introducing a thought process to a friend of saying, hey,

00:55:04.560 you know what?

00:55:04.880 I got you this book.

00:55:05.760 When you're done reading it, let's talk.

00:55:07.780 If they never read it, then you know, right.

00:55:10.660 You're out 20 bucks or whatever.

00:55:12.160 Yeah.

00:55:12.440 If they read the book and say, dude, that was awesome.

00:55:14.380 Then you're like, ah, nice.

00:55:15.780 We're on the same page.

00:55:16.780 We can have some conversation about this stuff.

00:55:18.720 And you know, then you can deep dive into some more.

00:55:20.480 Good idea.

00:55:21.100 Yep.

00:55:21.320 Great idea.

00:55:22.340 Cool.

00:55:22.600 Let's take a couple more and then we'll, we'll call it a day.

00:55:24.680 All right.

00:55:25.020 Bruce, Bruce.

00:55:26.240 I know your name's not Bruce, Bruce, but nice.

00:55:29.840 Yeah.

00:55:30.100 Maybe it is.

00:55:30.880 How do you know?

00:55:31.460 How do you know that?

00:55:32.140 True.

00:55:32.300 I'm placing, I'm, I'm, I'm judging you, Bruce.

00:55:34.580 I'm sorry.

00:55:36.120 You're not judging.

00:55:37.180 You're just assuming.

00:55:38.460 Assuming.

00:55:39.800 As my dad would say, that's a joke.

00:55:41.960 All right.

00:55:42.440 Discuss how you expand your network while focusing on a high value connections.

00:55:47.020 I actually like this question.

00:55:48.680 Oh, okay.

00:55:49.180 So expand your network, high value connections.

00:55:51.220 Yeah.

00:55:52.040 Expand it while still trying to focus on high value connections.

00:55:56.420 Yeah.

00:55:56.660 I think you just have to have a system in place, right?

00:55:58.880 I've got systems in place for following up.

00:56:00.800 In fact, you can't see it, but behind the, my, so there's my safe behind my safe is you

00:56:06.260 can kind of see a glass board right there.

00:56:08.400 Can you see it?

00:56:09.080 Yeah.

00:56:09.240 Yeah.

00:56:09.520 Yeah.

00:56:09.800 Yeah.

00:56:10.000 Right there.

00:56:10.740 Yeah.

00:56:11.180 So those on that board are relationships that I want to continue to manage and develop

00:56:14.860 and foster.

00:56:15.300 So I've got a whole list of them and then I can go in that, in that database and things

00:56:19.640 that I have on my calendar set up and I can constantly be reaching out to these individuals

00:56:23.720 periodically and systematically in order to develop and foster deeper relationships with these

00:56:27.960 people.

00:56:28.240 The biggest thing that I've ever been able to do with high value connections is to serve

00:56:32.020 them.

00:56:32.840 So if I see an article that I think would be useful, or I see an article that maybe they're

00:56:37.120 in, I'll just shoot them a quick message.

00:56:38.720 Hey, I saw this article.

00:56:40.480 Really appreciate what you had to say.

00:56:42.440 Or one guy I think of right off hand is Jordan Harbinger with the Art of Charm.

00:56:47.160 Well, he was with Art of Charm.

00:56:48.360 Now it's Jordan Harbinger show is every once in a while I'll reach out to him or he'll reach

00:56:52.540 out to me and say, Hey man, I've got somebody on the podcast that I think would make

00:56:55.300 a great fit for your podcast.

00:56:57.140 Can I introduce you?

00:56:58.240 Now I'm serving this person.

00:56:59.740 I'm serving, not only am I serving Jordan, but I'm also serving the guy that I'm making

00:57:03.960 an introduction for as well.

00:57:06.220 So now you're doing both, right?

00:57:08.760 So constantly add value, have a systematic approach to building your network and connecting

00:57:13.760 with these people that you want to connect with.

00:57:15.860 And in the meantime, figure out where other people are.

00:57:19.200 These high value connections.

00:57:20.780 Are they at conferences?

00:57:21.700 And if so, what conferences that are they at?

00:57:23.760 What are they doing for activities?

00:57:24.900 Where are they hanging out on social media?

00:57:26.520 And be very deliberate.

00:57:27.900 It's not about casting a wide net.

00:57:30.620 I don't really believe in that.

00:57:32.240 It's about sniper-like practices, right?

00:57:36.000 It's about tools that you're using to connect with powerful people in an industry or an environment

00:57:40.900 that you're interested in doing.

00:57:42.060 We actually talk about this in our Tribe Builder course, which is we're starting another one

00:57:47.900 in February 1st.

00:57:49.740 And this is me pulling back the curtain of what we've been able to do within Order of

00:57:53.020 Man and grow this organization and movement and how we've been able to do it in such a

00:57:56.740 short period of time and connect with guys like Ed Milad and Andy Frisilla and Grant Cardone

00:58:02.220 and Jocko Willink and Tim Kennedy and Dakota Meyer and all the amazing, amazing men that

00:58:07.220 we've been able to connect with.

00:58:08.160 I'm pulling back the curtain and sharing all of that.

00:58:10.560 So if you're trying to build something, that might be something you're interested in as

00:58:13.680 well.

00:58:14.060 That's February 1st.

00:58:16.020 It's orderofman.com slash Tribe Builder.

00:58:19.440 So when you're saying like snapper style, instead of saying, you know, trying to reach

00:58:25.040 a huge broad audience, you're narrowed in and a handful of contacts that you're focused

00:58:30.820 on expanding your network into.

00:58:32.860 You're not thinking a much broader sense than that.

00:58:36.000 Because five of the right contacts can significantly outweigh 5,000 of the wrong ones.

00:58:43.460 So we don't want to cast a wide net.

00:58:45.880 We want to cast a narrow, deep net.

00:58:49.500 That's the better strategy, tactic to employ.

00:58:54.000 Yeah.

00:58:54.680 Cool.

00:58:55.420 I love it.

00:58:56.140 And I love the intentionality around it, right?

00:58:58.340 The fact that you know who they are, that you're acting on it, not just, oh, I'd like

00:59:02.320 to, you know.

00:59:03.180 Right.

00:59:03.880 No, I've got a list, even on my phone.

00:59:05.380 In fact, I wrote down a couple of names of guys that I want to have on the podcast.

00:59:08.160 These are people I want to connect with.

00:59:09.280 I wrote them down because I want to be intentional about it.

00:59:12.440 So I wrote those names down and then I'll research and figure out ways to connect with

00:59:15.440 these people and contact them.

00:59:17.960 Cool.

00:59:18.880 All right.

00:59:20.020 One more question.

00:59:20.820 Sure.

00:59:21.520 Let's take one more.

00:59:22.580 All right.

00:59:23.120 Colton Hunter Nolan.

00:59:24.380 How to approach relationships with the opposite sex in a healthy way when all you have seen 1.00

00:59:29.540 in your parents are divorce, fighting, and et cetera.

00:59:32.660 This goes back to the same question.

00:59:35.280 Well, a couple of different questions.

00:59:36.500 You're running in the wrong circles, number one.

00:59:38.440 So you're looking at the wrong examples.

00:59:40.760 And number two is that you are, what was the question before?

00:59:45.240 Oh, I didn't have an example.

00:59:46.520 Find an example.

00:59:48.000 Yeah.

00:59:48.680 Find an example.

00:59:50.020 Hang out with people that are amazing couples that you want to model.

00:59:53.120 It's not complicated.

00:59:55.880 It really isn't.

00:59:56.440 When I was struggling with my wife in our relationship and went through our separation,

01:00:00.260 I started hanging out with guys who were locked down in the fatherhood and husband department.

01:00:05.040 And surprise, surprise, I learned what they were doing.

01:00:07.320 And I was able to implement that stuff and become a better father and husband myself.

01:00:11.360 So proximity is powerful.

01:00:13.760 You know, if you're around people who are losers, you're going to be a loser.

01:00:16.560 If you're around people who are strong, capable, self-sufficient human beings,

01:00:20.800 then you're probably going to be a strong, capable, self-sufficient human being.

01:00:25.280 And I think that example in the relationship area could be friends.

01:00:28.320 It could be grandparents.

01:00:29.440 Anything.

01:00:29.800 It could be couples in your neighborhood.

01:00:31.700 I mean, you can find a lot of good examples of strong relationships.

01:00:35.560 There's podcasts, you know, specifically on relationships.

01:00:38.280 I mean, there's stuff out there for sure.

01:00:40.840 Cool.

01:00:42.240 All right.

01:00:42.700 Let's wrap it up.

01:00:43.520 Let's call it a day.

01:00:44.140 Yeah, so we talked about this earlier in regards to Ryan's amazing video of taking out kids with dodgeballs.

01:00:52.100 You can watch that video and many other good videos and posts on Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:00:58.960 If you want to contribute to this podcast and submit some questions, we are going to scrub them.

01:01:03.720 So don't get offended.

01:01:05.020 No more woodchuck questions.

01:01:06.240 Actually, you know, I'm tempted to say don't get offended.

01:01:09.660 But what Ryan would say is be offended if your question gets scrubbed.

01:01:14.220 That means it wasn't a good question.

01:01:16.480 Yeah.

01:01:16.700 So improve and give us better questions.

01:01:18.520 But you can submit those questions really one of three ways via patreon.com forward slash order of man,

01:01:24.680 which is a Patreon account for the most part is a way to contribute to the movement to the order.

01:01:31.760 Yeah.

01:01:31.920 There's little perks in there and things as well.

01:01:34.140 So I'll getting some perks and some benefit and some swag and whatnot.

01:01:38.000 The second approach is to join us in our brotherhood, the Iron Council. 0.94

01:01:44.220 This is 500 plus like-minded men being on the court in life and holding each other accountable

01:01:53.380 and having structure and focus and accountability and team efforts and discussions and a whole lot more on a regular basis.

01:02:02.840 You can learn more about the Iron Council at order of man.com forward slash iron council.

01:02:08.020 And then the last is to join us on the Facebook group, which is facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:02:14.340 And we have 50 K plus men part of that group.

01:02:20.020 And there's a lot of good conversations and there's a lot of conversations and questions that need your opinion and insights, right?

01:02:28.580 I was just scrubbing through the Facebook group yesterday and I thought if I wasn't,

01:02:33.080 if I was in a position to type because I was on my phone, I did not want to like type a novel.

01:02:39.260 Yeah, type of novel.

01:02:40.640 I was like, man, but I need a reply to this guy, right?

01:02:43.620 Because someone posted something.

01:02:44.880 I was like, oh man, you're seeing this wrong.

01:02:48.220 So contribute, man.

01:02:50.080 Make a difference and stand and be a lighthouse for other men.

01:02:54.420 And one good way to do that is in that Facebook group.

01:02:57.680 So right on, man.

01:02:58.820 Cool.

01:02:59.360 All right, guys.

01:02:59.780 Hope you're enjoying the podcast.

01:03:00.820 Glad you're here and tuned in.

01:03:02.160 We're all becoming better men together.

01:03:03.600 I think this is powerful because we are banded together and we're learning from each other.

01:03:07.240 So let's wrap this up, guys.

01:03:09.060 Go out there.

01:03:09.680 Have a great week.

01:03:11.700 And then we'll catch you next week on next week's Ask Me Anything.

01:03:15.100 But until then, take action.

01:03:16.340 Become the man you are meant to be.

01:03:17.920 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:03:20.820 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:03:24.860 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - January 02, 2019

Rebuilding Trust, Deep Networking, and Raising Boys and Girls ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript