Reconciling after Separation, Knowing When to Move On, and How to Coach Mindset Change in Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
On this episode of the Ask Me Anything podcast, we have a special guest on the show, Kip Johnson. Kip and his wife are expecting their first child, a baby boy, and they are a bundle of nerves. They talk about how to prepare for fatherhood, how to be a good father, and what they are looking forward to in the future.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you. Glad to be back on the podcast.
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We passed on a smaller bull moose on a Tuesday because we had seen so much action on Monday and Tuesday.
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And then even on Wednesday morning, we saw a really small bull running with the cow before shooting light.
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It's just running on the road, but it was before shooting light.
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And then Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, we saw maybe four cows, no bulls.
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So Breckin and I were like, oh, man, we're not going to see anything.
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Yeah, I was nervous for you when you're like, because I was like, when you first posted a picture of their first bull, I was like, congrats.
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I thought, oh, yeah, my personality is like, this is our only chance.
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That first day was the first moose that I posted was pretty decent, actually.
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He said, if you're going to shoot a state record, shoot it.
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And then on Tuesday, we passed on one together.
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We passed up two bulls that we could have shot easily.
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And finally, we got the third time was a charm.
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So, last week, we did a different Ask Me Anything.
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So, guys, this week, it's more like your traditional Ask Me Anything where we're fielding questions from members of our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council.
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To learn more about the IC, go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
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We are expecting our first child and I'm beyond excited and, of course, a bundle of nerves.
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What are some things that you guys did or wish you had done to prepare yourselves for fatherhood?
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By the way, the IC is an absolute blessing at this time and I am grateful to have it.
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Well, one of the things that I think is useful that you actually hit on is having other men in your corner who are fathers who have gone through it before.
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And one of the beautiful things about the Iron Council is we have individual channels and one of them is a fatherhood channel.
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So, if you're not in that fatherhood channel, make sure you're there because you can ask questions like these and get feedback from the guys and really cater your experience in the Iron Council.
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So, having men in your corner who have gone through it before is invaluable.
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Also, I would suggest that you look into or at least consider or have the mindset that your job is to put yourself out of a job.
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And I don't mean that you're never going to be needed or never wanted or never be around when they graduate or anything like that, but that you're not raising a child, that you're raising an adult.
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So, somebody who's going to go out into the workforce, go out into the world and be self-sustaining, contribute more than they take out or take away from environments and situations.
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And I think if you have that mindset, you're going to do things differently than if you're trying to baby and coddle and bubble wrap and shelter this little child not to grow up or not to contribute to society.
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But I would say even different than the fatherhood thing, you're going to get that down and there's nothing you can do to be completely ready for it.
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You're going to learn along the way, be open, learn to say sorry, talk to your kids about when you screw up and you will screw up.
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But I would also say in addition to those things, make sure that you're taking care of yourself and also make sure that you're taking care of your wife.
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Because it's very, yeah, it's very easy to, at least for me, it was very easy to lose myself and what was going on and then forget that my wife needs time and attention and energy.
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And she's got this child that she's caring for.
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And then she's got me as maybe an adult child at times that she's worried about.
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And I wish I would have done a better job at this, but support around the house, support with logistical planning, support with even if she's a stay-at-home mom, for example, doing chores or errands, things that need to be done for the household so that she can have time to be able to rest and relax and recover.
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Because she's got a lot going on too, obviously, clearly, more than you do.
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Yeah, the only thing that comes to mind is just take advantage of it, enjoy it.
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I mean, I, this is such an old guy to say, but like I saw a video of our youngest boy when he was like a few months old the other day.
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And it's like, I miss it, you know, and that time's gone.
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So, just be present and embrace it and try to enjoy it and don't let work and these other things like overshadow the importance of the time that you have.
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Because you won't have that time again with those kids.
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All right, Frederick Butcher, or Bocher, a friend called and told me he's separated from his wife right now.
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He said that they are planning on reconciliation, reconciliation, sorry.
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In the course of our conversation, I told him to read No More Mr. Nice Guy.
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I posted to my battle team about someone recommended on F Yourself.
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I would also read another one to add there is Wild at Heart by John Eldridge because it helps you understand masculinity and manliness.
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So, I don't know if I'd give you a better list of books necessarily.
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Extreme Ownership, if you haven't read that, because there's clearly a lot of things that have broken down in the relationship.
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And a lot of it is your fault or your friend's fault.
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But there's only one person that your friend can take responsibility for, and that's himself.
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And when you change, people respond negatively and positively.
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If you change for the worse, people are going to respond negatively.
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If you change for the better, people are going to respond positively.
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Now, it doesn't mean things are going to happen the way that you want.
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It doesn't always mean just because you're changing and trying to get better and improve that there is going to be reconciliation or that you are going to get what you want from other people.
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They have a say in the matter, but your life, that's the only play that you have really.
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Because what's the alternative is just to continue to do what you're currently doing and hope by some miracle something works out.
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And if you improve, either she'll respond to that and you guys will be able to reconcile or your friend and his wife will, or maybe she won't.
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And down the road, whether it's two years or five years or 10 years or whatever it might be, when he's in another relationship, he's going to be better for it.
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And that relationship is going to be better because he took the right path, which is responsibility.
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You and I have had a lot of conversations about this.
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When you took responsibility, that's when things began to change for you.
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Well, and it's interesting because you're saying, what's the alternative?
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But what we also hold on to is this idea, well, you know, I'm going to show up in a way that will manipulate and try to coerce and change, you know, the other individual.
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But that's not the right type of change you want anyway, right?
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There's certain things that I could possibly do to get my wife to show up differently.
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Like, you don't even want that type anyway, right?
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And so, even if you are able to pull off some, you know, change on their behalf, that's not the change that you typically want.
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Because they got to make those decisions on their own.
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And that's just going to be from a more powerful position.
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Well, there's a lot in a relationship that you could do.
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You know, you think about even, I don't know what your financial situation is.
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But if you're a primary breadwinner, you could hold that little money chip, that money card over her.
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Hey, you know, I got the money, so you got to stick around.
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Okay, well, you're going to, you might get some compliance in that, right?
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And there's more resentment, like you were saying.
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And then it will only get worse and worse and worse.
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That's the trick, is you don't even realize you're doing it.
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But you really have to, I say you, but I really have to dig deeper into my motives of why I show up the way I do.
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Like, am I saying this thing to my wife or to my children or even to you guys listening because it's the right thing to say and the right thing to do and the right mindset or what I truly believe?
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Or am I saying it so that I'll elicit some sort of reaction or response from you that I've already predetermined what it, quote unquote, should be?
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I think the best thing to do, this doesn't even answer the question because you're just asking about books.
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But I think the best thing to do, not just with relationships, but life is doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do and then letting the chips fall where they may.
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And that sucks because the chips falling where they may don't always fall where you want them to.
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Yeah, that's where I always, you know, we've had conversations in the past about Green's book, 48 Laws of Power, right?
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And people lose their crap over it because like, this book's so manipulative.
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And my stance on that has always been like, you don't think you're doing the majority of these things all the time anyway.
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Anyone that reads that book and goes, oh, this is so wrong and doesn't internalize and realize they're actually doing a lot of those things subconsciously is a fool because we're doing those things all the time.
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So, it's really good to know, you know, how human nature is, right?
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And how you show up in some of those things that we naturally kind of do.
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I think a good litmus test to know if you're manipulating other people or not is to ask yourself if you would do or say the same thing if you got the exact opposite response of what you wanted.
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Would you do what you're doing right now, whether it's trying to beg or plea or whatever you're doing, would you do it right now if you knew with 100% certainty that she was leaving tomorrow?
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If the answer is, yeah, I would still do that, then you're probably not being manipulative.
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But if you change your tune, then you're just playing the game.
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Which, I mean, there is something to be said for that in some cases, you know, but you can't lose yourself in the moment.
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I think about maybe it's a client relationship and a client wants you to bump them ahead of other people.
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Well, you know, depending on the client and the thing, there might be reasons to do that.
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And I don't think that sacrifices your boundaries or who you actually are as a person.
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But there are some reasons why you would do some of those things.
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It's just a good litmus test to see where you stand.
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The five love languages I would add to the list.
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And then one other book that comes to mind that I think was profound for me was, I think it's called Letting Go.
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But really, it's premised on the idea that like, how do I say this?
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There was a major breakthrough for me during my divorce when I went from this kind of manipulation and what I wanted versus what she wanted versus just letting go and wishing the best for her, agnostic of how it benefited me.
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And once I got to that point, it was like, you know what?
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I could actually love her and it wasn't about what I was going to benefit from.
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And it really allowed me to get pure in my intent.
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Is it Letting Go, The Pathway of Surrender by David Hawkins?
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It says, A Powerful Mechanism to Help You Surrender Anything Holding You Back on Your Path to Enlightenment and Find Fulfillment, Truth, and Spiritual Growth.
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And it says here, the primary aim was, oh, during his psychiatric practice, the author's primary aim was to seek the most effective ways to alleviate, excuse me, relieve human suffering in all of its many forms.
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Because the inner mechanism of surrender was found to be of great practical benefit and is described in this book.
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I don't remember if it actually even has to do, like he even talks about divorce or marriage or anything.
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But that's kind of what I got out of it was there's power in just things are what they are.
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Let go of those expectations of what should or should not be.
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He was 83 and suffered from dementia for several years.
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Fortunately, he died in his sleep after having a nice dinner and taking a nap in his favorite chair.
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I know Ryan lost his dad and would like to know he would be able to share anything that helped him get through the loss.
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Like Ryan, I wasn't able to say goodbye to him.
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I don't know if I'm the best person to answer this question.
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I tend to be somebody who can bury pretty well.
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And that's to say nothing about the way he showed up as a father.
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It's just I wasn't as good a son as I could be.
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I wish I could have a better answer and give you a really good, solid answer to what.
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I try to bottle it up and not cry and be emotional.
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And I'm not saying be a blabbering idiot in front of everybody, but maybe just go out
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Jason Wilson has a great book called Cry Like a Man.
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And there's a lot of positive benefit of letting out negativity and toxicity through tears,
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So I would say grieve and do that and find the space to be able to do that.
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I mean, the hard part about death and loss is it just takes time to get over.
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And if you're like me, you want it to happen quickly.
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I was listening to Jocko podcast a few years ago.
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If you search like how to deal with loss of life or dealing with the loss of a loved one,
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you'll find probably a video on YouTube around it.
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But Jocko explains it like, you know, waves crashing, you know, and sometimes those sets,
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the time between sets will be, you know, more distance and there'll be more time in between
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the sets, but you don't determine when those sets come, you know what I mean?
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And with the loss of my dad earlier this year, it was amazing what would trigger.
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All it'd have to do is like, my son would be like, I got blue eyes, like grandpa farmer.
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Or, you know, or I actually remember when probably a couple of weeks before he died,
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when I felt like it was like, it's probably going to happen.
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And I was, I remember telling my wife, like, I'm not ready, you know, I'm not ready for
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And so, but I think there's huge value in just focusing on one being okay to grief about
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it, but to like honor, honor him by knowing him, you know, and, and one thing that's crossed
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my mind and I'd love to take credit for it, but as at church, and then we were talking about
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And I, and I felt like, well, you know, it was immediate to go like, oh, I should have
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had these conversations with my dad and blah, blah, blah.
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And then I thought, wait a second, how many uncles do I have that are still alive?
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Like I could call my uncle Roger and say, Hey, let's go to lunch.
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Can you just, can we spend the next hour and just talk about dad and, and get to know him
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from the perspective of his little, when they were little, what kind of guy he was when
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he was a kid just to, and I think there's a sense of honor and respect by understanding
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who he was, whether, whether good, bad or indifferent, right.
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And just kind of understanding the individual that he was.
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To call my uncle Roger and take him out to lunch and just say, Hey, can we just talk about
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Just so I could get to know him a little bit more in a, in a space that I never, unfortunately,
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you know, got to know him right in that way, you know, and his childhood and how he showed
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It, he, the way he talks about it is really powerful.
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And I shared that with a handful of people and it's, it's beneficial.
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So Greg, uh, Eckert, what are your top ways to invest in our, in your company to generate
00:19:47.240
I mean, that's really, I would say marketing, maybe research and development, uh, maybe business
00:19:58.920
So if you can learn to market better or run Facebook ads better or implement a new, uh,
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element of marketing, that's going to generate revenue for you for sure.
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Especially if you're not using social media and you learn how to use that effectively,
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And if you can do that in a funny, hilarious way and not take yourself so seriously, social
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Uh, you know, think about Geico, what Geico did to the auto insurance industry.
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It's like the auto insurance, such a boring thing.
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And yet Geico, I think it was Geico who kind of kicked it off.
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And now you see Liberty Mutual with the EMU and other companies kind of doing their thing,
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but it's pretty amazing what they've done from a marketing perspective and think about
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Uh, the other thing I would say when I said research and development or new products or
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something is maybe there's some proprietary tool that you've developed or system or procedure,
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uh, that, that you can do something for maybe half the price or half the time and you save
00:20:59.580
But there's, if there's something you can develop and then market and brand that that's
00:21:04.780
And then the third is going and potentially even buying up smaller, uh, plumbing companies
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that are looking to retire potentially, or they're struggling and they don't know how
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to run the day-to-day operations, or maybe they're great with the day-to-day operations,
00:21:17.560
actually the plumbing portion of it, but not so good with the business managerial portion
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So you can come in and buy that company, retain those individuals as highly paid, uh,
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And now you have, you know, an extra million dollars of, of business revenue or whatever,
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So I would say that's where I would invest in a business.
00:21:42.800
And it depends on like why you're, what, like why generate more cashflow, right?
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I mean, Greg, uh, just a couple of things that crossed my mind.
00:21:54.520
And obviously this is not my industry, but like B2B, right?
00:21:57.480
Like is, is there a play that you could focus on working with, um, landlords in corporate
00:22:06.520
offices and you're an on-call maintenance and support for multiple office buildings as a
00:22:13.180
plumber and you get that into a six month contract where you have resources on call to provide
00:22:20.460
Like whenever I think about businesses, I immediately think residential is they're, they're
00:22:27.780
So, you know, is there some play where you could work with different companies and provide
00:22:35.040
Um, and they get that into like a monthly, uh, contract basis to generate consistent
00:22:44.080
Uh, Richard Bedwell, I am new to the IC and I'm starting to see how far of a road I have
00:22:52.460
Do you have any recommendations to help me get through this initial shock of thinking
00:22:57.040
so I can continue doing what I know I need to do?
00:23:01.080
You actually don't really have as far to go as you think you have to get to tomorrow
00:23:05.560
and you have to be a little better tomorrow than you were today.
00:23:11.920
Cause what, what, like, what are you trying to get to the, the analogy I've used is going
00:23:16.280
on a hike and you see a peak and you're like, I want to get to that peak.
00:23:21.180
It's usually a false peak unless you know, like, unless you know the mountain, right.
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And so you get to the top, you're like, oh crap, that's the peak.
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You didn't have that perspective, but now that you're at a different peak, a different
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elevation, you have a new perspective of what is possible.
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So you don't even really know what your final goal is.
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Like, when do you know that you've reached your full potential?
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Cause it's not like a gas tank where you go to the gas tank and you fill it up and you're
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on empty and you fill it up and it gets to full and you're like, good.
00:24:01.860
If you want to look at it like that, when you get it to full, then there's a little bit
00:24:07.420
Cause now you have new skills, new mindsets, new networks, new connections, new investment
00:24:14.720
opportunities, new resources that you can use to invest.
00:24:20.220
But the reason I bring it up is it seems overwhelming when you have to go to the gas pump and you
00:24:24.560
got to put in $130 worth of gas cause you're on empty.
00:24:27.380
That seems overwhelming, especially now with by inflation.
00:24:33.320
But if instead you said, you know, here I am on empty and really all I need to do is
00:24:37.560
make sure there's a eighth of a, uh, uh, eighth of gas in the tank and that'll get me by.
00:24:43.500
And then from there, what's next, what's next, what's next, what's next, what's next.
00:24:47.100
So what I would suggest to you is looking at the 90 day battle plan, which is what we use
00:24:50.980
and breaking it down into four objectives by December.
00:24:59.580
And I'm not telling you what those four things are.
00:25:05.980
Or maybe it's a 99 on a difficult level because that's where you're at.
00:25:09.400
I don't know, but just what can, what four things can you accomplish over the next 90 days?
00:25:15.220
Maybe there's, um, a course that you want to take or some sort of devotional course that
00:25:23.520
Well, maybe you want to, uh, maybe you want to do some therapy for the next 90 days.
00:25:33.520
And so you hire a therapist and over 90 days, you have 12 therapy sessions and that's going
00:25:40.620
Uh, maybe you want to run a marathon in December that, that could be your, your condition objective.
00:25:47.960
Uh, maybe you want to coach a sports team, maybe the basketball team for your kid, for
00:25:54.020
your daughter or your son, you want to coach their team so you can have a deeper connection
00:25:59.940
And then maybe there's a, uh, a program or a course or an email series or something that
00:26:05.620
you can take on business so that you can grow your business.
00:26:08.660
Like the plumber just asked, maybe there's a Facebook marketing course you can take and
00:26:14.020
And so that you know how to hire and who to hire to help you run those ads.
00:26:21.480
And then when that time ends, you look at what you accomplished and you look at what
00:26:25.460
you didn't accomplish and then you recalibrate it.
00:26:27.860
So you're looking at it and you're like, okay, well, uh, I need, I need to adjust.
00:26:31.820
And so you, you pivot and you make your adjustments where, where you need to.
00:26:38.060
Just find something that pushes you, but inspires you, but doesn't deflate you because it seems
00:26:46.180
Derek Cripe, what are some markers that y'all use to know when it's time to part ways with
00:26:51.920
an organization, especially when you're in a leadership role?
00:26:55.400
I led a team of 15 guys recently left a power line contractor due to what I saw were, or,
00:27:01.700
you know, reconcilable differences between how I needed to lead the team well and how management
00:27:07.840
wanted to squeeze every last cent out of their margins.
00:27:10.740
If, even if it meant putting these guys in undue risk, my guys are profitable.
00:27:16.180
Completing projects with a 20 to 40% profit margin when industry standards are eight to
00:27:21.440
My guys were safe with no injuries and the, and the culture where anyone could and would
00:27:28.520
If an individual is getting lax or could step back and offer suggestions where we needed
00:27:39.400
Along with some guys that I, I have been training to move up.
00:27:45.100
Ultimately the company was at odds with its own values and mission statement and asking
00:27:51.460
And I decided the best to move on and down to a different road.
00:27:54.540
I don't regret my decision in the last, in the least, but I'm curious if, and what kind
00:27:59.260
of parameters y'all have used to know when it's time to part ways.
00:28:03.520
I mean, that was like, you knew what you had to do.
00:28:06.340
And it sounds like I didn't know you did it already.
00:28:08.720
I was going to say, look, why are you trying to convince that you need to leave?
00:28:12.860
You're trying to convince yourself or you're trying to convince us, but it sounds like
00:28:19.620
I mean, you saw a lot of writing on the wall that your, your team was at, was that
00:28:24.920
I don't know if it was like personal safety or something, but they were at risk.
00:28:28.400
I mean, if they're linemen probably say risk, right.
00:28:31.980
So that's a, that's definitely a term that I wouldn't, I mean, and that's the thing I
00:28:36.500
would suggest to you is come up with your terms.
00:28:38.280
Like, what is it that, what, where is the line?
00:28:40.960
Well, the line is, I'm not going to put my guys at unnecessary risk.
00:28:44.240
And if they step over that line, then I'm going to quit.
00:28:51.820
If it compromises integrity, maybe it's financial integrity.
00:28:59.840
If it is, then that that's where it needs to be.
00:29:02.700
Another term that I would have is when I'm no longer interested in it.
00:29:07.480
If I'm no longer interested in doing the thing, life's too short.
00:29:11.780
And I'm not saying like the day-to-day operations.
00:29:14.140
Sometimes like, I don't want to send some emails.
00:29:17.640
I'm talking about your heart is no longer in the thing.
00:29:22.580
And I actually think that this would fall into line with personal safety, especially in
00:29:25.560
your line of work is if you're not qualified to do the job, don't do the job.
00:29:31.600
Like if you can't, if you don't have the qualifications to do it, then you should not be doing that
00:29:36.760
job, especially if it's going to put other people at physical risk.
00:29:41.180
But at the, at the, at the root of what I'm saying is figure out what your baseline terms
00:29:46.100
are now today, and then know what the consequences of stepping over those terms are.
00:29:51.300
It may be quit termination, but you need to figure that out.
00:29:56.420
But those are markers that I would use integrity issues, personal safety issues.
00:30:02.100
And if I'm not, if I genuinely am not qualified to do the work.
00:30:07.360
And, and I think the only thing I'd add is like when your heart's not in it, I mean, maybe
00:30:11.340
you might need to break that down a little bit.
00:30:13.760
It's like, what, what do I need autonomy in my job?
00:30:17.720
Or do I, I don't feel like I'm getting the support I need, like get clear on what a fulfillment
00:30:24.480
If you, if you hop online, you do a search for intrinsic motivators or intrinsic needs,
00:30:29.000
you'll kind of get a feel of what your, what I call your corporate love languages and, and
00:30:34.940
see if that's available to you in that environment.
00:30:39.200
If, if Ryan, if you were a micromanager and I'm helping you in the IC, I'd probably be
00:30:47.240
I love everything, but this is just not how I operate.
00:30:50.240
And you might be like, well, Kip, this is how I operate.
00:30:56.000
And so, but get kind of clear on what that looks like as well, because it might be a little
00:30:59.760
bit more soft where people find fulfillment in their jobs.
00:31:02.980
And those would be your intrinsic needs or quote unquote, intrinsic motivators.
00:31:09.220
I would also say that if you don't have what you want, you're in a job and you don't have
00:31:16.740
Ask for it or build it or develop it or create it.
00:31:21.680
And maybe you can be that guy for catalyst for change.
00:31:25.540
Cause a lot of times people are, oh, my boss is an asshole.
00:31:28.060
Well, did you talk to him about the issues you had?
00:31:32.340
He would, he would, he did this, he, that, but yeah.
00:31:39.980
Like you're presuming it's just not a manly behavior.
00:31:45.140
And I'm not suggesting that I don't know who asked the question.
00:31:49.500
Cause I don't know if he's done those things, but when people just walk and quit and throw
00:31:53.440
in the towel before they even ask and assert themselves.
00:31:56.340
I don't, I don't think that's a great way to behave.
00:31:59.940
Now if you've asked and, and, and you've, and you've tried and you've poured resources
00:32:04.960
and time and energy, energy and attention into something and it's not panning out.
00:32:09.260
Well, yeah, at some point, but I think you should try those things first.
00:32:15.220
Adam Lewis, Ryan, what are your thoughts on the main event of how it went and the hunt?
00:32:21.240
Maybe you want to stay in the hunt for, for the next app.
00:32:28.440
With my, with my son Brecken, but yeah, the main event went great.
00:32:31.620
You know, what was really good about it is I know a lot of people know that, you know,
00:32:36.120
I've just had some personal issues that I'm going with through right now and I've been
00:32:38.900
kind of struggling and you know, that's been a challenge.
00:32:42.640
And at some point I'll talk about some of those things, but the reason I even bring
00:32:45.780
that up right now is because I realized how incredible you and Jay and Cameron and Chris,
00:32:53.900
and I hesitate to name names because I always forget people, but how incredible our leadership
00:33:00.340
team is with Order of Man and the Iron Council.
00:33:04.940
Even in, in, you know, where, where I am working through some, some personal things.
00:33:10.020
It's like, man, you guys just stepped up in such a great way.
00:33:18.220
We did some different things that we hadn't done before.
00:33:20.800
And I guess the litmus test is not whether or not I thought it was a good event.
00:33:25.060
The litmus test is whether or not the guys thought it was a good event.
00:33:27.800
And I hope that they did their after action reviews that they sent to us said that they
00:33:39.100
So, Trenton Mangrum, what do you do to stay organized in business and in life?
00:33:45.040
I always feel I am forgetting something or someone.
00:33:49.200
So, I'll answer that question by telling you that you need to ask better questions.
00:33:55.100
So, let me give you what I, let me tell you what I mean by that.
00:33:57.960
It's such a broad question that it's impossible to organize the question or the response to it.
00:34:07.640
I mean, I can, and I'm going to try here in a minute, but I could be way off because it's
00:34:23.800
So, I'm answering that question like that, but it's also a useful answer because rather
00:34:28.260
than organizing your life, what I'd like you to do today is organize your car.
00:34:36.760
Go in there, take all the receipts out from the mechanic that are old, throw out all the
00:34:41.780
old registrations, throw out the pills of Tylenol that you have in there that have been sitting
00:34:47.440
I went in the other day, I had old bloody brought arrow broadheads that had it from other hunts.
00:34:52.760
Like take that out, like old registration stickers and like, like clean it out.
00:34:57.960
Just clean it out, throw it, get a trash can, go in, pull all the trash out of the side panels
00:35:03.160
of your door and in your glove box and center console, lift up the, actually pull out the
00:35:07.900
mats and hose them off and vacuum under the mats.
00:35:11.720
Like see if you have a toolbox, like go through the toolbox, organize it, situate it, clean it.
00:35:17.500
Just doing that alone, not number one, you're going to be much more effective.
00:35:25.040
And then number three, you're going to see what it's like to organize something.
00:35:28.900
Now when you're done with that, go into your office.
00:35:31.160
I don't have to organize this entire office space.
00:35:33.560
I just maybe need to organize my bookshelf or I've got a stat.
00:35:38.240
I've got a couple of papers there and a couple of checks here.
00:35:41.260
Well, usually what I do is I stack them all up and then over time, it just builds and
00:35:45.520
So one thing I could do personally is go through and deposit the checks, send some other checks
00:35:52.580
in, file the medical bills where they need to be filed in the right filing, have a filing
00:35:56.960
cabinet, have a filing system, just isolate it.
00:36:00.200
And what's the most important thing that needs to be organized right now?
00:36:10.620
Just pick something and do that instead of saying, hey, how do you organize life?
00:36:16.020
Nathan Fullerton, what is your plan to beat your kids next year at tug of war?
00:36:35.920
Yeah, I'm going to just drag these guys across the grass.
00:36:43.160
My oldest son was saying, dad, were you even trying?
00:37:00.580
At this point, look, I'm not trying to throw in the towel, but they're only going to get,
00:37:06.640
they're going to get exponentially bigger than I am.
00:37:15.200
The only thing that I can say is as I get older and there's a few more gray hairs in
00:37:25.980
So I think next year, instead of worrying about my muscles, I'm going to worry about technique
00:37:32.000
Like, like give them a bunch of slack on the rope.
00:37:37.180
I'm going to use old man wisdom versus strength.
00:37:40.900
Cause I just, honestly, I just don't see it happening at this point.
00:37:47.740
It's like, you know, you can take a guy that's a buck 90.
00:37:56.360
You take us, uh, and you could put, we'll use you as an example.
00:38:01.500
Cause you're better, uh, is take a guy that's 220 or 230 or 250 pounds even.
00:38:07.540
And because you're smarter jujitsu wise, you're going to beat him.
00:38:14.780
He's going to use all his muscle and all his strength, and you're going to use it against
00:38:24.620
I'm not going to worry too much about my strength and just all up here, all up here.
00:38:29.680
I'm going to get in their heads before the event, like try to fake them out, talk a lot
00:38:34.300
of crap, like get in their head, mess with them, trying to get them to like really work
00:38:42.120
Cause I'm, I'm afraid my oldest listens to the podcast.
00:38:46.920
Cesar, uh, Chacon, uh, and he's an educator, at least in his title inside the foundry.
00:38:58.860
Um, I've had a big setback shortly after joining the iron council and now I'm looking
00:39:10.600
I mean, the simple answer is to find out that something will pay that's create something
00:39:17.580
Like that's the simple, if you're asking a broad question, that's a broad answer.
00:39:26.700
There's, there's investment opportunities, but usually that takes a little longer.
00:39:30.780
Uh, and especially if you had a big setback, you might not have money to invest in something.
00:39:35.120
I was going to say, if you have a setback that a little bit implies that you don't have
00:39:51.840
Just what I would say is figure out what you're into and find a way to sell it.
00:39:59.680
If you're into, well, jujitsu is a great, if you're into jujitsu and you're good at it,
00:40:05.100
you're qualified to do it, then start putting together video, video courses on YouTube.
00:40:16.220
Like there's all sorts of companies out there that have done it.
00:40:24.360
I've bought in courses like flow charts and there's all sorts of guys that do stuff like
00:40:35.140
Offer to look at some websites and say, Hey, like I'd like to offer a couple of pages for
00:40:45.220
I'll build those out for you for free, just so you can see my work.
00:40:48.460
And if you like it, then maybe there's a couple other pages I can build for you or tweak or
00:40:54.040
If it's photography, if it's painting, like people are doing everything and anything and
00:41:02.380
The other, another guy just barely was talking about how to organize.
00:41:07.700
So you put together a course, you know, a 10, a 10 week course on how to, how to organize
00:41:13.100
effectively and efficiently, or you even offer to organize people's spaces and environments
00:41:17.300
or their computers and their files, storage, whatever.
00:41:20.760
So many ways to make money, but find out what you're into and then sell it.
00:41:29.160
I have three team members at work that have a sky is falling mentality.
00:41:35.000
When one thing goes wrong, they can't seem to pivot and, and spiral into doomed mental
00:41:43.300
How do I coach them to change their mindset and embrace a culture of adaptability?
00:41:51.840
It's kind of hard to answer actually, which I think is what makes it a good question.
00:41:54.780
If it's, if you actually have to think about it and how, okay.
00:41:58.560
So I would say for adaptability, uh, number one, don't solve their problems.
00:42:07.640
I'm just assuming here, but let's say they just throw up their hands.
00:42:13.580
And then you rush in like Superman and you're like, oh, don't take it easy guys.
00:42:26.720
So one simple thing that you can do is say, Hey guys, look, I know this is stressful.
00:42:31.180
I know it's a high, high pressure situation right now.
00:42:40.440
And, uh, when you come up with an answer, let me know.
00:42:48.920
I wouldn't say I'm going to lunch, but you know what I'm saying?
00:42:51.340
And let them figure it out because maybe they come to the conclusion.
00:42:59.960
It's kind of like having a, you remember in high school when you got paired up because
00:43:04.140
you had to do a science project and you always wanted that nerdy girl that sits in the front
00:43:18.440
You're the nerdy girl in the front of the class.
00:43:20.280
If you're trying to come in and rescue and do it all.
00:43:25.380
And maybe they're like, oh man, Ryan's not going to save us from, from these issues.
00:43:34.300
Or maybe they're like, oh no, this is a big deal.
00:43:43.680
And let the guy, just let them work through it.
00:43:46.620
It might not be awesome, but they'll start learning to come up with.
00:43:51.560
And then you work it with them after they've come up.
00:43:58.700
And they're like, oh yeah, well, we thought if this, then this.
00:44:06.820
And then gradually you just give them more and more responsibility.
00:44:10.060
It's kind of like that question we were talking about earlier with the fatherhood.
00:44:13.200
rendering yourself obsolete, putting yourself out of, out of, out of work.
00:44:21.620
And there's resources online around like transfer of ownership.
00:44:24.340
You might, you know, these guys might be at different levels where you might be a little
00:44:29.160
bit more handholding and then less handholding, depending on the level of transfer ownership
00:44:34.920
The other thing I'd add is just have a positive attitude about it.
00:44:40.700
I love, I know it's such a cliche thing, but I love it when Jocko does his whole good
00:44:50.260
It's like kind of have some positive environment like it.
00:44:55.600
I don't even know if we can figure out awesome, dude, let's do this.
00:45:01.500
Like, at least I get excited thinking about, man, like stakes are high.
00:45:07.840
And, and, and, and bring a more positive approach to the challenge versus the, the challenge
00:45:21.560
Uh, Scott, uh, Jared, a, let's take a couple more, by the way.
00:45:26.880
I think this is actually the last question that we have for today.
00:45:30.240
Have you ever considered creating and selling a challenge coin for order, man, or IC?
00:45:35.500
No, cause you can't, why, what, what's challenging about buying a coin?
00:45:50.380
What Scott doesn't know is there are order of man challenge coins.
00:45:58.640
So I appreciate the sentiment, but the answer is no, I'll never sell a challenge coin because
00:46:07.680
It's just, you bought a little token and I wouldn't call it a challenge coin.
00:46:13.660
So coins are to be earned through doing hard things through effort.
00:46:25.640
I get, I get burned out on the whole challenge, like the military challenge coin thing.
00:46:31.480
You know, it's like, but really I got a bunch sitting in the, in the drawer and I have a
00:46:35.700
bunch sitting right up there and guess which ones are in the drawer?
00:46:39.720
The ones that people gave me that don't mean anything.
00:46:44.500
The ones that actually have meaning behind them.
00:46:46.260
The ones that I earned from my time and service, but the ones that people just gave me because
00:47:12.840
I just, I'm, I'm very practical and pragmatic, you know?
00:47:17.220
And I, and I know that sometimes it comes across as just like being a dud, but.
00:47:21.880
At the same time, no, if you're going to call it a challenge coin, then do something challenging
00:47:32.100
If you've done something really challenging, ping, ping Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter
00:47:37.040
at Ryan Mithler and let him know why you deserve a challenge coin.
00:47:43.580
Now I'm going to have thousands of messages and emails from people.
00:48:03.480
I just said, I'll, I'll, I'll congratulate you and then I'll block you.
00:48:14.860
Um, you know, we mentioned the iron council to learn more about the IC and to get notified
00:48:19.540
when we open that back up for enrollment, go to order of man.com slash iron council.
00:48:25.140
The Ryan second book, the masculinity manifesto, uh, is out and available.
00:48:30.560
Uh, so to buy that book, wherever books are sold.
00:48:35.060
And I assume that you probably have some signed versions on store.order of man.com.
00:48:47.840
Cause we've been so busy with the event, but they will be on the store within the next
00:48:53.400
So if you want to sign version, stay tuned and go to store.order of man.com.
00:49:01.260
Appreciate you guys in the iron council asking those questions.
00:49:03.340
Hopefully we gave you some answers to at least consider, um, or to ridicule and mock and make
00:49:08.340
fun of, uh, but whatever, hopefully it was at least somewhat entertaining for you guys
00:49:13.700
Uh, we'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes, but until then go out there, take action
00:49:20.280
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:49:23.400
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:49:27.480
We invite you to join the order at quarter of man.com.