Reconciling with Your Integrity, Breaking and Keeping Promises, and Overcoming Self-Help Exhaustion ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 9 minutes
Words per Minute
186.68387
Summary
Kip Sorensen is back from his trip to Dave Ramsey's compound in Nashville. He talks about his trip, his new dog, and how he and his family are coping with the loss of a loved one.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is
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who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, it's good to be back, man. Hope everything's
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going well for you. Yeah. Everything's going well for you, man. Dave Ramsey, huh? That's
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pretty awesome. Yeah. That one, that released, as of this release, that one released yesterday.
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So yeah, last week I spent some time in Nashville visiting Dave Ramsey and his team. It was
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incredible. I don't know if you've ever seen that place. His facility. Our Nashville offices
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used to be right next door almost to his original headquarters. And then these new ones, I have not,
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we're in the general area, but I haven't seen, no. Oh man, it's beautiful. Like you walk in,
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it's just beautiful. His studio is right there. And then John Delaney and Ken Coleman have their studio
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right next door, but they have these big glass walls essentially. So people come in there every day,
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they come in and they listen and watch him record live right there, do his three hour show.
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Oh, and they'll just watch and listen. They'll just watch. Yeah. Okay. So I did,
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I did a podcast with Dave and I did a John show and Ken show and I did entree leadership. So I went on
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those three shows. And by the time I got done, Dave was in the middle of his, his three hour block.
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And yeah, I went out into the lobby area and there was probably 20, 30 people there all just
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watching the show. And that's where they do the debt-free scream and all that. It was really
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interesting. That's cool. So you did three shows all while there. Well, I did four. I recorded with
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Dave for this podcast and then I did three of their shows. So it was, it was packed in like a five hour
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or so window, five, six hour window. It was awesome. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Congrats.
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So I did that. No, it's cool. And then another change is we just got a new dog actually yesterday.
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Saw that as well on the Insta at Ryan Nickler, by the way, major, is that right?
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Major is his name. And we didn't name him that that's his name. So when Sarge died a week or two
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later, uh, Mike Herman, he's with bottom line, uh, canine. So he reached out and he said, Hey, uh,
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I don't want to be, you know, like he kind of felt a little awkward about it with, yeah. Yeah. Right.
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So he's like, I'm not trying to press on you or anything, but we've got this dog here that we were
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going to give to a veteran. And he ended up not being able to take it or something had fallen through,
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uh, and asked if we were interested. I'm like, I don't know, man, like Sarge just died.
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And he's like, I get it. He's like, it's here. We have the dog. Why don't you guys think on it?
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Talk with your family. Uh, and so my, my wife and I, and the kids all talked and, you know,
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we decided, you know, maybe, maybe we can, we've always been dog people. And so he's an 18 month old,
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uh, German shepherd. Again, his name is major. And so Mike with bottom line canine, they,
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they came out, um, they came out yesterday, drove out from Mike did and major from New Mexico.
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39 hours on the road and brought this dog over to us last night. And we had, we had dinner together.
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We had a lobster dinner. Cause that's what we do. So if you ever get invited to the Michler household,
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you're going to eat lobster. Um, yeah. So came out, dropped the dog off, gave us a little,
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a little brief and a little intro and everything else just to see how the dog would do. And then he
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actually headed out like right out. He left, he's like, Hey, there you go. And then headed out.
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So pretty incredible. That's awesome. Dog's well-behaved. He's well-trained. He's hyper.
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He's like really hyper, which is understandable. That's how Sarge was, but yeah. But yeah, if you
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guys, if you guys need like dog training or anything, I mean, these guys, these guys do
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awesome work. So he's in the air force, he's transitioning out of the air force and they've
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got this, um, canine training program. So it's a bottom underscore line underscore canine bottom
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underscore line underscore canine. Yeah. Check them out. They're in New Mexico, but did a great
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job with major and yeah, we're excited to have them as part of the family.
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That's awesome. Cool, man. So that's going on over here.
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Yeah, for sure. For sure. All right. Should we get into it?
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Yeah. I was just going to tell you, I really enjoyed your guys's podcast last week, except for the
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seven minutes I had to hear you guys complain about who was more sick and, and then, and then
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the show Hamilton and I'm like, Oh my gosh, what the hell is this? Cause I had to bring it up while
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you were, I leave, I leave for a week and I hear you guys bitching and moaning about how sick you
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feel and talking about these woke people with Hamilton. I'm like, Oh my gosh. Well, there goes about
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20% of our listeners. Yeah. So come back guys. I figured you were polished enough to have a
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conversation around Hamilton. So I thought I better bring this up now with Sean.
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Look, I like, I like a play as much as the next person, I suppose, uh, to a con you've been to
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to a con I'm sure in Southern Utah. Yeah. Yeah. Down. And so we did, I have never, I know of it,
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but I've actually never been down there. I heard it's really great. Oh, are you serious?
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Oh yeah. You have to go. I've never been. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you like play, like you need to go,
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they do a great job. They put on a great production. Um, yeah, it's right, right against
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snow Canyon. So it's an outdoor amphitheater. It's amazing. Yeah. It's incredible. Um, so I like
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plays. I, I just Hamilton, I don't know, man, like every time I hear about Hamilton in the news,
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it isn't about the play. It's about all their woke policies or the, um, woke perspective bullshit.
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And I'm, I'm like at this point and look, I get it. I think generally more, more in the acting space,
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maybe this is just too broad of a generalization are probably generally going to be more left
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leaning. That's prop. Yeah. I would, I would imagine. And any opportunity of virtual have
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virtual signals, they'll, they'll latch on in a second. Yeah. Yeah. And, but I'm kind of this point
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where, you know, I think, I think the left, and this is not to be confused with liberals. Okay.
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There's a difference between being a leftist and being a liberal, but I think the left has played
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this game so long of this cultural warfare where they'll go after and they'll dox people and they'll
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boycott companies and they'll play that game as a strategy to hurt, uh, conservative outlets.
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And you even see it in social media and being shadow banned and kicked off Twitter and whatnot.
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And they're willing to play that game, but the right isn't willing to play that same cultural game.
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At least they haven't been. And I think the right actually needs to do that.
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Like, yeah, totally. And I, I, I'm to the point now where I'm, I'm less and less every day inclined
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to spend money with an organization or a company that is at direct odds with what I believe.
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And they willingly invest their time, energy, resources, money into doing away with some of
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the elements of culture that I think are valuable. Yeah. So I I'm, I'm more and more serious about
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that. Uh, so when you guys are talking about, I'm like, Oh, you know what? I'm sure the play is
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great. I don't know, but yeah. Yeah. It was, it was actually quite great, but you know, on a related
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note, um, John, uh, John at warrior poet society, he made a post the other day on social media and I,
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and I, and I actually like, it really resonated with me. And it was a comment about someone that left him
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a message saying, you know, John, I love you guys's content, blah, blah, blah. But you know,
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now it's, you're, you're pulling politics in and you're making a political or whatever. And,
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and I'm paraphrasing and I'm in go check out John for the actual. Yeah. I'm actually on it right here.
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So it's John way more underscore WPS. Yeah. I'm on it right now. I can't remember which thing it is,
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but yeah. And I'm sure it's more eloquent coming from him, but what I got out of it at least was
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where he was like, it's unfortunate sometime, like how taking a stand for what's right is now
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political. And I'm like, you know, that's a really good point, right? Like whether it's politics or
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not, just because someone else made it about politics, doesn't mean a standing up for what's
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right and being honorable and taking a stand doesn't matter if it's political or not. Right. Like
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that is actually probably what we should be doing. And I, I really, I really liked that because
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far too often we even create those polarizations of like, Oh, well it's political. So I'm going to
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stay away from it. Well, you know what? They politicized people have politicized everything.
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So what you're just not going to talk about anything that has to do with politics, even if
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it's dishonorable or whether it's a good cause. Yeah, I agree. I think men have, have a responsibility
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to get involved at least to some degree politically, because those decisions are impacting our day-to-day
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lives. And so what are you going to do? You're just going to sit around and let all that stuff
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happen because you're part of the quote unquote silent majority. No, like wake up, speak up,
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share your perspective. I'm not going to say the truth, but share your opinion, share your
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perspectives, get other people behind what it is you're doing and start to be a little bit more
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loud and vocal about this stuff. Because, you know, and I made this comment to somebody the other day
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about, you know, I can't even remember what they said, but they were talking about being civil and
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in politics or the way that I had worded something about that new white house report about how many
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jobs they've created. They didn't, they didn't like it. They thought it was rude or inflammatory or
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something along those lines. And I said, look, you know, maybe, but I'm not going to quietly and
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politely let all of my rights be infringed upon because I don't have the balls to do anything
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about it. And, or I just want to make sure everybody feels good. That's not my, not even
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with this podcast. My goal is not to make you feel good. My goal is to get you to win in politics.
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My goal isn't for you to feel comfortable with the way that I see things. It's to challenge
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the way that you see it. And then to share what I believe is the best thing for this country and
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the people inside of it. It's never been about making people feel good. And we've placed niceness
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and politeness and civility at the top of the list of virtues in society. And it's created just this
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incredibly pathetic, weak, cowardly environment. And the only people who are willing to actually stand
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up for what they believe are vile, disgusting, gross people who want to push all of their stuff
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on everybody else. Who's too polite to do or say anything about it. And that's not me.
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Yeah. And politeness doesn't serve them, right? In those examples, we got to be very careful of that.
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It's one of the things that I can't stand when I think about like corporate America's typical HR
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department. It is a department of, well, what's the term I use? Of pandering. It's the pandering
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department. Oh, okay. Let's pander. Let's make sure that there's anyone that might potentially be
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offended. Let's pander to them. Let's not enable them. Let's not promote critical thinking. Let's
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not push back of ownership. Let's just pander. And it doesn't serve people to be pandered to,
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right? And to be, to walk around eggshells around them. That doesn't empower us to grow
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in any particular way and, or encourage even critical thinking for that matter, or even
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ownership. So. Agreed. All right. Well, let's get into the questions, man. All right. Sounds good.
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Ryan Gant, in the past, I've really struggled with breaking promises to myself. It's wreaked
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havoc on my confidence and my ability to believe in myself. More importantly, it's gotten in the way
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of me giving myself credit for all the good that I've accomplished and progress I've made because
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I struggled to shift focus from where I've let myself down. How do you practice believing in
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yourself? Well, so let's be really clear on, on that phrase. How do you practice believing in
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yourself? And then everything you said leading up to it kind of made it sound like, even though
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you're breaking promises to yourself, you still want to believe in yourself. Yeah. That's, that's a
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little bit how that's worded. And I don't know if you intended it that way or not, but if you did,
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that's the wrong way to do it. Yeah. Because what you're going to do, go ahead, Kip.
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Well, I was just going to say, maybe you provide clarity on, on your opinion of what is believing in
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yourself mean? Are we talking confidence? Yeah. That's what I think it is. There are more to it
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than that. Okay. No, I think, I mean, sure. There's an element of faith, but, but faith draws
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upon, I think your faith can be strengthened through past performance, right? So let me give you an
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example. Yeah. Let's say I wanted to start an entirely new career. I wanted to become a fitness
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trainer, for example, for whatever reason, that's what I wanted to do. Well, I've never done it before.
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So what right do I have to believe in myself that I can make that a success and do well with it and
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serve a bunch of people in the process? Even though I've never done it before, I've done other
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things, right? I've done this podcast. I had a successful financial planning practice. I'm a
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successful father. I'm involved in my community. Like I try to serve, like there's things that I've
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done. I have a track record of success. And I think it's fair to say at this point, at the risk of
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sounding arrogant, that if I throw my hat in the ring with something else based on my track record
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of success, I'm pretty much sure I'm going to figure this out. Yeah. Right. And that's believing
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in yourself. A little bit of faith. Hey, I've never done this before. I'm going to take a leap of faith
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and do it, but also a level of confidence that I've earned over the last four decades of my life.
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But if you don't have that track record of success and you've failed in different opportunities and
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different businesses, like you're not just going to be able to talk yourself in to believing in
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yourself. And I think that's what a lot of people do when they use these positive self-affirmations
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and like the body positive, the body positive movement is a great example of that. You know,
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you have somebody who's 50 or 60 pounds overweight or more like severely obese. And, and there's other
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people out there, whether it's a podcast or a book and other mediums, and they're telling these
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individuals, well, you should just learn to be happy with yourself. And so you have this severely
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obese, unhealthy person walking around, pretending they're happy with their fat rolls on their body,
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pretending they're satisfied with being sick more than they need to pretending that they're actually
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performing well when they've greatly reduced and diminished their ability to perform because
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they're unhealthy. Okay. That, that person knows, even though they're looking in the mirror and
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they're putting on the little painting on their fake smile and patting themselves on the back and
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telling themselves in the mirror, they're special. They know deep down inside that they're not.
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And they're not doing what they should be doing. And they're not doing what they could be doing.
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And they're not being the kind of person they really, truly deep down inside have a desire to
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be. And that conflicting message creates all sorts of mental health problems. Yeah. So the best way to
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do it is not to lie to yourself. And that's what the body positive movement is not to lie to yourself,
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but to be truthful. And it's hard. It's really hard to look yourself in the mirror and say,
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you know what, Ryan, you have been on a path of destruction for the past five years. Um, and
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you're overweight, you're out of shape, you're not healthy, you're not producing, you're tired,
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you're, you're taking years off your life. Like nobody wants to do that, but that is what's required.
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But let's come back to the question. Um, what you need to do is you need to do an after action review
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every day, every single day. And you need to look at your, your, your last 18 hours or whatever it was
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and write down a few things. What promises did I make to myself today? And a promise can be as
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simple as like, I'll pull this out to show you. Um, you know, here's, here's the battle planners,
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right? So, so all these things, it's having a hard time because of the light, but all these things
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right here, there's like 10 tasks I need to do today. Those are promises to myself. Now I might
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not get them all done today, but this has got to be done this week. And so if I get all of those done
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today, I'm actually going to feel better about myself because I kept my promise. So what you do is
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you ask yourself at the end of the day, what promises did I make to myself?
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What promises did I keep? And you should feel good about that. Even if it's something simple,
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like I went and got the oil on car changed, uh, or, you know, I clean, I took out the trash
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because there was a lot of trash in the house. And my wife asked me if I'd help out and take the trash
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out, or you went on a walk after dinner and you said you were going to, and you did that.
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Those are promises kept. And then, but you also need to look at the promises that you broke,
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not to beat yourself up, but to say, okay, those, I, I miss those. So I'm going to go to sleep and
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I'm going to reset and I'm going to keep those promises tomorrow. And here's my strategy for
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doing it. So it's a very tactical approach to building confidence and belief in yourself,
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but you have to be truthful. You cannot delude yourself, right? Why not beat yourself up?
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Why do you intentionally call that out? If you beat yourself up, you, you get deflated
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and you assign to yourself, you almost throw your hands up. Yeah. Because you're a loser,
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right? I've said that about myself. I'm like, Oh, I didn't get this thing done. I'm a loser.
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No, you lost, you know, you failed. I'm not ever afraid to say I failed. People don't like that.
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So they do like first attempt in learning and I learned all kinds of weird fail, fail fat forward
00:19:08.780
or whatever. Like, no, I mean, I get it. I know what you're trying to say, but I don't attach a
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bunch of significance to failure. I think that's why generally I'm willing to try new things that
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I don't think a lot of people are willing to do because I don't give failure more weight than it
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deserves, but some people do. And then that's why they try to diminish it by saying, Oh no, I didn't.
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There is no failure. If you learn from it. No, you still fell short of your mark. That's failure.
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Yeah. But, but to your question, when you start labeling yourself as a failure or a loser or a fat
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ass or any of these derogatory terms towards yourself, it deflates you. So one of my buddies,
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I think it was either Sal or Adam with, uh, with mind pump media, he was talking cause they do a lot
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of fitness stuff. And he was saying, you know, we, we, we tell our clients that they're not fat.
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They have fat. See the difference it's nuanced for sure. But that difference is important. I am fat
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means that you're defined by it. It's a label. I have fat means, yes, you have some fat on your body
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that you need to do something about. So we don't want to deflate ourselves by beating ourselves up
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that way. We just want to take an objective analysis. I have fat, no meaning to it other
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than I got to lose that weight. And here's exactly how I'm going to do it. Let me run this by you for
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Ryan, because I, I think whenever we are out of integrity, it has to be justified, right?
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We have to have the excuse, the story. We have to blame someone. Um, would you, would that be
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valuable from your perspective as well? And the after action review for Ryan to look back at his
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day and say, you know, because what if he didn't add it on the list or that's what I'm getting at
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is there's probably a bunch of stuff that happens to our day that we are broken, breaking promises
00:21:03.140
with ourselves. And sometimes it didn't make it on the list. So we don't even know about it.
00:21:08.820
Right. But I would, I would argue that if your plan was to get up at six, whether you put it on
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the list or not, and come 6am, you justify not working out. That's a broken promise, right? So all
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of these little nuances where, you know, you should do something and an excuse was attached to it
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because you failed to take action, I would suggest would probably be items that you'd want to evaluate.
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Yeah. So I'm, I was just taking notes as you were saying this. Um, I don't know if this is the
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best word, but I'm trying to frame this in a way that would help. That helps me. That has helped
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me is that your integrity has to be reckoned with. Hmm. Yeah. Like it has to reconciled. Right. So,
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so here's what people do. I'm out of integrity. I didn't do the things I said I was going to do
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today. And so in order to, to reckon with it or to reconcile, um, it's well, it's because,
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you know, this thing outside of my control happened. Um, you know, the power on the internet,
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you know, or the power in the house or the internet was down or my wife needed me to do
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some other things. So I didn't get enough. So that's right. So you're, you're, you're reconciling
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it, but here's another way you can write. That's, that's not a healthy way to do it. Okay. Cause
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that stuff may have happened, but that doesn't justify you not keeping your promise. It may shift how
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you do it, but it doesn't justify it. Another way that you can reconcile with your integrity
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is by fixing the problem. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Like I said, I was going to start that
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podcast today and I didn't. So how, how do I reconcile with it? Start the podcast tomorrow.
00:22:40.720
Yeah. Go do it right now or do it later today. Yeah. I mean, I feel the same way when I'm writing
00:22:45.340
because a lot of guys know I'm in the midst of writing a book. I've got a short deadline at this
00:22:48.760
point to hit, uh, and it'll come out later this, this year. And so I've made it a goal just like I did
00:22:54.060
with my previous book to write a thousand words per day. Okay. Well, over the weekend I missed a
00:22:59.400
day. And so I, of course I'm like, I'm like, I shouldn't have done that. And I'm feeling bad
00:23:04.700
and I'm feeling guilty. And then I'm distracted and I can't be fully present with my family.
00:23:08.840
And so I'm out of integrity. So do I lie about it and say, it's okay. I'll catch up. No big deal.
00:23:14.800
I deserve a break. Or do I reconcile it by fixing the, the, the integrity that I wasn't out of
00:23:22.600
alignment with. So this morning I got up, I wrote a thousand words. I'm a thousand words into it
00:23:27.580
today. It's 11 o'clock where I'm at 1145. And then this afternoon, I've got another little block.
00:23:33.480
I'm going to write another thousand words to make up for yesterday. And guess what? When I put my
00:23:37.900
head on that pillow tonight, I'm going to feel infinitely better than I did yesterday because
00:23:42.220
not only did I get my work done today, I reconciled my integrity issue from yesterday.
00:23:48.120
And that's how you fix it. Another way. There's one other example.
00:23:51.240
If you wrong somebody and you feel guilty about it, let's say you stole from them or you talk
00:23:57.500
poorly about somebody, or you threw somebody under the bus, or you took credit for something that
00:24:02.320
wasn't yours and you wronged somebody, that's an integrity issue. You're going to experience guilt
00:24:06.940
for that. You could either a justify it by saying, well, that person's an asshole. So they deserved it.
00:24:12.020
Or you can reconcile it by going to that person and saying, here's what I did. And I'm sorry.
00:24:19.300
And I messed up. And then actually fix it. So like, if you took credit for something that you don't
00:24:26.060
deserve, let's say I took credit for your work kit, I'm going to go to you and I'm going to apologize.
00:24:31.060
Not a blanket apology, like directly to you because you are the person who's harmed by my behavior.
00:24:36.840
And then I'm going to go to our team leader and I'm going to say, hey, Joe, you know, yesterday we're
00:24:42.940
having a conversation and I think I took credit for something I should not have taken credit for.
00:24:49.160
And really Kip was the one who headed this up and he made these things and he did, came up with these
00:24:55.000
resources. You know, I supported him here and here, but I really want to make sure that the credit goes
00:24:59.720
to where it's deserved. Yeah. Integrity reconciled. You're good. Yeah. What's so powerful about this,
00:25:07.940
Ryan, is people don't look at the long game of this problem. So they'll, they'll think that if
00:25:14.940
I'm out of integrity today, well then, you know, when I go to sleep tonight, I'm not going to feel
00:25:19.420
good about myself. No, no, no. It's much greater than that for you to feel okay about taking this
00:25:25.480
example, for you to feel okay about taking credit for something that, you know, you shouldn't have
00:25:29.840
taking credit for, you have to hold on to the idea that I'm an asshole until you're willing to take
00:25:37.740
ownership. So a week from now, guess what? I am. I'm still the asshole and you have to hold on to it
00:25:45.360
until you're willing to take ownership. And we see this, we see this with adults, 45 years old, mom and
00:25:53.480
dad, they were all this way when I was a kid and they hold on to baggage. Why? Because that baggage
00:26:00.740
is the justification of them not taking ownership of their lives in some unique way. Right. We will
00:26:08.160
destroy relationships and we will hold onto that shit for a really long time until you're willing to
00:26:15.600
take ownership over something. And, and it's, it's more than just the day, right? It's, it's your life
00:26:21.640
that you will drag this shit along. Well, and it's other people's lives too. So take a marriage.
00:26:28.360
Let's say that your wife, you and your wife are really struggling. You're having a hard time
00:26:33.020
connecting and being intimate and you're just, you're having a hard time. And so in a moment of
00:26:38.260
weakness, you decide to step out on her and you cheat on her and you can't live with yourself because
00:26:44.360
of the guilt of that. And I can certainly understand why you would feel that way. Yeah. And so you feel
00:26:49.960
guilty about that. And rather than fessing up, you put it on her. Well, she's a bitch and she's done
00:26:56.700
all this stuff. And then you go through a divorce. Okay. And then she's still a bitch and she ruined
00:27:03.280
your life and she took your kids and your money and like all this stuff, right? That you're saying
00:27:08.080
potentially because you just weren't willing to admit your part of it. Yeah. Not absolve her of what
00:27:15.520
her issues. Cause there is, but just because you didn't take, and to your point, I've seen people
00:27:21.640
who have been divorced for decades that are still just so much contention and animosity. And I'll hear
00:27:28.300
guys say, well, it's her. Yeah. Probably. Cause she's probably engaged in the same type of behavior
00:27:33.480
that you are. She's calling you an asshole. You're calling her an asshole and you've been doing it for so
00:27:40.000
long that you don't even know who the asshole is anymore. Well, you both are. Yeah. Yeah. It's
00:27:45.400
really interesting. In fact, I was, when you were sharing about like the labels that we put on
00:27:50.220
ourselves, if you really think about it, even that label is the excuse to, well, I did this. Well,
00:27:56.360
you know, I'm a loser. Like it's almost like I'm the loser. The label of give myself a loser is my
00:28:02.380
justification. Well, you know what? This is the translation. This is just the way I am.
00:28:07.400
Yeah. And I can't fix it. I can't change. I can't get better. I can't. Exactly. Yeah. It's
00:28:13.000
really just an excuse. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Question number one in the books.
00:28:17.720
Yeah. 45 minutes later. Josh Billups. Yeah. Josh Billups. I know. Ryan's like,
00:28:23.460
holy shit, guys. Like you went, man, it's a good question. Yeah. It's there. And it's important to
00:28:28.840
discuss. Yeah. All right. Josh Billups. I'm new to the IC and I've realized how much in life
00:28:35.020
it was not necessary that how much in life is slash was not necessary and causing me to diffuse my
00:28:43.920
focus. Okay. So things in his life that aren't necessary, things like material goods, limiting
00:28:49.260
thoughts and habits and et cetera. Do you have tools or practices that help with reducing the clutter of
00:28:54.720
life that can distract you? I hate to beat a debt. Actually, I don't hate to beat it. I just,
00:29:01.580
it's, it's, it's the battle plan. Yeah. Like that's, I don't, I'm, that's what I'm using.
00:29:08.140
Like I have it, right. This is what I use. Okay. So I use the battle plan and it keeps me hyper
00:29:13.220
focused on everything that I need to be doing in four specific areas of my life. I see myself,
00:29:19.440
my fitness, my relationships, and the way I want to add value in this world. Those are the four areas.
00:29:24.680
So what I'm hearing is the battle plan by, by having the intentionality that comes with
00:29:31.780
having an active battle plan by default, that, that restricts you from being distracted because
00:29:38.360
you're focused, right? That you're, I think it does in regards to what you need to do.
00:29:43.880
Yeah. Yeah. I think it does help distraction of course, but it also is a powerful litmus test for
00:29:50.400
everything you're doing in your life. So naturally it's going to reduce the distractions because
00:29:55.420
you're so hyper-focused on that thing. Yeah. But that's not to say things will, won't come up.
00:29:59.500
They will still come up and you'll be tempted to be distracted by them. And as you are, you go back,
00:30:04.740
you pull this out, whether it's the app or the paper version or whatever, you pull it out and you look at
00:30:09.480
it and you're like, nope, doesn't align with what I want next. Or another opportunity comes in. It's like,
00:30:15.380
oh yeah. Okay. Let me measure it against this plan I have. Oh yeah. That one actually is going
00:30:20.400
to help me accomplish what I want to accomplish. Yes. I'll say yes to that one. That's it. And so
00:30:26.480
you learn to say no and you learn to say yes. You know, for example, I've gotten a lot of requests
00:30:30.980
over the past month or so, even maybe six weeks for me to come do podcast appearances, go on other
00:30:37.460
people's podcasts, which I say yes to like 98% of them. If I said no to yours, maybe, I don't know,
00:30:45.100
maybe you caught me on a bad day or something, but I say yes to like 98% of the podcasts that reach
00:30:50.320
out. And I don't even ask about their audience. No, yes. I'll come do your podcast. But this month
00:30:56.260
I've said no to all of them. No, no, no. Thank you. No, no. Why? Because I'm focused on the book
00:31:04.580
and I'm so clear about that. I have my goals. I have my daily tactics. I have everything in place.
00:31:11.920
And now I have a litmus test. You need me to do this? Nope. Can't do it. You can reach out in
00:31:16.000
February or March, but now's not the time. Oh, well, you know, can we schedule? No. What did I
00:31:20.800
just say? I said, you can reach out to me in February or March. And some people think that's
00:31:25.500
harsh. To me, that's just a level of conviction. Like I don't say rude to them, but it's just a
00:31:30.920
level of, no, I know what I want. And going on your podcast right now is not what I want. It's not
00:31:36.100
in the card. So no, thank you. Reach out to me in February or March. It's awesome. Like it's so
00:31:43.680
liberating and nobody knows how to do it. Yeah. Versus you being a yes man and then stringing
00:31:50.420
yourself out, being stressed out because you're shifting your priorities. You're all over the
00:31:55.540
place because you're trying to appease people. That's right. And you know, you guys have all been
00:32:00.120
there where you're, where you have something happening, you know, this afternoon, for example,
00:32:05.200
and you're dreading it because you know, you should have said no to it, but you didn't, you said yes.
00:32:10.280
And while I commend you for trying to honor your word, you should, if you said yes, then you should
00:32:15.060
do it. Yeah. Make better decisions next time. That's it. Greg Steed. How do I work? Did we answer
00:32:26.560
this question? Yeah, I think so. I mean, the way, the way I took it is the battle plan. That's right.
00:32:33.620
Okay. Yeah. I mean, by, by being hyper-focused and clear on your priority and, and when you do what
00:32:39.820
you're focused on, then you're not distracted. Right. Yeah. It's fair. Yep. So, all right. Greg Steed,
00:32:46.640
how do I work through the self-improvement lethargy? I've been on the be my best self path for several
00:32:54.640
years. I find myself just tired of the books and not using the information. I know there's a part
00:33:00.900
of me that wants to take a break, but I don't want to go backwards. Yeah. There, there is definitely
00:33:07.820
like this, I would just call it self-help exhaustion. And I've been there. You know, I saw,
00:33:14.720
I saw an email the other day or an Instagram post or something. And it was like 200 books you should read
00:33:22.140
in 2022. 200 books. Come on now. Yeah. 200. Give me, give me three books. I should read next year.
00:33:32.140
Yeah. Like get three. I don't need to, I need three really good books. And that's what I should be
00:33:37.740
reading. The other thing is you don't need to fix everything about your life immediately. And all right
00:33:44.480
now, pick two things that you want to improve about your life. And interestingly enough, as you do other
00:33:53.320
areas of your life, start to improve as a result of the focus on the two things. It's just an ancillary
00:33:59.440
benefit to you focusing on a couple of things. So that's part of it is just instead of going wide
00:34:08.160
and broad with your self-development journey, go deep. I picked up the guitar again, Kip, by the
00:34:14.760
way, and I've really been enjoying it over the past, I would say two to three weeks, but I'm not
00:34:20.600
going to play every instrument known to man that I've ever had any sort of interest in. I'm going to
00:34:26.640
pick one and I'm going to go deep on that. And I may continue to do it. And down the road, I may say,
00:34:31.220
no, I'm no longer interested in that. And then I can go deep with something else, but just don't go
00:34:35.440
broad, like narrow it down and go deep. That'll help. Uh, the other thing will help is, you know,
00:34:41.840
it's like the self-help guru guys and Insta gurus and all this may not like this when I say it, but
00:34:49.320
like, you don't need to be a hundred percent dialed in. You need to be like 93% dialed in
00:34:56.980
like that. Unless, unless you're competing, um, for, uh, I don't like some sports competition where
00:35:08.960
you're like, you're going to be in the Olympics. Okay. Those guys needed a hundred percent dialed
00:35:13.240
in, but even then that's only short bursts. Yeah. Yeah. So you need to be like 93% dialed in
00:35:19.620
on your health, on your health, on your nutrition, on your budget. Like you can live your life. You
00:35:25.580
can enjoy it. You know, if you see a donut and you want a donut, eat a donut, just don't eat all
00:35:31.480
of the donuts. Just eat one once a week. You know, if, if you see a purchase that you want
00:35:38.780
and it's just kind of random, maybe even a little silly and you're like, no, I want that. Look at
00:35:43.100
your budget. If you can afford it and you have everything locked in, your debt's paid off, you're
00:35:46.720
building wealth, you're saving money, you're investing correctly. You have businesses and
00:35:50.240
real estate, and you want to buy a little silly thing. Like, uh, I don't know, a piece of artwork
00:35:56.700
that really speaks to you, but you know, is it in your self-help journey? Like buy the damn artwork
00:36:02.260
and enjoy life a little bit. 93%, 7%, man, that's for you. Um, all right. Frederick, uh,
00:36:11.280
botcher, butcher, what's a good step to break paralysis by analysis? Well, it starts with
00:36:18.980
you not asking that question. Like you're at, you're already, you're analyzing even in the
00:36:26.300
question. Yeah, that's funny. So you know what to do, right? Do it. And if you don't know what
00:36:35.260
to do, pick something and do it to start and then evaluate it and then just evaluate
00:36:40.480
like, Oh, that didn't work. Like I wanted to, I got to pick something else or no, that
00:36:43.840
worked great. I'm going to double down on that, but stop asking those questions, like
00:36:47.560
pick something and do it. I think for some people it's rooted in the idea that there's
00:36:53.640
value in the analysis and that they, that they actually will know all that they need to
00:37:00.300
know before getting started. And the reality of it is, is you don't know what you don't
00:37:04.520
know. And, and, and I, you know, we, so many of the guys have already heard this story so
00:37:10.140
many times about you starting the podcast, but it's like the perfect example of it, right?
00:37:14.080
Is that your first podcast, if you didn't just take the action and do a podcast on finances,
00:37:20.680
you wouldn't have gotten in the medium of like, Hey, I really love this podcast thing,
00:37:25.040
but I want to change the subject. If you sat back and try to figure it out, like you would
00:37:30.060
have never known what it order may have never gotten started if you didn't take action first
00:37:36.760
and, and then, and figure out a different avenue that you wanted to take. And so sometimes I think
00:37:43.900
it's folly for us to think that like, we can analyze the hell of it and we'll find the right
00:37:48.100
answer. The reality of it is you're not going to know what you don't know until you actually just
00:37:52.320
start. And even if you get everything right, like right out of the launch, something's going to
00:37:56.800
change. There's going to be a variable that changes and it's going to completely change all
00:38:01.560
of your formulas and spreadsheets and whatever it is you put together to determine what you should
00:38:08.020
act on. It's like that movie. You remember, um, along came Polly. Yeah. And he, and he literally
00:38:15.620
created like a sheet about this woman that he really liked. And he's like, here's the pros and here's
00:38:21.340
the cons. And he wrote all this stuff down. And then she eventually saw it. And of course she was
00:38:25.620
insulted. And it's like, you don't need a sheet, bro. Like you love this woman. You know, you're
00:38:30.580
intrigued. You're fascinated. Like see where it goes. Same thing with the business. Like, should I
00:38:36.720
start a podcast? Should I start a blog? People say that all the time, which social media thing,
00:38:40.340
which podcast, which like, which ones do you like the most pick that one? Well, I just want to make
00:38:45.740
sure it's right. Well, you know, doing it is better than thinking about it and you're going to get
00:38:50.740
better at it. And also the one you like or feel compelled to do is the one you're actually going
00:38:55.080
to do and stay with it for longer periods of time. So don't, don't pull a, whatever that guy's name
00:39:01.840
is on along came Polly, like do the thing. Yeah. I like it. All right. Uh, Charles Phillips,
00:39:11.540
Phillips, the second, do you have any advice regarding writing? I'm starting to draft my first
00:39:17.000
book and would love to hear any advice you may have regarding getting started submissions for
00:39:21.140
publications or any pitfalls you ran into and how were you able to overcome them?
00:39:28.040
Um, yeah. So like, I'm not a great writer. I wouldn't say that isn't, that isn't like my
00:39:32.320
wheelhouse. I will do it and I can do it fairly decently because I don't know. I, maybe it's just,
00:39:39.040
I know the material or, um, or the way I say things that maybe resonates with people. Maybe that's what
00:39:43.780
it is. I don't exactly know why, cause I'm really not a great writer. At least I don't think I am.
00:39:48.840
Um, so that's always been a challenge for me. So the thing that I did with my book, and I can just
00:39:53.140
tell you what I did with my book, whether it works for you or not, I don't know. You're gonna have to
00:39:56.020
try it and experiment and see what other people have to say. Again, don't get into paralysis. Like
00:39:59.740
at some point you just got to put pen to paper, right. Or, or zeros and ones to the computer screen.
00:40:05.140
Like at some point you got to do something, but you know, in the, in the fairness of the question,
00:40:10.860
I think it's a good question. Uh, I, I come up with an outline first, knowing that it's going
00:40:16.940
to change. And I found even now I'm this late in the writing process and you've changed your outline
00:40:22.380
already. And still it's, it's still changing. It's still evolving, you know, not, not largely,
00:40:28.740
but there's like little tweaks and changes where, you know, I had 12 of these, um, characteristics
00:40:34.100
that I was going through. I'm like, you know, I, I don't think I need 12. I think I'd rather do 10
00:40:38.920
and just go deeper on those. And then also that 11th characteristic is really very similar to the
00:40:45.280
second one. So I'm just going to incorporate the two. So you learn that for me as you go.
00:40:50.820
And then it's just writing, you know, for me, it's no less than a thousand words per day.
00:40:55.240
I just told you sometimes I miss that, but it's a thousand words per day. And I've noticed that as
00:41:01.040
I do that, it's becoming easier and easier. When I start doing that, it's hard. It's grinding. It would
00:41:07.040
take me hours, hours and hours to get through a thousand words. I could get through a thousand
00:41:11.480
words and probably 45 minutes to an hour. And they're good, like good words, good stories,
00:41:16.600
good words, et cetera, et cetera. So are you, are you writing things out as though
00:41:22.240
that's a draft or do you just like throw thought to paper with the idea that you need to come back
00:41:30.780
and fine tune it when you're writing? No, I mean, do you get what I'm saying?
00:41:36.660
Depends on what you mean by fine tune. If you mean like round out a story. No, I stay on it until
00:41:42.760
I'm done with it. You try to have good polish the first pass. Yeah. Okay. Cause I don't want to come
00:41:48.500
back to it and then you have to hash through it all over again. Yeah. I have a team that's doing like
00:41:53.620
the line, the line editing. I have another developmental editor that I hired to help me with just make sure
00:41:59.340
that, you know, it looks good and it flows well. And then I'll have another pass through with editing
00:42:04.840
that will really take a look at it and say, okay, well, you know, you need to expand on this.
00:42:10.220
You need to get rid of that. And they'll help me with some of this stuff. So what I'm trying to turn
00:42:15.480
in and when I write, like when I write a chapter, for example, and that usually takes me about three
00:42:21.280
days on average is what I'm, what I'm kind of coming up with about 3000 words, maybe 35, somewhere in
00:42:26.800
there. But when I'm, when I'm done with that chapter, I want to be largely done with that
00:42:32.680
chapter. Yeah. You want to be able to move on and not come back to it. Yeah. And, and then my editors
00:42:39.660
will look at it and say, okay, well, you know, you didn't really like round that thought out or you
00:42:44.100
kind of rambled here. So like, get rid of that round this thought out. That's what they're going to help
00:42:48.800
me with. Do you, do you use the podcast and your social media posts as, as a testing ground of
00:42:58.940
thought and idea? I've always, uh, yeah. Um, yeah. Oh, for sure. Cause I go through, when I look,
00:43:06.500
when I post something, uh, I I'm looking at it and I'm like, okay. Um, you know, did that resonate?
00:43:12.040
Did that land? Yeah. I actually might make another post two weeks later. That's very similar to the
00:43:16.640
first one and just change the wording or even the image just to see if that's more relatable to
00:43:23.860
people. That's actually, that's important to me. That's part of marketing. Right. Yeah. Um, but then
00:43:27.840
also the, the messages that really hit that really drive home, I incorporate those into the book.
00:43:34.760
You're like, how do I get that into the book? Cause that, that is obviously, you know, meaningful
00:43:38.880
to people. Yeah. Yeah. And so another practice I do is I go through, um, and I,
00:43:46.640
uh, pull out like, like a tweet or like a screenshot of a phrase that I used or something.
00:43:53.320
And I'm like, Oh, that was a good point. Yeah. That goes in chapter 13, part two or whatever.
00:43:59.040
And I'll just drop it in there and notes. And eventually I'll get to chapter 13, you know,
00:44:03.380
but I'm going to drop things in there. And then there's one other strategy I use for writing that
00:44:07.960
has really, really worked miracles for me. Like amazing. So let's say I want to write a thousand
00:44:15.720
words per day. So I write my thousand words. Um, I close out a section. Maybe I close out the
00:44:20.360
chapter on that day. If I just leave my screen blank, when I come back tomorrow, it's like cold
00:44:27.440
starting like, like an engine. It just, it takes a while or, you know, we've got, it's, we've got snow
00:44:34.640
out here and I've got a, I've got my snow plow, but we also have a snow blower and I don't use it
00:44:41.120
outside of winter. So every winter I gotta, I gotta chat, you know, I gotta prime the oil
00:44:46.020
and I gotta like crank it and turn it on and like figure out why it's not starting. And then once
00:44:50.760
it started for the season, just like a lawnmower, you're good. You're good to go. It's pretty much
00:44:56.260
going to start after one or two tries every time. It's the same thing in writing. If you come to a
00:45:02.520
blank page, it's like you're cold starting your thought process and your writing ability over every
00:45:07.920
day. What a waste of time. So here's what I do. Let's say again, I closed out the chapter.
00:45:13.640
I will go in and I'll start either writing the first paragraph of the next chapter or go in and
00:45:19.560
just start dropping bullet points into the next chapter. And maybe I'll come with a half,
00:45:24.660
half paragraph tomorrow, or maybe there's just five bullet points, or maybe it's just part of a story
00:45:31.060
that I thought would relate really well with that particular subject. So then I come to sit down to write
00:45:37.440
and I'm never coming to a blank page ever. I don't have blank pages. I'm always coming to a
00:45:43.240
page that at least has some thoughts. It's kind of like priming the pump. It just has some thoughts
00:45:48.480
to get me flowing, to get me writing. And that's made me way more efficient in my, in my writing
00:45:53.520
ability. Cool. All right. And also you forget things too. Like if you don't write them down,
00:45:58.820
you're going to forget about them. So if I'm thinking about something at night, I'm like, Oh man,
00:46:03.400
that one story that happened to me that one time that would really go well, this particular section
00:46:08.080
of the book, I got to write it down. And so I have a notepad in my, in my phone for if I'm just
00:46:14.720
sitting around or doing something else, I'm not front of my computer in front of the manuscript
00:46:18.480
and I'll just write it, write it down so that I can plug it in when I get in front of my, my book.
00:46:24.020
Yeah. All right. Peter, uh, Shambrick. I find myself often time falling in and out of the cycle
00:46:32.280
of being the man I wish to be. And the man I once was, I'll spend weeks training hard in the gym,
00:46:38.260
putting extra work hours, dieting. Well, only be only to be undermined by a depressive straight
00:46:44.900
of low work ethic and poor diet. Any recommendations on how to stay on track after short bursts of success?
00:46:52.240
I don't, I don't want to say you just stay on track, but I don't, I don't know. I don't really
00:47:02.500
have that problem. You don't ever get in the, in the slumps, you know, kind of, but I don't have
00:47:07.740
a problem stopping, but you still execute even if you're in a slump. Like a slump is no excuse to
00:47:15.420
throw in your hard work or the way you feel about, I say that a lot, the way you feel about things
00:47:21.660
is irrelevant to whether or not you're going to do them after you've committed to it.
00:47:25.900
And usually, but you know, here's the one thing you could do is mix it up, you know? So, uh, if
00:47:32.440
you're on a particular diet, let's say, cause he was talking about fitness and nutrition, right? So
00:47:36.040
if you're on a particular diet, like I could see how that would get old. Yeah. Dry chicken sucks after
00:47:43.620
a while. Yeah. Maybe you're eating chicken and that's in broccoli and rice. Like maybe that's
00:47:48.560
been eating that for three weeks. It's like, okay, you know, maybe throw, throw some, some
00:47:53.400
fish in there and eat some zucchini or something, you know, or, or throw, throw some venison on there.
00:48:01.420
Um, and instead of rice, maybe just maybe have beans tonight or something like, that's what I'm
00:48:06.600
saying. Just mix it up is what I'm getting at. And so you can still stay on track, but change up your
00:48:11.900
tactic a little bit. And that might just re-energize and rejuvenate. So I'll go back to writing.
00:48:16.520
Obviously this is what's on my mind right now. So if I'm writing a particular chapter,
00:48:20.720
this is another point to the previous question. And like, I'm just feeling stumped or stuck or like,
00:48:26.820
I just want to be done with this. I will go, I'll go on to a different chapter.
00:48:32.000
So I have chapters that I haven't written yet, but are still, you know, I might be three, four,
00:48:37.040
500 words, or maybe even a thousand words into another chapter before I even finished a previous one.
00:48:42.040
Cause I'd rather come back to it with a new perspective than just grind through it and put
00:48:47.080
a bunch of shit on paper. So just mix it up. Like keep, keep moving forward, but just mix it up.
00:48:56.600
You know, if you're, if you're running, if you're, if you're doing a marathon, for example,
00:48:59.680
and you're running, well, okay. Maybe you just got to change your tempo a little bit. Maybe you have
00:49:04.080
to walk for a second, but you don't stop. You keep moving towards your goal. You just change it up a
00:49:11.240
little bit so that you can, you can keep driving on. Muscles are very much the same way. Like if I
00:49:16.640
went to the gym and all I did was presses and variations of presses, like I did, you know,
00:49:22.640
dumbbell presses, and then I did a push press, and then I did a jerk and then a clean and jerk. And
00:49:27.440
like my muscles aren't, it's not, at some point you're going to have a law of diminishing return.
00:49:34.400
So maybe go work your legs still on the path to fitness, but you know, then you can come back to
00:49:39.840
your shoulders once they've had a chance to recover. It keeps you on the path, but changes
00:49:44.480
it up enough so that you can still be efficient and still stay on it. Yeah. Yeah. I just one thought
00:49:51.680
that might be beneficial. I can't remember where I got this from, but this, this thought crosses my
00:49:58.940
mind when I'm lifting sometimes. And I certainly when I'm not in the mood, right. When I'm at the gym
00:50:05.560
and I'm like, I don't want to be here. I'm tired. I'm not feeling it. Right. I'm not having a good
00:50:10.400
workout. And I just think, uh, do your best, forget the rest, like eliminate the meaning around
00:50:19.200
how good my reps are and just do my max reps. If it's that, if that's the exercise and that's it,
00:50:26.200
just do them. Don't worry about like what it means. And I'm having a bad feel about it,
00:50:31.320
how I feel about it. Nah, just, just do it. You know? Yeah. It sucks. You know? And I,
00:50:36.140
I even think that, right. Like, I don't want to like last year when Asia and I were,
00:50:40.340
we're doing that loadage race is like, I don't want to ride this bike. I don't, I do not want to
00:50:45.820
do this. This sucks. And I just embrace the fact that it sucks, you know, like this sucks, but I'm
00:50:51.700
going to do it. And, and, and it's okay that it sucks. And it's okay that I don't want to do it,
00:50:56.400
you know, and just get it done this. And so here's one little mindset shift that I have when I,
00:51:03.460
cause I agree with you. I do that too is, and this helps me actually, let's take writing again.
00:51:10.380
Like there's days I don't want to, and I do it, but you know what? That's why I have a book and
00:51:14.720
there's millions of people who wish they did. Yeah. Or, you know, days I don't want to go.
00:51:19.960
Does that want to do? Yeah. Right. Or days that, you know, like you don't want to go to jujitsu. I
00:51:24.140
don't know if you have those days, but yeah, for sure. But you went anyways, that's why you're a
00:51:29.200
black belt in jujitsu. And there's a bunch of people who are stuck in the proverbial, you know,
00:51:32.960
white belt or the perpetual white belt stage. Cause they go and then they stop because it's hard.
00:51:39.220
And then six months later, like, Oh, maybe I should go back. And they go back for two or three
00:51:43.200
months. They're like, okay, yeah, I'm getting better. I like this. Oh, but you know, all this other
00:51:46.980
stuff's getting in the way. And then a year later, they're like, Oh yeah, I was training. And then I
00:51:50.500
stop. No, the reason that you're a black belt is because you go regardless of how you feel. And so
00:51:56.720
when I'm sitting there doing stuff, I don't want to do even podcasting, you know, I I'm not feeling
00:52:02.660
great today, but I'm here. Um, well, this is why we have a top ranked show because I show up when I
00:52:10.060
don't want to show up. If all I did was show up when I wanted to show up, instead of having 850
00:52:15.440
podcasts recorded, we'd have like 75. It's maybe not that maybe not quite that, but, but a hell
00:52:23.240
of a lot less. Yeah. And I would be, I would be significantly worse at this skill. And so I'm
00:52:32.580
willing to show up even though, you know, like I've done podcasts from like, you know, that just
00:52:37.220
wasn't a great podcast. Like I was, my energy was down or maybe I did an interview and I, I asked bad
00:52:43.320
questions or didn't, maybe didn't even have a great guest or so, you know, something. And so
00:52:48.020
you do it anyways and you put it out there and you learn from it.
00:52:51.820
Yeah. Well, and not only learn from it, but like in, in your example, I I've said this to you numerous
00:52:57.960
times where, you know, there's been cases where, where I record solo, I get done. I'm like,
00:53:05.420
yeah, man, I wasn't feeling it. I didn't have good energy. And, and, and if it were up to me,
00:53:10.520
I probably would have released it. Right. I probably been like, you know, we're skipping
00:53:14.940
this week that, that, that app sucked, but I know I can't do that. Cause you wouldn't let me.
00:53:20.300
And then ironically enough, I get flooded with message. That was so great. And I'm like,
00:53:26.180
what? And I didn't think it was great. I written it off as, you know, worthless and a waste of time.
00:53:34.420
And apparently that wasn't. So it's like, how off are we, you know? So, I don't know.
00:53:40.880
Well, and why, why do you think you get to decide what's great or bad for somebody else? You know?
00:53:46.320
Good point. Like, I think that I thought about, about that with the book is like,
00:53:51.780
you know, there's days I'm like, wow, this isn't turning out good. Like, I don't like how this is
00:53:56.280
like the whole thing. Like, I'm like, you're not going to be the reader. Yeah, no. And look,
00:54:02.080
I'm not saying you just put out nonsense just because somebody might get value. Like you want
00:54:06.380
to get work. Yeah. Of course. But also there's going to be somebody, even if I put the worst book
00:54:12.840
out in the world and I hope it's not like, I hope it's, he doesn't even crack the top, you know,
00:54:16.800
a hundred of that, that honor. But even if it's the worst book ever written, ever known to man,
00:54:23.560
like there's going to be tens, if not hundreds of thousands of people who will read it.
00:54:29.860
The worst book written ever, and we'll get something out of it and change their life because
00:54:36.360
of it. Yeah. If it's not that paragraph in that chapter or that story, you know?
00:54:43.160
Yeah. Well, and the other thing too, you got, here's another thing to consider with the book
00:54:47.240
writing stuff is I was, I've been talking with some notable authors because, you know,
00:54:51.660
I want to get their opinion and their feedback and, and their perspective, just like this gentleman
00:54:55.580
asked earlier. And he says, you know, a couple of them said, you know, Ryan, really, you just want
00:55:00.380
to make sure the first, like 20% of the book is like, knock it out of the park. Because that's a
00:55:06.680
precedence for the reader. No, like I wish, I wish that was, it's because that's how many pages most
00:55:13.340
people get through, which is kind of sad, but it's sad. Yeah. Yeah. So that's not an excuse to
00:55:22.180
put together sloppy 80% of the book is just make sure that first 20 kills it because the average
00:55:29.040
person doesn't get that far into a book. So a couple of authors that I talked, excuse me, talked
00:55:35.940
with said, no, I really, really make sure I place heavy emphasis on that first part of the book.
00:55:40.780
Interesting. That's fine. It is interesting. Yeah. All right. Next question. A couple more
00:55:47.220
Kip. All right. This is a, this is a long one, Lance and he'd apologize for it, but I actually
00:55:53.740
think it's a really good question and it's, and it kind of needs the backstory. Let me say one thing
00:55:58.400
about that. So you make a long post and then you apologize for it. So if you're sorry, you wouldn't
00:56:05.480
have done it. And if you're not sorry, then don't say you are. Yeah. That's just an exercise in just
00:56:13.400
being an assertive, confident person. So I'm not picking on Lance by any means, because we all do
00:56:18.900
this. One of the things you hear all the time is like, well, I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with
00:56:22.920
that. Why are you sorry about disagreeing? Like, are you really sorry? Yes. Then don't say it because
00:56:28.720
you know, it's going to hurt somebody. Or if you're not sorry, then don't say you're sorry. Like
00:56:31.820
there's nothing to be sorry about. Yeah. Another example of this is, is my, my son the other day,
00:56:38.300
he's like, Hey, sorry. I didn't put that away. And I'm like, are you really sorry? And he's like,
00:56:44.840
what do you mean? And I'm like, do you wish you would have put it away? AKA meaning next time
00:56:49.960
you are going to put it away or you're just sorry that I noticed and I'm frustrated. And you're just
00:56:57.240
saying that because, but you're not really committed to actually putting shit away. Right.
00:57:00.700
Like, what do you mean really by sorry? You know? So, so, so my, I'm trying to say sorry,
00:57:08.120
as little as possible by doing two things, not doing things I'm sorry for, or I know I'll be
00:57:14.260
sorry for and not saying sorry. If I'm really not sorry about the action or the behavior or the words
00:57:21.840
that I'm engaged in. A sense of owning it. Yeah. Why would I be sorry? Yeah. So good point.
00:57:29.260
Posted. All right, Lance. Okay. Now that we've been a while back, sorry thing. Yeah. Um, a while
00:57:35.440
back Ryan hosted a podcast, the Friday field notes, I believe. And it was titled something along the
00:57:40.720
lines of potential green flags for dating. Yep. The podcast seriously opened my eyes to exactly how many
00:57:47.260
red flags I've overlooked marrying my wife. I've known prior to listening to the episode. I feel
00:57:53.240
like I always have, but she got pregnant right, right after we got engaged and I felt obligated
00:57:58.620
to keep the family together. Possibly some of our own puppy love turning a blind eye to some things,
00:58:04.060
but that episode just really struck home and really made me consider my future. And I, and honestly,
00:58:10.400
I'm not sure if I see one with her anymore. I love my wife. I love my family and we've accomplished a
00:58:17.580
lot in our short term together, five plus years, but I just don't know if our relationship will ever
00:58:22.640
be healthy and a fulfilling one. I joined the iron council July in 2020 to work on myself, become a
00:58:29.240
better man, father and husband, only to be met with resistance the entire time about the amount of time
00:58:34.800
I was taken away from her and the things she wants me to do. Was I perfect at it? No, but it turns into
00:58:41.380
a huge fight because I'm working out or reading or doing other things related to my battle plan.
00:58:47.640
I eventually just gave up. I'm considering even leaving the iron council just because it's a waste
00:58:52.660
of money, my time and everyone else's time. And I'm taking up space that a more contributing member
00:58:58.040
could hold. I don't know how to proceed from here. I'm firm in that I'm going to give it,
00:59:03.360
give it everything I have before giving up totally. But I also feel I have one foot out of the door as
00:59:09.960
is breaking up my family is the last thing I want. I'm just not sure if it's ever going to be good
00:59:15.520
enough for anyone. There's obviously a lot more to the story, but any insights, tips and or advice
00:59:21.920
is greatly appreciated. Yeah, man, there's a lot. Holy cow. There's a lot to unpack here, Lance on this.
00:59:29.040
Um, let's break it down a little bit. Uh, you know, you say I've got one foot out the door,
00:59:34.640
get it out of the door. Stop that. Like go all in like this year, 2022 go all in a hundred percent
00:59:47.960
in. I don't, I don't mean beer whipping boy. I don't mean allow yourself to be abused. Not that
00:59:53.440
that's even the case verbally or emotionally or anything like that. I don't know. I don't know
00:59:57.020
your situation. I'm not suggesting that I'm saying go all in with your family, make your
01:00:04.860
family, the focus of your battle plan, include them in the decisions that you're making, get them
01:00:11.260
involved in the same activities that are propelling you forward, help her and your children connect
01:00:16.680
the dots between your time away or your own personal work and how it's going to serve them.
01:00:23.240
Try to inspire and lead your wife to find her own hobbies and activities and interests of Porter.
01:00:31.360
Right now you guys sound like you're doing it alone. It sounds like you're doing your thing
01:00:35.580
and she's doing her thing. And then you just happen to live together. That's what it sounds
01:00:41.120
like to me. That's not how it should be. Yes. I have things that I'm interested in and my wife has
01:00:47.580
things that she's interested in, but I'm deeply committed and interested in what she is. Not because
01:00:52.740
I enjoy it personally, but because I know it's good for her and it's good for the family.
01:00:57.400
She knows that about the things I'm doing. So when I'm consumed with writing or I go to jujitsu or I'm
01:01:02.280
training or any, or I'm on travel with business, they know that, but also I keep them updated.
01:01:09.120
You know, if I'm gone, I send them pictures. I, I show them funny and weird things from my trip.
01:01:14.940
I send videos. I just send a little text and say, Hey, I love you guys. My two oldest boys have
01:01:20.440
their own phone. So like just randomly in the middle of the day, Hey bud, love you.
01:01:24.940
Miss you. Hope you're having a good day at school. Like I'm involved, even though I may not be present
01:01:30.360
in that particular moment, but I'm not even going to say shit or get off the pot. Cause I don't want
01:01:36.880
you to actually get off the pot. I want you to be there and be a hundred percent in for 2022.
01:01:43.360
And then you can make some decisions. You know, you, you can, you're going to have some decisions
01:01:48.740
to know that you gave it your all. Yeah, that's right. And so you also said, you don't know if
01:01:55.680
you have a future with her. That's right. You don't know what you're saying is you don't think
01:02:00.860
you do, but you actually said, you don't know. And that's more accurate. You don't know.
01:02:05.960
There's something about her you love. Right. Of course. There's something you love about her.
01:02:10.480
There's something you saw on her. You have kids with her. You said it yourself. You don't
01:02:13.920
want to break up your family. So because you don't know, and you haven't done everything
01:02:20.720
to figure it out, then you owe it to yourself. And you also owe it to her because you gave
01:02:25.980
her your hand. So you better do that. And you better not leave the iron council because
01:02:31.700
you're moping around feeling sorry about your own self-development journey. Now, if you don't
01:02:37.160
like the iron council, it doesn't fit with your schedule or whatever, you don't have
01:02:41.780
the money for it. Money's not even an issue because we have a scholarship fund. There's
01:02:45.720
no reason that you should leave the iron council. You should just use the tools better. Use them
01:02:52.060
more effectively. Use them better. Talk with your battle team. Join the right channels. Talk
01:02:57.520
with other guys who may have experienced what you're going through. Use those and make sure
01:03:02.580
she and the kids are included in the process. This isn't your thing. No, there's no aspect of
01:03:09.460
your life that is your thing. Jiu-jitsu, for example, is not my thing. It's our thing. She
01:03:17.180
supports me in it. She knows how it makes me better. She encourages me in that thing. And I do the same
01:03:22.460
for her because we're one of one flesh, right? As the scriptures say, we are one. We're not two.
01:03:30.340
We're one. Make it that way for the rest of the year.
01:03:34.680
I like it. You mentioned something, Lance, towards the end. You said,
01:03:38.720
breaking up my family is the last thing I want to do. I'm just not sure if it's ever going to be
01:03:43.760
good enough for anyone. I would suggest, and I don't know, but I would probably say that your wife
01:03:55.220
has never communicated to you that you're not good enough for her. That's you. That's your
01:04:02.560
interpretation. And so I'd be very mindful, like be self-aware of what you're thinking and what
01:04:12.960
you're projecting on assuming what she thinks about you. And I don't know if this is the case.
01:04:19.220
It's a consideration that this is your story and you've been holding onto that thing probably for
01:04:27.420
a long time. And it's probably a story that would transcend this marriage. And even if you
01:04:33.340
remarried the quote unquote perfect woman, that you probably still have a story of not being good
01:04:38.580
enough. And so I would get clear in regards to where that's coming from. Be clear on what she's
01:04:45.020
communicating and also be clear on her story. That's the other thing that's so powerful that
01:04:51.040
we fail to realize sometimes is she is her own human and she has her own thought process. She
01:04:55.660
has her own insecurities and you leveling up might be generating some triggers for her.
01:05:03.380
And that doesn't mean that she doesn't appreciate you. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It doesn't
01:05:07.240
mean that you're not good enough. It just means that she's running her own story and she's having her
01:05:11.700
own triggers about you, you know, becoming a better man and, and she's not good enough.
01:05:16.840
Right. So, so, and, and, you know, there's danger obviously in psychoanalyzing everybody,
01:05:22.000
but be, be aware, have some empathy and be aware of people's human nature and, and be aware where
01:05:30.320
these are coming from and make sure that you're not projecting a whole lot of meaning on how, how
01:05:34.940
she's dealing with things, um, just to look for a self-fulfilling prophecy on your part.
01:05:40.280
Right. Some internal dialogue that you already have. So great points. Excellent. Cool. One more.
01:05:46.860
We got, we got a good and quick one here. Yeah. Yeah. We got one. This is fun. Abe Garcia,
01:05:52.840
what are the odds of having an in-house order man BJJ tournament, or maybe some battle team member
01:05:59.280
super fights maybe at the origin camp. I'm all about it. Let's do it. If you're coming to origin
01:06:06.080
immersion camp, which I think is, is it in August? I think it's in August. Yeah. I think that's right.
01:06:11.120
And August then, uh, yeah, let's make it happen. Also, um, I just gave a check to, uh, my neighbor
01:06:18.540
who happens to be a general contractor who, who helped me build out a lot of this barn. I say helped
01:06:23.180
me who built a lot of this barn who did the small work. He was, he basically, you know, picked up
01:06:30.540
nails and lumber for me. And then I put it all together, you know? Yeah. Anyway. So I just wrote
01:06:36.680
him a check. Um, he's building the third level of the barn out and we're going to put, I'm having
01:06:43.680
custom jujitsu mats ordered. And so all the jujitsu will be done in the barn itself, which is going to
01:06:51.140
be awesome. It's going to be hot. Well, and by the way, it has a been to an event because I almost
01:06:57.480
feel as though every event kind of has a built in jujitsu tournament. Like I think about the old
01:07:05.440
uprisings, right? They're, they're jiu-jitsu tournaments, right? So that's all it is. Yeah.
01:07:11.500
Well, we got, when we did our last event, we got, we always ask for feedback. So we do after action
01:07:16.140
review forms on, on, you know, what, what we want the event to be and how we want to improve it. And
01:07:21.840
the last one we did, the overwhelming responses were more jujitsu. So I'm always about that. We can
01:07:29.580
do that. Yeah. Forget about PT. Like we'll do jujitsu every morning. That's fine. Jiu-jitsu every
01:07:33.960
morning. Yep. I'm fine with that. I like that actually. So yeah. All right. All right. Take it up,
01:07:39.540
babe. We'll make it happen. Yeah. All right. So, um, just to wrap up and we talked about a couple
01:07:44.720
things, uh, Ryan shared the battle planner to get a battle planner. You can go to store.orderband.com
01:07:51.200
or purchase the battle planning app at 12weekbattleplanner.com. That's the number one
01:07:58.300
and two week battleplanner.com for the battle planner app. And as always, you can connect with
01:08:05.160
Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter. I was throwing out getter now, but, uh, at Ryan Mickler is the social
01:08:13.780
media handle. So, uh, connect with us and give us your feedback. All right, guys. Good question
01:08:20.040
today. Hope we gave you some good answers and we will be back on Friday until then go out there,
01:08:24.500
take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:08:28.900
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:08:33.640
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.