Order of Man - Red Flags in Women, the Power of Urgency, and the Difference Between Value and Worth

00:00:00.000 I was a closet drinker because I had shame around it.

00:00:03.680 I felt shame around drinking.

00:00:05.860 It wasn't enough, obviously, to keep me from drinking, so I hid all of it.

00:00:09.000 I've never done one thing half-assed in my entire life.

00:00:12.760 If I'm going to do it, I'm going to go as hard.

00:00:16.040 I'm not going to be good at it necessarily when I first try something,

00:00:18.480 but I'm going to go as hard and tough as I possibly can.

00:00:22.120 And drinking was no different.

00:00:23.540 It was like, one drink.

00:00:25.240 No, I want two.

00:00:26.100 No, I want ten.

00:00:27.000 I want the rest.

00:00:27.700 You know what?

00:00:28.020 I better finish everything that's in the fridge right now.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:33.220 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:37.620 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:42.060 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, or strong.

00:00:46.940 This is your life.

00:00:48.240 This is who you are.

00:00:49.640 This is who you will become.

00:00:51.380 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:57.980 Kip, what's up, man?

00:00:58.780 Good to see you.

00:00:59.480 Had a little technical difficulties this morning, but we're battling through it.

00:01:02.800 These platforms, it's crazy to me.

00:01:04.780 I mean, they're amazing.

00:01:06.420 Don't get me wrong.

00:01:07.280 The fact that we can have this conversation, you're four hours north of me, or when I was

00:01:10.960 in Maine, we were literally across the country from each other, and that we can do this.

00:01:14.820 But sometimes it just doesn't have that one feature you need, or it's the best platform,

00:01:19.200 but doesn't have the one.

00:01:20.100 And the other one has the one, but it's not the best platform.

00:01:22.380 It's so frustrating at times.

00:01:25.120 That's actually a foundational thing in software applications, and it's simplicity or feature

00:01:34.020 set.

00:01:34.440 You decide.

00:01:35.780 But if you want all the features, it's not going to be easy to use.

00:01:39.660 Or if you want easy to use, it's not going to do all the features, right?

00:01:42.280 And it's, what are the good or sweet things about life?

00:01:45.860 And there's probably some life lesson dichotomy and lesson that we could extract about life.

00:01:52.540 Yeah.

00:01:52.960 But it is what it is.

00:01:54.920 I don't know.

00:01:55.380 I don't care about all that.

00:01:56.360 I just want it to have everything that I want.

00:01:59.480 Yeah, totally.

00:02:01.400 I appreciate it, man.

00:02:02.520 But we're working through it.

00:02:03.900 One of the things that we're actually working on, guys, right now is trying to get the software

00:02:07.580 all ready for tonight.

00:02:08.640 We have a big, big preview call tonight at 8 p.m.

00:02:11.660 Eastern.

00:02:12.160 If you go to theironcouncil.com slash preview, you can get notified.

00:02:17.200 And then at 8 o'clock tonight, you can use that same link, theironcouncil.com slash preview.

00:02:22.180 And it's going to take you to whatever platform we end up using tonight.

00:02:25.300 So we'll make sure that's squared away.

00:02:27.540 You don't have to worry about where we're going to be.

00:02:29.160 It's at that link.

00:02:30.480 And what we're going to do is just pull back the curtain a little bit on the Iron Council,

00:02:34.180 ask questions.

00:02:35.120 We did this about six months or nine months ago.

00:02:39.060 We had a lot of guys who were on the fence about our brotherhood.

00:02:42.900 And they know they need other men in their corner.

00:02:45.100 They want to build powerful networks.

00:02:47.140 I asked a question on our Facebook group just the other day about what was your number one

00:02:51.400 struggle as a man right now?

00:02:53.400 And one of the common answers was finding other men that I could be accountable to that

00:02:58.380 are going to help me on the path.

00:02:59.680 It's amazing to me how often we hear that and then how few people will actually go out

00:03:06.900 and invest in themselves and take the time and the initiative to find something that would

00:03:11.700 work.

00:03:12.580 And that's why we created the Iron Council nine plus years ago, because it takes the guesswork

00:03:17.720 out of it, takes the confusion out of it, takes the headache and the frustration out

00:03:21.000 of it.

00:03:21.560 And we put that on our shoulders.

00:03:23.800 We had to do all that so that you guys don't have to.

00:03:26.360 So if you're looking for powerful, powerful guys and a framework for succeeding in life

00:03:31.320 as men, theironcouncil.com slash preview tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern.

00:03:36.620 Yeah, man, it's so important, too.

00:03:39.160 I had actually an interesting weekend.

00:03:41.940 I got to go to another church and they asked me to come speak to them around.

00:03:48.400 Oh, really?

00:03:49.100 Yeah, around self-reliance.

00:03:50.820 And Max, the guy who invited me, I was a little bit like, so I might like, you want me to show

00:03:58.720 up like in your face kind of like self-reliance or like a soft version of it?

00:04:03.420 Like, what are we doing?

00:04:05.280 Yeah.

00:04:05.400 And it was funny because at one point, someone made a comment, and it wasn't wrong necessarily,

00:04:15.500 but it wasn't empowering.

00:04:17.420 And his comment was, I really like this subject, and it helps remind me, like, it's so great

00:04:24.840 that we have a group.

00:04:26.300 So then that way, if I'm not self-reliant, the church is here to help me and my neighborhood's

00:04:31.140 here to help me, and I don't have to have it all figured out today, but I have the system

00:04:36.220 to help me figure it out.

00:04:37.540 And although, like, that's true.

00:04:40.120 Like you said, accuracy in that, sure.

00:04:42.240 Yeah.

00:04:42.600 But I'm like, but that's not the message.

00:04:45.600 The message is get your shit together now.

00:04:49.360 Did you swear in church like that, Kim?

00:04:51.020 No, I didn't say, no, no, I didn't argue with you.

00:04:53.720 But I was like, but that's what matters, it matters what people say around us, right?

00:04:59.600 Because as he's saying this, and I wouldn't necessarily disagree, guys are like, oh, yeah,

00:05:03.080 yeah.

00:05:03.600 And I'm like, no, the message is get your act together.

00:05:08.020 Don't be reliant on other people.

00:05:10.660 Be accountable, right?

00:05:12.700 The Lord expects you to be an agent unto yourself.

00:05:18.780 Get your crap together.

00:05:20.820 Don't delay it, right?

00:05:21.880 Because the reality of it is, is most people are delaying too much.

00:05:25.200 So that's not the message that people in that room needed to hear.

00:05:28.100 They needed to hear the message of get your crap together right away.

00:05:33.100 And the only reason why I bring that up is it's just, what's the messaging that you're

00:05:37.780 getting around you, right?

00:05:40.380 Are they uplifting?

00:05:41.620 Are they not necessarily wrong?

00:05:43.680 But are they perpetuating the wrong messaging and the wrong thing that's not going to propel

00:05:48.300 you to leveling up in life?

00:05:51.120 And that's why the messaging of the Iron Council and the guys on teams is just so valuable.

00:05:58.100 Yeah, I mean, I think that's a great lesson.

00:06:01.100 One thing that I wrote down here as you were saying that is not only the messaging you're

00:06:05.660 receiving, but the messaging that you're telling yourself.

00:06:08.120 Because if you're saying, oh, the church has got me and I'm taken care of, you are going

00:06:12.680 to drag your feet, of course.

00:06:14.800 It's inevitably going to drag your feet.

00:06:16.800 And then I also wrote down here that I had a good conversation with Rick Trimmer, who you

00:06:21.420 know, he's a good friend of mine and a business partner in M42 Adventures.

00:06:24.160 Him and I and his dad were actually talking over the weekend.

00:06:27.960 We were at their ranch and we were having a good conversation and they both asked me,

00:06:32.700 what's the one thing that you notice all of the successful guests, over 500 now, I think

00:06:37.840 506 guests.

00:06:39.340 What's one thing that just runs between all of them?

00:06:43.480 And the answer is, there's a lot of things, but one that really stood out to me is a sense

00:06:48.260 of urgency in their life, whether it's working out or having the conversation or even the

00:06:55.420 way they walk, the demeanor when they walk.

00:06:57.980 Everything is urgent, not panicked, not frantic, but urgent.

00:07:02.920 They know the clock is ticking and they're actively working up against that clock.

00:07:07.620 And so everything is fast paced.

00:07:09.560 Everything is moving.

00:07:11.100 Everything is with a sense of purpose and direction.

00:07:13.340 I mean, I see that sometimes I see that in some of the kids that I coach or even just

00:07:17.520 men that we work with.

00:07:18.920 It's like, guys, when we do our events, they're like hunched over and like walking and wandering

00:07:24.400 and kicking rocks and picking up dandelions as they're going from station to station.

00:07:28.420 I'm like, man, this is why you're not successful.

00:07:31.400 And it may not be the reason you're not successful, but it's a clear indicator that you're not going

00:07:35.760 to be successful.

00:07:36.820 You have nowhere to be.

00:07:38.360 You have no sense of urgency.

00:07:39.820 You have no focus, no direction.

00:07:43.120 So don't come at me and tell me, I don't know why life's so hard.

00:07:46.860 Because that attitude is the exact same attitude you walk around, you talk, and you act.

00:07:52.060 So I think if you could just pick up the pace in life a little bit, again, not frantic,

00:07:56.640 not chaotic, not hectic, but just urgent.

00:07:59.240 One word comes to mind, intentionality.

00:08:02.340 Yes.

00:08:02.640 They're intentional with the time that has been given to them.

00:08:06.840 Yeah.

00:08:07.000 Yeah.

00:08:07.780 Good call.

00:08:08.760 I love that.

00:08:09.060 Well, let's get into some headlines, Kip.

00:08:10.320 Do you want to start or do you want me to kick things off?

00:08:12.120 Yeah.

00:08:12.500 You know what?

00:08:13.060 Like, my headline, to be frank, you know, what we mentioned before we hit record, Josh

00:08:18.980 and some difficulty, like he's from Asheville.

00:08:23.920 I've seen pictures, like, it's underwater.

00:08:26.720 Like, the town's a river, right?

00:08:29.240 And it's just crazy.

00:08:30.640 I've seen some videos of houses literally floating away.

00:08:35.460 And I don't necessarily have an opinion about it because obviously it probably wouldn't be,

00:08:42.160 I don't know, considerate of people's difficult situation that they're dealing with right now.

00:08:47.420 I think for me, it's just a little.

00:08:49.880 If you had an opinion about it?

00:08:50.940 Is that what you said?

00:08:51.620 Like, oh, you should be prepared.

00:08:53.200 You know, like, I'm not going to have an opinion like that.

00:08:54.460 Oh, yeah.

00:08:54.480 I mean, if you're doing the armchair quarterback stuff.

00:08:57.240 Yeah.

00:08:57.340 No, for me, I think it helps me just be mindful and present and grateful.

00:09:03.820 You know, my house is on stable ground.

00:09:06.660 It's not floating away, you know, and things could be a lot worse.

00:09:10.680 And so maybe just a call out for me over this past weekend is, is this too shall pass,

00:09:16.600 but also be grateful for what I have at the same time.

00:09:20.520 Yeah.

00:09:22.060 Well, look, I don't mind being insensitive.

00:09:23.940 The reality is the reality is the guys who were prepared are in a much better spot.

00:09:30.060 And that's not to revel in somebody's misery or laugh like a lot of people do.

00:09:36.480 It's none of that.

00:09:37.360 I feel a lot of empathy and concern and worry, especially for our guys,

00:09:41.620 our iron council guys who, who are in affected by this.

00:09:44.780 Yeah.

00:09:45.360 But in the iron council, you know,

00:09:47.120 we're talking about preparedness and emergency planning and the men who are prepared,

00:09:52.320 they're not going to come out unscathed.

00:09:54.820 How could you?

00:09:55.940 But they're going to be in a much better spot.

00:09:57.980 In fact, Josh sent me a text and I don't think he would mind sharing this with me.

00:10:01.620 He sent me a text.

00:10:02.640 I know you guys talked this morning as well.

00:10:05.020 And he said, you know, his, his house is, is, you know, demolished and destroyed.

00:10:09.240 And he's obviously got a lot of work there.

00:10:11.000 But what is Josh doing right now?

00:10:13.460 He's taking supplies around to his family and friends.

00:10:16.580 That to me is a mark of a man right there.

00:10:21.280 He said, I got my family out.

00:10:22.600 We're good, but I'm taking supplies around to family and friends right now, man.

00:10:28.000 What, what better indicator that you're doing something right when it comes to being the

00:10:33.100 protector, provider and presider your people need you to be.

00:10:35.780 Yeah, totally.

00:10:36.960 And it just talk about, and it was funny on Saturday where we were chatting about just

00:10:41.480 perfect timing, right?

00:10:42.620 Because in the IC, we've been talking about preparedness all month and then this happens

00:10:47.000 and he was just like, man, it's, it's spot on.

00:10:50.240 I hope some of those guys took it to heart.

00:10:52.260 And like I said, we're able to get themselves in somewhat of a better position had they not

00:10:56.700 had those discussions.

00:10:57.960 Yeah, totally.

00:10:59.240 Yeah.

00:11:00.220 Well, cool.

00:11:00.740 Well, my headline and prayers, of course, and thoughts and everything and, you know, whatever

00:11:04.900 we can do to support.

00:11:05.860 I know we got iron council guys on the ground doing stuff.

00:11:08.120 And if we need to make contributions financially, if we're in the position to do it, we ought to do

00:11:11.480 that as well.

00:11:12.620 Um, my headline comes from a podcast I was listening to this morning and Kip, you and

00:11:17.500 I have talked about this.

00:11:18.520 In fact, if I remember right, we talked about something like this, uh, just a couple of

00:11:22.600 weeks ago, I think.

00:11:23.640 And this gentleman puts it into much more eloquent words that I'm able to.

00:11:29.320 And, uh, this one comes from Chris Williamson's podcast, modern wisdom.

00:11:33.360 Uh, and it came out, I think it came out a couple of days ago, maybe on Thursday or Friday

00:11:36.580 of last week.

00:11:37.260 And this is with, uh, Dr.

00:11:39.680 Laith Al-Shawaf.

00:11:41.640 I think is how you pronounce that.

00:11:43.320 Laith Al-Shawaf.

00:11:44.880 Uh, he was talking about emotions.

00:11:47.200 And like I said, you and I have talked a lot about emotions, but in his research, he is

00:11:52.460 saying that not only are your emotions a feeling, but there's actually a physiological response

00:11:59.160 that goes along with it.

00:12:00.180 So all the things that intuitively Kip, you and I have been talking about, about emotions

00:12:03.800 being indicators, he's confirming again in a much more well-versed, eloquent way than

00:12:09.640 that I ever was.

00:12:10.920 But what's interesting about this, and I think this is the one that you alluded to is that

00:12:14.840 fear is not only a feeling that we have, we focus on the feeling because we think we

00:12:20.020 either should or should not be feeling this.

00:12:21.660 But one thing he said is that when you are experiencing fear, you are much more capable

00:12:28.120 of navigating the environment and world around you.

00:12:31.900 You actually are better with navigation and directions when you're experiencing fear.

00:12:36.760 And I think that's one of the things you talked about.

00:12:39.640 A couple of other things that he addressed on the podcast, the physiological responses of

00:12:45.340 love and how not only is that a feeling, but that, that emotion is actually designed

00:12:51.640 to pair bond you with another woman in order to build long-term predictable results.

00:12:59.400 Because right now, if it wasn't about love, if love wasn't an emotion, we are really, really

00:13:05.160 good at, as humans, of dealing in the now.

00:13:08.780 So we'd go hook up with every person that we possibly could.

00:13:12.340 That doesn't serve us long-term and it's love that helps us get to that point.

00:13:16.400 This is the most interesting one to me though.

00:13:18.500 He said that when you're disgusted, specifically by potential pathogens like disease, airborne

00:13:26.240 illness, that sort of thing, disgust is a feeling.

00:13:29.220 I'm disgusted.

00:13:30.080 Maybe you can't even figure out why, but the physiological response, and this has been proven

00:13:35.360 is that you get a boost in immunity.

00:13:38.640 Your body starts to produce chemicals to make you more immune and ready and able to deal with

00:13:44.680 potential bacteria and viruses it might be introduced to.

00:13:48.600 So you're having a physiological response to whatever feeling that you might have.

00:13:54.440 Guilt is designed to make amends with the people who are closest so you can continue to

00:14:01.740 keep those relationships intact.

00:14:04.340 Jealousy is designed to protect what you have.

00:14:08.120 Maybe a woman, for example, or other things that you have.

00:14:12.580 What else did he talk about?

00:14:14.260 He talked about, oh, anger.

00:14:16.380 Anger is designed to help you get the respect that you deserve because somebody disrespected

00:14:24.760 you.

00:14:25.860 And I'm like, is that true in every scenario?

00:14:29.020 I mean, there's probably exceptions, but when I'm angry, it's because I feel disrespected.

00:14:34.620 Disrespected, yeah.

00:14:36.280 Interesting.

00:14:36.760 And so your body is actually producing chemicals based on the emotions that you're experiencing.

00:14:43.480 So what do we do with this?

00:14:44.400 That's the real question.

00:14:45.700 Yeah.

00:14:45.960 What do you do with that information?

00:14:47.420 Well, it's the thing that we've been talking about.

00:14:49.480 When you experience an emotion, instead of just feeling it, ask yourself, what should I

00:14:55.660 be doing with this?

00:14:56.660 And what am I learning?

00:14:58.380 And what do I need to learn through the experience I'm currently having?

00:15:02.740 Yeah.

00:15:03.180 And if you can figure out what that is and realize that your body is doing something very

00:15:08.560 real, this is not just some random emotional response that we should try to tamp down.

00:15:15.400 No, your body's actually doing physiological work to protect you against what you're experiencing.

00:15:20.940 I found it fascinating.

00:15:22.020 Oh, that is super fascinating.

00:15:24.120 You know, it reminds me of something I read.

00:15:26.480 This is probably about a year or two ago, where when men hold their infant babies, it alters

00:15:34.660 your production of testosterone.

00:15:38.200 Oh, really?

00:15:39.580 Uh-huh.

00:15:39.880 Like, you produce less by having a baby around you, which is fascinating.

00:15:45.260 Because you need more nurturing instead of, you know, being angry and throwing the baby

00:15:49.200 out of the bathwater type scenario.

00:15:51.180 Yeah.

00:15:51.260 And less likely to abandon baby, right?

00:15:55.260 Yeah.

00:15:55.360 For like another woman or whatever.

00:15:57.520 And it's just crazy.

00:15:58.260 Well, the other one that's interesting is it's been proven that testosterone production

00:16:03.800 goes up when you compete and more specifically win.

00:16:07.880 So winning feels good.

00:16:10.620 That's an emotion.

00:16:12.780 It feels good.

00:16:13.720 You're proud.

00:16:14.460 You're excited.

00:16:15.380 You're accomplished.

00:16:16.300 You're happy.

00:16:17.800 And so your body's naturally going to start producing chemicals.

00:16:21.180 My girlfriend and I were talking about this, about love.

00:16:24.140 And we're a little weird sometimes, but we had this thought about love.

00:16:28.760 Everybody says, oh, I'm in love.

00:16:29.840 And you can't really explain it.

00:16:31.140 And the conversation that I remember having with her is that love is basic.

00:16:35.620 It's just chemicals.

00:16:37.460 Yeah.

00:16:38.540 It's really nothing more than that.

00:16:40.100 It's your body producing certain chemicals in order to produce a result.

00:16:44.500 So it's really fascinating when you start thinking about all of the things that you

00:16:49.200 experience is just your body regulating your organs, doing different things, regulating

00:16:54.740 hormones, producing more of this, less of that.

00:16:57.440 It's so interesting to me.

00:16:58.980 Well, and this is where parenting comes in.

00:17:01.380 And, you know, a book we talk about often, right?

00:17:04.540 The boy crisis.

00:17:05.340 And you start talking about kind of dopamine management when it comes to kids having delayed

00:17:11.260 gratification and doing hard things.

00:17:14.520 And what are you competing with?

00:17:16.740 Right.

00:17:17.300 Where are these chemicals coming from?

00:17:19.140 TV and video games.

00:17:20.920 And how does that compare to pleasing dad?

00:17:24.020 Oh, it doesn't even compare at all.

00:17:25.620 Right.

00:17:25.920 Like they're going to get more feel goods from playing a game than pleasing you as a father.

00:17:31.320 Whoa.

00:17:32.220 That's a dilemma.

00:17:33.780 So maybe we shouldn't introduce Timmy to video games until he's a little bit older.

00:17:38.140 Right.

00:17:38.400 Like it's just super insightful so we can navigate.

00:17:41.980 Right.

00:17:42.240 And we can understand and make better decisions.

00:17:45.700 Yeah.

00:17:46.080 That's right.

00:17:47.260 By the way, Dr. Warren Farrell is coming back on the podcast to discuss his newest book.

00:17:52.800 I can't remember the title right offhand, but it's about building a deep and meaningful

00:17:57.820 relationship with your significant other.

00:17:59.800 So it should be good.

00:18:00.560 I love his work.

00:18:01.120 Yeah.

00:18:01.500 Me too.

00:18:02.260 Me too.

00:18:02.600 And I love that I don't politically sit on the same aisle as him and that I like him.

00:18:07.860 Yeah.

00:18:08.220 Like I like that.

00:18:08.960 Well, he used to be a raging feminist.

00:18:10.820 Yeah.

00:18:12.160 Did you know that?

00:18:13.380 No, I was not sure if he was raging, but I knew like from his book, I'm like, I know

00:18:17.880 I don't politically align with this guy.

00:18:19.740 I always put feminism and raging together, so maybe I don't need to say that.

00:18:24.560 Yeah.

00:18:26.280 By the way, I also have another good podcast that came out yesterday with Kelsey Sharon.

00:18:31.020 Her and I have disagreed very publicly about two things in particular, vulnerability and

00:18:37.100 feminism.

00:18:37.560 And we actually had a really, I thought we were going to argue a lot more, maybe not argue, but debate a lot more than, than we did.

00:18:45.080 But it is interesting when you start to really get down into the nuance that people aren't really that far off on much.

00:18:53.260 Totally.

00:18:54.440 Totally.

00:18:54.880 I mean, you could take the most polarizing subject, abortion, for example.

00:18:59.280 I mean, I don't, I don't agree with abortion, but I also can see the argument of a woman wanting to be able to choose for herself.

00:19:06.500 I don't think that's what she's doing, but I can make that connection.

00:19:09.840 I don't agree with it, but I can make it.

00:19:12.220 And I would want that for a woman.

00:19:13.980 I'd want that for myself.

00:19:15.340 And my argument is, well, we're not going to kill babies.

00:19:18.400 And somebody who's pro-abortion has to make that connect.

00:19:22.720 They don't want to kill babies either.

00:19:24.520 Now, they're disconnecting a fetus with a baby.

00:19:28.400 They're one and the same, but they still want the same thing.

00:19:31.960 They don't want to kill babies either.

00:19:33.100 They are, but it's just interesting how people really aren't that far off on what we want and what we think is right and moral.

00:19:42.580 Yeah.

00:19:43.100 Well, and how often is our argument really not on logic?

00:19:47.540 But if we disagree, it makes me look bad because I've associated to a political viewpoint and it's a threat to my character, right?

00:19:56.800 Like, and then we're not even debating really at this point.

00:19:59.440 Like, it's just emotions flying off the cuff.

00:20:03.100 But, yeah, crazy world.

00:20:04.960 All right, let's get to some questions.

00:20:06.800 Yeah.

00:20:07.200 So we're going to fill some questions from Instagram to follow Mr. Mickler there.

00:20:10.960 That's at Ryan Mickler.

00:20:12.960 As dads, Mr. New Dad, ironic, good name there.

00:20:17.960 As dads, we are constantly mindful of what influences shape our children's thoughts and values.

00:20:23.900 From your expertise, what are the key inputs, whether media, relationships, or environment,

00:20:29.900 that we should be most intentional about to protect and positively shape our children's minds and character?

00:20:36.960 Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence when you say expertise.

00:20:42.240 I would say experience, but I would not say expertise because I'm figuring this out with four kids and every single one of them is different.

00:20:49.200 Yeah.

00:20:49.400 But as far as the influences go, I mean, I think the big one, right, all of them, you listed them, right?

00:20:55.900 Media, music, TV programming, YouTube, TikTok, social media, friends.

00:21:03.400 But I think the big one is right here.

00:21:09.120 It's especially for young girls.

00:21:12.360 This thing is poison.

00:21:14.200 It's poison for adults, let alone for kids.

00:21:18.920 So I would not allow them to have social media access on their phones until they're 16, 17.

00:21:27.880 I mean, somewhere up there.

00:21:28.800 So I've got four kids, my 16-year-old, he's got an iPhone now.

00:21:33.780 I told him I'm not buying an iPhone, and his mom isn't going to buy him an iPhone.

00:21:38.040 So he ended up buying it himself, but he doesn't have social media on it.

00:21:41.680 If he wants to get on social media, he's got to come get it through either her phone or my phone.

00:21:46.920 And then there's a time associated with that as well.

00:21:50.460 Same thing with my 13-year-old.

00:21:51.960 He's got a Gab phone, I think is what it's called.

00:21:55.500 So limited contacts.

00:21:57.400 I think they have access to some music, but we can put parental guidance and disclaimers

00:22:02.380 or whatever on there, parameters and controls.

00:22:06.040 And same thing with my 11-year-old daughter has a phone, no social media, Gab phone.

00:22:11.980 And then my 8-year-old son has a Gab watch.

00:22:16.640 So he doesn't even have a phone.

00:22:18.360 He's got a watch, and he can call five or six people, a video call with those contacts

00:22:23.100 that I have to actually put in on the app on my phone.

00:22:26.360 He can't just go in and program a phone number on there.

00:22:29.720 So that's where I think the real danger is.

00:22:33.100 And we know that.

00:22:33.940 And there's been congressional testimony from social media people that has explained how addictive

00:22:40.020 this is, how toxic this is.

00:22:42.540 And just anecdotally, you can see, especially again in young women, that's where a lot of

00:22:46.560 bullying takes place, a lot of body image issues take place.

00:22:51.940 It's a really, really horrible, horrible place for kids to converse.

00:22:56.740 Outside of that, you know, the obvious, right?

00:22:58.420 Their friends, be aware of where their friends are going and spending their time and what they're

00:23:03.500 doing.

00:23:04.600 With regards to their friends, I really, when the kids are with me, they're with me half

00:23:08.340 the time.

00:23:09.700 I don't, my older boys can go do things with their friends and that's fine.

00:23:13.360 And my daughter as well.

00:23:14.560 But for the most part, I invite everybody to come to my house.

00:23:19.580 And it's, it's not party central or anything out here, but I try to make it a place conducive

00:23:24.660 to them wanting to have friends over.

00:23:26.040 And so this has become the hub because that's what I want.

00:23:31.060 If they're going to have friends, I want them here in this environment.

00:23:34.340 And then we can help not only keep our kids on the right path, but maybe even steer some

00:23:39.360 other kids that maybe don't have the same influence they need in their lives.

00:23:44.140 Yeah.

00:23:45.000 Yeah.

00:23:45.440 It's good, man.

00:23:46.240 I, yeah, there's nothing I'd add.

00:23:48.740 I mean, I just make sure how we're showing up as parents.

00:23:51.960 And, and I think part of, you know, Mr. New Dad, like one thing is consistency around

00:23:57.800 all of this is the key because, you know, like in your mind, like, oh, they shouldn't

00:24:02.340 be on a phone.

00:24:03.000 They should do this.

00:24:03.980 They don't.

00:24:05.180 And it's consistency that will shape them, not your opinion.

00:24:09.960 And so we have to be very consistent.

00:24:13.320 And, you know, even Asia and I, we were talking about this just a couple months ago about how

00:24:18.460 we were inconsistent with going to church because we're constantly traveling on the weekends

00:24:23.020 and we're like, no, this needs to be a non-negotiable.

00:24:27.520 It doesn't matter where we are.

00:24:28.980 It doesn't matter if we're traveling.

00:24:30.340 It doesn't matter if we're in Delta, if we're up in Salt Lake City, it doesn't matter.

00:24:36.380 We make it a priority and that sets the tone.

00:24:40.480 And if we always make these exceptions, then what will happen is you'll naturally hear kids.

00:24:44.500 Oh, can we not do that?

00:24:45.740 Could they think it's a choice?

00:24:47.120 Why?

00:24:47.860 Because you're inconsistent with it.

00:24:50.140 So that's kind of like the sign, right?

00:24:53.500 When they're asking to do or not do something, that tells you you've been inconsistent and

00:24:58.920 they think it's an option.

00:25:00.540 And so look for those areas to be consistent.

00:25:02.900 Yeah.

00:25:03.100 Yeah.

00:25:03.320 That's really good insight.

00:25:04.640 Cool.

00:25:05.200 All right.

00:25:05.960 J Money.

00:25:07.060 J Money 55.

00:25:08.860 How about teaching stranger danger to a five-year-old daughter?

00:25:12.760 I don't want to instill fear, but awareness when it comes to someone crossing the line with

00:25:17.940 the child.

00:25:18.820 Thank you for taking the time to discuss.

00:25:22.240 Yeah.

00:25:22.760 You know, five-year-old, a five-year-old at this point, they're getting to the place where

00:25:27.480 they can actually have a conversation with you, right?

00:25:31.280 As appropriate, obviously.

00:25:32.580 But what I would do and what I have done is I ask a lot of questions of my kids.

00:25:39.160 So if we're at Walmart, for example, picking something up and I see a strange person, I'll

00:25:44.680 ask them, what do you think about that person over there?

00:25:48.460 And they're like, yeah, I don't, he seems, he seems weird.

00:25:51.380 It's, I don't know.

00:25:52.180 I'm like, okay, I feel that too.

00:25:54.180 But why?

00:25:54.580 Why?

00:25:56.260 What behavior?

00:25:58.120 What don't you like?

00:26:00.160 Well, I don't know.

00:26:00.660 You're just kind of standing there looking around at everybody.

00:26:02.860 Okay.

00:26:03.820 That's something good.

00:26:05.660 That's something to be aware of.

00:26:07.780 When we're at the park, you know, a simple question might be, hey, what would you do if

00:26:12.380 a parent or an adult came up to you and started asking you questions?

00:26:17.320 What would you do?

00:26:19.420 Without any prompts, see what, see what their thought process is, see where they're at.

00:26:22.500 I mean, ideally the goal in that scenario would then for them to be, hey, my mom or dad is

00:26:27.000 right there.

00:26:27.380 You can talk with them, you know, like just empowering them to have those types of conversations.

00:26:33.800 And then also, I think this is really important as well, is to be able to converse with adults

00:26:39.620 and know what boundaries are.

00:26:42.820 Because a lot of the times kids are under the, how do you, how would you say it?

00:26:50.080 Under the influence, I guess, of adults, there's a dynamic.

00:26:54.580 Yeah, there's submissive by default.

00:26:55.500 Right.

00:26:55.780 Yep.

00:26:56.440 So at school, for example, heaven forbid, a kid questions one of the teachers.

00:27:02.900 I actually think a teacher, if it's done in a respectful way, ought to encourage questioning.

00:27:08.680 Not saying, hey, don't ask me that.

00:27:10.160 Or a scenario where a kid has to raise their hand so they can go to the bathroom.

00:27:16.440 I don't think that's appropriate.

00:27:18.320 If a kid has to go to the bathroom, he doesn't need to ask for permission to have the dignity

00:27:22.980 of going to the bathroom.

00:27:24.780 Now, if it's little Billy who, you know, is out there dinking around and getting in fights

00:27:29.900 and vandalizing everything.

00:27:31.160 Okay, that's something that can be addressed.

00:27:33.120 But it should be done on a case by case basis, not just a public wide policy that a kid has

00:27:38.700 to ask to go to the bathroom.

00:27:40.180 These are the problems that we create when we, and look, I know there has to be authority.

00:27:45.620 So I'm not saying anarchy here.

00:27:48.420 But I think if you can teach your child what is acceptable, to have the boundaries, to be

00:27:54.000 able to communicate, a small thing that we've always done as soon as the kids could speak

00:27:59.160 is when we're at restaurants, our kids order food.

00:28:02.480 I don't order food for my kids.

00:28:04.900 And initially, they were scared and hesitant.

00:28:08.040 And my response was, you can either order or not eat.

00:28:12.660 Those are the two options.

00:28:14.780 And so we'd sit in there in silence.

00:28:16.260 And every single one of my four kids are completely comfortable looking a waitress or a server,

00:28:21.620 I think you have to say now, in the eye and ordering their food clearly and with articulation.

00:28:28.380 Yeah.

00:28:28.520 So I think you ought to teach your child, because somebody who would prey on a child is going

00:28:35.400 to use authority.

00:28:37.320 That's how they're going to do it.

00:28:39.220 Oh, I'm supposed to get you because I'm supposed to look after you.

00:28:42.220 Your mom gave me permission to come pick you up.

00:28:45.000 They're going to play the authority card.

00:28:47.060 And if you've only taught your child to be submissive to authority, they're putting themselves in greater risk.

00:28:53.940 So help them understand what appropriate authority is and where no authority exists.

00:28:59.260 Yeah.

00:28:59.540 We do the same thing at restaurants.

00:29:01.140 I'll even, if they want water, like I even, I had poke bowls with Koa just actually the other day.

00:29:08.640 I was super proud that he loved them, by the way.

00:29:11.180 We got some spicy tuna and he's like, this is so good.

00:29:14.100 Yeah.

00:29:14.520 It reminded me of Molokai.

00:29:16.060 I was like, oh, man.

00:29:17.320 Oh, I love it.

00:29:18.600 But he was like, oh, dad, I'm thirsty.

00:29:20.500 I'm like, you should go get some water.

00:29:24.100 Well, where's the water cups?

00:29:25.300 You got to go ask for them.

00:29:27.420 Will you do it?

00:29:28.460 Nope.

00:29:29.020 Nope.

00:29:29.380 I don't want water.

00:29:31.660 I'm good.

00:29:32.320 Walk up there, get in line.

00:29:34.660 Try to get their attention, even though your head's over the counter, barely, you know, and ask for a water cup.

00:29:40.560 Right?

00:29:41.000 So we do that all the time.

00:29:42.900 And I want to call this out for J Money because this is what you shouldn't do.

00:29:48.720 So a couple years ago, we had uprising.

00:29:50.780 You had some specialists there show us how to get out of being tied down with zip ties and to pick locks.

00:30:02.060 I even bought like a pick lock kit afterwards.

00:30:05.840 Yeah.

00:30:06.020 I mean, I nerded out.

00:30:07.440 And yeah, I had this brilliant idea.

00:30:09.360 And I was like, oh, I'm going to teach this to my kids.

00:30:11.900 Grab my two daughters.

00:30:12.860 And at the time, they're probably like, I don't know, 10 and eight.

00:30:16.780 And I'm like, this is what you're going to do is someone kidnaps you.

00:30:20.140 And I'm like, they're both crying within like 10 minutes.

00:30:24.080 I'm scared.

00:30:25.020 What are we doing?

00:30:25.920 You know?

00:30:26.300 And I'm and totally backfired.

00:30:28.540 Right.

00:30:28.800 So don't do what I did and create this huge fear problem out of my excitement.

00:30:34.660 Right.

00:30:34.900 I should have been asking questions like what you would recommend versus just straight up, like trying to tie my kids up and have them escape.

00:30:42.840 So it was kind of fun.

00:30:44.280 I don't know, man.

00:30:44.880 Like I saw one.

00:30:45.920 I think it might have been Tim Kennedy where I think it was Tim where he actually he either did or he had somebody kidnap his daughter.

00:30:54.340 Did you see how she would handle it?

00:30:56.180 I don't know if it was Tim.

00:30:58.320 I don't want to say it was Tim.

00:30:59.360 Oh, my gosh.

00:31:00.060 I'm thinking it was Tim.

00:31:00.940 That sounds like something he would do.

00:31:02.700 Yeah.

00:31:02.900 But it might not have been.

00:31:04.180 But whoever it was, they kidnapped the daughter and like pulled her into a van and did the whole thing.

00:31:12.320 And had her scared straight.

00:31:13.740 I mean, I don't know.

00:31:15.620 That could be a thing, too.

00:31:17.340 I'm assuming there was probably some prep going into it and, you know, training.

00:31:22.600 I don't know.

00:31:23.660 Oh, man.

00:31:24.380 I don't know.

00:31:24.840 I just I think.

00:31:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:27.920 I don't I don't know about the efficacy of that.

00:31:29.820 But, yeah, I think that's what I would do.

00:31:32.480 I'd also say just encourage positive behavior.

00:31:35.960 You know, when you see your kids being aware of the environment or situation, say, hey, I noticed you were looking around when you got out of the car.

00:31:41.620 That's really good work.

00:31:42.740 You did that exactly right.

00:31:43.840 Yeah.

00:31:43.980 And ask those questions.

00:31:44.960 Yeah.

00:31:45.060 Or you might say, hey, you know, we were at the park and I noticed that there was somebody who was talking with you.

00:31:53.380 What what was your thought process there?

00:31:56.220 Oh, it was Kelsey's mom.

00:31:57.620 Oh, OK, cool.

00:31:59.000 Or I don't know.

00:31:59.860 He was asking me questions about X, Y and Z.

00:32:01.920 Well, there's something we need to talk about.

00:32:04.120 Yeah.

00:32:04.280 So encourage that behavior.

00:32:05.640 Have those communications and those conversations.

00:32:07.600 She's five.

00:32:08.440 I know it's hard, but you can.

00:32:10.800 All right.

00:32:11.060 Co-13 Navy, can you talk about your alcoholism?

00:32:15.740 Do you still struggle with it?

00:32:17.260 Is it under control?

00:32:18.340 Can you open up about it a little bit more?

00:32:22.100 Yeah.

00:32:22.460 So years ago, this is probably three years ago, maybe a little bit over.

00:32:28.600 I had a drink on the weekend.

00:32:30.700 You know, every weekend I might have a drink or something like that.

00:32:33.180 And a lot of it was just to decompress.

00:32:35.580 It was to unwind.

00:32:37.680 Like most people drink alcohol, right?

00:32:39.620 I mean, yeah.

00:32:41.560 And my mind just is always going.

00:32:43.840 I was having all these thoughts about what I wanted to do with the business.

00:32:46.880 And I wanted it like very ambitious.

00:32:48.660 And I still am.

00:32:50.460 But that one drink on the weekend was actually really nice.

00:32:54.300 I could unplug for the evening and not have to worry about having my brain turned on as much as it always seems to be.

00:33:01.160 I was exhausted because of it.

00:33:02.680 And so that was an issue.

00:33:05.020 And that one drink on the weekend turned into a couple of drinks on the weekend.

00:33:08.520 And then it was like, oh, it's a Wednesday night.

00:33:10.940 You know, tomorrow's slow.

00:33:12.000 I can have a drink on Wednesday night.

00:33:13.540 And that eventually turned into every night.

00:33:16.260 And then eventually it turned into day drinking.

00:33:19.340 And at one point it was so bad that in the morning I would get up and I'd run down to the convenience store and I'd pick up a half pint of whiskey.

00:33:27.340 Fireball was my go-to of choice.

00:33:29.480 And people are like, oh, that's gross.

00:33:30.720 I'm an efficient person even when it comes to drinking.

00:33:34.120 What can I get that will get me the drunkest, the fastest, for the least amount of money?

00:33:38.580 Yeah, so you don't have to drink and taste as much either.

00:33:41.720 Exactly.

00:33:42.760 So I'm an efficient person in everything that I do.

00:33:46.700 And drinking was no different.

00:33:47.980 So I would get drunk in the morning and then I would podcast and I'd do my work.

00:33:55.200 And by all external metrics, things seemed to be going pretty well.

00:33:59.940 The family dynamics seemed pretty well.

00:34:02.020 I know I had maybe some contentions and things like that with my ex, but it didn't seem catastrophic to me.

00:34:09.840 And that was because I was at that point 24-7 drunk, passed out, or hung over.

00:34:14.020 My kids were getting older and so there was some contention with my oldest.

00:34:19.840 But I thought, oh, this is just the nature of him getting older and wanting to be independent.

00:34:25.100 Are we going to jump in there?

00:34:26.480 Yeah, I was just going to ask, was your mindset that the contention had nothing to do with the drinking?

00:34:35.180 That the contention would have been there whether you were drinking or not.

00:34:38.380 And so it was not related.

00:34:40.440 I actually convinced myself that I was better when I was drunk.

00:34:46.320 Yeah.

00:34:46.860 That I could podcast better because I was looser, able to ask better questions.

00:34:50.980 Or at the dinner table, I could have a better conversation because I wasn't so wrapped up in work and I was a little bit more light and things like this.

00:34:59.320 These are all ridiculous, ridiculous ideas.

00:35:02.420 But that seemed real to me in the moment.

00:35:05.220 I had convinced myself fully.

00:35:06.760 There was a couple of times where I realized that it was becoming a problem and it was usually when I was drunk.

00:35:16.920 And I would, it's like, I don't like talking, I do not like talking about this stuff.

00:35:22.400 But I know there was a problem like, I'm just going to stop drinking or I'm going to just come clean and tell people and then that'll help me.

00:35:29.580 And then when I'd sober up, I'm like, I'd chicken out.

00:35:31.620 I'm like, I'm not doing that.

00:35:34.040 And then it all kind of came to a head.

00:35:36.020 And I've been public about this.

00:35:37.280 My ex-wife one morning asked me a question or said something to me.

00:35:41.400 I was already drinking by the time, this was a Sunday morning.

00:35:44.440 I was already drinking by the time she brought this to my attention.

00:35:48.660 And I honestly don't remember what she said.

00:35:50.360 All I remember is saying, wait, are you saying you want a divorce?

00:35:56.600 And she said, yes.

00:35:58.860 That was a Sunday.

00:35:59.920 On Monday, I went to my first AA meeting.

00:36:02.400 It was either Monday or Tuesday.

00:36:04.340 Also on Monday, I hired a therapist through BetterHelp and started going through the process of getting sober.

00:36:12.160 And I spent six months, about three or four months going to meetings.

00:36:18.000 I stopped going to meetings, but about six months trying to rebuild the relationships and keep the family together.

00:36:25.600 And it was too late by that point.

00:36:28.240 So we ended up divorcing.

00:36:31.120 And I wouldn't say now that it's a struggle.

00:36:36.340 I mean, I'm tempted at times.

00:36:39.580 So I don't think that'll ever go away.

00:36:42.160 And I think one thing about alcoholism, too, is that probably just when you think you have a handle on it is about the time you say, you know what?

00:36:51.240 Maybe I will have that one drink.

00:36:52.880 And I know my personality.

00:36:54.760 I got this under control.

00:36:56.000 I can have one.

00:36:58.020 And my personality does not allow for that.

00:37:01.260 And I know that about myself.

00:37:02.780 Like, I've never done one thing half-assed in my entire life.

00:37:06.360 If I'm going to do it, I'm going to go as hard.

00:37:10.020 I'm not going to be good at it, necessarily, when I first try something.

00:37:12.680 But I'm going to go as hard and tough as I possibly can that I can do.

00:37:18.360 And drinking was no different.

00:37:20.020 You know, it was like, one drink.

00:37:21.720 No, I want two.

00:37:22.560 No, I want ten.

00:37:23.480 I want the rest.

00:37:24.180 You know what?

00:37:24.480 I better finish everything that's in the fridge right now or in the cupboard.

00:37:28.400 So, yeah, it was rough, man.

00:37:30.900 What's your, if you don't mind me asking, what's your, when is it most tempting to drink?

00:37:39.780 Like anything, when I'm stressed and or alone.

00:37:44.280 Got it.

00:37:45.440 Yeah.

00:37:46.040 Yeah.

00:37:46.300 So, because I'm not going to drink around people.

00:37:48.800 I wasn't even really doing that because I was a closet drinker.

00:37:52.560 Yeah.

00:37:53.000 Because I had shame around it.

00:37:54.840 I felt shame around drinking.

00:37:56.760 It wasn't enough, obviously, to keep me from drinking, so I hid all of it.

00:38:00.900 And then, obviously, when you're alone.

00:38:02.660 I mean, isn't that the temptation of anything?

00:38:04.880 Yeah.

00:38:05.740 Anything you know you shouldn't be engaged in or involved in, you're not going to do that in public.

00:38:11.000 Like, you're not going to pull up, you know, like, porn on your iPad when you're on the plane and everybody can see.

00:38:17.180 Although that would be a whole other level.

00:38:18.860 Yeah.

00:38:19.320 Yeah.

00:38:20.140 But do you know what I'm saying?

00:38:21.380 Like, you're going to try to isolate yourself.

00:38:24.620 And so, I have to be really careful in those moments of being isolated, being bored, and being stressed.

00:38:32.700 Yeah.

00:38:33.460 When you started AA, did you have a hard time getting aligned with, there's a problem?

00:38:41.780 You know what I mean?

00:38:42.480 Like, did that take a while where you're like, no, like, these guys are pushing against it.

00:38:47.520 Like, I want to get better, but maybe I'm not really on, in an agreement that I have an issue.

00:38:53.960 No, I knew it was an issue.

00:38:55.740 Okay.

00:38:56.180 I mean, because I had let it get so catastrophic that my wife of 18 years, my ex-wife of 18 years, was considering leaving at that point.

00:39:03.580 Got it.

00:39:04.200 So, that's pretty catastrophic.

00:39:06.260 Yeah.

00:39:06.460 So, that kind of helped me realize, okay, this is a real issue here.

00:39:10.700 Yeah.

00:39:11.080 And maybe I was just looking at it from an external perspective, but I was able to internalize that.

00:39:16.060 I will say, when I went to AA, though, in all fairness to everybody who was there, I had a really hard time resonating with them.

00:39:22.000 I did not see myself like them.

00:39:24.040 Yeah.

00:39:24.580 And many times, I remember vividly having the thought, how in the world did I end up in this room?

00:39:31.520 Yeah.

00:39:32.520 Because I just didn't resonate with it.

00:39:34.420 And I still don't.

00:39:35.420 I don't resonate with, I'm an alcoholic.

00:39:39.260 That's not a phrase that resonates with me.

00:39:41.300 I know I'm susceptible to alcohol.

00:39:42.840 I know I look at it differently just based on my behavioral issues and the way that I show up.

00:39:48.340 So, I have to be very aware of it.

00:39:49.980 But I'm not going to use that label.

00:39:52.540 But I also know that there's other people who say that about themselves.

00:39:58.320 And if that's what helps them stay sober, that's great.

00:40:02.100 If something else helps you stay sober, that's great.

00:40:05.820 I don't really care what it is.

00:40:07.840 I'm just trying to figure out a way that works for me.

00:40:10.460 So, I'm not telling you it's the way.

00:40:12.660 I'm telling you it's the way that's working for me.

00:40:14.920 Yeah, I remember you making that distinction, you know, over a year ago.

00:40:19.860 And I've always, I kind of agree with you.

00:40:22.200 Obviously, I can't relate.

00:40:23.740 But like the way I saw it was almost like if you're overweight and you're fat and then you start being healthy and going to the gym,

00:40:32.420 you don't walk around with the identity of I'm fat.

00:40:36.660 You're like, that's not even who I am.

00:40:39.180 Like when you have the mindset of transformation, it's like, no, I am this.

00:40:44.040 I'm not my past.

00:40:46.000 And so, I always, what you've, the way you've said it, that's how I relate it to you.

00:40:50.540 I'm like, that makes sense.

00:40:51.740 Not to hold on, drag it forward with you, but to your point, if you're at risk a lot, then maybe holding on to the fact that like you are an alcoholic and it only takes one.

00:41:05.400 Like the seriousness of that maybe is what people need.

00:41:08.900 And I think that's what somebody who would identify with a term like that would say is they would say, hey, that reminds me of the danger that I'm in if I expose myself to this poison.

00:41:20.160 And I've heard people, notable people, guys like Andy Frisilla.

00:41:24.080 Andy has said like, I'm a fat kid at heart.

00:41:27.300 Because he's not fat now.

00:41:28.780 In his mind, yeah.

00:41:30.240 But he, I think, I don't want to put words in his mouth, but if I had to analyze that to the best I can, I think he's saying that because he has to be very aware and fight against a natural tendency to overeat or be lazy or whatever his thing is.

00:41:45.200 So, I used to be like, don't do that.

00:41:48.280 Do it this way.

00:41:48.920 This is the only way that works.

00:41:50.160 But as I get older and get a little gray in here and I see a lot more men dealing with and overcoming a lot of hardships in multiple ways, I realize maybe there is some gray area or maybe there is some nuance or maybe what works for me doesn't work for that guy and vice versa.

00:42:03.100 And I'm okay having space for that.

00:42:05.440 Yeah, totally.

00:42:06.620 I find it shocking.

00:42:08.240 Not shocking.

00:42:08.800 It's surprising.

00:42:09.800 And I actually love the story, especially to tell my boys that are young men, that how many men don't drink alcohol?

00:42:19.000 And it's not a religious thing at all.

00:42:21.600 It is 100% not optimal for me thing.

00:42:26.680 And how many guys in the IC don't drink because they know it's just not an ideal state for them, period.

00:42:33.780 I think that trend is growing, too.

00:42:37.000 Yeah.

00:42:37.180 You know, I've heard people say that alcohol is really interesting because it's the one drug that if you don't engage in, people think something's wrong with you.

00:42:45.500 Totally.

00:42:45.880 Totally.

00:42:46.820 So there's been this huge since the dawn of this country and as long as men could ferment grapes that we've been consuming alcohol.

00:42:59.060 And look, I don't have anything against alcohol.

00:43:02.540 And people ask me that.

00:43:03.500 Like, do you hate it?

00:43:04.040 No, I don't hate it.

00:43:05.160 I hate the way that I engage with it.

00:43:07.980 But if somebody wants to have a beer on the weekend, that's no issue of mine.

00:43:11.080 And I was up with some friends at the ranch the other day, and one of my buddies was having a couple beers.

00:43:17.340 Like, that's fine.

00:43:18.340 Like, you can have a – that's your choice.

00:43:20.800 And if you can handle it and be appropriate and you just like to let loose and that's okay for you, then by all means.

00:43:26.040 Again, that's where that nuance comes in.

00:43:28.100 I'm not here to judge whether you do or don't.

00:43:30.140 But I'm telling you, if you have an issue, then you have to change your life and you have to do something different if you want different results in your life.

00:43:36.380 Yeah.

00:43:36.660 Know thyself, right?

00:43:38.400 Yes, for sure.

00:43:39.200 All right.

00:43:40.340 The Michael Streno, curious question, not pertaining to me, but I'm just curious.

00:43:47.360 Asking for a friend.

00:43:48.500 Got it.

00:43:48.540 I know.

00:43:49.080 Yeah.

00:43:49.580 How can you help manage –

00:43:50.920 Oh, never mind.

00:43:51.600 I was going to say something bad.

00:43:53.120 No, go ahead.

00:43:54.340 I was going to guess what his question is.

00:43:56.680 I'm not – go ahead.

00:43:57.760 I'm going to be quiet.

00:43:59.040 No, it's actually – I don't even know why he would say this because it wouldn't reflect negative on him if it was the case.

00:44:04.560 But how can you help manage the relationship between your wife, girlfriend, and an ex-wife slash mother of your children?

00:44:12.000 So navigating the relationship between the girlfriend and the new wife versus the ex-wife.

00:44:18.960 I mean I think there has to be a lot of conversations about it with your girlfriend about what type of involvement she's even comfortable having.

00:44:29.140 Yeah.

00:44:29.240 Is it she wants complete distance and that's where she's comfortable?

00:44:32.820 Is it that she wants to be cordial or say hello?

00:44:35.520 I can't imagine.

00:44:36.220 And I actually have friends that their ex and their new girlfriend are actually friends.

00:44:44.160 Yeah.

00:44:45.020 And I don't see that working for my dynamic.

00:44:49.060 But for other people, if that works, okay.

00:44:53.460 That's hard for me to see, but okay.

00:44:55.660 But I think the conversation really is going to be centered around what is your girlfriend comfortable with when it comes to the type of relationship.

00:45:05.440 And also, what is she comfortable with the type of relationship you have with your ex too?

00:45:10.600 Totally.

00:45:11.740 Because look, I mean obviously she's not going to want you to be buddies I don't think with her.

00:45:19.680 There's some concerns I think that come up when that's the case.

00:45:24.240 But if there's kids involved, there has to be communication.

00:45:28.540 And so I think it's fair to ask her, hey, does this bother you or what are you looking for or what are you comfortable with?

00:45:33.840 And whatever it is, I think you just kind of have to respect that.

00:45:38.900 And if you can't do that, then maybe the relationship isn't going to be one that you can pursue because you're not interested in it and what she's after.

00:45:47.040 And she's not interested in the way you're doing the rest of your life.

00:45:49.720 So I don't really see that being a relationship that can continue.

00:45:52.620 Now, there might be some compromise and some different things.

00:45:56.440 I also tend to believe, I'm just assuming here, that just be open.

00:46:06.660 You know, if you send a message to the ex about plans this weekend because they're trying to coordinate kids, I think probably you can disclose that.

00:46:15.840 I would imagine that the biggest issue is when the girlfriend knows conversations are happening, but she doesn't know what is happening.

00:46:24.840 And I've been guilty of that.

00:46:26.220 And it's not nefarious or anything like that, but I have been guilty of not disclosing that.

00:46:30.700 And what that does is it creates concern and worry and possibility for contention.

00:46:37.060 So I think there's communication that needs to take place.

00:46:39.180 And then I think it's just disclosing what's happening so she doesn't have to guess because usually when people guess and assume, it's way worse than it actually is.

00:46:49.120 Yeah.

00:46:49.560 Yeah.

00:46:50.180 A couple of things come to mind.

00:46:52.020 And the first is what's the intent, right?

00:46:56.420 It's what's best for your kids, right?

00:46:58.200 And not lose sight of that.

00:46:59.600 The second is eventually if girlfriend turns to wife, she's the priority.

00:47:09.180 Oh, of course.

00:47:11.000 And so don't lose sight of that.

00:47:15.400 I think sometimes she's the priority now because if you're dating her, I mean, for the most part, you're dating her because you want to be in a long term relationship with her.

00:47:24.680 So she has to be that other relation.

00:47:27.440 That's done.

00:47:27.940 The only reason that's a priority is because your kids are a priority.

00:47:31.680 Yeah.

00:47:32.600 Yeah.

00:47:32.980 And eventually she comes first.

00:47:35.400 So you got to deal with that.

00:47:38.460 And if she's not comfortable, then you need to make some pivots.

00:47:42.120 The other thing is usually this becomes a bigger issue when there's struggle in the relationship.

00:47:49.360 And so how, you know, so double down and make sure that the relationship with your girlfriend and your current wife is like buttoned up, that it's solid.

00:47:58.460 Your girlfriend and your ex-wife.

00:47:59.920 Yeah, no, your relationship with your current wife is established and strong.

00:48:04.400 That way you can deal with ex-wife without much difficulty.

00:48:09.060 But if we're on rocks, oh, man, that's just another item that's just going to make things even more difficult, right?

00:48:17.460 So just make sure those relationships are buttoned up.

00:48:20.880 I think it's like anything, the more you communicate about it and the more level-headed you are about it.

00:48:27.620 I think, guys, not just in this context, but it would be easy if you didn't think anything wrong about, let's say, the relationship you had with your ex was no issue.

00:48:38.860 And then she comes to you, but she's got a concern about it, and then you get super defensive.

00:48:45.000 That also indicates to me, it's not always true, but I think a lot of people read that as guilt.

00:48:51.460 Yeah.

00:48:52.300 So when you're, in this case, I think your girl, is it his girlfriend or his new wife?

00:48:57.560 It's his girlfriend, right?

00:48:58.420 He says wife slash girlfriend, right?

00:49:00.800 Okay, so in this case, if she comes to you and says, hey, I have concerns about the way that you're communicating with so-and-so, you don't need to get defensive.

00:49:13.420 She's not accusing you of anything.

00:49:15.040 She's saying, I have concerns.

00:49:17.280 So, okay, well, let's hear them.

00:49:19.260 What are they?

00:49:20.380 And you don't need to say, well, the reason I do this, and you don't need to, she knows why.

00:49:24.260 She's worried it's going too far.

00:49:26.720 Yeah.

00:49:27.620 So I'm guilty of that, too.

00:49:29.840 Like, when people explain things to me that they're upset about, I sometimes have a tendency of, like, it's not a big deal.

00:49:36.860 Like, it's, this is why.

00:49:38.700 And we explain.

00:49:39.800 I explain.

00:49:40.860 And what I'm doing when I do that is I'm invalidating how they feel.

00:49:45.180 Yeah, because your explaining doesn't take away the feeling.

00:49:48.380 No, because they already know the rational explanation.

00:49:51.820 They think it's irrational, which is why they have an issue with it.

00:49:55.520 Yeah.

00:49:57.440 Yeah, totally.

00:49:58.240 All right.

00:49:59.100 El Gringo, Lobo 97, biggest red flags in women.

00:50:05.020 Biggest red flags.

00:50:06.840 Oh, man.

00:50:07.480 I think I did a podcast on this and green flags.

00:50:11.680 I think, I think how, well, one thing we talked about this last week is one thing is a level of awareness.

00:50:19.440 Like self-awareness.

00:50:21.380 Yes.

00:50:22.040 Yeah.

00:50:22.280 And so if she has no self-awareness, I'm not interested in that relationship.

00:50:26.920 Yeah.

00:50:27.520 Because all of us are batshit crazy.

00:50:29.120 All of us.

00:50:30.680 Yeah.

00:50:30.960 Her, you, all of us.

00:50:32.800 Yeah.

00:50:33.020 That's not the issue because we know that's going to be the case.

00:50:37.160 The issue is, does she know that?

00:50:39.740 And if she does and she's actively working on addressing those things, I think that's, that's certainly something I can work with.

00:50:50.700 So I think level of awareness, where that is.

00:50:54.160 Um, I definitely think relationship with, with men and, and specifically her father is a big thing.

00:51:01.080 Like if she has a toxic relationship with her father, that would concern me.

00:51:06.920 Yeah.

00:51:07.960 She learned about how to have a relationship with men through her father.

00:51:12.380 That she hates.

00:51:13.020 Whether he was present or not.

00:51:15.280 So if she's got a, just a destructive, toxic, again, these aren't deal.

00:51:19.100 I'm not saying these are deal breakers.

00:51:21.260 They're just things to be aware of.

00:51:23.160 Um, a track record of cheating.

00:51:27.520 Not interested in that.

00:51:29.020 We just had somebody on the Facebook page just the other day in the, in the group actually say that he was, he's been dating this woman for a couple of months.

00:51:37.580 She's not, her marriage isn't, her divorce isn't finalized yet.

00:51:42.260 She's pregnant.

00:51:44.640 And he doesn't know if it's his or no, he doesn't know.

00:51:48.500 But the, the baby or the soon to be baby or the medical expenses are going on the current husband's health insurance stuff.

00:51:58.480 And he's like, what should I do?

00:52:02.300 Come on, man.

00:52:03.640 Like, well, what if it's his baby?

00:52:07.180 Yeah.

00:52:08.160 I mean, first of all, don't, well, that's another red flag.

00:52:10.880 If she's married, I don't care if she's going through the divorce or like if she's married, you stay away from it.

00:52:19.580 Yeah.

00:52:19.980 Now, if she's already divorced, it's fine.

00:52:21.800 Okay.

00:52:22.280 Got it.

00:52:22.880 But if you're still married and it's not finalized, cool.

00:52:25.540 We can sync up in six months if we're still interested in each other then.

00:52:29.340 Yeah.

00:52:29.840 That's, that's a huge issue.

00:52:31.600 Um, I think also, you know, how, how she treats people, just people in general, you can get a pretty good indicator.

00:52:40.280 Cause we can all fake attitude.

00:52:43.060 We can all be really pleasant and be really nice, but that's going to go away.

00:52:49.020 So you need to see how she treats people that are not connected to you and that can't really help her in any meaningful incident, significant way.

00:52:58.220 Cause if she treats those people like that, then it's probably pretty safe to say at some point she's going to start treating you like that.

00:53:06.200 Yeah.

00:53:07.120 Yeah.

00:53:07.760 When she's used to you.

00:53:08.840 Like, yeah, when you're annoying and obnoxious and you will get that way.

00:53:13.100 And you will be.

00:53:13.860 Yeah.

00:53:14.420 Yeah.

00:53:14.620 I, the only thing I'd add, and it's kind of kind of this self-awareness side is just, just any triggers or any areas by which she is a victim.

00:53:24.480 Where it's like always someone else's fault.

00:53:26.980 She's always blaming, not taking responsibility for anything.

00:53:30.420 I think you would naturally get past that if they're self-aware, but that would get old really quick.

00:53:36.460 That kind of individual.

00:53:38.080 Cause they're just going around, just being a victim by everybody and they take zero accountability for things.

00:53:43.060 Um, and that tells you that they're not, they don't have a growth mindset, right?

00:53:47.640 They'd be difficult to, to grow with.

00:53:50.440 Well, and that, and that the growth mindset is what I thought you were going to say before you said, and it's the same, same category, right?

00:53:56.260 But is this a person who's willing to grow and get better and improve and has goals and desires and dreams and ambitions and aspirations?

00:54:03.060 Or is this a person who just wants to plop their butt on the couch and do nothing the rest of their life?

00:54:07.700 Yeah.

00:54:08.820 Um, I would say one other red flag is misalignment in important values.

00:54:12.740 Yeah.

00:54:13.700 You know, so if you guys have, if you're Catholic and she's Christian, that's not a misalignment.

00:54:18.860 You guys could probably work through that.

00:54:20.160 But if you're a Buddhist or Muslim and she's Christian, that's probably going to be an issue.

00:54:26.020 Or if you're into earthly spirituality and you are, are very deep in, into, you know, baptism, uh, like the Baptist faith, like that's probably at some point going to be a real issue.

00:54:38.980 Uh, if she's a, uh, a liberal and you're ultra conservative, I mean, what do you do with that?

00:54:47.800 Could it work?

00:54:48.340 Like, yeah, I mean, I think there's exceptions, but that takes a couple of very patient, tolerant people and not, most of us are not like that.

00:54:57.340 What, and what do you teach your kids?

00:54:58.820 Once you have kids, like all of a sudden it's going to be a conflict all the time.

00:55:03.740 Yeah.

00:55:04.300 Yeah.

00:55:04.660 Or if, or if, you know, you like to go adventure and explore and she's a bit of a homebody, it's like, I mean, that's kind of an issue.

00:55:13.320 Yeah.

00:55:13.780 You're not going to be together anyway.

00:55:15.040 Like she'll be at home and you'll be out adventuring.

00:55:17.600 And if you drag her along, she's going to be bothered.

00:55:20.420 If you're sitting at home all the time and not going on hikes and doing the things that you enjoy, then you're going to be bothered.

00:55:25.360 Like, I think really date to figure out, is this a person that I could see myself spending all the time with?

00:55:33.080 And again, as we opened up this conversation, love is chemicals.

00:55:36.940 Yeah.

00:55:37.340 And, and you can have chemical reactions with a lot of different women and, and many of them will be aligned and a lot of them will not be.

00:55:46.420 And that's okay.

00:55:48.440 You just end it respectfully and find somebody who is more aligned.

00:55:52.600 But I mean, relationships are hard when people are aligned, let alone when they're not.

00:55:57.800 So this is kind of a good segue from the question before.

00:56:01.180 So I'm going to kind of jump over to this one.

00:56:03.000 Rick Henfer, what are your thoughts on con contact with an ex partner, particularly when you're both in a loving, committed relationship?

00:56:12.100 Well, I can only speak for, from experience.

00:56:17.260 I have contact with my ex, but it's a 100% around my kids.

00:56:23.080 Yeah.

00:56:23.940 But I don't, I don't talk to my ex about like, how's your day?

00:56:27.740 Or how are you doing?

00:56:29.120 Or, oh, you're in a new relationship.

00:56:31.180 I hope it's going well.

00:56:32.380 That's not appropriate for me.

00:56:34.020 And not only do I, I'm not interested in those conversations.

00:56:36.840 It's just not appropriate.

00:56:37.920 And it's also not respectful to the other relationship that you're in.

00:56:43.800 So I have, here's what I would say.

00:56:47.180 Minimum effective dose.

00:56:50.940 The least amount of contact that you can have to accomplish whatever it is you need to accomplish.

00:56:57.460 If it's to schedule the weekend with the kids or to trade schedules or to, I don't know,

00:57:06.260 to tell them about a new medication one of the kids needed, or they broke their arm when they were with you.

00:57:11.360 Okay, fine.

00:57:11.960 Like there's things that happen.

00:57:13.640 Minimum effective dose.

00:57:15.540 Not an ounce more.

00:57:17.240 Yeah.

00:57:18.380 What would, what would you say to that?

00:57:20.180 I think this is what I would say.

00:57:23.980 I would lean in the direction of what's the intent.

00:57:28.340 Like what?

00:57:29.080 And, and are you seeking something in that ex-partner relationship that you wish you would be getting out of your current relationship?

00:57:38.140 If you are, not appropriate.

00:57:42.140 Yeah.

00:57:42.580 End the current relationship and try to work on the previous one.

00:57:46.040 If that's what you, if that's what you feel, or if you're just trying to get validation, that's an issue.

00:57:50.320 But yeah, so I would, I would pulse why, and then, and then it goes back to the comment I mentioned earlier, priorities.

00:57:59.540 Well, yeah, but my expectation is, yeah, well, who's your priority?

00:58:06.360 Right?

00:58:07.000 Like that's part of getting married is putting that person as the priority.

00:58:11.840 So I would just look at those two things primarily.

00:58:15.020 Yeah.

00:58:16.720 Yeah.

00:58:17.100 I mean, I think, you know, what your intentions are when you're reaching out, like, you know what they are, whether they're on the up and up or not, like, you know, so just don't, and don't even, don't even open it.

00:58:31.380 Relationships end.

00:58:32.580 And when they end, they're over, they're done, they're over.

00:58:35.680 But also, you know, one thing that somebody has to keep in mind is that you may love that woman, you may have been in a long-term relationship, and there may not be feelings now, but I've seen so many relationships, like, get back together, and it ends up being toxic anyways, most of the time.

00:58:50.100 Yeah.

00:58:50.560 Just let the thing die.

00:58:52.320 Like, it's done.

00:58:53.920 And you can have feelings about the past, but it's done.

00:58:56.220 Same thing with a job.

00:58:57.160 The job is done.

00:58:58.180 It's over.

00:58:58.740 Move on with your life so you can focus on an incredible woman to come into your life or a new job to come into your life.

00:59:05.280 Like, dump the baggage and move forward.

00:59:08.300 Yeah.

00:59:09.080 Yeah.

00:59:09.660 I would also say one other caveat to this, Kip, and I think you would agree with this, is if you are going to take the idea of what is my intent and then work into my suggestion, which was minimum effective dose, minimum effective dose does not mean be short and rude and a jerk because that's not effective.

00:59:29.680 I said minimum effective dose.

00:59:32.140 So, even with limited contact, you can still be respectful even if she's not.

00:59:36.620 You can still be the higher person even if she's not willing to be.

00:59:40.480 Minimum effective dose.

00:59:42.260 It's not about you.

00:59:43.900 It's about your kids.

00:59:45.000 And if you don't have kids, clean break.

00:59:48.000 Zero contact.

00:59:49.640 Yeah.

00:59:49.760 Okay, last question.

00:59:52.860 Superman Sexton, when does knowing your worth and ego meet?

00:59:57.980 I find myself searching for this answer often.

01:00:01.020 How do you know when you're asking for what you're worth versus what you think you're worth?

01:00:05.960 How can you drill down the difference and recognize your worth from just hyping yourself up to be more than what you are?

01:00:12.880 Well, you're talking about two different things here, I think, and you're saying that they're one and the same.

01:00:19.580 And maybe it's semantics, but this might help clear this up a little bit.

01:00:22.740 To me, when somebody says worth, that verbiage, to me, means you're worth as a human being.

01:00:31.600 Yeah, good point.

01:00:32.580 It's your divine, I'm a son of God.

01:00:34.460 That is my worth.

01:00:35.300 I have an infinite level of worth as a divine son of God.

01:00:39.100 That's what I think about worth.

01:00:41.160 There's another word, value.

01:00:44.140 Yeah.

01:00:45.100 And you mix the two up.

01:00:47.020 So, because now you started talking about going to an employer and asking for a raise, that's not worth to me.

01:00:53.900 That's value.

01:00:55.240 What value can you bring that company?

01:00:57.420 Yes, exactly.

01:00:59.120 So, what you have to do is you actually have to look at what other people are getting paid for the work they're doing.

01:01:06.420 You have to look at the revenue that you're generating and bringing in.

01:01:09.040 You have to look at the goals and objectives of your employer and see what he needs.

01:01:13.300 And you actually have to take into consideration his perspective.

01:01:17.020 And that's one thing a lot of people don't realize about value and also about capitalism.

01:01:23.140 When we're talking about capitalism, let's say that I wanted to buy this pen from you, Kip, because you make great pens.

01:01:29.740 And I need a pen.

01:01:31.120 You do.

01:01:32.100 And I need one.

01:01:33.820 So, you come to me and you say, hey, this pen is $2.

01:01:38.240 If I think that this pen is worth more than $2, then I'll pay $2 for it.

01:01:48.540 If you thought that this pen was worth more than $2 because of what it cost to make, then you would charge more for it.

01:01:56.320 So, what's interesting about a voluntary transaction like this pen is I think I'm getting a better deal than you.

01:02:04.400 And you think you're getting a better deal than me.

01:02:08.080 And when those two ideas mesh and converge, we have a sale.

01:02:12.780 And it's the same thing with an employer.

01:02:14.960 Now we're not selling a pen.

01:02:16.620 Then you're selling your services.

01:02:20.120 So, you go to your boss and you think that whatever he's going to pay you is more than your worth.

01:02:28.180 And he thinks whatever you provide is worth more than what he's willing to pay you.

01:02:32.720 And so, his opinion actually matters in it.

01:02:35.620 And if you can't come to a consensus, then you have to go look elsewhere for another job.

01:02:39.700 So, the reason I even bring that up is because it's important to take into consideration what your boss might value.

01:02:48.820 Because right now, you might only be seeing it through your lens.

01:02:52.420 Well, I have a mortgage and I have kids and I've been in this business for 30 years.

01:02:56.520 And I have this expertise and I know how to do this.

01:02:59.000 And I have this credential or this designation or this degree.

01:03:02.380 And your boss is like, I just need you to sell more shit.

01:03:05.700 I don't care about any of that.

01:03:07.920 And he's not wrong, by the way.

01:03:09.340 Because that's what he values in that relationship.

01:03:12.580 But if you really spend some time thinking about what he might want.

01:03:16.340 And maybe it's increased revenue, probably.

01:03:19.000 Maybe it's increased market share.

01:03:21.220 Maybe it's just understanding the market and competitors are doing.

01:03:25.700 And that's where research and development comes in for you.

01:03:27.900 Like, whatever it is, see it through his eyes.

01:03:30.460 And then you guys will find that spot.

01:03:33.580 Yeah.

01:03:34.000 And there is no room.

01:03:35.940 In fact, Superman Sexton, there's no room for ego.

01:03:39.200 This is a logical thing.

01:03:42.020 This is a, do I provide value to the organization in this position?

01:03:47.620 Yes or no.

01:03:48.860 And if you don't, increase capability, increase your skill, make pivots and necessary adjustments.

01:03:55.140 But it doesn't matter.

01:03:56.100 And it's kind of funny.

01:03:57.500 We get this way with, well, I've been here for so many years.

01:04:02.180 And I'm just intrinsically valuable just because of being here.

01:04:06.380 It's like, no.

01:04:07.480 Like, I even think the value over replacement is a valuable thing to consider.

01:04:12.400 What's the value in possibly replacing me?

01:04:16.600 Could they get someone to do my job better for a cheaper price or at the same price?

01:04:24.580 And if the answer is yes, then they should fire your ass and go find someone else.

01:04:29.820 Yeah.

01:04:30.800 And that's, that's just, that's business.

01:04:33.500 Don't take that shit personally.

01:04:35.520 Use it to evaluate where you are.

01:04:37.840 And then the flip side is also true.

01:04:40.580 If you don't think that you could go find someone as great as you at the salary that they're paying you, then start working on your exit.

01:04:49.380 Go find someone else.

01:04:50.380 Go find someone else that's willing to pay you for your worth.

01:04:52.860 Yeah, I forgot about the ego component of that.

01:04:58.060 But yeah, the ego is going to get you hurt for sure.

01:05:00.940 Yeah, just leave it out of the conversation.

01:05:04.360 Well, I think the way that you, where you address that is back to the value.

01:05:08.840 You know, who, who gets to determine in any relationship?

01:05:13.060 Let me ask you, Kip.

01:05:14.240 In any relationship, romantic, platonic, professional, who is it that determines the relation, the value of the relationship?

01:05:23.720 The receiver of, the receiver of, of what you bring to the table.

01:05:28.600 It's always the other party.

01:05:30.620 Yeah.

01:05:32.520 Always.

01:05:33.520 Yeah.

01:05:34.240 The other party in any relationship always gets to decide what, what's valuable.

01:05:38.540 And you can be mad about that.

01:05:39.900 You can throw a temper tantrum about it.

01:05:41.560 You can be frustrated about it.

01:05:43.840 And they're still not going to value you more than what they're going to value you for.

01:05:47.820 Yeah.

01:05:48.080 In fact, so if you, they'll value you less and you're annoying, you know?

01:05:52.260 Right, yeah.

01:05:52.640 If you bitch about it.

01:05:54.660 Yeah.

01:05:55.380 So I think the way that you get rid of the ego is just always knowing that it's the other party who gets to determine what's valuable.

01:06:03.660 And think about it in the context of a romantic relationship.

01:06:05.980 If you're showing up and you think you're doing everything right and she's like, man, this guy's a jerk and he's not showing up for me and he's not expressing his love and he's never here.

01:06:14.880 Again, you can bitch and moan and cry about that all you want, but she's out after so long of doing that.

01:06:19.680 But if you're always like, hey, how does my wife receive love?

01:06:24.160 What can I do to make her know that she's important in this relationship?

01:06:28.420 How can I serve her best?

01:06:31.980 There's no ego in that because you're not worried about yourself.

01:06:34.640 You're worried about how you can serve her in the relationship.

01:06:37.400 And that's how you get rid of the ego.

01:06:38.780 Yeah.

01:06:38.960 She's not feeling it.

01:06:40.000 Then you're not doing it.

01:06:41.640 It just is what it is.

01:06:42.980 Exactly.

01:06:43.800 Yeah.

01:06:44.240 Or you're doing it wrong, which is a story for all of us.

01:06:47.880 I was going to say, that's a whole other episode.

01:06:51.920 Totally.

01:06:52.620 I didn't feel notes.

01:06:53.880 Okay.

01:06:54.320 Cool, man.

01:06:55.200 Well, preview call.

01:06:56.500 Do you want to talk through that really quick?

01:06:57.860 That's our big takeaway.

01:06:58.700 Yeah.

01:06:59.500 Again, guys, we've got the Iron Council preview call.

01:07:02.720 Actually, now that I say that, I shouldn't have even brought that up.

01:07:06.340 The preview call is tonight, Monday, and this won't come out till Wednesday.

01:07:12.060 It's over.

01:07:12.740 Oh, it's over.

01:07:14.180 If you didn't get the preview call, then you're out.

01:07:19.240 That's hilarious.

01:07:20.120 Maybe because of that, maybe I should leave it open till Wednesday because now I feel a

01:07:23.880 little bad that I was teasing you guys with the Iron Council.

01:07:27.980 So here you go.

01:07:28.880 The preview call is done.

01:07:30.440 Today's your last day to join us for this fourth quarter.

01:07:34.780 Orderman.com slash Iron Council to sign up.

01:07:38.100 Yeah.

01:07:38.440 We make mistakes too, guys.

01:07:39.940 So bear with us.

01:07:41.200 That's funny.

01:07:41.560 All right, guys.

01:07:41.900 Appreciate you guys today.

01:07:42.840 Great questions.

01:07:43.840 We will be back on Friday and hopefully we'll see you inside the Iron Council.

01:07:47.280 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:07:50.980 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:07:57.560 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you are meant to be.

01:08:01.660 We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

01:08:04.800 We'll see you then.

01:08:11.640 The Order of Man.

01:08:13.880 We'll see you inside the Iron Council.

01:08:14.280 We'll be back on Friday and hopefully you'll see.

01:08:15.380 We'll see you then.

01:08:20.220 Thanks for listening.

Order of Man - October 02, 2024

Red Flags in Women, the Power of Urgency, and the Difference Between Value and Worth ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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