Order of Man - Repairing Damage to Others, Keeping Training Playful, and Red-Lining When it Counts ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Well, Kip, it's good to see you, man. I had a long weekend. I'm a little tired.

00:00:28.580 I'm going to try to fake the energy the way that Joe Biden did.

00:00:32.980 I want to know what medication they pumped Joe Biden full of when he does the State of the Union.

00:00:38.560 Because I watched a video about 10 seconds before I hopped on this call with you.

00:00:43.660 And that guy, I mean, look, we can discuss politics, sure.

00:00:50.080 But if you're a liberal, you're on the left, and you're not willing to at least admit the guy has got some major mental issues,

00:00:58.580 because of his age. Like, it's, like, that's it.

00:01:01.400 Well, and a lot of video evidence of him.

00:01:02.980 Alzheimer's or dementia.

00:01:05.360 I mean, it's pretty clear at this point to me, but I watched a video of this guy speaking after the State of the Union address,

00:01:12.780 and I just could not help but think, what medication did they pump this guy full of?

00:01:19.600 And can I have some of that? Because I might need it today.

00:01:21.820 Yeah, yeah. You can't deny the fact that he proved that he was alive and had some energy to him.

00:01:31.980 He was alive, I think.

00:01:33.220 Yeah, yeah, that's for sure.

00:01:35.200 I expected a lot worse of showing up from an energy level and comprehension than he did.

00:01:43.560 So, at least props from that perspective.

00:01:46.640 Now, what he said is, you know, we can talk about that.

00:01:51.020 To me, he was like the angry old grandpa who, you know, was mad at the universe and slurred every other word.

00:01:59.280 And I'm trying to look at it as objectively as possible.

00:02:01.440 He definitely had more energy than normal.

00:02:04.240 But clearly, something's amiss.

00:02:07.040 Look, this is, I had a guy on the podcast, I can't remember his name right offhand.

00:02:11.340 This was years and years ago.

00:02:12.920 He wrote Left of Bang.

00:02:14.640 And one of the things that really stood out to me is that when you're looking at certain situations,

00:02:19.500 you want to look for a baseline behavior or expected personalities or expected circumstances.

00:02:28.760 And anything that deviates from that should signal a red flag.

00:02:32.140 Yeah.

00:02:32.320 So, if you're at a concert, clearly, you know, going to a Metallica concert is going to be different than going to, you know, the symphony.

00:02:44.440 Both concerts, but the way that people engage and the way they show up is going to be different.

00:02:50.260 And so, that's the baseline.

00:02:51.700 But if something's out of the norm, then that's when you should start raising some questions.

00:02:56.060 And for Biden, we won't beat a dead horse here.

00:02:59.920 Almost literally in that case.

00:03:02.320 Is, it's different.

00:03:05.380 You know, when he just shows up and does the state, it's different.

00:03:07.700 So, my question is, what in the world is going on?

00:03:10.680 Anyways.

00:03:11.020 Totally.

00:03:11.680 Left of Bang authors, Patrick Van Horn and Jason Reilly.

00:03:15.340 Patrick something.

00:03:16.320 Patrick Van Horn.

00:03:17.940 Yeah.

00:03:18.320 I was thinking Patrick Van Horn.

00:03:19.580 That's who I was thinking.

00:03:20.600 That's a really good book.

00:03:22.740 So.

00:03:23.320 All right.

00:03:23.680 Well, Kip, should we get to some headlines today?

00:03:26.160 Yeah.

00:03:26.360 I'm assuming your headline has to do with your weekend.

00:03:29.460 So, you went on a hunt.

00:03:31.540 I want to save mine.

00:03:32.720 Oh, you want to save yours?

00:03:33.740 I want to save mine.

00:03:34.100 I want you to go first.

00:03:35.360 No pressure.

00:03:36.220 I want you to go first.

00:03:36.940 I went first last week.

00:03:38.000 So, you go first and I'll go second because mine is crazy and hilarious and amazing at

00:03:44.960 the same time.

00:03:45.360 Yeah.

00:03:45.820 Well, okay.

00:03:46.520 So, here's mine.

00:03:48.040 Ultimately, I dredge through the process of watching the State of the Union.

00:03:53.400 I do feel that it is somewhat, as a citizen of the United States, I should, right?

00:04:01.860 And I should be aware of the conversations, whether I agree with them, whether I don't.

00:04:06.920 And I should be critically thinking as I watch.

00:04:11.040 I had the same conversation with someone actually on social media when I found out that Tucker

00:04:17.540 was going to interview Putin.

00:04:18.900 And I said, and I think it was Lex Friedman, he mentioned that he was going to, he would

00:04:25.600 love to interview Putin as well.

00:04:27.080 And I said, that's an awesome idea.

00:04:29.420 I got this massive backlash on the socials around that idea.

00:04:34.920 And they're like, well, he's just going to manipulate.

00:04:36.840 He's just going to talk.

00:04:37.780 He's going to lie and all these things.

00:04:40.880 And I'm like, that's exactly why, right?

00:04:44.520 We need to critically think.

00:04:46.100 We don't reduce.

00:04:46.920 Bad ideas expose themselves.

00:04:48.340 Exactly.

00:04:48.760 And we don't reduce the sharing of knowledge and just try to cut off people we disagree

00:04:54.720 with.

00:04:55.160 No, you should hear them.

00:04:57.500 If they're your enemy, you should listen to them and their thoughts and their consideration.

00:05:02.680 And most importantly, critically think for yourself and determine for yourself what that looks

00:05:08.040 like.

00:05:08.600 Anyhow, I digress.

00:05:10.520 So I watched the state of the union and, and really my takeaway is how sad it is that

00:05:19.460 we accept lies and people being out of integrity because we say it's politics.

00:05:27.320 And I, and I do think it's a social thing that we do.

00:05:31.380 We think, well, it's politics and, and, and for some odd reason, that is a pass for people

00:05:38.120 to be dishonorable, to speak half truths, to twist the truth, to leave information out,

00:05:45.320 to omit information and to spin the truth to meet a narrative.

00:05:51.260 And we say it's okay because it's in the space of politics.

00:05:55.460 And, and that's what bothers me.

00:05:58.100 I would love to hear a politician someday say, it's actually a complex thing, this thing,

00:06:05.220 whatever we're talking about.

00:06:06.400 And it would take a long time for us to discuss, but here's some pros and cons and things to

00:06:11.140 consider as part of this subject and, and, and, and be truthful.

00:06:18.100 But yet none of them are.

00:06:20.020 And all I heard is talking points, spinning of the truth to, to drive a narrative.

00:06:26.820 And we accept it as it's okay.

00:06:30.120 And I couldn't help, but think of a Ray Dalio quote, he says, have an integrity and demand

00:06:35.400 it from others.

00:06:36.500 And so I watched that and my takeaway wasn't to storm, you know, Congress and, you know,

00:06:44.960 spin truth.

00:06:45.760 It's like, no, actually, how do I, how do I, I don't like that in the politics side.

00:06:49.880 So what do I need to do that?

00:06:51.500 I need to make sure that I have integrity in all areas of my life.

00:06:56.000 And demand it for, from others.

00:06:58.760 And, and I think if we self-evaluate and look at areas of our life, we don't demand it from

00:07:03.800 others.

00:07:04.220 We do accept a little tidbits of mediocrity.

00:07:07.880 We do do certain things, you know, little example, but one that I think illustrates this

00:07:14.760 point.

00:07:15.920 I, we had a project that we spun off with a new client and I don't say this to make myself

00:07:20.740 sound great or anything, but this client said, we will sign this contract, but we want Kip

00:07:26.020 to stay involved.

00:07:28.580 Right.

00:07:29.500 Otherwise we're not signing it.

00:07:31.460 Right.

00:07:31.960 And so we're like, absolutely.

00:07:33.760 The sales rep is like, Hey, absolutely.

00:07:35.400 We'll keep Kip involved.

00:07:36.440 We kick out the project.

00:07:37.620 Project's going well.

00:07:38.340 I check in on them.

00:07:39.300 How's things going?

00:07:39.960 Everything's great.

00:07:40.500 I don't think you need to be on any of the calls.

00:07:42.500 Client seems really happy, whatever.

00:07:44.600 And I was like, no, I told them I'd stay involved period.

00:07:50.620 Whether you think we need to, whether we don't think they need to, whether they're okay, even

00:07:54.960 with me not being involved.

00:07:56.720 The point is we told them I would.

00:07:59.020 So we're going to, because that's the right thing to do.

00:08:01.640 And I think there are little gray areas of our lives where we've thought, ah, it's not

00:08:06.060 necessary.

00:08:06.740 Oh, it's not that critical.

00:08:08.900 And, and we see it's okay.

00:08:11.000 And, and that's not us having integrity.

00:08:13.840 And that's certainly not us demanding integrity from others.

00:08:16.900 Yeah.

00:08:17.860 Yeah.

00:08:18.640 It's powerful, man.

00:08:19.980 You've gone back to this.

00:08:21.140 And I think we talked about this a couple of weeks ago is you should detach yourself from

00:08:25.180 the result.

00:08:25.640 You know, when it, when it comes to your integrity, doing the right thing is the right thing, regardless

00:08:29.440 of the outcome.

00:08:30.060 And it's not always comfortable.

00:08:31.220 And I think as humans, we have a tendency of the ends justifying the means.

00:08:35.640 I don't think they do.

00:08:38.120 They don't.

00:08:39.340 The outcome is important.

00:08:40.760 Don't get me wrong.

00:08:41.740 You know, whether it's politics or business or relationships, I think the outcome is very

00:08:46.400 important, but doing the right thing is more important.

00:08:49.600 And then letting the chips fall where they may.

00:08:51.680 And, and I, I believe that the relationships will work out.

00:08:56.800 The business will work out.

00:08:57.980 The politics will work out.

00:08:59.220 If we do the right thing, maybe not in the micro, but in the macro, they definitely will.

00:09:04.900 So I, I'm, I'm, I love that you bring that stuff to the table.

00:09:08.020 Cause I think more of us need to, and myself included, need to keep that in mind that the

00:09:11.680 way we do things matters, not just what we get done, but the way that we do, it actually

00:09:16.400 matters.

00:09:17.000 Totally.

00:09:17.200 And it's something we have to fight for constantly.

00:09:19.660 Good headlines.

00:09:21.380 Yeah.

00:09:22.000 Fight against, right?

00:09:23.100 Cause our natural tendency is like, let me get mine.

00:09:25.580 I need mine.

00:09:26.580 Let me, let me take care of myself, you know, willing to sacrifice a lot of other things

00:09:30.800 in order to accomplish that.

00:09:32.020 So yeah.

00:09:32.800 Cool, man.

00:09:33.680 Well, I appreciate that.

00:09:35.180 All right.

00:09:35.560 So you want to hear my headlines down?

00:09:38.780 Holy crap.

00:09:39.900 I'm actually really excited about this.

00:09:42.660 I don't even know what it is.

00:09:43.800 I just know it's going to be good.

00:09:45.960 You don't know.

00:09:47.040 Yeah.

00:09:47.700 So I went hunting with my girlfriend this, this last weekend.

00:09:50.640 It was her very first hunt.

00:09:52.800 And, uh, she, she killed a pig. 1.00

00:09:55.400 I did not.

00:09:56.160 I'm going to throw that out there.

00:09:57.300 Cause I know she listens.

00:09:59.100 And she told me she was going to start a podcast called order of man fact check.

00:10:04.620 And so I figured I'd be really honest about this.

00:10:08.520 I missed a couple of shots.

00:10:09.880 One was a pretty long shot.

00:10:11.980 I'm okay with that.

00:10:13.040 The other one was not a long shot.

00:10:14.920 I just missed high.

00:10:15.980 I just made a bad shot.

00:10:17.420 I did not kill a pig.

00:10:18.780 All right.

00:10:19.080 Let's just get how long was her. 1.00

00:10:20.440 She did though.

00:10:21.280 And I was, it was like 30 to 40 yards.

00:10:25.300 So it was, but it, but it was dark.

00:10:27.460 It was a good shot.

00:10:28.300 Like it's look, I know 30 to 40 yards sounds like that's easy.

00:10:33.120 It's not easy.

00:10:34.040 People think it's easy.

00:10:35.240 They think, Oh, you know, like 30, that's easy.

00:10:37.000 That's it is.

00:10:38.140 I mean, it's a short, it's a shorter shot for sure, but it was dark.

00:10:41.580 It was, you know, it was dusk.

00:10:43.040 It was like close to, we're going to wrap this thing up.

00:10:46.600 And the pigs were black.

00:10:48.620 Like it's hard to see.

00:10:50.280 And she just, and it's, plus it's an animal.

00:10:52.820 You're taking an animal's life.

00:10:53.960 Like it's way harder to do that than just shoot a target.

00:10:56.600 People who've never shot an animal don't understand that.

00:10:59.180 So she made, she made a shot.

00:11:01.800 We, we killed the pig and harvested the pig.

00:11:04.220 And she's really excited about that.

00:11:05.480 And I'm excited for her.

00:11:07.120 Um, but anyways, that's beside the headline.

00:11:10.220 So, uh, I saw a headline in the gas station.

00:11:14.420 We were down in near Del Rio, which is the border of the United States with Mexico.

00:11:19.560 We can literally on the border.

00:11:21.520 We almost went into Mexico by accident.

00:11:23.820 That's how close we are to the border.

00:11:26.640 And I went into this gas station with her and I saw this headline on the, in the newspaper.

00:11:30.520 And the headline was four killed in high speed crash.

00:11:34.420 And I glanced through the article a little bit.

00:11:36.880 And what it ended up happening is that, and I don't know all the details.

00:11:40.960 It was just the article.

00:11:41.740 And I went through real quick, but that there was a high speed chase in the town that we were

00:11:46.440 in, which was Bracketville, which is just North of, of Del Rio.

00:11:49.900 And, uh, it was illegal aliens that, that were being chased, pursued and ended up killing

00:11:58.320 themselves and getting a few other people killed.

00:12:01.040 And I talked to our outfitter out there.

00:12:03.100 I said, Hey, this, I saw this headline.

00:12:04.700 He's like, Oh yeah, that happens all the time.

00:12:06.240 In fact, it happens.

00:12:07.200 What?

00:12:08.020 One to two, three times per day.

00:12:11.380 High speed chases.

00:12:12.480 I'm like, well, who is it?

00:12:13.220 It's like illegal aliens. 0.99

00:12:14.120 He's like, no, it's people smuggling people across the border and they're getting these

00:12:18.280 high speed chases.

00:12:19.040 I'm like, this is freaking wild.

00:12:20.700 So one morning her and I wake up early.

00:12:24.660 This was a Sunday morning.

00:12:26.000 We had the daylight savings time thing change on Sunday.

00:12:28.780 So we were a little confused about the time.

00:12:30.140 So we woke up two hours before we needed to go hunt.

00:12:33.480 And, and we thought, well, let's just run into town.

00:12:36.320 We'll get a drink.

00:12:37.120 We'll get a few things before our hunt.

00:12:38.580 Cause we're up.

00:12:39.400 We might as well stay up.

00:12:40.420 We ran into town and we got our drinks and she's like, Hey, I need to run to the bathroom 1.00

00:12:44.060 real quick.

00:12:44.360 I'm like, cool.

00:12:44.780 I'll just wait in the car for you.

00:12:45.780 So I go get in the car, she's in the bathroom. 1.00

00:12:48.620 And, uh, by the way, I will say this and I know she's listening.

00:12:51.720 She's like, I'll just go by myself.

00:12:52.920 I'm like, I'm not going to let you go to the gas station at 5.

00:12:55.460 AM in Bracketville, Texas.

00:12:57.920 Like, I'm no, that's not happening.

00:12:59.960 She's like, no, no, it's fine.

00:13:00.760 I'm like, no, it's not happening.

00:13:02.580 So I went with her and, uh, she's in the bathroom. 1.00

00:13:06.080 I'm in the car.

00:13:06.760 And I see these two guys, two Hispanic guys walk by and they go into the, and one of them

00:13:12.520 looks shady as shit.

00:13:13.760 Yeah.

00:13:14.460 One of them bothered me.

00:13:15.580 Like I saw him and he just bothered me.

00:13:17.560 They walk into the convenience store and they go up to the clerk and he buys like an orange

00:13:21.240 juice.

00:13:21.560 I think it was an orange juice that one of them bought and they're talking to the clerk

00:13:25.140 for a long time.

00:13:26.560 And I noticed that my girlfriend comes out of the bathroom and she goes behind him in

00:13:30.240 line and I'm not totally comfortable with this.

00:13:32.360 So I am thinking, well, I'm going to get out and I'm going to go in.

00:13:35.740 Yeah.

00:13:36.220 Cause I did not feel comfortable with what was happening.

00:13:39.140 And about the time I was thinking about going out, they walk out of the door and they go around

00:13:43.900 the front of the convenience store and they go around the side.

00:13:46.360 I'm like, okay, cool.

00:13:47.300 Like shady characters, but it's done.

00:13:50.440 And she's going to get her drink and come back out in the car, sitting in their car,

00:13:54.340 watching my girlfriend.

00:13:55.660 And to my left, this police, uh, sheriff's, uh, SUV pulls up screaming into the driveway

00:14:01.540 of the convenience store, goes around the back where these guys went around.

00:14:05.640 And I'm like, oh shit, this is about to go down.

00:14:10.080 So he goes around, the sheriff goes around this back.

00:14:12.640 I see the, I watched these two guys, these Hispanic guys run off to the right of me and

00:14:21.300 they're running off and the sheriff like pulls around, whips his car, props to him.

00:14:24.980 That guy was actually pretty incredible.

00:14:27.180 He was there super fast, like maneuvering his vehicle.

00:14:30.760 I'm like, this is crazy.

00:14:32.420 My girlfriend's in the convenience store. 0.70

00:14:33.740 I'm watching this whole thing in my car go down.

00:14:36.040 And this guy runs up the street.

00:14:37.780 I'm like, all right, they're going that way.

00:14:38.880 And he turns around and he starts coming back to the convenience store.

00:14:41.600 So I'm like, oh shit.

00:14:42.460 Well, time to get out of here.

00:14:44.140 Like, this is going to go down.

00:14:46.080 Yeah.

00:14:46.480 No, no, no, no.

00:14:48.020 Like this is going to go down.

00:14:49.520 Like I need to figure out, I'm thinking this guy's going to run by and I grabbed my door

00:14:53.280 because he's going to run by me and I'm going to door him.

00:14:55.080 Like I was fully anticipating just hitting him with my door.

00:14:59.400 So he runs this way.

00:15:00.840 I opened the door.

00:15:02.700 I get out of the car and he looks at me.

00:15:06.040 It was one of them because the other guy got away and he's like,

00:15:08.560 like making the praying hands.

00:15:10.640 And he's like, por favor, por favor.

00:15:12.580 And I'm like, no.

00:15:13.720 And I'm yelling at him and he runs the other way.

00:15:17.400 And the cop comes around the corner and chases him back.

00:15:20.660 My girlfriend comes out of the convenience store.

00:15:22.800 I'm like, go back in the store.

00:15:24.600 I'm yelling at her.

00:15:25.640 I'm like, go back in the store.

00:15:28.100 So she goes back in the store and this guy is at the door and he's like,

00:15:32.540 por favor, por favor.

00:15:33.620 I'm like, no.

00:15:34.520 Like I'm yelling at this guy.

00:15:36.220 And I kind of opened the door a little bit more and he runs off and he runs into the police officer.

00:15:43.540 And the guy, the police officer grabs him, apprehends him, throws him in cuffs.

00:15:49.160 Bro, it was freaking crazy.

00:15:51.800 So I'm like, so I flagged my girlfriend down.

00:15:54.220 I'm like, hey, like come out.

00:15:56.260 And she comes out.

00:15:57.180 We get in the car and I'm backing up.

00:15:59.420 And I see the sheriff walking this guy in handcuffs back to his squad car.

00:16:03.960 And another officer pulls up and he like leans down.

00:16:06.580 He's like, thank you.

00:16:07.180 Thank you.

00:16:08.240 Bro, it was freaking crazy.

00:16:10.800 Crazy.

00:16:11.440 I think, I don't know the situation, but I imagine these are illegal aliens.

00:16:14.880 Um, and I talked to our outfitter there and I said this, like, this is what happened.

00:16:21.680 He's like, man, you have no idea.

00:16:23.920 He was talking, he worked really closely with border patrol and border patrols everywhere

00:16:28.320 down there.

00:16:28.840 There's sheriff, there's border patrol, there's police officers, they're everywhere.

00:16:32.960 And he says, you have no idea.

00:16:34.320 They work really closely with border patrol on the ranch there.

00:16:36.820 He asked him, our outfitter asked border patrol, how many people do you think come through

00:16:40.940 our property, like on a daily basis that don't get apprehended?

00:16:44.760 And he, the border patrol agent told him anywhere from 50 to 60 per day, come right through

00:16:50.220 your property alone and never get apprehended.

00:16:53.820 It is wild down there.

00:16:57.120 It is the wild, wild west.

00:17:00.140 It's, it's, it's different than you think.

00:17:03.680 There's there, we're being overrun.

00:17:06.400 We're being invaded.

00:17:08.540 It's not, it's not good.

00:17:11.280 It is not good.

00:17:12.600 And just to have that small little experience there made me realize what is happening down

00:17:19.800 there.

00:17:20.120 And if you're not for closing that border down, shame on you.

00:17:25.960 Cause this is not going to go well.

00:17:28.160 Now I look, I know there's a lot of bleeding hearts.

00:17:30.380 Oh, there are no illegal aliens that are undocumented.

00:17:32.920 There's no illegal people.

00:17:34.140 No, there is.

00:17:34.820 They're breaking the law.

00:17:36.200 They're coming here.

00:17:37.640 They're not being vetted.

00:17:38.880 We don't know who they are.

00:17:39.960 They're putting Americans at risk.

00:17:42.020 They're bringing drugs and, and especially fentanyl.

00:17:45.660 I heard a statistic.

00:17:46.720 100,000 people roughly die of fentanyl overdose every single year.

00:17:51.160 A lot of these people don't even know they're taking fentanyl.

00:17:53.500 They just get exposed to it.

00:17:54.660 Yeah.

00:17:56.220 It's laced.

00:17:56.880 They pick something up.

00:17:57.780 They piss up, pick up a cigarette or think they're, you know, smoking a joint or pick

00:18:01.480 up a bag.

00:18:02.400 There was a police officer a few years ago, I think who had, who had, you know, pick

00:18:06.660 something up.

00:18:07.240 It was laced with fentanyl.

00:18:08.120 She died.

00:18:08.480 I don't, I do, look, we can, we can talk about the humanity side of it, but I'll tell you

00:18:15.660 what, if you think that it's humane to let undocumented individuals into this country because 1.00

00:18:22.480 they're trying to flee or whatever it may be, you're the inhumane one because you're

00:18:27.460 not considering our sons and daughters who are being exposed to fentanyl.

00:18:31.460 You're not considering the sons and daughters like Lake and Riley who have been murdered and

00:18:36.480 executed by illegal aliens who are undocumented and want to come to this country to do harm 1.00

00:18:41.960 to people.

00:18:43.140 Now I'm all for a proper path to citizenship.

00:18:46.640 If we have individuals who want to come here, who believe in the American dream, who want

00:18:51.360 to do right by themselves and their families, who want to come here and assimilate to American 0.98

00:18:56.500 culture, then I would love to have those individuals here and contribute to the American

00:19:01.720 dream.

00:19:02.340 But I need to make sure that we're vetting who those individuals are and that we know

00:19:06.920 that these are people who really care about our values.

00:19:09.780 And if they don't, they can get the fuck out of here for all I care.

00:19:13.680 And I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for that, but you know what?

00:19:16.840 I saw just a snippet, just a glimpse of, again, a sliver of a percentage of what is actually

00:19:25.040 taking place.

00:19:25.960 And I'm telling you, it's not good.

00:19:27.660 It's not healthy and it's not conducive to the American dream that so many of us want

00:19:31.440 to pursue.

00:19:32.220 Yeah.

00:19:32.560 I mean, you look at how we're dealing with the border.

00:19:35.800 That's not how you deal with anything, right?

00:19:38.560 Like, if it's about helping people, then have the process and the system in place to

00:19:44.060 do so.

00:19:45.100 Having just an open border and not addressing it, that's not doing anything.

00:19:49.820 That's just turning a blind eye to it.

00:19:52.580 And that's exactly what's occurring.

00:19:54.500 Yeah.

00:19:54.720 Yeah.

00:19:55.940 Yeah.

00:19:56.560 Such a mess.

00:19:57.080 So there's my headline.

00:19:57.740 Yeah, that's fun.

00:19:58.480 We had a great weekend and we had some interesting experiences.

00:20:02.900 I love it.

00:20:03.520 To say the least.

00:20:04.440 I love it.

00:20:05.760 That sounds super fun.

00:20:07.340 And then congratulations to her for getting the pig. 0.85

00:20:10.680 That's awesome.

00:20:11.800 And way for you.

00:20:12.620 Way to check the ego.

00:20:14.300 Way to check the ego.

00:20:15.040 I'm proud of you, man.

00:20:16.220 I'm proud of you.

00:20:16.820 Well, I probably wouldn't have until she said she's going to do an order of man fact

00:20:22.500 check thing.

00:20:23.100 I'm like, probably got to be truthful about this before she comes clean with it.

00:20:27.360 Yeah.

00:20:28.420 Hey, demand integrity of those around us, right?

00:20:33.320 So if that's what she needs to do, it's perfect.

00:20:35.600 Well, I mean, isn't that the kind of person you want your life to, right?

00:20:38.400 I mean, don't you want, not always do you want that kind of individual around you, whether

00:20:43.480 it's a romantic relationship or a friendship, but those are the kind of people that are the

00:20:48.920 ones who are really in your corner making sure, you know, you're on your own point.

00:20:52.480 So I appreciate that.

00:20:54.000 All right.

00:20:54.600 Greg Cleaver.

00:20:56.020 We're going to fill some questions from the Iron Council.

00:20:59.180 Greg, he says, could you discuss the difference between periods of pushing hard into goals

00:21:05.400 to the point of overextending oneself and then experiencing mental burnout and the necessity

00:21:12.380 and the need for a period of recovery and re and reduced productivity periods.

00:21:18.400 I really hate experiencing this burnout cycle.

00:21:21.520 I've tried several strategies to prevent it from occurring and nothing has been successful

00:21:25.860 in managing this.

00:21:27.440 It is simply a matter of better task efficiency is a lack of organization or pacing my task management

00:21:34.560 coming into my next battle plan.

00:21:36.520 I want to do something to attempt to address this, uh, in my calibration objective, but

00:21:42.660 I'm at a loss.

00:21:44.080 Any suggestions I would, would be greatly appreciated.

00:21:47.080 Thank you.

00:21:48.280 So let's, uh, let's paint a scenario here.

00:21:50.720 Let's say Kip, you and I are going to, uh, play a, have a, uh, let's say you and I are going

00:21:57.820 to train against each other.

00:22:00.100 Maybe some jujitsu.

00:22:01.100 You and I are going to, but, but it's an exhibition match or it's a fight or something.

00:22:05.180 And you and I are going to go at it, but we don't know any of the rules and we don't

00:22:12.240 know any of the time or the scoring method.

00:22:15.060 No rules, no time, no scoring method.

00:22:17.540 We don't have, we're not privy to any of that information.

00:22:20.480 How do you play that?

00:22:21.940 And that's not rhetorical.

00:22:23.600 How do you play?

00:22:24.700 What's your strategy?

00:22:25.820 Do you conserve?

00:22:26.780 Do you go balls to the wall?

00:22:28.380 Yeah, I conserve what's your strategy.

00:22:30.180 I go in kind of easy going initially, assuming that it's going to be a long haul.

00:22:37.300 I don't know why I would assume that, but that's what I would assume.

00:22:40.240 I think that's the safe play.

00:22:41.620 That's probably what I would do too.

00:22:42.820 If I go balls to the wall, let's say, let's say by some miracle, I happen to submit you.

00:22:47.840 I don't know the rules.

00:22:48.620 Maybe that's not actually the objective of the game.

00:22:51.340 Yeah.

00:22:51.700 So I go balls to the wall.

00:22:53.660 I, I, I quote unquote, submit you, but that's not really the point of the game.

00:22:58.040 Maybe the point is to submit them 10 times and then you win.

00:23:00.780 We don't know the rules.

00:23:03.600 Okay.

00:23:03.960 So if I expend all of my energy up front, then, okay, great.

00:23:07.620 I got you once.

00:23:08.400 And now I'm completely exhausted.

00:23:09.840 And for you to submit me 10 times, it's like easy at that point.

00:23:13.160 Cause I'm gassed.

00:23:14.320 If you're playing the conservative route, redlining is for when we know there's an end in sight.

00:23:23.900 I want you to consider a marathon.

00:23:25.540 You're going to run 26, 26.2 miles, whatever it is.

00:23:29.320 You go run your 26 miles.

00:23:31.320 You don't redline at mile five, conserve, conserve, conserve, run a good, even pace,

00:23:37.460 something you can maintain for 25 and a half miles.

00:23:40.800 What is, what do you do at 25 and a half miles can, now we can talk about redlining because

00:23:46.760 you know, there's only a half mile left.

00:23:48.980 I'm going to redline.

00:23:50.000 I'm going to push it hard for this last half mile.

00:23:52.620 And, and you know, that way I can take a rest after the, the 26 miles that I complete.

00:23:58.100 Redlining is only for when the end is in sight.

00:24:00.540 If we're talking about jujitsu, if you're looking at the scoreboard and the clock is winding

00:24:05.140 down and you're even or behind on points, you gas it at the end.

00:24:12.000 Cause you know, this is your last chance, but you don't ever gas it at the beginning.

00:24:15.380 And this is true of life.

00:24:17.220 Your goal in life is to do things that you know are productive for as long as you possibly

00:24:23.180 can sustain them.

00:24:24.580 So if you're, if you've been sitting on the couch for the past decade and you think that

00:24:28.860 you're going to go to the gym two times a day, every day this week, and you're going

00:24:33.860 to do things that you haven't done for 15 years, you're going, you're redlining, you're

00:24:38.480 going to gas yourself out.

00:24:40.920 If you pick up a new project at work and you've never done it before and it's above your pay

00:24:45.300 grade and you know, it's going to take a lot of time and energy and resources and you give

00:24:50.160 everything that you possibly can, you're redlining and you're putting your family at risk.

00:24:54.400 You're putting yourself at risk.

00:24:55.800 You're even putting the business at risk because you're not there yet.

00:24:58.860 When we think about our activities, what we need to think about is things that push us

00:25:02.620 a little bit outside of our comfort zone, but things that we know we can sustain.

00:25:06.300 So again, to go back to that analogy of sitting on the couch for the past 10 years, instead

00:25:10.760 of saying, Hey, I'm going to go every day this week, two times a day for three hours.

00:25:14.600 No, you're not.

00:25:15.700 What you're going to do is you're going to go in for about 45 minutes, Monday through

00:25:20.220 Friday.

00:25:20.880 You can do that.

00:25:22.080 That's sustainable.

00:25:22.940 And you're going to look at your calendar and you're going to say on Monday, Wednesday,

00:25:25.360 Friday, I'm going to go in at 7am and on Tuesday and Thursday, because my

00:25:28.680 work schedule, I'm going to go in at, uh, you know, three or four in the afternoon when

00:25:32.100 I'm done with my, my work and you plan it in and you make appropriate decisions in something

00:25:39.360 that's sustainable.

00:25:40.580 And it's not, Hey, I'm going to do this for a week.

00:25:42.420 It's I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.

00:25:46.820 So what I would say to you is extend your time horizon and ask yourself, is this sustainable

00:25:52.720 for life?

00:25:53.240 Now there are things that you're just going to have to sustain for a week, but that's what

00:25:56.740 I'm talking.

00:25:57.180 Those are red line events.

00:25:59.340 You're going to go balls to the wall for a week.

00:26:01.940 And you're going to tell your wife and your kids, guys, I got a project to work.

00:26:05.260 I'm not really going to be available and present for the next week.

00:26:08.460 And you go at it hard.

00:26:10.520 And then a week later you take your break because the race is over.

00:26:13.860 But that's how I tend to look at it.

00:26:16.340 That's interesting.

00:26:16.940 Let me ask you this in his question.

00:26:19.960 He alluded kind of to mental, right?

00:26:22.820 And does that change, right?

00:26:25.860 Like, you know, we're talking about, you know, workout, burnout.

00:26:30.600 How much does mindset come into this where it's not a redlining mentally?

00:26:41.340 It's more something else, right?

00:26:43.100 Is it maybe us questioning whether this is really working or not?

00:26:48.020 Or do you get what I'm saying?

00:26:50.820 And like, I can't, I think it's Dale Carnegie has this quote.

00:26:55.140 I use it a lot from a work perspective, but it goes something to the extent of that.

00:27:00.140 And most employee burnout, frustration, resentment in the work that they're doing is not the quantity

00:27:06.060 of work.

00:27:07.920 It's actually how they see the work, right?

00:27:11.260 Think about it this way.

00:27:12.200 When you're passionate about something and you're working on it and you're bought in,

00:27:15.960 you're like, man, this is like, it's exciting.

00:27:18.840 You probably even have more energy.

00:27:21.200 But when you have to do the thing that you don't see, like you feel like, oh my gosh,

00:27:25.840 I shouldn't have to be doing this.

00:27:27.300 Like I'll use an example.

00:27:28.300 If you're working on your taxes, that's a burnout activity.

00:27:31.660 Why?

00:27:32.500 Because you're frustrated with the task.

00:27:34.740 Why do I have to do this?

00:27:35.840 I shouldn't have to do this.

00:27:36.820 This is so frustrating.

00:27:37.800 I shouldn't have to be paying this much.

00:27:39.020 Like it's how you feel about the work, but if we flip it and you start working on some

00:27:44.940 awesome marketing content for order of man, you could probably work twice as long on that

00:27:49.680 stuff versus taxes and you don't feel burnt out.

00:27:52.120 Why?

00:27:52.860 Because you're aligned to it.

00:27:54.680 It has fulfillment in it.

00:27:56.000 You see the purpose.

00:27:57.200 You can identify the outcome of how this is going to move things forward.

00:28:01.760 It's when we work on things that we feel like we shouldn't or we don't see the desired

00:28:06.200 outcome that's associated to it, we start feeling burnout.

00:28:09.980 So with that said, how would you change your response a little bit towards that thought?

00:28:16.580 Well, nobody likes to do things they don't want to do.

00:28:19.040 Yeah.

00:28:19.740 I don't really think we need to look into it much further than that.

00:28:22.800 If you don't like to do it, it's not going to be an enjoyable thing for you.

00:28:27.280 So what do you do in that scenario?

00:28:29.280 Well, some things just have to be done.

00:28:30.800 And to your point, I would say align that with a mission.

00:28:32.880 If it's taxes, taxes have to be done.

00:28:35.720 It's not something you can control.

00:28:37.920 It's not whether or not you can control elements of it, but whether or not they're done is not

00:28:41.780 something you can control unless you want to go to prison.

00:28:44.520 So it's got to be done.

00:28:46.900 There was a time where I dread paying taxes every single year, but five, six, seven years

00:28:52.180 ago, I dreaded it more than I do today.

00:28:53.720 Why?

00:28:54.200 Because I hired a CPA.

00:28:56.560 I hired a bookkeeper.

00:28:58.540 I don't keep my own books.

00:29:00.360 I buy what I need to buy.

00:29:02.600 I run my expenses and my purchases through my business.

00:29:05.760 She looks at it about once a month.

00:29:08.120 She'll send me an email and say, hey, I don't know what these two expenses are.

00:29:10.580 Can you tell me?

00:29:11.460 I'm like, yeah, that one was for supplies and that one was for investment in camera equipment.

00:29:16.040 She's like, cool, I'll categorize those.

00:29:17.360 Like, I don't do that shit.

00:29:19.620 And I'm not saying that everybody's there.

00:29:21.400 You know, not everybody is in that position, but delegation is crucial.

00:29:25.860 And then simplicity.

00:29:27.100 There are certain things that just don't need to be done.

00:29:28.800 You think they do, you think they're a necessity, but they don't.

00:29:31.640 So I try to, a couple of things I try to do.

00:29:34.580 Simplify, eliminate, and outsource.

00:29:38.160 Certain things I don't, don't even need to be done.

00:29:40.560 Everybody else thinks it's an issue.

00:29:41.860 It's like, nope, it's not an issue.

00:29:43.100 I'm not doing that.

00:29:44.800 Other things like taxes, those need to be done.

00:29:47.820 That's not a choice.

00:29:48.840 So we're going to simplify and outsource.

00:29:52.440 That's been hugely, hugely helpful for me.

00:29:55.020 Another thing on the mental side, what you can control is how you perceive hardship.

00:30:01.480 We know, for example, that willpower is fleeting.

00:30:04.320 So if I wake up in the morning and I'm expected to make a bunch of choices about my personal and professional life, I can make those choices.

00:30:12.120 But at the end of the day, it's going to be harder for me to make smart choices because my willpower is fleeting.

00:30:17.360 So I'm going to simplify elements of my life.

00:30:19.740 For example, the one we often hear about is somebody like Steve Jobs wearing his jeans and his, you know, black turtleneck.

00:30:28.940 That's his, that's his wardrobe.

00:30:31.160 He doesn't have to think about that, right?

00:30:33.880 That's, that's a way to simplify to maintain willpower towards something that's important.

00:30:38.900 But I also think there's an issue of perspective.

00:30:42.480 My view of hardship is different than somebody else's.

00:30:47.660 It's not better or worse.

00:30:48.580 It's just different.

00:30:49.720 So when somebody complains to me about how hard their life is, one experience I have to draw upon is spending a year and a half overseas.

00:30:56.880 A year of it was in Iraq, seeing what it's actually like to live in hardship.

00:31:02.500 So it's all relative.

00:31:03.920 Now when somebody says, oh, my fucking internet's not working, I'm like, yeah, well, that sucks.

00:31:10.040 But at least your family is not going to die today because a terrorist is going to murder them.

00:31:15.900 So I'm not saying, I'm not trying to diminish people's experiences.

00:31:19.600 I'm saying, put yourself in voluntary hardship so that when other situations come up, you're like, yeah, this sucks, but it's okay.

00:31:27.820 You know, this, this weekend, for example, there was some times where we were cold, like it was cold.

00:31:32.240 The wind was blowing, blowing right through your bones.

00:31:35.520 It wasn't as cold as I've been in my entire life.

00:31:37.620 It was cold, but I've been in way colder issues than that.

00:31:42.180 And I could draw upon that to say, yeah, this is cold, but you know, I'll be okay.

00:31:45.520 Cause I survived the, the other cold that I, that was actually really cold.

00:31:51.820 And that's the point that I'm making is that the more you can put yourself into difficult situations in low risk environments,

00:31:59.100 like sitting out in the cold while you're hunting or going to jujitsu or getting up and going in and lifting weights,

00:32:06.020 doing these hard things throughout the day as a way of life.

00:32:09.400 It makes everything else easier, not because the circumstances change, but because to your point,

00:32:15.540 your perception of the circumstances are different.

00:32:20.260 You know, people will say, oh, this is so hard.

00:32:22.380 And you'll always hear somebody say, well, that's not hard.

00:32:24.100 This is what I did.

00:32:24.940 They're right.

00:32:25.580 That person's right.

00:32:27.040 This is not hard.

00:32:29.100 Because they've been in more difficult situations.

00:32:31.900 And so the antidote is just put yourself in difficult situations.

00:32:34.840 So being cold, isn't going to be a crippling issue for you.

00:32:39.240 Having a boss yell at you, isn't going to be crippling for you.

00:32:42.580 I remember when I went to basic training, sorry, I'm on a bit of a rant here.

00:32:45.640 I went to basic training and we had guys that would crumble.

00:32:49.340 Drill sergeants would yell at them, hurt their feelings, hurt their feel bads. 0.99

00:32:52.840 And they crumble, they'd cry.

00:32:53.920 They literally cry.

00:32:54.680 They'd wallow and throw themselves on the ground and throw a temper tantrum and allow it to get to.

00:32:59.100 And I went with two buddies from high school, Jed and Tony.

00:33:01.760 And it was funny to watch these guys because we've been yelled at for, you know, 20 years of our life at that point almost by coaches and people.

00:33:09.680 Like being yelled at by a grown man wasn't something that was unfamiliar to us.

00:33:14.900 That's the point.

00:33:17.420 You're inoculated against hardship if you're willing to thrust yourself into voluntary hardship.

00:33:24.180 I watched an old interview between GSP and Rogan on YouTube this past week.

00:33:31.920 And I loved one of the things that St. Pierre was saying.

00:33:36.720 He said that during, except for training camp, his training, he always keeps it playful.

00:33:45.820 Always keeps it playful.

00:33:47.120 And it's not until he has training camp start that he like doubles down and gets serious.

00:33:53.420 And he talks about how by keeping it playful, it was fun.

00:33:58.060 He wanted to come and he learned and he innovated and his fight game improved a lot when in play.

00:34:06.520 And so, it resonated to me because I don't keep things playful, right?

00:34:14.280 If I read Greg's question here, pushing hard in my goals and over, you know what I mean?

00:34:19.380 I'm like, immediately that is a sense of intensity doesn't come across playful.

00:34:26.060 You know, and I think we have to, you know, consider that.

00:34:29.240 That's another aspect of this is, are you having fun?

00:34:32.020 And if you're not, how do you, how do you push hard?

00:34:35.120 How do you achieve your goals while still enjoying yourself at the same time?

00:34:39.540 I like that.

00:34:40.700 I think it's all about expectations.

00:34:42.580 Another thing about this weekend is the first night we were out, we had 20 pigs come in.

00:34:48.280 And, and my girlfriend was, I said, Hey, here they come.

00:34:51.220 Like pick one and shoot, you know?

00:34:53.560 And she did and it misfired.

00:34:55.320 And so she cleared it because she's, she's proficient.

00:34:58.500 She knows how to operate a firearm. 1.00

00:34:59.780 She does tactical shooting and things like that with her dad and friends.

00:35:02.500 And so she cleared it and, and try to reload and it wouldn't work.

00:35:06.060 And I said, here, let me try.

00:35:06.960 And so I cleared it and I was getting super frustrated.

00:35:10.200 And I created this really like uncomfortable environment between her and I, because I was

00:35:18.120 frustrated because my expectation was we got to shoot a pig.

00:35:23.540 Like that's what success is.

00:35:25.480 And here they are.

00:35:26.220 There's 20 pigs.

00:35:26.800 Miss fire. 0.97

00:35:28.880 She can't clear it.

00:35:29.940 I can't clear it.

00:35:31.100 I'm pissed.

00:35:31.840 I'm bothered.

00:35:33.380 And I created this little, like this, this like really weird environment for us sitting

00:35:37.900 in a blind, which is like a small environment.

00:35:40.060 It's all awkward and uncomfortable at this point.

00:35:42.900 And she told me, she said, Hey, look, like, I think your expectation of mine are different.

00:35:48.700 Like, like, I'd love to come out here and kill a pig.

00:35:52.700 That's why we're here.

00:35:53.500 But I just like being with you.

00:35:56.720 Like, I just want to have fun.

00:35:58.180 If we, if we left and we didn't kill anything, like this would still be a good weekend for

00:36:02.500 me.

00:36:03.540 I'm like, Oh shit.

00:36:04.720 Yeah.

00:36:05.960 Like that's, so you change your, so all of a sudden now it's not like I have to kill

00:36:10.940 something.

00:36:11.340 It's like, no, I'm here trying to connect with her and enjoy the weekend.

00:36:15.420 And after that moment, we had an incredible weekend because the expectation was something

00:36:20.040 different.

00:36:20.420 It was, Hey, let's go out here and enjoy.

00:36:22.460 Now we got it done.

00:36:23.500 She got it.

00:36:24.200 I'm not going to say we, she got it done, but it wasn't about that.

00:36:29.680 It was about something else.

00:36:30.840 And her and I fortunately in a healthy way managed the expectation.

00:36:33.960 And to, to George St. Pierre's, uh, comment, it just became enjoyable.

00:36:38.920 The, we got it done, but it was way more enjoyable than if I had this high expectation

00:36:43.500 that her and I were misaligned on.

00:36:45.440 Yeah.

00:36:45.840 I see that.

00:36:47.100 All right.

00:36:47.760 Juan Carlos Silva.

00:36:49.580 I got into order of man with the podcast, like most started.

00:36:53.500 From the first episode, three years ago, I stopped listening and got as far as nine,

00:37:00.360 you know, September 25th, 2020, I'm going to start listening to get, should I continue

00:37:04.940 where I left off or start with the most recent episode?

00:37:09.200 Critical question.

00:37:10.540 No, I don't, I don't, I don't even want you to listen.

00:37:13.400 You stop listening.

00:37:14.340 You're out.

00:37:14.820 You're done.

00:37:15.460 You don't get to come back and then decide to be engaged in what you're part of us or

00:37:19.100 you're not.

00:37:19.760 You decided.

00:37:20.860 Take a walk.

00:37:21.480 Juan.

00:37:21.820 Um, what I would suggest is no, don't start back at whatever you stopped at.

00:37:32.960 Go through the inventory of podcasts and find one that resonates with you.

00:37:38.460 So don't start on the newest.

00:37:39.760 Don't start on the oldest.

00:37:40.680 Just scroll back a couple of weeks, a couple of months, whatever you feel comfortable

00:37:44.300 with and say, Oh, that one looks interesting.

00:37:46.560 I think I'll listen to that one.

00:37:48.520 I think there's a big problem where, especially with the rise of social media, where we see

00:37:53.300 what everybody else is doing because, and these are people we admire and respect.

00:37:56.900 Otherwise we wouldn't be following them.

00:37:58.280 And they say, well, I'm reading this book.

00:38:00.720 I'm going on this vacation.

00:38:02.680 I'm doing this workout.

00:38:03.780 I'm trying this new activity and like, well, then I have to, yeah, they're reading that

00:38:08.640 book.

00:38:08.880 Then clearly I have to read that book.

00:38:10.760 Well, they're going that, that place.

00:38:12.400 Then I have to do that.

00:38:13.060 They're doing jujitsu.

00:38:13.740 I have to do that.

00:38:14.300 They're going on hunts.

00:38:14.880 I have to do that.

00:38:15.660 You don't have to do any of that guys.

00:38:18.460 There's certain things that I think would be enjoyable for you, like jujitsu and hunting

00:38:22.600 and other things that we talk about.

00:38:23.680 Sure.

00:38:24.020 Of course.

00:38:24.580 But you don't have to do any of that.

00:38:28.400 You have to do the things that are interesting to you.

00:38:30.400 And this goes back to the previous question about doing things that are enjoyable and sustainable.

00:38:34.880 So yeah, I don't feel, I used to, but I don't feel obligated to read every New York

00:38:39.160 times bestselling book on self-help anymore.

00:38:42.360 I don't feel obligated.

00:38:43.900 Like one we've talked about, I don't listen to the Andrew Huberman podcast.

00:38:48.800 I know everybody else on the planet does.

00:38:50.660 I don't because it just doesn't, it doesn't resonate with me the same way.

00:38:53.900 Now I listened to his, uh, Instagram videos and pick up quick snippets here and there

00:38:58.480 because I think they are valuable, but that's just not something I enjoy.

00:39:02.160 And I don't feel ashamed about that.

00:39:04.260 Like I know a lot of people do, cause that's what they're quote unquote supposed to do.

00:39:09.680 Just find something that works for you.

00:39:12.160 And if you look at a podcast and guy, some guys will be, they'll message me.

00:39:15.060 They'll say hard pass on this podcast.

00:39:17.380 I'm like, good.

00:39:18.400 That's what you're supposed to do.

00:39:19.820 You're not supposed to listen to every single episode with the same amount of vigor as the

00:39:26.800 ones that you really enjoy.

00:39:28.220 Like there's a thousand plus other podcasts that you can listen to.

00:39:31.860 Find the one that you really like, listen to that one, apply it most importantly, and

00:39:36.360 leave the rest that just don't feel relevant to you.

00:39:39.000 That's fine with me.

00:39:41.200 And it's probably the better way to look at not just podcasting, but life in general.

00:39:44.740 Joel Gonzalez, he has two questions and I, well, the first one's kind of quick and I

00:39:51.500 think his second question is actually good.

00:39:53.220 So we'll cover both of them.

00:39:54.820 What is the process that you'd recommend someone go through when choosing a team on the Iron

00:39:59.240 Council?

00:40:00.120 What kind of questions do you go through when vetting a team?

00:40:03.060 I realized that in the process, I'm vetting myself and making sure that I have something

00:40:08.120 to offer.

00:40:08.780 So what kind of things should I make sure I bring to the table?

00:40:11.760 So, so everyone understands Joel is fairly new member of the Iron Council.

00:40:18.120 We have kind of a cohort process that he's gone through and he's in this process, this

00:40:23.380 wonderful process in the IC of finding a team, right?

00:40:27.860 To join.

00:40:28.600 And that's, that's where his question is rooted.

00:40:31.100 I'm a little hesitant to answer this one because I sense a little bit of paralysis by

00:40:35.880 analysis.

00:40:36.340 I think that's a great answer.

00:40:37.960 I say, answer it that way.

00:40:41.080 You're looking into it too much.

00:40:42.720 What do you, what do you mean?

00:40:43.400 Well, he's looking into it too much.

00:40:44.800 Right.

00:40:45.100 Right.

00:40:45.340 Like, and it's not that we feel overly confident on the battle team leaders, but the reality

00:40:50.660 of it is, is you could probably select any team in the Iron Council, show up powerfully

00:40:56.240 and get amazing results.

00:40:58.320 And you're, and you're looking into it way too often.

00:41:01.360 And most importantly, and I'm going to get a little bit on a tangent here, but like what

00:41:05.880 determines your success?

00:41:07.840 In most cases, it's not your boss.

00:41:10.580 In most cases, it's not your, your team lead.

00:41:14.260 In most cases, it's not the podcast you listen to or the book you read.

00:41:18.120 The reality of it is the most determining factor is you.

00:41:23.820 And we need to stop looking elsewhere for the solutions and see them as data points and

00:41:29.860 inputs.

00:41:30.740 But in the end, the person looking back at you in the mirror is the number one determining

00:41:35.620 factor of your success in anything that you do.

00:41:39.000 Yeah.

00:41:39.940 Yeah.

00:41:40.420 A hundred percent.

00:41:41.200 I think, you know, in the spirit of the question, look at the lowest common denominator.

00:41:44.620 Does this time work for me?

00:41:46.280 Can I be here consistently?

00:41:47.500 Can I show up at this time?

00:41:49.700 You know, that's the lowest common denominator.

00:41:51.800 And then from there is the team leader solid.

00:41:54.280 Is he somebody I resonate with?

00:41:55.640 Do I enjoy listening to him?

00:41:57.160 Does that, do I feel like he has perspective that I can be valuable or gain value from?

00:42:02.780 And that's really about it.

00:42:05.840 It's really about it.

00:42:07.340 Cause you're going to have guys on the team who are solid.

00:42:09.660 You're going to have guys on the team who aren't.

00:42:11.260 And those guys who are solid, you can learn from the guys who aren't, you can add value

00:42:14.720 to.

00:42:15.940 I'm with you is like, don't look too much into it.

00:42:18.440 Find a team that works for you at a time that works for you, that you can be consistently

00:42:21.800 showing up and then make sure that the team leader isn't somebody who you just don't jive

00:42:27.680 with at some, you're like, Oh, I like this guy.

00:42:29.880 That's enough.

00:42:30.880 I like this guy.

00:42:31.560 I like what he has to share.

00:42:32.340 He has some good insight.

00:42:33.260 That's enough.

00:42:34.120 It really is.

00:42:35.360 If you're willing to your point to go all in on it.

00:42:37.420 Yeah.

00:42:38.000 Okay.

00:42:38.380 What's the second question?

00:42:39.560 Second question.

00:42:40.640 When do you know that it's time to let go of a friend?

00:42:43.940 I feel like some friends and I are heading down different paths as part of me wants to

00:42:48.700 hang on to these friendships out of loyalty.

00:42:50.820 But sometimes I feel like we just don't have similar goals and that's driving me to spend

00:42:55.920 less time with them.

00:42:56.780 This one's hard for me to resonate with because I don't, I've never really felt obligated

00:43:03.400 to hang on to things out of a sense of loyalty and that might just be a personality thing.

00:43:08.860 I just, I want to be straightforward on that.

00:43:10.800 I could tell you, Oh, here's all the things I would do, but I've never really felt that

00:43:14.100 way.

00:43:15.000 I don't feel that way about friends.

00:43:18.120 I honestly, I've never really felt that way about family members.

00:43:21.160 You know, there are certain people that I will, will serve to the degree that I can

00:43:27.360 with boundaries in place, especially if it's challenge, a challenging relationship or maybe

00:43:33.380 even a toxic relationship.

00:43:34.880 I'll continue to try to serve up to a point, but I've never felt like the best reason to

00:43:39.800 stay in a relationship is out of some misguided sense of loyalty.

00:43:43.600 I've never, I've never really felt that.

00:43:46.480 I can appreciate it.

00:43:47.820 I know that a lot of people do and I actually value it.

00:43:50.220 You know, I am a loyal person.

00:43:52.580 You know, I have my people and they're on my team and I'm loyal to those individuals

00:43:56.020 and my loyalty is communicated through my actions.

00:44:01.000 I show up, I back those people up.

00:44:03.000 I speak highly of them.

00:44:04.020 I support them.

00:44:04.900 I validate them.

00:44:05.800 That's how I communicate my loyalty to them.

00:44:09.840 I don't think it's as cut and dry as just like calling up a friend one day and say,

00:44:14.000 Hey, we're breaking up.

00:44:15.920 It's kind of what it sounds like.

00:44:17.280 Yeah.

00:44:17.320 Yeah.

00:44:17.780 And you might have relationships where that happens, right?

00:44:19.860 Where maybe you're, you know, you're dating somebody and it's like, Hey, we've got to

00:44:23.160 break up.

00:44:23.580 And so you have that conversation and it's cold, hard line in the sand, but I don't think

00:44:28.500 it works that way with friendships, especially if they've been a long time, what ends up

00:44:31.500 happening is we evolve.

00:44:32.700 We all evolve in different ways.

00:44:34.140 It sounds like you may not be deviating as much as maybe even your friend is.

00:44:38.000 Maybe it's not you who's breaking up with your friend.

00:44:40.480 Maybe it's your friend who's breaking up with you because he's making choices that aren't

00:44:43.480 congruent with the way that you want to live your life.

00:44:45.660 Now we as virtuous men tend to take that upon ourselves because we see our friends struggling,

00:44:51.760 right?

00:44:52.460 So you have two friends.

00:44:53.380 Let's say Kip, you and I are high school buddies and I see you going down a path that

00:44:57.120 I don't think is healthy for you.

00:44:59.060 I'm going to feel some sense of loyalty and obligation and duty.

00:45:02.120 And I think that's virtuous and I will try to help where I can.

00:45:05.140 But at some point it's not me who's deviating from the relationship.

00:45:08.800 It's you.

00:45:09.800 And I can't control you.

00:45:11.220 I can't force you to make better decisions.

00:45:13.200 And they may not even be better decisions.

00:45:15.160 They're just decisions I think are better.

00:45:17.420 You have agency.

00:45:18.540 You're a big boy.

00:45:19.380 You can make those decisions on your own.

00:45:21.100 I don't always have to agree with them and I won't always agree with them.

00:45:24.740 But what ends up happening is you evolve into some what path and I evolve into some path

00:45:29.420 and it just becomes a little bit more fluid than just saying, hey, we're breaking up.

00:45:33.440 You know, you don't spend as much time together.

00:45:35.100 You don't see each other for a few weeks and then it's a few months and then it's, hey,

00:45:38.100 I haven't seen that guy for five years.

00:45:39.420 I hope he's doing okay.

00:45:40.360 Because you're busy living your life.

00:45:43.020 You're making other friends and friendships and acquaintances and networking and growing

00:45:47.560 your business and building your family.

00:45:50.260 And that is the correct priority.

00:45:53.860 Those are the things that you should be doing.

00:45:56.320 And it's not to say that you're mean or mean spirited or don't care about that person.

00:46:00.440 But ultimately those people are grown adults and you have to allow them, just like you would

00:46:06.780 expect somebody to afford you the opportunity to make your own decisions in life.

00:46:12.080 And that's a path they're choosing.

00:46:13.780 And that's okay.

00:46:14.900 It's unfortunate.

00:46:16.320 And you can do all you need to do, but evolve.

00:46:20.020 You're supposed to evolve.

00:46:21.340 You really are.

00:46:22.440 Like friendships from high school are not meant to last forever.

00:46:27.300 They're meant to be part of the season of life.

00:46:29.660 Now some are, don't get me wrong.

00:46:30.860 Some are, but not nearly all of them.

00:46:33.900 They're just a season of life.

00:46:35.900 You grow and you learn and get what you need from that relationship.

00:46:38.860 And then you move on into something else.

00:46:40.840 And the best way for you to potentially serve people is for you to progress, not to be stagnant.

00:46:47.500 Because you never know.

00:46:48.980 Maybe that high school friend 10 years later goes, hey man, I've been following you.

00:46:53.520 I see what you've been up to.

00:46:55.940 Can I ask for some advice?

00:46:57.920 Because now you're in a position where you kept progressing.

00:47:00.300 So, yeah, letting go and honor their agency of where they are.

00:47:05.980 And I agree with you.

00:47:07.260 Like I have, like this question resonated with me.

00:47:11.040 I can think of a handful of people in my life where I've felt like we've gone different directions.

00:47:17.340 And I try not to be like, we're no longer friends.

00:47:20.140 It's not that.

00:47:21.480 If I got a call from them tomorrow and said, hey dude, let's grab lunch.

00:47:24.620 I'd be like, absolutely.

00:47:25.440 Now, are we doing the same things, aka hanging out together?

00:47:30.540 No, because they're hanging out of what sounds fun to them is not in the same category as me.

00:47:36.100 But that's okay.

00:47:36.720 But I'll grab lunch with them.

00:47:38.860 Right?

00:47:39.080 I'll have conversations with them.

00:47:40.660 See where they are.

00:47:41.620 It's not like, you know, I have a problem with them.

00:47:44.240 I just realized that we're all in different places and we're progressing different ways.

00:47:47.960 And priorities shift and that's okay too.

00:47:49.960 So, try not to have a heart at war towards them because they're not on your path is ultimately what I'm trying to say and be okay with where people are.

00:47:59.440 One thing I wrote down as you were saying that, Kip, is I said, have an open door policy.

00:48:03.600 You know, like you don't have to go chase people around.

00:48:05.960 Like your friends are making decisions.

00:48:07.280 They're not taking a path you would.

00:48:08.960 I'm not going to get into that world.

00:48:10.320 That's not conducive for me or the people I love.

00:48:12.380 So, I'm not going to get into that.

00:48:13.400 But you know what?

00:48:13.800 My door is open.

00:48:15.220 And I'll greet you at the front door.

00:48:16.460 When you walk up that lane like the prodigal son, you walk up that lane and you say, hey, I want to be part of this household.

00:48:22.700 I want to be part of this family or this friendship.

00:48:24.300 And you walk up.

00:48:25.280 I will greet your ass at the door and I will embrace you and I will hug you.

00:48:29.280 But I'm not leaving the threshold.

00:48:30.960 You got to come into this door.

00:48:32.900 You have to come into this house and you're welcome here.

00:48:35.660 And there's a big mat on the door and there's a big sign that says welcome.

00:48:40.280 But you have to decide to come in.

00:48:41.700 I'm not going to chase you around.

00:48:42.780 When you said met at the door, I was like, man, you got to train at least five minutes before.

00:48:51.140 Show me what you got.

00:48:52.360 You got to beat all of these guys.

00:48:53.940 And then if you beat them and pass the test, then you can enter my house.

00:48:59.820 All right.

00:49:00.500 Luke Watts.

00:49:01.320 As we in the IC explore this topic this month, I've been thinking about how I present at home.

00:49:08.580 My kids see me leave for work, pants, shirt and a tie on most days because he's a teacher and I look good and well present well presented when I leave for work.

00:49:18.360 When I get home, I change out of those clothes into something like shorts and a polo.

00:49:22.840 But as my clothing relaxes also become more relaxed about how I how I'm presenting myself, it might be wrinkly.

00:49:31.720 I might wear same polo a few days in a row to save laundry, that kind of sort of thing.

00:49:37.060 This is how they see me most of the time.

00:49:39.500 Am I sending my kids the wrong message about presentation by being less careful about it at home?

00:49:46.940 OK, first thing, brother, don't say you're wearing the same polo to save on laundry.

00:49:52.120 That's bullshit.

00:49:53.380 You're doing it because you're lazy.

00:49:55.100 Get called out, Luke.

00:49:58.000 You know that.

00:49:59.660 That's a nice euphemism for I don't want to get another shirt out.

00:50:03.580 I'm lazy.

00:50:04.380 I'm not saying I'm above it.

00:50:05.920 I mean, I wear shirts multiple days in a row and I'm just saying, let's be honest.

00:50:11.100 OK, Luke, it's not like, oh, I'm trying to be efficient with our, you know, water and our laundry detergent.

00:50:17.760 That's not what you're doing.

00:50:19.080 So be honest.

00:50:20.060 Number one.

00:50:22.120 I think, you know, the answer.

00:50:24.780 You wouldn't have asked the question.

00:50:26.820 You know that you're showing up in a less powerful way for your kids.

00:50:33.080 You're saying your shirt's wrinkly.

00:50:34.740 You're wearing it more than one day in a row.

00:50:36.860 And you know there's a problem with it.

00:50:38.820 Otherwise, it would not have even entered your mind.

00:50:41.160 And by the way, wearing shorts and a polo shirt doesn't mean you're dressing down.

00:50:47.020 And I think that's one thing guys get wrong about style and the way they present themselves.

00:50:51.460 When we hear style, we think suit, three-piece suit, our hair, like everything's done to the nine.

00:50:56.520 No, it just means you're intentional about what you're wearing.

00:51:00.640 It communicates what you want it to communicate.

00:51:04.340 And you're very intentional about the purpose of why you chose those pair of shorts and that polo, for example.

00:51:11.660 So, an example of that would be if you're going golfing, it would be entirely appropriate for you to wear a pair of khaki shorts and a dry fit polo t-shirt.

00:51:22.900 Should you wear a suit to the golf course?

00:51:24.920 No, that would be weird.

00:51:26.480 That would actually not be respecting the game and what you're doing.

00:51:30.480 So, it's not really about what you're wearing, it's how you're wearing it and in what environments.

00:51:36.880 So, what I would suggest, because you know that you shouldn't be wearing wrinkly shirts around your kids, otherwise you wouldn't ask the question.

00:51:42.740 And I can agree or disagree, it doesn't matter.

00:51:44.720 You know it because you're asking the question.

00:51:46.780 Don't do that.

00:51:47.900 Just don't do that.

00:51:49.180 Get your shirt out of the dryer.

00:51:50.980 Iron it if you feel inclined.

00:51:52.820 When you take it off, don't save on the loads of laundry because that's not what you're doing.

00:51:59.440 Like, when you're done with it, throw it in the thing.

00:52:01.900 Maybe you buy a couple of new ones.

00:52:03.240 Maybe the ones you're wearing are a little bit faded.

00:52:04.940 Maybe the collar is all bent and out of shape and distorted.

00:52:08.200 So, you go out and buy a couple of new polos.

00:52:10.660 But yeah, I think you know that you're not showing up the way that you want to show up.

00:52:16.180 And then, I always had a coach when I was in high school and we always had the best baseball uniforms.

00:52:21.720 The newest, the best, the best styles, the best colors.

00:52:24.580 They always looked the best.

00:52:25.800 And he said, if you look good, you play good.

00:52:27.340 And we did.

00:52:28.080 We had a great baseball team.

00:52:29.140 He was a great coach.

00:52:30.620 You look good.

00:52:31.360 You play good.

00:52:32.240 You show up at home and you get out of that suit or whatever you're wearing.

00:52:35.840 You put on a pair of baggy ass cargo shorts and a wrinkly ass t-shirt.

00:52:40.240 What does that say?

00:52:42.140 That means plop your ass on the couch, grab a beer, and watch whatever, you know, TV show or Netflix show you've been watching.

00:52:49.260 That's what that says.

00:52:50.340 But if you get home and you get a fitted pair of khaki shorts that you throw on and you've got a polo shirt that fits right, it's the right material, it's clean, it's not wrinkly because it's been hung up and you show up and you're like, all right, kids, here I am.

00:53:06.780 That's not your Sunday lounge wear.

00:53:08.340 That's like, hey, guys, let's go out and throw a baseball in the backyard together or let's go for a drive together or a hike or whatever your thing is.

00:53:16.560 So, you know the answer.

00:53:17.980 I'm not saying wear the three-piece suit when you get home or keep your suit on from work.

00:53:22.300 I'm saying put the appropriate attire on, be intentional, be deliberate, and elevate it even just to the slightest.

00:53:28.340 Cargo shorts move to khaki fitted shorts.

00:53:32.040 Wrinkly old polo shirt moves to a nice fitted dry fit polo shirt that you just, you know, purchased a couple of weeks ago off Amazon or wherever you shop.

00:53:43.000 Take pride.

00:53:44.140 Very small changes make a world of difference.

00:53:46.580 Yeah.

00:53:46.940 Stephen Ragger.

00:53:50.420 Let's do this as the last question.

00:53:52.020 Perfect.

00:53:52.400 Kip.

00:53:52.760 Actually, let's not do this one because I think it's the same question.

00:53:56.640 Maybe I misunderstood, but he was talking about how do you filter decisions.

00:54:01.800 I think it's very similar to the one we answered last week.

00:54:03.880 Is there one on Facebook that we can pull off?

00:54:05.640 I can hop on over.

00:54:07.360 Let's do that.

00:54:08.040 Give me one second to.

00:54:09.420 I just think that last question was very similar to the one we answered last week.

00:54:12.500 So, I'm not sure I can get anything different.

00:54:14.260 Yeah.

00:54:15.220 All right.

00:54:15.860 Sean Ferry.

00:54:16.600 All right.

00:54:17.180 Bring it.

00:54:18.080 How do we begin to repair the damage we have done to our sons when we abandon them and our responsibilities to them?

00:54:29.660 We see the impact of the effects of our actions daily in the explosion of weak, incapable youth and men, LGB and TQI plus men who were raised by single mothers in the government. 0.95

00:54:42.040 I see most men just ignore them and move on to building another family now that they've got their shit together.

00:54:48.740 But at some point, don't we have to fix the damage we did?

00:54:53.120 At first, I thought Sean's question was very personal, but it's a little bit more generic.

00:54:57.780 But go ahead.

00:54:58.360 I don't know if I like the term fix the damage that we did because I think when we talk like that, I'm thinking through this as I'm kind of just thinking out loud.

00:55:10.740 When we speak like that, what we're saying is that we can make up for past mistakes.

00:55:18.680 And I don't know that you can.

00:55:22.260 No.

00:55:23.560 I think what's done is done and it's etched in stone and that's a mistake that it will always be.

00:55:27.980 You can own it and apologize.

00:55:31.100 Yes.

00:55:31.940 Yeah.

00:55:33.120 And you should.

00:55:33.700 But that doesn't, just because I apologize doesn't mean that the person's going to forgive me and doesn't mean I didn't do what I did.

00:55:41.020 Yeah.

00:55:42.980 So I think we need to get away from the, hey, let me fix it.

00:55:46.960 Because in my mind, when I hear that, it almost comes across as what can I do to manipulate the situation?

00:55:53.760 So I don't feel guilty for it anymore.

00:55:55.160 Or how, right, like how, what can I do?

00:55:59.240 Like, let's say I wronged you, Kip.

00:56:00.980 Then it's like, what can I do so that you don't feel wronged so I don't feel awkward and I'm not uncomfortable in this relationship?

00:56:07.820 Yeah.

00:56:08.580 And I don't think that's what we should do.

00:56:10.660 I think what we ought to be doing and what I'm trying to do, even in my own son's and daughter's life, is just be better than I was.

00:56:21.760 I'm not trying to make up for lost time.

00:56:25.180 I'm not trying to correct the wrongs I did.

00:56:29.000 I'm not trying to wash over anything that I may have done in the past.

00:56:32.120 I'm just trying to be better.

00:56:34.520 So, for example, my son, I'd sent him a message or actually he sent me a message because I reached out to his mom and I said, hey, I'd like to take the kids to lunch today.

00:56:42.640 And she said, well, the kids are not available.

00:56:44.740 Brecken's available, but the other kids aren't.

00:56:46.800 And so Brecken sent me a message like, hey, when are we going to lunch?

00:56:49.520 And I sent him a message back.

00:56:50.960 I'm like, hey, I got to go get this thing.

00:56:52.100 Come with me.

00:56:52.540 I got to run an errand and then we'll go to lunch right after.

00:56:55.700 I'm not trying to make up for anything I did.

00:56:58.260 I'm just trying to build a relationship with him.

00:57:01.260 We're going hunting on him and I are going hunting on Wednesday.

00:57:03.760 I'm not trying to make up for times that maybe I yelled at him or didn't show up the way that I wanted to.

00:57:08.260 I just think going on a hunt with him is the thing that we should do together.

00:57:11.960 So the question is, the question was like, how do you make up for it or how do you fix the damage?

00:57:19.420 You just, you'd be better.

00:57:20.480 You show up, you ask questions, you'd be interested, you coach their teams, you invest in them,

00:57:26.480 you invest in the relationship, you make phone calls, and then you just let the chips fall where they may

00:57:31.120 and allow them to make the decision they're going to make.

00:57:33.320 They may respond positively.

00:57:34.460 My kids are and have, and I hope they will continue to respond positively to me being a better dad.

00:57:41.960 And they may not, but if they don't respond the way that I would like them to,

00:57:47.000 that isn't going to deter me from showing up the way that I want to show up.

00:57:50.720 To your point last week, I'm detached from the outcome.

00:57:54.880 I'm doing the right thing for the right reason.

00:57:57.040 And I'm just, I just have to let the chips fall where they may.

00:57:59.040 And I hope it yields fruit and it probably will.

00:58:01.600 But if it doesn't, I would still play it that way.

00:58:03.860 Yeah.

00:58:05.820 I feel, and I, and I've done this with my boys.

00:58:09.840 Um, that if something is incomplete, you know, I, I showed up in a, in a real negative way

00:58:18.360 and I'm not taking away from anything that you're saying, Ryan, I, I totally agree.

00:58:22.700 Like, Hey, show up, right?

00:58:24.280 You can't change the past, but in some cases, part of that path might be to own it, right?

00:58:30.160 Or to clarify or get complete with them.

00:58:33.020 You know, my, my son, Kyave, um, I don't know if I've ever shared this, but when he was a teenager,

00:58:38.840 man, I, I, and I love this phrase and I don't know if it resonates with everybody, but I had a heart at war towards him.

00:58:48.980 He's being a bad kid, making bad decisions.

00:58:53.020 Part of that was my ego making me look bad.

00:58:56.060 Right.

00:58:57.640 I, I made a lot about me and I had this mentality that he needed to change his actions for me to have a relationship with him.

00:59:08.580 And I was wrong actually with that approach that I, I actually needed to love him where he was not based upon condition, right?

00:59:17.200 Oh, you follow my rules and then I'll love you.

00:59:19.260 Then I'll have a relationship.

00:59:20.240 And I needed to have a relationship with him so I could understand him.

00:59:24.360 And so I was in a position of influence.

00:59:25.980 I didn't realize that.

00:59:28.180 And when I came to that realization, yes, I, I made some pivots and changes me personally, but I need to also have that conversation with him.

00:59:37.960 Hey man, I'm sorry that I, I didn't show up the way I should have shown up.

00:59:43.140 I can't change that now, but I want you to know that I realize it and moving forward, I'm going to do a better job.

00:59:50.780 There, there's value in that expression of, of expressing where we went wrong, not to manipulate them, not to think that we can change it and change the past, but, but to also let them know where our minds are and where we're moving forward.

01:00:06.380 You talk about this a lot, Ryan, you know, when we talk about showing up more powerfully for your spouses, like sometimes we, we kind of have to let them know what we're doing, right?

01:00:16.280 Otherwise here we, we're making pivots and adjustments and we're like, oh, she's not even seen it.

01:00:20.660 Well, she doesn't even know about it because you haven't told her.

01:00:23.460 So I think there's some value in us communicating some pivots and adjustments that we're making and, and, and cleaning it up, right?

01:00:31.460 If I wronged you, Ryan, it's great for me to start being honest with you all of a sudden, but it's also really powerful in me expressing to you like, Hey man, I realize I wronged you.

01:00:40.740 I'm sorry about that. And moving forward, this is my commitment to you. And so there, there is some power in, in cleaning things up a little bit.

01:00:48.880 Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I think that couple, like what you said and what I said, couple together, like that's a powerful way to, to move forward.

01:00:56.800 Absolutely.

01:00:57.120 But you're right. I mean, you got to own it, right? If you just change your behavior, but never own that you effed up, that's not, or that's, or say you effed up and then don't make the pivots.

01:01:06.000 It's then you're just a hypocrite and now you're untrustworthy and inconsistent and no one's going to believe you anyway. Right? So it, they're, they have to be coupled together.

01:01:13.860 Yeah.

01:01:15.060 Yeah.

01:01:15.960 Well, and one other thing that I, that I was thinking of is when you say I'm sorry to somebody, I think what a lot, and I've done this, but a lot of the times what we believe is that, or the reason that we're sorry, saying I'm sorry is the other person will say it's okay.

01:01:29.100 That's not why you should say, I'm sorry. You should say, I'm sorry because you're sorry. Yeah. And whether or not they say it's okay, or I forgive you, or we're over it, or let's move on. That's not, that's great. That's, that's nice. Like that's a bonus, but you can be sorry. Even if they decide I don't forgive you, you can still express your sorrow for the thing that you did. And there's healing in that too.

01:01:56.540 Yeah, totally. But if you make your healing contingent upon somebody accepting your apology, you're never going to heal. Never.

01:02:04.800 Absolutely.

01:02:05.480 All right, brother. Let's wrap it up today.

01:02:06.800 It's funny how often I've even said, I am sorry. And some will, we'll do the cliche. Oh no, it's okay. And you're like, and I literally said this, no, it's actually not okay. I appreciate that, but it's not okay. But I want you to know, I'm sorry. Right? Because in the reality of it is, it's not okay.

01:02:23.800 I would be careful even of that though.

01:02:25.240 But it's not okay in my mind. Right? Like some people will downplay it. And it's like, actually, I shouldn't have. Right? So.

01:02:31.620 So one thing I've been really aware of is validating people's feelings lately.

01:02:36.040 I guess it's a form of invalidating.

01:02:37.620 And so if I said, if I said, I'm sorry, like if I did something to you, Kip, and I said, I'm sorry. And you said, you know what, Ryan, it's okay. And I said, no, it's not okay.

01:02:47.320 True.

01:02:47.720 True. That isn't fair to you either. What I think, I think a more, and look again, I'm just, we're just talking, right?

01:02:55.780 And we're not experts on this, but I think if you said that's okay, I'm going to say, I think maybe the better approach is like, no, it's not okay.

01:03:04.000 It's not okay to say, you know what, I really appreciate that. I've been feeling really bad. And I really wanted to make sure that I expressed how I was feeling to you. And I'm, and I'm glad you feel that way. And now we can move on.

01:03:15.560 Yeah. Yeah. Much better. I like that.

01:03:18.920 Like neither of us are experts. This is why this conversation is so powerful because then we can think of better ways to show up. But when somebody says, Hey, I'm feeling another, another thing people will say is like, Oh, I'm having a hard day. I'm feeling crappy. Oh, you don't need to feel bad. That's not validating how somebody feels.

01:03:35.760 Totally. So if your wife says I had a hard day, it's like, Oh, you shouldn't have a hard day. Cause of this. It's like, bro, don't do that. Just say, Oh, really? What's up? That's hard. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're having a hard day today. Like don't invalidate what she's telling you. I don't know. It's not something I'm working on personally.

01:03:51.500 I just love that you confirmed that we're not experts in saying sorry. Cause it never happens at all. You know, I may have said, sorry, like what doesn't need to happen. There's nothing ever to be sorry about. I've never done anything wrong in my life.

01:04:03.960 My wife is listening. One time I did. Yeah. But other than that, my wife is listening. It's not starting. Okay. Just, let's just get really clear.

01:04:14.160 Sorry, sir. All right, brother. Bring us home. Yeah. Our major call to action in roughly about two days on the 15th of March, we are going to open the enrollment for the iron council. This is our exclusive brotherhood. This is your window.

01:04:29.360 So you roughly have a 15 day window ish to join us, uh, for our next quarter. That's starting on March 15th to learn more, go to order of man.com slash iron council. Ryan's making some moves. We're making some pivots. I'm actually excited. We met as a leadership team last week about kind of the future of the iron council and, um, join us, man. We, you have such a good thing going. I spoke with someone over the weekend.

01:04:57.700 And, and I was talking about the iron council and they're like, Oh really? What is this? And I was explaining it. I'm like, it's, it's profound. It's profound. Um, and, uh, something that I've had to honor of being part of for the, for geez, six years plus.

01:05:13.600 And so, um, it's, it's been, it's been great. But once again, that's order of man's slash iron council. Of course you can connect with Mr. Mickler on the socials, X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Um, and we did have one spot open for the uprising. I'm assuming that's probably for, no, it's sold out, sold out. Okay. It's sold out too late. Yeah. It's sold out. Yep. That's it. Well, Kip, first things first. I really appreciate you being here for the past six, seven years. It's been an amazing ride. And our friendship's amazing.

01:05:43.580 And I, I really value it. Um, you did say that we met as a leadership team on the last week about the future of the iron council. Ironically, I was not on that call. So I'm very interested to hear what you guys, uh, are going to be doing with the future of the iron council. We'll see how that goes.

01:05:59.140 Well, I'm talking about the leadership leadership meeting. We had not Brocker. Oh, got it. Okay. All right. All right, guys. I appreciate all of you. Thanks for the great questions. Again, as, as always, we hope we gave you something to consider and chew on and think about. All right, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:06:19.640 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - March 13, 2024

Repairing Damage to Others, Keeping Training Playful, and Red-Lining When it Counts ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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